#SORRY TO PIE IZUNA AND MADARA

[narutocharacterpolls]

ROUND ONE

SENJU BUTSUMA vs UCHIHA TAJIMA

Reasons for submission under the cut

Butsuma

abusive parent

abused elementary/middle school aged kids because they are mourning the death of your youngest (who was only 7) and won't shut up and go to war so they too can die

too stupid to use child soldiers correctly

fathered Tobirama

ugly

Tajima

is Madara's asshole father

[ancharan]

look im sorry okay im sorry but its time for another au

SO

no art rn bc im actually still at work BUT what if tajima and butsuma didnt bring izuna or tobirama to the confrontation on the riverbank? what if they both got KILLED (or succumbed to their wounds whatever) on the riverbank instead, because their powers were so evenly matched? what if madara took tajimas eyes (much like my crack headcanon that madara will bite anything put near his mouth my other crack headcanon is that the uchiha clan has an instinctive tendency to steal the eyes of the corpses of their loved ones because how else did they figure out the eternal mango sharon-gone)

hashirama and madara pull a simba and flee, fearing the repercussions from their respective clans, and now theyre both hiding out in the woods together and they grow up as outcasts and they both still want peace but have absolutely no way to achieve it 

like, tobirama agrees w/ hashiramas dream, always had, but would never act on it bc he thinks its impossible, pie-in-the-sky! so even after hashirama disappears, he might try to go about making it come true - contacting other clans, proposing alliances, trying to make the village a reality - but ofc he cant because 1. it’s tobirama, the man has the personal magnetism of a porcupine in a hurricane, and 2. the uchiha clan, not headed by madara, is so not on board with this

so hashirama and madara, seeing all the fighting going on from what amounts to the sidelines, come to the decision that the only way for there to be peace among all the clans is if everyone was united under one leader thats right babey we goin qin shi huang in this bitch 

and then when they turn 16 they both trade their right eye because it just makes sense for both of them to have access to a power like izanagi - they can revive the other one if they fall! they can both memorize new jutsus! - and the rinnegan comes as a complete fucking surprise bc madara in this universe never saw the uchiha tablet, so he has no delusions about hypnotizing the moon or whatever the plot of naruto was

[anoceaninthesun]

Needs Improvement

Thanks largely to a brilliant suggestion by @shineejeya the Home Improvement AU continues with this ficlet (mini-series ??). This time the renovating teams tackle their toughest assignment yet. If only it was all about the house and not the feisty, beautiful client.

Summary: When Yamanaka Ino meddles in her best friend’s love life quest to DIY renovate her new fixer-upper, Haruno Sakura finds herself caught up in a home improvement competition between four handsome, creative questionably qualified renovators.   

(Home Improvement AU, Modern AU, Slice-of-Life AU)

Pairings: FoundersxSaku (IzuSaku, TobiSaku, MadaSaku, HashiSaku), ShikaIno, other background pairs

Rating: T

Genre(s): Romance, Comedy, General

Warnings: none really—except maybe swearing, atrocious flirting skills and the Founders being renovating crackheads (not literally, but almost)

Pt.1 

“Another satisfied client here on From House to Home!” the man’s boisterous voice yelled from the TV. Senju Hashirama stood with his less than impressed brother on the clients’ front yard. Yamanaka Ino leaned forward, drinking in the naked torso of Uchiha Madara as he rushed into the shot, sweaty and with a prominent grass strain streaked across his glistening skin.

“Next time it’s our win, Hashirama. We lost the battle not the war, and all that.” he declared. Hashirama laughed, throwing a well-muscled arm over his rival’s bare shoulders. Ino wet her lips, mesmerized as credits started to roll. She got a firm nudge, blinking at the lightly scowling face of her boyfriend.

“Why are we marathoning this?” Shikamaru grumbled. Ino began to explain, only for him to scoff preemptively. “Like I don’t know,” his dark eyes glared at the screen, which now displayed an energy drink commercial. “You don’t care about home improvement.”

“I like some of the aesthetics they use on the show, okay?” Ino fired back, leaning back into the couch, and Shikamaru’s arm. “And,” she added a little defiantly. “I’m looking, that’s all. It’s like window shopping because we both know I’m off the market.”

“Bad analogy.” he rolled his eyes, though his body was less tense beside hers. “You’ve never gone to a store without bringing half of it home a day in your life.”

The blonde absently smacked him with a pillow as the theme music to From House to Home filtered through the room, the next episode starting. “You know...” she hummed.

Shikamaru groaned.

“Be quiet, I’m thinking.”

“Meddling.” he corrected.

“Agree to disagree,” Ino folded her legs underneath her. “You know how Sakura just moved into that new place on the other side of town, right?”

“Hard to forget. You dragged me to her house warming party.” Shikamaru yawned, running a hand through his hair.

Ino scrunched her nose, “And I still say it needs a lot of work. I know Sakura’s proud because it’s her first house, but, you’ve seen the place.”

“I’ve seen the couch. I was napping through most of the party.” he corrected.

“But what if we got them to come and renovate it,” Ino motioned to the TV, watching with rapt attention again as Senju Tobirama used a power saw to cut a board into uniform pieces, his biceps flexing as he worked. The cameraman chose that moment to zoom in for a close up of his sharp, tattooed jaw, and Ino nearly swallowed her tongue at the way it clenched in concentration.

“Sakura wouldn’t go for that.” Shikamaru’s eyes narrowed, his fingers on the remote and dangerously close to changing the channel.

When the view switched to a safer scene of Uchiha Izuna chatting with the Uchiha team’s clients, his girlfriend finally broke free of whatever spell she was drooling under.

Now Ino was already springing from the couch and flitting around in search of something. Shikamaru observed, not bothering to get up when he knew from experience it was futile. “It’ll be a surprise! I’ll get on their website and submit a request on her behalf to be one of the next houses they choose to renovate.”

“You know what, fine. But this wasn’t a ‘we’ idea. It was a ‘you’ idea.” he drawled, slumping back into the cushions and reaching for the bowl of chips on the table.

Hashirama lifted his aviators, the quaint shop’s warm atmosphere and heavenly smell almost making his toes curl. The walls were a mellow pink, a sample table containing tiny, fresh-baked sweets on a table by the front door. Shelves lined one wall where packaged candies were neatly arranged by flavor, large lettering at the top of each shelf to label.

 A middle-aged woman in a cheerfully decorated apron smiled at them from behind the display case. “Oh! Hello,” her eyes shone just a bit brighter as she took him in, and then Tobirama who had shouldered forward from behind his brother. “I’ll be with you shortly.” One last, appreciative glance and then she was back to boxing up the customer’s order.

 By the hunch in his back and the distracted look on his face as he thoughtfully peered into the case, it would be a while before he finished deciding. 

Not that Hashirama really minded. 

“I told you it’d be okay if I took that detour,” The elder Senju grinned, “We still made it early.”

Tobirama stared around the bright space, which doubled as a sweets shop and bakery, picking a booth in the corner by the front glass. Their producers had called the impromptu meeting in the middle of the week, and so the younger of the “Reno Twins” (a nickname his brother despised for some reason) was sure it was bad news. More importantly, he was sure it was Hashirama’s fault.

“Good thinking,” Hashirama beamed, doing his best to ignore his brother’s mood. “You save us a spot and I’ll order us some snacks!”

He wandered over to stand and look at the baked goods on display. The bell above the door chimed again, and the young cashier, who had just accepted payment for the order she’d been ringing up, paused. 

“Hello, welcome to...” The same woman who had greeted them came from the bake with a tray of fresh croissants, which nearly slid onto the floor when she stopped abruptly. 

“This is where we’re meeting?” The baritone voice was familiar, as were the footsteps on the tile floor behind him. “Well, at least it smells nice.”

Hashirama spun, taking in the sight of his old friend and rival dressed casually in a leather bomber jacket, opened enough to reveal a tight gray tee-shirt underneath, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his black jeans. While Madara idly perused the pastry selection, Izuna greeted the Senju with a wave and a small smile. He looked comfortable in a soft red henley and blue jeans.

“So none of the producers have arrived yet?” Izuna asked after stepping out of their short, friendly hug.

Hashirama shook his head. “Not so far, but then we’re early.” The man who had been buying sweets finally moved past them on his way out the door, his sleepy eyes slightly more alert as he munched a donut.

“Hi,” the baker peered as closely as she could at them all. They weren’t exactly in disguise, and the show’s popularity had only grown in the last several years. It was now one of the highest-rated on their network. It wouldn’t be a surprise if they were recognized. “So sorry for the wait. Are you ready to order?” 

Hashirama quickly got an assortment, three small spiced plum cakes for himself and daifuku for Tobirama. He added Izuna’s slice of apple pie and the fondant o’maron Madara kept eyeing to the tab as well, ignoring the complaints from the latter. 

When they were all seated at the booth Tobirama had chosen, Senju on one side and Uchiha on the other, Hashirama picked up his fork and savored the first bite of the succulent dessert. 

Izuna took a sip of water before addressing the elephant in the room. “So, what do you think this meeting’s for?” 

Madara, who had finally stopped grousing enough to eat, lifted his head. “We’ve won the last three challenges consecutively. Maybe the network’s decided From House to Home would be better with just one team.” he innocently bit into the chestnut-shaped cake. “Us.”

“Huh,” Tobirama sat down his glass with force. “There you go again, making asinine conjecture. It might be true that you’ve enjoyed a small winning streak as of late, but I wouldn’t let it go to your head.” 

Hashirama bit his lip, wondering if he should just go ahead and jump in. There was definitely more than a little friendly rivalry between all of them, but Tobirama and Madara tended to exchange words that were more caustic than charitable when they got worked up. Which was...frequently in each other’s presence.

“Oh?” Madara leaned forward across the table, eyes narrowing, “Care to explain?”

Hashirama swapped looks with Izuna, and he could tell both of them were now a bit apprehensive about the direction the conversation was headed. “The last three challenges you’ve worked on houses for lonely, single women.” Tobirama explained calmly. “Our clients have been older couples. It doesn’t take a moron to see you appeal to the lowest common denominator.”

“Are you saying our renovation can’t stand on its own merits? This is pitiful, Tobirama,” he sighed. “I knew you were a sore loser, but control yourself.” 

“I’m simply wondering what removing your shirt has to do building fire pits or converting attics into studio office spaces.” he insisted. “You play on sex appeal more than actual skill.”

“I resent that.” Izuna chimed in, disgruntled. Hashirama frowned at his brother. Despite Madara’s...eccentric habit of losing his shirt, their rivals worked hard, and when they won a challenge, it was because their vision for the week’s reno had been better.    

Tobirama raised a brow at Izuna but didn’t take it back. A thick tension settled over the table.

“What’s this?” a new voice guffawed. “We leave you boys alone for hardly half an hour and you’re going at it? That’s not going to work.”

“Gengetsu-san,” Hashirama’s chest fluttered with relief as he stood, smiling at the approaching team of producers. Hozuki Gengetsu led the way, followed by a stout, elderly man leaning on a cane, affectionately dubbed Old Man Onoki. The third producer present, Terumi Mei, had beelined for the sweets, though she looked reluctant to sample any. 

Gengetsu eyed the food on the table with interest, not hesitating to reach for one of Tobirama’s daifuku. 

“Oi,” Tobirama scooted his plate away and the blonde man only laughed. “This place has the best pastries in town, doesn’t it?” he plopped down on the end of the booth beside Izuna, stroking his chin. “We thought the cozy atmosphere would be best to break the news.”

“Cancellation.” Tobirama said. 

“No, nothing of that sort!” Onoki waved him off. “Don’t be so cynical.” 

Although the others might have hid it better, Hashirama could tell that they were relieved that whatever the news, it wasn’t that.

“We’ve been thinking of what the show should do for its 300th episode, which subsequently starts a new season. And then we got a very interesting letter.” Gengetsu rubbed at his short goatee, his eyes twinkling. 

Madara leaned back in his seat, arms crossed and staring out at the street, where a group of shoppers had happened to spot him and were already pulling out their phones. 

“As much as I like seeing them a little hot under the collar with the suspense,” Mei sashayed over with a plate in each hand “I think you should just get on with it.” 

“Here’s how it’s going to go, boys...” Gengetsu successfully snagged one of Madara’s cakes and waved it around before taking a bite. Afterwards, they had to wait for the man to get his bearings as he groaned exaggeratedly over the flavor. “Oh, this is heavenly.”

“Hozuki-san, today.” Tobirama urged. Hashirama nervously elbowed his brother, but Gengetsu took it in stride. 

“I was right, wasn’t I? Only one team’s staying on the show.” Madara’s smirk was victorious. “You’ve made the right decision, I assure you.”

“Hold on, hold on--how’d you know?” Onoki grumbled. 

Hashirama felt his jaw drop, eyes widening more than the plate his unfinished plum cakes sat on. 

Tobirama’s neutral expression shifted into a full blown frown. “You can’t be serious.”

And although it was Madara’s idea to begin with, some of the fire left his eyes, his lips parting. 

“Uh, I don’t see how this is going to work either, actually.” Izuna tilted his head. “The show’s been two teams competing since it started. How is switching the format now, when the ratings are solid--or better than ever even--going to be...”

“Not forever.” Mei clarified. “Just for the season premiere. It’s true it’s always been two teams facing off on two separate houses. But what if you all joined together and completing just one house?”

“All of us working together?” Hashirama was the first to recover, and the idea instantly sent excited sparks through his brain. “I’m intrigued. What kind of project is it?” 

Admittedly, he’d considered a few times before what would happen if he and Tobirama ever joined up with Madara and Izuna. Competing was fun because the Uchiha brothers were worthy competitors, but collaborating could take their projects to a whole new level.

 It wasn’t an idea he’d pitched to the execs because everyone seemed content with the dynamics already happening. But in the end he hadn’t had to say anything! 

“A young woman by the name of Yamanaka Ino wrote to us recently. Her close friend bought a new house.” Gengetsu explained through his chewing. “Miss Yamanaka feels it’s in need of renovation. She signed up for the house in question to be featured on an upcoming episode of the show, and after thinking it over and looking into the property itself, we think this could be the time to try something new.” 

[narutocharacterpolls]

ROUND ONE

SENJU TOBIRAMA vs UCHIHA IZUNA