#SORRY THIS GOT LONG WHOOPS

[khal-eventing]

Thoughts on Tokitae

Let me start by saying that I am not a professional in the field. I know many people who currently work or have worked at various SeaWorld parks. I know many people who have left the field and now have their own successful canine training business. I have had two internships in the field, and I am a current volunteer at a zoo with marine mammals where I’m practicing husbandry behaviors with lead trainers. I have done a ton of research on both sides, but I am by no means a professional. What I am about to say is purely my own opinion, however I am doing my absolute best to make my opinion based on factual evidence.

It was recently announced that Toki- better known by her stage name “Lolita”- is set to be returned to a sea pen in the pacific northwest where she was captured from over five decades ago. 

Personally, I do not believe this is in the best interests of Toki. 

I visited MSQ when I was down in Florida for college. As someone who grew up and had their passion for marine life inspired by visiting Seaworld, I can say in all fairness that MSQ is the first facility that I have gone to where I began to question the ethics of cetacean captivity. While I am a supporter of all AZA facilities and recognize the excellent work that they do for species conservation, and for the animals in their care, something about MSQ just felt very old school- and by that I mean very outdated facilities. I know there are so many permits to be obtained to start fixing things like outdated animal housing, but this brings up my first point.

The zoological community should absolutely have done something about Toki’s situation decades ago. It should never have gotten to this point. She needed a much larger facility, or to be moved, and that needed to be done years upon years ago. Mark Simmons said it best in one of the many podcasts he has been speaking on: The zoological community should be ashamed for letting it get to this point. Something should have been done. And it should have been done long, long ago. 

But now comes the issue of trying to release her- or move her to a sea pen to live out the remainder of her days (there seems to be confusion amongst the people funding this and those in charge over what the actual long term plan is). It is incredibly emotionally charged on both sides- from former trainers who want what is best for her, to individuals who have knowledge of wild orca but do not have experience with animals under human care and are not experts in behavior. Everyone wants what is best for her and no one wants to see her suffer. But there are issues with this particular plan, and I want to cover my own concerns (concerns that have been brought up by many other people as well)

Issue 1: This is a bureaucratic nightmare. I’m not even sure what all goes into this, but I know there’s a ton of permits that will be needed, a lot of things need to be mapped out and approved, it’s going to take time, it’s going to take money, and at any step in the process the whole thing could be scrapped for not being able to obtain one permit or another. 

Issue 2: She nearly died last year from a respiratory illness. She’s clearly a survivor, and while I do believe she would survive the transport, the fact is that she is not a healthy animal at this point. She is being treated with daily medication, and will be introduced to pathogens that she is unfamiliar with in a sea pen. With her current issues, this could easily pose a threat to her life. Along with this point, she could bring pathogens into an environment that is already threatened by pollutants.

Issue 3: She was captured when she was roughly 4 years old. Over five decades of her life she has had her humans as her family. She is very habituated to them, and as seen with Keiko (who can be deemed a success or not depending on your viewpoint of the situation, in my opinion the release itself was a failure but the story would have been a success if there was funding to be able to keep him healthy in a sea pen vs pushing for full “freedom”). There is a lot to be said about learned behavior, and I believe that Toki is a very poor candidate for release.

Issue 4: Toki will be going from a tiny pool to a large sea pen. That change can be unbelievably overwhelming. IF they are committed to trying this, they really need to entertain an interim solution: like Keiko’s tank in Oregon. Then Toki would be given the chance to become more fit, get used to swimming more and diving deeper, and maybe they can see if she would be able to adjust to that- if she isn’t able to, then the next step of a sea pen would be out of the question.

Issue 5: The cost of it all. And this is my BIGGEST issue with this. Again, Toki’s situation needs to improve, and should have been improved decades ago. But what frustrates me to no end is that people are willing to poor millions into a single whale. One whale. I’m not saying her life isn’t important, however the millions of dollars being poured into a “swim off into the sunset” fantasy could be going towards any number of other issues facing our oceans. Or even go directly to the endangered southern residents. 

So what’s a good solution then? I mean, I honestly don’t know and I hope something will be done. Nobody wants her to stay in her current situation. I would suggest moving her to SeaWorld Orlando, but the issue with that is I can bet SeaWorld won’t get involved. They won’t want to be directly in the line of fire of animal rights activists yet again. I can imagine they would steer clear of the situation. Using the money to build her a much larger facility on property would also be ideal. It’s a complicated situation and I truly understand everyone from both sides. The trainer’s are passionate and heartfelt about wanting to save this animal that they love so dearly. But the people who wish to see her returned to her pod have just as much passion, even if it can sometimes be misguided by anthropomorphic values. Toki’s situation is not a good one. It needs to change. But I don’t believe such a drastic answer of her “going home” and being “released” is the solution either. I wish something was done years ago. I really, really do. And I just hope that whatever happens next doesn’t cost Toki her life.

[izzystizzys]

There is a scratch mark on the floor of the Council chambers that Mace has never noticed before. Not a deep one, mind, quite shallow. This matters because it’s making the white-hot pulse of agony stabbing through his eyeballs ebb momentarily. Then, he chances a glance upwards at the fidgeting Knight in front of them, and it returns in full force.

Huh, he’s never seen Oppo Rancisis’ face turn that colour before.

“Hmm”, Master Yoda hums, deep and scratchy. His expression is unreadable even to Mace beyond a baseline gremlinness, and the force with which he grips the edges of his seat is making his bones creak. Master of the Order you should become, they said. Follow the calling of the Force, you should. A fulfilling purpose, it will be. Mace is going to hunt the little goblin for sport when this is all over, and he’s going to laugh the whole time.

“Show us the livestream again, could you, Knight Parvo?” Yoda asks. Mace bursts a capillary, he’s pretty sure, and so does poor Knight Parvo, whose orange Mon Cala skin tips all the way into blood red with stress. “Most unusual, this is.”

“Absolutely not!”, Ki Adi intervenes before Mace has to, thank the Force for little mercies. Plo Koon’s tusks tremble slightly with either suppressed laughter or abject horror, maybe both, and Stass Allie has her head in her hands. “The holo stills should be enough”, Ki Adi proceeds to add, and Mace has to reconsider all feelings of grace he just felt towards his fellow Councillor.

He never wants to watch Yoda zoom in on someone’s abs again. Or Depa raise her eyebrows at the curve of thighs bent over the dripping front of a speeder.

“Speeder Wash For Our Troops”, his former padawan reads out loud from a still of what has to be hundreds of the things gathered in the public senate parking lot. “Fund Our Boys And Get A Wet Seeing-To!” The series of images features dozens of Coruscant Guard troopers in various stages of unkitted, gleaming and shining with soap suds and water. The fact that the whole thing is also massive shatterpoint after massive shatterpoint is, quite frankly, insulting.

“Well hello- oh dear”, Obi-Wan’s blue form crackles to life in his chair, followed by several sounds of choking that are definitely not him. Good, Mace thinks acidly. If he has to deal with this, then so does kriffing Skywalker. “I’m sorry, why am I looking at Commander Thorn using a washrag like a lasso on top of a speeder?”

“Oh, the Guard’s little fundraising project”, Bail Organa says, as he steps into the Council chambers. Normally, Mace likes the man well enough. Now, he just smiles and adds on, “I’ve already donated, in mine and Breha’s name. Remotely, of course.”

“The Guard’s fundraising speeder wash?”, Obi-Wan repeats, edges of his holo form flickering with what Mace suspects is Skywalker very unsubtly trying to edge in. Force, but the man really is horrible at any and all stealth, like kissing his secret wife in an open arena in front of his Master. “And they are fundraising for…?”

“GAR budget allocations have to come from somewhere”, Organa shrugs. “And with the tide of public opinion turning, they’ve been tending towards cuts. The Guard feels them more keenly than any other sector - they’ve been reduced from half to quarter rations, and medical supplies have not made more than a token appearance in the last draft. The Chancellor has cancelled three consecutive meetings on the matter, and thus it was agreed that a more hands-on approach was needed. Any surplus will go into the Army fund.”

“Surely it can’t be that dire”, Oppo protests, a slightly less concerning shade of purple now. Senator Organa shrugs again, jostling the smattering of cracks slowly building around his person in a way that makes Mace wince quietly. “It’s all publicly available data, Masters.”

It really can be that dire, as it turns out. And quarter rations is only scratching the surface of how dire, considering the Guard has apparently never had access to bacta in all their posting, and also includes requisitioning forms available to the Senate for reconditionings and decommissionings, two words Mace has only heard Ponds whispers amidst shuddering in the early days of the war before Shaak Ti went off and just about tore some throats out over it.

“Alright”, he concedes, rubbing at his temples. “Fair enough, we have failed to tackle a massive blind spot in the Guard’s well being. There is no Jedi assigned to Coruscant, and that’s an oversight on our behalf. But how in the everloving kriff did this get past the Chancellor and Commander Fox?!”

Who have both signed, black on white. Bail Organa smiles cryptically. “Well, if you scroll a bit past that one image, up to the industrial speeder in the back - Commander Fox is currently having credits stuffed into his codpiece in the back, I believe.”

“HE’S WHAT IN THE WHAT NOW”, Commander Cody screeches through the speaker of Obi-Wan’s holo image, and Mace has to summon every bit of Jedi-serenity he possesses in his body to keep from dropkicking a cackling Yoda through the chamber windows.

[cosmicwhoreo]

due to the requests of a very SPECIFIC and might I add, MANIPULATIVE Grim Reaper I loathe to call a friend that I will not name- I was asked to doodle my own version of Herobrine for their B day. And I couldn't stop after that-

Tl;Dr- damn you @grimmixxart

[protectorcraft]

what is the schrsto au (if u can speak on it).... stares at u with my wide curious eyes

hmmmm............................ wuelll i suppose i can speak on it now that its not. 6am.

ramblin under the cut lol

schrsto au (shorthand name) takes place ehhhhh about a year or so after the defeat of the king. everyone's in post game, more or less! the four saviors (mira, odile, siffrin, and bonnie), alongside nille and amber (a cat) have been traveling vaugarde for awhile now, and return to dormont at the anniversary of The End Of The End Of The World to regroup and discuss their next plans- whether theyll continue traveling together, split up for the time being, where they should go, etc etc you get itttttt

of course, once they arrive in dormont, things are going great! foooor about. two days. then things start getting weird. the group gets oddly tense and anxious, weird things are happening around town (have been happening since they left a year ago, apparently), and now nille's friends are behaving strangely.

siffrin's been zoning out more often and for longer stretches, mira's getting paranoid, bonnie refuses to set foot in the house, and odile of all people is having fairly frequent nightmares. nille- the only one unaffected by this (besides the cat)- decides to see if she can do something to help.

in her scouring for solutions, however, she manages to accidentally dig up something that should probably have been left buried. things proceed to spiral out of control from there.

extra little notes: - bonnie is almost always wearing the cape. they like it because its cozy and it makes them look like frin and belle! - siffrin's a bit more distant after they beat the king. it's not a severe change in behavior, but it's notable. he seems to be more nightmare and hallucination prone, and will sometimes zone out for short periods. It's Probably Fine. - amber was a stray they found upon revisiting jouvente. her collar led to a locked, empty apartment and the group came to the conclusion that her owner abandoned her while trying to flee the curse. bonnie proceeded to beg their sister and odile to let them keep her. - when it didnt work initially, mirabelle and siffrin chipped in their thoughts. and by chipping in their thoughts i mean siffrin bombarded them with nonstop cat puns until they gave. - nille and siffrin get along like a house on fucking fire. it's deeply concerning for everyone else. theyre banned from going on adventures alone together. they do it anyways. - mirabelle's just started to properly unpack her situation with attraction, with the help of siffrin of course. it's been going far slower, but growth is a process ya know? - odile had read the familytale she borrowed front to back 3 times by the time they left dormont initially. it's been returned, but now shes on the hunt for a new one. - nille had a crush on mirabelle for awhile, which petered out after mira came out to the group. now she has one on odile. shes being so normal about it. - the group has been tutoring bonnie collectively so they dont miss out on their education. which is to say its mostly odile tutoring them and the others being wildly unhelpful. - nille and bonnie are amber's favorites. siffrin is her least favorite. (lmao)

[katoska]

Ok, I know shippers are having a ball with the "psychic link" line, but personally, I don't think it's needed to explain Betelgeuse's new smoopyness (+ I don't like magic-induced/fated love, but you do you).

My personal theory is that Lydia subconsciously hit "block" on him so she can pretend he's gone forever. This is imo substantiated by the fact that she can't/won't see Richard - who's body was never found, and whose death was thus deniable as long as she did not see his ghost - either.

And while Richard was ok with not being seen because he was the kind of chill guy who would be satisfied with seeing his family to make sure they were ok, Betelgeuse... is not that kind of guy.

Betelgeuse is a huge drama queen who wants ALL the attention. He wants acknowlegdement. He's the ghost with the most, and you better not forget it.

So, imagine how he must have felt the first time Lydia showed up in a house he'd been hired to haunt ...and did not acknowledge him. Did not see him, didn't seem to see the monster he turned into that still had his face, nothing stripey or funny or with any of that personal touch seemed to register. Flying books, rattling cutlery, cold spots, all that boring generic stuff she could see, but nothing Juice-y.

He'd get fucking obsessed with making her notice him.

Which would mean making sure that he's there the next time she investigates another haunting, or luring her in by making a house look spectacularly haunted (coming to see her mere presence as a reward for a job well done in the process). And maybe, anytime a client forgot to banish him (do they even all get told how to do that?), he might have, if he was close enough, managed to drop in on her outside work, try to catch her off-guard. Which would mean getting awareness of her personal problems, again, and feeling empathy for her, again.

Cause I think that's the main emotion he felt for her back when she was a weird and unusual, deeply lonely, overty suicidal teen. I believe that very creepy tone he used when talking about "Edgar Alan Poe's daughter" was there to mask the fact that he was feeling sorry for her and felt a kinship with her because his existence also sucked. Cause, like, he's got a reputation to uphold, he can't be seen caring about some Breather's feelings or be seen relating to them unironically.

Except in this movie, Betelgeuse seemed to be in a far better headspace (while Lydia very much was not), so when he realised he still cared about her feelings, he couldn't put it down to projection. He had to acknowledge that he'd become attached. I headcanon that he figured out just how attached he'd gotten shortly after she started seeing Rory, cause... ok, hands up: Who else here, when watching the movie, had the thought "Wow, Rory sucks! She'd have been better off with Betelgeuse." Like, idc if you ship Beetlebabes or not, it's just objectively true that Betelgeuse would be the better option (even if you only think that's because the bar's in hell). I think that same thought would have crossed B's mind, too, upon which he'd have his "Oh. Oh. Oh shit" moment. He later made sure that Lydia too would become aware just how goddamn shitty Rory was, and he technically did not need to do that because Lydia already did not want to marry Rory, but y'know, it'd make B look better in her eyes if he made her aware of and helped her dodge this particular bullet.

Though actually, maybe this had been strategically unwise. Only if Betelgeuse had really planned on coercing Lydia into marriage ofc, which I don't buy in the first place. But for argument's sake: If Betelgeuse hadn't given Rory that truth serum, Lydia could have used the demon deal as a non-confrontational escape from her engagement. Which would have made her less inclined to pull any tricks to get out of her marriage with B, because even if she escaped him there would still be Rory. Ok yeah, Rory eventually got eaten by a Sandworm, but B couldn't have predicted that. But, speaking as a Code 699 truther (tldr: B knew the contract would be voided but either hoped Lydia would marry him anyway, or the whole song and dance was just about him wanting to declare his feelings), he could have predicted his marriage contract being voided. Though personally, I have doubts that Astrid would have been as quick to speak up if Lydia hadn't broken up with Rory and Rory hadn't got eaten.

[trailblczed]

c. // @mrch7th

Caelus notices the crack of her voice. Nice touch! Really selling it, March! Like hell the lad is gonna let his bestie down. A cough, underplayed as he covers his mouth with a free hand, staring down at it in mock horror as it, too, becomes painted with the same red liquid currently ingrained against his torso. What it a bit much? Probably. Did the silver regret it? Nope! It's all part of the drama. A fake guilty smile traces his lips, eyes half mast as he glazes over his friend ( again, a bit much? Yeah- and it's not like anyone BUT him is gonna know he blurred his vision- but it helps him play into a bit. ) before moving the hand not currently "holding his innards together" to weakly lay over the lass's hand covering his own. Caelus hopes March doesn't mind him sharing the stage blood- he can apologize after.

A pitiful chuckle shakes his frame, turning to stare skyward as he quickly comes up with the source of his injuries. Seems like he's really trying to play up his own "good guy ego"- but hey, audiences like a good hero, yeah? For extra effect, Caelus softens his voice, leaving a string of humbleness to weave through his words- even tossing in ragged breaths here and there for the fun of it.

❛ Oh you know me- trying.. to keep other's from.. getting hurt. But hey-- I managed to.. at least get that kid.. out of the way- before the debris.. hit them. I'd say that's.. a job.. well done.. Don't.. you? ❜

At the end of his little monologue, the Nameless finally, actually, looks at his stage partner- and is immediately hit with guilt. March... she looks genuinely terrified. Wow- she's so good at this that she's even fooling him! He'll have to ask her for pointers later- ( a tiny whisper, in a voice that's not his own- nor one that he recognizes- say's that it's not an act ). Right! He has a task he's supposed to accomplish.

Time to play ball!

Hand that was resting against the rose haired lass' drags said hand up to his face, affectionately pressing it against his cheek- a tiny nuzzle adding a cherry on top of the action. An unspoken desire burning in his eyes, a regret of not being able to overcome cowardice- until there is nothing left of you.. but ashes. He feels himself choking up a bit even at the thought of what he's about to do- damn it's gonna be so good if he's getting himself worked up!

❛ M..March-- I.. I know this.. probably.. isn't the best time- for this.. But I-- I have something.. I need.. to say.. to you.

Will you listen.. to an old friend's secret..? ❜

The silver originally wanted to say "an old friend's dying words" or "last words"- but something about how freezing March's hands are ( colder than he's used to- but he's also a walking flaming star so that's not a fair comparison if he's being honest- ) stops him from going that far.

[telestoapologist]

drifter: i'll be seein' ya, little sister. sao and i got a biiig score of popcorn shrimp to fry up tonight by the river.

eido: that sounds delicious! would it be too much to ask if i could join you both?

drifter, grimacing slightly and rubbing the back of his neck with an awkward chuckle: sorry, 'fraid this is private a party for two this time around. tell ya what, though; i'll bring back some leftovers for ya. how's that sound?

eido, slightly disheartened, but understanding: i see... i understand. thank you for offering, i would like that very much.

drifter, patting her shoulder apologetically: next time you can come with, trust. hell, we'll even teach ya how to catch and cook 'em! how's that sound?

eido, brightening up: oh, that sounds fun! yes! thank you, i greatly appreciate the offer and will gladly partake!

later that evening, down at the river....

sao, with their pants hiked up to their knees as they help drifter catch prawns for eido: don't get me wrong, i'm not against this- and smoking on an empty stomach is a bad idea- but don't you think she's old enough to be able to handle this sort of talk?

drifter, wiping a bit of river muck across his forehead: eh, it's not her i'm worried about, it's big bad crawdaddy- he's been a little more protective than usual after that ordeal with eramis. eido may be able to handle herself just fine, but 'ol misraaks is like any other dad. he knows she's her own person, but she'll still always be his baby girl no matter what.

sao, smiling to themself and humming: fair enough, i imagine that's something they'll eventually work out for themselves with time juuust fine- though, i think you and i are going to have to change up our phrases just a little if she's gonna be tagging along. you know, for now.

drifter, clucking: you might be right about that. (grins) got any ideas?

sao: hm... (leans up with a freshly caught prawn, snapping its neck to kill it instantly and dropping it in their basket) what about "meeking a smee"? i haven't used it in awhile, but it's always been a personal favorite of mine.

drifter, raising a brow skeptically but not without amusement: "meeking a smee", eh? now that's an interesting one. i like it, though! it's got a little (wiggles fingers while swirling hands in the air) ~*~whimsy~*~ to it, heh.

sao, beaming proudly: thank you! i think so, too.

[doueverwonder]

Calilliyork

What are each of their favorite things about each other???

y'all gotta stop sending me good asks when i'm at work and have to wait to respond to them >:\

So like obviously they all deeply appreciate each others ability to see past just the cities they’re known for. It’s why they’re all dating in the first place.

for Illinois pls reference this post first; okay, so knowing that I think he has the same favorite thing about NY and California and it's how sure they are of everything they do, they know what they want and/or what needs to be done and they're going to get it. He'd admire this about them even if they weren't dating, but knowing them that closely just adds to it.

California considers themself a pacifist, but she may fall in love all over again every time NY jumps to defend her. Cali got used to having to be 'me, myself, and i' and since it started dating York takes immense comfort in knowing there's someone right there willing to throw hands for her.

For California's favorite thing about Illinois; its favorite thing I think would just be the finding someone else who feels the same way in their region. No one in the West cares for California all the time, and it's the same with Illinois in the Midwest. There's this relief in falling for someone that is so easy to confide in.

If you ask New York his favorite thing about either of them he'll say "They're less annoying than most people" which roughly translates to "how the fuck am I supposed to pick something they're both so perfect???"

If he had to pick though, I think for California it would be their ability to just go with the flow, and more importantly drag others into the flow. York is horrible at taking breaks and changing plans last minute, his life used to be scheduled to the second and now Cali is making him drop things because she decided last minute it wants to go to the beach and watch the sunset. And god does he love them for it.

for Illinois, Illi is a bit more of a realist now, but fundamentally he always has and always will be the optimist to York's pessimist. When they first really were getting to know each other Chicago was the fastest growing city in recorded history; and gosh was Illinois excited about it back then. NY kinda had this 'wow he doesn't know what comes with all this'. Then the Chicago fire happened and by the time York gets there Illinois is already up and about touting on about how it 'could have been worse'. and in 1893 Illinois is dragging York around Chicago's world fair and he's so excited about the future, and who is York to ruin his dreams. New York is always going to be a pessimist but the only reason he hasn't completely given up yet is because of Illinois.

[prince-simon]

holaa

curious fun question(s) to hopefully make you smile after so many when is the next chap out and are you still alive or have you already joined the holy god of gay? preguntas lol

what were wilmon doing (or not doing) when they spend the night at zarzuela after simon's attackers were caught while relearning each other ? (since the (physical) description is both vague and super detailed wtf?? haha) any unkown spicy or thoughtful thoughts you wanna share abt it? was the scene planned early on? what was changed in the process? and why? thinking back, how was it for you to write it in the middle of sm pain going on plotwise? did it mess with you? do you think this evening/night at simon's childhood room was fundamental in their healing and simon's trust in physical touch? could the awful situation have their love ripped apart (since wille was worried it'd not be as 'before') or was it always sure they get out of it together and in more or less one piece? is simon now wille's sunflower or his heather? ;)

mucho amor och churros to you <33

hiiii let's ignore that this ask has been sitting in my inbox for so long pls thank you for this ask i'm obsessed with it and it did make me smile when you sent it and it's also making me smile now but also pain!!!! bc it made me reread that specific scene. i've also dug around in my beta readers server for thought processes around this scene so hopefully this is gonna be somewhat coherent lmfao

was the scene planned early on? it really wasn't at all. and it actually was supposed to be a smut scene in the beginning haha i told my beta readers, yo, i think we're gonna have some coping smut and then over the course of a week (how crazy is it that that's 2 1/2 years ago now!!!) i wrote this scene

what were (or weren't) they doing? what was changed in the process and why) as it developed i got to a point where it just didn't feel right to show them having sex because it was such an intimate moment for them that even just writing it i felt like an intruder. i said to my beta readers at some point that wilmon can have sex off screen so i think it's very much up to reader interpretation at this point. but "on screen", in the chapter, they were really just touching each other and coming back into their own bodies and to each other

how was it for you to write it in the middle of sm pain going on plotwise? did it mess with you? it was. a lot. to put it simply haha. i mean generally speaking the entirety of chapters 10-12 were the hardest thing i've ever written, emotionally speaking. i think this little screenshot was me in the middle of that scene lol: and this one was after i'd just finished the scene (and the chapter): was the scene planned early on? it really wasn't at all. and it actually was supposed to be a smut scene in the beginning haha i told my beta readers, yo, i think we're gonna have some coping smut and then over the course of a week (how crazy is it that that's 2 1/2 years ago now!!!) i wrote this scene

what were (or weren't) they doing? what was changed in the process and why) as it developed i got to a point where it just didn't feel right to show them having sex because it was such an intimate moment for them that even just writing it i felt like an intruder. i said to my beta readers at some point that wilmon can have sex off screen so i think it's very much up to reader interpretation at this point. but "on screen", in the chapter, they were really just touching each other and coming back into their own bodies and to each other

how was it for you to write it in the middle of sm pain going on plotwise? did it mess with you? it was. a lot. to put it simply haha. i mean generally speaking the entirety of chapters 10-12 were the hardest thing i've ever written, emotionally speaking. these two screenshots were from in the middle of writing that scene and after i'd just finished it (and the chapter):

so yeah it definitely messed with me. i can't say how long in total it took me to write chapter 10 but i do remember having to actively take a day or two off writing in between and implementing some serious self care to make sure my own mental health wasn't completely plummeting. i think it was definitely good that i had my beta reader team behind me to suffer through it with me but also to help me cope and distract myself with silly things so shout out to them always!

was that night fundamental to their healing/simon's trust in touch? i think after the hell they've been through over the past couple days, they definitely needed that moment to remind themselves that they're still alive and that they had each other. so i guess, yes it definitely was fundamental to the healing journey going onwards. i think they needed it to be able to keep going bc we know that chapter 11 was a whole other shitshow but i think without that intimate moment, everything would've been even more fragile

could the situation have ripped them apart? i think if wille hadn't learned to love and respect himself and his own boundaries as well, it would've been hard for them to meet on common ground again, and if they'd stayed together it would've turned so toxic. but because they both learned and grew, they managed to push through (but in any scenario, i think they would've fought for their lives to stay together)

is simon wille's sunflower or heather? heather :)

thank you thank you thank you for this ask i had so much fun answering it and diving into that scene again! hope i wasn't rambling too much and you're satisfied with the answers hahah! <33

[underground-boss-clay]

Hello, Gym Leader Clay.

I'm writing to you concerning your romantic relationship with Gym Leader Drayden. If... it is not presumptuous to ask, I was hoping to inquire about the beginnings of your relationship. What... what exactly was it that made you realize you were experiencing romantic attraction?

Ain't no problem ta ask. Just that the answer ain't machine cut clean. 'Course, it'd be easy ta give you that "you'll know on yer own" kinda garbage but I ain't the sort ta lie like that.

See, it's been brought up a coupla times on here, but Drayden wasn't the first relationship I was in. An' well, I knew I loved her. Not think, knew. The feelings I had round her were... Intoxicating. Like there were Beautifly 'n my gut, an' even the rainiest days with her could be sunny. Jus' seein' her made the day brighter somehow. 'Cept well, love don't last long without a decent foundation, an' turns out we didn't have one. Ain't gettin' into the grit of it but the tougher times got, the harder it became to love her--ta stay 'n love with her. Them gut-Beautifly died down, sunny days got cloudy, but I--we both thought we were close enough friends that we could sort things out. ... We didn't. An' that's on both sides, mind: we didn't talk much bout our problems, an' so they just built up an' rotted the already-shaky foundation till it all fell apart under us. Whatever love we had didn't last as long as we were told it would.

An' then, a' course, the part ya actually asked fer. The feelings fer Drayden didn't come up right away honestly--hell, I didn't even realize 'em right away. We'd been friends fer so long, an' he'd been there fer so much a' the bad times, at first I just thought that what I was feelin' was appreciation fer him stickin' by me despite bein'... well, more disliked 'n usual at the time.

It took some long thinkin' before I realized what I was feelin' again, an' uh... well I didn't like it right away. Not only was I unsure after... Errythin' that happened with Celia, but growin' up I was told that feelings towards another man weren't somethin' a fella should act on. Sure I'd had them before growin' up, but as they passed quickly I figured it was just a normal, if intrusive, kinda thought? So why was it comin' back tenfold towards Drayden? I didn't get it.

An' then Mildred hit me over the head with the "it has been how fuckin' long an' you don't know what 'bisexual' is" hammer. ... In my defense it weren't covered when I was growin' up.

But talkin' with her made me realize that I jus' had to bite that bullet an' come clean to Drayden bout how I was feelin'. Even if he didn't return the feelings, least it wouldn't be hangin' over my head no more an' we could find somewhere ta go from there, either still as friends or... not.

Course, y'all know what musta happened. Not only did we talk bout how I felt, an' how he felt back, but we also kept talkin' afterwards, bout how ta deal with each other's issues, disagreements... We stayed as friends, jus'... made sure our foundation was sturdier before we built on top a' that.

Boilin' it all down though, yer gonna fall 'n love with people, they'll make every moment with them feel the best, but it's gonna take work ta make it actually last ferra long time.

[synqiri]

guess who's gna hv to go to the hospital tmr and probably hv the infected wound surgically removed

[outeremissary]

🧣(scarf), 🎈 (balloon) and 🥩 (steak) for ocs of your choice?

Thank you for the ask and in a BIG way for the patience :') I tried to keep this to characters from stuff I was reeeelatively sure was familiar, but I confess the last question really made me want to talk about my Dark Urge from Gate 3, so I hope that's okay ^^;; If not, the first two are all Pathfinder, promise!

(this has been placed under a cut due to length)

[prompt list]

🧣(scarf) - What comforts your oc? Is it an item? An action? A person? Whatever it is, how any why does it comfort them?

Carmen finds a lot of comfort in her mount, June. June has been with her for around five years by the time of Kenabres and she feels a strong connection to the mare. June has certainly had a more constant presence in her life than many people. She finds June's presence soothing- it's good to have a familiar creature around as an anchor. The predictability (to her) of June's temperament and the steady routine of her care make for a series of daily rituals that give her life structure and certainty even as she moves between places marked by strife and upheaval. And she's always loved animals. It's nice to just… have one around. Someone to spend quiet time with who's less complicated than a human. She always tries to carve out that time, whether it's to ride her or groom her or just to sit nearby and read through something while June quietly grazes on her lead. It keeps Carmen grounded, makes her feel sane.

Lately, though, there's a different ritual that lends a similar- perhaps sharper- clarity of mind. Her quarters in Drezen were appointed with a full length mirror when she settled into them (excessive for her needs- something smaller to check her face and pull back her hair would have been enough), and more and more she finds herself spending time contemplating it, letting herself be drawn into its depths. Other reflective surface capture her eye as well, but most have mere echoes of the depth she sees in the mirror in her room. She's never been one for vanity, but something about it helps her focus. Empties out the stress. Drains away all those pesky feelings and small, buzzing thoughts. She's not looking at anything in particular in it. She sees herself. There's nothing special about the mirror or what's in it, that empty eyed thing. It just helps her concentrate, that's all.

🎈 (balloon) - What does your character do at parties? Are they a wallflower or a party animal? Do they go with friends or alone?

Balthazar has been to more parties than he cares to count, and at one point in his life it was an almost nightly part of his lifestyle. He prefers to show up with friends (it helps that friends are how he normally got in), and he's good at matching the mood of any given gathering. He likes to talk with people, to get a feel for the room by adding himself to conversations and learning the people in them. He always has something to say about the topic at hand- even if he's never heard of it before- and has a talent for coming off clever even when he's clueless. He's the friend of a friend for gossip, the devil's advocate in a debate, the charming stranger with a touch of scandalous worldliness at an upper class ball. Big gatherings are a great chance to make connections, so keeping social is essential- as is entertaining whoever invited him with his company.

He enjoys drinking socially, and he's usually drinking at parties- depending on the gathering, sometimes a lot, and sometimes enough to reach the edge of his normal control. It feels fun and wild sometimes, and people seem to love it. And when it wasn't drinks that were the focus of the party, well, he wasn't afraid of experimenting. It's all fun when everyone's doing it. And the extra energy is welcome late at night. He's also fond of partaking in games when available and is probably very familiar with Absalom's most popular dice games and card games- though he's not fond of playing with his own money. Dancing is something he enjoys as well (and central to a lot of parties and events he's been at!). There's a delight to passing between partners and knowing them that way, to playing the game of leading and following. He's a fairly good dancer despite not having any formal training; it's just years of experience at work. A lot of the time his party experience was also one that involved hookups (if whoever brought him wasn't already expecting his company). It's just another kind of social fun when you're out meeting people.

I guess you could call him a party animal: he was never one to hang back and disappear, and he knew how to command attention when he wanted it (and how to keep moving with it even when he didn't). There aren't a lot of gatherings in the River Kingdoms where it's really possible or desirable to run wild though, especially with his new status. Most of his recent attendances have run towards the more restrained edge of things, although every so often there will be a small gathering of friends that recaptures a bit of that old spirit. And of course there was Rushlight, but he tries not to think about Rushlight.

🥩 (steak) - Does your oc have any coping mechanisms? Healthy or unhealthy?

(CW FOR DISCUSSIONS OF SELF HARM ON THIS ONE)

Kasander has long had trouble with self-harm. Being raised in a tightly controlled environment without reliable emotional support where they generally weren't allowed privacy, freedom of movement, or possessions of their own, they had few outlets for distress that didn't feel markedly dangerous. Making that distress into something physical made it easier to cope with, easier to hide. It was a quick, reliable release that let them go back to "normal" quickly. It's also something they aren't always aware of doing until after the fact- the feeling of distress is also dangerous, and so is thinking about how to handle it. It falls to someone else inside to process when it becomes intense. This is something so deeply ingrained that it can be hard for them to gauge their distress levels, because on some level it always feels like a foreign emotion and it doesn't feel "right" to concentrate on and work through. This behavior was never monitored or discouraged by any caretakers who were aware of it besides some light shaming. It was disgraceful to direct that violence towards themself instead of outwards at others, but so long as they were containing it, keeping it out of the public eye, and not allowing it to affect their performance, what did it matter? On a related note, most of their scars are from before the age of twelve- there's a long gap between that and twenty-seven where any new scars they developed were the result of self-harm.

Recently they've been developing some other ways of coping with overwhelming emotion that feed less into a cycle of shame and secrecy. They've begun to learn the lyre and to sing- they don't consider themself an especially gifted performer, but it's something to focus on and do with their hands. There's a meditative edge that music has for them, especially alone. It's good for settling and centering. Makes them feel like they can put something good into the world. They're also developing a better sense of themself internally. They try to journal to keep track of their thoughts and feelings, and it lets them interact with the parts of themself they normally struggle to access. It creates cohesion (and this time without the interference Asperia experienced when they used to dictate their journal entries to their butler). Knowing the others inside also lets them sometimes find feelings more easily- to stop and look inside and ask "where does this come from? whose feeling is this? how big is it?" It's hard to break down the barriers that cause those things to slip away and make it difficult to access the others, but it's getting better. And the sense of being able to communicate clearly and immediately with Asperia or the others makes it feel easier to control a situation.

And lastly, they have people they can talk to. It's still hard as hell to trust that others are safe with their most intimate, vulnerable moments, but they're getting there slowly. It's helped to be able to identify who they can rely on to talk about what- for example, they care dearly about Astarion as a friend and trust him to understand or at least listen to some aspects of themselves without knee jerk judgment, but they also know that he can be flippant, insensitive, and intensely self-protective, and turning to him could still cuase them to spiral, even if it may not be as fast or deep as with some others. On the other hand, they trust Jaheira unconditionally, even if there are things that sometimes they feel too protective of or scared to externalize to share with her or days it's not possible to reach for aid. They know that she'll take them seriously if they confide in her, but that she won't panic and she'll always find a way to keep things light enough to handle. She has a keen enough eye for them to recognize when they struggle, but she also respects their space, gives them time, doesn't push. She's one of the few people it's possible to be open with about the fact that "Kasander" isn't always Kasander. She's someone that sometimes they're open with in retrospect about switching or the others are open with in the moment (and it helps that Jaheira isn't a stranger to a range of behaviors in her own children across all different ages- things like Asperia's willful antagonism don't throw her off). They're grateful constantly to have her in their life, and her presence has felt life-saving at a time when they needed that safety to heal. Being able to travel with her after the resolution of the Absolute crisis brings them a lot of joy and hope.

I guess since it also didn't wind up in the body it'll be awkwardly appended at the end... The mistake of focusing on the healthy/unhealthy dichotomy is that it made it so something important that was referenced a lot didnt have a clear place to go since it wasn't really in that binary ^^;; In a way everything that "Kasander" is has been an adaptation to the need to constantly cope with overwhelming circumstances. They have a dissociative condition, and existing in a way that made it possible to separate parts of themself out to make life manageable is how they've survived as long as they have. On some level, dissociation is always a part of how they process situations. Kasander also wasn't originally the host of their system- their original role was to give Asperia a way to resist his circumstances either by escaping them temporarily or defending himself against things that were "untouchable" somehow.

[deepseawave]

obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D

[charcubed]

for a bunch of people who supposedly love supernatural, huge chunks of the fandom sure seem afraid to love it in earnest without adding asterisks to their own interest, considering how often people apparently feel the need to disclaim that it’s Bad or everything good about it was supposedly an Accident

society if everyone could just perhaps stop making posts about and/or giving hundreds of notes to posts about how much Potential the show had but how Poorly Executed it supposedly universally was. alas, technology does not allow me to mute a specific flavor of post so instead I must complain

but whatever, RIP to those people but I am different. as always I’m wearing a shirt that says “ask me about how supernatural is an incredibly unique piece of media that will never have an equal and that made television history; infamously stretched and played with the boundaries of various genres just because its creative team thought it’d be cool; was introduced as character-driven and maintained that to great success; and boasts a remarkably cohesive vision as a body of work that is testament to the skill and dedication of those who crafted it even though its creative teams transitioned through several shifts, adapted around industry uncertainties, changed the narrative in response to organic and noticed potential, and were limited by network interference”

[mitamicah]

You may remember me talking about wanting a new tattoo when I went to Finland this month. I ended up getting two (these ones). You can look under the line to get the full story about how the world a cancelled flight ended up resulting in me travelling back in Denmark with new ink on both my arms (ngl mobility was a challenge the first few days).

The tale of two tattoos

I have recently been visiting Finland for the second time in my life. If everything had gone to plan, I would’ve arrived in Helsinki May 3 at 9.20 am which would give me almost six hours before I could check in at my hotel. Learning this I decided to plan for a tattoo since I find tattoos to be gender affirming and a great way to store memories about an experience in the body (a sort of permanent souvenir if you will).

Now I’m very much autistic (capital A) so I tend to overthink things and meanings. To challenge myself I’d decided to give myself the goal that the tattoo I’d get at this appointment should be a flash piece. Asking around on tumblr for good Helsinki based tattoo studios I stumbled over Krunikan Leima where tattoo apprentice Ellen had a pokemon Gacha machine with additional pokemon flash tattoos. In my childhood I liked Eevee (looking like a fluffy fox was a big factor – foxes are still my favourite animal to this day), so I kept this as one of my possible options. At the end I decided to reach out to Ellen about whether she had time the given Friday. She was able to put aside the whole day for me and seemed very excited by my käärijä artwork on my wall when we had our consultation over Microsoft teams. Just a few days after said consultation she posted a story where she’d tattooed Häärijä on somebody’s leg.

At this point it may be good to mention that this tattoo would be the first tattoo I’ve ever gotten in colour. Because of this I was a bit hesitant about going full colour. When thinking about a possible solution I realized that if I went black and grey for the design itself yet kept the coloured background (bubbles in pink and blue) we’d make an accidental trans flag. Being transmasc myself this seemed as too good a coincidence to not go for.

Friday rolled around and unfortunately my flight was cancelled. I was instead directed to board a flight eight hours later flying over Stockholm before heading to Helsinki. This whole ideal would make me 10 hours late compared to my original time. And so, I had to sadly announce to Ellen I wouldn’t be able to make it for our appointment. In true honesty I thought this would be it: the 100 euro I had paid as a consultation fee would’ve been lost, and I would have had to kiss the idea of a trans eevee goodbye. Yet when later having to also inform the studio I was asked if I was able to visit the studio the upcoming Sunday instead which by chance I would (since I hadn’t been able to book a flight before Monday morning).

This whole ideal in hindsight seems to have been faith since on Saturday I went to my first Käärijä concert in his home country when he headlined the newly opened Böle arena. Joining together on the dance floor with other fans at the afterparty, still high on the show(s) we’ve witnessed, we were given yet another blessing in form of a spontaneous gig from a half-drunk Jere behind the DJ stand. Amongst the songs chosen were the transmasc coded song Paidaton Riehuja (the song is literally about people calling a guy taking his shirt off inappropriate because of how his body doesn’t fit into the societal norm said guy giving no shits about it, you cannot tell me this isn’t trans coded especially for post op transmen).

Now I had dreamt about being present to a gig when Käärijä would play this song since first learning about him as an artist and the song itself. Mind you, in my head I would have had my top surgery way before this potential gig, so I’d had become confident with my body and my chest. In my dream I would’ve taken off my shirt no hesitation and proudly showing off my scars. And nobody would look at me funny. Maybe somebody would even smile and cheer.

Hearing the song now as the last song of the entire evening standing next to another transmasc person (hi Skull, @teal-skull) I immediately went to business, fighting with the four layers of shirts I’d decided to put on that day (jacket, longsleeve, tanktop and sportsbra). By the halfway point I’d stand in a crowd with only my sportsbra on, screaming my suffering voice out with my shirts helicoptering in the air. Only afterwards did I realise what I’d just done. I’d voluntarily taken off my shirt for the first time ever in public which in itself is a milestone yet even more so considering that the last time I had been shirtless in front of another human being it was an ex who made sure to let me know he conceptualized and sexualized me as a female person. Yet if anybody even cared about me here, they didn’t seem to gender my body in any way. All these feelings crashed into me like a tidal wave making me ugly cry for the first time ever at a concert. I would cry at least two more times that evening (happy tears) thinking about what had just gone down.

To turn back to the tattoo part of this story, since I had a tattoo appointment less than eleven hours later, my mind began scheming. After only 3,5 hours of sleep, I went up to make concept art of a possible milestone tattoo I’d ask Ellen if she’d help me get as well as the original plan, the Eevee. I wasn’t sure about which of two designs I wanted (either ‘paidaton’ down my lower arm in a typewriter font or PR in the käärijä font with the date underneath), so I took with me to the appointment.

As it turned out Ellen is a casual fan of käärijä herself after having been carried into the fandom by one of her clients asking her to tattoo käärijä related ideas twice (one of them being the Häärijä I’d been on her story recently). She was open to make my Paidaton Riehuja idea a reality if we ended up having the time. After 2,5 hours of listening to Käärijä (+ Go_A + Vesna), talking about Käärijä and otherwise gushing over nerdy culture, Ellen concluded that we did indeed have time for another small tattoo.

After half an hour of lying awkwardly on my stomach could enjoy the result in the mirror.  My most spontaneous tattoo design now and probably ever was done. Ellen had chosen the second design with the shortened song title and the date. And it worked out perfectly! And to think had my flight not been delayed two days prior this might never have happened.

Somebody I know said once that everything in live happens for a reason. Call it faith or destiny or whatever but I think that somebody up there knew I had to reschedule my trip to make the most out of it. Now I not only have a wonderful trans Eevee but I have one of my great trans journey milestones tattooed on my body.

And so concludes the tale of the two tattoos.

Thank you for reading.  

[enbyhyena]

I don't know if anybody will notice/care, but for posterity's sake I want to explain why I haven't had a DNI in my pinned post, and share what I've just added to it as a way of explanation.

I don't have a DNI because I believe asking people not to interact shuts the door on personal growth and fragments communities (making them easier to prey on by real threats), and the objects of a DNI rarely listen anyways, sometimes even causing MORE harassment than you might otherwise receive.

Without allowing in outside voices now and again, you remove the ability to think critically for yourself. It's all too easy for a bad actor to sow discourse while presenting it in a seemingly harmless way, and without anyone to fact check, it can spiral out of control and cause even more finger-pointing, confusion, and disinformation. It is my belief that the collapse of communication between every level of our society has singlehandedly become the ultimate root cause of every problem we currently have.

I hate that everyone is being forced into echo chambers lately and are treated with extreme moral prejudice if they try to crawl out of it without immediately and fundamentally changing their beliefs (and are talked down to/condescended towards if they just want to learn about the other sides in a critical way, or Hell, even introduce new ideas altogether). I won't have anything to do with it and tbh neither should you. (I'm looking at you, shipcourse-posturing minors. You're all just hurting each other and yourselves. Stop it.)

Also, all of this is not intended passive-aggressively and I say it coming from a place of genuine concern for the communities I've grown up in and love. There are people that don't care if you're proship or anti, there are people who don't care if you're pro-endo or anti-endo...there are people who don't care whether or not you, as a gay person (generally speaking) believe trans or asexual people belong underneath the LGBT label. There are people who don't care what language you use to describe disability. Hell, there are plenty of people in power who don't even care if you're repub or dem (for American readers). This isn't to say that these conversations shouldn't happen and that we shouldn't talk about it; but that's just the problem. All these DNIs are achieving is shutting down communication and creating invisible cracks in our communities. And when we stand so far apart, it will be that much easier for our oppressors to take ALL of us down. They don't care about the differences. They want ALL of us gone regardless of nuance. They don't think we should exist AT ALL. Period. We are stronger together and our oppressors know this, so they plant seeds to isolate us.

Oppression has no morality. Oppression is indiscriminate and affects EVERYONE.

So yeah. That's my take. Don't care who you are, don't care what you post. I still reserve the right to moderate my feed and block as I feel the need to; but don't feel like you can't talk to me. I don't do that whole purity/cancel culture shit that's been so popular online/in fandom lately.

TL;DR Interact or don't, just don't be an asshole.