#SOMEONE FUCKING HELP ME THE ORDERS ARE PILING UP IN THE WINDOW

[bugbrains]

trying to find stuilly fics that aren’t tagged for homophobia/internalized homophobia is like being a lab rat in a little cage with no enrichment but there’s a single button in the corner that shocks you 98% of the time you press it but then sometimes it drops you a tasty little morsel down a chute. and since you’re a lab rat and you’re inherently a pleasure seeking mammal you’re gonna keep tapping that little fucking button and getting shocked because maybe one day there’s gonna be another morsel

[kaeyas-beloved]

dust

Character: Albedo

— when chalk crumbs, all that’s left is dust

CWs: gn!reader (no pronouns), ANGST, hurt/no comfort, death (Albedo), could be read as romantic or platonic, I bullshit a research entry in this, spoilers for Albedo

val’s no sympathy november masterlist

He... he always talked about losing control. You never really understood what he meant by it, but you do remember the nights holding him tight and swearing that he would never fall to such evil. It just wasn't something he'd do, and your unwavering faith in him always brought him some form of comfort, even when he never believed you for a second.

"It's nice, to have someone place their trust in me that is."

But now, as you stand in the middle of the aftermath, smoke heavy in the air, buildings crumbling all around, any vision wielder that could fight congregating in the middle of the city and a pile of dust on the ground, you're left to wonder if there was any stopping what fate had ordained.

For a split second you could swear you heard nothing. When the arrow was fired and struck the threat to Mondstadt - struck Albedo, you remind yourself, he wasn't something, he was someone - you didn't know what to feel. You could feel the eyes of the people on you as you walked without thought toward the pile of powder. The pain as you scraped your knees on the concrete was nothing compared to the pain in your chest.

"The Chalk Prince... I see now..." you mumbled, hesitating to touch the substance.

"Why are you called the Chalk Prince? Don't tell me it's because you were created from chalk?" You'd asked one day while helping him in his lab, sitting not far from him on a stool.

Albedo remained silent, going back and forth between skimming through notes and adjusting the settings on his burner. "That is a conversation for another time. Now please, could you hand me two lizard tails? One blue and one red."

He never did outright answer you, but you remember him talking about how all living things will eventually and inevitably return to their original state. Maybe this is what he was trying to tell you.

The hand on your shoulder brings you back, but you can't bring yourself to look up at who it is (you later learn it was Kaeya, who had his own complicated expression). From there everything was a mess of colours and muddled words. You catch a couple apologies for your loss, people running to check on their loved ones and their homes, and discussions about what to do now. Nothing really sticks though, a case of looking but not seeing, hearing but not listening. You do, however, remember hours later being handed a wooden box, Albedo's name, birth and death date carved on the front.

“You were the closest to him. Klee also received something similar.” Fuck, you think, a fresh wave of tears coming along. Your heart breaks at just the thought of how devastated and confused Klee must be. Seeing the instant change in emotions, Jean quietly leaves you be.

The hardest part though was going through his office. It was a day you thought you’d never be prepared for. When you arrived you were proven right, stuck hesitating at the doorway.

You’d never again see him sat at his desk, documenting his findings or refilling his stock of alchemy ingredients. That painting in the corner by the window will forever lay unfinished and the small bed never to be slept in again.

His presence will slowly fade and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

With a heavy heart and tears in your eyes, you start the long and agonizing process of packing his things away. Beginning with his desk you put away various books, loose papers, displays and even the drawings Klee had gifted him over the years. You moved on to strip his bedding, then pack away his paintings. By time you reached the last bookshelf the warm hue of the evening sun was already illuminating the room.

Letting out a quiet yet shaky sigh you get to work again. Since the books were already in order you took care to keep them close to one another, taking off three or four at a time. Despite how gentle you tried to be though you managed to drop a few, the covers too heavy and slipping from your grasp. You’re quick to apologize even though there wasn’t anyone to apologize to. Still, it felt like you should.

As you collect the hardcovers and the loose papers that were neatly placed between the pages, a particular title catches your eye. Gentle setting what you gathered off to the side you begin reading through the research entry, which was dated about a year and a half ago.

During my research into the mysteries of life and creation, many documents from various backgrounds mentioned the potential of substances holding 'memories'. Some focused on the nature aspects, how trees and lakes remember what and who has affected them. Others however stated that all tangible beings can be included in this theory. Due to the evidence presented, as well as previous knowledge, I believe both are possible.

Molecular wise, it’s not out of the scope of reality, and it’s backed up in the biological aspect as well if heredity is taken into account. It raises the question of just how far alchemy can stretch the laws of nature, and if this can be applied to any and all substances that have been touched by human and nature's hands.

The moment you finish reading a tiny spark of hope ignites within you, and your body launched into autopilot before you could even think. Chalk is a substance. The chalk was him so it would have memories of him. I could bring him back! You start scanning for similar papers around the room and in his notebooks, hoping to find more clues; you collect the things you think you'd need to go through with this act of divinity.

Just as you're about to dump the first chemical that comes to mind you freeze. You... don't actually have any idea what you're doing...

No, you think, inhaling a shaky breath, I've watched him do these kinds of things so many times, I have to know something. You go to pour again yet stop once more; as the bottle trembles in midair you know deep down it's true, you don't know the first thing about creating artificial life, let alone alchemy.

The bottle thunks back onto the surface of the table and a new wave of tears begins to flow, though this time not because of loss but due to hopelessness.

Your legs are quick to give out from beneath you, your back leaning against the desk and as you bring your knees to your chest, sobs filling the forever quiet space, you manage to choke out your true feelings.

"Albedo... I don't know what to do..."

Tag list: (both regular and event exclusive): @spoopy-fish-writes // @that-enby-alien // @xenuuu // @kaeyaloml // @mariposa666haruka // @quackquackmfs // @kunikuzushiii // @genshin-impact-writings // @ventisweetheart // @lordbugs // @leena-shi // @ari-the-wr1ter // @xiaos-wife // @milkwithspiceyicecubes // @stygianoir // @francisnyx

+

@kaiserkisser // @multipleshadesofblue // @moloteco-real // @kithewanderingme // @scaramood // @ii-lily2 // @esuz // @kochothehoe // @cindywasneverhere

[nerdiel-has-no-braincells]

Through Glass

summary: Diluc blamed you, resented you even for events outside of your control or that you hadn’t done. Now alone, he reflects on his actions and the way he treated you

pairing: Diluc x you

cw: language, angst

a/n: I’ve been wanting to write something for Diluc that didn’t particularly end happy, and then I heard this song while on my way home today and instead of making it a love story like the lyrics suggest, I wanted to make it the opposite because angst

song: Through Glass - Hands Like Houses, lyrics will be italicized

It had been 8 months since you left. Today would have been your anniversary, Diluc remembered as he stared at the sky through his office window. His fingers were playing with a ring that he had bought for you. He planned to propose to you today if he hadn’t fucked everything up.

I’m told that love was golden

He was stupid. He was stressed about the pile of work on his desk and the upcoming Weinlesefest, an incredibly busy time for the winery. And yet he lost his anger on you constantly, ignored you, even hated you for no apparent reason.

Something to hold when the going’s tough

You hadn’t even done anything wrong. You did what he asked for help with, and when things happened outside of your and his control, he blamed you, his entire being becoming cold as he insulted you, tearing you apart with his words. And you took it quietly, looking down as he spoke, flinching at his words as tears formed in your eyes.

After 4 years together, you ended it, not being able to take his hot and cold attitude any longer.

And I’ve seen what love can mean when

It’s laughable, really. Because you were together for so long, he took advantage of your patience and kindness, took you for granted because you were always there.

The good times were always so good. Laying in bed on a rare day off cuddling, laughing and kissing. Everything seemed right in the world like you were both meant to be together.

Someone believes in you more than you ever could

But during the bad times, shit like how he treated you happened.

It cost him everything.

I felt that same, same rhythm in the same, same rush

You left a giant hole in his chest that could never be healed without you. Your touch is now a ghost, the feeling of being there but without actually being there.

Got that same, same feeling from the same touch

What else could he do now? He hurt you so badly. You used to visit him during the times when he would bartend, waited for him to come home safely late at night when he would become the Dark Knight Hero.

It’s like a wildfire growing ‘tween my head and my heart

He’s tried to check up on you ever since you packed up and stayed with your friend in Liyue. Your friend had gotten to the point where she asked him to no longer send messages in order for you to heal. Your heart was just as broken as his was.

He would always plan to visit Liyue, but his duties always called for him to stay here in the winery, to keep the Abyss Order mages away from Mondstadt.

He couldn’t take it anymore, he had to see you.

I can only wonder why I can’t see in color without you

Closing his eyes as he leaned into his chair, your face came into view. You were so beautiful when you first began to date. He was ready to open his heart to someone and he chose you, the only person who grabbed a hold of his heart. But when you left, that beauty went away.

The last time he saw you, you were packing your things and leaving your shared home within the winery. You looked haggard, the life within you dissipated.

And I don’t wanna try ‘cause I see all the colors surround you

He had done that to you. He used your love for him against you and it ruined you.

You light up the dark in me

He couldn’t take it any longer. He had to see you. He wanted to get on his knees and ask for forgiveness, for you to come back home where you belong with him.

You light up the dark in me

He realized his mistakes and he will promise you that you will be treated as you deserve. There will be no more bad days where his sharp tongue brings you down.

He made plans to leave for Liyue as soon as possible. He worked overnight to make sure his work would be taken care of. He didn’t want anything standing in his way any longer in order to see you.

I’ve heard, your vision blurs

Getting work out of the way, he made way to Liyue. He made sure his staff would take care of everything while he was gone.

He took the time as he traveled as to what he would say to you when he saw you. For the first time in months, he felt his heart beat against his chest. His nerves took a hold of him, but he refused to let that come between him and you.

Your stomach turns and you trip over every word

As the scenery changes from the Spring-like Mondstadt to the Autumn-like Liyue, he realized he was getting closer to seeing you.

I felt that same, same rhythm in the same, same rush

His heart pounded against his chest. As it began to grow dark, he had no choice but to stay at the Wangshu Inn. He was getting closer to you.

That night, he had the same dream he had every night after you left.

You were both in bed, naked under the covers as the two of you awoke at the sunlight shining in your room. You looked at him with heavy-lidded eyes as a smile grew on your face. The same smile had shown on his as he wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight.

It was a peaceful morning, one where he didn’t have work to do so he could laze about with you.

Got that same, same feeling from the same touch

Kissing all over your face, you erupted into giggles, playfully pushing his face away without actually pushing. He continued to pepper your face in kisses. He missed you so much.

To stop you from pretending to push his face away, he flipped you over to lay on your back, laying his body on top of yours as he continued to pepper your face. Your giggles turned into full on laughter and squeals as you tried to get away.

It’s like a wildfire growing ‘tween my head and my heart

Diluc’s laughter rang through the air along with yours. All was right in the world.

Waking up to the alarm he set, he quickly got ready and set out for the harbor where your friend lived. He was close as he could smell the sea and feel the cold breeze.

I can only wonder why I can’t see in color without you

Finally, he could see the harbor. A warm feeling grew within his chest. He was so close to you.

As he entered Liyue, he looked around for you, even asking the residents about you. They pointed him in the direction of your new home. It seemed that you moved out of your friend’s place and took up residence here.

His heart beat loudly as he made his way towards your home until he heard your laugh. It caused him to freeze.

And I don’t wanna try ‘cause I see all the color surround you

There you were. You walked around the corner with a taller man with long dark hair and golden tips. The world glowed around you as your beauty came back to you, all the exhaustion left you and he felt his body start to feel warm as his heart pumped loudly in his chest.

You light up the dark in me

Taking a step towards you, he thought of what to say to you. He practiced and thought it over millions of times but now that you were in front of him, he felt his throat clamp shut.

You and the man stopped in front of what seemed to be a mortuary and you continued to talk to him.

This was it. He had to call your name.

You light up the dark in me

The man’s hand reached up and pushed your hair behind your ear before cupping your face. He smiled at you, his eyes glistening with so much love. You had leaned into his touch and looked at him the same way before he leaned down to place a kiss on your lips.

Diluc froze completely. The glow around you only brightened as his heart ached.

You moved on. You were able to heal from the heartbreak you experienced and gave your heart to another.

Quickly turning on his heels, he ran out of Liyue. Once he was out of the city, he stopped. Summoning his claymore, he began to destroy the rocks around him as he yelled out in frustration.

Frustration of how he treated you.

Frustration for you moving on without him.

Frustration at himself for losing you.

He stopped swinging his claymore around and stood there, his breath heavy before the tears fell. He collapsed onto the ground, leaning against a rock he hadn’t destroyed and cried. He lost the love of his life due to his own mistakes. Even if he wanted to make it up to you, he no longer could.

It was all his fault.

You light up the dark in me

Not gonna lie, this broke my heart. I always have the need to give all of the bbgs a happy ending because they’re precious bbs who deserve to be happy

( ; ω ; )

Genshin Impact is created and owned by MiHoYo

©️nerdiel-has-no-braincells Please do not copy and post without approval. Reblogs and comments are ok with me!

[alexanderflowerbird]

DAY 12

Ahh! Late again! I did write yesterday, mind, but I spent my evening with some of the folks in my writing group talking about one of their projects because they were stomped on some plot beats and we were working together to inspire them and come up with options for them to work with. It was SO MUCH FUN, and I'm so excited to see what they do with the story after this boost of inspiration! But literally after that? Went right the fuck to sleep lol. So here I am, having woken up at 4:30 AM to report on yesterday's progress lol.

I have curated my playlist for Blood Sun Territory, and it is really helping me get all of my ideas in order, and yesterday, I worked chronologically so I'm on chapter two of BST and Malachi is finding his way in the world, figuring out a game plan to get back to Felina and Mercedes. Along the way, he's having these small interactions and I honestly love writing stuff like this. I love an impactful moment between strangers. I love a sudden feeling of connection. I love a random act of kindness, even if the person isn't nice at the same time, because nice and kind are not the same thing.

It was such a pleasure to hang out with my friends and talk about the art we create together. It makes it all worth it to keep working, when people who's work you admire and respect are invested, and proud, and curious, and want to see you keep going. I am that person for a lot of people, but I have those people for me too, and man. What a gift it is. <3 I know I wax poetic about it a lot in these entries lol, but like, times are hard! It would be easy, had been easy in the past, to go to work, come home, lay down and despair. Having no real support can really kill a part of you that's vital to being the beautiful person you are. I'm glad I'm rediscovering this part of me after so much hardship. My love language? It's creation, baby lol Taglist: @tragedycoded @thelittlestspider @theskeletonprior @badscientist

If you'd like to be part of my taglist, please interact with this post!

His first home, temporary as it is, is the Clover Hotel. It’s old, but the property seems to be something of a dearly loved personal project, a building that could probably be bulldozed and forgotten but that someone with money to their name refuses to see it die like so many other classic old businesses in the city. It doesn’t have doors that open on their own or a pristine, sterile lobby like the big name hotels that are slowly swallowing up the market. It has a regular door that pushes in and has a twinkling brass bell over it. It has old sofas and an ancient but freshly varnished coffee table on one side of the space for guests to enjoy tall, west facing windows and a view that isn’t some dull, bricked up alley way but instead a small garden full of hydrangeas and herbs and the occasional bright pop of small sunflowers. He approaches the front desk, and smiles with what he hopes is a convincing level of charm at the older asian woman occupying the desk. She looks at him and smiles back. 

“Hello! Welcome, room?” Her accent is charmingly thick and a refreshing sound when Malachi has been so used to punchy east coast accents and traipsing southern drawls, American accents born from the very land. This woman, her name tag says ‘Suzy’, and her voice reminds Malachi that there’s a whole world that exists, not just this city or even this state. Maybe to find Felina and Mercedes, he’ll have to go across an ocean, see a whole new place. He’d never traveled outside of the country growing up. He nods at her question and imagines what it might be like if he discovers Felina has taken Mercedes to live in China. 

He only has backdrops in his mind that come from old kung fu movies and pictures in books, but it’s still a pretty thought and thanks to Felina’s impossible, unanticipated kindness, his mind doesn’t crumple up the vision and add it to the pile of scenarios where he faces total, devastating rejection. His anxiety does get a word in though as he imagines China’s sleek modern cities, its ancient misty mountains and beautiful villages. He has no idea how much it would cost for him to make it to China, he doesn’t know any words except the ones Leeroy had introduced to him when his occasional-lover had taken a turn towards understanding all things linguistics. ‘Ya know, Chinese is a pretty cool language, Malachi. It’s got a beautiful shape for every word, and sometimes, the word do sound sorta like another word, but you see that beautiful shape and you realize it’s a whole other word!’ Leeroy had been ecstatic to discover the idea of tones shortly after pondering how the symbols could be different but the words could sound so similar. Did people in China always read and speak at the same time? That didn’t make any sense of course, so off Leeroy had gone with a smacking kiss to Malachi’s brow to find out the answer. His reminiscing and daydreaming pop like a bubble as Suzy’s expression goes from friendly to neutral and guarded. She’s looking at the ID he’s given her to put on file. 

“This old, expired. I cannot use expired.” She tells him, setting it on the counter and sliding it towards him. He feels his stomach sink and is surprised at himself in his reluctance to admit his circumstance to this woman when he’d told Leslie at the bank the truth without really thinking about how she might react. It’s nothing to do with either of the women he realizes; when he’d come to Leslie, he’d had no hope at all for success and had been prepared to discover that his first day out of prison would be spent on the street with no food or help because he had no money worth noting to his name. In those circumstances, why not admit he’s a felon? If Leslie hadn’t been so kind, he could’ve dashed his chances right there and not found out about Felina’s money for him at all, let alone have a new bank card. He struggles to decide to take that gamble a second time. Now he has something to lose, though he isn’t sure what. He could find another hotel, or even seek out a shelter for the night, but he has stupidly, sentimentally looked around for the last few hours for a hotel he can temporarily call home, and he’s picked this one, and he wants to be here. 

“I–” He tries to begin. “I know, I’m sorry. I need to get it replaced, but, I…” He can feel his ribs tightening in his chest around his organs. Does he roll the dice and share something most people find repulsive and hope Suzy will understand? This history will follow him everywhere, and just now, it’s not even history, barely history. Suzy watches him stumble through his words with an unimpressed expression and then sighs. 

“You lazy?” She asks, disapproving. Malachi blinks at her. “You lazy.” She seems to confirm her opinion in his shocked expression. “Okay…Malachi.” She says as she checks the name from his ID. She taps it on the counter while she thinks, sighing again, before setting it down. “You listen okay? Outside, Treetop Street, left, go for numbers to 8th Av’,left again, down, down, down, looking for big red letter. Ah… Notary?” She doesn’t look at him to confirm if she’s chosen the right word. “Maybe. You take this,” She emphasizes it and shakes the ID at him a little, “Get new one. Okay?” Malachi nods, solemn and feeling guilty even if her interpretation of what he’s done is entirely wrong. There’s something almost refreshing to feel a new, much more innocent sense of shame. He reaches for his ID from between her fingers and she pulls it back from him. 

“Tomorrow. You sleep here tonight, go tomorrow. You remember?” She asks and the way she looks at him he knows he isn’t meant to just say yes. 

“Treetop, left, 8th Av’, left again, find the notary with the big red letters further down the street.” He repeats back to her, and Suzy makes a low approving noise before offering his ID back. She gets up from her seat and brings him a card key, perhaps the most modern part of the experience and likely an upgrade that the Clover had to make to compete with the security measures of other more modern hotels. Suzy is smiling again, beatific and pleased. 

“You enjoy, come tomorrow with new ID and you stay as long as you like.” She charms, and Malachi can’t help but smile back at her. 

“Thank you ma’am.” He says, dipping his head and tucking his old ID and his debit card back into his wallet. 

“Breakfast at 8, okay? Come.” She invites, and with a little wave, she lets him off the hook, just like that. He’d been scared, damn near terrified for some stupid reason, but a charming little slap on the wrist hasn’t stopped his momentum at all. He doesn’t need to correct Suzy’s opinion about him being lazy, he wants to though. He wants it more than the logical, necessity based want towards having a valid ID card. His room number is 12, and when he makes his way inside and takes a look at the old, charmingly floral decor, he feels a relief and gratitude that crushes him to the floor. He sits down heavily, and leans his back against the door, pressing his face into his hands. It’s a posture of despair, he knows, and it has the same heaviness to it even though it is something entirely opposite. Hope is just as weighty, just as devastating. 

[odinsblog]

how do you avoid right wingers (& centrists that use slurs) when making political posts? i want to be able to help inform other people but the nastiness i’ve received makes me want to give up. i understand why some people avoid politics entirely

Hello there, @land-shark-is-here

Honestly, I don’t avoid them. What I mean is, you can’t avoid them.

They drop into my asks just to sling the n-word at me and then they just keep strolling by like nothing happened

They’re literally out there by the tens of thousands, and they’re loud

After a while I’ve learned that instead of internalizing their vitriol or letting them get me down, the best I can really do is delete their comments and then block them (in that order - it matters). Most of these trolls are looking to ride the coattails of your posts to gain the visibility that they cannot get on their own — unless you can crush their foolishness with a particularly witty or devastatingly insightful comeback, deny them that visibility. Don’t, as they say, feed the trolls

(please see also: x, y, and z)

And even when comments and reblogs by other trolls might make it *appear* that dozens and dozens of other bloggers are expressing agreement with a troll, that is almost always an illusion. Online trolls travel in packs. Seriously. If you visit a comment troll’s blog, you will probably see the following things: their blog is almost exclusively nothing but them shitting on someone else’s posts, or they are in constant communication with other comment trolls who do the same thing, or they’re just bored conservative porn bloggers. Anyway, when a comment troll sees one of their ilk latch onto a post, they dog pile it. I have witnessed this repeatedly with pro-gun bloggers and anti-choice bloggers. I’ve seen them force some bloggers to delete some really great posts over the years, because the person felt overwhelmed and outnumbered due to being ganged up on

And learn to spot sea lions - they’re the disingenuous trolls who always seem to be interested in genuine discourse, but no matter how many times you answer their questions, somehow it’s never quite enough—that’s because their true goal is to keep peppering you with “simple” questions that require a ton of thought on your part. They could care less about your answers. Their mission is to wear you out. Death by a thousand cuts, so to speak. Their job is to remain unconvinced, no matter how much sense your replies might make. Please understand: they want you to get discouraged and give up. Because as you and others like you quit, their version of reality becomes more accepted, and they gain control of the narrative, and they eventually become the “common sense” gatekeepers, and ultimately their way of thinking will shift the Overton window ever rightwards. If we let that happen

Look, on the other hand it’s always a good idea to open ourselves to the possibility that we might be wrong. There is nothing wrong with honest and respectful debate, if that’s how you want to spend your time. No one is right all of the time. No one is wrong all of the time. We’re human. So sometimes we do need to hear what those who disagree with us are thinking. (Within reason, ofc. I’m not talking about Nazis or people who think Black people and/or LGBTQ, etc people are second class and less than human - fuck those so called “viewpoints”) If nothing else, we learn how to retort their disingenuous arguments—but that has its limits. You are not a doormat for trolls to amuse themselves

But if you dO decide to engage the trolls, it’s never a bad idea to invest in learning logical fallacies and how to debate, so that you have the skills to thoroughly deconstruct a troll’s specious arguments (and honestly I need to take my own advice here)

So unless you genuinely want to enlighten an audience with your response to a troll, my advice is to go heavy on blocking. It may take a while, but just like tending a garden, eventually you will see your online space become more de-trolled. It’s self care. It’s not living in a bubble or being a snowflake. If you spend a significant portion of your time online, please remember that you deserve some peace of mind, even in online spaces

I hope you found this helpful

Good luck

[snobbybastard]

Phillip Graves Angst

i got this idea for a one shot where daddy issues graves survives the tank and he's in the hospital and for days shepherd doesn't visit him and he's left to stew and realize everything he did was for nothing and shepherd never cared about him and he confronts shepherd when he finally visits and shepherd is just like welp you're not useful to me anymore, just another loose end to tie up and then graves starts feeling weird and shepherd is just like teehee I got the nurse to give you too much morphine and graves dies 😝 and um it's literally just angst which I usually don't do I like happy endings but I was feeling evil with the idea

!!not really proof read!!

Warnings: Mentions of violence, OD , Self-hate? , Phillip Redemption ❤️

Wordcount: 2k

Floating. That's the only way he could describe it. Weightless. Like zero Gs, drifting around so calm. Without care in the endless void he found himself in. Is he dead? He has to be.. Right? Phillip doesn't remember what got him here, so peaceful, and he's thankful for it. He doesn't have the strength to resist the promising luxury of rest. A long overdue break from the overworked aching in his veins, the unbearable muscle fatigue, the sleepless nights slowly but surely taking its toll. The images of his soldiers corpses piled up with bright crimson painted beneath them plaguing his mind, eyes sunken and bloodshot. He regretted he couldn't spare them the horror, they were under his orders and he failed them. Guilt had infected every inch of his being. He could've helped, but he didn't. He sent them out there. To die. Like lambs to a slaughter. And he might as well been the butcher.

It stings. His comfortable void had changed into a searing heat, like he was drowning in boiling water. He wanted to go back, to feel the previous serenity. He wasn't able to. He didn't deserve to.

When he finally woke up and opened his eyes the lights overheard blinded him, making him squeeze his eyes shut again. He wasn't dead. He couldn't be. Not with the smothering pain shocking though his system. His limbs were exhausted and he had a splitting headache. It felt like someone had put a bullet in his skull and it was rattling around, hitting against every nerve and causing as much damage as it went along.

Reluctantly Phillip opened his eyes, taking a minute to adjust to the vivid bulbs. His sight was still blurry, he wished he was in any condition to make sense of what transpired, but all he knew was he really fucked up. Things were staring to come into focus. A sterile room with a small window and bland curtain. He was dressed h in normal hospital clothing. It was silent, dead silent. Save for the light breeze outside and the steady beeping of a monitor. The room seemed untouched. Not that he was expecting any visitors. He didn't have any contact with his family nor anyone who would care if they received that unlucky letter in the mail. But what about Sheperd? He was certain the word about him being hospitalised would've gotten around to him by now. And by the looks of it, he didn't even blink an eye. Sure he was only his superior, a busy guy at that, but after all they've been through, everything he risked, he can't just be disposable, he's got to be worth more?

His head felt like a thousand pounds as he looked around, eyes already threatening to shut once again.

How long was he out for?

Phillips limbs were locked, desperate to function. He continued to scrutinize his surroundings. Searching for something he couldn't quite remember. An IV in his arm accompanied with bad bruising and severe burns peeling back on his skin. His fingers curl restlessly at his sides as Phillip tries to use his elbows to prop himself up. He sits up and the shifting of his weight irritates every injury he had obtained, His body yells for him to stop moving. He thinks of yelling himself, but the desire to cry out sits firmly in his thoughts, even if he wanted to his throat is cracked and dry.

He raised his hand instinctively to the scarring on his forearm. He gently traced the indent, wincing slightly at the feather-light touch. The skin was still sensitive after what had happened.

The mattress he was laying on was like a brick, it might've been comfortable at one point but Graves could feel the imprint he had made from laying down so long, being able to feel each and every sore on his back from being bedridden. Phillip is military, so he could sleep on a rusty bed of nails if he had to, but there's still a very noticeable difference between pitched tents in the middle of nowhere and some temporary apartment he rented out. And right now, he'd do anything to be back in the warm embrace of his home.

A few days blew by, only in the company of passing nurses who tried their best to make their visits as quick as possible. As much as Graves would hate to admit it, he was lonely. He missed the Shadows. His boys. His family. And given all that time alone, Phillip was left with his thoughts. The same ones he tries his best to get away from.

--

It mostly revolved around the Shadow Company. Usually if there was a mishap and some tragedy happened he'd always make sure his boys got the best treatment he could manage, and if they didn't make it, he'd inform their families as soon as possible and help them as much as possible while grieving. But recently, with all the deaths, all those lives.. nobody could have kept track. Now those families couldn't get the closure they needed, only able to go off some stupid information that they're MIA, giving them a sliver of hope, false hope. Or if they found a body- or what was left of one, KIA.

They deserved more than him.

He wasn't a leader-, he wasn't brave.

He was foolish.., gullible and reckless.

He put his trust blindly in someone who would send all of the Shadows in a building engulfed in flames without a second thought. Someone who would berate his men on the daily. Toss their lives around for fun. How could he have been so stupid?

He thought he could keep his guard down- if only for a moment, just because he felt as if Sheperd had good intentions.

Sheperd didn't care about him, not in the slightest. He treated Graves like shit, and he tolerated it. Pushed him away like a new pet desperate for attention.

But he would be lying if he said he didn't feel the need to make up for losing the missiles, especially since it was someone he was loyal to.

His mind would also wander to the things he had done.

He tried to make himself believe he was pressured into doing it- it's not 100% wrong, but he wanted to prove himself. Show people that he's not just some coward, though he feared it had done the opposite effect.

He deserved to die, in that tank.

No, it wouldn't make up for everything that was lost, but it would get rid of one more problem.

He knew he made a mistake.

Just like many, many times before.

He couldn't get rid of the feeling of pure guilt, that just slowly gnaws away at you, that follows you endlessly. Like a heavy strain on your shoulders that you can't seem to ever shake.

He didn't think he would end up like this when he took the job. He was a good man before this.

He just got mixed in with the wrong kind of people. An honest mistake, really.

He didn't want this.

Phillip Graves wanted to help people.

After the merciless massacre in Las Almas, he became an empty shell of a man, following orders without question. He was a husk of someone he used to be.

An empty pit in his stomach. Never-ending and condemned.

He had seen a lot, more than most. Full of enough pain and misery to destroy most. He held strong, well, tried to. He had one two many reasons for an emotional break.

But he didn't, not until Sheperd. Phillip had thought he saw everything, but the General had brought a new kind of brutality to his work.

--

For the first time today the door of the hospital room creaked open. Phillip, who was half asleep, snapped his eyes open, the sudden sound avoking newfound curiosity, he gave his full attention to the two figures in the doorway. It was a nurse- and Sheperd.

He looked fine, no ounce of regret, no softness in his features to show he messed up- the kohl on his eyes only highlighted the sharpness of his gaze. A tight coil in Graves chest tightened, just the sight of him- all high and mighty, no remorse for all the lives his so-called 'operations' cost, made every drop of his blood boil. Like molten lava, bubbling and waiting to burst.

Phillip clenches his jaw so much that he can feel his teeth squeak. Sheperd tips his head slightly, taking a few steps forward until he's at the foot of the bed. If Phillip hadn't been bedridden for days he would have jumped up on him right now and punched that fucker right in the face.

The men remain silent as the nurse goes to the beside, rumaging through a tray full of medical tools and equipment. Sheperd looks down at Phillip, a sorry sight. An eery, serene stare that send chills down Graves body. "You look like shit, Commander."

That's the first sentence he spoke to him in over weeks.

"I can't imagine why," He'd quip back, venom radiating from his tone. Sheperd gave him so much as a glare, crossing his arms.

The nurse approached Phillip with his daily needle of pain killers, and disinfected his arm with a cotton pad before injecting a needle into his arm, right into a vein, a light hiss escaping his lips.

"Where the hell have you been?" He asked Sheperd, narrowing his eyes. He thought he'd like some company or atleast someone to talk to after all that time alone but he's already irritated by his presence.

"I've had work to do, it seems to have piled up when someone fucked up the past few operations," Those words sliced into Graves heart sharper and more precise than any blade. He was only following orders. Orders from him.

His jaw couldn't have gotten any more tense and he balled his fists, his white-knuckle grip digging half moon crescents into his palms. 

"I gave everything I had, everything, and you blame me?!" His voice faltered, and he swore he saw something in Sheperds expression, his nostrils flared, a manic look in his dark eyes. Usually Sheperd was more of a private person. More shielded and not as easy to read. A poker face always plastered on. Now he had something more easily identifiable—more of a primal feeling, something hostile.

Theres silence, layers of thick tension.

"...I thank you, for that.." Sheperds voice is disturbingly passive, his tone is calm compared to his incensed body language. Two conflicting feelings are giving mixed signals to Phillip.

"—But you are no use to me anymore."

"What?" His voice was unfamilarly quiet, almost forgien to his ears.

"You served your purpose, quite poorly. But

that's beside the point. You're useless to me now."

His breath left his lungs as though he had been sucker-punched. Phillip feels like his gut had been ripped open, he was used.

He couldn't be serious.

Why would he do this? He proved himself practical multiple times, maybe having a few slip ups but he always tried his best to fix them. It painted his usual black and white world, red. There was a strain on his chest that persists even as he pushed it down, a cold shiver shocks through his body as he tries to defend himself to the best of his ability.

"I'm... I'm not.."

"And by the looks of it, you're just another loose end to tie up." Sheperd interupts sharply with a small shrug of his shoulders.

The anger Phillip felt was watered down, diluted into heartache. The person he thought he could trust the most, had betrayed him.

"I can still—"

"No. No you can't. You've had enough chances." He breathed out a sickening chuckle.

Phillips breath seemed to be caught, like he was choking. He didn't know what was happening, he went wide eyed with panic. His eyes went to the nurse for help, but she only stood back and watched.

"I told you, you're only another loose end to tie up."

It was horrible. He had no choice but to watch the two as his head was hung down low and his skin was as cold as ice. He didn't even know if he was still breathing. The room was quiet once again this time only for the sounds of a mix between gagging and coughing. He struggled, until his body goes limp, he lies flat on his back, and stares at the white ceiling. The ceiling seemed to spin in circles and a deafening buzz rung out in his ears.

"Pathetic."

Phillip Graves knew he would die, slow and painful, it was only a matter of time. Only a matter of wounds that had yet to scar over. It was always coming

He believed- knew that he would die alone. Just as he deserved— charred and broken by his past. Trust was a risk, and Phillip took it like a fool. And now here he was, alone again, burned and betrayed once more.

[angie-likes-to-art]

Fic Recs (9.25.21)

I wanted to share my favorite series/ one shots while I work on my own, please show some love to these amazing writers! These are in no particular order, some are older, others are more recent, all are amazingly well written. Previous Fic Rec

Method Acting (Series, Ongoing) by @kinanabinks (18+ Only)

Pairing: Frat!Steve x Reader Summary: “frat!steve and y/n are close friends, but the lines are starting to blur. if that isn’t confusing enough, enter beryl; a girl who’s hell-bent on making steve rogers hers, no matter what it takes.”

Couldn’t Be Me (Series, Ongoing) by @drunken-imagines

Pairing: College/ Fuck Boy!Bucky x Reader Summary: “college boy bucky”

Locked Out by @kayteewritessteve

Pairing: Firefighter!Steve x Reader Summary: “A much needed trip to the laundry room takes a turn for the worse when you realize you’ve locked yourself out of your apartment. The next move you make doesn’t play out quite like you’d hoped and ends up turning south, and fast. But, your luck starts to change when a neighbour finds you in a rather compromising position and offers his help.”

Astrophile (Series, Completed) by god herself @all1e23

Pairing: Firefighter/ Single Dad!Bucky x Bookstore Owner!Reader Summary: “Orion Rebecca Barnes's favorite thing in the whole world (besides her daddy of course) is spending hours after school in the bookstore by her house and the owner GIVES her any book she wants; she’s the coolest girl Orion has ever met. It doesn't take long for Bucky to notice his daughter’s sudden interest in constellations and the large stack of astrology related books piling up in her room. He’s spent her entire life trying to teach her about the stars and where her name came from with little interest from his little comet and all of sudden she’s in love. All thanks to the girl who owns the bookstore?”

Saving Grace (Series, Completed) by @revengingbarnes (18+ Only)

Pairing: Demon!Bucky x Angel!Reader Summary: “The reader loses her grace, loses everything she has ever known, and is cast down to Earth. Bucky is the demon who loves causing chaos in little human minds. What does he do when he happens upon a broken angel?”

2 Night Stand (Series, Ongoing) by @james-bucky-barnackle (18+ Only)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader Summary: “You found yourself at a club drinking away to forget about the stress of your shitty job as the assistant of the biggest Editor in New York, you end up hooking up with the man of your dreams only to wake up to a nightmare when you find out he’s the son of your boss.”

A Touch of Ink (Series, Completed) by @deamstellarus

Pairing: Single Dad/ Tattoo Artist!Bucky x Reader Summary: “After a breakup with your ex, you decided to move to the small town where your long-time friend Sam lives, hoping for a change of pace and starting a new chapter in your life. You were prepared for a slower paced lifestyle, quaint diners, and a change of scenery. However, you didn't expect to be swept off your feet by two stunning pairs of blue-grey eyes.”

Burn The Witch (Series, Completed) by @dreamwritesimagines (18+ Only?)

Pairing: Bucky x Spy!Reader Summary: “The mission was simple; get closer to the Winter Soldier and start a relationship with him to get the necessary information for your superiors to use. Everyone told you not to get your feelings involved. You should have listened.”

Real or Fake? By @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo

Pairing: Bucky x Reader Summary: “Nat and Steve try to set you and Bucky up by sending the two of you to be a fake couple on an undercover mission at a fancy gala. Will you two still be pretending by the end of the night?”

Blink Twice (Series, Ongoing) By @simmerandwrite

Pairing: Bucky x Reader Summary: “It was just an undetermined amount of time in a safehouse with a stranger: Bucky “I didn’t come here to make friends” Barnes himself. Would it really be all that different from your lonely life with your cat in the city? Bucky was basically a cat, anyway. He was quiet on his feet, only really made noise when it was dinner time, and you both seemed to just coexist without acknowledging each other. His mandate was to keep you safe. What could go wrong?”

The Stray By @bombsonboard

Pairing: Bucky x Reader Summary: “You make it a habit to feed the stray behind your building. Turns out someone else had the same idea, sickly meet cute ensues”

The Match (Series, Ongoing) By @babyboibucky (18+ Only)

Pairing: CEO!Bucky x Reader Summary: “You come across your boss’ Tinder profile.”

Untitled By @angrythingstarlight

Pairing: Construction Worker!Bucky x Reader Summary: “Beefy construction worker Bucky asking you out.”

The Boxer Next Door By @clints-lucky-arrow

Pairing: 1940’s Boxer!Bucky x Nurse!Reader Summary: “You haven't yet had the chance to introduce yourself to the group of young men who have moved in next door. Especially the handsome one who owns the bedroom window that faces your own. However, on a busy night working in the hospital's emergency room, that chance unexpectedly presents itself.”

Mel’s Cafe By @riverevelations

Pairing: Bucky x Reader Summary: “when a new dark-haired beauty makes his way into your daily life, he becomes the muse for your art. eventually, he becomes the muse for your feelings, as well.”

[starstruckunknown-princess]

Recovery

Pairing: Remus Lupin x F!OC (Hadley, featuring Poly!Wolfstar)

Warnings: Polyamory, mentions of physical pain and illness/fatigue

Word Count: 838

Summary: After a particularly rough full moon, Remus needs the two things that will help him heal most -- hot chocolate and snuggles from someone he loves.

A/N: Fluffcember Day 8, I hope you all like it!

Sirius called Hadley; he had to leave on a mission for the Order and last night’s full moon was particularly rough on Remus, with it being the longest night of the year. Sirius had done the best he could to help his boyfriend’s recovery, but time was running short. He had to meet Kingsley Shacklebolt all the way across London in forty minutes. So he called in backup.

She arrived shortly after Sirius left and let herself into the flat. “Remy?” she called, only receiving a groan from the bedroom in response. She set to work right away, emptying her bag onto the kitchen counter before finding a pot and pouring in the milk she brought. Lighting the stove with her wand, Hadley made her way toward the bedroom.

It was dark, the only light creeping in from around the blackout curtain on the window on the opposite wall. The room smelled of wet dogs due to its two inhabitants and their activities last night, romping through the freshly fallen snow. On the bed, a large pile of blankets and sodden clothing moved as Remus shuffled around to look at her.

He breathed out her name, as if her presence alone was sweet relief. A pale, lanky forearm stretched out from under the pile and she cradled it in her own. She traced over the lines on his palm, down each one of his fingers and planted kisses at the tips of each one.

“How are you, love?” she asked, crouching down to his eye level and holding his hand against her chest.

“Fucking wretched,” he grunted, voice muffled slightly from the blanket draped over half his face.

“Any new cuts? Bruises?”

“Naw, Sirius patched me up ‘fore he left.”

She nodded and placed a gentle kiss on the back of his hand over one of his scars. “I’ll be right back.”

The milk on the stove was at the perfect temperature when she made her way back to the kitchen. She fixed up two mugs of hot chocolate and made sure they were well mixed, then cast a warming charm over them. Making her way back to the bedroom, she put one mug on Remus’s nightstand and the other on Sirius’s before she crawled into the other side of the bed, scooting as close to Remus as she could get. 

When he felt her weight dipping the other side of the mattress he flipped over, the blanket mound nearly toppling onto her. Hadley shuffled under it, seeking the feel of his skin. He sought her out as well and they met in the middle, his arms winding around her shoulders and hers around his waist, keeping her touch as gentle as possible. He was sensitive after a transformation but also needed to know that he was cared for, that he was loved. A physical reminder of those things helped speed his healing, hence the cuddling.

“Will Sirius be gone for Christmas?” she asked quietly. His eyes were closed tight, fighting against the pain that had dulled from a ferocious roar to a low growl with her presence. Still it radiated through his bones and muscles, the familiar, detestable ache of lycanthropy.

“He said he should be back by then,” he answered, “but who knows these days.” 

“Shh,” she soothed, “Don’t talk like that. We both know he will do everything he can to get back to you…back to us.”

The last few months she had spent more nights at their flat than her own, often ending with the three of them tangled together on the very bed she and Remus lay on now. The three of them hadn’t talked about it in depth, but they were all three in love. They had been since their last year at Hogwarts, after a drunken experiment in the Room of Requirement. 

“I know…I just worry.”

“There’s hot chocolate on the nightstand. It’ll make you feel better.” She was moving to reach it before she finished her sentence, knowing he was too weak and tired to reach for it himself. Slowly, she helped him sip from the mug. The creases between his brow eased at the taste, his body relaxing slightly.

“Mmm, perfect as ever,” he praised, raising his hand to stroke her cheek. She leaned into the touch but put the hot chocolate back and snuggled back down into the blankets with him. Leaning back, she encouraged him to rest his head on her chest while she wrapped an arm around his shoulders. His arm draped over his stomach and his legs entwined with hers. With a comforted sigh, he closed his eyes while she stroked his messy hair in order to lull him to sleep.

When Sirius came back later that day — the mission hadn’t taken nearly as long as originally thought — he found the two loves of his life cuddled on their bed. His heart swelled with love and he thought about joining them, but instead decided to clean up the cold mugs of cocoa and start dinner.

[erodasfishtacos]

harry adores yn with his entire being and i can tell that she loves him just as much but the poor thing is just so scared, and by what you have showed us she has a fair reason to have struggles

Through Hell and Back

warnings: cheating, mentions of domestic violence, this could just be overall triggering if you have experienced trauma or family struggles.

this is a very important blurb to understand dynamic and history of the characters.

PLEASE let me know your thoughts.

—

Harry’s out at a bachelor party for his friend, Jack, at a noisy bar downtown where there is a mechanical bull and half-naked waitresses.

His phone rings at two-thirty in the morning, he already knows who it is and why she’s calling him so late.

He steps outside the noisy bar, “Hi puppy, y’alright?”

Harry already knew she wasn’t.

Her voice is shaky, “Er, are you still out at the bachelor party?”

If he says yes, she’ll just try to say have fun and was just calling to check in - a lie because she felt like such an inconvenience at all times.

“No, just got home,” He lied smoothly, he could hear her trying to hide a sniffle - she must have had a bad dream.

Every since she started trauma therapy, they’d been getting worse, as she worked through her struggles with a therapist.

—

“I-I don’t want to g-go in,” YN whimpers as she sits in Harry’s passenger side outside the clinic, “I can’t talk about it.”

“Baby, you need to do this. You need to talk to someone who’s trained to help you, okay? You promised you’d try it f’me,” He hums, rubbing a thumb over her wet cheekbone.

She shakes her head stubbornly, “It’s all going to come back.”

“Yes, it will. Because you didn’t work through it, you repressed it. There is a difference, okay?” Harry’s heart feels like it’s being ripped in two as YN looks like a caged animal.

YN squeezes Harry’s hand so hard it hurts but he doesn’t mind, he can feel her fear being shared through the rough touch.

She wipes her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater, “Please, H. I don’t want to remember.”

He sighs softly, “I would never force you to do something you don’t want to do. If you really want to leave, we can.”

YN searches his eyes, sees his sadness and she knows she has to push through because she loves him so much, “Will you walk me in?”

“Of course, s’fucking proud of you. My strong girl,” Harry praises, kissing the top of her head, and shutting off the car.

He walks her in, watches her as she hesitantly goes back in with her new therapist, and sits in the waiting room for the hour and a half until she comes out.

He does that every week without miss.

Drives her, walks her in, sits in the waiting room, and then drives her home.

She doesn’t usually talk much after the sessions, her eyes swollen and puffy which is a telltale sign she cried during the appointment.

Harry holds her hand on the ride home, sometimes draws her a bath or tucks her in for a nap under his covers.

One day, after therapy, they crawled into his bed together. She hadn’t said one word since she walked out of the office but she looks tiredly at Harry.

“Why?”

Harry frowns, “Why what?”

She hides her face into the fluffy pillow, words mumbled, “Why do you want me? I’m so broken.”

“Hey,” Harry responds loudly, pulling her up and giving her a serious look, “You are not broken. Even if you were, I’d love every broken piece, okay? I want you because I’m so in love with you it doesn’t make sense.”

YN shakes her head, “I don’t deserve you. You-you have to drive me to therapy every week, leave work early, have to make it up the next day.”

And well, his heart breaks a little because she truly believes that.

Harry grips her jaw, gently, “If you need to go to therapy for the rest of your life, I’ll drive you until I’m ninety. I’ll drive you five days a week if you need it.”

He continues,“I don’t deserve you, sweet girl. Strongest, bravest, most resilient person I’ve ever met. You are my soulmate and I believe that wholeheartedly.”

“I want to nap now,” She whispers, crawling back into her shell where she’s safe from the world, from facing her fears.

Harry just stares at her, the girl he’s had a crush on since fourth grade, the girl he’d been in love with since ninth.

When she felt broken, well so did he.

—

“Mum, I want to do more for her,” Harry cries to his mother one night at dinner after school.

“I know you do, Harry. There is only so much you can do. She has parents tha-“

“Those aren’t parents, mum! You know that!” He shouts angrily, “I need to do more for her. Help her!”

Anne looks at him with a soft, understanding expression, “You’re doing all you can, Harry.”

—

He was still doing all he can.

“I wa-was wondering if you wanted to come over and watch a movie?” YN acts casual despite the tremor but he won’t call her on it - on the phone at least.

“I’d love to pup, I’ll be over on a tick,” already walking away from the busy bar.

Harry can hear the relief in her voice when she says, “Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

When he uses his key to open the door, she sat on her couch with all the lights in the house on, not one off.

“Oh, pet,” Harry murmurs, all the blinds were drawn shut and he knew she’d already triple checked that the windows were locked - despite the state of the art security system he had installed for her.

“Um, so are we feeling a scary movie or romcom?” She ignores his words, picking up the remote, and pulling up Netflix.

He flicks a couple of the bright lights off until it’s normal dim and he sits next to her on the couch, taking the remote and turning off the television.

“Talk t’me,” Harry coaxes, unraveling her from the heavy weighted blanket, and tugging her into his chest.

“M’fine,” YN lies on a choked whimper.

“Y’safe, you know I’d never let anythin’ happen to you . Please puppy, tell me,” He’s not to manly to beg for her to open up.

He allows her to nuzzle her face into his neck, “He cam-came back an-and he -,” her voice drops, “broke in here and I wo-woke up as he was opening my door.”

Harry holds her for a very long time that night.

-

With Harry and her therapist’s constant encouragement she’d been able to be more open and up front with Harry - which made him feel unexaplainably proud of her.

Anna almost fucked everything up, all the hard work without even realizing it.

It was nearly three in the morning this time.

Harry was stuck at Anna’s house with her and her friends for a movie night.

He’d gotten up to go to the bathroom when his phone rings.

Anna sees who it is and picks it up, “What do you want? Harry’s busy and doesn’t have time for you right now. You know it’s not all about you, right?”

Then she hangs up, all of her and her friends giggling at how she just treated YN.

Harry is unaware of the call for a few minutes when he gets back until he gets a text from YN.

I’m sorry I bothered you. I am okay. Have fun tonight x

He scrolls through his phone in confusion until he sees the call, he glares over at Anna, “Did you answer my phone?”

She has a cocky look on her face, “Yeah, I told YN that the world doesn’t revolve around her and to leave us alone.”

All the friends are giggling - but that comes to an abrupt halt when Harry stands up, knocking over the little table of drinks with his anger, “Where the fuck did you get the idea that you could touch my phone, let alone answer it?”

All of them are quiet.

He scoffs, “Now all you annoying prats are going shut up? Get the fuck out of my way,” he orders to Anna who’s pouting.

“C’mon, it was a joke. Don’t leave,” She whines, grabbing at Harry’s arm which he instantly rips out of her grip.

“Don’t touch me. I can’t fuckin’ stand you,” He tells her honestly before storming out of her house without a look back at her teary face.

-

When he arrives at YN’s house, a book is automatically been hurled at the front door when he opens it, then another.

“Hey, puppy, stop tha’. S’just me, you’re okay. S’just me,” He coos, rearming the security system to make her feel better.

She is only in one of his shirts with the company logo on it and soft cotton boy shorts, hair frizzy atop her head.

“Y’have another nightmare?” Harry asks softly, all the lights were on again, every single one.

YN clenches her jaw, “No.”

He hardens his expression too, “I was in the bathroom when she answered that call. As soon as I found out, I came over here. Don’t be sour with me.”

“I didn’t have a nightmare.”

“I know y’bloody lying because your legs are still tremblin’. Now cut the bullshit and talk t’me, we’re not going backwards,” Harry tells her seriously, with all firmness he can muster.

“I love you.”

It takes him aback. YN told him how much she adored him but it was something that didn’t come easy for her.

To hear it flat out, well….he nearly almost melted on the floor into a pile of goop.

“I love you too, puppy.”

She takes a deep breathe, “It’s been that same nightmare, but it’s not really a nightmare? It’s a flashback to…”

YN swallows before she continues, “Remember when….when I ran from my parent’s house to yours and my dad came and found me…”

Harry doesn’t want to remember but he does.

—-

“Harry, he-he just pulled up,” YN cries, peeking out his window, “I don’t want to go home.”

“Harry, he’s screaming at your mum. I have to go.”

“Harry, I have to go before he does something stupid. I’ll be okay, I promise.”

“Harry, don’t cry. I’ll be fine, he’s just really upset. I’ll just deal with it and it will be over before we know it, okay?”

——

“I remember,” He wavers like he normally doesn’t, feeling like a helpless sixteen year old again.

It was moments like this were no matter how hard he wanted to be angry or scream at her for making their relationship so difficult, that he couldn’t be.

How could he blame her for her commitment issues?

Why she struggles to trust?

Why she never feels good enough?

“I’m sorry to bring that up-“

“Do not apologize,” Harry interrupts, “I want to know everything you experience or feel no matter how traumatic or upsetting.”

YN despite her own struggles, when she heard Harry say things like that…well she knew full heartedly that he loves her with no conditions.

She knew this was so hard on him, “I am so in love with you, H.”

His eyes automatically soften and he reacts like he’s being praised. His face lights up without him even knowing it does.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen, thank you for being my person. I appreciate everything you do for me.”

It was something she had been also working on in therapy, expressing gratitude- specifically to Harry.

And it works because Harry actually starts tearing up, eyes watering with emotion, “I love you. I’d walk through hell and back for you.”

He would and he has.

[lacontroller1991]

Burnt Skies (Rick Flag x Fem!Reader)

@h-hxgirl​

Requested by Anon: Saw this captain boomerang fanfic where he finds she's pregnant while they're on mission, I was wondering if you could maybe do something similar for Rick

Author's Note: He would be so protective of the reader fr fr, also this is gonna be angst angst angst so just beware

Warning: Death, pregnancy, language, blood, major character death, spoilers

“Hey (Y/N), you ready to go?” Rick’s voice echoed through the room before he halted, seeing you on the floor, head in the toilet.

“Yeah, give me a minute,” you replied weakly, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand and flushing the toilet.

“Are you sure? Are you feeling alright?” He asked, rubbing your back as you looked up at him with a small smile.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ll meet you there,” nodding his head, he walked out the door with guns strapped to his body on his tac vest. Looking at your reflection, you noticed a slight greenish tint to your face. Ignoring the wave of nausea, you made your way out of the base and to the plane. Walking up the ramp, you took a seat next to Rick who looked at you with concern in his brown eyes.

“Baby, maybe you should sit this one out. You aren’t looking too hot,” he whispered in your ear as you brushed the notion off. After all, you did have a really bad gut feeling about this mission.

“I’m here. I’m going,” you stated firmly as he looked you over one more time before shrugging his shoulders, knowing it was of no use to argue with you.

----------

The plane ride was hell. With the criminals being loud and Harley’s non stop chatter accompanying your periodic bouts of nausea, you were ready to get the hell off of the plane and right into combat.

“Alright guy, get ready to drop,” Rick shouted as the cargo door opened to reveal water beneath you. Once he gave the signal, you jumped into the cool water and began to swim your way to the mainland, waiting for the rest of the team to catch up to you. After everyone, save for the Weasel, had made it to the shore, you glanced over to your boyfriend who was laying next to Harley.

“Hey guys, it’s me. I’m the guy who called you and I brought my friends,” Blackguard shouted into the open, raising his hands while ignoring the shouts coming from the rest of the team and your boyfriend, Waller’s distant cursing ringing in your ear. Next thing you know, there was gunfire in every direction and things went to chaos. You quickly sought shelter behind a rock and shot off a few rounds into the woods, hoping to take down some of the Corto Maltese soldiers. “(Y/N), watch out,” Rick shouted at you as you turned to see what he was talking about, but it was too late before a large piece of debris from one of the trees knocked you out cold.

You woke up to machines attached to your body. Feeling the bile rise in your throat, you tried to get out of the restraints and look for a place to dump the contents of your stomach. Suddenly a pan was placed in front of you and that was all you needed to release the bile. Groaning at the light, you looked around the room and was surprised to see a cleanish room which plenty of nurses occupied.

“Ah good, you’re awake,” a voice commented as a rough hand pulled your head back, forcing you to look up at one of the generals you were tasked to take out.

“What the hell are you doing to me?” You asked, squirming your body against the bed, trying to loosen some of the restraints.

“Mi amore, we are treating you. Seems you have caught a parasite,” he replied before summoning the nurse over to you, carrying a plate of food and some juice, “you’re government must really be struggling if they’re sending pregnant women into the field,” he mentioned as your blood ran cold.

“That’s impossible,” muttering to yourself, your head went fuzzy at the concept of you being pregnant. With Rick’s kid.

“On the contrary, when we brought in your friend and you, we noticed certain things,” motioning down to your stomach only brought awareness to the fact that you were practically naked in a room full of the enemy.

“Let me go,” you pleaded, pulling your arms as much as you could.

“I think not,” he replied before nodding to one of the nurses who moved to turn on a machine and attach it to your head. Screams of agony soon left your lips, blocking out the sudden spurts of gunfire in the halls.

----------

Harley laughed maniacally as she gunned down multiple soldiers, enjoying the way they were dropping to the floor. She needed to get out of there. She needed to find the others. After the last one dropped to the floor, she moved toward the door before hearing a piercing scream echo down the hallway.

“Sounds like someone’s having fun,” she ran her tongue against her teeth before skipping toward the scream. Slamming open the door, she raised the guns in her hand, ready to fire, until she saw you laying on the table surrounded by nurses.

“No one messes with Flag’s girl,” she muttered to herself before unloading the magazine in the room. All of the nurses slinked to the ground, covered in a pool of their own blood. Rushing over to you, Harley unstrapped the restraints and head piece before taking out the IV and looked for your clothes.

“Where the hell are ya clothes?” She asked, searching high and low before she found a bag filled with your bloody uniform. Helping you sit up, she noted the way you looked super frail but practically glowing at the same time.

“Harley,” you whispered out to her before passing out on her shoulder. “Awww, this would be really cute if not for the circumstances,” she stated out loud to herself, peering out of the window and seeing a guy in a helmet run across the street with Flag. Wait a minute, Flag! Running out the door, she ran around the corner before stopping in front of the two men.

“Hiya guys! What’s up?”

“We’re here to save you, is (Y/N) with you?” Rick asked with hope in his voice as Harley nodded, wrapping pale fingers around his wrist and dragging him back inside and through the pile of bodies she had claimed. At the sight of you, Rick ran to your side and hugged your limp body.

“What’s wrong with her?” He asked, fighting the tears that were beginning to surface.

“Don’t worry puddin’, she’s just asleep,” shrugging her shoulders, she left the room as you stirred, fluttering your eyes open.

“Rick?” You questioned as he rapidly nodded his head, placing kisses all along your face.

“Thank God you’re ok. I thought I lost you.”

“Rick, the doctors found something,” memories of the conversation you had moments ago replayed in your brain. You’re pregnant.

“I’m pregnant,” you whispered, mind still not comprehending the fact that you were pregnant. After all, you had been infertile most of your life. Avoiding his gaze, you waited for his response.

“How?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m going to be a dad,” he whispered, causing your head to snap up and see a smile play against his face.

“You want this? I don’t know if it’ll carry to term. You know that I’m infertile.” Placing his lips against yours, he pulled you into his arms, hugging you as close as he could to his body. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you kissed back before a throat clearing interrupted you.

“This is sweet and all, but we have a fucking monster to kill,” DuBois stated as you looked up at Rick who smiled.

“Stay here, I’ll come back and get you.”

“I’m not leaving your side,” you replied as he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“You’re pregnant. No way in living hell am I gonna allow you to do this. You’ll stay here and that’s an order,” you and he both hated when he had to pull his rank, but you realized it was necessary in cases like this.

“Just come back to me,” pulling his lips down against yours for what feels like the last time, you encoded this moment into your brain, remembering the way he tasted.

“For you? Always.”

----------

He should’ve known you were going to follow them into Jotunheim. Not only were you stubborn, but you still had that nagging feeling that something was going to happen. Sneaking past the military, you found a window and busted it open with your elbow before entering the building. Landing with a soft thud, you looked around the room and noticed Peacemaker going down a dark tunnel. Running after him, you made sure to stay hidden by the numerous pillars. Peering around the corner, you saw Ratcatcher standing next to Rick, however Peacemaker was pointing a gun at Rick.

“Nobody is saying what they did was right,” Peacemaker stated, hand unwavering.

“They experimented on children!” Rick yelled as more explosions went off in the distance.

“That information gets out and it causes an international incident. Keeping the peace is worth any price, including the life of a hero like yours, sir, so please. Don’t make me do this,” your stomach churned. You knew that Captain America wannabe was no good, and now your love might just pay the price. Suddenly, rocks collapsed all around you, obscuring your view of Rick and Peacemaker.

“No,” you whispered to yourself, picking up rocks and trying to make a hole for you to get your body through. Your efforts became faster the more you heard the two men grunting. After successfully digging a hole big enough for you, you crawled through as you heard something like porcelain shatter and choking.

“You mother fucker,” Rick stated through gritted teeth as you watched in slow motion, Peacemaker’s hand grasping a large shard.

“Rick!” You shouted out before tackling him off Christopher’s body, not getting out of the way soon enough as Peacemaker lodged the porcelain into your lower abdomen. “No!” Rick shouted as Peacemaker threw you off. In the distance somewhere, you heard a gun go off before hands wrapped around your body. “(Y/N)? (Y/N)?” Rick called to you but you couldn’t hear him, your mind venturing off.

----------

The sun lit your face through the blinds, dancing in your eyes and creating a multitude of hues, a warm body pressed against you.

“Morning sweetheart,” voice deep from slumber, Rick rubbed his eyes as he let out a yawn. Stretching in bed before your 5 year old daughter came running into the room.

“Mommy, daddy. It’s Christmas!” She squealed excitedly, waking up the baby that was next door.

“Yeah it is baby, you excited for your presents?” You asked as she rapidly nodded while Rick slid out of the bed.

“I’ll go grab little Digger,” he commented, kissing your forehead and your daughter’s head. Getting up, you went to grab a coffee before the doorbell rang. Moving to open it, you saw Harley’s painted face waiting for you with Nanaue, Cleo, Robert and Abner carrying presents.

“Merry Christmas dollface,” she exclaimed, pulling you in for a hug before running off to see her god daughter.

“Come in guys,” you motioned for them to enter as Rick rounded the corner, your 10 month old in his arms.

“So this is the little guy, huh?” Cleo asked as Sebastian waved a hand at the newborn, earning giggles from the baby.

“Yep, Digger Anthony Flag, meet your family,” Rick lifted up the baby’s arm, making him wave to everyone.

“I’m proud of you guys,” Robert commented, slapping a hand on Rick’s back as everyone shuffled into the living room, Nanaue taking up most of the space.

“Thanks man, it wouldn't have happened without you.”

“Alright, everyone ready for presents?” You asked the room with Harley by your side, Harleen in her arms. Rick placed Digger in Cleo’s arms before walking up to you and bringing you into his side.

“I love you, Mrs. Flag.”

“And I you, Mr. Flag.”

----------

Groaning, you felt an excruciating pain in your abdomen and a feeling of loss?

“(Y/N), baby, you’re awake,” his tired voice resonated in your ear as he leaned down to kiss your forehead, his hand not leaving yours.

“I feel like I got hit by a truck,” you commented as he sniffled, trying to suppress the tears that threatened to escape.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he noted, petting your hair and placing another kiss on your forehead.

“And leave our kid without a father? I don’t think...”, realization dawned on you at that moment. The sudden feeling of loss and the pain in that general area washed over you as you began crying. “Oh God, the baby is gone, isn’t it?” You asked through tears as he let a couple slip down his face, nodding and trying to smile through the pain. Choking back a sob, you turned your face away from him as tears continued to fall.

“Hey, look at me,” he whispered, squeezing your hand. Shaking your head, you refused to meet his hazel eyes, “(Y/N), look at me.” Turning your head, your eyes locked onto his as he continued to smooth down your hair.

“We’re alive. We’re both alive. That’s all that matters,” he replied, crawling into the hospital bed with you and pulling you against his chest as you cried into his shirt.

“What if I never get pregnant again?”

“We will. I’ll make sure of it. I’m done with the fucking task force. Waller can find someone else to puppet. But I’m done. You’re done. We’re gonna get married and have a nice house. I’ll get a new job and we’ll figure it out. I promise.” Kissing the top of your head, he wrapped his arms around you as you calmed down.

“I love you,” you whispered against his chest as he hugged you closer.

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

Author’s Note: Well this was way longer than I intended it to be. But hope you enjoy!!

[the-iceni-bitch]

I Long to Be

Pairing: Mr Freezy x hit woman!reader (kitten), Officer Bill x hit woman!reader (PG only for now)

Words: ~2.1k

Summary: Your new dynamic has Bobby ready to explode.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (fingering, over the pants hand job, dry humping, mentions of oral and penetrative sex), emotional manipulation, reader is a massive bitch, slightly subby Bobby (what?!?!), cheating adjacent, domestic violence as foreplay, inappropriate behavior at a funeral, gossipy neighbors, SMUT!!!! 18+ ONLY!!!

A/N: This is mostly just setting the stage for the next arc I’m gonna do with our murderers but whoo boy are you sluts in for a treat! Sorry for inflicting the stache on you, but I’m just gonna lean into it.

I am no longer doing taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!!!

You moaned softly when Bobby pulled you back against his chest, the hand that wasn’t digging into your tit buried knuckle deep in your cunt from behind as he stroked your walls slowly.

“No marks.” You ordered when you felt his teeth scrape over your pulse, ignoring the snarl he shot you through the mirror before settling for licking a thick stripe up the side of your neck. “Don’t fucking pout at me, pretty sure even those dumb fucks out there would notice if I walked out there with a hickey. Control yourself.”

“You need to quit being a fucking bitch.” He growled when you squeezed his cock before starting to stroke it through his slacks again. “It’s been five days, if I don’t feel that warm snatch wrapped around me soon, I’m gonna fucking kill someone.”

“Then you’ll just have to wait even longer, Bobby. I told you, we’re gonna drill some fucking self control into you.” You rolled your hips into his hand when his palm ground into your clit, dropping your head back against his shoulder and purring when you felt his cock throbbing under your palm. “Plus, I’m still pissed at you for the unbelievable pile of bull shit I had to dig you out of.”

“But… fuck, kitten.” He buried his face in your hair to cover his groan when you squeezed him again, bucking his hips into your grip and tugging softly at your nipple as you brought him towards his peak. “I fucking need it. You can just suck on the tip a little, just tide me over, I’m fucking dying.”

“You’re fucking dramatic, I’m still letting you come, so quit being a bitch.” You felt warmth bloom under your hand and smirked at him, your pussy sucking on his fingers as he started fucking them into you harder until you came with a broken sob.

“You goddamn cunt.” He looked furious when you pulled away from him, growling when you wrenched out of his grip to straighten your dress out. “I swear to god, you keep fucking holding out on me and I’m gonna split you in half in front of those cunts until you’re bleeding and begging me to stop.”

“No you’re not.” You shoved your tits back into your dress and did up the buttons. “You’re gonna play the grieving husband and father for as long as I tell you, and once I feel like the fucking heat has died down enough, maybe then you can get your dick wet. But until that happens, you’ll just have to settle for hands and dry humping. Now shut up and try to look wrecked.”

He didn’t have to try, he was wrecked. Dealing with your constant teasing without being able to actually fuck you had him feeling like his nerves were frayed to the limit, and topping that off with having to play the tormented widower was testing the self control you were adamant he exercise. There hadn’t even been any jobs for him to redirect his pent up rage, so he was stuck settling for furiously jerking himself every night as he longed for your perfect, warm cunt.

You gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder before opening the door and heading back out to the wake, not bothering to fix your face as it fit the narrative that Bobby had been comforting you while you cried yourself out. With how haggard he was, your stupid cunt neighbors had no problem accepting when you told them that you and Bobby had been supporting each other through this tough time. 

Bobby’s jaw was clenched tight as he stood at the edge of his living room, barely paying attention to the twats who kept coming up to him to tell him how sorry they were for his loss while he watched you act like the perfect grieving friend. You shot him a glare when he tried to move closer to you, hiding your smirk behind your drink and leaning against the wall when he accepted another unwanted embrace like a good little widower.

“Hi, Suzy?” You had to act quick to school your face when you turned and found the fucking cop who had flirted with you at the damn crime scene standing there, you had not expected to see him again.

“Officer Bill!” You caught Bobby start out of the corner of your eye, shooting him a glance to settle him before turning back to your surprising visitor. “Robert’s just over there, did you need to talk to him about something? I thought everything was closed.”

“It is, and please just call me Bill.” He gave you a nervous smile and stepped a little closer to you, fidgeting with his hands as he struggled with what to say to you. “I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about you and I know these things tend to put all the focus on the family but I wanted to make sure you were ok? Since she was your best friend, I’m sure things are hard.”

Oh shit. Your flirting had worked a little too well, this boy was sweet on you. It took some doing for you to fight the pleased smile that tried to spread across your face, especially when you caught Bobby glaring at you over the cop’s shoulder when the man reached and gave your arm a reassuring squeeze. 

“It’s been so hard.” You gave a small sob and could have laughed when he drew you into his chest, burying your face in the warm planes of muscle as he did his best to comfort you. “I feel so alone now. I’d usually talk to Mary about this, but now I have no one. Maybe I could talk to Robert but he’s suffering so much worse than me, I don’t want to burden him any more.”

“God, you’re so sweet, honey.” You managed to disguise your snort as another sob, pressing your body close to his and trying not to grin when he settled his hands at the small of your back, “You can talk to me, Suzy.”

“Bill, you just met me.” This was working out great for you; a dumb cop who was already wrapped around your finger and a new way to piss off Bobby, what could be better? “I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“Baby, no, never.” He gave you a soft smile when you lifted your head to meet his gaze, cupping your face in one massive palm and gently brushing his thumb over the curve of your cheek in an effort to soothe you. “I just wanna help, but we don’t have to do anything you don’t want, ok?”

“Okay.” You leaned into his cheek and sighed softly as you batted your eyelashes at him, it had been a while since you had played this game, but seems like you were still a fucking pro. “Thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure, darlin’.” You let him give your waist a squeeze before stepping back, your eyes finding Bobby’s and narrowing at the look of unbridled rage you found there until he was cowed. “There’s a little bakery near here if you wanna have some privacy.”

He nodded towards the gaggle of housewives that was watching you with interest while the rest of your neighbors started filtering home and you sighed, accepting his hand and letting him lead you towards the front door while you gave Bobby one more warning glance to keep him from doing something stupid. As soon as the door closed behind you the busybodies went crazy, whisper shouting at each other as they tried to keep some semblance of decorum while they packed up all the leftovers and helped Bobby clean up, or rather, did all the cleaning while Bobby started downing scorch like it was his job.

Thirty minutes later and he was finally alone, exhausted from all the unwanted hugs and sympathies he had to endure and wanting nothing more than to lose himself in you. But he couldn’t because you were still out with that fucking cop. He sulked in the chair at the front window, watching your house as he slowly drained the bottle of scotch and tried to keep himself from imagining what you might be doing with that fucker.

By the time the bastard’s car finally pulled up in front of your house an hour later, the bottle was empty, Bobby wallowing in a pool of self pity that he never would have admitted to and growling when he watched the officer help you out of the car and lead you to your front door with an arm around your waist. When he watched him give you a peck on the cheek he almost lost it, dropping the bottle and cursing when he heard it smash against the floor. At least you didn’t invite him inside, sending him on his way with a little wave before strolling into your house without a second glance. 

Bobby waited a few minutes after the cocksucker pulled away before storming over to your place, barely keeping himself together until he was able to knock on your front door. 

“Hey there, Bobby.” You gave him a wicked grin when you opened the door, stepping aside and letting him in. 

“The fucking cop?” He was itching to slap you, or maybe choke you, he was absolutely furious.

“Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.” You shoved him a little and snorted when he stumbled slightly. “Drunk again. What the fuck am I gonna do with you?”

“Fuck me.” He was so drunk he didn’t even care anymore, grabbing you by the back of your neck and dragging your face to his until his lips were devouring yours.

“Jesus, did I fucking break you, Bobby?” You chuckled when he growled in response and shoved you against the wall, grinding his hardened cock into your hip as he tried to wrap his hands around your throat. “No fucking marks! God, still haven’t learned, have you?”

Your slap sent him reeling, the only thing that kept him upright being your tight grip on his collar as you watched him with mock concern. He tried to snarl at you when you gripped his jaw in one hand, shaking his head with a demeaning tut before leaning forward to bite at his lips.

“You need to dump that fucking cop, kitten.” He purred into your mouth when you wound one leg around his hip and dragged him into you, letting him rock against you slowly with a low moan as his dick twitched in his pants.

“And you still need to fucking control yourself, instead of charging over to your single neighbor’s house like a bat out of hell right after your wife’s funeral when you know every fucking busybody in the neighborhood is gonna be watching us like a bunch of hawks.” You let him lift your other leg to wrap around him, pressing you into the wall and moaning into your neck as he ground right against your clit. “I’ll make you a deal Bobby; you manage to keep that temper of yours reined in and the neighbors off our backs for a whole month while I make that sweet, dumb cop fall in love with me, and I’ll let you do whatever he does to me, so you don’t combust.”

“You’re such a bitch.” His breath against your neck was desperate, the rhythm of his hips writhing against you growing frantic as you both neared your ends. “You let him fuck you and I don’t care, kitten, I’ll fucking kill him.”

“Aww, don’t worry baby, it’ll just be the tip.” You laughed when he snarled into your throat, forcing himself to pull back before he sank his teeth into you so you didn’t decide to torture him even more. “Look at you being so good, and I didn’t even mention your reward.”

“What is it?” Christ, you were just whipping men left and right today.

“Once I get that moron to give me his whole heart, I’ll let you help me break it.” He hit you at the perfect angle and you shuddered with bliss, your release soaking the front of his slacks as his own filled his briefs. “But in a way that keeps him wrapped around my little finger so we can use him if we need to.”

“Ugh, fuck. Fine.” He sighed defeatedly into your neck. “But if I haven’t had my dick sucked once by this time in two weeks, I’m getting a fucking toy.”

[whump-a-la-mode]

Could you do a story where the villain tries to break into the hero’s house but finds them barely conscious (broken ribs maybe) and they decide to help them? Idk if you’ve done smtg similar, sorry

Ooh, this is a fun one! There’s more story here than real caretaking, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Thank you so much for the prompt!

CW//Strong language, implied violence against children, injuries

When that week had begun, Villain would have been lying if they had said that kidnapping a hero was on the very top of their to-do list. In fact, it was so low on their list of priorities that was little more than a contingency plan. A vague idea. There were far more useful things they could do than stooping to the level of their adversaries and taking captives.

That had been at the start of the week, however. When Villain’s life wasn’t a complete disaster. They’d started their Monday morning with a cup of coffee and a pile of plans to carry out.

None of them had included staking out in the bushes outside the home of a particular Hero. But, here they were, stalking through undergrowth, picking up burrs on their clothes all the way.

Now, those plans had been tossed in the nearest wastepaper bin. This was of a far greater importance.

The heroes were cruel. No villain in the city would dispute that point. There was no level to which they would hesitate to stoop, from kidnapping to bioweaponry to manipulation.

But a child? A child should have been off limits. A child was innocent, far too young to be involved in the waged conflicts surrounding them. It was why Villain had never wanted a Sidekick in the first place. When the kid approached them, though, they knew that refusal wasn’t an option. The poor thing was washed up, on the brink of falling into a far worse world. In desperate need of a wing to be taken under.

Sidekick was just a kid. Villain was mentoring them, training them, nothing more. They could hardly fight, much less win any conflict they found themself thrown into. They were far more of a civilian than they were any sort of threat.

And the heroes had taken them. Driven up alongside them and tossed them into the back of a van. A kid, Villain’s kid, now sat in a cell somewhere, in hero custody. A child turned into a bargaining chip.

The only problem with that? Villain had nothing to offer in return. The heroes knew that full well. That was why they’d taken the kid in the damn first place.

They wanted Villain. Sidekick’s release in exchange for their imprisonment.

It was a deal that was simply untenable. As much as the idea of their own captivity horrified them, it would bring along with it another consequence: Sidekick would have no one to go to.

They simply couldn’t go along with it. They needed their own bargaining chip, their own cash in the pile.

Hero was going to be that chip.

In a way, to them, it was revenge as much as it was strategy. Hero was the only one of the heroes that Villain had ever truly interacted with. They were young as well, only a new inductee into the ranks of the protectors of the city. That meant, too, that they were weak.

It had been easier than Villain had expected, to find the home address of one of the city’s heroes. But, so it turned out, just about information could be bought and sold from any number of unscrupulous street characters-- for the right price, of course.

And, here they were. With heavy, clomping steps, they approached the back of Hero’s home. Their uniform and mask covered nearly every inch of their expression, blending them into the shadows and grass they moved through.

A few hours prior, they’d scouted out the building, making note of a second-story window that never seemed to lock quite right. Of course, most of the time, this wouldn’t be an issue-- no criminal would be bold enough to hook a ladder all the way up there.

But Villain didn’t need a ladder.

With a hop, skip, and a jump, solid ground disappeared from beneath them. It wasn’t flight, per se, but diving deeper into the logistics of levitation bored most. What mattered was that, to Villain, gravity was no deterrent.

Now at the height of the window, they hooked their fingers under it. They cringed as the frame let out a terrible screeching noise, their heart lunging between their lungs. Dammit, dammit, dammit!

But, from within the bedroom, there was no reaction; aside from a low, exhausted groan. Was Hero asleep? It certainly sounded like it. They supposed that that was why they had decided to make their attack in the middle of the night.

Gritting their teeth, Villain pushed the window open the rest of the way, siddling their body through and collapsing upon the crumbling carpet below.

Another groan.

“Mom?”

Villain stiffened as they scrambled to first their knees, then their feet. The bedroom was standard, in most ways. A bed, a dresser, a closet with a single broken, dangling from a single nail.

And a hero. Hero laid upon the bed, covers tossed off of their body and to the floor. One of their arms was folded so as to cover their eyes, all while yet another groan escaped their body.

As the villain approached the edge of the footrest, they could not help but taste the choking sensation of a trap. Had their accomplice sold them out? Had Hero seen them during their scouting mission? There was no way they had slept through all this!

But, this wasn’t sleep. No. Sleeping people did not twitch painfully in their unconsciousness.

They dared take a step closer, examining their incapacitated target. Their shirt had been pulled up, nearly to their chest, as though they had been desperately trying to cool themself down. Or... Or to relieve the pain of an injury.

From their naval to their chest, and likely beyond, though it was covered by their shirt, their skin had turned a deep, flushed, blue color. The edges of the bruises, in certain places, had even begun to turn sickly green and purple colors.

Villain knew broken ribs when they saw them. They knew for a fact that they were not the one to have inflicted these wounds. Hell, they hadn’t faced the hero in battle in nearly a month!

So who had?

When they had entered the home, they had had no thoughts in their mind besides those of their child. The hostage video the heroes had sent them, in which Sidekick shivered in a lonely, cold cell.

Now- Now they had two people to worry about. Certainly the heroes had their own doctors, didn’t they? No doctor worth their salt would leave a patient in this condition, especially not alone!

“Hey.” Villain’s stomped their foot. “Get up, you deft ass. I’m trying to kidnap you.”

Hero’s arm lazily flopped onto the bed as their eyes fluttered open.

Every muscle in their body tensed, making the bruises on their exposed stomach twist and flex.

“What the absolute- Villain?” They shifted, as though they were about to sit up-- but they did not. Instead, they lay only groaning on the bed. “Get out of my house, you piece of shit! Get out! You shouldn’t be here in the first place!”

Villain knew that voice like a ringtone. That undertone of terror, masked by layers and layers of fury, like a canine’s medication hidden in peanut butter.

“You’re beat up halfway to hell.”

“And you’re going to be if you don’t leave my house!”

The villain raised a brow, dropping their hands to the side.

“Go for it. I’ll give you a free shot, even.”

Hero narrowed their eyes, twitching once more on the bed, but moving no more than that.

“I said, hit me, you damn do-gooder.”

“I’m not stooping to your level.” Hero defended hastily.

“It seems more to me.” Villain placed one threatening hand upon the bed-- not touching their foe, but close enough. “Like you’re a bit stuck. Like your abdomen is so fucked that you can’t so much as sit yourself up.”

“More like I’m not wasting my energy one someone as low as you.”

“Isn’t that your whole job?”

Hero gritted their teeth.

“What in the hell do you want?”

“Unimportant, at least for now.” A shark encircling its prey, Villain moved to the side of Hero’s bed, forcing them to turn their head at an awkward side angle in order to see their attacker. “I think the most important thing, right about now, is getting you to the nearest medic.”

“I don’t need an ambulance.”

“I didn’t say you did.”

And, like that, the Hero was hoisted up into their enemy’s arms. Their injuries minimized their thrashing, leaving them as a rather compliant captive.

“I have some medic friends who would just love to know what in the hell happened to you.” Villain turned, beginning to head out the door. Their vehicle was parked at only a few block’s distance. “They don’t treat heroes often, but, right about now, you don’t look like too much of a hero to me.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I was just getting there, wasn’t I? We’re getting my damn kid back.”

“We?”

“Did I stutter?”

[sailorhyunjinz]

~ ℙ𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕖𝕣!𝕁𝕖𝕠𝕟𝕘𝕚𝕟 ~

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤; SMUT!!! gn!reader x inexperienced!sub!jeongin. pillowhumping, secret crush, best friends/childhood friends, first kiss, semi-public sex (ok not that but like getting caught?), orgasm (m), cum, mentions of blowjobs, mentions of cum eating. 

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥; 1,8 k 

ℕ𝕠𝕥𝕖; finding good gifs of jeongin that aren’t from when he was a minor and fit the concept at least a fucking crumb is DIFFICULT YALL so i present this cute gif ahssahsah

also i always make jeongin inexperienced?? I NEED TO WORK ON THAT 

Here Jeongin was. Staring at the ceiling in the dark room, the only light coming from the streetlight outside the window of your bedroom. You were sleeping peacefully next to him but sleep was the last thing on Jeongin’s mind, his chest heaving nervously from lying so close to you. Usually this isn’t a weird occurence, the two of you best friends since childhood which equaled a lot of sleepovers but Jeongin couldn’t shake the feeling off longing. Longing to touch you. 

He covered his face with a pillow, trying to put a physical barrier in order to stop the inappropriate thoughts that included everything from you kissing him to him being fucked by you hard enough to make him see stars. His delicate dick twitched in his boxers as the thoughts piled up in his brain, him not able to act on the urge to jerk off, not when you were sleeping soundly next to him. 

The horny boy turned around to lie on his side, facing you as he grabbed the pillow and instead put it between his knees, huffing as he was hoping for a miracle, a miracle called falling asleep. Jeongin’s heart skipped a beat when he realised how close your face was to his, the air from your quiet breaths hitting his cheek. Your plushy lips formed into a pout as your cheek squished into the pillow, your eyelashes gently draping your weary eyes. Jeongin swore he could hear your heart beat next to his. The dark haired boy shuffled closer to you but almost gasped out loud as the pillow rubbed against his erection, his already sensitive cock twitching from the friction. He quickly slapped a hand over his mouth, looking around in the room to distract the feeling but to no avail, his hips rutting against the pillow as if by magic, it simply felt too good to stop. 

Jeongin thought he had gone crazy, what was he even doing? How could he be thinking such lewd thoughts about his best friend that was sleeping inches away from him, all whilst humping a pillow like a desperate mutt. The mattress that lied on the floor was shuffling in a questionable manner as the soft moans from between Jeongin’s scarlet red lips were now dripping out like sticky honey. His hand shifted from his mouth to his messy dark hair, ruffling it and tightly gripping it as he felt closer to his orgasm like never before, the sweat beading on his forehead from the slightly stuffy atmosphere in the room. His dark orbs shut tightly as he tried to grasp onto those last explicit thoughts before they all dripped out of his mind like his cum if it wasn’t for you groaning out into the night.

“J-jeongin,,,”

Silence errupted between the four walls as all his movements came to a standstill, his eyes springing open as he looked at you in panic but was met by you still asleep, looking just like you did moments earlier. The poor boy sighed, frustrated of having lost his impending orgasm but relieved, at least you didn’t see him.

Or did you?

Jeongin felt as if he could cry right on the spot, feeling frustrated and desperate for a release to calm his hard-on. He turned away from your sleeping face, thinking maybe that could help stop the intrusive thoughts. Maybe even closing his eyes completely would be even better, shielding himself from anything that could be associated with you. The poor boy nuzzles his face closer to the pillow, sighing for the last time before breathing peacefully. Just as a sweet slumber lingered close by he felt you shift and before he knew it you were dangerously close to him. 

“Do you need help?” 

Jeongin turned his head around in fear, thinking maybe this was a dream but it was a real as it could get. Your one hand slipped between his legs, palming him through his boxers that already had a wet spot from the precum that was leaking out. He opened his mouth in a loud gasp but you were quicker, muffling his sinful noises with your other hand over his spread lips. You lean into his ear, his head shying away from your close proximity as your lips almost touched the shell of his ear.

“Be quiet and I’ll make you feel good”

Jeongin bucked his hips against your warm hand, craving more of your touch as his face turned bright red, flustered at the words that came out of his best friend. Your eyelashes fluttered softly as his doe-like eyes were glued on yours, his eyebrows furrowing as you gave his hard member a squeeze before tracing the outline of his hard-on with your fingertip, the poor boy feeling all his blood rushing south as you slowly released your hand from his mouth.

“Pl-please,,y/n,,, help me out, I’m going crazy” 

You smile softly at the pleading boy, crashing your soft lips against his slightly chapped ones, the kiss immedietly deepening as you slipped your tongue inside him, his body stiffening at the unfamilliar feeling before his entire body relaxed in your arms, him now sitting up on his knees. The soft mattrass dipped down from the two figures that were entangled with each other, hands roaming freely over your hot skin, the both of you barely wearing clothes to begin with. The wet sound of the kiss ringed in Jeongin’s ears, this new experience making the knot in his stomach tighten even more than it was before.

It felt wrong but so right. 

Pulling away from the kiss, a line of saliva connected you, his eyes fluttering open sweetly. You smile, heat rising to your cheeks as you looked away for a moment, trying to find composure. 

“T-the pillow felt good”

Jeongin spoke in a shy voice, scratching the back of his head as his puffy cheeks were on display, you wanting nothing more but to smother them in kisses. You looked at him, confusion dancing in your eyes which Jeongin noticed. 

“N-not anything weird! I just happened to,, accidentally rub,,, against it,,, I’m sorry if it’s weird y/n, I was really frustrated, I’ve made you uncomfortable-” 

You attach on your lips once again to stop the words spilling out of him, potentially waking someone else in the house. Your tongues swirled around each other, Jeongin gulping loudly as he felt nervous everytime you kissed him, filled with uncertainty, you were after all his best friend and he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. As soon as you pulled away from the kiss for the second time you put a finger on his slightly swollen lips. 

“It’s not weird, I can help you. Let me help you,,,babyboy”

You cringed at your own nickname, giggling and hiding your face behind your hands, sneaking a glance of the boy through the gaps between your fingers. To your surprise he didn’t laugh. He didn’t even smile. It was as if he’d frozen to ice in the stiffling room. Your smile quickly turned into concern, thinking that maybe you’d gone too far but all your worries were wiped away when Jeongin silently muttered;

“Call me that,,, I-I like it” 

You eyes widened, never before seeing him this weak for you. You smirked, inching closer to him and gently stroking his hot cheek with the back of your hand. 

“Only if you ride that pillow for me”

His dark eyes darted towards the pillow that was lying lazily on the carpeted floor, grabbing it in an instant. 

“This one?”

Jeongin whispered, both his eyes and question filled with innocence. You nod slowly, watching him straddle it, his knees poking slightly inwards. You smiled at him, your bottom lip quivering in excitement, wanting to see him submit to you. 

“W-what should I do?” 

His eyes twinkled in the dim light that came from the window, his fluffy hair pointing all different directions and his lips slightly pursed. You scoffed, licking your lips that turned dry from the kiss. 

“What you did when you thought I was asleep”

Jeongin blushed, his cheeks turning a light pink that was barely visible to you. He started humping the pillow, his twitching cock still in it’s clothed prison as the friction ignited a fire in his core, the previously ruined orgasm returning to it’s home. The delicate whimpers made their way out of his mouth in the softest manner, them being hardly audible due to him nibbling on the inside of his cheek, holding back on moaning. You traced your fingers up his exposed flexed thigh, eventually tracing circles over his tip, the wet patch making you snicker quietly from his desperation. You didn’t want to silence the pretty boy but his glistening lips leaving you with no other choice but to kiss him, Jeongin shortly moaning into the kiss, the sensation of release drawing closer with every second of your lips against his. 

As his pace quickened the mattress started moving around, his hips rolling upwards against the edge of the pillow, the previously frustrated boy now feeling nothing more but pure euphoria as the knot tightened. You smiled against his lips, enjoying to see him desperatly chase his release. His arms trembled as his hands were grabbing onto the soft material beneath him for dear life, breaking the kiss hastly.  

“y-y/n- agh,, can,, can i cum?”

His voice trailed to a whisper, the question sounding more like a statement. You nodded shyly, the so called question sounding too direct in your ears. The last couple of humps were uneven, the poor boy sweating enough to leave small sweatdrops around his temples, Jeongin’s soft hair failling in his face and covering his dark eyes with a even darker curtain. You opened your mouth to warn him from making too much noise but it was already too late. 

“Jeongin, be quie-”

A loud groan escaped between his pretty lips making you slightly startled as the room was previously muted. His eyes shut tightly, a million cubes of colors flashing before his eyes as he slowly rode out his orgasm. The white sticky substance staining his underwear, forming a slightly darker shade on the black fabric he was wearing. In panic you smacked your hand across his lips like you’d done before but it was already too late, a beam of light shining through the crack of the bedroom door. 

“y/n? are you ok?”

It was your moms voice. You pulled down the boy, covering him in a blanket as he was still lost in his pleasure, his breath shaky. Turning around and dragging the covers over yourself you closed your eyes it just in time before the door opened. You could hear your nervousness, imagining the different ways you could get out of this situation when morning came. The door closed quietly after a couple of seconds and the footsteps got fainter. 

Facing the boy you saw him smile lazily, his eyes still closed. You poked him on the cheek causing the boy to giggle, his eyes slowly opening and meeting yours. 

“thank you y/n”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes.

“Should I help you clean up babyboy?”

You smirked, insinuating something dirtier than what the innocent boy thought. His eyes widened as you plunged down beneath the blanket that covered his body. 

[oilivia]

"You wore that just for me?" - Tsukishima x Reader

a/n: reposting this as i had to take it down due to the banner. this fic is an edited and mostly rewritten old piece and it’s one of my favorites! smut after the cut.

tw: hard dom Tsukki, s/m dynamic, degradation, dumbification, rough oral (m receiving), fingering, overstim, mindbreak, aftercare

wordcount: 2.4k

"You're such a needy slut. I bet your cunt is already drenched and I haven't even touched you yet." You knew you were in trouble from the way Tsukishima smirked,  a devilish glint in his eyes. "What, cat got your tongue, little baby? You want me so much that you won't even wait for your dessert to arrive?"

"Kei, what if someone hears you? Y-You shouldn't say things like these in public," your cheeks felt on fire, his words stirring something deep in your core. You rubbed your thighs together under the table to relieve a bit of the pressure, your needy cunt aching to be touched. Even that little bit of friction felt so good, but you needed more. 

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing, I can see your legs shifting. I know you're trying to get off. And you say I'm the pervert? Aren't you scared they'll notice how hungry you are for my cock?" You felt his hand rub your knee, his fingers pinching painfully at your exposed skin. "Tell me, baby, would you rather have the chocolate mousse or my fingers fucking you deep inside your cunt?"

You knew when you got dressed for your date that your outfit was going to drive Tsukishima crazy. It was his favorite color and the cut of the dress hugged your hips just right. But you still didn't expect him to start teasing you like this in the middle of the restaurant. His words were sending shivers down your spine directly to your core and the last thing you wanted was for people to notice how flustered you were. 

"I don't think it's polite to leave before our order arrives, Kei." There was a note of hesitation in your voice and judging by the grin on his face, you could tell he noticed. You hoped he’d let it go, but you knew him better than that. Oh, he would use every last bit of ammunition. You braced yourself, his grip on your knee tightening, nails digging into the supple skin just enough to pull a soft mewl from you. 

"So you think it's more polite to parade that shapely ass of yours in that low-cut dress, hmm? I can perfectly see your every curve, you could as well be naked." How you wished you could wipe that confident smirk off his face. But you couldn't, not when you could barely look at him, too embarrassed to hold his teasing gaze for more than a few seconds. "Tell me, did you wear that dress so everyone could see how much of a slut you are, or did you just want to get my attention?"

"Kei, I thought you would like it," you confessed reluctantly after a moment, your eyes darting to his to gauge his reaction. He looked pleased. Too pleased.

Tsukishima lifted his hand from your leg and grinned, a hint of something darker in his tone as he spoke “I’ll ask for the check and for the dessert to go. I think someone needs to learn what happens when they try to tease me.”

He ordered a taxi and the whole way to your apartment his fingers would wander up and down your leg, getting closer and closer to the hem of your panties. Whenever you looked up at him though, Tsukishima was looking out the window with a disinterested look on his face.

 He feigned indifference so well that you would think the way he played with you did nothing for him. But you could see the outline of his cock twitching in his pants whenever he brushed his hand against the cloth separating it from your heat. If only he moved his fingers a little bit up so it would graze your clit. You wanted his touch so badly you thought you were going crazy. 

Still, he gave you no satisfaction. But once inside your apartment, he grabbed your hand and pulled you to his chest, tightening his arms around you. You gulped. “Where do you think you’re running to, baby? There’s no getting out of this. You wanted my attention and now you got it, pretty little slut. Yeah, you know just what you're doing strutting that ass around, don't play coy now."

He released his hold on you, but before you could do anything he grabbed you by your hair, commanding in a saccharine tone "Now, be a good girl and get on your knees, I know how desperate you are for my cock.”

You felt your folds grow wetter at his words. You knew he was right, you were a slut. Otherwise, why would the way he degraded you make you into such a needy mess? Why did you want so badly to push him, to have him take control of you?

"I need to get changed Kei, can’t this wait a bit?” You knew that disobeying him when he was in this mood spelled punishment for you, but punishment was exactly what you craved. You wanted him to use you, make you his little sex toy. 

“Now, now, you know what happens to whores who talk back, don’t you?” in a flash his hand was between your legs, middle finger probing at your covered slit. “I can already feel how soaked you are. Don’t try to play me, we both know you want to choke on my cock.” His other hand reached for your neck and with a sadistic smile on his face he clasped his fingers around it painfully, cutting your blood flow. “Tell me, will you get on your knees or do I have to make you?”

You let out a whimper, making a desperate attempt to nod. He loved seeing you like this, his smart and beautiful girl reduced to a dumb slut at his fingertips. The way your eyes widened and your mouth opened and closed without making a sound, pliant body shaking and squirming, it sent pleasurable jolts to his cock. 

Once he finished admiring you, he released your neck, eyes still locked on yours as he started to unzip his pants, freeing his erection. You kneeled, looking up at him “Open your mouth and suck it”. Without putting up any resistance you parted your lips, taking his throbbing cock inside your hot mouth. His precum coated your tongue and his scent filled your nostrils. It was intoxicating, you felt your panties getting drenched with your juices.

He grabbed your hair, pushing you deeper against his shaft, making you choke on his length. Your neck hurt, burning from the way he choked you. His tip hit the back of your throat with each thrust and he roughly pulled at your hair, fucking your face with little regard for how it felt for you. He was using you. But why was it tuning you on? You wanted him to touch you, craved to feel more of him, wanted to be used. But mostly you wanted him to help you alleviate some of the pressure that had been piling up in your core for the past hour.

“Don’t assume I don’t know what you want, baby. I can see you looking at me with those pleading eyes, like a famished little cockslut. Is pleasing me not doing enough for your hungry cunt, hmm?” you whimpered at his words, his pace picking up “If you want me to indulge you, show me that you’re a good girl. Take my whole cock down that slutty throat of yours and I’ll make you cum.”

After a couple more minutes, Tsukishima stopped his thrusts with a smirk and let you take control of the movements. You braced yourself, taking his cock deeper and deeper, inch by inch, desperate to please him. Tears welled up in your eyes from the strain and before long they were running down your face, ruining your perfect makeup. He pulled his length out of your abused throat and cooed, cupping your cheeks with a twisted smile “Now, that’s my good little slut. It wasn't that hard now, was it? Go lie on the bed and wait – no touching yourself.”

A few moments later he was between your legs, fingers brushing your thighs as you moaned, his feathery touches setting your skin ablaze. “K-Kei, I-I need you, p-please, I can’t t-take the teasing. I-I need more!” you begged as your hands gripped the sheets.

“Tsk, tsk, you should know by now that telling me not to tease you will just make me want to tease you more. I'm disappointed, I thought you would be smarter than this. I have nothing else to do tonight and I can just stay here and touch, fondle, kiss and fuck you to the brink of orgasm until you’re begging for me to make you cum and then stop. Rinse and repeat. I know I said I will reward you, but I didn’t say I would be making it easy for you, no, no, no,” he chuckled.

Reaching the hem of your panties he pulled them down, slowly, making sure to leave lingering touches on your skin with each movement. Every one of his movements and actions were designed to drive you insane. You were beginning to regret wearing that dress.

You felt a finger gently brush against your clit and then slowly sliding between your sopping folds. “K-Kei, please," you cried loudly, the ache in your core becoming unbearable. The pain in your abused throat dulled, the pleasure in your cunt overshadowing it. 

“You’re fucking drenched. So pathetic. You’ll make a mess of the sheets at this pace. Are you sure you don’t just want me to stop?” He laughed at the way your eyes widened, tears threatening to spill once more.

“P-please, Kei, I don’t care about the sheets,” you pleaded. You needed this, you didn't know how much more teasing you could take before your sanity slipped from you. 

Gathering your slick, he pushed the finger slowly inside you, feeling each ridge of your walls as they instantly started tightening around it.

“Don’t tell me you’re such a needy slut that you’re coming from just my finger. I’ll have to punish you in a different way then," he shoved another finger inside you, picking up the pace while his thumb was rubbed at your clit. You came undone in moments, moans erupting from your lips, body thrashing violently as your juices spilled all over Tsukishima’s hand and on the bed. Still, he didn’t slow down, finger-fucking you through your orgasm. He was nothing if not determined to break you tonight.

Without letting up, he leaned over you, taking a clothed nipple into his mouth, tongue rolling over the sensitive bud before he sank his teeth into the soft flesh. You screamed, you could feel the coil in your stomach tightening more and more, the high from your previous climax barely having passed.

“P-please, slow down, it’s too much,” your words were barely intelligible between the mix of moans and cries. Tsukishima didn't care anyways. You were responding so nicely to him, your body going into overdrive and he didn't even put his cock inside you yet.

Adding a third digit, he sped up his pace stretching your walls even more. “K-Kei” you cried out his name as an orgasm washed over you once more, your body contracting violently beneath Tsukishima. You could barely control your muscles, your eyes shut close and tongue falling out of your open mouth. 

“I hope you’re ready for the main course, baby. I’ll use that cunt of yours, watch how it desperately sucks in my cock. You're so pathetic, I wonder if I'll even feel anything with how fucking wet you are.” 

You were delirious, barely making out his words. Popping his fingers out of your sopping hole, he cleaned them on the already messy sheets and placed your shaking legs on his shoulders. “I think you had enough of a break, what do you say?” he chuckled as he pushed his length inside you. You loved it, the mix of pain and pleasure from the stretch. He knew you couldn't answer, but talking to you while he fucked you dumb was giving him a twisted satisfaction. He relished watching you struggle to understand what he said, too busy taking his fat cock up your cunt.

Your tongue was lolling out of your mouth, eyes rolling at the back of your head with each thrust, hands frantically gripping the sheets, desperately trying to steady yourself as the array of sensations was overtaking your body. Tsukishima’s thumb was back on your clit, rubbing, your walls clenching around his cock and milking as you kept cumming and cumming around it. He reached out his hand, palm clasping firmly around your neck once more.

“Dumb sluts don’t need air, do they, baby? They just need to be railed, fucked until cock is the only thing left on their mind. How many times have you cum already, four? Five? You enjoy it when I choke you? Like giving me complete control over you, hmm?” soft whimpers were all you could muster, your body too sensitive.

You felt Tsukishima’s cock getting harder inside you, his cockhead smacking your cervix. You were spent and your mind was blank, consciousness slipping, but your cunt was still reacting to his cock moving in and out of you, still squeezing him with each thrust. Through the haziness you felt your climax approaching and bursting yet again as his movements came to a halt. Hot cum spilled from your overused cunt, mixed with your own juices. 

He released his hold on your neck and placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. He collapsed on top of you, trying to shift his weight so he wouldn’t crush your much smaller body under him. Your chests were heaving, exhaustion settling in your bones. 

Tsukishima lightly brushed the hair from your face, placing it behind your ear. “You did so good, baby," he cooed, voice soft and a gentle smile on his face. "I’ll come clean you up and then move you to the couch so  I can change the sheets. Then, we can cuddle, okay?" You nodded, barely aware of what was happening around you.

 "Was I too rough?" he asked later after he got under the sheets next to you.

"No, I would've used the safe word," your voice was laced with exhaustion as you spoke. He cradled you in his arms, gently rocking your body and planting sweet kisses on your hair. His good girl.

© 2021 all content belongs to @cherrysdollhouse​, please do not modify or repost without permission

[lollypopsx]

Flatmate!Harry: I’ll Make It Up To You - Part 3

Please like if it’s not too shabby, re-blog for anyone who you think may enjoy this and follow if you want to see more! Any suggestions are happily taken for future writing! I love you all! be safe and be kind x

Part 1 - Part 2 

Word Count: 3.9K 

Warnings: I think slight swearing, One sentence of smutty language. 

A/N-The bold bits are a flashback! 

————————— 

 You were spending your Wednesday afternoon doing housework and cleaning up your apartment. In the last two weeks, you had been helping Harry here and there with writing some songs, but you never wanted to take any credit for his work. You were just happy to help. 

You’d both let the mess pile up a little bit, mainly paper thrown everywhere, scribbled with random lyrics and instrument chords. You had vowed to yourself that you weren’t going to write anymore or get yourself lost in your musical dream world, but Harry always seemed to manage to get you sucked in to help.

You pick up your phone to dial H, letting it ring a few times.

“Y/N? Are you okay? Everything fine?” Harry answers worriedly.

You couldn’t help but chuckle “Everything is fine, I just phoned to see if you needed any of that paper on the piano or if it can be thrown?”

“Erm, maybe just stick it in a pile in my room and I’ll go through and sort it later. What are you doing?”

“I’m cleaning our pigsty of an apartment Haz!” You laugh and smile. 

“Look at you being a wife” He teases and chuckles. 

“Shut up, or you’ll be my next victim! Do you want me to wash your bedding too?”

“Ohhh yes please! You’re an angel!”

“Someone’s got to be” You smile. “And your spare sheets are in the drawer under your bed?” You hold your phone to your ear with your shoulder as you pile the thrown papers together. 

“Yeah I think I- Erm...a-actually I can put the sheets on when I’m home!” He says quickly. You were slightly taken back by the change in his tone. “Are you sure?”

“Y-yeah....yeah I...I forgot I’d bought some new ones a while ago and they’re...they’re still in my car” He fakes a chuckle, although you soon became oblivious to his cover story.

“Did you manage to get those silky black ones?!” You gasp.

“Y-yeah...yeah I did”...fuck. “I gotta go, Jeff’s pestering me to sign some stuff. I’ll see you later”

“Okie dokie, see you later. Text me when you’re leaving the studio and I’ll start dinner.” 

“Thanks babe, laters” He sighs softly and hangs up. “I need to order black silk sheets on Amazon asap...” He groans.

“You still haven’t told her?!” Jeff sighs, his head shaking. “Harry you need to do it sooner or later...”

“I know but she might freak out!” Harry’s brows furrowed as he kicks the floor softly. “Right...let’s keep going” He sighs.

You cleaned the apartment top to toe, and you couldn’t help admit that you did feel much better. It felt cosier than before, and on this particular day, the sun was glowing, warming your skin through the window.

You promised yourself you wouldn’t do this. You promised yourself two weeks ago that you wouldn’t be doing this. You promised yourself that you wouldn’t put your mind back into your past and be sitting writing songs about old feelings and passed experiences. But here you were...

Using the back of the scraps of paper from Harry’s pile, you were spilling out every word that came to mind, like every feeling in your chest was finally released. Your fingers glided across the piano keys flawlessly with the words you had pieced together, falling perfectly from your mouth. The weight being lifted made you wish you had done this months ago.

—————————

“Come on babe, everyone’s already waiting for us at the party...your birthday party which me and all your friends have thrown for you and we’re late!” Your boyfriend Adam teased as he smiled, “You look great” He chuckles as he grabs his jacket. 

“Okay, I’m ready! Let’s go. I can’t believe you guys all managed to book out Club 21 for me!” You grin as you followed him into the taxi towards the club.

“You dropped my hand while dancing, so I left you out there standing...crestfallen on the stage with...champagne problems

You had a cheap ring for it...my picture in your wallet...but my heart was glass and you dropped it...now I have champagne problems” 

The music was pounding as you danced around happily with all your friends on the dance floor. You were having the best night of your life so far. Surrounded by all of yours and Adam’s best friends. You pant as you escape the crowded dance floor and head over to the bar, joining your friend Niall, and your best friend and flat mate Harry, who were both best friends too. 

“Hello birthday girl!” Niall grins and hugs you tightly, kissing your cheek. “It’s not my birthday yet!” You laugh and hug him tightly, then hugging Harry. “Not for another...57 minutes” Harry smiles.

“Have you guys seen Adam? He said he’d get me a drink and I haven’t seen him since!” You say over the music. “I think he’s in the toilet...I’ll go find him. H can get you a drink” Niall pats your back and heads to the men’s toilets.

“Did you tell your family the real reason? Or did you keep it in?...Your mum had splashed out on the bottle...now no ones celebrating”

“Dom  Pérignon, you brought it...but our friends never applauded...your hometown skeptics say it’s...champagne problems”

As Niall strolled into the toilets, he checked his hair in the mirror, noticing a pair of white trainers and red heels in the reflection, hidden behind a cubical door. He smirked and chuckled quietly until he heard “Ohhh fuck, Adam keep going” the female moaned softly. Surely not...there must be plenty of Adam’s in the club. “Mmm I haven’t been able to resist you since I arrived...fuck you’re so tight baby” Adam moaned. It was him. Niall felt the fury cause redness to his cheeks and it took all of his will power not the break the door down and beat Adam to a pulp. He knew where he needed to be most importantly.

His fists were clenched as he left and walked over to the bar “Y/N...” Niall couldn’t help the frown on his lips. You smile as you saw him come back “There you are, was he in there?” 

“Y/N I need to tell you something...” Niall gulped. You couldn’t help but feel like his expression said every word you had been so scared to hear. And he never had to say a word, as you saw Adam stumbling out the men’s bathroom, with an unknown female following out 10 seconds later. You had no words, everything you wanted to say...to scream. You wanted to cry. You wanted to punch something.

 “I’m going to fucking kill him” You heard a mutter from Harry. But you couldn’t react.

“Was it all for the money...or all for the show...I found out that you cheated so I had to go...I always thought I’d know the answer, ‘til you were on your knee and asked me”

You went to storm up to Adam but he was long gone. You had no clue where he had gone...was this it? Was that how he leaves us? As you turn back to Harry and Niall, their eyes were no longer on you, their dark, angry  eyes watching up at the stage. Adam appeared with a wide grin on his face.

“Where’s Y/N?” He calls out. If you hadn’t of just seen him fall out the bathroom with another girl, you would never have believed he could do something so breaking. “Adam...what are you doing?” You mumble, feeling tears in your eyes. Harry and Niall stood close behind you.

“Come up here baby” Adam grins, but before you could even attempt to run away, you were being pulled up onto stage by two of your other friends, who clearly didn’t know what had just happened. 

Was this it? Was he about to break up with you 45 minutes before your birthday...in front of all your friends? You couldn’t think of anything more embarrassing. But oh no, this was much worse.

"I was going to do this in 45 minutes...but unfortunately, one of our friends has to leave the celebrations early for work tomorrow...” Adam smiles brightly at you. You felt sick to your stomach. How could he have the audacity act like he hadn’t just cheated and broken your heart.

You were still in shock. Everything was happening so fast, that you didn’t focus until you realised Adam was on his knee. “Y/N Y/L/N...will you marry me?” He pulls out a small ring, that was clearly not going to fit you. It would definitely cut off your circulation!

The lights were bright in your eyes, as they reflected the tears threatening to spill. But they weren’t the happy tears you always dreamed you’d have at this moment. He pushed the ring up into your hand, silently begging you to take it. You don’t know why...but you held the ring in your hands loosely.

“H-how could you cheat on me...” You whisper, only loud enough for him to hear. You could see the guilt in his eyes as everyone was about to cheer, assuming you’d said yes...but the crowd quickly fell silent as you shook your head, you just wanted to run.

You rushed down the steps at the side of the stage and pushed through the crowd, your legs feeling like jelly as you crashed through the doors and ran...you just ran. The tears finally freed themselves as you let out heavy sobs.

You heard people shouting your name down the street but you couldn’t stop. You were scared to face whatever happened next. You ran and ran until you felt two arms grab you from behind “Hey...shhh c’mere it’s me” As soon as you heard Harry’s hushed tones, you stopped resisiting his grip. You turned into his chest and clutched his shirt, sobbing loudly as you wanted to fall into a pile there and then. His arms protectively tightened around you, his head resting ontop of yours.

“I got you...I’ve always got you. Niall’s getting the car and we’re taking you straight home” 

“...I could of made such a lovely wife...what a shame you fucked up my head... they said “you’ll find the real thing instead...and he’ll patch up the pieces you’ve shred.... and he’ll...hold my hand while dancing...I’ll never leave him standing, crestfallen on the stage with Champagne Problems”

The journey home was painfully silent apart from your sobs. Harry held you closely as Niall drove. “I’ll pop round tomorrow ok...text me if you need anything” Niall says to Harry, pressing a kiss to your forehead before you get out the car. “Thanks Ni” You mumble. “Anytime princess” He gives you a sweet smile before driving home. 

Harry gets you inside, you wipe your soaked cheeks with the back of your hand. You headed straight to the fridge intending to get some water, but instead you found two bottles of champagne which had been sat in the fridge since Christmas.

“Better late than never...” You mutter and take them to the sofa. You popped one open and took a large mouthful from the bottle. Harry brought in a hoodie of his for you, wrapping it around your arms as you suddenly burst into heavy sobs. “Why me?!” You scream into his chest.

“No you’re perfect...he doesn’t deserve you” He whispers, holding you close to him. “You don’t need him. You have me...and Niall”

You whimpered as you took swigs from your bottle very quickly. It tasted awful. But nothing tasted worse than heartbreak.

“Hey Y/N…happy birthday m’darling” he whispers “I’ll make sure you have the best day”

“A cheap ring in your pocket...her picture in your wallet...you won't remember all my...champagne problems

Have you forgotten all my champagne problems?

Now, his mum’s ring in his pocket...my picture in his wallet...he’ll never give me any...champagne problems

He helped to cure all of my champagne problems...”

The next morning, you woke with a heavy head. You found yourself quickly remembering the night before. You sat up slowly, feeling an arm tightly wrapped around your waist. You and Harry had fallen asleep on the sofa...you must have cried yourself to sleep after demolishing one and a half bottles of champagne.

“How are you feeling?” Harry whispers, his hand brushing your hair back gently. You stare at the ring on the table. “I...I don’t know. I never thought this would happen to me...I though this was it.” You mumble sadly. “I thought I was enough” You whisper silently. His heart broke and the ide that you felt you weren’t enough. “You will always be enough...” He frowns and holds you. Kissing your head. He’d never wished more than to have the ability to take someone’s pain away. 

“Y-you...you won’t leave me too will you Harry?” You sniffle, your head resting on his chest.

“Never...I’ll never leave you” He mutters into your hair.

“What if I’m alone forever...what if I can’t heal from this?” You whimper

“You’ll find it. I know you thought you did...but you’ll find the real thing instead, and whoever it is will patch your heart up. And you won’t ever need to leave him” He whispers reassuringly.

————————— 

 You play around with the last two versions of the chorus, completely oblivious to Harry’s presence in the doorway until you heard a small shuffle from that direction

Your head snapped up “Jesus Harry! I didn’t know you would be home yet...You scared the life out of me! What’s wrong?” You frown as you run up to him, throwing your arms up around his shoulders, noticing his furrowed brow and the sad frown on his lips.

“I...that was so beautiful Y/N...and it just reminds me of how much he hurt you...a-and you...y-you’ve grown so much” He whispers softly, his arms tightly wrapping around you. “You never deserve to be treated like that...and I still hear you crying some nights, I just couldn’t face seeing you that way and...and I-I knew you’d kill me if I barged in...” He mutters, his eyes grazing the floor, as you let out a small laugh. “And you wrote a song again...I’m so fucking proud” 

“It’s okay Harry...I’m okay now!” You whisper, holding his cheeks in your hands. “I just needed to do it. One final time, and that’s it now. I’m going to get a proper job and-”

“Y/N I need to talk to you.” Harry cuts you off. “I was planning on having this conversation with you in a much nicer setting...but I don’t think I can wait.”

This was it...you didn’t realise how much you had craved to hear those three words fall from Harry’s mouth after months of trying to convince yourself that you didn’t feel that way.

“I’ve got you a recording contract with me for the new album...I want you on it. It’s been sat under my bed for weeks ready to give to you but I was worried you’d say no-” Harry says nervously.

You almost didn’t realise what he’d said until it was too late and you already started speaking.

“Harry I love you too...I-” You gasp as your hand flies in front of your mouth. No. No. No no no. This was not happening! You had single handedly embarrassed the shit out of your self and ruined the rest of your life. You wanted the ground to swallow you whole and spit you out in Australia.

“W-what?” Harry froze, taken back by the sudden confession. He didn’t know what to say, but to say he was shocked was an understatement.

“What...” You tried to act natural. Wishing to take back the last 5 seconds. “Oh...that’s erm...that would be a good read...you can just slide it under my door and I’ll read it in 3-5 working days.” You mutter quickly. You didn’t  slipping past him, to disappear into your bedroom.

“Y/N...wait!” His hand grabs your wrist “...you love me?” His gaze fell soft into yours. You thought of every excuse to get out of this situation, as scared as you was to admit it...it was out now. 

“Y-yeah...” you whisper, staring into his eyes, praying to make some sense of how he felt towards you. You so badly wanted him to speak, but the silence hanging between the two of you was deafening. You needed to know.

“D-do...do you...Do you love me Harry?” Your voice croaked. 

Of course he did...

“I-I don’t know...” You couldn’t help but feel your heart shatter some more, the sparkle in your eye slowly fading. And at that moment, you know you had ruined the best friendship of your life. You prepared yourself for Harry to leave the room, pack a bag and go to stay at Niall’s. But he just stood there, analysing your face intensely. You began to pull your hand away from his and run quickly.

“No...wait! Y/N I didn’t mean it like that I just...Well you always had Adam...and you’ve always been my best friend...and then when you guys split up, I...I was so angry because I knew I could never do that to you, and I wanted to change that so badly, but I never wanted to my feelings to get in the way of our friendship. I don’t ever want to loose you Y/N...I always thought I just wanted what I can’t have...until I knew I wanted to protect you for the rest of my life...I love you...I’ve always loved you Y/N, I just didn’t want to ruin anything...” He whispers, his bright eyes sparking as the warm sunset glow flooded your apartment.

“H-have I ruined it all....” You whimper softly, feeling your breath getting stuck in your throat.

“Never...” He whispers, one of his hands cupping your cheek, and the other locking into the side of your neck as you felt soft tears slipping down your cheeks. You had never been so terrified of losing someone. But that worry was soon washed away when you felt Harry’s soft pink lips press against yours. Sparks were flying through your blood as you wasted no time kissing him back with every ounce of passion until you couldn’t breath.

Neither of you wanted to beak the kiss...but Harry also didn’t want the pair of you to collapse. He pulled his lips away from yours, pressing his forehead against yours, the both of you panting heavily. 

“I love you so fucking much” He whispers, tears filling his eyes.

—————————

- 3 Months Later -

"Y/N we need to get you downstairs, we don’t have time to get you mic’d up up here, Graham has already started the show, so we’ll mic you up in the wings” A runner knocked on your dressing room.

“Ok I’m ready lets go...” You get up from the chair and check yourself in the mirror quickly. You had a beautiful red dress on, the sleeves hung off the shoulders and there was a slit in the leg of the floor length material. You had sparkly silver heels on, which looked like diamonds when they caught the light. Your hair was curled in a half up, half down style, with your normal glamourous makeup. 

Harry was in the wings waiting, speaking to a few other people as you were getting mic’d up. He was in a red suit, to match the colour of your dress, with a white shirt, his shoes just white this time. He glanced up with a wide grin. “There she is...mmm look at my beauty” He smirks happily and presses a kiss to your lips, holding your hips as a runner was hiding the wire in your dress.

“And you’re on in 3...2...1...” 

“Please welcome Harry Styles and Y/N Y/L/N!”

Harry took your hand as you followed him onto the set of The Graham Norton Show, the crowd cheering happily as you are greeted with a hug and kiss on the cheek from Graham, returning happily, and sitting down beside Harry after he gave the same greeting.

“Hello hello and welcome! It’s an honour to have you both here tonight on my sofa...although you have both sort of blended in” He chuckles

“Yeah...we didn’t really think about that until we got changed...” Harry chuckles, his hand holding yours tightly as you smile, taking a sip of wine from your glass.

“So we have a lot to talk about tonight...but firstly...congratulations on your new album! It sounds incredible and I know I’m not the only one wondering this, but how did you find working together while being in a relationship? Because your relationship only came into public view after the album was released...Now you two have lived together for...4 years is that right?” Graham asks.

“Yeah so...actually we have been best friends and flat mates for years, we’ve always had such a heavy impact on each others lives but we always both sort of thought it was just friendship. Around a year ago now I went through a really difficult break up and Harry was there every step of the way. Since then I always knew I loved Harry but it wasn’t until just after we had written the first version of Fine Line that I found out he felt the same” Your eyes gleam just talking about it.

“So...you two wrote Fine Line together, was that the first song you wrote for the album?” He looks over at Harry

“Actually, I’d already written Watermelon Sugar, Golden and Adore You. Fine Line was next and I was writing it at home. Naturally every song I write, Y/N is one of the first to hear, whether it’s in the living room, or when she’s in the bath and I sit outside the door to play it. It’s always been that way, even before we got together.”

Graham nods and smiles “You can’t let the poor woman have a bath in peace!” He jokes and teases as you both laugh. “So did you decide to name the album Fine Line because it’s the first song you wrote together?”

“I know!” Harry chuckles “sort of...Fine Line actually came about after...well it was after a prank I tried to pull on Y/N which went horribly wrong, then she finally forgave me and I was talking to her in the kitchen about how I was struggling to write emotional songs at the time. And the words she said to me really stuck...that night I sat at the piano and tried to piece together our conversation in a song. Y/N came to help me and she just...she’s really the saving grace. So I think yeah...maybe that was one of the reasons we called in Fine Line.”

“That’s incredible...and Y/N you were actually going to give up music weren’t you? Thank god you didn’t” Graham smiles.

You blush softly “I was...I just as going through a rough time. I helped Harry with the song and then I said I would quit. Then a couple of weeks later, Harry declared his love for me after he’d told me he had a joint record deal contract for us, to include me in the album” you tease with a smirk.

Harry grins widely and laughs quietly “I think the details of that have been slightly twisted...” He teases as you blush.

“Well I can’t wait to hear that story later! Now are there going to be any more joint albums...?” Graham asks curiously.

“...” You both look between each other “Time will tell Graham” Harry winks.

“Well...we are goin to go to an ad break now, but stay tuned because you don’t want to miss the first ever live performance of Fine Line by Harry Styles and Y/N Y/L/N!”

The crowd cheer loudly as the cameras cut to an ad break.

“I’m not waffling too much right?...it is my first ever proper interview” You mumble slightly as Harry and Graham sat with you in conversation while you were having your makeup touched up.

“You’re doing great baby...everyone loves you. I told you I’d make it all up to you when I stole your clothes and you missed that audition...” He grins cheekily.

“Now that’s a story I definitely need to hear!” Graham laughs along with the audience

—————————

Tag List: @harryhoney-bee - @sunandherflores - @sad-capuccino @beachwood-cafe

[wkemeup]

Sunrise (5)

summary: After an explosion takes his arm and his only sense of belonging, Bucky is content to live out the rest of his days in the hollow comfort of the dark. This is, until Sam drags him down to the local VA and he meets you. (Modern AU) pairings: bucky x reader chapter word count: 4.3k warnings: really flippin sweet fluff, more book recs a/n: to avoid confusion - the manner in which Bucky lost his arm is different in this series than in canon  🧡 series masterlist / series playlist

For the first time since Bucky was discharged from active duty, he had a routine again.  

The curtains were open before he took a shower in the morning; sunlight streaming in through the windows and casting a gentle glow over the apartment. It touched over books piled high on the coffee table, pillows neatly lined on the sofa, and blankets folded over the arm rest. Steve had nearly done a double take the first time he made his usual beeline to whip open the curtains to expose a dusty and unkempt apartment, only to find Bucky making coffee in the kitchen, freshly showered, and the sun shining high in the sky.  

It had been almost a month since his first attendance at book club and he’d gone through nearly a book a week just to have the excuse to visit you at the library again for another. You’d given him your number after his first trip to the library with a binding promise to text you if he was held up in his apartment in pain again. You’d sworn to bring books straight to him and read them aloud if you had to.  

You had laughed as you said it, like it was only a joke. Bucky had nodded along, but if he were honest, he would have liked that very much.  

He’d arrange for times to meet you at the library at the end of your shift where you’d always have a book waiting for him. There’d be a few sitting on the shelf you’d set aside, but without fail, he always opted for the first one you presented to him. You hadn’t led him wrong so far.  

After, though neither of you directly proposed it, you’d often find yourselves back at Luciana’s. It was like your feet simply carried you there, a silent agreement to spend as much time together as you could, even if you were both too afraid to admit it out loud.  

He came to understand why Sunday was your favorite day of the week. Bucky started to take it upon himself to meet you at the library to walk you to the VA where he fulfilled his word to help move the couches before the usual members arrived. The look of surprise on your face when you bounced down the library steps and caught sight of him leaning on the pillar a few steps away from the busy sidewalk had been enough to convince him to never leave your side again. 

Your smile was one he’d learned to memorize. He conjured it when the strangers bumped into him on the sidewalk threatened to collapse his racing heart entirely and it pushed him further. It was enough to convince him to keep going beyond the safety of his apartment walls and it was worth it every time. Just to see you smile at him like that.  

***

“Have you started it yet?”

Bucky blinked a few times, reminding himself of his surroundings. You stood on his right side in line at Luciana’s behind a couple of tourists who were having a hard time discerning the difference between a cappuccino and an americano. He raised an eyebrow, confused, and you gestured to the book in his bag.  

“Oh, I just flipped through the pages so far,” Bucky said, pulling the book from his bag; thick black cover with a small white illustrated creature staring up at the stars. Everyone's a Aliebn When Ur a Aliebn Too written by an author that seemed to go by a name as misspelled as the title, Jomny Sun. “It looks like a children’s book?”

You grinned and your shoulders lifted in a shrug. “It’s somewhere in between. You have to trust me on this one. It may seem young on the surface but it’ll tug at your heart strings. Hold your judgement until you’ve actually read it, Barnes.”

Bucky chuckled, nodding. “Hey, I never said I didn’t trust you. Just curious where you’re leading me on this one.”

“Be blind, Bucky,” you sang, teasing him. “I won’t guide you into a creepy forest or the bottom of the ocean, I promise.”

“Oh good. I was starting to worry.”  

It was strange to feel so light again, but there was something about your presence that allowed him to let go of all the weight he carried. He could set down his baggage at his feet for just a minute to give his back a break, to stretch out his muscles and find relief in the solace. You would have offered to carry some of it yourself if he’d asked— of that he was certain. But it was a heavy load, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for you to see what was inside just yet.

The bell to the café rang behind him and a mother and her young son walked inside. The little boy held the woman’s hand as he scrunched his nose at the smell of the coffee, pouting up at her. A bright red backpack hung off his shoulders, Velcro ties over his tiny sneakers. The soles lit up as he walked.  

“Mommy, I want to go to the playground,” the kid whined and Bucky watched you laugh to yourself from the corner of his eye.  

“We will, sweetness,” the mother replied calmly. She bent down to brush the hair from the boy’s eyes. “Mommy just needs a bit of caffeine before we—”

“Whoa! What happened to that guy’s arm?” the kid gasped, a mixture of shock and amazement in his tiny little voice.  

Bucky tensed up immediately, every muscle in his body turning to stone. When strangers noticed his arm, he was usually met with unwanted stares and hushed whispered, but children were a whole different story. They had no filter, no sense of the unspoken rules garnered by society; they were driven by their own curiosity and something as trivial as politeness did not get in the way of that.  

“Oh, honey,” the mother gripped tight to the boy’s arm, lowing her voice in hopes Bucky hadn’t heard him, “you can’t ask things like that.”

“Why not?” the boy replied innocently. “Where’d it go?”

Bucky could feel your eyes on him, studying for his reaction, but he couldn’t offer one. He was stone, after all. A frown tugged at your lips to see the sudden distress wash over him and he felt an aching puncture of embarrassment deep into his stomach. It only took the mere mention of his arm to wipe him to a blank slate, to throw him back to the battlefield where it was torn from his body. Any unexpected reminder of it usually did.  

You nodded at him, offered a small smile, like you were trying to tell him it would be alright. Then slowly, you turned around and knelt in front of the boy.  

“Hi,” you said sweetly, catching the mother off guard.  

“Do you know what happened to his arm?” the boy asked, must to the dismay of his mother.

“Mason! Oh God, I am so very sorry,” the mother quickly apologized, flustered as she desperately tried to hush the boy. He pressed his face into his mother’s arm.  

Bucky stole a glance over his shoulder to find you kneeling on the floor beside the boy, smiling at him as he clutched a plush triceratops to his chest. You tilted your head at him, trying to get a better look at the boy.  

“You want to know what happened?” you asked softly. He nodded, arms wrapped tight around his stuffed toy. You glanced up at Bucky and his eyes narrowed on you, heart beating a little faster, stomach twisting, before you turned back to the boy. “He did something really brave.”

Fuck. 

Did you know? 

Did Sam tell you? 

Bucky’s legs started to feel weak.  

“You like superheroes, huh?” you continued, pointing at the image of a man in a red cape flying on the boy’s t-shirt. The boy nodded shyly. “They swoop in and save the day with their super strength or magic powers, right?”

The boy started laughing, he was smiling again, standing free from his mother’s hold. She was staring at you like you were akin to one of the characters on the boy’s shirt. Bucky felt the stones cracking around his body, freeing him from their grip.  

“Is he Super Man?” Mason whispered, glancing up at Bucky with such wonder, it took him by surprise. The boy was so small, no older than four years old. Bucky didn’t know the last time he’d even talked to a kid that young and yet here you were, at the boy’s level, making him laugh and smile and easing the concerns of his mother.  

“No, he’s not,” you laughed for a moment. Then, you softened, gathering the boy’s attention again. “My friend here doesn’t have super powers. So, when he saved someone, he got hurt. But I think that makes him very brave, don’t you?”

The boy nodded enthusiastically, grinning so wide Bucky wondered how it was possible your smile could be so infectious. The mother mouthed a soft ‘thank you’ in your direction as the boy quickly changed subjects to the sprinkled donut he was going to eat for snack. She caught Bucky’s eye for a minute and nodded at him, almost in appreciation. He pressed his lips to a thin line. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to say anything back.  

You ordered his usual coffee and one of the freshly baked muffins, then a drink and a pastry for yourself. In Bucky’s distraction with the kid, he hadn’t noticed you pay before he had a chance. He felt like he was in a bit of a trance as you led him back to a table in the far corner of the shop, away from the windows and the customers.  

“You alright?” you asked as you slid into your chair opposite him.  

“Did Sam tell you?” Bucky blurted out before he had a chance to bite his tongue. It was the last thing he wanted you to know about and he had half a mind to storm up to the VA just to rip Sam a new one before he shut himself off in his apartment for a few weeks.  

It was the reason for the reoccurring nightmares that hadn’t let up in the last month, even when he’d started to have more good days than bad. They’d celebrated him for what he’d done, given him a medal, and thanked him for his service. The very thought of it made him want to vomit.  

“Hey, hey, Bucky look at me,” you called gently, your voice at the end of a dark tunnel. He blinked, adjusting to the light. “Sam didn’t say a word about what happened. I had a theory and I made a guess. You’re clearly a good man. It didn’t feel like much of a stretch. That’s all.”

Bucky clenched his jaw, staring down at the muffin as he picked at the paper cup. He heard you sigh, surprised that he couldn’t find a single sliver of impatience in your voice. When he looked up again, you smiled sweetly at him and asked him about Alien – Aliebn? – book; quickly lost in tangent of your favorite pages and moments you were excited for him to read.  

He was grateful for the change in subject, but more than that, it gave him a chance to just admire you. There was nothing strange about watching a woman, studying the intricacies on her face and the passion in her voice, when she was speaking right to him. He nodded along, doing his best to actually take in what you were saying, but he was so easily distracted by the brush of steam touching your nose, the press of your lips into your cheeks, the lines on your forehead, and the way your eyes seemed to light up the entire city block.  

The kid, his arm, and nearly six years of combat were quickly forgotten when he had the chance to watch you like that. You hardly let him get a word on, too caught up in your own excitement for the novels you placed in his hand, but he didn’t mind. He preferred to listen to you anyway. Your voice had a calming presence about it; soothing and gentle, loving and joyous. If it weren’t for the clock hanging on the wall above your head, he might have sat there all night with you.

“We should probably head over,” he pointed out reluctantly, gesturing to the clock as it approached six.  

You frowned, following his gaze to see the time had slipped by quicker than you realized. As you began to clear off the table, throwing the scraps in the garbage and setting the mugs on the counter for Luciana, Bucky began to wonder if maybe you would have sat there all night with him, too. If only he could find the courage to ask.

***

Bucky removed the clip from the book, closed the back binding, and slumped back into the cushions. The room was still pretty quiet, everyone’s noses still down in their books as the soft strum of Simon & Garfunkel played from the speaker by the coffee table. He glanced over at you as you sat beside him, a little closer than usual, though he didn’t mind. Your hip brushed his every so often when you adjusted position. It was a kind of closeness that left him wanting more.  

You were only halfway through your own book, but you could clearly sense him watching you because you slowly looked up in his direction, a pointed smile on your face.  

“You were right,” he admitted, his voice a hushed whisper in effort not to disturb the other members. “Surprisingly deep considering it’s a children’s book for adults.”  

“Hey maybe we need pictures on our pages, too,” you whispered back, teasing him with a nudged to his right shoulder. He laughed, leaning back comfortably against the couch as Tony’s eyes glared over in his direction from the top of his book. He pressed his lips together to keep quiet.

You snickered into Bucky’s shoulder, lips pressing against the sleeve of his jacket and he had never wanted to remove that layer more in his life; to actually feel the imprint of your mouth instead of just the press of your face, to feel the heat in your breath breathe through the thin layer of his t-shirt. He shivered.  

“Alright kids,” you said aloud, setting your book on the table. “Times up for today.”

“Oh, come on, Y/n! I’ve only got one chapter left!” Clint whined, stretching out dramatically along the table he was laying across.  

“Glad to hear it, Clint,” you smirked, hands planted firm on your hips. “Finish on your own time.”

A couple of ‘ooo’s rang out and it reminded Bucky of his days sitting behind a desk in class in grade school and a kid would get called up to the principal's office. Clint took it in stride though and seemed to bask in it, throwing up a pose in face of the chorus.  

The crowd quickly dispersed after that, though a few of the older members lingered behind to update you on how far they’d gotten in their books. Bucky watched you from a distance as he started to move the couches back into place, mesmerized by the glimmer in your eye as you spoke to them, a soft hand resting on the crook of their arm, nodding along with a smile on your face – always so genuine in every interaction, in every bone in your body.  

Bucky had practically finished arranging the entire room by the time you walked back inside. Your jaw dropped, wide eyes meeting his.  

“You didn’t have to do all that by yourself!”  

Bucky shrugged. “How long were you doing it on your own before I came along? Take the help when it’s offered, Y/n.”

You smiled at that. “Still. I appreciate it.”

“It’s really nothing,” Bucky said simply.

He hadn’t felt a drive like this is years. Not even before his final tour and the destruction that came with it. He hadn’t remembered what it felt like to want to lift even the smallest of burdens for someone else just to see the weight slip from their shoulders, just to see them smile. He found himself wanting to carry everything you had, even if it started with arranging the heavy furniture of the empty VA library.  

You chewed on the edge of your lip as you watched him approach the door, your jacket in his hand. He had wanted to hold it open for you, to let you turn your back and slip your arms through the sleeves, but it just wasn’t something he could do with one hand, and instead, he placed it to hang over your forearm. 

A longing for a world in which you met him before his body had been put through the shredder ached deep into his gut. It started to push a frown onto his lips, but then your voice broke through and he shook it away.  

“Ready?” you asked, gesturing to the door and he nodded, following closely behind.  

There was a sudden nervous energy in the air he didn’t expect, and for once, it wasn’t coming from him. He glanced over at you as you walked in line with him to find you fidgeting with the zipper of your jacket, hands wringing into the fabric, and hair falling out of place and down into your eyes. You exhaled a few tense breaths as Bucky opened the main door for you, following behind as you stepped out onto the side walk.  

The two of you stood there for a minute, neither one making a move to leave. You kept glancing back at the VA, then to your watch, barely able to look in Bucky’s direction and he started to feel that familiar twist of anxiety in his stomach.  

“Hey, are you oka—”

“Do you want to go for a walk?” you blurted out before he could finish, biting down quickly on your lip as if to stop yourself from saying more.  

Bucky froze, confused. He glanced down at his watch. It would be dark soon. “Now?”  

A flash of embarrassment quickly passed over your features and Bucky’s stomach dropped. 

Was it possible that you just wanted to spend more time with him? That maybe you could crave his presence the same way he did yours?  

“N-No, no, you’re right. It’s late. I’m sorry,” you muttered quickly, arms folding protectively over your chest. You kicked at a stone on the sidewalk, watching as it rolled over on its side. “I should, uh, I should head home then. I’ll see you later, Bucky.”

“There’s a park nearby,” Bucky offered before you could turn away. You lifted your head.  

“Yeah?” A cautious smile hung on your lips as you stepped closer to him.  

Bucky nodded, trying to push away the shaking in his hand. “Yeah, come on.”

A couple minutes passed by in silence as you walked along his side. Every so often, your knuckles would brush up against his hand, a nervous laughter between you as you pulled away. It happened so quickly each time, he never had a chance to respond. Even if he did, he wasn’t sure he would have had the courage to twist his fingers into yours, hold your hand tight to his own, feel the warmth of your palm and guide you along the cobblestones to the small space of greenery amongst brick and steel and concrete.  

“I hope you don’t mind me keeping you out late,” you said slowly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as you waited at the intersection to cross the street.  

“Not at all,” Bucky replied sincerely, offering you a small smile in hopes to ease your nervousness. Part of him wished he said more, maybe told you that spending time with you was the best part of his day or that you were the reason he was getting out of bed most mornings, but it was too big of an admission. It could scare you away and that was the last thing he wanted. Before he had a chance to decide, the light turned and you stepped out onto the street. Bucky followed closely behind.  

The entrance to the park was bordered with a dark metal fence, an arch way carrying over the brick walkway decorated with flowers and vines. You crossed underneath, pausing to stare up the twisting of the leaved through the pattern in the arch, a delicate finger reaching out to touch the tip of a petal. You looked back at Bucky with a smile twice as wide on your face and he hung his head, a breath of a laugh in his chest.  

The park was mostly empty for a Sunday evening. The last remaining streams of sunlight lit up the greenery, touching over the flowers and the reflecting into the pond at the center where a family of ducks were waddling along the edge. You seemed to like that, watching how the babies followed the mama along the rim of the water. Bucky turned to his right to find you imitating their walk, chasing after them until they stepped into the water.  

Meanwhile, Bucky found a bench sitting under an old oak tree. Its branches hung draped over the bench enough to provide a shadow from the closing sun. It faced the west side of the park, where the sun was setting just over the tops of the buildings and illuminating the sky in brilliant shades of golden orange and vibrant reds.  

“You want to sit for a bit?” Bucky asked, gesturing to the bench. His feet were a little tired from walking through Brooklyn all day with the library, the VA, and now this. It was more than he usually did these days – not that he minded. He’d happily allow his legs to be a little sore if it meant more time with you. He’d walk through busy streets for miles if it was you he was walking towards.  

You plopped down on the bench on his right, sinking into the old wood. You glanced over at him, hiding behind a strand of hair that had fallen down into your face.  

“Thanks for amusing me.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow, chuckling to himself. “You act like I don’t want to be here.”

“I know, I know,” you laughed, swinging your feet off the side of the bench. “It’s just... and I hope this isn’t a strange thing to say but... I just like spending time with you. Wanted a little more of it today, I suppose.”

Bucky swallowed, his throat feeling suddenly very dry. His heart stammered a bit inside his chest, butterflies causing chaos in his stomach, but it didn’t make him want to run. He felt no drive to escape, to push those sensations so far out of reach he turned back to the numbed and empty version of himself he’d been occupied by for months before he met you. They were frightening feelings, yes, but they were pleasant ones, ones he welcomed and invited inside.  

“You can have as much of my time as you want,” Bucky said as the words fell off his tongue. No filter, no second guessing. No chance to bite his tongue. You looked up at him with a kind of hope in your eyes that made his cheeks start to hurt from how much he was smiling.  

You settled back in on the bench, gazing up at the sunset as it lowered behind the buildings. Brush strokes of softer tones blended into the fading blues in the sky, giving way to the moon and stars as they emerged beyond the clouds.  

He glanced down at your hand as it rested on the bench by your thigh. There was hardly even a breath of air between his pinky to yours. You were so close; it would only take one instant of courage to bar the space between you.  

Be brave, Barnes.

Testing the waters, Bucky allowed the very edge of his fingers to brush over your knuckles. Your skin was softer than he’d remembered from that first handshake in the VA nearly a month earlier. He felt your breath hitch like a jolt of electricity had rushed though you, though you didn’t tear your eyes away from the sunset. Your thumb ran a tender line along his hand as you turned your palm up. Bucky swallowed.  

He slipped his hand into yours, curling his fingers to the space between your own, and for a moment he just let himself feel.

He felt for the slight give in your hand, the twitch in your movements as you settled in against him. He felt the gentle sway of your thumb as it painted a line along his, comforting sweeps like you were reminding him you were there. He felt the chill in your skin – cold hands, like he remembered from before – and the heat of his own.  

Then, your head on his shoulder. Your legs crossed towards him as you leaned in closer and he made no efforts to move. A gesture like that would have thrown him in a tailspin before he met you; to be this close to someone, to anyone, to sit in the vulnerability of allowing someone to know and feel him.  

He looked back up at the sunset. It had nearly dipped below the horizon now; only a few glimpses of color remaining in the sky and the shine of the lamppost just a few feet away.  

You sighed in a contented hum, circling your free hand to rest on the inside of his bicep, hooked around his arm. You held him against you like a teddy bear, just wanting to feel more of him. 

It was a strange sensation, he thought; this new urge to want to give you as much as his body could offer.