#SOBBING at this thought ough oh it hurts so good

[goosita]

maybe as he grows to love you, he's able to touch you, like his hand won't go straight through you anymore. he's overjoyed at being able to do so, cause billy's a lover boy and he wants to be able to feel you. and you can feel the change too. his outline becomes slightly more visible to you.

YESSSS OH MY GOD YES THE MORE ATTACHED TO YOU HE BECOMES AND THE MORE HE LBR FALLS IN LOVE WITH YOU, THE CLOSER HE GETS TO BEING ABLE TO TOUCH/BE FELT BY YOUUUUU OH IM SAVING THIS IDEA THIS ONE IS BOOKMARKED AND SO READY FOR WHEN I GET TI THAT PART BC LIKE I KNOW IM DOIN THIS AS HC AND BLURBS BUT IM TRYNA GO AT LEAST MOSTLY CHRONOLOGICALLY BUT AAAAAA

[iridescentis]

AGATHA FINALE I HAVE THOUGHTS!!

BILLY MY BOY!!!! OUGH I LOVE HIM IF HE HAS NO FANS I AM DEAD AND BURIED

AGATHARIO KISS BUT AT WHAT COST AAAAAA MY HEART 😭 that was such a heartbreaking and beautiful way for her to go but damnnn I wanted to see more of them!!! I swear the only context for their relationship we got was Agatha calling her 'my love' or something LIKE THAT IS NOT ENOUGH COME BACK AND TELL US THE STORY

I am SO MAD that Jen got her powers back then disappeared I WANT TO HEAR HER STORY!! it pisses me off so much that they just randomly say oh it was agatha who bound her whoops lets undo that okay bye bye Jen!!! little happy flying away moment yippee!! like NO she deserves WAY MORE TIME for her character

as much as it pains me that Alice had to die it does make sense why like someone has to show how Death works but its still so sad :( honestly her death is so impactful because it feels undeserved, it feels too early and that's the whole point. We're supposed to feel like her death was unnecessary because that's exactly how she felt about it, she wasn't ready and neither were we!!!

I MISS LILIA 😭 I also understand Lilia's death like even though the road wasn't "real" she still saved everyone from the salem seven

on that note WAS THAT REALLY IT FROM THEM??? LIKE WHAT. the salem seven show up all weird a few times get skewered and THAT'S IT? THAT'S ALL IT TOOK?? baffling honestly

I love that Billy made the door into a gravestone for Lilia Sharon and Alice that was so sweet :') I think it's such a good way for his character to go, beginning to accept what he has done wrong and moving forward rather than embracing evil entirely or drowning in guilt I love that for him

Agatha and Nicky :((( oh my loves, my heart is broken, they really did ramp up the sweetness of their bond just to make it hurt more when he died and it completely worked I am crushed

AND AGATHA COMPARING BILLY TO NICKY OUGH MY HEART I AM SOBBING oh I really do love them so so much :(<3

I am SO excited for whatever comes next with Billy and I love how they ended it in such marvel fashion it's so silly them walking off to find Tommy y'all can do it I believe!!! It's gonna be fucking forever until we get anything new with them but I hope they get their own TV show or something (it will deeply piss me off if they skip all of Billy and ghost Agatha's journey to find Billy and move straight onto a group movie with Billy in it like NO I want to see more of these two!!!)

Jen better make a reappearance at some point istg she better be back!! Rio also better return there is always death in the MCU she has to have something

I THINK THAT'S EVERYTHING! There definitely are issues and things that could've been done better but I'm pretty happy with the ending we got! :D Even though I'll miss this show so much 😭

[colonelpancakes]

I am, at long last, getting around to watching the new season of The Dragon Prince so. Have some of my thoughts on the new episodes. Uh I guess this is kind of a liveblog thing? Idk, I wrote these down while I was watching the episode. Under the cut because this ended up getting quite long. Image IDs are in the alts. I'm new to this be nice to me-

Okay, is it just me or does this startouch elf look kinda like Sarai? I swear she does, she has like the same face shape. I don't know, maybe it's just me and my god awful facial recognition but... 👀

Also, "We are, all of us, stardust held together by love for an instant." is such a beautiful quote. It reminds me of the Minecraft End Poem.

Ooh, I love the twist on the previous Mystery of Aaravos intro. I wonder if this is gonna be the intro for the whole season or if it'll switch to something else after this episode?

Poor Terry he does not deserve to be dealing with all this shit. He's such a sweetheart. A little bit of a fucked up sweetheart but a sweetheart nonetheless.

Oh so Viren’s not dead. Huh. I need to rewatch the S5 finale because I’m gonna be honest, I do Not remember exactly what happened. Viren was going to die if he didn’t kill Sir Sparklepuff? I think? Or maybe that was just what they thought was gonna happen and there was a chance it wouldn’t? I don’t remember. Anyways, congrats Viren on your new will to live.

Claudia. Claudia what did you do Claudia?

Claudia, why is the sand covered in blood?

CLAUDIA!

Oh poor Terry... You can see the moment he spots the severed wing.

Hey, quick question, WHY IS THIS SHOW STILL RATED Y7? This would have fucking traumatized me as a seven year old! I thought there was a limit on how much blood you can show on a Y7 show, HELLO?? OUGH.

“It’s like you said. You do anything for family. However dangerous, however vile.” “No. No that’s… that’s not quite right. It’s never what I meant. You do anything for your children. Never the other way around. No parent wants their child to suffer for them.” Ough… Oh that hurts. Ohhhh. Also, “no that’s not quite right” is the same thing he says to her in the first episode when she says something weird. Callbacks to simpler times ow that hurts.

OH YEAH. JUST RIP MY HEART OUT WHY DON'T YOU? Augh.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GIVE CLAUDIA’S VA AN AWARD. NOW. That is hands down actually the most like. Realistic depiction of someone crying in any media I have ever encountered. The way she sounds like a child having a breakdown? She’s not crying quietly, she’s screaming and sobbing oh my god. I literally started tearing up watching as like a sympathetic response good grief. Who is Claudia’s voice actress? I looked it up and apparently it’s Racquel Belmonte. Give her like fifty awards right now

Viren. Viren listen. I appreciate that you are attempting to heal and face justice and become a better person separated from dark magic. I really do appreciate it. Good for you. HOWEVER. Perhaps, just maybe, abandoning your daughter, who has become an amputee less than a day ago, in the wilderness with no one but her boyfriend after she just completed a very traumatizing ritual AND knowing that she has severe abandonment issues after her mother and brother both left her. Is not the best move? Like. That girl is not mentally stable she needs support. She does not need her dad abandoning her on a beach, covered in blood and missing a leg as she screams and cries for him not to leave her. Viren, just caring about your daughter does not automatically make you a good dad. Viren. Viren you have to actually stay and support your child and NOT LEAVE HER IN THE FUCKING WILDERNESS. I do, though appreciate how they are creating a character who does CARE about his children so so much. And is still an absolutely god awful father to both of them.

Awww the baitlings are so cute 🥹

Pondering the Orb 🧙‍♂️

Callum… Callum you good? I am getting a very bad feeling about Callum being so adamant about destroying it. I feel like that is absolutely how Aaravos gets released and maybe he’s controlling Callum? This all feels like a bad idea. Also, I will admit the Lord of The Rings joke made me giggle.

Exactly what I was saying, Rayla! Destroying the pearl sounds like a terrible idea.

Ohhh… Poor Zym… He misses his mama. Also, I can’t remember if this was in previous seasons, but I appreciate the stitching in the painting where it was mended after being ripped apart. Such a good detail.

Hey Callum, why are you glowing with star magic? Is it because Aaravos is possessing y- oh nevermind it’s the monkey.

Mmmm the difference between Rayla and Callum. Rayla will put the safety of the world over her loved ones. Callum will put his loved ones over the safety of the world. Rayla refuses doing something that could potentially endanger the world even if it would mean getting her parents back.

Oh, so it’s not Aaravos influencing Callum it’s just Callum being anxious. Also, give Callum’s voice actor an award he's nailed the tone of "so filled with anxious energy you can't stop you have to do something, it's like you're driven by a motor." and that is a very specific tone.

[More in reblogs because I ran out of room.]

[jennyandvastraflint]

Xena Reactions S2Ep12

A TWO PARTER

"I think you should stop punishing yourself for what happened" AHHHH This sounds like it'll be an episode that'll make me cry

"Now it's full of beauty and life, the same kind of change has happened to you" AHHHH, THE LESBIANISM

Gabrielle waits 😭

Uh oh she's having PTSD flashbacks

"Why?" ough

OH NO IS GABRIELLE GONE D:

NOOOOOO

Uh oh.

Yay they're all free again. Runnn

"Wait stop I think I heard Xena"

THE ONE KID SNEAKING AWAY

I think I've said it before but a lot of the villainised characters are pretty racist caricatures...

NOOO XENA GOT HIT

GABRIELLE. HE Hurt her...

Oh god this is really gay. "Wake up. Wake up." If I had a nickel for every-

GABRIELLE STROKING HER CHEEK

Xena my poor babygirl 😭 She's BADLY injured

Ten years earlier...

Oh she was ruthless. Kinda sexy of her tho. I love morally complex characters

A roman nobleman sdjdhs

Can this shit stop insulting the guy.

CAESAR SJFJSBD 23 KNIVES

They're so gay, poor Gabrielle is so worried about her gf

Damn they're skied. Knocking everyone out. Does Xena learn the bloodflow stopping from them

Oh definitely. They're HECKING skilled

Oh wow. She's GORGEOUS. And amazing

Oh this woman as the same symbol on her necklace as the kid from the village

Oh they still have Caesar with them

Yeah I 100% understand why you'd stab this guy 23 times.

She'll eat with him and probably tell him to teach her Gaelic

AHAHA SHE TRIED TO BREAK OUT

Xena is in awe of this woman

Xena on her knees begging? For a beautiful woman? 👀

Okay ngl this is kinda homoerotic...

UM. XENA.

"Where did you steal that dress" sjdhdbd Caesar is an ace bi guy in my head.

Is Xena trying to seduce Caesar

Aha. A kiss.

He'll use her won't he

Dolphins! Sea psychopaths!

OOOH SHE'S STILL THERE. AND SINGING. BEAUTIFUL

"It's Caesar" oh she knows he's no good.

Damn. Night shots where you can actually see something. Wish media today would do that...

I called it

"This is my destiny" oh piss off

Ew. Disgusting.

"Among my conquered" oh go see a therapist you arrogant piece of shit

ARE THEY TRYING TO CRUCIFY HER

Nah this is fucked up... What the actual fuck. All the soldiers

"Break her legs" WTFFFFF

Her friend is gonna save her

Nice winter shots

GABRIELLE!!!

SHE'S SO EXHAUSTED POOR GIRL

THERE SHE GOESSSS I love this woman.

I fucking hate Caesar...

She takes her to a healer

THE SAME HEALERRRR

"Let me go" absolutely not

M'Lina <3

ARGHHHH I'M NOT CRYING YOU ARE

"You I can do something about" T_T Xena can't DIE

"You had no reason to save me but you did"

NO NONOOOOO!!!! M'LINA I LOVED YOU :(((

Oh they unleashed her...

"SHE CAN'T BE GONE"

A new Xena's born tonight 👀

THE CUT BETWEEN THE TWO

"WAKE UP" NOOOOO MY POOR GABRIELLE

Is her soul leaving :(

"When the living think of the dead they can hear their thoughts"

NOOOO SHE HEARS GABRIELLE AND ONLY GABRIELLE

"This world needs you. I need you" I'm not sobbing you are

[definitelynotshouting]

OK! ANON HERE WITH THE FIRST ROUND OF ANALYSIS/SCREAMING INTO THE VOID. (I have more quotes but i dont want to overwhelm you and do them all at once)

-☀️

"This fantasy carries him through the rest of the night, past false dawn and into the early onset of staccato birdsong. Grian stares blearily at the bleeding warmth creeping in through the window; gentle golden hands that march over the floorboards and press their palms against the walls. They're less frenetic than the moonlight had been— the shadows here are dappled, innocent things, splaying over stripped bark and playing in the whorls within planks. They breathe depth into this tiny, wooden box, shifting slowly under daylight's cautious curve into the sky, until scintillating rays curl like shackles around his wrists."

- the word choice in this is just so masterful. It's so TENSE, Grian's emotions and thoughts are a complete mess, and this is mirrored even in how you describe the environment. It feels like nothing is safe, which is brilliant, because Grian's currently driving through life on a cord as thin as silk. Its the way even the birdsong is frantic and unsafe "staccato". The "gentle" hands that harden to "march" and "press". Things start out kindly, and then the words become harsh and cold, and this just perfectly reflects how mistrustful Grian is. Nothing makes sense to him; everything is out to get him.

-☀️

"Grian snorts without meaning to, then claps a hand over his mouth, something ugly coagulating in his heart. He doesn't deserve this kind of laughter, this reluctant amusement simmering in his chest. It burns him from the inside out, scorching the back of his throat; hot coals between clenched teeth. Grian inhales embers, exhales ash, and summons every spare ounce of willpower at his disposal to keep his voice from shaking."

- Oh, this. This hurts so much. I can talk about how bird boy's mental state is so poor he's even depraving himself of laughter, and how this is an extension of how he started out starving himself of food, then sleep, now laughter. The fire imagery here is so potent as well. He's burning himself from the inside out, which i feel like is such good imagery for what is actually happening: his code breaking apart. Mans IS literally coming apart from the inside. Ough

-☀️

"It's a pretty effect; it makes Grian's gut plummet all the way down to his lap."

- CRYING CRYING CRYING

- They know each other so well. Grian and Scar learnt each other's tells under the desert sun. He understands how tension and anger and sadness plays on Scar's face and body language when theyre in the games, and in those games everyone's emotions are caused by grian. But now theyre not even in the games and all grian can see is how HIS existence is hurting the people he loves most

-☀️

That's all im going to do for now. Thank you for tearing out my heart and smashing it on the pavement <3

(Also idk if you want me to leave an anon identifier? Maybe i can just stick with the ☀️ if no one else has taken it?)

HEY ANON. WHAT IF I CRIED AND SOBBED AND WEPT!!!!!! HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO !!!!!!!! /POS /POS /POS!!!!!!! LOSING MY MIND RN IM GRINNING FROM EAR TO EAR SO EXCITEDLY THIS JUST MADE MY ENTIRE DAY

hooooly shit i cannot thank you enough this is so kind and wonderful and just!!!!!! listen i LIVE for people analyzing my writing bc i try to put SO MUCH into it, as much as i can possibly cram without oversaturating, and to see people pick up on this stuff is like being handed an immaculately wrapped present every single time. This is truly making my mind go crazy im so fucking happy rn oh my gods, thank you so much this is such an incredible treat

Im not sure if the sun emoji has been taken or not (i think i had another one a long time ago???? but im not sure if you're the same one or not djehdjdjr) but!!! Absolutely feel free to leave an emoji identifier, whatever you want!! :D i rlly enjoy seeing regulars in the inbox so absolutely feel free to do that if ur comfortable!!!!!

[absolute-snzaster]

ok I'm officially tired of waiting for literally any other person on snzblr to get into the same weirdly specific visual novels as me so fuck it, here's the a/ndromeda s/ix snzcanons that literally no one asked for! under the cut because I write so many fucking words oh my god

Cal:

dad sneezes, because of course he does

fully vocalized, throaty, with two separate and clearly enunciated syllables

literally sounds like "AAAH–CHOOO!" what can I say, the man's a classic.

probably owns a fucking monogrammed handkerchief. or several

kind of looks like he's allergic to life but I feel like he'd lose his voice from all the dad sneezing so idk

one million percent the kind of stuffy, straightlaced bitch you want to see get absolutely wrecked by the worst stress cold of his life

Damon:

the tiniest, highest-pitched, most adorable little kitten sneezes you could possibly imagine

HATES it.

can, will and has threatened the life of anyone who dares to mention it

this does not stop at least 50% of the crew from doing so anyway.

regularly.

June:

soft, wet, whispery/unvocalized sneezes

occasionally has (equally whispery) hitchy buildups, but never hitches more than twice per sneeze

probably the type to sneeze into cupped hands. or a crumpled tissue/several tissues/handkerchief in said hands

sniffly, probably rubs his nose a lot

has allergies and specifically stifles his allergy sneezes for whatever reason.

stifles by pressing one finger under his nose and somehow it actually works?

this might just be because he's my number one favorite best guy (sobbing crying I love him so much ough) but I could totally see him having the kink and being SUPER embarrassed about it. just so blushy and flustered and aaaaaa 🥰🥰🥰

I feel like I had another thought about this but I forgot it bc too busy thinking about June blushing 😊

he would just have the shyest smile after he sneezed like especially if somebody blessed him oh my GOD I would die for him my sweet sweet boy

Ryona:

long, breathy buildups and soft, satisfying releases

doesn't necessarily have the kink, but does seem like the type to really just enjoy a good sneeze

I could see her having the kink tho. just bc she probably knows how to cure a cold in like 3 minutes if she wanted to

also probably knows what plants to use to make people sneeze... 👀

I picture her sneezing into tissues, but like... weirdly oversized tissues. just for the Aesthetic™

Aya:

soft, rapid fits

uses tissues. will give anyone shit for using anything else (hands/sleeves/etc because she thinks it's gross, and handkerchiefs because she thinks they're dorky :PPP )

sneezes eight times in a row, like, regularly. it's specifically eight

always looks surprised before/between/after sneezes

probably allergic to cats. probably puts her face on them anyway

would tease a partner to within an inch of their life if she found out they had the kink, and then indulge the almighty fuck out of it. like possibly to the point where it'd be like kind of a lot for them actually. it's really just another form of teasing

she'd fucking love that she could turn someone on just by sneezing tho

Bash:

really snotty colds. probably gets a pretty bad cough with them too

absolutely the type to get laid up with man flu. just the most melodramatic when he's sick

probably goes to Ryona the second he gets a cold all sniffling and going "helllllllllp :("

can make his tattoos flash when he sneezes as a party trick but disables it when he has a cold bc it makes his head hurt

once accidentally did said party trick during sex. liked it a weird amount

not above using his grease rags as snot rags when nobody's looking

maybe even when they are looking, honestly.

Vexx:

angry, breathless fits that leave him doubled over and gasping every time

almost sounds like coughing... or snarling

sneezes into a loosely closed fist. with gloves on, usually

[redacted] used to worry about him when he got fits and would always try to rub his back and lend him a handkerchief

he would always try to laugh and act like he was way too cool and sexy to use a handkerchief.

he still has one of the handkerchiefs

[defiledtomb]

1/3 (Hey, sorry if this is too long,) Sooo, I totally didn’t open word doc so I could get all my thoughts on the update down properly, haha~ Not gonna lie, I’ve lost count how many hours I’ve spent just playing and replaying it. That new path to Riven! Oh mah gawd, not sure I’ll “officially” take that path in any of my playthroughs (it hurts too much. Particularly if you’re prickly with Id), but just the fact that it’s there and the way things play out. It was good. Painful, but good.

Hold on, I'm bawling like a little baby.

Ok, I'll reply with random notations and hope it's coherent enough jsjfhdjdjfhfh.

1)I am so honored that you would do that, and share your thoughts with me so thoroughly. You are a treat and a treasure 💖 I am so happy you found my IF, and share your gorgeous art, and I hope you get to enjoy this story for many more hours to come!!

I know the new path into town is dreadful, and I wanted it to sting, because MC "knows" there is no way out of this. I hope I hinted enough that would they stay, things would get real bad real fast. Ough 😭

2) About Leith and Rosa :') wow, I love that she secretly hopes that he is actually dead, because the implication of him being alive, not contacting MC; you are absolutely right and it is a feeling I'm playing off when I write the L-mance route. Because, when you do start getting closer to the truth in the story, I have it planned so that it is heartbreaking in reality. It truly is, and I hope I can pull it off so that you get to feel that heart wrenching reality of what really happened, and how MC was oblivious to it all, but still, so so very close to it the whole time. And this goes both ways. But I won't spoil anymore 😭

I can't wait to see how your L-mancer changes and evolves as the story moves onward, and to see if Rosa does end up with Sene, or if she finds it in her heart to understand.

(cue sobbing again)

[llycaons]

ep28 (2/2): you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll sigh dreamily, you'll grit your teeth in hopeless anger....this one has it all

the drama of the duel is kind of silly if you know it's a ploy so idc for it but this is very real hurt wwx is expressing and jc just doesn't care I guess!

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS. THIS IS SUCH A DUMB PLAN

also why did he do this. just for the drama....

prettyyy

oh my god so this scene had me sobbing. real tears. she was so happy to see him! her brother!!! but he's going away from them and it's breaking her heart and she's begging jc to do something but he's just standing there and wwx is getting smaller and smaller in the distance 😭 wwx people love you so much!!!!

and this look afterwards...devastating

oh shit did jc give him money? it's implied that lwj gives wq money but following that same logic, maybe jc did too. less in-character for him tho

OUR ICON. HETEROPHOBIC WEI WUXIAN

this is a joke im literally bisexual please dont come for me

im such a sap for their romance...an arrogant rich boy getting into muddy water to personally build you a pond that reminds you of home so you won't be homesick...mud on his face and hiding the lotus behind his back as if he could hide it....I AM charmed!!! I am!!! he may not have any principles either but fuck if he doesn't love his wife!

🥺

and she is CRYING!!!!! she misses her home!!! she wants to be with her brothers!!! this is hard for her!!!

I love that the show teaches you how to watch it. they're saying, look at this romantic couple. jzx is committing to supporting and taking care of jyl. jyl is saying jzx's name with no formalities attached. they're staring deeply into each other's eyes. they're on a bridge (ahh!!! I just noticed!!!). this is what couples in this universe do! dw about kissing. staring intently at each other from an arms-length is the height of romance. and you know what they're right

not that I wouldn't kill for one good wx kiss in ep50. but they're right. sometimes romance is in all the littler things

they call jc 'little' huh. to indicate his youth, and accentuate his helplessness and victimization? don't think that was his goal during the duel

oh my god this scene is fucking hilarious. the poor 19 year old with zero history of working with kids. thrust into this position, a child wailing on his leg, beset on all sides by concerned well-meaning strangers. usually so poised and confident, he's shrunk into himself so much he can barely speak. HE DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL FOR THIS!!!! he doesn't know SHIT!!!

and ofc wwx in the corner laughing at him

that's like nine people...help

this scene is ALSO funny bc wwx is obviously watching lwj for a minute before making his presence known to him and lwj lifts his head and it's pov now so he's suddenly all 🥺😍😮 but all in one face and the frames slow down as we go slomo and wwx looks so handsome and powerful walking over to rescue him from this disaster. his hero <3

forgot he said this and then said he has a bitter expression. very xie lian to mq of him lol

I love this moment bc it's one of the first gifs I ever saw and I remember the commentary was like 'lwj suddenly realizes he has a burning need to have a family with wwx' etc. etc. and they're right he does wants that desperately. sorry, lwj. give it 20 years

this is rich kid behavior. I thought wx was being mean and teasing a-yuan, but he was just being practical. there are toys there, so he'll use them to distract and calm down a-yuan, then they'll leave. they don't have the money! and a-yuan isn't even that upset

still, lwj 0.2 seconds after meeting his very first baby, can't bear to see one not spoiled. so we get this very cute scene

personal highlights

that first convo was so good but THEN I'LL BE THE PRECENDENT and then jc's monologue ough

wq returning the comb. sad but also lmao. fail jc moment

jyl's dream broke my little heart...

jzx all covered in the mud offering jyl a piece of her home he built with his own two hands (mostly)

lwj frozen and panicking and trapped by well-meaning nosy market-goers. because of a toddler

lwj reprimanding wwx for not buying all the toys. he is so silly

[parksprout]

Sprout Journal 11/3/24

Hey Tumblr! There's some stuff I wanna talk about today, so I'm going to do a lil journal entry. I was doing journaling at home with pen and paper, but frankly my handwriting is so bad and I use my hands like that so infrequently that I was cramping before I got even close to writing all of my thoughts out each day. So I decided I'm going to put my thoughts that I can share out like this, it can be somewhat of a log of my own self growth! And also keep me a lil sane if I'm struggling again.

Today has been a really good day, actually! So I was on a really successful diet for about 6 months during which I got a 3rd of the way to my overall weight goal and built a bunch of muscle. Then, when I started college full time, I basically stopped altogether. I didn't gain any weight back, but I have been plateaued (least favorite word to spell omg) for a looonggggg time. This week, I've been finally eating how I want to again. My go to breakfast has been

Overnight oats: 1/2 cup of unrefined dried oats 1/2 cup of 2% milk 1 whole banana cut into thin slices 1 tablespoon of honey

Honestly I had it on like the 29th without any banana or honey and that SHIT WAS ASSSSSSS. It was so bland, but I hate wasting food so I downed that slop anyway and felt siicccckkkk ough. Honestly it's been really hard to eat lately due to my current tweak out sesh (breakup stuff) and forcing myself to down that was terrible ToT. This new version with banana and honey is AMAZING THOUGH LIKE ITS GENUINELY TASTY?

After I ate that I went to work and... honestly? As much as I hate my co-workers? It was really good to see them today. They may be bad people, but they are all really attached to me. I have been giving them all life advice for so long because I thought I had it all figured out, and it's very funny being on the opposite end of things now. I specifically asked them if they think I was being silly for reaching out and breaking no contact with my partner (they are my ex but... ugh it doesn't feel right to say that, it makes my stomach hurt). I explained to them why, how, and when I did it and... they actually supported me, they are the only ones in my life who think that reaching out was anything but a mistake. I probably asked 12 people about it and only those three felt like... maybe I'm not wrong for trying to continue the conversation more than we did. Either way, they responded yesterday and we've been talking a lot today. Us talking naturally doesn't mean we're automatically back together, but it might be a new beginning of sorts regardless of what the end looks like. I'm feeling hopeful that we might be able to talk things out and heal, but I can't say anything for certain for now and probably won't be able to for a long time.

I can say that... I found out today that they were thinking about me too. When they started replying to my texts today I snuck out of work to sit in the back of my car and just... take in what they were saying, and respond. They took a picture at work that had my name on it... that made me cry real, fat tears for the first time since this happened. It's strange how I had been sobbing but my cheeks stayed dry, but the moment I talked to them and saw a glimmer of us in their life I started bawling in the back of my own car.

Today is also the first day I've rested instead of heading to the gym after work since this all started. Oh my god my body is so sore. Right now I'm planning out the rest of my night and physical activity is NOT on the agenda.

- After I post this I'll give myself a bit more time to rest and relax - Then it's time to work on homework! First I have to practice for an oral exam I have tomorrow in Spanish class. Then after that, I have both a presentation and another project in Archaeology due on Friday ToT I also have this re-write of a short story for creative writing that I need to work on a second draft of - Then I want to work on OC stuff? I have some ideas for a sleep token OC that I wanna work on, and also I think I can refine my OC's for DnD, my personal writing projects and more somewhat? I think it'd been neat to try and draw them myself sometime soon - besides that I don't think I have plans. Maybe some video games or reading if I have extra time!

Thank you for listening tonight tumblr, you're the realest <3 if anyone sees this, I'm still looking for more mutuals! I wanna learn more about people who share my interests, don't be a stranger :3

[deathbirby]

!!! YEAHHHH LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO. MY THOUGHTS BELOW BECAUSE OH BOY I LOVE THIS??

Ahhh... Starlo moving into the house and bringing his own stuff over and- AAAHHH.. just getting comfortable and oh my god imagine Ceroba just seeing the stuff and feeling like the house is a little less dreary now. Oughh...

there were ALSO going to be more scenes with the feisty five, because i love them

The feisty five!!!! I love them sm that snippet is perfect actually. I can totally get not wanting to write more than 3 people tho. I die at writing just 2 people. And hey, they ended up being perfect in the fic. I haven't said it yet, but you absolutely nail the characters and sometimes when I think about uty I think of your fic. That's how accurately they are written to me.

a lot of my notes for this fic were about ceroba and chujin's relationship.

Ohh.. Chujin and Ceroba. They're so.. interesting. I completely get you too! They were definitely happy together.. but it wasn't that healthy in the end. The lack of communication (like about the number of kids you want??) made me raise several eyebrows. And Chujin locking his final wish behind an impossible task (that requires killing an innocent person).. oughh.. I know he was afraid but his fear ultimately blinded him to the needs of his family.

i'd like to think i could guess... Ohh my god. That part where she talks to his grave.. it made me so fucking sad. Nothing can really describe the feeling of looking at the grave of a loved one. But it was written so well! I love how she comes to accept that she didn't know him as well as she wishes she did but that she still loves the husband she lost..

she blinks back the tears before they can fall. The ache behind them dulls

Oh.. It's.. god it hurts so good. The acceptance. The way she can finally move on. I'm sobbing on the floor.

this of course also comes back in her confession to starlo in the last scene

AND STARLO! She's been his best friend for decades now. She knows him and his faults. He knows hers. They still support the other despite that. Not even at their lowest will they abandon the other!! (Ceroba being the one the stop Starlo from shooting Clover and Starlo stopping Ceroba from asking to be shot by Clover- I. Oh my god..) They're so fucking loyal to the other. They kept secrets at first but they won't do it again. Not after the events of the game. One finding out is what ultimately helps the other. I love them sm your honor

let's talk about kanako: i actually have an abandoned-for-now WIP prequel/sequel to this fic about her!

KANAKO!!!! Omg I'd love to read that fic so much. Intergrity and Kanako sharing a body?? soul?? is one of my favorite takes. (Spoonako in the bathtub jamming out was totally Integrity getting the aux and playing a banger song in their head)

Kanako basically canibalizing the other monsters... Ough imagine the guilt. Don't think about it. I pretend I do not see it. Alphys looking at her soul like "What is wrong with you?? WHY ARE YOU BLUE?"

here's my favorite little bit of what i had written:

..That snippet. Oh. My. God. She realizes Integrity is scared..!! That she was scared even back then!! They were just a child in an awful, AWFUL situation. Oh my god. And she worries about her mother!! KANAKO YOU ARE A SPOON AND YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT HOW WORRIED YOUR MOM MUST BE- I'm gonna cry. She just wants to see her mom again and uncle star and- ohh I am not okay.

i also have a clover fic idea set in this universe called you shouldn't have to sell your soul

Hello?? I absolutely would read this?? The reunion.. The tears.. The feelings.. Lami wanting to find her friend- AAAGHH...

thank you for reading all this if you did!!! thanks for giving me the excuse to ramble about them again, i love this game and i love star and ceroba and the ketsukane family alot

BRO YOU BET I READ ALL OF THIS!! I love these characters so fucking much. You could literally ramble for hours and I would listen. In fact, if you ever wanna ramble please do I am here for it actually.

..also I just imagine Kanako coming back and being like "Mom why were you and Uncle Star kissing?" and Ceroba looking like

HI HELLO! I read your Staroba fanfic and I didn't have an account to leave a comment so I thought I would do that here. So uhh... here goes?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT WAS SO GOOD AAAAGHHH I AM SICK THEY MAKE ME SO ILL??? I love them oughhhhhh I love them so much they're so CUTE TOGETHER AAAA.

“I wouldn’t find you anyway. You snore.” “I do not—” Star laughs, bright, ducking away as she swats at him. For a moment, the stale air of the Ketsukane Estate lifts, and Ceroba can breath again.

OH MY GOD HOW ABOUT I JUST CRUMPLE TO THE FLOOR AND SOB AND AAAAAA

You cooked so hard you burnt down not just my kitchen but my entire house. Thank you SO MUCH

Oh and... there is a director's cut? ... 🥺👉👈

HI THIS IS SO KIND!! thank you for reaching out to leave a comment i love getting asks about my fics. it's been a Hot Minute since i thought about uty but i will absolutely dig into my notes for the director's cut again <3 putting it under a cut because i have no idea how long it'll get!

so, first, deleted scenes: there was originally going to be a scene where ceroba notices that starlo hasn't really Moved In to the guest room at all, and gently bullies him until he brings over his sewing machine/more of his stuff and makes it his home too. there were ALSO going to be more scenes with the feisty five, because i love them, but writing scenes with more than three people is a NIGHTMAREEE and it got a bit out of scope of what i wanted. here's a snip of that deleted scene though

“Could play ERS,” Star suggests. “Somethin’ Ace can’t cheat at.” Ace scoffs, idly shuffling the deck of cards on the table. “I would never. Mooch, on the other hand…” “I would,” Mooch chirps, smiling broadly.

a lot of my notes for this fic were about ceroba and chujin's relationship. it, for obvious reasons, haunts the backdrop of this fic a lot - the complications of their relationship that never had the chance to be worked out in life, the ways in which they complicate her grief in the aftermath of his death, it all means a lot to me and it was important to me that i underlined it throughout the fic. see:

The minute it escapes, Ceroba wants to take it back, but she can’t. Star takes the beer from her hands as the aluminum crumples in her claws. She lets him, her head bowed and her shoulders shaking. “He knew me. He knew me, didn’t he? And he still- and he still… what’d he think I could do? That he couldn’t? That the finest minds of monsterkind couldn’t?” “I don’t think we’ll ever know,” Star says, quietly. She laughs, covers her mouth to stifle it. Tears slip down her cheeks. She’s been crying too much, lately. She doesn’t want to remember these moments. “I wish I did,” she cries. “I’m so damn tired of guessing.”

in the game, she refers to chujin as "a man of secrets". when she talks about him building a house: i think he was insinuating a bigger family. did they never have a conversation about that? where he told her he wanted a bigger family, without her having to guess based on how big he built the house? and, of course, the entirety of steamworks underlining that... maybe he wasn't as honest about his job to her as he could've been!! not to mention. the elephant in the room of "experimenting on himself to his death"

i don't think it was a bad marriage! we don't see a lot of them, but the scenes we do see in the flashbacks, and the way ceroba talks about him - there's a lot of genuine love and care there, and i believe that they had a good thing going, but it definitely wasn't the healthiest, especially when it came to how they talked to each other - or, you know. How They Didn't. ceroba deconstructing her idolization of chujin after his death and coming to terms with the fact that she can be, and IS, angry with him, even in her love and her grief, was like. the backbone of this fic, for me. but also, of course, it's about the way she ends up accepting it, and moving on:

“I think I already knew what I was going to do before I came to visit. I just wanted to let you know. There’s…” Ceroba places a hand on the grave, fingers curling against the smooth surface of it. “There’s so much I should’ve asked you, when we had the time. So much I wish I had known from your mouth, instead of the tapes. Instead of the Steamworks. But seeing you in the things you made for the Dunes, for the rest of the Underground… that isn’t so bad. I don’t know what you’d think of the last couple years. But I’d like to think I could guess.”

accepting her role in the way things were strained, and looking to the good of his legacy, the good she loved in him. accepting that she DID know him - not nearly enough of him, not as much as she wanted to, but that she did. i'd like to think i could guess. you know!!

this of course also comes back in her confession to starlo in the last scene - the fact that she knows starlo so well, that she's known him for so long and trusts him to be open and honest, THAT is part of what reassures her that she can be in a relationship again. that it won't end up the same way. the knowing is important to her!! the trust!!!

ceroba & chujin sidebar over, let's talk about kanako: i actually have an abandoned-for-now WIP prequel/sequel to this fic about her! called i'd really love to break your heart, about her time in the secret lab from the moment she became an amalgam to her post-undertale reunion with ceroba. it's a more dreamlike/rambling style of third person than i hope we live to tell the tale, because it's very inside of kanako's head, and her thought process as an amalgam is really tangled and messy, especially before frisk arrives. i have a couple notes for how i think she's like, as an amalgam:

amalgam kanako threads - friends with the ghost of integrity? looks like she's talking to herself. did melt with other monsters but took 'priority' & is now the only aware monster in the amalgam, which she doesnt think about. has dreams of others' memories. still loves westerns. asks alphys for them. amalgam parts: parsnik (snakes like dina's…), frostermit or another hermit crab…, decibat relative?

the fact that she was injected with integrity is key to my understanding of her as an amalgam, because i think that's what kept her 'kanako' even when the other monsters lost themselves. an unimpaired condition, the quality of being whole, etc. i think she inherits a lot of behaviors and faint memories, feelings from the other monsters, but for all intents and purposes she's the only one still 'alive', and i think she feels guilty about that, a little! but for most of the time, while she's in the secret lab, she's just really, really not thinking about it too hard.

here's my favorite little bit of what i had written:

When the Royal Scientist walks into the room, shocked and worried and hopeful all at once, and tells them they can go home if everything’s alright, Kanako hears her, but… She isn’t looking at her at all. She’s looking at the human at the back of the room only she can see, the girl from Snowdin in her dusty tutu and ribboned shoes, looking all wrong. Nothing but a dark blue shadow on the wall, a slip of a person. Dr. Alphys keeps rambling and the girl meets Kanako’s eye, slowly shakes her head. She looks scared, now. Scared like she looked back then, when Kanako couldn’t recognize it.  It doesn’t make any sense. They’re all awake now, aren’t they? They’ll get to go home tomorrow, won’t they? She’ll get to see Mom again, and Uncle Star, and everything will be okay, because her dad’s plan didn’t work but she’s alive, awake, and she doesn’t know how long she’s been asleep but Mom must be worried sick. There’s a lurch in Kanako’s stomach every time she looks over to the girl, for the rest of the day. The unease, a constant shadow over what should be joy. 

(my integrity is named lami, and she's a good kid, for all that she lashes out when she gets scared. i'm a "all of the souls were just kids and even if they did get LV that's a tragedy of their circumstances" truther. she's the second main character of this fic and i think her and kanako are best friends :] it takes a while. but they get there. having someone to talk to through those lonely years is part of what keeps kanako together)

and my secret, third thing to wrap this up: i also have a clover fic idea set in this universe called you shouldn't have to sell your soul, which is a second person fic about them and flowey seeking out the cast of uty post-undertale when the kids are revived. lami joins them because she wants to find kanako. they're so important to me<3

thank you for reading all this if you did!!! thanks for giving me the excuse to ramble about them again, i love this game and i love star and ceroba and the ketsukane family alot

[arklay]

tagged by @denerims @florbelles @risingsh0t @leviiackrman @shellibisshe & @fenharel to do this quiz for some of my ocs – thank you all so much ily! ♡

tagging: @aartyom @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @celticwoman @cultistbase @faarkas @girlbosselrond @narshadda @nocticulas @noonfaerie @nuclearstorms @reaperkiller @risingsh0t @shadowglens @steelport @stormveils @swordcoasts @voerman @windupcharibert @wrymbloods & anyone else who would like to do this! no pressure as always, and if you'd prefer i didn't tag you in these things, just let me know ♡

WHAT'S AT YOUR OC'S CORE?

— rippling sunset.

you're the nicest person i'll ever meet, probably. with an undying passion to protect those who can't protect themselves, you're energetic and bubbly to a fault. it's cute, watching you run around trying to tie up loose ends. i feel bad for you — out of everyone you know, you probably have some of the deepest trauma, more than anyone's aware of. this isn't something that you want attention for at all, and you'd really just rather forget it exists at all… even then, it seems like you can never escape it. i wish you a pleasant rest of your life, full of rippling sunsets and free of prying eyes.

— fractured glass.

no amount of orchestrated class is ever going to hide the fact that you're doomed to be alone. you're a puppet, you're a weapon, but most importantly? you're a fraud. your facade isn't malicious, but that doesn't change a thing. everything in your life is in your control now, and you chose to let yourself become stiff and distant. you're guilty of everything you blame yourself for, and your misfortune is the fault of nobody but yourself. your selfish nature forges you into a man-made monster, so quick to blame and so desperate to escape consequence. i hope that you can become someone you’re proud of soon.

— acerbic wit.

you're a mentor — an old scarred wolf, an injured soldier, a disgraced paladin. your teachings read as shamelessly pretentious, speaking in rhymes and biting down hard into anyone stupid enough to make the wrong move. this isn't your first life, nor your second, nor your sixth — you'll make the most of your time shackled to this world, no matter how many loops it takes to get it right. with every defeat, you reincarnate; a little smarter, a little quicker, crueler and nastier. will you choose to be brutal, equalizing, that final strike in the face of your enemies? will you go soft, become tender and domesticated? the choice is yours. it's not like i can stop you.

— silent admission.

in tarot, the fool is numbered 0 – the number of unlimited potential. as the protagonist, he is ever present and therefore needs no number as well as no introduction. the world revolves around you in ways that i can't begin to describe, though you'd shrug it off if i were to begin to explain. i need you to know that time is running out. if you want to get this done, you need to start now. sloth is your greatest enemy in this world, and you can only run so far from the opposition when you start with such a disadvantage. keep your head high, yeah? the kid you were is still in there somewhere. you need to show him that it was worth it.

[kingbabysitter]

steve rambles about s4 p1

here are my live thoughts through my first watch through; there will likely be more. spoilers (obviously), read at your own risk (also forgive any spelling or grammar mistakes, as i am writing this i am currently bouncing off of the walls because of this damn show)

GOD THIS SEASON!!! i know people are pretty divided on it, but i LOVED it so far. i’m a bit worried where it’s going to go during part 2 - namely with will and mike, jonathan and nancy, and i’m becoming so protective over dustin, max, lucas, (and erica!!) so far. i have to admit - as someone who never cries at movies/tv shows, this season got me choked up more than i’d like to admit, namely during max’s scene w/ vecna in the upside down, the battle against the demogorgon in russia, jopper reunion, and the possibility of nance getting hurt (i’m normal and i have normal thoughts). 

in terms of storyline, i was a bit confused why we didn’t see the cali gang at all after like. the middle of episode 6 or something. i hope we get to see them soon in part 2. i really liked the russia plot, i found that the beginning of the joyce/murray plot was a little boring but GOD as a dynamic they work really well together and i’m so glad that murray is a “main” character this season. i am loving robin as always - she was definitely written for gay band/theatre kids and it shows (good thing.) “i have a hard time with social cues,” oh robin the platonic (capital P!) love of my life and worst best friend ever. 

speaking of loves of my life, i LOVED the characterization and relationships this season. it was great to be back with nancy (although, i do NOT think it should be romantic), lucas and max made me sob, suzie’s siblings, especially eden, are hilarious and i loved that feeling of a chaotic house full of kids, argyle and jonathan are my two new favorite stoners, joyce and murray are unlikely best  friends!, and, of course, hopper and enzo being “friends” (as much as you can be in a prison where you cannot trust eachother) was really awesome to see too. 

wasn’t a big fan of jason’s gang/the basketball squad.. i think they were good to move the plot along and i think jason seeing patrick Die was an important aspect, but they were kind of just.. dropped after that? i’m not sure if they’re going to make an appearance in part 2 or if they’re mostly going to stay in the background.  i’m going to be 100% honest with you guys (sorry steddie fans) i did NOT like eddie in the beginning. i was worried he was just going to be some edgy stereotype that was kind of a shitbag to everyone but the fandom loved him anyway. now i can see he is just Mentally Ill and has been treated like SHIT by society. he reminds me a LOT of myself when i was younger, i resented anyone who was popular/rich/etc because i had been treated so poorly by them so i completely empathize with him on that front. i’m going to be honest i’m still not sure why he couldn’t move his game to another day; i’ve DMed before (and have been in a decent handful of campaigns) and as long as you have the prep time and plot [at least semi-]planned out (it seems like he does!) you usually don’t need a set date. i’m not saying his reaction wasn’t justified (and i love getting more erica screentime!!) but it just felt like the stakes weren’t as high as the basketball game. tl;dr - pre-chrissy death eddie i was ehh on, after-chrissy death eddie? i think he’s Neat. :-)

favorite duo this season (so far) HAS to be nancy and robin. i am so happy for nancy to have a good friend again after barb. they both deserve the WORLD

the twist with 001. OUGH. i got the fact that 001 was vecna spoiled to me, and during the beginning of the finale i started putting two and two together (who 001 was), so i knew what was going to happen to him (which sucks, by the way - i really wish i could’ve been caught off guard, there were a lot of twists at the end that i had spoiled for me unfortunately! please remember to tag your stuff correctly!

very glad that everyone is sort of having a more equal amount of screen-time. i was pretty pissed last season especially since i felt like they really pushed jonathan and nancy aside... the fandom sure has!! regardless, i think that they incorporated the new characters pretty well too, it was definitely a LOT at the beginning but given that the kids were going to two different NEW schools it made sense. (i’m also kind of glad that el didn’t really do anything with the other kids at the lab and 002 was the real only person who we had to keep track of... so many faces in that lab!!) finally, i want to shed light on dr. owens... i love morally grey characters like him, i think he is supposed to be one of those “good people who have done terrible things,” and dr. brenner’s message really applies to him (not dr. brenner though. fuck that guy). you can tell his heart is in the TRYING to be in right place but he’s definitely still corrupt and is working with the man who is testing on literal children and giving them severe trauma. so, once again, morally grey.

my biggest questions for part 2 are: - why are we stuck in 1983 in the upside down? (my first idea was that’s when the gate was opened, but that doesn’t make any sense given the timeline of season 1.) barb died on november 8th, not the 6th, so i don’t think it was vecna trying to mess with nancy’s head. 

- what the FUCK did will paint.

- how is everyone’s relationship with eachother going to develop?? i’m loving the characterization this season!

- not a question but i need to see what happens to jonathan and nancy please please please please. i have SO many theories about the love triangle i don’t know how much longer i can wait 

 - where is vickie? duffer brothers Answer Me. c’mon.

[dancedance-resolution]

I asked someone else this too, but do you think any of the Supergirl characters have any medical trauma?

ohoho yes i definitely do!! i think all of the characters could easily conceivably have medical trauma, but i'm going to go into detail on kara because i am eternally consumed with thoughts about kara zor el.

i think a lot of her medical trauma goes hand in hand with being The Last Of Her Kind.

when she grew up on krypton, medicine was A Thing. if she fell ill, kryptonian doctors knew how to treat kryptonian illnesses as they present in a kryptonian body. illness wasn’t some big affair; it was just a thing kara experienced sometimes, just like everyone else did.

whereas on earth, on the rare occasions young!kara does have a health issue, she's shipped off to some secret government bunker. where she's experimented on like a lab rat. where they take notes, track data, all just to figure out what's even wrong with her in the first place - let alone possible treatments. and where they take advantage of kara's suffering to gather notes and data on what gives her superpowers, all so the goverment hacks can turn their own human military into a superpowered force of destruction....

it’s dehumanizing, and fucking isolating too. she’s acutely aware that No One Here Is Like Her. no one has experienced this illness before and can hold her hand and tell her it’s all gonna be okay because look i’m living proof. she is alone in her experience, so much so that these doctors don’t even have knowledge of the medical reality of what she’s experiencing. 

.

not to mention the pangs she feels remembering how her mom used to press a hand against her forehand and, feeling a fever, make her that special type of tea that always made her feel better. alura sweetened the bitter drink with nectar from moon flowers, and even though they didn’t mask the horrible taste that well, kara knew it was a sign of love. her mother’s way of trying to alleviate her suffering in every way possible.

and eliza’s able to do that to some extent. she does the exact same hand-to-the-forehead thing that alura used to--kara sobs for hours the first time eliza does it to her, inarticulable emotion welling up in every cavity of her chest. eliza cuddles her when she has a tummy ache and holds her hand when she solar flares and scrapes her knee. and it’s good, yes, but. it’s always panicked in a way that it never had been with alura. because back on krypton, a scraped knee was a scraped knee. whereas here on earth, a scraped knee is an opportunity for kara to contract some earthly infection, to spread some alien pathogen, to permanently harm her powers.... kara feels guilty about it all, too, that she inevitably puts eliza through all that stress every time she gets so much as a scratch.

.

not to mention the trauma of solar flaring the first time! kara doesn’t even know what it fucking is - no one does. and then she’s inundated with all sorts of illnesses and injuries she’d never been able to contract before, left shaky and breathless and wondering if she’s just like this for the rest of her life - if her powers (one of the few things she has left to remind her that she is kryptonian, she is of a lost culture and absent planet) are just. gone. forever.

.

ough, and the mental health stuff! like, kara can’t have an illness so long as she’s not solar flared. she can’t experience physical pain, can’t be harmed by injury. so why the fuck does she still feel so much pain all the time?? why does the girl of steel, immune to every ailment, just fucking hurt?

.

oh, and kal el. the one man who could help her figure out what’s going on half the time.

he’s not there. he didn’t choose her. he didn’t want her.

he isn’t there to support her.

when she’s at her worst, kara hopes that he’ll swoop in and save the day, being superman and all.

she’s sixteen when she learns to stop her futile fucking hoping.

this is very emo sad hours but rest assured! things get better. she gets closer to alex, loving and caring and protective alex, and finds a new source of support. she meets j’onn, a fellow Last Of Their Kind who can relate to a lot of kara’s struggles. she falls in love with lena, a human with her own history of medical trauma - kara cares so deply for her, and one day she realizes, oh, this is how i should treat my own self too.

[anangelforsure]

I have now seen Venom 3 twice in theatres, so here are my thoughts on the end of this trilogy.

By now I know (or thought I knew) what to expect from Sony Venom. Heartfelt moments but mostly silly marvel humor, action, and venom and Eddie heavily plot-armoured. Boy was I wrong.

It was interesting that there isn’t really a main antagonist in this one like the last ones. I liked it honestly, Eddie and venom against the world. I think the codex thing is really cool, and a great metaphor for their relationship, which is painfully sweet, two becoming one and all. There is so much obvious foreshadowing about the ending that watching it a second time hurt my heart.

“We’ve been together for a year now?” Said by venom was the first line that got me. I’m so glad they kept the married couple vibes.

I did not care for Dr Paine, I found her insufferable in the way she didn’t care about anything but research when people were dying. The van family are hilarious, I love the awkward moments between Martin and Eddie because they both think the other is insane. The scene where Eddie is in the van on the way to Vegas and venom goes “sometimes I think we would’ve been happier with a life like this” “you would make a good dad”… god. In another life, another universe, maybe they could have been happy.

The whole Vegas sequence I absolutely adore. It’s so silly, and Not dancing could’ve avoided them some trouble, but venom is so happy and adorable.

The way Eddie and venom are truly symbiotic “he’s deteriorating without his host”, eddies panic when he realizes venom isn’t with him… ough.

The Area 51 sequence is incredibly stressful, I was gripping my arms both times. I thought the symbiotes were pretty cool and was a little disappointed they killed most of em off.

When I tell you I felt absolutely SICK when I realized what was going to happen I’m not exaggerating. “I really would have liked to see her” GODDDDDD I was sobbing. My first theatre was empty besides me, my friends and a child+guardian. I let out a gross wet gasp through my tears at one point during that scene and the kid went “someone’s crying up there⁉️🗣️”

I genuinely thought it was gonna end like the first movie with ‘oh haha he magically survived through the power of friendship’. Eddie watching venom die painfully in front of him is agonizing. And then Eddie waking up, being told that venom isn’t coming back “but I need him to” Ohh my god. And then the whiplash from that to fucking Memories 😭😭 never in my life did I imagine I’d be sobbing to maroon 5 of all the bands in the world. That’s such a Sony venom thing to do. But the flashback edit went crazy. “I won’t forget you buddy” at the Statue of Liberty. Peak cinema.

I am plagued with doomed pairings everywhere I go. It’s terrible and incredible.

Alright so the thing overly-serious people are going to want to know is that I am not a huge superhero film watcher. I don’t love movies with more fighting than story, you couldn’t force me to watch another John wick movie if you tried, I like emotions, relationships between characters, internal struggle.

Now, I came into venom in 2018 expecting a dark, painful identity struggle because the official description on the theatre website was apparently written by someone who didn’t watch the movie. I hadn’t ever seen a non-children’s movie in theatres before this, and as an easily frightened teenager I was a bit nervous because I’m not a fan of graphic deaths. Needless to say it did not take long to realize my fears were completely off the mark. I was met with the relatable mess of Tom Hardy’s Eddie Brock, and soon enough the loveable symbiote. I am someone who pretty much lives under a rock cinema wise, so maybe my reaction doesn’t quite match the average person’s, but their dynamic struck deep within me. Who can watch a couple of sad idiots form an intimate relationship (venom literally in eddies head however cliche it sounds) and not feel moved? I’m sure hardcore marvel bros and critics would destroy me for being a young female enjoying this ‘horrible movie’ but imagine not being able to be warmed by a wholesome relationship idk what’s up with those guys. There seems to be this idea that marvel movies should all be really dark and tragic and gritty and violent, at least that’s what I get from the reviews, but why does everything have to be so serious? Why can’t we combine action and violence with comedy and soft relationships? I’m not saying it’s homophobia but especially after venom 2 (which is actually the movie I came here to write about oops) im saying it’s kind of suspicious of some the hate reviewers

[gay-otlc]

A:LHSFLKJSDLKFJ

OH THEM.

THEM I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

LIKE- THE ARSON GANG <3

THOUGHTS ARE NOT COHERENT RN.

Like- ough I thought you were gonna be terrible terrible awful. You were still evil >:( but. It also brought the gang closer together, so I sort of forgive you.

I have never in my life wanted to punch Blaze more. I agree 100% with Lani on this one.

Watching characters fall apart and show their emotions is.... mmm it's good. It's so good.

Just. Through the lows and highs that this friendship has? It's incredible character development and those are honestly some of my favorite chapters/stories.

So well done, I felt shrimp emotions while reading.

Good. Ridding readers of coherency is the mark of success in a writer.

Anyway! Arson gang. Yes I was evil >:) but it didn't feel like a good stopping point until the actual end so I had to keep going until it was less awful. The hurt was still painful but uhhhh comfort? Yay? Consolation prize?

#letlanipunchblaze2022

Mmm. Yes. Catharsis. Of which I have none so *gestures vaguely* fictional characters

(sobbing) they're communicating and bonding and trusting one another and becoming a family

Enjoy those shrimp emotions! I immensely enjoyed seeing this reaction.

[anika-ann]

Errare Humanum Est - Pt.10

...and Drink It with Gusto

Type: series, soulmate AU series  (part 1, part 2)   x Supernatural

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader (past?)    Word count: 3400

Summary: Steve’s a bit difficult (poor baby), not that anyone blames him. Sam Wilson makes a confession – sort of.

Warnings: mentions of violence, blood and death, alcohol, unhealthy coping mechanism, sad sad Steeb

A/N: dropping the chapter early, because I won’t have time to post for a bit

Story masterlist

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The mission hadn’t been a shitshow, surprisingly enough, but the reports to Fury had been. Natasha had spent the rest of the day, whole night and a better portion of the next day at the SHIELD HQ, having to deal with everything, because Stark had quite literally fled. To be fair, he had at least taken care of Steve’s still unconscious and very much muscular (read ‘really fucking heavy’) form.

Tired and annoyed, Natasha finally landed with small jet at the Tower, making her way to her room, wishing nothing more but to shower and get some fucking sleep.

Of course, walking through the common room, she should have known she wouldn’t be that lucky.

She heard his icy yet somewhat cheery voice before she even saw him and it made her stop in her tracks, dreading facing him. She was too tired for his reproaches now.

“AH! There she is!”

Natasha took a deep breath, closing her eyes and mentally counting to three.

“Here’s ‘ur soulmate ex-pert!” Steve howled again, making her heart clench.

Black Widow was not a coward, but neither her nor Natasha liked dealing with feelings too directly – the jet was enough to get her fill for several years prior. She scanned the room before she would settle on him – and sure enough, she and Steve weren’t alone.

Bruce was standing indecisively by the door, torn and helpless expression on his face, his eyes one big question mark, asking Natasha how the hell he was supposed to deal with that.

Good question, Bruce, good question.

The smell of booze and Steve’s demeanour were unmistakable, but she silently asked anyway.

“Is he…?”

“Yeah. He… uhm… he found Thor’s stash,” the scientist answered her in equally hushed voice, inconspicuously pointing towards the counter where three flasks lay, emptied. Jesus.

Steve apparently heard and saw them anyway, because his voice bellowed again in reaction to their conversation. His words were slurred.

“Goooood friend Thor. Thou’ he t’ied to take my g’l. Nooot a g’d friend. Baaaad, bad friend.”

“Oh bozhe moy…” Natasha whispered under her breath and Steve turned to her, looking almost excited to see her.

Which didn’t mean he didn’t look like absolute shit. He had a t-shirt stained with the alcohol, his eyes red-rimmed, bruise-like dark circles under them as if he hadn’t slept for a year.

She hadn’t thought he could get worse than in the quinjet. Clearly, she was wrong.

“’tasha! Greeeeat ‘dvice you gave me,” he exclaimed, trying to rise from his spot on the couch where he had been half-lying like a dead fish casted ashore.

Natasha resisted the urge to massage her temples as the headache started to build. She tried to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach at the audible edge to his voice, the accusation glaring at her from his eyes.

“Steve…”

He finally stumbled to his feet and she noticed another flask secured in his right hand. He held it out as if he was pointing at her.

“Tried wat’ you s-said. Hurts,” he hiccupped, the sound blending with a sob. He cleaned his nose with the back of his hand hastily. “S-saw her grave. Fuck it hurts…  ‘dis thing’s good ‘ough.”

Natasha bit the inside of her cheek, her mind racing. She didn’t need to call anyone for advice now. Her friend was shitfaced. The only thing she could do was to get him to bed and try not to antagonize him or trigger something worse than… whatever this was. She wasn’t sure if moving on from being snowed under work – voluntarily – was more or less healthy than drinking himself into oblivion. But she counted any change that wasn’t a step towards a suicide (possibly assisted by the last of Hydra goons) like a progress.

“Is he drunk?” Tony’s incredulous voice ringed from the doorway and Natasha didn’t even bother spinning on her heels to him, hearing him enter and close the distance between them as he stopped at her side. “Cap?”

Blood froze in Natasha’s veins and she was swift to call out, but it was too late. “No- don’t call-!”

So much for not triggering him and making it worse. She could see how he suddenly stood straighter as if he swallowed a wooden ruler, and an indefinable expression appeared on his face.

She gulped in anticipation of a storm.

“Cap!” he called out, mimicking Tony and the billionaire realized his mistake, judging by the silent dammit that left his lips. Steve raised the flask in a mock toast, turning around and nearly tipping over his feet. “Captain ‘merica! What a heeero! Cheers to him!” He took a long sip before continuing, his gestures animated. “Swin’ in, safe th’m all! Kill his g’l, why ‘ven care… hero, murd’r, potato, tomatho…” his voice slurred into a murmur, until he spotted a newcomer and came to life again. “Ah! Hey, Clint!”

Clint was quick to understand the situation and it took one glance at Natasha for them to agree what needed to be done. He approached Steve cautiously with his features emotionless.

“We should get you to bed-“

“Nope! No!” Steve howled instantly, taking several steps backwards to get out of Clint’s reach. His expression was dark, tears welling in his eyes. “Smell like h’r. Not ‘nymore. Hurts!” he sobbed, pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead, his figure swaying dangerously as he closed his eyes and lost the visual control of his balance. “Hurts!”

“Come on, Steve…” Clint coaxed him gently, attempting to close the distance between them again. His gaze flickered to Bruce and Tony and they took few steps towards Steve as well.

“Nope! Gotta-ta sssay sm’thin’!” Christ, Natasha had never seen him like this and she wanted to bleach both her eyes and ears. He pointed the flask at Clint resolutely. “You knew. You warn h’r. Fuck-fuck up. Shouldva told- I ain’t gettin’ killed. I kill h’r.”

“Steve…” Natasha approached him as well, grimacing when she saw the flash of emotion on Clint’s face.

Steve spun to her immediately, this time accusing her. “And you! Gooood job. Pushin’ us togthe’. You kill h’r too.”

“Hey! Watch it!” Tony snapped at him, running out of patience, but Natasha knew Steve didn’t quite mean it. Pushing them together wasn’t her fault – the fact she had tranquilized him was her sin and she was aware he had the right to be mad at her.

“Your friggin’ ‘stem! You too- n’t fly fast ’nough!“

“Steve, you’re wasted. You’re going to bed before you say more things you regret,” Bruce said calmly after Steve managed to finish his roll and blame another person.

Bruce speaking up gave the captain a pause and he looked like his brain froze. His brows knitted together and he nodded, another sob erupting from his throat, his inhale shaking his whole being as he crossed the distance to Bruce, murmuring.

“Regert. Her. My folt, no yours. Kill h’r. Miss her. Shouldva s-s-saved her. Pick h’r… love h’r. Hurts. Hurts s’much…”

Steve’s large frame enveloped Bruce, resting his whole impressive weight on him. The scientist was nearly tripped over – except a hint of green flushed his neck, Hulk coming to rescue before the other men and Natasha rushed to help. Steve went completely limp, the flask falling to the ground, the little liquid remaining in it spilling and staining the carpet. No one cared as they tried to support the supersoldier’s goo-like body, exchanging desperate glances.

“Well, that was… enlightening,” Tony summarized, his poor attempt at joke that not even he apparently believed in barely gaining any reaction.

Clint sighed. “Please, this is hardly any news. We knew he blamed himself.” He readjusted Steve’s arm he had slung around his shoulders and Tony’s right side of suit came to the rescue, taking most of the weight off from the billionaire. “I hate this, but I think he needs this.”

Natasha wasn’t so sure about that, but yeah, Steve definitely needed to start accepting the reality. It was probably a natural reaction to want to dull the pain with something else when work was off limits. She pressed her lips together as their whole grouped slowly made their way to Steve’s room.

“Let’s just get him to bed.”  

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Not many people could probably brag they had Black Widow’s number. Well, probably no one could, because if they told a living soul, they’d meet their end. So Sam Wilson didn’t brag. And he sure as hell didn’t call her first.

That said, he did not hesitate when she called him with location and time to meet, no greeting, no goodbye. Rude, but he’d take it. He had more than one reason, not that he would advertise it.

So there he was, sipping coffee from a take-away cup as he sat in Central Park with Black Widow, both of them having the best super-spy disguise; sunglasses and baseball caps.

The silence between them was getting awkward and Sam couldn’t take the tension anymore.

“Well, this is much more… civil than our last meeting,” he noted casually, hating to admit he was… nervous.

“I’m not gonna say sorry,” Ms.Romanoff hummed back, sipping her latté.

“Guess I wouldn’t expect that…”

He didn’t expect her to face him either but she did, a reminiscence of a sad smile gracing her lips. The warmth around his heart was familiar and not entirely unwelcomed. He found himself longing after seeing her whole face.

“I’m saying thank you, though.”

Huh.

“Didn’t expect that either,” he admitted and one corner of her lips rose higher in a smirk. Sam had a hunch she loved surprising people – or rather shocking them.  “How did it go?”

She huffed out a sound that could only mean frustration and Sam grimaced. Confrontation usually didn’t go very good, but this sounded awful.

“That well, huh?”

“No, no…” she shook her head, red curls swaying around her head elegantly. “He’s… an asshole. He fell asleep on a mission. In a cockpit. When he was piloting. Can’t believe I’m saying this, but God bless Stark’s inventions and auto-piloting,” she grunted and removed the cap of her cup before taking a long sip of her coffee.

She seemed to be gathering thoughts. Sam might not be able to see her eyes, but he did learn to read people. She didn’t like talking about feelings, but she was making an exception. Whether it was because of him, because of his job or because she wished to help her friend so badly, that remained a mystery. Either was pleasing though, the action itself intriguing Sam.

He had given her a lot of thought after their first unconventional meeting. He could not get her out of his head and for a good reason, of course.

He came to a conclusion that… despite her manners, she probably wasn’t a bad person. There were rumours about her past, but everyone had one. She was with the Avengers now, getting clean and the present and willingness to fix mistakes often mattered more than what had been done – especially when it came to a past like her own. Sam had made living by helping people dealing with their past actions and failures; judging her would be a hypocrisy and as far as he knew, he was a killer too. And if it came to it, he would punch, sliced or shot his way out again.

“It’s just… he’s… he’s really at the bottom,” she Natasha spoke softly, emotions lacing her voice. Regret. Compassion. Helplessness. Sam knew all those too well. “Seeing him going from one mission to another just to pass out in exhaustion was bad enough, because I knew it was wrong, but… seeing him drink himself into oblivion? One time only, but it was a nightmare. And seeing Steve doing nothing? Struggling to find a purpose, himself… that’s just…”

“It sucks. But he has a good friend in you. He needs time.”

“I know that, it’s��� I wish there was someone hurting him so I could just punch them in their face and call it a day. But that one guy blew himself to hell and the others just… don’t really matter, getting them doesn’t do much help to Steve.”

Sam couldn’t help but smile softly as she said Captain’s name. It held a meaning – he was clearly dear to her and it went way beyond professional relationship. Not that the fact alone that she had shown up at Sam’s apartment the way she had wasn’t enough of an evidence. Not to mention her surprising openness.

“It’s a long way to recovery, Natasha.”

Her first name just slipped past his lips unwittingly, but he didn’t feel like apologizing. The informal space they found themselves in, the honest open conversation… first names suited it better. He was aware he sounded like he was speaking from experience on top of that, but it wasn’t like she didn’t know. She had done a thorough research on him.

As if she agreed with him feeling his surroundings and the atmosphere, she put away her glasses, her green eyes burning with honesty when she met his – he automatically lost the barrier too, because it felt unjust for her to be left… vulnerable like that.

“I’m truly sorry about poking at your past, Sam,”

Sam felt the last remains of hostility towards her resolve. That apology meant more than he had realized it would.

“Thanks. I get it, you know. Being worried for someone so much… he’s gonna be okay, eventually. Scarred, but okay.”

“He could be better than that…” she sighed, leaning onto the backrest of the bench tiredly.

“What was that?”

“When I confronted him on the plane… he told me he had another words,” she revealed hesitantly as if she wasn’t sure if it was her secret to tell.

Sam’s heart positively stopped. Was she telling the truth or was this a game? Did she know about his own too? He swallowed the panic when he saw her resigned gaze.

She wasn’t playing no game.

“Two soulmates. That’s rare,” he remarked, a lump growing in his throat. His palms started sweating and he hated it. Fortunately, Natasha didn’t seem to notice – or she politely ignored it, her voice dry and laced with a bit of irritation.

“He never wants to meet her.”

“That’s not rare.”

Sam would know. He had struggled with the same feeling, after all. He wanted to forget the world existed. He wanted to live peacefully and alone. It was probably no coincidence fate sent him Black freaking Widow as the one – if she was willing, Sam would not be alone. And definitely wouldn’t get ‘peace’.

If he was being truly honest with himself, he wouldn’t be able to say he minded.

“He thinks… he thinks he doesn’t deserve her or something.”

Sam sighed, mentally chuckling at the irony of fate once more. The Universe did have a messed up sense of humour, didn’t it?

“Because he thinks he blew his chance. Because he thinks that he will mess it up again and fail her. And it feels like being unfaithful,” he offered, venting his own feelings for the first time.

He had never told that to anyone, ashamed of the set of words sitting on his other collarbone, appearing shortly after Riley’s death. Why did he tell her of all people? He wanted to question his own actions, he barely knew the woman, but… there was a significant but, wasn’t there?

Her emerald eyes were searching on his face, recognition lighting them up. She fidgeted, something he hadn’t seen her do before and he was sure not many people had either. It was a privilege and while his heart started racing, seeing her nervous eased his own nerves the tinniest bit.

“…yeah. I guess. You… uhm, you dealt with someone like that too?” she asked, looking away, seemingly intrigued by something in the distance.

Sam didn’t buy it and swallowed loudly.

“Just one case in my whole carrier.”

“What did you tell them?” she queried gently, her shoulders tense.

Sam shrugged. He told himself a lot of things, but he wasn’t certain they were all presentable.

“Never figured it out. First, the meeting with his other soulmate was a bit unconventional. He kinda hated her,” he admitted, glancing at her with the corner of his eye. She gave almost an inconspicuous nod, her gaze casted down. She took it as a rejection, he realized. “Then he started thinking and realized she wasn’t too bad. He’s still struggling to make up his mind – whether he should try. Whether she would want to. She would be a catch though, no doubt,” he lighted it up, biting the inside of his cheek right after.

Was he really trying to flirt now?  

One corner of her lips rose in a smirk. “Somehow I doubt that. Sounds like a bitch.”

Sam wanted to chuckle at the joke, but then her eyes lifted to him and his heart just… stopped, the amused sound stuck in his throat. He had to clear it to be able to speak up, but it did nothing under the intensity of her gaze.

“Not to me. Not anymore.”

Natasha licked her lips – and Sam would lie if he claimed he did not mirror the motion instinctively – and finished her drink.

“Wouldn’t do that if I were you, huh? That must have been a pleasant surprise when it appeared,” she stated, a hint of amusement along with relief that the secret, the whatever that had been hanging between them, was finally addressed.

Sam snorted, not necessarily because he found his next statement funny.  

“Yeah and I bet growing up in Russia and have an English soulmark must have been walk in a park.”

Good, there was so much sarcasm in his voice he might even feel ashamed. But the redhead – his second soulmate, holy shit, it really happened – didn’t seem to be offended.

“Wow, this almost beats the way Steve met his and that was some story….”

“Yeah, I bet.”

Silence fell on them then, both of them unsure how to continue and where to go from here. They found each other – their other half, supposedly, but no one could tell the outcome.

She was an Avenger. Sam was a therapist, a veteran at ridiculously young age, because he had lost his partner. They had a perfect example of how wrong it could go, served on silver plate – it was how they had met for God’s sake. But once again – Sam would lie when saying he didn’t miss some of the adrenalin. He did. A lot, actually.

The reason he had left the field was his soulmate. Was there any better reason to get back in when the need would rise, than another soulmate?

“Do you want to explore this?” Sam broke the uncomfortable silence, lacking the courage to look at her expression. The tension in her shoulders he could almost feel told him enough. He didn’t want to see her rejection. Did he want to see her agreement though?

“Do you?” she hummed back, staring ahead just like him.

“That’s the million dollar question.”

Riley had been… his everything. But could he ignore something like this? Could he ignore the opportunity, a woman who was no doubt fabulous and he was already finding interesting and that apparently was matching his sense of humour? Did he believe in fate? Did he have the right to try again?

Deep down, Sam knew he had already made his mind about it. Now it only depended on her.

“But I keep telling everyone to move on,” he mused out loud, catching her gaze. “Try to live. Some do. Neither of them had the… advantage of having another soulmate if we can call it that.”

Small smile appeared on Natasha’s lips, new twinkle lighting up her eyes and Sam knew he had made the right decision, no matter the outcome.

He didn’t complain when she rose to her feet to clearly leave though – they had enough to deal with today, they needed more time to think of how to approach this.

“Okay. Okay then… You have my number. Call me,” she offered simply, saying goodbye only with a nod and spun on her heels.

“Oh, I will!”

She casted a flirty grin over her shoulder and Sam found himself smiling.

“Hey, you bowl?” he blurted out the first idea that came to his mind and this time she stopped in her tracks, her smile turning almost wolfish. It might have done a thing to his crotch.

“I do, but you can’t run crying when I beat you!” she smirked and gave him a wink, hips swaying as she left him behind.

His laughter sounded like a soundtrack to her catwalk.

Cheeky lady. Sam kinda liked her.  

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Part 11

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Thank you for reading! 

We’ll be leaving Stevie next time, coming back to our wayward sons and daughter (...that’s a spn reference, if any non-fan is confused). We’re getting closer, y’all!