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vorfreudevortex · 1 month ago

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Green with Envy

more levi x blind!fem!reader cw: 2.8k words, cussing, jealousy, a little angst, a little comfort tldr: three times levi let his jealousy unravel find more silly levi drabbles in my masterlist <3

There were three times Levi let his jealousy truly unravel.

The first was long ago in The Underground, after Furlan and Isabel came around. It was one day where Furlan came to your room in the brothel to wait for Levi to get back— Something he needed to talk about with him, he said. It wasn’t unusual for this to happen, and you were always happy to have him around, to fill up the empty room with some chatter and noise.

You were even younger and more naive than you are now, a teenager with almost no experience of the The Underground, let alone the real world. You didn’t like to venture out more than you had to, Levi didn’t either, with all the crime and violence that occurred in the dirty streets.

And of course, you couldn’t see the longing glances and silent expressions Furlan wore around you and behind Levi’s back. Everyone knew you and Levi weren’t together, but Furlan still knew he couldn’t be caught with these pining feelings for you.

Furlan couldn’t help it, really. Your kind eyes always tried to hazily study his face, always asking how he was and if you could help him with anything. He liked the way your hair reflected the lamplight, and it wasn’t long before your pretty smile started to send aches through his chest as well.

He had brought you a flower from Mitras that he had somehow got his hands on that afternoon. As soon as you caught a bleary glimpse of the bright green stem and felt the soft, velvet petals, you threw your arms around him while gushing your thanks. The next thing he knew, a blushing Furlan was pressing a quick, stolen kiss against your innocent lips. You stared at him with your own flushed cheeks in surprise, and that’s when the door swung open.

Furlan was frozen. As he stared over at a glaring Levi, he swore the black-haired boy’s eyes turned red and steam blew from his ears.

“Furlan…” Levi’s voice came slow, low, and rough. “Let’s go.”

Levi beat the shit out of Furlan in an alley a couple blocks away. You saw the bumps and bruises on Levi’s fists and Furlan’s eye when they returned later, neither making the effort to hide what happened.

And no one ever spoke of it again.

+++++++++++++++

The second time was after the annual military ball you attended with Levi.

Year after year, you were always his plus-one, and he’d help you pick out the prettiest dress and fix your hair just the way you liked it for the big night out. Levi didn’t care for these events, but you looked forward to it every year so you could spend an evening drinking and dancing away in a fancy gown, so he bit back his complaints and let you stay as late as you wanted.

It was deep into the night when Erwin asked him to meet privately about some sensitive information, which Levi reluctantly agreed to after setting the runts from the 104th up to dance and keep you company, promising to never take their eyes off you. You didn’t know about his little ploy, but was delighted to get to know them all and dance with the adorable young men either way.

While Levi was hunched over secret papers and files in Erwin’s dark office, it left an opening for an unassuming, retired Scout by the name of Carlo.

“Excuse me,” The man had tapped on Jean’s shoulder. “May I steal this young lady away from you for a dance?”

Jean’s confident demeanor, which had turned flustered from constantly stepping on your toes during your twirling, suddenly seemed surprised and awkward. So, he gave your hand to the man’s and disappeared. It was a bit uncomfortable for you at first, having a stranger’s hand on your waist as he guided you smoothly around the dance floor, too nervous to protest it all. But, you quickly learned through polite conversation that Carlo was as courteous and respectful as he was brave.

There was a moment where Carlo asked who you came with, and then backed away when he heard Levi’s name. After a rushed explanation of ‘No, we aren’t together’, his hand was back on your waist and your skirt fluttered around his legs as he spun you around. After the dance, Levi was no where to be seen and you didn’t want to admit that you had no idea how to get back to your seat… so Carlo kindly escorted you out to grab some fresh air and a break from the busy, overwhelming noises of the ballroom.

Levi’s heart dropped when he scanned the room and you were no where to be seen. The runts from the 104th had no idea where you went, so he promptly chewed them out and promised a punishment later, and went to scour the halls. He was about to let himself start panicking when he checked the front steps of the Survey Corps Headquarters, where he saw you clutching onto some bastard’s sleeve as he held his elbow out for you.

Your back was facing Levi as he stood in the shadows, allowing himself to read the situation for a moment before lashing out to scold you for disappearing. You weren’t alone with the man, a retired Scout that Levi recognized and had spoken to offhandedly a few times, but surrounded by other drunk soldiers who were smoking and chatting away on the stairs. The two of you made quiet conversation, nothing inappropriate. But, what irked Levi the most was the honeyed smile on your beautiful face and how you slightly leaned into Carlo.

He waited until the conversation lulled, then called out your name. You turned around in surprise, then let a giddy smile replace your expression as you recognized Levi’s familiar voice. He took your arm from Carlo and set off to walk you home, against your protests to stay and dance a bit longer, and while almost completely ignoring the other man.

Levi said nothing about it to you— It was over and done with. It’s not like you were truly his anyways�� Until a while later when you mentioned that Carlo had accidentally stumbled into the tavern during your shift, stayed a while to chat, and walked you home. After that, Carlo started coming around the house sometimes.

Well, sometimes turned into more, and more turned into a lot… and a lot turned into all the fucking time.

Levi denied and denied it, never asking about him, and only getting details when you’ bring something up. He just about burst into fucking flames when Carlo showed up at the front door one evening with a large bouquet of your favorite flowers, asking for Levi’s permission to officially court you and take you to Mitras some extravagant, unnecessary dinner.

“I’m not her father,” Levi had responded, trying to stop his eye from twitching and relax his clenched jaw. “She can make her own decisions. I don’t care.”

Levi had to close his eyes and hold his breath the evening you came home from that dinner, gushing about stupid fucking Carlo and more stupid fucking flowers and that stupid fucking meal after he safely dropped you off. He absolutely despised how chivalrous and reverent the guy was— He couldn’t even pinpoint a single inappropriate touch or comment from him, even after all the times he had to suffer through Carlo’s visits to you.

He suffered for weeks. Levi tried to convince himself that it wouldn’t last, that Carlo would break your heart eventually over something idiotic like your lack of sight or status, and he’d get to be to one to comfort you after the heartbreak. He tried to convince himself that Carlo was just a skirt-chasing bastard trying to get under your dress, tried to convince himself that it would all go away in due time…

…But it just got worse.

Levi was beginning to lose his fucking mind. Lying restlessly awake one night as his mind toiled over you, he suddenly realized that if you and Carlo kept on like you were, a marriage proposal was absolutely imminent. It was obvious that Carlo didn’t plan on letting you go anytime soon, that the shithead was just as infatuated with you as he was himself.

Levi had a migraine for two weeks straight, his left eye twitched uncontrollably whenever he thought of either of you— The poor guy even contemplated praying to the Walls about it. He started to get desperate, a strange feeling that Levi hadn’t felt in years.

After being teased by Erwin and Hange about it one day over paperwork, Levi had suddenly had enough. He stomped out of the room, duties still undone, and rushed home. He was over the pining, the yearning, the jealousy, the constant stress.

If Levi had to finally admit his hidden feelings for you after all these years just to get the fucker to disappear, then so be it! He couldn’t take another fucking second of it, ready to wield his blades against Carlo if it came down to it— Anything to never have to see his face again.

When Levi arrived home, he found you sitting in your garden, alone on the bench as the sun disappeared over the walls. He was about to blurt it all out when he noticed the solemn look on your face as you looked on toward the sky.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Oh, Levi,” You greeted him softly, your voice not as excited as usual. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Liar.”

You shuffled uncomfortably. “It’s nothing serious…”

“What happened?” Levi couldn’t hide the small bit of panic in his voice as his mind ran through every possible situation that could have made you upset. His pulse was already racing, the anxiety and nerves making the worry about you worse.

“Well… Carlo…” You began, and Levi’s heart plummeted. “…I don’t think he’ll be coming around anymore.”

“What the hell did he do?” Levi demanded. “Tell me now. That fucker—”

“—It was my doing, Levi. Relax, okay?” He watched your mouth turn into a sheepish smile. “I just got back from dinner with him. It was great, actually it was amazing. But when he dropped me off, he… well… he finally kissed me for the first time.”

Levi’s blood quite literally started to boil and bubble from the innate rage that suddenly coursed through him.

“Don’t get me wrong, it was so romantic…” You rushed to explain. “But, it just felt… odd? I don’t know how to explain it. I didn’t feel a single thing. No butterflies at all.”

Suddenly, Levi’s heart rate was back to normal, and his rage transitioned to quick relief.

“So, I- um… yeah. I ended things with him.”

“…Are you serious?” Levi couldn’t cover the disbelief in his tone. Levi didn’t really believe in luck, but now he’s seriously considered it.

“Of course, Levi!” You scolded with a pout. “And I just feel awful about it! He probably was saving up the courage to kiss me for so long, just for me to break up with him no more than a minute afterwards. I’m terrible, just terrible. I think he’s far more torn up about it than I am, but I just couldn’t help but blurt it all out after realizing that… maybe we weren’t meant to be.”

Levi let out a breathe he had been saving, along with the string of dreaded love confessions he was just about to let tumble out. He quietly sat down on the bench beside you, letting your skin warm his side as you slowly tipped your head over to rest it on his strong shoulder.

“Levi…” You whispered, eyes brimming with tears. “Am I a bad person?”

“No,” He answered promptly, closing his eyes and slowly letting his chin come to rest on your hair. “You did the exact right thing.”

Levi hoped you took his words as a reassurance instead of a sort of… possessiveness or insecurity about the relief of the breakup. You were much smarter than that, though.

You smiled, and neither of you spoke of it again.

+++++++++++++++

The third time was long, long after.

Levi sat on the side of the room, tense hands gripping the armrests of his wheelchair, watching Onyankopon spin and throw you around the floor to the quick beat of the music with his one good eye. Your delighted shrieks and giggles filled the room while the bright red fabric of your skirt flared and fluttered in a mesmerizing blur.

He felt guilty. And alone.

Out of everyone among the crowd in the noisy bar, he was the only one who couldn’t dance with you.

Even after knowing for years how much you loved it, he never spun you around like that, and now he never will. He brought you all the way across the sea to a better, safer life in Marley, where he’d never have to leave you again.

But what was the point if he couldn’t even love and live for you the way he desired? The way you desired?

Levi was quiet for the rest of the night, anxiously picking off the labels from his beer bottles while he watched you take turns dancing with Onyankopon, Falco, and Gabi while the night wore on. It just made it worse, soured his mood further with each song, but he couldn’t stand to look away. The tipsy blush on your cheeks was impossible to ignore, same with the toothy grin that never left your face, and the adorable way you dizzily stumbled after a particularly rowdy dance.

Eventually, the others walked you home, leaving the two of you alone in the new apartment you shared along a quiet street that reminded you just enough of Paradis not to hurt. Scout was waiting by the door when you entered, greeting Levi with a quiet meow and a strong nudge against his foot.

“What’s wrong, Levi?” You asked softly. “I can tell something’s off with you.”

Levi had promised himself to be more candid since you came, refusing to hold anything back from you any longer. He still hesitated for a moment before answering you slowly, still uncomfortable with the vulnerability of it all. “I’m… jealous.”

“Jealous?”

“I can’t dance with you like that.”

Levi watched your eyes turn from curious to sympathetic in the soft light of the new, electric lamp he bought a few months ago in preparation for your immigration here. He was almost a bit embarrassed now, having to admit to something so dehumanizing yet obvious, even though he knew you would always be the most understanding.

“It’s okay, Levi. You don’t need to dance with me to make me happy.”

“I know,” He paused again. “I just wish I would’ve done it before. Back when I could.”

Both of you stopped for a minute, two minds rolling through past memories. Ones of that creaky old house, forest green cloaks, and even back to the musty, dark city under the dirt where it all began.

“Well…” You started cautiously. “We can still dance.”

Levi was about to scoff at you, tell you not to be so naive. He swallowed it as you walked over to the phonograph, gently letting your hands run over the vinyl and feel where to set the needle. It was your first and favorite purchase of your own after moving to Marley, after crying in amazement and joy when you heard the recorded music filter out of Onyankopon’s for the first time.

Quiet, lilting notes flowed from the bronze horn, a slower song you played constantly on sleepy afternoons. Levi never took his eyes away as you delicately sat yourself in his lap, making sure not to put your weight on the spots that make him ache. Your arms hooked around his neck, and your nose buried into the crook of his shoulder.

Immediately, Levi’s hands came to hold the back of your head and body, pulling you in impossibly closer as he breathed in the scent of your hair and the kneaded the plush of your waist.

Levi closed his eyes, letting his senses fill with nothing but the music and you. Your bodies started to lightly sway back and forth to the tune, subtle and calming.

He’s never felt so full before.

There was absolutely nothing more he could ask for as he held you tight, feeling the comforting warmth of your breath against his neck. He listened to you faintly hum along, his heart damn near bursting at the seams at the compassionate way you loved on him.

“We can always dance together, just like we are now,” You whispered in his ear when the song ended, another slow one starting to replace it. “Still jealous?”

Levi pressed his lips against your temple, then let out a long exhale while letting his body fully relax— A foreign feeling that he didn’t start truly experiencing until your arrival in Marley.

“No,” He answered. “Never again.”

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acmeangel · 4 months ago

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♡ You're a member of Levi's Squad, and he asks you to marry him, when disaster strikes.

♡ SFW ♡ Canon!Levi x Fem!Reader ♡ One shot, a bit angsty, mentions of blood, injury, near-death experience ♡ Word count: 3019 ♡ Summary: After finally accepting that you're there to stay, Levi asks you to marry him. You're a member of his Squad, and being with him has always felt right. Not too long after, a dangerous scouting mission leaves you with a grave injury, and Levi is faced with the fear that you might not make it.

When Levi asked you to marry him, it wasn’t with some extravagant proposal or planned-out, grand romantic evening.

You both were lying in your bed in the barracks, your body half-draped on top of his, your fingers lazily playing with strands of his hair. His hands grazed up and down your back with a steady, soothing tempo.

You’d both returned from a scouting mission earlier that day — one with too many casualties, as there always seemed to be. Levi had recruited you to be on his Special Operations Squad years ago, based purely on your stats from previous missions with other squads. At first, he had respected you, much like he’d respected all of the members of Squad Levi; a group of people willing to join the riskiest regiment and put their lives on the line in the futile hope to save humanity.

Respect had eventually turned into friendship, which had then grown into something more. You two loved each other long before your romantic relationship had begun; so when it finally did, it felt natural, like it was always supposed to be that way.

In your bed, that night, he looked at you with a tender softness that bordered on melancholic. It was a look that he didn’t show often. His eyes revealed how deeply he cared for you, how much he wanted to shield you — who he saw as one of the last few truly good things left in this world — from the cruelty, violence, and destruction that ran rampant around you. It was a look that no one else ever got to see.

“I want to run something by you,” he stated, his voice level and smooth as ever.

“Oh, do tell, Captain.” You laughed, faintly, your eyes sparkling with a glint of amusement.

His hand traced up your back and slid around your neck, his thumb rubbing gentle, affectionate circles onto your skin.

“How would you feel about the two of us being together, like this, forever?” he asked, his gaze locking onto yours, an unusual stiffness in his expression. You couldn’t believe it, but he was actually nervous.

You blinked once, twice and tilted your head. “Levi, are you asking… me to marry you?”

You weren’t entirely surprised that this was how he’d phrased it — he’d never been one for verbosity or overly sentimental language. He’d showed his love for you more in his actions; in the way he always checked you for injuries at least three times after a mission, in the way he’d stroke the back of your hand with his thumb when he held it as you fell asleep, in the way he’d insist on giving you half of his own breakfast every morning so you’d have enough energy for the day.

“Yes, Y/N,” he’d said, his hand shifting to cup your cheek, his soft gray eyes settling into yours. “I’m asking you to marry me.”

You felt all of the blood rush to your head, your entire body overwhelmed with excitement, joy, and love for Levi.

“Yes,” you managed to say — and repeated the single word at least twenty times, as you leaned in to press your lips to his, peppering him over and over with kisses.

“Alright, alright,” he’d mumbled after the twentieth kiss, his cheeks then flushed with a soft pink blush.

You beamed with joy as you pulled your face back from his, your eyes glimmering with adoration.

“So,” you began, a hint of playfulness in your voice, raising your eyebrow, “do I get a ring then, or what?”

His lips pressed together, his gaze narrowing just a bit as he considered the question, a puff of air escaping his nose.

“Fine.” His voice was a low, dry mumble, but his lips bent into a small smile, the tension in his forehead releasing. He couldn’t help but give into every one of your requests, no matter what.

His eyes scanned around the room, looking for something suitable, before he reached out to the bedside table, the muscles in his shoulders and back flexing as he took a paperclip from a stack of papers. Turning back to you, his fingers worked with precision to unravel the paper clip, the wire of which he used to form a nearly perfect circle. He took your hand, his touch gentle, and slid the makeshift paper clip ring onto your ring finger in one swift, delicate motion.

“How’s that?” His eyes studied your face, intently waiting for any sign of reaction. “Temporarily, anyway.”

Your cheeks blushed uncontrollably and you gleamed with a smile so wide it made the muscles in your face turn sore. Seeing you this way made him smile — a real smile.

“It’s perfect,” you’d whispered, practically choking the words out. “Much better than any stupid diamond I’ve ever seen.”

“Think we need to do the whole ceremony thing? Or can I just start calling you my wife now?” His brows scrunched together slightly as he waited for your answer, and you could tell how badly he wanted to skip the frills and formalities and simply be yours, eternally.

At the sound of the word ‘wife’ your chest swelled with affection, and your eyes became misty, blurring your vision of him.

“Screw the ceremony,” you whispered, your voice shaking with overflowing emotion. “We’re married, now.”

“Good,” he whispered back, his own voice fraught with feeling, as his thumbs brushed away the tears that had begun to roll down your cheeks. “I love you, Y/N. You know that.”

His eyes bore into yours, seeking confirmation. He didn’t say ‘I love you’ often, only when it really counted.

“I know,” you whispered. “I love you, too, Levi.”

******

It was only weeks after that — after the moment Levi decided, finally, that you would be by his side forever, that he knew you’d never leave him — that your squad was faced with a particularly dangerous mission.

It was another reconnaissance mission, much like all of the other Scouts’ missions had been, but no one could have anticipated the amount of Abnormals. The Scouts hadn’t reached a single objective before entire groups of Erwin’s formation had been wiped out by the Abnormals, which were making their way closer and closer to the center groups. Erwin had officially called for a retreat — something he rarely ever did, only when the situation was dire.

Levi Squad raced forward on horseback, galloping past the blurred, unidentifiable carnage of comrades; the once green fields had turned red and rotten.

Your gaze was fixated intently on Levi, catching glimpses of his profile as he led the squad forward — to anyone else, he looked entirely collected. But you knew him too well and had memorized all of his micro-expressions, and based on the tension in his jaw and the chilled intensity of his gaze, you knew he was worried, too. He’d often admitted that he never knew what the outcome of these missions would be, that no one did, and you could see his mind racing with that exact thought.

The pounding of impossibly large footsteps caused the ground to shake just slightly, enough to make your head whip around and see a group of Abnormals charging forward with unprecedented speed and force.

“Captain!” You’d called out, drawing Levi’s attention. He’d simply glanced over his shoulder and ordered to keep moving forward per Erwin’s command; based on the looks the rest of the squad exchanged, you knew they were unsure about this decision.

Before anyone could think or say another word, one of the Abnormals had surged forward and began to reach for Eld, whose blades were inexplicably jammed in his ODM gear. The panic in his eyes was enough to strike fear into anyone.

You sprung into action immediately — this was simply how you were. You never wasted time thinking, you only acted. It was reckless, perhaps, but you’d gotten results time and time again, and the thought of losing a friend without trying to save him was unacceptable to you.

This was one of the things Levi loved most about you, and it was also one of the things he wished so badly to change about you. He admired your selflessness, your fearlessness, the way you never seemed to be paralyzed by indecision. But, sometimes, it felt to him like only a matter of time before something terrible would happen to you.

You’d managed to sink a grappling hook into the Titan and propel yourself off of your horse, in the direction of Eld, knocking him out of the Titan’s path. You’d planned on being able to then reach the nape of the neck and put an end to this, but you were too rash, too impulsive to anticipate that the Titan’s next movement would whack your ODM wire to the side, bringing your body flinging through the air with it.

The rest, in your recollection, was more or less a blur. You knew that the Titan curled its fingers around your body, its grip bruising your skin and rendering you too immobile to fight back. You knew that you’d heard Levi yelling — actually yelling. You knew that the Titan had brought you to its mouth and managed to sink its teeth into the side of your body enough to make you lose consciousness, but not enough to kill you. You knew that Levi was the one who had intervened, who had saved your life. The last piece of memory you had was the sight of Levi’s face as he grabbed you from the Titan, a look that was so intense, fear-stricken, and furious, it bordered on crazed.

After getting you back onto the ground, Hange had ridden over on horseback and hoisted your limp body onto the horse, carrying you out of harm’s way.

Levi took care of that Titan himself — he made sure of it. Blinded by rage and agony, he slaughtered the Titan with a brutality he typically withheld. Normally, Levi did only as much has he had to in order to kill a Titan. This wasn’t fun for him, it wasn’t a game; he didn’t like fighting, he didn’t like being violent.

But this was different — he sliced the Titan apart, his movements a fevered, merciless haze, his vision red with bloodthirstiness. By the time he was done with the Titan, it was a mere pile of limbs, and he was drenched in its blood.

He’d finally reached the wagon that you’d been placed in, climbing into it with urgent movements, trailing Titan blood behind him. His pupils were constricted; his eyes were glowing with panic.

Your body was lying flat in the wagon, Hange and some of the other squad members hovering over you, attempting to tend to your wounds, their efforts proving futile. They’d managed to wrap a bandage over where the Titan had bit you, but you were bleeding through it with no sign of stopping. There wasn’t anything left to do until you all returned inside the walls.

“Get the fuck away from her! Don’t fucking touch her!” He shouted, his voice coarse and sharp, his arms effortlessly shoving everyone else away from your limp body. He stood over you, his eyes wild with emotion, his chest rising and falling with breaths so heavy it looked almost painful.

When he dropped to his knees beside you, his eyes caught sight of your hand, on the makeshift paperclip ring he had made you, that you’d refused to ever take off. An ice-cold chill rushed down his spine, so sharp it felt like it was actually ripping him apart from the inside out.

“Why is this wagon moving so damn slowly?!” He snarled to the rest of the squad, his eyes desperately glued to your face, while the others scrambled to try and speed the journey up as much as they could.

He grasped onto your hand with both of his as if the sheer force of his grip could heal you and bring you back to him. His eyes didn’t waver from your face once, his gaze burning into your skin, searching for even the slightest sign of life; all he was met with was your sweat-glistened skin. You looked peaceful and it snapped his last thread of self-control — he wanted you to fight.

An uncontrollable, livid, primal growl escaped his mouth, unable to form any coherent words. Spit flung off his lips and into the wind, his expression was frenzied with helpless rage and despair.

The rest of the squad’s expressions froze. They’d never seen Levi be anything but stoic, apart from when he was actively slicing the nape of a Titan’s neck. Goosebumps dotted their skin as they simply watched, eyes wide, unsure of what to do. Levi had forgotten anyone else was even there; he cared about nothing in that moment but you.

He watched as your face turned lifeless, as your breathing became so shallow that it was hardly perceptible. You were slipping through his fingers, and there was nothing he could do about it — for once, his strength meant nothing.

“No,” he barked, his voice gruff and strained, his grip on your hand tightening until his knuckles turned blazing white. “You won’t be taken from me. This shitty, goddamned world is not going to take you from me. You gave your word, Y/N. You said forever. Don’t back out on me now.”

His cries didn’t make a sound, but the sight of his back heaving raggedly and his hot tears dropping down onto your face was unmistakable. His face was twisted with anguish; his teeth were visibly clenched together so forcefully that they could’ve cracked. His hands began to involuntarily shake as they held onto your hand, the paperclip ring digging into his skin.

******

The next time you’d opened your eyes, you were confused. Your vision was blurry for a few moments, until you were met with the sight of the medical unit and you realized you were lying in one of the beds.

The next thing you saw was Levi’s face, the veins in neck tense with distress, the circles under his eyes darker than you’d ever seen them before. You took a deep breath, which hurt, and you felt the bandages around your waist expand and contract against your skin.

Upon seeing your eyes begin to faintly blink open, Levi moved to the edge of his chair, his hand urgently reaching out for yours, his eyes wildly moving across your face.

“Y/N?” His voice was raspy with disuse and lack of sleep, his tone pleading and tinged with hope.

“Levi…?” you whispered, groggily, your voice low and coarse.

His eyes fluttered closed with relief, his shoulders slumping as his head dropped down to your hand, holding it to his forehead with reverence. “Oh, thank god…” He whispered, his voice stilted with emotion.

Once Levi composed himself, and you began asking him questions, he explained to you, briefly, what had happened — he didn’t want to alarm or worry you with the more gruesome details until he was sure you were okay. All he told you was that a Titan had attacked you on the last scouting mission and that you’d been in the medical unit for weeks.

You’d learned later that the entire time, Levi had barely left your side. He’d sat in a chair next to you, watching you, talking to you, holding your hand, and urging you to wake up and come back to him. At night, he’d slept even less than usual, nodding off in his chair for only an hour or so here and there. Some of the other squad members could have sworn they’d even caught glimpses of Levi crying when he thought no one else was around.

The only time he ever left your side was if he had to go to briefings and meetings. When he did, he’d threaten medics into sitting by your side, outlining grave consequences for if anything happened to you while he was gone. He’d skipped meals, trainings, and anything else that wasn’t absolutely mandatory for him to attend.

After he’d finished helping you sip some water and become less groggy, he just looked at you, his eyes scanning over every centimeter of your face, as if making sure that you were really awake and stable and it wasn’t some insomnia-induced hallucination.

“You’re done with the Scouts,” he’d said, finally, his voice firm, unyielding — it wasn’t a question, but a statement.

“Huh?” Your brows pressed together with confusion. “Who decided that? Erwin? What, does he think I’m useless now?”

“No, Y/N.” He shook his head, taking a soft breath before continuing. “I’m deciding it.”

“Levi-“

“No,” he cut you off before you can even think to object. His jaw clenched, his expression was fraught with concern. “Y/N. I thought you were… gone. It nearly killed me. This- nothing can ever happen to you again. You’re my wife. I need you to be here, with me. I need to know you’re safe, Y/N. I can’t- if you’d actually… Please, Y/N.”

For a moment, this surprised you. Outside of missions, Levi had never told you what to do or asked anything of you — he was protective, but not possessive. You being with him, caring for him, and loving him was more than he’d ever dared to hope for in his life. To him, you’d settle for him despite his most hidden scars, and it felt wrong to ever ask for more.

But he was asking you to do this. Begging you. For him.

“Okay,” your voice dipped to a gentle softness, your hand reaching out for his again, somewhat weakly. “Okay, Levi. I’ll leave the Scouts. Nothing will ever happen to me again. Everything’s going to be okay.”

A slow, uneven breath escaped his lips, as if expelling all of the fear and tension in his body. He collapsed into you, softly, his forehead pressed against your shoulder.

“Thank you,” he breathed, the words barely making a sound. “I love you, Y/N. More than you’ll ever know.”

He didn’t say it often, only when it really counted.

Masterlist

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Requested by anonymous!

Taglist (message me to be added!): @leviykwim

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lyrastark94 · 1 month ago

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FRIENDS? - LEVI ACKERMAN

Synopsis: Y/N is Erwin’s younger sister, new to the Scouts, and she’s determined to make Levi her friend, even if the odds (and everyone around her) are against it.

Hope you like it!

---

The wind on the top of the Wall was sharp and loud, howling through the Scout Regiment’s outpost like it had something to prove. You’d only been here a week and already regretted bringing so few scarves.

“Y/N,” Erwin’s voice cut through the air like the wind wasn’t even there, deep and steady, “whatever you do, don’t get involved with him.”

You blinked, glancing up from your half-laced boot. “With who?”

He didn’t answer right away, just tilted his head toward the edge of the courtyard where three new recruits stood: a tall boy with messy hair and a calm face, a girl with a scar under her left eye and a wild laugh, and in the middle—short, arms crossed, and eyes like sharpened obsidian—Levi Ackerman.

The infamous thug from the Underground.

“That’s Levi,” Erwin said. “Keep your distance. He’s… complicated.”

You snorted. “You’re literally the one who brought him into the Scouts.”

“Yes. And I don’t need my little sister turning it into a social experiment.”

But it was already too late. Your eyes had caught on Levi’s like a bad habit. He looked at you once and turned away just as quickly, completely unimpressed.

Rude.

You liked a challenge.

---

A few days later, you found your opening in the form of Isabel.

She was loud, fast-talking, and absolutely loved your hair.

“Oh my god, it’s so soft! Do you condition it in Wall Rose or something? Because this doesn’t feel like Wall Sina water, you know?”

You laughed, letting her play with the ends. Farlan, who’d been standing nearby, shook his head fondly.

“Don’t let her touch your things. She’ll braid your horse’s tail if you let her.”

“I’d braid yours too, Farlan,” Isabel shot back. “He has nice hair, don’t you think, Y/N?”

“I think I want to braid Levi’s,” you grinned.

Both Isabel and Farlan froze.

Farlan blinked. “You... want to what?”

“Talk to him,” you said innocently. “Make friends.”

Isabel snorted. “Good luck. He barely talks to us and we’ve known him forever.”

“You say that like it’s a challenge.”

Farlan raised a brow. “You’re Erwin’s sister, huh?”

You nodded, proudly.

He winced. “Yeah, Levi’s not gonna like that.”

---

Later that night, after a rough training session and a mild scolding from Hange for turning a vertical maneuver lesson into a competition with Isabel, you spotted Levi sitting on a barrel near the stables, sharpening one of his blades. Alone.

Perfect.

You straightened your uniform, smoothed your hair back, and walked over.

“Hi.”

He didn’t look up.

“Your boots are clean,” you said.

He stopped sharpening and finally met your gaze. His eyes were unreadable.

“That’s the first thing you say to someone? ‘Your boots are clean’?”

You shrugged. “It’s a compliment. Sort of.”

He stared at you a second longer, then went back to his blade.

You stood there. And stood. And stood.

Finally, his voice came again, flat and quiet. “You can leave now.”

You blinked. “But I just got here.”

“And I didn’t ask you to.”

Rude again.

You walked off, cheeks hot, just in time to almost collide with Mike Zacharias.

“Oh—sorry—Mike!” you laughed nervously.

He narrowed his eyes, sniffed the air, and then looked back toward the stables. “Were you talking to him?”

“Maybe.”

He didn’t say anything else. Just shook his head and walked off muttering something about “reckless siblings” and “stabby little criminals.”

This wasn’t going to be easy.

But you were determined.

If you could get Isabel to let you do her hair, and Farlan to teach you card tricks, then Levi Ackerman was only a matter of time.

Right?

---

“You’ve got that look,” Mike grunted, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall outside the mess hall.

You blinked up at him, holding two bread rolls and a stolen apple. “What look?”

He sniffed. “The ‘I’m about to make a terrible decision’ look. Looks a lot like the one Erwin gets when he's planning something insane.”

“I’m just bringing lunch,” you muttered, stepping past him.

“To Levi,” Mike said, flatly.

You froze.

Mike raised an eyebrow, slowly.

“I’m just��he barely eats. Isabel said—”

“Isabel's dead.”

The words fell like bricks.

You stood there, the rolls now heavy in your hands.

You hadn’t heard him come up behind you, but Erwin’s voice was colder than the wind.

“She was reckless,” Erwin said quietly. “And now she’s gone. Farlan too. Don’t make the mistake of thinking he wants to talk to you.”

You swallowed. “Maybe he doesn’t want to. But I do.”

Erwin’s jaw clenched. “He’s dangerous right now, Y/N. Grief doesn’t make people softer.”

“I’m not asking him to be soft,” you said, voice a little sharper. “I just don’t want him to be alone.”

Neither of them said anything. So you walked off.

---

Levi hadn’t spoken to anyone since the expedition.

Isabel had died screaming. Farlan too. You hadn’t been there—not in the same squad—but you’d heard the stories. It had been terrible.

But Levi—

Levi didn’t shed a tear. Didn’t yell. Didn’t eat. Just existed. Like a shadow.

You found him in the old storage wing of HQ, surrounded by crates of supplies. He was sitting on the floor, head back against the wall, cloak dirty and tattered.

You sat beside him without a word.

He didn’t look at you.

You placed the roll between you both. He didn’t reach for it.

Silence.

Then—

“I told them not to go ahead,” Levi murmured. “Told them to wait. But they thought they could help.”

Your heart cracked.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “They were my friends too.”

He laughed. But it was bitter, hollow. “You knew them a month.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Another silence. Then, softly:

“They were all I had.”

You turned toward him. “Then let me be something.”

Levi looked at you—really looked—and for the first time, you saw something in his eyes that wasn’t ice.

It was pain.

It was fury.

It was guilt.

But it was alive.

“I don’t want your pity.”

“It’s not pity.”

“Then what is it?”

You hesitated. “It’s me. Just… caring.”

He stared at you. Then looked away. But he didn’t tell you to leave.

He didn’t say anything when you leaned your shoulder gently against his.

And when his hand twitched slightly, just slightly, closer to yours on the cold floor, you didn’t move away.

---

Back in the main hall, Erwin stood at the window, arms crossed, watching the snow start to fall.

Mike approached, silent as always.

“She’s still with him,” he said after a while.

Erwin nodded once. “Yeah.”

Mike sniffed the air. “He doesn’t hate her.”

“No,” Erwin said quietly. “That might be the problem.”

---

It started with silence.

Then sharing meals.

Then training side by side.

And now, it was this.

Levi stood behind you, hands loosely behind his back as you adjusted your grip on the twin blades. The sun had barely risen, but the two of you had been on the training field for an hour already. He didn’t speak much during these early mornings, but you knew when he was watching you—his eyes were like a scalpel, dissecting every movement.

“You’re dropping your left shoulder again,” he said quietly, stepping closer.

You rolled your eyes, biting back a smile. “Good morning to you too.”

“You’re going to get yourself killed if you don’t fix it.”

“You could just say ‘nice try,’ y’know.”

He stepped around you and reached out—hesitating for a second before his fingers lightly pressed your shoulder back into place.

“You rely too much on instinct,” he said. “Start using your brain.”

“I am using my brain,” you muttered. “That’s how I knew coming out here with you was a terrible idea.”

Levi smirked.

That was new. The smirking.

It had been eight months since the mission. Eight months since Isabel and Farlan died. Eight months since you started sitting next to Levi at dinner, joining his early patrols, dragging him into conversations he didn’t ask for, and refusing to leave when he glared.

And he stopped glaring.

He started teaching.

And eventually, listening.

Sometimes, after the rest of the squad had gone to bed, you’d sit across from him in the candlelight, knees pulled to your chest, listening to him talk—really talk. Not about feelings (he wasn’t wired for that), but about the world below, about Farlan’s obsession with poker, about Isabel’s snoring. About how the Underground stank like damp stone and regret.

You started opening up too. About Erwin. About how suffocating it was being “the little sister.” About the pressure of legacy. About how badly you wanted to prove yourself—not just to the Scouts, but to yourself.

And through it all, Levi listened.

He didn’t always reply, but he never walked away.

That was more than enough.

---

Of course, not everyone was a fan.

“You spend too much time with him,” Mike muttered as the two of you cleaned gear near the stables.

“He’s my squadmate,” you replied, not looking up.

“He’s not just your squadmate.”

You finally raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Mike didn’t answer at first, just sniffed the air and scowled.

“You’re getting too close. He’s dangerous.”

You paused, the polishing cloth still in your hand. “He’s not the one sniffing people and growling at them.”

“Sniffing is useful,” Mike grunted. “And I don’t growl.”

“Right.”

“I’m serious, Y/N.”

“So am I,” you said, quieter this time. “He’s not who he was when he got here. People change.”

“People like that don’t change.”

“Maybe you don’t know people like that.”

Mike glared. But even he couldn’t deny it. You were stronger now. Sharper. Faster. Levi trained you harder than anyone else dared to. He didn’t coddle you. He didn’t soften the truth. He saw your flaws and forced you to look at them. And weirdly... he made you feel capable.

That scared Mike more than anything.

---

Later that week, during a joint exercise in the forest, a squadmate fell from a branch and nearly impaled himself on the treetop below. You reacted fast, maneuvering down with ease, blades drawn, balancing his weight with your gear until backup arrived.

Levi watched from above, silent and unreadable.

Back at HQ, as you cleaned the scratches on your forearms, he showed up at your door without knocking.

“You’re reckless,” he said.

“I saved his life.”

“You could’ve died.”

You tilted your head. “You’re mad because I did what you’d do?”

He was quiet for a moment.

Then: “I’m not mad.”

“Then what are you?”

“…Annoyed.”

You smiled. “You’re always annoyed.”

He stepped closer. “Only when it’s you.”

Your heart skipped.

But before you could reply, he turned and walked away, cape swishing behind him like a goodbye.

---

Back in the hallway, Erwin leaned against the wall beside Mike.

“She’s getting better,” Mike grunted.

“She’s getting too close,” Erwin muttered.

“Yeah,” Mike said. “She’s gonna break her own heart.”

Or his.

---

A year later

There were legends about you two.

Levi and Y/N.

The heart and the blade.

Steel and warmth.

Discipline and grace.

New recruits whispered about you like you weren’t real. That Levi Ackerman—cold, ruthless, unreadable—had a partner who smiled at everyone, who patched up wounds with steady hands and spoke gently even after slaying a dozen Titans.

You weren’t just good.

You were extraordinary.

And everywhere Levi went—you were there too.

In battle, your signals were instinctual. One flick of your eye and he’d shift his gear midair to cover your blind spot. One small cut on his arm and you were there before he even flinched.

Everyone knew it.

Everyone saw it.

Especially Erwin.

“She’s the only one who can pull him back,” he muttered once to Mike, watching the two of you argue over supplies in the yard. You were poking Levi in the shoulder, and he was looking away with an expression that was almost a smile.

“He listens to her,” Mike agreed, chewing on a piece of dried meat. “That’s rare.”

“You still hate him?”

Mike grunted. “Not as much. She’s made him… less of an asshole.”

---

But Levi wasn’t smiling, not really.

Not when he watched your hair blow in the wind as you ran training drills with the cadets.

Not when you laughed with Hange over tea, your boots still dusty from patrol.

Not even when you leaned your head on his shoulder in the strategy room, eyes closed for just a second of rest.

Because every time he looked at you, his chest pulled tighter.

Because every time he caught the way other soldiers watched you—admired you, adored you—something ugly settled in his throat.

Because every time you looked happy, he thought:

How long until I lose her too?

He had lost Farlan.

He had lost Isabel.

He had lost more names than he could remember.

And you—you—had become the only person that made this endless cycle of blood and loss feel survivable.

But the thing about getting close, was that you didn’t know how close you were until the idea of losing them made your hands shake.

---

“Hey,” you said softly one night, finding him alone on the rooftop, cloak wrapped around your shoulders.

He didn’t turn, but his body relaxed the second he felt you beside him.

You didn’t speak for a while.

The moon was full. The wind was soft.

And Levi was quiet in that dangerous way—like he was holding too much behind his teeth.

“Something wrong?” you finally asked.

“No.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re bad at lying.”

He exhaled slowly, then shifted, eyes on the wall far below.

“You shouldn’t rely on me so much,” he said suddenly.

You blinked. “Where did that come from?”

“I mean it,” he said, jaw tight. “You’re strong on your own. You don’t need me.”

You stared at him. “That’s not how this works.”

“People around me die, Y/N.”

You said nothing.

He looked at you now, finally, fully.

“They die and it’s my fault. I don’t want you to be next.”

You swallowed. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.”

“You don’t.”

His voice broke at the edge.

And that’s when you took his hand.

Just one hand, yours slipping into his like it was always meant to.

“Then let me choose to stay anyway.”

Silence.

The wind stirred your cloak.

His fingers didn’t let go.

---

The next morning, a scout who barely knew you two made the mistake of asking Levi if you were “available.”

Levi stared at him for five full seconds and then said:

“She’ll kill you before I need to.”

You laughed for a full minute.

Mike almost choked on his coffee.

----

The mission wasn’t supposed to go that far north.

It wasn’t supposed to get that bloody.

And it sure as hell wasn’t supposed to fall apart like this.

But there you were.

Bleeding into the snow.

---

Everything happened fast. A cluster of Titans had flanked the rear unit—faster, smarter than expected. Chaos broke out. Screams, gear snapping, bones crunching. Levi was in the center, blades flashing, and you were two trees away when you saw it—his cable snagged, a second Titan lunging behind him, jaws wide.

You didn’t think.

You never thought when it came to him.

You launched forward with every ounce of strength you had, slashing through bark, smoke trailing your path, blood pumping so loud you couldn’t hear Erwin shouting behind you.

You got there in time.

You saved him.

But not before the other Titan’s hand crushed you midair.

You heard the crack.

So did Levi.

---

When they found you, you were unconscious.

Your leg was twisted, blood leaking from your ribs, your harness shredded. Levi was on his knees beside you, pressing his hands to the wound on your stomach, whispering things no one could hear.

“Don’t you dare.”

“Not you.”

Erwin dismounted and froze at the sight. His chest collapsed in on itself. Mike had to drag him away while the medics stabilized you, shaking his head with fury.

“You were supposed to protect her,” Mike growled at Levi later, when your body was being loaded onto the cart, limp as a doll.

Levi said nothing.

He just stared at his own hands.

They were still red.

---

You didn’t wake up for three days.

Levi didn’t leave the hallway.

---

When your eyes finally opened, it was Hange at your side. Then Erwin. Then Mike, who nearly broke a chair in his relief. You tried to ask where Levi was, but your throat was dry and your body screamed.

He didn’t come.

Not that night.

Not the next.

Not even when you were strong enough to stand again.

He wasn’t there.

---

“I don’t get it,” you muttered one evening, pacing the training yard with your limp. “He won’t even look at me.”

Mike exhaled. “He blames himself.”

“I chose to save him.”

“Yeah, and you almost died. You don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?”

Mike looked at you for a long time, then shook his head.

“Never mind.”

---

Meanwhile, Levi stood on the highest wall of HQ, wind biting through his coat. He didn’t feel it.

“She almost died,” he muttered, voice low.

“She didn’t,” Erwin replied calmly beside him.

“She almost died,” Levi said again.

“She’s a soldier. That’s the risk we all take.”

“She took that risk for me.”

Erwin said nothing.

Levi clenched his jaw. “If I’m the reason she dies—”

“She’s not dead.”

“—Then I shouldn’t be near her.”

Erwin’s brow furrowed. “So you’d rather push her away and make her suffer that too?”

Levi didn’t answer.

But he didn’t walk back inside, either.

---

You found him that night.

He was in the old stable, cleaning gear alone like always, back hunched, movements sharp.

“You’re avoiding me,” you said simply.

He didn’t look up. “You should be resting.”

“I did rest. I waited. Now I want answers.”

Levi paused. His knuckles were white.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he said finally. “You shouldn’t have saved me.”

“Would you rather be dead?”

“Yes,” he snapped.

Silence.

You stared at him.

He met your gaze, and his expression cracked. Just for a second.

“I don’t want to watch you die, Y/N.”

“I’m not dead,” you said, voice shaking.

“You almost were.”

“You think pushing me away is going to stop that from ever happening again?”

He looked at you, eyes dark and tired. “Yes.”

You stepped forward. “Then you don’t know me at all.”

You turned, your limp sharper now, and left before he could see your face crumble.

He didn’t follow.

But he wanted to.

God, he wanted to.

---

You stopped waiting.

It hurt too much.

You stopped looking for him in the halls.

Stopped leaving the extra cup of tea out in the morning.

Stopped asking Mike if he’d seen him that day.

You smiled at the cadets. You trained. You fought.

But you didn’t go to the rooftop anymore.

Didn’t wander by the stables hoping to catch him polishing his blades.

Didn’t try to pull words from a man who’d clearly made up his mind.

And Levi?

Levi watched it all from a distance.

And it gutted him.

He thought he was protecting you.

He thought that if he stayed away, maybe you’d stop loving him, and you’d be safe.

But watching your smile dim every time you walked past him?

Watching you sit on the opposite side of the table, laughing too brightly at Hange’s dumb jokes?

Watching Mike pat your shoulder with that big hand of his like he could keep you safe?

It made something snap.

---

The night it happened, it was raining.

You were alone in the armory, checking weapons after drills. The storm outside was heavy, loud, familiar.

You didn’t hear the door open.

But you felt him.

His presence always came like gravity—sharp and inescapable.

You turned around.

Levi stood there, soaked, his hair dripping rainwater into his collar, his hands clenched at his sides like he’d been holding something in for years.

“Y/N,” he said.

Your stomach twisted. “Captain.”

His jaw ticked. “Don’t call me that.”

You blinked. “What else should I call you? You made it pretty clear we’re nothing anymore.”

He stepped forward, breath shallow. “That’s not true.”

“You haven’t spoken to me in weeks.”

“I was trying to protect you.”

“By hurting me?”

He flinched like you’d hit him.

You stared. “Why are you here, Levi?”

He was quiet. The rain thundered outside.

Then:

“I’m in love with you.”

Your breath caught.

He stepped closer, eyes locked to yours. His voice was low. Fractured. Honest.

“I’ve been in love with you since the first time you stood in front of a Titan like it wasn’t the end. Since you smiled at me like I was human. Since you looked at me and didn’t flinch.”

You couldn’t speak.

“I didn’t know what to do with it. I don’t know how to love someone like you—someone good. Someone who still laughs, even after all this.”

His hands were shaking now.

“I’ve never loved anyone like this. It terrifies me. Because everything I love dies.”

You stepped forward.

“Then I guess I’m terrifying too,” you whispered.

He blinked.

“Because I love you, Levi,” you said. “I’ve been in love with you since you told me I was the only person you trusted with your back. Since you stood outside the infirmary for three days. Since you gave me your tea and pretended it was because you ‘weren’t thirsty.’”

Silence.

Rain poured against the windows like it was trying to drown the world.

Then Levi stepped forward and kissed you.

It wasn’t perfect—it was messy and desperate, and his hands trembled on your waist like he was afraid you’d disappear mid-touch.

But it was real.

And when he pulled back, forehead against yours, he whispered:

“You make me want to stay.”

You closed your eyes.

“Then stay.”

PART TWO↓

#levi ackerman x reader #captain levi x reader #levi aot #captain levi #levi ackerman #aot #angst #shingeki no kyojin #levi x reader #oneshot #snk

302 notes · View notes

zeketarion · 5 months ago

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"hey, keep your eyes open. . ." levi's voice trembles, he isn't one to panic but the thought of you bleeding out and dying right in front of him is beyond frightening. "keep talking, talk to me." he applies pressure to your abdomen, watching as the blood seeps through your uniform.

"levi. . ." you look around, dazed, finally your eyes meet his. "yes?" levi leans into you, his expression firm before he sees you slipping into unconsciousness again. "hey. . ." he gives you a gentle shake. he lets a scoff escape his lips, sweat dripping from his forehead into the hot skin of his hands.

"don't die, not yet. there's so much you'll leave behind. . .me, the corps, the life we built together. i need you to stay."

534 notes · View notes

tsukimirecs · 8 months ago

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levi ackerman // fic recommendations

note: remember to read the tags! + i do not own any of these works

ignited

the feeling's mutual

the forgotten day

a river of three crossings

press four for more options

one million to one

spring cleaning

slow hands

outlier

the bet

blueberry tea and lavender soap

melt

i need you

try

honey, honey (how you thrill me)

dante's inferno

beautiful

regimens

apricity

smoke and mirrors

the short end of the stick

warmth

nothing to lose, vengeance to gain

broken promises.

no man's sky

beg, borrow & steal

the mortal price of crossing twice

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daemontargaryenwhore · 1 year ago

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I showed this to my friend and he asked “is he dead or just tall?” and i didn’t know how to tell him it was both.

Ctto. @h.dante on TikTok 🫶🏻

1K notes · View notes

hanjisungslag · 4 months ago

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attack on titan headcanons #15

synopsis: things you argue about 😵‍💫

characters included: eren, mikasa, armin, jean, sasha, connie, reiner, annie, bertolt, levi, erwin and hange.

notes: i’ll be expanding my horizons!! & adding a new anime to my masterlist >.< also, i added a s4 ver to this? i’m not sure if it’s any good but, i just wanted to do it loll

☆ eren jaeger

pointing out the obvious here but, his yearning to kill every single titan. he constantly puts himself in danger, especially since becoming a titan himself and he is just completely blinded by his rage sometimes. you’ve all lost someone to the titans whether it’s your parents, friends or an acquaintance, there’s no need for him to be so reckless!

by the time you guys are 19, he had left. he became awfully reserved and angrier but in a scarier way, he was quieter. he was clearly severely traumatised & that caused many arguments for a multitude of reasons but before you knew it, he left without a word.

☆ mikasa ackerman

her recklessness. she’s very head strong, leaning toward a bit stubborn but most of all, she was caring of those around her. as a rookie, she may have been compared to a 100 man army but, that doesn’t mean she’s indestructible!

by the time you’re 19, a lot has gone to shit. so many people have died, eren is on a genocide mission & everyone is terrified. at any moment, either of you could die. you used to see her as reckless now, you see her as fearless and what’s the harm in trying to save the world?

☆ armin arlert

probably his lack of survival instincts. or his insecurity because yes, he’s witty AND he does have some survival skills in a intellectual sense but sometimes, he does lack it and it’s scary. his insecurity not only has an affect on him but you too. it’s really difficult to deal with and it can be draining. his insecurity links back into his survival skills too, he’s so convinced he’s a weakling that he freezes, he doesn’t try to fight. you just want him to stand on his own two feet confidently.

by the time you’re 19, you don’t argue about much. he’s grown up so much, become so much more confident & everyone knows he gets closer to becoming commander everyday.

☆ jean kirsten

i’m sorry but this man is perfect 😭. I SAID IT, I SAID IT!! when he was younger, he acted like a bit of a arrogant. sort of acted like a big, strong man but he’s not and he knows damn well he ain’t! he’s a team worker, kind, understanding and most of all strong and intelligent! he’s the full package idc idc.

by the time you’re 19… you’re still the same. you’re in a more dire situation but, jean doesn’t change. he’s still the heartfelt, strong, confident boy you met 4 years prior except he has a mullet now (😜).

☆ sasha braus

dare i say pretty much nothing…? like you guys probably barely even bicker. you’re both fairly happy, good people who are strong and can handle yourself! maybe the odd bicker about how she steals your stuff.

by the time you’re 19… gulp.

☆ connie springer

he’s very set on stuff… he’s very blinded by his own opinions and doesn’t see the bigger picture. it’s frustrating trying to explain minute details to him or asking him to see things from others perspectives etc. all because he’s so opinionated!

by the time you’re 19, after all the tragedy and heart break, he’s a lot more of an open book now. although one thing you do bicker about is him cracking jokes at the wrong time. still a major issue to this day i fear.

☆ reiner braun

aha😅 probably the fact he’s a TITAN… yeah, i’d say that was a pretty big turning point in your relationship especially because he just blurted it out?? like one minute you’re setting up cannons and the next, eren is screaming about how your boyfriend and his best friend are the fucking titans??? like?? traumatic much? before that, you didn’t argue about much. only when he put himself in danger for others because yes, it’s admirable but it’s dangerous and stupid. you don’t wanna see him hurt!

by the time you’re 19… well. you broke up. not officially just due to uh, circumstances. awks.

☆ annie leonhart

i don’t think there was necessarily anything major that you guys argued about, definitely just like little bickers about stupid things and annie would usually just close off until you both forget about it or apologised to get it over with. after the discovery of her being a titan and the killing of marco, you were absolutely heartbroken.

by the time you’re 19, you had also broken up unofficially.

☆ bertolt hoover

nothing! i’m sorry he’s just too wonderful and perfect! that was until the inevitable happened, reiner exposed the two of them on a random tuesday. overhearing this conversation, you thought reiner was delusional, bertolt tried his best to get reiner to just shut up & stop talking but next thing you knew you were forced to fight your own boyfriend. you were furious, betrayed, hurt. you tried your best to let out your feelings of anguish while fighting him but, soon he disappeared.

by the time you’re 19… uhhh

☆ levi ackerman

oh dear god um, probably the fact he’s so closed off. it was difficult for him to even get into a relationship with you in the first place but then, he doesn’t allow himself to be open with you. he’s so traumatised and terrified in losing you that he sees no point in opening up. it’s really difficult because he doesn’t really realise he’s doing it but whenever you try to bring it up, he gets defensive.

☆ erwin smith

his need for the ‘secret’. it drives you up the wall, it’s understandable yes, but it’s insane. he’s so devoted and you love that but sometimes, it’s overwhelming and a little scary. you argue about this every once in a while but especially toward the end, when they were so close to erens basement, you wanted to spend the rest of our lives together but erwin was willing to put himself and all his troops on the line for this, you thought it was selfish.

☆ hange zoë

nothing. sorry but just nothing, maybe their experiments with titans because like what the fuck that’s so dangerous? but usually, you know you can count on moblit to make sure they don’t die aha… even when they do get a bit too close to comfort to the titans it’s less of an argument and more of a “hange— jesus, can you please be careful?” while they giggle happily 😭.

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musouie · 7 months ago

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── .✦ 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐅𝐘

précis. levi washes your burdens away

contents: fluff, angst, non-sexual nudity, suggestive, reader and levi in a situationship, canon!au, comfort, afab!reader, 1.5kwc

When you return from a gruelling mission, bloodied and bruised, your knuckles bearing the scars of war, Levi does two things:

The first comes as if on instinct, a mere reflex, spewed from his lips without a thought and tumbling before he can stop it. “You smell like shit, soldier.” The comment is uttered evenly, void of any real bite, and closely followed by a sigh. A ragged, bone-weary, half-hearted thing that deflates his frame in a way being in the Underground never could.

And for some reason, it all makes you feel warm.

Perhaps it’s the way he says it, or perhaps it’s the way he chooses not to say anything else. Regardless, you take it and cradle it between your fingers, peel back the multitude of layers and recognise it for what it is: affection (dressed in barbed wire, one with spikes that have begun to wear.)

The second, however, is something different altogether. This one feels like something that came from inside Levi, something that he had kept bottled up and sheltered, something that only you got a glimpse of. (It was often he gave you these glimpses of himself. None coherent or related to the last. You think you are finally beginning to put him together, to piece the enigmaticness of him —

— but then he turns and walks away.)

He glances at you over his shoulder, motioning with his chin for you to follow him, lips pulling into a line as yours tremble.

(The puzzle pieces scatter, make a mess of themselves.)

And with a part of you burning with curiosity and defeat, the other aflame with desperation, you find yourself following. You always do, ever the curious. “It’s in your blood,” he whispered to you one night, voice a muted wisp as you lay against his bare chest, damp and warm and clutching him close.

(He didn’t talk a lot — never talked a lot — when you were in his arms. It’s how you learnt to listen. Sometimes his admissions would come spilling, like those times where he’d drink just enough to get drunk. Or when he’d come back from a particularly hard mission, weary to his bones, his walls finally crumbling as he’d lie upon you —

— he would tell you everything. From his darkest desires, his brightest memories, his dreams, to his nightmares. All filled with you and you and you and you.)

When you make it to his quarters, sectioned off from the rest of the cadets’, you bite your lip and enter hesitantly, hands clenched into trembling fists by your sides, itching to reach out, itching to —

The door falls shut with a click that reverberates through you, bordering on deafening. You nearly miss what comes after.

Nearly.

“Strip.”

There is no teasing in his tone, no hint of endearment that, by now, you know only comes to the surface for you, and only if no one else is around to witness it. His back remains to you, and you are, momentarily, left blinking, stunned at the abruptness of the command.

You do not speak; neither does he.

Time presses you, moving relentlessly, budging when you don’t. It doesn’t stop at his request, nor does it hitch to indulge you. And his patience runs thin.

“Strip,” he repeats, turning to shoot you a withering glare. But his eyes are all wrong. Soft around the edges.

A second of holding his gaze is all it takes for you to lower your own, bottom lip seeking comfort between your teeth. You swallow before peeling back a layer: gear.

Then another, harder to remove than the first: your jacket; followed by your blouse (shredded around the edges, bearing holes in places it never used to, snarling rips running along the seams.)

They slip from your shoulders and pool behind you, the wood below creaking as you take a step forward, tugging your trousers by their cuffs, slipping a finger beneath the waistband before pushing them lower down your legs; boots discarded carelessly to the side.

He hisses at the mess.

When your eyes snap to his at the sound, he looks down between your legs pointedly, thin brow arching until you swallow around the lump in your throat.

(Nothing has to be said; the silence is enough —

— it’s always enough.)

Bending at the knee and dragging air sharply through flared nostrils, you slip your underwear lower down your legs, working quickly with trembling fingers that could likely use a steadying hand (except you are alone, and his remain glued to the wooden railing behind him. Steady. Stable. As reliable as the rhythm with which he rises and falls on the swing of his blade.)

It trails down, following the movements of your hips, spreading open once they curve in the slightest, only to come together and tangle about your ankles.

“Everything,” he mutters, and you stare at the floorboards, toes curling within your socks, fidgeting nervously beneath his steady gaze.

Heat rises on the back of your neck, splotchy, uneven. Lingering until your body curls in an awkward shape — in an attempt to conceal your bits — and you pluck your socks off, followed by your cotton panties.

And —

— you’re bare before him.

(You always are.)

“Come now,” he says gently.

(His eyes, however, burn.)

One small step becomes two, which transition into three, and suddenly, you are halfway there. Five strides until —

“To the tub,” he instructs, barely a whisper; barely anything at all, “before the water gets cold.”

You oblige until you slip into the porcelain of it, its temperature almost perfect as you melt into the water. Floating — drifting — lost to the tides. If the sight is enough to please him, however, Levi does not show it. His demeanour remains much the same: eerily calm, collected. Cautiously removed.

It persists as he strides, unhurried, towards you, grasping a washcloth from the tub’s rim and lathering it with soap. A fragrance so delicate wafts through the air — peony, lavender and a hint of vanilla — a fragrance so him, surrounding and enclosing on you until it threatens to seize your very lungs.

(The smell of death may cling to the backs of your teeth, or perhaps beneath your fingernails, buried too deep to dig out. But his tenderness washes it all away.

Now, you’ve made the water dirty. Filled it with grime.)

“Your arm, soldier.”

You robotically surrender it, offering the limb over the lip of the tub, palm facing up in supplication. In reverence.

His thin lips turn down as he inspects it, turns it over and clicks his tongue upon finding a bruise. Clicks again when he discovers a scratch.

The nudge comes as he soaps the inside of your wrist with soothing circular motions; spreading until it trickles up the valley of your forearm, leaving blossoms of white froth in its path. From the valley it divides into two, branching into streams that run parallel as they part ways around your bicep, clinging to the dips and curves of you.

“How do you feel?” He asks without meeting your gaze, focused, wholly, on massaging the inside of your elbow.

“Tired.”

It’s all you can give.

It’s as honest as it is ambiguous, laden with all the heaviness bearing down on your shoulders, dragging you down to the deepest depths of the waters, swallowing you.

But Levi nods, accepts it.

He brings the washcloth to your neck, following the swooping lines of your collarbones, the undersides of your jaw, its grooves. Your shoulders bear the marks of his touch, soon followed by the plains of your chest.

You’re so focused on watching his movements as he trails the cloth over you — from collarbone to shoulder, shoulder to the valley between your breasts — that you nearly miss what comes next.

“I...I’m glad you’re alright, soldier,” he mutters, a slip so sudden and small.

Like the flush tingeing his cheeks and the way it runs up his neck, or the furrow of his brow and the line between, ever prominent.

“I —” your voice, weak in its own right, nearly dies. Strangled in a web of muted hope. You shake yourself loose of its hold, “thank you, captain.”

The expression he flashes you is one of pain, or perhaps disappointment.

He doesn’t acknowledge your gratitude, only nods and drops his gaze to the nape of your neck, tracing the lines there with his gaze. A touch so soft and wistful it could never leave an imprint, doesn’t even burn.

And yet it does. Your chest feels ablaze, your flesh singed.

And it sears more as he brings the cloth to your face, cleaning your chin carefully, swiping away the flakes of blood from the jut of your cheekbones, beneath the curvature of your nose, the expanse of your eyelids.

This, too, is something intimate, has your heart stuttering and your breath stalling, has your face flaring with the heat only shame can bear, but no less welcoming than the rest of his careful ministrations.

From your forehead to the space behind your ear, an exuberance of bliss settles between your ribs. Latching on with pointed fingers that threaten to rip. It could hardly be called anything less.

You shudder out a long exhale as you relax back against the rim, the pads of his fingers trailing beneath your brows, brushing over your lids, again, and again, and again. Until your skin glides with ease, wet and soapy and clean.

The touch lingers. It lingers.

Until he goes still, and the cloth goes with him.

#i've missed writing about my lover <33 #this was supposed to feel like a fluffy pillow ! i hope my prose wasn't too much...#levi ackerman x you #aot levi #snk levi #levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman fluff #levi ackerman #levi ackerman headcanons #levi x y/n #levi x you #hark the angel’s sonnet ༒︎ ࣪ ˖#levi ackerman angst #divider by @/saradika-graphics #aot x reader #aot x you

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cheriecoke · 2 years ago

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.𖥔 ݁ ˖ panacea — levi ackerman

summary. it's been hard to talk to levi after the rumbling

contents. written with fem!reader in mind but no gendered pronouns used, ex-scout!reader, postwar!levi, established relationship, sfw, angst, comfort, references to ptsd and depression, early in the healing process — 2.1k

notes. writing post-war levi is a little intimidating, but i hope i did him justice <3 please ignore any spelling or grammar isses

the sound of a crash in the other room pulled you out of your sleep, tugging you out of a nightmare that you didn’t want to be caught in anyway.

a groan came next—hushed but still audible, following the sound of something falling. though there was no need to be on alert, your heart hammered in your chest, your mind still caught in the titan’s den, not the place you called home.

when you finally calmed down, reshaped your thoughts to reality, you shifted onto your other side, reaching out for levi. though, he wasn't in the bed besides you; the space had grown cold, the blankets thrown back. the shape of his head was no longer evident on the pillow.

you sat up, moving quickly as you shook off the covers and padded into the other room. the brisk night air caused you to shiver, and the floor was even colder under your bare feet. still, you were too focused on the sounds you’d heard to even worry about grabbing a jacket.

there was a light on in the living room, a candle lit on table, and a book propped open next to it. clear signs that levi had been awake for a while, that sleep eluded him, even now.

“levi?” you said softly as you rubbed your eyes, your voice hoarse from misuse. “are you okay?”

you wrapped an arm around yourself, swallowing down any pity as you blinked at the dismal sight of levi next to the wheelchair, his expression screwed up in a blizzard of frustration and defeat. his legs laid out in front of him, and he stared at them, blue eyes hard as if trying to will them to do his bidding.

this wasn’t the first time that levi had tried to push himself too hard, that he had tested his physical limits, and it wouldn't be the last. for years, he’d survived on sheer willpower. he’d gotten out of the underground from his own force and strength, his promise to erwin enough to keep him alive despite everything he suffered.

though, for once, even his determination wasn't enough. it couldn’t rewind the clock, couldn't make his legs as they’d once been.

it had been an adjustment, and it still was—though, everything after the rumbling was an adjustment.

for a while, after it had ended, levi hadn’t spoken to you. he didn’t want your help, and though you wanted to be by his side, you didn't want his anger. the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel smothered.

you tried your best to be patient. you’d continue to be patient with him, even when sometimes, you felt like he forget that you had lost, nonetheless.

“i’m fine,” he said gruffly, pulling himself up with the strength that he refused to let go of. levi was weaker now, his physical capabilities nowhere near where they’d once been, but he was still levi ackerman—he always would be.

you watched him struggle for a moment, and you chewed your lip, taking a step forward. “levi…”

“i said i’m fine.” he didn’t quite shout at you, but his tone was sharp, his voice raised in the commanding way he’d always used as a captain.

since the day you’d met levi, he’d always been snappy, sarcasm dripping from his tongue, but he was never cruel. now, though, he was content to let his bitterness serve as a balm for his wounds instead of your affection.

but things like that didn’t bother you anymore. a careless bite of snark couldn’t bother you when you’d been to hell and back with him.

“okay.” you blinked, shifting on your heels, feeling stupid and confused and guilty. though for what, you weren’t sure. still, you could do nothing but stare as levi dragged himself back into the wheelchair, putting pressure on the leg that had not been completely shattered. “please be careful.”

“can you just—” levi snapped, but then his gaze met your own, piercing your lost, uncertain irises, and he softened. a long, careful sigh released, and he retraced his words, starting again. “i’m sorry. but you don’t need to worry so much. it’s been enough time.”

you nodded, and levi turned back to his book, pulling himself closer to the table. as he glued his eyes on the pages, you glanced at his scars, his beautiful hands, a testament to his strength and all he’d done to survive.

despite yourself, tears welled up in your eyes, and you batted them away, not wanting him to see. maybe, sometimes, levi didn’t feel the same... but you were grateful, every day, that he was still alive. “will you ever talk to me?”

he turned, craning his neck to face you, playing the fool. “about what? i’m talking to you right now.”

your lip quivered at his impassivity. “don’t do that again to me, levi. you know what i’m talking about. sometimes you're content to pretend like nothing’s changed, and it tears me apart.”

levi shifted his arms, regarded you with a long stare, his lips curled into something between a sneer and a frown. “then you’re welcome to leave. i don’t need a caretaker.”

you gawked at him, knowing that he was only trying to push your buttons, but it annoyed you nonetheless. the comment was so out of left field that you couldn’t wrap your head around where it had come from. all you’d wanted to do was love him, show him your unwavering care and support, without feeling like a stifling annoyance.

though, for a moment, doubt consumed you. maybe you hadn’t done enough. perhaps you had become a recluse of your own in the recent months, still recovering from everything you’d gone through. “leave? why would i leave?”

levi’s eyes narrowed, though more out of curiosity, a deep inhale escaping him. he peered back down at his hands, his legs, before deflating. “i’m not the person you fell in love with. i’m not humanity’s strongest anymore. i’m a man who can’t even stand on his own.”

“levi—” you rubbed your hands together, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest. “do you honestly think i care about that? you hate being called that anyway.”

he snorted, but it was full of a defeat you’d never known him to show. “maybe i got used to it.”

silence fell between you, and though you understood, knew what he was admitting to you, you found yourself at a loss for a words. talking with levi had once been so easy, but now, it felt like you could never say the right thing.

you opened your mouth, willing something sensible to come out, but levi beat you to it, slicing his chest open and bearing it to you with bloodied hands.

“i just…” he began, his face pinched at the sound of his weakened voice. “i’m just not sure what i’m supposed to do now. i spent the past decade fighting. and the decade before that, fighting. and the decade before that…”

your heart ached. you took a step forward, close enough so you could touch him. “but you don’t need to fight anymore. the war is over.”

“the war is never over.” the words didn’t leave as much of a punch as he intended. levi finally turned to face you, something sad in his dark blue irises. “those brats could barely win with me, imagine them without me.”

you softened. levi’s pain was unending. perhaps a part of him still grieved for the man he’d been before the war, but you knew that was not the reason for his melancholy. you knew, even if he never said it, that he felt as if he’d failed all the kids he’d brought onto his squad. that he’d failed eren.

“levi, they’re not children anymore,” you said quietly, grasping his hand. you remembered being nineteen, being thrust into the bloodshed and misery of the world you lived in. at least, now, levi’s squad could try to live a semblance of a normal life. they got an early start, a chance to try again, even if still wracked by anguish and longing. “if they need to fight, they can fight. you’ve done your time, my love. you’ve given more than enough.” you brushed your fingers along his scars. “let yourself rest.”

a beat passed before he answered.

“i don’t know how.”

you swallowed, biting back the sadness that you didn’t feel warranted to. sometimes, knowing everything that levi had suffered, knowing the depths of his pain, made you feel undeserving of your disdain towards the world. even if you were hurting too.

“i know,” you said, running your other hand through his hair, flattening the pieces that had been disheveled in his sleep. “but i want to be there for you. i want to heal with you. please don’t push me away, levi. if you think you’re doing me a favor, you’re not.”

“i’m never going to be the same as i was before,” he said sharply, as if that could somehow change your mind.

you brought yourself closer to him, releasing his hand so you could wrap your arms around him instead, bring his head to your chest in a warm embrace. for once, levi didn’t protest. he leaned against you, inhaling, letting his arms rest limply on his lap.

“no one is the same. the rumbling changed us all. even me. you’re such a fool if you think anyone can look at you and see a weak man.” you squeezed him tighter. levi’s arms came around you as tears spilled out of your eyes, his palm warm on your lower back. “you’re the strongest person i’ve ever met. it breaks my heart that you could think otherwise.”

tears dripped off your chin, falling into his hair. although you tried to stop them, letting go of levi and sniffling to wipe your eyes, you couldn’t cease the ache in your chest. you released the sobs you’d held back for his sake, for everyone’s sake.

why should you get to cry when everyone else had lost so much?

“i love you, just as you are. i fell in love with you because of the kindness in your heart, and i will always love you because of that. i—”

“hey,” levi pushed you away, reaching up to wipe at the tears that lingered on your cheek. “i didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said, looking more horrified about that than he had the past few weeks of recovery and hospitalization. “i’m sorry. i’m sorry.”

“i’m okay,” you tried, lip quivering at the feeling of levi’s fingers on your cheek. it had been a while since you’d kissed him like you meant to, memories of war consuming every peaceful moment between you.

“no. you’re not.” he sighed, stroking your face with tender eyes, the malice melting away from his expression completely. “you’re not. i should’ve noticed.”

“i’m good about hiding it."

“that doesn’t make it any better,” he frowned, cupping your cheeks with both hands. “i know that better than anyone. i know you better than anyone.”

you turned into his hand, kissing his palm tenderly, beneath the spot where his index and middle finger had once been, stopping him before he could apologize again. “and i know you, levi. i know we should both stop trying to hide our pain from the other, and try our best to move on together.” you sighed, smiling through your tears. “can we do that?”

levi stared at you for a moment, eyebrows knit together as he wiped at the wetness, the shadows under your eyes. though there was a battle behind his irises, a conflict, there always had been. for the remainder of his life, for the peaceful years you’d get to cherish together... even then, you weren’t sure levi could let go of the war.

but that would be okay. after all, you’d always sworn to fight to the death by captain levi ackerman's side.

the exhale from your chest breathed life through levi's inhale. a smile smile graced his lips as you finally stopped crying. he nodded.

“we can try.”

thank you for reading! reblogs appreciated!

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leviraaaaaa · 7 months ago

Text

In another life?

Levi stared at you from across the room, watching you as you distractedly fumbled with the straps of your gear. Your fingers worked clumsily as they attempted to work with the clasp on your thigh properly, only for it to keep slipping out of your grasp, again and again, earning annoyed huffs from you. You were late, you knew. The others in the room had already cleared out, leaving only you as you struggled and Levi as he watched. But the more you tried to hurry, the worse it kept getting, the belts getting all tangled up with each other and you looked like you were about to cry.

He would've left by now as well, if not for you and your misery that made him stick around. It was very unusual to see you this unsettled, specially right before an expedition. Your hands were trembling uncontrollably. Levi felt frustrated just by watching you. Finally, his patience wained as he sighed and stepped forward.

“Call yourself a captain and you can't even tie your gear.” He muttered as he kneeled in front of you. Without letting you protest, he slapped your shaking hands away and took the strap to his own hands.

You were about to argue but when he shot a glare at you. You shut up. Even you knew when to be stubborn and when to be not and the clock that ticked away on the wall was a clear indication of what the choice should be. Therefore, you settled with a quietly mumbled curse but stretched out your leg anyway.

His expert hands worked fluidly, slipping underneath the belt and wrapping it around your shin. He pulled out one end and the leather grasped to your leggings.

“Too tight?”

“No.”

He did the other leg too, finishing the task you'd been struggling with for the past 15 minutes within 10 seconds. When he was done, his hand hesitantly reached up for for the ones at your thighs. He shot a questioning glance up towards you for approval and you nodded. This was no time for proprietary. He went back to work.

“What's on your mind?” He asked, glancing at you with gray eyes when he was done. In them, he had worry.

Everything. You wanted to say when you looked at him. Everything.

But of course you don't.

You shook your head, standing up. Wordlessly, you stepped around him, picking up the the sword sheathes hanging on the wall and adjusted them to your waist.

Levi stood up as well, brushing down his pants. He was about to tell you he didn't buy it. There was something wrong, he could tell, but before he could part his mouth, someone entered.

“Levi—Ah, I see you're here as well.” Erwin's deep voice reaches you as you turned. “Shadis is asking about your absence. We have about 5 minutes until we depart. Is everything okay?” Erwin's blue eyes found yours as he asked the last question. Levi didn't fail to notice.

“Yes, sir.” You replied, a little too quickly perhaps. Levi's eyes narrowed. “I'll meet you out, sir.”

You sidestepped Erwin, in a hurry to leave the room. But just before your face disappeared, he caught the sight of absolute despair that was etched on your face.

“What's wrong with her?”

Erwin turned around, not surprised to find Levi on his horse, stanidng out of formation and beside him. “Levi.” He said pointedly.

“Don't be an ass, I'm going back in a minute.” He snapped. He knew Erwin knew something. “What the hell is wrong with her?”

“Hange says she's sick. Threw up in the morning twice apparently. Refused to have breakfast as well.” Erwin shrugged.

Levi paused. Now that he thinks about it, sure, Levi hadn't seen you down at breakfast hours. He had just assumed you'd gotten in earlier.

Levi looked outraged. “And you're letting her out like that?”

“Levi, really.” Erwin sighed, looking at him. “Since when does she listen to me?”

Levi felt irritated. It was stupid of him not to realize Erwin must have told you to stay in. More stupid of him to not realize you had said no, like the arrogant shit you were.

He thinks of your face from a few minutes ago, when you were struggling with your battles. It would've been an hour and you still wouldn't ask for help. That's just the way you were. He thought of your pale face and shaky hands. He thinks of the formation quickly, running an image in his head. You would be on the north perimeter, far away from him, surrounded by a bunch of rookies. You'd be on watch which was comparatively less dangerous, but he felt uneasy anyways.

“Put me near her.” He said suddenly. “Let Eld handle my squad.”

Erwin gave him a strange look. It made Levi self-conscious. “What?” He said defensively. He knew it was strange, fuck, but he couldn't think of another way. He couldn't let your stupid ass alone out there.

“She can take care of herself." Erwin said. "She's a soldier, she knows what she's getting into. If she thinks she can handle it, why not have a little faith?”

“If she dies out there because she's too fucking stubborn," He jabbed a finger at him. "You'd be the one sorry.”

Erwin looked thoughtful. “Heart getting in the way of your head, Levi?”

Levi felt heat rushing to his cheeks. But Erwin cut him off before he could say anything.

“But yes,” He nodded. “I was going to tell Hange to keep an eye on her. But you don't listen to me either, do you?” He looked at him, the blonde man's piercing blue eyes searing straight through Levi's soul. “Do as you may.”

Do as you may. Levi thought about the words as he turned his horse around. Do as he might— for a friend. If that's what you were.

“Are you supposed to be here?” You asked tiredly, glancing at him when his horse stopped beside you.

“No.”

You frowned.

“Last minute change of formation.” Levi lied.

“Erwin didn't tell me.”

“Because he sent me here to tell you.”

You gave him a skeptical look. It was clear you did not believe him, but you didn't say anything else.

And that's how Levi knew there was something definitely, definitely wrong. Anytime else, you would've never let this go easily. You would've pestered him, annoyed him with questions, teased him, made every use of it until you got the answers you were looking for. Then you would argue. Bicker at him to convince you were okay so he left you. You hated the idea of getting help anyways, specially from him.

But right now, he glanced, you just looked so very tired.

Expedition had started a while ago. Neither you or Levi had exchanged any words since then.

The two of you were on watch duty, perched on a tree as you scanned around for any upcoming titans, the smoke gun ready at your hand. A bland job, unsuited for both of you and very below your skill level. But you weren't complaining and you always complained.

You looked pale. There were bruises under your eyes and your lips were chapped, you looked fragile as a bird, a very exhausted bird.

You weren't talking and so, neither was Levi. He watched you as you kept your eyes on the forest perimeter. Your gaze was so blank, Levi briefly wondered if you were even focused.

And it was because Levi was watching you so closely that he noticed the exact moment your eyes lost focus.

The exact moment your muscles went slack and the grip around your swords went loose.

The exact moment your legs crumbled and you dropped forward.

And it was because he was watching you, because in his guts, he was certain there was something wrong and every inch of him was guarded that his body kicked in just the exact moment you tipped and he dived forward, catching you seconds before you crashed onto the ground like a broken ragdoll.

—

You were sitting at a table in the sidelines, watching couples as they swayed in rhythm to the melody of the piano all around the ballroom. You hummed along, tapping your fingers as you took a swig of your drink.

It was a ball hosted with a goal to fund for the scouts. It looked all fancy, but really under those painted and polite faces were twisted thoughts and sly hearts. You could feel the political tension thrumming in the air. And though you never really liked the social expectations to meet when attending these, it was fun to dress up and get a taste of the life of nobles for a night.

Shame that it's your last ever one.

You startled when the dark-haired man appeared beside you and sank down on a chair without a word.

"Tch." He clicked his tongue impatiently, plucking off a glass from the nearby waiter. He swung one of his legs over the other, his irritated face stood out bluntly amongst all the polite smiles and pleasantries. "How long do we have to stay here?"

"Levi." You smiled. He didn't return your smile, or even turned to look at you. He merely frowned, the slight wrinkles around his eyes indicating the foul mood was not at all uncommon for him. "Manners."

"Manners? If Erwin forces me to talk to one more of those stuck up rich bastards—"

"You're the star here. 'Humanity's Strongest' remember?"

"What a joke." He huffed frustratedly. "Don't call me that. It's like I'm a product being advertised to be sold."

"If you put it that way." You shrugged. Raw words, you thought. No false Incase of politeness. He said what he thought, no filters. Always. "The human miracle, the thug from underground that held talent like no other, the one who'd save humankind. Sounds like a pretty tempting investment."

"I will pour this on you I swear."

You giggled.

"Lots of admirers though." You tilted your head to observe the group of young girls huddled in a corner, ogling at him, giggling softly and pointing. Levi shot them a halfhearted, disinterested glance, which only made them squeal louder. He scowled.

"Won't fucking leave me alone." He mumbled.

You smiled, watching him as he fidgeted, fingers holding the wine glass by the strange way you've always seen him, by the rim. He looked out of place. In this grand room filled with colors and vibrance, he was dressed in black. Trousers, shoes, waistcoat, suit—it was all different shades of black. And even his eyes were a shade of gray. It contrasted against the paleness of his skin.

He was beautiful, you thought, watching him from the corner of your eyes. Beautiful. But there was an edge to it. Like the way the sharp edge of a sword glitters in the moonlight. Intimidating. Dangerous. Mesmerizing.

It only ever made you want to steal a closer look, to peer at his heart to see if his soul was as stone made as he appeared.

You've known him for so long, since the first he ever became a scout. Yet here, right now, in the midst of all this grandeur and with him looking like someone straight out of a novel, you felt like a little child. A lovesick little teenager getting her first crush. Not a scout who's killed titans. It always felt like that. With him. It was like hoping for the moon, and you're only just a silly, silly human.

You've known him for so long and you've grown so close, yet now that you look at him, he's never felt further away.

You were only just a girl when it was him.

Levi was cruel, there was no other way to put it. But yet, as you came to realize through the years, the unkind words he threw at your way sometimes, they were only just that. He didn't mean half of it, almost as if he said them only out of habit. He was kind too, you noticed. In the strangest ways. He'd let you pester him all day, make him help you with his work, forcefully make him listen to every gossip you learnt about, rant about your little romance novels, and in turn, sometimes, when you pushed, he'd even share glimpses of your own life.

You think the strangest thing was that about him. That he pretended he didn't care, that he hated listening to you rant but somehow he always remembered the smallest details, some of which even you forgot sometimes. Levi seemed to always notice the day you didn't sleep enough, when you looked too tired, when you felt uncomfortable.He’d remind you to eat, to take care of yourself, to rest.

From a young age, you had learnt to accept that life was always going to be too short for you. That it will never be enough. There will always be something more you'd need. And so you had forced yourself to keep everyone at an arm's length. Fuck around but never, ever fall. Because it'd hurt so much less when the end bell finally rang.

So what were you to do, when your heart starts to beat differently for that one strange, complex man?

You liked the way Levi looked at you. His gaze honest and clear. You liked how straight he was with his words.

It was nice. To be with someone so rudely honest. Because Levi looked at you as if you were you. And it reminded you that this scarcity of life you were given weren't all you were.

You were a living, breathing person.

Levi made you feel alive.

A voice cut you off your thinking. There was a man in front of you, trying to gain your attention. And you smiled politely, rejecting what was probably the dozenth of man who proposed to you for a dance. Levi glanced at the dejected man who walked away sullen.

"Won't you dance?" He suddenly asked, looking at you. "You haven't moved an inch since you've been here. I thought you liked this shit."

You only shook your head.

"Why not? You look like you want to."

And you do. Levi would know. Every ball you've ever attended, you danced your ass if and then proceeded to complain about it to Levi about how bad your legs hurt the whole of next day.

You smiled sheepishly. "Not tonight." Not ever.

He sat up straight, finally turning to look at you. He put his glass down, his expression serious. Steel gaze searing through your skin.

"You're resigning." The words were a statement but it was also a question.

You stared at him.

"You didn't tell me." He said accusingly, his voice sharp. His tone gave away the anger he felt, the betrayal, through his face gave away nothing. He shook his head like he couldn't believe you. "I had to find out from fucking eyebrows tonight. Why are you resigning?"

"Well?" He demanded, when you don't respond, the hint of frustration lacing his usually cool, flat voice at the lack of answer.

"Sure you know, Levi." You sighed.

He raised an eyebrow brow inquiringly, looking confused.

"What? Is this because you passed out in the last mission? You've been a wet rag ever since." He said, frowning. "Don't tell me you blame yourself for that and think you're incapable or something."

"I am incapable."

"Bullshit." He spits out angrily. "It was this one time and it's probably because you skipped meals or something. You're better than half the other idiots."

Oh.

You realized then, only then, suddenly as you met his eyes, your heart sinking in your chest.

He doesn't know.

Levi doesn't know yet.

No one told him.

Erwin hadn't told him. Your eyes found Erwin's blue ones in a corner of the room. He gave you a slight nod, turning his focus back to the men he was conversing with. He must've thought it would be best if you told him yourself.

You felt despair, the sorry excuse of a heart that lived in your chest pounded hard.

You clasped your fingers, then unclasped it. The room was suddenly so cold. You can't do this.

Levi was still watching you, waiting. But you saw it, the sudden unease in his face as he sensed something was very, undoubtedly wrong and he shot a glance over Erwin as well. He must be realizing now, that there was something more here, something he couldn't understand. A bad news he was kept out of.

You couldn't help but think how strange fate was then. It pushed rose colored glasses onto you, granting you those soft beautiful moments and convincing you that, this is nice, this is perfect, you can live like this—until you can't. Until you're here. Until suddenly the delusions slip out and reality is a far, far tougher enemy to defeat than titans.

How do you tell Levi time was running out?

That fate was a cruel, cruel little thing.

“What's going on?” He said quietly, his shoulders tense. His expression held the subtle sign of panic in him. “What aren't you telling me?”

“Levi." You looked at him tiredly. He met your gaze with his narrowed, gray eyes. You felt sad when you looked at him, melancholic. "Don't you know?"

"What?" He asked.

"I'm dying."

—

Levi hadn't seen you since then.

He didn't know what happened to you.

You had disappeared the day after, your office cleared of all possessions, and Erwin had only told him you had gone back home. He had no way of contacting you, no way of visiting you, no way of confronting you to ask what the fuck were you talking about. He could hardly focus on his work because that's all he could think about. You looking at him with those eyes, with the saddest face he had ever seen you make. He can't forget the words you said, how you said it. That's all he could think about.

So when he received the letter, your neat, elegant handwriting on the smooth paper surface, he was relieved. And worried. And surprised.

You had wrote only two words.

"Meet me?"

He frowned. Meet you where?

But when he turned to look at the envelope, turning it on his hand to check the sender's address, he froze.

Behind it, was the address of a hospital.

—

Hange was going from corridor to corridor, swooping through room to room to find you as Levi quietly follows. He felt nauseous as he walked. He never liked hospitals. Today, he hated it even more.

It didn't take long. Hange asked a few nurses and they all seemed to know you. Levi registered it numbly, how often you must've come here for everyone to know you by name only. He briefly remembered the times you’d disappear without explanation. Was that for hospital check ups? How long had you been sick and he hadn't realized?

“Ah!” Hange's excited yelp broke him out of his daze. They disappeared behind an open door. “There you are!”

From the other side, he could hear a muffled voice. A voice he knows. His hands are balled into a fist as he squeezed them in his pockets. It didn't feel real. This can't be real. There's no way you're on the other side of that door.

He closed his eyes. He doesn't step in, he doesn't dare. It feels silly, he knew, it was your voice, your face, when was he ever scared to see you? But he was. Right now. It felt insane but he knew he'd rather be out in the forest right now, facing a damn titan than face you.

“No, Erwin couldn't come. He's been so busy but Levi—huh, where did Levi go? Wait, let me go and—” Hange's head pops back out. “Shortie, are you being shy? She's looking for you!”

Fuck. Was there still time to leave this fucking place?

But no, Hange knew. They were looking at him with the same excited expression but their eyes had a strange, determined look. You have to do this, they were telling him. For your sake.

So he did. He exhaled sharply and hoped for composure and walked in.

And nothing in this world ever could've prepared him for what he saw.

Just over the few weeks, your eyes had sunken to your face and your cheeks were hollow. And your face was pale, almost as colorless as the white hospital walls. There were wires attached to you, through your wrist, through your nose.

You looked broken.

But your eyes lit up the moment you saw him.

"Hello." You smiled.

And yet somehow, he thought, in the strangest way, you still looked beautiful. Now more than ever. Beautiful in a way that terrified him. It made him feel sick to his stomach. But he couldn’t look away.

He swallowed the dread down.

"You look like shit." He said.

You broke into a smile.

"Sit." You patted across a chair beside you. "Don't worry, I've made them disinfect the room twice. No germs." You reassured him, grinning. You knew him so well.

He said nothing, but silently took a seat

When you beamed up at him and his heart tugged. It took so little to make you happy.

Then you turned back to Hange, the two of you slipping to easy conversation. He doesn't know for how long. He kept his eyes on the floor. To look anywhere but you. He doesn't know when the time passed, but every once a while you would laugh at something Hange said and that's the only time he would feel conscious, your voice bringing him back. That's the only time he spared a glance at you.

You laughed the same. You looked in pain, but you laughed the same.

It went on for a while more, as the two of you chatted, discussing such casual things, none of you addressing him. He was grateful for it, to be ignored. Grateful to not be expected to be included in the conversation. It was hard enough to be here. He's not you or Hange. He couldn't pretend everything's fine and laugh about it.

But he could almost convince himself that everything was fine. Everything was fine. He was in the meeting room in the Scouts headquarters with everyone else and you were fine. Hange was shitting about military police and you were agreeing. Hange was telling you about titans and you were listening. And in this version, you were fine. You weren't here in this small, colorless hospital room, with tubes and needles going through you.

“Right. It's getting late, so I gotta go. I hope you feel better, girlie,” Hange's voice snapped him out of his daze as they pushed back on the chair to get up. He dully notices Hange's choice of words. Feel better. Not get better. “We’ll try to come by when we can. Make sure to drop by when you can as well. C’mon Levi let's go.” They nudged his shoulders. Levi felt relief. He needed some fucking air.

But Levi was only about to stand up when your fingers reached out to wrap around his hand.

“Levi.” You asked him, speaking directly to him for the first time in the hour. “Stay a while?”

He flinched when you touched him. He doesn't meet your eyes. Instead they find Hange's brown ones, who were watching the interaction closely.

“Sure Levi, why don't you accompany her?” They smacked his shoulders casually, but Levi didn't miss the intentional squeeze. “You don't have anything to do today anyway.”

Levi considered rejecting you for a second, considered making up some shitty excuse to escape this room and escape you, but then he looked at your eager expression and he found himself sitting back down. Levi could get low, but even him wouldn't go this low. He couldn't go that cheap. He couldn't be that much of a fucking coward.

“Wonderful.” Hange grinned. “Tell shortie to behave please. He'd been a mess ever since you left.”

“I will.”

Then Hange was gone. Leaving the two of you with each other and a chilling silence.The first confrontation in weeks.

He didn't think this room could get any more fucking suffocating.

He glanced down where your hand touched his. Your wrist looked so slender it was as if he could break it just by wrapping his hand around it. Skin and bones, that's all you were. Fragile.

"I'm glad you came." You whispered.

Levi inhaled sharply. You could tell him to jump off an edge right then and he'd probably do it.

For a long moment, Levi said nothing, just stared at where your hand rested on his wrist. His fingers itched to pull you closer, but he held back. He holds you gently, so gently, like you were made of glass.

Like you were the most precious thing he's ever held in this lifetime and now you were slipping away.

"I don't understand." He said suddenly.

You stayed quiet. You knew what he meant.

He felt angry at you. So fucking pissed. He felt betrayed. It's like everyone knew except him. Erwin knew. Hange knew. He didn't. Then you fucking spring this on him and disappear for weeks. And that wasn’t fair. That wasn't fucking fair.

“You could've told me.”

You looked down, letting out a soft breath. “I didn’t know how.” you admitted. You never wanted to see that look on your face.

Not yet. Even now that you'd told him, you wished you didn't. You wished you had a little more time.

Levi clenched his jaw, casting his eyes to the sterile white floors.

“When?” His voice was rough.

“Always.”

So you'd been sick. From the day you'd arrived. He felt hollow. In Levi's head, he could remember you. He could remember the first he'd seen you. You were dying then and he hadn't known.

After a pause, he spoke again, his voice carefully blank and face expressionless. Silver eyes devoid of all emotions as they looked down at you.

“How long?”

You keep quiet. Not long. You don't tell him that though. After a while, you spoke. “I don't know.” You said. “Days? Weeks? Months? Who knows. I'm not getting better.” You smiled.

He doesn't know what to say to that. How to respond to that.

He doesn't know how to feel.

"You were fine." He said, almost numbly. As if affirming it would make it true.

"No " You shook your head. "No, I wasn't.”

"You were fine. Even weeks ago. You were fine.” He repeated, shaking his head. He knew it was pathetic. He knew it was hopeless. He knew he was just lying to himself because hell, if he's got to accept this shit. He pulled away his hand from you, ignoring the hurt look on your face. “You were fine. You went out on expeditions. You fought titans. You sparred with Miche. You were fucking fine.”

"I'm sorry." You whispered. But he shot a heated glare at you. That wasn't what he was asking.

“The meds stopped working." You shrugged. “It was always going to. Eventually. It's surprising that it even worked for so long.”

Finally, after minutes of agonizing silence, he let out a tired breath. “Leave it to you to find the stupidest way to die.” He muttered.

You smiled weakly. “Pretty pathetic, huh?”

So much pain. He was in so much pain, you knew.

Levi doesn't show it, he refused to show it, but fuck, you knew him so well, it hurt. He cared so much. So so much.

You'd seen him hold on to a dead comrade for months. Everyone would forget them, not Levi.

Levi can't let go.

It was his eyes that gave it away. Never had he ever looked at you that way. His eyes seared through your soul like he was searching for an answer. Searching for a way, something to hold onto you with. Like he knew. He knew you were fading away. Like he could feel the emptiness you felt with every breath. In his eyes, you saw the most subtle glimpse of despair.

The more you looked at him, the more you felt vulnerable. Something was breaking inside you at the sight of him. Every bit of desire you'd locked away was strangling your heart.

He was here, with his dark hair falling over his face and the silver gleaming through his half lidded eyes and shit, he was so beautiful. Since the day you met him. You felt so soft when he looked at you. So fragile.

You yearned. So badly. Would it be so wrong?

“Do you think I'm pretty?” You asked him.

Levi was confused, caught completely off-guard. “What?” His asked uncertainly?

“I want to know.”

“You want to know if I think you're pretty?”

“Yes.” You smiled.

“Do you always have to be so unserious?”

“Yes.”

Levi blinked. Then sighed. You and your fucking theatrics. “You’d think someone who's dying would ask smarter questions.” He muttered under his breath.

You held your gaze. You wanted him to answer.

Levi balled his hand to a fist. His fingernails digged into his hand. He knew he couldn't lie. Not when you were looking at him like that.

“...I don't know.” He exhaled softly. “Sure, I guess. You keep a neat face. I suppose you don't look that shitty.”

“Even now?’’ You looked at him pointedly.

He stared at you. You and your sunken cheeks and your fragile hands and your tired eyes. You looked ethereal.

Even now.

“Yes.”

You thought you might cry. It hurt. It hurt more because you knew he was being honest. You could tell from the way he was looking at you. He still saw you in the brightest light.

And that sums up the kind of person Levi is.

You're pretty, Levi. You want to tell him. You're so fucking pretty, did you know that?

You don't though.

But he did look so fucking pretty.

You felt sad suddenly. All those fucking years he chose to be a nonchalant bitch. He chose to act like he doesn't give a fuck. And now that you're here, to the end of your lifeline, now he was gonna look at you like that?

You can't do this.

You thought you could, but no. You overestimated your strength. You thought you could handle this. You thought you were strong enough, strong enough to be with him like this, strong enough to handle the way he was looking at you. But no. You should've never called him here.

You can't do this.

He has to go. For your sake. And for his.

“Levi.”

“What?” It was so unfair, you knew.

“Leave.”

His eyes widened. But you held your gaze.

Levi was startled at the sudden shift of mood, the abrupt turn the conversation took. He stared blankly.

“I want you to leave, Levi. And never come back.”

His mind felt empty. There was something strange in your eyes, a desperation. You were looking at him like you wanted him to understand something. Like you needed him to understand. But he didn't understand. What was happening? Why were you saying that?

“You don’t mean that.” He said flatly, after a stretched pause as he waited for an explanation. He looked as calm as ever, but you could see the confusion in his eyes.

You sighed, turning away and leaning back on your headrest. You refused to look at him.

“Did I do something wrong?” He pressed when you didn't respond.

You shook your head.

“I don't want you here anymore.”

“Why?” His voice was so blank but shit, you could just feel the strain underneath.

“I don't want you here anymore.” You repeated, closing your eyes. “I don't want you to see me like this.”

“You don't get to decide that.” He said, his voice harsh and laced, now with an anger as he started to realize where this was going.

“I can actually. I call the nurses. They kick you out.”

“You're being stupid. I can't just—” He sounded frustrated. “I can't just leave you here alone.”

You shook your head again.

“What the fuck? You're the one who brought me here. You're the one who wanted me to stay."

You did, didn't you? What were you thinking? Steadying your expression and masking the absolute heart wrenching pain you were feeling, you looked at him.

“I'm not going to let you do this.” You said calmly. “I'm gonna get worse. And then I'm gonna get worse. More and more. And you're gonna hate it. I'm not going to let you do this to yourself.”

He stared at you with disbelief.

“Let me go, Levi.” You whispered, your voice cracking. “You can't save me. Not this time.”

—

Well, you were a fucking idiot if you thought he was gonna give up just like that.

He wasn't going to leave you like that. In that soul less, lifeless, shitty ass hospital room, tied up to fucking machines and whatnot. He wasn't going to leave you there all alone. You're insane if you thought he was going to.

But he did leave you alone for the two weeks. He's known you too long. You get mad when people doesn't listen to and throw this big pissy rampage and Levi, for one, did not have the mood to deal with that and two, he suspected it would not be good for your health. Another reason is the hospital’s too fucking far from the headquarters. It took so much time or else he would've come earlier. He couldn't focus shit on his work because all he'd been thinking about were you and all he did was wait for another mail where you apologize and take back your words and ask him to come and visit again. You didn't.

He still showed up today, though.

With a bouquet of flowers in his hand. They felt heavy surprisingly. It was sappy as hell and he kept cringing internally everytime he looked at it. Fucking hell, he'd never though this day's come.

He looked up. It looked like it was going to rain today.

Then he braced himself. Knowing the stubborn shit you were, you were bound to throw out a reaction. But he hoped you'd forgotten about it. Hence, also the flowers. Hopefully, they'd be enough to calm you down. But frankly enough, he didn't give a fuck about your stupid reasons. For his own sake, he had to be there. He had to be with you.

So he stepped into the hospital, taking in a deep breath once the sterile scent kicked in.

He retraced his steps the last time he'd been here, taking the steps slowly. When he reached the floor you were on, he set off to the left corridor, trying to remember which room was yours. But he finds it soon enough, the familiar door.

He took a deep breath, the scent of hospitals making him suffocated. He felt nauseous again. He wondered how you looked now. Was he strong enough to do this?

Were you right? Maybe for his sake, he shouldn't be here. His heart pounded so hard against his chest and he couldn't breathe.

Fuck it.

He stepped in. Then halted.

Empty.

Everything was empty.

The shelves. The table. The bed. Every inch of the room sparkled like someone had just cleaned it recently, the scent of disinfectant hanging on the air. The last time he'd been here, there were those weird romance novels you used to like, piled on the table. All of them were gone. The bed was made up, white sheet spread smooth with the corners folded and the pillows fluffed. Like no one had ever laid there.

Like no one had ever been in this room.

“...you're…Captain Levi, aren't you?”

The soft voice startled him. He jolted, turning around to find a young girl looking at him curiously, reddish hair peeking through her blue nurse cap. He recognized her. He'd seen him the last time he was here, she was the one who showed Hange and him to your room. Her hazel eyes softened when he turned around.

“She's told us a lot about you.” She said, explaining.

Levi doesn't talk. He doesn't blink. He doesn't breathe. His hand gripped onto the bouquet harder.

“Has she been moved?” He asked, his voice harsh. He tried to steady it but his hands were sweaty and his heartbeat was rising. “Do you know where she's—”

But she was looking at him sadly, and Levi knew. Levi knew then.

The ground underneath swayed slightly and he found his eyes travelling to the floor. What was he doing here? Why did he come here today? He needs to leave leave leaveleaveleave—

He didn't need to hear the words from her, he already knew. He looked down to his hands, which were shaking slightly. The bouquet was almost haphazard from how tightly he'd been holding them. They felt heavier.

“She said you'd come back.” She told him, looking at him pitifully. “Come with me, please.”

Levi followed her. He didn't know why. He didn't even want to know why. But his head was empty and he could no longer form a thought. He could no longer think, only do what he's asked.

He didn't process where she's leading her, but then they're standing in front of a room. She tells him to wait and goes back in. Levi waited. He doesn't know for how long. Time meant nothing anymore.

She came out a couple seconds later, an envelope in her hand. She holds it out to him.

“She told me to give you this. She asked me to keep it. I told her she should just mail it but she insisted you'd come back.” She let out a soft sigh.

For a second, Levi doesn't do anything.

He stared at the paper in her hand blankly, unable to process it. His eyes hurt from staring, but in the back of his head, he already knew what it was. He should be curious, intrigued. Sad. Something. Anything. He shouldn't be this numb. But he couldn't show a reaction. He felt so tired. He stiffly reached out, taking the letter from her hand

He vaguely registered the elegant scroll of your writing on top of the white surface. To Levi, it said.

The girl looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to respond. To ask. To react. But when he didn't say anything, she looked almost disappointed.

“That's all, then.” She tells him, giving him a polite nod. “I'm sorry for your loss. I will be heading back now.”

Levi didn't say anything.

It's only when she's walking away, when she's getting further and further, he remembered something.

“Wait.” He called out, his voice hoarse. He has to ask. He needed to ask. He must know.

She stopped, turning back.

He let out a shaky breath. He needed to know. “Do you know when…” He inhaled, his voice was shaking, shit. He steadied it. “When did she…?”

He doesn't need to finish his sentence, she already knows. She looked at him. “Not long.” She answered kindly. “It’s been 3 days.”

3 days. You'd left the world 3 days ago.

“Did it..” He tried to find the right words to say. He remembered how you winced everytime you moved. “...was she in pain? When she passed?”

She shook her head. “No.” She said. “It was peaceful. She had a smile on her face.”

Right. Of course you fucking did.

Barely aware of his own actions, he turned to walk away. He needed to get out of here.

“Actually..” She started again, her voice hesitant, stopping Levi in his tracks. Like she wasn't sure she should say this. “The last word she said…it was your name.”

He can't breathe. “What?”

“‘Levi.’ she said.” The nurse told him with a soft look. “'Levi' was the last thing she said.”

—

Levi,

I knew you'd come back.

You stubborn fucking asshole. You were never going to listen to me in the first place.

Are you angry at me? You are, I know. You have every right to be. I know you're so mad at me right now and probably cursing me, but I couldn't let you be there. I know it's so cruel of me. But believe me, I had no choice. For my sake. For my sake, I couldn't let you be there. I couldn't let you see me die like that.

You have to understand. I was so scared, Levi. So terrified. And the more I looked at you, the more scared I felt.

I didn't want to leave you.

I don't care about rotting in a grave somewhere, Levi. I just didn't want to leave you.

You'd think after knowing from birth that you were going to die soon, you'd learn to not be afraid of it. You'd think being in the scouts, where everyday was a gamble, you'd learn to not be afraid of it. And I did. I swear I did. Death didn't scare me anymore. That's why I did so well in the scouts. You used to call me reckless, but there's no point of being scared for a life you were going to lose either way, was there?

I thought I could do this. I thought I could get over it. I thought I didn't have anything to lose.

But then I met you.

You with your stupid fucking ego and your stupid fucking attitude. You with the stupid hair and you with the stupid face. You with the prettiest eyes I've ever seen.

And it scared me so much. So much. What I felt for you. This constant yearning to be near you. I had so little time. All I ever wanted was to be with you. But I had so little time.

I'm sorry for always annoying the shit out of you. But I had so little time. I had to make the most of it. But as it turned out, it was never enough. It was never going to be enough.

The day the meds stopped working, the day I passed out on that expedition, the day the doctors told me there's nothing they could do anymore, the first thought I had was, “I can't be with Levi anymore.”

Not “I'm gonna die.”

But it was you I thought of.

It's so strange, isn't it? I've spent half a lifetime in hospitals and tied up to machines, having to take dozens of meds everyday just so my organs would keep functioning. I was so tired of it all, all I wanted was for it to end. I waited so eagerly for the day it'd all stop. But now that we're here, I'd do anything, I'd do anything to spend one last day with you. One last hour. One last minute. I'd give up anything to go out on one last expedition with you. Just to hear you call me a ‘suicidal fucking psycho’ again. Just to hear you get mad at me again. Just so you could lecture me. Just so you could smack my head and tell me what a fucking dumbass I am. Just one last time, for you to wrap my wounds with the gentlest hands.

I hope you know you changed everything.

You gave me my life back.

And I will owe it to you for eternity.

I'm rambling, aren't I? I don't know how much longer I have, at best 2-3 days. My lungs are going to shit and I've been tied to a nebulizer the whole week. I can't even hold the pen properly because my hands are shaking so bad and it hurts to even write. But I want to. I want to write. I want to tell you so much stuff, to tell you everything, to tell you anything. Shit, I wish you were here. It hurts to breathe, Levi, and I wish you were here. It always hurt so much less when you were here.

I think I'm going to stop here.

I can't fit a lifetime of unsaid things in one letter, could I?

Tell Hange I love them and tell Erwin, I said thank you. I'd write them letters as well if it didn't hurt so bad, so you're gonna have to relay it for me.

Don't be mean to Hange, okay? You know they love you. Let them take care of you. Let others take care of you. You don't have to be the strongest all the time. It's okay, I swear it is. It's okay to let go. It's okay to be selfish. You're gonna be okay, I promise.

I'm going to write one last thing. It's okay if you get mad at me for this, I deserve it. But I really needed to say this. I really wanted you to know. I'm just sorry it had to be in one shitty letter.

But I need you to forgive me, Levi. I'm sorry that I'm so much of a coward that I never said it to you when I had the time. I'm sorry that this is how I'm letting you know.

I really like you. You have no idea, do you?

You're such an asshole. But you're the most lovable asshole I've ever met.

It wasn't much of a life, but I hope you know that I've loved you with all of it.

If Hange's theory of multiple realities is true, I hope I get to meet you in every one. I hope you're my friend in every one. I hope I get to fall for you in every one.

Matbe I'll see you again. In another life, perhaps?

This time, I would do it right. This time, I wouldn't do this by a stupid letter. This time, I would say the words, true and honest, with every bit of my soul.

I love you, Levi. My heart failed to keep me alive but it never failed to love you.

With the little life I was given, I've loved you with all of it.

Till my last breath.

Sincerely.

P.s. I don't know if you found it, but I've stashed a bunch of those green tea you like in the bottom drawer. Parting gift.

—

Levi stood before a tombstone.

It was gray, like the sky. It was definitely going to rain.

He'd been standing here for a while now, in the cemetery, the letter clutched to his hand, the bouquet still on his other hand. The flowers were all wilted now, but the air still smelled like roses. The grave in front of him was fresh, it was obvious it's barely a couple days old. There was a name etched on the stone, a name he's known for so long. A name he knows so well.

Strangely, it didn't hurt. He didn't feel anything really. There was a strange vacancy in his chest, a voidness where his heart should be. He felt empty, like he lost a part of him somewhere.

He glanced at the letter again. It was wrinkled now, from how hard his fingers been clutching it. He glanced back at the last few sentences and he felt that familiar tug in his chest again.

Levi's head felt empty.

Out of all the ways he'd thought he might lose you, this wasn't one of them.

Out of all the scenarios he had ever imagined where there would come a time he had to lead a life without you being a part of it, this wasn't one of it. This was never one of them. Losing you like this was never one of them.

Being a scout meant there were no tomorrow's. You go out with the expectation of never coming back. And he knew that. Death was reality.

Yet. Wasn't that why he'd always been careful to stick around with you? Always making sure your gear was working, your straps were tightened, your swords were sharpened. Always looking for you first the moment the missions ended. Always the team he'd make Erwin pair him with. Because he thought as long as you were in his sight, as long as he was near enough to see you, you would be okay. He wouldn't let you die. All that for what if this is how it turned out?

Vaguely, he remembered his mother. Here he was again, after years. Nothing changed.

This was the one place his strength meant nothing. Nothing.

Him being humanity's strongest changed nothing.

“Fucking idiot.” He muttered quietly. “Don't even have the guts to say it to my face.”

He swallowed down the bitter taste in the back of his throat. What was he doing? Why was he talking to himself?

He felt angry. Angry at you. Angry because all you needed was to say it. To say it and he would've given up everything. He was angry at himself too. Who was he to condescend you when he was no better himself? When he never had the guts to say it as well?

At least you got to say your piece. Now he'll never get to.

“Fuck.” He ran a hand through his hair. He felt restless. It was so fucking unfair. So, so fucking unfair. He had so much to say. So much he's never told you.

He never even got to say goodbye.

He sighed. Looked down to the bouquet. Then to his own surprise, he crouched down, laying the flowers gently on the stone surface.

“I hope you like them. They're all dead and shit now but,” He swallowed, his hands shaking.“Parting gift.”

His touch lingered, softly caressing the carvings of your name, tracing the familiar letters. His fingers shook when he reached the deathdate.

Finally, finally, it started to rain. First, a couple drops caressing his face, and then the sky was grieving with him, crashing onto this world and onto him. He was drenched in a second, his hair sticking to his forehead and his clothes sticking to his skin. He stood up, broken from his daze. He stuffed the envelope down the pocket of his jeans and hoped that was enough, but it was already half wet. The one last thing you'd left him and he couldn't even keep it in piece. He was well and truly an idiot.

He spared a glance at the sky. He wondered if it was the rain that made it all seem so black and white. Or maybe you had sucked the color out of this world when you passed.

He sighed. Does it matter anymore?

But he moved anyway, standing up and turning away.

He can't stay here forever.

He has to go back. Go back to the lifeless foul walls of the headquarters and his stuffy office. He had a shit ton of paperwork he needed to get done. He had to handle his squad. He had to prepare for next week's expedition. He had so much to do. So much to do.

He wondered vaguely how he was going to tell this to Hange.

But he continued walking, hands stuffed to his pocket, grabbing onto the letter. He doesn't look back.

Leaving half his heart on the stone where you lied beneathe.

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