#SKYLAR'S BULLSHIT IS BACK IN BUSINESS BABEY

[96percentdone]

Hey!! Saw you were doing requests and I wanted to request a saiouma // oumasai fic?with the ' is that my shirt ' prompt?? I love your fics!! -(☆^ー^☆)

As soon as Shuuichi is insidehis apartment, he crashes on the couch. He doesn’t set the door chain afterclosing it, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he doesn’t even take his hat,jacket, or shoes off. He just falls face first onto worn brown leather. Todaywas extremely long; he doesn’t want to move for the rest of hislife after all that running back and forth required for the currentinvestigation. Who knew affairs could get this messy? No more of that today.He’s just going to rest, even if the way his nose is pressed up against theupholstery is increasingly uncomfortable.

Buzz. His phone, pressed somewhere between his side and the back of the couch vibrates from his jacket pocket. Ugh what now? It better not be his uncle telling him to come back to the office or he’ll cry. A sigh, and he rolls over to his side, fumbling in the dark to take his phone out of his pocket.

Quickly he hits the power button, greeted with a message request. That’s weird...He hasn’t really used this website despite making a profile on Akamatsu-san’s request. At most he just scrolls through whatever updates his friends make without making much of his own. He hasn’t even bothered setting his profile picture, so it’s still a default. Who could it be? Click.

clownprince69: heyyy sexy ;)

Great, the bots have found me. It’s a weird username for a bot though, although he’s heard the rumor of bots taking over dead accounts. Is this a sign his own account is about to die? Eh, probably not. He’s pretty sure you have to delete for that to happen. Does he talk? Don’t I have anything better to do? Apparently not, because he’s responding anyway.

acedetective0: surprised you can tell. no picture after all.

Speaking of which...Shuuichi squints at the small icon near the bot’s username. Why does that picture look familiar? Something about that blue pinstripe button down...is that my shirt? Don’t I have a shirt like that?

clownprince69: i’m new to the site. how are you? :)

The bot of course, continues on oblivious, but Shuuichi has other concerns. Clicking on the image takes him to the profile. Shockingly, most of the account is set to private, which is pretty weird for a bot. He’s seen the bots his friends get, and usually they’re not given any privacy setting changes, because the goal is to generate as much traffic as possible. Very weird.

clownprince69: how are you? :)

He hasn’t even said anything, and he’s being asked the same thing again? That’s not typical bot behavior either, Shuuichi thinks. Maybe this is just a person, pretending to be a bot. That or this is a really badly designed bot. 

acedetective0: you’re pretty impatient for someone new.

And also too good at messing with privacy settings for the same reasons, but he keeps that to himself.

clownprince69: hahaha, that’s hilarious. anyway so I wanna show you something cool, you in?

Not really. Honestly, he’s still distracted by that picture. It’s too weird. Overly familiar. The shirt, the blue tie, the hint of black suit pants....isn’t this an outfit he owns? Didn’t he wear that when Akamatsu-san had him pose as her date at that one piano recital she had a few months back? This isn’t just a weird coincidence, right? Isn’t it? Shuuichi frowns. There’s one way to check.

He clicks the picture opening it fullscreen, before heading over to Instagram, aka the social media he uses the least. But he’s not really looking at his page; he’s looking at Akamatsu-san’s. She’s an active user, and if anyone took a picture of him that night and uploaded it, it’d be her. Scrolling...scrolling...scrolling....“Aha!” Found it.

pianofreak: i keep telling him he looks fine, but he won’t stop adjusting his tie lol @acedetective0

It’s a picture of him adjusting his tie with a small frown. He remembers complaining that she posted it, but she waved it off saying that all the likes on are proof he looks just fine, so he let it go. He didn’t think it would come back up again, it’s been months after all, so he forgot about it. And yet—

He quickly switches between Akamatsu-san’s upload, and the profile photo of the bot. Other than the obviously hasty crop job cutting out his face, it’s the exact same picture. The same tie-adjusting pose, the same crisp button up hanging over the same black suit pants from the same 3/4 angle. Guess he wasn’t quite done playing detective today after all. 

But he’s not finished just yet. He still needs to settle it with the ‘bot.’

acedetective0: sure, if I can show you something first.

clownprince69: oooo let me see! I love cool things!

acedetective0: [image upload]acedetective0: not very smart of you to try this with the person whose picture you’re using, huh?

“Got you,” he says, sitting up on the couch with a small grin.

For a minute, there’s no response, just a read receipt. And then finally—

clownprince69: nishishi~ guess you are a detective after all!clownprince69: i’m glad you didn’t disappoint me

Didn’t disappoint huh? So this was a planned thing. Explains why the profile was set to that degree of private. Shuuichi suspects this is actually just someone’s regular account, but they can’t troll so well if all their details are in public. But that just raises the next question.

acedetective0: why did you do this?

clownprince69: boredom mostlyclownprince69: most people never catch on even when i take the pic straight from their profileclownprince69: can you believe it

acedetective0: not really. I think most people would recognize something they posted.

clownprince69: good call cause i lied. i never take directly from their profilesclownprince69: anyway detective-chan, since you passed the first part of my test

First part?

clownprince69: wanna play a game with me?

He’s still hasn’t changed out of his work clothes at all.The lights are off, the door’s closed—a half hour ago he was probably going to just sleep on this couch until he woke up at some unholy hour desperatelyhungry. But he’s not so tired anymore. If anything, he’s kind of interested.

acedetective0: sure. what game?

clownprince69: well, it’d kinda be like guess who. i’m going to keep stealing pictures off the internet, and you’re going to call me out on it.clownprince69: maybe they’ll get increasingly obscure?clownprince69: ooh! here’s a neat twist! you have to figure out who I am too! >:)

acedetective0: how would I do that if you only catfish me?

clownprince69: i’ll make sure to throw in at least one picture of me at one pointclownprince69: and hey, if you get to know me well enough, you’ll figure it out ;)

Shuuichi can’t help but snort at that.

acedetective0: seems like a bizarre way to make friends

clownprince69: you’re just jealous your role isn’t nearly as funclownprince69: anyway, you in?

Well? Is he? If Shuuichi’s being honest, this sounds kind of fun. Maybe it’s just because he’s always enjoyed a mystery, and here one is, freely presenting itself as a challenge. Or maybe it’s just because this was the first amusing thing that’s happened all day. Or maybe it’s because despite his quip earlier, he could use some more friends himself. Maybe it’s all three.

Grinning a little to himself, Shuuichi eagerly replies.

acedective0: I’m in.