if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to @iamburdened - thanks so much!! ♡
Spencer Reid x gender neutral!reader
After Maeve
- after Maeve’s tragic murder, Spencer isolated himself in his apartment for a while
- in the two weeks he didnt leave his apartment, he was left multiple gift baskets by Penelope, and every member of the team came to visit at least once, only to be met by an unanswered door
- Spencer had gotten used to the knocks at his door followed by the voices of his friends offering their support, he never had the strength to reply verbally, but he appreciated their visits
- one day, though, a knock was followed by a voice he hadnt heard before
“Umm...hello? Is anybody home?”
- Spencer lifted himself from the couch and travelled the great distance for his front door. looking through the peephole, he saw a woman that he didnt recognise, holding a plate with a towel tenting slightly over it
- she looked worried. that was enough to override Spencer’s grief as his FBI instincts took over and he opened the door
- she grinned at him with an expression of intense relief
“O-Oh! Hello! I wasnt expecting you to answer the door, my name is (Y/N).”
“Who are you?”
- Spencer was beyond confused, but when he saw the blush that lit up your face, he wondered if his question seemed harsh or rude
“I-I live just across the hall, I moved in last week and ever since, I’ve seen people come and go from your door- a blonde woman with glasses brings baskets regularly. A-At first, because nobody ever answered the door, I thought maybe whoever lived here passed away and they were leaving things in your memory. B-But they talked to you through the door sometimes, I noticed on my way to and from work. So I thought, well, you must have gone through something terrible and I wouldnt be a very good neighbour if I didnt try to help- I know it isnt my place and Im sorry if Im oversteppi- I made some cookies but u-uh you dont have to tell me anything, I just thought- oh god Im sorry, I’ll just go.”
- your explanation was hurried, panicked and somewhat guilty as you attempted to speed walk back to your apartment
“Wait!”
- Spencer called as loudly as he could manage, you turned to face him, still clutching the towel-covered plate that he now knew to be hiding freshly baked cookies
“You dont know me, we’ve never even...”
- he couldnt bring himself to finish his sentence. never even met, just like her
- tears stung his eyes, his voice left him
- immediately, you noticed the changes in his body language and you scrambled over to him, placing the plate of cookies on the floor among the baskets
“Can I hug you? Is that alright?”
- Spencer nodded and you didnt take another second to think before you pulled him into your arms
- as soon as you embraced him, his tears broke free and rolled down his cheeks
- much to his surprise, the hug didnt feel awkward at all. it was the most comfort he had allowed himself to receive
- he felt more comfortable with someone who didnt know him, didnt know the details of what happened to him. you were someone new, someone who had never known him before he had been in this state; you had no expectations of him, no loyalties or personal care towards him, so he could break in front of you
“Shhh, it’s alright, you’re ok. Take some deep breaths for me.”
- your voice was so soothing to him, the first one he’d really heard ever since that gunshot
- Spencer nodded into your shoulder and pulled away from you slightly, which was your signal to let go of him
- he wiped his tears while you picked up the plate of cookies and gave them to him
“Like I said, you dont have to tell me anything, but these are for you. Im right across the hall if you need me.”
- and you were
- at least once a week, you would knock on Spencer’s door and deliver him a new batch of some homemade baked goods
- cookies, cakes, banana breads, anything!
- sometimes Spencer didnt have the strength to answer the door. on those days, you’d leave the plate of food at his door, run back to your apartment, handwrite a quick note with a pen, then run back to his door to place the note on top of the plate. that way he’d still get a little bit of conversation from you, even if he didnt have the strength to answer
- he couldnt describe the combination of appreciation and guilt
- on the one hand, you were ridiculously sweet to him, unconditionally caring towards someone who was little more than a stranger to you, at a time when he really needed a friend
- on the other hand though, you were working tirelessly all day and then coming home to immediately bake him something more than once a week, he didnt think he deserved that, and the closer you got to him the more in danger you were
- that mentality continued throughout your friendship
- you two naturally drifted closer than friends did, but every time Spencer noticed, he would retract into himself
- he thought he was protecting you, but in reality he was hurting you
- he didnt realise just how much pain he was causing until you confessed your feelings and broke down crying because you thought your obvious feelings for him had been making him uncomfortable
- that’s when he told you about Maeve
- it wasnt easy for him, even after knowing you over sixth months
- he cried, you cried, it was a very emotional moment
- he assured you that he did care about you a lot, more than he would for a friend, but he was just so broken
- you held him until he stopped crying, and then you told him something that changed his whole perspective
“Spencer, it is impossible for history to repeat itself. You can hit me with any statistic you want, but the fact is, no matter how similar an event may be to another, the people involved, the time, the day, the context- it would all be different, and therefore not a repeat at all. What happened to Maeve will not happen to me.”
- he knew you were right, and your words did reassure him, but his heart was still wounded; it was scarred
- somehow, without him having to say anything, you knew exactly what he needed to hear
“I dont want a relationship, not now, and not ever unless you are completely ready. Patience is as easy as breathing when it comes to love, Spence, so I dont mind waiting.”
- and that was that, you two had come to an understanding
- over time, Spencer allowed himself to venture closer to you, emotionally as well as physically
- your presence was comforting enough that once he calmed down, he wasnt afraid of the feelings he had for you
- you explained to him randomly one day that part of you was worried he only thought he had feelings for you because you had helped him heal, in the sense of sexual transference syndrome
- while you were rambling about this and essentially inventing a cop-out for Spencer just in case he didnt actually love you, he placed his hands on your shoulders to stop you walking beside him, and kissed you
- he then took a few steps, acting as though he was casually continuing to walk, while you stood frozen, in a daze
- Spencer gave you a dazzling grin, like the swoon-worthy interest in a cheesy romance movie
- without a word, you reflected his grin back at him, and took the few steps necessary to catch up with him
- the two of you began walking side by side again in silence, avoiding eye contact bashfully
- you gingerly reached out your hand and nudged his ever so gently
- Spencer smiled to himself and interlaced his fingers with yours
- and that was just the beginning
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