#SHE REPRESENTS HER NON-PRIESTHOOD OUTREACH GROUP

[vaultsixtynine]

ana is the poster child of emotional unavailability at a level that only halsin can rival (and even then, he actually says the things he wants out loud and pursues them still - eventually) and i think astarion spends most of act 2 being mad at ana about it. certain durge scenes most certainly do NOT happen in that act, as imo they're paced weirdly for this romance and other durge stuff i want to do. she certainly is still durging, but not That. Not Yet.

neither of them ended act 1 "together" in good faith, and then. the entirety of act 2 is that unraveling - them, unraveling, in their own private ways. discarding the wheat from the chaff. getting the shit threshed out of them.

but! astarion's not really realizing a) that he's mad (as in, he knows he's Something but even as familiar as anger is, so rarely has he felt it in this shade and tone) or even b) why??? why is he UPSET about something that is blatantly benefiting him with no requirement for repayment? she's not playing his beloathed game (but she used to? why? what benefit to her was that? was she just humoring him? mocking him?) - even as he realizes he has no taste for it anymore and he is adjusting his conceptions of her day by day even as it feels like hers (of him, of course) remain stagnant.

driving him crazy. he doesn't understand what makes her tick because all she does is say words that Might mean something but mostly don't, meet everyone in the group on their level in her mellow-mannered, casual-touch-affection way, and hide in plain sight as a cipher that mirrors everyone around her for their benefit. she is trying so hard. he can see the strain, if he pays attention. he just doesn't know what drives it or why it's getting worse - besides the obvious. he's mildly infuriated by her at all times and certainly upset with himself for both wanting to be around her and also caring so much about what she is or isn't showing as 'genuine'.

i do think it takes him the entire act to say the magic words "i want this to be real" (oh, astarion, i'm sorry about the bizarre spiral you're about to kick off) because it takes him nearly the entire act to trudge through the mire of his fucked up little emotional landscape enough to realize he does have genuine feelings amid the vexation - admittedly, they spawned a decent amount of the vexation. she at no point was helpful. thank you, anathema.

[ourdeanbaxter]

A few people asked me if I would post the picture and comments from our Retirement Dinner.Here they are: First of all on behalf of Nancy and myself I want to thank the parish council for hosting this event. Nancy and I have been the beneficiaries of your incredible kindness in so many ways and we are deeply grateful. I am pleased that my mother Kathleen and her husband of nearly 50 years Bern are here representing my family. I have always told Mom that Bern will get an express ticket into heaven for taking us on as a family. I am also glad that Nancy’s brother Bob and his wife Hettie are here representing the outlaws as I affectionately call them, the Granters. In his excellent play, The Holdin ground, Ted Russell has one of the characters, Roman Catholic Bishop, Michael Fergus Shanahan quote the Roman Poet Horace: “ Caelum non animum mutant, qui trans mare currunt”. You can take the boy out of the bay but you cannot take the bay out of the boy. I first encountered this play in 1978 in Martin Ware’s English class. I have never forgotten the sentiment. I have carried it with me everywhere that I have gone in the world. and it was an unconscious factor when I surprized myself and my wife and applied to be the Dean of the Cathedral here in Corner Brook about 5 and a half years ago. Returning to western Nl has awakened in me so many memories. When I have visited Mountainview, as I did yesterday, it is almost as if my past jumps out at me. Imagine, for example, my delight in having conversations with Jim Caines, who sold my grandfather my confirmation suit at Morris Gordon’s. There were also reminders of my less than saintly past. Seeing Max St Croix, a wonderful man, brought back memories of trying to get fake ids past him so we could buy liquor at the store in the Millbrook Mall when we were young university students here. He was never fooled. It has been good reconnecting with old friends like Percy Coffin and Stewart Payne and it has been a gift to have the opportunity to reconnect with Cox’s Cove and Greenspond where we both grew up. Richard Giles, the former Dean of Philadelphia, put into words what I believe about ministry and the priesthood. In his book, Here I Am, he wrote, “The work is not for the fainthearted, the lazy, or those constantly checking their allowance of time off. The priest is someone willing to work at the process of growing into what I am and to do so without anxiety or self-absorption. It is for those who are learning to be at peace with God and at peace with themselves. It is for those who remain absolutely fascinated by and therefore tirelessly interested in. other people, knowing that this fragile and funny stuff called human nature is the raw material of God’s ceaseless recreating.” To put it quite simply, I believe that being a priest means being willing to love people but it also means being willing to accept their love for you. I am grateful that this has been at the heart of who we have been for each other here at the Cathedral. And this wonderful relationship has allowed our community to prosper and grow. We have rediscovered that great Christian truth accentuated by St Francis that it is in giving that we receive. As I come to the end of my time among you, I am so grateful that our Cathedral is now at the centre of a ministry rooted in service. We are giving the kind of leadership in our Diocese and community that a Cathedral should give. There have been a multitude of improvements in the building: the construction of the elevator and annex, the commercialization of the kitchen. These things have not only improved our lives but they have allowed the Cathedral to be a better resource in the community. The improvements in the kitchen, for example, have made the Open Door possible. We have built alliances with other Anglican Churches and other organizations that support those in need, those with addictions, those suffering from mental health. We have made the Cathedral available to the arts and music community. This building is used every single day, sometimes with multiple groups. I was never so proud at any point in my ministry as when we made the decision and so quickly put into place the financial and personnel resources that enabled us, not just to welcome the Almaidani family into our community, but to give them a good start in their new country. I am glad that despite the fact that I have done nearly 2 funerals a month since I came here our congregation ceased to decline and began to grow again. I am so happy there are children here tonight, a wonderful reminder of our revitalized Sunday School. I am so proud of the ministry that all of you did in partnership with me: the visits to homes and institutions, the services, the music. I am glad that our financial bottom line has continued to improve but I am more proud that our outreach ministry inside this community and to our wider world through Primates and Sleeping Children Around the World has outpaced our internal growth. I am so grateful to all who have worked beside me: clergy and lay. I am thankful to all those who have given leadership in the Parish Council and the ACW and the Men’s Group. I am resisting naming names but I want to note a few, missing for different reasons tonight. Eileen was my confidante and Nancy and I miss her greatly. John was my collegue and I miss his camaraderie. And Sterling and Muriel have been incredible friends. We look forward to seeing them back among us soon. I want to thank Patti who grasped my approach to ministry very early and has supported it in so many ways. My wardens have been incredible. Dennis has been a wonderful, supportive counsel. And I live in awe of Katie’s energy. I want to say a final words about my photograph that was just hung in this hall. The first thing I want to say is that we all know that Graham Watton is a tough lawyer. I didn’t realize where he learned his skills until Katie took on the task of getting my photograph ready. She asked for a photo and I gave her one of me dressed in my naval uniform, a beautiful coloured picture. She rejected it outright so I gave her another 5 to choose from: all rejected. You just saw one of them. Finally, we settled on this picture inspired by one taken at Imogene’s baptism. You will see I am wearing the Dean’s cope, purchased during my time here in memory of Alma Chapman, a former organist, but clearly visible on the stole is the maltese cross of a military chaplain. Let me end with the story of that stole. It was given to me by a military chaplain who had served in Rwanda. In Rwanda this chaplain saw horrific things and most of the killing that happened in Rwanda happened in churches. Among those killed was the first owner of this stole, a Rwandan priest who died in his church, trying to protect his congregation. His wife gave the stole to the chaplain who gave it to me because his PTSD leaves him unable to go into a church or function as a pastor. What we do as priests, we do on the backs of martyrs. I have tried to never forget that. I have never taken for granted my wellness. Thank you again for your wonderful hospitality to Nancy and I. It will never be forgotten.