#SAP Machine Learning

[ross-frank]

Unlocking Business Potential with SAP Solutions: A Deep Dive into Key Technologies

In today’s fast-paced business environment, leveraging cutting-edge technology is essential for growth. SAP has positioned itself as a leader in enterprise solutions, offering businesses a comprehensive suite of tools to drive digital transformation. From cloud computing to machine learning and analytics, SAP provides businesses the ability to streamline operations, enhance decision-making, and stay competitive. In this article, we explore key technologies like SAP Public Cloud, SAP Machine Learning, SAP Analytics Cloud (SAC), SAP S/4HANA Utilities (IS-U), SAP Generative AI, and SAP Signavio that are transforming industries and accelerating innovation.

SAP Public Cloud: Core to Digital Transformation

The SAP Public Cloud enables businesses to operate seamlessly in the cloud by leveraging the power of SAP S/4HANA. Offering pre-configured solutions, it simplifies deployment and allows companies to scale quickly. Unlike private cloud solutions, SAP Public Cloud functions in a multi-tenant environment, reducing costs while maintaining robust security and performance.

This platform supports quicker return on investment (ROI) by lowering the total cost of ownership (TCO), allowing businesses to focus on growth and innovation instead of infrastructure. With the RISE with SAP initiative, the Public Cloud is a vital component of digital transformation, offering a bundled service that includes infrastructure, business process intelligence, and cloud services.

SAP Machine Learning: Intelligent Automation for Businesses

SAP Machine Learning is revolutionizing how companies automate tasks and make informed decisions. Integrated across SAP platforms, machine learning processes massive datasets to identify patterns, generate predictions, and automate routine tasks, reducing manual errors and boosting productivity.

Businesses can apply predictive analytics powered by machine learning to anticipate market changes, optimize operations, and improve customer experiences. By automating tasks like financial forecasting, customer service, and supply chain management, SAP Machine Learning allows businesses to allocate resources to strategic initiatives, driving sustainable growth.

SAP Analytics Cloud (SAC): Empowering Data-Driven Decisions

In today’s data-rich world, businesses rely on SAP Analytics Cloud (SAC) to harness the power of real-time data analysis. SAC provides a unified platform that integrates business intelligence and predictive analytics, allowing companies to visualize data and make strategic decisions based on real-time insights.

With SAC, businesses can create custom dashboards, simulate various scenarios, and optimize critical processes like inventory management and revenue forecasting. This data-centric approach enables organizations to adapt quickly to market changes, improve operational efficiency, and enhance customer experiences.

SAP S/4HANA Utilities (IS-U): Transforming the Utility Sector

Designed specifically for the utilities sector, SAP S/4HANA Utilities (IS-U) addresses the challenges faced by utility providers, such as managing billing, customer service, and resource optimization. As the industry shifts toward sustainable energy and smart grids, utility companies are under pressure to modernize their systems.

SAP S/4HANA Utilities allows providers to deliver better customer service, manage outages, and optimize energy usage. By integrating real-time data analytics and machine learning, the platform helps utilities predict customer demand, ensure regulatory compliance, and streamline billing processes, enabling a seamless transition to a sustainable energy future.

SAP Generative AI: A New Frontier in Innovation

SAP Generative AI is setting a new standard for artificial intelligence by creating original content, ranging from product designs to marketing materials. This advanced AI enables companies to accelerate innovation cycles, reducing time-to-market for new products and services.

Generative AI helps businesses automate creative tasks, such as generating personalized customer content or optimizing marketing strategies. By integrating this technology into its suite of solutions, SAP allows organizations to push the boundaries of creativity, innovation, and operational efficiency.

SAP Signavio: Streamlining Business Process Management

SAP Signavio is a powerful tool for visualizing, modeling, and optimizing business processes. It helps organizations map out workflows, identify inefficiencies, and streamline operations. As businesses grow, maintaining efficient processes becomes increasingly challenging, and SAP Signavio provides the tools needed to ensure operational excellence.

By enabling process mining and collaborative modeling, Signavio allows companies to align their workflows with strategic objectives. Integrated with SAP’s broader ecosystem, it supports end-to-end workflows, ensuring that businesses operate efficiently and consistently, no matter their size.

Conclusion: The Future with SAP

SAP’s innovative solutions, including cloud computing, machine learning, generative AI, and process management, are transforming the way businesses operate in the digital age. These tools not only simplify complex processes but also provide businesses with the agility and insights needed to thrive. As companies continue to embrace digital transformation, SAP remains a key partner in enabling growth and innovation, helping businesses stay competitive in an ever-evolving market.

[websyn]

Discover SAP's intelligent, advanced analytics, AI, and sustainability solutions. Transform enterprise with Web Synergies and thrive in today's digital landscape

[bloom-labs]

Student Ambassador Programs: Empowering Student Voices in Education Advocacy

Introduction

In the realm of higher education, student ambassador programs have emerged as powerful conduits for fostering engagement, amplifying voices, and advocating for change. These programs, often run by universities and educational institutions, empower students to become advocates for their peers, their institutions, and the broader education community. From campus tours to outreach initiatives, these ambassadors serve as the face of their schools, embodying its values and aspirations. However, beyond the traditional roles of recruitment and outreach, student ambassador programs are increasingly recognized for their capacity to cultivate education advocates who can influence policies, promote inclusivity, and drive meaningful change within and beyond campus boundaries.

Empowering Voices

At the heart of student ambassador programs lies the empowerment of student voices. These programs provide platforms for students to share their experiences, perspectives, and aspirations with prospective students, families, and stakeholders. Through campus tours, information sessions, and social media engagement, student ambassadors offer authentic insights into campus life, academic programs, and extracurricular opportunities. By showcasing the diversity of student experiences and voices, these programs not only attract prospective students but also create a sense of belonging and community for current students.

Education Advocacy

Beyond their role as campus ambassadors, students involved in these programs often become advocates for educational initiatives and reforms. Whether it's advocating for increased access to resources, promoting mental health awareness, or championing diversity and inclusion initiatives, student ambassadors are at the forefront of driving positive change within their institutions. By leveraging their platforms and networks, these advocates amplify important issues, mobilize support, and collaborate with stakeholders to effect meaningful change.

Influence on Policy

Student ambassador programs also serve as catalysts for influencing education policy at local, regional, and national levels. Through advocacy campaigns, policy forums, and partnerships with advocacy organizations, student ambassadors contribute to shaping policies that impact student welfare, academic programs, and campus environments. By engaging in dialogue with policymakers, sharing personal stories, and providing valuable input, these student advocates ensure that the voices of their peers are heard and considered in decision-making processes.

Promoting Inclusivity

Inclusivity lies at the core of effective education advocacy, and student ambassador programs play a crucial role in promoting diversity and inclusivity within educational institutions. By fostering a culture of respect, acceptance, and appreciation for diverse perspectives, these programs create environments where all students feel valued and supported. Student ambassadors lead initiatives to celebrate cultural diversity, advocate for accessible resources and accommodations, and challenge discriminatory practices. Through their actions and advocacy, they contribute to building more inclusive and equitable learning environments for all.

Driving Change Beyond Campus

The impact of student ambassador programs extends beyond the confines of campus boundaries. Through community engagement initiatives, service projects, and partnerships with local organizations, student ambassadors extend their advocacy efforts to broader communities. Whether it's promoting literacy programs, supporting environmental sustainability initiatives, or addressing social justice issues, these student advocates embody the ethos of civic responsibility and social impact. By leveraging their positions as ambassadors, they inspire others to become agents of positive change and contribute to building stronger, more resilient communities.

Conclusion

Student ambassador programs serve as powerful platforms for empowering student voices and fostering education advocacy. By providing opportunities for students to share their experiences, advocate for change, and engage with policymakers, these programs cultivate a new generation of leaders committed to creating inclusive, equitable, and impactful educational environments. As we look to the future, the role of student ambassadors in education advocacy will continue to grow, shaping the landscape of higher education and driving positive change for generations to come. 

[govindhtech]

ERP systems’ benefits and drawbacks

ERP solutions manage daily processes in one place. Business management software has grown in popularity as companies adapt to changing conditions. ERP systems have pros and cons like other company solutions.

Understand how enterprise resource planning can help an organization and its capabilities at a detail level. When handling all business components, an ERP system can provide several benefits.

ERP systems benefits include enhanced customer service

Customer acquisition and retention are highly competitive in business. Customer service is crucial to a firm, and ERP helps improve customer relationship management. ERP software centralizes client data, enabling faster and more tailored service.

One simplified ERP system stores contact information, order history, support cases, and more. ERP tracks past orders and real-time inventory, so customers are more likely to receive the right things on time. If those elements are present, customers are more likely to leave satisfied and return.

Customize reports

Real-time data reporting is a major benefit of ERP systems over traditional business management systems. ERP reporting technologies let firms personalize reporting across finance, inventory, procurement, and human resources and compute it based on what matters most. This customized approach helps the business track business component performance and measure its most relevant KPIs.

ERP system gives real-time data, another benefit. This means that when assessing an issue, an employee can use the most current data. When the business environment is always changing, personalized reporting helps organizations make educated decisions.

Work together more

ERP solutions are designed for departmental collaboration. Teams can see how each application and data storage is working and contributing to the business with connected solutions.

Teams across the organization can communicate easily with the ERP system because they’re not on separate platforms. Back-end integration is crucial for staff collaboration. One employee on an irrelevant team could spot a bug or reduce duplicate effort with access to all data. This increased collaboration can improve decision-making and serve as a data entry single source.

Better sustainability

The fast-paced, ever-changing business world emphasizes sustainability. Boards, investors, customers, and others are pressuring C-suites to reduce carbon emissions.

The IBM Institute for Business Value (IBV) and SAP, in collaboration with Oxford Economics, surveyed over 2,125 senior executives responsible for their organizations’ environmental sustainability strategies worldwide and across industries to determine how ERP implementation helps them achieve sustainability goals. The surprising result: companies that beat their competitors in environmental and financial outcomes have the most engaged ERP deployment.

Make transparency and insights better

ERP gives organizations complete visibility into all company functions and processes. Executives can access all department data via ERP. The ERP solution checks data daily and provides daily information, allowing a firm accurately manage inventory and business processes.

ERP’s complete visibility improves functional business insights and forecasting for leaders. This simplifies tasks and workflows. Accurate forecasting models boost data-driven strategy and decision-making, giving them a competitive edge. ERP can monitor each department and centralize data, improving efficiency and cross-collaboration. ERP can also increase business data security across the enterprise for on-premises and cloud-based systems.

Neste, a leader in renewable diesel, sustainable aviation fuel, and renewable polymers and chemicals in Espoo, Finland, implemented an ERP successfully. The organization implemented its new ERP system collaboratively. Neste partnered with IBM Consulting to implement

On Microsoft Azure for business operations, including renewables supply chains. Neste’s new ERP platform improves supply chain efficiency and data transparency. “Among the most far-reaching benefits,” says Neste Head of Integrated ERP Marko Mäki-Ullakko, “is the ability to spot and resolve process inefficiencies.”

“IBM found supply chain and production bottlenecks using SAP’s process discovery,” he said. In that sense, integrated SAP has been and will be essential for process optimization.”

Increase adaptability and scale

ERP software has several applications or modules for different business purposes, which is unique. ERP application categories include procurement, supply chain management, inventory, and project management.

ERP applications can operate alone or be incorporated into the ERP system, making scalability and configuration easier. ERP helps businesses scale by adding or removing applications.

Which ERP system your company uses will affect scalability. Since cloud ERP solutions run on remote servers, they are perfect for businesses that aim to grow quickly.

Increase output

ERP software automates operations, allowing workers to focus on more important duties and boost productivity. Automating fundamental operations and simplifying processes in the ERP system enhances productivity in several ways. The streamlined approach of an ERP system reduces time spent digging out information and lets staff work faster. Manual data entry is eliminated, simplifying inventory management and metrics tracking.

With a lens into the entire organization, employees may focus on more important activities and initiatives instead of finding the correct data set or process expert. ERP solutions use AI, machine learning, robotic process automation, and more to provide these features. These technologies enable ERP software automation and intelligent recommendation.

Reduce ongoing costs

Without centralized ERP software, businesses use many systems. More systems mean higher IT costs. ERP could lower such costs. It might help reduce end-user training since they would only need to learn one system. This may boost profits and reduce disruptions.

Due to its structure, ERP solutions require only one data entry but can serve various purposes across the firm. Reducing superfluous tasks can save the firm time and money. Which ERP solution you choose will affect upfront expenses and savings.

Business process standardization

Implementing an ERP solution highlights and builds on an organization’s best practices and consistencies. This streamlines operations and standardizes workflows, reducing manual labor and human error across your firm. ERP systems can easily incorporate CRM platforms.

ERP software has many benefits, but standardization is crucial. Standardization and configuration may save project costs and improve cross-team collaboration by reducing friction.  

ERP disadvantages include increased complexity

A comprehensive business management tool, ERP is difficult. Exciting software exists. In the excitement, organizations may neglect ERP installation planning.

The ERP solution may be too large for some firms’ processes. If possible, avoid this as it can lower ROI. To avoid these issues, adopt role-based user training and simplify your ERP software to meet business needs.

Add short-term costs

When transitioning to ERP, many aspects must be considered. The cost of the software and the time and resources needed to implement and train staff across all departments is one of them.

ERP solutions, especially on-premises ones, have continuing running costs. This recurring cost can be avoided by using a cloud-based ERP system, which is a SaaS solution that can be run from anywhere.

Change management during ERP implementation is another consideration. Implementing ERP alters corporate procedures and workflows. These adjustments need significant effort and money. Consider these aspects while choosing ERP software and choose the best model for your business.

Greater time commitment

ERP might be time-consuming because it’s customized. ERP customization is a great benefit, but it must be designed from scratch, making it difficult. 

Organizations must expect a protracted implementation process. Which legacy system is used determines ERP migration time. Again, a clear, simple ERP implementation plan with an allocated implementation team is the best approach to avoid this issue.

IBM/ERP

No matter the size of the company, going from legacy to ERP can be a major undertaking. Experts are needed to implement an ERP solution smoothly and transparently.

IBM Consulting professionals can help your company transfer traditional ERP programs to the cloud, restructure processes to use data, AI, and automation, and make finance a competitive advantage.

SAP managed services for apps and ERP make task management easier, freeing up time for innovation and new opportunities. SAP managed services optimize operational functions to increase agility and resource optimization. Security and compliance reporting, application management, and line-of-business service delivery become more predictable in pricing, resource, and workload.

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[metaphornetworks]

Unveiling the Distinctive Features of SAP Training at Metaphor Networks

At Metaphor Networks, we redefine SAP training, ensuring our students are equipped with the most comprehensive skill set to excel in the dynamic corporate world. Here's why our SAP training stands out:

Tailored Curriculum: Our SAP program isn’t just about theory. We've meticulously designed a curriculum that blends theoretical knowledge with practical application, catering to the demands of modern industries.

Industry Experts as Trainers: Learn from the best! Our trainers are industry veterans with hands-on experience, ensuring you receive insights beyond textbooks, preparing you for real-world scenarios.

Personalized Learning Paths: Recognizing that each learner has unique goals, we offer customized learning paths, allowing you to delve deeper into specific SAP modules based on your career aspirations.

Hands-on Projects: Theory meets practice! Engage in hands-on projects that simulate actual industry challenges, enhancing your problem-solving skills and confidence in applying SAP principles.

To join our SAP training program and transform your career, contact us at +91 99375 94050 or visit our website: www.metaphornetworks.com.

[coursedivine]

SAP in Human Capital Management

Welcome to the exciting world of Human Capital Management (HCM) in the context of SAP, a leading enterprise software solution that empowers organizations to effectively manage their most valuable asset – their people. This online course is designed to provide you with a comprehensive introduction to SAP HCM, offering insights into how this powerful technology can revolutionize the way businesses handle their workforce and talent management.

In today's rapidly evolving business landscape, the significance of human resources cannot be overstated. At the heart of any successful organization are the individuals who drive its growth, innovation, and success. SAP HCM is a dynamic software platform that integrates a multitude of HR functions and processes, facilitating a more streamlined and strategic approach to workforce management.

Throughout this course, you will embark on a journey to explore the fundamental principles and key concepts of SAP HCM. We will delve into the essential functionalities of the software, examining how it enables HR professionals to:

1. **Manage Employee Data:** Understand how SAP HCM centralizes employee data, making it easily accessible, secure, and compliant with data protection regulations.

2. **Recruitment and On boarding:** Learn how SAP HCM facilitates the hiring process, from posting job vacancies to on boarding new employees efficiently.

3. **Performance Management:** Discover how SAP HCM can help you define and track employee goals, appraisals, and development plans to optimize workforce performance.

4. **Training and Development:** Explore how to create and manage employee training programs to enhance skills and career growth within your organization.

5. **Compensation and Benefits:** Gain insight into how SAP HCM simplifies the management of employee compensation, benefits, and payroll, ensuring accuracy and compliance.

6. **Workforce Analytics:** Harness the power of data-driven decision-making with SAP HCM's analytics tools, enabling you to optimize workforce planning and strategy.

7. **Employee Self-Service:** Understand how SAP HCM empowers employees to manage their own information, reducing administrative burden on HR.

8. **Global Workforce Management:** Learn how SAP HCM accommodates the complexities of managing a diverse, global workforce.

By the end of this course, you will have a strong foundational understanding of SAP HCM, enabling you to use this technology to make informed HR decisions and drive greater efficiency within your organization. Whether you are an HR professional looking to expand your skills, an IT specialist supporting SAP solutions, or a business leader seeking to leverage technology for better workforce management, this course will equip you with the knowledge and tools necessary to succeed.

We invite you to explore the world of SAP HCM and discover how it can revolutionize your approach to human capital management. So, let's embark on this enlightening journey together, and get ready to unlock the full potential of your workforce.

For more details : Click Here

Find More Courses : Click Here

Official Website : Click Here

[cerastes]

I still think it's really cool how Amuro starts as the shittiest pilot alive (because he's a 15-year old) that only gets carried because he's in the biggest, fattest stat stick in-universe at the time (a few retroactive additions made in the future notwithstanding), enough that even its crappy vulcan guns are tearing Zaku IIs apart, and when he starts getting a bit too cocky, Char and Ramba Ral show up in objectively inferior pieces of junk and absolutely deliver his pizza, they just drag his face across every available surface in Planet Earth like he's a Yakuza mook, all because they are simply that much better at piloting, and the thing is, Amuro takes that very seriously.

He goes from shitass kid in an unfortunate situation that doesn't want to get in the robot to the most unwell child soldier in the war, which is really saying something, but most importantly, becomes so good at piloting the Gundam that the Gundam physically cannot handle Amuro's piloting. They need to apply "Magnetic Coating" to its joints so they don't fucking snap away from the main frame because Amuro, one, moves too damn well but also in too extreme a way for the frame to handle it, two, despite being equipped with two sabers, a shield, a beam rifle and vulcan guns, Amuro is a stern believer in introducing most everyone in thagomizer range to his Rated Z for Zeon hands, the single most official pair of hands in the business, tax free. He KEEP going Ip Man on these dudes, he does NOT need to do a Jamestown on these mother fuckers but he INSISTS. Somehow even the Gundam Hammer, which is a giant Hannah Barbera cartoon flail-- Ok, look at this thing, words do not do it justice

Even this god damn Tom and Jerry prop is less savage that whatever Amuro decides to do the moment he's done throwing his shield to get a free kill on someone and it officially becomes bed time forever for the unfortunate sap at the business end of his ten-finger weapons of mass destruction.

The RX-78-2, "Gundam" for its friends and family, even has a top of the line cutting edge Learning Computer that 'learns' alongside the pilot and their habits. This data extracted from it was so absolutely fucked up that it completely revolutionized Mobile Suit combat afterwards, which is a wholesome thing to think about when The Best Combat Data Ever came from a really angry, really stressed 15 year old that doesn't even like piloting. He was 15! He made Haro with his own hands! Amuro literally just wanted to make funny cute spherical robofriends! Amuro was out there trying to make Kirby real, but fate had other plans for him. His cloned brain put in a pilot seat is one of the setting's strongest 'pilots'.

They made fucking Shadow the Hedgehog with his brain, god damn.

By the end, Zeon is rolling out Gelgoogs out of its mass production lines. These things are in the Gundam's ballpark in terms of overall specs (or "power level"). Amuro is bodying them as if they were episode 1 Zaku IIs.

AND THEN HE GETS FUCKING PSYCHIC SPACE POWERS. Not that he needed them, he bodied a couple Space Psychics without any of those powers before awakening to them. But heaven's most violent child was not done evolving, whether he liked it or not.

Char bodied him in a souped up Zaku II at the start, a machine objectively inferior to the Gundam. Amuro more or less one-sidedly beats the shit out of Char when he's in a custom Commander-type Gelgoog that you could consider to be equal spec-wise to the Gundam. Amuro is the embodiment of Finding Out. He is Consequences. You tell him he better make it hurt, better make it count, better kill you in one shot, buddy, he needs half a fucking shot. The complete transformation. One could consider the central 75% of the show as long drawn out training montage turning a kid into the Geese Howard of giant robots.

[daisynik7]

Give You Blue

Chapter 1: How It Ends

Pairing: Eren x f!reader, Reiner x f!reader (past relationship)

Rating: Explicit - MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

cw: explicit sexual content/smut (brief flashback), language, angst, a breakup

Word Count: ~3.2k

Next Chapter

Give You Blue Masterlist | ao3 | Give You Blue Taglist

Summary: Reiner, your best friend since childhood and your high school sweetheart, breaks up with you the night before the new semester begins. With his car packed with both your belongings, the hour long drive back to campus the next day offers some clarity. Author's Notes: Excited to be writing a new series! I hope you all enjoy it. Likes, reblogs, and/or comments are always appreciate. Thank you so much!

“I think we should break-up.”

It’s the last day of summer vacation, the night before you and Reiner head back to Stohess University for the start of a new schoolyear. You’ve been at his place all day, helping him pack his car, which is already halfway full of your own belongings. With the door to his bedroom wide open, you can hear his mom humming a familiar tune downstairs as she puts away the leftovers from tonight’s dinner. Her signature meatloaf and mashed potatoes, a favorite of yours and Reiner’s. It’s been this way since you were ten years old, when the two of you finally started eating real food instead of only candy, pizza rolls, and chicken nuggets. 

The words come out of his mouth low and monotone, an automated machine void of any emotions. That’s why you’re convinced it’s in your imagination, until he speaks again. “Coco, did you hear me?”

Coco. It’s the silly nickname he’s had for you since you were five, the first time you ever met on the school playground. You were in the same kindergarten class, but Reiner could not, for the life of him, remember your name for two whole weeks. What he does remember is you eating a homemade coconut macaroon every first recess of the day. And like a typically five-year-old boy, he picked on you for it, calling you Coconut even after he learned your name. Even after you became the best of friends. Eventually, it became Coco for short, and from there, it just stuck. You’re not sure if you ever liked it; maybe you only did because it was him calling you that. One of the many special secrets shared between you two throughout the years.

You turn towards him, a pair of his socks in hand, ready to roll and toss into his half empty luggage, unfazed. “Huh?” You’re prepared to hear him say something else, anything else.

He swallows hard, a serious expression on his face, glancing at his feet. “I think we should break-up.”

It takes you a good minute to process it. Three minutes, if you’re being completely honest. And he doesn’t rush you this time for a response, seeing you stare back at him, a deer in headlights, seconds before getting hit and crushed under the weight of a semi-truck. Because that’s how it feels when your boyfriend of four years and your best friend of even longer tells you that he thinks the two of you should break-up. 

You’re surprised at how long it takes for the tears to stream down your face. Everyone knows, Reiner included, how much of a sap you are. You cry easily over the most insignificant things – a car commercial, people playing with puppies, a sad scene in a movie. But this – this absolutely warrants all the tears you’ve cried over stupid shit like that. 

Reiner quickly closes the door and wraps his arms around you, lips pressed to your forehead. “Baby, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His facial hair brushes against you, a sensation you’ve always found comforting. He was a late-bloomer, incapable of growing that rugged look all throughout high school. It was really only last year when he needed to pay more attention to it; grooming became part of his regular routine. Now, it’s harsh and coarse against smooth skin, an itch you want to scratch but can’t. Somehow, you keep your volume to a minimum, aware that Mrs. Braun is downstairs, blissfully ignorant to what’s happening above her. Through quiet, choked sobs, you ask, “Why?”

He sighs, a pained expression on his face now; he’s always hated seeing you cry. How much worse does he feel knowing he’s the cause of it? Leading you to the edge of the bed, he sits, and you follow. With your hand in his, he starts explaining himself. “We’ve been inseparable for so long; I just think we need to take some time to figure ourselves out. As individuals.” He’s practiced this before, you can tell. He usually sputters when he’s put on the spot. Not this time. He’s been thinking about this for a while, you realize, and it breaks your heart more. 

It’s hard for you to look at him as he speaks, so you stare at his lap, his hands holding yours delicately. When you don’t respond, he continues. “We’ve been friends forever, and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t. I just need to explore my horizons.”

In your mind, you replace the word horizons with options. He joined a frat last semester, which you can admit, worried you at first. He assured you nothing about him would change, and you believed him. Before your logic can stop you, you spit out, “So you’re trying to fuck some sorority girls, is that it?”

He clicks his tongue at you, disappointed. You’re better than this, you know this, and he does too. “C’mon. It’s not like that.” 

“Then what? Don’t bullshit me, Reiner. If you’re going to break-up with me, I deserve to know the truth.” It’s fighting words. You can’t help it when you’re defenseless like this. 

He hesitates before confessing, “I’m not in love with you anymore.”

It fucking hurts to hear. The one person you were so sure would never harm you, stabbing you in every vital point of your body. It’s betrayal, disappointment, and heartache all at once, and you’d give anything to turn back the clock and go back to even a few minutes ago, when you were happily folding his laundry. You’re speechless, a jumble of thoughts stuck in your throat, gagging you until it’s too hard to breathe and you’re gasping for air. There’s static noise surrounding your ear drums, and Reiner’s voice is so muffled that you can barely understand him. You reach around him for a pillow, burying your face in it to hide your cries. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.” Baby. He still calls you that through a breakup. You’re his baby that he’s not in love with you anymore. It’s all so fucked up. Between anguished sobs, you ask, “What did I do wrong?”

He rambles on and on about how it’s not you it’s me. It was nothing you did, except in the back of your mind, you keep thinking why wasn’t I good enough? He strokes the back of your hand with his palm, his skin cracked and calloused from rock-climbing, one of his new favorite hobbies. You’ve been nagging him about using that special cream you bought for him, the one that’s supposed to help soothe skin with a tiny dollop. Did that annoy him? Is that the feather that tipped the scale? You can’t help but replay every single fucking thing you’ve ever said to him, every single thing you’ve ever done for him, trying to discern when and where it went downhill. 

You’ve always been best friends first, lovers second. You thought it was special this way, that it means something more. Now, as you sit at the edge of the bed with him, listening to him talk in circles about how this isn’t your fault, you realize that maybe that’s what led to this. Better off as friends, nothing more. You were both sixteen when you decided to cross the line. At the time, it felt right. Looking back, maybe it was just convenient. Were the two of you doomed from that day on? 

“I’ll always love you, Coco.” He repeats it, hoping it’ll make you feel better. You hold your tongue, tempted to reply then why are you doing this? It’s a slap in the face when he says it. A consolation prize reminding you that you lost. 

At the end of the day, you can’t hate him. There’s too much history there. You’ve been through too much together, seen each other at your lowest points, held each other up at the highest. That kind of relationship is rare, a treasure too precious to throw away. But damn, you want to bury it in the darkest depths of the ocean right now. Hell, you want to sink down with it.  

There’s no yelling; you don’t have it in your heart to scream at him with his mother in the house with you. He probably planned it like this; he knows you too well. You don’t like making a scene, especially in front of Mrs. Braun, who’s basically another mother to you. 

You think back on the other night, in this very bedroom. His mom went out to dinner with some friends, leaving you two alone. Of course, you took the opportunity to fuck each other silly. He ate you out sloppily at the edge of the bed, kneeling before you on the carpet with your legs spread wide. Was he already considering the break-up in this moment? He must have. This kind of decision doesn’t just happen. As he bounced you on his cock, his usual tired eyes peering up at you with a small grin on his face, he said, “God, you’re perfect.” And when you came with his thumb on your clit, cock still buried deep in your pussy, he whispered, “I love you,” before he released inside you. He repeated it when you relaxed against his chest, bodies spent, chanting it while he caressed your back. I love you, I love you, I love you.

You sleep in his bed tonight. Instead of being cuddled in the middle, you roll the farthest you can, turning your back to face away from him. He does the same.

“Are you still awake?” he whispers, barely audible. You don’t respond. 

You hear him exhale. “I’m sorry.”

Several minutes later, he stops stirring and his soft snores fill the quiet. Eventually, you fall asleep too, wiping your tears on the pillowcase.  

~~~

The next morning, you pretend that everything is normal at breakfast. Mrs. Braun prepares a feast, as usual, before you make the journey back to school. She remains ignorant to the fact that you and Reiner are no longer a couple. He mentioned it last night, how he doesn’t want his mom to worry, that it’s not the right time to break the news to her. Honestly, he’s too scared to confront it, knowing for a fact how big of a deal this will be to his family. You two are practically married in their eyes. Well, were.

You do your best to act like your cheery self, despite being close to dead inside. Reiner gives you nervous glances here and there, afraid you’ll explode any second. You keep your cool, though, making conversation with Mrs. Braun, feigning excitement for the upcoming semester. Laughing along to jokes about how Reiner should be more focused on his studies and less on the frat parties. Ha ha ha.

Around noon, with the car fully packed with yours and Reiner’s possessions, you bid farewell to his mom. She gives you a warm embrace, squeezing you extra hard. “Take care of yourself, dear. And take care of Reiner too. Love you.” It takes all the strength you have left in your feeble body to not sob on the spot, so you quickly return the sentiment and walk to the passenger side, closing the door shut, burying your face in your palms. A few moments later, Reiner joins you in the driver’s seat, one more wave to his mother before starting the car and driving away. 

It's silent for the first five minutes, you wiping your tears with your sleeves, him changing the song every three seconds on his playlist to preoccupy himself. He finally picks a song, a familiar one that you know all too well. It brings back memories of the summer right after you graduated high school. The melody synonymous with weekly road trips to the beach or warm nights staying in, watching a movie marathon in bed. A bowl of popcorn on your lap, his arm wrapped around your shoulder. His face nuzzling your ear, lips nipping at your lobe. Soft touches leading to rough sex, with your mouth biting the pillow to muffle your moans as he pumps his cock into you. The cuddling afterwards, him whispering that he loves you, and that he’s so happy that you’re both going to the same college. Because he wants nothing more than to stay with you, to be with you, for the rest of your lives. 

You can’t take it anymore. Before you realize, you reach over to shut off the radio, the silence louder than the music that was playing. He glances at you, mouth agape like he wants to yell, but he doesn’t. He focuses his attention on the road again, taking a deep breath before saying, “You could have asked me to change the song.”

You cross your arms over your chest, leaning your head against the window, watching the blur of buildings pass as you approach the freeway. “Every song on this playlist reminds me of you. Of us.”

He pauses, unsure how to respond. “I’m sorry.”

You’re sick of hearing it, but you don’t tell him that. Instead, you ask, “When did you know?”

“Know what?”

“That you wanted to break up.” After having a night to let it sink it, you’re ready to talk about it. At least, you think you are. 

He thinks carefully, knuckles tight on the wheel, brow knit. You wait patiently for his answer, growing more afraid of whatever harsh truth he’s about to drop on you. “It’s been on my mind all summer, if I’m being completely honest.” 

Never mind; maybe you’re not ready for this. Still, you let curiosity get the best of you. You swallow back the quiver in your throat, tears welling in your eyes again. “Why did you start thinking about it?”

He sighs, clearly uncomfortable. “Are you sure you want to hear this? I thought I already told you yesterday. It’s not you, it’s me.”

You can’t help but chuckle at the cliché. “I’d rather hear the truth than hear that bullshit again.”

He bites his lower lip, inhaling deeply through his nose. “I guess I started to think about how you and I have been together forever. Basically our whole lives. We don’t really know what’s it like to not be with each other.” 

“And that’s bad?”

He shakes his head. “It’s not bad. It’s just…college is supposed to be about experiencing new things, right? Stepping outside our comfort zone. I don’t know if we can do that if we’re together. We rely on each other so much; we’ll never be able to explore the real world.”

You continue to stare out the window, watching as you zoom past the other cars on the street. Reiner has always been a fast driver, foot heavy on the gas pedal, raring to go past the speed limit for that tiny rush of adrenaline. You, on the other hand, are safe, never willing to push the boundaries, even for a fleeting moment. Maybe this type of mentality goes beyond the steering wheel. 

After a moment, he asks, “Haven’t you ever been curious?”

“Of what?”

“What it would be like to date other people?”

It’s your turn to bite your lip, contemplating the question. In all honestly, you’ve never pictured yourself with anyone else besides Reiner. He wasn’t perfect by any means, and neither were you. But when you pour your heart and soul into one person for years, it’s difficult to imagine repeating that process with someone else. 

You choose your words carefully. “I never thought about it, no. But I…I guess I can see where you’re coming from.” 

He doesn’t respond to that. You can’t tell from his expression if he’s relieved or concerned. Minutes pass before he speaks again. 

“You’re still my best friend, Coco. I hope you know that.”

You bite down on your lip harder, hoping the subtle pain distracts you from the influx of tears gathering in your eyes. Throat dense, tongue heavy, holding your breath because if you don’t, it’ll all come to a crumble. Before you lose it, you tap on the dial of the radio, turning it to increase the volume, not caring what song is playing anymore. Anything to get rid of the strained silence at the end of those words. For some reason, it hurts more than what he said last night. 

He doesn’t continue and neither do you, him studying the road, you gazing at the evanescent glimmer of the ocean as you cross the bridge. Officially leaving Marley and entering Paradis, halfway to Stohess University. It was your top choice when you first started applying for college, and it became Reiner’s, too. And when you both received your acceptance letters, you were thrilled, and so was he. So much so that he ordered matching sweatshirts from the online store, ecstatic to let all his friends and family know that the two of you were going to Stohess, together. That part of your life, although not that long ago, seems like a dream. You’re wide awake now and the gut-wrenching reality of it all is settling in. 

Finally on campus, you point him in the right direction towards your new dorm. He finds parking right in the front, reversing the car and backing into the spot. Turning off the ignition, he remains still, waiting for you. Without facing him, you announce, “I’m going to check in.”

He nods, looking down at his lap. “Okay. I’ll unload the car.”

After you check-in and receive your key, you make your way back to the Reiner, who’s already taken out most of your belongings from the trunk. 

“I’m on the first floor, so I can take it from here,” you tell him, grabbing one of your suitcases. 

“I’ll help you. It won’t take long.”

You don’t argue, swinging another bag over your shoulder and leading him to Room 104. You unlock the door, relieved that it’s still empty. Not ready to face Annie, your roommate, just yet. Reiner helps move your heaviest items, the mini fridge and a box of clothes and shoes. When everything has been pushed into the room, you both stand around, hands on your hips, waiting for the other to speak first. 

“Thanks for your help,” you start. “I really appreciate it.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I’ll help you with your stuff now,” you offer, grabbing your keys from the desk.

“No, it’s okay. I’m sure there will be some brothers there to help me.” He’s moving into the frat house on Greek Row, a few minutes’ walk from the sophomore’s dorms. Last year, the two of you lived in the same building, one floor apart from each other. It seems symbolic the way you’re separated this year.

“Anyways, I should get going,” he says, running his fingers through his hair. 

“Sure.” You consider stalling by asking him to help you unpack, but you decide not to. 

He looks at you, sadness in his eyes. For the first time all day, you finally meet his gaze, the lump in your throat returning. Stepping towards you, arms out, he embraces you, wrapping you snug in one of his signature bear hugs. “I love you, Coco. I really do. This is just something I have to do.”

You keep your arms to your side, nestling your face into his chest, memorizing the familiar scent of his t-shirt, tears soaking through the fabric. If you return his embrace, you’re certain you won’t want to let him go.

He kisses you on top of the head, giving you one last squeeze. Then, without another word, he walks out of your room, leaving you alone. 

Taglist: @batafuraikisu @bloompompom @monirei @filunara @katestrophes @ichinosejager13 @hoperenae @zellskz @e-ayyy @liliorsstuff-blog

[exhaled-spirals]

« Today’s AI technology allows people of different cultures to communicate instantly and effortlessly with one another. Wow! Isn’t that a centuries-long dream come true, weaving the world ever more tightly together? Isn’t it a wonderful miracle? Isn’t the soon-to-arrive world where everyone can effortlessly speak every language just glorious?

Some readers will certainly say “yes,” but I would say “no.” In fact, I see this looming scenario as a great tragedy. I see it as the beginning of the end of the age-old tradition of learning foreign languages [...]. The problem is that people of all cultures instinctively follow the path of least resistance.

Today’s young people [...] who grow up with translation software, will not be lured in the same way that I, as a teenager, was lured by the fantastic, surrealistic goal of internalizing another language. They won’t feel the slightest temptation to devote a major fraction of their lives to slowly and arduously acquiring the sounds, vocabulary, grammar, and cultural richness of another language. To them, someone with my self-punishing attitude would seem hopelessly wedded to the past. Why on earth cling to riding a horse or a bicycle for transportation, when you can drive a car (not to mention flying in an airplane)? [...]

[I]t strikes me as possible—in fact, quite likely—that humans are collectively going to knuckle under and throw in the towel as far as foreign languages are concerned. [...] As my friend David Moser put it, what may soon go down the drain forever, thanks to these new AI technologies, is the precious gift that one can gain only by immersing oneself deeply in another culture and thereby acquiring an entirely new set of ways of looking at the world. It’s a gift that can’t help but turn any human being into a far richer and broader one. But David fears that it may soon become as rare as hen’s teeth.

[...I]t’s incredibly depressing to contemplate the profound impoverishment of people’s mental and emotional lives that is looming just around every corner of the globe, thanks to the slick seductiveness of AI translation apps, insidiously creeping their way into ordinary people’s lives and sapping their desire to make other tongues their own.

When children first hear the sounds of another language, they can’t help but wonder: What in the world would it feel like to speak that language? Such eager childlike curiosity might seem universal and irrepressible. But what if that human curiosity is suddenly snuffed out forever by the onrushing tsunami of AI? When we collectively abandon the age-old challenge of learning the languages of other lands, when we relinquish that challenge to ultrarapid machines that have no inner life of their own but are able to give us fluent but fake facades in other languages, then we will have lost a major part of what it is to be human and alive. »

— Douglas Hofstadter, "Learn a Foreign Language Before It’s Too Late"

[animentality]

you guys ever think about why bhaal sends you after the people he does?

take isobel, for example. scleritas says daddy wants her dead simply because why not.

but. i conjecture. there is a purpose in choosing isobel.

she's a kind soul, someone who sees something in you besides the slayer. someone who tells you outright, i know that isn't you. i know there's good in you. i can see it. i can trust you to control yourself. she's someone who loves fiercely and is loved. someone who protects and safeguards, and has no interest in harming anyone. the antithesis of a bhaalspawn. but most importantly, she loves a demigod.

she loves aylin.

and. get this...

she has defied her father. she rejects him entirely. she refuses to go back to him. she refuses to stop fighting the shadows. she will not submit to his will.

so of course, bhaal wants her dead. he doesn't want his child getting similar ideas.

and then second, he tells you to kill your lover. someone capable of loving a demigod. just like aylin.

he wants them dead, not just because you love them, but because they love you. they have caused irreparable damage to his vessel, his weapon, his toy soldier. they have taught you that you are more than death and murder incarnate. they have taught you how to be a person, and not just a machine. you have learned to see people as more than meat bags and organ sacks. you see faces now, and not just muscles and sinews and eyes to tear out.

unacceptable.

like the classic abusive parent, he doesn't want you to have anyone else but him.

but also.

when you kill your lover, your entire camp attacks you.

so it's not just your lover he wants gone. it's them too.

he doesn't care if you die fighting them, or if you choose to kill yourself rather than live with the guilt of killing the person you love most.

he wants you to be his puppet...or die.

and he wants the people who love you dead and gone too. all those friends you gathered on your journey...the support network of faces that smile when they see you, rather than crying out in fear.

withers says later that he can only kill the parts of you that belong to him, and i think that's true.

he has spent your entire life draining you, sapping you of your individuality, stripping you of anything human, so that he can fill the emptiness of your existence with his wretched self. that's also why he had you kill your parents. so that the people who gave you a name would be gone, and you would have no name.

he wants you to truly be nothing more than an empty vessel.

and FUCK HIM FOR THAT.

[ross-frank]

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Razor's Edge

Between the Bones (Leon x GN! Reader) - Chapter 18

If you've learned one thing, it's that moments of peace never last long.

(Cross-posted from Ao3)

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Index

TW: PTSD, angst, terrible coping mechanisms

There wasn’t much sleep to be found that night, and Leon was glad it was for a different reason than seeing ghosts dance in the dark. No, that night, he lay awake with only you on his mind. He found himself peering through the shadows, looking towards where your bunk was - one row up and two to the left - wondering if, maybe, you were having trouble sleeping for the same reasons. 

It made him feel a little ridiculous, that he was so excited to feel your touch, but he didn’t have it in him to feel embarrassed by it anymore. He was still young and now, for the first time in months, he actually felt it. 

He felt like a person again, instead of a cog in a machine, being crushed and reforged into something he wasn’t. 

So, however silly it was, he let his excitement keep him up long into the night, and when he finally slept, he dreamed of you. Only of you. His mind graced him with your touch, your taste, and Leon was all too happy to let the dream overtake him.

In the morning, he wondered if you knew what he was dreaming about, because as you and the rest rose from bed, your eyes found his instantly. The sweet torture began then and there. The anticipation. He wasn’t sure then how he was going to endure the countdown until evening, not when you were so close to him all day. Just out of reach. He glimpsed the skin of your back as you got ready, sliding your shirt on. Keeping your back to everyone. Hiding your scars. Then he caught you looking his way as he pulled his own shirt over his head. 

You grinned - so small that only someone who knew to look for it would catch it - and Leon wished he could grab time and push it past him. He wanted the day to blur by, to skip ahead. 

When you all formed up for morning drills, though, and Leon saw more of a storm than a person when he looked at Major Krauser, he knew that the day would, in fact, be a long one. 

It wasn’t the running with munitions cases that clued Leon in to the fact that Krauser was angry, or the way he timed each person at the firing range. Hell, even the doubled punishments for mistakes weren’t too out of the ordinary. It was the fact that Krauser was so quiet through it all. Never once did he make a scathing remark, or give one of his cruel, crooked smiles. He would just give corrections and dole out discipline with a tight-lipped frown, pointing out each and every misstep. Every moment of weakness. He wasn’t sure if he was frustrated or grateful that the struggle of it all forced him to focus on something other than you. By the time lunch rolled around, Leon was well and truly grateful for the extra hours he’d put in with you - Williams, Alenko and the rest of the cadets that had moved up with him were boneless as they slumped into their seats. He, at least, only felt like he was going to pass out a little. 

Even you looked winded, your shoulders slumped forward a bit and as you steadied your breathing. Still, you offered Leon a look - one that he’d come to know as encouragement. The day wasn’t over, after all. 

But god, he wished it was. 

He wished the two of you were alone, somewhere else where he could act on his desires. All the exhaustion in the world wouldn’t change that, he was sure. He decided then and there that even if this day sapped all his strength, he’d still drag himself to your side. So, he would endure whatever he had to, if he could escape to your touch when evening fell. He would push through the training, even if Krauser seemed to have a bone to pick with each and every one of them. 

“What did we do to piss him off?” Williams asked from down the bench, draping herself over the table only for Alenko to shove her away from his food. 

“I think us existing is justification enough for him,” he huffed. 

Leon wasn’t so sure - and if your expression was any indication, neither were you. Krauser was an asshole, sure, but never without purpose. At least, that was what Leon had seen of him since he started training with the Major. So, if he was pushing this hard . . . “He always has reasons for what he does,” you said, and both Williams and Alenko seemed surprised you were speaking to them at all. Leon couldn’t blame them - it wasn’t often that you engaged with the other members of the squad, even those that you had trained with for longer. He almost laughed at the fact that you were doing it now to defend Krauser’s brutal teaching style. But then, he saved your life once, hadn’t he? Leon could understand your loyalty, even if sometimes he disagreed. 

“I know he’s trying to prepare us but damn,” Williams said after a while, shaking her head. “Feels like my legs are gonna fall off.” 

“You’ll be fine. He picked you all to be here for a reason,” you insisted. It wasn’t a reassurance delivered with an abundance of compassion, per se, but Leon could hear the sincerity in your voice. It made him smile, and even through her surprise, Williams almost did the same. 

Then, she grimaced again. “Yeah, well, kinda wishing I got left back with the old squad, right about now.” 

“What?” Leon grinned. “And miss out on all the fun?” 

“It’s only fun for you because you’re getting one-on-one instruction with the fucking Terminator, Kennedy.” Williams glanced over to you as soon as she said the words, wincing as she realized she’d spoken them out loud. “No offense.” 

You just shrugged, taking another bite of your food. If anything, Leon swore you might have liked the nickname. “None taken.”

“Which reminds me,” Alenko butted in, looking towards you and Leon. “If you ever want a break from sparring with just each other, I wouldn’t mind getting a few pointers. Can’t let you outclass us in everything.” He gave Leon a friendly, challenging grin, and Leon wanted to return it. He did his best to, but the idea of other people joining in the evening training the two of you had been doing . . . it was selfish of him, but he didn’t like it, to say the least. 

Especially today of all days, when you had all but promised him what he’d been dreaming of for weeks. 

“You almost had me in the assessment,” you said to Alenko coolly, even if Leon thought he saw a bit of tension creep into your jaw. “You’re doing well already.” 

“Yeah, but we all could be doing better. Maybe that’ll give Krauser less to be angry about, if we’re all pushing ourselves.” 

“There’s pushing and then there’s punishing,” Williams said, then added, “again, no offense.”

“And we’ve been getting our asses kicked every day for the last week,” Alenko shook his head. 

“All the more reason for us to put in some extra hours. Less ass-kicking sounds good, don’t you think?”

He was right, but even so . . . Leon glanced between you and the other soldier, trying to think of what to say that wouldn’t give anything away-

“Alright,” you said, and Leon nearly jumped out of his skin until you went on. “Tomorrow, if you want to join, you can. Don’t think fighting today would do you or me any good,” you said, glancing at the way Alenko’s body was slumped in on itself, and Leon could kiss you then and there for the evasion. 

Alenko huffed a little laugh and nodded. “Fair point. Think the mandatory sparring will be enough for me today.” 

Leon almost agreed with him. He couldn’t help but feel that the worst of Krauser’s trials that day had yet to come. So, as the squad formed up in the training yard that afternoon, he tried to prepare himself. Everyone was paired off, and Leon found himself standing across from none other than Valeria, the soldier giving him a wicked smile. She didn’t say anything - not while Krauser was giving instructions - but Leon could almost hear her taunts anyway. He glanced over at you, seeing you rolling your shoulders back, standing across from Alejandro. It almost made him laugh; after last night, you likely had some frustrations to vent with the man, even if Alejandro didn’t know it. 

That urge to laugh died in Leon’s throat when Krauser started to speak, his words more serious than Leon had ever heard them. “Come arm yourselves. We’ll begin when I give the word and not a second before,” he said, gesturing to his side, to the table where sunlight shone bright off of steel. 

Leon followed behind the other recruits, reaching the table just as you and Alejandro reached for the knives . . . and then paused. It didn’t take Leon long to realize what had made you both hesitate. He had become intimately familiar with the practice blades over the last few weeks. All blunted with cheap grips, designed to take a beating and to imitate the real thing closely enough for practice’s sake. 

The knives on the table were not the blades you all have been using so far. Rather, they were pristine, their handles seemingly untouched and their blades brand new. 

Being brand new wasn’t the only thing that caught Leon’s eyes about those blades, and he felt his heart speed up.

They looked . . . 

 “Are these edged, sir?” Alejandro asked first, and Krauser just gave him a look. 

“They are,” the Major nodded, and Leon felt his stomach drop. “Now go, you’re holding up the line.” 

Leon hadn’t known Alejandro long, nor did he know him well, but he could see the normally intense man waver before he reached for the weapon. There was confusion in his eyes as he stepped to the side, and he carefully thumbed the edge of the knife, like he was sure that Krauser had been lying. By the knot that formed between his brows, Leon could see that the Major had been telling the truth. The weapons they were going to be using today were edged. They would cut skin and muscle, if they weren’t careful. It was enough to scare Alejandro and the rest. Even Valeria stiffened at his side, a look of disbelief crossing her face. 

Leon was scared, because he’d never felt the bite of a knife before. He’d never known what it was to have steel part his skin like that. Not in a fight. Not when it was against someone trained to go for the kill. Even so, he couldn’t think too long about his own fear. 

The only person he could think of was you, because he saw the way you froze at the table, a knife clasped in your hand and your gaze fixed down on its blade. “We don’t have all day,” Krauser said, and the words forced you to move. When you turned so Leon could see you, you didn’t look at him. Even as you walked past him to join Alejandro, you didn’t spare him a glance. You didn’t spare anyone a glance. You just moved through the crowd with that unreadable expression, knife clutched tight at your side. 

He knew you weren’t seeing the world as it was, then. You were seeing that night, just as he had seen Raccoon City when Krauser had sent your squad after his in the dark, during his assessment. He knew, as you looked over at Alejandro’s knife, that you weren’t here, but rather, you were fighting off a memory. 

And he knew that, in this moment, there wasn’t anything he could do to help you. 

But he was going to try, anyway. 

“Sir, I don’t think we should-”

He didn’t even get to finish the sentence before Krauser fixed a cold glare on him. “Take the goddamn knife, rookie,” he said, before Leon could even make his point. “I have a lesson to teach.” 

The threat implied in his tone was not lost on Leon. He knew Krauser would make his life hell if he pushed this issue. He knew that he would probably just be removed from the exercise at best. At worst . . . he wasn’t sure what the worst case scenario would be. Didn’t really want to know what Krauser’s “worst” was. Not when he’d been willing to tear gas Leon and his squad for a training exercise, and not when he was going to make them fight with edged weapons now. 

He wasn’t going to do himself any favors, and at the end of the day, however you felt about what was happening, you weren’t backing down. You never would. 

So, Leon set his face in stone and reached for a blade. 

It weighed no more than the practice knives, but somehow, it felt heavier. That was all Leon could think as he and Valeria made their way to their own space, each of them eying the weapon that the other held. 

Were he elsewhere, he might have been awestruck - his mind might have assured him that this wasn’t happening. 

He knew better, though. 

He knew the blade and the threat it represented were very, very real. 

“You’ll start and stop when I give the word, understood?” 

There was silence for just a moment too long. 

“Understood?” Krauser demanded. 

“Yes, sir.” The responses were all strained. Some of the recruits, Leon included looked between each other, trying to determine if this was all some sick joke. Others just raised their blades into their preferred guards, silently preparing. Whatever the response, everyone had one thing in common: fear.

And that fear didn’t matter to the Major. “On my mark,” Krauser’s voice was the tolling of a bell across the churchyard, looming and mighty and inescapable. Leon could only bend his knees and raise his weapon, his mind rushing and his eyes wide. He and Valeria looked at each other, eyes, hands, blades, trying to determine what was about to happen. Trying to divine who would move first. Where the blades would fall. 

This was the first time he’d seen the soldier across from him afraid, but even in that moment, there was no doubt in his mind that she would attack him. That she would not hesitate. 

Krauser began a countdown. “Three-”

Control the blade-

Use the attack-

More than just your knife-

Smaller arm movements-

Everything you and the Major had told him, every lesson, flooded him so fast he could barely pick out details. He suddenly came to doubt the steel in his hand, even after all the hours spent training with you and the others. Even if he knew he was skilled, because even skilled people made mistakes. Even you made mistakes. 

Even Valeria could make mistakes. If either of them made a misstep, if either of them missed a dodge? Or cut a little too deep? 

“Two-”

He knew what pain was. He’d survived explosions. The crushing strength of a monster twice his size. A bullet. 

He could do this. 

That was what he thought as he gripped his knife tighter, the knowledge of what he’d lived through waging a brutal war against the fear of being cut. 

He didn’t have to win. He just needed to protect himself. 

“One-”

All went still. Leon felt his mind retreat to a safe distance when he needed it most. He could only stare at the knife across from him, and the woman who held it. He knew his heart was pounding in his chest. He knew fear throbbed in time with it, but he couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel anything but a heaviness that could kill. 

Oh, god.

Oh, god.

Oh, god-

Is this what you’d felt-

“Hold!”

Leon flinched, because he’d been ready to retreat. Ready to guard. Ready to bleed. Instead, he found himself staring ahead at an equally confused Valeria, the two hesitating to breathe because they wanted to make sure they’d heard the Major right. 

“You can all drop your guards,” Krauser said, and Leon felt something flash through him. Not anger, not frustration, but white hot fury. 

What the fuck had that been for?

He’d let them think they were going to cut each other to pieces in the name of practice, and for what? 

Krauser must have known to expect such anger, and such questions, because he spoke again before a slew of curses threatened to explode from Leon’s lips. “Nothing quite like the threat of real steel, is there? Sobers you up. You can have all the training in the world, but if you don’t respect the threat those knives pose, then you will get bled, someday. Going forward, when we’re using our practice knives, I want you all to remember how this felt today. And I want you all to work past that fear, because if you freeze up out there, if you give the enemy a second to act, then you will die.” His eyes, a cold blue searched the faces of the recruits before him, and Leon swallowed when he saw him glance your way. “You have to be ready. Always.” 

There was something in his voice. A frustration. A fear. 

Leon noticed it, but he didn’t much care. Didn’t feel sympathy. Because, as the squad was dismissed, he saw your face, haunted and distant, more frightened than he’d ever seen you. Alejandro noticed too, placing a hand on your shoulder. You shrugged him off, and Leon saw you fight to get your mask back on - that expression of impassiveness you hid behind so often. 

It was a failed effort. 

⧫⧫⧫

You’d failed. 

You’d seen a knife in front of you, a real, edged knife, and you’d failed.

You thought of that moment over and over again as the evening crept in, watching Alejandro’s blade as you waited for Krauser to tell you to begin. Only, you hadn’t seen Alejandro standing in front of you. No. You’d seen a dark room, and snow outside, and-

You should have known-

“What are you-” 

The knife went into you once. Twice. Three times-

You heard more than felt the bone break under the steel-

Red lenses where eyes should have been-

The gas mask hid his face, but you could feel no pity in his gaze-

Someone screaming your name-

The pain of it seemed so recent, then, and as you’d looked at that blade, you could remember with perfect clarity the agony of it. The pain that burned you from the inside out, that drove you to be what you’d become today. 

All those months spent vowing you would never feel that pain again, and you hadn’t even been able to face it here. 

How could you ever hope to survive in the real world again, if you froze when facing down a squad mate? One who wouldn’t have even gone for the kill, if the fight had actually happened. 

How could you protect anyone if you were this weak? 

Weak. 

Weak. 

That was the word that plagued you that night. When you heard Leon say your name softly, like he was afraid you were going to break, you couldn’t help but whirl on him, your anger flaring because you weren’t breakable. He didn’t need to treat you like you were. 

Then you saw his eyes, the concern there - concern and support, but no pity to be found. 

He’d never pitied you. 

You didn’t know if you could thank him for that, but you should have, maybe. 

You saw his eyes and that anger faded. Got pushed far enough back that you could almost think clearly, even as your chest felt full of hot air and your hands were clenched tight at your sides. 

“What do you need?” Leon asked, and you wanted to hate him for being so considerate, for knowing exactly what to say to you in that moment. You wanted someone to be angry with other than yourself, but it couldn’t be Leon. This wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t even Krauser’s. 

The blame was on you, for not being ready. For being too weak to escape the past. 

So, when Leon asked that question, you knew your answer, even if you were sure it would confuse him. Even if you’d promised him a night of soft touches and gentle sighs. 

“Training yard.” You grunted more than spoke the words, looking away from his eyes. 

You couldn’t look into his eyes for too long. Not now. 

There was a moment of hesitation, but you saw him nod in the end. “Okay.” 

He followed you there after dinner - a meal spent in near silence. The rest of the squad had seen your reaction to the knives. They’d seen your scars, most of them. They knew better than to ask, and they knew better than to approach you today. You were grateful for the peace, if it could be called that. Then again, with the way your thoughts assaulted you, “peace” was perhaps the wrong word. Still, you wanted to be alone with those thoughts. You wanted to try to get them under control, so that by the time you and Leon reached the training yard, you would be at an equilibrium again. 

It was no great surprise to you that your plan failed, and your mind was full of troubles when you handed Leon a practice knife. There was no music playing that night.

“You’re going unarmed?” Leon asked, and you nodded without hesitation. 

“I need you not to hold back,” you said, watching as Leon’s face shifted. “I need you to come at me like you want me dead.” 

The words made Leon’s expression shift, and he took a step forward, about to protest. You stopped him. 

“Just do it,” you said, more forcefully this time. 

You hoped he could see all that you couldn’t say in your eyes. You needed this. You needed to prove to yourself that this was something you could do. You needed to be ready, so you wouldn't ever feel a blade parting your flesh again. You needed to put the past behind you at last, and maybe, just maybe, overcoming this fear was the way to do that. 

All of that was a lot for just one silent moment of eye contact. You knew Leon couldn’t read your mind. He wouldn’t know your reasons unless you told him. 

Still, it seemed that moment of eye contact was enough - and you knew as he nodded that he didn’t need to know your reasoning. Not when he probably had similar shadows biting at his heels. Leon nodded then, swallowing as he did it and raising the blade in front of him. 

“When you’re ready,” he said. 

“Don’t give me a warning,” you shook your head. Leon grimaced but nodded. 

He went for your heart first. 

You moved out of the way, your eyes flaring and any counter you would have normally performed absent.

It’s real, you tried to convince yourself, clinging to the utter and complete terror you’d felt during Krauser’s lesson. That knife is real, and if it touches me, it will draw blood. 

Leon lunged again after a moment, clearly still hesitant. “I said not to hold back,” you growled, knowing full well that you were being selfish. That you were asking him to do something he was uncomfortable with. 

But he was obliging you.

He was obliging you because he wanted to help, because he was sweet. Kind. 

If he stayed with you, would you get him killed the way you’d gotten everyone else killed? Would you be too slow, and he just fast enough to stop you from dying while forgetting himself? Would you have to watch him turn into something because you failed? 

No.

No, because you were going to be stronger than this. The past had you in a strangle-hold, and you were going to spit blood up in its eyes, kick it between the legs and overpower it. You were going to win through spite and skills and sheer power. 

Leon’s knife found its way to your neck before you could even register it, and you realized you’d been lost in your thoughts. Too focused on what you wanted, you forgot what was in front of you. 

It made something dark and deadly claw at your stomach, and you clenched your jaw. 

“Again,” you said, more forcefully than you maybe intended. 

Leon looked at you for a moment, but again, he did as you asked. 

And again, after just a few moves, you found yourself dying to a move that you should have been able to stop. He’d come at you with a feint - one you used on him more times than you could count - and the knife stuck just below your armpit as you tried for a block too slow. Bleeding you out. It made heat rise to your face, anger with yourself coming with it. You should have been better than this. 

You were better than this. 

“Again.” 

It’s real.

This time the knife slashed across your throat when you fumbled a disarm. 

“Again.” 

The knife is real.

He caught you in the stomach-

“Again.”

It’s not Leon attacking you. 

The side-

“Again!”

Red lenses where eyes should have been-

The heart. The knife hit right above your heart, and for a moment you thought you’d pulled the edged knife from your memory and into reality, because your chest hurt. You backed away, grinding your teeth together so hard your jaw ached, your throat constricting. It was anger. Anger was bringing about this reaction in you.

It didn’t matter, though. You had to keep going.

“Again-”

Leon spoke your name, and you stopped because you had never, in all these weeks, heard him sound so forceful. His eyes, normally so soft and blue, were unyielding as he looked at you. Unyielding, but compassionate in a way that only he could manage. He put the knife in his pocket and stepped towards you, reaching a hand up towards you slowly. You stilled, letting him come closer, expecting him to rest it on your shoulder. Instead, it came up to cup your cheek, and something in you began to chip and shatter. “You’re not there,” he said simply, seeing through you and into the memory you’d conjured up around you. “You’re here, with me.” 

His touch was a reminder of that, so soft against your face - a gentleness you’d not known before, completely alien next to the life of grit and gunmetal you lived. 

“Breathe.” 

It was enough to pull you back to the present, enough to make you feel the shoes you were standing in, the cooling evening air, and the beating of your heart slow a touch. 

You did as he asked, breathing slowly. In, then out. The pain in your chest made it hard, but you did it anyway. All the while, Leon kept his gaze on you, as much as part of you wished he would look away.

You stared into the sky of his eyes, searching for something you couldn’t place. Somethings, maybe. All of them unknown and out of reach. And he let you look, holding your gaze and looking for the same things in you. It was a moment that may have lasted seconds or hours, and you wouldn’t have known. Once your breathing steadied, there were still so many emotions left simmering beneath the surface, and chief among them was shame. You shouldn’t have had to rely on Leon for this. You shouldn’t have had to be doing this at all. 

“I’m sorry-” you croaked, speaking to the living and the dead alike.

Leon just shook his head, looking at you from under that ridiculous sand-blond hair. “Don’t be.”

It didn’t stop the shame from pooling in you. It didn’t erase the fear or the memories, but it did let other things rise to the surface. Things like gratitude, for him being there, fear, for him being so selfless and caring and, most of all, affection. Affection so strong it was almost staggering. 

That affection nearly knocked you to the ground when, after a moment, Leon’s hand fell away from your face and reached for the knife in his pocket. You watched him spin it around his fingers the way you so often did, giving you a soft smile before he spoke. “Again?”

That’s a dangerous game you’re playing, you’d said to Leon. Again, your own words bit into you, and you were feeling too much else to care.

“. . . Again.” 

He moved just too fast the first time around, and you were just regaining your focus. The knife ended up pressed against your neck, and you felt those thoughts encroaching again, but you brushed them off. 

You were here. You were with Leon. 

Another win for him came after a longer fight, and you could feel yourself getting tense again. 

You were with Leon, and he would never hurt you. 

And therein lay the problem, and thinking of it had you breathing heavy as you lost once again, after you nearly managed to disarm him. 

He cared for you too much. You knew what happened to people that cared for you.

You bared your teeth, blocking attack after attack. Then you grunted as a slash found your arm, but you weren’t done yet. 

If anything happened to him-

He attacked your leg, and you realized just in time that it was a feint. You blocked and struck his stomach with your free hand. He retreated just in time to avoid you taking the knife from him. 

If he died protecting you, as so many others had-

A cry of exertion escaped you as you moved to the side, seeing the knife flashing towards your gut. Towards where your scar lay. The motion made your dog tags smack against your chest. 

You would never forgive yourself. 

Your hands moved fast, trapping Leon’s hand and the knife in it against your stomach, against the rough scar tissue hidden beneath your shirt. 

You had to be stronger.

The knife came free of his grip as you twisted it loose, yelping in pain as you strained his wrist in doing so. 

You had to be able to protect him.

You bared your teeth in a yell, moving the knife so fast it could barely be seen. It landed at his windpipe, and he inhaled sharply. Eyes wide, lips parted, he looked at you then, and you saw fear in him. Not fear of you. Fear for you. 

You wouldn’t lose him, too.

You let your knife fall to his chest when you crashed your lips against his, the world around you be damned. You wanted to forget. You wanted that happiness you’d pushed away for so long. You wanted him. 

You’d made him a promise, after all. 

After a moment, he kissed you back, his free hand coming up to your shoulder as his lips moved against yours, trying to keep up. No easy feat, because you were all fire. Maybe you weren’t going to burn for long, but while you did . . . you were going to burn bright and burn strong. As you parted from him, the two of you breathless, you saw in Leon’s eyes that he was going to burn with you. 

But he was Leon. He was considerate and kind, even when his eyes were dark with desire. “Are you sure-” 

Your jaw tightened, and you realized then the pressure in your throat. It hurt as you nodded, choking your words so they were quiet. “I’m sure. If you are.” 

He looked at you then, and you thought for a moment you were going to break because no one should look at you, wretched as you were, with such care. Such adoration. “If it’s what you want - if it’ll help - then I am.” 

And then you kissed him again, letting the knife in your hands fall to the ground so you could hold him instead.

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A/N: Soooooo next chapter will be NSFW!