#S16E04 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hirunoka · 2 years ago

Text

Just Dennis

Words count: 2,265

Angst with a Happy Ending, Not that much angst though don't worry, Episode: s16e04 Frank vs. Russia, nearly two weeks after the whole Johnny incident, First Kiss, Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Ao3 link: (x)

"Why did you do it, Dennis? Just why?"

Mac asks out of nowhere while Dennis is busy waiting for the water to boil for their evening tea, and Dennis immediately knows what he is talking about. It has been nearly two insufferable weeks after the whole Johnny incident and Mac has been acting really distant. Not that Dennis can blame him.

“Did what?”

“You know what I’m talking about," Mac lets out a loud sigh. "The whole Johnny thing.”

"I told you why, because you were annoying me and—"

"And that was the only solution you could come up with? You? The Golden God, the master of scheming who can come up with twenty different plans in two minutes? It's funny how you won't let me—"

Mac swallows the tight lump in his throat and Dennis finds it extremely difficult to ignore the way the other man's eyes are welling up. He wants to reach out and make the tears stop from spilling. He wants to offer Mac some comfort, even though he is the one who caused this in the first place.

But here he is, frozen in his place. Just like always. He is never able to do the right thing. He never was. And he is well aware of the fact that he destroys everything he touches.

"And you won't just let me... be, either. You just won't, will you?"

Dennis knows what he means.

You won't let me be with you, but you won't let me love someone else, either.

"I'm not preventing you from anything, Mac,” he replies, leaning against the counter. “I'm not stopping you. I'm really not."

A beat.

Not anymore.

He wants to say.

Please read between the lines, Mac, please. A small, pathetic voice inside his head screams and begs on his knees, scratching the walls of his brain.

I'm not preventing you from doing what you've been wanting to do for years, before you were even aware of it.

Please see it in my eyes.

I'm not preventing you from being with me, to take what is left of me. If anything is left of me.

I don't understand why you even care about me after everything, I probably never will.

And I can't promise you won't ever regret loving me.

Hell, you already regret it, don't you?

But I'm not gonna stop you this time, Mac. Just say something to me, just say you didn't give up on me, just do something, goddamn it. I'm tired of running away. I'm fucking exhausted.

Mac looks at him with a glimmer of hope in his puppy-like eyes, tilting his head slightly to the side and furrowing his eyebrows like he is silently questioning him as he takes a step towards Dennis.

And then another step.

Then another one.

Mac is so close to him that it would take just one more step for him to close the small distance between them.

"In fact, didn't I help you by coming up with the SINNED system?!" Throwing his hands up and surprising himself, Dennis yells in a high-pitched voice as his heart beat frantically in his chest.

Shutupshutupshutup—

"I helped you out with your date which ended successfully thanks to me and my great efforts. It's not my fault that you chose to ruin your chance by thinking you were in love with someone who didn't even exist, like an idiot! Like anyone could ever love you!"

Mac flinches and takes a step back as if he had been physically slapped by those words.

Dennis doesn't know what made him say that. He knows he should have kept his mouth shut instead, giving Mac some time to read between the lines and act accordingly.

They were so close.

Maybe it was about to happen.

Maybe Mac was about to take his chance one last time.

And he fucking ruined it.

He is not the master of scheming, that's for sure. He is the master of self-sabotage, if anything.

"Yeah, right. I'm an idiot for believing he existed." Mac nods to himself, seemingly ignoring his last words. "Well, even if he did exist, you said it yourself. Such an idiot for believing in Johnny. Johnny who didn't love me. Johnny who didn't even like me, let alone love me. Jonny who was... you."

If only Mac knew Dennis meant every word he said through Johnny. Meant all the compliments, all the praises.

If only Dennis was brave enough.

"Mac, I—"

"I hope that you had fun teasing me like that. I hope it was worth it, pretending you gave a shit about me. All that sweet ‘good mornings’ and 'how was your day baby boy?’ and ‘I missed you today’ texts, and all that kinky shit and, fuck—" Another laugh. "And even aftercare through the damn said texts... All the praises."

A hysterical laugh escapes Mac's lips as he wipes his tears away from his eyes, looking down like he is ashamed, but also done.

So done.

Dennis is afraid of what might come next, so he opens his mouth to speak, but it's useless since no words other than Mac's name come out again.

"You know what? I owe you a thank you, though. This was sure an eye-opening experience. So... Thank you."

Thank you? For what?

"I better go pack."

Wait—

No.

Nonononono—

"Go pack for what?" he tries helplessly. "Going somewhere? Decided to go on a small vacation? You should have let me know before so I could—

"I think it will be better for both of us." Mac takes a deep breath and turns on his heels to grab a damn plastic bag that was laying on the ground—instead of bothering to find an actual bag— and starts collecting his stuff here and there in the living room as Dennis trails behind him, not knowing what to do. "I should just go. Have to leave. I should have done so years ago, but you said it yourself, I'm an idiot. An idiot who does idiotic things.”

“Mac, Mac, stop, I didn’t actually mean it, man. Look, I’m sorry, okay?” Dennis tries. He can’t let Mac go. He just can’t. “I’m sorry that I said that, can’t we just forget about what I said and move on?”

“I'll have to disagree with one thing, though.” Mac carries on, not seeming like he was listening to him at all. “I believe, I want to believe that I'm not unlovable like you claim. I need to believe that there is someone out there who is capable of loving me, capable of caring about me. Someone who actually exists and gives a shit about me. Someone who is real."

I care about you, asshole!

Dennis feels like screaming at the top of his lungs.

And I AM real! There is already someone who loves you!

“I can’t keep doing this,” Mac mutters with a shaky breath, refusing to look at the other man and shoving things he doesn’t even need into his silly plastic bag, just for the sake of doing anything but looking at him. “I can’t just keep on trying my best only to go back to square one.”

“Then don’t!” Dennis finally screams out loud this time, snatching the damn bag from Mac’s hands and hurling it across the living room. Something breaks when he does that, by the sound of it, but he doesn’t care at all.

The only thing he cares about right now is the man right in front of him.

The man he is about to lose if he doesn’t do something.

Yeah, sure, Mac always, always comes back to him, but it feels like it’s different this time.

Feels like he’s going to lose him forever if he lets him go.

“If that’s what you need, if that is what will keep you here, then don’t try your fucking best,” Dennis continues: “in fact, don’t try anything at all, Mac.”

Mac looks so confused and pretty that Dennis wants to kiss the stupid creases that appeared on his forehead. When he hardly dares to breathe, let alone move, Dennis takes three big steps towards him.

“Just be yourself, and do whatever you want to do, baby boy.”

That’s one of the pet names Johnny used.

Also one of the pet names he used as Hugh Honey years ago.

But this time, it’s not Johnny or Hugh calling him “baby boy.”

It’s just Dennis.

“Don’t—” Mac’s eyes widen, “don’t play games with me anymore. Please don’t.”

“Just like I’ve said, I’m not preventing you from anything. I swear. And I’m not… playing games.” Dennis gently cups the other man’s face in his hands, looking directly into his eyes. “I’m standing before you, not as Johnny, not as someone else, but as me. Dennis. Just Dennis.”

“But you’ve also just told me that no one could ever love me. You said that, Just Dennis.”

“I lied,” he confesses, and his confession takes an unimaginable burden off his shoulders while also adding to it at the same time. It’s a weird, complicated feeling, the realization that this is really happening.

The realization that he is finally being honest with Mac.

“And how am I supposed to know this is not a part of whatever sick game you’re playing with me right now?” Mac questions. "A part of a scheme? How am I supposed to know that you’re not gonna—”

Dennis cuts him off by pressing his lips to Mac’s ridiculously soft, beautiful lips; sliding one hand around his waist to pull the other man closer to himself and show him that he is not willing to let him go. Show him that he means what he said.

Mac gasps against his lips, still not moving, but not pushing him back, either. Right when Dennis is about to pull away, feeling discouraged by Mac’s lack of response, Mac finally kisses him back and throws his hands around Dennis’ neck. His lips move tentatively against his, like he is still not able to trust Dennis’s words or actions. Like he cannot believe this is really happening.

He makes a sound at the back of his throat and lets Dennis deepen the kiss as Dennis tightens his grip on his waist.

Kissing Mac feels like coming home.

A home that was patiently—okay okay, maybe not always patiently—waiting for him to return to him for ages. And Dennis knows that every road leads him back to Mac.

No matter how hard he tries to take another road, no matter how much he denies it and lies himself by saying there sure must be a different road somewhere, every damn road he takes leads him to Mac.

His Mac.

No one else's. Always his. Always has been.

And it feels so natural.

For the first time in his life, he feels like he is on the right road: the road that directly takes him to Mac.

He is walking, no, running like he is trying to make up for the time he lost on the wrong roads for oh so long.

He is running on the right road with his lips, his hands, his breath, and they all cheer for him: “Happy to be home finally,” they all say.

His brain, on the other hand, protests him like it has been doing so as long as he knew himself. It insults him and his choices, telling him he will only break Mac's heart and his own heart. Telling him that he doesn't even deserve Mac.

Dennis tells it to shut up and listens to his heart instead, his kiss getting more heated and urgent like he is trying to prove a point and say “FUCK YOU” to his brain. And when he cannot hear the mean comments of his brain anymore, he slows down again, taking his time and kissing Mac sweetly.

When he eventually breaks their kiss and leans his forehead against Mac’s, he takes a deep breath and opens his eyes to take a look at the other man. Mac’s eyes are still closed, tears slowly falling down his cheeks.

“Baby boy…” Dennis whispers, feeling Mac shiver under his touch when he tenderly wipes his tears away with his thumb. “Look at me, please?”

“I swear to God I’m sooo gonna make you meet your maker if you tell me you were just teasing me or something,” refusing to do as he is told, Mac threatens him, making Dennis chuckle.

“I’m my own maker. Besides, wouldn’t your own maker send you to hell for doing that?”

Mac opens his eyes and looks at him before mumbling: “I’m sure He will make an exception for me.”

Dennis smiles at that.

“Well, I’ll gladly let you know that he won’t have to do so, then. ‘Cause I’m not teasing you or playing games, Mac. Did you ever know that you're my hero? You are the wind beneath my wings." He sings softly. “Remember..?” He swallows, caressing Mac’s face. “And I’m not letting you go. I can’t. I would fall without you, Mac. I would crash to the ground.”

Mac is silent, but the look in his eyes tells him that he is willing to try to trust his words and give him a chance— give them a chance.

“I wouldn’t let you fall, Den,” there is a ghost of a smile gracing his lips and hearing Mac calling him “Den” again makes something to Dennis’ poor heart. “I wouldn’t let you fall.”

Needles to say, Mac is the one who starts the kiss this time.

#macdennis #mac mcdonald #dennis reynolds #iasip #It's always sunny in philadelphia #my writing #mac #dennis

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