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ficdirectory · 7 years ago

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The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 5x07 “Chasing Waterfalls”

Time for another twin recap of The Fosters. Jesus was absent this episode, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have plenty to say about him (and also some thoughts on Grandpa Adams as well.) So read on to check out @tarajean621‘s and my thoughts below:

STEF AND GABE - YARD:

Stef: Hey! Just wanted to give you a heads-up that Jesus won’t be able to work with you today. He’s being assessed. I had to drop him off at the school at about 6:30 a.m. It was brutal.

Gabe: Oh. I mean, it’s good news, right? That he wants to go back?

Stef: Yeah. Um, did you and he talk about Emma lately?

Gabe: Yeah, sure. I mean, a little. He made her a ring the other day.

Stef: A ring?

Gabe: Yeah, ‘cause they’re going steady or whatever. He wanted to give her something, so he made her a little wooden ring.

Stef: Oh. Okay.

Tonia: 6:30 AM is brutal for IEP testing.

Also, seems like The Fosters skipped a major step which is Jesus being evaluated in school to see if he qualifies for services. This process usually takes up to two months. I understand streamlining for TV’s sake. This is really more a comment on the fact that Jesus should have been in school already.

(On an unrelated note, I love how Gabe says that Jesus and Emma are “going steady”. He is clearly from my generation...and now I feel super old.)

Tara: It was brutal for Jesus to test that early? Or for Stef to have to drop him off that early? Because I’m pretty sure Jesus has the more difficult part of this scenario.

From what I can gather, the assessment Jesus is being given is likely a neuropsychological assessment. The testing can take anywhere from 2-6 hours according to the article. (According to comments made to the article I linked - by people who have had the assessment - testing can take anywhere from 1.5 - 12 hours. Several said they needed 1-2 weeks to recover afterward.) The assessment measures things like memory, problem solving, attention, concentration and intelligence. It can identify areas of difficulty as well as strengths.

This process includes an interview as well as the tests themselves, and it is recommended that a family member or close friend accompanies the person being tested. This is not only for emotional support, but to provide necessary information and also to request breaks if need be. (I know that if I had had to take this test, someone would have been there for me - and not just to drop me off.)

This assessment represents a significant milestone and a likely hardship for Jesus. The choice not to show the audience this takes away yet another opportunity to humanize Jesus.

Let’s contrast this choice with a scene from Glee. (Ryder gets Evaluated for an IEP) In this clip, we see high school sophomore Ryder undergo testing for a learning disability. We get to be in the room with Ryder - feel his stress and shame and anger - and later, we see that his glee club director Finn has been waiting for Ryder. Finn is there to listen and reassure Ryder after the testing and diagnosis. We see Ryder’s tears and exhaustion. We as an audience were not given this privilege with Jesus.

Moving on, Stef and Gabe talk about Jesus and Emma. The “little wooden ring” comment feels patronizing. Would the same comment be made in the same tone if Jesus did not have a brain injury?

STEF AND LENA - KITCHEN:

Stef: Hey, I know we said we wouldn’t make a big deal about Jesus and Emma’s betrothment or whatever, but he gave her a ring.

[Mariana, in the next room, overhears this.]

Lena: A ring? What, like an engagement ring?

Stef: No, no. Not an engagement ring. It’s a going-together ring. It’s made of wood.

Tonia: Wow, Stef, how dismissive can you be? (Her tone sounds almost disgusted???)

Tara: If Brandon were to have handcrafted a promise/engagement ring for Grace, it would not be delegitimized because it was wooden. He would be asked if he was sure about his decision. Asked about finances. Housing. Schooling. Work. But the ring itself would not be trivialized in this way.

Lena: Are you sure that’s all it is? Because he told me that the only reason he wanted to go back to school was because Emma wouldn’t marry him unless he did.

Stef: Yeah, I don’t - I think it’s just Jesus being Jesus. Emma’s got a good head on her shoulders. I don’t see her agreeing to something like that... Right?

Tonia: It’s just Jesus being Jesus. What does that mean? If it’s a comment on his tendency to be impulsive, the same could be said for Mariana or Callie, but nobody says that’s just them being them. My gut says it’s yet another way for Moms to dismiss Jesus...

Tara: So, basically Stef is insinuating that Jesus doesn’t have a good head on his shoulders. That proposing was not something that he carefully considered, but one more rash and reckless decision. That Jesus’s brain injury means that everything he does or says is inherently foolish until proven otherwise.

FAMILY DINNER - LENA’S PARENTS + FAMILY (EVERYONE PRESENT EXCEPT JESUS):

Lena: So, Jesus is exhausted. He’s been doing testing all day, and with his TBI, it’s just a lot for him. So, I told him he could go ahead and keep sleeping. I hope that’s okay.

Dana: Of course, sweetheart. Absolutely.

Tonia: I totally get that Jesus is exhausted at this point. Realistic, and I do want him to keep sleeping. But I am so sad we didn’t see him interacting with Grandpa and Grandma at all, and they were here for the entire weekend.

For reference? This is what we missed: (Jesus and Grams talking) Back in season 4, Grandma and Grandpa Adams came to visit, too. The above was a deleted scene from that episode. They have such a beautiful, respectful dynamic. I was so excited to see Jesus have the chance to be around that for a few days, and so sad that he wasn’t shown interacting with them once.

Which leads me to my second point. I got the feeling here that something was amiss with Stewart and that a deliberate choice was made to not have Jesus in these scenes with him, one way or another.

I understand that the issue was likely something like illness for Noah (the actor) that prevented him from being present during this episode, or perhaps it was known ahead of time that he would need this time off for some reason. The fact remains, though, that this is the story the writers chose to tell with Jesus being absent. The story of Lena’s dad also dealing with a change in his health, and a brain-related issue. (They don’t specify if he has dementia or Alzheimer’s, but based on symptoms it seems that it could be either.)

And I could not shake the feeling that Jesus was left out of this episode in particular because of the notion of “too many” disabled people being present in a scene. The feeling that it would be “too messy”, “too risky”, or “too sad” to have both Jesus and Stewart present in scenes when Stewart is also experiencing difficulty.

But the truth is, an opportunity was missed there. Because disabled people exist all over. (20% of the population - 1 in 5 people - live with disability.) My sis and I are both disabled (both with different extents and presentations of brain damage and brain injury) and it is not too many or too much. We ask each other for help. We adapt for each other. We apologize when we mess up.

The writers missed an opportunity to tell a human story here. Of two people in a family living with disability. Maybe Jesus and Grandpa wouldn’t have felt the need to talk about it. Maybe they would’ve found it difficult to be in a house with extra people, noise, a less familiar environment (for Grandpa) but maybe Jesus and Grandpa would have gotten the chance to sit and talk to each other. Maybe they could relate based on disability. Maybe not. Maybe they could have helped each other out or made suggestions. Or maybe, Jesus and Grandpa could just have known that “Hey, here is one person who gets what it’s like. Who gets that I’m me. That I’m doing my best all the time. That this is new and scary.” Maybe they wouldn’t have needed to discuss disability at all because being around each other would have been enough.

But the truth is, we will never really know.

Tara: Yes, it is completely realistic for Jesus to be exhausted cognitively and physically after this assessment. However, if he is exhausted by hours of relatively “simple” tasks like picture-vocabulary identification and word recall, then how much more exhausted should he have been by taking a 3.5 - 7 hour proficiency test measuring 12th grade reading, writing and math with no accommodations?

Tonia: For the people in the back, Jesus is not even a high school senior yet. He is a junior. He was literally being tested on material he has yet to learn.

Tara: With a brain injury, especially within the first few months, you do not get to choose which tasks and tests exhaust you. Because everything exhausts you all the time.

Also, let’s factor in that Jesus has just taken this proficiency test. I would hazard to guess that no more than a couple of days to a week at most has passed since last episode. His brain is super overloaded and fatigued even before the NPA. And while the NPA is apparently needed for accommodations and going back to school, the proficiency test was just abusive nonsense. Both in such short succession make me want to cry. People do not realize how harmful this is.

And can we talk about Lena asking Dana if it is “okay” that Jesus is too exhausted to come down for dinner?

This touches on the phenomenon of Authorization. Often, a disabled person’s symptoms or limitations are not viewed as legitimate until a nondisabled person deems them legitimate.

Is it okay that Jesus is so cognitively and physically fatigued that he cannot come downstairs for dinner? In other words: Do you give him permission to be exhausted?

Let us think about the possible answers to this question. Dana says yes. It is okay.

But she could have said, “Oh, he really should come down to eat and visit with us!”

Jesus would be forced to push past his exhaustion - walk downstairs, expend energy eating, attending, sitting, talking, being in a bright and loud environment - for the comfort and preference of his nondisabled family members.

FAMILY DINNER - CONTINUED:

Dana: So, what else is going on with this beautiful, bustling family?

Mariana: Well, Jesus is engaged.

Tonia: We see Jesus discussed throughout this episode, but he is never present. This is a common inspiration p*rn theme known as Gawking Without Talking. He does not have a speaking part.

This is different than Jude not being in an episode, for example. (For one thing, we know that Hayden who plays Jude is still a minor and is not allowed to work as many hours as his adult co-stars.) But it’s also different because stories about disabled people are very often about the nondisabled people around them, not the disabled person themselves.

The next time you see a headline about a disabled person, and you click on it, read it carefully. Ask yourself questions:

Is the disabled person named?

Are they quoted in the story? (Do you know how they feel about the events that happened, and the fact that those events are now being written about?)

If there is a photo, is it of the disabled person in a vulnerable position (needing to be fed, crying, or otherwise needing help?) Did they know the photo was being taken?

When Jesus is exclusively talked about and never shown on screen, it feeds the perception that he is an outsider. That he is not at the center of his own story. This episode takes place over about three days and we don’t hear one word from him, despite being in his and Jude’s room for scenes all three of those days.

Tara: Yes, and for Jesus to be so overly exhausted but not in his room? Or for him to be in there while Jude and his friends play games and visit? It doesn’t make a ton of sense to me.

LENA, STEF, DANA & STEWART - LIVING ROOM:

Dana: So, [Jesus] is only going back to school because of this girl? That’s absurd!

Lena: Mom, we need something. Something that matters to him.

Dana: You have something that matters to him. The treehouse. Maybe Jesus needs to actually DO SOMETHING to EARN the privilege of building it! Like getting an education!

Lena: Mom, if we take away that treehouse, he’s only going to think we’re punishing him. And we will have a full-blown rebellion on our hands.

Stef: I agree. If we use it as leverage, he’s going to hate us forever.

Tonia: This conversation seems unnecessary / irrelevant to me. Jesus is going to school. He spent several hours today being assessed to go back. There’s no need to talk about taking away things that matter to him. (Or for Grandma to go out of her way to say a choice of Jesus’s - based on secondhand info - is “absurd.”)

Tara: So, Dana wants to use Jesus’s one pleasure as leverage to further control him? I’m glad Moms see the harm in this, even if they cannot see the harm in their own controlling and/or abusive actions.

CHALKBOARD - KITCHEN:

*gluten free snacks

*almond milk

*bananas

Tonia: The sight of gluten free snacks on the shopping list made my stomach drop. If Lena is moving forward with this, chances are very good that she is also still pursuing the shock therapy clinical trial in LA for Jesus. (Remember that the last we saw on that topic was Lena bringing it up with Tess, and Tess offering to put in a call to that doctor, to get Jesus moved up the year-long waiting list.)

Tara: To me, seeing gluten free snacks on the shopping list just drives home that Moms still do not accept their son as he is now.

NO phones at dinner!

Chores:

Callie/Mariana - dinner prep

Jude - trash

Brandon/Jesus - dishes

If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart.

Tonia: I was encouraged to see that Jesus was included on the household chores with the other kids (because I was often left out of specific chores due to them taking me longer to complete.) I was mostly glad to get chores to do, because it allowed me to feel like part of the family.

But, Tara, I’m curious.

Did you have energy for household chores at this point? In your opinion, is it fair to expect Jesus to contribute to a household chore like this, given his current level of recovery?

Tara: Honestly, every brain injury is different. For me, I do not think I had much energy for anything beyond the basics at approximately 2 months out. I would hope that the others would understand and help out when needed, if (like the previous night) chores were too much for Jesus for whatever reason.

BRANDON & GABE - YARD:

[Brandon walks into the yard, trips over Gabe’s tool bag]

Brandon: You should be more careful with these! Someone could get hurt! Like Mason!

Gabe: Sorry. Listen. About the other night. I didn’t know you still had feelings for Cort.

Brandon: No. I don’t. It’s not that! It’s just...be more careful! Otherwise Mason’s gonna end up with a nail in his head like Jesus! It’s dangerous with all this shit lying around here!

Tonia: I mean...I actually feel like this is really realistic. That Brandon would bring up Jesus’s injury and the danger of the tools, after tripping over them himself. It just drives home the point, though, that Jesus is (again) being discussed, but he’s nowhere around.

Tara: Or... I don’t know... You could watch where you were going?

And Gabe did not shoot Jesus in the head with the nail gun. Equating Jesus with Mason is also not the best comparison to make, Brandon. Jesus chose to use the nail gun knowing the risks without supervision. He was not then and is not now a toddler. So, let’s just stop while we’re ahead, shall we?

THEMES WE NOTICED WITH REGARD TO STEWART:

Tonia: A theme I noticed with regard to the dementia/Alzheimer’s storyline with Stewart was respect. When he and Dana are at dinner with the family and he asks Jude to pass the asparagus (for the second time in a row) Jude says, “I already did, Grandpa. It’s right there.” Jude’s tone is respectful. He makes sure to point out where the asparagus is, to be sure Grandpa sees it.

(Contrast: Jude’s behavior when Jesus came home from the hospital. The patronizing “good job” he said, when Jesus drank from a glass.)

Later in the episode, Stewart buys the family a car, after hearing Mariana and Brandon argue over who could use the one all the kids share. Dana is upset and says they can’t afford it. Stewart says it’s okay, he has a big bonus coming at work. Dana tells him, “You’re retired, love.” She doesn’t hesitate, in this moment to tell him the full truth. We, the audience, also know, based on her tone and the words she chooses to use, that her love for her husband remains the same.

(Contrast: Dana’s reaction to hearing that Jesus “was only going to school because of that girl.” Grams thought that was “absurd.” This is a marked change, too, from the woman who lovingly told Jesus pre-TBI that “there are so many...ways to be smart,” and that he’s “going to figure out exactly what he’s good at.”)

After Lena finds out that her dad has been experiencing this change in his health, she goes out to speak with him. Asks if somebody came to pick up the car. He says, they have. Lena apologizes genuinely to him for the fact that they can’t keep it. Then they sit down together. Stewart shares with Lena that he regrets his reaction to her when she came out (”I still love you”) as it communicated that his love for her was conditional, which it wasn’t. He tells her he should have said he was very proud that she knew who she was and that he couldn’t wait to meet the person she wanted to spend her life with. Lena remembers how he always took time with her to watch cartoons before work, even if he was at risk of running late. She knew that was “their time” together and she thanked him “for being a really good dad.”

We see that Stewart has tremendous love for his family. He cares so much that he is righting mistakes he made decades ago with Lena. And we see that Lena’s love and respect for her dad remains intact, despite the fact that she has just learned of this new development with his health. She takes time to sit and talk to him about what matters. About good memories. About things he has done that she appreciates.

(Contrast: Almost every single interaction Lena has had with Jesus post-TBI. Including but not limited to: threatening Jesus with institutionalization, looking into shock treatment as a “cure” for his brain injury. Humiliating him when she realized he couldn’t read. Isolating him socially. Not allowing him to go to school and then manipulating him back into school by having him take a 3.5 hour long proficiency test with no preparation or accommodations, in hopes that his deficits would cause him to fail.)

Tara: A theme I noticed in regards to Stewart’s storyline was pity.

We see Stewart’s deficits painted as tragic and not an expected part of the aging process.

Moms go from wanting to take Stewart’s name off the title to leaving it on and agreeing to pay back interest they never owed, because they find out about Stewart. They feel bad for him and view him as less capable and less human.

Moms tell Dana she will need money “for care for him,” and that they want to help. Dana nods. This feeds the notion that disabled people are expensive burdens to be pitied, instead of human beings in our own right. Worthy of existence because of our humanness. Not because of what we can or cannot produce that society would value

It may seem odd that respect and pity can exist side by side, but this is often the case in a disabled existence. Respect can be present and strongly felt, and then in the next moment, it is replaced by pity because life is so hard for disabled folks.

Disabled life can be hard. So can nondisabled life.

Challenge the harmful notions that society and media perpetuate.

Thank you, as always, for reading.

For more: Fosters Recaps

#the fosters #ableism #jesus adams foster #tbi #brain injury #representation matters #5x07 #chasing waterfalls

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megdepetro · 6 years ago

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Find Your Tribe

We’ve all heard the catchphrases among Millennials and youth alike. “Girl Gang.” “Find your tribe.” “My squad.” “Crew love.” “Framily.” This idea that we all have people who are “our people.” The ones we do life with, experience the highs and lows with, hit the milestones with. I have been thinking a lot about belonging and “finding my tribe” lately. When we belong somewhere, are we tied to a place or to the people? Is it a geographical location or is it a group of people that define the feeling of being home? I’m going to say the thing that will probably frustrate you, but I believe it is both and neither.

By definition, a tribe is a social division in a traditional society consisting of families or communities linked by social, economic, religious, or blood ties, with a common culture and dialect, typically having a recognized leader. What immediately comes to mind when I hear the word tribe are people like the Zulu Tribe, the largest tribe in Africa, known for the numerous members and rich tradition. Or the Navajo Code Talkers, the Native American Tribe that created a code using their own language (fascinating story, Google it!) to help win World War II. In New York City, many of us have left behind our like-minded people; family, friends, and churches and found ourselves in this bustling hub of different cultures, mentalities, work ethics, belief systems and preferences. We have left our “tribe” and come to a place where having a backbone is essential and knowing who we are is a basic survival skill.

For me, in the three iterations of moving to New York that mark my 20′s and early 30′s, I have wrestled with what it looks like to find my tribe each time. The first time was in 2008 when I spent a summer studying acting. I found my thespian tribe, the people who were trying to make it in the biz but knew as little as i did. We shared the struggles (economic and social) of many other thespians (and there is Facebook evidence to prove it since clearly Facebook can never be deleted). The second time was when I moved here in 2009 and met some friends who also had moved to New York from Ohio (geographic) so we had many commonalities that bonded us. Not long after, I got saved and started regularly attending my church, where I met many like-minded people with similar experiences to me (religious, social). You could say that I had a few different tribes. Now, on my third iteration of moving back to New York, I find myself in a bit of a different situation. I have my friends from my many tribes, still here in this incredible city, yet, I don’t seem to really belong to any of them full stop. This actually led me to question what true community and belonging look like. So I decided to do some research...

Community is a major player in the Old Testament and the New Testament. The obvious origin of community is in Genesis when God created Eve as a partner for Adam. In Genesis 2:18, after God had created the earth and all that is in it, he felt that it was not good for Adam to be alone.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. (Genesis 2:18)

So community is actually God’s idea. He created a partner for Adam so that he wouldn’t be alone. If you want to get technical about it, the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) is actually the OG “community”, but that is a theological blog post for another time.

We continue to see community grow in the Old Testament by the establishment of the 12 tribes of Israel (there’s that word tribe again). The establishment of the Levite priests to carry the responsibility of looking after the ark of the Lord brings a specific purpose to certain communities, giving them a very specific responsibility. Another one of my favorite examples of community is in Ruth. Ruth knew that her community was with Naomi, even after her husband had died. This community led Ruth to the God of Israel, and ultimately the glorious future that God had for her as part of the lineage of Jesus.

But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.17 Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”18 When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. (Ruth 1:16-18)

That’s some community!

What I really want to focus on is the New Testament where we see a healthy example of what true community looks like through the eyes of Jesus. Jesus had a few kinds of community. He had his family, his 12 disciples, and his 3 most trusted confidantes. This is actually an excellent check to see how you are doing with your own community.

1. Family

I know that this can be a difficult area for some. We live in a time where coming from society’s definition of a broken home is actually very common. Let me encourage you, family does not always have to be blood relatives. Whether you were raised in a home with loving parents who are still married, loving parents who are divorced, single parent homes, foster care or adoptive parents, or you didn’t have kind and loving blood relatives, family are the people who loved you through the tough times. Our God is a God of reconciliation and restoration, so no matter your family situation currently, I believe that He is sovereign and desires for restoration in that area. In the mean time, identify those who are family to you; your spouse, your housemates, your aunts and uncles or grandparents, brothers, sisters, a mentor, a best friend. Let these people know you are grateful for them and be intentional in building that familial bond. It could be the first step to reconciliation and restoration of your family community.

2. The 12

I don’t think that we need to take this as literally 12 people, but think about the people who you have done life with through the years and still keep in contact with. Jesus had his 12 disciples who was able to make deposits into but they were also the people he dined with, rested with, went on mission with, traveled with, got angry with, called out, lovingly corrected. This example teaches us that this smaller group of people, the ones we experience the ups and downs of life with, are the friends who stand the test of time. Many times these people are our friends over many years and many miles of separation, but they are still “our people” because our walks of life have brought us together. In Mark, Jesus sends his disciples out in pairs to do the work of the Gospel, but they were still part of the 12.

And He summoned the twelve and began to send them out in pairs, and gave them authority over the unclean spirits (Mark 6:7)

The community of 12 was separated many times, but they were bound together in common cause, which brought them back to one another time and time again.

3. The 3

Jesus also gives us examples of his closes friends, his most trusted confidantes, Peter, James, and John. These 3 are the men who were with him in the darkest of hours, with whom he revealed his true nature and showed the most transparency. The transfiguration is mentioned in the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke and reveal just how much Jesus trusted these 3. He revealed to them his divinity.

After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. 2 There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. (Matthew 17:1-2)

This kind of transparency not only encouraged their faith in him, but bonded them together through a common understanding. Jesus showed his trust in them and they responded in kind. These three were with him to the end, even though they made mistakes. Peter turned his back on Jesus but made amends. John was there with Jesus at the Crucifixion and was entrusted with the care of Jesus’ mother. These three men walked through the fire with Jesus and were with him until the end.

-----

Community is something that takes effort and intentionality. We all have people in our lives who have shown us they love and care for us. I want to encourage you today to find those people. Know who your “12″ are and be intentional with them. Invest time and equity into those relationships. Yes, it will take effort. Yes, it will cost you something. Eventually, your closest confidantes will begin to stand out and you will find those you can truly be yourself with. Give it the time and attention it deserves, because truthfully, we were never meant to do life alone. If you are not sure how to begin, may I suggest your local church? I have made some of my best friends in the local church and have never looked back. It won’t be all sunshine and rainbows. There will be hurt, there will be forgiveness, there will be emotions and doubts and fears. But that is part of being human and learning to trust and forgive. It’s worth it, because let’s face it...we were actually born for this. Find your tribe, it’s your destiny.

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