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darcyfangirlsfrequently · 2 years ago

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The Words We Tend to Withhold (exactly the words someone needs to be told)

This was supposed the be a short little fic inspired by a conversation I had with @hey-dw. It ended up a lot longer than that.

Summary: Luke gets tired during a movie night, and almost falls asleep on Penelope's shoulders. Thinking he's asleep, Penelope says almost everything she has ever wanted to tell him.

Word count: 2423

Can also be read here on Ao3

After the arrest of Sicarius, things were… different between Luke and Penelope. They were still only just friends, but their friendship had changed. They had broken through some wall that had been between them, and there was an emotional intimacy that hadn't been there before. They loved it. They told each other everything (well, almost everything,) and spent a lot of their time off together.

Like that day, for example. They had decided to spend their rainy Saturday off at Penelope's apartment watching movies. He'd brought Roxy over in the morning, and they were making their way through what Penelope dubbed her "Rainy Day Movie Collection." It was full of feel-good, warm and fuzzy movies. Meaning a lot of fluffy rom-coms. Being cuddled with the friend he still harbored deep feelings for under fuzzy blankets all day and watching nothing but love stories, while doing wonders for Luke's soul, was playing tricks on his heart. The situation was so… domestic. It felt like relationships he'd been in in the past.

Around ten o'clock that night, Luke found himself getting extremely tired. Something about the atmosphere… he just felt warm. Safe. Lulled to rest. He swore he'd shut his eyes for just a moment, but as soon as they were closed he felt himself leaning to the side, head resting on Penelope's shoulder. He let out a deep breath and almost fell asleep right there and then. She was just so comfortable.

Penelope laughed lightly and whispered, “You tired?”

“Mhmm,” Luke replied, his eyes still firmly screwed shut.

“Well okay then.” Trying not to move too much, Penelope paused the movie, then reached up with the same arm he was resting on and started to run her fingers through his hair, nails barely scratching against his scalp, but in a soothing way. After a few minutes of that, he could swear he felt her turn incrementally and brush her lips against his forehead. But he was probably just halfway to dreamland and imagining things.

“Are you asleep?” Penelope whispered some time later.

Luke had been mostly asleep when she asked that question, but he woke up completely when she spoke. He’d always been a light sleeper. However, he didn’t answer her, because what was the best way to fall asleep other than pretending to be asleep?

“Okay, you are,” Penelope whispered again, placing a gentle kiss at his hairline.

He definitely hadn’t imagined that one.

He didn’t expect her to keep talking, but she did, her always smooth and light voice sounding even more peaceful as she whispered. “You’re a pretty great guy, Luke Alvez, you know that?”

His heart swelled at the compliment, but he still didn’t say anything.

“I know I don’t say that enough… no one does, actually. And I don’t say anything kind to you as often as you deserve. I’m really sorry about that. I don’t know why I'm saying all this to you while you’re asleep, but here goes I guess. I’ve treated you like garbage the entire time I’ve known you… and you’ve always forgiven me for it. I can’t even begin to say how sorry I am for all the mean things I said to you when you first joined the team and then the first few years after that… and when I lied and told you I couldn’t have a conversation with you unless I was dunking on you… or more recently when I was telling you about Tyler and you were begging me to stop but I didn’t. I never meant to hurt you but I know, looking back, I must have. And I am so, so sorry, Luke. I don’t know what I did to earn your forgiveness, but I’m glad I have it. I appreciate it more than you could ever know. I should definitely tell you all this when you’re awake, and I will! I promise. I think I just need to practice what I want to tell you.”

Luke was trying very hard to pretend like he was still asleep when she was baring her soul to him like that. And she had apologized for what she said on their failed date from three years before… which meant she’d been thinking about it. He thought he was the only one who did that. He wanted to sit up and tell Penelope that he forgave her because he knew that she never meant to hurt him, because when you love someone and they hurt you unintentionally you forgive them, and he loved her. But he didn’t move, didn’t say a thing. He didn’t want this to stop.

Besides, Penelope wasn’t finished talking. “You’re one of the kindest people I have ever met, despite everything I know you’ve been through, you still manage to be one of the most sweet, tender, genuine people around. I don’t think you know how beautiful that is. You are beautiful, Luke Alvez. Inside and out. You are probably the most wholly beautiful person I know, and I know a lot of beautiful people.”

She paused then to kiss his forehead again, and it was all he could do not to move his head and just kiss her. Kiss her and then tell her that she was the most beautiful person that he knew, inside and out, and that he adored her.

“God, I don’t know why I’m saying all this, you can’t even hear me. TL;DR, you’re amazing, I’m sorry for every terrible thing I have ever said or done to you, and I’m so glad to have you in my life.” With that, she kissed him on the forehead once more, gently got up from the couch and laid him down, and pulled a fuzzy pink blanket up to his chin.

She leaned down beside the couch then, so their faces were level. Her fingers deftly stroked through his short curls then down his face, her hand resting on his cheek. She stroked his cheek with her thumb a few times—taking in his beauty—before she kissed him on the forehead one final time before heading off to bed herself.

With a smile on his face, Luke was asleep within minutes.

Penelope, meanwhile, was wide awake, staring at her ceiling. She had no idea why she had said all those things, she just knew that once she started talking she couldn’t stop. But she had meant every word. Everything she had ever felt for Luke had come spilling out of the box in her heart she had crammed it into. Luke truly was amazing, through and through. He had broken down all of her defenses again and again, he had become the person she considered to be her best friend, her confidant. She loved the way their friendship had grown, and she loved him.

Wait. She loved him. She loved him. In any way… in every way. She. Loved. Him.

There was a time when she would have expected that realization to frighten her–a part of her still did expect that–but it didn't. It settled in her heart and warmed her soul. She loved him. She loved him. She loved him.

And he likely loved her back. Penelope wasn't blind… she'd seen the suspicious and teasing glances their other teammates–namely Tara and JJ–had given them, and above all, she'd seen the way Luke had looked at her. And the way he hadn't looked at other people. She realized then that, deep down, she had always known how Luke had felt about her. How could she not? He had made it so obvious. Gazing at her like she hung the stars in the sky, acting around her a way he didn't act around others, touching her more than he ever touched others.

She thought back to when he'd brushed her tears from her cheek a few weeks ago, about the tender way he had said her name, about the way he had held her. She had never felt so many butterflies–nor felt so safe in someone's arms. She had felt so cared about… so loved. Because she was. She knew that now.

So many things began to make sense as she thought back through his actions through the years… right back to the beginning. He'd led her to believe that Roxy was his girlfriend to what… make her jealous? It had worked.

They had been orbiting around each other for years, and she'd been combatting all his advances, not even realizing that that was what they were. God, she felt so stupid. And of course sweet, gentle, lovely Luke would never push her, never rush things, never fight her on the senseless boundaries she didn't want to place but felt compelled to. Of course.

Her head was swirling with all these thoughts until her mind was too tired to continue and she finally fell asleep.

Luke was the first to wake up the following morning, and when he went to the washroom he was pleased to see pink lipstick smudges on his forehead, a reminder that the night before had not been a dream, but a reality. As much as he didn't want to, he wiped the lipstick from his face, knowing Penelope might feel embarrassed if she knew she had been caught. Well, he was going to let her know she had been caught anyway, but he had a plan. He knew what he wanted to say.

He popped an allergy pill–he always had some on him now with how often he and Penelope were spending time together–and went about starting their morning routine. This was not the first time one of them had spent the night at the other's, they even had toiletries, clothes, and pajamas at each other's apartments. He fed Roxy and Sergio, started a pot of coffee, and then got working on making breakfast.

"Good morning, Sleepyhead," Luke greeted Penelope when she eventually got out of bed forty-five minutes later.

"Sleepyhead?" Penelope scoffed. "You're one to talk, you fell asleep on my shoulder last night.”

Luke smirked. "No, I didn't." He handed her her coffee.

"What? Yes, you did! I asked you if you were asleep and you didn't respond!"

Luke was still grinning as he took a sip of his coffee. "Fun fact about me, I'm really good at pretending to sleep, especially if I'm trying to sleep. And I'm a really light sleeper, so if someone says something to me, I'm going to stay awake. Especially if they keep talking."

Penelope's eyes went wide as she realized what Luke was telling her. "Oh. So you heard everything that I said?"

Luke nodded.

Penelope blushed. “Oh. Okay. Well, I mean, it’s not like I said anything embarrassing or anything I didn’t mean.”

He smiled at her easy admission of the previous night’s events. “You know, I’ve gotten a lot of compliments throughout my life, I can’t say that beautiful has ever been one of them.”

“Well, you are,” Penelope shyly insisted.

Luke gazed at her softly and took her hand in his. “So are you.”

Her face went bright tomato red and she looked away for a moment to compose herself. When she looked back at him, she said, “And I am really sorry—”

Luke cut her off. “I forgive you. I know you didn’t intend to hurt me, that’s why I forgive you.”

Penelope smiled widely at him. “You really are a great guy, Luke Alvez.”

“And you really are a great woman, Penelope Garcia.”

He leaned in then to give her a hug, pressing a kiss to her cheek right at the corner of her mouth.

Penelope decided that in that moment she would take a leap of courage. She shifted her head ever so slightly to the side so that instead of his lips being pressed against her cheek, they were pressed against her lips.

Terrified of this being a mistake, of it being too much, Luke pulled away as soon as he realized what was happening. He stared at Penelope, eyes wide with shock and scanning her face for some sign of how she was feeling. She smiled at him gently, but still somewhat apprehensively, like she wasn’t sure how he would react. He realized then that it had been intentional. She had wanted to kiss him. So he gave her what he wanted. He kissed her again. This time he wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her to him, and cradled her face with the other hand.

When he finally pulled away, slightly breathless and panting, he rested his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed. “I love you, Penelope,” he whispered.

Penelope’s nails scratched lightly at the back of his neck where his hair ended. “How long?” She was sure she knew… but she wanted to be certain. Wanted to hear him say it.

“Since the start.”

“Me too. As much as I tried to deny it or fight it… me too.”

Luke smirked, pulling away to look at her, thumb stroking her cheek. “I know.”

Penelope laughed, but then her breath hitched as Luke’s hand began to move.

The hand that had been stroking her cheek slowly slid down her face and along her jaw until he had taken her chin between his thumb and forefinger before pulling her in for another kiss.

God, he loved that he was able to do that.

***

As soon as it was something he was able to do, kissing Penelope quickly became Luke’s favorite thing. He would do it as often as he could. Not that Penelope minded, of course. After all, kissing Luke quickly became her favorite thing too.

They had decided not to tell the team right away, just take the time to simply be together privately. It was the best decision they could have made, since it allowed them to start their relationship completely free from external interference.

However, their plan to keep things on the down low only lasted a couple of weeks.

The team was out for drinks, and Luke happened to be getting the next round. “Here you go,” he said, placing Penelope’s drink down in front of her.

Penelope smiled at him and leaned up to give him a kiss. “Thank you!”

Tara choked on her drink. “Okay, I know I haven’t had enough to drink to be hallucinating, so I’m guessing you two had just enough to drink to forget that we didn’t know about that?”

Penelope and Luke looked at each other sheepishly. “Um. Yeah. I think so.”

#Garvez #Garvez fanfiction #Luke Alvez #Penelope Garcia #Roxy the dog #Sergio the cat #Tara Lewis #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds reboot #Criminal Minds Evolution #CME spoilers #Criminal Minds fanfiction

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