#Riley Morlind

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Introducing contestant number one…

✨LENA LEMON✨

by @bunbeeplays

Keen baker Lena has lived most of her life in the shadow of her famous cousin, but now she's ready to forge her own path, and fully explore her own Zest for life!

Introducing contestant number two…

✨EBELE UDO✨

by @itsOBiGem

Aging out of the modelling world, Ebele has decided it's time to find true love! Going against her parents' wishes, she's looking for a guy who can make her laugh, rather than make her rich.

Introducing contestant number three…

✨PENELOPE HART✨

by @ginovasims

Farm-girl Penelope has a fulfilling teaching career, but all those kids have made her want a family of her own. Pen admits she's never been in love before - could Johnny break the spell?

Introducing contestant number four…

✨HAVEN EDGE✨

by @MogSimmer

Romance-obsessed Haven has been researching this role for a long time, watching almost every dating show in existence! She also writes romance novels - but will Johnny be her happy ending?

Introducing contestant number five…

✨AUBREY RICHARDS✨

by @edawghizzle

Aubrey is serious about her activism work, SO serious in fact, that her friends had to force her to apply for the competition! Will Johnny remind her of the importance of love?

Introducing contestant number six…

✨KITTY SPICE✨

by @tedsies

Bottle-blonde Kitty has a lifelong fascination with the Landgraab matriarch, and leapt at the chance to potentially join the famous family. Hopefully Johnny won't mind her Nancy-esque look!

Introducing contestant number seven…

✨LYDIA GARDEN✨

by @nek0rina

They don't come much more wholesome than this! A green-thumbed nature lover whose whole life has been spent on her family farm, Lydia's now hoping to sow the seeds of love in Johnny's field.

Introducing contestant number eight…

✨RILEY MORLIND✨

by @surely-sims

Wannabe-vet Riley lost her glasses on the way to the auditions, and suddenly became much prettier and also partially blind… but this gullible girl-next-door is still looking for love!

Introducing contestant number nine…

✨MARGO ALVAREZ✨

by @iloooon_sims

Foodie Margo knows how to whip up a good meal, and how to whip her hair in the club! She's a 50/50 mix of family and fun, plus some clumsiness… will she trip and fall for Johnny?

Introducing contestant number ten…

✨MEGHAN MOON✨

by @tiptoesims

Erratic toaster-lover Meghan may have more than 99 issues, and not having a man is one of them! Hence she's here to win Johnny's heart with her vast collection of hats and enigmatic charm!

Introducing contestant number eleven…

✨DAHLIA HYDE✨

by @SimmerBrooklyn

Dahlia is used to getting what she wants, when she wants - and that includes Johnny! This anti-girl's-girl is sure to ruffle some feathers… but will Johnny and her be lovebirds?

Introducing contestant number twelve…

✨ALIYAH CARINA✨

by @SimGirl_T

Aliyah hopes this will be a fun experience before she starts her law career, but perhaps she's more serious about Johnny than she lets on… after all, she's brought along a denim bra!

Introducing contestant number thirteen…

✨MÍA PALAK✨

by @loonaserena

Mía's not sure what to do since graduating from university, but this easygoing gal is open to exploring all sorts of paths - will Johnny want to join her on her next big adventure?

Introducing contestant fourteen…

✨LETITIA 'TITS' MCGHEE✨

by @ice-creamforbreakfast

After refusing to take part in a 100-baby challenge, genius Tits decided to take control and find a guy to fulfil her many needs. Is Johnny the man to keep her love tank full?

Introducing contestant fifteen…

✨LIZ SONG✨

by @whimsyalien

Prince Charming was taking too long to find romance novel fan Liz, so she decided to take her fairytale fate into her own hands and find him herself! Will her happily ever after be with Johnny?

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Ebele joined Aubrey in the flirtathon with Johnny (as was their plan), and he was beyond pleased with himself as a result.

"I gotta say, I feel like QUITE the Don Lothario right now! And I'm talking Pleasantview-era Don!"

But what goes up… must droop down!

Kitty had had enough of Johnny flirting unashamedly with Aubrey and Ebele - especially after their tender moment earlier. She storms up to the amorous trio and shows Johnny JUST what she thinks of all this malarkey!

Pow! Right in the kisser!

"Johnny thinks he can callously parade his other women in front of me like this? No, sir! Kitty's no fool - I understand the game, but he needs to know that I will not be treated this way. Not now, and certainly not in our future as mother and so- I mean… husband and wife."

The rest of the contestants looked on in shock, as they witnessed their first physical altercation of the season 🥳

“I didn't know whether I should call the police or an ambulance! They probably heard that slap back home in Henford!"

"I'm just relieved I'm not the first to be physically assaulted - it was looking pretty likely earlier today!"

"OK guys - be honest with me - is it wrong that I was kinda into being slapped by Kitty? Oooh, I've been a baaaad wittle boy…”

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Thank you for tuning in to episode three of #JohnnyWantsAWife!

Dahlia will be missed, but that dramatic exit was one for the history books!

Until next time… 💘

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“This has been a difficult decision to make, but I’ve come to a conclusion. After a lot of thought, I have decided, the person I’m sending home today is…”

“WAIT!!!!!”

“I know it’s going to be me! I know soiling myself is the biggest crime, worse than violence and rudeness and meanness, so I’ll save you the trouble! Because this is all nonsense - and you, Johnny Zest, you are a pathetic little man who doesn’t even know what he wants!”

“Think about it, Johnny - think about the women you’ve sent home, and compare them to the ones you have left (not you, Meghan) - ones that fight and talk trash, and even slap YOU! And you’re happy with yourself? You’re pleased with your decisions so far? REALLY?”

“This show is supposedly Johnny Wants a WIFE - not Johnny Wants a Half-Rate Handjob Behind A Dumpster!”

“Dahlia, wait, I…”

“Put a sock in it, Zesty. I’m outta here! Good luck with finding that ‘wife’ you speak of!”

And with that, Dahlia storms off the Beach of Destiny - eliminating herself from the competition! Now that’s a first!

Johnny, Meghan and Kitty look on in shock… nobody saw this coming! Not even me, your host, Matt Rimony!

“I’ve had enough of all this BLEEP! Johnny wants to keep Kitty and Tits around while getting rid of people like Aliyah, Haven, Margo and ME?? He’s not the man for me - and I am CERTAINLY not the woman for him!”

“Did aliens take over Dahlia’s body?? Because all of that looked very familiar to me… anyway, I’m just glad I get to stay in this realm for a while longer!”

“Well this Kitty sure got the cream! Some extra time with Johnny on the beach, being privy to a dramatic pop culture reality TV moment, AND not being eliminated? I’m going to bed VERY happy tonight.”

“Well, I was going to send Meghan home, but that makes me think - was Dahlia right? Have I been prioritising the wrong things? I need to get serious, because I do want true love, not just another crazy sexy fling. Have I been going about this all wrong?”

“What a night of twists and turns! Another broken heart here at the Johnny Wants a Wife mansion, but I’m not sure it’s Dahlia’s! Goodbye, Dahlia, and thank you @SimmerBrooklyn for creating this iconic diva!

We’ll see you next time on #JWAW! This is Matt Rimony, signing off!”

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It’s time to wrap this up!

We are back on the Beach of Destiny, with me, Matt Rimony, for the next #JWAW elimination!

Let’s speak to Johnny and find out how he’s feeling about today’s chaotic comedy caper…

“Well, Johnny, that was quite an eventful evening!”

“It sure was, Matt. There were some great jokes, some lame jokes, some violence… and some kisses! I’m just glad I got the kisses this time, rather than the violence.”

“Come on, make you ol’ friend Matt happy and tell me… who are your bottom three ladies tonight?”

“It was another tough one, Matt, but I have decided my bottom three tonight are… Kitty, Meghan, and Dahlia.”

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Through her tears, Tits tries to tell Johnny how she's feeling, but he doesn't understand a word she says, so sits down beside her and asks her again.

Tits explains she's feeling isolated in the competition, and Johnny offers some reassurance - he'll always be here for her!

"I'm terrible when people get emotional - especially when it's someone like Tits. She was really… undulating! What else was I supposed to say? I just wanted her to stop crying and leave so I could get Ebele back in there with me!”

Upon hearing Johnny's reassuring words, Tits quickly snaps out of her funk and thanks Johnny for his help.

In fact, she has a very special 'thank you' gift in mind… and she delivers it with gusto!

Yes, we have our second #JWAW snog! 💋

"How does it feel to have the fist kiss on Johnny Wants a Wife? Darling, as if there was ever any doubt I'd be the first! He's a pretty good kisser for a comedian, nice to know those lips can do more than just tell awful jokes.”

"Look - a good kiss is a good kiss, and that was a good kiss! Tits is a character, but there is some intense chemistry between us. Not that Ebele and I don't have a strong connection, that was also a good kiss. But oh boy, do I feel like a real lucky fella tonight!”

If you thought that kiss was the final shock of the night - you'd be wrong!

Dahlia seems to have had one too many Champs Les Sims Distillery™️ drinks, and had a bit of an accident, horrifying the other contestants.

"Wait, what do you mean you're not editing that out??”

Dahlia adds insult to injury, and urine to shoes, and stomps all over her mess, just as Johnny reenters. Yeesh! As they say, comedy is all about timing, and Dahlia's was piss-poor.

Tune in to #JohnnyWantsAWife (maybe) tomorrow for another tense elimination!

Ciao, lovers! 😘

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With the mood decidedly more mellow, Ebele gets up on stage and begins to sing!

"I've got a good voice, and I was the only one who didn't get a chance at the open mic! I wasn't going to let some catfighting lunatics rob me of a chance to show Johnny why I'm special.”

Johnny is soon drawn to Ebele's siren-like performance, and watches her in absolute awe. What a voice! What a presence!

"This woman is really someone special… I hope I'm not getting too ahead of myself, but after hearing her sing, I think I fell a little bit in love…"

But of course, not everyone is a fan.

"What an attention-seeker! I don't like that kind of behaviour at all.”

Ebele finishes her song, and after how moved he was by her voice, Johnny can't help but give her a hug.

Tits witnesses this display of genuine emotion with vitriol, and takes herself off into the dressing room where she tries really, really hard to make herself look sympathetic.

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"That was not good. In any way. She should never do any of that ever again. I hope Johnny isn't too upset by what she said - I'm sure there wasn't any truth in any of it! Johnny seems very… well-formed…?”

"DAMN! This bitch is totes crazy! I thought she was just a bitch, but she's a CERTIFIED CRAZY BITCH! Now we know why her boobs are so big - they're full of CRAZY!”

"That was a humiliating experience for me, and I imagine all of the women, including Tits. By the way - what she said wasn't true! None of it! Women usually fancy me LESS after they see me perform… and as for the ahem size thing… he’s used to applause, not laughter."

While Tits grabs another refreshing Champs Les Sims Distillery™️ drink, Dahlia takes to the stage…

"Firstly I'd like to give a big thank you to our friend Tits. Yes, I bought a couple of watermelons at the market earlier, and she's been carrying them around for me all night!"

"Now THAT's comedy!"

"I didn't care for Dahlia's so-called 'jokes'. There's nothing funny about being needlessly mean."

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"Are these butterflies in my stomach or did I just eat some dodgy Goopy Carbonara for lunch?"

Our ladies are fired up to see Johnny on stage, especially Meghan…

"I wore the right hat! I can understand human jokes… I mean, normal jokes… much better when I wear this."

Johnny is in his element, and performs his routine for the ladies…

"… and I said, hey, that's not a freshly plowed field - that's my second dining room! Thank you, thank you, you've been a great audience - I wish I could marry you all! But that's a different kind of show…"

Our funny Valentino Johnny is bowled over by the ladies' positive reaction, who are definitely a totally objective audience… but now it's surprise time!

"You liked that, huh? Well, how about you give it a go? I'd like to welcome you all to the stage! It's open-mic night!”

The first brave volunteer is Penelope, who plays it safe with a family quip.

"Umm… oh, here's a joke my dad always used to tell me… How does the sun say hello? SOL-SOL!”

Next up… Mía, who decides to go with a classic - poking fun at a parent!

"But seriously, my mum wears so much makeup, she thought the Sad Clown painting was a mirror! She saw it and said 'hey, Mía, why didn't you tell me I forgot to put on lipstick?'"

Aubrey takes to the stage next, and uses her own experience as an activist to lobby for laughs!

"So we've all heard of 'pick-me' girls, right? Well, I'm more of a 'picket-me' girl! You wanna date me? Make signs! Think of some chants! Start a petition! I want to see action!"

"OK soAHAHAHAHAH sorry… OK, HAHAHA no wait, wait, waitHAHAHAHAHAHA OK so first of all HAHAHAHAHA no, no, no, wait - wait, no HAHAHA no it's really good! No it's really funny I just have toHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…"

Well, Riley, the important thing is that you tried!

Up next is Liz, who is about as confident on stage as her appearance would suggest.

"I don't… um… know many jokes but… um… sorry… I did hear one about a parrot in a bathtub but… I forget how it goes.”

Next on stage is Lena, who surprises everyone with her confidence!

"Last summer I visited the Spice Festival and I tried a Bubble Blower for the first time… wow, that was a trip! I ate a whole chocolate cake! Although, that was before I even left for the festival…"

"Well now, maybe I should watch my back, some of you are funnier than me! How about we take five and grab a delicious cocktail generously provided by Champs Les Sims Distillery™️?"

The ladies are hooked on the divine Champs Les Sims Distillery™️ drinks - all buzz, no fuss! 🍹

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And we're back! 💕

It's now time for me - Matt Rimony, your fabulous host - to sit down with Johnny and discuss his big date at the beach… and find out who he has chosen as his unlucky three, and who will be the unluckiest lady of all…

"Johnny, good to see you looking so fresh after a gruelling day. How did you find it?"

"Honestly, Matt, it was tough! I was shocked, confused, aggravated, and slapped! But some of those things bothered me more than others…”

"Sounds like our lovely ladies really put you through it today! Does that make this next decision easier or even more difficult? Who have you chosen as your bottom three?"

"It wasn't easy at all, Matt. My bottom three tonight are… Margo, Tits, and Lena.”

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In Kitty's wake, Lena takes it upon herself to tell Johnny how she feels. She's found her voice now, and she's only slightly afraid to use it!

While she doesn't agree with violence, she understands Kitty's issue, and feels saddened herself.

Johnny is mortified to have hurt her!

"I thought Johnny and I shared something special earlier today… maybe I was wrong, maybe I wasn't, but now I'm doubting whether I'm strong enough for this competition."

With Johnny in a thoroughly awkward position, let's end the date here!

It's been a day of ups and downs, but for Johnny the toughest decision awaits…

Tune in to #JohnnyWantsAWife tomorrow for the nail-biting elimination!

Aloha, lovers! 😘

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Ebele rushes to tell her #JWAW BFF, Aubrey, about the shocking scene she just stumbled upon.

Aubrey is unexpectedly excited by this information!

"So the game has truly begun, huh? Maybe it's time we stopped playing so nice, and started playing to win…"

"The fact is, I'm a strong contender, and I actually like Johnny more than I thought I would. Whenever I do anything, I aim to win, and if I get Johnny as a husband to boot? Well, there are worse prizes - and I should know, because I've won them all."

Aubrey sidles up to Johnny around the fire pit, her objective firmer than Johnny's abs. Quite substantially firmer, actually.

Their eyes meet and Aubrey is confident Johnny can be hers, at least for tonight. All it should take is a a few flirty words… 😉

Before too long, Aubrey and Johnny have their arms around each other and are lost in their own little world!

Unfortunately, their own little world exists right where the real world can look upon them with ease, and some people are not particularly happy with what they see 😬

While most were enjoying the fun, or at least partaking in the warmth of the fire pit, one of our ladies just wasn't getting into the groove.

Margo! Get up on your feet! Step to the beat! Didn't you know you can dance for inspiration?! 💃🏻

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Kitty found Johnny recovering from singeing a couple of his chest hairs, and knew this was her moment.

She told him how much she loved watching him perform, and how brave and talented he is! A comedian and a dancer? His mother must be proud 😉

Johnny loved all this fuss 💕

They share a hug as the sun sets, and Johnny tells Kitty how much her words mean to him.

"Maybe Kitty's resemblance to my mother is what really made her compliments feel good, but she's also really hot, so I continue to be very confused, if very much attracted to her."

Kitty also enjoys their hug, and has victory on her mind.

"Oh, I've got this boy wrapped around mama's little finger! I can practically taste the trophy! And it tastes like MONEY! …and also kind of salty.”

As Johnny and Kitty separate from their embrace, Ebele walks past at just the right moment to set off alarm bells.

"Kitty? Really? Oh, Johnny… I can't say I'm surprised, but I can say I'm disappointed. Are you basic after all?"

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"I knew exactly what Liz was about to tell Johnny, and I was happy she was doing it! I was proud of her! We were all disturbed by what had happened… it just wouldn't be right for Johnny to go on without knowing the truth!"

“I really hope I'm doing the right thing by telling Johnny about what was said… this probably won't come back to haunt me further down the line… right?"

Liz spills the beans!

"After the elimination last night, a few of us were talking, and Letitia said she thinks you're only doing this for the fame, not true love, but that she didn't mind, because she's only here for fame too!'

Johnny was shocked! But was it true…?

🫣UNSEEN FOOTAGE🫣

"I'm not surprised Johnny found it so easy to send all three of those girls home - he's here for fame, not love! And honestly? So am I."

//

"We have to tell Johnny what she said! She has no right to be here when the rest of us are truly looking for love!"

"What Liz told me really made me sad. Well, it did once I realised who Letitia was. I felt such a strong connection last night between me and Tits - was I wrong about her? Was I wrong to do this whole show? I've been misled by curvy women in the past… I needed time to think."

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Thanks for watching the first episode of #JohnnyWantsAWife!

Aliyah, Haven and Lydia will be missed - but there are still plenty more fascinating ladies for Johnny to choose from! Until next time… 💘

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Out on the deck, Johnny meets a shy Lena. He decides to open with a flirty line, cheekily asking if she'd like a sip of a zesty drink. Lena, feeling giggly and a little starstruck, just stares back at him.

Johnny thinks she’s a little odd, but also funny and cute 😊

Johnny continues to meet and greet, coming next to Margo, who loves his penguin joke (Which bird always gets first place? A PENG-WIN!) before he is soon distracted by the kittenlike cuteness of Riley. Disappointed Margo leaves them to it, and Johnny kills with a great llama joke.

"I'll admit it, I got overexcited there - all these beautiful women make it hard for me to focus! But I was a real poop to Margo… I'll have to make it up to her. Luckily I've got a load more penguin jokes up my sleeve."

Moving on from Riley, Johnny is instantly drawn to the captivating Ebele, who lures him in with her supermodel cheekbones and close vicinity to the bar.

Johnny is in awe of her beauty, confidence, beauty, and also - her beauty!

"I've never been a big fan of comedians - aren't funny guys usually kind of ugly? But this Johnny… he's got something about him. And marrying him would really annoy my parents, which is an added bonus."

"Wow, Ebele, she is something special! Those eyes, those lips, that skin, that hair, that body… it's hard to believe she's CC-free!"