#Right now these two have a healthier relationship than the main couple

[thatmexisaurusrex]

Okay, so I had posted the idea of a D.E.B.S. AU with HenRen as the main characters and BuckTommy as the side couple, and I sort of wrote it? Idk if I'll put this up on AO3. I'm not sure if anyone but me wanted this. But, enjoy! 🥰

NOW YOU CAN READ IT ON AO3 TOO!

There is a secret test hidden within the SAT. This test does not measure a student’s aptitude at reading, writing, and arithmetic. It measures a student’s innate ability to lie, cheat, fight, and kill. Those who score well are recruited into a secret paramilitary academy. Some call them seductresses. Some call them spies. Fools call them innocent. They call themselves, D.E.B.S.

*****

“Attention! Emergency Alert!” blasted the voice of Chief Simpson as Hen Wilson, valedictorian of the prestigious, the infamous, the secretive D.E.B.S. program practically – okay, so maybe she fell out of her bed, “That means report right now! Right this second! You have no time to sleep, people! Go, go, go! And I mean now!”

Hen wouldn’t say that this was usually how she liked to wake up. However, she had become accustomed to the routine over her three years in the program.

“The world might be destroyed while you nap! I need you guys up! Let’s go! I want everybody up!”

It was almost background noise as her muscle memory got her into her uniform and began to pack her bags before she could even realize what she was doing. In the distance, Hen could vaguely hear a phone ringing, but that wasn’t her problem, probably.

She needed to prep for the day.

“Move it, move it! Everybody in the house!”

“Hen, it’s for you,” said Buck as he handed her the phone.

“What?” said Hen as she looked down at the screen to see her most recent ex, Eva Mathis, on the other end, “Eva? No. No! I’m not – I’m not talking about this anymore.”

Hen ended the call on their home phone, continuing to prepare for the day.

Hen had broken up with Eva. It had been a long time coming. Something wasn’t it. They didn’t mesh. Maybe at first, things were exciting and passionate, but there was something missing there.

Something joyful.

And Hen wasn’t sure if she could stay in a relationship that fell into turbulence way more often than it was solid. Hen couldn’t live like that anymore. She wanted something, well. Not easy. But she wanted someone who didn’t feel like oil and water. Someone who wanted more than this constant cycle of fighting then makeup sex.

Hen grabbed her backpack – only for Eva to call on Hen’s cell.

Hen picked up.

“Eva, seriously, it’s not a good time,” said Hen as she heard Simpson counting down from ten on the house speakers.

Hen ended the call on her cellphone as she slung her backpack over her shoulder… only for Eva to Facetime. Again. On Hen’s iPad of all things!

“When? When is a good time?” asked Eva desperately.

And Hen knew these were the signs. Of Eva getting Hen to let her crawl back to Hen. But Hen was finally breaking the cycle. She was saying no to this relationship. She had told Chimney she wasn’t going to do this anymore. She had told herself. She was finally going to strive for something else.

A healthier relationship.

“Stop calling,” said Hen as she ended the call once more.

“Hen!” yelled Buck from probably the foyer of the house Hen shared with three other D.E.B.S. – Buck, Eddie, and Chimney.

Shit.

Hen was probably the last ready. Being the best in her year didn’t mean she was the most punctual, unfortunately.

“I’m coming!” yelled Hen as – as her smart watch began ringing.

“After everything we’ve been through?” asked Eva, crying all the crocodile tears in the world as she lashed out, “I guess nobody’s good enough for Little Miss Perfect Score.”

“Goodbye, Eva,” said Hen as she ended the call on her phone and ran down the stairs.

“Three… two… one!” called Simpson over the speakers of Hen’s home just as she and the other agents made it out of their house.

They hopped into their car as Eddie got into the driver’s seat.

“We’re going to be late,” said Chimney.

“No, we’re not. I’ve got this,” said Eddie, the Chevelle speeding almost at mock speed.

Hen quickly put her seatbelt on as Eddie swerved through traffic; a school bus honking as they cut in front of them; people yelling as Eddie snaked through lanes and barely made lights.

This.

Felt like the right time to announce her new singlehood, right?

Why not?

“I broke up with Eva!” yelled Hen into the sounds of very angry traffic.

“What?” asked Buck from the back.

“I broke up with Eva!” yelled Hen even louder.

“Oh my god, why?” asked Eddie, who sounded more curious than brokenhearted by the news.

Maybe because it had taken so long for Hen to reach her last straw.

“She’s just – she’s not good for me. I want something more in life, you know?” said Hen as Eddie made a sharp right turn, barreling toward their campus, “Someone better.”

“Good,” said Chimney, “She was an ass.”

“Yeah, she kind of was,” agreed Buck.

“I just wasn’t in love with her,” said Hen, “I finally realized I wasn’t in love with her.”

“What?” called Buck from the back.

Eddie parked, all noise seeming to abruptly stop as Hen loudly pronounced, “I said, I want to be in love!”

And.

The whole campus was staring at her now.

Great.

They all got out of the Chevelle, making their way into the academy that they had come to know for the last three years.

D.E.B.S. Academy.

“Hen,” called Chief Simpson, gesturing for Hen and her fellow housemates to come over and into his office.

Chief Simpson had long since put up his grappling hook and night vision goggles, focusing on teaching the next generation of spies at the Academy, though, there were rumors that he had taken the job to accrue influence amongst the up-and-coming spies of tomorrow.

“We have a special guest with us,” said Chief Simpson as, via hologram, a woman known only as Councilwoman Ortiz appeared before them.

The name was merely a moniker. Councilwoman Ortiz had worn many a name as an undercover operative. She was supposedly one of the best of the best in terms of alumni from the Academy, But something felt – off about her. She seemed colder than Hen thought she would be. A little detached. Hen wondered if that was what all spies became, in the end.

Empty.

Do you want to be a spy?

The question whispered in the back of Hen’s mind once again. An unending question that seemed to loop. It used to be such a tiny voice, but it had grown louder by the year, by the month, by the day now.

Was this what Hen wanted?

Did Hen want to live in subterfuge for the rest of her life? Turn out like Ortiz?

“Councilwoman Ortiz,” said Hen, straightening up.

“She never comes down here,” said Buck excitedly.

“Agents,” said Ortiz.

“I just want to say what a pleasure it is to meet you,” said Chimney before Ortiz cut him off with the raising of her hand.

“No time for pleasantries,” said Ortiz as she turned her attention to Simpson, “A matter of some urgency has come to my attention. Karen Mars is back in the States.”

“Dios,” whispered Eddie, “Wait. Who?”

“Oh, shit,” said Buck.

“You’re kidding,” said Hen excitedly, “I’m writing my thesis on her!”

She really was. She was writing her term paper for her “Capes and Capers: Gender Reconstruction and the Criminal Mastermind” class on one Karen Mars. It was a hard topic to cover. There was only anecdotal evidence on Karen. No one had ever actually spoken to Karen and lived to tell the tale supposedly, but Hen was enraptured.

Transfixed.

So much so that she found herself losing nights in the sparse accounts on Karen Mars.

Technically, Hen’s thesis was on the hypothesis that as a woman operating in a male-dominated field, Karen felt the need to overcompensate by being exponentially bolder and more diabolical in her schemes than her established male counterparts, but the more Hen researched the woman, well, the less she felt like Hen had grounds to stand by that hypothesis.

There was something about Karen Mars.

And.

Hen had.

Okay, well, maybe Hen had a bit of a crush on Karen Mars.

Who wouldn’t? Karen Mars was a genius. She was one of the smartest, best villains out there. She was running circles around everyone, no matter what side.

Ortiz raised an eyebrow at Hen, as if… suspicious of Hen’s enthusiasm.

That didn’t feel particularly great.

“I expect to be kept in the loop on this one,” said Ortiz, looking straight at Hen.

Hen flinched.

“Let’s show some hustle,” continued Ortiz with a strained smile that didn’t reach her eyes before she allowed her hologram to dissipate.

“Wow,” said Chimney, not sounding all that impressed by Ortiz.

“I can’t believe she’s back,” said Hen, stunned.

“Who’s Karen Mars?” asked Eddie, a little out of the loop.

“Karen Mars,” said Buck dramatically, and okay, a little excitedly as Chief Simpson pulled out the stats on Karen Mars on his big screen, “Little is known about her backstory other than, after the dust settled in the decade-long feud between the Reynold Crime Syndicate and the Schaffers, it was Karen Mars who was there to collect the keys of the kingdom in the power vacuum. While connected to many illegal activities, her specialty is meteor theft. Space rocks, whether they fell from the sky or were brought back from the moon or – ”

“Mars,” said Hen with a smile.

“Yup! Mars!” said Buck, nodding his head vigorously.

“But isn’t she protected by, like, a loyal band of mercenaries,” Chimney pointed out, “Led by, uh. I think his name’s Tommy?”

“Tommy?” said Buck, as he stared at the photos displayed of the man and… was Hen seeing things?

Was Buck checking Tommy’s photos out?

“… Buck?” asked Hen, bringing Buck back to the conversation.

“Right! It is believed Karen Mars was behind the plot to sink Australia. Three attempts have been made to apprehend her. All failed,” said Buck, and he sounded more fascinated by Karen, maybe even impressed, than anything else, “She went underground and has not been seen or heard from since."

"Yikes,” said Eddie.

“That’s not even the bad part,” said Hen, knowing all this information already.

“What’s the bad part?” asked Eddie.

“No one has fought her and lived to tell about it,” said Buck, and it sounded like the conclusion of a ghost story.

“So, why do you think she’s back in town?” asked Chimney as he glanced between the group and Hen.

And.

Okay.

She could see it. Chimney gauging how Hen was feeling about this discussion. Which was ridiculous. Just because Hen was a little obsessed with the supervillain didn’t mean she was – she was going to be jealous about Karen visiting someone else in town.

Or.

That she wanted to be that person Karen was visiting or anything.

Not that.

Not that Hen would be against that. For. Uh. For thesis purposes, of course.

“Our intel suggests that she’s in town to meet this woman. Lucy Donato,” said Chief Simpson as he pulled up the criminal record of one Lucy Donato, “Master thief. Alleged ‘heart stealer’, if the dating profile she has up is factual. Freelance pilot for the worst of the worst.”

Hen.

Okay, there wasn’t really much Hen could say about Lucy Donato. She seemed cool. And she flew planes. And she stole hearts. And she had a great smile.

Hen could have a great smile too.

Scratch that, Hen did have a great smile. A fantastic smile.

Hen wasn’t annoyed that Karen was meeting up with Lucy.

“Find out what Lucy is up to. Strictly surveillance,” announced Chief Simpson, finally giving the four of them their mission, “Do not try to apprehend her yourselves. Hen, you’re in charge. Chimney, you’re second. And, D.E.B.S., be careful.”

And just like that, Chief Simpson disappeared; a hologram himself.

Hen found herself staring at the photos of Lucy Donato and Karen Mars up on the screen.

“What does a recluse criminal want with a freelance pilot?” asked Hen, the entire situation rubbing her the wrong way.

*****

Karen Mars stared at the information on Lucy Donato.

She seemed… nice enough.

Winning smile.

Great personality from the looks of it.

Criminal record as long as the Eiffel Tower.

Lucy Donato made sense for Karen. Lucy Donato wasn’t necessarily a bad idea for a first date in a long while, as far as dates went.

But it wasn’t as if Karen had asked to go on this date.

Tommy Kinard, the guy who got Karen this date in the first place, wandered over behind Karen, staring at the screen too.

“You’re scheduled meet, 2000 hours,” said Tommy helpfully, “Melton tipped us. Said she was available. She’s in from Prague. Relocating stateside.”

“A freelance pilot?” asked Karen, a little confused.

Tommy shrugged.

“I know a lot of pilots,” said Tommy, and Karen laughed.

Tommy Kinard was a wall of muscle, deadpan humor to make the gallows question themselves, and all teddy bear once Karen got to know him. She had picked him up after the army had spat him out whole just like the space program did to Karen due to Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and they had been best friends ever since.

Not that Karen had been asking her best friend to set her up on a blind date.

Karen sighed.

“Where’s the meet?” asked Karen.

“Les Deux Amours,” said Tommy, and Karen could hear the sparkles and rom-com in his tone, “Trendy, yet discreet.”

The man loved a good romance novel and it showed sometimes.

And Karen was staring that down right now.

Staring at this woman.

Who could possibly be her next girlfriend if Karen really wanted that.

And.

And.

And, Karen really did have better things to do. She shouldn’t be wasting her time on dates.

“Cancel it,” said Karen as she stood up and strode away.

“Why?” asked Tommy as he walked quickly to catch up with Karen, “It’s all set up.”

“I don’t do blind dates,” said Karen with a shrug.

Because.

Maybe she wasn’t ready for this. Maybe she wasn’t up to dipping a toe into the dating scene just yet.

“Well, it’s not a blind date if you know what they look like,” offered Tommy, and, okay, maybe he was right about that, but Karen still felt like this was a blind date.

“Tell her I’m not coming,” said Karen, actively running away from the very idea of this date, “Say – say I came down with something.”

Because.

Karen could put this off a little longer.

She didn’t need to go on a date just yet.

“Karen, it’s been two years,” said Tommy, “You have to get out there.”

“I am out there,” hedged Karen like a liar, “I went out with that drummer, the girl that talked loud.”

Karen hated her.

But she went out with her.

“You didn’t go out with her. We all went out together,” Tommy pointed out, which was true, but still, “Then, you lied and said you had food poisoning and you went home early.”

And Tommy didn’t mean this as you have to date.

Karen knew that.

But she still felt a little cornered as she countered defensively, “Yeah, well, she talked really loud, even when you were right next to her.”

Which was annoying. And Tommy nodded, agreeing, but Karen could see the but in his eyes. The worry that came from a good place.

And Karen liked that about her best friend, her top henchman, but still.

Still.

Karen felt antsy about this.

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Tommy said, calling Karen out rightfully; not unkindly; softer than how he might usually, even, “You’re trying to drown yourself in your little schemes to destroy the world, but you need to get over it. You were dumped.”

“I was not dumped,” Karen lied again, not wanting to think about that.

“You were dumped hard,” said Tommy, “And that sucks. You took time off to go to Antarctica.”

“Reykjavik,” she said, giving Tommy what he really wanted and turning to face his annoying, smiling face, and – okay, Karen was smiling a bit too, “It’s in Iceland.”

And that came out more as a whine than more information.

“But now it’s time to get back in the game, Karen,” said Tommy, “You’ve got a fun, easy breezy date tonight with a freelance pilot who likes walks on the beach – ”

Karen laughed.

“Really?”

“Yes. Really. Check her Villain & Me profile. You’re going on this nothing date. You’re going to get dressed in something fun and not think about sinking England into the ocean for a few hours and you’re gonna show up.”

Tommy placed his hands on Karen’s shoulders.

“Karen.”

Karen.

Karen nodded, agreeing.

She could go on a nothing date. Tommy had been there through thick and thin over the years for Karen, she could do this for Tommy.

“Fine,” Karen groaned as she nodded, “Okay, I’ll go. I’ll be there.”

“Just promise me you’ll be open. It doesn’t have to happen, but you know – be open to it.”

“Open to what?”

“Open to love.”

Karen.

Sighed.

And, okay, that wasn’t that big of an ask.

“Fine,” said Karen faux-begrudgingly, “I’ll be open to love.”

*****

Karen sat in the car, just… staring out at the restaurant.

“You can do this,” said Tommy, trying to pump up his best friend.

Because he was a good best-friend-slash-top-henchman. And Karen was not ready for this date.

“Why is it that I can hold the world hostage but I’m scared of going on a blind date?” asked Karen as she shifted in her seat.

“Because love is harder than crime,” Tommy said simply.

And.

Karen laughed.

“Yeah. Maybe it is,” said Karen, opening her car door anyway.

“It is. Now, knock them dead. But not really.”

“Sure,” said Karen.

Who.

Took a deep breath in.

Exhaled.

And.

Walked into Les Deux Amours. The place was filled with the baddest of the bad; villains out on date nights and anniversaries. Karen, a woman of many talents, zeroed in on her date.

Lucy Donato.

Waiting casually at their table.

Nervously, Karen made her way to Lucy.

Normal.

Come off.

As normal, Karen.

“Hi. Sorry I’m late. Got lost,” explained Karen as she sat down.

“No problem. I was early,” said Lucy, and Karen wasn’t sure if Lucy was being casual or a little too blunt with how she answered.

Karen wasn’t sure where she stood.

“I, uh. I’ll have the cod,” Karen tried, the waiter not making Karen any less awkward about this date, “And I’ll have the wine. Would – would you like the wine?”

“Another vodka shot,” said Lucy clearly, “Straight.”

“Uh. So… you’re a freelance pilot?”

“Yup.”

Okay.

“How – how does that work?” asked the literal rocket scientist.

Great.

Now Lucy was giving her a look before she chugged her entire vodka shot.

And.

Karen could just feel it in her bones.

This date wasn’t going to go well.

*****

“Wow, Karen Mars, she’s…” Hen started, staring at.

At Karen Mars.

She and her other D.E.B.S. were up in the scaffolding of the restaurant Les Deux Amours. Stakeouts usually proved to be boring.

But.

But Hen found herself transfixed on Karen Mars.

Karen.

Who might have been the most gorgeous woman Hen had ever seen? With beautiful braids, with the best figure, with a wonderful black pantsuit on that looked fantastic on her.

Karen.

Who was currently on what looked to be a date with a certain freelance pilot.

And.

Hen couldn’t seem to look away from it.

Well.

Maybe that was good for the mission. They were supposed to be on a stakeout.

“She’s what?” asked Chimney, because Hen never finished her sentence.

“Real,” breathed Hen, “I – I never thought I’d see her in person.

And.

Hen just kept staring at her.

“ – en? Hey, Hen?” asked Chimney as he bumped shoulders with Hen.

“Sorry, what?” asked Hen, barely managing to peel her eyes away from Karen Mars.

Karen Mars in the flesh.

Chimney.

Looked from Hen to Karen then back.

“Who’s your best friend?” asked Chimney.

“You’re my best friend,” Hen pointed out.

“What was the first thing you ever told me?” asked Chimney.

“‘That’s my bunk, bitch’,” said Hen fondly, remembering that first day.

They had just started. First years in their spy academy. And while Hen wasn’t sure even then if she wanted to be a spy, she knew she was born for it. She knew she would be the best. And she and Chimney?

They had clicked instantly.

Best friends ever since.

“Okay, after you said that,” said Chimney.

“We need to stick together,” said Hen.

Because.

D.E.B.S. Academy was hard. It was cruel. It could be downright vicious. And the only way to get through it was to have a good group of friends; a found family to have your back.

And Chimney really had become family.

All of them.

Chimney, Buck, Eddie – they were all Hen’s people.

“I’m not trying to, like, tell you what to do,” said Buck as he glanced from Hen to the date below them, “But from what I can tell, that date is not going well. And trust me, I’ve been on some really bad dates.”

Hen.

Quirked an eyebrow.

“What are you trying to tell me here?” asked Hen curiously as all her friends exchanged glances.

“It’s just – you’ve been talking about Karen Mars a lot today. You’ve kind of been gushing about her,” said Eddie helpfully, “Maybe – maybe she’s more than a subject of a thesis paper to you. And maybe – maybe that would be good.”

“To date a villain?” asked Hen.

“No one’s perfect,” said Chimney with a shrug, “And most of what she does is steal space rocks from asshole billionaires. She usually donates them to museums. You told us that.”

“I mean – I did,” said Hen, and she had basically infodumped everything she knew about Karen Mars to her friends on the way to their mission.

“Hey, uh. If you – if you talk to her, do you think you could see if her friend Tommy’s single?” asked Buck, and – okay.

Okay, that was new.

Hen had seen Buck looking at guys for a long time, but she had never seen him seek one out before. Hen smirked at that.

“Why do you want to know?” asked Hen way too innocently.

“For, uh. Reasons. Maybe I have a thesis on Tommy Kinard. You don’t know my term papers,” said Buck, and Hen laughed.

“I – I can’t just drop down there and get in the way of her failing blind date,” said Hen, because, yes, she could admit that it did look like a blind date going nowhere, “That’s not really how stakeouts work.”

“Screw the stakeout! We’ve got your back,” said Eddie.

“Yeah, who cares if we don’t do this right? Who cares if you’ve got this connection with some supposed evil scientist? Well? Maybe you should make the most of that,” agreed Buck, “Maybe it’s time to find that love you want!”

And.

That sounded a bit like a speech for both her and Buck.

But.

Hen was going to put a pin in that.

She was kind of having a crisis of her own at the moment.

“Yeah! And they have to be understanding if we fuck this up for true love, right?” said Chimney, grinning, “I mean – I’ve been listening to you talk about her for months. Something’s gotta give, right?”

And.

Something felt.

Felt maybe… planned here.

Hen.

Narrowed her eyes.

“What’s up with this, Chim?” asked Hen, “What are you not telling me?”

And Chimney looked as if he was debating what he should say.

And.

Well.

He seemed to fold.

“Okay. So, you know my friend? The pilot?” asked Chimney.

“…Tommy,” said Hen slowly, and.

And.

It couldn’t be the same Tommy, could it?

“Well, you know, I saved his life once and he owes me. And he had been talking about how Karen’s been having a lot of bad luck with love the last few years, and. Well. Lucy’s a red herring,” said Chimney, “The real date’s with you.”

“Me?” echoed Hen.

“Hen, I’ve never heard you so excited about someone since I’ve met you. And you told me you were splitting up with Eva for good,” said Chimney, “Of course with you.”

Eddie.

Had the most excited face from this new information.

“Like we’re living a telenovela,” whispered Eddie excitedly.

“Wait, you, uh. You know that Tommy guy, then?” asked Buck way too casually, “Is he – do you know if he’s, uh. Around?”

“I think he’s outside, actually – ” Chimney started to say, as –

As.

Buck.

Took off.

He slowly guided himself down, unharnessed himself, and casually walked out of the restaurant as if he hadn’t just dropped from the ceiling.

And maybe they all turned to the big windows that pointed to the street and saw Buck wandering outside before he made a beeline to a car.

And.

Knocked on the window of the car.

And.

Huh.

Was that Tommy stepping outside of the car? Leaning on his car as he – were they talking?

Okay, so Tommy Kinard and Buck were talking now.

Huh.

“And there he goes. Okay. Anyway,” said Chimney, turning back to Hen, “The ball’s in your court. Would you like to go down there and go on a date with one Karen Mars?”

“Is that why you told us all to dress fancy for this?” asked Eddie curiously.

And.

Yeah.

It was a little weird that they were all in suits for a stakeout, but Hen had assumed that was if they wanted to blend in at the restaurant. Hen supposed that was true to some extent, but more so to get Hen ready for her surprise date.

Hen hadn’t expected this.

She hadn’t even thought about the possibility.

But the more she knew about Karen, the more she – the more she wanted to get to know the woman.

Hen.

Nodded.

“Yeah,” said Hen finally, “I think I will go on a date with Karen Mars.”

Hen slowly guided herself down to the floor, unlatching herself from the pulley system and undoing the harness. Hen, okay, well, she tossed it all in a plant nearby.

Not like anyone was paying attention.

Hen walked up to the table and.

What was she supposed to say?

Hi. I’m your actual date. I’ve read way too much about you for a paper and kind of love you?

Lucy seemed to be in on the plan, though.

Lucy grinned, standing up as she said to Karen, “I’m going to be honest with you. I’m not the real date here. She is – meet Hen Wilson.”

And.

And Hen’s heart skipped a beat as her eyes met Karen’s.

Karen Mars.

Hen was meeting Karen Mars.

“H – hi,” said Hen as she took Lucy’s seat, “I’m Hen.”

Karen.

Looked a little stiff.

“All right,” said Karen as if she had decided she was going to be okay with this new wrinkle in her date, “You’ve got minutes to convince me this was a good idea.”

Hen.

Blinked.

“What?” asked Hen.

“I don’t usually have time for blind dates, but my favorite henchman has kicked me out of my lab for the night. It’s very inconvenient. I’m trying to push the boundaries of sinking and floating masses of land and I got to stop for, what? Trying to have a social life again? It’s ridiculous. Now, tell me about you. What do you do? What makes you love it?”

“Me?” asked Hen, starting to get her footing again, “It’s – it’s my turn?”

“That’s why we’re here, isn’t it?”

“Well, I thought you were just gonna be monologuing all night, the way you came in like that.”

Because.

That was a little blunt. A little too straight to the point. And maybe Hen deserved better than that. And she was sure Karen could be better than that.

“Excuse me? Like what?” asked Karen curiously.

“Like someone who doesn’t have time for anybody.”

“I don’t sound like that,” scoffed Karen.

“You’ve got minutes to convince me this is a good idea,” said Hen, immediately wondering if she was wrong about agreeing to this blind date.

Karen.

Exhaled nerves.

And.

Oh.

Okay.

Karen was nervous.

“I sound like that,” said Karen apologetically, “Let me start this over. Hi. I’m Karen.”

Karen extended her hand.

Hen smiled.

“Henrietta Wilson,” said Hen as she shook it, “But you can call me Hen.”

[hahahahawk]

So a couple days ago I blogged about a breakdown as I was having it.

10/10 breakdown, btw, no sarcasm. Maybe it would’ve been healthier to deal with those emotions on a smaller scale over a longer period of time, but clearly my existing coping skills didn’t allow that to happen. Instead I got 20 minutes of crying then a huge feeling of relief that has lasted the two days since then.

(Also, the move got to a point where the end of the work tunnel was clearly visible, and the time tunnel had been extended.)

Here’s the epilogue:

Since I was sobbing uncontrollably for no apparent reason, my partner came to—

Said partner came in the room just now to go over his plans for running errands and I noticed he was wearing his Cowgirl Hello Kitty shirt today.

“When I refer to you on the internet today, should I call you my ‘pardner’?”

Anyway, on Tuesday he came to comfort me coz he’s good like that. He sat with me and cuddled me, and in an absolute autistic win, I asked for a little bit of space so I could keep feeling/processing/writing, and he scooted away and pulled out his phone and let me do my thing until I had digested enough of the Feelings to have a proper conversation.

After telling him about the whole @elodieunderglass context (“so there’s this inside-out fandom on Tumblr…”) and how that particular post got under my skin (complimentary), we were just laying on the bed, unwinding and being gentle at each other.

In that moment i pulled all my feelings into a particular Shape and told him, “I want to give you the gift of my loyalty and a commitment to making this relationship Good”.

Different backstory: we’ve been together for about 4 years now, and last month we bought a house together, but we’ve never truly gotten to the bottom of the question of marriage. I had a brief marriage in my early 20s, and have some baggage about second weddings. Though our government IDs make us look like a hetero couple, neither one of us are cis or fully comfortable with traditional gender roles. During the house buying process, getting hitched came up as a possibility for making things easier, but that idea died on the vine. We signed the house papers for it to be property in common, though.

In the past couple months I’ve (secretly) put in some work on myself to make sure I’m a partner worth marrying—not to ‘force’ it to happen, but to make sure that if it does come up again, to make his decision to spouse me an easier one.

The night before my breakdown we were at a fancy dinner date to say goodbye to our local downtown district. Somewhere between apps and mains I realized, “oh, if I want us to get married, I need to be the one to propose. 🤦🏻”

But even still, it wasn’t a case of putting it on the calendar and popping the question. Gender traditions aside, i had to put a lot of thought into how marriage and a wedding fit into my personal values and those of my partner.

The only practical commitment bigger than buying property together is having kids, and that’s way way way off the table for us. So if we’ve bought a house together, and there are ways to share health benefits (and other stuff like it) without being legally married. Neither of us care about marriage as an institution… so what’s the motivation?

Another wrinkle is that my partner has been single handedly supporting us for the past 18 months. I did a lot of the heavy lifting before that, but recently, he’s done 95% of it. And 95% of the logistical heavy lifting for the move we’re undertaking. Which means proposing right now feels way more like “support me forever” rather than “I’ll take care of you forever”

Which is how I landed on my non-proposal of, “I give you the gift of my loyalty”

It got a conversation rolling where we talked about our wants and our values, touching on all the highlights I mentioned above here. He admitted out loud for the first time that receiving a proposal would 100% be welcome and affirming and his preference. Glad we have that out in the open now. I have an idea of how to ask, but not sure what I’ll do for a proposal gift.

…

It’s been a long week.

[velvet-vox]

WD N/V to MD N/V is like Nori/Yeva to Doll/Uzi.

Ahi. This is gonna hurt a lot.

So, let's start by saying that you are right.

Now, I don't think the comparison is as direct and precise as other comparisons like, N X Uzi and V x Doll. Plus, I'm not 100% sure Liam intended for us to make this comparison in the first place; don't get me wrong, the guy has great attention for details, but some of his writing decisions regarding the characters that are not Uzi, N, or Cyn, leaves me to question whether he thought this deeply about these possible connections between characters and their relationships.

The main problem with episode 5 is that Liam decided to focus on Uzi and N when the episode would have greatly benefitted from having N and V as our P.O.V. characters. I get that he didn't want Tessa as the main character because he was just going to reveal her dead a few episodes later, and still needed to do some extra work on Nuzi to make Uzi's sacrifice hit harder, but that's why we needed more time and episodes (please stop with the 8 episodes season format I hate it) to build up to this season finale; regardless of budget, he should have known that the plot should be in service of the characters and not viceversa.

But back to your question: to answer it, I'll better start talking about my personal relationship with N x V. You see, the first time I watched Murder Drones, right after the pilot, I've written off N's crush for V from the story, especially since I didn't like the way N info dumped us on his affection.

A couple of episodes of Murder Drones had already been released at that point, so I just assumed after the Pilot, the whole thing was retcon since N didn't really bring up his crush after that episode and V didn't seem to have feelings for N aside from a desire to protect him. (Of course, that's only at first glance; I said it once and I'll say it again, to do an analysis on one of the Murder Drones characters you need to be specialised on that character).

Naturally, as I rewatched the episodes and interacted more with the community, I gained a better understanding of Envy as platonic and romantic.

Onto your point; the thing is that fundamentally Worker Drone N and Worker Drone V are the same character as Disassembly Drone N and Disassembly Drone V, while Nori and Yeva are completely different characters from Uzi and Doll; so in the first case, we're talking about a relationship between two characters that changed over time and trauma, while in the second case, it's a relationship between two characters that we don't know enough about and their children.

And this is the main problem discussing Nori x Yeva: we do not know enough about them. Like, on the surface, from the way Yeva extended her hand to Nori in the flashbacks of episode 7, we can draw parallels between that and butler N reading maiden V facts about golden retrievers; then we can assume Nori and Yeva had a fallout similar to N and V, which is so far the only way we can explain Yeva never trying to forge a relationship between Uzi and Doll (which, if we're being honest, would have saved the both of them and the show. I guess, much like her daughter, Yeva couldn't girlboss forever), but after that, the rest of their story is still murky; I honestly think there's gonna be a plot twist regarding Yeva, because, otherwise, I cannot see the reason why we've got that backstory in episode 7; I guess Nori just wanted to let N (and the audience) know how things went down, but there had to be a quicker/better way to do that, Liam rarely puts in a scene that he deems unnecessary.

Lastly, Uzi and Doll didn't get the chance to recover that they should have had, but if they did, I can only imagine that their dynamic would have been much healthier than the current N x V dynamic. As I stated in my V and Doll; trauma, mental disorder and low empathy post, Doll actually tried to connect with people throughout the events of the series in her sociopathic not neurotypical kind of way, it's just that she was extremely cloudy in her decision making; so, if Uzi and Doll got a chance to connect in one of events of the show, they would have rekindled their nonexistent spark much quicker than V and N, since, out of the two, I unironically think that Uzi is the one with the bigger walls surrounding her.

I have an on/off relationship with Doll's death and her possible resurrection. At times, I really believe that this is the ending for her; but if she were to survive in any way, for sure she would get that dreaded redemption arc and go to Uzi's side, the trauma from Cyn Tessa should have been enough for her to decide to join the main gang without any second thoughts.

Want more?

[mayhemproduces]

Syn vs Tiffany Lee Ray

It’s great to have Syn back here in MPW, and it’s even better to see Syn fully back to his old self. It also seems that his and Abigail’s relationship is in a much healthier place than it was previously, as evidenced by their willingness to fight for each other, which brings us to tonight’s main event. Syn vs Tiffany Lee Ray, two of the most violent members on the MPW Roster, Tiffany who weeks ago turned her back on her longtime friend Abigail. Abigail wasn’t here tonight, but Syn was going to fight in her honor either way.

Syn finished up his entrance and locks his eyes on Tiffany, who offers him a small, demented little smirk in return. Tiffany turns to have Bambi help her take her ring jacket off, and while that happens, Syn grabs a tube bundle in his hands and he smashes it over Tiffany from behind! Syn wasn’t wasting any more time here tonight! Tiffany is knocked right out of the ring, as Steve Guy evacuates and Tom Dunn calls for the bell! Syn hits the ropes, ignoring the pain from the light tubes shattering against him as he does, and dives over the rope right onto Tiffany with a Tope Con Hilo! Syn takes down The Witch Doctor! Our main event is underway!

Syn got back to his feet and looked out at the crowd, a big reaction for the One Man Militia here in Chicago tonight! Syn rolled back into the ring and waited for Tiffany to start to get up to his feet, before Syn hit the ropes again, this time opting for a Suicide Dive, but as Syn dove through the ropes, he never saw that Tiffany had grabbed a chair until he swung it and connected with Syn’s head, knocking him to the floor! Syn hit the floor hard, his flight being stopped mid-takeoff. Syn was clearly rattled by the chair shot, and might not know where he is right now! Syn stumbles to his feet, and Tiffany grabs him, slamming him into the barricade, before landing a few right hands to the head, before starting to bite Syn! Tiffany threw Syn into another section of the barricade, before going to get one of the weapons that had been brought out for this match, a milk jug filled with sand, taped to the end of a broomhandle. Tiffany swung wildly at Syn, connecting with head and body shots, before the milk jug broke off. Tiffany then broke the broomhandle over her knee, and with the new sharp, jagged point, began to dig into Syn’s forehead! Syn was already bleeding from the very first chairshot, but now the blood flow had been increased by Tiffany. Tiffany caught Syn with one more shot to the head, before throwing him to the side, taking a second to notice Syn’s blood dripping down her out hand, before Tiffany makes a big show of tasting it, licking each and every one of her fingers, savoring the blood of Syn, before grabbing Syn again, once again catching him with a right hand, before tossing Syn back into the ring. Tiffany grabbed a door and brought it into the ring, before setting it up in the corner, grabbing Syn, and, lifting him up, and driving him through the door with a spinebuster! Tiffany gets back to her feet, and makes a big show of pulling out a couple of light tubes, placing them over Syn, before Tiffany then ran off the ropes and hit a running boot scrape, kicking the glass light tubes, and sending a rain of glass right into Syn’s face and upper body! 

As the crowd gasps in horror, Tiffany grabbed the pieces of broken door, and the parts of the light tubes that were still somewhat intact, and began stacking them on top of Syn. Tiffany then climbed up onto the second rope, crashing down on Syn with a double stomp, crashing down on Syn and absolutely crushing him beneath the wreckage he was currently buried under! Tiffany landed the move and began laughing, mocking Abigail by dropping down to her knees, and spreading her arms out to her side. “Come and get me, Abby! Where the fuck are you?!”. Tiffany grabbed Syn again, but suddenly Syn was showing signs of life, catching Tiffany with a few body shots, causing Tiffany to stumble back, and Syn to get up to his feet. Syn swung wildly at Tiffany with a lariat, but Tiffany ducked, before twisting Syn around and planting him with a float over DDT! Syn was spiked right on the top of his head! Tiffany yelled something, but her giggling made it inaudible, before getting up, and searching for her next weapon. Tiffany got out of the ring, and dug a bunch of chairs out from underneath it, before Tiffany threw them in the ring behind her, all and all collecting about six chairs in total. Tiffany got back into the ring and picked up two of the chairs, before setting them up back to back, Necro Butcher style. Tiffany then went to grab Syn, when suddenly Syn broke Tiffany’s hold, and began peppering Tiffany with forearm shots, punctuating them with a brutal European uppercut, before lifting Tiffany onto his shoulders, and hitting a massive Death Valley Driver onto the set up chairs! Tiffany’s spine connected with the points of the chairs, as she rolled off of them and into the corner, holding her back and struggling to stand. Syn grabbed a chair, and threw it at Tiffany, connecting with it, sending Tiffany down into a seated position, with the chair still laying over her face! Syn quickly ran over to an adjacent turnbuckle, and climbed up it, before jumping off it, connecting with a Front Flip Van-Terminator! Tiffany looked out, and Syn pulled her out of the corner and into a cover! 

1...2… kickout! 

Syn didn’t waste much time, getting right back up to his feet, and watching Tiffany get up in the corner. Tiffany was struggling to her feet, and grabbing a chair, but Syn still charged her, and when Tiffany put the chair up to swing it, Syn connected with a massive bicycle pump knee, connecting with the chair, and sending it right into Tiffany’s face! Tiffany fell against the ropes, and Syn quickly ran off them, before delivering a massive bicycle knee to the back of Tiffany’s Head, before grabbing her by the back waistband of her tights, and lifting her up into an electric chair! Syn eyed the pile of chairs in the middle of the ring, before walking over to them, and dropping Tiffany down with a massive shoulder switch sit out powerbomb, Tiffany landing right on the pile of chairs! Syn made the cover again! 

1...2… kickout! 

Syn put his head to the wooden boards that made up the floor of the ring, already exhausted, this fight having already taken a lot out of him. He looked out at the sea of fans, still looking like he was getting used to the crowd being back on his side here in MPW. Syn tried to feed off it, using the energy from this Chicago crowd to keep himself going. Syn got back to his feet, before grabbing a styrofoam board, with a bunch of plastic forks sticking up out of it, and setting it in the middle of the ring, grabbing Tiffany again, and slamming Tiffany down onto the forks with a Death Valley Driver! This earned Syn a chant of “You Sick Fuck!” Which Syn simply smiled at, before wiping some of the blood on his forehead off with his hand, before taking a nice, slow lick of his hand, savoring the taste of his own blood, mocking Tiffany from earlier. Syn grabs Tiffany and shoves her into the corner, before grabbing a chair, looking for a Chair-Assisted Stinger Splash, but as Syn charges in, Tiffany moves! Syn crashed into the turnbuckles, and Tiffany grabbed Syn, hitting him with a light tube, breaking it over Syn’s head, before pulling Syn out of the corner, and hooking Syn, going for a Viral Injection, but Syn managed to escape, before grabbing Tiffany, going for the Neurotoxin, but Tiffany escapes, hooks Syn, and plants him with a big Spinning Brainbuster! Syn is stunned, and Tiffany grabs the styrofoam board full of forks again, setting it down, before grabbing Syn and driving him into it face first with a Viral Injection! Tiffany goes for the cover! 

1...2… kickout! 

Syn manages to stay alive! Tiffany looked down at the forks again, and began to pull them out of the board, apparently looking to drive them into syn’s head. Syn quickly shut that idea down, however, catching Tiffany with a shot to the gut, before going for a Reanimator DDR, but Tiffany escaped, hooked Syn’s arm, and driving Syn down with a brutal looking Project: Deviation! This one was over! Cover! 

1...2… kickout! 

Syn manages to kick out of Tiffany Lee Ray’s finish! Tiffany grabbed a light tube, but as she went back at Syn with it, Syn suddenly caught Tiffany with a shot to the gut! Tiffany hunched over, and Syn ran over to the box of light tubes, dumping them out onto the pile of chairs, before grabbing Tiffany, and lifting Tiffany up for a Neurotoxin, before spiking Tiffany, head first, into the chairs and light tubes, with a Neurotoxin! Cover, goodnight Tiffany!

Tiffany stays alive! Tiffany isn’t human! Syn screams in frustration, getting up and shouting at the ref, before looking around the ring, and trying to figure out what he could use to put Tiffany away. Syn gets back to his feet, and began to grab the chairs, and set them up, all four of them with the seats facing each other, forming a makeshift platform. The final piece of the puzzle was a wooden crate, the outside decorated with barbed wire and carpet strips. Syn placed that underneath the four chairs, before grabbing Tiffany and forcing her on top of them. Tiffany and Syn were now both standing on the chairs, and trading forearms, both trying to get an advantage over the other. Tiffany’s forearms began to land harder and heavier, until Syn practically looked like he was out on his feet. Tiffany grabbed Syn, and lifting him up, before hitting him with a Piledriver, putting Syn right through the chairs and the wooden crate! Tiffany cleared off some of the chairs, and made a cover! 

1….2…. Kickout!

This time it was Syn’s turn to improbably kick out! Just what were these two gonna have to do to each other tonight to put one another away?!

Syn rolled to the outside, and Tiffany followed her opponent out there, grabbing a handful of his hair as he did, before whipping him into the guardrail! Syn’s back collides with the steel, but suddenly Syn fires off the barricade and takes out Tiffany with a spear on the outside! Syn got back to his feet, before he got up onto the apron, waiting for Tiffany to get back to het feet, before diving off the apron and nailing Tiffany with a somersault senton, sending Tiffany and himself crashing down to the floor on the outside. Syn got back to his feet, and took a moment to interact with the fans, but when he turned around, Tiffany was already up, and blasted him with a chop to the chest that sounded like a gunshot! Syn held his chest for a moment, but refused to back down, catching Tiffany with a gut shot, before grabbing her, setting her up against the guardrail, and firing back with a chop that sounded just as brutal! Tiffany was stunned, which gave Syn enough time to grab one of the chairs from the ring, charging back at Tiffany and splashing into het, cracking the chair over Tiffany’s head as he did! Tiffany staggered, but didn’t go down, which just led to Syn taking a few steps back, and doing it again, this time throwing even more force behind the chair! Tiffany went down in a crumpled heap, and the camera panned to Syn, who just had a wide, sadistic smirk on his face. The camera moved back to Tiffany to reveal she was busted open, gushing blood from her forehead. Tiffany got back to hrer feet, and Syn caught her in the gut with the point of the chair, before swinging and cracking the chair over Tiffany’s head! The crowd gasped in astonishment over the sound of that chair shot, and the fact that Tiffany didn’t put a hand up to protect herself, but instead took the chair to the dome! The crowd began chanting “One More Time!” and it looked like Syn was about to oblige them, but Tiffany suddenly caught him with a shot to the gut, taking the chair from Syn, and cracking it over Syn’s head, who also took the chair shot unprotected! The chair was indented in the shape of Syn’s skull!

Syn collapsed down to his hands and knees, and Tiffany had to use the guardrail to steady herself just to stay on his feet, as blood continued to leak from his forehead. As Syn began to show signs of life, Tiffany whipped the chair at him, again the chair connecting with Syn’s skull!  Syn managed to eventually pull himself back up to his feet, and Tiffany began hammering away with right hands to the head, knocking Syn even loopier than he already currently was. Syn, much like Tiffany, was also leaking blood at an alarming rate from his forehead, which was revealed right before Tiffany caught him with a brutal sounding chop to the chest. Tiffany then caught Syn with a headbutt, before grabbing another chair and setting it up, before launching herself off it, going for elevated spear of some kind, but Syn caught her, and held her up for a moment, before dropping Tiffany, ribs first, down across the guardrail! Syn grabbed a chair, and held it up, before yelling out to the crowd: “Hey, who’s gonna fucking hold this for me?!”. Two teenaged fans stepped forward, and Syn helped them get into position, holding the chair on top of Tiffany, before telling them “Welcome to the business, brother”, jumping up onto the apron, climbing up onto the top rope, and coming down onto Tiffany and the chair from the top rope with a Legdrop! 

Syn got back up to his feet after a couple of moments, and pulled a table out from under the ring, before sliding it into the ring, before Syn grabs a door, and props that up on the outside against the guardrail. Syn walked back over to Tiffany and caught her with a sharp chop to the chest, before grabbing Tiffany, leaning het against the door, and grabbing a chair. Syn nailed Tiffany in the gut with the point of the chair, before readjusting Tiffany, laying her against the table more fully, and placing the chair on Tiffany’s chest. Syn then rolled back into the ring, and began to climb up to the top rope. Syn looked ready to jump, but before he could, Tiffany came back to life, and whipped the chair at Syn, nailing Syn right in the head with it, knocking Syn right off the top rope and into the ring! Syn might be out cold! 

Tiffany took a second to try and stop the bleeding from her leaking head, before she began to dig around underneath the ring, looking for something in particular. She found it- and the reaction of Tiffany pulling it out from underneath the ring by our crowd is one that can only be described as shock and horror- a wooden board, with syringes pushed through it, oh god. 

Tiffany drags the board into the ring, and waves Bambi over to join her in the ring, and tells Bambi to set the board up in the corner. Bambi does just that, those horrific hypodermic needles flashing in the lights of the arena. Tiffany goes to pick Syn up, but Syn suddenly comes back to life, nailing Tiffany with a couple shots to the gut, getting her off of him, before Syn shoots Tiffany into the ropes, and takes her out with a spear! Bambi spins around, hearing the commotion, stops, and- oh god.

SYN SPEARS BAMBI THROUGH THE SYRINGE BOARD! OH MY GOD!!  

Bambi gets put through the Syringe board, and the poor girl is shaking from the impact! Syn wastes no time, grabbing Bambi, dragging her out of the corner, needles still sticking into her skin, as he puts Bambi on the table, and then drags Tiffany, and stacks her on top of Bambi. 

Syn heads up to the top rope, and sets his feet, looking to end this, when Ophelia hops on the apron, and grabs Syn around the throat! The lady monster trying to save this for her team, but Syn catches her with a boot to the head, breaking her grip, before Syn lifts Ophelia up onto the top rope, up onto his shoulders! The entire crowd is on their feet now, as Syn leaps off, driving Ophelia with a Death Valley Driver, down onto Tiffany and Bambi, putting all three of them through the table! Bambi and Ophelia roll out of the ring, and Syn covers Tiffany!

1….2….3!

“Here is your winner, Syn!”

[kyriolex]

Kowloon Generic Romance

Can I just say I love how this manga plays with expectations? When these two first showed up, they both seemed like rival love interests to Kudou. How wrong I was. Not only are they not romantically interested in the heroine...they're already in a relationship with each other.

A lesser manga would have cast Miyuki as a ruthless villain who couldn't care less about his flamboyant minion. But this chapter shows how much they genuinely care about each other. I still have no clue what their deal is or if they're even the real antagonists, but their chemistry is fantastic to watch.

[miraculouscontent]

We're four seasons in and Lukanette has literally had more progression and we'll-paced development than the so called "endgame" of this show. Like, c'mon, the love square is one-sided and everyone knows that sadrien will never develop feelings for Marinette unless he finds out she's Ladybug. He was never interested in her, and she was never interested in Chat Noir.

Also, I'm pretty sure Lukanette is way healthier than the love square. They talk their feelings out and they have a very good dynamic. Meanwhile, sadrien keeps guilt tripping Marinette as both her civilian self and Ladybug. Yeah, I think Glaciator's "oh, so you didn't go on a date with me and I'm mad that you're playing with my feelings even though you never said yes to me. so now I'm going to stop helping you save Paris because you won't apologise to me, cause you won't be able to defeat this villain on your own so you'll have no choice but to cater to my feelings." is a very prominent example.

Remember the one time he found out her identity (in a, quite frankly, extremely far-fetched and desperate jump to conclusions) and he lied to her instead of telling her the truth? He did that just to date her. He knows that she values honesty and hates liars, and he lied to her (that's not even the first time either, remember that time he lied about their relationship? yeah, the couple of the year thing never would've escalated so far if he'd just STOPPED and respected her feelings).

Like, that's not to mention the number of times the cat took threw tantrums whenever things didn't go his way. Threatening to abandon Paris while it was flooding? Sure, he's such a good partner. Distracting his partner and not taking their battles seriously in an effort to flirt with her? Wow, that's so romantic. Nearly cataclysming Scarabella and actually causing property damage because 'oh, he's sad'? He's such a good hero. Learning that his partner is actually annoyed at him because of his romantic advances and not even giving her a proper apology? That's fine, because he knows that she'll fall in love with him eventually and forget all about it!

And let's not forget how forced this ship is. Literally everyone tries to get them together. Alya is the main instigator for this, and she keeps trying to push them both into situations that usually end up with the blonde personification of an idiot being stupidly oblivious and Marinette being left embarrassed and humiliated. Heck, the whole of Paris is trying to force Ladynoir together even though Ladybug clearly stated that she isn't interested in him! They're the heroes of Paris, and the people they save can't even be bothered to respect their privacy and their boundaries? Even if they were in a relationship, they could be, you know, keeping it a secret in case Hawkmoth tries to take advantage of their feelings? Most of the adults in the show are literally shipping children together and getting mad that Ladybug actually knows how to say no. Like, seriously? this ship keeps feeling more and more forced each episode.

Whenever I see these scenes my already negative opinion on the love square and in sadrien in general is reduced to rubble. Like, this show coddles sadrien so much to the point where it's getting extremely frustrating. But I'm kind of sensing a trend here: rich, privileged white boy gets everything he wants. And yes, that does sound very familiar.

Hey, remember when Chat “””apologized””” in “Glaciator 2″ only to then go right back to wanting to get Ladybug to love him at the end of the episode? And then literally one episode later in production code order (”Hack-San”), he guilted her into promising to never abandon him?

That’s the love square in a nutshell; everything is stacked in Adrien’s favor and weighed against Marinette in every single way to put her agency in a choke hold. Ladybug has known and felt guilty over Chat’s feelings for two+ seasons now, Paris ships them no matter what she says and Glaciator mocks her when she tries to correct things, and meanwhile you have Adrien blissfully unaware of Marinette’s crush so he doesn’t have to think a thing about it.

According to the show, the problem in LadyNoir is Ladybug not wanting it (because everyone else wants it!!) and the problem in Adrienette is Marinette because she “just can’t seem to confess” (because she’s getting help from everyone else so it’s clearly only her fault if she’s hesitating).

How do the writers keep making love square episodes that just end up being an itemized list of why it’s awful?? Like--really, how??????

[shadowsingersmate]

Angst azriel x reader request

i just thought, what if the one mate could feel it when the other would cheat on them? azriel cheating on y/n and she doesn't tell him that she knows, she keeps it to herself until one day she's had enough because she over hears him telling someone in the ic that he loves y/n and would never hurt her and they start to fight. she tells him the truth and she just leaves him all togehter. overtime az tries to talk to y/n but she doesn't budge they end up not getting back together and stuff if you wanna change some things thats fine

Okey I’ve been vv inactive but it’s because I’m just not okey but I LIVED THIS IDEA so here we go.

Also I have about three or four requests draft that I gave up in the middle so I’ll try to finish those as well .

I didn’t proof read so…. Yeah I hope you like it :)

The black blanket had fallen over the sky signing the arrival of the night.

You were sitting on the couch, reading a romance book that nesta had recommended you couple of days ago, it was alright you guessed. It was particularly hard to concentrate to the main characters love life as yours was already falling apart.

Azriel hadn’t been at home a lot lately. He had a lot of work and you knew, you could understand but it was all too much. You had missed his touch, his company, the endless talks that you two would have at the nights were you both couldn’t sleep.

You close the book as you sighted and went over the kitchen to make some tea, maybe that would help calm you a bit, maybe that would help to get your sleeping schedule back to normal. You had gotten used to Azriel holding you that you found it hard to sleep when he wasn’t there.

Once the tea was brewed you went into your bedroom and sat on the bed, admiring the view from the window, the stars were beautiful! You smiled as you remembered how Azriel would take you out on late night dates, just you two staring at the night sky.

It hadn’t been long before you fell asleep, the sleeping tea madja had recommended was truly doing wonders when it came to sleep diprivation.

-

Azriel’s scarred hands were grazing her naked body as his lips found hers. The passion was clear, both of them fighting for dominance, their sent of arousal filled the air making you gag.

“Azriel…” you choked but he didn’t listen, he didn’t even spare you a glance.

You felt his emotion, the longing, the want, the lust. You felt everything. You shook your head taking small steps back as tears escaped freely. You could hear their moans, you could see everything.

“Azriel!!!” You shouted again and closed your eyes, but when you opened them again you weren’t in the room were Azriel and the girl had been but your own shared bedroom. You were sweating, weeping.

A dream you realized but them you felt a wave of pleasure running through your body and then another. You felt longing and want but no, those weren’t your feeling they were azriels.

It wasn’t a dream it was a moment, a moment of azriels long nights working. He had lied, he was cheating on you.

You just stayed there frozen, waiting for the emotions to stop and they did, then you felt his regret and you closed the bond shut forming a thick brick wall between your and his mind.

You rushed to the bathroom, you knew Azriel was coming home, he would be there in a couple of minuite sand you weren’t ready to face him.

You cried and cried trying to remember anything you had done that led to this moment.

You couldn’t really blame him, the girl was beatiful, blonde hair and blue eyes eyes, her breasts were much fuller than yours and her curves were perfect, unlike you, you looked like a child compared to her.

It was your fault, you should have taken better care of yourself maybe then Azriel wouldn’t feel the need to seek something more mature, someone better.

You heard the door click from downstairs and hurriedly you wiped your cheeks and stalked over the bed.

“What are you doing awake love?” love? Seriously?

“Good, how was work?” You asked

You expected from him to look regretful or maybe tell you the truth, but he didn’t instead he said a quiet “fine” and went to the bathroom to get ready for the night.

Once he laid on your bed you had seriously contemplated to tell him, yo let him know that you knew what he had done but you decided that it would be bette rig you just stayed quiet.

-

Months had past with you being silent. Everyday he would come home and you expected him to break and reveal the truth but he didn’t.

Meanwhile you felt anger building up, you felt like you were suffocating. You no longer trusted him, you found yourself thinking thrice before you believe anything he said.

He was taking you on more dates than before and he was being at home for longer which made things harder.

You tried to better yourself by working out longer hours and eating healthier, you no longer felt comfortable with him seeing you without make up.

Azriel had realized obviously and you knew, that was something. Maybe now you could be enough for him.

It wasn’t until a couple of weeks when you were passing rhysands office when you heard the three brothers talking.

“I don’t know what’s happening to her, she barely even let me see her in the morning” Azriel exclaimed “she doesn’t even touch sugar, you all know how much she used to live sweets”

“Have you tried to talk to her?” Rhysand asked.

“Yeah, I’ve tried once or twice but she just change the conversation completely, I don’t know what going on” Azriel said worriedly “I’m trying to think of anything I may have done to hurt her but I would never do anything that would cause her the littlest bit of pain you know that right?”

You laughed out loud and the males stopped talking, after a few minutes cassian opened the door and his eyes softened at your presence.

“Y/n what are you doing here?” Azriel asked.

“I was just passing by when I heard your little speech do how much you love me and care about me” you scoffed voice dripping venom.

Azriel flinched at your words. “Love? What’s going on?” He asked perfectly calm.

“What’s going on? You must be kidding me Azriel. You really must think I’m stupid” you chuckled darkly.

“What are you saying?” Cassian interrupted.

“Oh I’m just talking about the passionate night Azriel had with a stranger not to long ago. Do you remember love?” You said mockingly.

Azriel’s eyes widened and he started shaking. “What? I-“

At this point both Cassian and rhysand had turned their attention to their brother both shocked. “Azriel is this true?” Cassian asked clearly angry.

Cassian was your best friend and his anger was clear.

“I-“ Azriel stuttered.

“You what? You went and slept with someone and I blamed myself for it. I though okey maybe Azriel wants something more someone better. So you know what I did Azriel? I tried to become better” you practically shouted “and now” you laughed “and now you’re what? You decided that you love me? You decided that you worry about me?”

“Y/n let me explain please I- you are perfect I just-“ he was panicking.

“No, you know what? You had your chance to explain, I gave you two months for you to tell me, to be honest with me and explain how I don’t want to hear it” you spit before you turned and left.

-

Months after the hurt was still there buried deep, the void of losing someone you loved so dearly was there but you couldn’t ignore the weight that lifted off your shoulders.

Azriel had tried to talk to you for months after that but you refused to listen, you left the inner circle but still held your relationships with the rest of the inner circl. You’d till went shopping with mor, you still spent hours taking with Cassian, you still read with amren and nesta, you still went to Rita’s with them when azriel didn’t go.

You were happy that you had succeeded in keeping your relationships, however sometimes you still had thoughts of what would happen if you decided to talk to azriel, what would happen if you’d let him explain and maybe try again fresh. But that wasn’t possible, he had lost your trust, even if you wanted you could never trust him, you would never be like you were before.

Sometimes you liked to look forward to the future and see what would happen if you and Azriel made up and become friends, maybe you could rejoin the inner circle but he was your mate.

You sighted, he was your mate and he had hurt u deeply and just like that the pain blossomed again before you pushed everything down and wore the blank expression again as you realized that nothing would be the same again, you would never find happiness again.

,

[pnf-lover98]

Tstwfm - Color theory 101

I've always been a big fan ot the way some movies and cartoons color-code their characters to underline some traits of their personality, and to create harmony in couple or friendship dynamics. For example, the dynamic trio of blue/red/green characters - like Huey, Dewey and Louie from Disney comics or Lightning, Chick Hicks and Strip weather from Cars - or the complementary colors in Star Butterfly and Marco Diaz's clothes, that only confirmed to all of SVTFOE fans that they were meant to be from minute 1 of the show.♥️

It was only natural for me to try and replicate some of these tricks when I was working on my OCs.

The first complementary couple that originated from these reasonings were Buster and Bia. Aside from the fact that Bia is wearing a yellow-ish color to underline the concept of her being fun-loving and energetic, the shade I decided to associate her with verts a little more towards orange, making her outfit complement Buster’s blue one.

A similar reasoning applies to the Springs family, Bia’s parents. I’ll start from Joe first, because he chronologically comes before Floyd in my characters’ lives. We’ve already had a chance to meet Bia’s father, and to learn about his toxic behaviour and the wrong choices he ended up making in his life. That’s why I chose a “dirty”, muddy kind of brown ash his main color that would underline the negative vibes we’ve gotten so far from him.

His ex-wife Camila, on another hand, is a strong, passionate woman, that had the courgae to speak up and break free from an abusive relationship, and to start building a new life for herself and her daughter. She needed a color that’s just as fierce as she is, and there’s arguably any color fiercer than red. If you trace back to the examples I presented you guys with at the beginning of this post, then, you may notice that she and Floyd (as a further proof that Camila is now in a healthier, happier relationship) share the same kind of colors as Marco and Star from SVTFOE. 😉

Lastly, we have Lena and Oliver, the Moon siblings. Now, I have to admit that the way I picked colors for them was a bit different - trying a few different hues by trial and error until I found the ones that were “just right”. But I think it’s worth to mention how fate wanted them both to end up having a color similar to those of the parent they feel most close to; in a way, as a product of an orange-blue couple, both Lena and Ollie (with their purple and brick orange colors) can still be considered to be a blue-orange pair, but the colors they took from their parents blended together to create something new. Pretty much like it happens in general with a child’s genes - no one is an exact copy of just one parent, but rather a beautiful mix of the two.

[lunariumarcs]

a while ago, while i was really into my SPOP phase, I developed a shangella story idea that i dubbed the Swap AU. in the AU, angella and shadow weaver swap places - angella performs the spell of obtainment instead of light spinner. I was going through my old work on the blog and decided that I don’t like the way I wrote it - particularly the relationship between angella and shadow weaver. it was toxic and borderline abusive, and while it was interesting to explore that type of relationship at the time that i wrote it, its not really the sort of thing i currently enjoy writing about. it also comes with the caveat that im not really writing the shangella that i wanted to write, and also light spinner eventually leaves angella at some point in the story.

so here is an outline of a potential re-write that ive been thinking about for a couple of weeks now. these are plot points, largely removed from character work. i want angella’s and light spinner’s relationship to be softer and healthier than i originally wrote in the first version of this story. as such, the spell of obtainment doesn’t turn angella into a meaner version of herself. she’s still caring and nurturing like she is in cannon, her priorities are just different.

Act One:

- also i tagged this post as swap AU, which also where all of the older posts are housed, [including this post on the basic set up for the AU]. not necessary to read but there if you want to

- angella has always put her emotions away and hated being vulnerable, so that becomes more predominant now that she’s transformed. the spell of obtainment works off of the main goal and motive the user has. angella’s main goal and motive was to have enough power to eradicate the horde and restore order to etheria. she’s motivated to do so as a good leader. so the spell feeds into and pushes her ideas of being a good leader to top spot priority and makes them stronger.

- magic has always been one of the most powerful resources (next to military weaponry, which is primarily used by the horde) so she enlists the help of mystacore’s military, which is where light spinner comes in.

- LS’s injury has left her unable to perform strong feats of magic so she has stepped down from her posiiton, leaving michah to take it. though she is largely on leave until she fully recovers, she still hangs around micah and casta. kinda like the way seniors sometimes hang around administrators - she has nothing to do except offer advice and research (read also: annoy the shit out of mystacore’s two most prominant leaders). this is how angella and LS meet and develop a bit of a relationship.

- they take down the horde and restore scorpia’s kingdom (scorpia’s parents are still alive, as at this point the horde hasn’t taken over the kingdom yet)

- as a result of using her magic take down so many horde soldiers, the spell of obtainment has weakened Angella’s connection to to brightstone and she starts having trouble drawing from its powers. at first she doesnt notice as the spell of obtainment draws power from the life power of others, which it was draining from the horde soldiers. after a few weeks of peace, she uses up the energy stored up, starts to feel weak, and realizes she can’t draw on the brightsone’s power anymore. she contacts mystacore for help.

- light spinner still holds her career at a priority and recognizes that she is largely a vestigial part of mystacore. she sees that the queen’s unique disorder of magic is an area she can be of use, without having to actually use her own magic. the queen already knows light spinner and agrees to have her stay in the castle. light spinner makes it super clear that this is a job, not a favour (everybody is in a bit of a recession right now bc of the rebellion/war, and money is a bit hard to come by, especially for LS who’s on leave. its a paid leave but she’s still not making as much as she used to and she also refuses to ask michah or casta for help). angella agrees but secretly considers this a favour to mystacore.

Act Two

- angella and LS bond the longer LS is in the kingdom. they spend a lot of time together as LS conducts observational research on angella’s abilities and magic properties. every other day they spend about an hour doing this. on the days they dont meet, LS is going through library materials to figure out whats going on with angella’s connection with the brightstone.

- she takes her breaks in the castle gardens and starts attending to them as a hobby in her down time

- eventually they figure out that they can make an artificial connection by chipping off a small piece of the brightstone and attaching to to angella via a pendant or sth (like the piece of the black garnet shadow weaver embedded in her mask). the risk ofc is that sacrificing the purity of the brightstone by severing a piece of it will lessen its power. angella wont do it for several reasons including: the brightstone is a symbol of her kingdom and she would hate to disgrace it for the sake of her power. also the spell of obtainment makes it so that she has trouble seeing the bigger picture - so she’s more fixated on the downsides of taking a piece of the brightstone.

- they maybe have a fight about this, idk it depends on what the character building demons say when/if i sit down to write this. if they do fight, it’ll be for the sake of character development and they’ll eventually make up.

- LS has a hard time finding methods other than physically draining the life out of others to keep angella’s magic together (and also to keep angella alive, since the spell of obtainment is parasitic in nature). she leaves to go back to mystacore because they have a more extensive library on dark magic. angella eventually loses her magic and then she starts feeling physically weaker. she sends a scroll to LS asking for updates.

- LS has somebody teleport her to brightmoon. at this point she cares about angella enough to want to do anything to help her. she tells angella to take some of her magic. angella, who isn’t very in control of her power right now, accidentally takes all of LS’s magic. unlike my original draft, LS doesn’t lose her memories. she just passes out for a few hours. when she wakes up, her magic is in a very weak state - just barely there.

Act Three

- though she has power again, angella feels extremely bad for what she’s done and does her best to make sure LS is comfortable while she takes a few days to recover from the resulting exhaustion. LS keeps reassure angella that she doesnt blame her and she’s just glad that angella is feeling better.

- the rest of the act is dedicated to resolving angella’s connection with the brightstone, and building LS’s magic back up (by developing her plant-based magic abilities). maybe i’ll do an arc where they find baby adora and raise her together, or find a way to write glimmer back into the story, idk

[ackerpreach]

This ending .... I can name 500 reasons and I will name them right now, because I don’t think I’m the only one who is upset with how things turned out. (Also, A positive message for all of you at the end)

MAJOR LEAKS SPOILERS/ READ WITH CAUTION

Update: after reading more theories from fellow RM bloggers, and sleeping over it one day, this entire chapter might be an april fools... Don't fully lose hope yet beautiful people. It's me just giving a review on a possible fake April fools chapter

After following this franchise since 2013, so nearly a DECADE. this ending is a pure disserve to the entire fandom. I feel like Yams has rushed it just for the sake of being done with the entire manga. So many things are left open, characters and their developemt are reverted back all the way to chapter 1 or are left even worse than that...

Mikasa’s worthless character development/ Aaronmika’s horrible toxic codependent relationship 

Oh honey... Let’s start with how horrible Isayama has treated her. We were all rooting for her, because we all felt like she was so misunderstood. She had a horrible childhood and imprinted on a guy who treated her like trash 99 percent of the story. And then, slowly but surely, she starts to realize she has to stop obsessing over him in the uprising arc with the help of a real man who treats her like a queen, more importantly, he treats her like a real human being. This man sees her for her abilities and that she has the power to be self dependent. She learned parts of herself, that she was able to work together with him like no one else could.  She learned parts of herself she was unable to do so if she kept obsessing about Aaron. All this love, care, mutual understanding and RESPECT these two shared. 

but...NAH FUCK THAT, right Yams?? Throw all this development away, all this bonding. Let’s make the main female lead even more yandere than she already was in the first season. Let her make out with his decapacitated head (like dude, this is also pure disrespect to Aaron’s dead body btw) and let her obsess even more about the guy who has treated her no better than a piece of toilet cloth 99 percent of the time. The guy who was never really appreciative in front of her for saving his ass billions of times, who always pushed her away, who yells at her and snaps at her whenever he can instead of reasoning and talking calmly with her in mature way. (EVEN PARODY YOUTUBE CHANNELS WHO DONT SHIP ANYTHING MAKE IT A TROPE WHERE AARON TELLS MIKASA HE HATES HER GUTS WHENEVER HE CAN) 

Then after all that, suddenly Yams tries to last minute persuade us Aaron’s always been head over heels for her???  He should have build their relationship better which he hasn’t even tried to do so... He must be thinking his fans are stupid for eating this from his hands.    

Like seriously??? What is this??? 

Isayama is just fully contradicting himself. It’s like someone tipped him off with a buttload of money for him to write Aaron like this to satisfy shipping needs and to cash in those extra money’s from it. Even if he tried to cater to Erem*ika, this is not how you write a loving and caring couple which people will root for. 

This next two panels just freaking infuriates me to the core of my soul. I can’t even describe how dissapointed I am with Mikasa. 

Why is she clutching that head so obsessively like that?  Why is she walking and turning her back away from her comrades? After everything they have done for her, after all they’ve been through?! After everything Armin has done? Standing up for Mikasa, beating up Aaron for hurting her. I feel like even Jean, Connie and Sasha have cared more for her in a healthy way.  Sure, Aaron cares for her romantically too apparently (What a twist Yams :)), but has he aided her to becoming a mentally healthier individual? Has he aided in her mental stability? The answer is a big fat NO!  All I see between these two after today’s raw Chapter’s are too Yandere obsessed individuals who have no clue on how to maintain a healthy relationship. 

Love should only go as far as the heart can endure and it seems like her character is not willing to be aware of that. Even Armin was able to let go of Aaron in those latest panels. Why does her entire character resolve around this guy??? I really do not understand. Her Ackerbond and her age is not an excuse for her to throw her life away like this. 

Shonen’s disgusting portrayal of women 

I’ve seen this countless of times in the many years I’ve watched anime. SasuS*ku from Naruto, Ichih*me from Bleach, Shinji and that oranged hair girl from Neon Evangelion.. Why do these women get decreased to simpletons with one single goal? And that is to obsess over a bland male lead who either treats them like trash or doesn’t notice them up until the last last chapter (LITERALLY WHAT YAMS HAS DONE). Some go even as far as the male leading wanting the kill the female love interest and yet the female lead is still in love with them???. It’s disgusting for him to write the MAIN female character this way. 

It’s dissapointing we believed in Isayama doing Mikasa’s character right. That she’s finally being able to let go of her codependency and to live for herself maybe live in Hizuru and find more about her roots???, but every single time she shows some improvement, it’s burried deep in the ground again by the Author. It almost seems like a lowkey kink of some of the male Mangaka’s to write about a girl obsessing over them no matter what. I see this so many times to the point that I truly stand behind it that some of them might have this fantasy. 

I wished he didn’t portray her last panels like this. Everyone else is living their lives while Mikasa is still grieving about him. I’m not saying she’s not allowed to grieve and everyone takes it at their own pace, but cmon... Show her living her life too. This is too much. Her being next to his grave and grieving him as her last panels just shoves it in our faces that YET AGAIN, BEING OBSESSED WITH AARON IS ALL HER CHARACTER STANDS FOR. 

I truly despise how Isayama handles her grieving, kissing his decapacitated head, carrying it around like some handbag, and her last panels being thissss.

The world leaving Paradis alone miraciously after all that??? 

It’s so weird and out of place with so many political feuds and disagreements between the world and Paradis, the entire Rumbling happening and we can see Mikasa just chilling outside in Paradis with no one bothering them. You can see the rings of the walls in the picture below.  I don’t know the exact reason behind as the manga is still in Korean, but from what I see, the story went the route of: throwing a happy ending without enough proper reason and  it was all fixed just like that in a snap! It doesn’t fit the entire narrative of attack on titan for things to be so peacful out of nowhere. When it comes to the narrative, how things work in that world, how hard it is to achieve peace, everything made somewhat sense up until chapter 138. 139 seems so so out of place...  It’s like I’m reading a chapter from a totally different manga. 

Aaron Yoghurt got defeated so easily/ Aaron’s character assassination

The build up on the first part of the rumbling was great, those kids carrying coins. You could feel humanity’s fear and Aaron’s hatred in those pages. As if he truly had a goal and he has turned away completely from his comrades and his closest friends with no return. The world seemed truly doomed, but he  got defeated just like that. He was in the nape all this time (because screw the warhammer power of hiding yourself elsewhere in his ginormous titan body). There is no master plan as we all expected, and in the end he just acts all yandere in the paths with Armin and that’s it... They massacared his entire character as well. Many fan theories created a better ending with his character. Him being reincarnated as Historia’s baby would be so much better. For him to still keep on seeking and to strive for power. It has always been his motive. It’s his personality from the start until chapter 138. Even if things are okay, to keep on going and to seek that adventure, but then.. He’s so weak and directionless suddenly.. It’s so weird... This is not Aaron at all???

Using Aaron for him this entire post, because I don’t want others to invade our tags... :)))

Historia’s baby 

The only panel we got from Historia’s child was this. Just a normal kid, normal life... Why did Isayama put so much effort in highlighting Historia’s pregnancy if it was nothing too spectacular anyway? It seemed he had major plans for this kid and for their development too??? It’s again, big plans, big developments, big relationship dynamic, but all  got thrown out of the window... 

Don’t read the next sentence if you are a minor :’) 

It’s like almost ejaculating, but stopping right before it and repeating that every single Arc.

My energy when writing about this chapter is the same as Nostalgia Critic and his hatred for atla the live action

In Conclusion...

I know us fans should not be deciding on how this story should end, because this is Isayama’s story after all, but I truly wished for him to wrap up things much more rounded. There are so many unanswered questions... Again, I think for the sake of being done with this manga, he rushed all of it. He’s become a millionaire from this story and now his pockets are jammed full, I guess he doesn’t need to put in any effort anymore, right? Perhaps a controversial opinion, but I really wished he cared for his fans a little bit more with this last chapter by giving some answers that make sense at least. It’s his fans who gave him this platform and the opportunity to tell his story and for him to at least give in a bit of effort especially in the last chapter is the least he can do. Rivamika being canon or not, he truly rushed it without thinking much about the entire story line. He expanded it so much, he didn’t know how to bind it all together.

Even after all this, I’ll still ship them in the headcanon type of way. I do give credit to Isayama for giving us a template for such a beautiful dynamic between Levi and Mikasa. He decides to waste it, but that doesn’t mean we have to.  I want to thank all the people with amazing writing skills, the ones who give us beautiful art like @carmenlee @phit chan @vialesana​ and many more. I want to remind all of you that we can create something beautiful of our own and we don’t neccesarily need canon lore for that. The art I’ve seen, the fanfictions I’ve read have touched me deeper than Isayama ever could at times.The Mikasa in our mind is appreciate of Levi, is mature, classy and has a strong will for herself. They spend their remaining days together peacefully. Keep writing, keep drawing, stay creative. 

I love you all so so much, I’ve only been publicly active since March, but thank you Rivamika fandom for giving me so much joy as a lurker these past 7 years <3

[illuminatedquill]

Nevertheless, Episode 9 (Preview)

Na Bi’s Choice

It’s almost time.

This will be my last post until after the latest episode drops, I think. I have no more to say; no more speculation to offer. I am actually still undecided as to whether I’m going to watch it tomorrow or binge it with the final episode next week. We’ll see.

So! I am here to offer a recap and a run down of where Na Bi has been and where, maybe, she’s going in this next episode based on everything I’ve seen so far. This is my opinion and if yours differs, I would love to hear about it.

Let’s do a recap:

Na Bi is, somewhat unsuccessfully, trying to move on from her relationship with Park Jae Un. In episode 8, we have two confessions (well, three, but Soljiwan don’t deserve to be a part of this angsty mess): one from Yang Do Hyeok, Na Bi’s childhood best friend, and one from Park Jae Un, local asshole.

Na Bi seems now aware of how messy her personal life is and has decided that now is not the best time to be dating. She turns down Do Hyeok, who only reassures and comforts her that it’s fine; he still likes her no matter what. Do Hyeok, best boy that he is, decides to respect her decision and give her the space she needs to choose what is best for herself.

Jae Un, asshole that he is, hasn’t gotten the memo that Na Bi desires an end to their drama and continues to invade her personal space and cross boundaries where he isn’t wanted. He does his own version of a confession and drops a hefty piece of info: that he was present at the night when Na Bi’s ex revealed his erotic sculpture of her and saw it all went down. He further reveals that he fell in love with her at first sight there.

Na Bi, thankfully, isn’t impressed.

(Not sure if the show is going to expand further on this info but we’ll see.)

At the end of episode 8, it’s evident that Jae Un is increasingly desperate to keep Na Bi by his side. He stalks her to the alleyway where they first talked all those episodes ago and drops that dumbass one liner about butterflies again.

And that’s where we left off.

Let’s break down Na Bi’s choices next. I’m not going to say how likely any of them are to happen; it’s all up in the air.

It’s Na Bi. We won’t know until she says it.

First off:

Park Jae Un

Let’s talk about it. Chemistry and attraction seem to reign supreme in Nevertheless and his case seems to be further bolstered by the fact that Na Bi seems unable to shut him out permanently (at this point, I’m not sure what exactly would be her breaking point with him). Yes, the two have evident feelings for each other but I’m feeling it more from him, rather than Na Bi.

The tables have certainly turned in this latter half of the drama: now Jae Un is the one desperately in love, whereas Na Bi is not willing to reciprocate. His gestures and advances of “sincerity” towards her come off as entirely self serving; I feel like he enjoys the feeling of being in love with her rather than actually being present in the relationship. It’s one thing to love someone; it’s another thing entirely to put in the work to make the relationship sustainable. And I have yet to see anything from either Jae Un or Na Bi that tells me that they could be a viable couple in the long run.

Also, Na Bi’s decision (if she sticks to it, which I hope she does) to not date anyone currently might have closed the door on this couple already: Jae Un clearly wants to date Na Bi now. There’s an interesting (and increasingly plausible) scenario that could arise from this:

Na Bi gives in and admits her feelings to him but still rejects him because they need to sort themselves out. Jae Un, impatient and wanting nothing short of a hard ‘yes’, takes this as a total rejection and leaves for America. Na Bi is heart broken once again but moves on. They meet again after he returns and it’s up to the viewer to interpret whether or not they give it a second chance.

Here are the factors that work in Jae Un’s favor: first, that damn explosive attraction he has with Na Bi. Although I think it’s wearing off by episode 8, it’s still a potent force. And the fact that Na Bi still has lingering thoughts and feelings towards him also speaks that she isn’t done with him, much to her dismay. Yes, she’s angry, suspicious, sad with him but if she really didn’t care she wouldn’t feel anything at all. And, despite Na Bi’s better judgment, we know he’s the one she keeps turning to.

Other factors? He’s the fucking main lead. Rarely do kdramas have the girl end up with anyone other than the main lead. Our best boy Do Hyeok isn’t even listed as a second lead. So, that’s something to take into consideration.

But don’t count Do Hyeok out just yet. Let’s talk about him.

Yang Do Hyeok

Best boy. One of three reasons why most of us are watching this mess (the other two being Soljiwan). Do Hyeok, despite all the factors previously mentioned working in favor for Jae Un, continues to represent a strong rival and possible endgame for Na Bi. So, let’s talk about him.

Nevertheless makes the strong case for Jae Un and his type of love but it also makes a strong case for Do Hyeok. He was a bright, yet brief presence in the webtoon and his screen time in the drama has definitely been extended to showcase even more of that sweet, charming smile of his.

I’ve written in a previous post about why Do Hyeok and Na Bi make sense and why their relationship is already so good even though they’re not dating but I’ll simplify for you all here: it’s based on an even playing field and has a strong foundation of friendship already present. Do Hyeok doesn’t leave Na Bi in any doubts about how feels about her; he comforts her when she’s feeling down even after she rejected him; he is attentive and cares for her deeply. And, also, she trusts him implicitly in a way she doesn’t with Jae Un. He makes her smile the most like no one else does. With him, Na Bi is unapologetically happy and carefree that she hasn’t been in a long time.

Do Hyeok’s only flaw is that he has epically bad timing. Which, unfortunately, matters a lot in relationships.

The feelings Na Bi has for Do Hyeok have been complicated by his confession but, in a rare moment of clarity (again something she doesn’t have with Jae Un who only confuses her), she turns him down in order to protect him from herself. So, yes, Do Hyeok is still the childhood best friend but only because Na Bi is keeping him safe. She doesn’t want to disappoint him.

One factor working in Do Hyeok’s favors: he’s still in the drama, for one. Seol-a, Jae Un’s ex, has been absent since episode five (although she’s making her grand return in this next episode). If the show was really done with Do Hyeok, it would have been a done deal by now (well, we’ll see what happens in episode 9) but it tells me that there’s still a plan for him. He’s not merely a distraction or being used for character progression for Na Bi and Jae Un.

The biggest thing going for Do Hyeok right now? He and Na Bi are endgame in the webtoon. There’s been plenty of talk about how they’ve made changes to differentiate the drama from the webtoon but I’ve been talking with others who have read the webtoon and we are in agreement: the changes, while substantial, have been to the characters and not so much the overall narrative. I’m not saying the ending will be exactly the same but I do think it will hit the same beats just in a different, healthier and happy way.

My scenario for Do Hyeok and Na Bi is that she makes the choice to finally ditch Jae Un for good but doesn’t commit to Do Hyeok immediately. She might stay friends with him after asking him to wait for her. We’ll see the set up and consummation for that in episode 10.

(However, since Nevertheless is entirely driven by the characters and their choices you could make the argument that those character changes are enough to warrant a different ending. So, take that as you will.)

Despite all the positive things I have to say about Na Bi and Do Hyeok, I have to stress that nothing is guaranteed here. The preview promises nothing but more pain and angst between Na Bi, Do Hyeok, and Jae Un. That’s the only certainty.

Well. There’s one more certainty. At least, I hope. In fact, it’s the most obvious and clear choice that Na Bi should be making in episode 9 and the one I hope the writers are gearing towards. It’s the only outcome any of us should care about, really.

Yu Na Bi

Yes, you read that right.

This is the only endgame we should really give a shit about. That Yu Na Bi chooses herself, her well being, her happiness, over anything else. Jae Un vs Do Hyeok - it’s not important and never really should have been.

Yes, we can all differ on the opinion of which of these two guys can best help her achieve this but Na Bi really needs to stand on her own to achieve this. Happiness has to come from within; she needs to fix what’s broken inside before she can be in a good relationship.

Na Bi needs to love herself first before anyone else. She deserves that so much. I want that before anything else and if she can get that, I will forgive the writers for all the BS they’ve put us through. And even if she chooses Jae Un. I’ll be happy for her and wishing her well.

(Although, again, Do Hyeok is the only one who gets that she needs to figure this out for herself, BUT it’s still Na Bi’s choice. It’s not that Do Hyeok deserves Na Bi, but she deserves someone sweet and good like Do Hyeok in her life.)

Best of luck to us all, Na Bi, and Do Hyeok tomorrow. It’s the beginning of the end. We’re almost there. Let’s wish them all happy endings.

I’ll leave you all this as the mind set you should have going into episode 9:

[agentjx7]

SO I wrote this massive post in the BCB discord explaining why I still like Paulo/Lucy, and at some urging I’ve edited it for tumblr!

Now, I could start off with a lot of talking about Paulo and Lucy’s personalities and why I think they’d mesh well together, but you’ve probably read the comic. You know the characters. I don’t think the argument “they don’t have chemistry” is even on the table. Instead, I feel like most people’s arguments about the ship are either “there are healthier/better ships for both of them” or “the Ferris Wheel scene and chapter 100 sink it.” So let’s talk about these arguments.

I am not going to be able to convince anyone who thinks that their ship is “better” than paulucy to switch sides, so let’s talk about healthier for a second. Paulo’s relationship with Daisy as it stands at the moment would doubtless get mired down by Daisy’s jealousy of Lucy. I’m not saying it couldn’t be good in the future, and both of them are developing in the directions that would make that easier, but at the moment I don’t think it’d be good. And as for Lucy? The number of healthy ships for Lucy is vanishingly small. I think it’s possible that her relationship with Paulo, if it started in the next chapter, would be healthy, but I also think they both need a little more work— and I think that they’re more likely to develop in positive ways together than apart!

Now, as for their recent arguments. I do not think Lucy is telling the truth during After You on the Ferris Wheel— at least, not the whole truth. She doesn’t feel like she can do a relationship at the moment, and she’s tired of watching Paulo (who she cares about deeply) hurt himself by waiting for her. This is compounded by the things she’s internalized from December and after: she feels like all she CAN do is hurt Paulo more, and that even if she starts dating him he’s only going to be doing it because he likes her appearance. Paulo might have proved MULTIPLE times that this isn’t the case, but she’s dealing with quite a bit right now and it’s very hard for her to see the positives in any of her relationships— Augustus excluded.

During the Ferris wheel ride she never actually can bring herself to tell Paulo outright that she doesn’t love him and that she’s incapable of loving him in the future. She does say that she’s sorry they couldn’t have been more in the past, but that’s because of her crush on Mike, a crush she’s slowly getting over. When he flat out asks her if there’s no way for her to love him she gives a non-answer and then changes the subject to the time they slept together, which she argues she only did because she thought she’d never see him again. I think this is true (and it was kind of a shitty thing to do), but Lucy isn’t giving herself enough credit OR Paulo enough agency here. Her goal during this whole conversation is to convince Paulo to move on from her, so she says a LOT of stuff that’s fairly hurtful. From her own admission, though, the reason she’s saying it all is because she thinks Paulo should move on, and that she’s not worth waiting for. That’s not her call to make. Unfortunately, as we see from their next conversation, all she really accomplished was ruining Paulo’s evening.

So now the big one, High Expectations. Paulo absolutely BLOWS UP at Lucy here, and a lot of people signaled it as the death knell for the ship. It definitely wasn’t our finest hour, but I maintain that there’s a couple little things in the scene that show that it’s still got stuff going for it. FIRST of all, Paulo flat-out says he loves Lucy. This one should’ve put the nail in the coffin of “ah Paulo doesn’t care about her because of the fair” argument, but on the NEXT page we get to the big one. Lucy says she didn’t come back for any of them, and Paulo asks the armor-piercing question: “Then why the fuck did you come back?”

This scene, this panel, is the FIRST time since Love Again that we see Lucy taken off guard by one of the members of the gang. It’s the only time her “I’m a cold hearted bitch now and I hate all of you” act really drops before she has her conversation with Sue a couple chapters later (It’s All in the Mind).

Paulo is the first person to REALLY get under her skin after she returns, and it’s pretty clear the things he says in this chapter stick with her. I could talk more about that, but for now let’s talk about Paulo and why he doesn’t mean the shit he says right here about how he’s Done With Lucy for real this time™️. First of all, Paulo is right up there with Mike and Lucy in terms of emotional outbursts— the main difference is that when he attacks people he just straight-up physically attacks them instead of tearing them down emotionally, and that it’s a coin flip whether he’s going to get angry with someone else or burst into emotional tears and start hating himself (because he’s one of the most empathetic emotional characters in the comic but I digress). He’s just seen Lucy, who’s keeping up the “I actually hate ALL of you now” act, with AUGUSTUS, who to his knowledge is the guy who tried to molest Daisy and nothing else. Robbed of the context of the situation, he feels like Lucy really hates them all so much that she’d rather hang out with the creep than them— than HIM— and that shit hurts. Why? Because he absolutely still loves her.

Paulo has also had an EXTREMELY rough day. One of his best friends just slammed his face into a lunch table. He’s still on rough terms with Abbey, even if Daisy’s party has assuaged some of these fears. He’s ALREADY ready to fall apart, and then THIS hits him like a train. It HURTS, so he lashes out and storms off.

Lucy realizes that she’s hurt him, bad, and that hurts her— but we don’t get to see that because Paulo and Mike are the focus of the chapter so we’re MOVING ON now, I’ll explain in a minute.

SO! During All in the Mind Lucy has another confrontation with her friends, leading to her blow-up with Daisy. BUT CRUCIALLY she’s on good terms with Sue again, and she starts to realize that she can’t keep hurting her old friends like this. This leads directly into her behavior in Witch Hunt, which is the next time we see the two of them interact. All she does is apologize to Paulo for potentially hurting him again with the dress— but this is a bigger moment than it might seem. In the earlier chapters after her return, Lucy would’ve pretended not to care that her actions could have hurt Paulo, but this time things are different! This is her reaching the olive branch out to him, as well as her genuine fear that she’s just hurt him again. Paulo assures her it’s no big deal, and then resumes casually flirting with her (in a friendly way!), something that she laughs with and clearly enjoys. When Daisy interrupts them they BOTH start blushing.

SINCE THAT POINT, the only chapter to feature the two of them significantly interacting is Unwanted Gift. Paulo happily takes part in the celebrations of Lucy’s birthday, which he DEFINITELY would not have done if he was still in the same mindset from High Expectations. Now, I can’t claim to know what’s going to happen after the most recent emotional missile salvo of a chapter, but I truly do believe the two of them are in a much better place than when Lucy first returned.

NOW, what evidence do I have that they really do still love each other? Admittedly, some of it is just my own gut feeling about the characters. Lucy leaving for the better part of a year didn’t put a damper on Paulo’s feelings. Being told “stop caring about me before you get hurt,” ESPECIALLY since Lucy can’t (or won’t) say “I don’t love you,” is not going to stop him.

As for Lucy? Well, there’s the inherent fact that Lucy didn’t just come out and say she didn’t like him and he had no chance. Lucy is often brutally honest, and she still chose to dodge the question when he asked. But Lucy still can’t bring herself to say she does love him, so if she’s so brutally honest, she must not, right? Well, no! One of Lucy’s major character flaws is that she can’t be fully honest with people, even when it would benefit them both. Admitting her true feelings is a specific area where that’s a problem— Lucy confessed she loves someone once before, and look how THAT went. Also on the BCB ship chart she’s still listed as having a crush on him and the chart came out in *checks notes* after Lucy came back so I’m hanging onto that for dear life

So, there you have it! My overdrawn explanation of why paulucy good, actually. Thank you so much for reading if you got this far! God I really love this comic waaay too much.

[aotopmha]

Hi! I love reading your posts. These days I mostly look forward to your episode analysis. But I wanted to know what are your thoughts on mikasa's character and would you say she is well-developed given the latest chapter? The fandom in the past mostly argued that mikasa is the most poorly treated female character by isayama. And now I guess people have resorted to some disgusting takes which I dn't wana bring up in your space. Thanks.

Cool you like my stuff!

I think she is one of the best executions of her character archetype and she is just like every other character in AoT: there are sections of the story where she has less focus and sections of the story where she has more focus.

In her character's case, I think her main focus was in the first arc and in this last arc, but there are key moments peppered in other arcs to bridge the way to her character in this arc.

In my eyes, she has been absolutely great in this final arc.

Mikasa has not been the only character I've seen criticized to be wasted potential in the story, but I think what some people want out of the characters simply is not what AoT offers or how the story writes its characters in the first place.

There are walls of text about the lore and plot, but the big character moments are always punctuated by big panels that let the moment breathe.

I think people want volume because volume automatically means more complex characters to them, but I think AoT likes to be concise much more.

I've said this before, but I think Mikasa is one of the best examples of this in the story.

I've disagreed with the claim that Mikasa specifically is wasted potential for quite a bit, but I think I do with most AoT characters. I think most of them were used to their fullest potential.

But with Mikasa I especially do now because I did get everything people seem to claim they are missing out of her character.

I got a character arc about gaining a healthier understanding about relationships.

I got a character arc about growing more pragmatic and mature and understanding when feelings need to be put aside to do the right thing.

I got a relationship-centric female character who is not required to throw away her relationships to grow and plays with gender roles in a fun way because of the masculine elements of her character, like her strength and muscular build.

I got a relationship-centric character who has relationships outside of her most focused-on relationship.

Her backstory would've worked just as well were she a male character.

There are several key points in the story where her caring about others drastically effects the plot of the story.

If she could've killed Reiner and Bert when they revealed themselves, the story would be very different.

If she did not throw away the blade Armin had back in Trost and wasn't there to help him, the story probably would be very different.

If she wasn't there to stop Kaya from killing Gabi, the story probably would be pretty different.

Hell, if she wasn't there to save Sasha in that one scene in Trost, even then things would've been much different because Sasha is so essential for some of the events in the early stages of the final arc.

People talk about how details add up and I think Mikasa is 100% that character, except some of these details are actually key points in the story.

This is also true in the anime. We had a few altered scenes, but we got other ones in return, like the one with Hannes in season 2 or a couple of scenes with Historia in season 3.

I think every ounce of pathos you could wring out of her character has been wrung out of it.

I love her character as this motherly, but powerful protective presence and her being powerful, but also human.

The scene with Reeves in Trost and the scene with Hange in Shiganshina come to mind as two contrasts. Her as powerful and her as grieving.

The reason why she is lower on the ladder of female characters for me is that her character is still constrained to her archetype.

Everything you could do well with that archetype is done incredibly well, there's even subversions in there with the masculine elements of her character and details of her character arc.

But there isn't anything in particular I find that's very unique about all of the aspects that make up her character.

I think at some point people were complaining that she had only a few lines of dialog in the Shiganshina arc or something like that, but I still take that over the four scenes with Levi in the Uprising arc that all said the same thing in essence (torture scene, scene with Historia, scene with Armin, scene with random MP thug).

She is very much a quality over quantity, show don't tell character:

(Chapter 84)

I take this over any monologue about pragmatism Levi makes in the Uprising arc.

Of course, Mikasa is a character and characters are written by people.

Maybe Isayama could've written her in a way where her relationship with Eren isn't as big part of her character or not a part of her character at all.

Maybe he could've even made her be the kind of character that does have elaborate inner and outer monologues about losing her parents or those she cares about or being stuck between duty and family.

He could've made her have the same amount of focus every arc.

But I feel like she's not the only character who was like this.

As I said, I think everyone has been out of focus at some point or another.

Reiner was a non-character before Clash and wasn't even there in Uprising.

Eren was actually gone or unconscious for a lot of the Female Titan, Clash and Uprising arcs.

All of the Paradis crew was gone for most of the Marley arc.

I also feel like even the most complex characters in the story don't reflect or angst massive amounts in the first place. As I said, I think there aren't that many walls of text concerning character motivation.

All of the information you need is there in simple, but layered dialog.

In that sense I don't see her being treated more unfairly than other characters.

I can say that I think the only characters that I feel weren't used to their fullest potential were probably Bertholdt and Historia.

I really do feel we got everything we could out of Mikasa's character, though and the ending for her is pretty much perfect.

Thank you for the ask!

[rinharu-purple]

Hi, nice to meet you!

As a fellow Gavin stan, I found your analysis quite interesting and I'm very happy that someone finally understand the other side of our ginkgo boy... Idk whether you play in CN server or MLQC. I'm just curious, what do you think of Gavin in S2? Because I hear that everything is gonna be different. Also, the latest main story in CN server--do you think the story will be more angst?

Thank youu..

Waiting for more analyzes from you ❤

Dear Anon, 

Thank you very much for your kind words and I’m also happy to meet you ^_^

Please excuse my belated answer. I waited specifically for cheri’s translation of the S2 CH11, so that I could give you a worthy answer <3

I play MLQC, because I don’t understand Chinese (yet), so I am following @cheri-translates on a daily basis for the season 2 material. (Thank you cheri, you’re the best! (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc) )

From what we get so far, Gavin shows some differences in his aura and character in S2 due to two main reasons:

1) He didn’t have the extreme teenage drama from S1 (except for his mother’s passing)

2) He and MC were companions during high school, so their relationship has a healthier fundament.

The events of the second season take place in a “parallel universe”, therefore MC’s relationships vary from those in S1. But also the Loveland City they are in is a different one, with different players but also different villains. So things DO change in S2 in general.

What do I think about Gavin in S2?

I - AM - IN - LOOOOOOOVVVEEEE - WITH - HIM!!! <3 <3 <3

Gavin was the main reason I watched the anime and downloaded the game in the first place. He was a very caring, understanding, talented and *ehm extremely good looking guy. He still is btw. This guy has a very big heart and is the most human among all LIs if you ask me. But sometimes I had the feeling in S1, that he wasn’t reaching to his full potential. His love for MC was at times awkward, mainly because he doubted himself a lot and was underestimating himself in many topics with regards to MC. His past with his father and brother was also weighting on him big time. Thus affecting his actions to a great extent. Gavin’s potential was bound by ball and chains and he didn’t seem to be able to free himself from them. And yet, he was a resilient guy, who made peace with his past, always finding the love&faith in his heart and following his own path. Those unnecessary insecurities caused by his experiences were Gav-babe’s downside in S1.

In the second season, we meet a very self confident Gavin who doesn’t get worked up in front of MC easily, let alone shy away from her. On the contrary, Gavin is teasing MC shamelessly and even toys around with her as he lets her hover over the ocean. Would you ever think that S1 Gavin would dare to do that? :D He interrogates her just for the kicks even though he doesn’t suspect her one bit, or asks her if he should detain her, since she looked like she was asking for it (I really recommend you to read the scene in CH11). Gavin is carefree towards MC and this makes him unbelievably attractive. Sure, I was surprised at first as I saw him immobilizing MC after meeting her for the first time after many years and was afraid, that he would be hostile towards her. Thankfully, this wasn’t the case...so far.

In S1, Gavin and MC were already in a harmonious relationship and were moving forward side by side gradually. But they were also having difficulties in terms of protecting each other from harm’s way and hiding their dangerous missions or wounds from each other. Which didn’t go along with a healthy relationship, even though they came a long way by the end of the S1. Plus, their positions weren’t even equal in respect of being a couple since Gavin was quite the simp and was insecure at times about his interactions with the MC. There was a teenage Gavin in him, who was telling him that he wasn’t good enough for her, that he is useless, that he is worthless. Therefore he always had his gloves on, so the speak.  

These insecurities are downed to a minimum in S2 and Gavin no longer has the self loathing inner thoughts, so it feels as though, he is the real Gavin. The Gavin who he could be, he should be. Up to this point (S2 CH11). I feel like we are watching a Gavin who’s reached, or is reaching, to his full potential. 

In S2, we see him co-operating with MC right from the beginning with little reluctance at first, which is natural since -you know- they are working for the opposing sides. But then we saw in CH11, that they make one hell of a team! In all honesty, Gavin and MC don’t even need to talk to each other to understand what the other thinks. We witnessed many times in S1 when they were thinking/saying/doing the same thing at the same time. But this time, they are aware of the fact that they can see through each other without words. Moreover, they banter with each other by calling one another out. Which is mostly Gavin calling her out btw. This almost flirt-like sweet bantering makes their interaction all the more titillating to me. The chemistry between them is very evident and Papergames makes sure to let us producers know, the attraction is mutual and on equal grounds. Maybe its only my opinion, but I find S2 Gavin way more sexier than the Version 1.0. But its probably because I find self-confidence to be the sexiest trait a person can have. 

On a side note, Gavin also doesn’t display jealousy as in S1 and I believe this also has to do with his self confidence. Jealousy is an emotion which arouses from lack of self-confidence and trust. And the level of trust Gavin and MC share in S2 is off the charts, dare I claim.

One might even say, that the tables have turned in S2. MC has her memories from S1 whereas Gavin has started having flashbacks or dreams about their past just recently. Because of that MC already carries her romantic feelings from S1, she is the one with denser emotions in the new chapters and is rather insecure in front of Gavin. Thus making herself vulnerable for his “toying sessions”. Gavin on the other hand is beginning to explore his heart’s desires towards MC only piece by piece. He cares a great deal about her and is drawn to her inevitably, but can’t quite put his finger on it. His body and soul is already reacting to her, but his mind is a little bit slow on this front. But as stated in R&S “Inevitable”, his heart is destined to get drawn to hers. 

Whether the story is going to get angstier...Let’s not fool ourselves, Papergames has the word angst in block letters carved in marble in their office. So yeah, I am pretty sure that the story is going to get angstier. But I haven’t seen anything as angsty as in S1 CH13, 14, 15, 18. Those chapters were really hard to read, but let’s wait and see.

Another important point about Gavin’s character in S2 is related to his position. He is now the Commander of the STF and therefore carries a heavier responsibility than in S1. We see in every chapter how strategically he is acting and picking the best option in which nobody gets hurt. He is still a maverick and does things in his own way and yet he is now well aware of the fact that each of his actions are affecting great numbers of people. With his subordinates he shares special bonds all the while keeping them disciplined and whatever he does, he prioritizes everybody’s safety equally (only with MC as an exception).  Of course, this was one of his strengths also in S1, but in S2, he can have a bigger impact, since he has more resources to do so. He has become the perfect leader.

Which can be tied to his balanced temper. In S1 there were times, where Gavin wasn’t able to control his Evol and caused mayhem. We haven’t seen any uproar like this in S1 so far. Gavin is in control of his Evol, his emotions and his blushes...hih...well... almost. But he certainly blushes much less in S2. 

So to sum it up, yes, Gavin is different in S2, but in all the good ways and I couldn’t find anything that goes in the wrong direction so far. We have a more mature, confident and experienced Gavin in S2 and I can simply say:

AMEN

I hope my answers can help you with your questions and you can always feel free the contact me if you have any questions...be it anonymously or not.

Have a nice weekend dear anon! d=(´▽｀)=b

[storiesforallfandoms]

what if i can’t ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 1804

request?: yes!

“Hey! I love your writing could you do one with MGK where you’re trying for a baby with him but struggling to get pregnant and he’s super supportive?”

description: after struggling to get pregnant for some time, you start to worry that you may not be able to have kids and what that will mean for the future of your relationship, but your boyfriend is there to assure you

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of infertility

masterlist

Colson and I sat on the bathroom floor as I watched the seconds tick away on the timer on my phone. Colson put a hand on my leg, drawing my attention to him.

“Watching the clock won’t make it go any faster,” he told me as he laced his fingers through mine. “You just have to have faith.”

“I’m starting to lose faith,” I sighed as I rested my head on his shoulder. “Babe, we’ve been trying for months and every time I take a test it comes out negative.”

Colson squeezed my hand tightly. “Well, they say when you give up is when it happens, so maybe this time is the time.”

I didn’t respond. I had very little faith in me being pregnant. There was just no signs of it happening; I wasn’t having morning sickness or strange cravings, I wasn’t feeling bloated (which many of my mommy friends have cited as their main tell for being pregnant), and my period wasn’t irregular, and hadn’t been irregular at all in the past few months.

I was starting to believe that I wasn’t meant to have kids, which was starting to worry me. Colson and I had decided months ago that we wanted to start a family of our own and had been trying ever since to no avail. If I couldn't have a kid, how would Colson react? I know he already had a daughter, but he was so excited for another baby, would he be upset if I couldn’t give him one?

My phone beeped, alerting us that the five minutes were up. I grabbed for the test so quickly that I fumbled and nearly dropped it. It took me a second to look at the results before throwing the test across the room in anger, hot tears forming in my eyes.

“Negative?” Colson asked.

“What the fuck do you think?” I snapped as I got up from the floor and stormed out of the bathroom.

I tried to combat my tears before they fell but it wasn’t easy. I was so frustrated. It felt like there was no use in trying anymore if the result was always going to be the same. It was becoming more and more evident that having a child of my own was not in my future.

Colson followed me into our bedroom as I threw myself onto our bed and buried my head in the pillows. We had tried so many times, there were so many nights where we declined the offer to go out with friends because I was supposed to be at my most fertile. I cut out all the foods and drinks that were supposed to be harmful to babies. I started working out and eating healthier, just to make sure my body was strong and healthy enough to hold a child.

Why did all of our efforts have to fail like this?

I felt the bed dip next to me as Colson sat down. He gently placed a hand on my back, rubbing it soothingly, as more tears fell from my eyes.

“It’s okay,” he said. I peaked up from the pillow to see he was laying next to me now. “We can go back to the doctor and see if there’s any treatments we can do, or any other options that might work. It’ll happen eventually.”

“But what if it doesn't?” I asked as I sat up. “What if the next visit to the doctor, we’re told that none of the treatments or options are viable because I can’t have kids? What if there’s something wrong with me that means I can’t get pregnant?”

“What if it’s me?” Colson responded. “It’s possible that it could go either way, but we can’t assume that’s the problem until we know for sure.”

I shook my head, more tears welling in my eyes. I wanted to stop crying, but I was so upset and frustrated, it was hard to stop.

“It can’t be you, you’ve already had a child,” I pointed out. “And we’ve tried everything, we’ve followed the advice from doctors and specialists and other professionals on the internet, we’ve been doing everything we’ve been told, following it all to a T. If I’m not pregnant, it’s probably because I can’t get pregnant. I can’t give us a baby.”

Colson wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I buried my head in his shoulder and started to cry, letting out all the frustration I had been holding in recently. I had been fearing for a while that the reality of our situation was that I couldn’t get pregnant.

At first, I thought we had just been having a hard time. I had plenty of friends, and had read plenty of stories, about couples trying to get pregnant and it taking some time. Some couples had even been trying for years and were on the verge of giving up when they finally learned they were pregnant. I knew it wasn’t impossible for it to just take some time until one of my eggs was fertilized.

But, as time went on, I began to grow more and more worried. We went to see doctors that confirmed that we were perfectly healthy and capable of having babies, and were given many options and talked to many times about ways to get pregnant. At this rate, I was sure I could go to school to become a pregnancy doctor and pass with flying colours with all that I knew. But still, despite everything we were doing, there was no pregnancy. Not even a sign that I could be pregnant.

Colson rubbed my back, soothingly, as he tried to reassure me, “It’ll all be okay. You’ll be okay, baby. People try for years for children, you can’t put yourself down after a few months.”

“What if it’s genetic?” I asked. “I have aunts that can’t have kids, what if it skipped mom and went to me instead? What if I can’t have a baby?”

“We’ll deal with that when and if the doctor tells us that it’s not possible. For now, we can’t just blame ourselves.”

He was so calm. I knew I should be grateful that he was, and that he wasn’t also taking part in blaming me, but part of me felt angry. I pushed him away from me, a little more violent than I meant, and got up off the bed.

“You don’t understand!” I snapped. “If I physically cannot have a baby, it means that I can’t give you another child! Do you really want to be with me if I can’t do that? Do you want to be with someone who can’t give you another baby?”

Colson stood and put his hands on my arms, forcing me to face him. “Is that what this is about? Do you think I’m going to leave you if you can’t get pregnant?”

I felt another lump in my throat, but I swallowed it and nodded instead of talking. Colson pulled me to him again and held me tightly.

“Baby, I’m not going to let something like not having a baby be the end of this relationship. I don’t care if we can’t have a baby that’s ours, I’ll gladly adopt a baby. Or we don’t have to have one at all. But I’m not going to break up with you if you can’t get pregnant. There are other options we can try.”

I looked up at Colson, my face drenched in tears yet again. “Really?”

He smiled and wiped my face with his thumbs. “I promise baby. If it’ll make you feel better, we can book you for a doctor’s appointment and see if there’s anything else that can be done.”

I nodded. “I’d like that, I just want to know for sure if there’s anything wrong with me.”

~~~~~~

A few days later, Colson and I sat in the doctor’s office, waiting for him to return with the results of the tests I had just taken. My legs were bouncing with anxiousness as we waited for the doctor to return. Unlike a few days before, Colson didn’t try to calm me down this time, as he was just as anxious as I was.

My heart began to beat a little faster as the doctor walked in with a clipboard in his hands. He pulled up a chair and sat across from us, scanning the clipboard. His prolonged silence made me even more anxious.

“Miss. (Y/L/N), if you don’t mind me asking, when was your last menstruation cycle?”

The question took me by surprise and I wasn’t sure if it should worry me or not that he asked. “Uh...like a little over a month ago I think.”

The doctor nodded. “And you said that the test you took a few days ago came back negative?”

My heart slowly began to sank as I solemnly nodded. Colson squeezed my hand to try and reassure me, but I knew whatever the doctor said next was not about to be good.

“Congratulations, Mr. Baker and Miss. (Y/L/N), you’re pregnant.”

I covered my mouth to stifle the scream of shock that came out. Colson was to his feet in seconds, lifting me up and hugging me tightly. He planted a deep kiss on my lips and for a second, both of us forgot that we were in a doctor’s office. It wasn’t until he laughed that we pulled away.

“But wait,” I said once Colson set me down. “The test came back as negative, and I haven’t had any other signs. How can that be right?”

“You’re in the very early stages,” the doctor explained. “Only a few weeks along. At this early on in the pregnancy, a false positive on a test is possible. If you test too soon after a missed menstruation cycle, there’s a high chance the test will come back negative. It’s why so many people might not think they’re pregnant after getting a negative on a test a day or two after they missed their period, only to find out a week later that they were actually pregnant.”

It was at that moment that I realized my period had been late, for the first time ever. I was so focused on hoping that I was pregnant that I didn’t even question how long it had been since my last period.

I turned to Colson, who’s smile mirrored mine. The doctor gave us some advice and booked us an appointment in a few months time to see how the baby was developing. Once we left the office, Colson took me in his arms again and kissed me deeply.

“We’re gonna have a baby,” he murmured against my lips.

“We’re gonna have a baby!” I repeated before kissing him again.

[misssakurapetal28]

9 Reasons Why People Might (and CAN) Ship Apritello in Rise!

1). It kind of follows the "childhood friends to lovers" trope. Usually from all the anime (and occasionally cartoons and other types of media) that I've watched, there's a "friends to lovers" trope and/or "childhood friends to lovers" trope. It's usually when...welll...when friends start to feel romantic feelings towards each other, become a couple or start to date. Usually when that's the case, the friends usually have good interactions or/and know each other more personally than anyone else does. Usually those main things are enough to make a relationship. 2). Even if they do start dating, I don't think things will change THAT much. Maybe some sweet and cute couple moments every now and then, but besides that, does Donnie and April HAVE to be lovey-dovey like every couple media tends to portray pairings these days? Donnie and April can just watch Netflix and chill. Have fun and hang out like they normally do? I see them as just teens who do what they want and don't follow couple clichés. They might date or be a couple, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still friends.  3). Interspecies relationships have happened before in shows. Though I haven't personally watched shows that did have interspecies relationships, I know they exist. So why Rise should be an exception? And NO. Apritello is NOT bestiality. In 2012, April is half-muntant/kraang and there’s a possibly that Donnie MIGHT have human DNA too from Splinter. In Rise, Donnie does have human DNA inside him from Splinter. 

And EVEN IF one or both of them weren’t half mutant/human, it STILL isn’t bestiality. Bestiality is when a human is in a relationship with an animal basically (just look up the real definition if you want to know). Donnie is a mutant turtle (a mutant with human DNA in Rise). He also has a consenting mind. So at best, it’s a interspecies relationship. Now if you personally still don’t like the pair because you personally don’t like interspecies relationships neither, then that’s your preference and I respect that. However, I still think interspecies is LEAUGES better than bestiality in my opinion.  4). Their adorable babies and they generally look cute together. Nuff said ^^ Donnie and April reminds me of the famous "opposites attract" trope too. April, the feisty, headstrong tomboy with the cleaver, sass master Donnie is just interesting dynamic to me. Their personalities compliment each other. Their flaws and virtues compliment each other. I just belive they work well together. Also, angst possibilities. LOTS of angst possibilities. Just saying...

5).  Most Apritello (or April x Turtles) haters/T///cest shippers are total shallow hypocrites. Like I’ve mentioned before, It really baffles me and annoys me that TMNT fans look down on others for shipping Apritello (or any other April x Turtles pairing) just because they personally see (or always saw) April being a big sister to the guys when the same kind of people are perfectly fine with shipping T///cest, pairings that involve the turtles together. At least people who don’t ship neither have the excuse that they see all the teens as siblings and it’s wrong to see them as anything else, but AT LEAST April and the turtles aren’t REALLY related. Like I said, sometimes people who grew up together/childhood friends DO and CAN get together.

Now...People who ship t///cest...that’s THEIR business (I personally despise it). They can stay in their corner and I can stay in mine. Heck, people even have the right to dislike Apritello from any incarnation (especially by 2012 Apritello’s track record), but don’t you dare criticize or looked down on others who do like it when t///cest in that logic isn’t that much better. Now, I personally like 2012 Apritello (or at least mostly the fandom version of it) and I honestly take some interest in the Rise version of it too (however, this one has less attention and love), but if someone else just personally doesn’t like it, that’s perfectly fine too. However, the point that I’m making is that I wish that people don’t be so shallow when it comes to the very little people who does ship Apritello in this incarnation. People liking Apritello isn’t a bad thing. It’s just the way it has to be handled. 

BTW: I can also get people disliking Apritello in the 80’s series and the 2003 series because April was in her 20’s, but in the 2012 and 2018/Rise series she isn’t! She’s 16. 

6). You can ship what the hell you want. 

I know Rise! Apritello mostly comes from that fact that it was a thing in 2012, but so? People still have the right to ship it. Also, it seems like they have at least some kind of development or chemistry. Now, I’m not going to lie. The chances of them being a couple or even having ANY KIND of romantic feelings in this series is slim because:

1. It’s a kids show. It’s more of a silly/comedy kid show than any of the other previous TMNT incarnations ever were. So this incarnation of TMNT might not be suitable for actaul romantic themes. I mean, there’s the “romantic”/complicated relationship between Splinter and Big Mama, but that’s about it.

2. Again, it’s a kids show....about kids and their (mis)adventures. April is 16 and Donnie is 14. I doubt that romance is a big thing for them right now at this point in their lives. Not to say crushes can’t happen, but...yeah.

3. April most likely sees Donnie as a brother and vise versa. In fact, it WAS confirmed that April sees all the turtles that way. Also, most Rise fans sees them as such, even before Rise began.

4. I know some don’t find a problem with this (including myself), but Donnie is a mutant turtle while April is a human girl. So people might find that weird or claim it is bestiality (even though it’s not). Hence part of the reason why I think one of the creators/writers said this. Speaking of...

5. Seems like they don’t ship it romantically. Heck, they even claim that others (or 2012 Donnie’s crush on April, it’s really unclear) as “pervy” for it (which I disagree, but I digress). 

HOWEVER, despite all this said, who’s to say that anyone still CAN’T ship it? HECK, who even says that the possibility is COMPETELY off the table? You see that I said the possibility of them happening or having any romantic feelings for each other are SLIM, not INPOSSIBLE. Like I said above, I’m one of the those people who watched TMNT 2012 who actaully shipped Apritello. 

Now, I’m not going to sit up here and say that Donnie’s crush (and in my opinion, later love) for April was the healthiest thing in the world. I’m also not going to say that Donnie and April’s characters where the best here. Because it wasn’t, it was a result of bad writting from the writers part. But...Apritello in TMNT 2012 in canon wasn’t that bad sometimes per say. I personally love Apritello for what it could’ve been more than anything, but canon Apritello? It wasn’t THAT bad. Again, it was just how it was written. If it was given more of proper writting, I really think Apritello could of been like, one of the most amazing and complex ships in media history??? But Alas...

However, unlike 2012 Apritello (unfortunately), I do think Rise “Apritello” is being handled A LOT better, healthier and more natural this time around. Even if it’s not the creators/writers intentions this time around to make any kind of romance for the two, they still have great development together, but I belive that they are close. Now, in MY personal headcanons, I headcanon that Donnie didn’t initially romantically like April from the start. I even made a headcanon that when they first met, they disliked each other (but that’s a different story for maybe another day). So things basically just went the same as it is in canon. 

However, ever since the snow day episode (which I kind of headcanon in a scene that wasn’t shown like this), Donnie gain a tiny crush on her (which grew little by little). Now by NO MEANS that it’s as big and crazy as 2012 Donnie’s crush, but a crush no less. Now, do or will they get together in my headcanon? Well, I don’t know yet. Because my feelings for this pair tend to go back and forth. 

The point is, people ARE allowed to ship Apritello if they want to. People shouldn’t have to feel hesitant or bad to ship them just because others see them as siblings (which again, they are not even related) or because people don’t personally like it or see it as right. I also don’t feel like people have to stop shipping it just because of the common headcanon that April is a Lesbian. 

And that’s another thing. Look, I have NOTHING against the popular headcanon of April being a lesbian (and I also understand why people would think that). That’s cool. You can have ANY KIND of headcanon for ANY character you want. However, in my personal headcanons, I see April as Bi (but maybe a little more interested in girls). It’s not only because I ship her with Donnie though, but it’s because it’s never been confirmed that she’s not interested in guys too though. 

Just because she’s bit of a tomboy and has no interested in Dale (a character that BARLEY made ANY appearances and the fandom seems to already hate him for SOME REASON), that doesn’t automatically mean that she’s ONLY into girls. I mean, you can headcanon ANYONE the way that you want, but her being Bi is MY opinion and MY headcanon.

My point: Ship what you want and don’t give dam what ANYONE says, even if it is Apritello.

7). They make a pretty good duo. Shown in episodes like “The Purple Jacket” and “Donnie v.s. Witch Town”, the two make a prefect duo! They also seem to have a better understanding of each other and care about one another a lot. They love each other and kick butt together! ^^ 8). This is my personal taste, but they are like the sun and moon :) This also plays into my “opposites attract” theory when it comes to them. Also, read more up about the concept of “yin and yang”. It will make A LOT of sense when it comes to these two!  9). It can work out platonically AND romantically. Like I’ve mentioned above, it means they are dating/are in a relationship, that doesn’t mean that they can’t also be friends. However, that doesn’t mean they won’t work out just as good as friends. That’s just how much understanding that they have for each other and how good they work out together :) 

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Wow, I wrote a lot! lol If I took any of this all out of context, I’m sorry for that? lol But I just wanted to make the point that shipping Apritello in this incarnation isn’t bad like some people make it out be. It’s just as fun as shipping any of the other popular pairs in in this incarnation. I like Apritello, both 2012 and Rise. If you do too, then you should be allowed to without feeling bad about it. Just remember that! 

Let’s enjoy these two dorks together, ok? :)