#Revisiting childhood stuff
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linettefox · 11 months ago
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Revisiting things purely for the nostalgia:
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Revisiting things because you miss them and want to make it your personality again:
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*Starts watching Yokai Watch and becoming obsessed with it again*
*Starts playing MySims and becoming obsessed with it again*
*About to rewatch Sally Bollywood which was ultimately a longer hyper-fixation than both of them*
There are quite a few interests I have buried for one reason or another so I guess this year and the upcoming one are just me taking them back. Idk if anyone understands this.
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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year ago
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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bolithesenate · 10 months ago
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gosh they should just let me make a tv series about the jedi corps
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marklikely · 3 months ago
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basically there comes a time where u have to ask yourself. did i really like harry potter or did i just like participating in such a big cultural event w other kids my age.
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hecksupremechips · 9 months ago
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The best feeling in the world is when there’s a piece of media you know you love and you’ve hyped it up as your favorite thing for so long but you haven’t revisited it in a while so you start to worry if it’s really as good as you make it out to be and so you go back and revisit it and it’s like. Oh this is even better than I remembered this shit rules
#the klock keeps ticking#i always get this feeling when i play 999 but tonight i got it with the letter#cuz ive uh finally decided to bite the bullet and play the evil meanie route where everyone dies 😟#a route ive put off for so long cuz its just too damn sad to think about akjdksk god it hurts#and ive played like for the most part every route of this game EXCEPT this one but i know the ending is really dark and i need to see it#plus i will at least get my beloved torture scene in so thats nice#i didnt kill off isabella though its a coma route which i hope still allows me to get the ending i want cuz i mean shell still be out of#commission in the final scene so hopefully it works out#but yeah no i started off tonight on the marianne chapter and while i did skip around through it cuz ive played it many times and i just#wanna get to the important stuff already alskj i also just replayed some of the best parts#aka the shit where lorraine appears and the gay shit alksks and god like hnnnghh not only does this chapter still ruin me emotionally#i also just remembered why i love this character so much and remembered just how good the character writing in this game is#and i also played into the rebecca chapter and didnt skip as much cuz i actually am not as familiar with the coma route#cuz it makes me sad and i never revisited it lol and i havent gotten to The Scene that makes me sob yet#its so coming though dont worry but idk i guess its just been cuz ive been thinking about p3 so much lately#and in particular shinji both the death route and coma route but in particular the coma cuz thats what im writing#and damn lol the letter just writes the grief and nuanced relationships and death stuff so much better lol god#like marianne loses her childhood best friend whom she has a gay ass relationship with to suicide and like its just better#she blames herself and still isnt even kinda okay with it after 13 years#like it just fucking ruined her and the only thing keeping her from losing it is her repression and drinking problem and unattached sex#and then with coma route well fucking first off isabellas friends actually like. visit her frequently damn#and they just all have such unique ways of coping like Zach is being optimistic so no one gets too upset#rebecca is sorta in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly she has to contact the family and make big decisions#and shes also just taking the most stress and shes got so many complicated feelings around isabella going on but she genuinely cannot stand#that isabella is hurt shes fucking destroyed she loves isabella and then ashton AAAAA god yeah i also just remembered that hes SUCH a good#character hes like being a genuine asshole right like Rebecca calls to tell him that isabella is comatose now and he literally doesnt let#her say anything he literally says ‘i dont have time for other things rn’ like the wellness of his friend is just ‘other things’#but you just know thats not it not at all hes burying himself in work to the point of destruction so he can figure out who did this and make#everything okay and he refuses to show even an ounce of vulnerability cuz THE SECOND HE DOES IT ALL COMES OUT AND HE CANT GET OUT OF BED#ANYMORE CUZ HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY WHEN THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IS DYING
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starburr · 1 month ago
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getting the urge to watch amphibia all over again but grrrr, I got midterms to prepare for
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dani-says-stuff · 4 months ago
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someone tell me not to start a ouat book.
pls someone stop me, i have other stuff i need to finish before i dive into that
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persistent-wallflower · 7 months ago
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Every time I manage to do the simplest stuff with emulators I feel like such an IT pro 😎😎💅
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dongiovannitriumphant · 2 years ago
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thinking abt how nostalgia is a completely normal futile thing to be caught up in, but whats strange for our age group right now is that internet nostalgia in specific is a. often extremely individualized due to the fragmented nature of the internet when we were growing up and b. impossible to be revisited as it has all mostly faded away. It leaves sort of a strange empty feeling. I can walk past my old school library and see kids enjoying it now, or watch a film i loved as a kid, but i can never again surf through the top 40 list of horsegirl webpages and see a new generation carefully put together their emo pixel wolves on a grotty proboards forum you know?
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mantisgodsdomain · 2 years ago
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The greatest curse of Us, without a doubt, is the... us-centrism of the fact that we are Us and no one else. Our view on the world is limited and we are frequently subject to the logical fallacy of The Curse Of Knowledge and we're even more frequently beset upon by the fact that some people, like, are Genuinely Averse to depictions of things they've Dealt With themselves.
Like, what do you mean you're talking about this thing as a reason that this media sucks? What do you mean you actively avoid media that depicts things you went through? Do you not gain that feeling of connection from watching people go through something similar to what you did? Do you lack the feelings that are so easy to conjure up in a strong way from seeing a character dealing with the Same Damn Shit? Do you not look at art to feel things?
#this is a very long winded way to say that we got a media recommendation from a callout post again#we speak#“this media contains depictions of medical abuse and nonconsensual surgery and it puts heavy emphasis on these things”#“it highlights this transplanted thing and the difference from his body constantly”#and we're nodding along like “oh yeah sounds awesome”#and then they hit us with “i don't know why they thought this was appropriate for a family friendly franchise"#“other than the sheer ignorance of the developers about disabled peoples' medical experiences”#like HUH??? WHAT??? do you think that people only include fucked up shit that also happens to real people out of ignorance???#like. even ignoring the obvious “people can create depictions of real and fucked up stuff and that is in no way inherently bad” thing#have you never seen half of the family friendly things in the past decade? did you not read books as a kid? have you never revisited like#any kind of childhood books or games or movies or anything???#theres fucked up shit in kids media all the time! we'll go so far as to say that there should be MORE fucked up shit in kids media#because you need! to actually learn shit exists and figure out how to deal with it! and the earlier you can figure it out the better!#and even ignoring that like. its an AUTONOMY ISSUE. which is the one thing that kids will probably be able to connect to best!#because the single problem that kids and disabled fucks like us have in common the most is lack of autonomy!#a kid will be able to understand and connect with this issue because they have spent their lives surrounded by people#who sign them up to have things done with their bodies without first asking permission from them#who will have things done for them because they're kids and in their eyes cannot be trusted to make decisions of their own#even ignoring that disabled kids exist too and will be able to understand like. most of them will be able to recognize that kinds thing#theyre kids. they arent stupid. they can see this and relate to it as having problems Like Them but slightly more exaggerated#and maybe we're a bit opinionated about this but like#we're disabled! every word on this screen only makes us want to check this out because hey! sounds like the kind of shit we'd like!#we are VISCERALLY FAMILIAR with the kind of shit that people go through because guess what! we've been in the pits too!#we can appreciate the content warning for what its worth but the tone and the way youre saying it is just#look. we're sorry you didn't like it. different strokes for different folks and et cetera. what can help one person can harm another.#acting like medical abuse is a subject that should never be depicted in media for anyone but Mature Adults(tm) or whatever is just#bad#not to have opinions on childrens media but LACK of disabled people and such in media very much fucked us up more than them existing#let the kids have their medical abuse narrative and maybe itll give them a point to connect or get through something of their own#because let us tell you. having points to compare to? having even a fictionalized depiction to relate to?
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basicgrayson · 9 months ago
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I've decided to try journaling. I've been thinking about it a lot since discovering my aphantasia... I used to journal off and on as a kid and I've found that the vast majority of the stuff I remember from my childhood are things that I wrote about at the time. I surmise that it's because I can't really "take a trip down memory lane," so to speak, by visually replaying (is that the right word?) the events in my mind.
My lack of an inner voice on top of that, means that the only way I can really organize my thoughts is by speaking them aloud or by putting them on paper. I do vlog every now and then, but it's hard to find the time to do it regularly. And I have a lot of thoughts that need organizing lol. Journaling, I think, will be much easier to manage.
I started an Instax photo album late last year as well, to help me remember the visual side of things. That, along with writing, I hope will help me to better hold on to good memories and maybe even keep track of lessons learned from bad ones. And if it doesn't, well hey, at least I can improve my handwriting in the process. It's gotten really terrible over the last few years lol
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s1mpl3sp0ng3 · 1 year ago
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i put rugrats in paris on while i'm drawing and GODDAMMIT not only did i forget how it was a staple of my childhood but i also forgot it makes me cry like a little bitch
that scene where chuckie watches all the other kids dance with their moms in the beginning. why don't you just rip my heart out.
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kroosluvr · 4 months ago
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featherman seeker
as usual da cele notes under cut
had to get some food so thsi si late... i lterally gluedm yself to my chair to finish this LMAOAO
all of the not-dialogue is just straight up lines frm featherman seeker LMAOOO just rearranged
this takes place during 3rd semester (see: infiltration log on wall on 4th page, also their winter clothes strewn around akira's room) after drawing it i was rereading like oh u cld prob see this as like post-third semester but nah i intended it to be such BECAUSE
i rock w the canon that sumire has no clue abt akechi's past and black mask and the mental shutdowns and shido and the engine room she doesnt know hes supposed to be dead, that he sacrificed himself, etc. so ofc shes going thru the game like yayyy featherman yay and her sort of naivete Gets thru to goro. i imagine this is like idk a game he played in childhood bc he was a featherman fan but now revisiting it bc sumire wanted to try it, hes like. damn. this kinda. uh. well thats crazy how things line up. so i think it kinda grates at him but sumi's excitement and like. enjoyment! of it kinda helps him also enjoy it more
SO LIKE He knows he's going to die. He knows thats how grey pigeon's story ends. but he's happy here, and now, with the people he loves, so that makes it All right for now. it's a sad story but it's the good ending.
also i forgor how/where/when goro exactly Actualizes back into existence but can u imagine if he spawned right into the winter wonderland of shibuya square like (head in hands) smth so like. isolating abt it. in a crowd of ppl being excited over christmas and hes like what the hell im supposed to be Dead right now.
also "you are not alone" in the first panels very important..... right under hte panel w goro and sumi side by side :') yea
ryuji and ann holding akira back. YEA.
i really like the 3rd slide. the colors mmmm BUT YEAH so its goro/akira fighting/saving sumire, hanging out at jazz jin, last stand against adam kadmon, then goro holding sumi and akira's hands in the snow, then them smiling :') kinda like a procession of memories, or to-be memories or whatever
ANYWAY this is also like part of my whatever canon divergence where the royal trio section of 3rd sem is just longer for no reason . (aka: the thieves take longer to win over to their side, idk maruki gives u a longer time on the deal, etc etcetc.) just more royal trio time :3
sumibun akimeow and gorodog in 4th img... hidden.... also tennis rackets. ALSO THE LITTLE POLAROIDS Important. and all their clothes! i imagine they stay over at leblanc A Lot. akira prob convinces sojiro to Keep morgana at his house LOL and he handles the business and stuff just so they can have their safe haven while they struggle to try and win the thieves back and infiltrate the palace etc . (I kinda have a comic or something in the works for this)
more abt dialogue choices
"it's tough for a tutorial stage" - this means smth. i didnt think this thru 100% ASKJDHASDKJA but its to do w akechi's life and how everything was so fucking difficult for him as a kid when it shouldnt have been.
"is the second phase giving you trouble" - also smth to do w akechi. (As u can see these are all half baked metaphors) smth to do w his 'second life" aka: third semester being Difficult. because now he has sumire and akira and he doesn't want to leave them, so dying the 2nd time is gonna suck real bad.
i like shuakesumi btw
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maladaptivedaydreamsx · 2 years ago
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sad: had a dream i was visiting my grandparents' grave & was an emotional wreck both in the dream & irl when i awoke,,
rad: also had a bunch of sappy dreams about marius proposing and then an even sappier montage of getting closer with his family, moving in, wedding planning, announcements, etc. including some hurt/comfort that brought tears to my eyes, shit was just so damn sweet
bonus: marius trolled me just before proposing and pretended he was just gonna tie my shoe or smth. bonus bonus: we later trolled the gp by posting pics of baby stuff, then announcing a line of pax baby products instead.... and then teased a pregnancy announcement at the end of it anyway. the absolute fucking rollercoaster of emotions stellis must've gone through 😭😂 marius and i are just built different, sorry y'all
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ramp-it-up · 29 days ago
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Sugar, Cubed
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Photo found on Pinterest
Summary: I revisited Sugar and the boys from the Sugar is Sweet séries, and let me tell you. Bucky and Steve sure have grown up from their college days. They are no longer playing around. And they are coming for you. How do you choose? And do you have to?
Word Count: 3.5K
Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader; Bucky Barnes x Reader; boss Tony Stark x reader
Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. Not Beta’d. Read at your own risk. Roommate/Co-worker au, S MUT! Angst, little bit of slow burn. Main character injury, allusions to sex, sexual tension, indecent proposal, caught between two lovers trope, idiots in love, Tony being Tony, truth or dare, talk of voyeruism, possibility of group sex, eventual polyandry.
A/N: This is related to the Sugar is Sweet au, but can be read alone. This is part one, part two will be posted next week. I hope you like it. This is part of Falloween 2024.
I no longer have a taglist. Please follow @rampitupandread and turn on notifications to learn when I post! 😘
I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.
——
You met the two most hated men in your life while you were living together as recipients of the prestigious Stark STEM Fellowship at NYU.
There was an instant spark when you met James Buchanan Barnes and Steven Grant Rogers, best friends from childhood. They sarcastically named you Sugar because of your initial rudeness, but the nickname just stuck around after you warmed up to them.
In the Stark Fellows program, life was hard work and hard play. Soon it was down to just you, Bucky and Steve, and life was a dream with parties, booze, and almost anything you wanted, as long as you lent your minds to the work.
Tony Stark tolerated anything that would keep productivity high. He knew that all work and no play would make Bucky, Sugar and Steve dull scientists.
So he encouraged you three to play. And funded it too.
Steve and Bucky were so protective of you, their sweet Sugar. The sexual tension that came with living with them was heady stuff.
You basked in the glow of Bucky and Steve's attention, while observant of the lines of partners at their bedroom doors and the competitiveness between the football quarterback and lacrosse captain.
You swore that neither Bucky nor Steve would ever win you, no matter the plays they made. But they each had you sprung in different ways. And they were so damn competitive.
They both wanted your heart.
It was only a matter of time before you gave it to each of them.
You fell hard for Bucky first. And it was urgent and intense.
But after just a year together, Bucky accepted a position with Stark Labs in Bucharest for a term that stretched into two years as he completed grad school at Politehnica. It happened without warning. You were angry at his choice and trapped in New York by your own contract with Stark for graduate work. 
You and Bucky were over. And you were heartbroken.
Steve’s waiting arms were open, and it was effortless and freeing to realize that the golden boy was the one who truly loved you. And he’d always been there. Your heart healed. You thought.
According to social media, Bucky seemed to love his new location, extending his contract beyond the initial year-long contract to finish his degree. It seemed that all he did was work.
Not that you were stalking his IG or anything.
He didn’t communicate with you directly, and with Steve only intermittently. It was like he’d erased his best friend and his best girl from his life. 
It made sense, since his best girl was now his best friend’s girl.
Then, during his second year, Bucky's stay in Romania was cut short,  he came back to New York, although not in the way you imagined.
Bucky had been critically injured; losing a limb. Tony made sure he had the best care, flying with Bucky to Wakanda for experimental surgery and overseeing his recovery. 
You found out via a social media after Bucky was back in town, and not from Tony or anyone else.
You were livid.
You raged at Steve, who had lied to you that he had to go to London for two weeks for work when he was actually in Wakanda at Bucky’s bedside.
The betrayal ran deep.
You and Steve were done after that, although you continued to work side by side at the labs. You felt as if Tony was trying to drive you over the edge, having you work around the clock with your ex. But he didn’t care. He had some insane theory that the tension would yield better results.
Each day, you longed for the hour that you could go to your posh new quarters in Stark tower. Although it was lonely, at least your apartment was private, and you could unwind in peace. Your days were tense, but predictable.
Until they weren’t anymore.
——
One afternoon, the hairs on the back of your neck stood up as you stared into the monitor to watch the results from the latest compound analysis roll numbers across your workstation.
“Hey there, Sugar.”
You froze, looking up and out over Manhattan through the window above your station. You couldn’t believe it, but you saw a pale reflection of him in the mirrored glass.
You slowly turned around.
Bucky looked good, his pale complexion not all the result of the blue gray skies over the Hudson. His face had grown more angular, his hair was shorter, and his eyes seemed older, but outside, he was the same Bucky. 
You didn’t know what you were expecting. 
Bucky Barnes seemed whole, except his left hand, the “golden arm” that was the pride of Bobcat football, was now black and gold metal. 
Vibranium. 
You stared at it as it reached for you.
“So I don’t get a hug?” 
Your eyes moved to his face while Steve cleared his throat and reminded you that he was there. You tried to forget his existence most days, but Bucky walking into your lab had erased him from your mind completely. For a moment.
“Sugar–”
You cut him off.
“Fuck you, Grant.” 
You looked back at Bucky with tears in your eyes.
“And fuck you, James.”
Despite your epithets, you threw yourself into his arms, sobbing with emotion.
“How could you…?”
You whispered it into his suit coat, your fingers digging into the material at his back as you cried into his shoulder. Bucky held you tight against him, and he felt harder, more solid. 
You realized that under all of the anger and hurt, you were mainly just relieved that he was alive.
Over two years of anxiety and unprocessed feelings were coming out, and Bucky rocked you as your body heaved. Steve came up behind you and hugged you both.
For a minute you relished the feeling, being held by the only two men that you ever had feelings for. You felt safe. But then you remembered the secrets and the lies, and anger flooded you again. You twisted out of their grasp.
“Don’t get any ideas, assholes.”
You moved away from them and wrapped your arms around yourself, suddenly cold.
“Do you know how worried I was? No one gave me any information. At all. I had to find out from social media. I felt like a fool, Bucky.”
You scowled at him.
“And you. You knew that, Cap. And you lied to my fucking face.”
You glared at Steve.
You looked from Steve to Bucky, who shared a guilty glance with each other. 
“That’s my fault, Sugar. I– I made Tony and Steve swear not to tell you.”
Your dark haired ex boyfriend looked at his shoes as he rubbed the back of his neck with his new hand. He held it up and looked at it and then at you.
“Didn’t know how you would feel about this.”
You ignored the uncertainty and hurt in his eyes.
"What do you want? A cookie? A pat on the head?  A tear? You are not going to make me feel sorry for you. Not when you let everyone else but me in on your secret."
You cocked your head and gazed curiously at the new appendage, then back at him.
“Bucky, I am stronger than you think. And I loved you.”
Both Steve and Bucky winced at the word ‘loved,’ but both for different reasons.
“I would have accepted you anyway you came. And I would have been by your side while you recovered. But you didn’t want that. But it looks as if you’re fine.” 
Steve sat back down at his workstation, resigned. You shook your head at him. If it wouldn’t have cost you a million dollars, which you didn’t have, you would have walked out of Stark Industries and moved across the world. But you had work to do.
“You’re interrupting our work here. You need to leave.”
You wanted him away from you like fire.
“That’s what I’m tryna tell you, Doll.” 
Bucky strolled over to the locker area and took off his coat, grabbing goggles and a lab coat.
“I’m reporting for duty. Tony assigned me back to the New York lab.”
—-
Tony leaned against the bar in his office, after he downed the drink that he’d offered you and that you’d refused. It was only 10:46 am. You were trying to hand in your resignation. Or at least ask for a transfer to a new location.
“And just where do you think you’re going to go, Sugar?”
You glared at your boss. Bolstered by anger, this was the least intimidated, and most angry, you’d ever been at him.
“Paris, maybe? Tokyo? Hell, even Des Moines. I’ll take anything. I need space.”
Tony shook his head. 
“I need you here. The productivity with Barnes back is about to be through the roof.”
You just stared at him incredulously.
“You’re not thinking with your brain. Your heart and what is pounding between your legs are in the way.” 
Your mouth dropped open.
“...But the tension between you Barnes and Rogers will make me a lot of money. I’ve studied you since your freshman year. I know what makes you tick, what motivates you to do your best work. And the numbers don’t lie. Being right in the middle of Bucky and Cap makes lots of money for Stark Industries.”
You stared out at the view of New Jersey, outraged.
“Besides. I have the exclusive contract over your mind, body, and soul for the next seven years. Might as well make the most of it.”
You sighed and took the drink Tony offered you this time.
—-
Bucky Barnes was the most infuriating man you’d ever met, second only to Steve Rogers.
Your brain was scrambled when you weren’t working, so you worked that much harder to stay in control. You hated when Tony was right.
Here you were, flanked by two gorgeous men whose work clothes only accentuated their powerful bodies. Bodies that you knew very well. Your tongue had traced every plane of each of them. Your hands explored their broad shoulders and taught, muscular frames. Your fists had clenched their throbbing cocks and you had accepted them inside you. 
No matter how mad you were at them, you couldn’t get them out of your mind.
Imagining Bucky crashing his lips to yours as he backed you up against a wall made your core throb. And dreaming about Steve’s hands around your thighs as he lifted you onto a lab table made your nipples tingle.
Working in between them in the lab was torture for your neglected body and soul. You were doomed to work in  between the two men who’d fucked you most thoroughly and recently.
You didn’t even want to think about your heart.
You ignored the lingering looks in their blue eyes, the way they gentled their voices when they spoke to you, and the way they tried to come in contact with you for no reason. The number of times fingers lingered over passed specimens, the way space became so tight that they had to squeeze behind you in the lab, and the uncomfortable number of times you ended up between them in the equipment closet made you lose your breath.
Steve and Bucky never pressed you for anything, and all you had to say was ‘excuse me,’ for them to move out of your way, but it was untenable. You would give neither of them the satisfaction of getting upset. You managed made it through work and home to your brand new vibrator every night after long days of fighting their pheromones in the lab.
After a week of forced proximity, you were experiencing the forced Stark Industries Happy Hour. As you waited for your drink at the bar, you thought it strange that Tony had never made them mandatory before Bucky came back. That was quite the coincidence.
You wanted to pace yourself with your drinking as you realized that you had to stay there for another couple of hours to get the bonus that came with attendance. The word ‘happy’ and the names Bucky Barnes or Steve Rogers did not go together, so you participated in each round to numb the desire that was plaguing you. 
For someone so smart. You were so clueless sometimes.
—-
As you rode the elevator in Stark Tower to your apartment later that evening, it seemed as if the elevator was moving extra slowly. You didn’t know if it was the tequila affecting your senses, or an actual malfunction, so you asked FRIDAY for analytics, but for some reason, she said you didn’t have clearance for the answer.
You were mad and mute for a minute, trying to clear your head for the security code. It was then that one of your fellow passengers, who you were trying to ignore, broke the silence.
“Okay Sugar, truth, or dare?”
You looked at him as Steve watched you both. 
“I said, truth, or dare.”
“Truth is Bucky, we’re not kids anymore.”
“So you pick truth. You don’t get to pick the question, though.”
Bucky ignored your ire.
“Which one of our cocks is better, mine or Steve’s?”
Your eyes widened and you gasped as Steve interjected,
“Buck…”
“What, Punk? Remember she rated them before she experienced them. Did that hold out? Or did she tell you that you were the 9.9 too?”
Steve rolled his eyes and went back to watching the floor count, mouth set in a thin line. You had not, in fact, told Steve that he was the 9.9. 
“Stop being a little shit, James.” 
You were rocked, memories flooding back, dysregulating your nervous system even more.
“So you’re saying you won't answer the truth?”
You crossed your arms and legs as you leaned back against the elevator wall. You looked up at the floor indicator lights, trying to stop the emotions from getting to you.
“You can pass. Or you can take a dare, Sugar.”
You huffed, fighting the urge to just say pass. Some lingering adolescent urge refused to let you.
“This is so fucking ridiculous.”
You spoke it outwardly, but you were talking to yourself, to your riotous body, which was reacting to these two men in this enclosed space in the most alarming way.
Bucky was watching you intently, but Steve hadn’t turned around, just replied in that voice of his.
“Those are the rules, Sugar. You should probably answer the question or take the dare.”
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath when you realized what this was. You were dealing with male egos and competitiveness. And they wanted to know the answer, hear you talk about their cocks when for some reason the agave gods were making you horny.
You had to get out of there. 
“You’re not making stupid bets and putting notches in the bedposts any longer. Bucky, we were together, and then you left. I thought it was something that it was not. Then Steve and I got together. I loved you both and in return, you both played me. You both won.” 
Steve turned around and faced you as Bucky advanced closer. He licked his lips and you wanted, no you needed, to run.
“You think I didn’t love you, Sugar? Shit, I worshiped you.”
The sensation of Bucky’s firm body crowding you in bed, taking up the mattress, leg wedged between your thighs while he delivered hot kisses and a slow grind against your clit came out of nowhere. You missed it. You wanted it again. But you lifted your chin as you straightened your spine, determined to resist him.
“You left me.”
“Stark made me!”
Bucky’s blue eyes were wide with emotion.
“‘S’okay Buck. She doesn’t believe I loved her either. Even though I always have. And I caught her when you were gone.”
You looked up at Steve and saw the hurt, and you were preparing not to care, but the feeling of Steve naked against your back, his hands roaming all over you, whispering assurances and praise as he rocked inside and made you come apart in his grip almost made your knees buckle.
You had to move, so you pushed at the rock hard wall of them and they let you move them to get to the elevator controls.
“Why. Won’t. This. Thing. Move!?!?”
You pushed too many buttons at once as Steve and Bucky tried to stop you. The only thing that stopped was the slow progress of the elevator. The small room jolted to a halt, and you stumbled, right into Bucky and Steve’s arms as everything went dark.
“Well now, Sugar. You should have just taken the dare.”
Bucky’s sass enraged you and you cursed and batted their hands away from you as you reached for your purse to find your phone.
—-
A half an hour later, you were all sitting on the floor, Bucky’s jacket beneath you and Steve’s jacket around your arms because the climate control was off. There was no telling how long it would be before someone would find you.
There had been silence since you realized you had not cell phone signal and cursed for 3 minutes straight. You were more than sober now.
God, you wished you were drunk.
“Answer the question. Or take the dare, Sugar.”
This time it was Steve.
“Your fucking competitiveness is so annoying, you know that? Can you two accomplish anything on your own, just for your own pride? Or altruism? Or shits and giggles?”
You could feel their eyes on you in the dark. You fought against them in the darkness, or you were just fighting the darkness, because the lack of sight was enhancing your other senses, and lord you didn’t really want to feel those right now.
“Truth. Or Dare?”
Bucky’s velvet voice was undeterred. You shook your head at it.
“Fine. If it will get you to leave me alone. Dare.”
“I dare you to give up control.”
The response was immediate, as if he were waiting for you to say that.
You groaned, a sound that sounded to sensual, even to your own ears. You were going for annoyed.
“Bucky, it’s late. I’m tired. I’m stuck in an elevator with my two exes. This is a nightmare. And you’re daring me to give up a concept?”
He chuckled.
“Not the concept of control. I think you know exactly what I mean. Give me control. One long weekend. It will be just like when we were roommates. But without the endless teasing and blue balls. This time you give us both that we deserve.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Bucky?”
Your head turned toward Steve, whose voice was on edge.
“I get to watch. You and Sugar, Steve. And direct. And participate…and we find out who is the best…”
“Hold on…”
You could feel Steve shifting in his position on the floor.
“Are you talking about….? Watching me and Sugar… what–?”
“Really Bucky? Do you have a metal brain as well?”
You wanted to fight, but them touching you was out of the question. Bucky was pure chaos.
“If we do this, what would that accomplish?”
“The fuck are you entertaining this nonsense for, Steve? Who the fuck–”
Bucky interrupted your rant.
“Well, you’ve entertained both of us, Sugar, haven’t you? Teased us. Toyed with us. Played us against the other. Wore our clothes and nothing else, slept between us in our bed. Teased us with that body well before we could really do anything about it.”
You dropped your head in your hands, exhausted, as Bucky continued.
“And then, when you finally granted us between your legs, one by one, there was always this spector hanging over the bed, or the floor, or the counter, or the lawn that we fucked on, wasn’t there?”
Bucky paused and you heard the bitterness in his voice. 
“The other one of us was always in the closet or the bushes, or in your head, weren’t we?”
"Don't blame me for your twisted predilections, Bucky."
“What about your predilections, Sugar? You’ve played us against each other long enough. Don’t forget. We both know what gets you off.”
Bucky’s voice wrapped around you in the dark, and you wanted to climb on and ride it as your clit began to pulse. You cursed your body’s reaction to him.
“We know what gets you off hard. Steve told me everything. And it was the same as with me. Your fantasies, Sugar…”
Steve spoke up.
“Bucky, this is uncalled for…”.
"Stop being such a boy scout."
“We know you, Sugar. What we don’t know is who you like the best. We deserve to know.”
“Bucky…”
“It would give us all closure, Steve.”
“You’re crazy, Bucky.”
“Put up or shut up, Sugar.”
Suddenly the lights came back on and you scrambled to stand up as the elevator started again, this time moving at normal speed. You looked between one man who was flushed red and the other who had a smirk on his face.
The elevator stopped and the doors opened, as you bolted out, you replied to Bucky.
“Why don’t you just fuck each other? That will kill two birds with one stone.”
——
Next part: Simple Sugar
Let me know if you like it! 😊
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aliengirl · 1 month ago
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Burned Edges: behind the Pancakes | 01 childhood
beggining |
and we started :D little disclaimer:
this story has been on my mind since forever, its my personal vision and theory of why the Pancakes are the way they are. I tried to do a "reality show" style with them months ago but was not feeling it so i gave up. Now im trying a new approach, but i feel the need to say that im not a storyteller. Im still new to this, to using poses this way (i still like to insert in game stuff too), to WRITE dialogue instead of cropping moodlets or just doing captions. So this story will not be anything incredible by any means, but i still want to tell it even if it is home-made style. I hope you all like my vision and i want to thanks @fallstaticexit bc her landgraab story made me revisit my own townie backstory and was so nice <3 i hope i can at least make you all see them how I see
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