#Rest In Peace Virgil

[indeedgoodman]

[flowersforthehoes]

The Man, The Myth, The Legend

[askthewitchhunter]

PEEPAW HOW DID YOU GET STUCK UP THERE

That is NONE of your concern!

*fling*

*CLANG*

[oatmealdaydreams]

Unfinished Things (DarkSides Family AU)

These are all the things I'll never finish for the DarkSides Family AU. I discontinued it because there are things I can't give proper rep for & I have no motivation to carry on with it.

All of the listed have been in my drafts since August 18th (2023).

Here's le list!

[Masterlist]

A oneshot about Logan & his Kids, Untitled: logan explaining to kids what being aro/ace is like for him cause they asked why they only had lo and it went from 'why just you' to 'aro/ace, what's that'

A oneshot about Virgil & a relapse, titled "Sad": jan and re helping a panicking vi through some self-harm/a relapse

A oneshot about when Virgil first calls Janus & Remus by more parental names, titled "Oop, Feelings": when vi first calls jan 'dad'; when he first calls re 'cephy' (a parental nickname since they liked octopus)

A partly-finished oneshot about Virgil getting an ESA, titled "Virgil & Stormy the Dog" [read it here]

I will not put "Virgil & Stormy the Dog" on ao3 because it's unfinished and I'm no longer writing or working on this au. Sorry, folks.

Rest in Peace, DarkSides Family AU. You were fun while you lasted <3

[king-super-saiyan]

💼 💵

[indeedgoodman]

[elliehase-blog]

We're simply meant to be

I just had to write something about them. ❤️💜 This time it's longer than usual, and not proofread (sorry) but if you enjoy this little piece, you can read the rest on AO3.

~*~

In the afternoon, Roman is still quite relaxed. He polishes the blade of his sword, humming verses of Sally’s song. Hey, why not? He is only 51% sure that this is a kind of date tonight. It’s not as if Virgil was in any way clear with his all-but-nothing sentence.

»You're right, Roman. We can live like Jack and Sally if we want to.«

There. The word 'date' has not been used in any form.

Virgil had laughed at this point, to Roman’s utter bewilderment. A delightful little laugh that took up all of his attention and everything else outside had ceased to exist. And of course Roman had not known how to help himself other than to take the whole thing to the next level.

»And sit together, now and forever,« he had said, and had taken Virgil’s hands carefully in his. In this moment, Roman had only felt his heart pounding against his ribs in a whirling drum solo.

After that, Virgil had turned away in embarrassment and mumbled something that sounded like, »See you later.«

So maybe it is a date after all.

Perhaps.

(It’s certainly not.)

For seconds Roman bites his fingernails helplessly. He had seen so many cheesy romance movies in his life that he liked to consider himself an expert in the field. There was nothing to surprise him, as he knew all the signs and all the rules. And if you can no longer rely on cheesy romantic movies, then what?

But somehow all these rules never apply to Virgil.

How did they get here in the first place? Aren't they supposed to argue and fight like in the good old days? Sometimes, Roman likes to picture the deep, passionate rivalry he and Virgil have for each other. He imagines them having endless discussions about Disney characters, staring at each other in a fiery way. And when no one is around, Roman sighs deeply and longingly at this point and buries his heated face in velvety soft red silk pillows.

In the evening, Roman takes a look at his imaginary wardrobe and starts hyperventilating. He’s never had a no-date before. With nobody.

He has no idea what to wear and if he has any piece of clothing that says, 'When you look at me, I can’t breathe, and whenever you’re around me, I talk a lot more nonsense than usual, but if this is a date, I’d be totally fine with it.'

Lately, Virgil had just been too nice and peaceful around him. He means, nice… within the scope of his limited possibilities. Roman can’t say that this is terribly unpleasant, it’s just very… irritating. He has to do something. Or rather, he has to delegate this problem very quickly so that someone else does it for him.

Roman was great at delegating. This talent was practically innate. That's why he calls Logan.

»We have a… situation,« Roman explains dramatically. »I don't know what to wear!«

Logan throws a 'What do you want from me?' look at him. He raises his eyebrows wordlessly and completely unimpressed and makes absolutely no attempt to move even a millimetre from the spot.

»C’mon, Teach, I need your advice here!«

Usually, Logan would not have been his first choice in terms of clothing and taste, but he also has that unclouded and focused sight that Roman needed right now.

»Pleeeaaase!«

Logan sighs and Roman strongly assumes that this is supposed to mean agreement. Probably, Roman had convinced him with his astute argumentation and natural authority. That, or Logan, for once just doesn’t think a discussion is worth the trouble.

»What's the occasion?« he asks without further ado, pushing his glasses up in an unconscious gesture.

»Something… important,« Roman says vaguely.

[lefaystrent]

Janus stumbles upon a tiny black kitten.

It's just sitting there, a tiny ball of adorable floof on the sidewalk edge. Janus glances around, as if someone will miraculously appear on the abandoned street to claim ownership. But he's in the mindscape, and honestly the street only goes in a square around Thomas's apartment building. There's only so much real estate you can fit into one man's head. At any rate, the other sides hardly venture out here. This kitten is totes fucked unless Janus does something.

"Oh I couldn't possibly," Janus demures at the narrator. "Besides, it's imaginary. I'm sure it'll be fine on its own."

"Mew," chirps the ball of floof and emerges out of its loafing position to waddle in Janus's direction.

Janus, lord of the lies and all things deception, evil mastermind extradonaire, feels his breath hitch.

Just look at the little paws.

"No!" Janus exclaims, shaking out of his cute-induced stupor. "The last pet I had was Sacagawea the hamster, and we all know what happened to her! Not that I care about teacup sized critters. Begone, little beast."

"Mew," another plaintive meow comes as the kitten reaches his ankles. It swats at him with its stubby claws, trying and failing to climb his pants leg.

"I am a gentleman of standards," Janus tells the cat seriously.

The puny kitten looks up at him imploringly with round-saucer like eyes.

Janus drops to the ground and coos, "Oh no, you're meeting all of my standards!"

The kitten starts up a punitive-engine of a purr as Janus scoops it up in his gloved hands. It chirps intermittently and Janus's ice-cold snake heart melts.

"I'm not keeping you," Janus promises fondly. "This doesn't go beyond a simple scratching. Do I make myself clear?"

"Meeew," the kitten squeaks and Janus nearly falls over himself to bring the kitten's face to his so he can rub their noses together.

The next day the sides are in the midst of filming a video with Thomas in his living room when Logan cuts himself off in the middle of citing his sources to say, "What was that noise?"

"Sorry, I ate burritos earlier," Remus apologizes, not appearing very apologetic.

"No, it sounded like–" Logan cuts himself off again as everyone hears the sound this time.

A muffled mewing.

All eyes fall on Janus in his corner. He stands there, seemingly unaffected, but upon closer inspection with eyeballs, one can see how stiff his posture is.

Patton peers closer with his balls of eyes. "Jan...is this that mewing trend all the kids are doing nowadays?"

"That is not what that means," Roman says, but he's mostly distracted with staring at Janus. "Wanna tell us something, Cat in the Hat?"

The deceitful side bristles. "I haven't the foggiest what you mean."

Janus's hat meows. More than that, there's something shuffling underneath.

Thomas's mouth is slightly agape as he asks, "Janus, did your hat just meow?"

"It did nothing of the sort."

"Kiddo, do you have a kitty cat under there or are you just happy to see us?"

"I– since when do you make jokes like that?"

"Jokes like what?" Patton blinks back.

Janus rolls his eyes and brushes imaginary lint off his imaginary shoulder. "Nevermind. Weren't we discussing Thomas's never-ending cycle of conundrums?"

"Yeeeah," Virgil drags the word out. "You can't just act like we all can't see your hat moving."

"Yes, and we all heard it meowing," Logan muses, ignoring Janus's automatic hissing of, "You heard nothing!"

"But why the hat?" Thomas ponders.

Logan nods, also curious, "Is this a coping mechanism after the loss of Sacagawea the hamster?"

"May she rest in peace, amen," Patton prays while Roman performs a Catholic cross over himself.

Thomas glances at all of them, "You guys know that I never actually owned a pet hamster, right?"

"Dude, too soon," Virgil chides him, and Thomas has the consideration to look abashed.

Janus crosses his arms to look cool. He doesn't. He keeps tipping his head this way and that to keep his hat from toppling over.

"This is a perfectly normal way for me to stand," Janus says.

Roman secretly slides Remus five bucks. Remus dives onto the floor and army crawls behind Janus. Somehow everyone but Janus sees it.

"By all means, do keep staring," Janus says, guarded and on edge and his rolls definitely tootsied. What.

Remus rises up behind him. Off comes the hat.

"Mew!"

"Oh my goodness, that's so precious!!" Patton squeals.

The kitten is belly flopped on top of Janus's head. It's so small that it almost gets lost in the hair, if not for the stark contrast against Janus's lighter color.

"Hey Virgil, it looks just like you!" Roman crows, earning himself a well deserved middle finger.

"Drat, you've uncovered my secret," Janus drones and gives Remus a withering look that promises they will exchange words later. Remus is too wrapped up in giving little chin scritches to the kitty to be bothered.

Thomas also inevitably succumbs to cuteness overload, but he does manage to ask why the heck Janus felt like he needed to keep the cat a secret.

"Because Thomas," Janus throws his arm out to make his cloak flare out. For the drama. Then he flourishes his hand towards the cat on his head. "You weren't ready to meet this new side of yourself, but I guess the cat is out of the bag."

"The cat was under a hat, to clarify."

"LITERALLY NO ONE ASKED YOU, LOGAN!"

"No one ever does, and yet that would solve over half of Thomas's problems."

"When you mean new side, does that mean...?" Thomas asks Janus, his voice filling with wonder. His eyes are getting that crazed glint in his eyes, like he's five seconds away from becoming a Florida Man meme. The background music ramps up into a crescendo at this new epiphany. Thomas knew there were more sides he hadn't met, but to think–!

"No, no, no," Logan says, waving his hands in an X motion. "This is a misunderstanding created from Janus's misleading statement. Don't do this–whatever it is you're doing. Stop it."

Virgil weighs in as well, "Hate to break it to you, but your most animal side is Janus."

"Does this mean Thomas is a furry?" Remus gasps.

"Yesss," Janus hisses out. Then he thinks about it. "I mean no. I mean– what?"

"So what's the baby's name?" Patton asks. He has come close too to join Remus in the giving of scratchies. A noble cause!

"It's a black cat, so why not Catman?" Roman offers. "I am the darkness. I am the night. I am...Catman!"

"Very original," Virgil praises, but it's just subtly sarcastic enough that Roman gives an heartfelt, "Thank you!"

"Can I pet?" Thomas asks, hand reaching out hopefully.

The sides grimace and wince.

"Oooh, yeah, about that..."

"Sorry, man."

"You can't actually..."

"Imaginary, remember?"

"Maybe if you think really hard and imagine touching fur..."

"Don't patronize him. Not with this."

"Yeah, kitty buisness is serious buisness."

"Are we ever going to return to the original topic?"

"Cats take priority. Don't you know that?"

"By what parameters? And by whom?"

"It's like when a cat falls asleep in your lap. By law, you cannot disturb it. On pain of death."

"A bit overdramatic, but not wrong. It's an actual thing."

"Achoo!"

"Bless you."

"Thank you!"

"Patton, why are you petting a cat when you know you're allergic?"

"You would think that imaginary cats wouldn't agitate allergies."

"Thomas has a really vivid imagination."

"Why does everything innocent sound dirty coming out of your mouth?"

"Speaking of mouths and coming–"

Thomas, Patton, and Roman all shove their hands over their ears and scream, "LA LA LA!"

With everyone distracted (as part of Janus's master plan), Janus uses the moment of ensuing chaos to skeddadle away.

They never do learn the kitty's name, but they do eventually discover a horde of cats in Janus's room at some point, but that's another story.

[king-super-saiyan]

👣 💰

[dukeyeatsdeodorant]

Logan, on the couch, reading a book:

Virgil, walks up to Logan, pushes his arms up and lays down on his lap:

Logan, stares at him in shock then smiles softly: Are you alright?

Virgil, just nods quietly:..Can you read to me?

Logan: Of course.

Virgil continues to rest in Logans lap while Logan reads his book aloud to him. So peaceful, so cozy.

Remus, giggles as he sneaks up to Logan:

Logan, closes his book with a gentle look on his face:

Remus: B-

Logan throws the book at Remus before he can attempt at doing whatever he had planned

[frangipanilove]

Full Circle Apple Symbolism; Rick's "Resurrection" in TOWL

From TWD 10x13 What We Become to TOWL 1x6 The Last Time

Apple symbolism was always tied to Rick and Michonne specifically, but in a more general sense, it tells a story about reunion, rebirth and resurrection.

In TWD 10x13 What We Become, Michonne went with Virgil to his island, because he insisted there were weapons to be found there, and Michonne needed weapons for the Whisperers war.

Once there, things took a turn. There were no weapons, and Virgil wasn't in a great place, psychologically speaking. He was confused and traumatized after the loss of his wife and children. He trapped Michonne in a room, and poisoned her by mixing Jimsonweed into her tea.

My favorite way to decipher symbolism in TWDU is through etymology. Almost everything in TWDU has multiple layers of symbolism, and an etymology search is helpful in most cases. This one was no exception; the name Jimsonweed is ultimately derived from a Hindi name which translates to "thorn apple".

Yup. Jimsonweed is ultimately an apple reference. In fact, "Jimsonweed" goes under the name "thorn apple" in many languages, my own included.

The first apple reference of the episode came as we watched Virgil pick the hallucinogenic plant immediately after the opening credits. There would be more to come later...

Michonne did not have a pleasant reaction to the drug. She hallucinated herself in a series of alternate existences, such as being one of the Saviors, and not being around her real family. After the drugs wore off, she overpowered Virgil, and scolded him for putting her in a drugged out state where she experienced having temporarily lost her family:

Then she asked him about his hallucinations:

And this is where we start to touch on the true meaning behind the symbolism around apples. Because, unlike Michonne, Virgil experienced that the hallucinogenic thorn apple brought his family back to him:

"What do you see when you're tripping anyway?"

"Lisa with that damn camera pointed at everyone.

My babies.

Bobby and me lying on the roof of that Annex, looking up at the stars."

It brought his family back.

Virgil wasn't primarily evil, he was broken from the trauma of losing his family.

There's a parallel with Rick there. Where Rick survived in the CRM by meeting up with his loved ones in his dreams, Virgil got to be with his family by taking hallucinogenic herbs. They both found ways to stay close to their loved ones through an altered state, Rick through his dreams, Virgil through the thorn apple tea.

On a surface level, it's clear that Michonne had a bad trip from the thorn apple, and that she was shook by what she experienced as a temporary loss of her family. She was rightfully angry about having been drugged. Virgil, more confused and traumatized than evil, explained that he had wanted to help her because he could tell she was in pain over having lost loved ones, much like himself.

Michonne was not impressed, but at the very least she didn't kill him.

However, under the surface, the apple symbolism heralds "reunion, rebirth and resurrection", something which she was about to discover:

Virgil took her to a boat marked with the numbers 672, in which she found Rick's boots and an Apple iPhone with etchings of herself and Judith. It was the same boat we later saw in 11x24 Rest In Peace, when we saw Rick throw his backpack onboard, before being recaptured.

This is the first "proof of life" both we, the audience, and Michonne got from Rick, and it was the apple symbolism that led us here. Because, apple symbolism is about reunion, resurrection and rebirth.

As we know, finding the Apple iPhone and his boots was what convinced her Rick could be alive, it was what encouraged her to leave to search for Rick.

We recently watched her succeed at finding him in TOWL, but not without some resistance from a deeply traumatized Rick.

In TOWL 1x4 What We, which is the episode where Rick fully "came back", the episode where he finally broke free and chose "life" with Michonne over staying "dead" in the CRM, we learned that he had initially gotten through the days in the CRM by meeting up with Carl in his dreams.

Then that had stopped, Carl had stopped coming to him in his dreams.

Michonne had gotten an iPhone with an etching of Carl, and implored Rick to do what Carl would have wanted him to do, which led to a psychological breakthrough for Rick.

This was Rick's true "resurrection", this was when he fully "surrendered" to Michonne, to his family, to "life". It was the Apple iPhone with Carl's picture that truly made Michonne able to reach through to him, through all the layers of trauma and isolation accumulated over time.

On a symbolic level, the apple symbolism and the Apple iPhones were what facilitated this reunion between Rick and Michonne. He had survived in the CRM by "being dead", then the Apple iPhone with Carl's picture "brought him back to life".

This symbolized Rick's "resurrection", this was the true purpose of the apple symbolism all along. Apple symbolism is about "reunion, resurrection and rebirth"!

Similarly, it was the Apple iPhone Michonne found in the boat on Virgil's island that made her believe that Rick could truly be alive, it was the Apple iPhone that convinced her he was out there, that made her go out searching for him.

Apple symbolism as something that heralds reunion, resurrection and rebirth had started with Virgil picking the white thorne apple flower in 10x13 What We Become, and was fulfilled with Rick's "resurrection" in TOWL 1x4 What We.

In 1x6 The Last Time, we see Rick utilize this new insight during Major General Beale's Echelon briefing:

"He brought me back".

The Apple iPhone with Carl's picture brought him back. Back to Michonne, back to his family, back to himself, back to life.

Just like how the thorn apple tea brought Virgil's family back to him, the Apple iPhone with Carl's picture brought Rick back to his family.

Then finally, we see the apple symbolism fulfilled one last time:

We see Michonne holding the Apple iPhone she originally found on Virgil's island, the one that convinced her that Rick could be alive, the one that prompted her to go out searching for him. We see this phone, with etchings of herself and Judith just as the apple symbolism comes full circle:

The final reunion, resurrection and rebirth!

[forest-falcon]

The Butterfly Effect

Chptr 15

⚠️ Trigger Warning for angst/whump

❤️💚💜🩷 🚒🧑‍🚒

There was something unnerving about seeing the strongest person she knew, crumpled unconscious on the floor.

Tam found him cocooned around his Grandmother - sleeping soundly like a child who had sought out the comfort of a parent during a storm.

It all seemed so peaceful, but for the obvious devastation peppered over, and around them. And, of course, the glaring fact that Virgil was, indeed, unconscious, and not asleep.

Her heart panged hard, as she finally remembered to breathe, her chest shuddering with the deep inhalation.

The family didn't deserve this - well, most people didn't; but, it went double for the Tracys. It wasn't so much that they put their lives on the line on a daily basis; that debt of gratitude went without saying. It was perhaps the fact that she'd had the privilege of spending time with the family during her training; breaking bread with them in the evenings, sharing new stories she hadn't heard at the firehouse a gazillion-plus times. Somewhere during their training, Phoenix had shed their associate titles and had emerged as friends; which made this rescue so much harder than her average John or Jane Doe.

"Mrs. Tracy?"

"Told yer a thousand times kid; Sally suits me just fine. Mrs.Tracy is reserved for our shareholders, and Brains - who I've given up trying to change.

"Sally," she corrected herself, feeling a sudden warmth fill her face.

"How are you holding up?" Tam scrambled to unpack her medkit.

"I'll be a lot better once this brave idiot is off me. Can't breathe."

Tam paused a moment, and frowned. Virgil's weight was only partially resting on Sally; his body angled in such a manner as not to crush her. She wondered briefly if that had been at all planned on Virgil's part.

"Level with me kid, what are you thinking?"

Tam had a lot of time for Sally; she was brave, kind-hearted and wonderfully feisty - especially given her age, which she guessed was a taboo topic, here on Tracy Island. The woman was also far too sharp-witted to have the wool pulled over her eyes.

She sighed, continuing to work, as she analyzed the scene before her.

"I think the initial impact of your fall may be the real reason behind the pain you have breathing. Virgil's been careful to lie in a way that would not crush you."

"Sure sounds like him. So?"

"So...we need to check for injuries."

There was a confidence in her voice that she did not feel - or rather, she was confident about things; procedures, protocol, her job. But, inwardly, having not one, but numerous people she cared about (more than she perhaps should, given the amount of time she'd actually spent in their company) she'd admit it; this rescue had her shook. Tam buried the feeling deep, and ran the scan.

"How're they doing?"

Tam looked up from the scan to see the youngest Tracy approaching.

"Alan?" Sally's voice rasped out.

"Sally, you have three broken ribs; but as far as I can see, they've not caused any significant injuries to the surrounding area,"

She passed the med-scanner to Alan, who concurred.

"Well, Grandma; I'd say that's earned you a VIP stay in Tracy Island's very own infirmary. Don't worry, I've heard the doctors there are very good-looking!"

"I wasn't aware that Kip was a doctor too!"

"What? Eww! No!"

Grandma's chuckle was instantly switched for a grimace of pain.

Alan gently rescued a hand on her shoulder.

"Hel-p Vir-gil," she breathed.

"Tam's doing just that, Grandma. Penny and myself will look after you. It'll give Tam the space she needs to properly help Virg."

A hover stretcher, followed by a well-spoken lady appeared. And, before-long, Sally, Alan, and the woman - Penny vanished. Tam couldn't exactly say when. Her attention now firmly on the one member of International Rescue who had yet to regain consciousness.

[king-super-saiyan]

🩴🩴💎✨

[flowersforthehoes]

[tsspromptmonth]

hello!

id like a Loganberry & Cranberry (analogical, QPR-style if ya got it!) Brewed Coffee/Machiatto mix (ratio is dealer’s choice!). Milk’s anything but skim or olive, and… Toppings, toppings… Oooh, Chocolate Shavings sound good, maybe a smidge of Caramel Drizzle? I’m tempted to try Rainbow Sprinkles and Burnt Sugar, but I’m not sure if that’d mix well with the rest - y’all are the experts, so feel free to be creative!

(I love when they help and/or stand up for each other - they know each other So Well, and care So Much! (even if- no, rather, *because* they show it in untypical ways) aksndjcksks they make me wanna explode 💜💙 - smth like that’d be really cool if it’s in stock!)

Switched: archiveofourown.org/works/35867506

growing up, and other lies told to children: archiveofourown.org/works/50233405

those three words: archiveofourown.org/works/60918157

(If it counts, I also sent the author of Cognitive Distortions (archiveofourown.org/works/60818113) a Tumblr ask, ‘cause the fic’s set to only allow users to comment)

the wrong office: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51803350

didn’t they want your blood: archiveofourown.org/works/26676358

nails in the coffin (READ THIS ONE, PLSPLSPLS, ITS THE BEST): https://archiveofourown.org/works/47020870

thank you so much!

Order up!

Go Back. Move On. Repeat. by @edupunkn00b

[hansrilowz]

help us understand hanschen to the extent that you do

EEEEEEEEHEH THANK U FOR THIS… i absolutely love hanschen and he’s been my favorite character in any media since i was like 13 and now i’m about to turn 21 😅

when i was about 13-15 i was on spring awakening tumblr and that was very crucial to my understanding of him at that time… despite having a lot of wrong and weird opinions while i was younger, i’ve continued on interacting with spring awakening media and continued to watch the musical and read the play as i got older. as i got older i understood him more and more. (i do want to note that every actors interpretation of hanschen is different, but this is my general opinion on his character all together.)

so, hanschen at the time of the musical was about 14. that’s a confusing time to be a kid, especially a queer one! a lot of people don’t seem to like hanschen, calling him creepy or manipulative. i feel like, again, a big part of understanding these characters is understanding that they’re children in an incredibly oppressive society. in contrast to the other spring awakening kids, hanschen has seemed to mature a lot more quickly, along with his peer melchior.

hanschen and melchior are the only characters in the show who know about sex at the beginning. melchior is more sex-positive, open to talking about it with moritz and teaching him about it. hanschen, on the other hand, is more neutral about it. in frank wedekind’s play, during his desdemona scene, there’s a line that says: “Thuman’s Psyche — another legacy of the hatchet-faced Mademoiselle Angélique, that rattlesnake in the paradise of my childhood;”. there’s another scene earlier in the play, in act one scene two, where melchior says: “-George Zirschnitz wanted to tell Hansy Rilow, but Hansy Rilow had already learned it all from his governess when he was little.”

these lines tell us that when hanschen was just a child, his governess had told him all about sex, as well as showing/teaching him about Thuman’s Psyche. hanschen uses the term “rattlesnake” to describe his governess, a term that tell us she was someone who shook up and made his mostly peaceful childhood chaotic.

in the classroom scene early on in the musical, different actors and productions usually work with how hanschen acts while moritz messes up his recitation and while melchior is having his speech interpreting Virgil’s Aeneid on moritz’s behalf before “all that’s known”. this is regarding the teacher criticizing moritz and hitting melchior with the teaching stick. for example: jonathan b. wright in the original cast is a little bit more naïve while actively trying not to let his confident façade slip, laughing at what the teacher says to please him but getting scolded and scared afterwards; though you can still see he has a childlike nervousness and tenseness to him. when melchior is hit, he jumps with the rest of the boys from being startled.

in contrast, andy mientus in deaf west spring awakening, is slightly less naïve and keeps up the fake cockiness slightly better. using clips from the june 13, 2015 performance, his hanschen seems more focused on making sure he truly pleases the teacher and doesn’t let the façade slip. he laughs along with the teacher, and while the teachers back is turned and melchior starts signing, he tries to seem unbothered. though while melchior is hit with the stick, we do see him flinch, letting the act that he seems unbothered slip. after “all that’s known” and moritz and melchior start signing to each other, hanschen chooses to blatantly ignore them as to not get in trouble. (which, if i remember correctly, was changed in some performances to have him seem bothered by them signing and making it known he doesn’t agree with them rebelling against the teacher, which still fits to his character.)

i think both of these interpretations are very true to hanschen. he’s still a kid, but he doesn’t want to test his luck with authority. he wants to please them and he doesn’t want to get in trouble. despite all that, he’s 14 and he still gets nervous and scared and both their interpretations show that. at the core of hanschens character, he was never meant to seem truly cocky or rude. his demeanor on the outside is practically just a survival instinct, as he knows he’s queer and he’s matured and knows how the world and reality can be. some additional context for this argument in the musical lies in the vineyard scene, where not only is he more softer and comfortable around ernst, he says these particular lines: “Trust me, there are only three ways a man can go. He can let the status quo defeat him - like Moritz. He can rock the boat like Melchior and be expelled. Or, he can bide his time, and let the system work for him - like me.”

the overall analysis of these lines is saying that you can either let your present situations suffocate you, stir things up and try and combat them to change things, or you can wait things out and work with what you have, like hanschen does. this tells us that yes, he is giving into pleasing authority despite not agreeing with them so things work out for him and he leads a steady life. this doesn’t make him cocky or stuck-up, he’s just more matured and knows what’s best for him at that time.

another misconception of hanschen’s character is calling him manipulative and creepy towards ernst. i’ve always thought that, in both the play and musical, their relationship has always been transparent with no hidden, creepy undertones. my personal favorite version of hanschen and ernst’s relationship is in deaf west spring awakening. andy mientus here plays hanschen very confidently, but he’s also afraid of getting his feelings hurt. he’s too afraid to get too emotionally invested to protect his feelings. in deaf west’s vineyard scene, when hanschen kisses ernst at first and then says: “When we look back, thirty years from now, tonight will seem unbelievably beautiful”, he moves to leave. he’s scared and doesn’t think ernst will reciprocate his feelings. then, when ernst grabs him and says, “In the meantime?”, hanschen takes that as a green light to kiss him again. that possibly, those feelings were reciprocated. after that second kiss ernst says: “On my way here this afternoon I’d thought perhaps we’d only talk”, and hanschen took it as a rejection. that he felt ernst was suddenly regretting what had happened. hanschen then says “So are you sorry we-?”, making this more obvious. he turned and started pulling away to leave. ernst then grabs hanschen saying that he loves him, which hanschen obviously softens up to him and realizes that his feelings are reciprocated. so, he was going to run away due to, what he thought was, a rejection.

hanschen, even if he did come off very confident, just had a wall he had put up to seem basically, nonchalant. he told us, and ernst, that he wants to lead a steady life and he will adapt to the world around him in order to do that. at the end of the day, regardless of this, he’s still a 14 year old boy with a messed up childhood that led to him maturing far faster than his peers. he was scared, nervous, and afraid of his feelings and getting hurt in any way.

those are the reason why he’s always been my favorite character, not just in spring awakening, but generally. he’s a blatant reminder that these kids are just about 14 and that, both back then and now, we all have had different ways of growing up and going about our insecurities. he’s a complex character and largely misunderstood, but at the end of the day his character is a representation of being emotionally mature at a young age due to trauma. he is another reminder of the overall story of spring awakening it’s message: what happens to kids when authoritarian figures around them are negligent.