#Reggie needs therapy honest to god

[grimbonezz]

Been gone but we writing hours ✨

[sunsetcurbed]

you showed me faith is not blind (miracles happen)

Pairing: Alex/Willie  Words: 4,279  Rating: T Chapter Warnings: none  Chapter: 9/11 read on AO3 

Chapter Summary: Alex has the personality of a shut-in, but the mind for bettering the lives of the common people. That's what his country needs.

But… can he?

Princes, kings, rulers… they're born. They're not made. And that's what his grandmother is trying to do. She's trying to make him one. And it's not like she's doing poorly, per se, but… he's Alex. He wasn't born to rule a country.

(*) 

Weeks pass. Time blurs by Alex and he just barely keeps up with it. Julie and the Phantoms plays a large company's winter holiday party, Willie attends more lessons with Alex (this, Alex particularly enjoys as Willie is tied to his chair at dinner for posture like Alex had been at the start of lessons), his dad stops talking to him again once he finds out Alex is dating Willie, and at school they've just finished finals and started on their break today. In the past two weeks Caleb has approached Willie twice more when he's out around Hollywood. They've been brief. Just exchanges of Caleb asking how Willie is, and then asking how Alex is, but Alex knows Willie is put off about it. Alex is too, and becomes even more so when Wednesday the 15th, six days before the Ball, Willie texts him again.

(17:59) Covington just legit sat and had tea with me and started talking with me and flat out asked if you were gonna accept the crown or not

(17:59) "It's killing us all, is he gonna accept or not? Do you know?"

(18:00) So not only does he lack manners and discretion, but also patience lmao

Alex tenses his jaw and clutches his phone tight in his hand. He raises his arm as if he's going to throw it, but then lowers it back down, slowly. He lets out a long breath and texts Willie back quick, telling him to get home safely, and apologizes for Caleb. Then he tosses his phone to the side and looks back to where his band is sitting. He was just about to get up to join them so they could work on some harmonies, but he wanted to check his phone first. Now they are all staring at him and he is frozen to the spot.

"Sorry," he murmurs.

"What's up, buddy?" Reggie asks cautiously.

"You, uh, remember that Covington guy we showed you and warned you to stay away from?"

"Yeah?" Julie asks.

"He's been going after Willie the last few weeks. He had tea with him today."

"What?" Reggie frowns. "Why?"

Alex sighs, not really wanting to get into it but also knowing his friends deserve the explanation. "Caleb is next in line for the throne if I choose to decline. And… he wants it. He's trying to get information out of Willie. About my decision."

There's a minute long pause in the room. No one has anything to say to that. He didn't really expect them to. It's a shitty thing, and it's a shitty thing that can't be changed or stopped. Willie's already being tailed by two security every time he goes out in public for safety, but he's told them not to interfere unless he motions to them. He's yet to feel threatened enough that he's had to. He's been handling it incredibly according to his grandmother and security though—giving enough information to keep Caleb from getting angry, but not enough to give anything away. Still, it makes Alex's blood boil. That Willie is in the situation in the first place to 'handle it incredibly.' God, he fucking hates Caleb Covington.

"You remember what I said last month?" Reggie's voice cuts through Alex's thoughts. Alex looks up. He frowns, shakes his head. Reggie smiles. "Even if you move, become prince of some country, we'll still find a way to make this work. We're a band."

The way Reggie says 'band' doesn't sound like he's saying 'band.' Not even close. No, because the weight behind the way Reggie says 'band' is the weight behind the way many people say 'family.' Alex can hear clear as day in Reggie's tone that Reggie is calling Alex and Luke his brothers and Julie his sister. That Reggie is calling this band his family.

Luke stands up from the couch and swings his guitar onto his back. "Yeah man, look," he says, "I'm sorry for how I reacted that day, but even if you—even if you choose to be prince you're still our drummer, y'know? It might complicate things, but Reg said it. We'll make it work."

Alex blinks the welling tears out of his eyes and clears his throat. "Well—I'm not. I-I can't, you know? That's not… I'm not. It's just not who I am."

"But it kind of is, now," Reggie argues. "I mean aside from the argument that you could redefine their monarchy to fit who you are, you… you've been in those prince lessons for over a month now and you've made serious progress with your social anxiety. You… you don't just have a prince's title anymore. You are a prince."

"He's right," Julie agrees. "You've made so much progress in just over a month, and you'll have so much more time to grow into this role. I think this is your thing, you just haven't accepted it yet. Don't write it off yet. I don't want you to regret it down the line."

"Where is this coming from?" he demands. "I thought you guys knew I wasn't going to accept."

"We knew for like, the first few days," Reggie says, "because you told us. But after that you never mentioned it again, but you talked about Beasiga a lot. So we like, kinda started to doubt it a little."

"I think I know more about Beasiga than the US at this point," Luke grumbles, grabbing at the guitar strap across his chest. "But yeah, dude. You literally just said 'if' not 'when' a minute ago. And if you were serious about giving it up, you could've just told Willie to tell that Caleb guy that you were stepping down and then Caleb would leave him alone."

Oh.

That is a thing Alex could have done.

But Alex really, really isn't sure if he wants to renounce his claim, and now he's even less so.

Alex swallows around the lump in his throat and looks away from his friends. His eyes fall on his hi-hat, and he thinks: they're willing to make it work if he accepts his role as prince. His shoulders feel looser, his head feels clearer, his heart feels lighter. He's not sure how they'll make it work, but he's positive that they can find a way. Which makes his decision a whole lot harder now. In the start, there had been a lot of reasons that he had been ready to reject his role as prince, but over time, more and more of those reasons had fallen away until only a few remained. Today there had been two main reasons remaining: the band and his anxiety. After this talk they're having now, only one of those remains. And even that one has been slowly falling away the better he became at coping.

The further Alex delved into the Beasigan world over the past month and a half, no matter how reluctant he had been at first, the more he loved it. He was fascinated with his country's history, he was eager to theoretically be a part of solutions to problems the country faced, he was in love with their culture. And the more he envisioned being a prince, the closer he stepped towards the role. His etiquette lessons had changed him in small but meaningful ways, he was more confident in himself due to the therapy and coaching both, and, watching his grandmother, he was struck that he could do much, much worse than to aspire to be like her. He is confident that he could be a better ruler than Caleb—policy wise, anyways. Caleb has the personality of a public figure, but the mind of a conqueror. Alex has the personality of a shut-in, but the mind for bettering the lives of the common people. That's what his country needs.

But… can he?

Princes, kings, rulers… they're born. They're not made. And that's what his grandmother is trying to do. She's trying to make him one. And it's not like she's doing poorly, per se, but… he's Alex. He wasn't born to rule a country.

"Do you think I can?" he asks

"Buddy, you definitely can," Reggie says. "You've got this."

"Apart from being cheesy and saying that I think you can do anything," Julie smiles, "I really think you can do this, Alex. I think you think you can do this too; you just don't want to admit it because you're scared."

Alex doesn't know if it's that he's scared, exactly, but he's just… he really doesn't know if he can do this. There's so much to it and Alex wouldn't even know where to begin. No, he wouldn't be all-powerful, so he would be helped along, would be more of a voice than the voice. But even that was daunting. What if he wasn't up to snuff? What if he made a fool of himself? What if he did something that hurt the country? Is he willing to take those risks? Again, he asks himself: can he do this?

"In third grade you were the last of us to make it all the way across the monkey bars," Luke says. He's staring at the notebook that's in front of him but then his eyes flick up to meet Alex's. They're intense and Alex feels himself sitting up straighter under his friend's gaze. "But once you made it across, you could do it faster than me or Reg. And then in fifth grade when we started school band, you got a satisfactory on your report card for drums for the entire first year. Fucking look at you now. When you asked me to teach you guitar, you couldn't get the strumming patterns right for forever. Now there isn't a song you can't play. You got a thirty on the ACT, which was great. And you did it as a sophomore. But you wanted to do better. So you studied, went back, and took it as a junior and got a thirty-four to get your pick of colleges. … And then your grandma shows up. And calls you a prince. And that's the thing you decide you can't do?" he asks. He scoffs and shakes his head. "No. You can. You have been. Dude, you are."

Alex stares at Luke, completely stunned. If he's being completely honest, he didn't expect Luke to support Alex in this—didn't expect Luke to be pushing Alex towards being a prince. Sure, Luke had already agreed with Reggie, had already said that they'd find a way to make Alex being a prince work with him in the band, but Alex wasn't entirely sure if he was serious or not. Apparently he was. Very.

He carries Luke's words home with him that night and thinks on them as his family eats dinner, and as he plays MarioKart with Ava and Austin, and as he gathers up his dirty clothes for his mom to do laundry. As he brings them to her, he draws in a deep breath. When he reaches her, he lets it out.

"Mom?"

"Oh!" She spins around, dropping the laundry basket in the process. "Oh, sweetie, you scared me."

"Sorry," he says.

"It's fine," she shakes her head and leans down to grab the basket. She starts loading the washer back up and twists to look at him. "What's up?"

"I—Beasiga."

She hesitates with her next handful, and then stops loading the washer entirely. "Yeah?"

Alex draws in a deep breath and starts. "I've been—thinking a lot lately. You told me to keep my mind open at the start of this and while I didn't originally, it… I opened it up after a while. And now I've been thinking about… about accepting my role as prince." One of his mom's hands drifts up to her chest and she sucks in a breath. "I haven't made up my mind. I… I really haven't made up my mind. I have no idea how the hell I'm going to make up my mind, and how I'm going to do it in six days. But… but I wanted to ask you. If I do… do you think I can?"

His mom looks off to the side and the hand on her chest presses down and rubs over her heart. She blows out a breath. "Well… that's a heavy question." She looks at him and tilts her head. "I think… I think probably. I… I don't think you could have done it before those lessons your grandma gave you—"

"Oh, not a chance," Alex snorts.

His mom smiles. "Right. But I think now you probably could. I mean, no one really knows if they can until they try. I think you could try."

Alex smiles and thanks her, and turns to go back to his room.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't feel like you… have to do this, do you?" she asks.

"No, Mom. I don't. If I felt like I had to there wouldn't be a chance in hell I would be considering it."

He retreats to his room and opens his laptop to put on Netflix. He barely pays attention to what he puts on, and pays even less attention to the screen while it plays.

Prince lessons the next day start in the morning since there's no school. Alex makes it until lunch before he breaks.

"You… you know I've been considering accepting my role as prince," Alex states. His grandmother nods. "I've not come to a decision. But I wanted to talk to you about it anyways."

"All right," she says, putting her fork down. "We can absolutely do that."

"There are a lot of reasons I am considering taking my place as prince. I'm sure you know most of them. But there are a lot of reasons I'm wary of it as well. My band—they say we'll make it work, but we haven't actually figured out how we'll make it work, and I don't want to give that up. And, well. My anxiety. It's gotten better, I've developed coping mechanisms and I'm sure over time I'll develop more, but as of right now it's… I'm really, well, anxious about it. And… well. The main one, and the thing that has been pestering me all f—freaking night. I-I—" he looks down at his plate, nerves getting the best of him. "I don't know if I can. The band told me I could, and my mom told me I probably could, but… I don't know how I'm supposed to know if I can."

"Alexander," his grandmother says immediately. He looks up at her and finds her smiling at him. "I have… watched you study century old texts, memorize policy after policy, research Beasigan law. I have seen you change the way you hold yourself, develop coping strategies for anxiety, step into who you are in ways that you never thought you could before this last month and a half. And I have seen your ideas for the future of your people, seen your care for your people, seen your heart for your people. I don't think there is anyone who can do this better than you can."

"My people?"

"They've just been waiting for you to arrive," she tells him, and Alex knows that she's speaking of the people of Beasiga.

He bites down on his lip and looks down at his chicken.

His people.

He… really likes the sound of that, actually.

The next few days fly by quickly, too quickly for Alex to really process. It's mainly because he's stressed, like, majorly so. He still hasn't come to a decision by Monday. He's at Willie's at his grandmother's suggestion, trying to decompress and relax, but it's not… it's not really working.

They're lying in Willie's bed watching a movie, but Alex isn't even sure what movie it is. Willie's head is pillowed on Alex's chest and Alex is running his fingers through Willie's hair. Willie's got one hand tucked underneath Alex's shirt, rubbing his side with his thumb, twitching his other fingers every once in a while, brushing against the side of Alex's back. It's nice and quiet and Alex wants to stay here forever but.

But the ball is tomorrow.

The ball is tomorrow and he still hasn't made up his mind.

For days now he's been asking people if they think he can do this. Obviously the band, his grandmother, his mom… but also his limo driver, also Tasha, also Alden and John and the security guards managing the consulate doors and a few of the other staff he'd gotten to know. He'd even emailed Mrs. Harrison and Principal Lessa. He'd texted a few of his friends from school that he mainly talked to in class. The overwhelming majority have been yeses. Alex doesn't know how many of those are genuine yeses, and how many just don't want to hurt his feelings. Not that his feelings would be hurt, because he's the one constantly telling himself that he can't do this. A few people, like his mom, have said 'probably.' They've backed up their reasoning, though. They've said that no one really knows until they do something. They've said that Alex-before-prince lessons wouldn't have been able to but Alex-now probably could. They've said that as long as he keeps his head on straight. There haven't been any nos, but again, people might just not want to hurt his feelings.

He hasn't asked everyone though.

"Willie?" Alex whispers.

"Hm?"

Alex waits for a long moment. He's scared to ask, because he doesn't know what he wants Willie's answer to be. He wants Willie to be honest, but he desperately doesn't want to hear Willie say that Alex can't do this. Also more importantly, he doesn't know what he'll do with Willie's answer. What if Willie thinks he can? Will that influence his choice?

Willie shifts his head on Alex's chest to look up at Alex, and he realizes he's taking too long. He draws in a deep breath, making Willie's head fall with his chest, and asks, "do you think I can do this?"

"The speech at the ball? Yeah, Alex, you'll be fine. You've been doing really great with your anxiety," Willie assures him, squeezing his side.

Alex sighs. "No. I mean, thanks but, I—being a prince. A king. Ruling a country. Do you think I can?"

Willie flips so he's on his stomach, his arm curled around Alex's waist. He shimmies up the bed until he's face to face with Alex and looks him in the eye. "Man, I don't know," he says, and Alex's heart starts to drop. "All I care about is whether or not you're willing. That's the important part. That's the part that's gonna make a difference."

Alex blinks.

So, he has to be willing.

… Well, is he?

The short answer is he doesn't know.

The long answer is that, first, Caleb Covington is next in line for the throne and Alex (and countless others) doesn't want him to take the throne. Alex is the only one who has the opportunity to stop him. By taking his rightful place as prince and eventually king, and then by eventually having a child, Caleb would no longer have his claim. Second, Beasiga is a country with strong ties to many countries around the world. It didn't survive for over three hundred years, over one hundred of those without an army, by being anti-social. Alex would have an opportunity to impact not only Beasiga, but also the world. It wouldn't be anything revolutionary or that would create world peace, but if he can take even a single step towards making even one country a better place for even one group of people… he thinks the entire thing would be worth it. Finally, Beasiga is full of people he cares about, even if he's never met them, and he wants to make their lives better. The people in the country are passionate and full of life and Alex can tell that just from hearing and reading about them, just from news stories, just from social media. He wants to make a difference, wants to leave a mark.

After that though, he has to think of the life he'd be giving up. Even if they managed to make things work, what are the chances he'd ever get to go on tour with the band? Slim to none. Security wouldn't hear of it, and he wouldn't have the time to leave for six months. Willie said he would stick with Alex, but what if things got too hard? What if the pressures of royalty were too much for Willie and he didn't want that anymore? And his future kid—kids? His mom and biological dad had hidden him from the royal world because they wanted him to live a "normal" childhood. What would a royal childhood mean for any children he'd have? One of them would grow up to be ruler of Beasiga one day and would be feeling the same pressure he is right now. They'd also be wondering if they could do it. Or—or maybe not. Maybe he was right when he said that rulers were born. Maybe the fact that he was thrown into this at such a late age is the reason he doubts himself so much.

And then—then he thinks… he can recite many Beasigan policies and when and why they were developed, he can quote multiple Beasigan laws and tell you when and where they were passed, and he can discuss Beasigan history back to before the start of the country. And he's proud that he can do that and he likes that he can do that and he wants to learn even more about Beasiga. Over the last month and a half he's prepared for this. And it's not like he's going to become king next week, just prince. He's still got plenty of time before he becomes king. He'd have time to graduate college before he becomes king, and in that time, he could learn plenty more about Beasiga's policies and laws and history, and even its people and culture and architecture and so much more.

But… he's scared.

There it is, he admits it now. Julie was right again, no one is surprised.

He's absolutely terrified.

Stepping into his role as prince means giving up the life he's known for sixteen years and accepting the life he's known for one month. It means giving up the life he expected and taking on the life he… well, that he couldn't have even dreamt up. And it means accepting something about himself that he really, really didn't want to accept.

That he is, in fact, a prince.

Being a prince, later king, makes him separate from everyone else. It makes him somehow more untouchable to a certain group of people—actually, to most people. It takes away his normalcy. Beyond that, it puts him on a pedestal and in a spotlight and illuminates all of his flaws, all of his mistakes, all of his missteps and setbacks and failures.

A prince. Could he be that?

He technically is, whether he likes it or not, but… if he accepts it, well… There'd be no going back. Is he willing to give up this life for that?

In economics, they learned about opportunity cost. It's the concept of what you miss gaining by opting for a different choice. For example, by going to school, a person is gaining knowledge, but the opportunity cost is that they're giving up a few extra hours of sleep. If they choose to go out with friends rather than study, they gain time with friends, but the opportunity cost is the hours they could have spent studying and the potential grade they could have gotten had they spent those hours studying instead. As Alex thinks on it, he wants to laugh. Those examples are accurate but they seem so insignificant compared to his situation. What's the opportunity cost if he decides to become a prince? What is it if he doesn't? All he knows is that there are two things that Alex can't sacrifice in his choice. There are two things that he will not allow to be his opportunity cost. His band and…

Alex blinks up at Willie, who's suddenly even closer than before, and it doesn't take much at all for Alex to lean up and close the gap between them. Willie kisses him back, opening his mouth under Alex's lips and sighing. Alex presses back into the kiss, and slips a hand into Willie's hair and guides him deeper until they're both lost in each other. Alex feels his heart fluttering, hears their shaky breaths between kisses, and tastes traces of Willie's toothpaste on his breath. Willie has been with him through this all, and has pushed him not to do what he thinks he should do, but what he wants to do. Alex wants Willie, yes, but what he really wants… he wants Willie to be beside him in Beasiga.

He pulls back.

"I'm going to be Prince," he whispers.

Willie smiles. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

There's a long pause in the room, the only noise being the sound of whatever movie is playing in the background. Willie is staring at Alex, flicking his eyes over parts of Alex's face, searching for any sign of hesitation. He settles on Alex's eyes and gives Alex a weighted look.

"Love you, Prince Alex," Willie says, and then they're back to kissing, and Alex feels like these are the two best decisions he's ever made.

[independentauthor]

Breathless Reality Tom Holland X Original Character

Multi Chapter

Full summary: 21 year old Sydney is just trying to make dreams come true by touring the world, creating music, and making unforgettable memories. But some dreams you can’t make come true, they just happen on their own. Tom Holland falling in love with her was the most unexpected dream come true of all.

Warnings for full fic: Fluff, angst, mentions of sex, mentions of past trauma, and smutt  (please let me know if I miss anything!)  

Chapter summary: Just a little bit of drama starts to unfold 

Chapter 10

Harrison was laughing at a joke that Ali had just told, Tom was fighting the urge to laugh along while playing with my hair, and I was smiling at my cereal.

Sitting at the table in the front lounge of the bus, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. Here I was, at the mere age of 21, successful in my chosen career with unwavering support of family and friends and now dating a guy I could never have even dreamed up. That alone was more than enough. But as I sat there I realized that both mine and Tom’s best friends seemed to more than get along well. It was simply good fortune that we could spend time like this as a foursome and have a great time.

“Are you going to eat your cereal or just smile at it?” Ali asked me.

I gave her an annoyed look but smiled.

“Come on love, you’ll need your strength today,” Tom said, coming to my rescue as he continued to run his fingers through my hair.

Soon we were all done eating and getting ready to leave. We rode in a big SUV to the radio station’s studio where we met the rest of my team and got ready.

It dawned on me that Tom had not really officially met anyone besides Robbie and Ali.

I introduced him to Jess, then the band Joe, Reggie, Alex, and Mark, and finally Toby.

He smiled and shook hands with everyone, and introduced Harrison with ease. It was amazing to me how calm he was at meeting so many people. To me there was a big difference between meeting fans and work related people, and meeting people you were actually expected to remember, know, and interact with.

But it didn’t seem to bother him one bit.

I on the other hand knew that I would be panicking. Over the years I had managed to create a very cool and confident exterior that I wore almost at all times. I had perfected it to the point where most people didn’t even know I had social anxiety. It never crossed people’s minds that I might deal with mental health issues or that I had been through and was still in therapy. It often surprised people that I dealt with these issues whenever I talked about it.

I kept my mental health somewhat private, not going into depth with details, but I liked to be honest with the fans and let them know that they were not alone and that I certainly was not as perfect as I pretended to be.

Soon I was sitting in a chair with the guys, head set on, and ready to go.

Tom grinned at me through the studio window.

He was stood with his arms folded over his chest next to Harrison, Ali, and Toby who were all watching.

The interviewers, Kelly and Sam, told us we were just about ready.

“Okay,” Kelly said, “We are live in three, two . . .”

“Hey guys what is happening? We are here with Sydney, Alex, Mark, Reggie, and Joe!” Sam said excitedly into his microphone, “Welcome to the show!”

“Thank you,” I said, smiling widely.

“We are so excited to have you guys on the show, and are glad you could make it on your last day of you country wide tour!” Kelly said.

“Thank you,” I repeated, “We’re excited to be here.”

“So tell us, Sydney, what is it like to be finishing up this tour?” Sam asked.

“Well it’s pretty surreal. I mean we’ve been working on this tour for months before it started and now it’s actually coming to a close. But I couldn’t be more proud of the work we’ve done,” I replied.

They went on to ask us each questions about our best and worst moments on the tour, our favorite fan meetings, and about the new album. Most of the questions I had been pretty well prepared for. But there was one I wasn’t quite ready for.

“So Sydney,” Sam said, “There have been a lot of rumors about you and Tom Holland.”

My blood ran cold.

“Is there anything you want to say to those rumors?”

I swallowed.

I knew Tom was staring at me. I could feel his eyes glued to me. He was probably just as stunned as I was. We had talked this morning about how we wanted to handle this, but not in a lot of detail.

I wanted to hit myself in the face. I should have been prepared for this. The photos of us from the premier had only been able to spark rumors that I had been easily able to brush off in the past by saying that we had only just become friends. But the ones of us from last night were more than enough to confirm that something else was going on.

I could either lie.

Or tell the truth.

“Well,” I opened my mouth, unsure of what I was going to say, “Tom and I met at the premiere of Avengers and became really close friends. We’ve only just started dating.”

“So you two are together?” Kelly asked.

“Yes we are,” I said, with a slight nod of my head.

“Well that’s exciting! Congratulations!” Sam said with a smile.

“Thank you,” was all I was able to say.

And just like that it was out.

Joe quickly jumped in and the conversation moved back towards the band and tonight’s show, leaving me behind in a daze. I would have to thank him later.

I slowly turned my head to get a small glance at Tom.

He was grinning at me.

I’m not sure what I had expected, maybe that he would be upset or be happy. But I had not expected him to be smug.

“Well thank you guys so much for coming on the show today!” Kelly said.

“Thank you for having us,” I responded.

“And good luck at tonight’s show!” Sam said, ending the interview.

“We’re off the air,” the sound booth’s operator said through the speaker.

We all got up, taking off our headsets, and shook hands, saying more thanks and goodbyes.

Tom grabbed my hand the second I was out of the door, pulling me towards him.

“You were great love,” he said, putting his arm around me, kissing my forehead.

“You’re just glad I was the one who had to break the news,” I said grumpily, with a knowing look.

He tried to suppress a smile but he was not successful as a laugh escaped him.

Quickly, he covered his mouth.

“Sorry love,” he said, “But we both know you’re much better at these things than I am. I’m much more likely to say or do something stupid.”

“Yes but if you didn’t then who would inspire all of the memes?” I teased.

“Hey!” he said warningly, a smile on his lips as he pulled me in closer.

We laughed as we left the studio and headed back into the SUV.

“Well I think that went very well,” Ali said, getting settled next to Harrison.

Tom slid his arm over my shoulders and I rested my head against his chest.

“Do you now?” I asked.

“Of course! You handled all the questions really well,” she said with admiration.

“Even the one I had no prep for?” I asked bluntly.

“Yes,” she said, nodding her head, unfazed “Well I think those are the types of questions that you and Tom can decide on together.”

“You didn’t used to think that,” I said with an arched eyebrow.

Shit.

As soon as the words left my mouth I knew I had screwed up. I had completely overlooked the fact that Tom and I’d had no real discussion of our past relationships. And I certainly didn’t want to start one now.

Ali cleared her throat.

“So Harrison . . .” she started, quickly changing the subject.

But it was not enough to get past Tom.

He looked at me with an expression I couldn’t quite place.

I gave him a small smile and then looked down, taking a deep breath.

He seemed to decide this was not the time or place to ask any questions, but I knew he eventually would.

Soon we were back at the bus, outside the venue, and I was getting jittery.

“Okay, take a few minutes, but I think I already see some fans outside the door,” Ali said to me.

“Sounds good,” I nodded.

Tom smiled at me.

I knew he was burning with questions.

But Ali stepped in.

“First I need to talk to you,” she said, grabbing my arm and pulling me to the back of the bus, leaving Tom and Harrison standing there.

“Oh my God Sydney!” she whispered.

“I know, I know!” I hissed back, “I can’t believe it! I just totally blanked!”

“Well now what?” she asked.

“I have no idea,” I said, rubbing my arm.

“You better figure something out,” she said.

“Yeah I know. I’m going to have to talk to him about it,” I whispered miserably.

“Well you would have eventually,” she said reasonably.

“Yeah, just not now,” I said, looking back to the front of the bus, “And what the hell I am I supposed to do about all the fans? I mean I don’t know how to handle that kind of attention when it comes to my personal life.”

“We’ll just take it one step at a time,” Ali said, putting her hand on my shoulder.

“Okay,” I nodded.

We walked back to the front of the bus.

“You ready to go outside?” Ali asked.

“Yeah just give me one sec,” I answered as Tom took my hand in his.

“Did you want me to go with you or wait here?” he asked.

“Um,” I said, unsure of my answer, “Why don’t you wait here and then we’ll go in for sound check?”

“Okay,” he nodded before kissing my hand, “But before you go, how’s this?” he asked, showing me his phone.

He had his Instagram opened to his newest post of only a few minutes ago. It was a picture of me at the Avengers premiere with the caption “My girl” with the fire and heart emoji following it.

“Thank you,” I said, smiling and leaning into him so that he could kiss my forehead.

“You’re welcome,” he muttered into the top of my head, “Now go on, I’ll be here.”

I smiled at him before walking out the door of the bus.

There were a lot of fans waiting outside the venue. In a way it was easier for me to breathe when I was around the fans. It kept me humble and reminded me of why I did what I did. Sure it was therapeutic for me to express myself, but it was to help other people feel like they weren’t alone.

But today I was on edge. This information about me and Tom was sure to hit big.

I’d only had one other relationship in my life and most of it was during the beginning of my success. Most of it was kept in the dark because I was fairly young and my boyfriend of that time was a bit older than I was. He also was not in the limelight so it was easy to keep the public out of it.

This was different. For one, my fan base had grown exponentially. There were a lot of people who were interested in what I did. And for another, Tom’s fan base was larger than mine by thousands. There were many more eyes on him, especially with the movie having just come out.

If you put all of that together, we were sitting under a giant microscope.  

At first this meeting with the fans seemed like any other. They had all different reactions to meeting me, they asked me to sign all different things, and pose for all different pictures. I couldn’t help but smile and try to hug everyone I could reach.

Maybe I had been worried about nothing.

Then someone handed me a photo of me and Tom at the premiere for me to sign.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

All of the sudden it seemed like a whirlwind. Everyone wanted to talk to me about Tom. I didn’t know where to look, what to do. I felt like I was being berated with questions. Questions I did not know how to answer.

Suddenly Ali was there, pulling me away.

Then the door shut behind me.

I exhaled.

The look on my face must have been concerning because Ali put her arm around my shoulder, in an attempt to calm me down.

And Tom’s face.

It was not a happy one.

I had never seen him look like that.

Half angry and half afraid.

“Sydney,” he said, taking me into his arms.

They thought I didn’t notice, but Ali and Harrison exchanged a look.

At first I returned his embrace, leaning into his chest, feeling like it was exactly what I needed. But then I realized it was not what Tom needed, to feel like I was upset.

           “I’m fine,” I said, breaking out of his arms.

I didn’t want to see the look on his face as I walked away towards the back of the bus. But I knew he was hurt. And I could feel his eyes on my back.

I closed the bathroom door behind me, and slid down onto the floor with a silent sob. I didn’t want anyone to hear me as the panic finally got me. I breathed through it the best I could, just waiting for it to be over. I didn’t want anyone to come looking for me.

Finally my breathing returned to normal and I was able to stand. Quickly I gathered myself back up.

“Pull it together,” I said to myself in the mirror.

One last breath and I opened the door.

But he was there.

He seemed surprised by me.

I realized he had just been about to knock on the door.

“Are you okay?” Tom asked, taking my hand in his as he brushed hair away from my face with the other.

“Yeah,” I said, looking down. His eyes were on me and I couldn’t face them, “I’m fine.”

He tilted my head up with his index finger under my chin. His other arm snaked it’s way around my middle. His eyes searched mine.

At first I thought I had convinced him, but then he seemed to find what he was looking for as his eyes widened.

“Guys come on! Sound check!” Ali called, waving us to the front.

“Coming,” Tom said without looking away from my face.

His lips tightened into a fine line.

He was certainly not happy.

“I’m in trouble aren’t I?” I asked before I realized what I was saying.

He hesitated.

“Yes, yes you are,” he said, nodding his head.

I bit my lip.

He took a big breath and suddenly leaned down to kiss me with a kiss that would have put me on the ground had he not been holding onto me. I couldn’t help it as my hands found their way into his hair. I stood up on my toes to get closer to him.Tom abruptly broke away with what sounded like a frustrated grunt. He looked away from me and then shook his head. When he looked back at me he still had some anger in his eyes. But he tightened his grip on me and pulled me towards the front of the bus.

[sparkycanteven]

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!

- I AM NOT HERE FOR THIS GOD AWFUL SCARY-ASS CONVERSION THERAPY STORYLINE. CHERYL DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE ANYTHING LIKE THAT! FUCK YOU PENELOPE!!! What a goddamn psycho HOSEBEAST! I have known actual abusive people who are more human than this bitch! I propose a Riverdale x Supernatural Crossover, let’s throw some holy water on Penelope and see if she burns. If she does then we have our answer! And Sam and Dean can salt and burn that bitch! Oh my God. That whole scene was VERY triggery for me, not because I’ve ever experienced it but because of how actually fucking terrifying that is. Jesus, is there no love in this woman’s heart for the child she bore?! Holy shit... 

- The ‘suffering until sufferage’ song kinda made me want to throw up in my mouth a little. Very school house rock.. a little too on the nose. -_-;

- Reggie DESERVED that punch and I’m glad V did it. Let’s hear it for one-punch girl, Veronica Lodge. XD

- Jughead, you are fucking stupid for running for student body president, sorry but that was an unnecessary move on your part. Don’t come for me guys, ya’ll know I’m right.

- Also, Jug and Betty living together? ahahaha, they are too young for this step in their lives, I smell the beginning of the end. Although please let it have some comedy gold moments like Jug and Betty fighting over the bathroom in the morning.

- Alice, I get he’s your son but why the fuck are you protecting a kid you don’t even know? I get you’re eaten up by guilt but CHRIST girlfriend, chill! He’s not gonna throw his arms around you and say “Mommy, I love you.” cuz he’s 25 and he’s probably never had the chance to utter those words in his entire life, and while that is sad you’re not gonna fix him by enabling him.

- Alice’s face when she found out that Jug and Betty were knockin’ boots was priceless. I yelled loudly “ALICE IS GONNA THROW UP!” and then followed it up with “That’s what we all do when they have sex!” XD Again, don’t come for me. :P

- Yeah Jug did get all up in Ronnie’s grill about things but honestly, that’s just his character and yeah he was a total dick to her but it wasn’t as bad as people are making it out to be.

- I don’t believe Jug was in on the poster, simply because he didn’t have time. I believe Josie and Ethel were the ones that did that whole thing. 

- I totally believe FP is Chic’s Dad and that is why Alice had the reaction she did. 

- I’m not sure that guy is the real Chic, however. 

- I’m glad Alice was honest with Betty about not always being safe when having sex when she was younger, it showed a more human, vulnerable side to her and a lot of times kids need to see that in their parents. I’m glad she told her. That being said, I’m sooo glad that Betty and Jug are being safe cuz let’s face it everyone is too young to be parents right now. (Although I think it’d be hilarious if Riverdale had a marriage assignment in one of the classes lolololol.)

- I think Archie just singlehandedly started a war with his best friend and I think Jug’ll end up winning this one. Archie may be the golden boy, but did anyone see that look Jug gave him after cutting off the chains? Yeah... that’s the mortal enemy glare. Watch your back, Archie.

- Chic and Betty may end up battling to the death. He’s a creeper fuck and I don’t trust him at all.

[stephy757]

My thoughts on Episode 16

Just my thoughts about last weeks episode - it’s kind of a writing while watching piece so my apologies: - Betty freaking out about Chic not having Blossom blood - Hal isn’t his father. I don’t think it’s FP either. I’m surprised Betty didn’t figure that one out quicker.  - What was up with Hal interviewing Hermione. - I hate Veronica right now. She’s disappointing me so very much. I honestly thought that way back when this started, that Veronica was going to secretly bring her parents down because she disagreed with them. Disappointed to see that’s not the case at all. She’s quickly reverting back to her NYC ways. - The Lodges donating revenue to riverside high? Seriously? I find that very hard to believe. - Veronica and Hermione sound as fake during that interview as Hal did introducing Andy Cohen. I’m fine with those cheesy bits but PLEASE stop making them so painful! Almost as bad as the Bughead/Vughead piece in the hot tub.  - Kevin taking photos with Andy was the only thing believable on that scene. - Andy Chohen is a celebrity endorsement - wow. I’m sure you could have found someone better Hermione... - Archie is an idiot. Just putting that out that. He has continually made bad decisions all season and is now, officially, worse than Jughead earlier in the season. - Did no one notice the Veronica/Archie looks at lunch? Thank you Jughead for actually speaking up. Glad someone is willing to voice their honest opinions and not support the crap!  - Ethel throwing a milkshake on Veronica - priceless. What a way to bring your character back into the series! - Josie snickering next to kevin - she is my hero. I did the same exact thing watching that scene! - Betty doesn’t seem completely believable when she’s listening to/watching Veronica clean up. - Wow Reggie is still here? Haven’t seen him in ages!  - Betty totally rubbing off on Veronica with that punch. Justified and glad to see Veronica’s perfect composure breaking a little bit. - I hate Penelope. I hate her as a parent and as a person. She’s just horrid. - Claudius is totally Clifford. I’m calling it now. I think the body hanging was Claudius and this was their plan all along. Why else would he be working with her to remove everyone else?

- Is Penelope still sleeping with people now that Claudius/Clifford is back?

-Wow. Dad “no no no, we tell you what to do. Before your head gets cut off.“

- Jughead’s reaction to Veronica running is priceless. I love him. - Betty, you need to not say who people are going to vote for. Obviously Jughead isn’t voting for her. - Jughead’s face when Veronica asks Betty to run with her. Priceless when paused. - Toni’s dance. Surprised but also not, that she’d go for the team now that she and Cheryl are a thing. Very reminiscent of the Cheryl/Veronica dance off Season 1.  - Inner circle vixens. Nice Cheryl. I also don’t remember there being that many of them in the past.  - Glad Fred is getting out while he still can. Smart man. - Archie is such an idiot. How can he not tell he’s being used. I know he’s 16 but seriously? Is he that dumb? And he and Veronica are such shitty friends. - How can Archie forget that Jughead was raised in and still lives in the south side. Of course he cares - even if he only went there for “4 minutes.” He went there long enough to break up with Betty several times over!  - Jugheads story about the two trains - once again foreshadowing - just like in the woods. - Why do the girls all look bored brushing one another’s hair? Such a freaking weird scene. - “Inner circle, cousin Betty.” Damn girl. Way to be harsh! - Toni is TT now? - Betty sharing her story was weird - almost as weird as Cheryl. - And so none of the girls think it’s weird that only Toni is sleeping in Cheryl’s bed while they are all relegated to the floor?? - Nana Rose falling down the stairs like it’s a VC Andrews novel. - Does Mary always show up at her ex’s house unannounced?? Do they always decide not to tell Archie so he can be surprised like a little kid? Also, she’s staying there? Fred looks a little too happy and we know she moved on before he did. That could mean something down the line. - Thank you Mary for calling your son out for disrespecting his dad. - How is that kiss and cupcake allowed? Esp at school? Come on Whetherbee! - Thank you Ethel for calling Veronica out for specializing the election. So loving Ethel this episode!! She’s my spirit animal right now! Glad the serpents are still having their meetings. I’ve missed Fangs and Sweet Pea. - Thank God Mary is being a voice of reason!! - Chic and Kevin are so gross. Not a fan of that pairing. I want Kevin with Fangs.. Fingers crossed a connection happens during Carrie!  - Betty and Chic together are so creepy together. Not a fan of her threats either. I get the reason why but she’s acting like a lunatic. - Josie selling herself for a vote. Ugh. - Is Archie Hiram’s new go to guy? Again, he’s 16!! - Jughead and the boys chaining themselves to south side. Sweet gesture and I like the non-violent part of it. - Not sure how I feel about the “who is crazier” game she’s playing with chic. A lot too weird. Not liking the death threat. - They would be more wet in this rain. Glad the parents are there to watch over them. - Singing about women’s rights. Wow. Riverdale... you never cease to amaze me! - Veronica asking where Ethel got the info? Hello guilty. And then “I told you we were making amends” um... that’s not how that works. Way to call her on her bribe Ethel!  - Glad Betty is finally calling her out. You should have stopped trusting her after she put your sex life out there for Archie!!! - You are a criminal when you are supporting your criminal parents. - I’m in love with the FP/jughead relationship now. They’ve grown so much. - Archie is so far up Hiram’s ass he can’t even see his friends and fathers feelings.  Go Mary! Tell your spoiled son off. - Glad Alice asked if they were being safe. And her honesty about FP. I love some old school Falice!  - The chat between Betty and Alice helped me a little with Alice’s crazy over Chic. And she agreed he wasn’t FPs kid (good!) but whose is he?? - How did chic know she went to the sewer pipe with the body?  Was he following her? I’m so over the Chic is   - Hiram is acting like Jughead is his arch nemesis. He’s a 16 year old boy. Using Archie to to go against his best friend - gross. Archie is a dumb ass. - Thank you FP!! Glad you have your sons back especially when his best friend doesn’t seem to. - Disappointing Archie. And then to push Jughead at the end. What is his problem?  - Betty living with Jughead and FP - that will be interesting. Could make or break them. Goes back to when he almost lived with her in season 1 before they deleted that scene. - Fred running against the lodges will be awesome. Same with Bughead being co-presidents!! - Penelope sending Cheryl to boarding school. That’s actually comic book canon  and an interesting bit to put out there to see who was paying attention. - Conversion therapy with what seems to be the Sister’s of Mercy?? Wow. What’s with those pig tails anyway? This is going to be a very interesting story line and seriously reminds me of one of my favorite fan fics - “Haunted.”