#Really broke the illusion of my intense feelings being True Love

[subconsciousmysteries]

love my bf love my life but that one song by Corey Taylor gives me war flashbacks to all the 48 combos I've loved before and I secretly listen to it sometimes when I'm bored with healthiness and I want to feel pain again

[valeskakingdom]

Request

Could I request a part 3? Jerome keeps the reader as his hostage for popularity and attention. Reader is really fond of the attention she gets as well and eventually sleeps with Jerome again? In the end she sees how Galavan kills him and is really sad?

Requested by @violentvaleska

So guys, here's part 5!!

Credit gif: @jokersbabe27

Jerome x female reader (part 5)

Warnings: mentions of violence and murder, depression

Word count: 3378

*Later that day at the charity*

"Already excited for my show, doll?" Jerome grinned through his magician costume. you hated that costume. It hid Jerome's beautiful face with a shitty beard, his hairs were under a stupid wig and a black cylinder. And that tuxedo...gosh, you hated it thought not as much as the wig or the fake beard. The worst on it was his name...'Rodolfo'. You were disgusted by that name.

No magician in that universe would ever call himself like that! It sounds so ridiculous!

"Of course! Though I already know you'll be amazing as always." You smirked pressing a kiss on his cheek "Give them the best show they've ever seen!"

"That ain't be a problem for me" Jerome grinned "Even Hundini wouldn't have seen such a great show." You giggled at his comment.

"Without further ado, please allow me to present you the Great Rodolfo!" Immediately, Jerome walked on stage, everyone was applauding - even you. You were excited for how he was acting as a magician. Of course, you knew he was doing it well anyway. Jerome was professional. He could play every role in this Earth perfectly!

"Ha! Greetings ladies and germs," Jerome walked on stage "I am indeed the Great Rodolfo! Please ogle my lovely assistant. Ohh, for my first act, I'll require a volunteer. Let me see. Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, goose!" Jerome pointed at Bruce Wayne, the richest orphan in Gotham that was hated by every villain - really, everyone wanted to kill him.

"Hello, young man. Does this handsome gentleman have a name?" You heard Jerome saying after she went out to the crowd to bring him back.

"Bruce." The boy responded.

"Bruce! Well, Bruce. This won't hurt a bit." He clapped two great blades together "Is there a doctor in the house?"

Jerome sticked one of the blades in the box along with the other one. The audience gasped, them applauded him.

While watching you were astonished about Jerome's well, acting. Nobody noticed it was him. Neither Bruce nor the other guests recognized anything. Almost unbelievable for you.

"Some people say Bruce has a split personality." Jerome laughed loud while Barbara brought the little kid back to his actual place "For my next illusion, I'd like to call to the stage esteemed Deputy Major Harrison Kane."

Barbara pushed a rolling table, covered with a tarp, forward that it stood in front of Jerome. She pulled the tarp back and you could see any kind of knives laying down there. You were thinking about what was coming next. Is Jerome still playing with him or is he about to kill that guy?

Barbara bended down making the others noticed the next illusion was incoming. But a mistake happened, her mask fell down.

They're fucked!! You thought panicking. If anyone of the guests recognized them, they all would have a big problem. People would call the police, others die, the police finds you and eventually become informed about Theo, as well.

But Barbara kept being professional. Nobody made a move to start panicking or to call the police. Everything stayed normal.

"By the way, nobody is getting out here alive." At first the crowd laughed because they thought he was just joking - of course, he did not. Jerome killed the Deputy and the gunfire started. People were screaming and hiding in hope they weren't the next victim.

You flinched a little in surprise, although you might have expected it. Who would Jerome not kill expect you? He killed his mother, now the Deputy Major...it was just a matter of time to see who was his next victim.

For you, that all was pretty exciting, but also a big feeling of unpleasantness came over you. This situation reminded you of the day Jerome kidnapped you. You had flashbacks. You fear, you uncomfortableness, the nervousness, the wish to go home...everything came back - you knew best how the victims felt right now, and.

And as the last time, something told you that this situation wouldn't turn out well.

You wanted to be with Jerome right now. You just wanted to hug him, you wouldn't care whether he liked it or not, you just needed it.

But you couldn't go to him. You promised him to stay backstage to watch his marvellous show. And you knew, as everyone else knew what would happen if you broke the promise. His mood would change again and you needed to see whether it would turn out well for you or not.

You just stared at your lover. Finally he took the cylinder from his head as the wig, his black mask and the beard. Finally he presented himself again. You couldn't help but smile. You saw him being excited, being happy. He was the star in the show as he was the boss. You loved to see this: him standing there calm and managing everything while around him was pure chaos.

He was so professional you thought.

Out of nowhere, another woman was brought on stage, it was Lee Tompkins.

She was handhuffed, her gaze expressed fear and panicking.

They probably have taken her from behind as she was about to call the cops to tell what was going on.

You saw Jerome gazing at her with a smile - immediately, you hated her. You hated how you Jerome looked at her, how he smiled at her. It looked the same as every time he was smiling at you.

"Hey, darling" You felt shivers down your spine and jealousy came over you as he said that, you hated when Jerome was acting kinda flirty with other women. You always got the feeling they'd be much better than you but you also that your thoughts are wrong "I need to borrow your phone for a moment. We wanna tell Jimbo how the show's going on, don't we?"

And so he called him:

"Sorry Jimbo, it's just little old me!" He said nothing for a moment, then "Are you outside? You are, aren't you?" He cackled" Oh, goody!"

"Breathe, James. I haven't touched a hair on your girlfriend's pretty head." See for yourself. This is live television after all." You heard Jerome laughing after he responded to 'Jimbo'.

Then Jerome and Barbara tied Lee up on that big wheel pretending to shoot her head. It was all to entertain the crowd, to make them love. No one loved though - besides you. You loved their show. It entertained you and you loved to see your lover in action.

"True, but not the point. Hey, let's talk about what I want." Jerome walked down the stage closer to the camera "$47 million, a helicopter, obviously, the dry cleaning I left at Mr. Chang's be careful, the man is a crook, and mm, I don't know, a pony. Uh, you got ten minutes or I start killing people. Remember this is being broadcast to every home in Gotham, so, don't let people die. Bye!" Jerome laughed into the phone as he hung up "I think that went well." Jerome looked at you giving you a wink with a smile.

"Enough! You need to pack up your pathetic little sideshow and leave!" You suddenly heard Theo yelling from the other side of the stage. You were confused. What was he doing here? He told them to do this! Or did this still belong to the show?

"Is that right?" Jerome asked with a smirk.

"It may be presumptuous to speak for all citizens of Gotham. But we are sick of you! You're a small, vicious man with a pathetic need for attention. Enough man, for God's sake, enough!"

You were even more confused about Galavan's words. Something was in the bush. In his tower he spoke in high claims of Jerome that he was the star in the show, that he trusted Jerome most that he'll do it. What was wrong now?

"I'm curious what your leverage is here, Mr.?"

"Theo Galavan"

"Well, Mr. Theo Galavan, if you don't sit down, uh, I'm gonna shoot you. In your face."

"I know there is some human decency left in you. If you need a hostage, take me. But let these people go home! To their families, to their children." Before Theo could continue his speech, Barbara knocked him out with a some kind of pan. You giggled for yourself, almost laughed loud. It looked so stupid for you how he fell on the ground. It was like in a real blockbuster.

"Boring" Barbara stated.

"Right" Jerome cackled loudly, then he made his way to you with a big grin in his face. Automatically you grinned, too.

"How do you like the show doll?" Jerome grabbed your hands and pulled you close to him. You felt a slightly blush spreading over your cheeks as he pressed his lips against yours. His hands grabbed your cheeks softly to intense the kiss.

"I love it! It's very exciting" You grinned wrapping your arms around his neck while he wrapped his arms around your waist "But I'm much happier about you not wearing this cruel costume anymore. It covered your face, I hated it."

Jerome just chuckled about your comment and kissed your forehead.

"I have an idea," You just raised your brows looking at him in interest "Wanna be the star in my show?"

"Of course I do!" You smiled wide before he pressed his lips against yours quickly, then you both walked out. Gasps filled the room, all eyes were on you. They all knew who you were. You were the missed girl everyone was looking for. They either thought you were dead or that you were left at a lost place. But now you stood there - healthy, happy, self-confident.

"I know what you all think: That's (Y/n)! What is she doing here?! Where has she been?! I tell you all a secret: She was with me all the time." Jerome grabbed your face soft making you giggle "She's gorgeous, isn't she? Always has a pretty smile in her face."

Barbara pulled a next man up on stage positioning right in front of you and handed you a gun. Then she placed an apple on the man's bald.

"You know how to hold a gun, doll?" Jerome grinned wrapping his arms around you from behind. You felt his lips and his warm breathe touched your cheek. It was giving you chills in arousal.

"I'm not that stupid, Jerome." You made sure the gun was loaded. You positioned yourself to keep stable and pointed the gun at the apple. That was what Barbara and Tabitha have taught you over the days you were at Galavan's.

The man in front of you was shivering with wide eyes, his sweat was dripping down his forehead. His eyes expressed fear and you could see he wished you didn't kill him.

"Hold very still." Jerome growled at the man, then he covered his eyes with one hand "I can't look! Someone tell me how it turns out."

You inhaled deeply and concentrated on the apple. But as you pulled the trigger, just water came out and splashed into the old man's face. At that moment, you thought that Jerome jerked you around with tell you time the star.

Jerome just sighed in annoyance grabbing your gun and gave you a new one assuring you that he didn't know the gun was fake.

"Damn! Turn around." The man looked at you in fear and turned around. With his eyes he literally begged you not to shoot or at least to hit the apple. He was about to stop moving as you shot the apple from his head. The crowd gasps in shock and relief that the guy wasn't dead yet.

"Whoo!" Barbara cheered happily. You knew she was proud of you that you didn't blame yourself and missed the apple. You were proud of yourself, too. You shot without hesitation, not even thinking of missing the apple and accidentally shoot the guy.

Every one else kept quiet tho.

"Well, clap!" Jerome shouted kinda aggressively to the crowd - then they did it. Nervously and fast. He laughed slightly pressing a kiss on your cheek "Well done, doll."

"Thank you, Jerome." You grinned. He took the gun out of your hands and placed it on the table with the knives. Then he kept staring at them for a while, you could see he was thinking about something.

"Do you know how to use a knife? Just wondering." Jerome smiled at you.

Before you could answer though, you saw Lee kicked Barbara in the stomach making her grunt.

As Barbara looked up at Lee, you could see fury was written in her face. She was angry, mad...these words just described a very small part of her feeling. It was incredible how much hate a person could express.

You looked at Lee. You could see she didn't give a fuck about her consequences.

"Haven't been ten minutes," Jerome hissed holding Barbara's arm tight that she was unable to stab Lee "We need to buy you a watch." Soon as Jerome turned around back to you Barbara punched Lee in her face. The crowd and you all gasped in surprise. Jerome instead, just looked at you shaking his head in disappointment what made you chuckle.

"Well, I think it's time for tonight's first official victim. You all know and love. Poor rich boy...Parents murdered in an alley, and my favorite volunteer: Where is Bruce Wayne?" Jerome claimed waiting for the little boy's appearance - he didn't come though. Everyone looked around for the boy hoping he would come. They, as you, knew what would happen if he did - someone will die.

"You know, I'm an orphan, too, Bruce? I killed my parents, though." Jerome spoke to the microphone, then stepped away from it "Where are you hiding?"

"Bruce!" Jerome screamed in anger making you flinch a little - you were always surprised about his temper. It came rapidly and was gone after a few seconds "Where are you buddy?!"

"That little kid's afraid of you, Jerome." You giggled wrapping your arms around his torso kinda in hope to calm him down a little. You had no idea his temper could ride that fast. "Give that boy some time to realize how much fun he's gonna have with you."

"We don't have time, right now. We have a plan to follow." Jerome grumbled looking around for Bruce and slightly pushing you away from him. In your eyes, Jerome was  a mix of an infant and a monster or the evil itself. His impatience reminded you of a child that didn't get his will. And his eye expression expressed fury, evil and the strong wish to kill the kid. It was fascinating, and almost frightening.

"Kill his butler!"" Barbara suggested.

"Alright, last chance Bruce but it's about to get very butler-brainy out here." Jeromekept looking around. While that, some of Jerome's colleagues grabbed the butler's arms right pushing him forward to Jerome. He was an older tall man in a black tuxedo looking very concerned for the little boy - understandable.

"Brucey!" Jerome yelled looking through the crowd but the boy still didn't appear "I'm bored. Shoot the butler." Jerome turned to you with a grin, not even really paying attention to what was happening around him. He just wanted you.

"Stop!" Bruce claimed panicking and ran fast in front of the stage to his poor butler.

"Let's get this started, huh?" Jerome gasped pulling Bruce back while pointing a gun at his head "You! Check behind the curtain! Make sure no one's playing silly buggers"

One of Jerome's colleagues nodded and walked to the curtain. He moved it aside the entrance,  he got shot.

"Drop the knife!" James Gordon shouted pointing a gun at Jerome, but he just laughed and pressed the young Bruce Wayne in front of his body, a sharp blade was pressed on his throat almost cutting his thin skin.

"I don't have a clean shot!" Gordon shouted.

"Stay calm, Bruce." The butler tried to encourage the little boy after he took a gun, as well, pointing it at Jerome. He totally ignored what Gordon said. His mind was all around Bruce.

"It seems like we've got ourselves a pickle." Jerome stopped laughing but pressing a knife against Bruce's throat. "What do you say Brucey boy? Wanna boost our ratings, huh?" Jerome cackled insanely again "Smile."

"I said enough!"  All of a sudden Theo appeared behind Jerome. He looked mad, very mad. Again you got that feeling of uncomfortableness. And again you got that feeling that something bad will happen now. You saw it on his gaze. This devilish grin. Something was in the bush.

And you weren't wrong. Shortly after Jerome turned to him slowly, Theo stabbed a knife into his neck.

Everyone gasped in shock, you were the loudest though. You heart dropped, you couldn't move for the moment, your legs became weak, cat got your tongue - you weren't able to breathe normal. You felt poor as you stared at Theo's hand that pressed the knife in Jerome's throat deeper and deeper - and that all right in front of you. Your whole body shivered, you were about to throw up every minute.

Tears built up in your eyes and some even streamed down your cheeks. This couldn't be real, this mustn't be real! You couldn't loose him, not now, not again, not forever.

Things have happened not quite perfect and you were mad at him, you didn't want to be with him, you even hated him for a moment, you were afraid of him... everything. You could say for one moment he was your biggest fear in your life because you were scared he'd kill you every minute, or every time you did something wrong. But that faded, it was forgiven, your love was refreshed. It was stronger than the night you two met for the first time. Your connection was stronger than ever before - you knew you belonged together. Why else did fate decide to let you two meet again? Why else would you fall for him again? Why else did he all you his doll, his girl, his queen? That weren't just words...it was more, a lot more.

You knew Jerome couldn't show love as usual people did, but you knew he loved you. His soft side towards you, him trying to make you smile, him protecting you when Greenwood teased you or harassed you..,that was all real. He didn't act at all!

All the memories came up. His smile, how you two hold a conversation for the first time at the circus, you felt the warmth on you hand again when you remembered how he held your hand. You could feel his arms wrapping around your body, and you could hear him calling you 'doll'.

And all this was gone forever now.

"I know, I know." He pressed Jerome down to the ground "Im so sorry, Jerome. You have real talent. But now you see, the plot thickens. Enter the hero." You saw Theo grinning slightly.

You could kill him for what he has done to him - and to you. He took all your joy away, he ripped your heart in two and three it away that it shattered in thousands of pieces. He had to die in your eyes. He just deserved it. You wanted revenge. You wanted to make him feel what he has done to you. You wanted to make him feel how you felt - sad, broken, shocked.

"I was gonna be.." With his last breath and his last courage, he looked up to you still having a grin in his face. His mouth opened shortly as if he was about to say something to you, but too late.

He was dead - dead as your happiness, your joy, you will to live. Your heart felt so heavy that every beating was exhausting you, as your breathing. The world was spinning around you. You body and your psyche couldn't handle what has happened just a few seconds in front of you.

He died, your love, your everything - your Jerome. And he will never come back.

And you died - inside.

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to Mr. Pigeon 72!

I knew this was going to be a really good episode, just because the synopsis we got and the trailer seemed pretty bland. Whenever ML does that, a lot of big things happen in that episode. I screamed and choked on my water in the opening scene where Ladybug's with Alya in Marinette's room. I've been looking forward to Alya and Marinette scenes sooo much since Gang of Secrets! Wayzz & Alya: Hey Marinette, you should take a break and rest. Marinette: Nah, I'm good I gotta keep working Alya: YOU'RE LOSING IT, GIRL! Marinette: Don't care, must work Alya: Okay... you know Adrien and Kagami broke up, right? Marinette: Wait what?! Oh no, Kagami needs me! Alya: Not the reaction I was expecting but okay "Let's not wait for the storm to pass, but let's dance in the rain." I really like this quote! Even during bad times, you need to find the good and enjoy it. And Marinette reaaaally needs to do that. But in a literal sense, please don't dance outside during a dangerous storm.

ALYA AND TRIXX ALDJFSLJDS oh I love them, I'm so happy we'll get to see more of them. The way they both reacted to Marinette saying she has to go console Kagami, they weren't expecting that. xD But I was! I find it very amusing how in episodes like Frightningale she was more upset with Chloe being Ladybug than Chloe being in a video with Adrien that Alya's shocked by her decision, and in Frozer where Marinette was putting Adrien's wants before hers. I really don't understand why people think just because she likes Adrien, she'd not want to help make those around her happy even if it wasn't what she wanted for herself. I'm not surprised at all that Marinette would do this for Kagami, but I'm very happy that she is. "Alya, in Paris, Kagami has no other friend except me. Only I can console her." This makes me so happy. The only times in this show I like Kagami, is when she's with Marinette. After watching this episode, I'm more and more thankful she finally told Alya about being Ladybug I don't even want to know the state she'd be in had she not. O.O She almost ran out of her room as Ladybug (whoops), then almost ran out in her pjs (again, oops). Thanks to Alya, she didn't do either. xD That little detail where Marinette runs out and the sun's really intense, letting us know she's been inside a really long time, so everything outside is really bright. I really appreciate the little things like that. Or at least, that's what I take it as. Unless they're hinting at summer coming up soon... Dang Marinette, just jumps on Kagami's back LOL Kind of reminds me how Chat Noir likes to come up on Ladybug. xD "Your so original friend." Marinette is pretty original! I know the tone implies that's not a good thing, but eh. She's letting her go with Marinette and spend time away, so who cares! Marinette trying really hard to convince Kagami to get back with Adrien and how she's going to help her. I think it's really sweet of her, but Kagami of course clearly doesn't want to. Plagg: What's wrong with you, jumping into ice water! YOU'RE LOSING IT! Adrien: *exposes duffle bag full of Camembert* Plagg: I take back everything I said about you Also huh, Alya just told Marinette she's losing it, now Plagg tells Adrien he's losing it...hmmm. Bob Roth is a horrible person and each time we see him, he does something else to show it. Poor Adrien's allergic to pigeons specifically. I guess he's okay with some birds but not others? Idk? But he told Gabriel it'd be doves, so he approved. But it turned out to be pigeons instead. To be fair, at least in the US, Mourning Doves are often mistaken as pigeons, at least where I live, so they'd make a decent substitute... if it wasn't for Adrien's allergy. Adrien in Gorizilla to Wayhem: If you stop following me around screaming, I think we could be good friends! Wayhem with Cardboard Cut-out Adrien in Mr. Pigeon 72: ADRIENNNNNNN! :/ Marinette has a bag full of everything she may need in all kinds of situations. Comes in handy but good grief girl! How do you lug that all around??? What kind of scenarios do you think up to think of

some of that stuff!? Marinette's so adorable in her bathing suit awwww! Dude. Bob Roth. He said he's allergic to pigeons! And you blame Mr. Ramier because Adrien sneezed and it scared the pigeon away? How is this man successful again? He doesn't listen to anything or anybody. Marinette's like hey Kagami, look at Adrien. You'll start liking him again. Do you feel your heart beating fast now? And she's like "I feel especially bad for the trainer (Mr. Ramier)". I mean same though. He's being treated horribly! x.x Next take, Adrien dives and he sees Marinette with Kagami. But I think he only saw Marinette. Because he says he thought he saw a friend from school (Kagami doesn't attend their school, just the fencing class, as far as we're aware) and also he makes no mention of Kagami at all in this episode. Which means...

Why's your jaw dropping at the sight of your "just a friend" in a bathing suit, Adrien? And, you know, Kagami's literally right there in a bathing suit, too. Just saying. But it's like she's not even there to him. Hmmmmm. Poor Kagami's like, this entire thing is embarrassing, I feel embarrassed for me, Adrien, and this situation. Kagami: Marinette, stop! It's getting crazy! Marinette: Love is crazy! Don't think about it! I love how the more Marinette tries to help Kagami, the more things are working out in Marinette's favor. Interesting, isn't it? The more she tries to tell Adrien her feelings and make opportunities for them, the more they fail. The more she tries to help Kagami, or someone else, the more opportunities for her land in her lap. Hahahahaha the way they both fall LOL "Marinette? 😮" *guilty smile* AND THEN THEY TAKE DOWN POOR EDGAR! :( Mr. Ramier's in the background giving the poor bird CPR as he's drowned and Marinette and Adrien are just casually talking not paying attention lolol "What are you doing here?" "I came to surprise you." Kind of, she was hoping to help Kagami get back with Adrien. So that's a kind of surprise! "Uh, well to relax!" True too, actually. Alya did send her off because she needed to get out of the house and relax from her Ladybug and Guardian duties. Marinette, everyone needs to be careful when at a pool. Clumsy people like you especially need to be careful! lol Good thing Adrien's already seen her fall so many times, it's nothing new lol Gabriel: It's a failure Bob Roth: It's not my fault, it's his! Mr. Ramier: You are under arrest! Edgar is my best friend. He's the most intelligent of the pigeons! Gabriel: It's a pigeon Bob Roth: WHAAAT? IT'S A PIGEON? RAMIER, YOU LIED TO ME. Sorry Gabriel, I'll replace this man! I know a shark trainer First off... LOL that whole scene XDD I actually knew Bob Roth was going to say that entire thing before I heard it lolol Second... awww Edgar's okay! c: and third... I'M SORRY, YOU WANT OUR PRECIOUS BOY TO BE AROUND SHARKS?!?!? Who keeps this man employed?!?! Idk why but this whole time I thought that everyone would turn into giant talking pigeons lol ah well "I realized my mistake! We'll recreate the moment where you fell in love!" ohhh? Like I mentioned earlier, whenever she tries to do something to help Kagami (or someone else) that's when her intentions work out best for her. 😉 One of my favorite things from Style Queen was Plagg and Ladybug working together. Now they're working together again and just... ahhhh I gushed so much at that scene! x3 YESSSSSSS what I've been waiting for! Ladybug can just call Alya now and be like hey, I need your help! And Alya can just be like okay cool, and either goes to her room to get the Miraculous herself, or finds her and gets the Miraculous. So cool! Of course, I'll be most excited if she ever gets to just keep it on her, but... baby steps. Rena did a phenomenal job speaking as both Ladybug and Chat Noir lol. She's such a fan of them both, she knows just how they are around each other. Oh, oh no. We're trapped against a wall by a few pigeons. Looks like our only option is to give up and remove our Miraculous and reveal our identities. Are you seriously buying that, Gabriel? Plagg's like HELLO I'll be taking this! Alya did everything from inside Marinette's room. Ladybug was trapped in that room at the pool the entire time. All it took for this akuma to be defeated was Illusion that can be done from anywhere and Plagg getting the object off Mr. Pigeon. That's amazing! Also, this is the first time Ladybug didn't have to actually see things around her to know what to do. She just focused and thought about it. o.o Okay so hold up. Thanks to Alya, Marinette now knows she can create charms to protect past akuma victims and keep them from getting reakumatized, which is wonderful. I love how much of an impact Alya knowing is having! BUT How exactly does Monsier Rat come about then if he has a charm to protect him??? 🤔🤔🤔 I really like how her drive to want to figure things out was

especially because Mr. Ramier's been akumatized so many times, and she wanted to help him from having to continue to go through that. "This girl is truly Miraculous" awww cute how he got to just watch that this time.

I screamed at this moment because I knew. Since Origins, we have not seen this exact sky. Even during rainy scenes like in Chat Blanc or New York, they didn't look like this. YES, Kagami knows that the way Marinette feels about Adrien shows how much she loves him, but she knows she doesn't feel that way about Adrien too. And "You're right, Adrien is perfect... perfect for you." With a smile and everything! Awwwwww! This acceptance, and the Marinette and Kagami friendship in this episode is really, really good! 😭 "Wow, have you kept it [the umbrella] all this time?" She sure wasn't expecting that!! But wow Adrien, you noticed? Then Coup de Foudre happens again. Yeah, this girl is never getting out of her feelings for him.

Of course she's having trouble with her words still, but that's okay. But she's like oh, I'll give it back, and he just pushes it to her and says she'll need it to get home... unless she'd like a ride with him. AND SHE ACTUALLY ACCEPTED AND WRAPPED HER ARM AROUND HIS OMG.

To then only have the umbrella close on BOTH of them!

AND THEN ASKS IF HE WANTS TO WALK INSTEAD BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE UMBRELLA! She's come so far! And the sheer disappointment when he remembers he can't because of his Chinese lesson :/ And then, because he can't not be looking at Marinette, he hits the back of his head on the car, making himself look silly, just like in Origins she made herself look silly. This time she laughs, and he laughs with her. And it's literally Umbrella Scene 2.0 and it's absolutely everything.

DORKS ❤️❤️❤️ "They are made for each other." awwwww instead of Master Fu, this time it's Kagami. And she sounds very okay with that, that's so nice. "Let's not wait for the storm to pass, but let's dance in the rain." Then proceeds to dance in the rain!

Ahhh what a refreshing, good episode after how much she's been struggling and crying! So lovely! Her friendships with Alya and Kagami were really strong in this episode, her doing her best to help her friend with the guy she herself has always liked, and then Kagami was the one that wasn't really into it, and it made both girls realize that Marinette loves Adrien and is the one best for him, not Kagami. And I'm pretty sure this episode helped Adrien to open his eyes to Marinette more too. At least, this is the beginning of that, anyway! Alya's such a tremendous help to Ladybug now, which is everything. I do wonder if more friends will very slowly start to find out her identity and they end up contributing more to bringing down Hawk Moth, so she really, really isn't alone like she once thought. I don't really have any complaints about this episode at all! Just a bit sad we had no actual Chat Noir, but we got Ladybug and Plagg from it, so it's fine with me! x3 I know some may see it as "Chat Noir isn't necessary, how dare they do this to him!" but no, he's very necessary, sometimes he just can't be there and she can't do it alone. You have to remember how much Chat Noir means to Ladybug, and that she wouldn't even BE Ladybug if it weren't for Chat Noir! I'm really curious now about what episode 5 is, since now we've gotten Episodes 1-4, 6, we're getting 7,8, and 13 later, and we've already gotten 11. Filling in the gaps for the first half of the season! This entire week is going to be crazy with the new episodes, and for each one I'll be writing one of these posts for, so be on the look out for them!

[ssa-pretty-boy]

Dizzy on the Come Down

Summary: Snippets of phone conversations between Spencer and his girlfriend while he’s away working on cases. Based on the song ‘Dizzy on the Comedown’ by Turnover.

Word Count: 2.7k

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: all fluff except for some brief phone sex / masturbation

A/N: This is mostly dialogue seeing as though its just phone conversations ha. Also, I’ve repurposed this a couple of times but each time I feel like it comes out a little better. Sooooo if you’ve seen this before… no you haven’t. 

——

Up and down like a red rubber ball

You’re always back and forth like the clock on the wall

I want to know about you

I’m spinning all around you

“Ya know,” Spencer thought aloud as he lounged back against the stiff mattress, “I’m really glad we ended up getting together. Your cat-and-mouse shit was getting really annoying.”

“Cat-and-mouse shit? Spencer Reid,” she paused to snort out a laugh, “I was smitten from the start and you know it! Besides, it took me weeks just to convince you to come into my apartment.”

A dark blush worked its way onto his cheeks even though he was alone in the dingy, motel room. “I was too,” he grinned. “I’m completely enamored, bubs. And I have been from the moment I saw you dancing around in that crap hole of a record store. And by the way, that’s called being a gentleman.”

“Okay first of all, its not a crap hole anymore since the new owner cleaned it up,” she defended, immensely proud of all her hard work she put into her store. “And second, its called you being too chicken to ask me out.” She laughed, knowing damn well that he had made her just as nervous and giddy as she made him. She smiled broadly and snuggled a little further into the leather arm chair, her legs dangling over one of the arms.

“Yeah, that’s it,” he chuckled.

If I stay do you think that we could change your routine?

I know a trick, I’ve always got a few up my sleeve

This life is controlled confusion

It’s just a grand illusion

“Today I was at this mall right? We were trying to find anyone who could have been a witness,” he paused, choking out a laugh, “Well, I saw this magician guy and he was doing card tricks. Derek and I went over to him but when we got closer I realized his form was all wrong-”

She wasn’t able to help the giggle that bubbled out of her, he simply could not resist the opportunity to show off his ‘sweet skills’ as he so loved to put it. “Let me guess: you showed him how to do the trick properly?”

He scoffed, “Of course I did. With technique like that he was giving magicians everywhere a bad name.”

“Oh I’m sure,” she teased, screwing the cap on the bottle of red nail polish she’d been using to paint her toes. “Did you finally teach Derek how to do one while you were at it?”

“Absolutely not! I can’t just reveille my secrets to a member of the general public, Y/N. The only reason the old guy got any help is because he was at least trying to teach himself.” She could practically see the look on his face right then, the overly dignified set to his jaw, his raised brows. 

“M’kay doc. Whatever you say,” she hummed into the receiver, fanning her freshly painted toenails. 

And you ask me “How do you feel when you’re away?”

And you ask me “How do you pass the days?”

“How are you feeling?” she whispered into the dark of their bedroom, her phone tucked between her shoulder and cheek.

He sighed, a long drawn out breath that could’ve easily been mistaken for a gust of wind. “It’s been pretty shitty; hectic and tiring ya know? Local P.D. doesn’t want to cooperate, the families are clearly not telling us something… But we caught a break today so we’re really hopeful things will start to turn around now. But right now?” Spencer paused, squeezing his eyes shut and sighing again, “Right now I just really fucking miss you.”

“I miss you too,” she whispered, clutching his pillow tightly to her chest. “Please just be safe, Spence.”

His chest tightened at her words, he knew worried she always was for him. “I will be baby.” 

Sing along to a song that I know

It goes bah bah bada, sing it over and over

Let it hypnotize you

I’m still here right beside you

“I cannot get that stupid song out of my head,” he groaned as the simple chorus of the over played pop song drifted through his mind again and again and again. 

She laughed, a melodic tune he’d missed so much in the past few days. It sounded slightly warped though the phone but it was her none the less. “Which one, doc?”

Scrubbing his hands over his face he sighed as he mindlessly flipped through a boating magazine he found tucked into the nightstand drawer. “I don’t even know the name of it. The chorus goes something like ‘bah bah bada’,” he hummed, his fingers subconsciously tapping out the rhythm on his thigh. 

“I think I could list off ten songs with a beat similar to that one,” she countered, her laugh still light and lilting.

Spencer rolled his eyes but he couldn’t help the small smile that was tugging at the corner of his lips. “Oh c’mon bubs, you know it! It’s the one you really like! You’re always singing it,” he mused, reminiscing on all the times he’d caught her humming it under her breath. 

Her eyebrows puled together as she concentrated, trying to recall the song he was speaking of. “Spence, there is honestly no telling. You know its like a 24 hour radio in my head!”

Hold my hand, you can follow my lead

You’re like a ballerina twirling round on your feet

And watching is so fantastic

I want to ask you 

Spencer hadn’t laughed in what felt like days, not a real belly aching laugh anyway. But she had him stitches, nearly doubled over at the lame jokes and stories she was telling him in attempts to lift his spirits, she knew how tough this case was. Finally after a moment she caught her breath. “Do you remember that time we were dancing around in the kitchen? It had to have been like midnight or something and you just started to twirl me around. And we ended up slipping because we both had socks on and I broke my arm?” 

“God, how could I forget that?” he groaned, softly laughing at the memory of the two of you tangled in a mess on the kitchen tiles. He had truly been scared to shitless regardless of her assurance that it wasn’t his fault. When he saw her trembling lip and the tears she had tried to hold at bay, it damn near broke his heart. “I was terrified I had hurt you really bad- worse than a broken arm! Then when I finally got you home from the hospital you were so high on the pain killers you could barely walk straight. I all but had to carry you to bed.”

“And you apologize for weeks and you probably still don’t believe that it wasn’t your fault.” She started laughing again as she said it and he could practically feel the love radiating from her, even from so far away.

“I really fucking love you.” Spencer smiled so wide it actually hurt his cheeks a little but it was an ache he’d always welcome. 

Would you come here and spin with me?

I’ve been dying to get you dizzy,

Find a way up into your head

So I can make you feel like new again

“I really fucking need you right now. I’ve been hard for days.” Well, she thought, what a way to answer the phone. 

Mindful of her surroundings, she bit down on her lip to suppress her laugh and quietly suggested that he go take care of that.

Scoffing, he rolled his eyes as if she could see him through the phone. “My hand has nothing on your mouth or your pussy.”

“Spencer!” she squealed and quickly reached up to turn down the volume on her cellphone when the lady next her gasped at what she had no doubt heard him say. 

Mumbling a quick ‘sorry’ to the other patrons, Y/N made a mad dash for the door of the crowded coffee shop. She looked over her shoulder to see the woman staring after her slack jawed. Cringing, she turned away from the storefront window, her cheeks and neck heating up as she started speed walking down the sidewalk. 

“Well, it’s fucking true! I’m dying to touch you again. To make you cum,” he said, his voice growing husky.

“Are you trying to have phone sex with me, doc? While I’m walking down the damn street? The people in the coffee shop probably thought I was some ten cent floozy!” The thinly veiled attempt at annoyance did nothing to hide the amusement in her voice. Spencer hummed, his hand sliding down over his stomach and toying with the drawstring of his faded (he refused to refer to them as ‘ratty’ as Y/N did) flannel pajama pants. “No way. Fifteen cents minimum.”

With a roll of her eyes she did laugh that time. “Can we put this conversation on hold until I get home? I’m literally only a block away from the apartment.”

Now collapse, take delight in the fall and catch your breath

I know you feel the ring from it 

So try and collect yourself now

It’s just a euphoric comedown

“Come on baby,” he practically growled as he continued to roughly tug on his throbbing cock. “Cum hard for me. Make the neighbors think I’m actually there.”

She gasped at his encouragement and sped up the fingers she had rubbing small, tight circles on her clit, she had nearly forgotten just how filthy his mouth could be. “Oh god,” she moaned, tossing her head back into the pillows and arching her back off the mattress, the phone nearly slipping from where she had it trapped between her shoulder and ear. Adding just the slightest bit of pressure as she continued to swirl her fingers, she came, choking on a hoarse call of his name. Letting the pure euphoria take over, her toes curled and legs trembled as the pleasure washed over her in waves. It wasn’t as intense as the orgasms he gave her but it would have to do until he got home.

At the sound of her cumming and calling out his name, Spencer met his own high. He grunted and easily milked himself through his own orgasm. The line went quiet for a moment and he thought she might have fallen asleep. “You still there sweet girl?” He was panting, still trying to catch his breath as he grabbed a few tissues and cleaned himself up.

“Yeah,” she sighed softly and Spencer was kicking himself for not thinking of switching to FaceTime so he could see the look on her face. “Just a little blissed out.”

And you ask me “How do you feel when you’re away?”

And you ask me “How do you pass the days?”

“How are you feeling?” she cooed. “You’re on bed rest right? You need to be if you aren’t. You have got to start getting some rest. That’s probably a big part in why you’re so sick. That and you don’t take vitamins or drink juices.”

Spencer rolled his eyes and tried to snap a snarky reply but all that came out was a bone-rattling cough. Groaning, he rolled onto his side and placing the phone on the pillow beside him and switched it to ‘speaker’ so he wouldn’t have to use the energy to hold the phone up. “I feel like hot garbage. Wish you were here,” he mumbled before another fit of coughs racked through his achy body.

She pouted and sat completely helpless in their bedroom, wishing more than anything that she could be there with him, nursing him back to health. “I’m sorry baby. I love you,” she offered quietly, hoping her words would comfort him in some way. 

“Love you too,” he rasped and she felt her heart sink a little further in her chest.

Cause I can still remember when you were afraid of the dark

And I told you to come and you followed where I asked you to go

“You know I’d follow you anywhere, right?” he whispered, pulling the scratchy sheet tighter around him. “To hell and back if I had to. All you have to do is ask and I’m there.”

Sighing, she squeezed her eyes shut and willed the tears away. “I know you would.”

They were both quiet for a while, letting the silence fall over them like a thick, comforting blanket. His eyes darted around his hotel room and he desperately wished he was back in his apartment with her. Holding her. Comforting her. “Its just scary ya know?” she finally spoke up. “I mean I have total faith in your ability to take care of yourself, don’t get me wrong. But being so far away from you… its terrifying and not to mention so fucking lonely sometimes. Every time the phone rings I’m terrified its going to be Derek or J.J. telling me you’ve been hurt. I know how much you love your job and I’d never ask you to choose, but it is scary.”

His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach, he swore it actually felt like it had cracked in half. “I know, baby. I know,” he sighed, raking a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends a little. “It wont be much longer now. I promise.” He paused again, eyes darting around the room in hopes of finding something to say to help ease her worries. Finally his eyes landed on the book peeking from his opened satchel at the foot of the bed. “Would you like me to read to you?” 

His offer was sweet and genuine and instantly brought a smile to her face. “Yeah, that would be nice.”

Would you come here and spin with me?

I’ve been dying to get you dizzy,

Find a way up into your head

So I can make you feel like new again

“Bubs,” Spencer cooed, his tone quiet and soothing. “Just come out to Las Vegas. Let me fly you out. We’re wrapping up the case now and my mom was asking about you when I called yesterday. She’d be thrilled to see you.”

Sniffling, she wiped at her nose. She was quiet for a few minutes, her attention focused on picking at a stray string on the fluffy white duvet covering their bed. “Can I? Come out there, I mean. I need you. I wont be in the way, I promise.”

Spencer was speaking quietly, trying not to draw too much attention to himself in the bustling precinct but he was practically buzzing with excitement at the thought of her accepting his offer. As discretely as he could, he sat down at the nearest unoccupied computer and pulled up a few airline websites to compare prices. “Of course you can baby. And there’s no way that you’d get in the way. I’ll book you a flight now. How long do you want to stay?”

“How long can I stay?” Her voice quiet like his own, raw from crying to him for the past fifteen minutes about how horrible her day had gone.

With the phone tucked between his ear and shoulder, he quickly browsed through the webpages, comparing the airlines and what each had to offer. “We can stay as long as you want,” he assured her, his tone making it evident just how serious he was about his offer.

“You were planning on a whole week, right?” she asked hesitantly, almost like she was afraid he would tell her that he had changed his mind.

He confirmed that a week was in fact the original plan but then offered to tack on a few extra days, he had the extra vacation time saved up so why not use them up. They both desperately needed the break. When she agreed he gave a comical ‘whoop!’ into the phone earning him several confused looks from not only his team mates but the local detectives that were still in the room. “This is going to be great. I can show you all my favorite places from when I was a kid! All you need is a little quality Spencer time and we’ll have you feeling like new in no time.”

“I think that’s exactly what I need.”

[arigatouiris]

save me // tanjiro x reader

Author’s Note: This was requested by a sweet anon a while ago! I’m truly very sorry it took so long, and I really hope you like this! I kinda wrote a lot more than just a regular scenario haha, I mean, it’s Tanjiro and he’s babie I love him so much gahhh.

Word count: 3080 words

Pairing: Kamado Tanjiro x Reader

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA, fluff~ some mentions of blood and wounds, maybe? mainly fluff ya’ll

Currently, your mind was screaming at you. 

You knew you were tired, your bones were aching, your eyes were heavier than they ever were in your life, and you could feel the dehydration numb your mind, the heaviness growing inch by inch. Yet, you knew you couldn’t let this overwhelm you. Who am I kidding? I am overwhelmed, you thought before biting a part of your tongue, enough to draw blood.

You had to stay awake, even if you were inches away from collapsing. Muzan was defeated, Tanjiro was safe, but you had to see him. You had taken part in the war, as well, assisting the hashira, making sure to stay alive for them—stay alive for your lover, Tanjiro, and ensure that Muzan was defeated once and for all. 

Come on, you trod on, but your legs were giving way. You were currently at the estate, Aoi screaming at you to get yourself checked first. You needed to see him. You couldn’t let yourself breathe if you didn’t. 

And then you did; Tanjiro looked almost like he was sleeping, but you couldn’t deny that he looked more beat up than he ever did before. Nezuko was there, who instantly got up and grabbed you before you fell to your knees.

     “Thank goodness...” 

When you woke up, your first thought was of Tanjiro. You shot up on the bed before hearing a soft giggle from your side; turning to spot a humanized Nezuko, your eyes start to tear up, your lips were quivering; here she was, everything that Tanjiro had fought for, the very source of his power—smiling at your form.

     “Nezuko-chan...” You said, before reaching out to her, embracing her as she put her arms around you carefully.

     “Thank you,” You heard her say, “For always taking care of my brother.”

You could not stop holding her. She was the essence of everything the man you loved had fought for, had struggled for, had been alive for; seeing her alive and well, and as a human being, only made your heart crumble. You were sobbing uncontrollably, before realizing that your lover’s dream had come true because he had fought so hard. What a pure soul, your mind kept repeating, before the growing urge to see him reminded you that your legs could move.

     “I need to see him.” You said, before struggling to get up, Nezuko helping you out.

     “You’ve always been there to help him out,” She said, turning to you as the two of you walk to the room he was in, “Each time he got injured.”

     “Ah, you remember?” 

Nezuko nodded, “I do, it’s a bit hazy, the memories I have, but they’re there. That’s why you were so familiar. Your smell feels like home.”

You blushed at what she said, but the truth was Tanjiro and Nezuko were your home. Ever since the first time you met Tanjiro to now, he had always been your home. It began with the way he smiled at you, or the way he calls out your name, or even at how his eyes land on you every time you were in his field of vision. Tanjiro ensured that you knew you were loved, and despite how much he had on his plate, you always felt like a priority.

*

The first time you met Tanjiro was when your good friend, Aoi, had her hands full. Shinobu-sama returned from Mount Natagumo, bringing with her several demon slayers who needed to be looked after. You weren’t exactly a doctor, but you had seen Aoi perform the basics on you so many times that you were more than willing to help out. 

It was then she introduced you to Tanjiro and his two friends. Apparently, the blond had shrunk into a spider and would need special medicine, Aoi jumping on that wagon before anyone had a say, and Inosuke didn’t particularly need anything but rest—which meant that he could heal by himself. 

     “You will have to give Tanjiro-san his medicine three times a day and makes sure he takes it,” She said, a stern look on her face, “Good thing is, he’s not as difficult as his friends are.”

You giggled at her statement before taking the medicine from her. You noticed that this Tanjiro person was asleep when you went over to him, which made you sit beside him and wonder what a Mizunoto like him was even doing near Mount Natagumo. And based on what you heard, this Mizunoto even gave a Lower Moon a run for his money.

When Tanjiro woke up, he spotted you, staring at him, a kind look in your eyes. His face instantly reddened, before attempting to sit up and politely ask you who you were.

     “Don’t move so much,” You said, handing him the cup of medicine, “You have cuts all over your body, Tanjiro-san.”

He couldn’t look away from you. Your eyes were a magnificent (e/c), glowing with an intensity Tanjiro had never witnessed before. A slash of silver crossed each one, the sun's reflection from the window made them sparkle like dancing crystals. The (e/c) irises were swirling in circles, creating the illusion that your eyes were never-ending. Flecks of darker (e/c) clustered around each pupil made Tanjiro’s breath catch in his throat. Suddenly, every feeling of ache, dismay, and sorrow vanished, almost as if he had never felt them before. Something about your eyes held him in place, as if he had found a balance, blanketing him in a cocoon of comfort, free of worries and concerns.

     “Tanjiro-san?” You tilted your head, your eyes burning him.

He gulped down the medicine before replying in a low voice that it was good, before looking back at you with a burning face. You leaned forward, not helping his case, and placed a caring hand on his forehead.

     “You look like you’re burning up, are you feeling alright?”

He could only nod. He could smell you, even though you were a few inches away from him. It was a sweet smell of flowers and a mild basil, refreshing and incredibly intoxicating.

The second time you met Tanjiro, it was evident that the boy had taken a liking toward you. You smile to yourself each time you take care of him, assigning yourself the task of making sure he was patched up. You were currently dressing a wound on his right shoulder, which left him shirtless and a tad bit too shy.

     “This will sting.” You informed, before earning no wince or reaction from the boy when you placed the cotton with the disinfectant on his wound.

You looked at him biting his lip, swallowing the wince before it came. You giggled, alerting him before shaking your head at his non-verbal question.

     “Aoi-san told me you’re also a demon slayer.” He said, suddenly.

You nodded, “I don’t get too many missions, though. Oyakata-sama likes that I do both these things.”

     “I think it’s quite admirable,” You look at Tanjiro smiling at you, “Helping people and killing demons.”

You smile at him before saying a soft ‘thank you’ and continued dressing the wound. You knew he had a couple of broken ribs, and there was another wound on his left knee that needed dressing as well. As much as you wanted Tanjiro to be safe and careful, killing demons was a dangerous task on its own—and Tanjiro just coming back to you in one piece was more than what you could ask for.

Your eyes widened at your own thoughts. Coming back to me?

You look at Tanjiro who was staring at you, the two of you continue to make eye-contact before both looking away at the same time. You clear your throat before getting up, mumbling something incoherent about bringing some medicine for his ribs, and scooting out of there.

The next time you meet Tanjiro was right after your own mission. You spotted him in a town, looking around, with a box on his back—the same box that you wondered carried a demon inside. You knew it was a demon, but you didn’t dare ask why Tanjiro carried it on his shoulder. You trusted that he’d tell you when he was ready, but right then, your eyes widened when a girl jumped out of the box, ready to pounce.

Your heart was stuck in your throat before realizing that the girl was pouncing at another demon. You were visibly confused, before rushing to where Tanjiro was, assisting him. 

     “(y/n)-chan?”

You nodded once before witnessing one of the most bizarre things you had ever seen in your life. A demon fighting another demon?

     “I’ll attack the demon from behind,” He knew instantly that you were talking about the other demon and not Nezuko. “Are you sure she... She won’t—”

     “She won’t attack you, I promise.” 

Nodding once, you quickly jumped on the side of a house to your right and landed right behind the other demon. Breathing slowly, you quietly unsheathed your sword and stabbed the demon from the back, keeping it in place.

     “Tanjiro-san! Behead it now!”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Once the demon was slayed, you turned around to spot the female demon approach Tanjiro, touching his open wound on his arm softly before looking at it almost...sadly? 

     “What...” 

Tanjiro looked at you, before giving you an apologetic smile.

     “This is Nezuko, she’s my sister.”

Your heart broke at his words, before noticing Nezuko give you what you thought was a smile. Despite it not being an action you would normally perform, you went over to Nezuko and patted her head, only to have her embrace you tightly. Your eyes were wide, before tears prickled in the corner. 

     “I’ll turn her back into a human no matter what.”

You placed one arm around her waist before pulling her in tighter for an embrace. I know you will, you thought, before letting the tears fall. 

You later lead Tanjiro to the grove of wisteria trees near the village they were in. It was already dark, which meant that it was too late for them to head back to the estate. Making sure Nezuko is inside the box, you patch Tanjiro’s wound up, like on any other regular day. Tanjiro assured you that Nezuko was fine and probably asleep, which calmed you down. 

     “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier...” 

You shook your head, “No, I understand why you’d want to keep this to yourself.”

     “The Hashira know about this, and.. and Oyakata-sama as well. Tomioka-san and... well, it’s fine now. I am confident that I’ll turn Nezuko back into a human. She hasn’t hurt anyone so far, and she thinks of humans as her family.”

     “She seems very sweet, Tanjiro-san,” You tell him, “I adore her already.”

I adore you, he thought, face turning red by the second.

It didn’t take you long to take out the first-aid kit you had made for yourself and start working on Tanjiro’s open wound on his arm. He openly winced this time, not afraid to show you his expression, and you shushed him softly, your aura calming his soul. However, it did little to quell his nervousness. Tanjiro wasn’t often nervous, he could control his emotions to the best of his abilities, but right then, there was no use.

The nervousness made him feel nauseous, almost like he had two hearts frantically beating in his chest, instead of one.

He looked up to see you sporting a soft smile on your face, enhancing how beautiful you looked under the light the wisteria flowers offered. You had the most enchanting of smells, pickled with softness, childlike wonder and unbridled strength. You were intoxicating.

You felt him looking at you, and you slowly raised your eyes to meet his, your faces inches apart. You almost gasped at how intense his gaze was, a magnetic pull kept you in place. Tanjiro’s uninjured hand grazed your cheek, before he smiled at you, his heart racing and so was yours; your free hand touched his that was on your face. A second later, a soft breeze blew and Tanjiro winced because his wound was still open.

     “Ah, I’m so sorry—”

     “N-No, don’t be...” 

You couldn’t believe the wind had cock-blocked you.

The next time you saw Tanjiro, you were being patched up by Aoi in the butterfly estate. Aoi was scolding you because your wound could have been avoided, and perhaps, this was what led Tanjiro to enter the room you were in. Your heart skipped a beat when he entered the room, a soft smile on his face.

     “Tanjiro-san, can you take over?” Aoi said, walking out briskly. 

You giggled when Tanjiro took the ball of cotton and dipping it in disinfectant. 

     “The tables have turned.” He said, shooting you a smile that broke your heart.

     “Hm, yes.” You were nervous, because the last time you saw him, the two of you almost...

...almost...

The mere thought of it caused your face to redden instantly, but you hoped Tanjiro didn’t notice. You looked at him, who was occupied by the wound on your elbow. Perhaps, he felt you staring at him and his gaze met yours. 

     “(y/n)-san, the other day—”

     “Tanjiro!” 

A strange voice screamed from the entrance, causing you and Tanjiro’s eyes to widen. A blond entered the room and upon glancing at you, he paused before gasping.

     “Are you hitting on an injured woman!? Tanjiro, I thought you were decent!”

You blinked, cluelessly.

     “He’s just helping me, though?”

     “That’s just Zenitsu, ignore him.”

You couldn’t ignore him. In fact, you wanted him out of the room instantly so you could finally kiss the boy you were deeply in love with. But, apparently no. You sighed before focusing on the wound and the boys who were now arguing about you. 

You turn around and spot Tanjiro, sporting a kind but helpless smile toward his friend Zenitsu, which only made your smile grow in retaliation. You didn’t know what caused the blond to suddenly stop, perhaps he heard something outside that distracted him, but his face turned red and he patted Tanjiro on the back and left you alone with him again. It’s alright, you thought before biting your lower lip, I’ll tell him next time.

You didn’t realize that next time came too early. That night, you noticed Tanjiro sitting on the engawa, reading a manuscript. 

     “Can I bother you for a bit?”

Tanjiro’s head shot toward you, and a welcoming smile plastered on his face. 

     “You’re never a bother.” His voice was low, sending shivers down your back.

     “You sure?” You giggled before sitting by him, “I can be quite annoying.”

It was Tanjiro’s turn to chuckle, “I was the eldest of six children, give it your best shot.”

You raised your hands in defence and laughed, “Alright, alright, you win!”

     “(y/n)-san,” His voice was earnest, you could listen to it all day, “I have to tell you something—”

     “I love you, Tanjiro-san,” You place a hand on his cheek before leaning forward and kissing him.

He took a few seconds to kiss you back, holding your hand that was on his cheek. A moment later, you pulled away, giggling.

     “Was that annoying enough?”

     “Not quite,” Just as his lips ghosted over yours, “Why don’t we try that again?”

Tanjiro would tell you he loves you each time he saw you after that. Whether it was just moments ago, or after a few days, or even a week, he would never miss letting you know how he felt about you. It warmed your heart not only because he had a lot of things on his mind, but simply because, he didn’t want you to think you were any less of a priority. You felt special, and Tanjiro, whether it was because he was the eldest in the family, always knew how to take care of you.

*

When Tanjiro woke up, he felt his body scream in pain, but there was a bittersweet feeling to it. His eyes travelled to his left, the night sky was dark—he was certain by the smell of the air that it was perhaps too late in the night to wake anyone up. His eyes widened when he smelt another familiar scent in the air, causing him to turn to the right side of his bed, finding you lounged over, fast asleep.

His eyes warmed at the mere sight of you, and he thought of all those times that you had taken care of him. With the way his left hand was, he wasn’t sure if he could ever use it, but he was alive and he was grateful.

Slowly, he patted your head as softly as he could with his right hand, careful not to wake you up. But, that did little to ease his interest, it stirred you awake nonetheless. His heart fell at the sight of your groggy form, wiping away the little bit of sleep that was still attached to your eyelids, and looking at him.

     “I’m sorry I woke you.” 

Tears fill your eyes instantly before you push yourself to him, hugging him and just pressing yourself to him; you felt his right hand envelop your form and it was then you broke down. He was safe, he was awake and fine; it might have been a month, but he was here now. He was with you.

     “You’re always saving me, (y/n)-san. I can’t tell you how much I love you. How grateful I am.”

You laugh at how preposterous his words sounded to you, before pulling away and giving him such a witty look. He cocked one eyebrow before tilting his head in confusion.

     “I love you,” Tanjiro’s blush intensified, “And I want to do everything I can to ensure you’re with me, if anything, I think that sounds selfish,” You wipe the little bit of tears that were threatening to fall out, 

     “I might as well kidnap you and keep you locked in a cage.” You said, chuckling.

You have heard Tanjiro laugh before, but when he laughs right then, your heart echoes with it. It was a warming sight. His right hand reaches to your face before pulling you swiftly toward him, placing your forehead to his, and he presses a soft kiss to the tip of your nose.

     “It won’t be kidnapping if I come willingly, right?”

Ah, sure, you think before closing the gap. He just had to be a flirt too.

[empressarcana]

Hey fam, so here is the Charmie reading I did back on June 23rd-26th. I put both dates because it showed I added some stuff to the note. This is just a simple copy paste of what I channeled. A lot of it might not make sense and that’s fine. Some things are phrases or words that I channeled and felt were significant to write. I believe this was the first time I channeled Armie. The first part of the channeling, I wasn’t automatic writing, I was responding to the messages coming in. After the initial channeling, I did go into a trance looking at the cards I pulled and wrote what you will see here in this post. Usually, I edit it to make sense, but this is not edited.

This reading takes place after Cabo, so if you are sensitive to the topic, please don’t read any further. Thank you. ❤️

Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only.

******

It got worse.

Why would Timmy do this? Why would he do something like this with the state of the world the way it is?

What is your damage, Tim? Why in the world would you? Talk to me.

Liberate yourself from a broken heart? Nine of Pentacles + 3 of swords

Who broke your heart, Tim? Magician, 7 of cups, lump in my throat, I started crying, it is deep very deep. Could this be the expectations of always being charming, illusions, putting on illusions to the public. Man blindfolded, what do I really want? There are many choices but none of them of what is there I want, I want something I cant have. You dont want to put on masks anymore. But how to get out?

Everything has been disillusionment since filming CMBYN, not because the people you work with aren't amazing it is just that experience might be one and only. Existential I feel it is existential crisis over whether you will be able to relive, that experience.

What is it that you want? 8 of cups + Empress To get away from the monster you've created.

Have you talked to Armie? Lovers, 10 of pentacles, Page of Swords, swallowing truth, looking at his family, not saying what he truly feels.

Libra, Broom, andTornado

I will balance out and clean up my mess and liberate myself with vigor.

****

More lighthearted still sad, drained, talking about Timmy, trying to get info on what I talked to him about---

10 of wands, Queen of Pentacles, Justice and Moon.

Carrying a burden, you're worrying for him that's why you're asking.

Queen of Pentacles? Balance the love, inspiration, dreams, emotions.

What are your thoughts on the Timmy's current situation? 8 of wands, rush to save him? High Priestess but these thoughts are kept secret, can't share with anyone.

Reason it was easier for Armie, to get into conversation with him, he saw my post, he has been looking at the tumblrs

Blushing I feel and see blushing.

Armie what is Timmy to you? 4 of swords, Knight of swords, Lovers, Page of Cups, 9 of cups.

Soulmate,Lover Friend A dream come true, a wish come true. Let's me be myself, I can be myself.

Bring me to life

Telling Armie to talk to Timmy I am getting really depressive vibes he is being self destructive

I closed the connection.

****

I will say that both connections were very different, with Timmy I felt despair and with Armie it was more melancholic. He was definitely not pushing me away like Timmy was. Like, what even, Timmy likes shoving me away, which is understandable he is going through a lot of inner turmoil right now and doesn't know how to hide it because of those incredibly intense emotions.

*****

Sorry it all sounds cryptic, this is why I make sure to edit things so they don’t sound like this. I put so much work into my readings, fam. I appreciate everyone’s support. Every like, reblog, donation, it all means the world. Now, remember, if something doesn’t resonate, let it go. Keep your heart light as a feather but love deeply.

This is your friendly, neighborhood tarot reader, signing out!

[sherrybaby14]

Seance

Request:  What about holding a seance on Halloween with the Marvel character of your choice?

Summary:  You and Steve hold a séance hoping to contact Tony.

Warnings:  This is kinda weird,  labeling it non-con (do not read if this offends you) but the offended party is Steve.  Somnophilia

Words:  1200 Just a drabble

“Are you sure we shouldn’t invite more people?”  Steve bit his lip.  “Maybe then it would actually work this time?”

“No!” You were too quick to snap.  “I mean, if it ever works, it will be just the two of us.  We were closest too him.  You’re getting good at meditating.  Once we get our minds really clear.  I mean blank it will work.  I’m sure of it.”  

“I think it’s time we faced the facts.”  Steve folded his arms.  “This is never going to work.”  

Fuck.  You couldn’t have him with that attitude.  Your lip started to quiver and you blinked forcing tears to your eyes.  

“Please?”  One rolled down your cheek.  “I’m not ready to let him go.  Not yet. ��And tonight is Halloween.  Maybe that stuff they say about the veil being lowered is true? Please?  I’m not ready to lose hope.”  

“Last time.”  Steve narrowed his brow.  “I’m getting worried about you.  We’ve been trying to contact Tony for months now and instead of admitting defeat you’re trying harder.  It’s not healthy.  We’ve done this four times this week.”  

“Alright.”  Shit.  You knew you were over doing it, getting greedy.  You’d have to slow down.  

You shut your eyes, sitting cross legged on the floor opposite Steve.  A single candle in between you two the only light in the room.  His hands touched your palms and you gave a hum.  

“Oh spirit world, we contact you with open arms, open hearts, and open minds.  Let us clear a pathway for your entry.”  You tried to hide the smile forming.  

The two of you hummed in unison again.  Now was the fun part.  Steve’s turn for the incantation.  

“We seek Anthony Stark.  This room a welcoming place, our hearts open to you, mind, soul, and body.”  Steve got the last word out when the candle flickered.  

You no longer hid your grin as the gust of air sounded and the light went all the way out.  

“Tony?”  You dropped Steve’s hands and went up on your knees in the darkness.  

“Where were you last night?”  Your paramour did the same, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer.  

“Steve is getting suspicious.”  You rolled your neck back as Tony began kissing.  “I think we’ve been abusing his body too much.”  

“Not like he’s getting much use out of it.”  Tony’s hands were on your dress, you lifted your arms as he pulled it off.  “Someone might as well take this baby for a spin.”  

You knew better than to bother with any undergarments and now found yourself nude with Tony in the dark.   You both went to stripping Steve.  Tony pulling off his shirt as you went for the pants.  

“He thinks he’s meditating.”  You pushed his pants and grabbed his cock.  

Tony moaned as you squeezed down.  

“In a way he is.”  Sloppy kisses resumed.  Tony using Steve’s mouth to lick and suck on your neck.  

“I miss you.”  You pushed Tony back on his haunches and straddled him.  “The real you.”  

“I am pretty amazing right?”  Tony grabbed your thighs and spread them further as he positioned Steve to slide right into your pussy.  “But this body,  it gets the job done?  Can’t tell me your don’t enjoy it?”  

Pressure went t your hips as you slid down on Steve’s cock with ease.  You bit back the moan as Tony kissed you hard absorbing the noise.   There was no denying Steve had the right equipment.  It the dark it was easy to ignore the difference and imagine Tony’s old body.  

He pressed his forehead to yours as you sank all the way down.  Then he dug his fingers into your hips, guiding you to rock your body against Steve, rubbing your clit as his cock hit your insides.  

“Always so wet for me little girl.”  Tony bit your ear.  “I fucking love it.”  

“I want to mark you.”  You kissed his neck.  “Do you think he’ll notice?”  

“Yes.”  Tony grabbed your hands and sat up, knocking you to the floor on your back.  “Tell me how you want to mark me.”

Tony kept rocking into you, not pulling out, putting more pressure against your clit as he poked at your cervix.  You loved the fullness he brought, your eyes already glossing over with need.  

“I’d lick your neck right here.”  You ran your fingers over the spot.  “Then put my mouth down and graze my teeth as I sucked you in.”  

“Like this?”  Tony dipped his head and did exactly what you described.  

You moaned and held his head closer as he lapped and teased you, rocking harder.  

“You’re so tight.”  He grunted.  “I’m not going to last long.”  

“The things you do to me.”  You whimpered.  “I’ve been so wet for you.  Thinking about this all day.  You.”  

You lifted your hips in unison, rubbing yourself and taking him as deep as possible.  

“I need you.  I want you.  I love you.”  You cried out as the overload of emotions and sensation sent you spiraling into oblivion.  

Only Tony could make you feel this way, give you this sort of attention.  Drive your body and mind crazy at the same intensity.  You started to shake as he began ramming into you, bouncing your body into the floor.  

“Feel. So. Fucking. Good.”  His words made you smile as his cock elongated your orgasm.  You could die happy in this moment.  

He exploded inside of you and you wrapped your legs around him, not wanting him to pull out.  The two of you collapsed on the ground.  He moved to his back and pulled you against his chest.  You both struggled for breath, just like old times.  

“How much time do we have?” Tony lazily stroked your shoulder.  

“Maybe an hour?”  You didn’t want to explain to Steve that he was meditating longer than that.  

“Tell me about your day.”  Tony kissed your head.  

You loved the sex.  But this was better. Talking.  Being like a real couple again.  The time flew by.   He made you laugh like no other could.   It was perfect.  

“Alright.”  Tony sat up.  “I have to get out of the Captain before he wakes up.”  

In the darkness you saw Steve redress.  Well, Tony redress Steve.  

“When will I see you again?”  Tony sat Steve’s body across from you as you dressed yourself and lit the candle.  

The illusion broke when you saw Steve’s face across from you and not Tony’s.  

“Hey.”  Steve reached out and grabbed your hand.  “It is me in here.  This is just a meat suit.  A handsome one at that.”  

“I know.”  You smiled.  “It might be a little bit.  I’ll try for a week.”  

“You’ll never last that long.”  Steve rolled his eyes as he reached for your hands.  “I miss you.  I told you I’d love you forever.  You didn’t think that would stop at death did you?”  

You shook your head as your cheeks went hot.  This was wrong, but damn it felt good.  

“Until the next time Little Miss.” Steve shut his eyes and you did the same.

The gust of wind came again and you knew Tony was gone as Steve gasped.  You opened your eyes to see a stunned Steve.  

This time you didn’t force the lip quiver or tears as the started.  Your friend reached out and grabbed you, pulling you close.  

“Hey, it’s okay.  We knew it wasn’t going to work.”  Steve comforted you.  “This is why I think we should stop trying.  You’re always a wreck when nothing happened.”  

[shesey]

Excerpts from Rachel Cusk’s Outline

“It was this eccentricity that had made me answer him. The unexpected sometimes looks like a prompting of fate.” “He began to ask me questions, as though he had learned to remind himself to do so, and I wondered what or who had taught him that lesson, which many people never learn.” “They were both still young enough to believe that this principle of growth was exponential; that life was only expansive, and broke the successive vessels in which you tried to contain it in its need to expand more.” “For a few weeks he lived in a state of pure illusion which was really numbness, like the numbness that follows an injury, before pain starts to make its way through it.” “Life had responded willingly to them, had treated them abundantly, and this -- he now saw -- was what had given him the confidence to break it all, break it with what now seemed to him to be an extraordinary casualness, because he thought there would be more.” “The memory of suffering had no effect whatever on what they elected to do: on the contrary, it compelled them to repeat it, for the suffering was the magic that caused the object to come back and allowed the deligh in dropping it to become possible again.” “What I knew personally to be true had come to seem unrelated to the process of persuading others. I did not, any longer, want to persuade anyone of anything.” “It was with her, after all, that his identity had been forged: if she no longer recognised him, then who was he?” “And all the time he sees at a distance his home - his wife - standing there, essentially unchanged, but belonging to other people now.” “Love restored almost everything, and where it can’t restore, it takes away the pain.” “It’s a case of home is where when you have to go there they have to take you in.” “What Ryan had learned from this is that your failures keep returning to you, while your successes are something you always have to convince yourself of.” “You build a whole structure on a period of intensity that’s never repeated. It’s the basis of your faith and sometimes you doubt it, but you never renounce it because too much of your life stands on that ground.” “No matter how busy you are, no matter how many kids and commitments you have, if there’s a passion you find the time.” “I said I didn’t believe people could change so completely, could evolve an unrecognizable morality; it was merely that that part of themselves had lain dormant, waiting to be evoked by circumstance.” “But what other people thought was no longer of any help to me. Those thoughts only existed within certain structures, and I had definitively left those structures.” “He didn’t once glance back at me, for people are at their least aware of others when demonstrating their own power over them.” “Those people were living in their moment, and though I could see it I could no more return to that moment than I could walk across the water that separated us. And of those two ways of living - living in the moment and living outside it - which was the more real?” “Sometimes it has seemed to me that life is a series of punishments for such moments of unawareness, that one forges one’s own destiny by what one doesn’t notice or feel compassion for; that what you don’t know and don’t make the effort to understand will become the very thing you are forced into knowledge of.” “... but this sense of life as a progression is something I want no more of. In his marriage, he now realized, the principle of progress was always at work, in the acquiring of houses, possessions, cars, the drive towards higher social status, more travel, a wider circle of friends, even the production of children felt lik an obligatory calling-point on the mad journey...” “...because it made me see my books not as just entertainments for the middle classes but as something vital, a lifeline in many cases, for people - largely women, it has to be admitted - who feel very much alone in their daily lives.” “I replied that I wasn’t sure it was possible, in marriage, to know what you actually were, or indeed to separate what you were from what you had become through the other person.” “For some women, she said, it would be the realization of their greatest fear, to discover that they were not needed, but for her it had the opposite effect.” “... such a woman is nothing but a parasite, a parasite on her husband, a parasite on her child.” “Perhaps it was because I had begun to see the virtues of standing still.” “... her daughter had said that she didn’t see why it was necessary that men exist... but the plain truth was that she would never have left the children the way their father had... she herself simply wouldn’t have been capable of it, and whether that difference was a biological fact or merely a consequence of conditioning, it still had to be accounted for.” “At that I had to laugh: the idea of me, of all people, nurturing an undue respect for male authority!” “All she wishes is for her life to be integrated, to be one thing, rather than an eternal series of oppositions that confound her whichever way she looks.” “... she recognized the piece as the D minor fugue from Bach’s French Suites, a piece she had always loved and that caused her, hearing it so unexpectedly, to feel there on the pavement the most extraordinary sense of loss. It was as though the music had once belonged to her and now no longer did; as though she had been excluded from its beauty, was being forced to see it in the possession of someone else, and to revisit in its entirety of her own sadness at her inability, for a number of reasons, to remain in that world.” “Music is a betrayer of secrets; it is more treacherous even than dreams, which at least have the virtue of being private.” “If anything, he saw such outwards extremes as the symbols of a correspondingly great inner emptiness, a futility that he believed came from the lack of engagement with any meaningful system of belief.” “It is interesting how keen people are for you to do something they would never dream of doing themselves, how enthusiastically they drive you to your own destruction: even the kindest ones, the ones that are more loving, can rarely have your interests truly at heart, because usually they are advising you from within lives of greater security and greater confinement...” “.... on the contrary, I had come to believe more and more in the virtues of passivity, and of living a life as unmarked by self-will as possible.” “If a man had a nasty side to his character, she wanted to get to it immedkately and confront it. She didn’t want it roaming unseen in the hinterland of the relationship: she wanted to provoke it, to draw it forth, lest it strike her when her back was turned.” “I want to know the content without living through the time span.” “... why bother to speak at all? Why say anything, if you can just take it back the next minute?” “... the disgust taht exists indelibly between man and women...” “Looking back, those were some of the best times of her life, though at the time they had had the feeling of a prelude, a period of waiting, as though for the real drama of living to being.” “... the barrier of language was, ultimately, impassable.” “Her links to the life before him had been completely severed - that person no longer existed, and so when the incident occurred it had been two kinds of crisis, one of which was a crisis of identity... she was like someone who had forgotten their native language, an idea that likewise has always fascinated her. She found, after the incident, that she lacked what might be called a vocabulary, a native language of self.” “... the point was this, that he lived a life ruled by discipline, where hers was governed by emotion.”

[xxsovereignsarayaxx]

A King Needs His Queen - The Originals

“True love is like playing chess the King may be the most important piece on the board however the Queen is the most powerful and dangerous as she performs more moves than any other. The Queen will always protect her King.” Word Count: 5054 Warnings: None Authors Note: For those who have read Elizabeth Mikealson - What If? Here is the original origins for Elizabeth. I’ve given this a lot of editing to make it worth the read and I wanted to give everyone an alternate view point. I hope you like it. I have up to chapter 4 written so I’ll be posting a new chapter everyday until that point. For those who enjoy my ‘Lizzie-Lijah’ fanfic don’t worry I am in the process of writing a new chapter. If you want to be tagged in this series please let me know <3 

True love is like playing chess. The King may be the most important piece on the board however the Queen is the most powerful, most dangerous as she performs more moves than any other. The Queen will always protect her King.

Being the wife to Niklaus Mikaelson was never an easy task, he was impulsive, rash, a temper which has a dangerously short fuse, competitive and many other things but the one thing he had going for him was a lovely irresistible puppy face. But one of the one things we loved nothing more was to sit back and have an intense game of chess why you may ask? Chess is a war game and currently we the Mikaelson family were stuck in the middle of one war between the witches, werewolves and vampires. And myself my husband and the rest of our family were not welcomed with open arms when we first arrived back in New Orleans. It didn't quite help due to the fact Niklaus was a hybrid and the very large statement he insisted on making when we returned home. I understood he was upset that Marcellus had continued Nik's empire without him but we were all under the illusion that he was dead, burned to ash. But the little warrior had survived the attack made by Mikael at the Opera House in 1919, I remember the events vividly and it still haunts me to this day the terror I had felt when I thought my family was going to die but we escaped by the skin of our teeth, Nik carried Rebekah out onto the street while I had received aid from Elijah we watched as the Opera building had lit up the cities dark evening night sky and from that moment we fled for our lives together as a family. After that dreadful night I was and never will be afraid of whatever enemy I will stand in front of because I know who stands behind me. Who will protect me as I will protect them. I promised Nik he would get his empire back at whatever cost because I too also shared his personality traits.

I remember when first stepped foot in New Orleans back in the 1800's we had made a name for ourselves and ended up getting very cozy with the Governor we ended up staying at his residence, it was a delightful place very elegant but Rebekah who I love so dear got a little too involved with Emil, the son of the Governor and one particular day Niklaus had killed him, another one of her lovers had bit the dust or should I say had a snapped neck, it wasn't the first time and surely wouldn't be the last but I did feel sorry for my sister-in-law at this rate she would never be able to have a suitor to settle down with if Nik carried on being the over-protective brother and so we attended the funeral of Emil it was a hard day for his remaining family as well as Rebekah I held her so close as she wept of my shoulder, her sorrows broke my heart. But Niklaus had really chosen the worst time to remove the lover from existence as we was the height of the summer season and I was sweating so profoundly in my dress. I encouraged Rebekah to start heading back to our temporary lodgings as I guided her down a quite dirt road accompanied by my husband and Elijah to see a young boy no more then 6 years old being whipped by a man on horse back. 

The cries of the young boy tugged on my hearts strings as I too wanted the chance to bare a child with my husband but because we were vampires we could not procreate but we sure as hell loved to try. But back to the matter at hand turns out we was not burying the only child of the Governor, it had turned out he had another son from a mother to whom he owned. I walked arm in arm with my husband, Rebekah on my other side, but as the whipping of the boy intensified so did the poor screams that left the child's mouth, Nik had ground to a halt and myself and his sister and brother also stopped in our tracks the funeral that was going on ahead of us continued without us. Niklaus just stood there and stared at the boy, but to be fair we all did, how anybody was able to treat a child to the manner were the real monsters of this world. The boy fell to his knees and took hold of one of the nearby apples that had fallen from one of the many apple trees and threw it with all his might at his attacker, the boy gave a look of courage as he stood up for himself panting because of his beating, without me noticing Nik had left our sides and started to move closer and closer to the situation in front of us. Elijah stood in complete silence while I continued to hold Rebekah and dried the tears that were flowing down her beautiful face.

The attacker on horseback and re-composed himself and began swinging his whip around for another session when Nik had interfered and grabbed another apple that was left on the floor and threw it with such force the man fell down dead from his horse, unfazed by what had happened. He then strode other to the boy who was on the dusty ground, as he fallen to his knees in pure agony. 

"What is your name?" Niklaus asked the boy. The boy looked shocked but not frightened with Nik's presence panting he replied.

"Don't got one, Momma wouldn't name me till I turned 10 case the fever took me. Then it took her." I un-linked my arms with Rebekah and left her in the care of her brother, I picked up my skirt and made my way over to the two males who were talking, I had a small smile on my face as I re-joined my husband and softly held on to his arm. The three of us just stood quietly when I carefully knelt down in front of the boy.

"Your a survivor, and survivors need names don't they Nik?" I said softly.

"Indeed they do" Niklaus replied as he also crouched down to join me.

"How about Marcellus?" Nik added.

"Marcellus?" The boy asked while he looked at the pair of us.

I nodded gently "It comes from Mars, the god of war and it means little warrior" I say to him.

I offer a hand to Marcellus and Niklaus held mine as we helped each other back to our feet, I dust myself down from the dirt that had collected while I was knelt on the ground. I turned my head back to Rebekah and Elijah who stood far back shock on their faces, Niklaus was acting very different too how he had been acting days well years prior instead of being reckless and indulging on the humans he was showing compassion.

Nik had decided to take Marcellus under his wing, I could tell that Nik saw himself in the boy as he too was beaten when he was a child. Niklaus was never fond to talk about his life when he was child and I was never one to push him, but the fragments I was told were from his siblings, I had been married to Niklaus for nearly 300 years, so I understood my husband very well to say the least.

During the 1500's I was the handmaiden to Anne Boleyn the second wife to Henry VIII, I was the handmaiden of Catherine of Aragon but after the divorce I was re-assigned to Lady Anne. Even though I was just her handmaiden we were very close. In April 1536 I became incredibly ill, I had been diagnosed with dysentery by the castle doctor. Days had passed I had taken a turn for the worst and I was on my death bed, it wasn't until then Lady Anne revealed her biggest secret. She in fact was a vampire and saved my life by turning me, a gruesome act really being fed the blood of a vampire and then the fastest act to the process done I had my neck snapped, it was quick and clean and that was it I was turned into one of her kind.

I was forever grateful that she saved my life but days after she was arrested and sent to the Tower of London with some people saying she was involved in witchcraft as I had made a remarkable recovery. Funny really they were right in the supernatural sense just wrong species.

After Anne was beheaded Henry had re-married, during that time was how I was introduced to the Mikaelson family a loving family a bit dysfunctional but loving non the less. I had grown close to them and being and a new vampire I had struggled with my blood lust, the castle being a busy place food was no shortage but my methods for feeding were not discrete at the best of times and I was sure to be found out, it was then I was taken into the care of the Niklaus and he siblings. At first we didn't see eye to eye and I spent my days with Rebekah or locked away as I hated what I had become. After moving around from place for years on end me and Nik grew closer and he personally taught me the perks of being a vampire, he explained that his family were the first vampires ever created, I was fascinated and was falling for him hard. But turns out Niklaus had fell for me the day he had met me and shortly after we was wed.

And that was how I married a Original vampire.

Over the course of my long life I have come to believe we are bound forever to those with whom we share blood or by name. And while we may not choose our family, that bond can be our greatest strength or our deepest regret. This is the unfortunate truth that has been my downfall for as long as I can re-call . And yet I'm starting to tell you my story as I lay desiccated by a witch in a coffin being hauled around the country in whatever decade this may be. While my so called husband flaunts around doing whatever he pleases. Being angry with him was the understatement of the century, I was livid and when I get out of this god-forsaken box I will rain hell on him. I admit I was no Original but I sure was stronger then the average vampire thanks to a very good witch friend of mine who cast a spell to make me just as strong as my husband and his siblings. I would not die from a stake to the heart and I could be daggered just like Niklaus had done to his brothers Finn and Kol. But as I lay here unable to help my remaining family I was forced to lay and wait for my time to rise once more to wreck havoc with my husband.

Present Day

The night is still young in the French Quarter of New Orleans, humans party in the streets and the soothing sound of jazz plays throughout the streets, laughter and enjoyment heard by all and yet Niklaus is stood on a balcony over-seeing the festivities when Elijah appears next to him out of nowhere.

"Evening Elijah" Niklaus greets his brother.

"Niklaus" Elijah responds bluntly.

"What an entirely un-welcomed surprise" Niklaus says with sarcasm.

"And what an entirely un-surpising welcome but do tell me Niklaus how long do you intend to keep Elizabeth confined to her coffin?" Elijah asks.

"Elizabeth will stay put until I say so" Niklaus says with a sneer.

"She has been confined for nearly 100 years, you are meant to be her husband Niklaus, but we have other matters to discuss, come with me" Elijah says.

Niklaus takes a step forward towards his brother and looks him dead in the eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, Elizabeth will be kept safe and hidden until I find out who is conspiring against me, against this family"

Elijah just stands there and straightens his tie "I believe I just found that out for you, but I warn you Niklaus once Elizabeth is freed she will not be pleased" Elijah warned.

And with that the two originals leave the balcony and through the busy streets of New Orleans to arrive at a cemetery, they head inside to a tomb to see some witches and another young girl present.

"No! It is impossible." Klaus had said shocked by what he saw in front of him.

To which Elijah replied "I said the same thing myself"

The two originals stood in front of  young werewolf called Hayley to whom was pregnant with a child, Niklaus being the father to said baby. So when Elijah had warned before that Elizabeth would not be pleased with the news he was not wrong.

"This is a lie! You are all lying. Vampires cannot procreate!" Niklaus had shouted to everyone in the tomb.

"We are aware that vampires cannot, what I would like to know is why you would betray your wife, you wife Niklaus! The one woman who always stood next to you in whatever plans you had devised. This will be like killing her when she finds out!" Elijah ranted at his brother.

Hayley looked at the two males, dumbfounded.

"But werewolves can, magic made you a vampire, but you were born a werewolf. You're the original hybrid, the first of your kind. And this pregnancy is one of nature's loopholes" The witch stood next to Hayley admitted.

"You've been with someone else, admit it!" Niklaus had turned and screamed at Hayley, he was about to take a step forward to be held back by his brother.

"Hey! I've spent days held captive in a freaking alligator bayou because they think that I'm carrying some magical miracle baby. Don't you think I would've fessed up if it wasn't yours" Hayley shouted back looking the hybrid square in the eyes.

"My sister gave her life to perform the spell she needed to confirm this pregnancy. Because of Jane-Anne's sacrifice, the lives of this girl and her baby are now controlled by us. We can keep them safe. Or we can kill them. If you don't help us take down Marcel, so help me Hayley won't live long enough to see her first maternity dress." The witch shouted.

"Wait? What?" Hayley stuttered.

"Enough of this nonsense, if you want Marcel dead, he's dead. I'll do it myself" Elijah said sternly. "No we can't not yet. We have a clear plan that we need to follow, and there are rules" The witch continued. Elijah looks over to his brother, who looks like his blood is boiling with rage.

"How dare you command me? Threaten me, with what you wrongfully perceive to be my weakness. This is a pathetic deception. I will not hear any more lies!" Niklaus rants.

"Niklaus! Listen!" Elijah shouts to his brother, after that silence fills the tomb, and the soft heartbeat of the baby that resides within Hayley can be heard. Niklaus looks at Hayley, towards the witches and then looks at his brother, he swallows and then clears his throat.

"Kill her and the baby" He says bluntly and turns to leave the cemetery into the night.

Elijah runs and catches up to his brother who had taken to running through the streets of the French Quarter, he grabs his brother. "Niklaus please" He says.

"It's a trick Elijah" Niklaus replies still angry with the news.

"No, brother its a consequence to your actions while Elizabeth has been absent from us but also a gift, its your chance, its our chance" Elijah starts.

"To what?" Niklaus interrupts. "To start over brother, take back everything we lost have lost, everything that was taken from us. Our parents came to despise us. Our family was ruined... We was ruined I mean for heavens sake you made a witch cast a desiccation spell on your wife and stored her in a box for the past 100 years. All you and Elizabeth have ever wanted was a family, all that we ever wanted was a family" Elijah told his brother.

"I will not be manipulated" Niklaus growls and turns away but Elijah vamp-speeds over to block his path not allowing his brother to run any further.

"So they are manipulating you. So what? With them, this girl and her child - your child might I add live" Elijah says trying to reason with his brother.

"I'm going to kill every last one of them" Niklaus threatens and shoves Elijah and turns away in the opposite direction but Elijah once again speeds over to block his brother once more.

"And then what? Then you return to Mystic Falls to resume your life without your wife as the hated one, as the evil hybrid? Free your wife or is it so important to you that people quake with fear at the sound of your name?" Elijah continues.

"People quake with fear because I have the power to make them afraid. What will this child offer me? Will it guarantee me power?" Niklaus argues.

"Family is power! Niklaus. Love, loyalty that's power, this is what you swore to another one thousand years ago, what you swore to Elizabeth almost 500 years ago, before life tore away what little humanity you had left, before ego, before anger, before paranoia created this person to keep their wife sealed away, someone I can barely even recognize as my own brother This is us! The Original family and we remain together always and forever. I am asking you to stay here, free Elizabeth from her slumber and I will help you, stand by you. I will be your brother. We will build a home here together. So save this girl. Save your child." Elijah pleads.

Elijah places a hand on Niklaus' shoulder, were his brother brings his own hand to Elijah's neck it was their own brotherly gesture, a sign where they showed each other how much they cared and loved one another. They look at each other and Niklaus just whispers

"No" and walks away leaving Elijah standing in the street.

Walking into New Orleans Elijah knew where his brother kept his wife hidden, he knew that the only person who stood a chance to get his brother to see reason would be Elizabeth, yes it would be dangerous for the werewolf, but in order to save the child, and his brother Elizabeth needed to be woken from her century long sleep. Finally arriving to where the coffin was stored he lifts the lid to see his sister in law peacefully asleep, he gently lifts her out and holds her tightly to his chest. There was a time before where feelings for Elizabeth were deep in his heart, but after she fell for his brother she was no longer seen as a love interest and was only seen as family, and Elijah being the noble family man that he is, he had swore to protect her as well.

Elijah had made his way back to the tomb where Hayley and the witches were talking. Elizabeth still in his arms he entered the tomb to just have everyone look at him as he interrupted a conversation.

"She can't, I'm not entirely sure I can, but the woman in my arms is our best bet. But now that your coven has drawn ire. I have a question, what prevents my brother from murdering you instead of cooperating?" Elijah asks with a smirk on his face.

"Who is the woman?" One of the witches ask.

"This here is Elizabeth Mikealson, Niklaus' wife and the only force I believe that can get him into submission. Unless you have a better alternative?" Elijah responds.

One of the witches takes a needle, and holds it up to Elijah and sticks the needle into her hand, pricking the skin drawing a drop of blood.

"Ow!" Hayley yelps and there is blood on her hand in the exact place where the witch had hurt herself.

"Hey what the hell!" Hayley shouted.

"The spell my sister performed, the one that got her killed? It wasn't just to confirm the pregnancy. It linked me to Hayley. So anything happens to me, happens to her which means her life in my hands. Klaus may not care about his own child, but its very clear what it already means to you. If I have to hurt Hayley, or worse to ensure that I have your attention, I will" The witch threatened.

Elijah looks at the witch with a smirk on his face. "You would dare threaten an Original?" He asked.

"I have nothing to lose" The witch replies and with that one sentence the smile was wiped of his face. He takes a few steps closer to the witches, Elizabeth still in his arms.

"You have until midnight to get Klaus to change his mind" The witch threatens once more.

"You have until midnight to awaken Elizabeth" Elijah responded gently placing his sister in law on the ground and left the tomb.

After the chanting of a spell cast by the witches I was awoken, the grey that once covered my skin slowly drained away, my eyes start to flutter open and my crystal blue eyes are met with the world. I slowly get up and runs a hand through my long black raven hair.

"Where am I?" I ask the crowd of witches.

"Your in New Orleans, Elijah wants you to find him its regarding your husband" A witch starts.

"My husband is a dead man walking, do you know what it is like to be kept in a coffin for a century?" I snap and with that I left the tomb, I was hungry and if I didn't get blood soon I would do some serious damage to something or someone. My long white dress drags along the floor, while I walked barefoot the cool concrete was welcomed to try and damper my fiery temper that was ever growing by the minute.

As I walked out of the cemetery I spotted a elderly couple, I approached them with a small smile and looked the man in the eyes.

"Don't be afraid" I said. And with that the veins under my eyes grew visible and my fangs bulged through my gums, as I pierced the neck of the elderly woman in front of me, her blood followed into my mouth and down my gullet I was so hungry but I was never a killer when I was feeding, I gently released from her and bit into my own wrist for her to drink my blood to heal her wound. I did the exact same with the man and I was feeling much better, I compelled them to forget me and wished them a safe journey home. It was now time to find my brother in law.

As I walked through the streets I heard loud music playing and the sound led me to a courtyard, I remembered this courtyard from years before this was our home but before I could enter I was whisked away up onto a balcony, from up here I could see vampires drinking and dancing the night away. Until I noticed one vampire in particular Marcellus the very boy we had raised ourselves, but also the very boy we all thought had died in 1919 all thanks to my twisted father in law. After what had happened I was shoved in a box for the next 100 or so years to rot.

"Elizabeth, I trust you found yourself here ok?" Elijah asked me.

"I did thank you brother, but enough small talk where is he Elijah? Where is Niklaus? Where is he so I can rip his heart out" I shouted

"Hush now my dear, we must watch" Elijah said calmly as he gestured down to the scene which was unfolding down below us.

"Hey man, where'd you run off to? Someones put you in a mood. What can I do?" Marcellus asked my husband.

"What you can do is tell me what this thing is that you have with the witches" Niklaus replied in a low voice, a voice he would use when he was displeased.

"We're back to that" Marcellus said in a bored flat tone" To which all my husband had said

"Yes, were back to that" Marcellus had taken a step towards Niklaus with his arms wide open

"You know I owe you everything I got, but I'm afraid I have to draw the line on this one. This is my business. I control the witches in my town. Let's just leave it at that" Marcellus had said.

And I felt outraged all of us were responsible for what he had here today, it wasn't his town! The town belonged to the Mikealson's not Marcullus Geraed.

"Your town?" I heard my husband shout.

"Damm straight" He replied.

I was again angry with the situation to which was in front of me, I gripped the railing and glared down at the vampires beneath me and Elijah, I felt a soothing hand run circles on my back and I was starting to feel calmer.

"Part of me is debating to go down there and start ripping out hearts, and tearing of heads Elijah" I hissed at him.

"I know, but its not time for you to reveal yourself just yet." He told me, still rubbing my back.

"That's funny, because when I left 100 years ago, you were just a pathetic little scrapper still trembling from the lashes of the whips of those who would keep you down, and now look at you master of your own domain, prince of the city. I'd like to know how" Niklaus boosted.

The music that was playing in the courtyard had stopped playing and all that could be heard now was the two vampires trying to have it off and the slow breathing from everybody else.

"Why? Jealous? Hey man I get it. Three hundred years ago, you helped build a backwater penal colony into something. You and your family started it, but then you all left, actually, you ran from it. I saw it through. Look around. Vampires rule this city now. I got rid of the werewolves. I even found a way to shut down the witches. The blood never stops flowing and the party never ends. You wanna pass on through? You wanna stay a while? Great. What's mine is yours, but it is mine. My home, my family, my rules." Marcellus says loud and proudly.

But he was down right wrong, this was our home and our family but the one thing that was certain is that everyone in my family played by my rules. "And if someone breaks those rules?" Niklaus asks.

"They die. Mercy is for the weak, You and Elizabeth taught me that, too. And I am not the prince of the Quarter, friend. I'm the king! Show me some respect" Marcellus shouted.

All is silent, down below us all is quite no one moved and when I turned to look at my brother he just looked on, his jawline tense and he didn't move a muscle. The wind had picked up a little and blew my hair around a little, as I brushed some behind my right ear I see my husband rush forwards to one of the other vampires that are present at the party, he bites him viciously in the neck and I was confused to as why, Nik was a vampire so biting another vampire was pointless...Unless he broke his cure that he had vowed to do years ago.

If that was the case my husband was what they call a hybrid, a being that had vampire and werewolf blood run through his veins and venom in his fangs, he truly was a force of nature. My thoughts were interrupted when Nik had said "Your friend will be dead by the weekend, which means I've broken one of your rules. And yet I cannot be killed. I am immortal. Who has the power friend?" My husband just stands in front of Marcellus, no more words are exchanged, Nik smiles at the crowd turns and leaves.

Myself and Elijah were still stood on the balcony as we watched Nik leave the mess he had caused. "So he finally broke his curse?" I ask him. Elijah nodded at me

"That he did, but that story is better told another day, come lets get you in the warm and cleaned up. We can worry about what Niklaus is doing tomorrow" Elijah held out his arm and led me to a hotel to where he had been staying and ran me a warm bath. I laid back in the large tub allowing the hot water to soothe my body, turns out being in a coffin for 100 years leads to more aches and pains then you can imagine. As I got out of the tub I wrapped a towel around my body, while I had been getting cleaned up Elijah had been on the phone talking to my dear sweet sister Rebekah. I quickly got changed into the spare clothes Elijah had kindly left out for me. After getting dressed, I re-joined Elijah to where he now ended his call. "How about getting some sleep my dear? It's been an eventful few hours for you" Elijah suggested. I looked at him but I didn't wish to pry, I did feel exhausted even though I have been asleep for the past century, I complied with him and padded over and gave Elijah a long hug and kiss on the cheek. Once we had broken the hug, Elijah had pulled me back to kiss my forehead.

"Niklaus does love you, Elizabeth always and forever"

[ajokeformur-ray]

@doctor-chinkano​: I’m coming off anon to submit the things! It turned into more of a brief one-shot, but still! Okay, there was a one shot you posted and please forgive me, I cannot remember which one it was, but Arthur called Reader “little dove” and I just about died because that’s my favorite pet name of all time. I can’t–! 

So imagine the first time Arthur calls you this. How it comes to be that he thinks of you as his little dove. You’re one of the few people in his life that’s shown him the genuine compassion, attention and overall kindness he’s craved for so long, but never knew how to attain. Naturally, he had to check himself and wonder if you were a figment of his own imagination—something that he unconsciously conjured up to subdue the sharp pangs of emotional starvation. You were real, you insisted with warm reassurance, though you couldn’t entirely hide the concern in your eyes. This poor man.

Well shit, he thought. The next logical conclusion would be to assume that you were an angel. A celestial being that chose to grace him, and the world at large, with your presence. That had to be it. You were just so good. Too good. Even when people were rude, even when people took their anger and insecurities out on you; you found it within yourself to extend kindness however you could. “Yeah, yeah,” you’d say with a tired roll of your pretty eyes. “I get it. We’re all struggling one way or another. Hope it gets better for them.”

Unreal. Everyone in his life was so unnecessarily nasty, but not you. You were perfect. And damn, if he didn’t think you were absolutely gorgeous. You were the only one who could be bothered to give him something as valuable as your time and friendship. He even had a hard time coming to terms with the latter. What in God’s name did he do to deserve you? He was constantly bracing for the day that he would wake up and be battered with the crushing reality that you were, in fact, an illusion. He was waiting to be abandoned, yet again. When he confessed this to you, it broke your heart. That’s what abuse does to you, you insisted.

As often as he insisted that you were utter perfection, you were still human. You had bad days. You hated certain things about yourself, and struggled to accept what you couldn’t immediately change. Some days it was as aspect of you as an individual, other days it was your appearance. In the same way it hurt you to hear him share his fears with you, it killed him to hear you speak negatively about yourself. Of course, he can’t force you to change your mind—otherwise he would, without question. After meeting you, he had a new lot in life. He lived to make you happy, to see you smile, to keep you safe, and to help you see yourself the way he saw you. He wanted to be all that he could for you.

The first time he had the chance to lie down and cuddle with you, Arthur thought he would just die. He had been dreaming of this for so long. His heart hammered wildly and he swore you could feel how sweaty and clammy his hands were as they skimmed your back and the sides of your arms. But no, sweet girl that you were, you visibly reveled in the safety of his chest. You sighed peacefully, nuzzling your face against him, purring softly. Fuck. He was falling harder for you by the second.

The thought both excited and terrified him, and he suddenly became self-conscious, needing a way to withdraw before he got ahead of himself. He wished he was healthier, fuller, more muscular. Stronger. Anything would be better than you having to bury your precious face in his bony frame. He remembered his mother chastising him for his malnutrition. You felt him tense, and you lifted your head to look up at him curiously. He kept his eyes on the ceiling, refusing to look at you.

“I’m sorry I’m so skinny,” he mumbled. Your eyes widened in disbelief.

“Oh, Arthur, no… No no, don’t apologize for that. There’s nothing wrong with you.” You cooed lovingly, as you often did when comforting him, while you gently rubbed his side, just above his hip. God help him, he felt like he could burst into tears at any moment. How could you even stand to look at him? You lowered your head back down onto his chest, propping yourself up on your chin to keep your gaze on him.

“That doesn’t make you any less handsome, baby. See this?” You reached up to poke your own cheek and squish them together in your hand. “I hate my cheeks. I wish they weren’t so squishy.”

Those stunning jade eyes you loved so much finally glanced down at you, albeit shyly. That was all you needed.

“But it’s okay,” you continued. “It gives me the right amount of cushion so I can lie on you and still be comfy.” To illustrate your point, you resumed your original position, snuggling into him once more. “You don’t have to change a thing. We fit together perfectly.”

A breathy laugh escaped Arthur’s chest and he no longer cared whether or not you could see the tears in his eyes. The tension he had been carrying left him, and he fixed his gaze on you with a playful smirk.

“You really hate your cheeks that much?” You felt him reach up to stroke the side of your face with his thumb. You smiled and turned to nuzzle his hand with your nose.

“Yeah… I like your cheeks though. You look so elegant. It’s sexy.”

He laughed louder this time, bashful and incredulous. Angel or not, you were a dream come true. He shifted to sit up and urged you to sit up with him, letting you sit in his lap. He took your face in his hands, and you nearly melted at the adoring smile he gave you. If only he knew how wildly your heart beat for him too. You felt so small in his grasp, so precious and safe. With the utmost care, he pushed your cheeks in with his thumbs to test their squishiness for himself, grinning before releasing and caressing them. You both giggled with giddiness, and you attempted to hide your blushing face while your hands reached up to rest upon his. He watched you with admiration, radiating pride.

“I love your cheeks,” he murmured. “They’re so soft. You’re like a little dove.”

The heat that began in your face was now spreading throughout your body. His smile faded into something softer, something pensive. He glanced down at your lips and gingerly swiped his thumb along them, starving for a taste. It took all you had not to nibble on your own lip and silently beg for him to close the distance. Only when Arthur brought his forehead to yours to look deeply into your eyes did you feel downright dizzy with desire. When he spoke again, he had a certain authority in his tone made sweeter by the gentle rasp of his voice—no doubt a result of the confidence that you had been helping him to build. It was a delicious contrast to the intensity of his stare.

“You’re my little dove. My beautiful girl. And I’ll always take care of you.”

It was the very least he could do for you. You were a beacon of hope for him—a symbol of strength and fortitude to keep him afloat. If someone as wonderful as you saw something remotely valuable in him, maybe things weren’t as hopeless as he thought.

 This is so, so gorgeous!!! It’s 12:28 PM and I’m listening to Claude Bolling’s Temptation Rag and it’s making all of this so much more real I’m ????? your writing is amazing omgggggggg <3333333 the way y/n told Arthur they fit together perfectly was so cute omgggg ~ it’s everything he deserves and more.

Posted with permission. 

[nevergiveupneverrun]

Bodyguard - Chapter Fifty-Seven “The day I killed love” Part Two

Hello everybody, how are you? Here is chapter Fifty-seven of my Story Bodyguard, yay!! I hope you will like this chapter.

I’m sorry in advance for the mistakes… English isn’t my first language and I do my best. Here is the link to the previous chapter: Click Here.

I hope you will enjoy this chapter :) 💛

Trigger Warning: Violent and difficult scenes in this chapter.

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- Save time… that’s all I need right now… so give us this information before I decide to check out for myself what makes Yasmina so special… 

.

I look down for a few moments. Taking stock of what I’m about to do.

A despicable and monstrous act.

Contrary to all my duties.

And yet…

- The base is located in a place difficult to access… in the direction of…

A hubbub suddenly resounds in the room covering my voice and the direction that I was going to reveal.

And quickly, shots whistle around us.

I curl up on myself, reflexively while hearing screams rising and hurried steps hitting the concrete floor firmly.

I raise my head slightly and recognize the black-clad figures getting busy and invading the room.

Guns in hand.

My special forces teammates.

Some keep Saïd’s men on the ground… a noise to my right makes me turn my head and I spot two silhouettes, one of which seems to me to be Saïd escaping through an isolated door…

A presence suddenly awakens on my left and grabs my hands.

- Owen, how are you?

I recognize Jackson’s voice as a black hood covers his face, to protect his identity.

He blew up the lock on my ties and I immediately found free use of my arms.

Sharp pain, like a burn, spreads through my muscle and makes me grit my teeth.

- Here, take this with you, he tells me by slipping a gun into my hand. I have to go back with the team to arrest all of Saïd’s men in this building. You stay here, we come back to pick you up when it calms down.

He leaves immediately, without I have time to tall him what I just observed.

I watch him go away… before standing up and without hesitation take the direction where I saw Saïd disappear.

A section of the building sheltered for the moment from the agitation caused by the assault of my team members, the busy opposite.

This swine could not escape…

My steps are not confident, my body tired by my confinement, but my determination is stronger than the pain.

I advance as fast as I can following the path taken by the terrorist.

I go through the door and then I arrive in another dimly lit room… I notice a silhouette squatting several meters. I progress with a hushed step, the gun firmly in hand, trying to bypass the silhouette so as not to be spotted.

I quickly recognize Saïd: he is leaning over a sot of the metal trunk and is busy reviewing files, then floppy disks… he is trying to recover or destroy something before it is found.

Arrived a few steps behind him, I raise my arm, having him easily insight: I try to control the tremors caused by fatigue while focusing my vision on Saïd’s back a few steps from me.

My finger lightly squeezes the trigger.

I mobilize all my senses, ready to shoot… when the tip of a pistol emerges behind my back.

Accompanied by a whisper that turns my blood to ice.

- Lower your gun Owen, otherwise, I’ll shoot…

My body stiffens instantly.

I feel like paralyzed…. My bain blocks on this voice…. Would fatigue play tricks on me?

It is not possible… it cannot be… I have to imagine things.

It’s just a hallucination, my senses deceive me.

- Did you hear me? Don’t make me repeat… I won’t hesitate…

Again, the same voice.

Harder and firmer than usual. But despite everything, this musicality that I could have recognized among a thousand.

A great emptiness suddenly invades me.

My arm is lowered in parallel under her request… but also under the weight of this freezing and brutal revelation.

- Now, throw your gun to the ground.

I do it without resisting.

Completely overwhelmed by a reality that knocks me out.

I perceive a movement in my back and I can see a silhouette shifting to the side and advancing a few steps.

She turns around immediately to take aim at me while backing towards Saïd.

The latter, alerted by the exchange and the noise, is now standing, a smile on his face.

- Well done, my beautiful… he whispers. What would I do without you?

- You will thank me later, she replied with a hint of mischief in her voice.

An unambiguous innuendo which reveals to me the true nature of their relationship.

I observe the exchange.

Astonished.

stunned.

Disgusted.

Here I am facing the woman I love.

A woman who holds a pistol pointed at me with disconcerting mastery.

A woman who demonstrates in a few words disturbing complicity with my worst enemy.

- Look at his head, Yasmina, Saïd resumes mockingly. It looks like we just broke his little "fairy tale".

I mechanically clench my fists, while keeping my gaze fixed on the one who played with me all the time. She supports my gaze with determination: no remorse detectable pithing her two pupils. An attitude that makes me angry… towards myself.

Me and my naivety.

I fell into the trap as a beginner.

- Well done Yasmina… you can be proud of yourself… I whispered with a touch of bitterness in my voice. You deserve an Oscar…

- It’s touching… he looks really in love with you, my darling… Saïd completes, laughing slightly.

I believed all her beautiful words.

I believed in her kisses, in her caresses.

I believed in her tenderness or her passion when we made love.

But everything was just a game for her.

Her heart has always been acquired from another man.

To the man, I have been looking for for a year… the man we have the mission to arrest or eliminate.

- Don’t look so shocked Owen… we are at war here. You too are using inglorious methods… don’t tell me you really wanted to marry me?

I remain silent, looking down despite myself.

I had opened my heart so clearly to a woman for the first time in my life.

I had this strange but exhilarating desire to show myself as I am.

To reveal me by forgetting this unhealthy fear of being thus exposed, vulnerable.

The knife plunges even deeper into my heart. 

Breaking it into a thousand pieces.

I lived only in an illusion.

A utopian love, nonexistent… a hoax, a staging for the sole purpose of using me.

To make me forget all my duties.

Here is, the biggest mistake of my existence, after the carelessness and recklessness that caused the death of my father…

Love will always leave me with a bitter taste and that oppressive feeling of inaccessible and… empty.

.

- He is no longer useful to us now Yasmina… Saïd concludes.

I raise my head and notice that Saïd now points in turn, a gun on me.

I do not pay him more attention and plunge my gaze into that of my executioner.

The one who has just trampled on my still throbbing heart…

I perceive a tension taking hold of me as I discover her in a new light.

That I finally see her for the first time, as she really is.

A terrorist.

An enemy.

- One last word, Owen? Saïd asks as a challenge while Yasmina lowers her gun, her gaze suddenly less assured under the intensity of mine.

- Let me think… I answer calmly. What do you say as the last word of a "fuck you"?

Saïd laughs loudly for a few seconds before speaking again.

- I admire you for keeping your humor, a few seconds before leaving this dear Earth, quips the terrorist. So I take care of the forms of farewell politeness: Ma’as-salama Owen Hunt (Goodbye Owen, Hunt)

I fix my gaze in that of Saïd, without blinking, without trembling, demonstrating to the end that I do not fear him… that I am not afraid of anything, not even death.

I take a deep breath, ready to receive my sentence and this bullet that will take me to the after-life.

Everything will be sweeter there… I don’t even want to fight… this death that holds out my arms is probably my best remedy…

I hear a whistling sound through the air.

Like a projectile crossing through the room at high speed.

No pain spreads strangely through my body.

I observe on the contrary the eyes of Saïd suddenly change and become glassy and empty.

The impact of a bullet takes shape on his forehead, from which escapes a weak flow of blood.

He instantly falls heavily to the ground.

A cry rises in the room: Yasmina kneels hurriedly. Her hands frame the lifeless face of Saïd, tears of pain rushing down her cheeks, her gun abandoned on the ground.

I take a look behind me and I recognize Jackson’s green eyes, his breath short when he has probably run: he removes his hood, gestures to me then turn around when he hears a noise in the main room, a team member launching a "Lieutenant" towards him.

Yasmina’s sobs suddenly calm down and I can see her breathing speed up.

- You bastard! She exclaims with rage.

Her next gestures being performed with dexterity and I react in synchronization with her own, guided by my instinct. 

I notice her fingers grabbing the gun still in Saïd’s hand.

I lean on the ground, like a reflex, and grab my pistol, always present at my feet.

Yasmina’s arm rises parallel to mine, her gaze fixed on Jackson on the side, behind me.

A shot away. A bullet shoots through the air. 

A body falls to the ground, in a dead and heavy sound on the ground. 

My finger detaches from the trigger… my gun escapes from my hands and falls in a metallic noise against the concrete.

- O’! I hear behind me, fast steps approaching against me. I just heard a shot…

I can see Jackson’s presence by my side, but I am focused on the image a few steps from me. Yasmina’s body, inert on the ground, alongside that of Saïd, shot in the head.

The bullet that I shouted myself.

- Did you shoot? Jackson asks me, shocked by what he discovers. 

- She was going to kill you, Jackson, I answer firmly and calmly.

Without a hint of emotion.

Without the slightest tremor in the voice.

- Yasmina? He asks, taken aback when he seems to realize only know that it was her alongside Iraq’s most wanted terrorist.

Assured steps stop against us and a firm and calm voice interrupts our exchange.

- Jackson, go join the team, they need you…

My teammate nods and leaves the room without arguing, leaving me alone with Nathan, our leader on this mission to Iraq.

.

He goes directly to the bodies of Saïd and Yasmina, kneeling beside them.

My gaze freezes on the silhouette of the young woman, lifeless, on the ground.

I shot her without hesitation.

To save Jackson’s life. Or would it be for something else?

Because at this moment, a disturbing feeling of relief and contentment dominates me. 

I killed the woman I love, but I have no regrets.

And a doubt invades me. If she hadn’t tried to shoot Jackson, wouldn’t I still have used my gun and pulled the trigger? To express my anger and my pain.

To concretize this hatred which destroyed in a beat the love which I believed sincere and indestructible.

- We were alerted when you were absent from the briefing the day before yesterday, explains Nathan, getting up. I did not inform the team, but I triggered research on your trips, your purchases. I discovered that you had spent several weekends with a young woman, whom we were able to identify by the security cameras of the establishments in question. We immediately spotted her… and followed her so far… and my suspicions prove to be correct…

- I blame myself, you know, I answer, almost ashamed of my mistakes. This is the first time that I have let myself be dominated by my feelings… I have been blinded.

- I’m not here to blame you, Owen. You are one of our best. However, you should have been honest and let us know about your relationship with this young woman…

- I broke the rules, Nathan, I am aware of it… and I will assume all the consequences… the blame or the layoffs to come… it’s unforgivable…

I notice that the attention of my mentor is suddenly focused on the ground, on a specific point on the body of Yasmina… on her left hand, which still holds her gun against her belly.

But a hint of color detaches from her skin, while a blue spark spurts from her ring finger.

- I don’t think it’s necessary… you suffered a lot considering the context and unfortunately, I don’t think it’s over…

Nathan bends over again and delicately grabs Yasmina’s fingers, fully revealing the engagement ring that she still wears on her finger.

- I’m sincerely sorry for you Owen, he says, giving me a compassionate look.

I read in this look a mixture of pity and empathy which bothers me.

I never imagined being looked at in this way by this man whom I admire more than anything…

I watch him put his fingers against the ring, and pull it out of Yasmina’s ring finger.

- Stop Nathan, I said forcefully.

- It’s your mother’s engagement ring, Owen…

- I soiled it by offering her… I do not deserve this jewel… and above all, I no longer have any use for it.

- Don’t say that, Nathan says, getting up.

- I no longer deserve this ring and all that it represents. Let it remain a memory… like this illusory love… I will not be so vulnerable… never… I conclude while turning my back and walking slowly towards the main room.

I leave Nathan behind me… without taking a last look at the one who, a few hours ago, I had hoped to be my wife.

I would have killed for her.

I would have died for her. 

I would have denied my homeland and my duties for her.

But at no time would I have considered ending your story: by shooting a bullet in the head of the one who until then represented my ray of sunshine.

My color palette in this life where every day was counted to me.

Fate subjected me to a new test.

It showed me that loving combined with suffering for me.

Suffer the loss of those I love, when my selfishness condemns them.

Suffer from their death and their absence, when I am not up to it when I am not enough to make them love life.

Suffer from their betrayal and their lies, when chimeras become the center of my hopes and my happiness.

.

I find the main room: bodies are lying on the ground.

Team members are busy placing the guns and equipment recovered in the different sections of the building in crates. Jackson notices me quickly and walks towards me immediately.

- Call the medical team, he orders to one of the men close to him. Come sit O’, you are a sorry sight…

I follow the indications of my accomplice and sit on a plastic chair that he installs in front of me. He gets a bottle of water from the table behind him and hands it to me.

I take long sips, only realizing now that I haven’t been drinking for several hours, my throat and lips completely dry.

- Did they torture you? Jackson asks staring at my chest and the distinctly visible whiplash marks.

- Yes, I confirm after having emptied the water bottle almost in one go. But it’s not the worst Jackson, you know…

- What’s the worst? Look at your skin… I do not imagine what you have endured, your chest is lacerated in every direction… you will have these scars for life…

- I will have much deeper scars for life…

My teammate looks at me intently as we hear quick steps approaching in the distance… the medical team probably on their way to come and examined me and treat me.

- It was Yasmina that I saw… what happened, Owen?

- I just did a monstrous act and yet I have no remorse, no regret… almost a feeling of duty accomplished…

- What are you talking about?

I pause, observant for a long time the one who saved my life when I was ready to accept my fate… to receive this bullet that Saïd intended for me.

The emptiness that I feel inside makes me aware of the torments that will reign over this life that he has preserved.

And a conviction rises.

To no longer be the toy of the trials of fate.

To never find me in this situation again.

Alive… but dead inside. 

- I killed… I killed all my hopes and my beliefs… I’m going to extinguish this heart… I whispered, pointing to the precise place on my chest, my eyes absent as if speaking to myself, sealing the promise I make for myself. And I’m going to do everything to keep it from ever beating as hard… today, I killed love… and I will destroy my ability to love forever…      

                  –––––––––––––––––––––––

Thank you for reading. Stay safe and have a great week 💛

[alchemist-shizun]

To tend thee is my care

ACT II

ACT I - Read on Ao3!

Word count: 14,297

Summary: Here

Characters: Virgil, (Non-binary!)Roman, some OCs for plot reasons

Pairing(s): Prinxiety

Warning(s): Angst, negative thinking, swearing, crying, repressed emotions, fighting, insecurity, mentioned toxic parenting (once), overthinking, mention of paranoia (twice), yelling, kissing (Please let me know if I missed anything)

A/n: Will I ever stop projecting on characters? The amount of references to Hadestown in this is embarrassing. There are just so many references in general. (I’ll also explain the classical ones if you would like to check the works out, I promise they’re very good!) The fact that I started writing this back in June and having it complete now and so appreciated warms my heart so much and I’ll never stop thanking you guys. If you still have any questions about the story I’ll be more than happy to answer any doubt you have! I’m very proud of how it turned out and I can’t wait to know what you think about it. I also hope I did justice to the non-binary portrayal, I’m a bit insecure despite being nb myself yeah, makes sense. I hope you liked this little journey, thank you so much for the positive feedback and, all of that being said, enjoy! (The first scene is directly linked to the last scene of Act I, the scenes take place during the same day)

✾✾✾✾

Roman had found his way through the day by preventing his mind from ending up in the same old crush zone place and just keeping on waiting for the moment his club started.

Waiting patiently was something that came natural, he always thought that life was a never-ending cycle of waiting for things to happen, for days to arrive: it was a mechanism he could keep track of and that, eventually, helped him to get through his toughest days.

It started with the simplest tasks, like waiting for that one dinner where you were sure you were going to eat your favorite dish, or waiting for night to come to be able to hang out with his friends.

He thought about how pleased and happy he’d feel once the bad moment was all over, he knew he could get through every villain he encountered because he never failed to reward himself with the simple knowledge of making it through. That alone was enough a trophy to assure himself that, as he had done in the past, the next dragon-witch wouldn’t be unbeatable and that, in any way he could possibly think of, success was always on its way. Patience yields focus, as they say.

And so he waited.

For his classes to end, for him to be able to check his phone, for his countdown until he saw that pretty face again, for when he’d be able to hear the letters roll so easily on his tongue when he pronounced his favorite nickname, because he made it his favorite, or his voice did. He couldn’t decide. That was another thing to wait for. For the moment he’d finally muster the courage to smother his face with kisses. And holy fuck he was back in the crush zone.

He slowed down in his tracks, sure that none was around, and leaned on the wall to his right, letting out a deep sigh in the process, as if he was trying to blow out all of his thoughts. Only that it had the opposite effect.

Every inch of his body could feel that he was thinking about him and wouldn’t let him live it down. His insides just exploded into and endless hot summer day in which you would only feel relief in air conditioning.

Before he knew it he was smiling like an idiot and daydreaming possibilities and illusions that would only make him end up in a dangerous place if he kept them up. He could have hated him, he was a good actor he could have pretended. But that would have done more harm than good to him, wouldn’t it?

Whether tis nobler in the mind to be hated and therefore unable to hurt yourself with delusions, or to damage yourself with your desires, never certain of what may ensue?

« Hey, Ro! »

Roman broke free of his train of thought and found one of the actors right next to him.

« Hi Dave. » he offered a smile, still light-headed from thinking too much after intense hours of Spanish lessons.

« Come on, » he tugged at his fellow actor, he was going to be Cadmus. « today’s the big day, we’re trying a couple of scenes with all the costumes and make-up! » Roman was able to sense the excitement in his eyes even behind those sunglasses that Dave had already on.

They were going to the local theater, where the play was going to be shown for the first time, so they had to leave school to reach it.

Little did Roman know, though, as he had finally made his entrance in the theater, that it would be an uneventful rehearsal for him that day: since Virgil was missing and they needed to focus more on other actors, he could have taken that meeting to rehearse alone or stay in the backstage and let the other group practice on him with the makeup or clothing they needed to get right.

He chose the latter, since he knew being alone with his thoughts would have led him to definitely think about something other than practicing his own lines.

He had been sitting for quite some time in one of the backstage chairs, a very focused girl  in front of him, when she seemed to snap back to reality. She took a step back, tilting the brush in her right hand.

« Oh my god, your face is perfect. »

Roman blinked a few times. « You’re too kind, friend. »

« No, I mean it! Your features are so good to work on and I haven’t even done much. » she beamed, then gave a thoughtful hum as an idea crossed her mind: her eyes started darting from her small bag to the boy’s face.

She suddenly bent her head, avoiding eye contact. « You wouldn’t mind if I … tried for a stronger look? » her voice, barely above a whisper, suggested insecurity.

Before he had even realized he was moving, he felt himself nod.

Excitement settled in his chest for some reason he couldn’t comprehend; true, most of the time he felt the same way when he was acting with Virgil, (or anywhere around him lately) or when trying something new, like the anticipation he felt when the costumes for the play were finally done.

But there was something different this time, like he had been waiting for that exact moment for ages but just now he had realized it.

« Oh thank god. » the girl sighed in relief, looking back up at him with a small smile crossing her lips. « Generally the boys I ask tend to … turn me down pretty dramatically. »

Something dawned onto  Roman, while she added a quick “thank you” and began working.

Was he supposed to be mad? After all, it was just another type of art and he was all for it, there was no way he would have rejected it. He had even tried to teach himself to use those products before, when he was younger, but one day they had disappeared out of the blue which discouraged him enough to never try again.

He never really mustered up the courage to confront his parents about it, even when he was sure it was their fault.

He tried to let himself relax under the soft touch of the bristles, eyes closed.

Why was he overthinking this when he had been completely comfortable with agreeing on it in the first place? Why did it have to be a problem? Did he care for his group’s judgment? But they got make-up on every year for the productions.

Why was there so much confusion in his mind, yet he didn’t feel any negative emotion towards that moment? Maybe the confusion was due to all the positive things a simple task like that sprouted into him. Maybe he couldn’t just enjoy helping a friend practice.

Or, he was supposed to feel neutral about it.

Or …

« All done! » the girl stepped back and, when Roman opened his eyes again, he was met with a bright smile and a satisfied expression which distracted him from his previous thoughts.

She was quick to hand him her phone, promptly set on the front camera, and waited behind his seat for a possible reaction.

Saying he was lost for words was definitely an understatement.

The first thing he noticed was the red on his lips, a kind of hue he found to look perfect on his skin tone. Then, the flawlessly winged eye-liner, under different shades of red and gold blended on his eye-lids with what could have looked like a professional touch. His hand ghosted on his cheek, where some golden glitter was sparkling on highlighter.

« Oh, I used the imperial red for your lipstick, the name inspired me since it fits your next role as king, but turns out it actually does fit you nicely! »

« Stunning. »

« Sorry, what? »

Roman didn’t realize he had been mumbling in disbelief at his own reflection, despite loving his own image, it had been a long while since he had last liked his looks so much.

« You did such an amazing job! » what once was a timid smile started growing into a more confident one on the girl’s lips as Roman trailed off in his own list of compliments.

« Roman can you- Oh! » Dave had stepped in the room in that exact moment. For a split second, in which only a surprised expression dominated the guy’s face, Roman felt genuine fright.

Then, Dave smirked and leaned on a table. « Oops, didn’t see you there, pretty one. Can I tempt you to dinner tonight? »

« You’re a flattering one, but I’ll have to turn your offer down. »

« Aw- »

« Roman, how dare you! » a feminine voice startled the three of them, revealing a smiling Bonnie. « You’re messing with my bisexuality on purpose, admit it. »

He was literally beaming at all the compliments and positive feedback he was receiving, he had never felt more appreciated in his life, though he couldn’t exactly pin point why.

The two actors brought him to another small room where he had to change into the play costumes, they ran into Lukas in the process who gave Roman a small smile. That was definitely something, as they interacted very rarely.

Bonnie and Dave showed him his two sets of clothes, Pentheus’ and the Maenad’s ones, and left him to try them on. Their first night was approaching, so they had to make sure everything fit perfectly.

Roman went through his lines in his mind while he changed, stopping only to admire the combination between the king’s outfit and the stupendous make-up.

« I should do this more often. » he observed, his eyes lingered on his reflection on a mirror.

What are you talking about, what would you parents say?

He grimaced at the thought, he had almost forgotten about public opinion.

Do you think all your friends would actually approve? Fat chance.

He turned around and inhaled deeply. Who cares, he was simply trying his play’s costumes. What was the pressure in doing that?

Why was he procrastinating on that? It wasn’t that big of a deal. Right?

« Right. »

Roman stared at the dress he had to put on, then his hand went through the fabric; he lifted it and placed it on a chair. Yeah, no, he could do that. It was just acting after all-

Oh, that was it! Acting! He could go through his lines again, thus distract himself.

“What is this costume I must wear?”

Roman had finally gotten out of Pentheus’ clothes.

“On your head I shall set a wig with long curls.”

He put a hand in his hair instinctively. Yeah, he had ended up learning some of Dionysus’ lines too, after all he had to know what to say and when exactly to say it.

“And then?”

He didn’t realize he had actually mouthed that.

“Next, robes to your feet and a net for your hair.”

The vest fell neatly on his legs.

“Yes? Go on.”

He reached for the headband and covered part of his hair with it.

“Then a thyrsus for your hand and a skin of dappled fawn.”

The props where still being perfected, so all he did was take the item with the fake fawn skin; the material felt like little plastic bristles had been attached to some kind of cotton. He placed it around his shoulders, as he should have been a couple of scenes after the one he was recalling.

“I could not bear it.”

« I cannot bring myself to dress in women’s clothes. » he concluded the line, transfixed on his full Maenad dress-up.

It felt so wrong, so absolutely and thoroughly amiss to say that.

Was it because he had said it in the wrong tone? Did he have to try again? Did he want to try again? Maybe if he did he’d say it more naturally, he’d be satisfied enough to shove down his paranoia and he could call it a day.

“I cannot bring myself to dress in women’s clothes.”

His chest felt tight. Yes, okay, that was an ancient play, of course there were going to be things he didn’t agree with. Still … he could think of so many men that would agree with the king.

Was he even a man? What was he thinking, of course he was.

Yet …

He thought of himself as a simple actor trying his best to succeed in his everyday life. He hadn’t really cared about the question until now, or maybe he hadn’t ever deeply posed himself the actual question.

He dared to look at the mirror again.

“I cannot bring myself to dress in women’s clothes.”

He never really cared about what he wore during Carnival or Halloween, though he loved being a prince (as well as zombie royalty!), or what was his role when he played make believe as a kid with his wonderful cousins.

He didn’t feel weird with make up on, he didn’t feel different with what would have been labeled as feminine clothes on.

There was a word for it, he was sure, but he hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself.

He put his hands on his hair and let out a sigh. The line kept on repeating in his mind like a broken record.

“I cannot bring myself to dress in women’s clothes.”

Well, true, he didn’t really feel like a girl that much, but he didn’t feel completely like a boy either. Shortly thereafter it would have teared apart his mind.

Was he neither? Was he both? Was he fluid? Could he say he didn’t care? What was even allowed anymore?

He? She? They? Roman was too confused to even think straight, let alone make an important choice.

What would Virgil think about it?

He lowered his hands slowly, as the realization struck him.

Virgil was going to reject him.

He will hate me.

Was this going to change everything? Roman could only see one way out of it: escaping the possibility of being rejected and completely burn the bridges out of the blue. Virgil was probably going to hate him in that case, too, but at least it wouldn’t hurt that he knew they couldn’t be together exactly because of him.

He’ll think I lied to him all this time, he’s not going to talk to me anymore, I’m going to ruin everything, the play will be a fiasco-

He brought his fingers to his cheeks and found them already wet with tears, while, as his hearing finally came back to him, instead of focusing on his inner thoughts, he noticed the uneven pattern of his breathing.

That was when someone decided to barge in.

« Sorry, I have to- what? » Lukas stood in the entrance for a second, then he closed the door behind himself with a soft click and made his way to the other actor. « Roman, what happened? Are you okay? »

He tried hard to compose himself, but he just couldn’t. He shook his head, trying to blink back the tears as he bit the inside of his mouth.

« Let’s talk about it, I won’t judge you. I promise. »

« It’s nothing, you can go back, they need you- »

« I don’t think so. » Lukas spoke so firmly he felt obligated to listen to him. « The meeting is over anyway, I came to tell you. And you seem more in need of comfort than anything else. »

« Maybe I do. » Roman admitted, wiping at his face several times.

« Come on then, let’s change and go get some ice cream from that famous place in front of the library. »

Roman was able to shut his thoughts again. Not for long, though.

✾✾✾✾

Something was wrong.

For a habitual worrier like Virgil, it wasn’t arduous to spot the danger zone, a circumstance in which the tiniest detail could have revealed itself to actually be the beginning of a catastrophe.

It had started during his school trip: he had sent tons of pictures to Roman, who had personally demanded him to do so ever since he had heard of the trip. Despite that, he hardly ever answered as excitedly as Virgil thought he would have been.

Roman had the power to sound just as dramatic via text messages, it was unusual for him to sound uninterested.

After that, there were times in which he didn’t answer at all. Virgil had complained to his classmate, who had the pleasant misfortune to share the room with him at the hotel. At first he tried to brush it off, he told himself that maybe he was just too stressed because of school, but the growing anxiety and discomfort had started to show on the outside as well.

His classmate had tried to calm him down, come up with all the positive outcomes he could find, though he couldn’t shake off the concern in his eyes. That, obviously, told Virgil’s paranoia that he probably believed they were going to stop talking forever.

He pretended his heart didn’t sink every time he checked his phone for notifications and tried to make the most of his last days in Athens.

The lovely illusion of potentially finding Roman waiting for him at the parking spot for their bus didn’t help his overthinking.

Why would he even think he would have showed up, anyway? Sure, he lived nearby, but it was pretty late at night on a Sunday. It was more of a wish. He hoped he could have seen him as soon as he had come back to their hometown.

He had thought waiting for the morning would have been worth the longing.

The first day he had been back to school, they had agreed to finally meet after a week of almost no interactions at all.

Eventually, Virgil ended up at his bus stop, a disappointment in his guts that he didn’t want to uncover and a text from Roman that explained he had been caught up with a test and a Spanish project and he couldn’t have made it.

Not even to say a quick hello and disappear again.

Something was wrong, and it dawned on Virgil the day after, during break, when he noticed Roman hanging out with Lukas and subtly getting out of his sight as fast as he could when he saw Virgil.

He was avoiding him on purpose.

Luckily for him, that wouldn’t have lasted much longer as the play rehearsals took place right after school.

His worries were confirmed when Roman refused to look in his direction or sit next to him, Virgil decided to endure everything for the sake of the rehearsal, even when the teachers gave them suspicious glances at how stiff their performance was.

Mrs. Eagan had even stopped him and pulled him aside to see if he knew anything, if Roman was okay or if it was just a bad day.

The funny thing was that Virgil had been wondering the same thing for about a week, trying to come up with different excuses every day while deep inside he blamed himself. He just didn’t know and it was eating him away.

Maybe it was actually his fault.

Lukas had approached him after the meeting ended.

« Hey. I guess, uh … Have you noticed something weird with Roman lately? »

God, why were they all asking him?

« Apparently, everyone is. »

Lukas’ intense stare bore into him.

« I know something. » Virgil’s head snapped up. So that was why they had been closer than usual; Lukas, much like Virgil himself, tended to stay in class most of the time.

« There is something that is bothering him very deeply, but it’s not my place to say. » he shifted in his feet. « I don’t think he’s going to bring it up anytime soon, so I suggest you talk to him. »

His natural nervous state morphed into a concerned one and, given a nod to the boy, he went to look for Roman.

For some reason, he was exiting the theater building from the back. Virgil saw him yelp in surprise when he grabbed his arm.

« Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or did you intend to ignore me a bit longer? »

Roman stiffed. He should’ve seen that coming. Panic rose to his chest as he searched his mind for an answer, a believable excuse.

You could always pretend.

« I fail to see the problem. »

« Are you actually serious right now? » he didn’t mean to raise his voice, but he just couldn’t buy that.

« I- »

« No, for real, are you being serious? » denial seemed to fuel him even more, to the point he brushed his hands on his face to shake off the disbelief. « ‘Cause last time I checked, you didn’t flee everytime you saw me like I was some kind of deathly virus to avoid! »

« Look, you’re blowing this out of proportion. » that was the first time Virgil despised the sound of his laughter and the way he acted. The first butterfly died in his stomach.

« So in your opinion this situation is totally normal and there is nothing to fix. »

« Precisely. » Roman’s words left his thoughts before he could process the kind of bomb he was dropping. He felt his heartbeat increase. « Have a good day. » he dead-panned, averting his stare.

When he made to turn around, he stumbled on his feet: Virgil had took a hold of his arm again, this time his nails almost pierced his skin. Roman noticed he was shaking.

« Don’t you fucking walk out on me again with no explana- »

Roman pulled his arm away. «  What do you want me to say? » he cut him off with a loud exasperated yelling.

All around, the place fell so dead silent that time seemed to freeze. Virgil stared at him wide eyed and instinctively took a step backward.

« What do you want me to say? » Roman repeated more intensely, extending his arms. « Do you want me to go on about how irritating you are right now? » he pretended he didn’t care when he noticed something break in Virgil’s eyes.

« Do you want me to make something up so that I can satisfy you? You know, not everyone is here tending to your needs at anytime. »

Roman tried hard not to let Virgil’s hurt expression get to him, especially when he caught on the fact he was blinking back tears when his gaze shifted to the side.

« Well, I don’t know. I thought we had something going on and I was worried about you. » he emphasized the last sentence, taking up all the courage to look him in the eyes, he failed to believe the conversation was real every time he looked away. « But it doesn’t look like you care at all. »

« You’re right. I don’t. » Roman crossed his arms. A beat, and Virgil intook some breath. « So this should end here. »

« “This”?  » Virgil tilted his head to the side, his eyes narrowed and he made a face, as if he had just tasted something sour. « Our whole … » he widely gestured. « friendship is just a little nothing that can be discarded whenever you feel like? »

« If I say it should, then yes. » there was no emotion in Roman’s voice. The lack of regret started a bonfire in Virgil’s chest, where once a welcoming hearth used to warm his heart.

« At least look me in the eyes and dignify me of the reason why. » something in his cracked tone was desperate. Roman could feel the shards of his broken voice graze his skin.

Then he acquiesced.

« You. » he pointed his finger to Virgil’s chest, then slid both hands on his jacket and lifted him toward himself ever so slightly. He had imagined a scene like that once, only in that circumstance he wouldn’t have hesitated to lean in further.

« Because of you. Because I wanted to. Because I don’t want to be your friend anymore. » he talked rapidly. « Because I don’t like you. »

After a beat, Virgil talked with a strangled voice, keeping up the conversation had become unbearable. « Is it true? »

Roman fought himself not to break down, say no and tell him everything.

« If it is, I’ll be on my way. »

No, no, no, please I need you here. Don’t.

« It is. »

Please.

And that was all Virgil needed.

That was all he needed to hear before slowly getting out of Roman’s grip while he held his stare. All he needed to convince himself to shut his mind, confirm his worries, turn around and walk away with wide steps.

He didn’t last long.

He hid himself behind the side of his bus stop’s canopy and put his hands on his eyes, the lump in his throat was getting harder to shove back down. The pace of his breathing was uneven.

Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry.

Tears welled up in his eyes but he refused to let them escape, they wet his palms instead of doing their usual journey down his cheeks.

He didn’t want to breathe, because sobs were ready to leave his body shaking and that would have meant that he cared. He regretted caring for someone who didn’t even cherish him in the slightest.

He held his breath so much it felt like choking. His hands pressed further on his eyes.

But fucking damn him if he didn’t deeply care for him.

Yet he had been the one to drive him away without even realizing, he replayed the scene in his head and felt a genuine disgust towards himself and the way Roman despised him.

The way he spit his responses like acid on his tongue, which alimented the fire that burned down all the remaining butterflies in Virgil’s stomach.

Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry.

He tentatively lowered his hands, his sight slightly blurred, out of the crying danger. He let the numbness take over, the same one he felt during fights with his parents.

By the time he got home, he had gotten rid of his red eyes.

The void that weighted him down? Well, he had been mastering the art of bottling up emotions for a long time. That would have taken too much longer to let out.

As he got to his room, he buried his feeeling in his guts and threw himself in his bed, unable to bring back the tears.

Roman, on the other hand, realized with an unbearable aching in his chest he tried to ignore unsuccessfully, that had been the first time Virgil hadn’t called him “Princey”.

✾✾✾✾

April flew by in an instant, between Easter holidays that took up most of the month; and, with the arrival of the most feared and toughest period of school, things started getting serious for all the school clubs. Most of them had outings or presentations to do to a vast public.

And, of course, the play was only getting nearer.

Roman thanked his acting skills when the rehearsals took place most of the days, instead of once, the week before the designated day. Sharing the main roles with someone who would’ve rather slaughtered him to bits with a single glance wasn’t exactly his expertise.

On the other hand, when the night arrived, Virgil had definitely other things to take care of than plotting his former friend’s death.

His anxiety levels where hitting the ceiling and crashing right through it, who thought this was a good idea? Him? Acting? Having the main role? Being the one to open the play? Tragically ironic, he was barely able to speak as the clock counted down an hour before he had to appear on the stage and see the curtains open in front of him.

He was being shoved into the dressing rooms by Anastasia after spending most of the time checking if the backstage group had everything under control.

He couldn’t stay still and tried his best not to jump out of his seat when his teammates started doing his make-up and combing his hair in just the perfect position for the wig to be placed and look almost real.

After he had put on Dionysus’ clothes, the last agonizing minutes were ticking down. He couldn’t find comfort in anything or anyone.

He clutched at the fabric, almost believing that, somehow, he could have conveyed his nervousness into it.

His hearing felt muffled as his teachers encouraged him toward the stage. As he looked around while walking, he locked eyes with the other actors. When he met Roman’s, he didn’t feel any kind of reassurance, especially as he looked away before he could have seen the tiniest of smiles creep its way into his face, a way to help him even in the chaos he had created. Had he noticed, Virgil would have thought he was a hypocrite. Right after, a large part of him would have been the happiest and he would have hated it.

But right then, the majority of him felt uptight.

He placed himself in the back of the stage as he had been instructed weeks earlier, then the spell finally worked as he felt his shoulders relax, the tension in his muscles was released and the curtains opened.

In front of him, the theater was full, the lights  were all focused on him and he could hardly make out the facial traits of the audience seated in the front rows.

Virgil had his head held up, his eyes scanned the scene, slowly, he let the moment sink into him and gifted himself some more seconds of full and comfortable silence as the public, expectant, held its breath.

He moved ever so slightly forward. His mind, a few moments earlier, had been crowded with the worst fears of messing up. Now, it was cleared and he felt his steady breathing.

« I have returned! » his voice was earthshaking. « I am Dionysos, the son of Zeus, come back to Thebes, this land where I was born. »

As he transformed bit by bit into the god himself, he didn’t realize how the night was going to turn out wondrously.

✾✾✾✾

The scenes in which Roman and Virgil took part flowed wonderfully.

Because of their fight, the exchanging of lines between them was almost perfectly aligned with the climax of Pentheus and Dionysus’ conversations. They flooded all of their feelings into the characters, improving for the better how the teachers had told them to act. All the internalized emotions were let out, leaving their chests as light as feathers with every half-yelled remark.

The tension could be cut with a knife and the public was hanging at the edge of the seats.

Then, a line was spoken and, for an instant, Roman forgot they were acting in front of numerous people.

« My friend, you can still save the situation. » he couldn’t understand whether or not Virgil’s tone masked some kind of genuine sincerity in his words, or if he had really so much talent to make it seem real.

Roman stilled for a second, letting the words linger in his mind, he didn’t realize the two of them had automatically already shared a couple of lines before he came back to reality.

« This must be some trap. »

« A trap? How so, if I wish to save you by my own devices? » Virgil’s eyes narrowed as he moved closer. Roman’s attention faltered again, some more lines went by while he felt Virgil’s eyes bore into his soul.

« Bring my armor, someone. » Roman looked and gestured toward someone in the back. His expression shifted to an irritated one.  « And you, » he pointed his finger toward Virgil, allowing it to brush his chest for a moment while he paced forward. « stop talking. » he demanded. He had began to walk away, after sharing a long glance with him.

« Wait! » Virgil looked like he was having an idea. The magic of the god flowed into the scene and made the king stop in his tracks, the possession of Dionysus was only beginning. « Would you like to see their revels on the mountain? »

« I would pay a great sum to see that sight. »

« Why do you desire this so badly? » Virgil stepped closer again.

« Certainly I would be sorry to see them in their drunkenness. »

« But would you see gladly what is grievous to you? » that would have made anyone reconsider. And maybe it was the whole meaning of the play. To realize that we actually long for what we despise at times, so much that it can happen that we seek it.

« Yes, very much. Sitting quietly under the pines, out of sight. » the king looked like he was hooked on whatever idea the god was having, his expression hazy.

« But if you try to hide, they may track you down. »

« Your point is well taken. I will go openly. »

« Shall I guide you? Will you attempt the journey? » Virgil extended his arm, he felt like he was mimicking a particular scene from Aladdin.

« The sooner the better. The loss of even a moment would be disappointing now. »

The scene went on, the king grew softer as he fell victim of the god’s disorientating spell. And so did the audience. Captured by the characters on the stage, by the deity’s charm, just like in the tragedy.

With the gentle soft touches they sometimes shared, like the brush of one’s curls, with the wrath of the Maenads told by a terrified messenger and the despair of a mourning mother with a clouded mind, the audience was left wondering if they had all just dreamt the same thing as the curtains closed in front of their eyes.

The night had gone splendidly, they had earned a standing ovation and, thus, their ticket for the provincial Theater were now a certainty.

In a moment, the whole crew had found a spot to celebrate.

Refreshing drinks and simple food was placed on a table on which the teens were more than ready to pounce.

Between laughs, even some tears, small talk and relieved sighs, everybody slowly took time to congratulate Roman and Virgil for their spectacular performance, and everytime someone mentioned to Virgil how skilled Roman must have been to be able to spark such talent in him, he struggled to find the willingness to smile and agree. Not that it wasn’t true, but … he would have preferred to have his mind clear from the guy in a moment of happiness. Even when he actually couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that they were in the same room and it hurt already.

Lukas pulled Roman aside as they both finally stopped being lauded.

« Oh my god, not again- »

« Roman, please, you’ve got to listen to me. For real. »

Roman could hear his exasperated tone, an ashamed look crossed his own face.

« Go an try to talk to him. You owe him an explanation. »

« But what if- »

« Nuh-uh, I know what you’re going to say. Won’t happen. I’m sure of it. » Lukas had a particular way to sound concise and believable, one that often helped when a train of bad thoughts started a journey across your mind.

« I’m not entirely convinced. » Roman sighed, moving his hands on his face. He was also very nervous.

« Listen. » he forced him to look straight in his eyes. « I’ve seen his concern when I told him to look for you. » Roman’s expression grew soft, with a hint of guilt. « There’s no way he’s going to reject you, Roman. Nor make fun of you or disrespect you. »

Lukas glanced behind him at the topic of their conversation. « And you have to believe me when I tell you I know he cares a lot about you. »

Roman looked to the ground, he didn’t like the warm feeling in his chest. « Does he? »

« He does. » he took him by the arm and pulled him forward. « That’s why you will definitely fix this. »

Before he could stop him, they had already arrived at their destination and Lukas signed to someone on the other side of the room and said, loud enough for Virgil to turn and notice them, “Look, there’s Bonnie!”. With that, he left his friend to his destiny.

It was an awkward minute until Roman decided to speak up.

« Hey. » Virgil barely acknowledged him. He gained courage and tried again. « Great job today. » as if he hadn’t heard that thirty times already, that’s great Roman!

He watched him shift his glance to the side, catching Lukas and Bonnie’s smiles directed at them, Lukas looked at Roman, then back to him and nodded.

« So you decide it’s worth to talk to me now. » Virgil didn’t even turn to him. « How curious. » he said, a fake surprised tone accompanying that.

The actor sighed, the consequences of his action were showing, he probably hated him by then, but god forbid he’d lose hope or Lukas would have gone as far as setting up a blind date to fix things between them.

« Can you look at me? »

He didn’t know it would have been so easy to make him face him, but he regretted it as soon as he saw his sour expression, his arms crossed in a defensive manner on his chest.

Roman took a deep breath. « We’re both going to agree that I’m an idiot. » the genuine laugh that escaped Virgil’s lips left him in disbelief.

« Absolutely. »

« Great, uhm … Look, I recognize I fucked up. Like, an awful lot. And I want to apologize properly- I am deeply, truly sorry- »

« And an airhead. »

« -and that. » he conceded. « But I feel like any apology I make doesn’t convey how I actually feel. » he paused, Virgil looked neutral, then nodded slightly. He was still willing to listen.

« If you let me, I’d like to explain everything. All those horrible things I said … I was just scared for something bigger. I thought I was doing what was best for both of us and it was stupid of me to decide that in your place. And I, it’s just- »

« Slow down. » Roman didn’t realize he had his hands at the sides of his face and an heaving chest. Virgil held up his hands in front of him. « Listen. »

Roman did his best to calm his breathing as he waited for the other’s response.

« Let’s stop at that for today, okay? » he gained a nod from Roman. « I don’t think this is the time and place to discuss heavy topics. I have to think about it and you do too. Forgiving and trusting isn’t easy. »

« I understand. » Roman sounded already defeated.

« I’m not finished. » he looked up. « I’ll tell you when I am ready to listen. » Virgil had to admit something blossomed in his stomach when he looked at Roman beaming slightly. « Until then, wait for me? »

« I will. » Roman answered almost instantly, his eyes were smiling for him. He stepped back, believing the conversation was over.

« Princey? » he looked up again, seemingly incredulous. He had missed the nickname in a way he didn’t even know how to explain. He had been feeling like when you hold hands with someone but their hand is slowly slipping away, the grip isn’t as strong anymore and your fingers are barely touching. In fear of letting go or being left altogether. That name alone made it seem like his hold was somewhat stronger.

« Just … relax for tonight. We earned it. Mh? » Virgil raised his hand and placed it on Roman’s shoulder, and he felt it was the best comfort he had had in weeks.

He gave Virgil a smile and they parted again.

This time, though, they were both left with hopeful thoughts in their minds.

✾✾✾✾

Princey: Everything alright?

It had been three days.

Three painful days of waiting and there was no sign of Virgil.

Ever since the play, he hadn’t come back to school. One day was the usual, the group always finished pretty late in the night and none would be seen the day after in class. The teachers closed an eye on that.

Roman had begun overthinking; was he really that exhausted? Did he catch a cold? During May was unlikely, though. Was he sick? A fever, maybe? Or something could have happened, to his family for example. Or to him. His heart sank at that thought alone.

« Don’t do that, brain. » Roman quietly reprimanded himself.

He shot from his seat as soon as the last bell rang, succeeding in exiting his class before anyone else in the entire school had even left their desk. And, as he did the other days, he waited.

And waited.

And-

He had lost most of his hope when, almost fifteen minutes after, he was being pulled toward the stairs instead of still standing in the hallway.

Roman hadn’t even seen the figure discreetly exit his own classroom and grabbing his arm: he focused and recognized a hoodie. Black fabric, purple patchwork.

« You’re alive! » was the smartest thing he came up with, an idiotic smile twitching his lips.

Virgil glanced over his shoulder, shooting him a look that simply said “what are you high on?”

They kept descending toward the basement path for the gym. « There’s a class that is staying here for an extra hour. » he explains, releasing his arms afterwards, meaning the school would have been open for some more.

The walked down the second to last ramp of stairs, had a quick flat path, then climbed the last stairs.

« Are you sure they’re not having a P.E. Lesson? »

« Nah. Philosophy. »

Roman grimaced. « Poor unfortunate souls. » after five hours of intense lessons and only a ten minutes break that felt more like ten seconds, people who were up to do a sixth hour without even having lunch could consider themselves heroes and gained everybody’s respect instantly.

Virgil stopped in a spot between the wooden bleachers and a door that led to the outside.

« We have a little less than an hour- »

« Don’t you go home with a bus usually? »

Virgil blinked, taken aback he was concerned with that instead of already diving into his explanation. « I’m taking the, uh, the later one. »

« When is it? »

« In like … » he checked his phone for the time. « An hour, a little more than that. It’s always late anyway. » he shrugged.

« Okay, then I’ll be keeping you company. »

« You d- »

« As for the real reason we’re here. » Roman walked over to one of the first steps of the bleachers,where large dark brown stairs led the way up to the sitting spots. « Shall we sit down? »

Virgil complied. He turned slightly to him.

Roman breathed in. « I got distant because I was scared of your opinion on myself. » he stared into the nothingness in front of him.

A beat, and Virgil was already in disbelief. « Dude, what? My opinion- Roman, why would you believe I think lowly of you? » he pressed his hands on his chest for emphasis, looking slightly wounded but concerned at most. « You know I l- »

« I- Well, it’s … I’m not finished. » he added. « There’s more to that. I feared your opinion on me after I came to a realization. »

Virgil shifted, giving him his full attention, his chin resting on his palm. That was his cue for him to carry on.

But he couldn’t find the right words. And everything was so difficult, the wrong word and he’d lose Virgil. He didn’t even know where to start. He felt like he had forgotten every detail about himself and his mind had gone blank.

« There was once a king. » he felt himself blurt out.

Okay, you could work on that. Tell a story.

« He had some kind of development right before dying. He thought he hated something he actually enjoyed. Which means … it’s never late to learn something new about yourself. However a big thing it may be. » Roman finally looked over to Virgil, searching some kind of approval.

« Well, yeah. I think so too. »

Roman nodded. « Good, okay. Said king didn’t know that, thanks to him, a couple of thousands of years later, a random guy from around here would learn something about himself too. »

Virgil wasn’t sure he was following the correct train of thought. A part of his mind, deep in the back, suggested Roman was going to confess he wanted to take part of ancient rites and rip people’s limbs apart as a sacrifice for the gods. His logical sense told that part to shut the hell up, this was a serious moment.

Had he ever seen him open up so much to him? Sure, they both vented to each other in times of need, when they needed to complain about teachers or parents. Usual teenage stuff.

Sometimes he, himself, revealed some rather personal information when he really couldn’t take it anymore and his mental health decided to do a back-flip and sink down into the abyss of god knows what was going on in his mind.

As for Roman, well, Virgil hadn’t realized until now how much he had always kept to himself.

« Pentheus, in the end put a lot of care in his feminine look, dare I say he was kind of passionate about it, yes? » he attempted, looking over to Virgil again, he studied his reactions, his body language, trying to find out if he was a safe place before he was too late. How did people do this, was there a map or a guide he could follow?

« I’d say so, yes. He asked for Dionysus help, especially. »

Roman suddenly looked like he had just had an epiphany, his voice raising a little. « Yes, right! »

« Are you … asking for my help? »

He noticed Virgil was trying to read through the lines. « I don’t know, it’s just …I am too. Passionate. Uhm … that. »

« I know?  I can see that a lot of times- »

« No! No, not in- » Roman started gesturing widely. He dropped his arms in defeat, unable to track back his flow of thought. Stupid, stupid, stupid-

« Alright, we’re struggling a bit, aren’t we? » Roman grimaced and nodded. « You don’t have to tell me right now. » Virgil started.

« I want to! » and the sound in his voice was too desperate.

« Okay. » Virgil continued, maintaining a soft tone. « You can go straight to the point, if you want. I can ask questions in case I’m confused. There’s no need to tell everything at once. » upon finding so much comfort in him, Roman felt the urge to cup his cheeks and kiss the hell out of him for once and for all, forgetting about the mess they’d gone through.

« It isn’t easy. »

« I know. »

Virgil looked around, as if in search of a possible idea, then he simply stuck out his hands from his pockets and offered them to Roman. After sharing a stare to see if he was for real, Roman wasn’t late to take up said offer.

So, now he was holding hands with his crush, whose heart he had broken a month prior, now trying to come out to him. A piece of cake.

He brushed the back of  Virgil’s hands with his fingers, trying not to think about all that despite how impossible it was.

He took a deep breath, deciding it was either now or never.

His face shot up, expression determined like he knew exactly what he was talking about. His lips parted and Virgil leaned slightly in anticipation.

« I am non-binary. »

There.

Virgil blinked a few times, his expression didn’t change.

That was … it? Or maybe he was still processing. Or-

Roman couldn’t find it in himself anymore to look him in the eyes, he stared at their still joined hands, hunched over himself.

After a beat, he saw Virgil’s hands release his own from his grip and instead move on his arms and pull him in for the best and fiercest hug he could have ever fathomed to be real.

It wasn’t the first time they’d hugged, obviously, but it was truly the first time after an achingly long period of no contact at all, no talking, no being emotional together at 1 am over puppy pictures of Virgil’s Labrador.

It was the first real hug they’d both shared with someone for a while.

That was also the reason why all the adrenaline and nervousness of the moment decided to ease up under his touch, which caused the first tears to travel down his cheeks in irregular patterns.

As he heard the first sobs, Virgil tightened the hug.

« I have no problem with that, you absolute hard-head. » he gripped the back of his shoulders, pulling him as close as he could.

« I was … so scared. That you would’ve, I don’t know, rejected me. » Roman let out, struggling.

« I know. I’m sorry. » Virgil pulled away just enough for him to see his face. Roman noticed he was wearing a guilty look on his face. It took him a second to understand.

« Vi- »

« No, shut up. I have to. » he still had his hands on his shoulders and stared directly into his eyes. « I’m sorry you felt the need to do all of that because you were scared. And also I’m sorry for attacking you out of frustration. I was too confused to act right. »

« I forgive you. » Roman gifts him a smile after soothing him with the soft sound of his voice.

« I wish you hadn’t been scared. I hate the fact that you were and I didn’t help at all. »

« It’s not like you knew I was, I said pretty mean things instead of confronting you, too. »

« How about we say we’re both idiots and call it a day? »

« Agreed. »

After the hug, the first genuine shared laugh came, too.

« Seriously, though. You don’t have to worry about this, I’m the last person that will judge you. Nothing would change even if you had some overnight realization and you told me about it in the morning. And if you need to look more into it, you’re free to come to me. »

That was how Virgil earned another long lasting hug and a couple of hundreds of thank yous whispered into his ear. Which totally didn’t make him all flustered and shove Roman away. Only you imagined that.

« Oh, I have an idea. » Roman suddenly got up from the stairs and walked down.

« That’s a first. »

« Okay, wonderful, is it too late to go back to no talking? »

Virgil chuckled under his breath, then shrugged. « Enlighten me. »

« We could go shopping together. Like, clothes, make-up, or- »

« Food. »

« You’re the only one that truly gets me. » Roman’s dramatic tone was accompanied by an air kiss. « There’s also the end of the year’s dance coming around, oh! We could get matching clothes! »

Virgil quirked an eyebrow, still sitting down and looking up at him, a smirk crossed his face. « Is this your way of subtly asking me to go with you, Princey? »

As if on cue, Roman’s entire body decided to heat up at once and he very carefully wondered if someone had actually just set him on fire. Maybe that would’ve been an easier situation.

Roman stuttered, who allowed him to be so bold out of the blue? Illegal. That was definitely illegal, that smirk was illegal, and the effect his whole being had on him was definitely utterly mostly illegal.

« ImeanIguessifyoudlike- »

« If you think I caught all of that you’re very wrong. »

« I’m just saying. » he tried again. « If it’d fancy you, then we could arrange something. » he conceded.

Over-dramatic. Poised, like a seventeenth century aristocrat. And so, so deeply infuriating.

« Maybe, when His Royal Highness decides to come back to the present time. »

« So that’s a yes? »

The last bell of the day rang, at which Virgil retrieved his backpack and made his way to the door. « I said maybe. »

Roman followed right after, their next destination was his friend’s bus stop, where they would have waited for more than half an hour.

And he definitely knew that was a yes.

✾✾✾✾

It was like breaking out of a shell.

As much as the inside could have been comfortable, curled up in a silent but pleasant darkness, only once out you could be able to shine bright and experience the real freedom.

Virgil and Roman had spent the day at the most visited mall nearby their school’s town; being able to finally buy whatever you wished with no nervousness was such a cathartic experience. Confidence could only accompany them.

They were walking down the street to reach the train station, bubble teas in their hands.

« Hey, V. » of course, Virgil could only turn so much that his friend had already hit him with one of the bubbles in his drink. It was a simple and effective way of annoying someone, you got the bubble in the straw and then you blew it out toward someone. And, if it managed to crush and let out all the syrup, well, you had to run.

Thankfully that wasn’t the case.

« Something’s telling me you want my attention. »

« Firstly, I always want attention. » Roman counted on his fingers, correcting the other. « But, yes, I have a question. »

« Shoot. » Virgil took another sip of his drink. The nonchalance and general comfortableness of those situations always managed to let him relax.

« Have you cleared your thoughts about university? »

At least, until he wasn’t reminded of something else.

« I suppose. »

« Are you gonna stay in the province? » Virgil noticed his slightly shaky voice, was it trepidation or fear?

« Most likely, yes, I’ll commute. I’m probably going to take up that Cultural Heritage faculty, there’s a lot of history of art. » he looked at Roman. « And also some archaeology exams. »

Roman’s smile grew wider at the news, he remembered one of the first times they talked, he had suggested that himself.

« I’m going to a theater academy. » he finally conceded, eyes going down at the sidewalk he was pacing on while his smile faltered a bit. « It’s a two hours car ride from home. I’ll be staying in an room with some others I think. »

« Well, yeah, it’s the best option. »

« You’re, uh, okay with it? »

Virgil stopped and blinked with an indescribable look on his face. « I’d be mad if you didn’t go there, Roman. You’ve got the talent and the opportunity, too. »

« Alright. » the trademark smile was back again. « You can come whenever you want, anyway. »

« Sure. It’ll be a pleasure to blast angsty songs under your balcony in the middle of the night. »

« Don’t make me take it back, Emo in Black Clothing. »

« Let me be an individual. »

« Anyway, » Roman gestured widely. « I’ll come back during weekends. »

« Honestly, the fact that you think you might get rid of me so easily wounds me, Princey. » Virgil giggled quietly, something he allowed himself rarely.

It wasn’t long after he realized Roman hadn’t been following him anymore after having pronounced the nickname that sparked in him the same warm effect even after a hundred times of saying it out loud.

Virgil turned with a questioning look.

« I have another question. » Roman watched him instinctively shrink in himself. « How did you come up with that name? »

The other tilted his head and arched an eyebrow. « You literally wrote it down on my phone when you gave me your number. »

Roman smiled sadly, biting his lower lip, then shook his head slightly. « I can’t believe you don’t remember. »

« Remember what? »

« Our first year. » Roman stepped closer. « We were our first months into the theater club. I was going off at someone about a Disney play I did when I was a child. You were pissed at me because I was wasting my time and that’s when you called me that for the first time. »

Virgil went wide-eyed. « You remember all of that? »

« I liked it. » Roman shrugged. That was the first time he had really noticed him, the one time he had decided to try and be friends with him, actively failing every attempt. And there he was, years later, finally having accomplished the mission.

« That’s cute of you, Princey. » okay, well, something he couldn’t handle was definitely being called that twice in a day, especially after being described as “cute” by Virgil of all people.

This is illegal illegalillegalillegal.

Roman wasn’t even aware he was being basically dragged towards the train station with his arm linked to Virgil’s.

✾✾✾✾

The chorus had prepared itself behind the curtains.

« Virgil, look at me. » Roman had positioned himself in front of him, blocking his view from the stage. « It’s gonna be fine. You’re amazing, you’ve proved it before and I’m sure you’ll do it again. Just follow your emotions like last time. »

He did really want to believe him, he wanted to give his best performance for his fellow club members. Then why was it so hard to have faith in himself?

He was still keeping a grimace when Roman brought up all his courage and leaned his hands at the sides of Virgil’s face to place a kiss on his forehead.

« I believe in you. »

To assure yourself a good success, it can be required to change something up in order to gain an even larger public.

Cicero was a good example to make: he came up with his sermones for the trials, learnt them by heart, recited them during his prosecutions and had a trusted servant that he had freed afterwards, Tiro, take notes on what he said during the trial. Once it was over, and most likely won, he would go back home and confront his first draft with Tiro’s notes, he would combine them an create a greater sermo and publish it for all the Romans to see.

That was what Virgil was reminded of when the theater teachers told them they had an idea to improve even more Dionysus and Pentheus’ interactions.

Also, that was the reason why he was then standing in the middle of the stage at the provincial theatre at the end of May or early June, Roman in front of him who had just approached him. Or, more precisely, the reason why he lifted his arm to place a finger on Roman’s cheek and lightly push his head to the side, just the little bit he needed.

His eyes scanned Roman’s hair. « This lock of your hair has come out of place, not the way I arranged it under your headband. » he tilted his head to the side, returning his glance on his eyes.

« It must have worked loose, when I was dancing for joy. » Roman’s voice sounded dreamy, almost surreal, like he wasn’t even in that world.

« Well, I will rearrange it, » Virgil took both of his hands in a comforting manner. « Since to tend thee is my care; » he lifted his chin afterwards. « Hold up your head. » he commanded.

« Here, you arrange it; for I depend on you, indeed. »

He raised a hand to move Roman’s hair back under the headband. Both his fingers and the silence lingered, like the stare they kept up.

Build tension.

And they did, in an achingly slow pattern, give the audience little hints.

Like when Dionysus made the physical contact linger, on his hair, on his dress, on his hand when he gave him the thyrsos, when the angered expressions shifted into softer ones, or they stood closer than they should have.

Dionysus was almost as good as Hermes with lies, he was a god of disguises, after all. The god kept on filling the king of fake praises.

« You will spoil me. »

« I mean to spoil you. »

Make them expectant.

Before they realized, they were both in the back of the stage, still clearly visible to their public, while a group of students, the messengers, explained the tale of how Pentheus, once reached the Bacchantes, came to his fall.

Roman was standing in front of Virgil, behind him the crowd of Maenads was starting to get up, slowly, and approach. Virgil stepped closer, putting his hands on Roman’s shoulders.

« And there came a great voice out of heaven. Dionysos’, it must have been, crying: “Women, I bring you the man who has mocked at you and me and at our holy mysteries. Take vengeance upon him.” »

And turn your back on them at the last second.

Virgil shoved Roman to the group, and he fell behind, his back against the Maenads’ arms. The lights on them went off.

« Happy was the hunting. »

✾✾✾✾

« If you need help the reception at the front will be open until you guys aren’t finished. » and with that, the two fellow actors were dismissed by their teachers along with a couple of other group members.

Saying that it had been a wild night of success was an understatement, as Virgil and Roman found themselves at almost two a.m. still fully clothed with their play costumes and not a single bit of make up wiped away.

Way too many people from the audience stopped to greet them and compliment their talent, some had even full conversations with them and never seemed to want to let them go.

When they thought they had finally broken free of the people’s questions, they were met with a local journalist who demanded an interview with the main actors and the heads of the group. They both thought their success was insane, but they couldn’t help but feeling prideful about it.

Mrs. Eagan and Mrs. Michaelis had waited for most of the students to leave with their relatives before deciding they could go home themselves and accompany some of the remaining ones.

They had made sure Virgil and Roman were fine with being left alone in the biggest theater they had ever acted in, trusting them enough since, in the end, both of them had reached 18 already and they were adults in the teachers’ eyes.

So, as any adult would do, they politely told them they didn’t have to worry and they could go home right then and there. They kept their poised stances until the little group was gone.

Then, they grinned at each other and made the most of it.

There was no spot they couldn’t say they hadn’t checked out or touched, they admired props lying around for other productions. Or the costumes they probably weren’t supposed to know about in bigger dressing rooms.

It was hilarious: two actors running around the backstage of a theater, one dressed like an ancient Greek god, the other still in full Maenad look, the fake fawn skin now in his arms.

As they finally went back to the rooms reserved to their school, they started helping each other out, a good teamwork, with taking off bobby pins still stuck in their (very soft, Roman had to note) hair.

They took their precious time in cleaning their faces free of foundation, eyeliner and all the other products they didn’t even know had been used. By that, of course, we mean smearing mascara under their eyes and looking like absolute messes before wiping it off completely.

The oh-so-fun aura died down when it came to take off their costumes and slide back into their normal clothes.

It meant they were done, that they would’ve gone home after that and their experience was over. End of the games, just like that.

Roman didn’t think so.

Virgil had just gotten in his small dressing room, those same ones that you see in clothing shops, when he jumped at Roman storming in immediately after, tugging at the curtain to block out the rooms light.

« What the fuck, man? » Virgil had his body completely pressed to the wall, next to him a mirror and Roman on the other side.

He had a mischievous smile on his lips, one Virgil didn’t really trust.

« I had a thought. »

« That’s a first! »

« Stop doing that, » Roman whined before recomposing himself. « You should help me. »

Virgil wasn’t sure he had heard correctly, did he just say- « What? »

« You helped me with it on the stage, might as well help me out of them too, wine god. » he giggled in such an annoying way that Virgil felt the need to punch his face but also write a poem about how adorable he was at the same time. The duality of a poor tired guy who didn’t know what to do with his feelings anymore.

« You’re the laziest person I know. »

Virgil took the tiniest step forward, then moved his fingers on the front buttons of Roman’s shirt and started working on them.

Silence fell over and now he was painfully aware of his breathing, of the heat rushing to his face which he fought back. But how could he when Roman’s breath tickled his cheeks with every exhale?

He could practically feel his stare, it was that same one sensation of impatience and distraction that eventually forced you to look up in curiosity.

But when Virgil did, he found out he wasn’t looking at him.

Well, technically, he was, but their eyes didn’t meet; Roman’s stare was, rather, lingering on the line of his jaw, then trailing down his neck.

Virgil moved slowly.

Next thing he knew, Roman’s hands were untangling the strings on his clothes.

« What are you doing? » he didn’t mean to sound so quiet.

Roman didn’t take his eyes off of the laces. « I’m undressing you. »

And that was the last straw, because after that Virgil absolutely and very clearly lost it.

He took his wrists and pushed forward: Roman’s back touched the room’s wall with a small thud and his hands were brought above his head, pinned by Virgil’s own.

Virgil surged upward, stopping exactly as his lips ghosted over Roman’s, and everything was clear to him.

Pothos, the desire of something or someone that is far away, that achingly long time you’ve been waiting for the moment to present itself and give you the chance of satisfaction.

With that millimeter between them, Virgil just knew it was still too much to bear. Neither would have felt complete.

It was when Roman finally, finally closed the gap and transformed the longing into passion that he understood. He truly understood it all.

Himeros, the desire of something or someone that is right in front of you, and yet the one that makes you feel like something’s wrong.

It is the concept of love as missing, almost physically, yearning for the object of your dreams to reciprocate your feelings or simply be there.

Virgil pressed his lips desperately on Roman’s; to hell with it, he wanted to feel the wholeness Aristophanes liked to talk about in his myth. He wanted to know what the demon, son of Pòros and Pen��a, was like when he possessed his senses. He wanted to understand the link between beauty and life that only the gods could fathom.

He wanted to experience the thousand, then hundred and a thousand more kisses Catullus wrote about, to the point of not being able to keep the count anymore. Or see the same beauty Sappho saw in the objects of her love as she remembered them while lying down with the moonlight brushing her skin.

He wanted to see the world slowly rebuild itself, just like Tityrus had seen thanks to his love for Amaryllis, the tale Virgil, the Latin poet, had narrated.  Orpheus’ willingness to go to the end of time, to the end of the earth for Eurydice.

And Roman was able to give all of that to him with a single, gentle touch. Roman was his mean to reach the deity’s realm, the muse that sang to him his epic poem.

For a moment, they believed they didn’t need to breathe at all.

Roman slid his hands into Virgil’s, bringing them down and leaving them at the sides of his face as his own searched for Virgil’s back to hold him closer and pressed their bodies flushed, he needed to understand the completeness.

Begrudgingly, he left the taste of Virgil’s chapstick to leave a trail of slow and gentle kisses down his neck, leaving red marks here and there as he made his way.

Roman shifted, stumbled around and Virgil couldn’t care less when he found himself with his back against the mirror, its coldness a contrast to the rising heat of his body.

They met again in a deeper, open mouthed kiss, tongues having a dance they would have never wanted to conclude.

A myriad of feelings were bursting in their chests, Roman was pretty sure that the butterflies had now become a greater beast, blissfully twisting his insides. He finally had a word for it: it was a catastrophe.

The way Virgil’s nails grazed his skin, how his hands held onto his shoulders, or his fingers just barely brushing the hair on his neck, occasionally tugging at it. Devastating. Their breaths mixed, their hearts pounding alongside, an unbearable cacophony echoing through the air between them.

Pulling apart and diving back in, terrific.

Roman moved away only to take a moment to appreciate the sight and fathom what a tremendous work of art they had done. And it was wonderful.

With every single aspect of themselves, they had created a breathtaking painting, the awe upon the sculpture of Laocoon.

Roman raised his hands to cup Virgil’s cheeks, brushing those beautifully red swollen lips with his thumbs. He allowed himself to smile and catch Virgil’s lower lip between his teeth one last time.

Dizzy, light-headed and catching his breath, he would have sworn he had just experienced the Stendhal syndrome.

Time slipped before they decided to change, give themselves a rest and find a place to sit down.

Virgil melted as Roman refused to let go of his hand, or his arm, shoulder, waist, anything that could possibly indicate that he was still there and it wasn’t all a dream.

« Hey. » Roman suddenly looked up and met Virgil’s searching eyes. « I’m not going anywhere. » his own eyes fell to the hand he had clasped in both of his, clutching it like a life-saver.

« Oh, I- » his giggle sounded a bit too loud. « Sorry, I just. » the right words, where were the right words when he needed them? « Are you sure? » his voice was barely above a whisper.

Wait. That wasn’t what he wanted to say. Where did that come from- what was that sad look on Virgil’s face?

Roman felt the other’s hand tighten around his. « I am utterly and perfectly sure, Roman. I’m exactly where I want to be. »

« In a deserted theater at three in the morning with a nerd from the languages course? »

Virgil chuckled. « Don’t do that, you know what I’m talking about. »

« I suppose. »

« Alright. » Virgil shifted so that he was completely facing him, he took both his hands and held them while looking right into his eyes. « You can tell me if something’s bothering you. »

Roman felt himself blush, he had been exposed, and something was pinching his stomach. He had to let it out.

« It’s kind of weird, but … I’m still kind of afraid you might reject me. And you could think it is because I don’t trust you, which is not true, but I wouldn’t blame you, then you could start hating me- anyone could start hating me at any given time and I’m just- I’m just trying to understand myself, I’ve only started to do so and I’m scared anyone could leave me exactly because of that and it would shatter me. »

Roman breathed in deeply, that was the most he had ever revealed of his dark thoughts, yet it was still so little and he knew he wouldn’t have been satisfied enough with a single conversation.

« I understand how you feel. » Oh. « I think like that, too, sometimes. Often times. And I can’t promise you all that will be gone in the blink of an eye. But we can work on it together, if you’re willing to. »

« We can? » he tentatively glanced up.

« We can. » Virgil reassured, gifting him a genuine smile.

Roman threw his arms around his neck, whispering a thank you in his ear as Virgil returned the hug just as tight.

« Come on now, or the receptionist will most likely fall asleep on us. »

Roman didn’t move as the other got up and felt himself stop in his tracks by Roman’s hand. He turned around, the sitting boy glued his eyes to the ground.

« Can you do me a favor? » his voice was barely above a whisper, like he was actually talking to himself.

« Of course. »

« I’m not even sure about it, but I’ll never be if I don’t try it first. » Roman began explaining. « Can you use neutral pronouns with me? Just you, I want to see if I’m comfortable with it. »

Virgil gifted them a smile. « Certainly. Also, you don’t need to justify yourself, just say the word. »

Roman tackled him in another hug. « You’re the best, holy shit. »

« Please, no, I have a reputation to maintain. »

« What reputation? »

« Excuse you? »

« No, wait I didn’t mean it like tha- Vir- Wait for me! I don’t know the way- »

« You’re going home alone. »

« No wait, I’m afraid of the dark! »

« Good luck with the monsters. »

« How could you say that?! »

Needless to say, in a minute their hands were linked again.

✾✾✾✾

Exams were in ten days.

That night, though, the students from the last year didn’t care. Along with the ones from the other years, they showed up to celebrate their well deserved end of the school year.

The party was something simple, there was music and drinks, but most importantly, there were too many people.

That was something Virgil had never liked; despite that, though, he had found quite a pleasant company. Yes, he had gone with Roman and yes, he had to stop himself before he ruined their makeup with kisses for how gorgeous they looked.

They had made their entrance and, in a second, they were joined by none other than their three favorite fellow actors.

« Imagine we actually did those King and Queen of the night, like they do in those movies. » Dave suggested. « If I were ever to win, I’d give you my crown, Ro-bro. »

« Why would that be? » Bonnie questioned, if she knew something, it was Dave’s love for his personal stuff.

« Because as Cadmus I’ve already done my duty as sovereign so I’m passing my throne to my child. »

« Hearing you say that while I’m older than you is kind of weird- »

« Also! » he interrupted again. « Because you’re the worst drama queen I’ve ever known. »

Roman snorted while Virgil nodded solemnly; that was the Dave they had learnt to know.

« I would say you’re not too far from it either. » Lukas barged in, handing one of the drinks he was carrying to Bonnie. He had left the group to get them a few moments earlier.

Snickers filled the air between them while Dave gave him a mischievous look. « Aw, here I thought you had gone off with your boyfriend. »

« Wait, what? Why do I not know of this? » Virgil protested, arching an eyebrow toward the boy in question.

Lukas rolled his eyes so hard they thought for a second that they couldn’t see his irises anymore. « He’s not. And, for the record, he’s annoying. »

« Huh. » Roman shifted his gaze and looked over Lukas’ shoulder. « I don’t think the feeling is mutual. »

Virgil turned to see a tall blonde and over excited guy waving wildly at them. Heh, he could understand his friend’s motives.

Dave waved back with an idea in mind, yelling a “hello” from a distance, then he grabbed Lukas’ shoulders and shoved him towards the other boy. « Go get him, tiger. »

« I hate you so much. »

The bunch cheered and laughed altogether, checking their friend from a distance.

« And Bonnie, » Cadmus’ actor really had something for everybody that night, didn’t he? « Don’t think I haven’t noticed your heart eyes at that Hiro dude from the Art course. »

As if on cue, the girl went wide eyed and red in the face: it took a couple of encouragements before she was off, too, on her love quest.

« As for you two. » the actor began, pointing his fingers toward Virgil and Roman. « Go have fun already. » he ordered with a genuine smile, then he decided to add on with a softer tone. « Maybe somewhere you won’t be afraid to at least hold hands. »

Oh. So he had noticed how they were subtly standing extra close.

« Are you trying to get rid of all of us so you can hook up with someone yourself? » Roman teased, arching their eyebrow.

Dave simply chuckled and showed them the way to a flight of stairs that led to an outer terrace.

« Don’t be arodiculus, Ro-bro. »

« Did you just- »

« Yes, I did. Now, have fun, lovebirds! » Dave pat each on their shoulders and disappeared into the crowd behind themselves.

Roman shook their head with a small smile, then they extended their arm for Virgil to take their hand, which he very much gladly did. They marched up the stairs and finally they were breathing pure air.

Virgil walked up to the railing of the terrace, letting go of Roman and leaning into the sight of the nightly town.

« I thought I was going to suffocate in there. »

« You should have told me if you wanted some quiet time, you know. »

« Shush, silence is in town. » he gestured to the tranquil city in front of them. « Keep her around. »

Roman laughed quietly. They approached Virgil and they rested their chin between his neck and shoulder, wrapping their arms around his chest.

« Will you ever stop making references to emo bands? »

« Honestly, the fact that you know of them really does say something about you. »

« I’m going to remind you that I could literally throw you off this building right now. »

Virgil set his hands around their wrists and hummed. « Normally I would’ve shoved you away, but I kind of like this, so. »

This time, Roman didn’t pretend they didn’t feel the welcome giddy feeling in their stomach and allowed themselves to look even more delighted than usual when they were around him.

« And I kind of like you. » they admitted, turning their head to place a quick kiss on his cheek.

« You’re a sap, Princey. »

« No, I mean it. »

That was definitely Virgil’s cue to melt right on the spot. No grand gestures needed, simple words of appreciation were enough to push his overload of positive emotions button. Roman had wondered more than once how much he had been neglected affection before they were there to tend to his well-being.

« Ro … you don’t have- »

« I want to, Virgil. » the way they directly spoke into his ear sent shivers down his spine.

« I believe in us together more than anyone else. » they mused, Roman was looking ahead of him, eyes occasionally shifting to the starry sky above them.

They tightened their embrace. « I believe that with each other, we are stronger than we know. »

You’re gonna make me cry. Virgil thought he had actually said it, instead his voice died in his throat as he tried to blink back the heartfelt joyful tears that threatened to make an appearance.

Roman stepped away and he already missed the warmth. They turned Virgil to face him and rested their hands on his cheeks, looking lovingly into his eyes. It was too dark to determine the color, but none would have been able to make them forget their glow.

« I- » Virgil felt in an helpless dire need of intelligent words.

« Sh, don’t say it. » Roman’s smile was far too soft to bear. « I know. »

He didn’t know what to do. He once believed he could recognize what that kind of feeling was, little did he know he was so wrong. It was nothing like he had experienced before and Roman taught him what it really meant.

« I just wanted to thank you. » Virgil admitted before they could stop him. « For opening up to me and trusting me with all the issues that have come to your mind recently. » he went through some of them silently in his memory. « And the ones that have been in the back of your head for far too long. » there was a reprimanding tone in his voice and Roman kind of felt like they deserved it.

« Sometimes it is nice to be reminded I’m not the only one to think about themselves as a bit broken. »

« Which you definitely aren’t. » Roman was quick to retort. « And I should be the one thanking you, so don’t even get me started on that. »

Virgil snorted and nodded slightly.

« In conclusion, » Roman started, pausing dramatically. Then, they leaned in just that essential amount to grant themselves the perfect special effect. Their voice was warm and emotional. « I’m so fucking glad I fell in love with you. »

Virgil didn’t fight his wish to surge up and kiss them senseless.

✾✾✾✾

The chorus of Bacchantes stood, covering the view of the back of the stage. Their gazes were fixated on the ground. They were still, making no sound. Bronze statues.

Dionysus and Pentheus appeared at each side of the stage, walking towards each other and meeting in the middle. The god placed his hand on the other’s shoulder and they both faced the audience.

They broke the fourth wall.

« So ends the play and Pentheus’ story » the king declared, searching for the public’s reaction.

Dionysus scanned them too, after taking a step forward, almost at the edge of the pavement.

The curtains started to close, leaving the god in between.

A cryptic smile danced on his lips as a provocation left his mind.

« Isn’t it the thing we hate or fear the most the one that remarkably fascinates and intrigues us? »

He stepped away. The god had vanished.

The audience breathed in and out, and the curtains met at last.

✾✾✾✾

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[agustinazanelli]

Review: Fortuna Sworn by K.J. Sutton

We were meant to be seductive. We were designed to lure humans in. Fortuna Sworn is the last of her kind. Her brother disappeared two years ago, leaving her with no family or species to speak of. She hides among humans, spending her days working at a bar and her nights searching for him. The bleak pattern goes on and on... until she catches the eye of a powerful faerie. He makes no attempt to hide that he desires Fortuna. And in exchange for her, he offers something irresistible. So Fortuna reluctantly leaves her safe existence behind to step back into a world of creatures and power. It soon becomes clear that she may not have bargained with her heart, but her very life. 

Goodreads - Amazon

Fortuna Sworn is a Nightmare, a descendant of the Fallen capable of getting inside people's minds with a simple touch, revealing their deepest fears and making them real through a complex illusion. Her greatest hope is to find her brother Damon, who has disappeared for two long years. When a mysterious fairy appears in her path and offers a deal to find him, Fortuna accepts no matter the cost. But descending to the depths of the Unseelie Court will be full of dangers and terrible challenges that will test Fortuna's courage and resistance, leading her to a dark destiny.

As soon as I started reading this book, I realized that I was going to love it. It has a strong start full of action and darkness, with such an interesting topic. I loved the Unseelie Court of the fae and all the cruelty that was hiding inside of it. The darkness in this story is amazing, it has a creepy touch that was really fascinating. But it was the presence of a Nightmare what captivated me the most because it was so original, I had never read about such a creature. And Fortuna is a character that I loved, such a strong and stubborn girl who will do anything to get what she wants. She's so brave and also has a really strong personality. Her power is impressive, it created some scenes full of creativity that blew my mind. On the other hand, we have Collith, the mysterious fae. Quiet, very intense, with an impressive power and hundreds of secrets that he's not willing to unveil, Collith was one of the most intriguing characters in the story. I loved his interactions with Fortuna and their special connection, their encounters are full of sparks and a lot of intensity. The romance in this book is really hot. Another very interesting and intriguing character that was always in the middle was Laurie. He's not who he seems to be and that probably made him the most mysterious character in the book. But it was his playful personality what captivated me the most. He is a really charming character. And then there was Oliver. He's the boy that Fortuna sees in her dreams, who lives and exists only in her subconscious waiting every night for her to visit him, probably created by herself after the trauma of her childhood caused by the death of her parents. Of course there is much more in Ollie than it seems, and I suspect that his true nature is much more intricate. He's so sweet and considerate, soooo beautiful that he made me sigh with his gestures. Ollie also created such a beautiful and original settings, a world full of creativity. I think there are a lot of interesting secondary characters and really ruthless villains. Although all the characters in this story have a little of darkness inside and perhaps that made them even more complex and special. Something that I found very interesting was the diversity in this book, since different beings, personalities and even sexual preferences. I feel that the story was quite inclusive. The plot of this book was absolutely captivating. I devoured this story from beginning to end in a completely addictive reading. It has a fast pace, there is constantly action and new situations full of adrenaline, a lot of epic battles and all kinds of creatures. New things happened all the time, each page brought new fights, tons of adrenaline, and many adventures. It was IMPRESSIVE. There is an amazing creativity in creating this world so dark and original. I loved the setting of this story, the author's writing is really special. Her descriptions were beautiful. There is so much imagination in this story and I loved that. Also, it has lots of drama and scenes that broke my heart, but there are also some fun parts. I loved the mystery and intrigue in this story, all the secrets that are slowly unveiling, creating suspense and making really good plot twists. And that end was so shocking! I loved this book so much and it left me desperate to continue this story.

[wotzup]

kotoumi / 24 & 25 ;D

Thanks for asking :D

24: A kiss in danger

25: A kiss as ‘yes’

***

They were trapped. No escape whatsoever. Three walls of the mansion surrounded them and in front of them was the owner. All efforts worthless. Why was it that it had to come to this? This was all her fault. Her carelessness led to this. 

"Finally trapped, ey Sonoda."

"What do you want?" Umi moved her body in front of Kotori's to protect her. She had no weapons. Her body was tired from exhaustion. "Umi chan what's going on?" there was fear in her voice. Umi gulped. This was all her fault. "There is no need to worry Kotori." she gave the most reassuring smile she could. 

She knew she couldn't guarantee her safety. All this while she had been fleeing from her, telling lies to her and herself. And where do lies lead? 

Tough situations. 

The man in front of them guffawed. Umi's scowl deepened. Kotori took a hold of Umi's hand. It was cold and sweaty. Umi gave it a squeeze in hopes of calming her down. 

"She didn't tell you!?" he bellowed between laughs, "Oh my god, this is interesting." 

"Cut it. Get to the chase or get out of here."

"Why of course Sonoda." he gave her a devilish smirk. Umi's blood froze. "But let's tell your girlfriend here the story." 

"She isn't my girlfriend." Umi felt a sudden pressure on her from those words. Those words felt like thorns, wrapping her heart bleeding it out. She was taught not to feel but Kotori taught her. It hurt so much that she couldn't reach her. Oh how she wished she was her girlfriend. 

But who would want a war hardened soldier for a girlfriend. 

"You see, your friend Sonoda here is a hitman. Part of a secret trio called the Soldier Game.She was sent to take me out, specifically here tonight at the banquet. The reason why she was here in this town for so long was to pick up intel on me am I right? You tried to destroy my business, by the way you did successfully but I rose again. You tried to kill me so many times but you couldn't." 

Kotori and Umi looked at him in disbelief, for different reasons. "Umi chan… you kill people?" all Umi could do was look down sullen. Kotori looked at her in shock. "See, she isn't denying." he said smugly. She had and now she had never regretted killing so much till now. Kotori was going to hate her. It made sense she didn't deserve her kindness. 

"You want to kill me, don't you? Here, take this. Though I'm sure you will not pull that trigger." from his pocket he pulled a gun, sliding it to Umi. Kotori's grip on her hand grew stronger. Umi freed herself from her grasp. "Umi chan no… don't…" 

Umi on instinct bent down to pick up the gun, cocking it, pointing it to his heart. "C'mon shoot me. You're mission will be over. Everything will be back to normal."

Normal… what was normal? Was it this life? Was it the time she spent with the new friends she made in this town? She didn't know. She still had a job to do. That's all she knew. She could hear Kotori plead for her to stop. 

Suddenly she felt something soft in her cheek. Umi's eyes widened. She could feel blood rush to her cheeks. For a moment her grip on the gun faltered. Kotori had kissed her on the cheek. "Umi chan please don't do this… onegai..."

It was as if there was a barrier. For all these years it was so easy and now… what had happened to her. Was it because Kotori was here? Was it all because of a simple kiss? 

She lowered her gun and head. He smirked. "I was right, you couldn't do it. How pathetic. You're in love right?" 

Umi's head snapped up. "I'll take that as a yes. It's with that darling beside you isn't it?" he smirked. "Umi chan… ?" 

No, this had to be a nightmare. An illusion from her tiredness that's all. There was no way-

"Is it true what he's saying?" 

"Oh no its not, haha… " 

"Umi chan you're face says something else." 

"Oh no it doesn't. It's just your imagination." 

A pair of hands slapped her cheeks, turning her head. "Is it true?"Kotori asked with such seriousness she had never seen before. Not even when she had asked her if she killed a person. Umi sighed in defeat. 

"Yes. I love you Minami Kotori. And I really want to date you.”

Umi felt like a huge burden was removed from her yet she felt anxious. Kotori opened her mouth to say something but before she could start speaking she was stopped by the man. "Okay, now that all done. Sonoda, I will have my revenge."

He pulled out another gun and whistled in delight. Umi made sure her body covered Kotori completely. 

This was her end. 

Boom. She looked down at herself. Her shoulder was bleeding profusely but she felt no pain. 'Is this what my victims feel when I shoot them…?' 

Her muscles gave in and she collapsed. The surroundings began to dim. The sounds around her began to deafen. She could hear Kotori scream, holding her body. She smiled. She got the chance to die in the hands of her crush. How lucky could she be… 

She could hear the man mutter something, "Now all witnesses shall die." 

And with the remaining strength in her body, she raised her hand with the gun, pulled the trigger, watching him crumple onto the floor. At least she knew, even if she died Kotori would get out of here alive.

***

She was sure she was dead. There was no way she could be alive. Surviving a gunshot had very little probability. 

Yet here she was. Laying down on a bed in an unfamiliar room surrounded by her friends who had relieved faces. 

There was no way… 

"Harasho, you woke up! Umi, you scared us there." the blonde, Eli said. She looked sleep deprived just like the other two in the room. "Especially her." Eli placed a hand on the ashen haired girl, Kotori who beamed at her. Umi could feel guilt enrapture her. 

"I'm alive?" 

"No you're dead…"  the redhead twirled her hair before giving her an intense look, stopping her movements. "OF COURSE YOU'RE ALIVE!"

"If it weren't for us being near that area when we heard the gunshots and screams and tending that wound on time you would have died.”

She was indeed indebted to them. She tried to get up so that she could bow but the pain in her shoulder forced her to go back to her original position. “Don’t move, it may reopen the wound.” Maki said sternly. “Sorry.”

“I am eternally grateful for all three of you for saving me and taking care of me. I will always be indebted to you.”

“Umi, you don’t need to say that. We’re you’re friends and friends help each other.” Eli said. “We’re just happy you’re alright.” Maki nodded in agreement

“Eli… Maki...”

“Now then we should go. We need to submit that report to our employer don’t we, Maki.” Eli winked. Maki smirked in response. “Maa, we still have to do that no? I completely forgot. Take rest till then Umi.” 

“Uhh, alright?” Umi sensed something was strange. The pair left leaving only Kotori and Umi in the room. Silence lingered for a while. The thoughts of the confession entered her mind. ‘WHEN DID I BECOME SO FORWARD!?’ Umi felt like burying herself alive or staying dead because of the wound.

“Umi chan, I was scared.” Kotori’s voice wavered. “I thought I lost you. Especially when-” she broke into a sob. 

“Kotori please dont- ah-” Umi’s wound stung as she tried to sit up. Instinctively, she cupped her shoulder with her hand, wincing.  “No Umi chan, don’t strain yourself.” Kotori sniffed, pushing Umi down carefully into a resting position. Kotori wiped her tears. She looked content. “Umi chan… thank you.”

“Why Kotori? There is no need to-”

She was silenced by a pair of lips touching hers. Her eyes widened. She could feel herself overheat. Before Umi could react, the warm sensation on her lips was gone. The feeling was so soft that she yearned for more(even if it was overwhelming). “I was so happy to find out that you liked me too… I love you too Sonoda Umi. And yes,” she placed a finger on Umi’s lip. “I’d gladly date you.”

Umi’s heart had gone on overload and before she knew it the world turned black once more. 

Here laid Sonoda Umi, a person who could survive a gunshot but not a kiss. (Don’t worry she isn’t dead yet, for they still have many adventures to go on)

[saizoswifey]

you don’t have to answer this if you’re too busy, but i’d love to know what your best boys (saizo, johan, kyle, kiro, etc.) have in common and what you love about them 👀💗

Okay I know I already told you but I love this ask sooo much lol. Thank you!!!!! It really made me think a ton. Which I LOVE. 

To start off, I’m going to have to begin with BEST BAE JOHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!!!!! LOVE OF MY LIFE!! Because he is quite frankly the most complex. 

_________________________________

“And I saw a beast rising out of the sea, having ten horns and seven heads; and on its horns were ten diadems, and on its heads were blasphemous names… And the dragon gave it his power and his throne and great authority… They worshipped the dragon, for he had given his authority to the beast, saying ‘who is like the beast, and who can fight against it?' “

There are so many layers to Naoki Urasawa’s Monster and Johan as a character that I honestly would need to go off on it entirely on its own, and I would STILL have a tough time touching on everything I love. 

Johan Liebert is a typical type of character I go for. He is probably THE top favorite character I have ever come across in media when it comes to Evil and Complexity. And he actually has a bit in common with Saizo. 

What I love about Johan is the tragedy of what he became. You can truly look back on his past and see all of the factors that led him to become the way he is; a man with extreme intellect, cunning, the incredible ability to charm everyone he meets. A true genius. But also, someone who can manipulate people, even children, even ORPHANS to suicide or murder. Someone who murders and doesn’t think twice. What could he have been had the path lay different for him? Or, perhaps, was he always destined to live with this Monster inside of him, considering he was born out of a Eugenics experiment, to begin with? That’s what I love so much about him and this series.

 It’s so focused on a few key things. Among those are our choices in life and how they can easily stack up to eventually become the mountain of solitude we stand on, the struggle with identity, mainly: NAMES. 

Lastly, another important aspect to the series is the playful way it dips in and out of reality. 

What I mean by that is, Johan really has this fictional quality to him. That’s another reason I love him SO MUCH. We often hear even Inspector Lunge question whether or not Johan is an actual person. Johan is like a character in a fairytale, which fits well with the fairytale we have in the actual story. Even Johan’s name seems like an illusion of the mind. 

Tenma: Stop it, Johan! I know you! I was your doctor nine years ago. Don’t add any more crimes to your list!

Johan: Heh… heh heh heh… 'Johan’… There was a time when I went by that name. But it’s not my real name.

You honestly come to doubt at a point whether or not Johan is a real person, and that’s EXACTLY what he wants. Johan, in a sense, is nothingness. So fictional at times that some characters even said he was a real-life vampire. 

I think I have something in me that draws me to suicidal characters or characters with no sense of self-preservation but Johan is no exception. Feeling abandoned by his mother and alone, 

and being used and abused and brainwashed, being groomed into the next Hitler and then moving from place to place, he emulated The Monster in the picture book. He moved from family to family trying to take on their names and become what they wanted but in the end, he killed them. The monster inside of him broke free. 

Johan captivates me because he is so enigmatic, seemingly everywhere and nowhere at once. He never had a sense of self, and that’s what makes him so horrifying, enough that he makes even average serial killers look less terrifying. Because at least they have methods to their madness, yet Johan kills pretty coldly and without any motivation. He tried to orchestrate what would be his “perfect suicide” after murdering the Liebert’s but when Nina failed to kill him and Tenma saved him he turned to, like, plan B. Just like how he, as a child, manipulated the weak points in the orphans and staff, orchestrating what would have them all turn and kill each other, he would try to do the same in the world. He doesn’t work with a set of principals aside from chaos. 

All of his life it had been hammered into him that life was about being on top, the best. You either succeed and come out on top or lose. His sister being chosen over him, and the experiments at 511 kinderheim. How many children did they go through and toss aside like garbage before Johan? Even the eugenics experiment that was a series of chosen “perfect specimens” to create the next world leader, bringing about his birth. It’s always survival of the fittest to Johan. He had to come out on top. So in his loneliness and strife for being left the only one standing, fulfilling what he was born to do, he decided to throw the world into chaos and let them all devour each other to show his superiority and also to get revenge for bringing him into this world yet leaving him alone and with nothing, not even a name. 

When he stumbled upon the book in the library it triggered him and changed his thought process a bit, though. He was reminded of his childhood again, and the perfect suicide. I think around here is when he began to play with the idea of letting Tenma kill him once he got rid of everyone who knew who he was. He could then disappear like he never existed. So he could evaporate into his complete loneliness like the monster in the book. And I love how expertly manipulative he is, using the people from his childhood and everyone he can in order to help him achieve this goal. They think they’re going to be immortalized or help rule the world next to Johan. They think they’re the power players but never come to see they’re simply pawns until Johan eventually kills them. 

I love extremely intelligent and charming characters. I love evil characters. And I mostly love characters who are evil for chaos’ sake. Characters who do terrible shit with no rhyme or reason why. Bonus points if they have that ONE PERSON who they are attached to and would never harm. Johan hits all of these for me and I instantly fell in love. 

I like the parallels between 511 Kinderheim and Iga. Both Saizo and Johan are lonely, both ending up in a place where they are brainwashed and abused and taught to rid themselves of all emotion and human attachment in order to become the ultimate weapon/specimen. I also see a lot of parallels between Johan/Nina and Saizo/Hotaru. 

Both Saizo and Johan are tragic characters, both suicidal but for different reasons. Both of them grapple with their own duality and their sense of self. They really don’t know who they are at the core, and both feel as if they’re just tools living in the shadows and one day they’ll disappear into nothing and no one will care. 

They are also both incredibly charming and good looking, able to get away with so much and slip into any circle due to their high level of intelligence and cunning. They’re both characters that have done some lifechanging GOOD for people, but have also done terrible things on the other end of the spectrum. The dynamic in both is vast, and that’s something I love. Because humans are not ornately ‘good’ or ‘evil’ but a mix of both. It makes them great characters. 

Genya also has a lot of these same points in common with Johan. And even more so because he has a twin just like Johan. A twin who was weaker than him that he felt the need to protect, a twin that he felt was his other half. Just like Johan. 

Almost all of the characters in my top boys have either high intelligence or a tragic/traumatic past. Sometimes both. Mugen, Levi, Johan, Saizo, etc. they all have this in common. I also love characters with self-destructive tendencies. Bonus if it’s a coping mechanism lol. 

I like characters that have pain in their past and could either go dark or light because of their trauma. I tend to go for the characters who end up going down the dark path like Johan but I also don’t mind the ones that end up going on the light path like Saizo, Levi, Mugen, Kyle, and Genya. Kyle has intense trauma and could have easily turned to anger and hatred but he chose to forgive and live and save people. He’s still a dumpster fire sometimes with his drinking to cope with his pain and memory but he’s a good man. 

I think Kiro has more in common with Kyle than anyone else in my favorites. They both have trauma in their pasts and they mask it with smiles. Both are kind of brick-headed when it comes to love and err on the side of taking things slow and supporting each other without looking for much in return and I like that about them. I like that they both offer tons of support to MC and encourage her to be the best she can be, and they enjoy just being around her without needing anything else. They are good friends first, and the rest develops really naturally. 

Overall, if a character is: 

cocky as fuck

shady as fuck

evil

murdery

chaotic

pained by the ghosts of their past lol 

god mode at sOMETHING 

GENIUS 

hate everyone but that One Special Dumbass they will protect at all costs

stoic

at war with whether to be evil or good

take things extremely slow with their MC/SO and come at them from a level playing field of respect

chances are I’m in love with them hahaha. 

Thank you for this!!! Sorry its Johan loving hours here 24/7 so most of this was just me yelling about him but whvedhjwv I hope this did an okay job answering you!!!!!!!!! 

[entamewitchlulu]

Arc V Month Day 20: Favorite Antagonists

ohohoho....man is there an antag I don’t like at all in this show?  Nearly every one of the main baddies are just so fun to hate, and even more fun to analyze.  So lemme talk about each of the main ones just briefly

God just look at his stupid face i love him!!!

Yuuri is just.  The whole package.  He’s the epitome of my guilty pleasure fave type of villain: the type who’s just gleefully evil, who legitimately knows they’re the bad guy and revels in it, and also talks very politely while doing so (I have a very specific Type when it comes to villains lol).  Not a very realistic villain, to be sure, but oh so fun to watch in action.  He’s got the gleeful malice, the truly frightening cruelty, a wild sort of destructive fervor, and is such a manipulative tease to boot.  Plus, he’s such a meme.  I love him.

Beyond that though, though little to nothing is confirmed in canon, I find how he ended up the way he is very, very interesting.  Knowing that he and the boys are all the exact same person brings up some great questions on the nature-nuture discussion, and if they all had the same base nature, how did Yuuri’s nurture (or lack thereof) cause him to end up being so vastly different a person from his other counterparts?  Considering who was in charge of caring for him (whom we’ll def talk about later...), and Leo’s absolute hatred for Zarc, it’s obvious that some very, very awful things occurred to make Yuuri the way he is, and likely, most of his actions and personality are all very elaborate coping mechanisms -- not that he himself would ever admit to that being the case.  If you asked him, I’m sure he’d tell you everything he does is absolutely his own choice because he wants to be so terrible -- which is just as true as the fact that likely, not all of his choices were his own.

Of course we can’t talk about Yuuri, or about antags in general, without talking about Zarc.  I know he’s the ultimate big bad so I should probably save him for last, but I have other things I want to talk about so we’re just gonna hit up Zarc rn lol.  

What I love about Zarc (and honestly, what I love about most Arc V villains) is just how human his motivations are.  Like, he didn’t get possessed.  He didn’t get influenced by an eldritch god, or tainted by some wild magic that made him go mad.  He was just a mostly ordinary person, who, like Yuya, wanted to become someone.  He wanted to meet the expectations of the crowd -- and without anyone else to be at his side to help him process his emotions, he simply continued and continued down the path, seeking more and more validation even as the lengths he had to go to to achieve that destroyed him and his dragons, until he broke.

I can’t confirm it, obviously, but I’m of the opinion that most of Zarc’s evil schtick was just a mask -- both for his opponents, and for himself.  He’d been driven so far to the brink, so far away from the person he’d wanted to be, that he just let himself fall into a role so deeply that even he was fooled, when the truth was that he was terrified.  He was always terrified.  And that’s why Yuya’s arc accepting himself as Zarc and choosing to heal was so important, and so powerful.  

Zarc wasn’t a villain just for the hell of it.  He was a monster created by society.  And in the end, he was more tragic than villainous.

I can’t get out of an antagonist post without talking about this smug bastard.  I’ve talked about him a LOT (actually, I’ve talked about all of these guys a lot lol), but honestly? As much as I say I hate him, he’s just so deliciously evil that I can’t really, lol.  As a villain, he’s everything the arc needed -- a vicious manipulator who thought he was superior to everything and beyond the machinations of anyone else, until he slowly deteriorated as he realized his flawless plans weren’t so flawless after all.  He was, and probably still is, my favorite antagonist just because that illusion of control made him so frightening -- and once that illusion broke down, he became actually even more terrifying as he started to lose his self-control.  The before and after was pretty intense to watch.

And here we go.  When it comes to antagonists in Arc V, even if he’s not my personal fave?  I don’t think you can get much better than Leo Akaba.

Like, before the final arc, I really, really didn’t think much of him.  I barely cared about him.  And after Synchro, I was really just kind of bored of him.  Like, I didn’t imagine there was any way they could one up Roget -- Roget was literally the perfect villain.  How could this boring guy who spends all his time sitting in a chair and watching things happen without actively doing anything ever be better than that?  Part of me was actually feeling a little let down, because I couldn’t imagine getting anything better than Synchro.

And then That Episode went down, and it blew all of my wavering expectations out of the damn water.

As I mentioned before about the humanity of the villains in Arc V, Leo fits that theme to a T.  He’s not magical.  He’s not even really evil.  He’s just someone who found a way to justify the absolutely terrible, horrible things that he’s doing, and that’s so real -- that’s so terrifying.

As soon as you get the truth about Ray, about the dimension split, about everything, literally the entire show falls into place.  Every single bit of Leo’s character is thrown into stark clarity in just the space of an episode.  He’s not just a guy sitting in a chair -- he’s a madly grieving father who doesn’t even believe the world he’s in is real, so of course he doesn’t feel bad about using and abusing fake people in a fake world in order to get his real world and his real daughter back.  It’s horrifying, and yet it’s so human.  

Humanity and society was really the real antagonist of Arc V, and it just manifested in different ways: in the wild actions of a child clearly abused by the system that should have taken care of him, in the grasping for political power by an out of control authority figure, in the inconsolable grief of a father, and in the breakdown of a young man who was only trying to meet the expectations of the world around him.

There’s something very poignant in that.  It’s definitely one of the reasons that I’ll be coming back to Arc V again and again.