#Ranted about this with a friend (;)) and remembered it bcs obviously rocks are the most romantic gesture 🌸

[jlemonster]

rant i hope nobody that knows me irl ever sees bc I'm trying my best to be nice but at heart im. a bitch

(hi this is future me after writing it all: it turned into a longass ramble, someday I'll make an essay about it xoxo)

context, im studying at an Visual Arts school to be a Professor.

so

i have this teacher, who's a gay balding fat man (listed here as all positive traits), that had the potential to be one of the best kind of people, and a immensely good reference point for me as a young queer, but terribly ruined his chance of having a great personality by being Such A Cunt- he's pedantic in a way that's extremely clear he's upper class? his connection to art is so, academic, sterile, rehearsed, unmoving.

his view of art sucks so much ass, his politics are lame as hell, he doesn't like me bc I'm too outwardly queer. I feel like that's where we differ.

He's a cis gay man and I'm a fag.

He's a contemporary artist, his work is up in museums, for the 2001 crisis he was in Spain, his husband owns a restaurant, his art costs him millions of Pesos to make. The mediocrity of an upper class privileged white man transcends barriers.

It feels as if he came to teach us, at our public, falling-apart school just so he could be Better? bc back in his social circles, of high-paid artists and museum curators, he's just, another artist. But here he can come and talk about being in chapels and museums, and getting private tours and whatnot. And still not get it.

We had a debate in class, which i accidentally started by asking him if he tought the things that little kids made were art. as in, finger painting, spontaneous scribbles and doodles and so on.

He said no. He then went on a hour long explanation about his perspective and i hated every second of it.

In his eyes, for something to be art, and somebody to be an artist, there has to be extensive studies. of the medium, of the message, of the materials, of their meaning and associations and history. and a longass etcétera

so i asked a bunch of questions, one of them being- if i sing to a baby while holding them, rocking them to sleep with a lullaby, am i not singing? isn't it music? well, not for him!

at my core, the structural belief that paints everything i ever feel, is the intrinsic, base perspective that Art is an extension of humanity. that it is inevitable, that it is a beautiful thing and simultaneously, the most mundane. you cannot have humanity without art, it will always be a consequence of Us.

I've always struggled to feel human, to connect with my peers under the label. but there is not a single thing that brings me so close to it as art- as the footprints of billions of no-longer beating hearts that needed to exteriorize that impulse. to me art is a necessity, it is a heritage, its culture, its a language, a constant part of our lives, the best thing we will ever have. its the medium in which we trust to connect with ourselves and others and transcend tongue, reach across it and feel-

i tear up with cave paintings, with the sheer humanity of reading about how we can discern somebody was being taught to paint. Inmensurable lifetimes ago, a kid was held up on a caretaker's shoulders to reach up the wall, and they left a little drawing by which they're remembered here, now.

across everything we've been, we've had this beautiful thing- and to hear a pedantic fuck categorize it with the most, eurocentristic language possible BOILED MY BLOOD SO MUCH STFU DUDE

I tried my autistic best to be respectful and have A Conversation, but ultimately i caved in and confessed in a murmur: "that's so sad". the idea that you'd look at a child's painting and think its not art. the idea that you have to be Good to be considered an artist while you sing, dance, perform, create.

he obviously didn't like that i said that, and took it personally.

the day after this, i learned this info that he, the snake, said to one of my friends the Ever So Old discourse of being One of the Good Gays, that doesn't have to Shove It into People's Faces. That he doesn't need to validate his identity in front of others (bullshit. you do nothing besides seeking a public to which profess how great of an artist you are). so i feel less bad for dunking on him so hard :] as i said to my class while we were complaining and gossiping about it: sad that the 12 years he spent in therapy trying to convince himself he was a good enough artist didn't leave any room for him to work on being a better person.

so yeah. im making the 7 pieces for next class all about me being a faggy lil tranny, and about the inherent nature of art and humanity as a symbiotic conversation. and present them while wearing a skirt n thigh highs- maybe get a facefull of make-up while im at it! idk the night's young and im full of queer and artistic rage

[bi-demon-ium]

hey do you wanna rant about mr benedict/milligan right now? to forget about that stupid porn bot and also because we all wanna see the Rant. like what is your favorite part about them, what made you start shipping it, etc 👀

Oh You Asked For It Buddy! You Asked For This! You! Asked! For This!

okay i mean like first of all. there's just something so compelling to me about how it begins like. they both meet at a pretty low point in their lives--although admittedly that's speculation on my part for mr benedict's side of things, but it makes sense (although it does assume milligan was the first he met, but to be fair i think it would still apply albeit to a lesser degree if he were the second, but i digress)--where they're alone, and they have this crazy story that no one believes, and it's just them against the world, you know?

and they meet and they have every fuckin reason not to trust each other. like, milligan is, to someone who doesnt know him, an intimidating man. and nicholas is in a fairly vulnerable position already, it wouldn't be hard to take advantage of his narcolepsy if you knew about it, and honestly, hypothetically, if milligan wanted to, he wouldn't even need to. nicholas isn't exactly the most physical guy and milligan is. large (affectionate) . you know? he could snap him like a twig. on the other hand, mr. benedict has like. money, a house, and he is in a position where he could easily help or hurt milligan, and even in helping him, if he wanted, could take advantage. obviously, just as milligan would never hurt an innocent person, nicholas would never do that. but the possibility is there.

so like both of them are, albeit in different ways, in a vulnerable position with the other. both of them have been through a lot and probably feel like there's no one around them they can trust. both of them have already been hurt and disregarded as "crazy". they have every! every reason not to trust each other! either of them could hurt the other so easily, either of them has every reason to be afraid, to not trust, and yet!!!!! and yet they do!!!!

they choose to trust each other anyway. they choose to work together and it PAYS OFF!!! IT WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE!!! bc they ARE both trustworthy people!! im biting the walls.

and like just imagine how that must have evolved, going from strangers living in the same house, just trying to help each other out of just. compassion. faith. to getting to know each other--what mistakes they might have made, what bumps on the road to becoming a team, a well-oiled machine--and becoming closer, eventually becoming friends. and that trust--fragile, at first, built on faith and hope alone--becoming rock solid, formed of friendship and truly knowing the other. and like, supporting each other, whether it's milligan's memories and how he wonders what kind of person he might have been, or mr. benedict's secrets and his own low self-esteem, being there for each other (when and if) and like. BITING THE WALLS I AM BITING THE WALLS

i just love the idea of like. how they got to know each other, develop that trust into something unbreakable, until they're at even just where we see them in the show, where they clearly trust one another implicitly and work smoothly together and like support each other at every turn and clearly know each other so well like AAAA

and the more domestic things, too, like how it's clearly just something they do when nicholas is reading ivanhoe out loud to them by the fire? like they just do that. that's a thing. in canon. things like that, and like cooking together, teasing each other--like number two's fruit leather being really really good (except the bark kind do not eat that kind), you know, things like that. and how casually they know how to help with his narcolepsy, but don't tiptoe around it, how they try to find things milligan enjoys even if he can't remember, whether it's food or hobbies, how nicholas keeps an epi-pen just in case he's allergic to something and they don't know. practicing first aid or morse code or maybe hand signals they all know just in case. and like they all work pretty well together as a team, in a way that speaks to me of like, experience and practice, even if rhonda is clearly the newest and has friction with number two they still all work together well and seem completely unfazed by bribery, forgery, breaking and entering, etc., so like. i feel like they've had to have done other things, likely in order to get information on the sender or evade him, so like. also that! missions, or research together, working together. you know? and like specifically with mr. benedict and milligan, god imagine that when they were alone. mr. benedict couldn't exactly do fieldwork very safely--or, he could, but with limits--but he doesn't love the idea of sending milligan in alone, either, no matter how capable he proves to be. but what other choice do they have? so like, times after that, whether it's mr. benedict helping him with first aid after a particularly close call, and the quiet intimacy of that (and later, when there's more of them, number two fussing and rhonda bustling about to get the first aid kit, it's not quite the same but it's still so good--but for now, they're alone, and it's just careful hands trying not to shake as they help clean a wound), or researching together, alone, quietly exchanging notes and ideas, and sometimes the conversation drifts to other things as they get to know each other...

like i think a lot about what firsts they might have had. the first time either saw the other had a nightmare, how that changed their perception of the other. how they might start developing little routines for it, too, hot cocoa or not pushing to talk but just reading together or sitting together or a conversation about anything else. the first time they hugged--why? what happened? in what context? and like, that'd be milligan's first hug ever, in his memory, and likely the first nicholas has had in some time, and what's that like? the first time milligan catches him when he falls asleep, how he feels about that, how milligan feels about that, and when was the last time that happened? how does it feel when one day nicholas realizes that it's so normal to him now he almost expects it, he isn't achy and bruised all the time, and that he's used to it? how does it feel when milligan realizes one day he hasn't felt that shaky desperate fear he had those first few weeks or months when he was alone in a long time? that he genuinely feels safe? that this house has become a home, one that nicholas is part of? what about when they both realize that when they have a nightmare it's almost automatic to see if the other is awake, to actually seek comfort, even passively? to know they can get comfort? what about their first serious conversation with each other, beyond milligan's first explanation of his story and nicholas's in turn--confiding in the other and somehow they seem to know what to say, realizing they trust the other to enough to share?

and of course the things they don't share, like nicholas's brother, or things they just don't talk about, don't quite acknowledge. not out of lack of trust but because it's too painful and the other knows not to push. and the things that don't quite click just right--'mr benedict' and 'sir' most of the time, especially during the day and during the work, because he feels indebted even though he has no fear nicholas would ever use that against him. nicholas's own issues with low self esteem, guilt that he's secretly a bad person, that he might be using milligan, that he's never told him the truth about his supposed 'true nature'. how it's not quite perfect, but they're still so close? you know?

(it makes me want to reach out and adjust it just a little, so the puzzle pieces click just right. and canon gives them that chance--milligan's memories restored, their mission done, nicholas's past revealed--there's plenty of chances now to be on completely even ground.)

and like, just. getting that far?? going from strangers bound by fate and necessity to true friends and partners?

and obviously this also applies to the other members of their little found family, them going from being alone to being alone together to slowly finding others, being a team, a family whether they'll admit it or not but like!!

it's about trust! and compassion! and faith and love and goodness in humanity! it's about being alone and finding light in the dark!!! about found family and friendships formed in being alone together trying to help people even when no one helps you!! about people helping and supporting each other!!! it's about friends when it seems hopeless!!! about thinking you're alone and everyone's turned against you and finding someone else like you!!! it's about trust! it's about kindness! it's about love! FUCK!

and honestly, all of this is still iconic and amazing and so so good if it's just like, platonic friendship. or even getting into queerplatonic territory, utterly good and valid 10/10. i'd genuinely be happy with that too. but i admit, i'm a little bit of a romantic at heart--as much as i hate how fandom tends to center shipping and how society puts romance over friendship, i'm kind of a sucker for a fictional romance anyway. albeit usually queer ones that i make myself. (i could probably get into all the complex ways this interacts with my sexuality, because im pretty sure im ace and i might be aro or demi, but honestly, i don't even know lmao. anyway) so i like exploring it as a ship anyway, you know? but it's just one way of looking at it among many, albeit one i tend to favor. (and to think this started as a half-ironic joke 😩 remember kids if you ship something ironically it will become unironic eventually whether you want it to or not)

ANYWAY! i think even once the others are there, like. now don't get me wrong, it's not a case of one or both of them loving the other More than the others. it's not like that. i mean, romance doesn't go above friendship anyway, it's just a different type of love, not More or Better. but like, they've been around together the longest, and they kind of have an understanding. i'm sure each has their own unique understandings with each of the other members of the team, but like, in this case, what i mean is like. milligan saw mr. benedict at his lowest point, even if he was trying very hard to seem fine, and mostly succeeding. especially as at that point they weren't the close-knit friends/colleagues(???? like. team members.) they are now. but he did see that, and i think while there's still plenty of like. that same respect (and again, the insistence that he 'owes mr benedict everything' and use of 'sir' so there is a like. distance there, in some ways--although this is firmly in the realm of headcanon i do believe that perhaps later, when they are alone, and not so mission oriented, he calls him nicholas sometimes. when it's important. you know) he sees him just a little differently. and that goes both ways, very much so.

and as much as i like the idea of just sort of being like and then they get together in some ambiguous pre-canon so i don't have to deal with as many characters or the main plot, i do also love like. post-canon for a lot of reasons like.

now we gotta/get to deal with:

they both have kids now (kate and constance!)

nicholas's evil twin + the main plot in general

milligan's memories are back! im sure this wont have any far-reaching implications for their relationship (and just in general)

the complexities of how specifically it was nicholas's twin brother who took those memories

the mission is over so one could certainly imply there is no longer a "workplace", but they're sticking together anyway (or you could go with the wetherall farm, which adds its own complications, but either way it's not like they're going to suddenly never talk again) so like. perhaps no more 'mr benedict' although old habits are hard to break, especially with curtain's new evil plans on the horizon (and will mr. benedict get kidnapped? hm)

generally just dealing with like. the various implications of the events of season one (the kids, curtain's future evil plans, sq, milligan's memories, etc etc etc)

which ujst brings so so so much to consider i dont even have time for all of this like. i just love the idea. like.

they're dads. they're both dads. this has so many implications. how they end up kind of co-parenting both kids even though technically constance is nicholas's and kate milligan's (and they were already sisters before they realized they were their respective kids anyway). how they each get to see the other being a great dad and just go ah..... hes such a good dad....... :). how they rely on each other and support each other (since again they are both just like Suddenly Single Dads ldkfgjdfg--they also, obviously, have the other adults, but again, they are both in kind of the same boat, albeit in wildly different routes to get there). how their kids do interact with this whole thing and see this and how they might react to "so our dads might be in love? hm" (both potential for angst and comedy, but in this case i lean towards the latter)

milligan's memories. like. remembering the person he was before, and who he is now, and like. choosing to let himself be both, rather than trying to force himself to be the person he was ten years ago? like he'll remember things--his childhood home, memories with young kate, memories of whoever her mother was, of his parents, of whatever from his past--and it's like. how could he ever have forgotten? and like. the fact that nicholas's twin took them from him. took kate from him. but like, he doesn't blame nicholas (even though nicholas very much blames himself) even when he remembers his time actually working at the institute and remembers curtain's face. like actually remembers being dragged off to the brainsweeper and curtain's face when it happened. and like, the good and the bad, knowing that as nicholas promised--i'll be there for you when you need me, when and if--that he has support, both with this and with kate, that he isn't alone anymore, that if someone tried to take his memories again, tried to take him again... he'd be missed, people would look for him, and even if he were to be taken, kate would be okay, because of course nicholas and the others would never allow her to be alone again. and like the implications of all these things coming back to him, from railroad trivia to chemistry to the people he once knew, and how it mixes with the memories and the person he's become over these last ten years... like. milligan choosing to keep the name milligan, because he's gone by it for ten years and all the people he loves know him as that and it is his name, now, and he chose it himself, he chooses to keep it. (not me wanting to talk about personal headcanons with him and/or nicholas being trans--) and like how these memories affect how he sees the world now, how he sees his newer memories now, how he might notice things he wouldn't have before, know things he didn't know... how would affect his perspective? their perspective, even? their relationship?

and like i just think that while there's a lot going on so it's unlikely anything would happen right away, it is like. fertile ground for the seeds to be planted. with their long mission over, the emergency finally vanquished, and nicholas's past out in the open, milligan's past unlocked and memory slowly becoming whole, they're on more even footing than ever. and even as they end up going against his brother again--and no doubt nicholas offers them all a way out, especially milligan who's already lost so much and could easily lose more, with kate still here, but not one of them takes it--they are once again fighting side by side (metaphorically speaking) which leaves plenty of room for tense situations and possibilities, and just like.

their relationship developing further, they get closer, more comfortable with each other now that those little things that never quite clicked have been adjusted. those firsts, again, do you think? the first time nicholas has a nightmare about his brother and actually shares what it was about, the first time milligan talks about his memories and his conflicting feelings about them, about kate and curtain...

(you could also get more tropey, like the first time they fall asleep together, because the day is long and the night is so dark and for once they're comfortable enough to just ask. just ask.

or getting a little sillier, things like 'the first time we totally had to like, pretend to date/make out/whatever. you know. for the mission/the distraction/the cover.' (this could also be pre-canon to be fair) or 'curtain attempts to give milligan the shovel talk because he somehow thinks he has the high ground. they're not even in a relationship yet. this does not end well' or whatever lmao)

and of course. i mean. first kiss! first kiss! so many possibilities! i'm falling apart! is it sudden, impulsive, in the aftermath of a horrible time or in the eye of the storm? is it slow and warm and it just feels inevitable, neither of them are surprised because they felt it coming a mile away? is it silly? is it casual? is it accidental? is it late in the night, warm and tipsy? or gentle, and one of them wasn't expecting it, but they melt anyway? is it desperate and before a parting, or full of relief in a reunion? do they talk afterwards or is there no need for words? or is there no time, no time at all? are they alone? with friends? among enemies? is it clumsy and unpracticed but sweet, or perfect?

and like where do they go from there? i feel like surprisingly not that much would change, especially outwardly--they're all already so close, and tight-knit, and they support each other so much already, it's just like. not that they need romance to heal but it helps, both just bc of where they're at with their pasts finally being dredged up and dealt with, and because they do have each other! maybe nicholas gets more openly affectionate, finally feeling like he's allowed, beginning to let go of his guilt, and maybe milligan begins to laugh easier again, smile more. but not much changes, just that sometimes when nicholas laughs himself to sleep with a dumb pun or beams brightly when one of them teases him, milligan leans forward to kiss him (and maybe the kids heckle them, delighted and teasing), and sometimes when milligan laughs nicholas doesn't even try to hide the lovelorn look and instead steps closer. and if they sleep in the same bed, it's not like anyone cares or has reason to notice, and if they end up basically being dads to each others' kids as well, honestly, the entire group is basically co-parenting All of the kids, even the ones that are decidedly none of theirs, so really, it's not a big difference.

and like a first date.... would they try a little too hard before realizing that they don't have to change just bc they've changed what their relationship is called? like a kinda awkward dinner or something where they're trying a little too hard to be A Romantic Relationship(TM) but then they actually talk and it's like okay fuck this fancy restaurant let's go somewhere more us and they end up like. at the library, or at the park, somewhere they've been before, and just like. talking. except now, you know, when he looks over at nicholas waving his hands animatedly while explaining something and thinks ah, i want to kiss him, he CAN. and so on. or you know, maybe that doesn't happen at all, maybe they don't feel the need for 'dates' in that sense, even if perhaps they do intentionally spend more time with just the two of them, maybe the transition is smooth and easy.

it's not like it'd be perfect or without problems, and the issue of their inexplicably intertwined tragic backstories, namely tied together by nicholas's brother, doesn't exactly go away. but like. they're all already so close? you know? and they love each other. and both of them cant help but like. wake up and see their partner--because boyfriend feels small, and they've been partners for a lot longer than they've been kissing--and just think they're so very lucky to have made it here. to have a family, to have come so far, no longer alone and afraid but surrounded by loved ones, now a father and a husband partner and just part of a family.

(of course, the wedding is a whole other thing. but you know.)

.

as for what made me start shipping it, honestly, it was half a joke at first. not like, in a bad way, but i wasn't serious, because this is a fandom i generally go gen for, considering it's so found family focused. even in this ask a lot of what i was talking about kinda shifted to that general found family vibe in my brain before i course corrected back. that's not a bad thing, again, but basically it was kind of a half-ironic idea, just because they had a few scenes that made me go 👀 (the 'when and if' conversation at the bonfire, the conversation outside the cabin ('i ask so much of you, of all of you' 'yes. but you give more'), the conversation at the telescope ('please. i know there's more.' '...we'll stay until we spot him') etc.) and also i noticed that the tent they camped in by the telescope was fuckin tiny and i was like "oh they were DEFINITELY cuddling. spooning perhaps. platonically or otherwise it for SURE happened that tent is tiny and neither of them are. ESPECIALLY not milligan. come now."

and not that there needs to be a ship, but like, most of the adults it would feel weird to ship (even if number two and rhonda aren't canonically confirmed as sisters or mr. benedict's daughters, it would feel very gross to ship any of those three together because it just feels weird) and as cute as kate and martina are, shipping kids like. more than just sort of super pg 'they'd be cute together <3' feels weird for me, as an adult. you know? and while i'm fine with no ships, my point being even if were to develop an attachment, options are limited. (rhonda/miss perumal has potential tho and i stand by that statement!)

anyway it was kind of a joke at first, since early on, obviously there was less show canon to work with so book canon shaped a lot of how i and generally the fandom viewed the characters (not that it still doesnt but now we have plenty to work with within the show. when season one was still coming out there was less, obviously.) so like. it's kind of funny bc obviously in the books mr. benedict is like a seventy year old grandpa and milligan is still a like, middle aged dad. technically i mean consenting adults but also what the fuck. obviously im over that by now but it did add a certain comedic dissonance to it.

but the more i thought about it, the more i thought about it seriously. until i started being like "wait. wait. wait oh no. wait i might--" and then i was like "STOP LAUGHING GIRL HELP IM SHIPPING IT FOR REAL" and then i was like "okay i ship it unironically now but it's just me and one (1) other person so i'm not gonna bring it up a lot and mostly just keep it to us" and then somehow along the way i lost whatever shame i had and dragged the entire active part of the fandom down with me into the canoe. it's still a small fandom and still basically just me and august writing any content for it, for the most part, but considering i've got most of the fandom to come around i'd call that a win. somehow. insane. not that i'm single handedly responsible but like. while i don't think i was the only one to watch it and think 'oh they have chemistry' i was, as far as i can tell, the first to write anything for/about it or talk about it openly? you know? yeah. anyway

the point is, the more i thought about it the more i was like.....hm. actually,

and now im here. captain of the nicholas/milligan ship. oops

.

as for the etc., here are some random headcanons:

mr benedict.... little spoon. However! not always.

that being said my reasoning is as follows: not bc milligan Big although also true. bc milligan is very much like. a Protector and feeling like. like someone feels safe with him, feels safer in his arms than alone, rather than in any way afraid of him or intimidated? particularly in such a physical way? is just like. it's nice. that his intimidating stature can equate to safety and protection and warmth and comfort rather than scary and danger and intimidation and violence. someone putting their back to him and being vulnerable and relaxing because of it? wow. conversely, nicholas very much needs a hug at all times have you met the man?? and letting himself have that, being okay with being the comforted instead of the comforter, is something that could just be. like. so good. so i think it would be really nice for both of them. that being sad that doesnt mean they could/would never switch because it's not like you're assigned little or big spoon at birth and you can never switch or change your mind. come on now. also milligan deserves to be little spoon too sometimes <33 and mr benedict? good big spoon. very good.

that first year they ended up picking a birthday for milligan. possibly he chose the day he woke up, or even better/sadder, the day he came to the house for the first time. they celebrate it every year, and the first time, nicholas may or may not have gone out and gotten like ten different slices of cake in different flavors in an attempt to find his favorite. turns out he's partial to red velvet and is not a fan of chocolate. milligan wants to return the favor (not the cakes thing, just the general like. making it feel like. special?) but mr benedict is weirdly evasive about his birthday and clearly not comfortable talking about it, so instead he picks some other holiday to make a special effort for. christmas is the logical option but also the idea of milligan going super hard on halloween to cheer nicholas up is utterly delightful.

stargazing. easy to do from the roof (if they dare 😩) or the garden, perhaps. very nice. lots of opportunities to infodump. not to project my Romance Fantasies but like, nicholas likes to like, basically infodump a bunch of information (bc honestly is there a better nd way of showing love than sharing information you care about with people you care about? bc it makes you happy and you want to share things that matter to you and bc you hope it's interesting and will make them smile?) and like, milligan genuinely likes to listen? like it's not a burden or something to put up with for someone he loves, he genuinely thinks it's interesting (and he's--he's cute all lit up and excited and explaining!!!) and enjoys listening and nicholas is like oh, i've been talking your ear off, i'm sorry, i tend to go on too long, it's alright if you need to tell me to stop, and milligan just like. says no, i enjoy listening. and eventually maybe he says it enough nicholas believes it, you know?

that being said it goes both ways, albeit less often, as milligan tends to be on the quieter side. but when it is about something he cares about or knows a lot about, nicholas is just as happy to listen.

and either way, whoever's talking, it ends up evolving into a spirited conversation as they ask questions or make their own connections and it's just great

(again i must say this isn't exclusively between them, the whole found family vibes with this kind of thing, but sometimes--i mean. sometimes it is just them, under the stars, and you know, i just. i'm picturing like.

nicholas is so bright and excited explaining something about constellations or observatories or pulley systems or classic literature or whatever it is, waving his hands, going off on tangents then trying to course correct back again, and milligan--he is listening, and he certainly doesn't want to miss any of it, but he can't help but also think i want to kiss him. because he's just. beautiful, passionate, and milligan loves him.

and he waits for a pause in the flow of information, where normally he might ask a question, and he does. because he can. and nicholas is kind of like. quietly pleased, what was that for? he asks a little playfully, and milligan just says, simply, like it's obvious, something like because you're you, or because i love how passionate you are, or even just because i wanted to, and nicholas smiles, and then milligan asks a question because goddamn it he was listening and nicholas lights up and off the conversation goes again)

also nicholas just loves doing so many like. little things? i feel like love languages are kind of bullshit because everyone is a mix, even if they favor certain things more than others, but with nicholas i feel like. the way to get through to him is generally touch, physical affection, although like. obviously the others (particularly quality time, and also maybe words of affirmation) help. but the way he shows it is in little things, being thoughtful in little ways. (also quality time. but. as i said. love languages are really not clear cut i think.) like sometimes that's gifts, or words right when they're needed, but he's good at reading what other people need. so like. little ways of being supportive, little gifts given not too directly so much as left, like he doesn't want to take credit, even when everyone knows it was him. with milligan that could be a lot of things--making sure that dinner is a favorite food of his when he seems down, leaving little gifts or trinkets for him or finding a way to sort of just. casually give them to him, because he didn't have anything when he came here and he deserved more than an empty room, he deserved a home, and even if he couldn't give him his memories he could damn well make better new ones, and like. whether it's little material things that are his (his, because he has things that are his now, that belong to him and him alone, not just the dirty uniform he showed up in that had never felt like his anyway) or thoughtful gestures or even, later, when they're in a relationship, things like flowers (probably carefully chosen both for their colors and meanings) and what have you, and just like. he loves doing nice things for milligan okay, more than any grand gestures, just. little things to make his day better, his life better

anyway this is insanely long so im gonna stop now. my point is: nicholas/milligan good<3

[unfortunatelyilikebnha]

If you don’t stan Midoriya what are you DOING he is so GOOD the core of his character is just. CARING about every person he comes across & trying to HELP them even though most of the people he’s encountered before yuuei had been real nasty to him like he could’ve given up! He could’ve said “you’ve never cared about me so why should I care about you” & turned his back on the world, used his talents for himself or even become a villain (like. My dude has plenty of motive I don’t even think I’d blame him) but he DIDN’T he tries SO HARD he just wants to be able to help people!

“But he‘a a crybaby :/” And?!?! First of all being in touch with your emotions enough to cry isn’t a bad thing!!! Second of all he’s been through a lot and is constantly under so much pressure god forbid he cry a little bit!!

His idol crushed his dreams! & yet he didn’t harbor any ill will toward all might and he still acted & ended up helping save bakugou (& then got SCOLDED FOR IT WTF. Like the pro heroes were all like “you could’ve died!” but they weren’t doing anything!!! Bkg would be dead if Midoriya hadn’t intervened and he got YELLED AT FOR IT. the disrespect is astronomical). He cares about people so much even when they’ve given him nothing but reasons he SHOULDN’T care about them but because he’s so good (and stubborn lmao) he cares about them anyway!! If I was bullied for 10 years I sure as hell wouldn’t care about my bully but because Midoriya’s a literal angel he still does?!?! Like wtf. He’s just so good!

& the most irritating part is that because of aforementioned 10 years of bullying and being let down by everyone (even his mother which while Inko is a great mother & loves Izuku so much she did screw up by not believing in him) he has like no self worth and doesn’t realize how amazing he is?!? He breaks his bones CONSTANTLY bc he doesn’t care about the cost to himself as long as he can save other people he literally doesn’t rlly care if he dies like when he was being killed by muscular he was scared but his thoughts were “sorry Kota, sorry all might, sorry mom” he was more worried about “letting people down” than the fact he was dying!! He only stopped breaking his bones bc he was told that if he did it again he’d permanently damage his arms which would make it rlly hard for him to be a hero like he didn’t even consider using his quirk in other ways before then even when he was constantly in pain from shattering the hell out of his bones!! He was just like “it’s working I’m saving people who cares if I’m in immense pain every time I activate my quirk that’s fine” like holy sh*t kid please care about yourself more!! In the sports festival he broke the bones in his hand TWICE OVER for someone he’d hardly ever spoken to!! Like please PLEASE get some self worth you finally have real friends they can help you! You don’t have to do everything alone PLEASE let them help you!

Also he’s so smart?! Not just book smart (even though he scored fourth in the class on midterms so he’s obviously that too) but he’s super observant and has crazy analyses on ppls quirks and beyond quirk observation he’s really good at observing people too?! He analysed that the slime villain’s weak spot was probably its eyes & threw the backpack at it startling it enough that it temporarily retreated? He observed Bkg enough that he knew exactly how he’d act in the battle trial and devised a plan to help them win (which btw was NOT SAFE FOR HIM AT ALL & HE KNEW THAT & HE DIDNT CARE AS LONG AS HE COULD HELP THEIR TEAM WIN, another point re: last paragraph) & when he found out that Uraraka didn’t have anything that she could float to combat Iida with, he improvised by punching thru the building so that Uraraka had rubble she could use against Iida & he thought of that while in the middle of fighting Bakugou like!!! He! Is! So! Smart!!! He managed to hit the nail on the head about exactly what Todoroki needed to hear during their sports festival fight & made him remember that he could be his own kind of hero & that he wasn’t his father! He figured out the fake Uraraka wasn’t Uraraka at all just bc he KNOWS her and believes in her!!! He figured out some of mirio’s strategy while he was completely wiping the floor with the rest of 1a and so figured out where he’d pop up & tho he didn’t win that fight he did last longer than the rest of his class had! He figured out that he could use Eri’s quirk to CONTINUOUSLY SHATTER & HEAL HIS OWN BONES (again he has NO self preservation and I am sad for him) so that he could fight with 100% of his power and hold on to Eri without being rewound out of existence & traumatizing her further & ALSO TOLD HER THAT HER QUIRK IS A BLESSING! I haven’t rlly gotten farther than that in the anime and I don’t read the manga but I KNOW I’m forgetting things but POINT IS he’s really freaking smart which is another thing that makes him so interesting to watch!! Like how many characters do you know that r both really smart & really kind the stereotype seems to be one of the other but bc Midoriya’s awesome like that he’s both!!

ALSO something else I rlly like about him is that he’s kind and cares about people but when someone hurts a person he cares about he gets MAD & will do whatever he needs to do. He was scared of Bkg but when he implied Midoriya gave Uraraka her plan, he snapped at him & was like “it’s her plan not mine you better respect her strength she did this not me!” He was also scared of End**v*r (I don’t blame him! The guy’s freakishly tall, literally covered in fire, and always angry!) but as soon as he insinuated Todoroki was just his pawn or smth Midoriya TOLD HIM OFF he was like “Todoroki’s not you also f*ck you I hate you” (ok the last part is a lil exaggerated but still). When muscular was threatening Kota? He went FERAL & used 1,000,000% of his power (which. How tf is that even possible but I digress good for you Midoriya ily) to beat him just so this little kid (who literally punched him in the balls earlier) wouldn’t die like he was MAD mad. And when he found out what Ov*rh**l was doing to Eri? I thought I’d seen feral before but HOLY SH*T. He literally tried to KILL HIM (good for Midoriya. Child abusers & transphobes have no f*cking rights) he tried to stab him with that sharp piece of rock & THEN he did 100% full cowling with that absolutely chilling expression like he’s so kind but there was NO trace of kindness on his face while he was fighting Ov*rh**l (good he doesn’t deserve it).

ANYWAYS ALL THIS TO SAY Midoriya is so smart and so strong and so genuinely kind & I love him & I wish he’d love himself bc he deserves it! I’m glad 1a cares abt him so much bc it’s!!! What!!! He!!! Deserves!!! Stan Midoriya ok rant over bye

Edit: ok wait rant not QUITE over I’ve got one more thing: with Uraraka’s help he took a childhood nickname that he always HATED (like he specifically says that in the story don’t y’all try to downplay how much it hurt him) & completely changed the meaning. He even made it his HERO NAME he was like “this isn’t gonna hurt me anymore I’ll make it into something I can be proud of” and like. Even tho I don’t like the nickname and refuse to refer to Midoriya with it unless I’m specifically talking about his hero persona, THE POWER THAT HAS. Once he realized that he wasn’t alone anymore he just DECIDED to take something that had hurt him in the past & turn it not something that could comfort people in the future (bc we KNOW that he’s gonna b the no 1 hero & ppl r gonna be comforted at hearing he’s on the scene). He did that. I’m so proud of him.

[spectraling]

My problems with S3

Salty rant in no particular order below the cut

What the HELL happened to the Byers? They went from being the emotional heart of the show to literally having one brief scene together in ep1 and then Will and Joyce had a hug by the end of ep8, which btw Jonathan DIDN’T EVEN JOIN IN ON??? He was literally in the background in that scene, are you trying to tell me my boy Jonathan Byers would not come out to hug his family after all that shit they just went through???? Jonathan and Will spent like what, four episodes standing next to each other and they barely even exchanged a single line?? Not a comforting touch, a hug, anything??

The Byers’ financial situation and how that could’ve given them some interaction, weight to Joyce’s desire to move and also the Byers talking about that AT ALL was lying right there for the taking. Joyce and Jonathan both had obvious concerns about losing their jobs

Joyce got to spend time doing something else than worrying about Will this season which was nice (instead running after manchild Hopper, great), but where are the repercussions of that? With the growing up theme I was hoping for Joyce to start to look into herself, about letting go and who she is when she’s not a mom

Jonathan was once again reduced to being Nancy’s sidekick, spending most of his time following her around and standing next to her while she drove the plot forward with a vengeance. He spent most of his time in the beginning being an abrasive grump and his pov was barely there with the lack of Byers fam content, which made his argument seem as weak as it did in s2. His scenes with Nancy hit the ground running, were rushed and few and far between. As soon as Jonathan was not by Nancy’s side he disappeared entirely from the plot until she called on him again. He didn’t have one single scene without her

Nancy Wheeler would never, ever stoop so low as to mock Jonathan for a) his socioeconomic position and b) his trauma with his dad. A super ooc low blow. Nancy can obviously be ignorant about how economical strife affects others, but actively mocking him??? This is not the Nancy that approached Jonathan “the freak” in s1 and expressed her concerns despite the entire school side-eyeing her. At least Jonathan got to sass back at her later

Where was Nancy’s backstory that was hinted at before the season? Was hoping for her to get some development OUTSIDE of her rallying to save the world 24/7

Will starts out the season having a semblance of an interesting, very relatable arc (abandonment issues, afraid of growing up, done with The Straights) that then goes nowhere in lieu of The Plot and Will just... doesn’t have a lot of beef with the MF. This thing and the other monsters of the UD fucked him for life, let him have something badass to do like I dunno, give him powers you cowards, let him fight the MF you cowards

Also let Will talk to his family about his issues, or have it be a point that Jonathan is now busy with Nancy and how he misses him. Jonathan being somewhat conflicted about spending all this time outside his family and the potential guilt and effect that has on him. Will destroyed Castle Byers that he and Jonathan built together, where the hell were my brotherly feels???

There was a lot of talk about “new pairings” with the characters, but everything felt very same-y. Jopper goes off on their own, jancy does the same thing, El and Mike have a ton of screentime devoted to just them, Steve and Dustin amped up their bromance to eleven, etc. Even when characters that usually aren’t grouped together were in the same scenes, they barely got anything to say or do (Lucas being said to “become closer with Jancy” was a flat out lie or referred to literally physically standing next to them). Where was Nancy and Joyce solidarity, El and Will siblings, Mike and Nancy bonding over their family falling apart, Jonathan and literally anyone but Nancy?

Villain focus completely shifted from the US government to the spoopy, evil Russians with their spoopy language. Stereotypical, tacky and bland af. Being American is Great and in no way problematic! Go patriotism/capitalism!

The abundance of action and cgi. Omg all of the action sequences. It felt like 70% of the season was spent on El throwing shit around with her powers and Hopper fighting Russian dudes. I remember being halfway through the season and thinking they really should’ve slowed down the plot. But that’s an issue with too little time for too many characters. I had no time to bond with any of the characters I liked since the plots were So Big and So Many that they ate up every opportunity for emotional intimacy and reflection. We had time for a goddamn ad for coke but not for the Byers to interact like once???

Also the whole infection/MF working in the shadows thing? Completely wasted potential. It was set up to induce paranoia in the characters and the MF tricking, playing with and torturing them, people not knowing who to trust which could’ve lead to some really compelling scenes. Nope, it’s just a big meaty version of the MF and now it’s running around town trying to fuck El up while nobody conveniently notices and tons of people died but who cares

Robin was shoehorned into the plot and magically had all the skills it took to figure out the code, could decipher Russian with no previous knowledge (the languages she listed as knowing are not at all related to Russian and why tf does she know so many languages??). At least she slapped Stobin in the face and gave us some actual LGBT rep since the doofuses are hellbent on beating around the bush with Will infinitely

Erica was 100% SASS and nothing else. It got old really quick

The entire plotline with Steve/Dustin/Erica/Robin took up about 60% of screentime with memes and sassy jokes and provided about 5% of relevance in the grand scheme of the plot. Everything they found out in the Russian facility could’ve been relayed by the Russian guy Jopper kidnapped

Which btw, why did a random Russian dude take up that much screentime? He had way more emotional development than 80% of the core cast. Also did we need that much Murray?

Speaking of, I did not need Murray doing his creepy, invasive psycho analysis thing on Jopper like he did Jancy last season. It was terrible and lazy writing then and it’s terrible and lazy now

Steve complaining about popularity “not being that great really” made me want to punch him in the face even more than usual. Nobody gives two shits about a rich white boy who got everything he pointed at, all the popularity and more girls than he could count at school while stomping on the outcasts

Also didn’t need that jab at Nancy in his heartfelt scene with Robin (which was funny bc Robin has a lot of similar traits to Nancy)

Karen and Billy was gross, but at least Karen stopped herself to go back to her unfulfilling but legally sound marriage. No need to rock that boat unnecessarily! A completely mediocre man is just fine for her I guess. At least she got a kickass scene with Nancy

Why in the fucking world did Billy get as much screentime as he did. Why on earth did this asshat, racist abuser get some bs sob story about his awful childhood when we have 47 other, way more sympathetic and interesting characters that could’ve been explored instead. And then he did some stupid “grand heroic sacrifice”. I cried more when the Russian dude died

Max was a victim of Billy’s abuse for years which was completely undermined by her ooc constant concern for him and overblown grief at his death

El being oh so concerned about Billy when she knew he was the asshole who had abused his friends Max and Lucas (and beat up Steve) before felt really insincere

Hopper was a huge, loud, violent jerk this season and I’m not having it. I felt sorry for Joyce having to put up with him and then he presumably died heroically (??? he’s obviously still alive guys) and I...didn’t really care? Was kind of on the Jopper train but have no hopes for it now. Where was their supposed “history” together that was hinted at before the season? It just felt like Hopper constantly acting like a huge, controlling manchild and Joyce having to pep/comfort/discipline him. No sense of back and forth support

What the fuck was that music number with Dustin and Suzie?? Omg cringe. I could feel how the characters all died inside

On the subject of music, they stole Jancy’s theme song and gave it to Steve and Robin and then Mileven. Mileven also stole Jancy’s “I love you”, which was clearly hinted from the name of the song on the soundtrack titled “The first I love you”, which is literally a rehash of their theme “The first lie” in s2. A huge slap in the face to end the season with

[chaoticoconut]

1, 6, and 18! 💛

💛💛💛

these will be long as hell I'm sorry lmao

1. for as long as I can remember I've felt attracted to women and drawn to the community. I grew up watching Saturday Night Live with my parents, which I think is where I first encountered homosexuality but a close second was on this other skit show (whose name I can't find for whatever reason) where girl a was getting engaged to her boyfriend and girl b, the best friend and roommate, was freaking out and it ended with girl b kissing her and I don't know why its stuck with me for over a decade but I used to spend so much time up late at night thinking about what love was or why we kiss each other but I never once considered I was anything other than normal until elementary school. Everytime my friend and I stumbled across two girls kissing in pop culture or really any gay representation for that matter we'd tell each other about it and it became this weird fixation of ours until an older girl overheard us and called us weird and gay and I remember I went home and cried and cried because being weird and gay were obviously synonymous at my Texas charter elementary school and would have a negative impact on my life if people found out.

I didn't start taking those "am I gay" quizzes till about 5th or 6th grade. I had forced all homosexuality into a very taboo box for me and when I didn't like this one (very creepy, I might add) boy back in 6th grade and I told my parents, I remember getting this really adverse reaction from my mother ("well then what are you?") that perpetually kept me fully closeted for another year. That being said, I knew I was attracted to boys too. I think I had my first real crush on a boy in 3rd grade, but before that I had liked Wilbur Robinson and Peter Pan and Justin Bieber and Taylor Lautner for Christ's sake so I had it in my mind that even if I weren't fully straight I could pass as everyone else's normal and not face the repercussions of being weird and gay. I'd still marry a man and have kids like every other female role model I my life at the time. I felt a lot of guilt during puberty and had tremendous gay panic thinking I had to be one thing or another or even one thing in secret and I was lying to myself in some way about my feelings and then my dad's friend (or my self appointed aunt actually) came out to everyone after having been married to a man for several years. As 7th grade rolled around one of my friends came out as transgender. And the internet finally seemed to really give a shit about the LGBT+ community, and the world felt bigger, and I felt more comfortable giving myself exceptions ("maybe you could have a girlfriend in college but still marry a man"). I discovered flannels, I had gay ships (Harley and Ivy saved my whole life), all my friends were coming out at an increasing rate, and suddenly all sorts of people were attractive to me. The quizzes called what I was bisexual. A pretty girl I knew identified as bi/pan (I can't remember what it was at the time, she changed labels a lot those days) I had met at a birthday party just a few days before asked me over breakfast if I liked girls.

I damn near choked on my toast.

And against every voice screaming in my head to just say no and that it wasn't worth it, I told her the truth and within a few days we were dating. Granted, it was only about 3 days the first time, I finally had one thing straight: I was a legitimate bisexual (pardon the pun).

Then everyone found out and called me a lesbian and I was back in the hole. I didn't want to be a lesbian, not because somehow that was more weird and gay than being a bisexual, but because that wasn't who I was. And I knew that much about myself. I had a lot of internalized oppressive tendencies to confront but at least I had some solid footing in my identity. According to my friends my energy was much gayer in middle school and freshman year and I "struggled" with that (I didn't want to shoo away any cute guys but had to accept that even my bisexual identity was polarizing for some) and now I'm here. I'm 16. I'm very confident in my identity. I'm out to almost all of my friends (except for most of my elementary school pals (including the girl who talked about wlw stuff w me bc she's really homophobic now)), some of their families, and one other adult (she was my counselor in the hospital and after like 5 minutes she was like "and are you LGBT or am I mistaken?" and I had to make sure my mom wasn't lurking around the corner before I said yes, honestly my big gay energy is so powerful), and I may or may not tell my dad before I move out (probably not. I've never been very open with my parents about my social or romantic life. Telling him would probably only make things weird or harder for him to trust me going out and doing things lmao). I felt a part of the community for real when my friend came out to me as bisexual for the first time last month and told me my embrace of it helped her come to terms with her own feelings.

6. I don't know how popular of an opinion this is but finding a label that fit me was really empowering. I played around with the idea of pansexuality and demiromanticism and found that in my specific case they held me back more than they defined me. I felt pansexuality was an unnecessary title to hold with the updated and more fluid and forgiving definition of bisexuality and the biphobic tendencies the community had when trying to empower their base but at the same time who am I to tell someone that their label of choice isn't vaild. I don't give a shit. If it is part of you do you. Have your own normal. Everyone else is weird to everyone else anyway. It won't help to reduce yourself to something you aren't. If labels aren't your shit, splendid for you. If they are, that rocks too. Queer is another label I particularly love. It enforces this no confirmative ideal I have. I didn't even begin to rant about Gender & I. I find the word queer the most empowering label of all in the community, because in whole, we are queer, but we're queer together.

18. I love the memes. Lmao. I love feeling connected enough we can laugh about it together. Growing Up Gay memes in particular made me feel so much better about myself. Those memes where both the guy and gal are attractive. I love the sense of style/lack thereof too. There's this lez senior I already have a crush on who just wears whatever the fuck she wants and idk why but I love it and am so inspired.

[kangnuest]

introduction into nu’est

debuted March 14, 2012 with “Face” under pledis entertainment

fandom ㄴ.ㅇ.ㅅ.ㅌ (pronounced LOVE from the way you spell Nu’est in Korean 뉴이스트) fandom color hot pink

did pretty well during debut promotions but popularity kept declining due to shitty promotions from company and lack of comebacks  

many thought Nu’est was near disbandment

4 members (Jonghyun, Minki, Minhyun and Dongho) joined Produce 101 Season 2 in hopes of proving their skills and saving Nu’est

all four members made it to the finale but only Minhyun made it into the top11 (#9) and got to debut with wanna-one 

other members ranked 13 (Dongho), 14 (Jonghyun) and 20 (Minki)

but they did not fail because they did prove themselves throughout the show and gained a lot of popularity internationally and nation-wide 

in hopes that they continue to gain popularity I am making an introductory to the members of Nu’est for the new and upcoming ㄴㅇㅅㅌ’s :)))

firstly Nu’est’s Leader

Kim Jonghyun (JR) 06.08.1995

Leader, Main Rapper, Main Dancer

talented affff

3 S’s Shy Sweet & Sensitive

extremely caring

blames himself for Nu’est’s lack of popularity

looks like onibugi 

cries a lot 

but only bc he loves his members and p101 children so much and he wants to do his best for them 24/7

wayyy too selfless

Nation’s Leader

cried bc other p101 trainees did a hidden camera on him on his birthday

plays like almost every instrument ever

speaks japanese

loves eminem

says he’s living his father’s dream by becoming an entertainer

too shy to speak english

humble affff

video game addict

brought a potato to school and talked to it like it was his child

says sorry too much

ren is his gf

camera slut always has to be in the shot

hates tomatoes

always gets way into karaoke 

wants to marry aron :))

next is the oldest 

Aron Kwak (Aron) 05.21.1993

ft hungry Minhyun

Lead Rapper, Lead Dancer, Vocalist

real name is youngmin 

but he fucking hates it

from LA

is the oldest but isn’t the leader

for good reason

hes a fucking mess

an adorable mess but a mess

does radio shows

sometimes says things without thinking and gets himself into trouble

smart af

got accepted into NYU but chose to become an idol instead

learned Korean in 9 months

is a slut for his members

prob a closeted alcoholic

conceited 

high key gay for ren

mommas boy

ladies man

checks out girls even while on camera

thinks he’s cute and tags pictures of himself as #cutie

king of fan service

loves skinship

gets banned from twitter all the time bc all he does is follow fans

can actually cook 

has kissed ren and acted like he kissed baekho and minhyun

can’t ice-skate but claims he’s good at it

can’t say nu’est after all these years

hates horses and seagulls

can’t jump rope

has a crush on minhyun’s sister

is always 200% done with his members

“when I feel lonely at night I like lonnnggg hairrrr” 

ren: “rrreeaallly?”

claims he teaches the other nu’est guys english but has progressively given up

started the jr looks like onibugi thing

next is my bias :)))))))))))

Kang Dongho (Baekho) 07.21.1995 

Main Vocal

thiccc

can barely dance 

but has an amazing voice

looks scary but isn’t at all until he’s irritated

doesn’t get irritated easily but when he does gtg

is prob scared of ren

kang daddy

sexy bandit

really close to his dad

his dad has leukemia and dongho went to Instagram to ask people to donate blood to help his dad out

sweet pie

also hates horses

likes tacos

says he likes girls with “long hair, cute and sexy…. and a lot of money”

got his stage name bc he looked like Kang Baekho from SlamDunk

his stage name means white tiger

has a tiger tattooed on his forearm

2 more tattoos on his chest 

its hot af

has abs 

but gets too shy to show them 

knows kumdo and did it in his solo teaser before debut

again hot af

hates cleaning

won’t do it

has the most wholesome laugh I literally have a playlist of baekho laugh comps

if his laugh doesn’t make you smile idk what will

fought a drug dealer in Mexico bc he tried to start a fight with his members

strong af 

(saying hello on a radio show) “hello I’m baekho I’m fine thank you and you?”

has to hug someone to be able to sleep usually ren

sweats all the time 

he can breathe and start sweating 

a lil gay for Aron but kissed Minhyun on the cheek and is all over ren sooo

wants to be a comedian but only tells dad jokes

broke the lock on the bathroom door in their dorm once

says whats on his mind/what he feels

competitive but sucks under pressure 

sucked in school

lazy af

prob has the best English pronunciation out of the members besides Aron obviously

“I remember me”

has to pet every dog he sees 

called his parents just to ask to buy something worth like $6

talks shit to anyone and everyone

didnt mean to audition for pledis but went to support his friend in their audition and got casted lmao

is basically naked in the dorm all the time

but in public covers up like a nun

plays piano

always dies from secondhand embarrassment from ren

next is the model

Hwang Minhyun (Minhyun) 08.09.1995

Lead Vocalist, Visual

tall af

skinny but buff

should and could be a model

can hit high notes like nobody’s business

extremely innocent

still hasn’t had his first kiss

at first pledis only wanted him bc of how handsome he is 

speaks japanese

has an older sister that Aron has a crush on but he said she’s out of his league

low key savage

(saying hello on a radio show) “hi I’m minhyun, I like you *kiss noise*”

loves jr

is in Wanna-One (p101)

only pledis trainee to make it 

cried when minki jonghyun and dongho didnt make it 

didn’t even celebrate his victory bc all he could think about was leaving his brothers I’m crying

doesn’t drink

“perfect perfect perfect”

don’t ask him to improv dance

ren said baekho was the most handsome in nu’est and he accidentally blurted out “no he’s not” lmaoo

likes american-korean accents aka aron’s accent

got lost in turkey

rlly likes elephants

always has body lotion wyd boy ;););) 

loves things to be clean

always fighting with the members especially baekho bc nobody cleans except him

bribes baekho with food

hes a picky eater bc hes a child

sucks at bowling

said “this is your mistake” to Aron bc Aron didn’t know their English titles

sings everywhere

“thats no-no”

skips practice all the time

sleeps with earphones in how tf

cried when pledis scouted him 

next is the maknae

Choi Minki (Ren) 11.03.1995

Vocalist, Face of the Group, Maknae

is beautiful dressed as a boy and a girl

can rock long hair

actually any hair

made aron’s heart flutter when he was dressed as a girl

extra af

sassy af

on the topic of Mexican food he responded with “u know i luv u gurl I like mexican” and everyone in the room died

impersonated people drowning in an elevator from movie

minhyun said he had a lot of charisma and he said he was crying

ranted on how amazing and beautiful jr is for like 5 min on live radio

(saying hello on a radio show) “nice to meet you I’m ren thank you very much I love you too”

lady gaga’s number one fanboy sent her fanmail once

knows he’s pretty

can model walk

flexible

can play piano

thinks he can speak English

can’t

loves everyone

is actually terrifying 

does this thing with his shoulders 

so now he’s called shoulder gangster

not afraid to be embarrassed

can and will do any girl dance

can’t raise animals they all die

used to get mistaken for a girl all the time

members rlly love him

has a twitter

made jr sit in a trash can once

sucks at games like any game

amazing dancer

fell in love with baekho when he did kumdo for the solo teaser like same

is a lil bit of a loner

loves fashion

is a diva

likes nail art 

loves the movie titanic

hogs the bathroom bc he’s an ass

makes the members question their sexuality 

“how old are you” 

“I’m fine thank you”

likes skinship

says his older brother is terrifying lmao

snores

thats everything I can remember about the nu’est members pls support and love them

[whambamthankyoubram]

ALL OF THEM IM A NOSEY BITCH

YOU ALWAYS DO THIS

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? MORE CEREAL THAN MILK OBVIOUSLY I’M NOT SATAN

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? No bc my cheeks are cold as hell and I need warmth

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? I fold the corners or put little mailings/postcards in them, whatever I have laying around!

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Tea, nothing; coffee, milk only!

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Yes :( There’s a gap in my teeth and I hate it. I wish my teeth were perfect.

6: do you keep plants? Nope.

7: do you name your plants? Can’t name the plants you don’t keep, my dude

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Uhhhh...no?

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? YES all the time.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Side!

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? 

12: what's your favorite planet? Pluto bc it is still a planet okay

13: what's something that made you smile today? My boyfriend’s Snapchats

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Messy af

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! “In space, the skin on your feet peels off.” EW SPACE WTF

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? MMMMMM any pasta tbh I’m Italian I will eat anything

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I love my hair color the way it is now!

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. My ex never let me forget the time I was passed out on his couch, and I woke up intermittently before falling back asleep. He was watching Rush Hour. I asked him, (HALF ASLEEP MIND YOU), Oh, is this the movie with Chris Rock and Bruce Lee? (I’m awful).

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I write my thoughts and crazy paranoia in there boyyyyyeeeee

20: what's your favorite eye color? BROWN

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. Uhhhhh it’s a longchamp bc I’m a white girl

22: are you a morning person? Not really

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? SLEEP!

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Not sure

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? I’ve never broken into anything omg

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? My Uggs, because I’m a white girl

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? Mint

28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? My BFF giggles sometimes when she talks and idk it’s cute

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Fuck yes, have you ever seen a spider? In your shower? Without your glasses on? 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I LOVE SOCKS! When I get socks for Christmas I get so excited. I can fall asleep with socks on, but at some point in the night, they’re coming off my feet lol.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. I ate pizza while I was drunk #wowimsocool

33: what's your fave pastry? Cinnamon buns, does that count?

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? Winnie the Motherfuckin Pooh. No :( He fell in the mud and I had to throw him out bc the washer couldn’t fix him

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Fuck yeah I do!

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? Noooo clue tbh

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? Clean, but it’s always a mess

38: tell us about your pet peeves! I hate when the President sniffs into the microphone while he’s delivering some sort of address, blow ur nose next time or stop doing coke

39: what color do you wear the most? Black lol

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? Nose ring, no special meaning I just really like it

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? An Abundance of Katherines bc I fucking love the shit out of John Green

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Not really tbh

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Probably my bf

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? The other night, at the beach! So pretty :)

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Yes

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. I couldn’t think of any, next question

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Aerosol cheese

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Bugs, yes, ew

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? Don’t remember!! I bought the first Glee soundtrack when it came out LOL

50: what's an odd thing you collect? Socks?

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I associate “All Night” by Chance the Rapper w my bf

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? Salt bae for sure

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? Beetlejuice was the only one, I watched a little of Pulp Fiction - they were both ok

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? My friend :( she’s ok now but I saw her the other night and she was upset

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? Not sure 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Laughter and the way people get excited over things

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? It made me feel like I’ve been having too much sugar tonight tbh

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I’M THE WINE MOM!!!! I am the wine QUEEN ok that’s all I ever drink. My bff is the vodka aunt, but she lives miles apart from me so we rarely drink together nowadays 

59: what's your favorite myth? Dude? I don’t have one

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, T.S. Eliot. 

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? I got a really ugly hat once, and I gave a really ugly hat once, at the same Christmas exchange party 

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Nope

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? Hell no I’m a living mess

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Black

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? Yes, my bff 

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Mad lilies! They’re my fav flower

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Depressed and tired tbh

68: what's winter like where you live? Cold but not too cold bc you know global warming

69: what are your favorite board games? Scrabble!!

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Yes lol

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? ANY KIND! Right now I’m really feeling ginger turmeric from Trader Joe’s, though, soooo good

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? YES.

73: what are some of your worst habits? Uhhh not going to bed early enough lol

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. This person is a HUGE JARLEY FAN and super adorbs!!! Hates Mon-El and LOVES TO RANT ABOUT IT AND I LOVE THIS PERSON REGARDLESS 

75: tell us about your pets! So I have a dog, he’s almost 12 years old which is really depressing bc he’s probably going to pass on soon :( I’m obsessed with him and love him so much!!

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? Yeah, taking my bra off why am I still wearing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade? PINK, always

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? Hate club, get them the fuck away from me

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? One of my old boyfriends learned how to knit for me which I thought was very sweet

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Aqua! Because I like it?

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. “Comets.”

82: are/were you good in school? Not really

83: what's some of your favorite album art? Ohhhh I know this, I love Californication’s album art so much

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? I have seven!!

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? No

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? Wat

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? The Lion King, BITCH

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Not really

89: are you close to your parents? Yes

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. NEW YORRRRRK. Concrete jungle where dreams are destroyed you’ll never get anywhere go back to long island

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Somewhere over the summer, not sure where yet tho

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? In the middle

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? Top knots bc I’m lazy

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? The Weeknd LOL

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Date night, then I’m not sure!

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? Ohhh I procrastinate so much

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? Not sure about the Myer-Briggs type, but I’m a scorpio + Ravenclaw

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? Yes! I think in November. It was chilly, but a lot of fun

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

One Headlight - The Wallflowers (listening now)

Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes

Love Drought - Beyonce

Under the Bridge - RHCP

Strip My Mind - RHCP

Literally anything by RHCP

Do You Realize?? - The Flaming Lips (I cry literally every time I listen to it)

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Neither, because I am choosing to live in the MOMENT :) 

[sunnibits]

lichen 🌲 - what do you like to collect? thicket 🌳 - how close do you live to a forest? have you ever explored it? (listen I'd love to rant about my forest; rant about yours!)

lichen🌲: technically my collection is pretty small at the moment, but one day I wish to have MANY funko pops... so far I have Nine, Mr. Clever (just bc his funko pop looked really sick) a golden Loki, Missy, and an adorable Thirteen with her apron and goggles :D (Also I feel like mentioning that when I was little I would collect dozens of ‘perfect’ acorns and stuff them in my pockets. Literally just like, 20 something acorns in my backpack’s mesh side pockets. They simply delighted me. I was also a big fan of Cool Rocks™️ and mica, and I still am!!)

thicket🌳: I don’t really live close to any sizable woods that I’ve explored now, but I CAN talk about the small woods behind my old house I spent most of my younger childhood in! It wasn’t very big, just a bit of woods behind the houses on my street, and you couldn’t go in very far before you reached this hill where the plants got very thick and there were a bunch of thorny trees so we couldn’t really get in there. But I spent a lot of time there when I was little and I have a lot of memories... There were a lot of woody vines hanging down everywhere and they made some cool shapes and figures that of course became many different things like animals and machines to my younger imagination. There were a couple sort of hollows of vines and plants that me and an old friend used to claim as ‘houses’. Definitely one of my favorite parts of my little patch of woods was a bit where these sturdy wooden vines came down together and sort of formed a loop an inch or two off the ground, and it was sturdy enough to stand on, with the two vines you could hold onto on both sides. So it was, essentially, a natural standing swing. It couldn’t swing very far obviously, but me and my old friends used to have so much fun swinging on it when I was tiny!!! It’s still there, although kind of hard to get to through the foliage. But by far my most favorite part of the woods was this one real thick tree a little farther in, with very sturdy branches low enough to the ground for a little Sunny to easily climb up! I used to love climbing it all the time and just sitting up there for ages, or walking on the branches and singing dramatic songs like I was in a movie 🥰 Sadly, a few years ago some company came and cut down almost all of the thicker woods, mostly the part we couldn’t go into anyways but also including my favorite tree :((( So they just made an ugly parking lot with maybe 20 feet of woods separating the lot and our backyard. But I still remember the tree fondly!

[pastwinter]

plot/connections for our resident ray of sunshine below the cut!! also i wrote these ages ago so excuse the format -- i was too lazy and pressured by time to really rewrite these ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tutor me, please! | for muses specializing in dance

nari isn’t the best dancer, but she has the drive and passion to learn; that being said, she approaches your muse in hopes that they’ll take pity on her and give her pointers and the extra one on one time she needs. how easily your muse agrees to take her on – IF they agree at all – is up to you, but be prepared for a stubborn and persistent nari : )

no we’re not dating ew | for either gender

nari and your muse are those pals that everyone assumes are dating bc they’re practically glued to the hip when time permits and seem TOO close to be just friends. but that’s ALL they are in truth – just two very good, very comfy friends who hold hands and sometimes wear matching hats. could!! turn romantic depending on how things go, even if it’s one-sided. gimme that unrequited love angst B) but also gimme that really loving and supportive friendship pls and thanks

what modelesque features! | for anyone

nari definitely did NOT mean to send that horrendous but hilarious picture of her to your muse, but to her horror, she did. now the two exchange texts regularly but she’s still unaware of who it is she’s speaking to – the reason is up to you – and she’s growing just a TAD impatient to know the individual who has been blessed by her face and friendship.

i hate you ( but not really ) | for anyone

somehow your muse has gotten under nari’s skin from day 1, and because fate apparently likes to torment her, she’s stuck with them either for work or training purposes ( or maybe your muse just likes to drop in unexpectedly and simultaneously annoy her and help her – whatever you feels suits them best! ) . she swears up and down that she cannot STAND your muse, but eventually that’s a lie and she actually ends up considering them a friend just a LITTLE.

nice people deserve ice cream | for anyone

your muse finds nari fast asleep in some of the oddest places, and each time, out of the kindness of their soul, they cover her up or provide her with a makeshift pillow if they can. and nari’s kinda embarrassed but also super curious each time because who the heck is being so nice but leaving before she can thank them?? so next time she PRETENDS to be asleep to catch your muse in the act – and thank them profusely by treating them to ice cream.

english extraordinaire kim nari! | for muses not fluent in english

because of her american mother and summers spent in america, english comes easily for nari; she’s as confident in her english as she is her korean. so when your muse is in need of some help, she’s the perfect person to ask! lessons may include: english puns, childhood stories from america, slight melancholy over grandparents, and western cooking ( tasty successes and not so tasty blunders alike ) .

childhood pals ( or not ) | for muses around nari’s age

like the name suggests, your muse and nari have known each other since they were kids, but they haven’t seen each other for years until they stumble across one another at 2kent. whether they were FRIENDS or FOES, though, is entirely up to you – their reunion can be filled with fond reminiscing, disdainful scowls, or even apologetic words depending upon your decision!

let it aaaall out | for anyone

in which your muse, in a tipsy or full on drunk state, starts crying and/or ranting about their troubles and sorrows to an innocent passerby who just happens to be none other than kim nari. and nari, being the empathetic soul she is, sits with them and listens the entire time, yelling and crying right alongside your muse as if their troubles were hers, too. by the time they’re all done and worn out, it’s the dead of night – even so, nari assists your muse in finding their apartment, a hotel, or allows them to crash on her couch, depending on your preference. regardless, the next day is, no doubt, horribly awkward if your muse remembers. if theyDON’T remember, it’s a tad confusing to see nari treating them so nicely all of a sudden – a confrontation for answers is inevitable.

we’re a couple o’ rocks, supporting each other | for muses around nari’s age

your muse has known nari for some time – we can discuss the time frame, but they’ve likely known her since before her time with u ent. when she decided to seriously pursue her dreams, they were there supporting her. when she felt downtrodden after countless rejections, your muse was there to lift her spirits and push her forward. when she was accepted at u ent, your muse was there to scream in excitement with her. when she impulsively ran away from home to live with mirae, your muse was the first to know. they were there to hold her hand along the way, and your muse is beside her even now, one of the very few to ever see nari express her worries and be something other than smiley and upbeat.

of course, this support system isn’t one-sided by any means; your muse is nari’s rock as much as nari is YOUR MUSE’S rock. the sunshine kid is always there to make them laugh, to offer her undying, unconditional love, and most certainly to chew someone out if need be. they’ve known each other for some time – their loyalty and affection for one another runs deep.

crushes suck except when they don’t | for male muses

in which nari has a thing for your muse, but your muse doesn’t have a thing for nari… at least in the beginning. no matter the end results, poor nari is mortified when she unwittingly admits to her crush in front of your muse, and from then on she tries to avoid him. TRIES. fate must be laughing at her because she continues to run into your muse, and eventually it’s more amusing than awkward. rather than continue to avoid him, nari decides to simply befriend your muse and put an end to her silly crush – whether that’s a success or not and whether anything develops between the two will depend upon how things progress and how we feel about the chemistry.

i weep for each pup and kitten i meet | for anyone

animals are perhaps the largest weak spot nari has; she absolutely can NOT stand the sight of one wandering the streets by its lonesome. so your muse happens upon her one day, sitting beside a stray dog who is obviously enjoying the lunch that should be resting inside her own belly. they happen upon her again crying over a box of kittens left on the street corner, and again as she’s chasing off a couple of hooligans from bothering a poor stray. the next occasion your muse witnesses her bleeding heart getting her into trouble – one of the dogs she feels so deeply for chomps down on her hand before fleeing the scene, leaving the teen in a mess of tears, and really, how can your muse POSSIBLY remain a bystander at that point?