#Raewyn asha

[luna-writes-stuff]

Just rewatched the entirety of the Hobbit saga and then I realised; ‘I wrote a whole ass fanfic series containing every little detail in the dwarven story line that is captured within these 9 hours’, so yeah, I couldn’t help but make at least one new meme post.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, last year I finished my Kili X OC fanfic series! And it’s free to read right here on this hellsite! You can find it in the main masterlist on my pinned post <3

[fallenangeloflight]

Kili: In my defence, I was left unsupervised

Raewyn: Wasn't Fili with you?

Fili: In my defence, I was also left unsupervised

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Imma post things like this in hopes of a happy ending @luna-writes-stuff

[radbarbariancupcake]

@luna-writes-stuff

[luna-writes-stuff]

Wow those other memes were a whole success, huh? Enjoy these <3

Interested in whoever is that girl in the first picture? Check out my (finished) Kili X OC fic series in my main masterlist and find out!

[luna-writes-stuff]

Them, but they’re responding to the “I want a baby” text

wait, you don’t know who that one badass woman is there??? There’s one way to solve that problem; Check out my Kili X OC series “Starcrossed Losers” right here! Chapter 34 came out two days ago and can be found here!

[luna-writes-stuff]

Kili: Remember how you threatened to kill my uncle on multiple occasions?

Raewyn: haha, yeah, wild times

[luna-writes-stuff]

AND THERE

SHE DOTH APPEAR

IN THE LAST WEEKS OF DECEMBER

THE FINAL TWO CHAPTERS OF STARCROSSED LOSERS WILL BE OUT BEFORE 2024

[luna-writes-stuff]

Wake up babe; new alignment charts dropped

Wait, you still haven’t read that amazing Kili x OC fic of that idiot who keeps promoting it with stupid memes? I’d check it out if I were you. We’re only 3 chapters away from the end.

[luna-writes-stuff]

My favourite Starcrossed Losers chapter titles, but they get progressively more unhinged:

You have no idea what this is about have you? No issue! Find the full Kili X OC fic right here! The epilogue will be out this week, so keep your eyes peeled!

[luna-writes-stuff]

Alignment chart to celebrate Chapter XXXIV of my Kili X OC series coming out today!

haven’t seen it yet? What are you waiting for? You can read it right here <3

[luna-writes-stuff]

Starcrossed Losers: The Art Archives

Post-botfa

tap picture for better quality

he’s such a “i love my wife” type of guy

[luna-writes-stuff]

CHAPTER VII.V (BONUS)

A Kili X OC fic

Previous chapter // Next chapter

Tw: Slight (playful) violence, literally that’s it

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Will someone please teach Bilbo to defend himself

As much as she hated being back, Rivendell held a certain magic to it. Even now, as cold midnight air flew over the gardens, it felt peaceful. The entirety of Middle-Earth could be at war and you wouldn’t be able to tell it from here.

She had returned to her chambers shortly after her talk with Kili, needing some time to cool off. Perhaps she had overreacted. He was right to question her, but part of her was reluctant to share too much about herself. Especially considering his kin was the one who had made her life the hell it was. But Kili did not deserve the anger she had directed towards another.

Farris had visited Raewyn’s balcony once before taking off for the rest of the night. This was customary for them. Owls were, after all, night animals.

Peaceful as it was, the Asha could not find rest that night. So much was wrong. She shouldn’t have left for the Shire, and she most certainly should not be here. Frustrations and doubt kept her off. She must have spent at least an hour tossing and turning before finally jumping off of her bed. Maybe a midnight walk would clear her mind.

It came as no surprise to her that most halls and gardens were deserted around this time. A handful of elves stood watch at the gates, but most of them had long returned to their chambers. Even the singing, laughing and belching of the dwarves could no longer be heard. Perhaps they finally decided they would need time to rest too.

As if it was natural, her feet led her to the main hall, where Elrond had led the company to the dining area only hours prior. It would always be a rare sight to see a hall as such completely void of life at night. Candles were still lit, but no voices nor music could be heard. No sound, but the soft patting of footsteps.

But not hers.

Turning towards the source of the noise, she found Bilbo entering the hall from the south entrance, across from her. A slight smile built on Raewyn’s face as she saw him.

“You should be sleeping.”

“As should you.”

She sniffled at that, turning around to face Bilbo. “Ranger,” She stated. “Never truly asleep.” 

He nodded at her words, staring around the room as if he was lost. Raewyn followed his eyes for a short second.

“What are you doing up?” She wondered. Bilbo didn’t answer her immediately. Instead, his eyes slowly met her, before wandering around again.

“I’ve been told of this place ever since I was a child,” He began. “Being here…it doesn’t feel real.”

She didn’t really have a response to that. She didn’t grow up on tales about kingdoms and houses, except for when it was of a concern to her family. She hadn’t even heard of Imladris until Gandalf had taken her there. She couldn’t place herself in Bilbo’s shoes. 

And thus, instead of faking sympathy and agreement, she turned back to her earlier path, looking behind her to nudge her friend. “Walk with me.”

Wordlessly, Bilbo followed, his mouth half open as he took in all the sights, no unoccupied by its inhabitants. Even in the dark, Rivendell managed to take his breath. Raewyn seemed to know her way around surprisingly well for someone  who claimed she had lived on the road. Then he recalled her earlier words.

“You grew up here?”

“No,” The Asha laughed gently. “Gandalf took me here after he took me in. He wanted me to stay, but I wouldn’t have it.”

His interest grew with every word she spoke. So when she halted over only two sentences, he wouldn’t have it: “How old were you?” “Too young to be on my own. Though, I didn’t think so at the time.” 

That managed to get a laugh out of Bilbo. Of course she’d be as stubborn as a child as she is now. Raewyn appreciated his humour. 

“My family raised me with important values. One of which; hierarchy is about control, not order. We didn’t take kindly to monarchs or rulers. You can imagine my disappointment when Gandalf took me to Rivendell and told me to address a stranger as ‘lord’.” 

As she spoke, Bilbo noticed a figure lingering above them, blending in with the night, though not enough to not let him know he was being watched. When he was about to comment on it, he noticed the creature swoop down into the tall grass below. Naturally, Farris was watching over her companion. 

“Is that why you didn’t want to be here?” He asked uncomfortably, trying to keep on subject. 

“I don’t like people telling me what to do.” 

Once more, he laughed.

“Don’t laugh!” She scolded with a smile, before resuming. “Gandalf has learned to adapt to it. We’re equals. We don’t expect the other to obey us. It’s based on mutual trust and respect. It’s why he can talk to me the way he does.”

“Ah,” The hobbit nodded. “And lord Elrond doesn’t?” “Elrond is a lord. It is expected you respect him, regardless of how well you know him.” 

She was correct, Bilbo’d give her that. It didn’t mean it wasn’t right, but he was wise to keep his words to himself.

“I’ll be fair, he gave a good effort for us to be friends, it simply felt forced.” Raewyn continued before her friend could say something stupid. “It felt false and almost degrading. I was treated as a child who just learned to speak her first words. I’m sure he didn’t - and still doesn’t - mean to sound like that, but conversations with him were too difficult for me. I couldn’t stay in a place where I had to walk on eggshells every time I engaged with an elf.” 

That, he could imagine. Once more, he simply nodded in understanding and intrigue. She took it as her sign to continue; “Gandalf took me with him on his travels only days later. We��d return from time to time, but only for brief stops. He knew I hated it here. As I said, mutual respect.”

A shrug came from her as she halted on one of the upper gardens, overlooking most of the elven kingdom. For a while, it was silent. Bilbo was still marvelling at the sight, whilst Raewyn was off in her thoughts. She didn’t come back down until her friend called her.

“Raewyn?” 

It was the first time she heard her true name from his mouth. She tried to conceal her surprise, but seemed to fail once Bilbo elaborated; “That’s your name, right? I heard lord Elrond call you that.”

“It is.” She spoke. “Tolmiró is a name to keep myself safe.”

He was trustworthy enough.

“It suits you.” He tried to compliment. She could see through him.

“What’s wrong, Bilbo?”

Hesitantly, Bilbo reached for the blade on his hip. “Gandalf gave me this.”

“Clever of him. You should be able to defend yourself.” Raewyn hummed, taking the shortsword from him and inspecting it.

“Yes, well, that’s the thing. I have never held a blade in my life. I don’t know how to wield it.”

“Easy, stick it with the pointy end.”

“Ha ha,” He scoffed as his weapon was returned. “Could you help?”

The two fell silent again. Bilbo almost shrank under the Asha’s contemplating look. Perhaps he was too weak to be taught. He was stupid to ask her.

“Your opponents will always be larger than you,” She suddenly cut through his doubts.

Furrowing his eyebrows together, he uttered a meek “alright”.

“Assume the worst. Assume someone twice your size. That way, it can never be too bad. Confidence is half your work. You should never wield a weapon in fear. Never.” She spoke her last words so firmly, he didn’t dare forget it, nor question it.

“You’ll make stupid decisions,” She informed nonetheless. “And you’ll likely die.”

“Noted.”

“Furthermore, your weapon isn’t an object. It’s your arm. When you’re holding this, you’re not holding a sword, you’re extending your arm. You cannot drop your arm.”

“That’s a charming metaphor.” Bilbo mumbled, swinging the blade loosely in his arm, away from Raewyn.

“Fighting is mostly done with mind and calculations. Stupid people rule, they don’t fight.” Again, not sure he agreed, but he could see it from her perspective.

“Drop the blade.”

“You just told me I can’t.” The hobbit squawked out.

“And now I’m telling you you can.” 

Before he could even try to sheathe his weapon, he found himself on the floor.

“Hey!”

“We’ll start with defence. Get back up.” Raewyn commanded. Bilbo left his weapon for what it was and pushed himself back on his feet. Then, before he could even realize it, he was back on the floor again.

“Stop it.” 

“Stop falling.”

A huff came from him as he looked up at the ranger, who was looming over him. “You’re stronger than me.”

“Assume the worst, Bilbo,” She reminded him. “You’re gonna defeat your enemy lying on the floor? Get up.”

Sighing, he got back up. He tried to steady his feet, but when rough hands pushed against his chest once more, he could do nothing but let gravity work its magic.

“Will you-“

“Up.”

“Stay back.” He begged, to which the ranger easily complied. Now having his room, the hobbit rose again.

And he fell again.

“Raewyn!”

“Up.”

She was smiling now. Only seconds ago he’d become excited once Raewyn offered him advice. Now, he truly wished he hadn’t asked.

Be that as it may, he carried himself up, shaking his arms lightly. It was futile of course. He was back down as quick as he’d gotten up

“Up.”

“Give me a second.” He huffed out.

Again, he rose and fell.

“Up.” 

This time, Bilbo didn’t comment, nor listen.

“Get back up.” Raewyn repeated, now more urgent.

“Will you just let me catch my breath?”

“Lesson one; don’t ever stop coming back up,” She scolded. “If you do, you’re dead. You get kicked down, you get back up. Always.” The urgency in her voice caught his attention. “Up.” 

And thus, with much reluctance, he stood back up. Raewyn stepped forward, her hands out, ready to shove him again. Only this time, Bilbo stepped aside, letting the ranger pass him. A satisfied ‘ah’ came from her, as if she had finally found a light switch.

Caught up in his victory, the hobbit didn’t see the foot swinging underneath his legs. Not until his back collided with the floor. Before she speak, he waved her off.

“Yeah, yeah. Up.”

Back on his feet, he repeated his tactic, succeeding once more. Then, he countered himself, trying to give Raewyn a shove. She easily dodged him.

“Defence, Bilbo. Not offence. If you do,” Her hands found his arm, bracing herself as she lifted the hobbit over her back and shoulder, onto the floor. “This happens.”

“Ow,”

“Up.”

“Am I gonna get any tips?” He sighed, heaving himself up.

“You’re clever enough.”

Shove, dodge, shove down again.

“You’re always the smaller fighter. Why?” She reminded him.

“Assume the worst.”

“Good,” She complimented. “Your stance won’t save you. Anyone could pick you up and throw you over their shoulder. It’s about dexterity, not strength. Don’t give them the chance to reach you.”

“So, your advice is run?”

“No.”

“What?”

Subconsciously, almost as if it had already become a habit, Bilbo found him back on his feet as he finished his question. He repeated the dodging, both of the shove and the tackle. When Raewyn reached out again, Bilbo duck down and ran to her other side.

“Like that.” She grinned.

“This is futile. We’ll keep doing this for hours.”

“Exactly.” Raewyn agreed. “The only thing you’re doing is dodging blows. I have to use strength to wield a weapon, advance towards you, miss, dislodge my weapon, and repeat the same procedure.”

And suddenly, the lights went on in his head. A tiny smile climbed atop his face as his eyes met Raewyn’s.

“I’m tiring you out.”

With new-found energy and determination, Bilbo and Raewyn managed to play this game for another hour, before the hobbit ultimately gave up in exhaustion. His freshly washed clothes were now covered with dirt and grass, whilst Raewyn still managed to look completely unscathed in her dress.

As compensation, she offered to walk him to his chambers. An offer he gladly accepted. Both out of companionship and because he had no idea where Raewyn had walked him to, nor where his chambers were.

“How do I hold my blade?” He asked, cutting through the silence. It was the question he had most wanted an answer too, but all she taught him was knowledge behind arms and how to not fall over.

“All in due time.” Raewyn answered honestly. “Once you can stand against me for an hour without falling, I’ll teach you.”

“An hour?” Bilbo repeated incredulously.

“Attacks need to be placed precisely. One miss and you’re at a disadvantage. Trust me, dodging and keeping on your feet is the best tactic you have now.”

“Raewyn, when will you train me?” He asked exasperately. “We’re constantly travelling.”

“Every day. Until our quest is over.”

“What if I have to fight tomorrow?”

“You won’t. Not while I’m around.” She returned quickly, halting her steps. At first, Bilbo thought he’d be getting his speech, but once he noticed the door, he realized they had arrived. “If you want to learn to use your blade now, ask someone else. This is what I was taught. This works.” 

Ah yes, habits, rituals, circles, conservatism - this was how he knew Raewyn. Part of him understood that she wanted to keep her methods to honour her clan, which was in one way beautiful. But it also made her more stubborn than all thirteen dwarves combined.

He respected it, though.

“Please, get some rest, Bilbo. Thorin will want to leave at first light.” She gently offered, placing a reassuring arm on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Raewyn. For this entire evening.”

She smiled at him, turning around with a brief wave as he opened the door.

“Any time.”

——

[luna-writes-stuff]

Good morning, today I found out it has been three years since I started writing this and what even is time.

In celebration of this three (almost four???) year anniversary, I have finally edited, revised and double read the entire works! The updated and rewritten version of Starcrossed Losers [A Kili X OC fic] is now available on Wattpad, AO3, and Tumblr! If you have not read it, check it out! And if you have, thank you so so much for all of your support, reblogs, comments, bookmarks, kudos, memes, artworks - I CANNOT STRESS HOW MUCH I STILL LOVE IT

Having redone this work over the past few days has given me so much motivation to start writing again. Because I cannot yet say goodbye to this work, I have decided to release a bonus chapter this week that takes place during act I. Keep your eyes peeled!

Once again, thank you so much for everyone who has read the series and made an effort to interact with it, it truly means a lot to me!

[luna-writes-stuff]

Chapter XLIII

A Kili X OC fic

Previous chapter // Next chapter

Tw: Feelings. A long awaited chapter, if you will. Emotions??? Crying?? Really mild for my doing.

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You know what’s scarier than a dragon? Feelings.

Raewyn didn't remember falling asleep in his chambers that night. Everything had gone by in a flash. She remembered waking up before him, slanted against the wooden frame of his bed, still seated on the floor, the slight brush of his arm against hers. It was enough to raise a sinking feeling in her stomach. Not one of desperation or grief - it was a nice feeling.

She remembered gently waking him and thanking him for comforting her. After that, one of the younger girls from Laketown helped her into one of her dresses, most suitable for a funeral. She had helped the girl back to her mother in the big halls of Erebor, before entering the Gallery of Kings, now littered with a golden floor. On the higher steps of the stairs, she could already see Thorin, Bard and Thranduil, accompanied by a handful of elves and men. What caused her breath to hold momentarily was seeing Fili and Kili up there in regal robes, standing beside Thorin proudly. With the time spent on their quest, Raewyn had slowly begun to forget that the two were indeed royalty, and had lawfully been considered princes. They never held that atmosphere of authority that Thorin seemed to ooze; it was easy to see past the fact that they had a right to a throne. And though she had been raised without hierarchy and with disdain towards kingdoms, she couldn't help but bow her head slightly to the pair.

The commemoration of the fallen soldiers had been long and emotional. Raewyn hadn't lost anyone close to her - thankfully - but the sobbing of men and wailing of children was enough to cause her to blink back a few tears. She couldn't deny that the loss had been too great for words, even though the kings had done their best to try so. She didn't know how long she had been in that room, but when they came back out, sun had already set. Granted, there had been a big dinner and party afterwards to celebrate the lives and future of the people of Erebor and Dale, but she hadn't anticipated for an entire day to pass by.

All throughout the party, all she truly felt was anxiety. Bilbo would be leaving the next day, and she had yet to answer Thorin's offer. There was fright and fear in accepting the proposal for reasons she could not quite place. She wanted to stay, but simultaneously felt as if that would be intruding, even if everyone in the mountain would personally assure her that that wouldn't be a necessity. She had done her absolute best to hide from Kili, a new-found fear climbing out her body every time someone would even mention his name. She couldn't place where that had come from.

The flash of events came to a halt when she escaped to that all-too-familiar spot above the broken gates to Erebor. She had sneaked some food out for Farris, who was peacefully eating it in front of her. A plus that came with a somewhat magical owl, was that she ate everything and never got sick. That way, Raewyn could sneak out a handful of desserts; a few for her and a few for Farris.

"You were awfully absent today." A voice suddenly cut through the silent ambiance, alerting both Raewyn and Farris of the new presence. Neither seemed surprised by it. Raewyn turned around slightly, forcing a smile onto her face. "Did you follow me here?" Kili grinned at that, walking up to the two.

"Perhaps."

The Asha scanned his figure, that same atmosphere as this afternoon suddenly flushing through her. He seemed to ooze royalty now.

"You look regal." She remarked. Immediately, his energy seemed to change, his eyes rolling around as he made a silly face, clumsily lifting the great cloak off of his shoulders. "It's so heavy." He exaggerated in true Kili fashion. The material hit the floor with a heavy thud, before Kili sat down next to it, rolling his shoulders back. "That's better."

Raewyn couldn't suppress the brief chuckle at his antics, shaking her head at him. Kili's eyes found hers, slowly drifting to her dress. "How is your back?" She shrugged as if it was nothing, ignoring the scratching of her bandages.

"Aching. Burning. Nothing new."

Kili didn't seem to catch on to her nonchalant figure, his eyebrows furrowing together in hurt. "It's been worse. You shouldn't worry about it." She tried to reassure. He just nodded in a mocking manner.

"I'll stop worrying when you can't feel it anymore."

"How are your hands?" Raewyn tried to change the subject, referring to his still bandaged hands. "Sore." He muttered, flexing his fingers as if to make his point. A mischievous smile climbed onto his face as he looked up at her through his lashes. "It's been worse." Raewyn scoffed at that in humour, leaning her head back slightly. She tried to regulate the expressions on her face. As long as he thought you were okay, a voice echoed in her head. Her smile, however, seemed to fall quicker than intended, now replaced by a far-off stare. Kili noticed it immediately.

"Are you alright?"

She looked at him, mentally cursing herself for dropping her mood so quickly. "Peachy." She tried to placate, but when Kili didn't answer that, she knew he didn't believe her. With a heavy sigh, she fed Farris another piece, ignoring the rough tugging on her heartstring. "I feel tense - on edge." She confessed, now looking down at the owl, somewhat anxious to meet his gaze. It didn't help that he seemed to look at her regardless of where her eyes fell. She could feel his worried eyes on her.

"What for?"

"I don't know." She muttered. "It's like the imminent dread of some sort of event. It feels inescapable."

Kili let out a silent 'ah' of understanding, nodding along with it, even though she couldn't see it. "Any way I can help?"

"No," She answered. I think you're actually making it worse.

She didn't dare to say that out loud, even if it was the truth. She was already feeling inner turmoil, but at the mere mention of his name or brief glances of him thrown her way seemed to only amplify it, a heavy pit settling into her stomach. Him actually talking to her made her want to dig a hole in the concrete floor and lay in it for an undecided amount of time.

When it became clear she wasn't going to comment on it any further, Kili tried to change the topic: "Bilbo is leaving as soon as the sun rises." And the sinking feeling in her stomach seemed to have reached the bottom, an almost nauseating feeling now rising up. She hated it. Even when facing Smaug, she hadn't felt like this. It was terrible - she hated it. She felt incredibly hot, and began to pay a lot of attention to her breathing. Not because it began to speed up; because it seemed to be the only thing she could hear clearly.

"So he told me." She tried to play off. "It's weird - I'm already missing the little bugger." Kili mumbled, his voice hitting her even harder.

"I'll tell him you said that." She mused absentmindedly. She didn't know if she actually said it out loud, because the dwarf didn't speak afterwards. It was just a sudden silence - perhaps comfortable for him, but it was dreadful for her. She needed to talk about something else. Anything else.

"What will happen once the dwarves have returned to the mountain?" She managed out, still not meeting his eyes. She heard Kili laugh slightly at her question. "All the dwarrowdams will be wearing all kinds of silly dresses. And I don't doubt there will be many awfully stupid meetings. A kingdom back on the rise will likely do that." Trying to copy his sarcasm, she nodded along: "That sounds entertaining." "It's dreadful," He claimed. "But if you'll stay, I could talk with the fun captain of the guard."

That felt like a direct shot to the heart. A shallow breath escaped Raewyn as she coughed, trying to cover up the deep sigh. "Yeah, perhaps."

Kili frowned at that. Perhaps he had been oblivious to the sudden shift in her mood, but the sigh definitely did not go unheard by him: "Does the offer cause you stress? Because, if it does, you can take your time making the decision. Dwalin could take over in the mean time."

Yes, she wanted to scream. Instead, what came out was a curt "it feels odd".

"The dragon is dead, Erebor is reclaimed. Dale will be rebuild." "Yes," The dwarf agreed. "The start of a new era. It's odd to see it happen, I suppose. It's something you only ever hear in tales."

She didn't know what it was in his words, but she hated it. Her hands had begun to shake and she was having a hard time covering it up. Something was so terribly wrong. The whole situation seemed wrong. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to do with Thorin's offer, she didn't know what to do with Bilbo's leaving, she didn't know what to do after Erebor had been reclaimed. She never imagined ever meeting Kili. He was the reason she went through all this unneeded stress right now. If it wasn't for him, she would have easily rejected Thorin. She would have left with Bilbo days ago and she would have never thought of Erebor again. Kili had ruined everything. And she hated that she couldn't even hate him for it.

Standing up quickly, she heaved another deep exhale, forcing back tears that had sprung into her eyes during the stress. She wasn't even sad. She just didn't know what to do. It was so much at once and she couldn't talk about it. She couldn't even properly think about it.

God, Kili terrified her.

"I'm not feeling too well." She managed out, leaving all the desserts on the floor for Farris. Before she could even walk past Kili, he had also risen from his spot, his hand finding hers. The skip in her heart was almost enough to let her crumble right now.

Almost.

"Should I get Oín?" He wondered in concern. "No, I'll be fine." Raewyn dismissed, ripping her hand from Kili's, doing her best to regulate her breathing. "I think I shall return to my chambers."

"Should I walk with you?"

"No." She spoke immediately, a gesture that made Kili recoil slightly. "I'm sorry," She apologized. "I appreciate the gesture, but..." I don't want you around me. She didn't tell him that. Of course she wouldn't. Why was this so hard all of the sudden?

"I can find my way. Bard was asking for you a short while ago. That's likely more important." "I doubt that." He countered stubbornly. "Kili, please?" Raewyn pleaded. "If only to soothe my mind?"

Whether it was the terrified glance in her eyes or her rigid form, Kili seemed to adamantly agree to her words. "Alright," He sighed. "Get some rest." She nodded quickly, before rushing towards the entry to the mountain. She could feel her heart pound against her chest with every move. Not in a cliche way, but in a way that left her truly scared. She was scared that she was this frightened. The last few weeks had been lived on pure adrenaline, but she had never been this terrified. Not when facing Smaug, not when battling with the orcs, not when plunging into a freezing lake. Not when she was facing nearly certain death. She was frantic in a way she had never been before and she couldn't understand why.

The second her feet stepped through her bedroom door, she collapsed to the floor, her shaking hands slamming the door shut, before her shoulder rested against it. It was all his stupid fault. She wouldn't have gone through this if it wasn't for him. She knew he would never want her to feel this just because of him, and part of it made the entire ordeal even worse. It made her hysterical. This was awful. This was sickening. Who was to say what would happen if she stayed? Would she have to go through this every single day? That would be a true nightmare.

The flurry of events and anxiety didn't calm down until she had fallen asleep against the hardwood door, her cheeks puffed and her skin red, in that same black dress the girl had given her that morning. She felt little peace in her sleep, but at least she was out. It was the most rest she'd get for now.

——

The sun had just risen when Raewyn found herself in front of Bilbo's chambers, her old recovered armour covering her figure. She only had to knock once before the door was opened, her familiar friend welcoming her with a brief smile before returning to his packing. Wordlessly, she stepped into the room, watching him sort out the last of his things. When he finally closed the bag, she gave him a hopeful glance. She could see some sort of turmoil in his eyes, and she had only hoped he hadn't changed his mind.

"Ready to go?" She asked him hesitantly. Bilbo looked at his own stuff, before letting his eyes run over Raewyn, doubt clear in his features. It didn't soften as he spoke his next words: "Are you?"

His words took aback, and she couldn't help but let out a scoffed chuckle at it. "Why would I not be?" Bilbo stopped his movements, exhaling deeply as he patted his hands to his side uncomfortably. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself quickly. When Raewyn didn't respond to it, he resumed his notion: "Look," he sighed. "I know this isn't my place to say, but there is so much keeping you here. Why would you leave?"

Silence filled the room upon his question, and neither of them could really predict what the other was going to say. Of all the things Raewyn had expected, she never expected her friend to insinuate she should stay here. She figured he'd be delighted that she came with him. It would offer extra safety, she thought of them as close friends, and he had always spoken to her about the Shire. And now he was asking her why she would join him?

Why did she join him? It wasn't because it was her goal in life to find a home in the Shire. It was too calm for her liking. She'd be surrounded by hobbits who would continuously stare at her, and she'd be obligated to bother Bilbo every second of the day. There were no conflicts she could help with, or spaces she could explore when she'd grow bored. She'd inevitably grow bored. However peaceful it sounded, the Shire was no place for an Asha, even if they spent their lives defending it.

She also didn't want to go back into the wilds. It'd be much too different now. Somewhere along the journey she had begun to forsake the life she had grown so accustomed to. Perhaps she wanted to return to it just for the familiarity of it; not because she liked it.

Bilbo's voice tore her out of her thoughts, which she hadn't even known she was stuck in. "You don't want to go." It wasn't a question; it was a statement. If it had been a guess, it would have been an excellent guess. She wasn't going to admit that out loud.

"They don't want me here, Bilbo. Not really." Raewyn spoke up. Not in a defeated tone, or a tone laced with sadness, no - she spoke it as if it was a well-known fact. To her, it was. "I'm not a dwarf; this isn't my place."

"You're scared." Bilbo countered, shocking even himself that those words tumbled out so easily. Furrowing her eyebrows together in offence, she stared at him. "No, I'm not." "Yes, you are," The hobbit returned, surprised at himself for going against Raewyn, who could easily knock him out if she wanted to, especially if she was angry. She seemed angry now. Be that as it may, he continued: "You're scared that you won't belong."

"Of course I don't belong," She noted in a slightly raised voice, as if it was the most apparent fact of all time. There was no emotion behind it. And if there was, Bilbo couldn't hear it. "I've known that all my life. It doesn't scare me." "It doesn't scare you to be alone?" The hobbit repeated confused. "No." Raewyn denied, shaking her head to emphasise her point.

Swallowing thickly, Bilbo balanced on the balls of his feet, nodding his head in feigned belief. His friend didn't notice the faked expression. "You're stronger than me," he simply stated. "I'd be terrified."

A soft smile appeared on Raewyn's face as she listened to him: "You're a hobbit. You're sociable by nature. I was raised alone." Her justification didn't seem right to him, but he refused to completely argue with her logic. "That doesn't mean that it shouldn't scare you." He mumbled in empathy, refusing to meet the Asha's gaze. When she figured out he wasn't going to look at her, she just closed her eyes in frustration, turning around as she pointed towards the door.

"Can we just go?"

The hobbit followed her instructions silently, risking one last look into the room he had slept in for the past days, before ultimately closing the door. Raewyn let him lead the way. The dwarves had prepared their departure from Bilbo, but she hadn't told them anything about her own choice. Bilbo was going to say goodbye, as they had planned, and she'd wait outside. Perhaps keeping her venture a secret wasn't the best idea, but knowing the company, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

The morning air was cold, hot clouds forming from her mouth as she stood outside, watching Farris circle her continuously. Gandalf had stood beside her in silence, though his looks said enough. He knew arguing with her would be futile, but the least he could do was give her a couple glances. She felt it. She wasn't going to respond to them.

Before long, Bilbo finally emerged from the gates, a troubled expression on his face. He awkwardly nodded towards the pair, contradicting what both the ranger and wizard had expected - Bilbo was ecstatic to go home. They had expected a slight smile or relieved sigh. Not this uncomfortable nod. He didn't speak, he didn't mutter - nothing. The pair just followed him silently, unsure of what to say or do. A heavy feeling settled in Raewyn's pit the further they strayed from the mountain. They weren't even in Dale yet when the lump in her throat had become scratchy and painful.

Almost as if he could sense it, Bilbo turned around, stopping in his steps. Swallowing down the unpleasant lump, Raewyn tilted her head slightly. "Bilbo?" "What makes you happy, Raewyn?" He asked without skipping a beat, giving her an accusing look. It was the first thing he had said since leaving Erebor.

It wasn't the fact that they had been walking for a handful of minutes now and those were his words - it was the stone cold undertone to his question that had taken her aback. "Beg your pardon?" "What makes you happy?" He repeated, his voice even colder now, as if she had just committed the greatest crime known to him. Be that as it may, she tried to make light of the situation, not looking forward to days of walking in another hostile silence.

"Um, rain?" She thought aloud. "The smell of freshly baked bread?" Bilbo refused to answer, which caused her to let out a hesitant 'hedgehogs?'.

"Not that." The hobbit dismissed. "Well, that's what makes me happy." "No, it doesn't." Bilbo interrupted. From the corner of her eyes, she could see the wizard shift slightly, chuckling under his breath with an ever-so-prominent smile.

"Sorry?" "Rain doesn't make you happy." The hobbit went on. "I don't think you truly know what can make me happy." Her tone had dropped slightly, no longer amused with Bilbo's speech. "Oh, but I do," He ignored her underlying threat. "So, I'll ask you again; what makes you happy, Raewyn? Genuinely happy."

"Warm sheets." She deadpanned. When she received the same glare from Bilbo, she rolled her eyes, genuinely thinking her answer over. There were a hundred little things she could mention, but she knew it wouldn't satisfy Bilbo. She didn't know what would. There was truly only one thing that she dare speak aloud that might give him some contentment: "Peace?"

"Peace?" Bilbo repeated with a somewhat relieved sigh. "For who?"

For who? She could have wished peace upon everyone - wishing it for herself would seem selfish. But, then again, it had been the one thing she had been longing for for years: a home. Somewhere safe and content. A happy place, without malice or hurt.

"Myself," She confessed, but not without a scoff. "To not fight every day. A place I could call home." She then pointed to her friend, a heavy breath following her words in defeat. "Kind of what you have." "A home," Bilbo voiced with content, finally satisfied with her answer. "That's here. Why do you run from it?" There was that dreadful lump in her throat again. Just when she had begun to forget about it, it returned, now twice its weight. Bilbo was her friend. If she couldn't be honest to him, who could she be honest to?

"What if I am scared?" She whispered, her lower lip shaking slightly. Bilbo's face softened at her question, even though it did not come as a surprise to him.

"You are?" "What if, one day, he wakes and doesn't want to see me anymore? There'd be nothing left for me there." He couldn't resist the sympathetic smile forming on his face, his shoulders dropping with his words.

"Raewyn, I don't think anyone will ever love you more than he does. I don't even think Gandalf makes a valuable opponent." The hobbit spoke, as he nodded his head towards the wizard, who had simply stood there and watched the endeavour unfold. "I'm not ready to settle for that life," Raewyn mumbled, swallowing thickly. "I might never be." "You'll never be if you keep wondering." Bilbo answered gently, his unrelenting attitude finally calming down.

The Asha turned to Gandalf in slight panic, hoping to seek aid from him. "Gandalf-" "Don't look at me," He smiled. "You've been on your own for far too long." The desperation was clear on her face. Having already been in turmoil, her friend's word didn't exactly offer her any form of comfort or reassurance, and Bilbo could see it written all over her.

"Actually," He coughed. "I don't want you on this journey. I don't want you to travel with me." It wasn't spoken in a soft manner, for he knew it would be futile. No - this was a command. "You should go back."

With a crestfallen expression, she looked upon her friend, unsure of what to do. She could only bow her head in understanding. "The Shire isn't what you're looking for, not really," The hobbit continued, his tone much more gentle as he walked towards Raewyn. "And maybe you don't know this yet, for whatever dull reason, but you're not looking for a place. You told me this yourself. Home isn't somewhere; it's someone." His hand found her lower arm, giving it a comforting hold. "'Home isn't a place, Bilbo. It's people'." He quoted. "Weren't those your exact words?"

"I don't recall saying that." "Misty Mountains, after we encountered the stone gi- look, it doesn't matter." He trailed off. "What matters is that you have people who want you with them. Even the one person you've spend your entire life loathing wants you to stay." He paused shortly, trying not to get worked up over Raewyn's indecision. "You have something good there, Raewyn. I don't even think I have that in my house. You're not going to find that anywhere else, ever again."

Hopeful eyes met hers as she did her best to keep her emotions in, frightened it would be too much once it would flow free. However, Bilbo's next words seemed to break the dam building in her eyes: "Please, go back."

Quickly wiping away a stray tear, Raewyn grabbed onto Bilbo's shoulders. "I'll miss you," She managed out, trying to keep her voice steady.

"I'll miss you too. Very much, so." Careful not to put too much pressure on her back, the hobbit wrapped Raewyn into a warm hug - one that she was quick to reciprocate. "I've grown fond of you, Bilbo." She sniffed, parting from him, yet keeping him at an arm's length distance. "Don't do anything stupid. Keep yourself safe, for my sake." He nodded his head feverishly at her words, bowing his head in farewell afterwards: "I do hope you'll come to visit sometimes." A heartfelt snicker tore from her as she once wiped away another tear that had fallen.

"I'll visit you so often, I'll begin to bother your neighbours." He smiled in return, his eyes now glossy as well.

"That'd be lovely."

Before he could fully break, Raewyn had turned to Gandalf, her smile fading into an unsure expression. "My dear Raewyn," the wizard began, his eyes narrowing with his joyful expression. "I've been alone before, but this just seems much harder." She confessed, walking up to him and wrapping her arms around him, silently memorising the way he hugged her back. Just in case.

"Oh, but you won't be alone, will you?" Gandalf chuckled, parting from her with a grin. She could feel the heat rise to her cheeks, but refused to comment on the matter.

"Don't become a stranger."

"You won't have to worry about that." The wizard winked, walking up to the hobbit, grasping his shoulder in acknowledgment. Bilbo got the silent hint and offered a final wave to his friend.

"Goodbye, Raewyn." "Farewell," She whispered back, remaining there on the frozen floor as she watched the two descend further down the mountain. It wasn't until she saw their two tiny figures near the city of Dale that she finally turned around.

New-found confidence surged through her as she climbed back up, huffing in protest of the sudden exercise her back muscles had gotten. Thranduil had been kind enough to return her armour after the funeral, but it had been nowhere near injury-safe. In fact, the thumping of the metal might have made it worse. She was just grateful Gandalf had healed the most part, and she was left with nothing but scars and a dull ache. Be that as it may, she had laid down for days - she hadn't this much exercise since the battle upon Ravenhill. By the time she had gotten back to the gates of Erebor, she was severely out of breath.

Her heart began to speed up at the thought of facing the dwarves after she left them without telling. Scratch that - she had to face him. Forcing the anxious feeling down, she grunted loudly, shooting a helpless glance at the sky, as if someone was going to help her. "Fighting a dragon was easier." She mumbled under her breath, before ultimately walking back into the gates.

She was confused to see no one stand guard, but figured it had still been too early. The entry hall was empty, and her footsteps echoed through the halls. Farris, who had loyally followed Raewyn inside, had now found a spot upon the unlit chandelier, already pecking at her feathers. Confidence faded into hesitance when she saw Nori's figure walking the empty halls, his back to her. She must have been too loud, because he turned around quickly, a surprised look on his face. He was swift to notice her weathered armour and heavy cloak around her. It was easy for him to piece two by two together.

"Lass, you're leaving too?"

"Where's Kili?" She dismissed, completely out of breath, but still on the high of her adrenaline. Wordlessly, the dwarf pointed towards the large hole in the wall that led to the hall of kings. Raewyn nodded in gratitude, immediately taking off in that direction, not giving herself more time to overthink it.

In the room was a small group of dwarves picking up the rubble from broken pillars Smaug had left. Among them, Raewyn recognised Gloin and Bifur. On the other side, she could see a second, even smaller group of dwarves, who seemed lost in conversation. Kili found her before she could even see him, pushing through the dwarves with a relieved look on his face. She could vaguely hear his brother utter an apology, but she wasn't focused on that right now. All she could really focus on was trying to keep her breathing down and praying that no one could hear her pounding heart.

"Thank Mahal, you're alright," The dwarf sighed as he ran up to her, grabbing her arms as he inspected her face, trying to look for any form of distress. "We couldn't find you."

When his eyes trailed to his hands, he seemed to realise hadn't been holding on to her tunic - he was holding onto her armour. "You're leaving?" He stuttered out, his face falling immediately.

"I am. I-I was." Raewyn corrected, wincing slightly when Kili's hands dropped from her arms. Heartbroken, he looked at her, his eyebrows furrowed together in hurt. "Why didn't you tell me?" A hesitant sigh slipped past Raewyn's lips as she tried to smile the discomfort off: "Because you'd ask me to stay."

"Is that such a horrible thing?" Kili countered, his voice breaking, causing Raewyn to finally let down her defences. She glances around the room, noticing the crowd of dwarves who had begun to look at the pair of them. Part of her couldn't care less about who saw them now, but she couldn't deny that it still left her feeling slightly out of place. "Kili," She began softly. "I don't belong in the mountain."

"Forget the mountain," He dismissed, not following her eyes. Instead, they looked directly into hers. "You'd leave anywhere without telling me?"

Her heart skipped a beat at his words, her hands squeezing together in attempted reassurance. "I know that wasn't-" "I'm not going to ask you to stay." The dwarf interrupted. Immediately, that build-up courage dropped, all her weight falling into her shoes. "Oh," She breathed, the lump in her throat returning. She had made a fool of herself. Of course he wouldn't ask her to stay if she decided to leave. He respected her wishes, but for once, she wished he would fight for her.

Her mind had already convinced her of rejection, so when he dropped to his knees in front of her, clutching her hands, she stood there frozen, staring at him in clear surprise. "Stay."

Oh

"What?" She whispered, her voice almost inaudible. "I need you to stay. Please." He wasn't asking her to stay - he was begging her. She could have cried in relief upon the realization.

"Kili-" "Forget the mountain!" He repeated, fearing she would start arguing again. "I do not care about where or how. I need you to stay with me. That is all." His hands worked to remove one of her gloves, squeezing it tightly when he managed to do so. She didn't fight it. "I need you to stay with me. We could go anywhere. I'd run with you." A deep breath came from him as he looked up at her, the sight of him almost having her drop to her knees as well. "I have spent a lifetime looking for you, and I'm not going to let you leave without at least trying. And I am sorry I didn't try sooner. I should have. But I was scared and stupid and you were truly all I could ever want." He cried. "So, please, don't leave me."

Finally, she held onto his hands, no longer letting them hang loosely beside her. With wide eyes and an open mouth, she stared at him. "I'm not leaving." She whispered. Now, it was his turn to be confused:

"What?"

"Well, I was going to, but- hobbits can be quite rude." She rambled, dropping to her knees in front of him, joining him on the golden floor. "I was terrified," She admitted. "I have never been that scared in my life. Kili, my hands were shaking at the mere thought of you, because all I could think about was how you would eventually tire of me." Tears of lament began to gather in her eyes at the thought.

"How could I ever tire of you?" Kili asked genuinely. One of his hands let go of hers, now raising to her face, cradling her cheek gently. "Raewyn, you could burn down everything and everyone I care for, and I'd still have you."

A choked sob escaped the ranger at his words, a sorrowful smile on her face as she dropped her head, chuckling at her own sadness. "I'm sorry," Kili looked at her, fearing rejection would hit him next.

"No, it's..." He mumbled, trying to push his pain down. "It's alright."

"I didn't- Ki, that's not what I meant." Raewyn corrected, lifting her head to look back at him. "I'm sorry it's me. You deserve more."

"More than you?" He grinned, the tears gathering in his eyes slowly slipping down. "I don't think that exists." She could only laugh poorly at that, sniffing as she attempted to regain her posture. "Stay. Please." The dwarf pleaded for a final time.

The Asha rose to one knee, her hands fumbling with the outer layer of her clothing, seemingly looking for something. When she found it, she took it out of her pocket, dropping it into Kili's open palm. The dwarf stared at the object, his vision now blurring through the emotions. Though he couldn't see it clearly, he knew what she had lain there. A small, silver piece of jewelry, finely engraved with a Dwarvish rune that was only carried by one bloodline the world still held. One bead that Thranduil had returned to Gandalf after the battle.

"Rae-" "It is yours," She cut him off with a hushed tone. "As is my love. But, please," She closed his palm, looking into his eyes with a look he had never seen before. "Put me in a silly dress and take me to your stupid meetings."

A pathetic chuckle came from him as he wiped his tears off on their intertwined hands. "What colour should your silly dress be?" She laughed with him, her forehead falling against his, relishing under the touch.

"Whatever colour you'd like."

Slowly, his head rose from hers, that same boyish, yet emotional grin on his face. It was more mature now, but no less attractive. Before she could really come up with anything to say, both his hands cupped her face, his thumbs rubbing against her cheeks. Gently, he leaned forward, trying to seek any form of discomfort on her face. In response, she copied his movement, halting his hesitance by placing her lips on his. The one leg that had sat up when finding her bead returned back to the floor as her hands wrapped around his neck, forcing herself into his hold, its familiar embrace soothing her still swirling nerves. The way his thumbs were still brushing against her skin did nothing to help the mayhem of butterflies in her stomach, though.

She did not wish to part from him. Not this soon - not now. But in the heat of the moment they forgot they still had an audience, and thus, she parted from him, but not before lingering just a little bit longer than would have been usual.

"You really want to spend the rest of your life with me?" Kili tried to joke, still holding her close. "I'm going to get very annoying."

"I'd burn down kingdoms if it meant I'd get to live my life with you." "Please don't." The dwarf whispered, placing a quick kiss on her lips as she went to move back. When they were separated, his hands ran to his own pockets, pulling out a second bead, similar to the one he had given her before the battle. "Then, I believe this is yours." He placed the tiny piece in her hands, watching the way she clutched it tightly. "My lady." She snickered at his teasing tone, but was happy to copy it nonetheless, letting one hand run through his hair, gazing at him in silent admiration.

"My prince."

——

Taglist: @errruvande @writingawaymylife @justnerdystuffs @spidergirla5 @fallenangeloflight @bianavacker-is-bi-as-hell @lxdymormont @deathofafangirl01 @the-cranck-hobbit @chaoticpaintsplatter @bxtchopolis @radbarbariancupcake @gay-destiel

[luna-writes-stuff]

anyway, check out my Kili x oc series Starcrossed Losers right here <3

[luna-writes-stuff]

Chapter XL

A Kili X OC fanfic

Previous chapter // Next chapter

Tw: Injuries/descriptions of injuries, flashbacks to trauma and fear, vivid dreams. Description of pain. Gandalf is being Gandalf. Kili is a sweetheart. Losing of consciousness.

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More Asha history because it’s my story

It was just past midnight when Gandalf entered Raewyn's tent. He had found Bilbo sound asleep at the gates of Erebor and had helped him inside to a warm chamber, before marching over to the medical sites.

Upon opening the tent flap, he found himself faced with an exhausted Fili, who was close to falling asleep in the clumsy wooden chairs in the room. His brother sat beside him on a second chair, looking exhausted as well, though he appeared nowhere near closing his eyes any time soon. Fili noticed the wizard almost immediately, jumping up from his seat quickly.

"Gandalf," he announced, his voice sounding almost relieved. Hearing his brother's words, Kili's head shot up too, the rest of his body remaining in his seat. He looked worse for wear and Gandalf found himself frowning upon the sight.

Bowing his head to the two heirs, he neared Raewyn, an unsettling feeling finding its way into his stomach. Carefully, Fili approached him, almost scared to break their interaction, one-sided as it may be.

"They said that she might not wake," the dwarf began, his voice set in sorrow. "They'd be foolish to think so." Gandalf answered, interrupting the other words the blonde had wished to speak. He knew Fili would already offer his condolences, but he was not ready to hear them yet.

A hand waved over her head slowly, his touch barely ghosting her nose. Then, he moved his hand down, humming in what the dwarves could only interpret as understanding.

"Did you know that Rogur Asha survived Melkor's wrath ages ago?" The wizard suddenly spoke up, taking the pair by surprise. A mumbled speech of denial escaped Kili's throat, but Fili nodded slightly.

"He faced Ancalagon the Black," he answered. "Amad used to tell us how he rode the dragon."

Gandalf dared to risk a little smile, returning his hand as slow as he had raised it. "That is a mere tale," he began, turning to face the older brother. "He did not fly on the dragon. In fact, he did not last more than five seconds against the beast."

Fili's face fell upon the revelation, as Kili's head slowly turned back to his lap, where his fingers still lay entwined with one another.

"It is in the Ashas belief that he was as good as dead after the battle, when suddenly Illuvatar himself descended down from the heavens to heal his wounds." That sparked regained interest from the two princes, who simultaneously showed a surprised expression. Entertained by their reaction, the wizard continued; "Since then, the Ashas have been graced with incredible stamina and endurance."

"Are you saying Raewyn can control magic?" Fili wondered aloud, rewarded with a short chuckle from Gandalf. "No," he dismissed. "That is naught but a story. He lost an arm and a leg, but was healed by a Teleri elf."

Swallowing harshly, Kili now decided to speak up, having been silent for long enough: "Then, why tell us this?"

Turning his head to face the youngest, a look of sympathy graced the old man's features, and he stepped away from Raewyn's figure slightly. "If the tales are true, that means he survived an attack of the greatest dragon this world has ever known. He has lived through spells and torment. And if it is his blood running through her veins, she shall live from the mere wounds of an orc. Magic or not."

Letting the words settle into his head, Fili was left with only one question; "Do you think she has magic in her blood?"

Looking at the dwarf with an appreciative twinkle in his eyes, Gandalf shook his head, already answering his question."If that were true, I would have known by now. But one does not require magic to endure." A beat of silence consumed the tent as Gandalf rose up. "I have known her for many years; raised her to be the person she is today; taught her everything she can name. It grieves me as much as you to see her like this, but trust me when I tell you there is no need for tears just yet. She will wake, you shall see."

"I will be waiting outside, need there be any interest. When she wakes, do not move her, even if she wishes for you to do so."

"Can you not heal her?"

"I will not lest her life be in danger. It has been a tiring day for all of us, Fili. I cannot heal everyone."

——

A startled gasp escaped her throat as she rose from the rocky surface beneath her. The smell of wild daisies was in the air as a cold breeze swept over the back of her head. Groaning in exhaustion, she turned around, laying on her back as she faced the sky. A purple fade was washed over the clouds as the sun hung dangerously low. Around her was an open field surrounded with poking rocks, billowing trees and small hills. She could make out the happy chatter of people, and shrill laughter echoing through the air.

"Come on! Dinner's ready!"

Another shriek of humour as the giggles of others were heard as well. Standing up groggily, she wavered on her feet slightly, flattening the dress against her legs as she peered in the distance. A few trees removed, she saw two young dwarves playing around a tree; one in it, one trying to get a hold of a nearby branch. Removed a few feet from them stood another group of dwarves, one presumably calling for the dwarflings. They didn't seem to hear him.

A faint moment of a déjà vu hung in the air as she observed the scene. If she had been here, she would have known. She did not know how she got there, but that didn't seem to be important to her at that moment. She was vaguely there; vacant but aware of her surroundings.

"Aren't you a beauty?" A new voice called, this one closer that the one that had shouted towards the dwarflings. She hadn't heard anyone nearing, but then again, she didn't hear a lot except for their shouting and laughing.

Turning around in confusion, she came face to face with an older dwarf - older than her. Her hair was as dark as leaves would turn in autumn, fading beautifully into her beard, which was decorated with beads and chains. Her eyes shone with nothing but love and adoration, a look she had slowly grown accustomed to. But this was a different kind of look. It wasn't until she began to smile, that her heart stopped.

"Look at those strong arms!" She continued to praise. Then, she neared the younger one, slowly lifting her hand, as if she was scared she would back away. Gently, the hand fell under her chin, her thumb gently brushing the skin. "He was a late bloomer as well, that's fine."

Somehow, that didn't insult her.

"You have my ears, though."

"Mom?" Tears began to build in her eyes as she spoke the word, her figure frozen solid. The dwarrowdam stopped for a short while, her features growing soft. "These must have hurt." She spoke, gesturing towards the cut above her eyebrow and just below her ear. "They suit you. Sekina," she muttered. "Little fighter. You always have been."

She couldn't get any more words out. Everything seemed to die on her lips, nothing but confusing and grief sewn into her face. The dwarrowdam took quick notice of it. At a slow pace, she leaned her forehead against her, the peach fuzz of her skin brushing against the younger Asha's head. It felt so real. She could smell her - she smelled of leather and salt water. She could feel the tickle of her beard, and the breath slipping past her lips as she laughed lightly. She could feel both hands brushing over her cheeks as she kept their foreheads glued together.

Suddenly overwhelmed with emotions, Raewyn wrapped her arms around the dwarrowdam, sinking into her strong embrace as she released heart wrenching sobs. She didn't even realise this could not be real; it felt real. She didn't even have time to contemplate it.

"Why must you cry?" Her mother asked, returning the hug her daughter had so terribly needed. Looking up through soaked lashes, Raewyn shook her head. "I missed you." Then, she parted, observing her surroundings for the second time. "Where are we?"

"Can you not tell?" A beat of silence as the youngest Asha became highly aware of her mother taking in her facial features. A sigh of sympathy was heard as the dwarrowdam spoke up. "No, you cannot. I am sorry, azina."

"For what?" The mention of the old nickname did not escape her ears, but she did her best to ignore the feather light feeling upon the nostalgic name.

"You do not remember this place as well."

"I was here?"

A low chuckle escaped the mother as she turned slightly, pointing towards the two dwarflings near the tree. Her finger then fell to the one in the tree, making fun of the other that was struggling to get up. "That's you. With your nephew Rokal. He was a few years younger than you."

Rokal. It was not a name she remembered, though a faint feeling entered the back of her head.

"Why can I not remember him?"

"Your mind will not let you," The dwarrowdam spoke defeated. "It is trying to protect you."

Protect me from what? How have I been here before? How did I even get here?

Questions tore through her head upon all the revelations, yet none of them seemed important enough at that moment. Instead, another question came out: "Help me remember?"

Looking down at her daughter, Zura smiled. Not one of glee or happiness, but one of pity. As if something was horribly wrong and Raewyn couldn't grasp it. "I want to. I do not think you properly understand how much I want to."

As if looking for a distraction, her eyes fell upon a jewellery in her daughter's hands, taking it in hers as she carefully observed the object. "Oh, this is beautiful. Where did you get it?"

A sudden shot of confusion washed over her. Suddenly, her eyes saw gold everywhere, faint clattering in the background. A hand came into sight, but she couldn't recognise it."It was given to me."

A nod of understanding. Then, another remark towards the piece. "What stone is that?"

Flashes of huge wings and a burning village crossed her mind, before she stared straight into a huge yellow eye. She could hear a taunting voice in her head. "Dragon scale." She swallowed, looking down at the ring. The hand came back into sight, the word 'dragonslayer' echoing around in her mind. "It was made for me."

A soft smile climbed onto Zura's face as she realised what the piece meant. "Oh, Raewyn," she sighed. "That is wonderful."

She was cold, suddenly. The flash of brown eyes was gone as quick as it came, but it was enough to flood her senses.

'We should leave for Rivendell' '

You cannot expect us to sit still with the thought that you might not make it off of here!'

'I know'.

With a sudden skip in her heart, she tried to choke words out. "He's-" A faint moment of peace in Rivendell flashed before her eyes, and though it was a mere second, she had trouble recollecting her breath after it. "You'd like him."

"He makes you happy, I can tell." Her mother informed, gesturing towards Raewyn's shoulders with a loving gaze. "Your shoulders relaxed when you talked about him."

Something was wrong. Something was horribly wrong. A pestering feeling overtook her back as she scratched it lightly. She didn't hold back the hiss that escaped her once she touched the wound. "Take your time to recover," Zula spoke, noticing Raewyn's movements. "Heal your body and your spirit. You need to let us go eventually."

"What do you mean?" The Asha asked, confused at her mother's words, still entirely oblivious to what happened in order for her to appear in the fields. Her question was dismissed as Zula turned around: "Walk with me, I want to show you something."

Walking towards a nearby pond, the dwarrowdam pointed to it, an unreadable expression on her face. As if sorrow was mixed with nostalgia. "Do you remember how I used to wash you here?" When Raewyn shook her head, her mother continued. "You used to hate it. You'd rather go to sleep with sticks in your hair and dirt in your clothes."

Then, she kneeled down on the banks, her knees touching the water as her hand fell in it to test the temperatures. "I made a game for you; for every bird you'd see whilst I was washing you, you could get an extra berry before bedtime. One time, you saw five hundred." Another chuckle. Raewyn sat down beside her. "I think you were lying."

Then, nothing came. As if Zula had been frozen in time. Leaning forwards slightly, Raewyn observed her face. "Mom?"

Slowly, the dwarrow's face turned, a sad expression on her face. "Stop running." She spoke gently. Suddenly, Raewyn's hands were grasped tightly and she was thrown into the pond.

Sheer panic began to settle in as the freezing water surrounded her. Forcing herself to resurface, Raewyn sputtered water out. "No, mom,"

"I will see you again." Her mother only spoke remorseful, rising from her seat as she watched her daughter sadly.

A sharp hand tugged on her leg, but she refused to look down, waving her hands in panic. She knew how to swim, but all knowledge had faded within my seconds. Her eyes were glued to her mother on the side, but the dwarrow began to turn around.

"No, amad, please!" Raewyn shouted, begging for help. Her body felt thrice her weight, and she had difficulties keeping herself above water. Daring to risk a look down, she came face to face with a horrendous creature. Flashes of a burning village and bodies littering the ground were shown to her.

"You will thank me later, trust me." Her mother tried to soothe, seeing the realisation set into her daughter's features. And then, she walked away.

"No!" A shout of agony and pain tore from Raewyn's throat as her memories began to hit her like a brick. "Mom, what are you doing?" Her voice was scratchy as new tears threatened to break the surface. The tugging became harder, sharper. "No, please, please!"

Ice cold water seeped through her clothes again, her entire body now buried underneath the ice again. Breath began to run out as she tried to claw her way up desperately. She didn't want to look down, she wanted to see her mother. To say goodbye, to say everything she wanted to say now that she finally remembered. The man shouting was her father; she could have ran to him, but she didn't. And now she was back to drowning.

A scream tore from her throat in frustration, though no sound came out. Everything around her faded to black, except for the dawning sunlight above the lake. A vague figure lingered above her, and her fear amplified. She was stuck between swimming back up, or diving further down. She couldn't make a decision. A rough hand grasped her, tugging her up before she could even swim from it. Something scratched against her back, the pain unlike anything she ever felt. It was whitening hot, burning and freezing at the same time. And then, finally, the sunlight faded as well.

——-

An agonising pain flew through her spine as her hands shot from underneath her, trying to keep the pain down. A pitiful wail escaped her as she tried to wash the freezing sensation from her body. Two clammy hands shot to her shoulders, trying to keep her down. A wet rag fell down beneath her head, but it was quickly picked up by another set of hands.

"Raewyn, don't move," someone called. A set of footsteps seemed to run from her. She couldn't find it in her to even wonder why. "Ssh, don't move," they repeated, one hand moving to the back of her head, gently brushing her hair back. "You'll only hurt yourself." Another rush of pain jolted through her body as she automatically tried to push herself up. "Rae, please."

The familiar name slowly registered in her mind. Her body reacted to it before she could properly process where she was now. Gradually, she felt her body relax to the soothing words. "That's it," he encouraged. "Don't move."

Gently, the hands began to retreat and she felt the body lower. "Fili's getting help," he continued softly. "He'll be back. We'll get you back on your feet soon enough, you'll see." She could hear the trembling in his voice, and she forced her head to turn at the sound. A huge weight settled upon her brows as she moved, a harsh pounding knocking against her skull. She halted halfway, squeezing her eyes together as she tried to push the feeling down. A bandaged hand found her cheek as it gently turned her around, before lowering her head on the mattress again. That was when she could finally see his red eyes and puffed up face. She went to say something, but was halted by the burning feeling in her throat.

"Shh, it's okay," he interrupted her, reaching for a nearby flask. Unscrewing the cap, he held the piece in front of her, assisting her in lifting her head to reach the water. A stinging sensation filled her throat as she let the water fall down, but she tried to ignore it, relishing the feeling of some hydration.

"Don't waste your breath, please," Kili muttered, placing the flask back when she was finished. She chose to listen to him. Everything seemed so tiring now. "You'll be fine." He whispered, brushing the hairs from her face.

"Lass," another voice called. Blinking slowly, her eyes ran past the dwarf in front of her, facing the older medic who now entered the tent. "Yer awake."

The next passing events were remembered in a blur. She could vaguely recall gentle hands putting her upright and the muffled questions of Oín. She didn't know if she answered them. Then came the cold rag. A moment of fear seeped through her veins as the hands around her shoulders tightened. She must have fought them, because the next thing she knew, she was lying down again. Then, the familiar embrace of darkness.

—— Sekina: Little fighter in Asyr (language of the Ashas) Azila: Little darling in Asyr (language of the Ashas)

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