#RN???
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WDYM THERES LAS NEVADAS LORE
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sorry sorry hold on back up since-since when were there NINETY TWO OF YOU???
#personal#random#i have???#92 followers????#rn???#when did all of you get here???????#hold up i need to retake attendance how many of yall are bot blogs-
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shoutout to the moth thats picking a fight w me at 4:32 am
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Chenle, cutest man to ever cute even though he hated his life a lil bit doing it 😭🫶🏻
(Also tag yourselves I’m Jaemin in the back of the second pic 100%😭)
#i’m so obsessed#he’s so perfect#do you ever wanna squeeze someones cheeks#because i do??#rn???#chenle?????#tag urself i’m jaemin in the back#nct dream#nct#chenle
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a while ago I read this sci-fi short story from the 50s where a guy is kidnapped and interrogated by aliens using a very sophisticated lie detector, but he realizes that the lie detector works off technical truth, and with some careful phrasing and misdirection, he manages to make them believe that humans are a race of immortal, overpowered, omniscient telepathic beings. and it works.
my favorite part is when he tells them that humans are "capable of transportation without the aid of spaceships or any vehicles, just by using mental power to control physical matter". it's true, we can. it's called walking.
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If a felon is president, every felon needs to be able to vote immediately from this moment forward
#laurelcore#it’s infuriating#me rn#make that make sense#wait you can’t because it doesn’t and it never will
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the curse of summer is buying and eating an inadvisable amount of fruit in single sittings.
#listen in my defense i bought 4 peaches and they are going to get oversoft in 2 days and i only ate two of them rn#that's discipline! that's control!#........#i will probably end up eating the other two in the middle of the night huh
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good thing from jp twitter this week is queen of old man yaoi michiru sonoo discovering the term old man yaoi
update: somehow it got impossibly more wholesome
quick translation: おかえり: welcome home あ 終わった 終わった: ahhh, it's over! it's done! コーヒー? お茶?: coffee? tea? コ~ヒ~ ありがと: coffee, thank you~ ネクタイレア★★ ネクタイ取るレア★★★★: seeing him with a tie on, rarity level ★★, seeing him take a tie off, rarity level ★★★★ にあうな~: it suits him~
also please do follow: AraigumaSha: sensei's twitter account marureviere: maru, who does such valuable work highlighting bl manga for an international audience
#'this is my old man yaoi masterpiece' <3333#soooooo cute she is SO excited and pleased about it and so giddily interacting with international fans about it#and marvelling to japanese fans like: did you guys know about this??? old man yaoi \o\ \o/#psttt michiru-sensei you want to do a severance doujinshi soooo bad. please.#meanwhile foul thing from jp twitter this week is the man boasting about how he made deepfake p*rn of his girlfriend's best friend#because he couldn't stop thinking about her#and also he thought he was being such a Good Boyfriend he actually told his girlfriend about it#and he was furious she was furious#he was like women........ i'm doing this for the good of our relationship but women never understand our (men's) sacrifices#you know all those doombait articles about how japan is going to go extinct#maybe that should happen.#anyway. let old man yaoi heal you until then.#michiru sonoo#manga#yaoi#twitter#old man yaoi#queer#gay#long post#lgbt#japan#japanese
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jayce enduring a symbolic rendition of viktor's trauma is so painful and so, so clever.
being stricken down and immobilized through sheer accident or, in viktor's case, a cruelly random quirk that caused his disability.
then physically dragging himself from the lowest level of zaun to piltover, much like how viktor spent his youth reaching toward the promise piltover offered, but only if he could "pull himself up by the boot straps" and get there on his own. socioeconomic forces working against him be damned.
i appreciate arcane reminding us of viktor's origins - the reason he is so called to help people and, eventually, save himself - and putting jayce through the ringer - the contrast between he and viktor's lived experiences is front and center throughout season 1. the writers send jayce, and the audience, on a grueling journey to contemplate those experiences and how they've manifested in these intertwined characters.
#THIS IS ONE OF A GAZILLION THOUGHTS I'VE HAD#AND IT'S ABOUT ALL I CAN SAY RN#BUT ANYWAYS HIP HIP HOORAY!#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane s2#arcane spoilers#viktor arcane#jayce talis#jayvik#this act did an amazing job of equalizing jayce with the rest of the characters#stripping back his ignorance and privilege COMPLETELY.#viktor propaganda
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well it finally happened
so my dad is almost 80, this man's been making Spirk content since Star Trek started airing basically
he never knew ao3 existed, he just thought people stopped writing fanfic when ff.net died, like it was a fad that had outgrown him or smth
he clicked an ao3 link in my pinned last night, realizing that they were in fact clickable
he's mad at me for not telling him earlier. "I don't have a lot of years left in me and there's so much to read"
he's gonna spend his whole retirement reading trek fanfic now jesus christ
#never let anyone tell you you're too old for fandom when my dad's in the trenches rn#turning off reblogs cuz this was never supposed to escape containment#our relationship isnt great so getting asks about it is awkward
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The crew
#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#im obsessed with the game rn
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new notepad concept,,,, been a couple yrs since ive released one!~
#might fade the art even more but its so pretty rn lol#pixel art#pixelart#artists on tumblr#landscape#illustration#aesthetic#sunset#art#artist on tumblr#clouds#painter#painting#artblr#artwork#notepad#stationery
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IM IN LOVE WITH YOU!!! THIS RESPONSE MAKES ME FEEL RENEWED!!!
az is fully understanding how terrifying girls girls can be when they’re standing in solidarity with each other like he’s on the OUTSIDEEE and rhys is just excited he’s not in trouble LMAOO, i just know he’s going to feyre at night and is like aren’t you glad i’m so good😋😋
IM SO HONORED YOU LOVE MY WORKS BBY
Are We Still Friends? — Part Two
Pairing: Reader x Azriel
Summary: You and Azriel are struggling with the aftermath of your heated argument. Unfortunately, you both cope in very different ways.
Warnings: angst! (with a side of some friendship fluff)
Word Count: 5.2k
Part One
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹
The room reeked of stale arrogance and cold stone— like it always did.
You could handle Keir alone. Azriel knew that. You did, too. But that didn’t make it easy. Az’s presence was enough to silence Keir’s snide remarks with a single look. Without him here, Keir was running his mouth like a common court gossip, his words dripping with the kind of entitlement that made your skin crawl.
He was droning on now, his voice a low hum in your ears like the buzzing of a persistent, uncatchable fly; rattling demands, complaints, thinly veiled insults. It was always like this.
You were barely listening.
Your mind kept drifting to Az, to the conversation the night before.
Your chest simmered with a new emotion every time you replayed it. Anger, disappointment, betrayal. You weren’t sure which stung more: his sharp tone, the way he’d dismissed you, or the bitter fact that you’d never had Azriel talk to you like that before.
Where was he now, anyway? What had Selene needed so urgently that he’d decided official court matters could wait? Somewhere far more comfortable than this gods-forsaken pit, you were sure.
“…and the resources we’re requesting are more than reasonable, given the sacrifices we’ve made to maintain this arrangement.”
Keir’s voice sliced through your spiraling thoughts, slick, self-satisfied, and grating. He had quite the punchable features, you observed. How had he lasted this long without a good deck to the face?
“If Rhysand truly values his court,” Keir continued, a mocking edge creeping into his tone, “and not just his little city, then perhaps he should send someone who understands the importance of negotiation.”
Your mind jumped again—to Azriel, to the way he’d looked at you like you were the one who’d crossed the line. You couldn’t figure out where you’d gone wrong. Was it the mention of Elain? That small, stillness you’d felt in him? You hadn’t intended it to be a jab, hadn’t meant to make him feel guilty. You were concerned. Your approach was good-natured. Or, at least you’d thought so.
Keir’s voice drifted in and out of focus as you stared at him, boredom spreading through you, a dull throb in your chest. You were ready to leave. Ready to escape the suffocating air of the room. You were annoyed at yourself, too, if you were being honest. Here you were, seething, ungrounded in a way you rarely allowed yourself to be, simply because of a five-minute argument. A spat.
Usually, during these meetings, Azriel helped you regulate your dislike for Keir. When the male’s mere existence stirred memories of his cruelty to Mor, Azriel’s presence would be a steadying hand at the small of your back, a quiet reminder to keep your temper in check.
But he wasn’t there. And your thoughts were all over the place. And Keir only wanted to talk to Azriel—why did everyone need him so suddenly?
“Your attempts at diplomacy are largely symbolic. A pretty face to soften the High Lord’s more… aggressive tactics. And, well, without the Spymaster— ”
Something snapped inside you. That diplomatic part of you, the skills you’d fought tooth and nail for, had perfected over centuries, crumbled completely.
“Shut up!”
The words hit the room like a thunderclap. The two males beside him stiffened, their hands twitching toward their weapons.
“For the love of the Mother,” you said through gritted teeth, “Shut. Up.”
Keir’s eyes widened, his mouth hanging open for a fraction of a second before he recovered, his features twisting with irritation— with offense, with shock. “Excuse me, girl?”
You stood slowly, your chair scraping loudly against the stone floor. You knew you should grimace, should feel some pang of guilt for letting your temper get the better of you. This wasn’t what you were here to do. This wasn’t how you tended to be.
But you didn’t care.
You were tired, irritated, and in desperate need of a drink, a joint, or someone to hit in the face.
“Do you ever tire of hearing yourself speak?” you said, gesturing sharply with your hands. “Or do you enjoy the sound of your own idiocy too much to notice how pathetic you sound?”
Keir’s eyes narrowed, his smirk returning, like he enjoyed your bite. Found a worthy opponent, even. “Careful,” he said, his voice low, threatening. “You’re out of line.”
You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. You’d give Mor a tight hug this week, praise her once more for being able to survive seventeen years under the suffocating arrogance of a male like Keir.
“Oh, I’m just getting started,” you snapped. “You are not some untouchable ruler. You leech off the power Rhysand allows you to have. Do not forget that.”
Keir’s jaw tightened, his knuckles white where they gripped the arms of his chair. One of his soldiers shifted slightly, his hand brushing the hilt of his sword. You turned your glare on him.
“Try it,” you said coldly. “I dare you. Lay a hand on me, and you’ll find out just how thin your leash really is. Do you think Rhysand wouldn’t love an excuse to raze this pathetic little agreement to the ground? You think Morrigan wouldn’t personally take that sword and shove it somewhere creative? Trust me, they’re looking for an excuse.”
Keir inhaled sharply as he stood slowly, placing his palms on the table before him and leaning forward with a snarl. The gleam in his eyes was predatory, animalistic. “Are you threatening me?”
“Yes.” You mirrored him, placing your palms on the table and leaning forward, still holding his gaze tight. “Would you like to see if I’m bluffing?”
Silence blanketed the room as Keir stared at you. You could see it in his eyes—the horror of recognizing that you might actually be his equal. Or worse, his superior. He was struggling with how to approach the situation, how to balance his newfound realization with the need to maintain authority in front of his males.
After a long moment, Keir shifted his gaze to his men and motioned for them to stand down. Their hands dropped, spines stiffening like statues at his sides.
You took the silence as your answer.
“That might be the smartest move you’ve ever made,” you said with an amused hum. Straightening, you brushed your hands off and smiled. “The Spymaster will be back next week to negotiate terms about resources. Pray he’s in a better mood than I am.”
A sense of satisfaction bloomed in your chest as you turned to leave. It felt good to finally tell him off—Lord knew it had been coming for centuries. You’d been biting it back at every meeting, every forced smile, every empty negotiation. It had been far more tame than you’d liked, but it was something, at least. A small victory.
The relief washed over you for a fleeting moment before it began to slip away, replaced by that familiar unease, the stirring of anger still simmering beneath the surface.
You knew why.
Keir wasn’t the male you were truly mad at.
At least, not in the way that made your heart ache.
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹
You’d barely gotten out of the bath and dressed when there was a soft knock at your door. You let out a deep sigh, running your hands along your face before walking into the bedroom proper, feeling the slight chill of the air against your still-damp skin.
The thought of Azriel hit you almost instantly, your body tensing at the possibility. After all, it was just the two of you living in the townhome, and it was late—no one else was expected. As much as part of you wanted to see him—to curse him out, maybe, or pull an apology from him, you weren’t sure—a bigger part of you just wanted to sit alone. To wallow in the strange self-pity that had bloomed in your stomach since the meeting with Keir.
“Go away, Azriel. I don’t want to t-”
Your gaze landed on Mor instead. She stood in the doorway, hands behind her back, a small smile on her lips.
“Good thing I’m not Azriel,” she said, stepping forward. Her familiar perfume drifted through the room. “I’m much more attractive.”
You stifled a laugh despite yourself, the corners of your mouth tugging into a reluctant smile. Mor had always been infuriatingly good at that—chipping away at your mood, no matter how sour. Tonight, she looked less mischievous than usual, wearing a simpler gown—still stunning, but more comfortable.
“What are you doing here?”
Mor’s presence instantly lightened the weight on your chest, even just slightly, but a glimmer of disappointment sparkled in your chest, threaded through your ribs and refused to leave. Part of you had hoped it was Azriel at your door. Even if you’d have sent him away with biting remarks, at least he would’ve tried. At least he would’ve been there.
“I heard through the grapevine that there was a messy meeting in the Hewn City.”
Your stomach twisted. Shit. Keir had worked much faster than you’d thought. You wondered, briefly, how long it had taken for him to go run and complain— had he waited an hour? Perhaps two?
You grimaced, offering a sheepish smile. “Oh, right. That,” you drawled. “Is Rhys mad?”
“Not at you,” she replied. “He’s mad he missed it. I am, too.”
A grin tugged at her lips, and it wasn’t long before identical ones broke across both of your faces. You looked down, scuffing the carpet with your toe. “I don’t know what got into me.”
Mor snorted. “My father got into you.”
You looked up and raised a brow. She shot you an unimpressed look, the kind that would usually mean you were inconveniencing her with your childish humor. But there was amusement in her eyes, glinting like sunlight on glass. She wanted to laugh.
“You know what I meant,” Mor grumbled, lips twitching again. “Keir tends to bring out the worst in everyone.”
You nodded at that, tucking a loose stand of hair behind your ear. “I know I tell you this all the time,” you said, “But gods am I sorry you had to grow up with him.”
Mo shrugged, waving it off with a dismissive hand. The other stayed behind her back. “Character development and all that,” she said breezily. “Anyway, I have something for you.”
“If it’s wine, I think I’ll pass.”
She shook her head and brought her hand around, revealing a small to-go box. It was unmistakable—the kind used by your favorite bakery, all the way in the Day Court.
“Ta-da,” she sang.
Your chest warmed at the sight. Slowly, you took the offering, running your fingers along the box’s edges. When you looked back at her, she was watching you with a tender smile—the kind only Morrigan could give. It wasn’t the playful smirk or sharp grin she wore for the world.
“What's this for?”
Mor tilted her head. “You’ve had a rough twenty-four hours. I thought you could use some comfort treats. And company.”
Your heart swelled. You’d told her and Elain little of the fight with Azriel when they’d sought you out, pacing outside your door until they decided you were ready. Elain had apologized profusely, saying she hadn’t meant to spark the argument when she suggested you talk to him. You’d assured her there was no apology needed—not from her, at least. She’d only sped up the inevitable: the realization that Azriel didn’t seem to value your opinion the way you so often valued his.
Mor wrapped an arm around your shoulders, leaning in to whisper conspiratorially. “I also did bring wine. It’s downstairs. We can sit, talk—and if Azriel comes home, I’ll make sure he doesn’t hear us. Or see us.”
You let Mor guide you downstairs, where she opened a bottle of wine and drew you into a conversation—a deliberate distraction about her and Emerie, about apartment hunting and her attempts at civility with Nesta. You listened as best as you could, grateful for the reprieve, and even forced yourself to savor the dessert she’d brought.
It was as good as you remembered. That was something, at least. Azriel hadn’t managed to ruin that, despite the bitter taste your argument had left behind.
Mor waited about half an hour before gently steering the conversation where she really wanted it to go: what happened with you and Az, how you were feeling.
The problem was, you couldn’t quite put your finger on why you were so upset. You told Mor the things you knew for certain: that it was unfair for Azriel to assume he knew what you were going to say, that he hadn’t given you—his best friend for centuries—a chance to speak or express your concern. That he hadn’t trusted you enough to even hear you out. Mor nodded along, agreeing that Azriel had been out of line, that it was unlike him to take someone else’s word over yours so easily.
But even as she agreed with you, it didn’t ease the pressure in your chest. It wasn’t just about him being unfair or dismissive. There was something deeper, something you hadn’t yet figured out how to say. Something else about it that bothered you so deeply.
Maybe it was the way he’d so easily twisted your intentions, the way he’d looked at you as if you were an inconvenience, made you feel like every word you’d spoken had been some elaborate ruse. Like your concern wasn’t genuine. Like the years you’d spent knowing him, understanding him, recognizing the subtle shifts in his behavior, didn’t matter at all. You were just finding a convenient excuse to meddle, to dig your claws into his relationship, sabotage what he had so you could steal him away in the middle of the night.
It was possible you were being a little overdramatic. And you’d definitely emphasized his words in your retelling to Mor, but it didn’t change the intent. What he’d said. What he’d believed. To imply that after everything, you couldn’t be a good friend to him. That you couldn’t care without an ulterior motive.
He hadn’t even tried to talk to you since. Not a word, not a glance. You tried to reason with yourself—it had only been a day. Maybe he needed time to cool off, to think. Maybe he was as confused as you were, unsure of how things had spiraled so fast. Maybe this silence was just him giving you space.
But a part of you didn’t think that was true. There was a possibility that his silence wasn’t for your sake—it was for his. Because he didn’t think he owed you anything.
That thought was the worst of all. That he didn’t even care.
And you were furious, too, that Azriel had tipped you so completely off balance, that these feelings had bled into your lashing out at Keir. The memory of it was already clawing at you, leaving a faint sting of embarrassment. You knew it would follow you like a stray dog, nipping at your heels. You’d gotten emotional. You—the Night Court’s ever-diplomatic emissary—had been anything but.
You were certain you’d care more about it in a few days, when you had the energy to think clearly.
“Y/n?”
You blinked, startled out of your daze, suddenly aware of how tightly your fingers had curled around the small fork in your hand.
“Hm?”
Mor gave you a sympathetic smile. “I think you should get some rest,” she said, crouching down in front of you.
You hadn’t realized you’d ended up on the floor, leaning against the table—a habit you fell into when you were upset, like grounding yourself by sinking as close to the earth as possible. Mor extended a hand, helping you up with that steady, no-nonsense kind of care only she could offer.
She started tidying up without asking, brushing away crumbs and organizing the small mess you’d both made. Her eyes flicked to the pastry box on the table. “Are you gonna finish this? Or do you want me to toss it?”
You glanced down, confused, at the small leftover piece in the box. That was strange. You usually devoured these, barely leaving crumbs, let alone a full bite. For a moment, you thought nothing of it.
And then it clicked. It was instinct, an old habit of sorts—leaving a bite for Azriel to try.
You bit back a disappointed sigh. What had once been second nature, something you did without thinking, now felt deeply embarrassing. Sickening. Too intimate, like a little girl with a crush.
“Toss it,” you said quickly, your voice tight, sharper than intended.
Mor didn’t comment, simply folded the box closed and tossed it into the trash. Before she left, she pulled you into a hug, warm and unhurried.
“It’s okay to focus on the anger right now,” she murmured into your hair. “If nothing else makes sense, you’re entitled to it. I think you’re a few centuries overdue.”
You let out a short, dry laugh. “Yeah,” you replied, the word heavy on your tongue. “I think I have a few more remarks left in me.”
Mor grinned as she stepped back, smoothing her hands over your arms before heading for the door. “Atta girl. Make him miserable.”
You lingered on her words as you climbed the stairs.
A grudge sounded great. It sounded righteous. It sounded like something you could do—at least for now, until your feelings settled.
Lucien really was better than you. He’d endured so much, and somehow, he still found room for forgiveness, a way to let Azriel off the hook.
But you didn’t want to let this go. Not yet.
You’d given Azriel centuries of friendship, of loyalty and unwavering support, and he hadn’t even deemed you worthy of the benefit of the doubt. Maybe later, you could be like Lucien, could forgive Azriel for his shortcomings and his idiocy.
Not tonight.
You curled up in bed, willing yourself to embrace the cold, sharp edges of your anger. But, despite your best efforts, that wasn’t what stayed.
The sadness did.
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹
Azriel didn’t apologize.
Not verbally, at least. It was a habit born in the aftermath of the first war, when he’d been forced to reckon with who he’d become, the things he’d done as Spymaster.
He’d learned quickly that some things were too heavy to face, too raw to acknowledge. Easier to tuck them away, seal them behind his silence. Apologies came with a price he couldn’t play. Because if he started apologizing for those things—acts born of desperation, of blind obedience to a High Lord who demanded it—he’d never stop. He’d be drowning in it for centuries.
So he didn’t. He wouldn’t. And if he refused to apologize for the horrors of his past—if the shame and pain of it were too much—then he had to be consistent. If he didn’t do it then, he couldn’t do it now. Not even for the people he loved.
Instead, he accepted the damage he caused. Accepted that he’d make mistakes. That he’d hurt people.
He stored those moments away in the ever-growing, aching place inside him that proved how unlovable he was—how destined he was to hurt the people he cared for most. How inevitable his failures were.
On the worst days, when the silence felt unbearable, he’d reach for those memories, let them remind him of who he truly was. He’d sit with them, twist them into hatred—at himself, at his failure, at the fact he couldn’t change it. He could never seem to stop.
But Azriel loved his family. He truly did. He’d die for them. He’d commit every horrible act over and over if that was what was needed to ensure their safety. So he usually found other ways to apologize.
This time, though, Azriel felt… embarrassed. Ashamed, even. Humiliated. He’d acted like a child, reckless and unthinking, had been dismissive of someone he loved.
He valued the females in his life, respected them deeply. And usually, for them, he could set aside his twisted need to avoid apologies. Instantly.
You and him had argued before—fought, even. It was bound to happen over centuries. But it had never been like this. This felt different. Everyone knew.
He wanted to apologize the night it happened. But he couldn’t. He’d gone too far. He told himself that his apology needed to be big enough to make up for it.
All week, the memory looped in his mind, relentless and punishing. The second the accusation left his lips, regret had consumed him—an instant, choking thing. Even his shadows had recoiled, letting out a sound that might’ve been a gasp. But the worst part, the part that kept him up at night, was your face.
Your features had twisted into something he’d never seen before. Not in all the centuries you’d been by his side. Something like offense. Or maybe, Azriel thought bitterly, something worse. He’d convinced himself it was disgust. Pure, unfiltered disgust.
It bothered him more than he cared to admit.
Azriel was used to people being upset with him. It came with the territory—his silence, his sharp edges, the anger he carried like armor. He could be difficult; he knew that. Could be impulsive, cold, quick to anger. Over centuries, he’d learned to live with it, to endure the way disappointment settled in others’ eyes when he pushed too far. But it never suffocated him like this.
He had disappointed you. You were angry, disgusted by the accusation he'd thrown your way—why had he done that?
Selene's words lingered in his mind, over and over, such meaningless, small words. They’d burrowed themselves deep, driven him borderline mad. He couldn’t figure out why.
It made him itch, made him unsettled in a way that didn’t make sense. He had assumed that itch meant the words bothered him—something about them, something he couldn't quite grasp—and that had gotten under his skin, gnawing at him.
He’d been avoiding you since that night. It was easy, despite the fact that you were the only two in the house. After all, you had been avoiding him too.
He was being a coward. He knew it. Avoiding you when he knew damn well he needed to find you, get you alone, and apologize. Profusely. Repeat it until there was some hope of undoing the damage. But avoidance was easier. Safer.
It was what he was best at.
The thought of apologizing only for you to turn him away, for you to look at him with disgust, with anger, was more than he could stomach. And he'd convinced himself that that was the most likely scenario—and it would be valid. Completely, utterly valid.
So, he did what he did best: he retreated into himself. Into Selene.
But a few days had passed, and now the ache in Azriel’s chest was gaping. Raw. Unbearable. He couldn’t breathe.
The guilt had started before the sun rose, creeping up Azriel’s spine as he pulled away from Selene’s warm embrace. She’d stirred when he slipped out of bed, her lips parted to protest, but he hadn’t stayed to hear her argument. It wasn’t comfortable—none of it. Not the weight in his chest, not the way his shadows murmured disapproval like a broken melody on repeat.
He needed to be here—at family brunch. He wanted to be here. And for the first time in days, his shadows seemed content with a decision he’d made. Thank the gods for that.
The house was full by time he arrived. He didn’t need his shadows to tell him. He could hear their laughter from the doorway, could smell the pull of a sweet feast. Rhysand was the first to notice his presence, a faint smirk tugging at his lips as he leaned back in his chair.
“Look who decided to join after all.”
Az didn’t reply, not in the way he usually did. Instead, his gaze immediately found you, his breath stalling as he caught the subtle stiffening of your shoulders. You didn’t turn. You didn’t so much as glance back.
Mor, seated beside you, did. Her brown eyes flitted from you to him, a semi-scowl in her expression as she turned her gaze to Emerie on her left, dismissing Azriel entirely.
Another person he’d probably have to apologize to.
Az swallowed, his shadows tugging at him like restless children, desperate to curl around you, to offer something—comfort, perhaps, or a plea for forgiveness he hadn’t yet put into words. But you still didn’t move.
Clearing his throat, Azriel finally said, “I’m sorry I’m late.”
It was Feyre who responded, casting a quick glance towards you before offering Azriel a smile. “No worries, Az. We’re glad you’re here.”
That was a lie. But the chatter began once more, anyways.
Az moved forward, gaze flicking to the one empty chair at the table— the chair beside you. Just as he reached for it, your head snapped up, eyes meeting his for the first time in days.
“Are you sure you want to sit there?”
Azriel froze. “What?”
You tilted your head at him, eyes narrowing in a way he hadn’t quite seen before—a look that was, if he was being honest, downright unnerving. But then, just as quickly, the emotion fell away, replaced by something sharper, crueler, and laced with exaggerated concern. “What if I’m overcome with lust and expose myself to you?”
From across the table, Cassian choked violently on his drink, Nesta muttering something under her breath as she thumped his back.
Azriel closed his eyes for a brief second, forcing a steady inhale before lowering himself into the chair anyway. He could feel his shadows retreating reluctantly, curling tighter against him, sharing his discomfort. Only when the conversation resumed once more did Az lean closer to you, dropping his voice low enough for only you to hear.
“Can we talk?”
“I don’t know, can we? Did Selene give you permission?”
Azriel clenched his jaw, willing himself to take another deep inhale. Before he could pull a response, your face shifted into something exaggerated, all false excitement and mock sweetness. “Don’t tell me I’m being considered as your third? Oh gods. Should I throw myself at you now, or—?”
“Y/n, come on,” Az murmured, his voice tight— pleading. “Please.”
For a beat, Azriel thought you were mulling it over, almost expected to see your face soften like he was used to. But it didn’t.
“Rhys,” you said, your voice carrying as you turned to the High Lord. “Would you like to tell Azriel what to expect during his meeting with Keir next week? He’d like to know.”
Az’s stomach twisted at the sound of his name—not Az, but Azriel. Cold. Formal. Foreign. He hated the way it sounded coming from you, devoid of the warmth or familiarity he’d always taken for granted, like he was a stranger. Had he truly made you that angry in the span of a few minutes?
This, Az thought bitterly, was why he opted to never speak unless it was needed.
Rhys nodded, though his gaze flickered between you and Azriel with something like caution. Before Azriel could protest, or even try to get another word in, you turned to Mor, engaging her in conversation as if the exchange hadn’t happened at all.
The rest of the meal passed in a strange limbo. It wasn’t hostile—if anything, it felt painfully normal. Conversations swirled around the table. Laughter floated between bites of food— and his shadows had danced whenever the sound of yours had reached them.
Azriel was willing to admit that, with the situation aside, he’d missed this—missed his family. The time spent with Selene lately had only highlighted how much he craved the sense of home that these moments brought. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to apologize for his absence.
He’d been nervous to disrupt what he and Selene had, even if “alright” was the only word he could muster to describe it. It wasn’t perfect—it wasn’t love—but it was... something. It could develop into something. Right?
But as good as the meal could’ve been, your silence weighed on him like a stone. You ignored him completely. No more snark, no insults, not even a glance. It got to the point where he wanted a petty remark, wanted you to look at him and tell him exactly how stupid he’d been. Usually, you were vocal when you were angry. Confrontational. He’d seen it over centuries, the way your fury blazed as brightly as you. You didn’t let things stew. You didn’t let him stew.
Why were you so quiet now? Why weren’t you yelling at him, demanding answers, or throwing his mistakes back at him like daggers?
Why had you accepted him—and his stupidity—with the same quiet resignation as that night?
It was worse. It was so much worse. Your anger felt different with him. And he hated it.
When the meal ended, Azriel stayed seated, watching as the others began to leave. He watched as you leaned down to Nyx, your hand brushing the baby’s cheek with such tender care it made his chest ache. Feyre’s expression softened at the sight, and you smiled at her and Rhys, thanking them for the meal before leaving with Mor, Emerie, Cassian, and Nesta.
None of the females spared him a glance. Cassian offered him a small, apologetic smile. He wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse.
Thank the gods Amren wasn’t here. Small blessings, Az supposed.
He sighed, clearing his plate and bringing it to the kitchen. He rinsed it, the sound of water doing nothing to drown out the weight in his chest, and when he turned to leave, Rhys was there, Nyx balanced on one arm.
“Good luck, brother,” Rhys said. Az didn’t bother asking what he meant. He already knew.
The wistful, pitying smile Rhys wore was infuriating. The amused gleam in his violet eyes was worse. Rhys looked almost... grateful, as if relieved it wasn’t his head on the chopping block.
“A fight with the one member of our family collectively loved by everyone else,” Rhys mused, shaking his head. “Phew. You’ve made an enemy of a pack of vicious, beautiful wolves.”
Azriel’s jaw tightened, but before he could respond, Rhys shifted his attention to Nyx.
“Can you say, ‘Uncle Az is screwed?’” He cooed. Nyx babbled nonsensically, waving a tiny fist, and Rhys grinned. “Yeah, he’s gonna have to grovel, huh?”
Azriel glared, his shadows bristling as he brushed past him with an unamused glare. Rhys’s laughter followed him down the hall.
Must grovel, his shadows repeated, Grovel. Apologize. Admit.
Whatever the hell that meant.
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹
authors note:
me trying to write reader and getting sad that shes lowkey gaslighting herself and downplaying her emotions bc she cares about az: ☹️
me writing az as someone who just accepts he hurts people and doesnt realize he can like...just apologize: 😒
me knowing this angst is gonna be so fun:🥰
anyways thank you for reading!! i've already written a lot more, so expect 2-3 more parts! <3 (i have their makeup written😏) every comment or ask yall leave gets me so inspired
but until then... how long do yall think its gonna take for them to talk? tehehe
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they should invent an understanding and intellectualizing your feelings that makes them go away!!!
#like everything im feeling rn can be explained by 1. shortest day of the year 2. lack of structure and physical separation from my friends#3. my brand new anxiety and depression diagnoses#4. [redacted]#but im still feeling so wretched
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