oompadearest

[oompadearest]

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[oompadearest]

How to tell if you are emotionally abusive

I feel we talk about signs of abuse from the victims standpoint but not from the abusers standpoint. In order to stop emotional abuse and recognize when we engage in unhealthy behaviors I made this list.

Do you react to important people in your life by ignoring them completely and not acknowledging their presence? Especially if they do something you don’t like?

Do you feel that your partner/friends/family members are the cause of your bad moods or frustration?

Does your partner/etc “do things the wrong way”?

Do criticize your partner/etc for being unreliable or a bad person?

Do you feel you have to constantly overlook your partners flaws in order to be around them?

Are you frequently accused of being “moody” or “hard to please”?

Do your partners complain that “nothing they do is good enough?

Do your partners appear to avoid you when you are angry or upset rather then comfort you?

Do you negatively comment on their intelligence or appearence? Either in private or in front of others.

Do you blame them when someone goes wrong?

Do you ever use phrases like “I could just hit you right now” or “I”m so mad I could punch something”?

Do you ever punch walls/throw things in front of your partner/etc?

Do you leave during fights and not inform of where you are going and when you will be back?

Do you behave the same alone with your partner that you do if you were in front of your friends or in public?

Have you frequently accused your partner of being too sensitive?

How often is your partner praised and complimented by yourself?

Do you think your partner spends too much time with friends and family?

Do you feel your partners friends and family are trying to drive you apart?

Do you actively comfort your partner when they are upset or angry even if you don’t really understand why they feel the way they do?

If your partner brings up a behavior that bothers them do you respond by discussing how to change it or do you respond defensively?

Do you have difficulty apologizing?

All of these things are abuse tactics. Obviously even the healthiest of us will do these sometimes but if any one becomes a regular habit that’s when the problem starts.

[oompadearest]

thank u daddy yao 🙏

ok back to hiding for another few weeks

[oompadearest]

very american response to impending clock app ban

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[oompadearest]

I was there for fruk/usuk wars

I was there for the five meter jokes

I was there for the shine bright like a doitsu memes

....where is my fucking badge

[oompadearest]

What a lovely lad :)

[oompadearest]

I went outside to touch grass but I drew Hetalia 💪⁠([∂]ω[∂]⁠)!! Cringe and free lol

Also ngl to you guys I have no idea how to use Apple as an Android person (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠) the hell you mean you need to charge your pen??? I've never seen a digital pen that needs to charge??? Crazy tbh

[oompadearest]

Thanks for saying the bit about butch being identity more than presentation. I'm aware it is, like I'm not dumb, but I never feel like I show the fact that I'm butch enough, even if I'm soft butch. Like wearing androgynous clothes means fuck all in modern day since women's fashion is androgynous at a base line currently, plus I have very long hair and tend to keep my nails somewhat long so my identity doesn't show at all and it makes me constantly feel like I'm appropriating the label. But like if I were cis, I'd probably take testosterone for a bit like she/her Lea did; that idea is super enticing. As is I like being trans because it gives some masculinity to my physicality. If it were the past where women wore dresses, I'd definitely wear men's clothes (probably mixed with some parts of women's stuff). Just modern day doesn't let me visibly defy social norms as much as I want. My leather jacket and boots just isn't enough to show my identity.

Sorry for the ranble. Just made me feel way better, seeing confirmation that it's largely identity. Even if I don't have anyone to truly express it with.

you're welcome!

it was definitely something i had to unlearn; especially now with so much of lesbian bar culture having been pushed out and forgotten, a lot of younger people just.. don't know what these words mean, and when i was their age, butch and lesbian both were Bad Words that you never said at all except to demean someone.

reading older lesbian literature helped me overcome that and learning about all of the people that came before us; both about butches and femmes. digging through archives and putting myself into butch/femme spaces online has been hugely beneficial to me. i used to feel the same & like i could never "claim the label" because i didn't look a certain way, but that's just simply not true.

and this is especially not true for lesbians and other women who are already having other labels forced upon them by society; for not being white, for not being skinny, for not being hyper feminine, for not being cis, etc.

one of the things that made it really click for me was picture archives, specifically these kinds of pictures:

(pride, nyc, 1977 by meryl meisler)

this one is nancy tucker & her partner, and the two of them would switch shirts throughout the march. (1970 by kay tobin lahusen)

you can see how similar butches and femmes can look, and this is also what i mean when i say femmes are just as sanitized in popular media. butch and femme can be adjectives, but they are also nouns, they are genders and they are roles that people fill within lesbian relationships and within their community; how they move through the world, interact with society and how they interact with other lesbians and other women romantically and sexually.

this quote is one of my favorites:

“Butch is a trickster gender—and so, in a similar way, is femme. Lesbian gender expressions do not emulate heteropatriarchy, they subvert it. Femme removes femininity from the discursive shadow of masculinity and thereby strips from it any connotation of subordination or inferiority. Butch takes markers of “masculinity” and divests them of their association with maleness or manhood. Butchness works against the gender binary—the masculine/feminine paradigm—and reclaims for women the full breadth of possibilities when it comes to gender expression.”

— Caroline Narby, “On My Butchness”

[oompadearest]

Hetalia? In MY 2025?

[oompadearest]

Dude you know the question you asked what do conservatives get out of supernatural? So yesterday I found out that a friend of mine from high school who is a 22yo white cishet right-leaning Roman Catholic dude who is currently serving in the military watched all 15 seasons of supernatural. Apparently he liked the guns and the fighting and he also felt like Sam and Deans’ relationship with each other and with their father reflected a lot of his own experiences growing up with 5 brothers and a military father who was gone more often than not. When he started watching, his fav character was Sam but by the end, that had shifted to Dean although he disliked the fact that Dean was, and this is a direct quote, “such a whore.” I asked him if he liked the ending and he said that it was okay, that Dean’s death was “bullshit” but that the brothers got to enter heaven together and that’s what was most important. I additionally asked him what he thought of Castiel and he said that he thought his character was boring and he disliked it when the show tried to make Cas the center of episodes. He had absolutely no memory of what happened in 15x18 and had to look up the synopsis again to remember that Cas died. **********ADDITIONAL FACTS ABOUT MY FRIEND THAT MAKE ALL OF THIS ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL: we met through ballet, one of his other favorite shows is Hannibal, he is an absolutely lethal jujitsu fighter, he has no idea what tumblr is, he works on motorcycles and vintage cars for fun which his dad taught him how to do, and when he was 18, after his gf at the time cheated on him, he decided to give up on women and he dated a gay friend of his for 3 months. Apparently he figured out pretty quickly that he was “definitely straight” but he kept dating/having sex with his friend/boyfriend until they both moved away because “he was a genuinely good dude” and he “didn’t have to catch so it was fine.” Yes he did suck dick. I asked

HELLO????????

[oompadearest]

i said it was my favorite piece of media that i’ve hyperfixated on since the tender age of 12 and have not let go of since. i didnt say it was a Good piece of media

[oompadearest]

ok i just watched the fourth FMAB OVA and what the hell was that were we seriously supposed to conclude that Hughes was in the right for being willing to kill a bunch of people so that he could live to meet his future wife???

[oompadearest]

heyy can we do a sexy roleplay where im a prince from a fallen kingdom and youre the powerful warrior who has taken me for their own pleasure. yes? yipeeee ok so before we start first here's a google doc with the whole history of the fictional land we're both from and the intricate geopolitical workings of the- oh yeah and here's a supplementary doc on the agriculture and trade routes of said fictional land and stuff and yes this is important. the dirty talk has to be lore accurate

[oompadearest]

Never did I think that I would cosplay Edward Elric, but here we are. And I don't think I did....awful? Photos: Umbra Photography

[oompadearest]

friend who says he's "busy having nightmares" whenever you ask why he can't hang out with you