#RARE ARTIST W I AM SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER HAPPY WITH HOW THIS LOOKS

[scattered-winter]

defenders of the universe or whatever

inspired by this and photos of spacecraft leaving earth's atmosphere

[iameuba]

I really want to do your DTIYS but I can't draw full body gestures for the life of me T_T. I somehow drew Alya but am struggling with Marinette. Could you give any tips for drawing fluid postures🤧?

oh i get it for sure! i've struggled for a LONG time with making my poses more dynamic, i'm not the best teacher but heres some things that might be helpful:

• When sketching a pose, stay zoomed out, so you can get a better picture of how fluid it is altogether- u could draw a super dynamic hand that looks awkward with the rest of the body, u know?

• References are your best friend, i personally love getty images bc they just have random stock photos of like...everything? for action poses, gymnasts and trapeze artists make thE BEST references, especially for superheroes

•I don't know your skill level but if you're new to working from reference or just newer at drawing full body in general, theres nothing wrong with doing a tiny bit of tracing, and I don't mean the whole thing because you probably won't learn that way. The tracing i'm talking about is drawing a couple guide lines over the reference image, and then using them lines as your base for the drawing. (I'm bad at words but i included a timelapse example below, its not the best example because i rushed it just now so i could put it in this answer so its not a very accurate study LOL but...you get the idea), it'll help you follow the reference without the daunting blank canvas, u know?

• try not to use too many straight lines, they aren't very fluid and they're quite rare in nature (i think?), man made things are often more straight but nature has a lot of curves, including humans!

• this is a smaller tip but one of my fav things to do is make the tilt of the head exactly opposite to the tilt of the shoulders, it looks soooooo good. it works with other things too, like...hips and shoulders, direction of clothing, hair etc...its hard to explain but i included another example below...just swapping it up a lot looks nice i think :3

thats all i can think of from me directly, however one of my favourite artists literally JUST uploaded a youtube video about dynamic poses so i recommend checking him out, heres the video, i recommend his other videos too though bc he has helped me sooo much and he's a very skilled teacher imo ^_^

i hope this was helpful, &im so happy you're entering aaaaa, im excited to see how your art turns out ;w;

[ve1vetyoongi]

Mic Drop | myg

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: smut, angst, fluff

au: rapper!yoongi, photographer!oc

summary: when underground rapper min yoongi uncovers the dirty secret behind his biggest rival, your brother and hip hop champion kim namjoon’s success, he is determined to take home this year’s mic drop contest trophy no matter who he hurts along the way. you’re behind the camera, content with capturing namjoon’s picture perfect persona from the sidelines but when his hard-faced enemy Gloss, makes you realise you could be more than just the point and shoot, you start to feel your loyalties shifting.

warnings: multiple smut scenes, dirty talk, dry humping, penetrative sex, fingering, oral sex (both m and f receiving), lots of orgasm denial, multiple orgasms, cum play, cum eating, but also tender fucking lol, very brief mention of death.

word count: 29k (rip)

rating: definitely explicit

playlist: visit my playlist page and select “mic drop.” (all links to be added later)

a/n: ahhh you don’t understand how happy i am to finally put this out into the world!!! i started writing this fic back in july and after a few rewrites (more on this at the end of the post if anyone sticks around until then) she’s finally finished eee <3 also!!! this fic is brought to you courtesy of the love yourself collab! this project has been super fun to be a part of n i wanna say thank you to everyone involved who made it such a welcoming experience! you can check out the masterlist here (link will be added later f u tumblr) to read all the other amazing fics from the incredibly talented authors in this project (literally so talented??? it’s sickening???) (im so excited to finally read them all now im done w this monster lol). all the love as always <3

Introducing Runch Randa!

The host is barely audible over the chants of your brother's name as the lights dim and the arena is sent into a haze of strobe lights.

The air is already heady with body heat and fragrant with sweat from the thousands of bodies smushed together in the pit and beyond that thousands more seated in the stands, phone lights twinkling in the darkened arena like stars. A girl in your peripheral clutches a sign with MARRY ME RUNCH RANDA scrawled in sharpie, torso clad in one of the cheap merch hoodies with your brother's face printed on the front, just like hundreds of others around her.

It's a full house. No one's surprised. The Mic Drop semi-final always creates a buzz of anticipation within the hip hop scene. But this year, with your brother Namjoon returning to compete for the trophy again, there isn't an empty seat in sight.

A buzz pulses through the crowd when the bass kicks in. It makes hearts beat faster, blood run hotter, a crescendo of screams crashing violently through room, the sheer volume enough to make the walls shake in time with the stamp of impatient feet.

It's infectious. Almost. If you hadn't been here a hundred times before, countless nights the same as this one that all started to blur into one somewhere along the line. Different crowds but the same energy, the same hum of anticipation that used to get your bones rattling, your skin hot with suspense. Now it's just routine. Now you feel nothing.

Besides, you're just here to do your job. The photographer. To take pictures, not to enjoy the show. Just like always.

Five seconds. You know Namjoon's set list like the back of your hand by now. Five seconds until he takes the stage and the crowd goes wild.

One, two, three, four...

Like clockwork, the stage lights up and there he is, face blown up in painful detail across every screen. Runch Randa. His stage name pulses through the room, a mantra, chanted until throats turn sore and mouths run dry.

Dark framed glasses cover his eyes but his stance is enough to tell you that he came here to win, his presence immediately filling the empty stage with an energy that makes it impossible to look anywhere else, even for a moment.

He is already damp with sweat, neck glistening beneath the white lights. Like routine you snap a few shots when he taunts the camera with a smirk, brushing a hand through his immaculately gelled hair teasingly, mouth turning up into a grin when the audience roars.

Runch Randa walks across the stage with the ease of someone who lives and breathes for moments like these. Grabs the microphone with two hands, shiny silver rings glinting on his fingers beneath the harsh strobe lights.

You can see his opponents in the front row, nothing but rookies, the intimidation etched into their features visible even from where you stand side stage as they swallow the bitter pill that they stand no chance against him.

Once upon a time you were the same as the wide eyed fans in the pit, filled with an admiration for your brother. He was everything you wanted to be; a whirlwind of fearless, brazen passion when he got up on stage. But things changed once Namjoon won Mic Drop, claiming the trophy at the tender age of seventeen. After that he started filling arenas. Then stadiums. And you were left behind in the ruins of his whirlwind, feeling the Namjoon you once knew slip further away as Runch Randa took center stage, viewing his perfect persona through the lens of your camera with the same sour resentment as the rookies.

Because when a familiar beat permeates the arena, you can't help but close your eyes and imagine the name the crowd screams is yours. That it's you out there instead of him. It's you pouring your heart into the lyrics that you find yourself whispering unconsciously in time with your brother.

Your lyrics.

The lyrics you wrote especially for this performance. The same lyrics that would be streamed by millions, top charts and win Namjoon another stupid trophy to add to his already elaborate collection.

The only reason Namjoon still kept you around was because he couldn't write them himself.

The track ends and the Mic Drop host crosses the stage with a grin. Namjoon's arm is thrust into the air triumphantly.

"And our first finalist is...Runch Randa!"

You snap a picture of your brother smiling victoriously.

"He's gonna win. I know it."

Namjoon's manager Jimin sidles up beside you, grin plastered to his face. It's nauseating.

"Does he ever lose?" You murmur

Runch Randa! Runch Randa! Runch Randa!

--

Mic Drop. The most highly anticipated event in the music industry for its ability to make hip hop artists stars; as well as its tendency to break them just as easily.

Fame. Money. Glory. Just a few of the reasons why rap rookies from across the globe are desperate to compete in the ruthless battle of blood, sweat and rap that is Mic Drop.

They all think they have what it takes. That they have that special something the judges are looking for. Unfortunately, most don't even make it past the auditions phase.

When your brother, Mic Drop legend Runch Randa, announced he would be ditching his celebrity status and stadium concerts to return to his underground roots and compete for the trophy again, it raised a series of questions

Why now? What did he have to prove?

Once the press got wind of the fact that your parent's, CEO'S of the most prestigious record label in the industry Big Hit Entertainment, had run into a spot of financial trouble, everyone assumed your brother's re-entry was a master plan to win the lavish cash prize afforded to competition winners. Sure, you couldn't deny that it was partly true --- Big Hit's stocks were plummeting and a lot was at stake.

Truthfully, though, you knew your brother well enough to see that Namjoon's motives were far more selfish; to put it simply, he was greedy. Fame was his drug. Once he got a taste he could never get enough.

Of course, a cheque signed and delivered by your father's hand shut any rumors down very quickly. Your parent's were good at silencing people if it meant protecting Namjoon's reputation.

Even you, their own daughter.

The name tag labelled OFFICIAL PHOTOGRAPHER was nothing but a cover up for the true reason you spent so much time at Big Hit -- writing each and every one of Namjoon's hit songs. A secret you were forced to keep as you watched your brother through a camera lens.

Which is how you find yourself as his strictly-invitation-only after party, an attempt at building momentum for the big final in just a few weeks time, with a camera in hand.

You're sat in the corner of the A-list club Jimin rented out for the event, swirling the deep red liquid in your glass with a bored disinterest as you watch your brother shake hands with company investors and big buck producers, most of which you'd never even heard of.

These things always seem to drag on, the clock ticking slower with each agonising second spent smiling courteously to uphold the supportive sister persona. Your feet are starting to hurt in your heels and all you want to do is hide away in the Big Hit studio and scribble down the lyrics floating aimlessly in your mind. That's the only good thing about these events -- they give you time to think, a rare relief in between your brother's busy schedules.

"Well, well. If it isn't my favorite lyricist."

A cheerful voice jolts you from your thoughts and when you blink up through the flashing lights you're met with a lazy grin belonging to Hoseok, one of the producers at Big Hit. He's an ex Mic Drop contestant himself, coming fourth and just missing out on the semi-finals three years ago. He never had the stomach for it anyway, he always says, but you never miss the rejection in his eyes.

Hoseok is also one of the only people who knows about your secret. He was hired to help you work on tracks for your brother once he made it big after all, and although he would never admit it you knew he probably had to sign a hefty NDA. Still, you were grateful to have him around — you couldn't deny you made something of a dream team together.

"Mind if I sit?" He gestures with his glass towards the empty space beside you, and you move your purse so he can squash in on the leather couch. "At least some of us are having fun, huh?" You follow his gaze to Namjoon on the dance floor, hands all over some vaguely recognizable celebrity's hips.

You grimace and swig back the remaining alcohol in your glass. "Too much fun, apparently."

Hoseok snorts, wringing his hands. "Y'know, we could get out of here if you're as bored as I am..." His words slur just slightly and you figure his confidence is a result of the amber liquor in his glass. The shy Hoseok  you know well returns quickly though as he averts his eyes when you raise a brow. "Not like that! I just thought maybe we could get a drink or something...if you want to?"

You shift awkwardly, having to shout over the booming club music for him to hear you. "I should really stay here. People might ask questions if the sister of the host just...disappears."

"Right!" Hoseok smiles sheepishly then slaps his own forehead. "Right. Forget I ever asked."

You shake your head fondly and turn back towards the dance floor just in time to see Namjoon whisper in the ear of the DJ, music cutting as he takes the mic and hops up onto the small stage to address the party.

Finally! A sign he was going to wrap up the evening for good!

He clears his throat and the huddle of mingling bodies below him fall into an expectant hush.

"Uh, so I'm not usually very good at these speech things --" He pauses and the crowd laughs. You tap your knee impatiently. "But I just wanted to say thank you. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for your support. So, the next round of drinks are on me! I haven't won — yet — but its never too early to start celebrating, right?"

Namjoon raises his flute of champagne and the party-goers cheer just as a flurry of confetti drops from the ceiling. The music starts again and you're too busy picking the brightly colored paper out of your hair disgruntledly to notice the way the room suddenly quietens and the guests part down the middle like prey from a predator.

"Y/N. Look." Hoseok elbows you sharply and flies forward in his seat, whisky sloshing over the edge of his glass. "Shit! Is that--"

Is that really him? What is he doing here? He's back!

You look up just in time to see the commotion as a figure in a black hoodie weaves effortlessly to the front of the room. You don't recognise him but something about his presence gives you chills.

Namjoon is too busy throwing back his drink to notice as the man climbs the stage, his skinny jeans and high tops sticking out like a sore thumb against the sea of dress shoes and cocktail dresses. He clearly wasn't invited.

By the time your brother senses the change in the air, it's too late.

You feel your face pale, choking when the figure finally turns and lets down his hood, revealing a head of blue hair and a venomous smirk.

"Gloss?"

Namjoon turns and his smile dissolves. He just stares stiffly at the person in front of him like he's seen a ghost. In a way you suppose he has -- the ghost of his past. After all, the last time anyone saw this face was five years ago at the Mic Drop final.

It is him! It's Gloss! Why is he back?

The night that changed all of your lives. When Namjoon claimed the Mic Drop trophy and Gloss, his opponent, lost everything.

It's been years since the last time you saw Gloss but you still recognize the distinctive confidence in his gait, the way his eyes flash with something dark as he looks your brother up and down with a breathy laugh.

Namjoon is frozen, breathing heavily.

Gloss' voice is husky when he finally speaks. It makes you shiver.

"Runch Randa. Long time no see, huh?"

A beat of unbearable silence.

"What are you doing here?"

Gloss's chuckle makes Namjoon snarl. You see the way his jaw tenses and his fists clench. He's too wound up; he'll snap if you don't do something and fast.

You get to your feet but Hoseok pulls you back down sternly by the elbow. "Don't." You protest but his grip is too tight so you just fidget helplessly instead.

Something settles in the atmosphere; a nervousness that makes you itch, makes your heart pump into overdrive as you watch them draw closer, eyes narrowed like boxers in a ring, waiting for the other to make a move. Hoseok covers his eyes.

"I wouldn't start celebrating just yet, Runch. The competition has only just begun."

The crowd gasps when your brother's clenched fist swings at his smug opponent. The rapper ducks but not quite in time and you can't remember which comes first — the crunch that crackles through the speakers when Namjoon's ring-clad knuckles collide with Gloss' face or the ear splitting thump of his mic dropping to the ground.

--

The party ends abruptly. Your head spins with confusion as you watch the guests leave in shock. Seeing Namjoon up on that stage opposite his biggest opponent again makes your stomach sick, like you were reliving the events of five years ago all over again.

Deep down you had always expected this moment to come. For Gloss to return looking for revenge or something. After all, Gloss didn't just loose Mic Drop to anyone -- he lost to Namjoon, his former best friend and music partner. Namjoon and Yoongi. They were supposed to win together. But for reasons still unknown, even to you, Yoongi was disqualified moments before the final commenced, plummeting your brother into the world of fame alone.

After that, Gloss all but disappeared, his pitiful downfall nothing but a hip hop legend to those who heard it. No record deals or sponsorships or stadium tours like your brother. A legend in his own right, but for all the wrong reasons. Mic Drop banned duos from competing thereafter.

Eventually you gather the courage to head into one of the back rooms where the rappers had been hauled by security guards in hi-vis jackets after their scuffle. You can hear Jimin babbling before you even reach the door.

"What were you thinking? Punching him? You better hope the press don't get ahold of this or else you're in big trouble—"

"Let me go!" Namjoon grunts to Jimin whose face is almost as red as his own. "I'm gonna end this once and for all."

"You'll do no such thing," Jimin tuts, pushing him firmly by the shoulder so he slumps into his seat with a roll of the eyes, other hand pressing his phone to his ear. "Do you even understand the amount of damage control I'm going to have to do to? — hold on, yes, this is Park Jimin speaking..."

The room smells of disinfectant and medical gauze and you spot Namjoon instantly, surrounded by an abundance of medics. His breathing is still ragged, the vein on his neck standing to prominence, knee bouncing as he impatiently waits for his ruby knuckles to be bandaged, too engaged to notice your arrival.

To your left you're surprised to find Yoongi. He's the epitome of composure despite the heavy tension in the air. He grabs a roll of bandage and begins to patch up his own fist, eyes lighting up with something you can't put your finger on when you slide into the room.

"Well, look who decided to turn up. If it isn't Namjoon's little sister. Long time no see, Y/N."

You freeze. It's been years since you heard him say your name. It makes you feel funny.

"Yoongi." You swallow. "What are you doing here?"

His shit eating grin makes your blood boil. "I take it you haven't heard yet, then."

You roll your eyes. You should be checking on Namjoon not humoring whatever stupid motives his opponent has. "Heard what, Yoongi?"

"I'm re-entering the competition, too."

You stagger backwards. Yoongi? Re-entering the competition? Mic Drop?

"But--you were disqualified--I don't understand?"

"I was disqualified. Disqualifications are only valid for five years, according to the rule book. Who knew?" He smirks when your eyes widen. "And I think you'll find that my sentence is up. I'm gonna win this time, once and for all."

"I don't think you know what you're doing, Yoongi—"

"There's more." He licks his lips. "I know your secret."

Your heart stops, mouth running dry. You throw a glance over your shoulder. Namjoon is still engaged, swatting away a medic's ice pack with a scowl, thankfully too busy to notice when you draw closer, voice a harsh whisper. "W-what secret?"

Yoongi lets out a dark chuckle, wincing just barely when he touches a damp cloth to the cut in his lip, a red splotch forming on the fabric. "You know exactly what secret I'm talking about, Y/N. Wouldn't it be ironic if someone slipped a tip off to the judges panel about Namjoon's ghost writer—"

"Shut the fuck up Min Yoongi or I'll break your nose for real this time!" Namjoon's voice bellows behind you, making you jolt. He charges at Yoongi, lip quivering like he might make his threat a reality. "Leave her out of this!"

Yoongi's nostrils flare. "Everyone knows she's a part of this, Namjoon, whether she likes it or not!"

All eyes look your way, as if expecting you to say something, but Yoongi's words fall cluelessly on you. You hadn't so much as thought about him in years. What did you have to do with this stupid ongoing feud with your brother that he refused to let go?

You glance between them, settling for sending a blank look at Yoongi and shuffling over to Namjoon instead. Your brother seems prideful at your show of allegiance. Yoongi scoffs.

"Namjoon?" Your mouth is dry with the shock of the situation and it comes out sounding funny, like you're wary of him. A gash above his eyebrow starts to dribble crimson. "Shit, you're hurt..."

"Get off me." Namjoon shakes his shoulder violently and you gingerly remove your hand, brows furrowed at his rejection. He directs his attention to Yoongi. "And you. You want a fight? It's on."

"Joon!—" He waves you off. It's pointless anyway. When he gets this rash there's no changing his mind.

"You want to end this thing once and for all? Then let's do this. You and me. At the final."

Yoongi raises a brow. "Deal. I'd shake your hand but you might try and knock me into next week again."

Namjoon doesn't laugh.

A hoard of security guards bust into the room and head straight for Yoongi. "Finally. What the fuck do I even pay these people for?"

"Get off me!"

You place a hand on Namjoon's shoulder and find that he's trembling. Rage? Nerves? Adrenaline? All three, probably, if the vacant blackness behind his eyes is anything to go by.

You're already trailing behind your brother when you hear Yoongi's voice carry down the hall. "I'll see you at the final! When I win. Secrets always find a way to come back and bite you in the ass, Runch. You should know that better than anyone!"

--

Namjoon begs you to come as his plus one to some scummy gig Gloss is rumored to be performing at tonight. To check out the competition, he says, but you recognise the way he nibbles his lip as he does.

Fear. He'll never admit it but Namjoon is scared he’s going to lose.

You agree to join him because you think it may put his mind at rest.

As Namjoon's manager, Jimin has all sorts of connections, mumbling thank you's into the head set sitting around his ears like a permanent accessory and scribbling down the address of some club down town.

The driver your parent's hired to escort Namjoon around as a paparazzi safety precaution drops the three of you a block away; the car's black tinted windows and shiny number plate would be out of place in such a scummy part of town. The plan would only work if you went unnoticed. Namjoon couldn't risk running into a Runch Randa fangirl tonight. It was technically against the Mic Drop rules to have any intel on your opponents, after all.

You don't like to tell Namjoon that his disguise won't do much for blending in. He dons a designer cap pulled down low over his face, long black coat drowning his figure and expensive leather boots crunching against broken glass and cigarette stumps as you near the club. It's too put together to seem natural, a dead give away that he doesn't belong here among the sea of ripped jeans and septum rings and tattoo sleeves around you. Even with a patterned bandana covering half of his face, the sculpted cheekbones and piercing eyes smudged effortlessly with black eyeliner poking over the top scream celebrity.

Luckily for you, the plain dress and knit cardigan hugging your body doesn't alert the suspicions of the bouncers cross armed at the entrance.

Namjoon wrinkles his nose and prods a half empty solo cup discarded outside with his toe, Jimin practically jittering with nerves and barely avoiding a stumbling drunk as you approach the men who stand at nearly double your size. Namjoon said it was best that you acted as spokesperson tonight — the only reason he even brought you along was because nobody would know your face and your position at Big Hit allowed you to pull some strings.

Your fingers shake as you produce a photography license from your bag, heart pounding as one of the menacing bouncers raises his eyebrow beneath the deep red hue emanating from a tacky neon sign posted above the door.

Luckily the breath you're holding is leaving you in a relieved thank you as he nods, moves to the side and gestures for your entourage to dip inside with the rest of the crowd. Namjoon charges ahead into the darkness and you follow him with an awkward smile to make up for his rude demeanour.

No turning back now...

Music hits like a deafening wave, blasting from the speakers at a volume that makes the walls shiver and your head throb. The club is alive with reckless anticipation, a sea of sweaty bodies gyrating on the dance floor in time with the pulsing beat. The energy swallows you whole, knuckles turning white as you cling to Jimin's sleeve, letting him elbow through the throng of indistinguishable faces that glitter beneath the tacky disco ball dangling haphazardly from the ceiling.

The crowd eventually spits you back out in a quieter corner of the club, Namjoon already making a beeline for the seedy bar. "There's a whiskey sour with my name on it and it's the only thing that'll get me through this shit." He murmurs as he crosses the room and occupies a bar stool beside a couple mid heavy make out session, pulling the hat closer around his face.

With a sigh, you turn back to Jimin who is eyeing up the strip pole and the exotic dancers nearby with wide eyes. "I still don't think this is a good idea."

The italian leather couch you slump into is suspiciously sticky beneath your bare thighs. "He needs to get the apprehension out of his system," you counter. "Once he sees that there's no competition he'll be able to take him down."

"I hope you're right." Jimin is wringing his hands, not knowing what to do with them now his headset is sat on the backseat of the car a block away. "I'd hate for this to knock his confidence."

"What?" You snort. "You think Gloss might actually beat him?"

Namjoon is the best rapper around, there's no debate. Nobody could beat him. Not even Gloss.

"No." His pursed lips say otherwise. You raise a brow. Jimin lowers his voice. "Maybe. Namjoon's rash. Gets ahead of himself. If he doesn't pull it together he'll play straight into Yoongi's hands..."

"Shows starting." Your open mouth snaps shut when the cushions dip beside you and Namjoon throws his arms over the back of the couch, swirling his half empty glass with an overconfident smirk.

Jimin averts his gaze. He knows he probably said too much. Sure, you're technically his colleague but you're also Namjoon's sister, the daughter of his boss. If Namjoon had overheard his position at Big Hit could have been called into question.

You would have to grill him more about Yoongi's motives later. Namjoon was right; the show really was starting.

Lights send the club into a dizzying purple haze, a new beat rumbling through the club that makes your skin prickle. It's almost drowned out by the electricity in the air, the frantic stamping of feet, the brazen chants of a single name over and over that fills you with a funny tingly feeling.

Gloss! Gloss! Gloss!

Something about it feels dirty.

The crowd is packed tightly together in the pit now. Even from where you sit, avoiding club goers eyes on the opposite side of the room, you find your attention glued to the stage. The set up is nothing like the one your brother occupies every night; just a wooden structure, painted black at one point but scuffed and scratched by the soles of shoes that boast the history of the place. The speakers are propped on broken crates, no big LED screens or back up dancers like your parents hire out for Namjoon.

Though none of that seems to matter when your gaze falls on the sole microphone stand placed centre stage beneath a blinding spotlight. It's the only familiar parallel between the two performers. It's a symbol of an artist, of the passion that comes with being up on that stage — any stage. It belongs to a performer.

You have to peer through a sea of frantic waving hands on your tiptoes to catch a glimpse of the combat boots taking the stage in time with the music rushing in your ears, mouth dry at the silver rings glinting under the harsh lights as fingers curl around the microphone.

"Yoongi." Namjoon grunts beside you, back stick straight and alert now. The traces of his previous smirk have been erased, a line appearing at the bridge of his nose. "There he is."

Yoongi throws his head back, breathes in the stuffy air that carries the shouts and whistles of the crowd like it's the sweetest oxygen money can buy.

The stench of beer burns your eyes but you're scared you'll miss a glimpse of his messy blue hair, or the eyes drunk on the fierce energy pulsing through the club to stop watching even if you tried.

When his voice permeates the room it's husky, burning through you like a shot of dry whisky. Namjoon stiffens, loosens the bandana around his face so he can see better.

Is that Runch Randa?

"Namjoon..." You hiss. "People are looking."

"Shut up." He grits, jaw tightening as Yoongi's lyrics cut through the tension like a serrated knife.

The way he moves across the stage like he owns it is exhilarating, makes the blood in your veins pump hot, limbs turning to lead as the crowd hangs off his every word.

He's good. Great, even. His lyrics give you goosebumps and you realise you haven't felt like this about a performance in a long time. Passionate. Yoongi is exhilarating to watch and it shakes you to the core.

It's then that it dawns on you. The reason Namjoon feels threatened is because there is a real chance that he might loose everything.

Gloss might take the trophy once and for all.

You only rip your eyes away from the stage when you feel Namjoon stand up beside you, his body disappearing into the crowd.

You get up too. "Leave him." You watch Jimin mouth. "He's just angry, he'll calm down—"

You don't care about Namjoon, not when the air is suddenly too thick, too heavy to breathe. Not when your hands sweat and you heave with a desire to run from reality and the suffocating smell of stale cigarette smoke that made your throat burn, like you can't get your body to breathe.

"Y/N? Where are you going?"

You swear you're floating, feet never seeming to quite touch the ground as you battle against the hazy dizziness that makes the room spin, ignoring Jimin's exasperated shouts of your name as you push through the gaps between bodies and pray your sense of direction is still intact enough to pull your outstretched arms towards the exit.

--

It's dark outside when you spill out of the exit, spluttering and heaving for air.

The brick is cool against your back when you slide down a nearby wall, hugging your knees.

A deep breath. In then out. Your chest loosens, lungs begin to feel full enough again.

Until a gravelly voice rings out into the night, clearer than the thump of unintelligible music from inside the club that makes your head pound.

"So it was you I saw back there. Good to know I'm not seeing things."

Even before you lift your face from between your knees you know who it belongs to. The single person you want to see least in the world at this very moment.

"Go away." You grumble but all that follows is a low chuckle as Yoongi slumps down next to you, ensuring to leave a safe distance between your crouched bodies.

It's funny. You had been preparing yourself to see him all night but now he's actually here in front of you, your mouth is dry.

He looks the same as he always did; dark eyes that burn hot as they scan your face, cocky smirk turning up the corners of his mouth. His brow looks wearier than you remember though, too weary for a man of twenty three. The only indication that time has passed since him and your brother were best friends.

"I assume Namjoon sent you here, then?"

The mention of your brother's name offers you the courage you need to look at him directly. His forehead still gleams with sweat in the dim moonlight, hair slicked back with a red bandana. There's a ring around his eye now, black and bruised. He must have taken off the black hoodie he donned on stage, left now in only a white vest which exposes his arms and to your dismay makes your blood run a little hotter.

"He's inside. I just came along because I had to." You mumble. "I'm not his spy, you know."

"Sure as shit seems like it." Yoongi spits with an amused chuckle, head lolling on his shoulders to face you. "He worried I might tell everyone about his little secret? Or was he trying to find his own leverage?"

A hot anger boils beneath your skin, rising all the way to your cheeks. Namjoon wouldn't do that would he? He didn't play that way. He didn't need to get an upper hand on Yoongi. He just wanted to see what he was up against.

"What's your problem, Yoongi?" The smirk on his mouth never falters, something glinting behind his eyes that tells you he wants to get a rise out of you. Even so, you can't help the way your voice raises, staggering to your feet. He chuckles darkly in response. "You get off on being an asshole or something?"

"You're too naive. What's so bad about telling the truth?" He closed the space between you until he's hovering above you, breath warm against your cheek. Your heart starts to race."What's so bad about taking back what is mine?"

Your breath hitches when his hand presses into the wall beside your head, effectively cornering you beneath his chest. "You could ruin his career."

Yoongi snorts. "What? Like he ruined mine?"

A few beats of silence. His eyes scan your face and it makes your stomach feel funny. You push at his chest, sucking in a shaky breath when he backs off a little and you realise part of you is weirdly disappointed that he did.

"Yoongi I don't know what happened between you and Namjoon—"

"No. You wouldn't know." He scorns, slinging his hands in his pockets, face darker now at the mention of his feud with your brother. "Because Namjoon loves secrets right? Namjoon likes to use people, Y/N. Just like he's using you now, to get to the top. And then he'll throw you away just like he did with me, sweetheart."

"Namjoon wouldn't do that." You bite your lip, the words leaving your tongue sounding a little less sure than you intend.

"Why? What makes you think you're any different?"

"He's my brother."

"I was his brother once too, remember?" He swallows, shaking his head in disbelief at your denial. "The only blood that matters to Namjoon is the blood shed to get him to the top."

You wrap your arms around your torso instinctively. Yoongi's words cut too deep. Maybe something inside of you thought Yoongi was right?

No. You came here to protect Namjoon yet here you were allowing his enemy to get inside your head.

"Fuck you, Min Yoongi." You spit, enjoying the way his eyes widen at the venom lacing your tone. "I made a mistake coming here."

Before you could brush past him and escape the heat  running through your blood stream which feels fuzzier than hatred should, a hand curls around your wrist.

"Shit. Looks like someone's on your trail."

A quick glance over your shoulder reveals none other than Jimin, face hidden by the visor of his black cap but recognisable none the less. He speaks a few words to the bouncer, probably asking if they saw you come out.

"Oh no."

The bouncer gestures in your direction. Jimin's eyes pause for a second as they skim across your form stood rigid with shock and your heart falls out of your ass when he starts in the direction of where you stand way too close to Yoongi unable to move a single muscle as you brace for discovery. To pay for your betrayal of your brother.

"You coming or what?" Yoongi snaps you back to reality with a tug on your arm, feet stumbling over each other as he drags you behind him further down the alley and around a nearly pitch black corner, too far away from the street lights to be basked in their orange glow.

"What the fuck, Yoongi?" You try to shrug out of his grasp, heart beating faster when you see the flat look on his face. "Let go of me!"

Yoongi comes to an abrupt halt. "Listen, I'm trying to save your ass here. You want to get caught? Go on then! Not my problem."

You nibble your lip, glancing one way at the dark alley and the other at Jimin pacing up and down the street with furrowed brows.

"Just trust me, Y/N."

Jimin's footsteps get closer and closer. It's now or never.

Tightening your jaw, you turn back to Yoongi and nod. The words feel foreign as they pass your lips. "I...trust you."

With that, Yoongi grabs your hand and breaks into a sprint

Turning the corner, the alley meets a dead end. The back of the club is just as run down as the front, littered with cracked beer bottles and cigarette stumps. The sign above the door labelled NO ENTRY doesn't offer any light and apparently Yoongi doesn't listen to directions because he fishes in his back pocket for a key, sliding the bolt and pushing on the bar to hold the door open with a small nod for you to go inside first.

With a deep breath, you do.

The door closes behind you with a jingle of chains, cutting off the slither of moonlight it provided and sending you into complete darkness. You hear Yoongi slide the bolt back across and then he fumbles for you in the darkness, your body pulled down next to his with a yelp so that you're out of direct view of the window which looks inside the room.

"I think they followed us." His voice is silk but there's an underlying insinuation. Be quiet.

Yoongi's eye level now, knees squeezed up against yours in the cramped space beneath the window ledge. Your eyes slowly adjust to the darkness, able to see the way he scans your face when he thinks you aren't looking. The way he grumbles and looks away when you catch him.

There's not time to dwell as you hear footsteps turn the corner, tracking all the way to the door where the bolt rattles, a sleeve wiping the window and pressing a cupped face to the glass.

"She's not here, man. You must have seen someone else."

It was Hoseok. You'd recognise his voice anywhere. Countless all nighters in the studio together does that to a person. Had Jimin called him all the way down here to look for you?

Jimin chimes in quickly. "I could have sworn it was her..."

The voices trail off as they retreat back down the alley, around to the front of the club.

A sigh escapes you, head falling against the wall in relief. When you open your eyes Yoongi is looking at you again. There's something pained in his expression, unspoken words visible in the way he bites his cheek to stop them from spilling out into the darkness.

His fingers are still wrapped around your arm, an electricity buzzing through your veins when you feel him lean in closer, pulling you towards him just barely.

His lips. Chapped and so close to yours. God. You think you want to kiss them. Just to know how it feels. You've never seen them up this close before. Not close enough to feel his hot breaths puffing against your forehead. Not close enough that if you just lifted your chin a little bit...

Yoongi lets out an embarrassed cough, jolting you out of your thoughts. "That was a close one, huh?" The spot where his hand resided feels cold when he rips it away.

Yoongi's face is wiped of any emotion again. He's not completely slick though as when he finally speaks again he sounds husky, the betrayal in his voice surprising even him.

"Are you okay?"

What were you supposed to say to that? I almost got caught with my brother's enemy and then thought about kissing said enemy. No, I don't think I am okay.

"Fine. Thanks."

Yoongi offers you a hand, getting to his feet and pulling you up after him before he leans across your body to flick on the lights.

The yellowish stream burns your eyes but allows you to take in the room around you. There's a keyboard in the corner, piles of sheet music strewn across the wooden desk beside it. A pair of speakers hooked up to a worn looking sound machine. A mic and a pair of headphones slung over the back of the mismatch wheely chair tucked beneath a desk.

A studio.

He must notice the way you look around with wide eyes, redness creeping up his neck as he busies himself by kicking some of the clutter on the floor behind the desk. "Wasn't expecting guests."

It definitely wasn't the high tech producing set up you were provided with back at Big Hit, no hifi system or fancy computer programmes. The furniture was mismatch, like someone had collected a bunch of spare puzzle pieces and shook them up in the box until they made a picture.

Somehow of the pieces still manage to seem somehow inherently Yoongi; the basketball tee with GLOSS on the back draped over his chair, even the empty water bottles overflowing in the trash can. The tiny framed picture of a younger looking Yoongi next to a woman you think you recognise but can't quite put your finger on.

"Genius lab?" You snort, nodding towards the sign hanging haphazardly above the monitor.

Yoongi shrugs. "What can I say? It's true."

"Confident." You muse.

You share a smile. It's strange. Familiar. The way his eyes crinkle and even the husk of the chuckle that follows reminding you of when things were good, back when you considered Yoongi to be a sort of friend. Before things got fucked up.

"You'll take it back when I win."

Old habits might not die hard but the rational part of your brain registers the implication of his words, even beneath his playful facade. The studio suddenly feels cold. Nostalgia dissipates. You remember why you're here.

"Why didn't you just let them find me?"

"You know as well as I do that Namjoon risks getting disqualified if Jimin causes a scene and gets himself caught snooping around here."

You huff an exasperated breath. For all Yoongi's talk of  having the upper hand he sure did seem reluctant to use it. "Isn't that what you want? What's stopping you? Want to drag it out or something?"

Yoongi lets out a breathy laugh, crossing the room and ducking into a drawer in the far corner. He returns with two glasses and a murky bottle of something strong, already a quarter empty as he pours some out. He offers the second glass towards you but you wave it away.

"Suit yourself." He takes a swig of the dark liquid, squeezes his eyes shut. "Because I want to win fair and square."

You shake your head. "All of this. Just for a stupid trophy?"

He eyes you over the rim of his glass, swirling the liquid with an overconfidence that makes you grit your teeth in annoyance. "So Namjoon knows how it feels to lose something he loves." He looks you up and down then, coughing and turning his head when you notice it. "Yeah. I guess it's for the trophy."

Yoongi is despicable, you think. Is he really so fame hungry that he will destroy anyone standing in his way to get it? Even Namjoon? Sure, your brother has his faults but if there is one thing you know it's that he loves being on that stage. What happened between them that makes Yoongi think he deserves it more?

"So its a revenge thing, then. And what if you lose, huh?" The way your voice raises makes you wince. Yoongi slams his glass down and flashes you an are you serious face.

"Y/N don't you see? I have nothing to lose. Namjoon already took everything. My life, my family, my fame. Everything. You know how it feels to have it all dangled in front of your face? And then get it ripped away like it was never yours to begin with?"

Yes. You'd never tell him that, of course. But you did know. You had to watch Namjoon perform your songs every night through a camera lens. Snapping shots of him in his element and wishing those picture perfect moments were yours. What did Yoongi know?

"I see him on the big screen, on stages I dreamed of. Crowds screaming his name. It was supposed to be me, Y/N. Meanwhile I'm sat here," Yoongi gestures to the shabby studio you find yourself in, liquid sloshing over the edge of his glass. "In clothes I printed myself, making music in a shitty club for free because nobody will even listen to my shit."

He's panting by the end of his spiel, knuckles pressed to his eyes as he tries to regain his composure before he lets too many of his weaknesses show. Something resonates inside you, softening the anger towards him with what you recognize as sympathy.

"Then why do you still do it? Make music?"

"Because it's the only thing that never left me alone."

You sigh. While you're collecting your thoughts something catches your eye — a Polaroid picture, tacked onto the plasterboard behind his computer. It's of a smiling Yoongi and much to your surprise, a smiling Namjoon, arms wrapped around each other like nothing could ever break them apart. You briefly wonder why he kept it, if he hated Namjoon so much.

You turn to him again.

"Don't make me regret saying this but you're good, Yoongi. Like really good. Your performance earlier it was...amazing. I mean that."

Yoongi's stern eyes soften with surprise. He almost seems pained, like the simple compliment means more to him than you expected.

"So, you don't have to do this. Big Hit has connections, I could get in touch with a couple record labels--"

He stiffens again. "What? Are you my manager now? As if any record label would take a chance on the biggest Mic Drop loser in history, Y/N, don't talk shit."

You trail off. It's true and you know it.

He swallows hard. "You know what I think? I think you're here because you know that I might actually win this thing. As much as Namjoon knows how to play dirty he doesn't have the talent. He never did! That's why he's using you to write his material." His laugh makes you shiver. "How can he even call himself an artist? It's pathetic."

That's all it takes for your patience to snap. Is the way your blood boils with a sudden and insatiable rage because of the way he bad mouthed your brother? Surely you didn't actually believe him? No, everything he said was a lie -- it had to be.

Your hand curls into a fist, anger spilling over as you charge at him full force. Yoongi barley flinches, his fingers deftly curling around your wrist before it can meet his jaw and pulling you into him at the waist so he can slot his bottom lip between yours.

"Fuck yo— hmf?"

Your eyes widen as you register his slightly chapped lips moving against your own, remnants of the amber liquid he poured down his throat earlier sour on your tongue, a surprised gasp leaving you when Yoongi flips your bodies and slams your back roughly against the wall, settling himself between your legs.

"Gonna finish what Namjoon started, sweetheart?" When he pulls back you're panting, eyes trained to his parted lips with wonder.

He kissed you. Yoongi kissed you. For real.

His warm breath still mingles with yours as you try to choke a response, anything. Yoongi's eyes have a dark glint to them and god you should hate him for winding you up like this but being this close to him just feels too good.

Then, before you can think better of it, you grab his collar with your free hand and smash your lips together in a tangle of teeth and tongue that makes your entire body burn with relief.

The groan he lets out against your mouth tells you he wants this too. "Fuck, couldn't help myself." He pants. "You're driving me crazy."

You feel a dampness throb between your legs when his hands tangle in your hair, lips never leaving yours as he pulls you across the room and drops into his chair.

A whimper is pulled from your lips when his palms cup the flesh of your ass beneath your dress, though it's not in protest, dizzy with desire when he pulls you into his lap and bucks his hips so that his half hard cock brushes against your clothed heat.

"See what you do to me?" He pulls back to smirk at your swollen lips, a much needed breath entering your lungs, filling you with another bout of restless desire as Yoongi's eyes scan your face hungrily. It feels too good even though it should be so wrong.

"W-we shouldn't." Your mouth is dry, words coming out a little unsure which gives away just how much you want to keep going. "What if--"

A particularly harsh thrust of his hips makes you moan softly, head falling into the crook of Yoongi's neck. He growls when he catches sight of the growing wet patch on the front of his jeans, testament of his effect on you as much as you hated to admit it.

"What if Namjoon finds out?" His hand shoots between your legs, pads of his fingers tracing your clothed core, the coarse lace of your panties adding a delicious layer of friction against your folds. The delicate touch sets your body alight, skin burning to let go and submit to the feeling despite the voice in the back of your mind screaming no!

"What if Namjoon finds out that I make you this wet?" Your panties are sticking to your heat by now so it would have been futile to deny it. He smiles smugly when your legs shake and you throw an arm around his neck to keep your balance.

"S-shut up." It's meek and it only makes him laugh darkly, the husky sound sending shivers down your spine as he leans in closer to nibble on the lobe of your ear.

If you didn't know any better you would think he was unaffected by this. Your chest heaves with desire and your hands itch with a yearning to touch him but Yoongi appears the epitome of composure, maintaining sinful eye contact as he pulls your panties to the side. The only give away is the way his cock twitches against your leg with each jerk of his hips, a funny sense of pride erupting in your chest knowing that he wants you too.

Open mouthed kisses drag down your jaw, lingering at your neck. His teeth nibble at the sensitive skin, tongue laving out to soothe the sting and it feels too good to worry about the bruises his sinful lips leave behind as a reminder of your weakness Namjoon could never know of.

"Look so pretty marked up, sweetheart." The pet name makes your clit throb, head throwing back as his mouth attacks the sensitive spot on your neck like he knew it was there all along. It's almost concerning how quickly he has you falling apart in his lap. How easily he turned you into a shuddering mess, barely able to form coherent sentences in between breathy gasps at the sensation of him making you his for all to see. "Show everyone that you're mine, hm?"

When Yoongi removes his hand from your core you slap a hand over your mouth to stop a whine of protest from escaping. Yoongi's eyes narrow, palming his bulge through his trousers as he watches you writhe in his lap with amusement, every twist of your hips falling short and providing no relief for your pulsing clit, already missing the feeling of his hand cupping your mound and considering how it would feel skin on skin—

Oh god. What am I doing?

You let out a groan, but not the good kind.

"What?" Yoongi seems to read your mind, snapping you back to reality when he pulls your panties to the side. He circles your entrance teasingly and you can't help the way you whimper. "Don't act like you don't want to sink down on my cock, Y/N. You could ride me right here and nobody would ever know."

"H-how can I trust you?" It would ruin Namjoon if he found out. He was already stressed, already growing distant from you. This had to stop before it went too far. Before there was no going back.

"Because I can make you feel like this." A lithe finger slides into your heat, easy because of how you drip over his hand. "Think about how much better my cock would stretch you out, hm?"

Each drag of his finger against your velvety walls has you squeezing your eyes shut. The sensation is overwhelming, and when he adds a second digit  you feel your repose crumble. Lust seems to crash over you like a wave, clouding your thought with a hazy desire to just give in and let Yoongi take you, uncaring about the repercussions now as you push down to meet his thrusts so he hits deeper than before.

"Fine." Your words are slurred, too busy chasing the feeling between your legs to see the way it makes Yoongi's eyes light up. "J-just hurry up and fuck me Yoongi."

"Well well," Yoongi settles back against the wall, looking between your bodies to watch the way his fingers disappear into your soaking cunt with an expression almost primal, his own breathing ragged now as he tries to resist turning you over and fucking you into tomorrow then and there. "Never thought I'd actually get to hear my name on your lips like this. Say it again."

A sharp flick of his wrist has you falling against his chest, pulsing around him. "Yoongi!"

"That's right," He licks his lips, free hand unzipping his jeans to relieve the pressure on his length. "Me. Yoongi." The way he mimicks your breathless tone makes a hot blush rise in your cheeks, aware of just how fucked out you must seem right now but too horny to care. "Been waiting for this. Ah shit!"

You take it upon yourself to hurry along the process by reaching into the waistband of his boxers to wrap a hand around the shaft of his cock. It pulses at your touch, the pace of Yoongi's fingers in your cunt stuttering as he flies forward, knuckles on the hand gripping your thigh turning white as he tries to regain some control while you stroke him firmly.

"Fuck your hands. Sinful. Knew they would be. God you're going to kill me if you keep this up, I swear." The worlds tumble from his mouth in one heaving breath as you twist your palm around his sticky head, enjoying the way his thighs twitch with a want to buck into your fist and his nose flares with the effort it takes to resist.

His cock feels girthy in your palm, hot and heavy as you help him shimmy his jeans around his thighs. When his cock slaps back against his stomach, impossibly hard and leaking with anticipation you feel your mouth water.

"Like what you see?" He almost taunts.

You bite your lip. "I don't think you're gonna fit."

It must have brushed his ego because the tip seemed to flush an even deeper shade of red. "Wanna sit on it and find out?"

A nod is all it takes for Yoongi to slide your panties to the side, slapping your hands away to grip the base of his cock and line it up with your entrance.

You both groan in unison when he pushes into your heat, the stretch burning with every inch, fingers clutching the fabric of his tank top at the sensation of finally being full.

"Fuuuck." You see his tongue snake out to wet his bottom lip when his hips finally join flush to yours, hair sticking to his already damp forehead as he allowed you to adjust. "So fucking tight for me, princess."

His cock throbs impossibly deep inside you when you unconsciously clench around it, feeling your face flush as you whimper for him to get on with it and fuck you already.

"Shh, patience." His thumb pulls at your bottom lip, setting it free with a pop. "Move."

At his command you do, bracing yourself on his shoulders. You raise up, feeling every ridge of his length until just the tip remains inside your heat. Then you are slamming back down and flushing at the groan which tumbles from his chest.

"Such a slut, taking my cock so well." His palms feel hot on your hips, dragging you up and down through the motion that has you panting.

Yoongi looks utterly amazed at the visual of you sinking down onto his length, unable to stop the satisfied grin settling into his features when you cry out after a particularly deep thrust. "Imagine if Namjoon could see you now. Falling apart on my cock?"

"Can we — hnng — not talk about my brother when you're in my fucking guts?"

"Why?" A whine leaves you when he slips out of your cunt, grabs you by the ass, and hoists you to your feet, roughly bending you over the desk until your cheek presses against the cold surface. Yoongi tugs your hands behind your back, cock already sinking back into your heat before you can protest at the emptiness. "Worried he'll think you're a slut for taking my cock when I'm the one whose going to fucking end him?"

"Yes!" You cry, unable to hold back now as you feel his cock hit deeper than before with every ram inside you that fills the room with the slapping sound of his pistoning hips, brushing your sweet spot each time and making the coil in your stomach tighten.

God, this is so wrong and you know it. You know it shouldn't feel so good when Yoongi's hands tangle in your hair, pulling you so that your back arches flush against his sweaty chest. Know how many people would be hurt if they knew how much you love it, how you push back into his thrusts, eager for more.

"Shit, you're squeezing so tight." His voice sounds strained now, thrusts turning sloppy as you feel him shudder. "Close, shit. Where can I—"

"Inside me. Want you to f-fill me."

"Holy sh— always wanted to hear you say that. Okay, fuck."

A few more pumps of his cock and he's spilling inside you, the feeling of his release coating your walls enough to have you falling over the edge unexpectedly too, vision turning black as you cum with a cry.

The only sound that fills the silence is your heavy breaths mingling with his as your arms give out. You're silently grateful, as much as you hated to admit it, for the strong arm around your torso that holds you to him when your legs turn to jelly.

Yoongi slips out of you, admiring the way his cum leaks down your trembling thighs. The emptiness makes you keen, clenching around nothing.

"Made such a mess of you, kitten."

The sound of his zipper makes your heart sink, stiffening as he tucks his spent cock back into his pants. For a second you think he's going to leave you like this, shame caressing your cheeks as you envision how fucked out you must look.

But then, Yoongi's palms are back on your thighs as he kicks the chair from under his desk and pushes you roughly onto the cushion. "Think you can go again for me, princess?"

"Wha--?" His swollen lips make you loose your words, the way his tongue tantalizingly caresses your bottom lip drawing a choked whine from your throat instead.

"Fuck, always thought you'd make such pretty noises." It's mumbled gruffly under his breath, like he's confirming it with himself rather than addressing you. He pulls back to stare at you spread out for him, lidded eyes widening at the visual of your skirt pooled around your waist, legs kept open by the rough grip around your thigh that exposes your swollen slit. The way your arousal drips down your inner thighs along with his own release has him swallowing thickly. "Like being filled with my cum, huh? Such a slut."

Yoongi traces his fingers up your inner thighs, thumb applying a gentle pressure to your clit, legs struggling to fall shut around his hand to escape the over stimulation. "P-please Yoongi, I can't."

"You will." It's growled against your neck, hot breath making you shudder. "I know you can take it."

A knee slips between your thighs, holding them open so his fingers can deftly continue their brutal attack on your sensitive folds. Each drag of his knuckle up your slit makes you whimper, the way the pads of his fingers rub firm circles into your clit making it pulse. The feeling is more intense than before, borderline agonizing as a warmth builds in the pit of your stomach again.

Eventually the pain starts to dissipate, turns into something closer to pleasure when you feel a single digit slip into your heat, the slide made easy by the fact that his cock had already stretched you out and his release lubed you up nicely. Each pump makes a lewd squelching noise that has you biting your lip to stop from groaning unabashedly, Yoongi's gaze fixed to the sight of his knuckles disappearing inside you.

When you buck up into his touch again, desperately circling your hips to try and grind your clit against the heel of his hand, Yoongi lets out a dark chuckle. The muscles in your cunt tighten, skin damp with sweat as you fuck yourself on his hand in search of a second high that burns ever closer.

"Look at you, all needy again from just one finger. All fucked out again even after I stretched you out."

With that Yoongi removes his hand from your heat all together, leaving you gasping and clenching around nothing as your release falls farther away, unable to resist the groan of frustration that passes your lips.

"Don't stop!" Your head lolls back against the chair, thighs trembling with desperation to feel his touch again. "I was so close--"

"Suck." Yoongi raises his fingers to your lips. You notice the way they gleam, sticky and white in the studio lighting. The pads of his fingers smear the wetness across your swollen lips as he pushes for entry which you gave to him eagerly, humming around the digits. "Be a good girl, hm?"

He all but groans when your eyes flutter open and lock with his, tongue swirling around his fingers teasingly, enjoying the taste of your own arousal mixed with the saltiness of his cum, almost in sensory overload at the thought of how much better his cock would feel in your throat.

"That's it." A knuckle drags down your cheek possessively, tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. "Good girl."

A sticky trail of spit follows Yoongi's fingers when they leave your mouth with a lewd pop, your breaths coming out shaky and desperate as you watch his eyes zone in on your aching core.

The sight of him dropping to his knees is enough to have you squeezing your eyes shut in anticipation, whimpering when his hot breath grazes over your throbbing clit. "Wanna taste you for myself."

And with that his tongue runs a rough stripe up your slit, eyes falling shut as he hums against your folds contentedly.

"Fuck Yoongi!" Your eyes roll back as he laps a few teasing licks across your bud, body turning to putty when his hands roughly pull you down the chair so that he can attach his mouth to your mound fully.

A guttural moan rises from his chest when you grind your core against his face, knuckles turning white as you clutch he chair like it's the only thing keeping you grounded, stopping you from floating away and losing yourself to the feeling of Yoongi's tongue teasing your already wrecked hole. An impatience rises in your stomach every time his nose grazes your clit, pushing your hips more forcefully to chase the relief it brings.

"So eager." You knew he'd have a smirk on his face if his lips weren't already occupied, wrapping around your clit and sucking with just the right amount of pressure to have your fingers tangling in the blue locks that spill loose from his bandanna now, holding him to your core so that you can rock against his tongue easier.

"Close sweetheart?" The way your chest heaves and little gasps spill past your lips as you chase your high must give away the effect he is having on you. You nod breathlessly and to your surprise Yoongi places a chaste kiss to your folds before pulling back all together, leaving you writhing and desperate for him to make cum for the second time. "Did I give you permission?"

Your heart beats furiously as your release slips away once again. Yoongi only stares at you intently. His lips glisten with a mixture of both of your releases and the thought alone makes your core ache. A loose shake of your head makes his eyes darken, licking some of the dampness from around his lips. "Gotta use your words, baby. Did I say you could cum?"

Dizzy with arousal, your words sound slurred and alien to your own ears. "N-no."

"Good. Now ask nicely."

"Please." It comes out whinier than you anticipate but Yoongi's hands twitch against the flesh of your thighs, giving away the fact that he likes it despite the way his mouth presses into a tight and unforgiving line. "Can I cum? Please?"

A deep laugh leaves his bitten lips. "I don't think you deserve it." His head dips back down between your legs, sloppy kisses pressed to each of your thighs as he edges ever closer to your dripping core. "I want you to count, okay?"

"O-oh, okay." He attacks your clit again, tongue swirling where his teeth graze across the pulsing bud. You're so sensitive that you're sure just the light brushes of his lips will send you over the edge if he keeps going.

"G-gonna cum if you--"

"Don't." The authority in his voice makes you gasp. "Didn't I say to count? One."

"Fuck!" Hot tears streak your cheeks when he pulls back so just his hot breath ghosts across your glistening folds. "I..I was so close!"

"Hey, hey." His hand reaches up to stroke your cheek, a strangely gentle action in comparison to the bruising grip on your thigh. "You're doing so good. Trust me, okay? Wanna make you feel good."

For the second time that night you nod, putting all your trust into him for reasons you are too fucked out to dwell on there and then.

When his tongue snakes out to tease your clenching hole again it draws an agonizing cry from you, the coil already tightening in your belly. You shut your eyes.

"Don't" The hand on your chin tightens, forces you to look down at where his face is buried between your legs, authority lacing his words again. "Keep your eyes on me."

As soon as you lock eyes he gets to work again, humming out a "good girl" before you're losing yourself again to his tongue and he has to plant your feet down roughly to stop your hips from bucking too much.

Before you know it your clit's throbbing again and you're about to fall over the edge but before you can even let Yoongi know he's pulling back with a pant, practically gasping for air but still flashing you a shit eating grin. "Didn't think I was going to let you, did you sweetheart?"

"Two." You manage to breathe. "Two!"

By now you're sick of the teasing, a hand coming between your own legs to finish yourself off, ready to come undone whether Yoongi likes it or not. Before you can get your way, Yoongi's swatting your hand away. "Desperate slut. Wanna cum that bad huh?"

"Please!" You practically whimper.

That seems to do it for him, his eyes glazing over with what you recognise as lust. As if the last of his self control just snapped. Anticipation makes your blood run hot.

"Then make it to three and we'll see if I'm feeling nice."

"Shit!" Yoongi's tongue plunges into your heat with a new found eagerness, thrusting in and out like a man deprived. You manage to maintain eye contact this time, falling apart at the way he groans in appreciation when he tastes himself, fucking your hole with his tongue mercilessly like he wants to get every last drop of his cum.

His thumb finds your clit and the coil in your lower belly tightens too rapidly for you to comprehend, tugging on his hair as you cry out. "Yoongi!"

"Cum for me."

His permission is all it takes to have you falling over the edge into a shattering orgasm that makes your vision turn black, mind wiped of any hesitation and guilt and replaced with a single word, over and over again: Yoongi.

When you finally take a gasping breath, he's there, rubbing encouraging circles into your hips and leaving kisses across your stomach that makes something in your chest warm, heart beating a little faster and not just from your orgasm.

"So fuckin' pretty when you cum." You're sure that's what he murmurs against your damp skin. "Can't believe I had to wait this long."

You furrow your brow. Yoongi sits back against his heels, wiping your arousal from his mouth with the back of his hand and flashing you a lazy but satisfied smile, looking awfully pleased with himself. Like this was his biggest dream come true.

It dawned on you that it probably was in someways -- what better way to get back at an old friend than by fucking his sister?

You suddenly feel like an idiot for letting him charm you, guilt washing through you, flying forward when your chest aches with regret.

Yoongi notices how you pale. "Are you okay? If that was too much then I'm really sorry--"

"Too much?" You suddenly feel exposed beneath his gaze, shuffling around to pull your skirt around your thighs, eyes roaming the room hurriedly for your panties so you can get out of here and quick. "This is all too much, Yoongi."

"What?" He puts a hand on your shoulder to stop you as you brush past him but the way you jolt at the touch makes him rip it away like he touched a live wire.

"I...shouldn't have come here. This was a mistake."

Namjoon's face was embedded in your mind. The way his eyes would crumple with betrayal if he found out you came here at all -- let alone let Yoongi take you so intimately. And you hadn't even tried to stop yourself from falling into him, gave in to your emotions too easily and allowed Yoongi to use you as a swipe at your own brother.

"Why? Didn't seem so upset when you were coming on my tongue." The scoff in Yoongi's voice makes you freeze.

"I can't stop you from hurting Namjoon," Your lip quivers and you have to press your nails into your palms to stop the tears spilling over. "But do you really have to hurt me, too?"

"Y/N, wait--"

Your hands shake as you grab your bag and head for the door. "Shit happened between you and my brother, I get it. But we were friends once, Yoongi. Doesn't that mean anything to you? We can't see each other again."

Your tears are warm in contrast to the cold evening air as you take off into a run, needing to get as far away from Yoongi and the evidence of your own betrayal as possible.

By the time you stumble back into the Big Hit company building, the studio is empty. To your surprise, words seem to flow out of you easier than they ever had before, a heart shaped stain appearing on the formerly empty page of your notebook.

--

Sleepless nights were becoming your norm. You had barely slept a wink since that night, not when every thought was plagued with guilt, the same name running circles around your mind, the same dark eyes and swollen lips and messy hair tauntingly appearing in your mind whenever your head hit the pillow.

Yoongi.

That night with Yoongi felt something like a dream, a hazy memory, the only evidence of it being real the fact that every time you closed your eyes you could feel the way Yoongi's hands burned your skin, how his lips moved perfectly in sync with your own.

As much as you knew it was a mistake, something that should have never happened, you couldn't help the way your heart throbbed every time you replayed it over and over in your mind, repeatedly, until you felt like you were going insane with guilt. It was eating you alive. But sometimes you would remember the way you felt when he was pressed up against you and every ounce of regret felt worth it.

You hated yourself for it, and you knew your brother would hate you to, if he ever found out.

He could never find out.

So, you take to avoiding Namjoon altogether. It wasn't that hard really, you knew his schedule well enough to be a step ahead of him at all times, and it wasn't as if he was enthusiastic about your company to begin with.

Of course sometimes your paths have to cross, but you still can't look Namjoon in the eyes when you slip into one of the Big Hit practice rooms where you know you'll inevitably find him.

The music hits before you even open the door. Namjoon is dressed in casual clothes, cap pulled down low over his face as he raps into a mic, the way his voice husks a tell tale sign that this was not the first time he'd gone over the same verse.

He seems stiffer than usual, all elbows and knees as he scrutinises his own form in the wall to floor mirror. You've seen him perform this choreography flawlessly hundreds of times so your brow furrows with confusion each time his feet miss a beat or his knees literally buckle under the pressure.

On the far side of the room sits a row of men and women in formal suits. Investors, brought in to bet on the contestant most likely to win. They watch Namjoon with intent eyes, some shaking their heads in disapproval, others whispering insults below their breaths.

Is that really Runch Randa? Pfft, he'll never win with footwork like that.

Jimin stands close by, hopping from one foot to the other and wincing with every mistake Namjoon makes. He's been making desperate phone calls for the last week, pleading with any investor he could get ahold of to take a chance on Namjoon which was hard to come by after the royal media fuck up the other day at the after party.

This was Namjoon's only chance at a do over — he needed their money if he wanted to win this thing. The judges were expecting a show from him. Smoke machines and good lighting are expensive, after all.

Namjoon, however, only seems interested in the reactions of your parents sat in the back row, expressions grave. He's chastising himself, self loathing evident in his eyes every time he stutters over a lyric. He knows how hard they worked to establish Big Hit and the disappointment in their eyes as it slowly slips through Namjoon's fingers like sand makes even you feel jittery with nerves.

For a brief moment you're grateful that you are practically invisible in this room, no eyes even glancing your way as you join them. You're glad that Namjoon takes the brunt of the pressure. You never were the strong sibling after all.

The music cuts, Namjoon coming to a stand still. He crumples at the knees, forehead pressed against the polished linoleum floor as he tries to catch his breath.

Jimin slumps into a chair, head in hands. That tells you all you need to know.

Investors leave the room, some sending apologetic looks towards Jimin with a shrug. Others deposit their cheque books back into their briefcases, taking pity on the pleading smiles and firm handshakes from your parents when they apologise for Namjoon's lacking performance. One even pats Namjoon on the back, following the small crowd as they leave the room. "Take a break, buddy."

Nearly everyone has filtered out before Namjoon gets to his feet shakily, slumping down into a seat beside you. You don't acknowledge him, afraid of what you might let slip if you do, fiddling with your camera as a distraction.

It's him who breaks the silence.

"How's the song coming along?" He seems disinterested, clicking his knuckles with no real intention of listening to your response.

"Fine." Another lie. It wasn't coming along at all, really, but now is probably not the best time to tell him when his nerves are already heightened by his failure to gain any crucial investments.

His eye is still slightly swollen from the fist fight a few days ago, a permanent line forming at the bridge of his nose that wasn't there before. You almost didn't recognise him. He stares at his own broken reflection in the steamed practice room mirrors vacantly, like he doesn't  even recognise himself.

A few moments of uncomfortable silence pass. Namjoon's heavy breathing slows to a regular pace.

"I know you went to see him."

It echos menacingly through the room and you stiffen, clutching the floor beneath you for support. Namjoon's hard eyes still don't look your way but you see him analysing your reaction in the mirror. The way your mouth gapes speechlessly tells him everything he needs to know.

"Not even gonna try and deny it?" His head shakes in disbelief.

You throb with guilt. "H-how did you find out?"

"I have people everywhere keeping an eye on him, Y/N. You're lucky the paparazzi didn't catch you, because it sure as shit looked shady. My own sister," He scoffs around the word, as if it tastes bad in his mouth. "Siding with him?"

You place a hand on his forearm, surprised to find him shaking beneath your touch. "I'm not siding with him, Namjoon."

"Then what are you doing?" He roars, ripping his arm away.

What was I doing? You don't even know yourself.

It takes everything inside you to keep the expression on your face neutral, to wipe away the regret and the sadness and the fear that makes your voice wobble.

"We just talked." You had to avert your gaze, scared that somehow your disingenuous eyes would give away what really happened with Yoongi — a little more than talking to say the least.

"About what?"

"The secret, okay? I wanted to protect you—"

"Protect me?" Namjoon pinched the bridge of his nose. "How is meddling in business that doesn't even concern you protecting me, Y/N?"

"Have you forgotten that what you're — we're — doing is against Mic Drop rules? That you could be disqualified or...worse! Get your trophy revoked?"

"Pfft. Yoongi won't say anything.."

"What makes you so sure?"

"It's me he wants to hurt. I know him, Y/N. He'd never forgive himself if you—" He eyes you carefully. "If anyone else got dragged into this. It's between me and him, that's it."

Your head is spinning. You remember a time when things weren't this way, back when Yoongi and Namjoon were friends. Partners. What happened between them that made them so hell bent on destroying one another?

"There are things about Yoongi that you will never understand, Y/N. Things he did that can never be forgiven."

It briefly crosses your mind that if Namjoon could cut Yoongi, his best friend, out of his life, just how easy it would be for him to do the same to you if he found out just how unforgivable your betrayal was. A funny feeling pools in your stomach, a distance settling between you and Namjoon as, to your dismay, you realise just how much you have in common with your brother's enemy.

"But what about you, huh? Why should he forgive you? You took everything from him! I'm not surprised he's back to kick your ass. If you ask me it's him who should be holding a grudge—"

Namjoon's hands clamp onto your shoulders and you recoil from the contact. You're breathing hard, the tears welling in your eyes threatening to spill over any second.

"Listen to me. He's trying to get in your head. You need to stay away from him Y/N. He's bad news."

"Tell me why! Help me understand!"

Namjoon's face is grave. "Some secrets are best kept that way. It'll only make it worse if I tell you."

Before you can protest he's striding across the room and hitting the play button on the boom box in the corner, music blasting from the speakers again.

"Joon—"

"Just stick to taking pictures and stop getting involved in business that doesn't concern you."

Then his body is twisting across the room in time to the music with an intensity he didn't possess before. Like a machine on autopilot.

You shove your camera into your bag and let the door slam shut behind you.

--

"We were a mistake."

The cursor flashing on the empty document on your computer screen feels like it's taunting you.

"Please don't tell my brother what we did."

You've been like this for the last week. Holed up in one of the tiny studios at the Big Hit company building, head swimming with beats and melodies and lyrics that just won't seem to fit together. Not when your mind is preoccupied with a more pressing issue.

"Are you thinking about me as much as I'm thinking about you?"

Yoongi.

God, how are you supposed to write this song for Namjoon when all you can think about is his enemy?

You don't know why you're still so hung up on Yoongi. It's not as if what happened between you meant anything. It was just a spur of the moment mistake. You were both tense and needed someone to help blow off some steam. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Right?

You'll never admit that deep down, a part of you wants to see him again. To check that he's real and that you didn't imagine the whole thing. To see if he is going as crazy as you feel.

That's when the answer hits you. The only way to make this right is to end things once and for all. Tie up all your loose ends and tell Yoongi that you and him were a one time thing. Make sure you were on the same page.

Then maybe you'll be able to concentrate on helping Namjoon beat his ass.

A sudden confidence grips you, standing up abruptly from your desk, alerting the attention of Hoseok who up until now has been quietly engrossed in the track he's producing.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

There's an address burning at the forefront of your mind. You have the route committed to memory. How long it'll take to get there. How long it'll take to get back before anyone else at Big Hit notices your absence.

The only place you knew where you might find Yoongi.

"I won't be gone long. Cover for me if anyone sees I'm gone, 'kay?"

Hoseok eyes you curiously and pulls his headphones to sit around his neck. "O-okay but don't you think you should take an umbrella? It's raining and you might catch a cold — oh."

You don't hear him, the door already slamming behind you.

--

In hindsight, Hoseok was probably right. You're soaked before you even get half way to Yoongi's studio.

Not that you care. Not when there are so many things you want to say to Yoongi. So many questions only he knows the answer to.

Not when you're about to see him again and you're giddy and nervous and scared of the way your heart feels like it's about to bust out of your chest.

You don't really know why you're doing this. For Namjoon's sake? To ease your own guilty conscience? Both?

You shake your head before your confidence can deflate and focus on putting two feet in front of the other instead, trying to take your mind of your destination by focusing on your surroundings. You always liked this part of town, with it's bustling roads and street vendors and buskers. Here it's easy to forget, to just close your eyes and let the buzz of cars and the melody from a nearby street guitarist and the torrent of ice cold rain whisk you away, like life is operating at double the speed but you're too caught up in your own thoughts to care.

So caught up in your own thoughts that you don't spot the guy handing out flyers on the side of the street until your face is colliding with his shoulder.

"Shit, I'm so sorry!"

The guy lets out a groan as you helplessly watch his flyers flutter to the ground like autumn leaves, disintegrating on the rain dampened street.

"Does nobody look where they're going any more? My boss is going to kill me..."

The guy gets to his knees and starts grabbing as many flyers as he can by the handful.

"I'm so sorry, at least let me help?"

You hear him sigh deeply but he doesn't stop you when you drop down beside him.

You stamp on a flyer before it can be whisked away by the breeze. It's ruined. The rain makes the ink bleed into a black blotch in the center of the sodden paper, but if you squint you can just make out the barely legible print.

Live Classical Piano - 7:30 - 9:30 Every Wednesday At The Coffee House!

A throat clears, shaking you back to reality, and a nimble hand thrusts towards you, palm up, waiting for you to deposit the pile of flyers you collected.

"Just gonna stand there all day, sweetheart? Some of us have a job to do."

Shame heats your cheeks. "I wasn't looking where I was going, I'll pay for these —"

Its then, as you let your hood fall down, that the boy stiffens. You look up slowly, meeting a widened pair of piercing grey eyes for the first time. The very same eyes you haven't been able to get out of your head all week.

"Wait...Yoongi?"

It's him. He's here? A coincidence surely but it sure as shit doesn't feel like one.

Just seeing him knocks the breath out of your lungs.

Yoongi blinks a few times, eyes wide with disbelief. Then he's ripping the flyers from your slackened grip and grabbing you by the wrist, dragging you behind him to the side of the street where you're just out of view from passerby's.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He deadpans.

You take in the way his mint hair clings damply to his forehead, shirt darker in places where droplets of rain soak into the fabric. He's wearing one of those traditional pianist outfits with the funny tuxedo jacket and a little black bow tie strung around his neck that looks like it came from a bad Beethoven Halloween costume. It catches you off guard. No wonder you didn't recognise him before. Not exactly hip hop.

"What are you doing here?"

Yoongi glances over his shoulder warily. "Look, you can't tell anyone you saw me here okay? Did Namjoon send you?"

"What? No--?"

"Just leave, Y/N. Before someone sees you here and tells your precious brother that you've been hanging around with scum like me." He spits, drops your arm and starts in the direction he came from.

"Yoongi, wait!" You blurt, throwing your hands up in frustration. He freezes."Can we...can we just talk?"

Yoongi nearly does a double take. He's usually full of jibes but this catches him off guard. "Talk?"

He backtracks, though you notice the way he keeps a safe distance between you. It feels silly considering how much...closer you were just a few days ago. You wonder, as his eyes look you up and down, if he's thinking about it too. If you crossed his mind as much as he crossed yours.

"Listen, I don't have time for this, I need to go get some more of these flyers..."

Your heart drops, embarrassed for even entertaining the idea that he would want to see you again.

"Please?"

He hesitates. You're sure he's going to blow you off again but then his eyes fill with something scarily close to concern. "Shit, you're shivering."

Your hair hangs in heavy tendrils around your face, droplets of cold rain caressing your cheeks. Your knees knock, arms wrapped around the damp hoodie clinging to your torso to retain some warmth.

Yoongi shrugs off his jacket, despite the way his own teeth chatter. "You're going to catch your death dressed like that."

You stand there dumbly as he holds it out to you. He kicks a stone with the toe of his sneaker awkwardly when you finally wrap it around your shoulders.

"I thought you didn't want to see me again." It's almost accusing but you're sure you hear a trace of a pout in his voice.

"I...I didn't want to." Yoongi looks up. "But I think we should talk about you know...us."

Yoongi bites his lip, like he's having an inner debate. Like he's about to do something he knows he shouldn't.

"Fine. Let's talk. I, uh, guess I have some things I need to say to you too." He scratches the back of his neck. "But not here. Could I—would it be weird if we got coffee or something?"

Definitely weird. That's what you should say. But you don't.

"Okay."

You don't miss the way Yoongi's cheeks turn a little red.

--

The coffee shop Yoongi takes you to is a quaint little place, definitely not the sort of establishment you expected rough-around-the-edges Min Yoongi to frequent with its exposed brick walls and mint green espresso mugs with smiley faces on the side that give it a somewhat cosy appeal.

"I work here," He explains when he sees your eyes roaming. "Needed some extra cash."

You nod. Makes sense. The smell of pumpkin bread and coffee beans is still a welcome relief from the bitter chill outside.

The guy at the counter nods in greeting when Yoongi approaches, already grinding up coffee like he knows his regular order. Yoongi flashes him a tight smile. You figure they know each other, not that Yoongi seems the type to mingle within barista social circles but then again he is full of surprises today.

They share a few hushed whispers, staring not so subtly in the direction of where you sit hunched in one of the corner booths, but you just ignore it by watching a rain drop crawl down the window with rapt attention.

Words barely pass between you and Yoongi until you're both seated, him with a coffee you learn he takes black and you with a much too sugary frappe which you take to stirring with your straw nervously, chin in palm.

It's Yoongi who finally breaks the silence.

"What are you thinking?" He looks at you expectantly over the rim of his mug. For some reason it makes you nervous.

Guilt niggles at your repose. The cafe is alive with indistinguishable chatter, a coffee machine whirring loudly nearby. In reality, you merely blend in to the hubbub. But as you watch Yoongi fiddle with the rings on his fingers in anticipation of your response it's like a hush has fallen and all eyes are on you. Judging, like they know how wrong it is for you to be here.

He's been the only thing on your mind all week but now you're here in front of him it's like your mind is blank.

"Did you tell anyone?"

Yoongi blinks. "Namjoon's secret? I said I wasn't going to say anything—"

"No. Our secret. Us..." It feels foreign, referring to Yoongi and yourself as a unit. You hate to admit it makes your heart beat a little faster. "Namjoon knows."

Yoongi's coffee cup clatters to the table and words rise like bile in your throat, everything you've been bottling up inside tumbling out before you can stop it.

"Namjoon knows! He found out about us somehow and now everything has gone to shit and...I shouldn't even be telling you this! God I'm an idiot! I just don't know what to do—"

Your wailing is interrupted suddenly by a warm hand covering your own. Yoongi's hand. The touch is gentle, comforting, something about the squeeze of reassurance it provides calming your hyperventilating. It feels right.

Why does it feel right?

Yoongi must misinterpret the puzzled look you flash him as a warning he's crossing a boundary because he retracts his arm jerkily, a flush creeping up his neck.

He glosses over the weird moment hastily.

"Slow down, go back. He knows?" There's a lilt of surprise to his voice. Either he's a really good actor or he is just as panicked as you by this news. "And you think I told him?"

"Well, not exactly. He knows some of it — not everything! — he thinks that I just spoke to you after the show...I assumed you would have filled in the blanks by now."

Yoongi laughs breathily. Relieved. It flummoxes you. Shouldn't he be satisfied that his plan to get under Namjoon's skin was a success?

"Y/N, there were hundreds of people at the gig, anyone could have seen us. Jimin and Hoseok probably told him. You act like I tried to seduce you just to get revenge, or something." He gulps back the last of his coffee and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before his expression suddenly turns serious. "You don't think that right?"

"Isn't that exactly what you did?"

Say no.

Yoongi opens his mouth and then shuts it again. He doesn't deny it.

Something in your chest twists with disappointment. It scares you shitless and you know you have to end this — whatever this is — before there's no turning back.

"Look, it — we — were a stupid mistake okay? I need to know that you're not going to use this against him. It would kill him."

"Mistake?" Yoongi's face drops. "Didn't I say you could trust me?"

It sounds somewhat pained, like he wasn't expecting you to think so lowly of him. His eyes soften with a certain gentleness now and you almost feel bad for thinking they could ever look at you with sinister intentions.

"Do you regret it? What we did?"

You hesitate. You want to say no so badly. But that's not why you came here.

Pull yourself together!

"Yes."

He raises an eyebrow. "You really believe that?"

"Do you regret it?"

"No." His eyes glint. You can't breathe. "Which is exactly why I'll never say a word. I don't play that way. Fair and square remember?"

You're speechless. All you can get out is a measly oh as you stare at the coffee in your cup and process.

"What did Namjoon say anyway?"

Your fingers find the patterns carved into the surface of the wooden table top, feeling the grooves as a distraction from the embarrassment flushing your cheeks. "He told me not to come back and find you."

A wry smile creeps across his face. "But you did?"

Even Yoongi is accusing you now? God, you played right into his hands. He's probably enjoying this. That you broke Namjoon's trust again, all for him.

The worst part is that you can hardly bring yourself to care. Sitting with Yoongi still feels deliciously indulgent — seeing his face again, feeling the heat of his body where your knees brush under the table finally satisfying a craving that had been growing inside you since that night in his studio.

"He doesn't control me."

He just nods. "I get that." His fingers tap in time with the sickeningly happy radio tune that plays overhead, eager to change the subject, like he's aware that he already said too much. "How is Namjoon anyway? You written him a song yet?"

Not allowed. If any information gets leaked about Namjoon's Mic Drop stage the first person he'd blame was you. You had to keep your lips tightly sealed.

You shrink back into your seat. "You know I can't tell you that."

"Okay, then." Yoongi throws his arms over the back of his chair, a cheekiness in his voice, like he's testing the waters to see how you'll react. "Ask me something instead. I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Shoot."

That's allowed, right? Where's the harm. If it doesn't involve Namjoon then it can't hurt him...

"Okay..." You purse your lips, eyes travelling around the dimly lit coffee shop. "Why do you work...here?"

Yoongi nods to the stack of damp flyers beside him. Live classical piano. "I play piano here sometimes." He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. It's kinda cute. "Needed some spare cash and this was the only place that could take me at such short notice."

"You play piano?"

He nods and you follow his gaze to the grand piano stood unoccupied in the corner. You imagine how Yoongi would look bent over the keys. How his fingers would move across the instrument with concentrated precision. How the tune would mingle with the warmth of the coffee shop on a cold evening.

"I didn't know you like classical music?"

"I don't. Not really." He cocks his head, finding the right words. "Namjoon has investors right? People who just throw money at him?" You nod, somehow ashamed. "Teaching me to play piano was my mom's investment in me. She always said it might come in handy some day."

You nod. "And do you have to wear that stupid costume every time?"

"This?" A snort leaves you when he shoots you a look, a shy smile finding the curve of his lips. "Don't mean to brag but it's a huge hit with the older ladies."

You can't help but laugh when he smugly tugs at the bow tie around his neck, unable to miss how his eyes light up. You share a smile that makes you feel light headed.

"I'd have to see it to believe it."

"Well, you know where to find me if you're ever bored and need a good laugh on a Tuesday, Wednesday or Friday evening." He shifts in his seat. "Or you could just come back to my place, y'know if you wanted to —" You frown, the easiness that had settled between you dissipating as you both sense the inappropriateness of his suggestion. "I know I shouldn't ask, it's just I have a piano and—"

For some reason the rational part of your brain taps out and your heart says fuck it.

"I'd love to."

--

"So, where do you live?" You ask when you finish your drink and nervously copy Yoongi who is already getting to his feet.

"Oh about that...I live in the apartment upstairs actually." He chuckles sheepishly."Cheap rent, you know?"

It takes you by surprise but you don't press.

"Oh. Right."

Yoongi extends a hand towards you. The thud in your chest gets faster when you slide your palm into his and he pulls you behind him to the foot the stairway you had disregarded upon entry, the distressed baby blue door at the top labelled RESIDENTS ONLY seeming strangely inviting.

Yoongi gestures for you to go first and you've barely ascended three steps before a voice rings out behind you, making you freeze like a child caught in a mischievous act.

"Use protection you two! And close the door so that Odengie's innocence isn't compromised this time!"

The barista from before rounds the corner, a tray of empty mugs in his left hand and a cloth for wiping down tables in the other.

You suppress a laugh. "Odengie?"

"His goddamn sugar glider—" He says it more to himself rather than in response to your query, flashing the tousled haired boy an exasperated look. "Really, bro?"

The other man either doesn't notice or doesn't care. "What? He's too young to learn how baby sugar gliders are made." His eyes suddenly flit to you and, as if remembering his manners, he deposits the cloth onto a nearby table and reaches a damp hand through the staircase to shake yours with a friendly smile. "I'm Jin, by the way."

You take it cautiously, wiping your now wet hand on the back of your jeans. "Nice to meet you?"

"Come on," Yoongi is flushed red as he pushes you up the rest of the stairs with a pressure at the small of your back. "We'll be back down in a minute, chill okay?"

Yoongi shoulders his way into the apartment, pulling you across the threshold alongside him, but not before you catch a glimpse of Jin's teasing grin poking around the staircase, words reaching your ears before Yoongi could slam the door shut in time.

"Oh, so it's a quickie? Have fun!"

A laugh escapes your lips, Yoongi pressing his back to the door with a sigh of relief. "Sorry about him. He's my roommate. Kind of came with the apartment, you know?"

You glance around at the small maisonette that unfolds before you curiously. It feels more like a dorm room, a mismatch pile of shoes piled at the entry way, a pair of beanbags substituting a couch surrounding a small gaming set up littered with empty pizza boxes you presume belong to Seokjin.

"Ah. He's part of the furniture then."

The other corner of the room is littered with an assortment of vinyls strewn out beside a pair of speakers and a record player, the needle still hovering over the grooves of an album by an artist you don't recognise. Yoongi's touch to the decor, you suppose.

"Guess you could say that. He's not so bad once you get over the uh...small rodents."

You trail behind Yoongi into what you assume is his bedroom, if the frameless mattress which lay on the floor in the corner beneath the window with sheets unmade and strewn across the floor messily was anything to go by.

He flicks on the set of fairy lights tacked to the wall, a surprisingly homely touch that makes you think Yoongi isn't as cold as you believe him to be.

Yoongi approaches a clothes rack stuffed with a variety of stage outfits. "Here." He pulls an oversized hoodie from one of the hangers, throwing it at you from across the room. "You're clothes are still wet. Wouldn't want to catch a cold. You can wear this until they dry."

"O-Okay." You stand there dumbly. He isn't expecting you to strip right in front of him, is he?

He seems to sense your hesitance, turning around so his back is to you with wide eyes. He plays it off by grabbing a selection of clothing for himself, shuffling past you with eyes trained to the ground. "I'll use the bathroom. Tell me when you're done."

You are soaked through to your underwear but you leave them on since Yoongi probably didn't have a spare pair of panties laying around you could borrow. The fabric of his hoodie is soft and warm when it slips over your otherwise bare skin and you breath in the woody scent that seems to embrace your entire body, ignoring the way it makes your head dizzy, and roll up the large sleeves to free your hands before calling to him that you are done.

When he re-enters the room, pulling a grey beanie over his head haphazardly to match the much more Yoongi appropriate outfit of a simple white tee and sweats, his breath hitches at your bare legs peeking out from the bottom of the garment. His lingering stare makes you hug your torso self consciously, eyes never leaving you even as he grabs the pile of sodden clothing you discarded earlier and lays them neatly over the radiator to dry.

You practically hear the way he swallows awkwardly when his eyes lock with yours, caught in the act. He's quick to lighten the mood.

"Well...here she is."

You turn as he moves across the room to the piano occupying the opposite wall, wood stained dark but bleached slightly in places by the stream of sunlight which washes its surface from the opposite window. The stool beneath it scrapes against the scuffed floor boards when Yoongi makes enough space to seat himself on top of the blue velour cushion.

"I know it's not much — nothing like you're used to I mean, but it makes music just the same."

He must take the way you hang back near the door frame as a sign of your distaste which couldn't have been further from reality; it's simply to allow you to study the way Yoongi sits with his back perfectly straight, fingers lingering over the keys like he knows the piano as well as an old friend. And, though you'll never admit it, the way your heart thumps at the thought of being in Yoongi's most private space.

"Where did you get it?"

"It was my mother's." The breath you suck in is slightly too harsh. "Like I said earlier, she liked to play, before she..."

Died. The word never passes between his lips but it sits heavy in the air like a weight.

Yoongi's eyes avert yours so you don't press any further, instead focusing your attention to the pattern of scratches embedded into the piano's lid, unable to help the way your fingers trace the coffee cup rings littering the surface like rugged halos. "It's beautiful."

The side panel is littered with lines, carved deeply into the wood with a penknife; a makeshift height chart like the one you had on the back of your bedroom door as a kid. Your drop to your knees to squint at the nearly illegible words scrawled next to the markings that ascend almsot to the top of the instrument.

Yoongi aged 3...Yoongi aged 4...Yoongi aged 5...

All the way until Yoongi aged 7 where they stop completely.

You frown but he lets out a soft laugh, somewhat pained. "That's when she got sick. I grew up quickly after that."

Straightening up, you swallow thickly, unsure what to say, so you just settle for changing the subject instead.

"So, what can you play?"

Yoongi fiddles with the open sheet music book on the piano stand. His fingers tremble slightly as he turns the worn pages before finally settling on a sheet that is lightly crumpled and ripped around the edges and coffee stained and ferociously dog eared at the corners. Tell tale signs that he had played this piece before, over and over again.

His favourite, you perceive.

Sure, he had literally fucked you into next week already but your hands get clammy at the knowledge that Yoongi feels comfortable enough to share such an intimate tidbit about himself with you. Music means a lot to him after all. Anyone can see that.

You catch a glimpse of the piece over his shoulder.

Romeo and Juliet - Love Theme.

Yoongi notices how you raise a brow at his choice.

"I know I said I don't like classical music but this arrangement is different. You know the story right?"

High school had given you enough general knowledge about Romeo and Juliet for you to nod in confirmation.

"It's like you can feel the passion they have for each other in every note, you know? Like nothing could ever come between them."

His words are so earnest they make your heart ache. You hadn't put him down as the hopeless romantic type.

"I mean not really. They still die in the end." You counter. He frowns.

"But only because of their fucked up families. It's their feud that comes between them in the end. This piece comes before all the shitty parts. If you play it over and over again it's like they never stop loving one another."

His hands fold in his lap and he sucks in a bashful breath, nose scrunching with embarrassment at his dramatic outburst. "It's stupid. I know. Forget I said it."

"No, no I understand completely. Maybe if they weren't so busy fighting they could have listened to their hearts. Right?"

"Right." He scoots across the piano stool, patting the empty space beside him with an encouraging look. "Sit."

Like a magnet you find yourself drawn to his side, shivering when his shoulder brushes yours. His arms hover over the piano, poised and relaxed, concentration etched into the hard lines of his face.

"Ready?"

You can only nod. And then he starts to play.

Yoongi's fingertips eagerly caress the keys of his piano, eyes lifting from the sheet music to gauge your reaction while his hands carry the melody on autopilot, the pretty silver rings he dons glinting with every movement. His neck is bent slightly, allowing his head to bob and sway along with the rise and fall of the rhythm, eyes screwing shut as the composition reaches its most pivotal sequence.

He's practically raking the keys now, pure passion and violent emotion splashing every inch of the room. You shut your own eyes, hands clutching the bottom of the stool until your knuckles whiten, like you might float away with the beautiful tune if you don't ground yourself.

When he said you could feel passion with every note he wasn't wrong. You could feel his passion clear as day.

Slowly, he comes back down from his high, wrists coming to a standstill. All he can do is take in heaving, ragged breaths, body slumped down, spent with the sheer effort expelled in his performance. Oxygen is lodged in your own lungs as you take in how how his bangs stick to the beads of sweat prevalent on his forehead

You recover before he does, unconsciously fumbling around in your tote bag, hands curling around the Polaroid camera you bring everywhere just in case a photo opportunity arises.

They never usually do. Until now.

"Stay like that." The viewfinder raises to your eye and you snap a shot of him with precision, the soft click that emanates through the room making Yoongi's eyes snap open.

The picture dispenses from the camera, black square fading out to reveal a hazy image as you shake it back and forth. Yoongi, face relaxed, lashes pressed softly to the tops of his cheeks with a lazy smile.

It's the Yoongi you remember. Your Yoongi.

He smirks when you slide it into the back pocket of your jeans, cheeks glowing with a contentedness you hadn't seen for a long time. "You always did like taking pictures of me."

"Shut up."

When your hand tentatively closes over his where it still rests on the piano, it's his turn to shoot you a curious look. With a shaky breath you flip his palm, slotting your fingers together perfectly, and lean across the piano to press your lips against his.

His mouth is softer than you remember, not attacking with the rich taste of lust but rather caressing your lips gently, sweetly. Taking your time to commit each tickle of breath against your nose, each slide of his bottom lip between yours, to memory. Everything other than the dizzying sensation of his tongue tracing your bottom lip disappears. All your worries, reluctances, regrets,  just dissolving like the setting sun.

Everything feels safe here with him. Everything feels right.

It barely lasts a minute, not much more than a delicate brush really, but when he pulls back you are already breathless, immediately starved of the satisfaction that came from finally feeling him against you again, tasting the spearmint mixed with something so inherently Yoongi you didn't quite realise how much you were craving.

Yoongi sighs blissfully. You need more.

Your hands tangle in the front of his T-shirt but before you can pepper his mouth with a series of further eager kisses, his free hand plants on your shoulder and pushes you back carefully.

"About what you said the other night." His eyes are wide with concern, trained to your lips, resisting the urge to capture them again with all his self control. It made your heart flip. "I don't want to hurt you Y/N. We don't have to do this—"

"I want to. So bad." His thumb caresses your knuckles. "I trust you."

In that moment, it's true. You trust him more than you've ever trusted anything in the world.

"But Namjoon..."

His words fade out when you lean in for another reassuring peck. Namjoon's name falling from Yoongi's lips doesn't make your skin crawl like it usually did. In fact you feel nothing at the mention of your brother.

"To hell with Namjoon. I'm a big girl. I know what I want."

Yoongi grins, hand coming to cup your cheek tentatively, eyes crinkling with what you could only describe as liberation. "And what's that?"

Your eyes narrow in on his parted mouth again.

"You."

His eyes darken and then his hands are tangling in your hair and pulling your chest flush to his in a kiss that is far rougher than before. No more beating around the bush. Just passion as you crawl into his lap and kiss him like it's the first time — or perhaps, more accurately, the last time. Like the world will end if you part for a single breath.

Fingers find the hem of his shirt and you're pulling it up his torso greedily, heart beating a little faster when you feel his warm skin beneath your fingertips. His chest is softer than you expect, a perfect contrast to the strong arms wrapping around your waist to pull you back to his lips.

It's not long before you feel his pants fill out underneath you. The feeling is all too familiar, reminding you of how it felt to be above him like this in his studio. That night feels like a life time away as his hands grab your hips and press you roughly down onto his crotch.

You both groan out at the feeling, something intense, something primal, heating up between your legs as you circle his clothed length, want and need blending into one as your core dampens with every twist of your hips.

Yoongi breaks away from your lips with a gasp when your fingers reach between your body and find the sensitive head of his cock, a wet patch forming on his sweats. His eyes are shut, head thrown back against the piano top as he bites into his thumb to stop little moans tumbling from his swollen lips.

He shoots upright when you slide down his torso, hardwood cold against your bare knees, fingers fumbling with the strings of his pants. When you finally get them open and slip your hand beneath the waistband, Yoongi all but groans at the feel of your cool palm grabbing his hot cock skin on skin.

You shimmy his sweats around his thighs, mouth practically watering as you eye up his pulsing length, unable to resist stroking it firmly with your fist. A hand covers yours.

"Wait!" A strangled noise of agony rips from his chest when your grip loosens, desperate to buck up into your touch but managing to stay firmly planted to the stool in favour of gaining your consent. "Are you sure?"

You scoff teasingly. "Would I be on my knees if I wasn't?"

His laugh is breathy, half a moan as you pick up your pace again. "Just nervous — ah!" A soft kitten lick to the reddened tip of his cock has him flying forward, knuckles white as they grip your shoulder.

"Min Yoongi gets nervous?" The precum that coats your tongue is salty, makes you itch to take him into your mouth fully.

"Shut up." His breathing is ragged, hands hovering over your hair. "Didn't think this would happen again. Needs to be perfect — holy fuck Y/N."

You give no warning before you sink down on his length, his hands finally tangling in your hair and tugging lightly when your nose presses to his pubic bone, groaning around him when you feel the head of his cock pulsing in the back of your throat.

"So warm, shit."

You come up for air, lips wrapping around his head and enjoying the way his thighs trembled when your tongue runs teasingly along the underside of his cock. His hand pushes at the back of your head, forcing his length further down your throat than you're expecting until you gag around his girth.

"Shit, sorry."

The groan that follows doesn't sound very apologetic though. The visual of your drool coating his painfully hard length mixed with the sensation of your warm mouth engulfing him whole nearly has him blowing his load then and there, utterly fucked out and oblivious to the string of groans leaving his lips when you finally come up for air. Tears streak your cheeks and Yoongi wipes them away with his knuckle tenderly.

"God, look at you." He's breathless, amazed. "C'mere."

A hand cups your elbow, pulling you to your feet so he can connect your lips again, humming when he tastes himself on your tongue. His hands are all over you now as he wraps you in his arms and stumbles backwards your back is pressed to the mattress in the corner. It dips in the middle when he crawls over you, tucking away strands of hair that fan around your face like a halo before his mouth is on you again like he can't quite help himself.

A series of open mouthed kisses caress your jaw, then your neck, all the way down your chest. Yoongi's eyes flick up to watch your face, lips parted with want as his hands fiddled with the hem of his own much too big hoodie swaddling your body.

"Can I?"

Your hand threads into his hair encouragingly. "Please."

A gasp passes his lips when he finally pulls the fabric over your head, eyes following his curious calloused hands as they explore the expanse of skin exposed to him now you're left in just your bra and panties.

"So beautiful." He traces his fingers down your shoulders, down the valley of your breasts, across your stomach. The light and delicate touches have you shivering, writhing for more. Almost as desperate to feel him everywhere as he is to worship every inch of you.

His touch stops at the hem of your panties. You're already working on the clasp of your bra, a violent nod the only permission he needs to drag the fabric agonisingly slow down your legs, unhooking them from your ankles carefully.

When he looks back up you are completely bare, laid out beneath the stream of half-sun-half-moon bathing the room.

Yoongi pounces, lips wrapping around one of your nipples greedily, tongue swirling around the hardened bud until you're gasping his name over and over.

"Can't believe you're letting me see you like this."

Hands wrap around your thighs, legs falling open, the way he licks his lips as he takes in your glistening heat not going unnoticed.

Yoongi's head shakes in disbelief, mumbling words which sound an awful lot like so pretty and fucking gorgeous as his head dips and he continues his trail of earlier kisses, tongue laving over your inner thighs and edging ever closer to your aching core.

"W-wait." Yoongi freezes and comes up to meet your face. His breath is hot against your cheek, eyes scanning your face for hesitation.

"What is it? Are you okay?" He's frantic, swallowing nervously as his palms cup your face. "Want to take care of you this time. What is it? Tell me."

"I'm fine. More than fine." You brush your noses together. It makes him smile. "Just want to feel you, that's all. Now."

Yoongi lets out a dramatic sigh, voice high and whiny. "But I've been dreaming about how you taste for days, Y/N. Literally. Dreaming about it."

You don't mention how you've been replaying the visual of his lips wrapped around your clit and edging you over and over again since it happened, just stroke his cheek in mutual understanding.

"Too bad. You'll just have to wait until next time." His features light up at the promise of a next time. Another moment like this, just you and him.

His face falls into the crook of your neck, nibbling the sensitive skin teasingly as a hand trails between your legs. When the pads of his fingers circle your entrance you whimper, clit throbbing with want when his hand pulls away nearly as quick as it came.

The want only intensifies when he brings two of his arousal coated digits to his mouth with closed eyes, guttural moan vibrating your flush chests when he savours the taste of your arousal coating his fingers.

"Next time." He hums and you are sure you nearly came untouched.

"Need you. Now."

He wastes no time taking his achingly hard cock into his fist, placing a supportive hand on your hip as he lines himself up with your entrance. You whine when he drags the tip up and down your slit, giving some brief but much needed stimulation to your clit.

Before he can push inside though you place a hand on his chest to stop him. He doesn't have time to dote on you again though because without further ado you're whipping off the beanie that still sits snugly around his head, throwing it across the room with a smirk.

His eyes glint fondly. "Whoops."

The room has grown darker by now, only lit by the gentle sparkle of the fairy lights and Yoongi has to feel around in the sheets to find your hand. In the same moment he tangles your fingers together beside your face, he pushes inside with a gasp.

Unlike the first time in his studio, Yoongi is in no rush. He wants to savour it. He fills you slowly, so that you can feel every ridge of his length dragging against your velvety walls. When he finally bottoms out and your hips press flush together, you squeeze his hand. Tight. It's this small action that tells him everything he needs to know. Explains the funny feeling in your chest without ever saying the words.

Your legs wrap around his back automatically when his hips begin to rock, angling your body so that he hits so deep with every thrust it steals the breath straight from your lips. Arousal drips from your heat down onto the bed sheets, making each slide deliciously smooth.

"Yoongi I.." It almost slips from your lips. The deepest, darkest secret that you haven't quite admitted to yourself yet.

Yoongi just ups his pace, exchanging words for actions to show you he feels the same. Fucking you a little harder, a little deeper. More sincerely. It compensates for the words neither of you know how to say.

"I know." You feel so full, so warm when he places his forearms at either side of your head to press you into the mattress. "I know."

All the yearning inside you disappears. All that matters is you and Yoongi now, nails scratching up his back, his forehead pressing to yours so that your moans mingle together until you can't tell whose was whose any more.

With a fucked out moan against your lips he's spilling inside you, sending you over the edge with him, hissing as you clench tightly around his cock.

All thoughts are wiped from your mind. Apart from the sensation of his cheek pressed to your chest, hot breath against your collar bone. How you can't believe you lived in a world without Yoongi in it. How you never want to go without him again. How you don't think you can deny how Yoongi makes you feel anymore even if you tried.

The stars behind your eyes fade, and when you come back down, Yoongi is hovering over your body, lips parted and eyes blown out, mesmerised. He's sweaty and smiling and you can feel the way his heart beats in time with yours.

"You okay?"

"Never better." His smile stretches into a grin when your words slur together. "—'m so happy."

A soft, chaste kiss is pressed to your forehead and before you know it Yoongi is tangling your legs together and wrapping the sheets around your bodies, entwined as one.

Me too. You knew that's what he meant. You'd dwell on it another time. For now your eyes are falling shut, satisfied as you inhale Yoongi's scent on the sheets...

Before a blissful slumber could take you away, you're interrupted by a series of knocks against the bedroom door. Both you and Yoongi shoot upright, exchanging a puzzled glance.

"I thought you said it was gonna be a quickie. Come on man, I need to use the bathroom!"

Yoongi groans into the pillow.

"That's it. I'm getting a new roommate."

--

As the weeks go by you start spending less and less time at the Big Hit office, turning up late to your shifts or clocking out before they were up. The perks of being employed by your parents is that they can't fire you in good conscience, you suppose.

Instead you increasingly find yourself at Yoongi's apartment, writing lyrics at the piano when he was around (sometimes even when he wasn't) or down in the coffee shop, helping yourself to hot chocolate refills on your work breaks. Jin joked that you'd need to start paying rent soon.

Just like how you were able to pick apart each of the boys' influence on the apartment the first time you went there, your own presence was becoming ever apparent.

In the way you spilled sugar on the counter when making tea and always forgot to clean it up, much to Jin's dismay. How some of your own hoodies and pyjama pants had begun to smell like Yoongi's washing powder, ending up folded neatly in his laundry basket and stowed away on his clothing rack like they belonged there. The way his piano top was littered with open notebooks filled with your messy scrawl and pens with the caps lost and half empty mugs stained around the rim with your chapstick.

Yoongi seemed wary at first, cautious to let you get too comfortable around him, dropping you home late at night once the lights in your house switched out and you knew it was safe to go inside.

But eventually he started to crave the little things that reminded him of you, unable to stop the smiles which crept onto his face as he loaded the dishwasher with the mugs and carried you to bed when you fell asleep at the piano stool.

Your bed. That's what you'd taken to calling it now.

Yoongi hated to admit that he was weak. When he got up on stage he was Gloss, hard faced and brazen and ruthless. But here with you, the facade he tried to uphold seemed to crumble into nothing. And the worst part was that he loved it.

Even when he was performing at the club or practicing for the competition, his thoughts always ended up wandering back to you. There were times when your schedules clashed or it was too risky to see each other or times you were simply too exhausted once you got home, falling into bed as soon as you crossed the threshold. But the knowledge that you were always there waiting for each other became the only safe place he knew and that was enough.

Of course you still had to oversee Namjoon's Mic Drop stage, it was your job after all, but that never seemed to come up when you were together. Just watching movies on his laptop or laughing at ungodly hours while you filled each other in on anecdotes that happened in the time you were apart, retreating beneath the sheets when Jin banged on the wall because it was four in the morning so would you please shut the fuck up.

For the first time in a long time you felt happy. Like you belonged somewhere that was all your own. No more answering to Namjoon or your parents. Just your own heart. And it always seemed to lead you back here to Yoongi, straight into his arms.

And as much as you hated yourself for it, you could feel your resentment for Namjoon growing. You'd be damned if you let him take this away from you, like he'd taken everything else.

Eventually, you stopped crawling through your bedroom window like a goddamn teenager and your parents stopped questioning why you never came home anymore. The cracks between you became a chasm. And right now, Yoongi was the band aid holding you together.

--

When Yoongi returns home later than usual, he's not even surprised when he ascends the stairs and find you and Jin laid out on the bean bags, already tipsy on red wine and giggling at his disgruntled expression.

That is until you take in the weary lines that had etched their way into his forehead, how his eyes look sunken and puffy. How his hands tremble against your waist when you pull him into your arms, body swaying back and forth lightly in your grasp like he could topple over any second.

You know what overworked looks like — after all, you had tended to Namjoon plenty of times when he refused to stop at his limits, barraging through them instead, a habit Yoongi also seemed to possess.

Ordered to stay on bed rest, Yoongi slumps face down into his pillow, letting out a long groan of relief when the mattress cushions his aching limbs.

You're already tucking him in, half way to the door to prepare him a hot cup of honey and lemon to soothe the husk in his throat from rapping too aggressively when his arms loop around your waist and pull you down to snuggle into the crook of your neck contentedly.

"Yoongi, let me go." It's futile, his grip is firm and he is already kicking the sheets over your body and pressing his cheek to the left side of your chest where you're sure he can hear how your heart races, a pout evident in your voice. "I want to take care of you."

"Mmf you are.." Words already slurring with the beginnings of sleep, he smiles groggily when you fall slack in his grasp and press your cheek to the top of his head in defeat. "Stroke my hair please?"

As soon as your fingers tangle in his blue locks he lets out a sigh of relief, like he'd been waiting to feel the touch all day.

Watching his face relax as he drifts off, you bask in the warmth of fulfilment singing your very nerve ending and silently wish that you can stay like this forever.

Just you and Yoongi against the world.

At some point your own eyes fall shut.

--

You're awoken by the sounds of muffled sobs.

The dark room momentarily disorientates you, heart quickening as you realise you're not in your own bed. Eventually your eyes adjust to the blackness, taking in the piano stood sturdily in the corner, breathing in the scent lingering on the pillow beneath your cheek and you're washed with a wave of comfort.

"Yoongi?" You croak.

The sheets are ripped from your body as Yoongi's form shoots upright. His bare back is damp with sweat, visible in the moonlight creeping through the slanted blinds, mattress rocking slightly with every sob that wracks his frame.

"Go back to sleep." His voice is gruff , but forcibly so and you hear the tremor lurking below the surface.

You sit up beside him. His face is buried in his palms. The sight makes your heart ache.

"Are you okay?" You're still new to this. Sure you're tangled up in his sheets most nights but you're still learning the ropes, unsure how best to comfort him. You settle for gently patting his shoulder, wincing at how cold and distant the action feels.

"I said go back to sleep." When his face emerges from between his hands you see the tell tale tracks of tears streaking his cheeks. Even when he wipes his face with the back of his palm there's a steady stream of them dripping down his chin.

"Is that what you really want?"

Yoongi presses his mouth together in a tight line, eyes black and empty as he tilts his head back and takes a shaky breath. That's when he crumbles. "Please stay."

"Oh, Yoongi." It's barely a whisper, afraid that if you speak too loud he'll shatter into a million pieces. He's like a scared kid, knees hugged to his chest as he wipes the hot tears from his eyes with a hard rub of his knuckles.

Yoongi stiffens when you fumble under the sheets to find his hand. You think he might pull away as you link your fingers with his but to your surprise he pulls your interlocked palms into his lap and squeezes so hard you feel the circulation in your fingers cutting off. The way he chokes back another sob stops you from complaining though, already cupping his cheek and tilting his face towards yours with your free hand.

"Why are you doing this?" His eyes squeeze shut, fresh tears sliding down his face and doing nothing to hide the slight tinge of red beneath them that tell you he's embarrassed to be seen like this. Vulnerable, so unlike the hard faced Yoongi you had come to know.

"Because I want to." You squeeze his hand and feel him squeeze back weakly. "You can tell me anything, you know."

Pressing his forehead to yours, Yoongi leans down and captures your lips between his own. I know, it says.

This is different to the way he usually kisses you. There's no hunger, no hands on your neck and your thighs that set you alight with desire. Just a sense of yearning, like he wants to be closer to you, the plump flesh of his lips slotting between yours like a perfect puzzle piece, slightly salty from his tears. It makes you ache all over, like you're somehow connected and sharing his pain.

He pulls away, sharp exhales tickling your face as he scans your eyes for any sign of hesitation, any sign that you're going to leave him here alone. This is side of Yoongi that you have never seen before. He always said he isn't good with words and you know better than anyone that he hated admitting that he needed someone. This was is his way saying he needs you.

And in that moment you feel a piece of your heart flutter into his hands.

"Nightmares." He mumbles, swallowing thickly and tipping his head back against the headboard, expression pained "Just nightmares."

"Want to talk about it?" You sit back next to him, and when he rolls his neck to face you. He looks unreadable again. Eyes void. You half think he's going to push you away, turn over and fall back asleep and leave you to stare at the ceiling alone with the silence.

But he doesn't. Instead he lets out a deep sigh, shaking his head at himself as he pulls you into his arms, stroking your cheek fondly when your head comes to rest on his chest, burying his nose in your hair.

"Why can't I say no to you?"

"Guess I have that affect on people."

He snorts lightly, the first proper reaction he'd given you and you're pleased at his amusement. Pleased you were able to comfort him somewhat.

Unspoken words cloak a heavy silence for what feels like hours, just tracing mindless patterns on his arm and listening to the way his heart slows to a normal pace beneath your cheek, grip around your torso never faltering. When his breaths dwindle to soft puffs against your temple you think he's already drifted off.

Until, "Do you remember when I convinced Namjoon to sign up for Mic Drop the first time. The day after my mom died?" His voice is gravelly, both with sleep and a sign of his withheld tears.

"Of course I do." You swivel in his arms to blink up at him curiously. Sure you remembered. After the funeral, your parents had taken Yoongi in — a repayment they called it. For helping Namjoon achieve his dreams. Of course, that was before you realised just how much Yoongi would help.

Yoongi became a part of the family for a short while. An extra seat at family dinners. Another pair of shoes by the front door. Another bed in Namjoon's room.

"Back then, I was too trusting. I thought that they wanted to help me...I thought that they saw me as their son." He spits the word with the bitterness of a man who was stripped of the title of 'son' before he knew what it really meant.

You think back to how Namjoon and Yoongi used to be. Joined at the hip, everyone used to say. Brothers.

"I think they did—"

"No." He stiffens. You bite your lip. "Namjoon never cared about me. He just saw me as a way to get to the top. And it worked."

You feel a pang in your chest.

"I'm sorry, he's your brother. I shouldn't be talking about this with you."

Yoongi almost turns away but you stop him by pressing your lips to his briefly. Telling him its okay. You understand.

"The nightmares." You say with an eagerness to change to subject before you could dwell on it too hard. Before you could admit to yourself that Yoongi was right. "You didn't say what they were about?"

"I'm getting there." He lets out a strained chuckle and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. The action makes you shiver.

"The last time I saw my mother she said that she wasn't scared to die. She was just scared that she'd miss seeing me on the stage. She was the only one who believed in me." The next words come out choked. "She said that if she couldn't be there to see it then I needed to make as many goddamn people watch me lift that trophy as I could."

Mic Drop was never about the fame for Yoongi after all. It always ran deeper than that; a need not a want. A vulnerable promise left unfulfilled.

The realisation makes you blanch. All this time, all these years, you hadn't been able to see the real greed right in front of your eyes; your own brother.

The image of Yoongi, crumpled and broken on that fateful day all those years ago makes its way to the forefront of your mind.

The same anger flashes across his face now. "Namjoon took that from me. I don't care about the fans or the money or the trophy — none of that shit! He took my dream Y/N. Do you understand how that feels?"

You find yourself nodding, slowly at first and then with vigour as the dam inside you breaks and your own tears flood. "I do. I understand."

And you do. You understand why Yoongi is so determined to win Mic Drop. You understand why he hates Namjoon as much as he does. You understand how it feels to always fall second best to Namjoon, to be outcasted.

"I keep forgetting her face. I can't hear her voice in my head anymore." Yoongi's crying again now, heavy sobs no longer able to be contained. "But in the dreams she's so clear. The disappointment in her eyes, its so clear, Y/N." His words are interrupted by hiccups that leave him gasping.

"I'm sorry." You whisper once he calms. It's all you know how to say.

"Not your fault." He flashes you a watery smile, wiping away the tear on your cheek with his knuckle. It makes your heart flutter, even despite the guilt weighing on your shoulders.

You feel useless. It wasn't your fault directly but you couldn't help but feel like you wronged Yoongi. All of this happened right in front of your eyes but you were too blinded by Namjoon's broken promises to see it. All this time you had let Namjoon make you think Yoongi was the enemy.

"I'm here now." Hands plant on either side of his face, eyes meeting his. "I believe in you."

He doesn't need to say anything. The way he kisses you speaks louder than words.

All you can do now is hold him, tangling your legs with his and pulling the covers over your intertwined bodies, stroke his cheek with your thumb and pepper kisses to his strained forehead which relaxes beneath your affections.

"I'll make this right." You whisper into his hair after his eyes flutter closed and the sun starts peeking through the window, watching dust particles floating in a stream of light in the room's golden glow through lidded eyes. "I promise."

--

"I like this." Jimin nods enthusiastically along to the track playing through the headphones Namjoon placed over his ears. "Sounds like a hit to me."

Namjoon's face contorts into a scowl. He disagrees, obviously, if the disgusted shake of his head is any indication.

Mic Drop is just a few days away and Namjoon had decided to scrap his entire stage after Jimin scored a couple big last minute investors who suggested he do something new, something exciting. Something that pushed Runch Randa's limits.

It was a bold move, this close to the big day. But Namjoon was cocky, said that he had enough experience in the industry to win in his sleep. Practice was a waste of time anyway.

"Next one." He waves his hand, barely even glancing in your direction as you press a button that cuts off the track and makes another one start playing.

The bass is louder in this one and it makes Jimin startle backwards, the headphone jack slipping loose so the music plays through the speakers instead.

"Hoseok and I still need to put the finishing touches on this one but it's pretty catchy—"

Namjoon cuts you off with a sharp no, it was too upbeat for his Mic Drop performance. Said he needed something with grit, something that would make the judges feel something.

"Let me see that." He gestures for you to get up, slumping down into the chair you occupied and slotting himself beneath the studio desk to scroll through the open folder on the computer screen.

He skims through countless tracks, demoed and ready to be recorded at Namjoon's disposal — you were something of a writing machine, always scribbling down lyrics on receipts from the store or on the back of your hand and paired with Hoseok you were a dream team; he always seemed to find a beat that fit perfectly. Unfortunately Namjoon's straight face gives away his disinterest in any of them.

"None of these will work." Namjoon throws the keyboard down with a force that makes you wince, jaw tightening as he presses his knuckles to his eyes in frustration. "I'm going to fucking lose."

You are about to tell him to write the fucking track himself like everyone else if none of yours were good enough for him but Jimin flashes you a glance. Don't make things worse.

You settle instead for a hand on his shoulder. He tenses at your touch. It had been a while since you'd been in the same room for longer than ten minutes and when you take in the gauntness of his cheekbones you briefly wonder if he's been eating properly. He always did forget when you weren't around to remind him.

You suck in a breath to give you strength. "There must be one that you like."

His lips purse and he disgruntledly goes back to scrolling again, clicking on a couple titles that draw his interest. You and Jimin let out simultaneous sighs of relief.

"What's this?" Namjoon's eyes narrow as he presses play on a track that sends you flying forward, heart in your mouth and colour leaving your face as a song plays that you swore to never show to anyone.

Yoongi's song. The one you wrote after that night in his studio. Probably the best song you had ever written.

"That's not — I was supposed to delete that one." The heat in your cheeks as you push him aside roughly to wrestle with the pause button has you hiding behind your hair, as if he would somehow know this wasn't just an ordinary song. That it was a song about his enemy, for god's sake.

Namjoon's slaps you away from the computer, head bobbing to the beat and you fall back into your seat in defeat, fingers crossed behind your back that he would hate it as much as the others.

"I love it."

Oh no.

"This is the one!"

Shit shit shit!

"A-are you sure?" You're rambling now, words slipping out way too fast and Jimin seems puzzled at your lack of elation at Namjoon's decisiveness. "I'm sure I could write something much better if you just give me some more time—"

Namjoon's arms pull you into a tight embrace before you can finish, your nose ending up smushed against his chest as he practically vibrates with excitement. Your body goes stiff, hands dangling at your sides awkwardly. Considering Namjoon's coldness towards you as of late his sudden display of affection takes you by surprise. Mostly because despite your physical closeness it only makes you feel even more distant from your brother.

A sigh of relief escapes when he finally sets you free, only to be replaced with pure horror as you watch him stick a USB drive into the computer and load up the song before sliding it in his back pocket with a grin while you have no choice but to stand there helplessly.

"I'm totally gonna win!" His change in attitude is abrupt but seems to soothe Jimin who nods enthusiastically. You feel sick. "I can't wait to see the look on Yoongi's face when he hears this shit."

The smirk on his face washes you with dread. If only he knew.

Yoongi was right. Secrets always find a way to come and bite you in the ass.

--

Every rap of your knuckles against the run down studio door seems to echo ominously through the alley like an omen.

"Y/N?"

As soon as the bolt wrangles across and the wooden panel flies open to reveal a disgruntled Yoongi, a warmth seems to thaw through the icy evening chill that, along with your nerves, is making your knees knock together.

His chest is warm against your cheek when he pulls you into his arms, the smell of cologne and black coffee consuming your senses. It's enough to make your tense limbs fall slack, curling into his firm frame instinctively. Finally. You can breathe again.

"Hey." He mumbles sweetly against your temple, a trace of a smile in his voice like he was happy to see you. You silently wonder if he'll still be so happy once he hears what you have to say.

The studio is basked in darkness, the contours of his face barely visible in the blue glow emanating from his desktop monitor. There's a dent in the cushion of the adjacent chair, Yoongi's hair sticking up at the back where the pair of headphones slung around his neck had sat moments ago.

"I can go if you were working, wouldn't want to interrupt." As the words are leaving your lips you cross your fingers, selfishly hopeful that he would send you away and you could avoid the conversation that was about to follow. Blame it all on circumstance, leave saying that you at least tried.

But that would be keeping a secret. It would make you just as bad as the rest. And the thought of him finding out from someone else was enough to make your palms sweat and enough to keep your feet planted against the carpet determinedly.

Yoongi's hands find you like he can't bare to keep them away, dragging you across the threshold without hesitation. "S'fine. Work better with you here anyway." He smiles and you try to return it but your lips are pressed into a permanent line, like they're scared the daunting words you have to say will come spilling out before you were ready -- if you ever would be ready. As you slump into a chair and watch him wheel another one around to face you with his arms slung lazily over the back, you realise there is no going back.

Considering the countdown to Mic Drop was nearing its end, less than twenty four hours to go before Yoongi would be stood opposite Namjoon on stage in front of thousands, he looked the epitome of relaxation, unlike the nerves in your chest making you jitter.

"Jin's on his way with takeout, I would've asked him to get more if I knew you were coming but I'm sure we can share— babe, are you alright?"

Babe. The endearment had started slipping from his lips frequently recently. At first he tried to cover it up with nervous laughter but now he was brazen, enjoying the way the word tasted on his tongue. It would be so easy to force a smile, to push "the right thing" to the back of your mind and let the selfish part of your heart accept his affections, even knowing you're about to hurt him.

But the clock ticking away on the wall sounds deafening with every beat of silence that follows, twisting the rings on your fingers until you could no longer distinguish the sound from the sinister thrum of your heart.

You can't hold it in any more.

"I need to tell you something." It comes out a hoarse whisper, nearly unintelligible beneath the stream of hip hop from the hifi system in the corner.

"What is it?" Yoongi's concerned eyes never leave you as he reaches over to switch it off, the room now draped in a shroud of quiet. The reality of the situation seeps into every dark corner and right into your bones.

"It's about us. Kind of."

Yoongi rolls closer, stopping your teeth from nibbling your cuticles by slotting his fingers between yours like a perfect puzzle piece. It seems to ground you, like you're filled with helium and he's the weight stopping your feet from floating off the ground. For a second you think everything will be okay. Nothing, not even this betrayal, could come between what you had.

"Did Namjoon find out?" Even in the dim light you see the panic stricken raise of his brows. When your head shakes in a violent negative they smooth back down, relieved, as if nothing you could say next would be worse than that. No matter how hard you try to meet his eyes you can't.

His hand squeezes gently then. You muster up the courage to squeeze back. Perhaps it would soften the blow that was about to follow.

"His song. The one I wrote for Mic Drop...it's about you. I thought you should know. Before you hear it for yourself."

Nothing but an immeasurable silence followed. "Oh."

Yoongi is unreadable, almost as if he didn't hear the words hanging like heavy storm clouds over your heads. You expected him to be angry, to shout -- even cry, maybe. Not knowing how he was feeling was even worse than any scenario you had imagined. Made you feel like you were back to square one and he was shutting you out of the window into his soul you'd worked so hard to wriggle through.

For a second you think the sudden cold against your palm is a result of the numbness coursing through your veins like you were dunked in ice water, but then you see his hand retreat to his lap, eyes wide and staring at it in disbelief like he'd been scalded.

"I...I don't understand." He sounds choked, face contorting with pain. Like it does when he wakes thrashing in the night with a bad dream. Unlike those times though, he doesn't levitate towards you for comfort, just stares at you vacantly like he's far, far away despite being physically close enough for your knees to brush.

"It was written after the first time we...y'know...here--" You glance around, convinced your mind is playing tricks when you see a vision of you in Yoongi's lap across the room, lips attached like nothing else in the world mattered. It feels far away and out of reach when the real Yoongi gets to his feet, creating a distance between you that is foreign, his form staggering across the room so that you could see the way his back tensed beneath his t-shirt when he grips the edge of his desk for support, processing.

"I don't understand."

"I was emotional. It just happened--"

"No. What I don't understand is why you're letting him perform it?" Fists send a stack of sheet music flying to the ground. His lip trembles, face red, with anger or affliction, you can't tell which.

"Yoongi--" You reach for him, fingertips barely grazing his arm before he's smacking you away with a violent shake of his head. He'd never resisted you before. Not even in the beginning.

"You expect me to just sit back and listen to Namjoon of all people rapping the lyrics my girlfr-- that you wrote dissing me? This has to be a fucking joke."

"It's not that kind of track!" You hug your body pitifully. It's the only thing you can do to stop yourself from falling apart as his mouth spits a venom that makes your heart shatter. His eyes fill with one thing. Betrayal. "I'm sorry. I just...I can't keep choosing between you anymore, Yoongi. He's my brother."

"And what am I, huh?"

Every second that passes, every stutter or attempt at explanation that leaves your mouth makes Yoongi crumple. You see it in the way his adam's apple bobs, how his shoulders slacken.

For some reason you can't open up. Tell him he means more to you than anyone ever had. That you thought your heart might really break and bleed out on the carpet if he didn't feel the same way.

Instead you settle for, "Why are you so mad? It's my job! I had no choice."

Without warning he's rushing at you, trembling palms capturing your face and pressing his forehead to yours. His breaths shake, chest heaving as he battles internally with the words flying from his lips like a ghostly breath across yours.

"Because I fucking love you, Y/N! Can't you see it? I fucking love you and your bastard of a brother always finds a way to ruin things between us!"

His admission stuns you, the tears welling in your eyes spilling over in a silent stream down your cheeks.

He loves you. He loves you.

"Yoongi--" Words just won't come. Nothing feels right.

Because you love him too. It had taken you this long to admit it to yourself but it was clear now. Every breath, every beat of your heart, every fucking song you would ever write was for him. It scared you before but now, stood here in front of him, you know it's true.

Something hopeless niggles at the back of your head, stops you from spilling everything to him. If he loves you, how can he expect you to choose?

If words couldn't make him see the truth then you'd just have to show him the only way you knew how. Straight from your heart.

You're crying as you dig around in the bottom of your bag to retrieve a USB, pressing it into his curled fist firmly and begging him with your eyes to understand. "Just listen to the song. Please. It'll explain everything. I promise."

You begin to back up and his hand shoots out to stop you, pulling you roughly into his chest which only makes you cry harder, tears creating a wet patch on his T-shirt.

"Please don't leave me. Not again." It's a fragile whisper.

It's all too much.

"I can't choose any longer, Yoongi. This has to end."

With one last look at his crumpled face you flee from his studio with eyes just as watery as the first time you'd walked down this very alley. Except this time it takes all of your strength to resist running back into his arms.

Yoongi can only stand there and watch you go, the USB hot against his hand.

This has to end. The words make his chest burn and he hates it. Hates feeling weak. You always make him feel so fucking weak.

If he can't have you then he had no choice but to do everything in his power to make sure he got the next best thing.

Suddenly it all seemed clear. Yoongi knew what he had to do.

--

The arena is almost desolate when you creep inside.

Just a sea of empty seats stretching out from both sides of you where you sit in one of the stands, nibbling the skin around your thumb and watching Namjoon pace the stage below.

It's gone midnight by now. Most of the crew went home hours ago. Not Namjoon though. He stayed to practice some more. Said he couldn't get the choreography quite right.

You tried going home but you couldn't get the fight out of your head. Everything reminded you of Yoongi and your thoughts started to wander. Did he hate you? Was he listening to the song right now? Why hasn't he called? Why is your own bed not as comfy as the one you shared with Yoongi?

It all got too much eventually. Something told you that you weren't welcome at the apartment so you ended up heading towards the only other place you knew, surprised to find your brother had the same idea.

A single spotlight illuminates the stage as Namjoon twists his body in time with the one, two, three, four he unconsciously mumbles under his breath, face contorted with a stark concentration that flits to impatience when his foot slips and he misses the beat. Again. It just about sends him over the edge.

"I can't do this anymore!" A microphone squeals and hits the ground with a thump. It reverberates through the arena, your hands flying to your ears as you watch Namjoon let loose all his anger on an innocent amp stand before collapsing into a heap at the edge of the stage. "Fuck this shit!"

You're flying down the stairs to his aid before he can do any serious damage to the stage equipment — or worse, to himself.

Namjoon scoffs when he hears the stage creak under your feet. "Nice of you to show up."

It stings. You snap.

"What happened to you, Namjoon?" You look at his sunken cheekbones, his curled fists, the blackness behind his eyes. "I don't even recognise you anymore."

He just sniffs and says nothing. The distance between you feels bigger than ever.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

A secret? Since when did Namjoon abide by a policy of honesty?

He takes your shocked silence as a yes.

"I'm calling first thing and dropping out of the competition."

Your world stutters to a standstill, breath knocked out of your lungs.

Dropping out?

"Shit Joon...if this is about Yoongi—"

He waves you off.  "No. This is about me."

You can't breathe. This can't be real. "I don't understand..."

"I've made up my mind. I can't do this any more. I used to love being up here you know?"

You follow his gaze, out over the empty arena. The last time you were here every seat was filled. You were down there, part of the crowd, packed into the cramped space with barely enough room to breathe.

Imagining how it must feel to be up here comes easy. If you close your eyes you can hear the screams, feel the body heat. Smell the sweat and the anticipation. See thousand faces looking up in awe. At you. It makes your blood run hot.

You much prefer being up here, you decide.

Namjoon brings you back down. "Now it just feels like a chore. I look out and all I see is disappointed faces. I can't pretend for them anymore."

"People travel miles to see you Joon! No one is disappointed."

"Not the fans. They love me. Well, Runch Randa, at least." He cracks a half smile. "It's me whose disappointed. In Kim Namjoon."

You always thought your brother was sure of himself. He's cocky, confident and above all fearless. It's his biggest strength (and his most irritating quality sometimes) but it's what you always admired most about him.

Clearly you didn't know your brother as well as you thought you did.

You bite your lip. "Why?"

He turns to face you, leaning back into his arms while he searches for the right words and, little to your knowledge, gathers the courage to confide in you.

"Because I re-entered Mic Drop for all the wrong reasons. I just wanted to prove myself, you know? Win for real this time, not just by default." He swallows. "But then I saw Yoongi perform. And to be honest? I saw you. I saw how much you care about the music. How you come alive when you're writing lyrics or when you're in the studio." His smile is woeful. "Im supposed to feel like that. But I don't. I never did. It's like I'm always asleep, y'know?"

You did know. Every time you lifted a camera. Every time you pressed the shutter and snapped another shot of Namjoon on stage you felt your soul grow exhausted.

It makes the distance between you and Namjoon close a little. For once you understand each other and you don't have to hide how you feel any more.

"I can't stop thinking that it's your name the fans should be screaming. Not mine. They deserve better than me."

"But you're the best performer I know!" You rush. It always seemed like he wanted to keep you out of the spotlight at all costs. "Why now?"

He lets out a deep sigh. "I'm a selfish person, Y/N. I thought I was protecting you from... all this." He gestures around him. "The late nights and the paparazzi and the criticism and a fucking manager on your back all the time." His eye roll makes you snort, sharing a brief smile at the image of hardworking Jimin mumbling into his headset like a man posessed.

He's quickly serious again though. "Fame comes with a price. But I realize now that the price is worth it if your hearts in the right place and...what I'm trying to say, Y/N, is that mine never was."

You let your chin fall into your palm. Huh. "So that's the big secret?"

"Actually...there's something else." He shifts nervously. "I know about you and Yoongi."

You freeze, scrambling to your knees with wide eyes. "Wait, Joon, let me explain—"

"Let me finish!" Namjoon brushes you off with a breathless laugh, nodding to himself, as if finally coming to a solid conclusion about coming clean when his eyes meet yours. "He's in love with you."

This time it feels like the whole world goes into overdrive. You forget how to breathe.

"What...how...huh?"

It's Namjoon's palm squeezing your knee reassuringly that brings you back down.

"He always was. Even back before things got messed up." A deep breath. Something was coming, you could tell by the way his eye twitched nervously. "That's why me and Yoongi fought. That's why I...I lied and said that I wrote the song the night of the Mic Drop final...accused him of plagiarism—" Your mouth gapes. "I know! I know. Don't look at me like that. I can see the irony."

It all makes sense now. She's a part of this, Namjoon, whether you like it or not.

The reason Namjoon sacrificed his best friend wasn't for fame but for your sake?

You want to fly at your brother, scream at him for keeping this from you for so long. For turning you against Yoongi. For keeping you from the only person to make you feel safe. Feel Happy.

But his eyes are void of anything other than regret and you can tell his betrayal had been playing on his mind all these years.

"Point is, I didn't want you to get hurt." He shuffles awkwardly, not knowing what to do with your silence. "That's not an excuse, I know. Do you hate me?"

"No." Your voice sounds small. His chest heaves with relief. "I just wish you had been honest with me before. Saved us a ton of trouble."

"I thought I was doing the right thing. But I was a shitty brother in the end anyway."

It's strange. Even after all the fights and the resentment and the goddamn secrets, you don't think Namjoon is a shitty brother. Sure, his actions and intentions were shitty there was no denying it. But now it's like the puzzle pieces finally click into place and the full photograph comes into view, crystal clear.

All this time, he just wanted to protect you, when you should have been protecting him. He was hurting too, you just never knew it.

"It's not too late, Joon. Just be happy for me okay? I think..." If Namjoon plucked up the courage to tell you his secrets then it was only fair that you did too. "I love him too."

A pinkish tinge caresses your face when you finally admit it, both out loud and to yourself.

You love Yoongi. And now all the cards are on the table there's nothing holding you back from it.

Now you just need to tell Yoongi.

"I know. You think I don't know who that song is about?" The grin that spreads across Namjoon's features is sincere."And I am. Happy for you, I mean."

Now the truth is out in the open it feels like your wounds are already beginning to heal. You place your hand over his and squeeze it tight. It was time to forgive.

A thought suddenly strikes you. "So what are you gonna do now?

Namjoon fumbles in the back pocket of his jeans, thrusting something towards you. A polaroid picture. The same photo you'd seen at Yoongi's studio.

He kept it, too?

"This kid." His finger jabs at the innocent face of a younger Namjoon, arm wrapped around the shoulders of his best friend. "I didn't get enough time to live as him before I became Runch Randa. I think it's time to just live as Namjoon for a while."

"But what about Big Hit? It'll fall apart and mom and dad will kill you—"

"No it won't. They have you. I already talked to them, in fact. There's a stage with your name on it right here." He pats the ground. "If you want it, that is."

You blink, stunned. You? "I...I don't know if I can."

"I believe in you." Namjoon says. "And I'll be cheering you on from the front row."

You'd have to think about it long and hard but you can't help the grin that appears on your face. Things were going to be okay.

An urge rises in your chest to tell Yoongi this news. To see the way his face would light up as you started the journey to following your own dreams, like he always said you should.

You and Yoongi were going to be okay.

"Hey! Maybe I should try photography now I have some free time." Namjoon tugs at the camera strap around your neck, lifting his eye to the viewfinder and laughing when you cover the lens with your hands. "Damn I'm kinda good!"

You bump his shoulder teasingly, the belly laughter that spills into the arena feeling like the most natural thing in the world.

You're only interrupted by approaching footsteps. Jimin bursts into the arena.

"Namjoon," he pants. "I have some bad news."

--

It's compulsory for all competitors to attend the crowning ceremony. Even those who get disqualified.

RUNCH RANDA BLACKLISTED FROM COMPETING IN FUTURE HIP HOP COMPETITIONS AFTER PLAGIARISM SCANDAL SURFACES.

Just one of the devastating headlines that hit the media after the judges panel received an anonymous tip in the form of a USB stick that exposed Namjoon once and for all. The same USB that you pressed into Yoongi's hands just hours before Namjoon's disqualification.

RAPPER GLOSS TO SNATCH MIC DROP TROPHY IN SHOCKING REVENGE FOR HIS BRUTAL DEFEAT.

Namjoon reads it aloud in the back of the car. He laughs at the end but it does nothing to lighten the mood.

The windows are tinted but you can still see the hoards of fans lining the streets, eyes steeped in betrayal.

You should hear the way they boo as your brother drives past. You should hear the way they chant his name instead.

Yoongi! Yoongi! Yoongi!

But you don't. You don't hear anything. You don't feel anything. All you can think of is the same three words, throbbing in your chest over and over again.

I love you.

Did he mean them at all?

"Y/N? Did you hear me?"

"Hm?" You look up. Namjoon's staring at you with concern.

"Your phone's ringing again."

It's no surprise when you pull out your phone and see a contact picture of yourself and Yoongi gracing the screen. He's been calling all morning. It takes every strength inside you to tap the red decline button.

"Aren't you gonna talk to him?"

Another call lights up the screen.

"Not like this."

With trembling fingers you shut your phone off all together.

--

Paparazzi cameras flash brazenly as you step out of the black company car, following Namjoon with your hood pulled tightly round your face. A hoard of body guards usher you through a back door to the arena. The main entrance is reserved for notable guests only, you learn.

While Namjoon's presence usually makes the room buzz with an electric energy, there's no excitement when he enters now. An awkward hush falls like a shroud as he elbows his way past pitiful stares. It's like someone died. In a way it's true; there's no trace of Runch Randa in Namjoon's hunched stance. Here, the dead still walks for everyone to see.

Jimin's waiting by the stage door. No words are exchanged as he slips passes into your hands. Namjoon's has a big red strike through the word TALENT, "guest" scribbled all too generously below it to match your own.

It's nearing show time. They're just waiting for you to take your seats, Jimin says, though you barely hear him. You're too busy imagining what you would do if you bumped into him right now, heart pounding whenever you catch a glimpse of blue or hear a laugh you're convinced you recognise.

Deep down you know exactly where you have to go to find him. To find Yoongi.

"I'll join you in a second, okay?"

Namjoon looks nervous, the first time you've ever seen him with such a severe case of the jitters. His smile is empty when you rub his forearm reassuringly. "Don't be too long. If I'm gonna do this I want you by my side."

You manage a smile. "Always."

With that, Namjoon takes a deep breath and pushes out into the life of the arena and you find your feet numbly carrying you down back corridors you know by heart until you reach his dressing room.

Your heart is blind, you think. Even now the shattered fragments ache for him, beat a little faster knowing he's just behind this door.

Why can't you go back to hating him, just like you did before? Deep down you know it's because you never really hated Yoongi. You don't think you ever could.

Forgiving him, though? Some wounds never heal, no matter how badly you want them to.

You pause outside the door. The stupid gold star that used to be there has been scraped off, replaced with a new name tag. Gloss. You put your ear to the wood. Nothing.

A deep breath and you find the handle. Should you burst in and give him a piece of your mind? Knock and enter politely? You can't help but scoff. Shouldn't he be the one coming to find you?

He calls your name before you can do either.

"Y/N?"

Fuck. Is hearing his voice supposed to hurt this bad?

You don't know what you're expecting when you turn around. Something different about him perhaps. A sign that he isn't the person you had grown to know. Grown to love.

But there he is. All messy blue hair and bitten lips and eyes a little red around the edges. Your Yoongi.

Your arms curl around your body like a band aid, holding you together. You can't crumble. Not now.

He looks stony but his eyes flicker with tender remorse when he sees the tears staining your cheeks.

His hands reach for you instinctively. The same hands that make love to his piano in the shitty apartment above the coffee shop. The same hands that could make you fall apart with even a delicate touch. You want to run into them so bad it hurts. But now they're stained red with betrayal and he chokes when you recoil.

Seconds feel like hours as you just stand there taking each other in like it's been years. It's only been a day or two. Maybe three? You can't remember. They all rolled into one meaningless blur of angry tears and insomnia.

You had a whole speech prepared for the moment you finally faced him again. But there are no words that feel right. You just need to know. If he meant every touch and every inside joke and those three words that make your heart soar despite how badly you want to hate him. And there's only one way to find out.

"Why did you do it?"

Your voice sounds timid and scared, like you feel. He winces.

"Y/N, let me explain—"

"Explain what?" Your voice raises shakily."How you lied to me? How you used me?"

He rushes towards you and it takes all of your strength to draw back, especially when his eyes look so frantic, so desperate. Like he's having one of his nightmares. It tugs at your heart because this time the nightmare is real and you're living in it.

"It's not like that—"

"Did you ever even want me? What about all that fair and square bullshit you told me huh?"

"Of course I wanted you Y/N...want you." His eyes fill with pain. "This wasn't meant to happen. I know how this looks but I just panicked!"

You rush at him, fists curled like that day in his studio except this time he doesn't stop you when you start hitting his chest, vision blurry.

"He was going to pull out! Namjoon was going to let you win! So that I could -- we could be happy!"

"What I...I don't understand?" His mouth gapes, processing. "But you didn't..." He swallows, like remembering is painful. "When I confessed, you didn't say it back. I thought we were over! I thought I had nothing to lose, Y/N. He had already won..."

You remember your words. I can't do this anymore. A misunderstanding that would never have happened if he just—

"Did you even listen to the song?"

His face drops at the mention of the song. "No." He looks like he might cry. "I was angry! I...I acted impulsively. I never got the chance..."

You bared your soul in that song in ways you never thought you could. He wasn't supposed to find out how you felt about him this way. Not here, when you're falling apart and there's nothing you can do to stop it. But it all comes tumbling out before you can change your mind.

"I wrote that song because I love you, Yoongi!"

Silence. He has to grip the wall to steady himself.

"Y-you love me?"

"I love you." The words feel indulgent on your tongue and even now as they hang heavy in the air and you're overcome with an indescribable combination of grief and longing, you mean them with every bone in your body.

You rush at him. You can't help it. Can't resist how your head falls into his chest and how you cry harder when you breathe in his scent one last time, sobs muffled by his hoodie. But he hears them, you know he does, because his hands are trembling when they pull you closer like you're fragile enough to break.

"I love you. So fucking much it hurts, Yoongi."

You're weak. You're so so weak.

You don't know why you do it but you grab his face with both hands and then you're kissing him. Showing him how much you need him, how much you mean your words. His hand cups your jaw like always and his lips press back with a tender desperation and you believe him. You believe that he loves you. Whole and true. Because in that moment, with his lips on yours, everything is okay. He's your Yoongi and you're his Y/N and he loves you.

But then you pull back and he's crying too and everything's broken and your heart goes numb.

"I'm sorry. God, Y/N I'm so sorry. If I could take it back I promise I would."

You muster up all the strength you can. You know what you have to do.

"I'm giving you a choice, Yoongi. You go out on that stage and pick up that trophy and we're over. For real."

He tries to kiss you again, grabbing at you frantically when you turn your cheek.

"Y/N, don't do this. We love each other. That's all that matters right?" He musters up the closest thing to a smile he can manage, like he's convincing himself more than he is you. "You don't have to—"

"No." You pull away from grip. It feels cold and wrong. "I have to do this. If you love me like you say you'll...you'll understand."

You turn but he grabs your wrist, pins you in place.

"I can't lose you to him again, Y/N. I...I already lost you once and I don't think I..."

The hard faced Min Yoongi you once knew is gone. All that's left is the vulnerable man in front of you who holds your heart in your hands with a grip so tight it scares you.

"He can't win...please."

You suck in a final breath.

"Please what? Don't make you choose between me and that stupid fucking trophy? You did this to yourself, Yoongi." You turn and this time he lets you. "The only person pushing me away is you."

"Y/N please, wait!"

You don't dare turn to look at him as you walk away. Not even when he pleads or you hear him fall to his knees, a strangled sob echoing down the hall. You're scared you might run back to him if you do.

You don't let yourself break down until you turn the corner. Yoongi doesn't follow.

--

"I'm okay." You assure Namjoon as you take a seat beside him inside the arena. It's a lie, of course. No amount of cold water splashed on your face in the bathroom could prepare you for this moment.

You're just in time. The ceremony is already starting. The host is taking the stage and the lights are dimming but you're too numb to care.

You go out on that stage and pick up that trophy and we're over.

Your decision is final. There's no going back. You've cried all your tears. You've said all that needed to be said. All you're left with now is a sickly feeling in your stomach as you look down at the trophy sat in a display case center stage.

We love each other. A slither of hope tugs at your heart strings. You barely manage to suppress it.

"Sorry! Excuse me!" The empty seat to your left sinks under the weight of Hoseok as he clumsily stumbles into the arena, late as always.

He offers you a smile which turns to a frown when you only stare past him vacantly, straining your neck to keep an eye on the stage.

A hand covers yours. You freeze at the contact, only relaxing when you peer through the darkness to find Hoseok staring at you gently. His voice is a whisper. "Whatever happens I'm here for you, okay?"

A wave of emotion crashes through you and you think you might cry again. You can't make your lips sound out a response but Hoseok understands and you feel a little stronger when you turn your attention back to the ceremony knowing you have someone by your side.

"As you all know there have been some...complications with this year's finalists." The host coughs and fiddles with his tie awkwardly. "But we are glad to announce that we do in fact have a winner here with us today!"

The crowd chants Yoongi's name again. Namjoon stiffens. Your free hand grabs his and he squeezes it tight.

"So without further ado, I would like to welcome this year's winner, Gloss!"

The crowd goes wild but the sound is drowned out by a ringing in your ears. It's like you're underwater, holding your breath as you wait and wait for him to take the stage and all the oxygen to slip away.

One...two...three...

You get to ten seconds, then twenty seconds and then thirty and by the time you get to forty you feel yourself break the surface, take a heaving breath.

You're floating. He chose you.

He loves you! Yoongi loves you! He—

No.

You're seeing things. You must be. That can't be Yoongi's face lighting up every screen in the room. That can't be him crossing the stage and taking the trophy from the hands of the host with a smug grin. That can't be Yoongi holding it up in the air like a martyr.

That can't be your Yoongi. This is a stranger.

You crash back to reality when Namjoon wraps his arms around your waist and you realise your sobbing. Sobbing so hard it hurts your chest and your lungs burn with misuse and you're sure the tears will never stop.

"It's okay! Shh."

Nothing is okay. Nothing.

Yoongi's face is still blown up on the big screens in painful detail. The smile on his face falters when he looks out into the crowd and spots you instantly. Sees you crumple.

There are two things Min Yoongi ever loved in this world.

His music and you.

The trophy feels cold in his hands. The crowd gasps as he rushes to the edge of the stage and calls out to you.

"Y/N wait! I'm sorry—"

You hear his voice through the speakers but it's too late. You're already running.

Yoongi's mic drops to the ground.

--

Yoongi's nightmares are back. Except this time they're different.

When he closes his eyes you're there. Smiling and laughing like you used to. His heart warms and he reaches for you...

And then he realises it's not you. Just a picture, blown up on the big screen as you cross the stage at the front of the room he's suddenly aware he's in.

He glances around at the indistinguishable people around him, all smiling and clapping ferociously. Why isn't he happy?

The bottle in his hand is half empty. He's realises he's screaming. So hard his throat burns and his lungs beg for air but you don't even look his way. He screams your name, over and over again. Nobody seems to hear him.

Namjoon's there too. Bouncing a baby on his knee, maybe one or two years old if he has to guess.

"That'll be you one day," He whispers, but its deafening to Yoongi. "Only the very best for my niece." The baby giggles up at him, stubby fingers wrapped around his thumb.

She has your eyes. The very same eyes Yoongi would look into like they held everything in the world. The very same eyes Yoongi saw fill with pain on the last day he saw you before things got messed up.

She has Hoseok's nose. And his mouth, too, small and heart shaped. The resemblance is uncanny as Hoseok appears beside Namjoon, takes the baby girl into his arms and places a sweet kiss on her forehead.

Then there you are. The same old Y/N. The same smile that makes your eyes crinkle and the same laughter than makes his heart melt. The same girl who used to love him.

Though it's clear that that much is no longer true. Not when you lean up to kiss Hoseok on the cheek, Namjoon drawing you into a hug when you present the trophy in your hands to them with an elated laugh.

A family.

It feels like he's been punched in the stomach.

Yoongi always thought winning Mic Drop would mean he had everything. Fame. Money. Glory.

He didn't need family. He always got by on his own.

It took holding the whole world in the palm of his hand to realise none of it meant anything if he didn't have you by his side.

You were his everything. But he was too stupid to see it and he let you slip away.

It's too late now.

A hand appears on his shoulder. It's cold, grip bruising. The voice that comes next gives him chills every single time.

"So was it worth it?" Namjoon asks.

Yoongi tries to answer but his vision is blurred with hot tears now and he's on his hands and knees and he's screaming.

And when he wakes up at ass o clock, sweaty and gasping for air, he still finds himself reaching for your warmth beside him.

But all his fingers find are cold sheets and bitterness.

extended a/n: okay so if you have reached this far then you are a TROOPER. a trooper who i love and appreciate endlessly for reading 30k of my waffle lmao im so sorry <3 ksksksk so this fic has been in my head for the longest time and in my drafts for almost five months so im super attached to it and putting this out is like the scariest ever?? i really put my heart into this piece, like y’all don’t understand how many times it’s cropped up in my dreams and I’ve woken up like MUST WRITE. it’s far from perfect but i tried my best!! i can’t tell you how many scenes had to be rewritten until i was happy enough with them bc this fic is literally my baby in every sense of the word and i wanted to get it right :( although that just made the ending even more SOUL DESTROYING to write for me ugh i had the ending set in my mind before i even started writing but there were moments where i jus wanted yoongi and oc to be happy ever after :( but alas, I feel like this ending was far more realistic for them and i couldn’t go against my gut sigh. there may be a few drabbles planned in the future tho to make up for the angst :) Anyway!!! I’ll stop rambling. Thank you for reading this far, if anyone has. TROOPER. love you <3

updated 12/01/19: drabble #1 | drabble #2 | drabble #3 

[oumiyuki]

Anju's Heart is a Spring Party

SUMMARY: Sometimes Anju gets extra flustered and embarrassed around her privilege AKA Saitou Shuka. 

Pairing: AnShuka

Genre: Romance, Fluff

Read me at fanfiction.net or AO3~

Author Notes

Happy birthday to you~

Happy birthday to you~

Happy Birthday to Anjuuuuuu~~

Happy birthday to you~

\\>w<//

May you enjoy! ;D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is the filming of Aqours CLUB Spring Party today.

Anju was early and her makeup artist was already done with the finishing touches. The Leader of Aqours thanks the staff and excuses herself to go walk around the set; it will be a nice change of pace so she does not get too nervous.

Staffs walking around, cameras tested and setting up, quite a few people filtering in and out of a certain room… Anju smiles inwardly, ready to do a little snooping around.

Wonder what’s in there. Probably where we’ll film…

Anju pokes her head inside and her eyes widen, taking in all the pink and flowers – spring blossoms to be exact, matching the pink fluffy carpet and other decorations to do with Springtime.

Wow…

Anju consciously closes her mouth that fell agape from awe and astonishment.

Staff-san really went all out. It’s so pretty…

“Anju~ Morning~”

Ah, that voice.

“You’re super early! But I wasn’t too far behind. Hehe~ I’m all ready for filming too!”

Anju turns around and sure enough – a blinding smile, cheerful eyes Saito Shuka greets her vision. Anju sucks in a slightly deep breath through her nose as she took in all that at once.

Now this is pretty…

“What are you peeking at~?” Shuka tries to close the distance and get a sneak preview of the set and to see what Anju was seeing moments before her appearance.

She’s so loud but so cute. Super cute…

“Morning…” Anju greets after the delay effect of her best friend’s prowess.

Shuka chuckles before proceeding to produce an array of sounds to showcase her amazement of what she sees. “Oh my gosh, Anju look!!” Shuka waves her hand like a dog’s excited tail wagging.

I’m looking.

Anju and Shuka make eye contact briefly when Shuka turns back around to confirm the taller girl came to look too. Anju almost falls into another line of thought to praise Shuka’s eyes in her mind but Shuka turns back around all too soon.

Looking at you.

“This room is amazing!” Shuka was going to step further in but Anju takes her hand and pulls her out. “Whaaa~”

“No entry just yet.” Anju points out.

“Aww~” Shuka nods her understanding, leaning back on her heels as she attempts to not be too high tensioned.

Gods why is Shuka so…breathtakingly pretty and cute?

Anju eyes travel up and down and slightly around Shuka as much as she can observe from standing where she is.

It’s truly my privilege to get to be in the same room and stare at her all I want…

Anju’s cheeks heat up slow and soft.

Shuka makes eye contact with Anju again and her brown eyes light up, her smile growing brighter. “Anju!”

What are you doing to me Shuka?

Anju’s heart skips a million beats. “What’s up.”

Anju responds lamely, her brain cells still fangirling over Shuka’s cuteness to function well.

Shuka chuckles in that happy-go-lucky way she does and Anju’s brain cells did a little cheer. “We’re about to have a Spring Party with the rest of the girls. I’m excited.” Shuka bounced her weight from side to side.

Shuka standing idly seems to be rare now that I think about it.

Anju smiles. “Very excited.”

“YEAH!!” Shuka could no longer conceal her megawatt smile.

Anju wants to frame that scene up somewhere in her room but instead, it’s etched in her heart forever.

“Did I ever tell you your hairdresser and costume manager does an amazing job?” Anju voiced her thoughts unintentionally.

“Eh?” Shuka blinks, a tad confused from the surprise question.

“Ah, I mean…” Anju’s cheeks probably pinkened into an obvious shade as she averts her eyes from Shuka.

Shuka who waggles her eyebrows up and down teasingly and moves over to bump her blushing partner’s shoulder. “You mean~~~”

Anju grumbles, face red.

Am I that obvious? I mean that statement was way too obvious? Ughhh, now I’m going to be on the receiving end of Shuka’s cheeky grin.

“You find me cute?~” Shuka’s tone 100% amused and elated, one could almost see the heart emoticon at the end of her sentence. And her joviality only accentuated tenfold with that huge smile of hers.

Shuka and her megawatt smiles…

Anju whines a weak protest, cheeks still a cute red as she refused to make full eye contact with Shuka. “M-mmph…”        

Shuka falls into a soft silence. Bumping her shoulder on Anju’s again – lightly. Whispering, “I think you’re super pretty too.”

If possible, Anju’s face was becoming Shuka’s favourite colour a bit too perfectly.

Ugh…my heart is too loud…

~~

More of the other girls have arrived and were done with preparation for the filming and Anju enjoyed chatting of every random thing she and Shuka could come up with as the conversation flows.

“So I’m thinking that bees are cute too but not cuter than the rhinoceros beetle?” Shuka went on to share her thoughts about bugs and Anju usually would retort on that topic but…she was distracted.

Mm…The way Shuka’s hair is longer now… She doesn’t give off that dorky feel.

Anju rubs her chin thoughtfully.

Even though she is. Now she’s…looking so mature and pretty-

Anju covers her mouth as her heart did MIRACLE WAVE flips without her permission; not that her heart ever listened to her easily embarrassed brain.

Shuka…

Anju reaches up without thinking, her fingers tangling into Shuka’s soft light brown hair.

Addictive…this is addictive…

“Anju?” Shuka stares innocently with a hint of amusement in those magnetic brown hues.

Wait what am I doing?!

Anju retracts her hand now that she has caught up with reality. “Ah- Shuka- I- Um… You were there?!”

That’s not even a good excuse at all!!

Anju once again averts her eyes and turns her head as far away as possible while not running away, plus she could feel the blush itself this time.

Why is it so hot here??  

Shuka’s eyes held a big playful glint and she leans forwards to Anju, a Cheshire grin thick on her lips. “We were having a conversation until you decided to touch my hair~”

Ahhhhhhhh!!!

Anju gulps. “D-Did I?”

Gosh, why am I stuttering!

Shuka laughs heartily. “You can.”

Shuka’s mad at me, right? She disliked that I touched her like that right?

Anju opens her mouth to apologize and admit to her “crimes” but stops short as her not panicking brain waved frantically at her to notice what Shuka, the girl of her affections, just said. “Wait, what?”

Shuka’s eyes were grinning with her smile. “You can, Anju.”

“I can…do what?” Anju tries to think but she could only gaze cluelessly into Shuka’s alluring eyes.

Touch her?? Is she saying I can touch her???

Shuka answers Anju’s frantic questions by taking Anju’s hand into both of hers, lifting it slowly up towards her, watching Anju stare intently at the action. And then she guides those fingers back into her hair resting on her shoulder.

…Shuka…

Anju takes her time to move her fingers; intertwining, unravelling, lifting lightly, watching Shuka’s hair fall back into place and then going back in.

Ugh, I’m hooked to playing with Shuka’s hair now.

“I can?” Anju asks quietly, jaw shifting as she wanted to hear a yes oh so badly and her kind of stubborn, in denial part of her also wanted to deny her from accepting how much she adores being close to Shuka.

Shuka laughs gently; all of Anju’s attention on her. “Yes, my dear~”

Anju blushes at the affectionate call, a tease it may be, it still placed Anju on cloud nine nonetheless.

“So…Shuka.”

“Yeah?”

“I can touch you anywhere?” Anju weaved her fingers in and out of Shuka’s hair like it was second nature now.

Shuka pretends to give it a thought before she smiled widely once more. “You can touch me wherever you like.”

Anju tries to hold back the smirk and smugness as she rubbed the ends of Shuka’s hair between her fingers in delight while Shuka was always weak to Anju’s devilish grin.

Shuka punches Anju’s arms lightly. “Hey…What are you thinking of! I’ll take back what I said!”

Anju grins from ear to ear, eyes sparkling. “Not telling~”

“Anjuuu!!” Shuka protests, trying the puppy dog eyes while Anju avoids fully looking into it.

Touching Shuka is my privilege too.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author Notes

Let’s all wish Anju a Shuka-filled day that is made up of love and laughter!! ^w^ hehehe~

I hope y’all enjoyed the read! :D

Anju just…loves touching Shuka, I’m telling you. XD I love how they naturally holds hands and hug for longer and gaze into each other’s eyes and give each other headpats and now – well – hair touching ;D

Let me know your fave part! *w*

Also drop in the comments what other lovely AnShuka you have witnessed and perhaps that might be a blast of inspiration for little Miyuki here to expand on those scenes XD nante ne!

I love you, Anju!!

[aresrl]

I hihi I am!!! A little nervous w/ doing this bc I've never done this b4 so please bear🐻 w// me💦 May I request a match up? A vision, a romantic partner and maybe a friend and/or enemy? If that's too much feel free to just assign me a vision + partner, ehe/// Preferably male for a romantic match-up, but either gender is fine with a friend and enemy match-up^^ I tried to be as detailed as possible but I think I ended up just ranting, so im v v sorry if it's long! I sort of fluctuate when it comes to being an introvert/extroverted. W// strangers and irl, I'm very introverted and shy!! Rarely speak and if I do it's just the usual "Hi how are you? That's good. I'm good too, thank you for asking:)" yeayea I'm not too. Keen on social interaction irl. But I always do my best to be very nice!! I never wanna come off as mean bc wow what a bad first impression that would be. But with friends / ppl ik online?? Whew I am very very friendly n chatty ^^ Either very high energy or very chill, there's rarely any inbetween. Sometimes I like to jokingly tease my friends but I'd never go too far / make them uncomfortable!! And if I do I always apologize right away!! I like to say that I'm affectionate?? My strongest love language is def physical affection, if not quality time. Idk man there's just something about vibing with someone or hugging them that just aaaaa/// Although I usually display affection w// words of affection bc. Literally most of my friends are online friends so I can't actually hug them, sad times. Idk if this is needed/important info but I just remembered: I'm 5'6 around??? Need glasses bc. Whew i am blind (near sighted), I'm poc (specifically black) anndd, hm. Actually I think thats it for this section, aha. As you can see I'm, not really all that organized. Also I don't have the best attention span - while writing this I'm circling between 4 different apps - and I'm a bit of a mess. And also a little stupid. Just a smidge dumb. But I have my moments - I solved like. 2 puzzles in Inazuma by myself so I think that counts for something. I also find that I tend to talk a whole lot when I have an idea or smthn to say abt a thing I'm super interested in!! That's info-dumping. I info dump. Yes. I also really like to listen to other people talk abt things they like!!!! Its so nice :) I'm protective over people I care about!! I've never done it but 100% would bark at someone who messed with someone close to be. Arf arf yaknow. I tend to he impulsive. I'll do something, and be all "YEAH>:D" and then regret it later. And then I'll do it all over again in a fun little cycle :) I consider myself an optimist, but quickly turn into a pessimist whenever it concerns myself. Fun funfun. Should probably mention that I am. A very insecure person w/ dangerously low self esteem, which is super fun esp when you mix that with the fact that I'm rarely ever motivated to improve. Yayayay Also sort of a pushover?? Like most often than not I'll be convinced to do something, even if I'm not too keen on doing it. Also afraid of confrontation when it comes to my friends and strangers (that is, if it's concerning me!! I'll order smthn for my friend but if I need to order for myself?? uhh stutter time aha). I'm also a mega simp ahah! Srsly though if I fall for someone/get infatuated with someone I. Will be so obvious abt it even though I try very hard not to be. Would gush over that person probably. I don't really like mean people tbh. Like yes I'll be nice and civil with them but!!! I cannot stand!!! Rude people!!! Esp when they're mean for no reason like sir??? maam??? homie??? chill pls ty<3 People who aren't necessarily mean, but moreso have bastard energy and are just really "hehe>:D" but playfully are p poggers tho!!! I think I get along with kids!! I have a little sister,, around like. Nine? And we get along really well!! I also try and match a kid's energy whenever I'm tasked with looking after them. I take pride in the fact that kids like me >:].... even if they sometimes scare me-- Ok, interest time!!

I like art!! Quite a bit!! Less of a realistic artist and more of a cartoonist!! Idk there's just something fun abt drawing cartoons, hehe. I also like self ships - I have quite a bit of them, actually ! Idk its comforting drawings your fictional crushes loving you idkidk. I like writing too! Both original stories, and one-shots or personal fics that are associated with already created media!! Writing character backstories and personalities and stuff is also fun too! I've even made my own fictional world with a full fledged backstory n everything! It's very fun to think about. I'm a day dreamer!!! Yea remember when I said I write stories? I day dream abt potential stories even more. Mmm daydream world so nice so warm so fun I read aswell!! Mostly fantasy books, or stories where animals are the protagonists. Think Warrior Cats. But my favorite book series has got to be Guardians of Ga'Hoole. Fantasy owl books, anyway! X Readers are also things I enjoy reading :) Again, s I m p Also gaming!!! Is something fun I do sometimes!!! Although it's usually Genshin Impact, or Wii Sports/Resort w// my little sister. Oh, also pokemon! I rlly like Primarina, Vaporeon, Sylveon and Vulpix/Ninetails! I absolutely adore sweet foods, and baking is smthn I'm def interested in! Don't like foods w// weird textures though, like beans or mashed potatoes. Also I. Love spice so much. Mmm love it when my mouth burns so bad. Don't have a favorite animal but I've had three cats in my lifetime (btw not important but my current cat is named Sylvester and. He's my baby boy) so I am. A very big cat fan. Probably not needed but I really like sword and claymore characters. Literally all of the characters I main are either sword or claymore users. Although I did get Diona, so I miiight start forcing myself to learn how to aimmm. I see that I tend to like people/characters that are a little more extroverted than me. Upbeat, happy type beat!!! Nice sunshine babies, :) I think thats it! I hope this was good enough? Again, first time doing this (at 2am nonetheless) so forgive me if I got too rambly or did anything wrong ^^ Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this! And I hope your day is good / you had a good day, depending on when you read this, ehe!

Hey! Sorry if the wait has been long! I also love Warrior Cats (I promise myself, one day I'll finish it.)

You received... A Pyro vision! Optimistic, enthusiastic, impulsive, reckless, and a lot of energy are the general characteristics held by the Pyro vision. • I hesitated between the Pyro and Hydro vision, but your energy distinguishes you from the Hydro vision. • You said you were impulsive, always doing something you might regret later but still doing it. • You react quickly: as you said, if somebody hurt someone you love, you won't think twice before barking. Your partner would be... Xingqiu! “This feeling was unexpected.” • At first, you were just friends, and Xingqiu really loved to tease you. Actually, you both teased each other. But eventually, a feeling of love towards you grew into Xingqiu. And that was reciprocated. • Your relationship is filled with teases, jokes, and good/funny moments where you mostly share what you commonly appreciate. • He also knows when to get serious: for example, he does everything to support you during your moments of struggle concerning your self-esteem. Your friend would be... Childe! “Luckily, I'm here!” • You two also share funny moments, especially during situations where your “stupidity” is overtaken by his insight. • Sometimes, he finds you cute. • He likes the fact that you get along well with kids. It leads you to great moments with him and his siblings. • You're quite the opposite in terms of self-esteem. I think it's a good thing because it makes you complementary. Your enemy would be... Albedo! A misunderstanding. • You wouldn't hate each other, but I think Albedo wouldn't like the way you use your energy, and when you're more in a chill mood (meaning you're more available for him to talk), he could get pissed at how much times he'd have to repeat himself for you to understand something. • He's very patient, but he understood quickly that his interests would maybe not be within your reach. • You would just be too different. Worth to mention • You and Venti are like drama queens in Mondstadt. You are good friends. But you both know that you can't be more, as it would eventually both drag you down (because of similar problems). • Klee is also your best friend: both of you share decisions that you definitely will regret later. Or maybe not. • Hu tao and you are kinds of silently competing over who's the best tease, and she beats you. My goal is definitely not achieved. I hope I can catch up tomorrow. And don't worry, it was surprisingly good for a first description!

[haloshornsinkstains]

Convention Escapades [Leviathan x FemOC]

On AO3 here

Two dorks go to a Convention. There they encounter crowds, self doubt and con creeps and emerge victorious. Smut ensues.

Leviathan x Kore (my Obey Me! MC). NSFW (R18+)  Warnings for: Female OC, self-esteem issues, PIV sex, woman on top, con creeps/mild sexual harassment, sex in cosplay (if you spot anything else I need to add a warning for let me know)

Kore studied her costume carefully in the mirror, tugging at the hemline of the skirt and carefully adjusting the painstakingly styled wig. It wasn’t perfect, the colours a little off in places and several accessories missing. But it had been the best she could do a short notice and with unexpected delays in Akuzon shipping. She’d really wanted to go as Henry, she really had, especially knowing that Levi had a Lord Of Shadows cosplay ready to go and knowing just how happy it would make him. But then Lucifer had piled a mountain of extra homework on her, eating into 90% of her precious little free time and she just hadn’t had the energy to do it. She could have maybe thrown together something passable last minute, even Levi had said as much, but she told him she wanted to do Henry justice and that would require time. She didn’t tell him that she wanted to do Henry justice because the thought of letting him down with an imperfect and rushed version of one of his favourite characters in the whole world was the worst. ‘Next time’ she’d promised him. ‘Next time I’ll do the best Henry you’ve ever seen. We’ll be unstoppable’. He’d blushed, adorably so, and nodded determinedly. She was still fussing over the outfit when she heard someone knocking at the door. “Kore? We’re going to be late for prime queue spots!” Sighing and chewing on her lower lip Kore went to open the door, preemptively wincing ready for him to pick apart the flaws in her cosplay. When there was no noise she warily looked at him. Somewhere beneath all the hair she could see a blush staining his cheeks red. “Is it… okay? I know the colours are off but it was the best I could do last minute after Lucifer dumped all that work on me. Maybe I should have gone for something simpler… cat girls are cool down here too right?” She paused, tilting her head a little to study him. “Um, Levi? Leviachan? Are you okay?” He huffs, giving his head a slight shake. He mutters something under his breath that she can’t quite catch. “We need to go, if we’re not there in time we might not get the limited edition convention special figurine. I can’t miss out on that because some human normie made me late, you understand right? We need to hurry.”

He didn’t realise until they were halfway to the convention that he’d grabbed her hand. He dropped it as if she were made of fire, cheeks burning and eyes wide. “I… um.. I…” He stumbled over his words, refusing to look at her. “Sorry, you wouldn’t want to touch…” She laughed, reaching out for him again. “I don’t mind, how else would I keep up?” Levi was still frozen, staring at her outstretched hand as she wiggled her fingers at him. After a few seconds of staring she reached out and tangled her fingers in his, ignoring his stuttered protests and offering him a bright smile. “Come on, we can’t be late. Not when there are limited edition figurines on the line!”

They got there in plenty of time, early even, but something still felt wrong. Levi would barely look at her, despite his excitement to be there, and it was starting to form a roiling black pit in her stomach. She’d let him down, she knew she had, she should have gone with Henry, even if it wasn’t a good Henry. She was an idiot for thinking one of the main characters from "My Cute New Roommate is Actually a God of Chaos and I Think She’s in Love With Me" would be anywhere near good enough, no matter how much they’d both enjoyed watching the show. She frowned, squeezing his hand a little. “I’m sorry Levi, I can go?” Her voice came out much quieter than she expected and she was lucky he even heard over the chatter of the crowd. Leviathan tensed, grip tightening more than he meant it to as he tugged her to look at him. “W-What? Why… Why would you leave? I-I thought you wanted to be here? Did… did you just come because you felt sorry for me? O-of course you did, who would actually want to spend time with some yucky otaku like me?” The spiral of self loathing came on fast, and it would just get worse she knew, both from her own experiences and from spending time with him. At home she could sit in the calm of his room, gently tell him all the reasons he was wrong, and if things got too bad his brothers were there. For damage control if nothing else. But here, here she didn’t think she had that time, so she did the one thing she knew would shut him up, she flung her arms around him in a tight hug, pressing her smaller body into the warmth of his. It worked. Levi flailed for a moment, startled and embarrassed and not sure what to do, before he gently tried to push her away. Gently enough that she knew he didn’t really want her to let go. If anyone in the line around them had anything to say about the sudden outburst of emotion they wisely kept quiet. “Y-you have to warn me before you do stuff like that. It’s not fair!” “Hush, you adorable idiot.” She grumbled into his chest, before reluctantly letting him go and taking his hand again. “I do want to be here. I’ve been excited about this for weeks. And I really am sorry I didn’t come dressed as Henry, I know you’re upset at me about it and…” she chewed on her lip for a second, gaze fixed firmly on their hands “and it seems like you don’t want me here. I don’t want to ruin your fun.” Levi gawped for a moment, shaking his head so violently he nearly dislodged his headpiece before pulling her back against him. “I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t want you here, idiot.” It was disarmingly genuine, no otaku slang or stammering or yoda speak, and that alone was enough to calm all of her frazzled nerves and let her relax against him. She was happy to leave it at that, to not push him about his silence, but he answered for her anyway. “You just, you look…” “It’s not super accurate I know, I’m sorry. Oh, hey, the line is moving! Time to get our figurines!” Whatever Levi was planning to say was lost in the excitement of limited edition Ruri-chan merch as they headed inside.

Inside Kore was happy to find it was much like any convention she’d been to in the human realm, there were official booths as well as an artists alley type area full of fan merch, special guests and so much amazing cosplay she was honestly a little overwhelmed. Levi was grinning in the way that was usually reserved for new long awaited game releases or rare exclusive merch finds. It was refreshing to see him outside, around people, and still so happy. But, she figured, these were his people. They weren’t going to judge him in the way he was afraid of, they were all here for the same thing. “Where did you want to go first? You’re the expert here after all.” Levi paused for a moment, he looked like he was thinking but Kore would have put money on him having a whole itinerary planned in his head. He opened his mouth a few times, beginning to say something before closing it again, his face flushing bright red. “Um, well, I want to see the Doki Doki☆Angel Gakuen panel, and the Devilmation one, and um, there’s a few booths I want to visit… but, but what do you want to do?” Kore grinned, her heart growing in her chest at the sheer earnestness of his desire to make her happy. Levi was a lot of things, not all of them good, but he really did try to do his best by her and the mere thought of it gave her all kinds of warm feelings inside. “As long as I get a good look at the stalls, and maybe a few of the, uh, manga booths I’ll be happy.” She paused, momentarily distracted by someone walking past with a truly spectacular cosplay of one of the armoured knights from ‘I’ve Been Sucked Into This Game as a Plot to Assassinate Me, but They Forgot I’m Top of the Server Leaderboards so I’m Having a Great Time’ “Maybe a few photos?” Levi nodded, chewing on his lip and hiding behind his hair the way he always did when he was nervous. After a few moments he announced “Do that I can” grabbing her hand again and tugging her off towards the ‘official’ stalls in search of rare Ruri-Chan merch. She followed happily, smiling softly at the way the normally quiet demon lit up with delight when surrounded by things he was passionate about. He talked excitedly with the booth owners in a way she'd never seen before. As he finally handed over his grimm, clutching the box to his chest in delight, he turned back to her. "Are you okay? You're quiet…" She smiled, cutting him off before he could try to be self depreciating. "I'm fine. I just don't think I've ever seen you so happy around so many people before. It's nice." He hid his face behind the box, shaking his head. "Come on, you need to buy stuff too!"

He pulled her along behind him, stopping at several booths along the way. To her surprise he stopped at a couple just for her. Eventually they exhausted the official stalls, taking a break and grabbing some food while they watched the Devilmation panel. Once it wrapped up, not without some grumbling from Levi about their choice of voice actor for the official adaptation of one of the manga he was reading, he gently took her hand again leading her in the direction of the fan-run stalls. "Oh wow, this is all so awesome. Hey Levi, look!" She pointed towards a stall dedicated towards some of her favourite otome games only to find he had let go of her hand. "I'll be right back, don't go anywhere." "But Levi I… and he's gone." She sighed, turning back to the stall she'd stopped at. Where did he even dash off to? We got the Ruri-chan merch he wanted… I'm so getting lost in here without him. After a few minutes deliberation she picked out a few pieces of fan merch from her favourite new otome 'My Seven Hot Housemates are Constantly Fighting With Each Other, I Think I'm in Love With All of Them and I Have No Idea What to do About it', a full sticker set and keyrings of her favourites- the shy nerd and the brash adorable idiot. She had wanted the full set, but Mammon had borrowed a chunk of Grimm from her a couple of weeks ago and hadn't paid her back yet. There was still stuff she wanted to buy so she had to be strict with her budget. Levi still hadn't come back so now seemed as good a time as any to get him a thank you gift. Slowly she moved along the stalls, making her way towards one she was pretty sure had Sucre Frenzy prints, when she heard a loud voice behind her. "Oh wow, are you cosplaying Nyar-chan?!" She paused, turning to glance at the voice behind her in mild surprise. "Can we get a picture?" For a moment Kore froze, blinking at them. It had been a very long time since anyone asked her for a photo in cosplay. Maybe it was a trap? But the pair holding a camera looked so happy and earnest, and besides there were plenty of people here… she nodded once, smiling at them. "Sure." That one yes seemed to be the start of a landslide. Suddenly so many people wanted her picture, more than a few just for the novelty of getting close to the human everyone was talking about while the brothers weren't by her side. It was overwhelming, and she barely managed to get the prints she wanted for Levi, her eyes constantly scanning the crowd for him.

"Hey there gorgeous, got time for one more picture?" She blinked up at the man, who towered over her. There was something ominous in his eyes she didn't like, but Levi was nowhere to be seen and kicking up a fuss at this point felt like it would do more harm than good. "Um,  okay?" The demon grinned, his teeth looking far too sharp under the artificial lights. He gently rested an arm on her waist, ignoring her flinch as he did so. His friend took the picture and she went to move away but his grip tightened, claws digging into her hard enough to bruise. "I think I blinked, best take another right?" He looked to his friend, who nodded. Kore swallowed, holding still, eyes constantly flicking through the crowd for that familiar flash of purple. Then she felt his hand drop, no longer digging into her waist but instead dropping to cup her ass, fingers trying to dip beneath the hem of her skirt. She opened her mouth to protest when she sensed it, the dark oppressive pressure she remembered from the ill-fated TSL quiz. "Hands. Off. Her." The demon jumped away, hands in the air as he stared down a clearly irritated Avatar of Envy. "I wasn't doing nothing!" ' In which case you just admitted you were doing something ' she heard Satan's voice in her head at the double negative, chasing away the thought to quickly stride over to Levi, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Levi. Look at me. I'm okay." She soothed, squeezing gently. While his mood was warranted she knew this was a very bad place for him to lose control like that. "I promise, I'm okay. Come on, let's get some air." "But he…" "I know. We can be angry outside." She linked her hand with his, intertwining their fingers and giving him a gentle tug. "Come on." He followed with much less protest than she was expecting, letting her lead him through crowds of demons that swiftly parted, sensing the danger that still hung in the air around the third eldest of the brothers. It wasn’t long before they were outside, though she didn’t let go of his hand until she’d pulled him around to the side of the building away from any prying eyes or further interruptions. “Levi, breathe.” She cupped his face gently, pressing her forehead against his. “Thank you for rescuing me.” She couldn’t see anything but his eyes, though her skin picked up the flush of heat at her words. “I-I didn’t… it’s not like that…” He shook his head slightly. “I didn’t rescue you. Weird normie.” “Yeah, you did. I don’t think he’d have listened to me somehow.” She smiled. “My hero.” “I d-didn’t. I just didn’t want him touching you, not when you look so amazing. And I know I’m just a yucky otaku and he was all... handsome and stuff. But I wanted you to be mine today and I didn’t want him touching you and…” he huffed out a breath, the warmth of it tickling her nose “I’m not a hero. It’s not fair.” Kore just cradled his face in her hands, leaning up to press a soft kiss against his lips. “Whaaa… you’re supposed to warn me if you’re going to do that! I need time to prepare! I wasn’t ready!” “Sorry not sorry. I couldn’t resist. Now hush for a minute.” Her hands remained on his cheeks, forcing him to look at her. “You’re not a yucky otaku, you are, in fact, a very handsome and amazing otaku. Who just so happens to be one of the most powerful demons in the whole of Devildom, and the Grand Admiral of Hell’s Navy. Which makes you a badass. Not yucky. Not gross. Not any of the other bad stuff you say about yourself. Believe me, that dude was not handsome. He was gross. Not you. I think you’re pretty awesome.” “I’m…” “You’re awesome. Don’t argue with me. And… wait, did you say I look amazing.” “Y-yes?” “Okay. I’m going to kiss you again.” This time he didn’t protest, tentatively kissing her back as he pressed her up against the wall. She whimpered into the kiss, one hand tangling in the hair at the back of his head as he grew more confident, his free hand trailing down to gently stroke the exposed skin between her skirt and the long socks she wore. Panting she pulled back, resting her forehead against his as she tried to pull air into her lungs. “Was… was that okay?” There was a tremor of nervousness in his voice that made Kore want to kiss him again just to make him realise how great he was. “It was better than okay. Is this why you’ve been weird with me all day?” He wouldn’t look her in the eyes but she felt the slight movement of his head as he nodded, fingers still tracing the exposed patch of skin on her thigh. “Okay…” She paused, not sure where to go with this, there was still plenty they both wanted to do inside the convention, but the way he kissed her and his fingers trailing across her skin made her want to do all kinds of other things. “Okay. We’re going to finish up inside, and I’m going to stay by your side whether you like it or not. Then we’re going home to finish this.” A whine bubbled up in Levi’s throat and she leant up to press her lips against his, silencing him with a promise. “You know you’d be upset if you missed the panels, I’ll still be around when this is over.” “But my brothers… I know you like them more…” Kore huffed, pressing a hand against his mouth. “I don’t. Leviathan, listen to me. I like you. I like your brothers. Remember that talk we had about sharing? I know it’s harder for you, I know you get jealous, but you have to trust me.” She sighed. “Please?” Swallowing Levi nodded, letting her lead him back inside just in time for the Doki Doki☆Angel Gakuen panel.

The rest of the day went in a blur, the panel was funny and informative, they picked up a few more bits of merch, and thankfully no more pushy demons tried to feel her up. Probably thanks to Levi being near glued to her side, his hand hovering near her waist. He at least enjoyed his panel, and got photos with his favourite voice actress prompting Kore to grin at him and point out what a good idea staying at the convention was really. After all, they had plenty of time later. On the way home she bought him Bufo Egg Milk Tea and promised she'd make up for all the waiting.

Luckily the tea was long drunk by the time they walked through the doors of the House of Lamentation, Levi dragging her straight to his room with barely a hello to Lucifer who had been waiting in the entrance hall for them to return. Only when they got to his room did his newfound confidence falter, his hands hovering over her but not seeming to dare make contact. With a huff she grabbed his shirt, pressing her lips hard against his. "I can't make it up to you if you won't touch me Leviachan. And I want you to touch me." She purred, pressing herself up against him. “A-are… are you sure?” "I wouldn't be in this position if I wasn't." She paused, pulling back a little to look him in the eyes. “Do you want this? You can say no you know.” For a moment Levi looked panicked and she felt terrible, as much as she wanted him (and she really wanted him right now) she had never wanted to push him into anything. It was just with the way he behaved before she thought… But the panic fades from his face as his fingers come into contact with her sides, running gently up and down the soft fabric. He nods once, chewing nervously on his lower lip. “I… I want you.” Kore smiles, pressing up against him once more to capture his lips. This time his hands grip onto her hips, pulling her so he can grind against her. She moans at the contact, fingers clenched in his top, and it finally gives him the burst of confidence he needs to take control. One hand moves up to grope at her chest, a low growl rumbling through his throat as he finds the layers of fabric hinder his touch. He tugs until the fabric moves low enough to uncover her breasts, ignoring what he thinks was a tearing sound as his fingers ghost over the skin, finding where her nipples have hardened against his touch. He's not a virgin, like so many seem to think, but it has been a long time, and these aren't just any breasts. They're Kore's breasts. Small and soft and so perfect his breath catches in his throat and he could swear his heart skips a beat. She makes a low meaning noise in her throat as he rolls one of the stiff peaks between his fingers. He could come from those sounds alone, he thinks dipping his head to flick his tongue over the other, he needs to hear more. Her back arches, pressing her breasts towards him as she fumbles with a hand to try and palm him through his trousers. "Ah- fuck Levi! That… ah, it feels so good." His hips buck against her hand  and she takes it as a sign to try and slide her hand inside, fingers wrapping around his length and stroking gently. Levi lifts his head abruptly to stare at her, expression flickering between shock, embarrassment and pure need. "I-if you do t-that I won't be able to- to hold back." The corner of Kore's lips lifts in a hungry smirk. "That was the plan. Please Levi? I need you." "But you, you're not…" She pulls her hand away and he whines, watching with wide eyes as she pulls his hand from her breast and pushes it up her skirt, pressing his fingers into the damp fabric. He slips a finger past her underwear, sliding through the slick coating her folds before pulling his hand away and staring at it in amazement. "Please? I want you." He nods in response, not trusting his voice to work enough to form words. She moved to take off her skirt but he shakes his head, earning him a raised eyebrow and a look tinged with concern. "I- um, leave it on? Please?" "Kinky." She grins, but leaves the skirt and socks in place, hooking her thumbs through the waistband of her underwear and tugging them down.

Levi tugs them towards the bathtub that serves as his bed, kicking off his trousers as he goes. He falls back into the soft pillows, tugging her down on top of him, her legs straddling his hips. His confidence grows now he knows this is happening, that she wants him like this and it wasn't all just desperate fantasies. “Are you sure?” Her voice was slightly strained, but she hovered above him watching his face. Levi thrust his hips up against her, his cock sliding through the wetness between her legs. “I need you to say it.” “Yes.” It came out as more of a whimper than he intended, but when she lowered herself onto his cock he really couldn’t bring himself to care. His fingers gripped into her thighs, leaving dents in the plush skin that would surely bruise later as she started to move. His body reacted almost on instinct, thrusting up into her warm wet heat. She moaned, back arching as she rolled her hips in time with his thrusts. “Ah, yes Levi. You feel so good.” He growled, thrusting harder into her until she was reduced to a mess of whimpers and moans. “Ah, fuck.” He groaned, tilting his head back. “I- I won’t last much-” She moaned in response, sliding a hand between her legs, flipping her skirt up so he could watch as she rubbed slow circles over her swollen clit. Levi groaned, feeling her walls start to clench around him. “Th-that’s not helping.” Kore laughed, broken and thready. “I don’t know, fuck , I’d say it’s helping. Ah fu- it feels so good.” Levi’s head was tilted back, breath coming in gasps as she started to lose rhythm, her hips stuttering allowing him to set the pace. He could feel the ripple of muscle around him as she got close, her walls clenching and unclenching a few times before they started to tighten. “O-oh, I’m close. Fuck, Levi, ah... ” Her body started to tremble, words lost in a half-coherent moan as she unravelled on top of him. He fucked her through her orgasm, not sure if he would even be able to pull out with the way she’d clamped down around him. As the last waves passed and her body started to slump he lifted her, pulling out just in time to splatter her thighs with his release, her name a low moan in his mouth. She fell forwards, bracing her weight on her arms against the sides of the tub as the room descended into quiet save the sounds of their ragged panting. “I, uh, might need to borrow some clothes.” She chuckled, looking down at the sticky mess on her costume. Levi went bright red, covering his face with his arms, shyness rushing back. “S-sorry! I didn’t mean to!” She grinned. “You did, and that’s fine. That was hot.” He peeked up at her between his fingers. “R-really?” “Mhm.” Shifting gingerly in the small space she pulled off her ruined skirt and socks, tossing them out of the tub onto the floor. “Later.” Slowly she lowered herself next to him, nuzzling her face into his chest and pulling his arm to wrap around her.

[dolphin-enthusiast]

good evening caro mio, it's very lovely to see you~!! 💞🌹💫 oh my, i was gone for a little bit wasn't i? i apologize if i made any of you worry/wasn't there to help brighten your days like you say i do!! i was taking a little bit of a mental health break, and i feel a lot better now!!! i'm so happy to be back here, i missed you all so much!! (especially you morgy! ❤) (1/???)

"i hope your first day of school went alright,, i know how much it sucks, but i'm here alongside you to get through it all!! hopefully this school year can be at least a teensy bit easier on everyone,, but we do have to take it one day at a time, or as i say, baby steps 🌠 i should probably address this now so i can get the serious bits out of the way, but i assure you all that i'm alright!! that incident was just unfortunate, and my family made me take a rest from working because of it,, (2/?)

plus, that kind of situation is common for me unfortunately, so i'm used to sudden panics like that,, but i feel quite better now!! and i'm happier more than ever to be back again 💖💖💖 (3/?)

i do truly thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of your patience, kind words, and support!! i'm honestly extremely surprised at how sweet everyone was about this,, it's such a nice change from daily life,, i have no idea how to put my utter gratefulness into words, but please know that i love you all so so so much!! i wouldn't trade any of you for the world, you matter so much to me 💌 (4/?)

it seems that so much has happened while i was gone,, all of these picrews (which i absolutely adore!) and quinn getting into my account?? ahhhhh oh gosh,, that's a lot!! i'm gonna have to scold her! i can't believe she would submit such candid pics of me and other stuff,, quite embarrassing! but i wasn't expecting such a positive response to me and my one cat,,, who knew that all you anons find me sleeping cute??? it's confusing to me, but i find it quite funny hehe 😖❤ (5/?)

luckily i was able to be a little more productive lately, even if i have been exausted!! i've been cooking, cleaning, modeling, sewing, dancing, and editing videos for people,, so much work! i do think it's worth it though, it helps distract me from the bad things in life, and other people end up happy,, i'd consider it a win-win for me!!! my dad also taught me how to fix up an angelo azzuro,, which is a cocktail i didn't learn yet! (6/?)

it took two days of hard work and practice, but according to him, i "nailed it right on the head" my papa is always my go-to for mixology, he taught me most of what i know, and he's always the first person to try my drinks! apparently it's a very interesting concept to my other friends, since they have so limited access to spirits,, it does make sense though! (7/?)

we italians just don't care about drinking ages hehehe, as long as we're responsible and cautious with age, it adds to our lifespan ;) during that short break, i suppose my narcolepsy flared up a lot since i was falling asleep left and right! it was awful having to constantly wake up with either a migraine, extra tiredness, or even a bruise or two,, thankfully though i had my family to watch over me,, at least i was finally able to make up for lost sleep hehe 💫 (8/?)

i also got to play a lot of minecraft hehe,, my friend and i actually spent a full day doing a speedrun world, and we killed the ender dragon and wither within only 2 1/2 hours!! it was crazy,, i guess me and him just make a dynamic duo (but i dare to say,, not quite as dynamic as you and me 😉) speaking of minecraft, over the weekend i decided that i'm going to start streaming on twitch soon as a hobby!! i'm very excited for this, it's something i've wanted to do for a very long time now (9/?)

all of my friends and my siblings are very supportive of it, which i'm super glad about!! i've always found little bits of joy in my favorite streamers, so why not give back to that community? an artist friend of mine even drew me a pfp as a gift, it's so cute! all i have to do is figure out a balance between school, personal life, and streaming, then i'll be set,, i'm always happy to get a new hobby 😊✨ (10/?)

oh my, it's almost 23:45 now!! sadly, unlike today, tomorrow is full of classes and work,, so i should probably get going to bed! i'll hopefully see you tomorrow then, darling! goodnight, and as always, sweet dreams,, make sure to rest extra when you can 💗- much much love and extra hugs, waifu anon xoxo 💗❤💖💞💓💕💘💌 ps: you say that you'd come all the way to america just to say such kind things to me?? it looks like i'll just have to return the favor then darling 💘 (11/11)"

This do b kinda late ngl since im assuming i literally leave for school just as u send those in💀💀💀 things r kinda hard w school here but today was actually one of the few decent days i had in what y e a r s??? Me n my friends went out after classes and spent the entire afternoon sipping boba tea (it was my first time having it since boba places r rare here and we had to travel in the opposite part of the city and holy shit my third eye opened bruh i A S C E N D E D) and talking abt anime and simping and basically clowned eachother constantly jahahhdkf

B u t enough of that bc i see u had some nice days goin on as well😳😳 as i said many times before i'd kill a man to taste the cocktails that u do and one day we finna do that on g o d 😩✌️ and STREAMING? DROP THE LINK WILL YA DARLIN ME N THE CLOWN ARMY WILL BE THERE IN A H E A R T B E A T HDJDJSJ honestly streamer waifu is such a nice concept....i myself dream of streaming but sadly i dont have the time, space, money and overall neccesary equipments for it which is lowkey depressing ngl💀

Either way im glad to hear u been balancing things out and taking breaks dear, i myself am t r y i n g to make time for other stuff too since i really wanna write and watch anime (u know what series i just finished and had a 🅱️REAKDOWN 🅱️ REAKDOWN over one hour ago🤡🔪) but the schedule do b wacky ngl....

And as always i say: of c o r p s e everyone had positive reactions?? W h y w o u l d n t t h e y-

[martietm]

hey  friends  !  it’s  ya  girl  gigi  , i  prefer  she/her  pronouns  ,  i’m  from  the  gmt-2  tmz  ,  which  tbh  ,  i  don’t  rly  know  what  it  means  ,  and  i’m  twenty  years  old  ,  coming  out  of  my  hole  to  introduce  u  to  martina  .  she’s  real  dumb  but  so  am  i  so  i  feel  like  we  connect  over  that  u  know  ?  anyways  ,  under  the  cut  u  will  find  some  more  info  about  her  ,  n  if  u  wanna  plot  pls  smash  that  like  button  so  i  can  scream  @  u  about  how  high  school  musical  3  rly  was  that  bitch  .  yes  ,  thats  why  it  took  me  so  long  to  get  this  posted  .  i  have  no  shame  about  it  .

ariana  grande  .  cisfemale  .  she&her  .  ／  martina  bianco  just  pulled  up  blasting  929  by  halsey   —  that  song  is  so  them  !  you know  ,  for  a  twenty  five  year  old  singer  ,  i’ve  heard  they’re  really  impetuous  ,  but  that  they  make  up  for  it  by  being  so  sociable  .  if  i  had  to  choose  three  things  to  describe  them  ,  i’d  probably  say  old  band  t-shirts  ,  high  ponytail  &  dirty  sneakers  .  here’s  to  hoping  they  don’t  cause  too  much  trouble  ! 

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒  :

𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞  :  martina bianco  . 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞  :  martie  exclusively  .  please  call  her  martie  she  will  not  answer  if  u  call  her  anything  else  or  maybe  she’ll  just  cry  abt  it  . 𝐚𝐠𝐞  :  twenty  five  . 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧  :  singer  /  songwriter  . 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲  :  closeted  bisexual  /  biromantic  . 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞  𝐨𝐟  𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡  :  newark  ,  nj  . 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭  𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞  :  los  angeles  ,  ca  /  new  york  city  ,  ny  . 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞  𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦  :  ariana  grande  . 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲  𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬  :  sociable  ,  sincere  ,  clueless  ,  impulsive  ,  unbothered  ,  insecure  ,  funloving  ,  creative  ,  unsure  ,  adventurous  .

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃  :

martie  is  the  only  daughter  out  of  five  kids  ,  and  she  was  born  to  a  traditionally  italian  family  ,  from  both  her  parents’  sides  .  they  weren’t  rich  but  lived  comfortably  ,  and  had  a  really  big  family  in  general  .  holidays  and  birthdays  were  always  huge  in  her  family  ,  and  there  was  usually  a  funny  argument  that  ended  with  the  grandmas  spraying  everyone  with  a  water  hose  .  her  parents  weren’t  very  happy  together  ,  but  tried  their  best  to  work  through  their  problems  and  not  divorce  ,  since  they  were  very  much  christians  and  didn’t  really  believe  in  separation  .  they  did  eventually  divorce  though  ,  but  only  pretty  later  on  in  martie’s  life  .

considering  she  only  had  brothers  and  her  mother  worked  long  hours  ,  martie  didn’t  have  a  lot  of  female  influences  in  her  life  ,  so  she  grew  up  pretty  unconcerned  about  more  feminine  matters  ,  not  because  she  disliked  it  but  she  was  just  clueless to  it  .  when  she  grew  older  ,  she  got  a  lot  more  into  makeup  ,  but  fashion  still  isn’t  her  thing  .  nowadays  ,  she  has  a  personal  stylist  ,  but  when  she  dresses  herself  ,  martie  usually  ends  up  in  dirty  sneakers  and  ripped  t-shirts  .  

so  ,  growing  up  ,  considering  martie  wasnt  too  interested  in  most  of  her  brothers  hobbies  ,  she  had  to  find  herself  something  to  do  .  she  tried  a  great  many  deal  of  things  ,  and  ended  up  discovering  she  loved  music  ,  writing  song  lyrics  ,  playing  musical  instruments  ,  and  singing  .  considering  she  was  pretty  good  at  it  ,  her  parents  supported  her  wishes  and  paid  for  singing  lessons  &  bought  her  a  bunch  of  instruments  and  all  of  that  .

[  HOMOPHOBIA  /  BIPHOBIA  TW  ]  so   she  was  pretty  happy  and  chill  for  her  late  childhood   &  early  teens  ,  contrary  to  some  of  her  brothers  ,  martie  didnt  get  in  trouble  with  teachers  and  was  a  reasonably  good  student  ,  so  they  never  worried  about  her  while  she  was  growing  up  .  that  pretty  much  all  changed  when  martie  not  only  came  out  as  bisexual  to  her  family  but  also  told  them  she  was  actually  in  a  relationship  a  girl  .  her  family  was  very  religious  so  it  didn’t  surprise  her  when  her  mother  cried  for  days  &  was  clearly  disappointed  ,  but  her  dad  raged  and  screamed  and  threatened  her  with  all  kinds  of  punishments  if  she  didn’t  end  her  relationship  and  never  talked  about  her  sexuality  again  instead  ,   and  his  behaviour  made  her  feel  so  scared  that  she  did  end  up  breaking  up  with  her  first  girlfriend  and  didn’t  touch  the  subject  of  her  sexuality  for  many many  years  after  that  .  [  END  OF  TW  ]

it  caused  a  huge  shift  in  her  family  dynamics  ,  unsurprisingly  .  martie  felt  like  she  didnt  have  a  choice  but  to  hide  ,  and  she  really  resented  her  father  for  forcing  that  on  her  &  the  rest  of  the  family  for  giving  her  almost  no  support  .  her  brothers  tried  their  best  ,  but  it  was  really  hard  for  all  of  them  to  stand  up  to  their  father  .  so  she  focused  a  lot  on  her  music  ,  because  by  then  she  was  sure  that  it  was  her  way  out  of  that  environment  that  was  hurting  her  so  much  .

she  was  picked  up  by  a  label  when  she  was  19  ,  and  left  her  home  in  newark  as  soon  as  she  could  .  choosing  to  stay  with  new  friends  and  acquaintances  as  she  worked  her  way  into  the  music  industry  .  after  being  featured  in  a  few  other  artist’s  songs  &  having  a  first  single  to  become  a  smash  hit  (  side  to  side  )  ,  martie  released  dangerous  woman  ,  her  first  album  that  climbed  steadily  up  the  charts  until  she  was  basically  everywhere  .  it  was  a  very  sudden  change  of  environment  but  she  was  very  happy  about  it  ,  at  least  she  wasnt  stuck  around  her  dad  anymore  .

however  ,  she  is  still  just  as  stuck  as  she  was  back  in  her  hometown  ,  since  once  she  blew  up  ,  her  label  &  management  thought  it  would  also  be  a  good  idea  to  hide  her  sexuality  ,  at  least  until  she  was  more  ‘established’  in  the  industry  .  newsflash  ,  its  been  five  years  and  they  still  wont  let  her  come  out  about  it  .  she’s  definitely  growing  impatient  ,  though  ,  so  that’s  not  something  that’s  gonna  be  a  secret  for  too  long  probably  .  still   ,  there’s  not  a  lot  of  ppl  who  know  abt  her  sexuality  out  there  so  far  .

so  ,  in  the  five  years  she’s  been  famous  ,  martie  kept  in  contact  with  a  few  family  members  ,  but  definitely  not  her  dad  .  her  parents  divorced  a  couple  of  years  after  she  left  ,  and  her  mom  decided  to  make  more  of  an  effort  to  be  around  her  &  get  over  her  prejudice  to  support  martie’s  choices  ,  which  helped  heal  their  relationship  in  ways  martie  didnt  really  expect  .

considering  the  career  she  has  now  ,  martie  has  managed  to  keep  a  relatively  unproblematic  image  on  the  media  .  she’s  had  her  controversial  moments  for  sure  ,  and  there  are  definitely  reasons  for  people  to  dislike  her  ,  but  mostly  she  gets  away  unscathed  by  fans  ,  the  media  does  have  a  field  trip  coming  up  w  untrue  headlines  about  her  tho  .

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘  :

okay  so  ,  martie  is  kinda  like  a  not  so  big  kid  still  ?  she’s  never  had  to  actually  be  by  herself  her  entire  life  ,  so  adulting  is  something  she  has  a  certain  difficulty  doing  .  she’s  very  unbothered  about  life  in  general  ,  so  something  really  worrying  that  mostly  everyone  would  freak  out  about will  rarely  ever  bother  her  .  but  ,  she  will  freak  out  for  three  days  if  she  gets  asked  to  pay  her  own  bills  or  something  as  mundane  .  

she  also  kinda  lives  in  her  own  little  world  ,  and  in  a  way  ,  she  can  be  very  confident  in  the  aspect  of  not  really  bothering  about  almost  anyone’s  opinions  about  her  &  her  actions  ,  if  she  wants  to  do  something  that  will  make  her  happy  ,  she  won’t  really  think  about  it  before  doing  so  ,  so  she’s  kinda  reckless in  that  way  .  but  she  also  doubts  herself  very  much  when  it  comes  to  self  worth  &  like  things  related  to  her  actual  personality  .  we  love  multifaceted  muses  am i  right ?  lmao

martie  is  great  to  make  friends  with  ,  she  will  pretty  much  get  along  with  everyone  ?  is  a  super  social  being  ,  loves  being  surrounded  by  people  ,  probably  has  a  bunch  of  her  friends  living  with  her because  she  just  doesn’t  like  being  alone  .  

loves  working  !  spends  almost  her  entire  free  time  in  the  studio  ,  if  u  haven’t  seen  her  in  three  days  chances  are  she’s  trying  to  finish  a  song  .  can  get  a  little  lost  on  it  though  so  she  definitely  needs  some  looking  after  when  she  gets  into  songwriting  mode  .

overall  a  disaster  child  ?  doesn’t  know  how  to  function  but  tries  her  best  &  isn’t  that  all  we  can  ask ? 

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃  𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒  :

a  secret  relationship  with  a  girl  ,  work  collaborators  ,  a  pr  relationship  ,  exes  ,  the first  love  from  high  school  maybe  ?  ,  roommates  ,  best  friends  ,  protective  friendships  ,  good  influences  ,  bad  influences  ,  smth  based  on  ghostin’  by  ari  ,  something  based  on  you  should  be  sad  by  halsey  .

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #263

laptop is still broken, nvm. :’)

Do you have a favorite song by The Cure? "Sweet Soul Sister." (': Are there things you've never told for fear that others would judge you? Yep. Can sex ever be casual? I personally don't support it, but ultimately, so long it's consensual, protected, and both parties understand what's going on, you do you. Would you like to go on television to receive a make-over? Not on TV, no. It'd be awesome to see myself after a professional makeup, but I ain't going on TV to show my ugly face. What will no one ever see you do? Smoking. Are you quick to anger? Rarely. Are you slow to forgive? Not really. Usually. What do you need help with? Being an adult, lmao. Do you take the easy way out of things? More often than I'd like... What is your favorite fabric to wear? *shrugs* I don't pay attention to the fabric I wear, really. Do you still make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? C'mon dude, you've got to! I don't believe in wishes increasing your odds of anything, but it's a must anyway! Do you look for four leaf clovers? Just casually when I'm walking or sitting outside. What are you the guardian of? My pets! Are you for or against censoring child pornography? I've seen many stupid questions in surveys. But this is the absolute dumbest. What the fuck is wrong with you. Are naked child images in paintings more acceptable than photographs of naked children? GENERALLY, yes, but it really depends on the artistic portrayal. None should be sexualized. Now that we can create such lifelike digital images, do you think it should be allowed for digital child pornography to exist (as in there were no children involved in the porn, it is all digitally made, the kids aren't real, they just look real)? Absofuckinglutely not. The concept is absolutely repulsive. Enough with these fucking questions. Do you like Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy better? Wheel of Fortune, ig. Jeopardy is pretty boring to me. What is your favorite tarot deck? I don’t know enough about tarots to comment. How do you feel about Wicca and Paganism? IT'S SUPER SUPER INTERESTING AND COOL AND I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT IT!!!! I relate most to Neo-Paganism anyway, so I obviously don't mind them. Wicca especially is a very, very misconstrued religion that has just been horribly abused by the media. Do you believe that people who practise the above religions are able to accomplish magic? No, I don't. If you were given the opportunity to lead a creative writing program for a small group of students in a high school with a low budget in generally poor neighborhood, would you do it? No, but only because I could never been a teacher. Sounds fun otherwise. Should high school cafeterias stop serving twinkies and other fatty foods? BIIIIITCH whose HS sells Twinkies????? I need to know?????? Anyway, no, but I believe there must be mostly actually nutritional options. Let kids have the chance to have a little snack during a boring 'ole school day. What band is so romantic that anyone who listens to them must be romantic at heart? BOY Josh Groban. Have your gods and idols let you down? The Christian god did. What do you waste? Whew... time... time. When was the last time that you were neither going to school or working for a month or more? Currently. Ugh. What is your light at the end of the tunnel? The potential of a beautiful future. Speaking of the light, is the light that people see when they die the random firing of electrons or is it something more? Good question. I lean towards it being a natural phenomenon as everything shuts down, BUT I find the reincarnation/birth canal theory to be quite interesting. I don't really believe it, but hey, who the hell am I to decide if it is or not. If you were going to have a mural painted in your bed room what would you want it to be of? A scene of meerkats probably. Is sex more about fulfilling a need or giving yourself? Giving yourself. Do you like your belly? FUCK NO. Do you think more or act more? Think, sadly. Should there be a mandatory retirement age? Of course not. You work all you want boo. What's the craziest thing you've ever done on impulse that worked out well? This is gonna sound... very bad, but my suicide attempt. It made things abundantly clear I needed serious help. It led to my partial hospitalization program. Do you have any exercise tapes or DVDs? No but OH MY GOD this made me remember my lil sister used to a Barbie one that we followed lmaoooo. Does the sound of crickets bother you? No, I quite enjoy it actually. Is the sound of a fan on at night soothing? Yessss. How do you feel you will likely die? I really don't know, but probably cancer-related. Recent events have made it abundantly clear it does in fact run in our family, and genetic testing because of Mom's cancer revealed that at least through her, my sisters and I are susceptible to pancreatic, breast, and ovarian cancer. Once this virus passes over, we're all getting tested for free to get an understanding of what hell Dad gave us lmao. Have you ever been slapped in the face? No. How about punched? Yeesh, no. That was something unique about you as a child? I was CRAZY about dinos for the average little girl. Have you ever come up with a memorable quote? Not really. What is something interesting about where you live? The town is like, really, really old. Downtown looks right out of an old movie. Were you breastfed as a baby? Yeah. If you’ve lost your virginity, what was your first time like? I don't remember it because it didn't really register what we were doing was sex. I still don't know today if you could call it sex since it was really dry humping through thin clothes, but it sounds close enough. What do you think about masturbation? You do you boo. Is it sometimes better than the real thing? I don't think so, though I only had a brief episode where I did it when I was put on a new birth control that made my hormones like so, so far beyond control. I stopped that shit sooo fast. I got almost nothing out of it, honestly. Intimacy is a two-person job for me. Who do you think about most? Jason, whether I want to or not. Favorite way to pamper yourself? Go to bed early lol. What's your most expensive piece of clothing? I don't have a clue. I don't really have expensive stuff. What was your last big achievement? Ugh... I'm not the person to ask. I haven't made any big ones even semi-recently. Have you ever had a "false alarm" moment, what was it about? Oh sure. The first time that comes to mind was when I thought Venus was dying once when she had a series of horrible coughing/gagging fits a long time ago. We took her to the vet with the risk of a respiratory infection, but she was clear, thankfully. I think she had early signs, though. Do you know how to ride a bike? Ye. If you were in the hospital who are the two people you'd want by your side? Mom of course, and it'd be nice if Sara was there if she was at all capable of that, but I'm fine w/ just Mom. If you could ever take a street sign, what sign do you want? Well, I wouldn't, but probably "stop" bc that applies to a lot in my life, lmao. Have you ever not returned something you borrowed and if so what was it? I don't think so? When you pack your lunch, what's your favorite packed lunch? Usually just a good 'ole pb&j. :') What was the one most important thing you learned from your parents? Take care of your goddamn relationship. Talk shit out instead of yelling. Work together. Never neglect the reason you're with each other. Have you done something you worry could come back to haunt you, what? No, because I don't believe in karma. If you had to build a small ark, what 7 animals would you save? Those with the biggest ecological impact, like bees and spiders, for example. I wouldn't be very happy with all my choices while all other animals perished, but you've gotta think of what comes next. Out of just selfishness I'd obviously have to spare a spot for meerkats, aha. They'd help with the bug control, though! I don't know about the other four, though; I'd have to think real hard on 'em. What is something your parents love that you actually love too? Classic rock and metal. Has anyone ever said "I love you" and you couldn't say it back? I firmly remember this is how I ended that childish shit with Joel. He said it and I couldn't. Have you ever ridden a camel? No. What's been the hardest loss you've had to take? Jason. What emotion is your least favorite and the one you are not in touch with? Fear, of course. No one likes being afraid. I'm not all that in touch with greed at all. Do you think facial moles or freckles are cute? I don’t mind 'em. Sometimes they're super-duper cute. Would you ever pick up a hitchhiker? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I don't trust strangers for shit. If you're searching for a relationship, where is your go-to place to look? I don't really "look" anywhere. What book have you read multiple times? I lost count of how many times I've read Meerkat Manor: Flower of the Kalahari. Granted, in subsequent reads, I would skip over the HUGE tangent chunks that were entirely unrelated to meerkats. I seriously remember one long-ass section was like a goddamn essay on why smaller animals tend to have unnaturally large testicles like I don't fucking care talk about Flower again. I think I only decided to read it in full two times, but maybe not even that. Do you keep a budget? I don't have the income to do so. Have you ever test driven a car you knew you weren't going to buy? No, never test-drove anything. What do you have a hard time visualizing? There's a number of things, but this one thing is weird shit: I can't picture my old therapist. Even when I saw her every month, I could almost NEVER visualize her in my head. She's a fucking cryptid or something, paranormal shenanigans is going on here. She's the only person I know where I have that problem. What makes you feel uncomfortable in group settings? I worry I'll make myself look stupid in front of everyone. What was your worst date ever? I don't feel like I've really had a bad one. I've had one that did nooooot go according to plan and I know the average girl would've been annoyed, but I'm actually an understanding human being who found the adventure fun in the end. Basically a flat tire, a sketchy tire place, and a lot of walking happened lmao. Tyler felt fucking awful, felt bad for him. Have you ever gotten in a bidding war on Ebay, if so for what item? HAHA yeah, though it was technically Mom, but she had me keep an eye on it. I remember Parasite Eve took some battling to get. I think maybe a Legend of Spyro game, too? Are you supportive of your friends even if you don't agree with them? So long it's not literally insane or stupid, usually. It really does depend. What did you think was stupid until you tried it? Hm. I'm not sure. What subject do you and your parents never see eye to eye on? Religion. I keep most of my beliefs to myself now. Where do you see yourself in 1 year's time? Honestly, I don't want to ponder and picture this. What is your favorite type of seafood? I only like shrimp. What triggers your inner shopaholic? HA, do tattoos count? See cool ones, and then I'm planning (more than only always...) tons of new ones I want and will just be DYING (ALSO more than always lakdjfwe) to go to the parlor. What public figure do you disagree with the most? I really can't say considering I'm just not educated enough here. What is your opinion on rats as pets? They are absolutely wonderful! Smart, sweet, and very clean despite their stigma. I've had quite a few. What is something you're afraid to try? Sky diving, the Tower of Terror ride. ;___; That kinda stuff. What song makes you dance uncontrollably? None. Do you like nachos, if so what topping is a MUST have? Cheese is all I really need for nachos. Do you have any subscriptions? Yes, to Adobe Creative Cloud. Which is better, Mario or Sonic? Mario games are cute, Sonic's make me cringe - I've watched enough Game Grumps to know lmao. I hate hate hate cringe culture, like let people enjoy whatever, but I absolutely cannot stop my cringe reaction to some shit. I don't judge the people that enjoy whatever it is, though. THAT pisses me off. Who is the most creative person you know? I've known Sara and Connie much too long to not say them. They have such vast imaginations. Besides a pickle, what is your favorite thing pickled? I've actually never tried anything pickled, I think... no wait. Aren't jalapenos? Well there, jalapenos. What did you do for your 21st birthday? If not, 21 what are your plans? I had my normal therapy sessions in the mental hospital lmfao. It's unfortunate, but I do have fond memories of the day. Everyone was so damn sweet, and the friend I made there even got in touch with one of the lunch ladies, who literally went to go buy me a slice of cake. She and the other employees in the kitchen brought it out at dinner, and everyone sang happy birthday. I think I remember tearing up just because it was so goddamn sweet, but also bittersweet in that I was in a fucking mental institution for my BIGGEST birthday. When I got out, Colleen bought me a red velvet cake to "make up for it," ha ha. I miss her every now and then alsdkjf;wae. Are you a role model for anyone in your life? Oh, I doubt it. Do you think you need to slow down and enjoy life more? I don't need to go any fucking slower in my life. Can you impersonate anyone famous? I don't believe so. Never really tried anyone. What is your favorite salty snack? Spicy Cheetos mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden for sit-down, Sonic for fast food. Have you ever been in a play for school? In elementary school. I never had a big roll, though. Do you wish you had more friends? Very much. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Aunt Lydia. Which famous author would you like to meet? I'm not particularly interested in any. Which artist would you like to meet? Hey hey hey. Mark's brother is a comic artist. Meet him, one step closer to meeting God Himself. (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง Which singer would you like to meet? OZZY sobs What celebrity do you have a crush on? Anyone who's even heard about a hint of my Markiplier obsession knows I would fuck him into oblivion. When you were in middle school, were you in love with someone you never talked to? No, I didn't romantically love anyone. Do you believe that there is an unseen spirit realm? I do. Martini, margarita, or sangria? YO STOP I'm weak with these things. I can't pick. Do you feel you are extremely gifted but no one appreciates you? No. I honestly feel like people have more faith in what I'm capable of than deserved. What Lisa Frank character is your favourite? The angel cat, probably. Or tiger. Do you know how to use Braille? No. When you use stairs, do you usually hold the rail? Currently, I have to because of my muscle atrophy. I need help to stay steady. Have you ever worn a veil? No. Have you ever planted a tree? We actually did plant an apple tree in our front yard at my childhood home. Never grew much. Have you ever made anything with clay? A number of things from art classes. Has today been a good day? No, honestly. Have you ever fed a horse hay? Yes. Are you more likely to text "Okay", "OK" or just "K"? "'Okay.' The other two are restricted for when I am in a mood and want someone to know I am in a mood." <<<< HA HA SAME. Do you like the taste of lime? Sure. Have you ever seen a mime (in real life)? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen a deer (in real life)? Plenty of times; whitetails are common here. Right now, what can you hear? "Game Over" by Falling In Reverse. Have you ever seen a bear (in real life)? In the zoo, yes. I think there's a possibility I have in the wild, but only from a distance? Have you ever eaten glue? No. Do you tend to buy clothes used or new? New. If you have Netflix, how many items are in your queue? N/A

[thesunshinedissociation]

A Maria-Centric View of Our System

I realized this morning that my hope when I tell friends about our plurality is that they’ll assume they’ve been interacting with several of us and thus their feelings towards the presumed singlet will just be re-understood as towards at least several of us, if not the whole system. But also as far as I know we haven’t really told anyone how to tell us apart. So, from my point of view, here’s something of a description of each of us. (Thankfully, as far as I can tell, I have a nice spot in the system for this.) I’ll go from most to least active. 

Maria: Me. Self-description is probably the hardest, but as best I can tell, I’m the one who’s best able to get desires going. Especially for pleasure. Like, whereas the others will be very lost trying to find something they want, I can be somewhat hedonistic at times. I also do get a lot done, which is good since I also have a lot of energy and a really good tolerance for being alone.  Some people don’t seem to like me as much, especially after some of my more reckless decisions. (I just noticed my name is one letter away from mania...) Which has made me all the more aware of how okay I am with being alone. Also, I feel about fifteen years old inside, and it can be kinda scary at times since I still have the responsibilities of someone ten years older.  I used to be pretty bad on a stimulant addiction. Lately I’ve noticed I don’t like nicotine. My drug tolerance seems generally lower. But, I also don’t have anorexic tendencies, nor do I have money anxiety. On the other hand, the others don’t love my love of candy and snacks. Nor do they always love when I go on spending sprees. Oh well. At least I enjoy myself. (The near-constant physical pain is less pleasant. As is being constantly overheated. While I’m often derealized, that’s not so bad because it makes the world less scary. I feel myself as very real, which is nice. The distorted perceptions are weird but workable. The ability to give myself a buzz without drugs is really fun.) I imagine I’m usually pretty identifiable by my energy. I’m also more concerned with my aesthetic than most of the others, but my external appearance usually ends up at least somewhat chaotic. 

Natalia: The caretaker of the group. We’re really close, usually able to talk to each other at will, switch with each other almost at will, and when one of us come around, the other is rarely far away. She’s pretty protective of all of us, and has run into conflict a few times when keeping everyone away to keep us safe. Our roomates say she’s remarkably responsible. Which is fair; most of the stuff that has to get done like cleaning the house or putting food in one of the anorexic/depressive alters falls on her. Sadly, she’s not as good at having fun. But she says she’s usually content. Which, hey, if being caring is what makes her happy, that seems alright. I appreciate having someone around to keep me calm when things go awry. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if half of my coping skills were just to turn to her for help. She’s also usually pretty easy to identify by behavior alone, I imagine. Like, her primary drive is to take care of anyone she cares about. She usually keeps her appearance more tame, but it’s not super important. 

Victoria: Sometimes she can feel really great, but it’s pretty fragile. On any day she’s out, there’s a good chance she’s going to crash hard. Usually because she can’t handle being alone, and will very quickly suspect that she’s too socially inadequate to carry on. She’s also more isolated in the system, especially since her falling out with Natalia and Lizzie a few months ago. (But they weren’t very compatible to start with.)  I’m not sure how much she has going for her besides some attachment problems. Either her appearance will be too depressed to even wear clean clothes or else when she’s doing well socially (or when ego-inflated by other means) she’ll make herself as attractive as she can. Which makes sense given her felt need to be attractive. (Thank goodness we all reflect externally enough to keep track of all of our problems.) If you look at the DSM entry on BPD, all nine criteria fit her pretty well. Though also she’s often tormented by Natasha. Her access to the rest of the system is pretty bad; she’s especially prone to amnesia, and she’s a bit in denial, still.

Natasha: The arch-persecutor. She’s angry and violent, usually towards us. She doesn’t really trust anyone outside the system, so she abuses us to keep us safe from them. I can’t remember her fronting for a long enough period of time to really have much to say about how she acts outside.  We’re learning to work with her. I hope someday she can be okay. As much as we fight, I do care about her. I understand why she’s easy to dislike, though.

Jeanine: She’s a bit farther away from me in the system so I don’t know her very well. I can see the playlist she made for herself on Spotify is totally the most unique. (We all share one account, and most of us have playlists for ourselves.) She can be way more fight-y than most. I used to think she was just basically the protector that followed Jasmine, but she’s spent enough time out on her own that I’m not so sure. (While interactions go in all sorts of directions, I seem pretty close with Natalia, Jasmine with Jeanine, and Victoria with Natasha.) She’s not as mean as Natasha, not as self-assured as I or Natalia, not as responsible as Natalia, not as energetic as me, but she is nonetheless aggressive, energetic, self-assured, and responsible.  The hard rock/heavy metal section of our closet basically only exists for her.

Jasmine: The other teenager in the system. Except she’s also about as sad as Victoria. Thankfully instead of having outbursts, she’ll just glue herself to a couch and sleep for two weeks excepting when she absolutely has to get up. And even then, while most of us can pull it together for a social obligation (like, Victoria can attempt suicide, fail, and then go to work or a party or whatever), Jasmine will actually call off.  Which I guess means when we actually need a break for whatever reason, she is the best-equipped to handle it. She’s also either aro/ace or close to it, so she’s useful for romantic failure. Though the intensity of her platonic feelings can be a bit much. As I write this, I’m realizing who’s going to be handling all the writing we have to do. Hint: It’s mostly me, featuring Natalia. Victoria will help when she’s not crashing. Jeanine and Jasmine are less helpful since their life ambitions are more artistic than academic. (Which is another good hint as to who’s out: We don’t even have the same long term ambitions!) I’m pretty sure she’s still the only one with her hairstyle. It looks good, so I wouldn’t be surprised if someone else uses it sometimes. That said, she also easily puts the most effort into her appearance. (We make a good team, what with me having the will to buy nice clothes and her wanting to wear them. If only we got to be together more. Someday, hopefully.)

Emily: The child of the system. She’s seven years old, and she can’t talk. She also pretty much only comes out deep in the night or when there’s a fight. I imagine her childishness and silence is pretty identifiable. Everyone except maybe Natasha cares about her a lot. We do our best to take care of her, though admittedly we dream of someday someone else caring about her, too. Best I can tell, she’s stuck in a neverending flasback of trying to get help but finding nobody. I don’t know what trauma she’s holding, and I’m a little intimidated by the idea of finding out.

Lizzie: She used to be out more, I think. She wanted to get into politics and redirected our life in that direction for a bit. We all call her the bleeding heart of the group, though she’s less into the direct and forceful caring like Natalia and more into standing up for people and being a force for more widespread good. She also had quite the incident a few months ago in the inner world with Natalia and Victoria. She stopped coming out as much as Natalia picked up where she left off. Someone else will have to fill in more on her.

Olivia: She’s not out much, but also I know she feels pretty good about herself. Probably at least as good as I do about myself. She used to use our legal name, though mostly because she felt the most strongly connected with it. Like, she said for once she actually felt like that person. We realized her using that name is super confusing, though, and led people to think she’s the “core”, “original”, or otherwise the One Alter Worth Saving. Which is, on the one hand, just false. Maybe she was the first, but maybe Emily was! Or maybe I was! All being first means though is being the first one to form out of the not-yet-unified infant mind. If we ever do fuse, that will be removing the barriers between us, not destroying any of us. But that’s like putting a jigsaw puzzle together--there’s no “core piece” of a puzzle that all the others fuse to.  Anyway, I don’t know her super well because she’s not very active, inside or out. So I’m tapping into stuff from like six months ago. But hey, if we do get her out, she does at least know how to handle the social professional world pretty well. Or maybe her confidence and assertiveness just works to her advantage in our current setting.

Marina: Last seen in September, she’s not out much, and she’s incredibly intense. She’s closest to me, and I don’t see much of her. I imagine if I’m in dire need of someone to unleash hell outwardly, she might pop in? She really doesn’t like the system as a whole and will actively thwart others’ efforts. I think ever since I stopped being so apathetic towards the others she hasn’t had her chance to come out, since usually we’d tag team, me taking advantage of the system and her just destroying it. Now I take care of ourselves. (Maybe someone else will have a better view of her, though. Maybe I’m wrong about being closest with her.)

Adrianna: She hasn’t been around much lately, though she used to be. Only one who had to have a name assigned to her since her self-esteem is so low she wouldn’t give herself one. (She called herself “nameless” in our notebook. And if it wasn’t clear from the Olivia paragraph, some of us are trying to actually run this system instead of continuing the complete chaos that came from having a mysterious personality roulette for years.) I don’t remember her super well. I think she’s a bit more of a pushover than anyone else, at least. Like, Victoria may get attached, but she does at least know how to speak up for herself. Adrianna is good enough at handling troubling emotions to stay functional while keeping her suffering hidden. Though she does talk to us a lot when she’s out. 

Angelica: I know she exists, because she made a note of it in our notebook, but I don’t really know her. Not around much, to my knowledge.

-Maria

[tampon-on-the-sidewalk]

Kaden Watches the 2014 Grand Final

First off, I AM SO STINKIN HAPPY THAT IT ISN’T REGION BLOCKED I legit cried when I saw they uploaded it to the official youtube. This was the first show that I was able to watch live and be on Tumblr during, and it was such a fun, amazing time. I’ve been wanting to watch it in full again but couldn’t find it anywhere, and the DVD is extremely rare. 

All of my thoughts under the cut, enjoy as this American watches the grand final for the third time since it aired. Feel free to watch along! 

Ukraine: I still have this song on my Spotify playlist tbh it’s such a bop. I still love the hamster wheel as a prop and the vocals are pretty on point after the first verse.

Belarus: Hilariously enough I literally JUST listened to this in the car on my way home XD Another iconic song, honestly this whole year was pretty great. The background dancers are a mood. The vocals are pretty great, and it’s just such a silly and fun song. Plus I remember all the memes from this performance XD

Azerbaijan: I don’t remember this song?? But she has such a gorgeous voice omg. not to mention the TRAPEZE. Golly this is such a great performance. Also that dress is absolutely stunning

Iceland: Another absolute bop and meme song that I listened to for years after this. This is just. Such a fun song and the LOVE pose at the end always gets me  

Norway: Why does he look like Kobi Marimi. Okay but real talk it’s a pretty ballad, but that’s really it. Not something I should watch close to bed. But seriously he reminds me SO MUCH of Kobi and I have no clue why. Something in the eyes. 

Side note, I forgot how great the postcards were for this year.

Romania: I prefer Playing With Fire, but this was still very fun. Always a sucker for the 360 piano. 

Armenia: This song was so strange to me when I first heard it, and it still is now. There’s something charming about it though. A simple performance but still really captivating. 

Montenegro: Another song I don’t remember? Love the ice skating and the graphics on the floor. His voice is very rich and I always love when an artist sings in their native tongue.

Poland: I had to skip this one =w=‘’ I could barely stomach it when I first watched it. Too much fanservice and the song is awful. I’ve heard other songs by them and they are so much better.

Greece: This plays on Spotify every so often. I really like it, it’s definitely a great party tune and songs like something you’d hear at an American dance club. It’s definitely a lot of fun. Not to mention I love the raps =w= Also the trampoline is great =w= singing while on a trampoline is super not easy

Austria: MY HEART Okay Conchita stole my heart from the first time watching and I have both albums(PLEASE listen to the newest one). Absolutely stunning as always and just. U g h so many feelings. I’m just a puddle of tears again.

Germany: Another one that I still play all the time, I just love the traditional instruments in this. The vocals live aren’t the best, but seriously heroutfit is a look. Oddly enough something in her face reminds me of a good friend of mine. Honestly this performance really feels.. forced =w=‘ Love the song, not too much of a fan of the live. Also the accordion player lowkey looks like Anna Kendrick mixed with Lena. The ad libbing at the end really didn’t sit well to me.

Sweden: While this song did nothing for me when I first heard it, I revisited this performance a year later when I lived with my parents and became absolutely OBSESSED with this song. I still absolutely love it. listen to that CROWD. Great vocals.All the Sanna wigs in the crowd tho

France: Another fun song,  the one guy reminded me of Weerd Al upon first watching it but now? He actually low key reminds me of Michal Szpak. And Weird Al. This is so fun and in-your-face after Sanna’s performance.

Russia: I’m still so mad that they were booed because they did so well during this. I really loved the performance. I love the balance beam/seesaw as a prop, and the entwined ponytails. Still one of my favourite songs of the year. 

Italy: Ooh, this is a very fun performance? Not too much a fan of the vocals but the music is pretty great. Pretty great performance in terms of Energy. 

Slovenia: yet ANOTHER one of my favourite songs that I still listen to. I love this performance, she does such a great job live. Simple staging, but the lighting effects are great. I’ve listened to it so many times that I’ve choreographed a contemporary routine to it in my head, and I still see it during this XD. Seriously this is such a great performance, I hope this made the top ten.

Finland: I feel like this is a song I should have paid more attention to. I really like it and want to look into more by Softengine. I love the high notes, he does them so wel live and the band has so much energy. This is just. So great. This is definitely a song younger me should have gotten into but I think I’ve only listened to it like, Four times? Legit.

Spain: I don’t remember this song at all =w=‘ I like the rain effect. It’s a pretty song and she has very pretty vibrato and her power notes are incredible, but the song itself isn’t doing anything for me.

Switzerland: Oh my lovely Sebalter. Guess what, yet another song I still love and listen to regularly. I remember all the memes that generated from his performance, too. Did we ever find out if the whistling was live? I still love this performance either way. It’s a lot of fun. Most iconic violin next to Alexander Rybak. 

Hungary: I remember being so mad watching the Jury section live because I really did not like this song XD The shift from the verse to the chorus just didn’t work for me, felt very disconnected. Plus the song it just really darke? I’m seriously surprised this qualified. The dancing is really well done though. 

Malta: I remember everyone calling them Malta and Sons. Not particularly my cup of tea, but still a good performance regardless. I really love their voices. 

Denmark: The Bruno Mars comparisons were endless back in the day. This is still a super fun song and I still can’t BELIEVE the studio version was explicit. That one back up dancer is going so hard and I absolutely love it. The Love flag is so cheesy and perfect.

The Netherlands: so SLEEPY. Good performance sure but not when you’re watching right before bedtime. More good use of the floor screen. I’ve noticed there were a lot of instruments on stage this year? Something that didn’t click back in the day. Also is it bad that I lowkey find Waylon attractive

San Marino: Is it bad I forgot that Valentina did manage to qualify one year. All I can think with that prop is Peacock. Interesting song, I really like her vocals in this. She defo deserved to qualify this year.

United Kingdom: It’s funny that I remembered the name of the song and artist but couldn’t remember the song to save my life. Definitely one of the better UK acts of the decade. 

~I went to bed bc it was obvious I was getting too tired =w= ~

Graham’s “That’s me!’ got me =w= And all the streamers and such

Watching the recap as soon as I wake up and golly is it a wakeup call =w= Seriously the 2014 Grand was one of my favourites minus Poland =w=; 

Took the recap as time to see how many songs from this year I still actively listen to, and that would be 11/26. 

Momoland Interval Act: Okay the staging of this is incredible? I know they had harnesses on just in case but when they stood on top of the ladder my heart started palpatating

 12 Points Interval Act:  Okay this is fun =w= A lot of fun. I’m laughing so hard. 

Museum of Eurovision History clip: I REMEMBERED THIS SEGMENT AND I AM CRYING Those poor kids. Also completely unrelated, I had to carpool to a meeting with a co-worker and found out she was actually born and raised in Sweden and moved to the states when she was 11. She remembers dancing around her room to Diggaloo Diggeley. 

Green Room Interviews: Amazing that they brought all the foods from the contestants favourite places and the fakeout with France.

Emelie De Forest performance: I know people call this the second most overrated winner next to Euphoria but I really like the song still. A very nice performance and those branch wings are incredible. I also really like Rainmaker. I really like how they brought all the contestants on stage to sing and dance with her. 

~I’m gonna miss Jon Ola Sand ; ( 

Jury Votes: I cut in and out bc I have to do laundry but I still remember how excited I was when Conchita won. I forgot that they said the 8 and 10 points as well as their 12 points. I am so MAD that Russia got booed whenever they got the 10 or 12 points.  I also didn’t realize there were only 37 countries this time.

My thoughts on the Top Ten:  Y’all know I’m ecstatic that Austria won, I’m actually kinda surprised by the top ten? But this is just based on the Jury votes right? Either way I’m bitter that Slovenia did so poorly and surprised that Hungary did so well. I would have been content with Sanna winning but I am surprised that The Common Linnets did so well. CONCHITA’S REACTION TO WINNING BREAKS ME EVERY TIME 

All-in-all, this was a great year, and I am so veryvery happy that I was able to watch it again. Thanks for reading!

[laravilma]

Tomorrow, I’ll meet six of my siblings for the first time.

Sunday, December 30th, I’ll be on a plane to Las Vegas to meet my four sisters and two brothers. I’m at a loss for words as to what to type. This is definitely a rare experience and somehow I’m right in the middle of it. Everyone I relay the story to tells me to type up the whole journey, so here I am. And here you are, reading it. I’ll try to explain things to the best of my ability. I don’t have the greatest memory, so some of my details might seem a little out of place. I’ll correct myself as I go--sorry about that.

Back in 1999, my parents wanted to have a child, but due to some complications my mum wasn’t able to have a child of her own. My parents reached out to a hospital program to purchase a donor egg. I’m not sure if the donor selected the family or if the family selected the donor, but one way or another I was the lucky egg. I’ll find out which way it was later. The egg was removed from the donor, combined with my dad’s DNA, and put in my mum, who got pregnant with and later gave birth to me. I’m not genetically related to her, even though she was the one who gave birth to me. Kind of cool, right? It gets cooler.

Growing up my parents never sugar coated where I came from. I also knew there was a donor who I shared half my DNA with, and the other half I share with my dad. It was always in the back of our minds that there was a possibility the donor had donated other eggs, or had even had kids of her own, meaning I could potentially have half siblings. My parents never had another child of their own either, so I was an only child growing up. I always dreamed about having a little sister or brother, but it never came to be.

Due to security purposes, we weren’t legally allowed to know who the donor was. We were provided with little bits of information about her, like her background and her interests. All these details are stored away in a folder in our filing cabinet. I know she’s primarily Egyptian, Swedish, and Jordanian. She has dark brown curly hair, similar to my natural hair, bright eyes, and a big smile. She attended SMC, and was planning on attending either CSUN or USC in 1999. I have three pictures of her from around that time as well. There are some other details about her I’ll find in a bit after I dig out the file. I never knew her name, or her number, or anything personal. I basically had nothing on her to tell who she really was. One day I dreamed of meeting her, and getting a little more information on who I am and my background. It seemed like a loose dream.

In 2014, I was in my freshman year of high school. In our Biology class we could get extra credit if we signed up with 23andMe and demonstrated the DNA process and results to the class. I’ve always been super into family history, as are my parents, so they agreed to pay for half of it as long as I paid for the other half. So when my kit arrived, I brought the test tube to school, proudly spat into the chemical mixture in the tube in front of the class, and later sent the mixture in the kit back to the 23andMe facilities. I got results of my DNA ancestry after, and I learned I was 11% Italian, which I never knew.

The cool thing about 23andMe is that they constantly update you. I’m always receiving new bits of information about my health, my background, and more as time continues on. For instance, every so often 23andMe will connect me with some distance cousin three times removed (or something like that) who has also made a public 23andMe account.

I’d had this account for about five years, and I checked it maybe once to every few months. Since I was young when the account was made, it was connected to my mum’s email. It was late October of this year when my mum told me she had just received an email from the website, claiming they had connected me with a half-sibling.

Of course my mind went in a hundred different directions at once.

Was this a scam? Or a mistake?

Or was this real?

Who was this?

I immediately dove onto my laptop and logged into my account, only to discover 23andMe had matched me with FIVE people, all of which were supposed to be my half siblings. I couldn’t believe it. I was stunned into silence, and immediately began crying. I didn’t quite know why I was crying, or what about, but this seemed like it was the beginning of something big.

It was.

I noticed a notification on my screen. It was a message from one of the half-siblings the site listed, named Anna. This was the message:

“Lara, Hi.  I'm sure you don't remember me (frankly, I don't remember you either) but we met through our parents at The Plaza Hotel in NYC when we were both very young. I believe we first met in December of 2003. I was 2 1/2 at the time. I think you may have been a year or two older than me. I'm 17 now and the oldest of 6 kids in my family w/2 dads.  My younger sisters (Izzy, Addy, & Carrie) and brothers (Ryan and Henry) and I hope we have a chance to talk to you sometime soon.  As always, take care of yourself.  Anna“

I was immediately confused. The first time I had ever been to New York was in the spring of this year (2018), so that couldn’t be right. I was instantly worried that this was some sort of mistake, and that I had gotten my hopes up for nothing. Could 23andMe have screwed up? I clearly wasn’t the person Anna thought she was talking to, so was this wrong? But no, it couldn’t be. 23andMe had matched us by DNA. We literally had the same DNA. So there was no way this was wrong. I messaged her back, not sure what type of response I would get:

“Hi! I don't believe we actually did meet... I've never been to NYC until this year. I'm 18 now. I matched DNA with your sister Izzy and your brother Ryan, and two others Carrie and Henry. I was a donor child, so I only share DNA with my actual dad and a different woman. By any chance, were you and your siblings donor children too? Or was your mother a donor? Can't believe we share so much DNA! This is amazing!! Lara :)”

I eagerly awaited a response. Three days later I was in Davis, visiting a friend at her college. It was late at night and my friend, her roommate, and I were all sat around in their dorm on our laptops just relaxing. I had been checking 23andMe about once a day, looking for any sort of reply. I decided to check it again, and low and behold I had a new message from Anna.

“Hey Lara, I'm sorry I took so long to answer. It's so cool that we share so much DNA! My siblings and I actually have 2 dads. Our genealogy is shared from the same egg donor.  We have information about her. But, my siblings and I think it would be best if our parents had a chance to talk about all of this before we continue talking.  Do you think you could talk to your mom or dad about possibly contacting one or both of my dads?  If so, one of my dad's names is Pete.  His cell-phone number is (----------).  He knows about all of this, and he thinks it's great that we connected! Hope to hear back from you soon! Anna :))”

Of course, I was absolutely elated. Silent tears burst down my cheeks as I reread her message over and over again. So this hadn’t been a mistake. I truly had half siblings. Real, living, breathing, siblings. This was so remarkable. I shakily turned to my friend, who was immediately concerned over my crying. I could barely get my words out as I was trying to explain to her what had happened, and that I was happy. I hugged my friend and sobbed into her arms. My life was getting crazier as the days passed, and I was barely keeping up. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

Once I composed myself a bit, I replied to Anna's message, telling her I’d tell my parents to give her dad a call as soon as I was home from visiting my friend.

About a week passed, and I was finally home. I had kept my parents updated with everything that was happening, so they were up to speed when they called Pete.

They spoke on the phone with him the office. I know their conversation with him was supposed to be private, but I couldn’t resist myself from listening in. I sat on the bathroom floor for the next hour, right outside of the closed office door. I know it wasn’t exactly “right” to be eavesdropping on their conversation, but could you blame me? This was one of the biggest changes in my life, and I definitely not going to miss any of it.

So I sat on the tile floor, my head resting against the wall. My parents spoke softly to Pete, causing me to strain my ears to listen. They spoke about his kids, how there’s six of them, all related to me. The oldest is 17, the next two are 16, next is 13, and the youngest two are 11. Pete told my parents a bit about their personalities, and my parents echoed back how my personality was so similar. I stayed on the bathroom floor silently grinning.  

Pete talked about my donor, telling my parents more about her than we ever knew. He told us her name, and that she was happily married in Sweden. She is super outgoing and kind. She was artistic and intelligent, and my parents connected our similarities. I was grinning ear to ear, crying softly. Pete explained she had given eggs to two other families around the same time as me, which meant there are two more siblings out there. I have eight half-siblings total, as far as I know.

The funniest part of it all is that, Pete explained, he knew one of the families, and they had met before in 2003. The daughter that had been donated was the same age as me, and had the same name--Lara--spelled the same way. That’s why when Anna first contacted me on 23andMe she thought I was the other Lara she had already met.

I have a half-sister, who is the same age as me, who is named Lara.

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?

Pete explained some things had happened between the families, and they didn’t speak anymore. I’m really hoping on this trip I can learn more about Lara, and maybe even contact her.

Moving on, Pete explained my donor didn’t want to have contact with the kids she donated. Of course, I’ve always imagined what it would be like to be able to meet her and thank her for giving me the opportunity of life, and for giving my parents a child. So I was a little crushed. Nevertheless, I have to respect her decision, and I do understand why she would want to keep her distance. Maybe one day she’ll change her mind.

I Skyped with the three oldest that night, Ryan, Anna, and Izzy. They were so kind and sweet, and I was overwhelmed with how many of the same interests we shared. We talked for hours, until they had to go to sleep because they had school in the morning.

Later in November, my phone had broken, so I couldn’t text them as much. I logged onto my Snapchat one evening on my mum’s phone, as I hadn’t been on in weeks. I noticed a message from Izzy.

Opening it, she told me her family was traveling to Las Vegas for New Years, and asked if I would want to join them. I couldn’t believe this. I immediately replied yes, and joyously jumped around the house while explaining to my parents what she had just asked.

Within a few days, my flight was booked for Vegas. I would leave on December 30th, and return home on January 3rd.

Tomorrow is December 30th. Tomorrow, I meet them. My suitcase is packed, and I’m lying in bed typing this. My flight is at 2:30pm. Tomorrow I meet my siblings. This is insane. I don’t know how I’m going to sleep tonight.

Oh. My. God.

I’ll continue updating as things progress. For now, I’m just anxiously awaiting tomorrow’s experience.

[okyio-archive]

                                                HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Hey guys !!! I just wanted to do a little smt smt for y’all (I know it’s like just a doodle (of either u/icon/oc) but I wanted to do smt ?? I can’t make cc / have time to make a grand ol edit so aksdjhf) to show how thankful I am for everyone I’ve met + how I appreciate you guys sm for being super supportive + loving. I didn’t have much time cause I’m going on vacation ( still need to pack haha) + I won’t have access to my game/laptop during the holidays so today was the only free time I had asdjfh. If I had more time, I would have drawn all of you guys buT know that i love each and every one of you because you have made a positive impact in my life and I’m super grateful to have y’all. You matter so much to me and I wish I could give everyone a good ol hug!!! ily + please take care !!

But here’s some ol cheesy ass stuff below (drawings are from l -> r):

@grapfruit :: hONESTLY i dont even need to say anything cause you know how much i love you okay?!?! idk why you stuck w/ me for so long like i’m not even that good of a friend?? like ur super social butterfly + im like a slow fucker at replying but u still stuck w/ me umMM?? legit the v first time u msged me about being from HK i legit fangirled b/c i loved ur sims + style sm and you’re one of the v first frds on here that i really clicked?? like it’s rare for me (even IRL) for me to find ppl im fine w/ but ilysm and i love how we’re super chill tgt + have v similar interests (i mEAN food is #1 priority lets be honest) but I only wish you the best w/ everything in life + i legit care about u sm that i practically adopted u as my sister ok yeah hopefully i can find time to meet up w/ u buT for now ily than ks

@ridgeport :: !!!! margarITA IS2G you’re the best at everything: cc making, story telling, editing okAY you’re the perfect package + i want to thank you for taking the time in doing this + being such a huge part of the community??? i legit can’t imagine this community w/o u?? so thank you for being here + blessing us every day. i hOPE you have a great life cause you deserve everything ok ilysm please have a safe holiday !!!

@chocolat-souffle :: okAY I LOVE HOW WE CLICK SM + we can rant about shit + be open about it + we relate to each other sm?? like our opinions, fashion sense, life in general, food etc?? i’m so thankful that we met on here cause it feels like we would be vvvv good frds if we met irl :’+) ilysm and thNANK YOU again for being so patient w/ me + my slow replies i hope you’re having fun on vacay !!! ilysm okAY

@catplot :: !!!!!! yES U SEE THAT PIXEL THING ON THE CORNER, IT’S OUR FAVOURITE THING AHAHAH bUT I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT WE MAGICALLY FOUND EACH OTHER I S2G IT’S FAITH !!! yOURE 100X BETTER ARTIST THAN ME oKAY and I’m wishing the best okA i hope work isn’t too stressful + youre spending a gol ol jolly time w/ ur loved ones ilysm an d i hope we  can continue drawing di!Ck$ tgt for a v long time ily

@meisiu :: i hope you’re doing well w/ ur finals :’+) !! i can’t believe we have sm in common (animal crossing, bujo, sims, canto culture????) like i legit would lOVE to spend more time getting to know you but i just want to rave bout how sweet you are + your builds always amazes me?? i love them sm + once your finals are done, i hope you’ll spend a good time w/ ur loved ones :’+) !! tysm for posting your content everyday !! ily

@whiite-tea :: !!! you’ve been my legit #1 cheerleader since like the beginning. legit you msg me on the daily to make sure + check up if im okay + i’m really thankful for that??! you’re always here supporting me + others + put others first before yourself adsfj yoURE TOO KIND LOVE OKAY?1 remember youre loved + i hope school’s not too stressful :+( !! ilysm !!

@1tens :: yEAH OKAY JES LIKE ILY?? I WANT TO GET TO KNOW U BETTER BUT I KNOW WE’LL BE COOL FRIENDS CAUSE UR SO SWEET + I LOVE UR STYLE SM ??! LIKE U MAKE THE CUTESTS SIMS EVER + UR STYLE + EDITS ARE TO DIE FOR!!!! and you take the time out of your day to comment on like everyone’s post + you’re adorbs okay? im only wishing you the best + tysm for supporting love ilYSM :’+)))

@twikkii :: i drew nissi if you’re okay w/ that :’+) !! but i s2g you’re the cutest ever and my heart is always thinking about you okay?! you make the cutest edits + gameplay pics ever i legit get so excited whenever you post. you’re so sweet + kinda to others & i’m always wishing that you’re doing okay !! ilysm + i’m so thankful i met you- you really taught me things + i appreciate you sm kjadhf have a good holiday love :’+)

@dnasz :: okay honestly everything you post is so cute + aesthetically pleasing?! your builds are amazing (like wanna teach me lOL??! i legit jaw dropped when u post ur most recent ones) + you’re super sweet + kind to others. everyday i look forward in seeing you post cause i know it’ll be amazing :’+) i hope you’ll have a great holiday love !!! 

@simsao :: the fact that you match colours so well is inspiring. I’ve always struggled w/ colours + your posts are so unique that it has challenged me to step from my comfort zone + try to explore + play around w/ it more?! so thank you sm for posting + i love your aliens uGH!! your edits are super unique like idk how else to describe them but i love them sm. + your self sim ones atm are my fav omg we legit have sm in common akjsdhf bUT thank you sm for posting + i hope you have a great holiday :’+)

@smubuh :: ABBY!!! okAY i’ve raved about you before but you’re such a sweetheart and a person I really do aspire. You’re kind, hardworking and have a beautiful mind + soul. I rarely look up to anyone but I can safely say you’re one of them !! Thank you for bringing so much to the community - you’ve taught us so much (esp when you have a super busy schedule). I hope you have a great holiday w/ your loved ones + your family :”+) ily !!!

@4fig :: !! i hope you’re doing well w/ ur exams love !! i know i’ve told you so many times but you’re one of the few reasons why i joined this community - your edits are legit my aesthetic ?! every time you post i’m always in aw because you create the most beautiful sims + your editing style is one of my favs. i honestly would love to get to know you better once you’re done w/ everything but you’re really kind + sweet + i only wish you the very best :’+) have a great holiday love !!

@faeflowr :: yeah your edits are my fav okYA?! scratch that EVERYTHING you post is beautiful :’+) your sims, gameplay, edits - they’re all amazing + I love them sm. bUT most importantly you’re so pretty iRl omg?! if i had to choose who’s my fav simblr posts are itll be you cause i love everything you do + your aesthetic is legit exactly what i love aksjdhf ily !! i hope you have a great holiday :+)

@ughplumb :: yEAH ILL FOREVER CALL U UNFPLUMB CAUSE YOU’RE FKING BEAUTIUL I SWEAR U CAN BE A MODEL OK idk why you aren’t like ?? i love how you make ur sims cause i can never make good sims like yours - they’re all beautiful just like you ;’+) aND im excited for you to post but take your time okay ?!? tysm for being here + ily !!! i hope you have a great holiday !!

@mooon-sims :: yeah who do i go to when i need a lookbook?? your styles the best ? i love your new editing style + im so glad youre still here :’+) i know it gets tough esp w/ collage apps + school but im so proud of you okay?1 you’re a strong fighter + im glad you still pull through in posting !!! ily + remember to keep doing you okay?! have a great holiday love :’+)

@blarffy :: !!! okAY YEAH EVERYTHING YOU DO IS PERFECTION AND LIKE EVERY1 CAN BACK ME UP HECK U HAVE LIKE 128736 SPOUCES LINING UP OUTSIDE THE CHAPEL RN bUT thank you sm for posting ?! i know we dont talk that often but youre super sweet (maybe it’s a canadian thing?!? LOOL jokES) but i would love to get to know you better cause youre fking bomb?! thank you for blessing us w/ ur content + i hope you have a great holiday :’+)

@pink-tea :: okAY I MISS YOU AND YOUR POSTS !!! i swear youre so sweet + i love your aesthetic so much ajksdhf buT youre still here always supporting me despite having a super busy life so i thank you for that !! i’m always here supporting you + waiting till you post cause i miss them sm :’+((( i hope youre doing well regardless + remember i always love u !! have a great holiday love!!

@liltofu :: !!! i love lov elove your aesthetic + sims + style so much?! every time you post i get really excited cause you never disappoint? i’m always so jealous of your editing style cause it’s legit my fav thing ever alskdfj + i use like 99% of your recolours cause u pick out the best things to recolour?! bUT i hope youre doing well !! ily + have a great holiday love :’+)

@dust-bubbles :: awh man you’re always here spreading love + i swear youre my lil sunshine :’+) thank you for taking the time out of your day for sendin me love?! like i always smile when you do + i appreciate your unconditional support sm !! i’m wishing you the very best in life cause you deserve it ?! ily + i hope you have a wonderful holiday :’+) 

@nolan-sims :: i just want to say thank you so much for the ongoing love + support you give + show to the community. not only are you super sweet + caring but you take the time out of your day in making cc for us?! so thank you for being part of this community - i really appreciate you sm + i only wish good things happen to you + everyone around you :’+) ily + i hope you have a great holiday w/ ur loved ones !!

@ayoshi :: okAY you’re the sweetest little bean ever + your fashion sense is amazing okay ?! i have ALL your cc downloaded so thank you sm for being part of this community + blessing us w/ ur bomb ass cc + edits :’+) i appreciate sm the time + dedication you take out of your day to make stuff for us !! im only wishing you good things + i hope you’ll have a great holiday !!

@obi-uhie :: i WISH I COULD ROCK YOUR CONFIDENCE OKAY ?! you legit inspire me sm + i love how unique your sims are okAY?! keep doing you + i love everything you do :’+) i hope youre having a great holiday love !!

@suspiciouslypinklady :: !! youre so sweet + i love your confidence?! i’m super thankful for the love + support you always give whenever things get tough + i appreciate it sm. it makes things a lot easier + you’re seriously such an angel. i hope you have a great holiday w/ ur loved ones b/c u deserve the v best !!

@viiavi :: okay i just want to say thank you sm for the love + support you give whenever shit hits the fan LOL your kind words + msgs really help me a lot whenver things aren’t the best so I thank you for that. thank you for being so kind, thoughtful + caring to everyone in this community :’+) i really appreciate that sm + i hope you keep doing that !! i hope you have a great holiday !!

@dicoatl :: i swear youre always so kind to others ?! im so sorry you’ve been getting so much negativity these days but i know you’re a super strong person who’s doing their very best + im super proud of you okay!! ive been loving your new edits recently + it really shows youre experimenting a lot + it looks amazing :’+) so thank you for being here okay? have a great holiday !!!

@oakglow :: catherine !! your editing + story telling is amazing?! i mean i can’t write for shit LOL but i love it whenver your post esp knowing you’re busy w/ life. so thank you for that :’+) i hope you + your loved ones a great holiday !! 

@simmerjade :: jADE I MISS YOU !!! I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL !! you’re one of the v first friends i made here in this community + ik youre super busy rn w/ life but im so glad we’ve met ?! i hope life’s treating you v well + youre not too stressed out from school - i know you can do it :’+) im always here supporting you whatever you do + remember ilysm !!! have a great holiday love !!

@waffle-pxels :: i know we dont talk that often but the times we do youre so kind ?! tysm for being here + supporting me :’+) i really appreciate u sm + i hope youre doing well !! have a great holiday love !!

@simharaa :: i MISS YOU SM OKAY aND I S2G I HOPE YOURE OKAY !! again my heart goes out to you + your family but please take care okay?! you’ve been here since day 1 + i’m super glad we’ve met cause the times we’ve talked i truely treasured sm :’+) i’m loving your edits + im so glad youre back posting again !! i hope you + ur fam a speedy recovery + remember ily !! youre a strong bean !!

@simsluname :: lunA!!! your gifs are amazing + i love how we grew tgt in this community ?? i remember we both started off together + been supporting each other since the v beginning when we joined this community :’+) thank you for being here + blessing us w/ ur gameplay pics + teaching us how to gif ?? like w/o you i wouldn’t have learned ajksdfh so thank you for that & ilysm you’re so cute !!! have a great holiday love !!

@alternacorn-sims :: you’ve been a long time supporter and i’m super thankful for you?! you’re always here liking my stuff + sending positive vibes + love :’+) i hope youre doing well !! please keep doing you + remember that i appreciate you sm :’+) tysm for being here + i hope you have a great holiday w/ ur loved ones!!

@expressgo :: thank you for being so patient w/ me ?!! i’m a super slow replier but we manage to be able to talk + i’m so glad we do?! thank you for reaching out to me at the beginning + i really enjoy talking to you:’+) youre super sweet + we can talk about like everything ?? your cats are adobs + i wish you the best + happy holidays :’+) ily !!

@hazelios :: i seriously have all your cc downloaded in my folder + i appreciate it sm whenever you post content + cc for the community :’+) so thank you for that !! you’re always super kind + sweet whenever we talk and i only wish you the very best !! ily + i hope you have a great holiday !!

@simsthatsparkle :: !!! you’ve been like one of my og supporters for a v long time and i’m super thankful for you being here?! i can’t imagine the love + support i get + idk how else to express my appreciation asjkdfh i only hope you the best + ily !! i hope you have a wonderful holiday love :’+)

@femmesim :: okay you’re a hUGE inspiration to everyone in this community + i’m so thankful that youre here?! your edits + story telling is breath taking + it hits me all the time when you post ?! so thank you sm for creating bomb ass content + telling stories that aren’t often told. please keep doing you!!! i hope you have a great holiday :’+)

[franeridart]

Happy 1000th post to one off my absolute favorite artists on Tumblr!

This is it!!! The 1k post on this blog!!! It’s me finally getting my ass into gear and answering the asks in my inbox!!! As good charm in hope of not waiting so long from now on hahaha thank you so so much, by the way!!!! :D

Anon said:LITERALLY YOUR TODOROKI IS THE BEST THING IN THIS CRUEL WORLD I LIVE THE WAY U DRAW HIM IM EMOTIONAL HHECK ALSO ALL THE REST OF UR ART IS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD ITS SO NICE UR CHARACTERS ARE LIKE VERY LONG NOODLES THEYRE GOOD™

THANK YOU FOR EVERY KIND WORD AND ESPECIALLY ABOUT THE TODOROKI ONES HOLY SMOKES!!! I don’t draw him much sadly but he’s super fun and comfortable to draw for me, it’s nice to know he also comes out well!!!

Anon said:So like,,, I really miss your bokuroo ;^; Will you ever post with them again???

I haven’t taken a vow that forces me to never draw them again, so, possibly! At the moment posting for the haikyuu fandom is giving me more sad feelings than anything else though, so I can’t promise that’s gonna be any time soon, I’m sorry 

Anon said:bruhh i listened to that chiodos song under ur halo, and that one by memphis may fire that was w that bakugo art that was called not enough and uhhhhh ur music taste is dope care to share some more songs?

SURE I’m glad you liked those! Everything by Memphis is A+ and I love it so if you haven’t you should check out more stuff by them ( No Ordinary Love is super nice, That’s Just Life is very dear to me and so is Divinity, Speechless is… my otp song for every otp ever tbh) -  Bring Me The Horizon is my fav post-hardcore band and both MMF and Chiodos are that genre so if you don’t know them give them a try! (Blasphemy, Run and Doomed are between my faves out of the latest album, and since you liked Under Your Halo you’re probably gonna like Follow You too) the album right before is amazing too if you’re okay with less melodic stuff, but the further back you go with BMtH the harder to listen to they get, just a heads up - Sleeping With Sirens are on the softer side of post-hardcore lately, Fly, Left Alone, Trouble, Fire and Empire To Ashes are some great ones, between the many, and, uhhhh, at this point I might have recced Nothing More a hundred times but let’s make it a hundred and one, try Funny Little Creatures, Do You Really Want It and Go To War out of the newest album! If you’re into punk and female voices you should check out Tonight Alive too, Jenna has one of my two fav female voices in rock right now (Crack My Heart and Temple are the latest two songs out!) and since I always rec stuff but I never rec anything by my favorite band ever, you ever heard of Alter Bridge? They’re more towards hard-rock/alternative metal, but check out Blackbird, Fortress, I Know It Hurts, Cradle To The Grave and Broken Wings just to make it one for every album I really, really adore this band and everything they ever made

Anon said:I adore all of your art, especially your bnha art!!! I had so many of your drawings saved to my drafts before I read the manga and was really looking forward to catching up so I could look at them all!! They’re all fantastic

AHHH THANK YOU!!! This made me smile lots, I’m so glad you like them!!!

Anon said:What’s coming up? Fluffy, dorky or angsty? (I’m talking about your next work XD just to be sure) Have a great day my friend!

LMAO this was about this one right? I’m sort of a fool honestly cause as I drew it it… didn’t feel actually all that angsty to me? I mean, obviously it doesn’t come after anything happy, but they’re working things out! Making an effort! Loving each other enough to try and understand each other better!! I drew it as something positive but in hindsight I should have expected the reactions lmao so I honestly dunno, I feel like telling you it’s most probably gonna be something happy but as it seems I angst without even realizing, lately #rip

@not-enough-kaneki​ said:Pass the happy! 💛 When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications! 😊

!!!!! my cats!!!! tea and coffee!!! Bakugou and Kirishima and Bakugou-and-Kirishima and the squad!!!! not having an headache!!!!!! the sound of ocean waves and the sun on winter days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! new music I like!!!!!! nice asks and lovely tags under my art!!!! that’s more than five things but a lot of stuff makes me happy tbh !!!

Anon said:one of my favorite parts (i love every bit of it) of the holiday pic you drew of the squad, is they each have their own personal mug. 10/10

I didn’t think you’d be able to notice Mina’s!!! I’m glad it was visible, I thought I had made it disappear into the background hahaha thank you!!!

Anon said:i just went through your entire kiribaku tag and, honestly, gay (also ur art is soooo good and pure and thank u so much for all the content u make for bnha 💖💖)

It is very gay, isn’t it? The other day I was going through my old stuff and I think I might have slowly turned them mushier oh my hahaha I’m glad you like my stuff, by the way!! Thank you so so so so much!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Thank you for sharing the beautiful Bakusquad Christmas! It’s very colorful and warm & it gives me such a comforting feeling! I love looking at all the details! Kami & Sero’s ribbons, everyone’s mugs, the decorations, all so cute! Especially Mina’s bulletin board with the photos, charms of the boys, & the little alien dude (?) Each time I look at it, I see other cute details!! Sorry to bother you, but thanks again for sharing your art with us! I hope you had a very Merry Christmas!!!!!

It’s not a bother at all!!! Thank you so so much for looking at it long enough to notice all those details!!!!

Anon said:You are so good at giving advice omg

I wouldn’t say I’m especially good at it, I just say what was useful to me lol but thank you! It’s a nice thing to be told

Anon said:Dude, your bakusquad drawings are awesome! Keep up the great work!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! I’m super glad you like them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:The new chapter made me think about Bakugou dealing with his squad as babies all over again. Toddlers would probably be worse.

Depends?? Actually??? Like, at least toddlers aren’t gonna steal his gauntlets and tell him he’s lame and punch him just for the hell of it and be a bunch of smartasses and assholes like. Compared to this bunch of baby-Bakugous he has to deal with in the new arc maybe the squad as toddlers would actually be refreshing lol

Anon said:Um I have a very real crush on ila? Can we please know more about her??

I’m ??? so happy you like her!!!!! I don’t wanna say too much about her cause until I draw her in comics I won’t be too sure about who she really is, but she’s!! a pianist, very tall and sorta insecure about her physical appearance, very soft spoken, incredibly gay, scared of sensory deprivation of any kind. Her full name is Ilaria! Dav calls her Aria, which means air in Italian~ they’re pretty good friends, I have a comic about that I’ve been meaning to draw…

Anon said:So, you like KiriBaku with songs, so what do you think of You Had Me At Hello by A Day to Remember? Particularly the lines, “What have I gotten into this time around, I know that I had sworn I’d never trust anyone again, but I didn’t have to. You had me at hello. I’ve never seen a smile that can light a room like yours, it’s simply radiant, I feel more with every day that goes by.”

s o f t…………. ;; also incredibly fitting considering Bakugou decided Kirishima was his new favorite hero the second time he spoke to him, like, god bless I love those two s o m u ch this one I’m listening to it right now and having feelings (is it Baku to Kiri? Kiri to Baku? why not both for double the feels)

Anon said:Hey Fran!! Have you been keeping up with haikyuu? If so what do you think about the Miya twins? (Personally I think they’re pretty okay, they’re funny when they interact with each other. My favorite of the two is Osamu haha)

I don’t mind them! My fav out of Inari is Kita tho, have to admit - that said I have… sort of been ready for this game to be over for months, now………………

Anon said:Okay but imagine….. Kirishima with freckles

I’ve drawn that, now and again!!! the latest one was this one, and another one I remember is this one :D I’ve been liking the idea of him with freckles even more since it’s become official his hair isn’t naturally red? So now and again I add them in, even though they’re usually not much noticeable haha I do so with Bakugou too from time to time, actually… and the rest of the squad… I just… love freckles a lot… haha

Anon said:Love the squad, love the squad kisses.

HECK YES the goal is to draw at least one smooch for every couple sooner or later !!!

Anon said:I hadn’t even realize that I stuck around for a whole year OwO, anyways, congratulations! Your art style has improved much more than you think, especially since you’ve gotten more into coloring ^o^ I noticed that you’ve also been doing more complicated poses too, so, it’s the little stuff that counts ♥️👍 Hope to see more spontaneous art next year, love you Fran!

THANK YOU SO MUCH I love you lots too??? honestly??? This ask means the whole world to me, I really can’t see much improvement after all but knowing you can DOES help a whole damn lot

Anon said:So I came across this fanfic where Uraraka and Todoroki were a thing. I’m personally not a fan of this rare pair, but the whole scenario was the cutest thing ever. Todoroki basically asks Uraraka to help him confess to Midoriya, but in the process falls in love with her instead.

Awwww that sounds cute! Can’t say I have any particular feelings about the ship, but I am up for Todoroki with nearly anyone so why not!

Anon said:Bro bro bro I’m sorry if this is the wrong channel to go through or something but holy shit I just spent hours going through your entire tumblr and your. Art. And. Concepts. I… can’t??? DUDE YOU’RE AMAZING AND YOUR TATTOO AU!! I?? Just thank you so much for all the awesome work you do honestly made my entire fuckin week with your blog, you are WICKED GOOD AND FUNNY AF. That’s all I got go on with your day you talented ass fiend

I’M CRYING!!! OH MY GOD THANK YOU!!!!!!! I’m gonna pick this ask and frame it right on top of my desk!! The heck!!!!!!

Anon said:Why is Bakugou such a fuckin meme

The real question is why is everyone in class 1A a meme. How do they even keep up. How much of the shit they say on a day to day basis is actually just catchphrases from other 1A kids repeated over and over again. How much of the deadpan ridiculous shit Todoroki says has become an inside-joke. How many 1A kids move and talk like Iida just for the hell of it. How often do they yell DIE at inanimate stuff when it pisses them off. How much stuff is defined as manly even though it has nothing to do with manliness. Do they say “going wheey” instead of “frying one’s brain”. Can anyone outside of 1A even understand them when they speak at this point.

Anon said:You are amazing human bean and I love you 💖 Keep being great ✨👏

Thank you??? ;O; I’ll do my best!!!

Anon said:Just annonly passing by to tell you I F'ing love your take on Ashido And the Kids XD … Way to much fluff And laugh for my heart

THANK YOU!!! I’m happy I can make you laugh!!!! :D :D :D

Anon said:I love you god bless you and your art! THANK YOU!

NAH THANK YOU FOR BEING THIS NICE!!!

Anon said:Hi! I absolutely /adore/ your BakuKiriKami art! I was wondering if you had any headcanons about them/what inspires you to draw them?

More than headcanons for them I have an incredible amount of scenarios I’d like to see them in! And when they’re compact, complete things I usually draw them, which is what inspires me really haha that, and seeing them interact in the manga! Lately I’ve been really drawn to Bakugou and Kaminari’s friendship, actually, so the romantic stuff has fallen in the background while my mind is preoccupied with thinking about them as platonic good pals ahhhhhhh as soon as I’ll work through it I’ll probably get back to drawing them as romantics, that’s just how my mind works lol

Anon said:I love the casual clothes you design for MHA characters! And I really enjoy reading your headcanons-always creative and fun! Is there anything you’d add to anyone’s hero costumes in class 1-A (something that might prove useful/practical for them, or something you’d add just for the heck of it)? Sorry if this is a stupid question or if you’ve answered a similar question before. Thanks for your time!

It’s not a stupid question, don’t worry!! But I generally like to leave myself in Horikoshi’s hands for this sort of stuff, since I both enjoy the costumes as they are AND don’t want to be disappointed in case what I hope for doesn’t actually happen - that said, I’ve mentioned before that I’d really like Aoyama to get redirectors for his laser on his palms and for Kaminari to get a close combat weapon, since with the quirk he has anything metal would actually work wonders for him! He mentioned a sword, but I rest my case that tonfas would be cool, I really want him to use tonfas. A “costume” I don’t understand is Hagakure’s, by the way - would be nice if she got an actual costume and also I don’t really get why she’d wear gloves at all?? Mirio’s costume was made using his hair, I really want her to get something similar! That’s about it tho, I haven’t really thought much about anyone else in that sense~ 

Anon said:Hello! A few weeks ago I asked about the bracelets you drew for Baku & Kiri. (That art is so beautiful!!) I was wondering if there’s a story behind them; such as, did one of them buy the pair, or did they pick them out together? I’m sorry if it’s a dumb question and if I’m bothering you.

THIS ASK I had lost it, thank you so much for sending it my way again! Actually, Kirishima bought it for himself and Bakugou - I mean to draw a small thing for it, be patient with me while I try to get my ass into gear for it ;O;

Anon said:It’s been a while since you’ve done any BakuKiriKami, do you still like that ship?

I do - as I said a few answers above this one, I’m just finding myself weirdly invested in a platonic relationship between Bakugou and Kaminari at the moment, and also Bakushima stole my focus and soul, but I do still like the ship a whole damn lot, definitely still my fav ot3 in the manga~

Anon said:I love your drawings so much, they always make my day seeing them. But I gotta say that kiri with his hair down is my weakness. He just looks so pure, the cuteness factor goes through the roof.

Thank you???? The Kiri thing is true for canon Kiri too, I’m glad I can bring it in my art!!! Mostly cause when I draw him with his hair down I’m never really sure what the hell I’m doing, I’ll be honest with you lmao

Anon said:hello, holy fUCKin shit how are you this damn good at drawing? like, fuck? thank you, bless you, have a nice day

THANK YOU! And all I do is draw, really lmao I wouldn’t say I’m all that good, definitely not anywhere near the artists I admire, but since all I can do is draw as long as I keep doing that I guess I’ll get there, sooner or later hahaha

[wineanddinosaur]

15 Cocktail Influencers You Should Be Following on Instagram

Since most of us are missing our local bartenders as much as our friends and family during the ongoing pandemic, many of us have taken to our kitchens in an attempt to make our favorite drinks ourselves. But while G&Ts and vodka sodas are great every now and again, where do we turn when we’re craving something a little more complex? Enter: the “drinkstagrammer” — or drinks Instagrammer.

These bartenders and cocktail enthusiasts have made names for themselves by sharing photos of whimsical drinks and helpful tips with their followers. So, at a time when we need inspiration more than ever, VinePair has collected a list of our 15 favorite drinkstagrammers, whom you should follow right now.

@highproofpreacher

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Back from a long weekend in the forest, without WiFi or cell reception. With sheltering in place + most of my clients pivoting hard to lean into the digital world, these last few months have been insane and I’ve been constantly connected 📲 It felt amazing to just rest, read and fully relax for a few days. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Also, based on all of your responses after sharing a video of my dog Pip on my IG story, apparently you want me to focus on corgi content instead of cocktails 🤔🐕 Can’t say that I blame you. Swipe for a look at sleepy vacation Pip. 🔊✌🏽 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #highproofpreacher

A post shared by Jordan | High-Proof Preacher (@highproofpreacher) on Jun 22, 2020 at 7:51am PDT

  Jordan Hughes, also known as High-Proof Preacher, is a Portland-based mixologist and self-proclaimed “visual storyteller.” He’s also contributed delicious cocktails to VinePair’s recipe library, like the El Murcielago Cocktail and the Viking Colada.

@join_jules

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It’s fri-yay aka time for an 𝐀𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐒𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐳! ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Instead of dreaming for the day we can get back into some of our favorite restaurants safely (because who knows when that will be)… let’s bring the Friday happy hour cocktails right into our home! After creating recipes for the past 4 months now, there’s a lot to choose from on our website! My personal favorite to celebrate the beginning of the weekend on a hot day is of course the Aperol Spritz. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ But on a serious note, I can't believe that 4 months ago COVID lockdown hit in the US and that actually made me really start taking Join Jules seriously. It was the only way to turn a sour situation into a good one I guess. But, I do hope these cocktails have helped cure the oh so missed happy hours and that you look forward to so many more to come… (I'm looking at you 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧)!! Let's just say this, it's only the beginning of Join Jules 𝘞𝘰𝘰𝘩𝘰𝘰! (𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘴… okay okay I'll stop).⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ 𝐍𝐨𝐰, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐠𝐨-𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐥? 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐰!

A post shared by Cocktail Recipes with Jules (@join_jules) on Jul 10, 2020 at 2:11pm PDT

  Join California-based Julianna McIntosh in making cocktails that taste as delicious as they look. McIntosh creates out-of-this-world drink recipes, and — along with her mother — she runs a television show called “Bringing it Home” that delves into the stories behind the food we eat.

@thecollectress

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Hey Y’all, Rare morning post. So many things are happening, but I wanted to thank both @mofad and @readspill for highlighting me and giving me a chance to talk about my work. . . SPILL is a hospitality co-op and online platform. This is there first online issue, and I was honored to be asked to be this month’s Industry Spotlight. Thank you to @davidmmor . . Last week (I think), I got to sit down with @sarikamin of MoFAD and talk about grief, history, @uniteamericastable and the Hospitality Census as well as my process for care. Take a listen. . . I will be linking both pieces in my story and bio. Drawing a rendition of @noahfecksisawesome photo by @cocktail_colors

A post shared by Ashtin Berry (@thecollectress) on May 5, 2020 at 8:56am PDT

  Ashtin Berry is more than just a sommelier and bartender. She’s also an activist and educator, as well as the founder of #americastable. Expect delicious drinks recipes, inspiring videos, and educational posts that explore how race and privilege play out in the drinks industry and beyond.

@onedrinkaday

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Dehydration station (minus a couple of bags). – – – – – – – – #garnish#dehdratedgarnishes#garnishes#gin#gins#ginandtonic#goodprep#cocktailgarnish#cocktails#cocktailgarnishes#brisbane

A post shared by One Drink A Day (HEEBS) (@onedrinkaday) on Jul 25, 2020 at 1:08am PDT

  Aussie Hee Chung is here to help you up your garnish game. His posts include easy drink recipes (including lots of delicious G&Ts), garnish how-tos, and more. Check out his garnish e-book here.

@joanna.lin

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Honored to be featured in @aberlour_us’s campaign for #internationalwomensday. Sharing my advice for fellow hustlers: “When you stand up for yourself, you stand up for all women. So lead by example, know your values, own your confidence, and don’t be apologetic for who you are and what you want to achieve.” #louderthanwords #readysetjo . . . . . #aberlour #aberlourwhisky #whiskylover #whiskyadvocate #whiskytasting #whiskylife #whiskyblogger #scotch #sevenfiftydaily #totc #whiskymagazine #scotchwhisky #singlemaltscotch #liqpic #50bestbars #worldsbestbars #greenwichvillage #thespaniard #pernodricard #womenwhowhiskey #womenwhowhisky #womeninhospitality #womenempowerment #womenentrepreneurs #entrepreneurlife #womeninbusiness #womenshistorymonth

A post shared by Joanna Lin 🦉#ReadySetJo (@joanna.lin) on Mar 8, 2020 at 3:51pm PDT

  Joanna Lin is a cocktail connoisseur, photographer, and artist. Her feed includes a balanced combination of feel-good and politically driven content. Expect entertaining posts, such as this animation of New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo drinking a Negroni, and mixology action shots. More recently, Lin has also shared Black Lives Matter protest photos and drawings.

@cocktailbandits

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Our first in-person event since the lockdown would involve Tequila, of course. 🥃 Today is #NationalTequilaDay and we are celebrating with @patron by hosting a pop-up at @tacoboychs from 4PM to 6PM. Come say, ‘Hi’ and try our cocktail of the day, recipe listed below: ‘Blacker the Berry’ 1.5 oz of Patron Blanco 1 oz of BlackBerry Purée 🍇 Jamaican Bitters Limeade @drinkhooch Garnish: Sage leaf & Blackberries 🌱 Add Patron and blackberry puree to mixing tin full of ice. Secure lid then shake passionately. Strain mixture into chilled glass. Carefully add Limeade soda until glass is full. Lovingly add sage and blackberry garnish. #GentleLadySips 💃🏽🍹✨ Photo by: @tacoboychs #cocktailbandits #cheers #celebrate #curlyladieswhotalkcocktailsdaily #southernlibationist #tequila #tequilacocktail #agave #willtravelforbooze #patron #blackberry #limeade #drinkhooch #hooch #curls #curlsandcocktails #cocktailsdaily #dailycocktails #smiles #popup #tacoboychs #wearecharleston #charlestonsc #tequiladay #authors #holyspiritschs

A post shared by Johnny & Neka (@cocktailbandits) on Jul 24, 2020 at 1:53pm PDT

  Charleston mixologists Johnny Caldwell and Taneka Reaves are the “Cocktail Bandits.” Their feed is full of drinks inspo, tasting videos, and more. Their book, “Holy Spirits!”, teaches readers about Charleston cocktail culture.

@thegrandiosebartender

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For those of you who don’t personally know me, my name is Anthony Bates and (I think) I am more than a person who slings cocktails! I’m currently taking over @liquor’s Instagram today so you can find me there shooting the s***! Besides perfecting my Mai Tai – I’m really into reading, music, and definitely art… I love to see people be creative and express themselves artistically! I’m a introvert at times so I like to express myself through different forms of creativity wether I’m the creator or in collaboration with someone else. Here’s me on NYE at @undercote with a cocktail by @beaub.knowin …..I felt like Super Fly this day lmao… I hope everyone is having a great 4th and enjoying themselves! Illustration by: @jenchiascreative

A post shared by Anthony Bates (@thegrandiosebartender) on Jul 4, 2020 at 11:11am PDT

  Harlem local Anthony Bates is a private bartender and a mixologist at The Polo Bar in New York. His bio reads “Heavy Drinker, Heavy Thinker,” and his feed reflects this, with bright recipes, fun illustrations, and educational captions.

@theweekendmixologist

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– A P P L E    W O O D 1½ oz Apple Brandy ¾ oz Fresh Lemon Juice ½ oz Maple syrup Top with @sanpellegrinodrinksus Tonica Oakwood Add all ingredients except the Tonica to a shaking tin and then add ice. Shake well and strain over ice into a Collins glass. Top with Tonica Oakwood and garnish with fresh apple slices. – I had so much fun back in January on location in New York with @sanpellegrinodrinksus . We are excited to announce the launch of their new mixers! Here’s a recipe I created to feature the dry and spiced flavors of their delicious Tonica Oakwood. Cheers friends! . #AppleWood #SanPellegrino #TonicaOakwood #SanPellegrinoSparklingDrinks #TimeForTaste Sponsored Ad

A post shared by Barlow | Weekend Mixologist (@theweekendmixologist) on Jul 17, 2020 at 10:35am PDT

  Barlow Gilmore makes and photographs creative libations that are almost too pretty to drink. This dedicated mixologist even carves his own ice!

@whats.marisa.drinking

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It’s National Tequila Day and I’m celebrating with this deliciousness! Salud! 🌺 GINGERED BLOOD 🌺 45ml Tequila Reposado @casamigos 15ml Ginger Liqueur @thekingsginger 30ml Lime Juice 20ml homemade Blood Orange syrup Garnish with Mint, Flowers & Blood Orange 🌿🌺❤️ #whatsmarisadrinking #thecocktaildreamteam #liqpic #libations #imbibe #cocktailpic #cocktailrecipe #instacocktail #drinkstagram #mixology #garnishgame #classicocktail #drink #drinkpic #drinkup #goldcoastcocktails #goldcoastlife #myfavouritecocktail #booze #craftcocktails #drinkporn #cocktailhour #drinking #mixologist #tequila #nationaltequiladay #tequiladay2020

A post shared by What’s Marisa Drinking (@whats.marisa.drinking) on Jul 23, 2020 at 2:37pm PDT

  Marisa’s feed, full of rainbow cocktails, is the definition of #Instagrammable. The Australian drinks creator posts recipes that are colorful, garnished to perfection, and simple enough to make at home.

@thecocktailsnob_

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I fully intended to just select a few of my favorites from my 📸 @shoottphotos session a few weeks ago. But they were all so good lol. I just couldn't decide. So I bought all 146 of them lol. So if you see a couple hundred pictures of me in the same outfit in the same location, just mind your business, mmkay? 😂😂😂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 📸: @amcrommett

A post shared by Camille | Cocktail Blogger (@thecocktailsnob_) on Jul 30, 2020 at 5:00am PDT

  Though she’s a self-proclaimed cocktail “snob,” Camille’s page is fun and approachable. She’s a New York-based cocktail writer and happy-hour enthusiast (she even created the hashtag #happyhourathome), and her feed is full of exciting cocktail recipes and helpful advice for home bartenders.

@bon_vivantito

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Turn up for Tiki 🍹🥥🍌🍍. It has been blazing hot here on the Mid-Atlantic coast, and all I want to do is crush tropical cocktails. But, honestly, it’s just one of those genres of drinks that always taste better at the bar – usually because I don’t have a pebble ice machine at home (yes, it does matter). . Lately, I’ve been making some Mai Tais with @denizenrum Merchant’s Reserve, @smallhandfoods orgeat, fresh lime, and dry curaçao. That’s as complex as it gets, but it’s well worth it. . Who has some easy tiki cocktails that they have developed at home worth sharing? I’m looking for some new flavors 👌🏽🍹.

A post shared by Tyler Zielinski (@bon_vivantito) on Jul 10, 2020 at 9:54am PDT

  Tyler Zielinski is a mixologist and drinks writer. He’s contributed many classic and original cocktails to the VinePair recipe library, and his Instagram feed is full of beautifully photographed cocktails and helpful how-to videos.

@danmagro

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✨"Tartlet" 🍓 1.5oz Reposado // 3 Strawberries, muddled // 2oz Lemon Juice // 0.5oz Lime Juice // 1oz Simple Syrup // Pinch of Salt // Brut Sparkling Wine // Sour Candy Rope, for garnish⁣ on a @rawrutes tree pick of course!⁣⁣ 🍓⁣⁣⁣⁣ Petite but with a sucker of a sour punch! I was obsessed with sour candies when I was younger and wanted to emulate that mother pucker of a smack when you take that first bite…but boozy.⁣⁣⁣ 🍓⁣⁣⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ #contest #supercall #mixology #cocktailporn #happyhour #cocktails #bartender #drinks #bartenderlife #craftcocktails #imbibegram #libations #liqpic #eeeeeats #drinkporn #eaterla #california #foodandwine #fwx #buzzfeast #bareaders #thekitchn #delish #boozytalk #BAReaders #FeedFeed #drinkstagram #tequila #sourpunch @sourpunchcandy @thefeedfeed.cocktails

A post shared by Dan Magro (@danmagro) on Jul 30, 2020 at 5:51am PDT

  Dan Magro is a West Hollywood-based mixologist, host of Sip&Stream, and author of “Suck It Up: Extraordinary Cocktails for Everyday People.” His cocktails are bright, fun, and always topped with impressive garnishes.

@apartment_bartender

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Hey, you look thirsty 😛 throw some drink recs you’re craving in the comments and I’ll mix you up something in my IG stories later today! Lesssssssss get it! 🕺🏽👇🏽 #ApartmentBartender

A post shared by Elliott | Apartment Bartender (@apartment_bartender) on Jul 14, 2020 at 1:31pm PDT

  Elliott, an apartment bartender and cocktail recipe developer, has a feed full of colorful recipes and more. Check out his highlights for tips on everything from using bitters in cocktails to building a cocktail book library

@ivymix

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I really really miss @leyendabk and on days like today with May just around the corner I miss our patio the most. May has always been our biggest month with the weather being perfect combined with our anniversary and Cinco de Mayo. This year we were going to do a huge party for our five ( 5️⃣❗️) year anniversary as well as my book launch. Instead we won’t. Instead, rather than being in Leyenda’s backyard mixing up drinks and hanging out with the whole neighborhood, I will just post them on social media. Like this one— featured in my book with link in BIO!—Cereza Picante: With this drink, I wanted to create an exceptionally fruit-forward fall-like sour that highlighted spice and smoke to compliment its fruity notes. The result is what its name advertises: one spicy cherry. 1 oz Jalapeño @siembraspirits Valles blanco tequila 1/2 oz @delmagueymezcal Vida 3/4 oz @cherryheering 3/4 oz lime juice 1/4 oz simple syrup Add all ingredients to a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake and strain over fresh ice in a rocks glass. Garnish with a lime wheel and Luxardo cherry flag. . Photo by @Shannonshootscocktails

A post shared by Ivy Mix (@ivymix) on Apr 29, 2020 at 11:27am PDT

New York-based Ivy Mix is an author, bar owner, and drinks educator. Mix is the owner of Leyenda — a Latin cocktail bar in Brooklyn — and the author of “Spirits of Latin America,” a cocktail book full of diverse Latin American cocktail recipes. Follow her for educational Instagram lives, cocktail recipes, and more.

@holycityhandcraft

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The face you make when your 23 month old son walks into your super serious, ice cutting shoot and furiously waves at you👋🏽 while shouting “HIIII DADAAAAAA” – at the top of his lungs. . But hey… it made for a semi decent/authentic smiling photo. God I love that kid.

A post shared by miguel | HANDCRAFT (@holycityhandcraft) on Jul 9, 2020 at 6:25pm PDT

Based in Charleston, S.C., Miguel is a drinks creator and photographer. His feed is full of fancy yet approachable recipes you’ll want to recreate again and again. He’s also an expert cocktail party host and ice carver.

The article 15 Cocktail Influencers You Should Be Following on Instagram appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/15-cocktail-influencers-instagram/

[isaiahrippinus]

15 Cocktail Influencers You Should Be Following on Instagram

Since most of us are missing our local bartenders as much as our friends and family during the ongoing pandemic, many of us have taken to our kitchens in an attempt to make our favorite drinks ourselves. But while G&Ts and vodka sodas are great every now and again, where do we turn when we’re craving something a little more complex? Enter: the “drinkstagrammer” — or drinks Instagrammer.

These bartenders and cocktail enthusiasts have made names for themselves by sharing photos of whimsical drinks and helpful tips with their followers. So, at a time when we need inspiration more than ever, VinePair has collected a list of our 15 favorite drinkstagrammers, whom you should follow right now.

@highproofpreacher

View this post on Instagram

Back from a long weekend in the forest, without WiFi or cell reception. With sheltering in place + most of my clients pivoting hard to lean into the digital world, these last few months have been insane and I’ve been constantly connected 📲 It felt amazing to just rest, read and fully relax for a few days. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Also, based on all of your responses after sharing a video of my dog Pip on my IG story, apparently you want me to focus on corgi content instead of cocktails 🤔🐕 Can’t say that I blame you. Swipe for a look at sleepy vacation Pip. 🔊✌🏽 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #highproofpreacher

A post shared by Jordan | High-Proof Preacher (@highproofpreacher) on Jun 22, 2020 at 7:51am PDT

Jordan Hughes, also known as High-Proof Preacher, is a Portland-based mixologist and self-proclaimed “visual storyteller.” He’s also contributed delicious cocktails to VinePair’s recipe library, like the El Murcielago Cocktail and the Viking Colada.

@join_jules

View this post on Instagram

It’s fri-yay aka time for an 𝐀𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐒𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐳! ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Instead of dreaming for the day we can get back into some of our favorite restaurants safely (because who knows when that will be)… let’s bring the Friday happy hour cocktails right into our home! After creating recipes for the past 4 months now, there’s a lot to choose from on our website! My personal favorite to celebrate the beginning of the weekend on a hot day is of course the Aperol Spritz. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ But on a serious note, I can’t believe that 4 months ago COVID lockdown hit in the US and that actually made me really start taking Join Jules seriously. It was the only way to turn a sour situation into a good one I guess. But, I do hope these cocktails have helped cure the oh so missed happy hours and that you look forward to so many more to come… (I’m looking at you 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧)!! Let’s just say this, it’s only the beginning of Join Jules 𝘞𝘰𝘰𝘩𝘰𝘰! (𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘴… okay okay I’ll stop).⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ 𝐍𝐨𝐰, 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐠𝐨-𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐥? 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐰!

A post shared by Cocktail Recipes with Jules (@join_jules) on Jul 10, 2020 at 2:11pm PDT

Join California-based Julianna McIntosh in making cocktails that taste as delicious as they look. McIntosh creates out-of-this-world drink recipes, and — along with her mother — she runs a television show called “Bringing it Home” that delves into the stories behind the food we eat.

@thecollectress

View this post on Instagram

Hey Y’all, Rare morning post. So many things are happening, but I wanted to thank both @mofad and @readspill for highlighting me and giving me a chance to talk about my work… SPILL is a hospitality co-op and online platform. This is there first online issue, and I was honored to be asked to be this month’s Industry Spotlight. Thank you to @davidmmor . . Last week (I think), I got to sit down with @sarikamin of MoFAD and talk about grief, history, @uniteamericastable and the Hospitality Census as well as my process for care. Take a listen… I will be linking both pieces in my story and bio. Drawing a rendition of @noahfecksisawesome photo by @cocktail_colors

A post shared by Ashtin Berry (@thecollectress) on May 5, 2020 at 8:56am PDT

Ashtin Berry is more than just a sommelier and bartender. She’s also an activist and educator, as well as the founder of #americastable. Expect delicious drinks recipes, inspiring videos, and educational posts that explore how race and privilege play out in the drinks industry and beyond.

@onedrinkaday

View this post on Instagram

Dehydration station (minus a couple of bags). – – – – – – – – #garnish#dehdratedgarnishes#garnishes#gin#gins#ginandtonic#goodprep#cocktailgarnish#cocktails#cocktailgarnishes#brisbane

A post shared by One Drink A Day (HEEBS) (@onedrinkaday) on Jul 25, 2020 at 1:08am PDT

Aussie Hee Chung is here to help you up your garnish game. His posts include easy drink recipes (including lots of delicious G&Ts), garnish how-tos, and more. Check out his garnish e-book here.

@joanna.lin

View this post on Instagram

Honored to be featured in @aberlour_us’s campaign for #internationalwomensday. Sharing my advice for fellow hustlers: “When you stand up for yourself, you stand up for all women. So lead by example, know your values, own your confidence, and don’t be apologetic for who you are and what you want to achieve.” #louderthanwords #readysetjo … . . #aberlour #aberlourwhisky #whiskylover #whiskyadvocate #whiskytasting #whiskylife #whiskyblogger #scotch #sevenfiftydaily #totc #whiskymagazine #scotchwhisky #singlemaltscotch #liqpic #50bestbars #worldsbestbars #greenwichvillage #thespaniard #pernodricard #womenwhowhiskey #womenwhowhisky #womeninhospitality #womenempowerment #womenentrepreneurs #entrepreneurlife #womeninbusiness #womenshistorymonth

A post shared by Joanna Lin 🦉#ReadySetJo (@joanna.lin) on Mar 8, 2020 at 3:51pm PDT

Joanna Lin is a cocktail connoisseur, photographer, and artist. Her feed includes a balanced combination of feel-good and politically driven content. Expect entertaining posts, such as this animation of New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo drinking a Negroni, and mixology action shots. More recently, Lin has also shared Black Lives Matter protest photos and drawings.

@cocktailbandits

View this post on Instagram

Our first in-person event since the lockdown would involve Tequila, of course. 🥃 Today is #NationalTequilaDay and we are celebrating with @patron by hosting a pop-up at @tacoboychs from 4PM to 6PM. Come say, ‘Hi’ and try our cocktail of the day, recipe listed below: ‘Blacker the Berry’ 1.5 oz of Patron Blanco 1 oz of BlackBerry Purée 🍇 Jamaican Bitters Limeade @drinkhooch Garnish: Sage leaf & Blackberries 🌱 Add Patron and blackberry puree to mixing tin full of ice. Secure lid then shake passionately. Strain mixture into chilled glass. Carefully add Limeade soda until glass is full. Lovingly add sage and blackberry garnish. #GentleLadySips 💃🏽🍹✨ Photo by: @tacoboychs #cocktailbandits #cheers #celebrate #curlyladieswhotalkcocktailsdaily #southernlibationist #tequila #tequilacocktail #agave #willtravelforbooze #patron #blackberry #limeade #drinkhooch #hooch #curls #curlsandcocktails #cocktailsdaily #dailycocktails #smiles #popup #tacoboychs #wearecharleston #charlestonsc #tequiladay #authors #holyspiritschs

A post shared by Johnny & Neka (@cocktailbandits) on Jul 24, 2020 at 1:53pm PDT

Charleston mixologists Johnny Caldwell and Taneka Reaves are the “Cocktail Bandits.” Their feed is full of drinks inspo, tasting videos, and more. Their book, “Holy Spirits!”, teaches readers about Charleston cocktail culture.

@thegrandiosebartender

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For those of you who don’t personally know me, my name is Anthony Bates and (I think) I am more than a person who slings cocktails! I’m currently taking over @liquor’s Instagram today so you can find me there shooting the s***! Besides perfecting my Mai Tai – I’m really into reading, music, and definitely art… I love to see people be creative and express themselves artistically! I’m a introvert at times so I like to express myself through different forms of creativity wether I’m the creator or in collaboration with someone else. Here’s me on NYE at @undercote with a cocktail by @beaub.knowin …..I felt like Super Fly this day lmao… I hope everyone is having a great 4th and enjoying themselves! Illustration by: @jenchiascreative

A post shared by Anthony Bates (@thegrandiosebartender) on Jul 4, 2020 at 11:11am PDT

Harlem local Anthony Bates is a private bartender and a mixologist at The Polo Bar in New York. His bio reads “Heavy Drinker, Heavy Thinker,” and his feed reflects this, with bright recipes, fun illustrations, and educational captions.

@theweekendmixologist

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– A P P L E    W O O D 1½ oz Apple Brandy ¾ oz Fresh Lemon Juice ½ oz Maple syrup Top with @sanpellegrinodrinksus Tonica Oakwood Add all ingredients except the Tonica to a shaking tin and then add ice. Shake well and strain over ice into a Collins glass. Top with Tonica Oakwood and garnish with fresh apple slices. – I had so much fun back in January on location in New York with @sanpellegrinodrinksus . We are excited to announce the launch of their new mixers! Here’s a recipe I created to feature the dry and spiced flavors of their delicious Tonica Oakwood. Cheers friends! . #AppleWood #SanPellegrino #TonicaOakwood #SanPellegrinoSparklingDrinks #TimeForTaste Sponsored Ad

A post shared by Barlow | Weekend Mixologist (@theweekendmixologist) on Jul 17, 2020 at 10:35am PDT

Barlow Gilmore makes and photographs creative libations that are almost too pretty to drink. This dedicated mixologist even carves his own ice!

@whats.marisa.drinking

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It’s National Tequila Day and I’m celebrating with this deliciousness! Salud! 🌺 GINGERED BLOOD 🌺 45ml Tequila Reposado @casamigos 15ml Ginger Liqueur @thekingsginger 30ml Lime Juice 20ml homemade Blood Orange syrup Garnish with Mint, Flowers & Blood Orange 🌿🌺❤️ #whatsmarisadrinking #thecocktaildreamteam #liqpic #libations #imbibe #cocktailpic #cocktailrecipe #instacocktail #drinkstagram #mixology #garnishgame #classicocktail #drink #drinkpic #drinkup #goldcoastcocktails #goldcoastlife #myfavouritecocktail #booze #craftcocktails #drinkporn #cocktailhour #drinking #mixologist #tequila #nationaltequiladay #tequiladay2020

A post shared by What’s Marisa Drinking (@whats.marisa.drinking) on Jul 23, 2020 at 2:37pm PDT

Marisa’s feed, full of rainbow cocktails, is the definition of #Instagrammable. The Australian drinks creator posts recipes that are colorful, garnished to perfection, and simple enough to make at home.

@thecocktailsnob_

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I fully intended to just select a few of my favorites from my 📸 @shoottphotos session a few weeks ago. But they were all so good lol. I just couldn’t decide. So I bought all 146 of them lol. So if you see a couple hundred pictures of me in the same outfit in the same location, just mind your business, mmkay? 😂😂😂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ 📸: @amcrommett

A post shared by Camille | Cocktail Blogger (@thecocktailsnob_) on Jul 30, 2020 at 5:00am PDT

Though she’s a self-proclaimed cocktail “snob,” Camille’s page is fun and approachable. She’s a New York-based cocktail writer and happy-hour enthusiast (she even created the hashtag #happyhourathome), and her feed is full of exciting cocktail recipes and helpful advice for home bartenders.

@bon_vivantito

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Turn up for Tiki 🍹🥥🍌🍍. It has been blazing hot here on the Mid-Atlantic coast, and all I want to do is crush tropical cocktails. But, honestly, it’s just one of those genres of drinks that always taste better at the bar – usually because I don’t have a pebble ice machine at home (yes, it does matter). . Lately, I’ve been making some Mai Tais with @denizenrum Merchant’s Reserve, @smallhandfoods orgeat, fresh lime, and dry curaçao. That’s as complex as it gets, but it’s well worth it. . Who has some easy tiki cocktails that they have developed at home worth sharing? I’m looking for some new flavors 👌🏽🍹.

A post shared by Tyler Zielinski (@bon_vivantito) on Jul 10, 2020 at 9:54am PDT

Tyler Zielinski is a mixologist and drinks writer. He’s contributed many classic and original cocktails to the VinePair recipe library, and his Instagram feed is full of beautifully photographed cocktails and helpful how-to videos.

@danmagro

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✨"Tartlet" 🍓 1.5oz Reposado // 3 Strawberries, muddled // 2oz Lemon Juice // 0.5oz Lime Juice // 1oz Simple Syrup // Pinch of Salt // Brut Sparkling Wine // Sour Candy Rope, for garnish⁣ on a @rawrutes tree pick of course!⁣⁣ 🍓⁣⁣⁣⁣ Petite but with a sucker of a sour punch! I was obsessed with sour candies when I was younger and wanted to emulate that mother pucker of a smack when you take that first bite…but boozy.⁣⁣⁣ 🍓⁣⁣⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ #contest #supercall #mixology #cocktailporn #happyhour #cocktails #bartender #drinks #bartenderlife #craftcocktails #imbibegram #libations #liqpic #eeeeeats #drinkporn #eaterla #california #foodandwine #fwx #buzzfeast #bareaders #thekitchn #delish #boozytalk #BAReaders #FeedFeed #drinkstagram #tequila #sourpunch @sourpunchcandy @thefeedfeed.cocktails

A post shared by Dan Magro (@danmagro) on Jul 30, 2020 at 5:51am PDT

Dan Magro is a West Hollywood-based mixologist, host of Sip&Stream, and author of “Suck It Up: Extraordinary Cocktails for Everyday People.” His cocktails are bright, fun, and always topped with impressive garnishes.

@apartment_bartender

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Hey, you look thirsty 😛 throw some drink recs you’re craving in the comments and I’ll mix you up something in my IG stories later today! Lesssssssss get it! 🕺🏽👇🏽 #ApartmentBartender

A post shared by Elliott | Apartment Bartender (@apartment_bartender) on Jul 14, 2020 at 1:31pm PDT

Elliott, an apartment bartender and cocktail recipe developer, has a feed full of colorful recipes and more. Check out his highlights for tips on everything from using bitters in cocktails to building a cocktail book library

@ivymix

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I really really miss @leyendabk and on days like today with May just around the corner I miss our patio the most. May has always been our biggest month with the weather being perfect combined with our anniversary and Cinco de Mayo. This year we were going to do a huge party for our five ( 5️⃣❗️) year anniversary as well as my book launch. Instead we won’t. Instead, rather than being in Leyenda’s backyard mixing up drinks and hanging out with the whole neighborhood, I will just post them on social media. Like this one— featured in my book with link in BIO!—Cereza Picante: With this drink, I wanted to create an exceptionally fruit-forward fall-like sour that highlighted spice and smoke to compliment its fruity notes. The result is what its name advertises: one spicy cherry. 1 oz Jalapeño @siembraspirits Valles blanco tequila ½ oz @delmagueymezcal Vida ¾ oz @cherryheering ¾ oz lime juice ¼ oz simple syrup Add all ingredients to a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake and strain over fresh ice in a rocks glass. Garnish with a lime wheel and Luxardo cherry flag. . Photo by @Shannonshootscocktails

A post shared by Ivy Mix (@ivymix) on Apr 29, 2020 at 11:27am PDT

New York-based Ivy Mix is an author, bar owner, and drinks educator. Mix is the owner of Leyenda — a Latin cocktail bar in Brooklyn — and the author of “Spirits of Latin America,” a cocktail book full of diverse Latin American cocktail recipes. Follow her for educational Instagram lives, cocktail recipes, and more.

@holycityhandcraft

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The face you make when your 23 month old son walks into your super serious, ice cutting shoot and furiously waves at you👋🏽 while shouting “HIIII DADAAAAAA” – at the top of his lungs. . But hey… it made for a semi decent/authentic smiling photo. God I love that kid.

A post shared by miguel | HANDCRAFT (@holycityhandcraft) on Jul 9, 2020 at 6:25pm PDT

Based in Charleston, S.C., Miguel is a drinks creator and photographer. His feed is full of fancy yet approachable recipes you’ll want to recreate again and again. He’s also an expert cocktail party host and ice carver.

The article 15 Cocktail Influencers You Should Be Following on Instagram appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/15-cocktail-influencers-instagram/ source https://vinology1.tumblr.com/post/625991098950647808