#QB Hell

[sincerelystesichorus]

fizzarozzie meme dump !!

they're my current brain rot & i'm too busy to write

helluva meme dumps | pt. 1 | pt. 2 || fizzy editions! | pt. 1 | pt. 2

that painting is my favorite thing about them... ozzie it's beautiful but you don't think it makes any of your cohorts suspicious???

[jrueships]

https://twitter.com/danfetes/status/1712166167572361344

josh says people saying stuff about stef ticks him off 😭 that's the meanest he'll ever get off the field 😭

that was kinda... 😏😏😏

and i definitely know stef feels the same... 😏

" tired of hearing all this nonsense... lot of guys in this league that have that same fire that don't get talked about, but--"

" frankly that kind of ticks me off when people wanna say stuff about him, but... we'll keep that all internal here 🙂🙃🫥."

this is allen at his boiling point omg 😭😭 held back by pr

[velvetjune]

one of the best parts in playing through remedy’s games is directly seeing how each game built upon concepts touched upon in prior ones. you can trace almost every experimental decision throughout its run of games that it makes for an interesting playthrough whether or not you enjoy playing the game

[loregoddess]

the Queen's Blood sub-story veering off into cosmic horror is so funny to me bc while all the other players are reacting to the cosmic horror bits as you would expect characters in a cosmic horror story to react, Cloud's just sitting there looking unfazed but slightly concerned for the other players, bc he deals with bizarre visions and headaches on the regular, and so the Secret Forbidden Knowledge Horror of Queen's Blood isn't actually out of the norm for him, and obviously still less of a threat than Sephiroth

[allpromarlo]

roger goodell when i CATCH you

[hourcat]

ive said it before and i will keep saying it: i am utterly obsessed with your nfl au and honestly WR is so goddamned perfect for pierre i cannot cope, even now he’s absolutely the stereotypical wr who knows that he’s the absolute dogs bollocks and who can pull out the kind of runs and catches that scares the shit out of every defence and looks so obnoxiously smug every time.

(also fwiw im in the uk and still obsessed with it)

kshsksmdkd omfg i love u!! thank u for being an nfl au enthusiast w me 🫶

anyway honestly the only reason he's not a WR in the main nfl au is that i'm folding him and charles into an existing team w/existing players already and pierre could Not compete physically w the dudes on the actual roster. also ive talked myself into obsession over runningback pierre :/

but like. you're sooo right that he's lowkey a natural wideout. he's certainly got the ego for it, and i can SEE him practicing one handed catches just to show off for the fans during pre-game warmups. he's got that shifty nature about him that defense HATE. he's quick on his feet and he's a route running god. yards after catch are where he does most of his magic

[hearty-an0n]

good practice besides the ball to the throat. and the shin. and a numb finger because i jammed it catching a ball

[glittter-vamp]

E.R Visits | J.B

Warnings/AN: mention of accidents. mentions of injurires. minor adult language. mention of medications. This is pretty longgg. Fluffly joe w/ a bit of angsty reader. sorry if i missed any mistakes.

(NOT MY GIF)

You rode in the ambulance to the hospital after getting T-boned on your way back home from work. A guy in a pick up truck had ran the red light and unfortunately had hit you. You were still conscious but in so much pain in your chest, head and arm. "We're almost there honey!" The blonde EMT says to you. This was not how you wanted to spend your friday. You were eager to go home and watch your Fiancé Joe play the last preseason game before the kick off game here in cinncy was had for the 2023 NFL games next week. Now you were worried that you had internal bleeding, severe head injury and broken bones. The ambulance finally makes it to the hospital and the nurses immediately take over and take you into a room where they check you out. They do a bunch of tests, take X-Rays and MRI's leaving you in a room in the ER. After a while of just sitting there your sister and mom come in running.

"Oh my god! Honey! What- What happened?" Your mom asks with tears in her eyes. "Some asshole ran the red light." You scoff. "Oh my god...where are the doctors?" Your sister asks. "They just took me in for X-Rays and an MRI. I have broken ribs and a broken arm." You sigh. "Knock- Knock!" You hear someone say and you see a doctor and nurse walk in. "Hey doc, this is my mom and sister." You say to her. "Woah, you three could be triplets!" She jokes. "So, good news, no internal bleeding, just a minor concussion. We're going to wrap up your arm and rib though and keep you over night for observation okay?" She says writing away on her clipboard while the nurse prepares stuff for the cast. "Oh thank god." Your mom sighs in relief.

After a very painful process of getting wrapped up and put into a cast they take you upstairs to a proper room. You meet the nursing staff that's going to look after you and you ask your mom for the time. "It's 7:14" She says checking her phone. "It's almost kickoff, can you tune into the game?" You ask your mom but when she tries to turn on the TV, it doesn't do anything. "Sorry sweetie." Your mom pouts. You didn't have your phone because it got lost somewhere in the wreck. "Okay...so I was able to to reach someone in Bengals management, they were going to do their best to get a hold of Joe because I tried calling him and he wasn't answering." Your sister says. "Yeah he leaves his phone in his locker an hour before the game." You say. "This fucking sucks." You sigh. "It'll be okay honey, the important thing is that you're still here." My mom says getting emotional. "Let's... go get a coffee." Your sister says to your mom giving you a look of " I got this." They leave the room and at some point you fall asleep.

*********************

You feel the door of the room slowly open and your eyes open slowly wondering who was entering. You see blurry the first few blinks and can only make out a tall large figure but your eyes adjust and you almost gasp when you see who it was. "Joe?" You say trying to sit up but your were met with immediate pain making you wince. "Hey woah...stay how you are. Don't go hurting yourself even more now." Joe says softly coming over to sit next to you. You couldn't believe he was here. 'How hard did I hit my head?' You think to yourself.

What the hell are you doing here?" You ask clearly still drowsy from the pain medication. "Well I walked onto the field just to be told my Fiancé was in a car accident and left taking the next flight out of Massachusetts I could find." He says looking at you. His eyes were red and full of worry and stress. "Sorry I ruined your game." You say. "You're kidding right?" He asks looking at you in disbelief. "Y/N... you were in an accident. That game was the last thing I cared about, plus it's a preseason game many QB's sit out on them." He says. You knew that was lie, football always came before everything and anyone. It even came before him but you just remained quiet not wanting to turn this into a fight.

"Where are my mom and sister?" You ask realizing they weren't here anymore. "They just left, met them downstairs. The security guy didn't want to let me in because it's after visiting hours, so your mom and sister went off on him. "Must be a browns fan." You say making Joe chuckle. "I'm so glad you're okay, I don't ever think I've felt that fear before after I was told you had been in an accident." Joe says and you look over to him. "You getting soft on me Burrow?" You tease him and he gives you a small smile. "You should go home and get some rest, I'll most likely get out of here in the morning anyway." You say. "I'm not leaving you." He scoffs. "Yeah you can't leave anyway..." you bite your lip and he raises his eyebrow at you. "I was in your car..." you say and he laughs. "I know, my insurance called me." He nods.

******************* "Okay... nice and easy..." Joe says as he helps you sit down on the couch. You were finally home. Your mom picked you guys up from the hospital and since you couldn't get up the stairs due to your broken ribs and aching body, Joe had set up the couch nicely for you with pillows and blankets. "Your sister should be here with the food any minute, I'm gonna run out to get her prescription. Do you guys need anything?" Your mom asks. "Can you bring oreos, double stuffed. Someone here ate them all last week." You say looking at Joe who just shrugged. "Sure thing honey, I'll be back." She says patting your shoulder.

"Don't you have practice today?" You ask Joe as he hands you the tv remote. "I told coach I'm going to be out all week." He says. "Joe, the season is about to officially start. You can't miss practice." You say looking at him. "You took off three weeks of work when I tore my ACL, what's the issue?" He shrugs. "Yeah my job that has two other people also doing my same job. You can't miss practice or the first game this week Joe. Yo have a whole team counting on you" You shake your head.

"Well, thankfully that's not your decision to make. Now just relax, I have to go call my lawyers and insurance company, apparently the guy was wasted so we're taking this to court." He says getting his phone out of his pocket. "You don't have to do all that, it's just a car- The hell I don't, Y/N. You could of been killed! This isn't about the damn car, now it's really making me upset how much you think I care more about football and the damn car than I do the woman I'm set to marry next summer." He says obviously upset and trying to maintain his voice down and not yell. He leaves you in the living room and you sigh.

You will admit you did feel like shit thinking this way about him now. You knew better than to think this way about him. You sit there channel surfing and you stop on a sports channel that was talking about Joe. They mentioned you and the accident and show a clip of the moment he gets told on the field about what happened to you. He immediately went pale in the face and you can tell by reading his lips that he said "don't fuck with me like that." And he ran off back into locker room.

"We've gotten word that he might be out this first game which could mean a possible bad start to the Bengals seas-" you shit off the tv and look down at your cast. "Hello, hello... I come with lunch." You hear your sister enter the house. "I'm in the living room!" You call out. Your sister makes her way in the living setting the bags of food and drinks on the coffee table. "Where is everyone?" She asks. "Moms at the pharmacy getting my pain meds and Joe's somewhere talking to his lawyers." You sigh. "Oh, good!" She says. "You're behind this lawsuit train too?" You ask as she hands you the burrito bowl you asked her to get. "Of course, you could of been killed? And not you definitely someone else. There was a group of high school kids walking to the football game at the intersection the asshole hit you." She shakes her head.

"Why are you so moody today?" She asks. " I don't know...I guess I feel guilty for fucking up Joe's start to the season. It's like he can't catch a break, every season something fucking happens. Plus I totaled his fucking Porsche..." you sigh. "Well you're being dramatic, shit happens it's life. We only care that you're here. We can replace a car & he'll have many other games." She says. "How kind of you." You shake your head. "I'm just being honest, you found a man that loves you and cares for you and you're gonna be mad at him for prioritizing his soon to be bride? Don't make me break your other arm." She says making you laugh.

Joe comes back into living room thanking your sister for the food and taking a seat at the other end of the couch. "No problem, I gotta get going. Mom duties call." She says. "I thought this was a dad weekend?" You ask confused. "It was but he has a business trip so I gotta go pick up the kids today." She sighs grabbing her purse. As she was leaving your mom comes in. "Damn mom, you went grocery shopping for them or something?" You sister says bidding you all goodbye before stepping out of the house. "Mom, what'd you buy?" You sigh hearing the many plastic bags in her hands as you see Joe shaking his head chuckling. He knew better than to so say anything to her about buying stuff for a house she doesn't even live in, mostly because his mom is the type to do it as well. You couldn't turn to look at her but you could kind of see her in the reflection of the turned or tv.

"I noticed you guys were running low on some stuff so I grabbed a few things. Now here are your meds, take them." Your mom comes to hand you the bag and you open it reading the bottle first. You take one pill out but realized you couldn't reach the drink your sister has left for you on the coffee table. Joe notices and he quickly stands up and hands it to you. "Thank you." You say taking the medication with a sip of the iced tea and hand it back to him. You could tell he was just a bit upset from earlier and you wanted to apologize but now while your mom is here because you knew she'd insert her two cents in.

"Okay, you guys are stocked up. Do you need anything else? I can do any laundry- mom we're fine. Thank you for helping us out but we're good, go get some rest because I know you haven't slept." You say. "You sure? What if you need help using the bathroom or bathing?" She asks. "Well, I'm sure Joe could assist me better with both those things than you can mom." Your chuckle since your mom was a very petite woman. "Okay... you put those football muscles to work when you help her! I don't want my baby falling in the shower or anything." Your mom says to Joe and you roll your eyes. "Yes ma'am, football muscles have been activated." He says making you shake your head. "Okay well, I'll see you guys later. I guess I'll call you on his phone right?" Your mom asks. You still hadn't gotten back your phone and wasn't sure when or if that was possible. "Yeah or I have my iPad and can FaceTime you there." You say to her and she nods giving you a kiss on top of the head. She bids you two a goodbye and leaves out the door.

"Sorry about her." You say to Joe finally eating your food. "You don't have to apologize for her, she's pretty tame compared to my mom." He chuckles taking a sip of his drink. "I don't know, her basically wanting to bathe me kind of hit it of out the park." You laugh but wince as the pain in your rib. "Are you forgetting how my mom acted when I tore my ACL. She literally WALKED in on me showering when I was able to use the shower chair and hop in and out of the shower by myself. She insisted on checking up on me every 5 minutes to insure that I hadn't fallen and cracked my skull open." He shakes his head. "Oh yeah... I remember telling her that you'd be fine & was sure you knew what you were doing and she replied with 'I know my son' and proceeded to head to the bathroom. Which basically means... she called you clumsy." You chuckle and he shakes his head.

Once you finish your food Joe takes the trash and throws it away from you. You decided to pick a movie to watch and settle on a thriller. Joe comes back to the spot he was at you look over to him. "Why are you sitting so far away?" You ask and he shrugs. You pat the cushion next to you and he makes his way over to you. "Can I?" He asks signaling to lay his head on your lap like always. You nod patting your thigh with your good arm. As soon as his head touched your thigh you winced and he immediately say up making you laugh but the laughing it self actually making you wince in pain because of your ribs. "That's not funny!" he says looking at you like a father would their kid when they do something they're not supposed too. "Oh so it's only funny when you do it?" You raise an eyebrow and he sits there with a serious face knowing he did the same to you when he tore his ACL. He then slowly lays back down in defeat.

"I'm sorry for the way I've been acting by the way." You say to Joe and he turns to look up at you. "It's okay, I wasn't all that nice at first either after I had my injury., it's tough being injured" he says. "Yeah but this is different, I was being a bitch because you were actually being a good partner like what type of shit is that?" You shake your head. "I over heard you and your sister about feeling guilty about ruining the start to my season. You have no reason to feel guilty Y/N, it's not like you intentionally got into an accident. Plus... I can admit that in the past I might of put football over both of us, so I can see why you think it's weird for me to actually stay home and care for you...that's my fault and I need to work on that because the reality is football isn't going to be forever but you are." he says and you couldn't help but get a bit teary eyed hearing say that. "When did you become so mushy and good with words?" You say wiping away tears. "When I felt like my whole world ended getting the news you were in an accident." Joe says sitting up. He gives you a sweet tender kiss and wipes your tears away. "Love you." he smiles. "Love you too...now can you use that love and get me some oreos and milk?" You say making him laugh. "Sure thing babe." He says giving you one more kiss and getting up from the couch.

The rest of the week Joe spent taking care of you, from cooking (and by cooking you meant calling his chef to make all your favorites) to helping you shower to getting dressed to getting upstairs and downstairs or in and out of bed. And it just made you realize you couldn't wait to spend forever with him. 

[chasedeys]

https://www.tumblr.com/chasedeys/76838058816408780

Sweet boy isn’t use to Joe even SLIGHTLY raise his voice or having a tone with him lmao so much that he vividly recalled the one time he did “ scream”😭💀

😭 joe probably didn't scream like idk it was probably like when he was yelling loud about that bug in his mouth but more serious idk. but ja'marr, babyyyy ja'marr who was like 19?? a sophomore!! who was still learning how to navigate life while being in such a spotlight!! probably had some reservations on how he interacts with joe the first few years of being together yk?? i've never actually watched their lsu games lmao just compilations of their highlights but the screenshots of joe's faceee during the ole miss game and the recounts of him being weirdly pissy that game is so 😭😭 like my guy what goes onnnn ja'marr probably had his hackles up in response to joe's hackles being up. ergo saying joe 'screamed'.

hearing ja'marr's recount on how joe touched him (🥰) and told him he won't throw him the ball at all (😔) and then looking down dejected as hell saying 'okay' and taking it off like JOE IS A BULLY??????? /joking ofc but wowww ja'marr was just COLD 😭 and joe told him to suck it up basically or he won't be playing 😭😭 god what the hell is wrong with these two. joe being his star qb and senior etc ja'marr couldn't even defend himself!! his little face when he said 'i was like okay'?? cuteeeeeee had a brief urge to fight joe burrow for an event years ago that was probably not as dramatic as ja'marr made it seem lmao.

edit: i wanted to add a bit more sorry :")) when he said 'it was cool' quietly with that face!! cute as helllll etc sorry extremely biased here but anyways was it like....not cool at first? like did he pout for ages about it and fridge joe out from the entire thing that joe had to quickly change up and grovel slightly or he was going to deal with an icy ja'marr throughout what's left of their schedule 😭 just extremely cute to think about hehe

[velvetjune]

i played the remastered alan wake a while back and am replaying the original on steam, and, honestly, they’re so similar, I couldn’t tell which is which if you held up comparisons. ive come across reviews about the game looking outdated and bad (mostly compared to other releases in that time), but the original looks great and I like the hazy dark lighting for both this and awan

[joeys-babe]

Joey B Imagines: Boze Babe

___________________________________________

Summary: you see Joe’s Boze commercial for the first time and can’t help but give him a hard time over his dance moves.

Warnings: pure fluff, just some cussing, and one sexual joke.

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

Imagine Universe: Baby, I Love You

___________________________________________

September 14, 2023

Today you were just out shopping with your friends at the outlet mall, enjoying the day together.

your best friend, Taylor, brought her sixteen-year-old sister Hailey along as well. while you loved Hailey just as much as her older sister, she had a slight obsession with your boyfriend.

your boyfriend of six years, Joe Burrow. you and Joe had been together since he was a backup QB at Ohio State. you met in a shared class when you were partnered together for a project. to you, he was an incredibly sweet and cute nerd, who over time you developed a crush on.

one day Joe asked you to get lunch with him after class, which led to many more dates, which led to you moving to Louisiana with him when he transferred to LSU. now here you were, living in Cincinnati and watching Joe live out his NFL dreams.

joe was in his fourth season with the Cincinnati Bengals and you couldn’t be more proud of him. The first game of the season didn’t go as planned, Joe didn’t play his best and he was super mad at himself. you hated seeing him be so critical towards himself and you tried your best to cheer him up but nothing would work.

he was a superstitious guy no doubt so after that game Sunday the hair he’d grown out over the off-season had to go. you were a teeny bit upset at first since you loved his long hair (especially with the headbands) but you loved the fresh fade nonetheless, it was the hairstyle he had when you first fell in love with him so you had a certain attachment to it.

Hailey had already complained to you a couple of times over Joe cutting his hair and even asked you to beg Joe to grow it out again. you thought her obsession was funny and didn’t get annoyed by it, but you were not gonna relay that message to Joe.

you and Taylor were discussing your upcoming game day fits when Hailey let out a grimaced “Ohh.”

Taylor gave you a confused look after seeing her sister watching something on her phone before turning to her sister.

“what’s up?” - Taylor

“y/n have you seen Joe’s new commercial for Boze? - Hailey p

“uh no, I’ve only seen the outfits he wore over Facetime. why?” - you

“you need to put that boy in a dance class because that’s bad.” - Hailey laughed and handed you her phone

you pressed play on the video and didn’t see anything out of the ordinary at first but when you first saw Joe “bust a move” you couldn’t help but copy Hailey's previous grimace before giggling.

“he’s trying! That’s not his element at all and I think he handled it well. even if it is kinda cringe, he’s adorable and quirky at the same time.” - you

“and hot as hell” - Hailey

“hailey! shut up, and stop thirsting over my best friend's boyfriend!” - Taylor

“she’s okay Taylor, I know that joes attractive and other girls are gonna like him.” - you laughed

“It's a little disrespectful for her to say that in front of you though..” - Taylor

“I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I don’t feel threatened.” - you shrugged

“good for you girl. how about we all get some pretzels before we leave?” - Taylor

all of the girls agreed so you all went and got pretzels before making your way back to your respective cars.

you were pretty tired by the time you got home, shopping always tuckered you out so you were looking forward to cuddling with Joe till you guys went to sleep.

when you opened the front door the house was mostly quiet, the only light on downstairs was the living room lamp so you figured Joe was upstairs.

you took your shoes off of your feet and put them on the shoe rack next to Joe's much bigger pairs of Nikes. the small detail made your heart warm and all you wanted was to be close to your man after a long day.

once upstairs it didn’t take you long to find out where Joe was, you could hear the slight football sounds coming from his office meaning he was still watching the film. you slipped into your bedroom put a pair of sweatpants on, including one of Joe's shirts, and made your way back to his office door.

you barely knocked, and through the crack of the door, you saw Joe's head snap towards the direction of the door with a smile forming on his face.

“come in!” - Joe

you gently opened the door and when your full frame was in view, Joe's eyes lit up.

“Baby.” - Joe smiled

“Hi Joey, still haven’t given yourself a break, huh?” - you

Joe sighed as you made your way over to him, he was sitting on the leather couch while watching play reruns on the TV. you were worried about him, Joe had told you there was no reason for you to feel that way but you didn’t want him to be so hard on himself.

“I’m just trying to figure out what went wrong, don’t need a break.” - Joe

you plopped down onto the spot on the couch next to him, his gaze softened when he saw the look of worry on your face.

“y/n, I promise, if I need a break I’ll take one. I don’t right now.” - Joe

“I know you will, I just hate seeing you like this it makes me sad” - you

“Like what?” - joe

“you’re being so hard on yourself. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. To me you are the most talented boy in the world, while you focus on your mistakes.” - you

Joe looked at you for a few seconds without saying anything, he wasn’t mad at you, he was trying to figure out how he deserved you.

“c’mere” - Joe patted his lap, and you happily obliged

you were now straddling him, your legs on either side of his muscular thighs while your arms were around his neck. Joe's hands were placed on your back as he looked up at you with so much admiration in his eyes.

“I love you so much. you’re the best girlfriend ever, I’m so lucky to have you, baby.” - Joe hugged you close

your heart swelled when he laid his head on your shoulder and nuzzled his face into your neck.

“I love you too, honey. I’m so grateful to have a man like you next to me.” - you

you were startled when Joe abruptly pulled his head off your shoulder.

“Okay enough sappy shit, how was your day with the girls?” - Joe

his change in mood made you laugh before you answered his question.

“it was nice to catch up with them, but I have a question” - you

“I might have an answer” - Joe smiled

“When did you get your pilot license?” - you giggled when joes face contorted with confusion

“what the hell? what do you mean?” - Joe

“I saw you flew an airplane” - you laughed

“What are you talking about? Are you high?” - Joe

“no, Joey! I’m talking about your boze commercial, you did a little dance.” - you grinned

“Ohh. don’t make fun of me!” - Joe rolled his eyes

“I’m not making fun of you! I thought it was cute and funny.” - you giggled

“I tried my best..” - Joe grumbled

“I know you did, baby. I mean you’re an absolute boze babe I'm proud of you for getting out of your comfort zone.” - you smiled as you hugged his neck

“oh yeah? enough for a reward?” - Joe smirked

“Joseph Lee” - you rolled your eyes playfully

Joe laughed as he stood up with me still in his lap, he carried me into the bedroom and threw me onto the bed.

“boy I'm too tired to mess around.” - you

“oh I am too, I was hoping to cuddle” - Joe smiled

you had to blush at that. Joe never initiated the cuddling, so when he did it was always extra sweet.

he crawled into bed next to you and got comfortable before laying his head on your chest.

“Goodnight, baby. I love you” - Joe

“goodnight, joey. love you more.” - you ran one of your hands through his freshly cut hair, before placing a kiss on his forehead.

as long as Joe was by your side you knew you’d always feel happy and safe, he truly was everything you could ever want and need in a partner.

———————————————————————

authors note: my first imagine! hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it! ❤️🥰

being 0-2 deserves a fic 😭

[allpromarlo]

why are we making moves rn i was just about to sleep

[rhondafromhr]

Max and Steph roleswap AU where Steph’s the school bully/self-proclaimed God of Hatchetfield High. She started dictating what everyone can and can’t do and who’s cool and who’s a nerd and whether Kyle can date Brenda (the answer’s still no, by the way!) to gain a sense of control. Solomon scrutinizes her every move and doesn’t let her do ANYTHING that might make him look remotely bad and affect his reelection prospects. Her mom dissapeared after winning the Honey Queen pageant (but as far as Steph knows she just up and left). She has absolutely no control in her home life and had to find it elsewhere.

Do you see my vision?? We’d get a sapphic Stephgrace version of Dirty Girl. We’d get Mariah as the villain. She’s the star QB. To impress the high school football obsessed voters, Solomon forced her to either do that or cheer. It turned out she was actually really good at it and she started getting praise and admiration for once (she also gets none of that at home). Between that and being the mayor’s daughter, nobody can stand up to her. Kyle and Jason are her lackeys. Kyle still gets punched in the face for calling Grace a two bagger. Max is around and he’s like “no, I agree with Steph, Grace is kinda cute” he gets decked in the face too because he BETTER not be thinking of asking her out (poor Jason has to carry them both out).

Max is still a jock, but he plays a sport nobody at Hatchetfield High really cares about (idk lacrosse maybe), so he’s more of a fringe cool kid. Not having the power over the school he has in canon, he had to find a different way to cope with his Whole Deal so became more apathetic and adopted a cool/tough guy persona instead. He usually manages to fly under the radar, but Steph does pick on him occasionally - she copes with Solomon constantly insulting her intelligence by doing the same thing to others and Max “I’m so fuckin’ scared of skele-uhns” Jägerman is an easy mark. Kyle usually joins in out of desperation for Steph’s approval. Jason will too, but only when the others pressure him into it.

Max needs to get his grades up or he’ll be kicked off the team, so he cheats off one of the nerds, gets caught and eventually asks them to tutor him. Doesn’t matter which one, pick your poison depending on which ship or friendship you want to be the Lautski of this universe. I’m gonna make it platonic and say Richie because I love their potential friendship dynamic, I love aroace Richie and I love treating friendships with the same narrative weight as romantic relationships. Steph says hell no, the Pasqualli’s incident happens and Grace convinces them all to plan the prank.

Of course, Steph wouldn’t fall for it like Max did. She realizes what they they’re up to almost immediately, but she’s still delighted. She finds it kind of funny and endearing that they thought they could scare her with cheap costumes and creepy music. She likes that they planned the prank to get her to change her ways because it means they still think she has the potential to be good. Then she falls and they do Grace’s bury the body plan, but this is the mayor’s daughter and the police can’t write it off like they do most disappearances in Hatchetfield so they’re hot on their trail.

Also, I’m losing it thinking about how powerful Solomon’s death would be. And how fucking scared Max would be during the summoning.

[quietborderline]

Petition to ban articles from using the headline format "[Celebrity Name], best known for [list of shit]..." unless that person HAS DIED because I am so sick of having a heart attack every time Twitter or w/e decides to notify me about some random bs I care 0% about.

[mrsgucci24]

Shoutout Jherbo he’s one hell of a qb and is way too underrated

[lesbianalanwake]

Ok i didn't phrase that correctly, Alan could have asked like, Tim or somebody to help him write his way out of there and he didn't, he didn't ask for ideas or anything, which Door directly criticizes as well as the fact that Alan doesn't notice the people that want to help him get out of there. Like he could have said hey, help me save Alice to Tim or Zane, but he just put it on his own shoulders because he wanted the hero status, which is supported by the Eternal Deerfest. Like no he didn't do anything to get the dark to target him, but he didn't do anything to help himself out either, like asking the number of people down in the dark place for help or getting offended when they do try to help him (Tom Zane). His pride was that he felt that only he could help himself, if that makes sense

Tom Zane is the guy with the motif of continually trying to shove alcohol onto Alan, and is Red Flags all around, and Alan is responding to that like most people would. I wouldn't trust him either.

Alan continually forgets Tim.... Tim even comments on it. he does let Tim help him. he uses his map and supplies, and is comfortable enough to rest there with him. Tim is stuck there too and is focused on finding Door, not getting out.

who is Alan supposed to ask for help? he's surrounded by shadows that sometimes become people and attack him. he doesn't know Alice is there and guiding him, because she doesn't want him to know. the Casey in the Dark Place is hostile and unfriendly when Alan talks to him, and then dies. Alan reaches out to Jesse in the AWE DLC; she just can't do anything about it at the time. he accepts Ahti's guidance, even though Ahti is cryptic about it. he reaches out to Saga for help as soon as he's aware that she can help him, which causes what Door is actually pissed off about - putting his daughter and granddaughter in danger.

Door doesn't really know or care what's going on with Alan. he's blowing hot air because he's mad about Saga being drawn into the situation. I would even venture to guess that what Door is saying is more applicable to himself than Alan - if we take Hatch from QB into account, Door is presumably deeply stuck within the maelstrom of space-time, he schemes in a way that ultimately isolates him from people, he had bad blood with his wife's (?) family (though Tor and Odin admitted to their part in that), his own daughter has no idea of his existence or presence even though he clearly cares about her, and we only ever see him operate in facades and falsehoods. he is living in an isolated hell, whether he sees it that way or not, with no identifiable lifeline outside of it that hasn't been a bridge burned or a person unaware of his existence.

Door is probably the second-least reliable narrator (the first one being Tom Zane), and I think his statements are a reflection of himself.

Alan has many issues, and in the first game an unwillingness to accept help is one of them, but by the time of the second game, he is pretty desperate for someone's help. he's just not dumb about it (Zane), and he has every reason to doubt perceptions and appearances in The Place That Continually Fools Your Perceptions. he doesn't necessarily think that anyone else will write him out of it, because who can? who does? he isn't aware of anyone else who has both the capability and the willingness to do so. Alice does, but he doesn't know that.

his enduring flaws are really his tunnel vision and his attachment to despair (the same things that drive him into the lake for good in the first place), which in turn causes the Dark Place to warp and mirror that. he talks about hope in the second loop that we get to experience, because he has been utterly stuck in despair. going through the motions again and again because he's got a kernel of determination that won't easily let him give up, and because he knows how dire the consequences could be, when he remembers them, but at this point not really expecting anything to change (and so it doesn't stand a chance of changing at all). and Alice notably understands how to tug on those exact strings - tunnel vision and despair - to get him in a better position to get out and to break the loop into a spiral, knowing that Alan will latch on to any glimpse of her like a bloodhound and that witnessing her apparent "death" will push him over just the right edge at the right time.