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If you search for the phrase “abortion pills” on the messaging service Telegram, an array of public channels and groups pop up. Some have names like “Buy Abortion Pills” or “Abortion pills Mifepristone Misoprostol” while others offer advice on symptoms and best practices “after the pregnancy comes out.” On May 3, a post on “ABORTION PILLS MARKET” included a photo of a blister pack labeled as abortion pills, alongside the caption, “We are legit.”

There are currently more than 200 public groups and channels on Telegram that explicitly mention selling abortion pills in their name or description, a WIRED investigation found. At the end of May, the last month for which we have complete data, 57 of the 211 groups we uncovered were active, with at least one message sent in that month.

Activity found on the platform related to selling abortion pills traces back to at least 2016, and many of the channels and groups cater to customers around the world. In the year since the US Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade in June 2022, though, there’s a new focus on marketing to people in the United States, according to WIRED’s review of roughly 47,000 public messages scraped from these channels. And in general, public activity on Telegram related to abortion pills has been exploding since last summer.

“Since its creation, Telegram has actively moderated harmful content including the sale of medications,” says Telegram spokesperson Remi Vaughn. “Telegram's moderators use a combination of proactive monitoring of public chats in addition to accepting user reports in order to remove content that breaches our terms of service.”

Shady drug sellers and scams are nothing new on digital platforms. A nearly universal experience of the early consumer internet, after all, was receiving spam emails claiming to offer penis enlargement pills. And in the decades since, dark web markets have fueled illegal distribution of drugs globally. Like other prescription drugs, though, abortifacients are legal in some countries but not others. Furthermore, in some places they can be prescribed for certain purposes but not others, leaving patients to potentially seek ways to fill in the gaps for their own care. In the US, access to reproductive care, including abortifacients, varies widely from state to state.

Despite the clear uptick in activity on Telegram related to abortion pills, researchers say that they don’t see evidence of a massive new movement to illegally sell abortifacients to Americans. Kat Green, an abortion access researcher and founder of the online data analysis platform Endora, says that illegal sales of abortifacients, and corresponding questions about legitimacy and safety, aren’t currently central topics in US abortion access work. In part, this is likely because it’s still legal in many US states for patients to get abortion pills by mail. And prescribed use of these pills, also known as medication abortion, is markedly on the rise in the US. But as new and pending legal challenges threaten to further curtail access, illicit sales could eventually expand.

Analysis of frequently used phrases in the Telegram message trove WIRED collected shows that a large number of these groups and channels don’t just claim to sell abortion pills. Phrases like “weight loss,” “muscle mass,” and “erection pill” were among the 10 most popular two-word phrases that appeared in the data set. And thousands of additional messages mentioned “benzos,” “painkillers,” “Xanax,” “weed,” “coke,” and “guns.” In all, at least a quarter of the channels appear to be hawking more than just abortifacients.

Hundreds of messages from the data that contained pricing information indicate that the average cost of purchasing a purported pack of abortion pills on Telegram is currently $135.

WIRED’s investigation also indicates that the abortion pill ecosystem on Telegram is likely a small world. Analysis of the members and administrators who send messages in the groups and channels shows that many of the accounts are likely controlled by the same individuals. For example, a user going by the name Dr. Pooja Gupta has sent 1,500 messages across nine channels or groups advertising the sale of abortion pills. Dr. Pooja uses a WhatsApp number that is referenced by administrators in 14 additional channels. And some of them use similar names like Doctor Jain and Doctor Reenu. Many of these messages also referenced the same website.

After joining several of Dr. Pooja Gupta’s channels, WIRED reporters received a private Telegram message from a user known as Manisha Gupta offering medication abortion for $90. When WIRED reporters expressed interest in making a purchase, a person prepared the order and sent an image showing a blister pack of pills, and an envelope with that day's date as well as the address WIRED provided for shipment. The return address written on the envelope was a location in Mumbai, India.

Still messaging on Telegram, a person then sent account information for Punjab National Bank and directed WIRED to submit payment through a service called Remitly. WIRED reporters did not complete the transaction. When asked whether they have had more US-based customers in recent months, the person said, “since new laws I am send to America much more.”

Some groups on Telegram have US-specific names or descriptions, like “Abortion Pills in Republican States,” but most have more generic names and claim to deliver to dozens of countries. For instance, one of the largest and most active channels in the data set dates from August 2021 and is apparently specifically geared toward delivering abortion pills to Dubai, Kuwait, Qatar, and the Philippines—all countries where legal access to abortion is restricted.

Last June, researchers from the security firm DarkOwl noticed a sharp increase in discussions on the dark web about connecting abortion-seekers in the US with abortifacients and other resources. Some vendors that already sold illegal drugs said they would begin selling medication abortion as well. At the time, though, the researchers said that they didn’t actually see abortion pills widely available for sale on most dark web markets, but that “they are available for purchase via threads in discussion forums, as well as classified-style advertisements on transient paste services.”

Ian Gray, director of analysis and research at the security firm Flashpoint, says that turning points like the Covid-19 pandemic or the fall of Roe for the US can spark trends in digital scams and illicit online sales. But a survey Gray conducted for WIRED of dark web advertising targeted at the US over the last year did not reveal a dramatic spike in content related to abortifacients.

“At a high level, it's difficult to identify a significant increase in chatter related to abortion pills due to Roe v Wade being overturned last year,” Gray says. He notes, though, that “there are a limited number of posts within the past year in marketplaces, which may indicate demand. Most posts, at least on Twitter and some within Telegram, are in Brazilian Portuguese, likely due to a ban on abortion pills.”

As with many medical procedures, the stakes are extremely high in medication abortion. But the patchwork of laws and access in the US could make the landscape particularly fraught for patients in need who may eventually turn to illicit markets out of desperation.

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 Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health conditions globally, with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) affecting millions of people each year. Understanding GAD, its symptoms, treatments, and how medications like Xanax can be part of the solution, is critical for those seeking relief from this often debilitating condition.

In this article, we’ll explore the intricacies of GAD, delve into how buying Xanax might be part of a treatment plan, and provide actionable tips for managing anxiety effectively.

What is Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)?

Generalized Anxiety Disorder is characterized by persistent and excessive worry about everyday things, such as work, family, health, or finances. Unlike normal anxiety, which is fleeting and situation-specific, GAD lingers for months or years, often interfering with daily life.

Common Symptoms of GAD

Persistent worry or fear.

Restlessness or feeling on edge.

Difficulty concentrating.

Muscle tension.

Irritability.

Sleep disturbances, such as insomnia.

If left untreated, GAD can lead to other issues like depression, substance abuse, or chronic physical health problems.

The Role of Medications in Treating GAD

While therapy (e.g., Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is a cornerstone of GAD treatment, medications are often prescribed to help manage symptoms. One of the most well-known medications for anxiety is Xanax (alprazolam).

What is Xanax?

Xanax belongs to a class of drugs called benzodiazepines. It works by enhancing the effects of GABA, a neurotransmitter in the brain, to produce a calming effect. This makes it highly effective for short-term relief from anxiety symptoms.

Why People Consider Buying Xanax for Anxiety Relief

1. Immediate Symptom Relief

One of the biggest advantages of Xanax is its fast-acting nature. It begins to work within 15–30 minutes, providing immediate relief for those experiencing acute anxiety or panic attacks.

2. Easy Accessibility

For individuals struggling to access mental health care or waiting for therapy to take effect, many consider buying Xanax online as a practical solution. However, it’s crucial to ensure that you purchase from a reputable source to avoid counterfeit medications.

3. Enhancing Quality of Life

By reducing anxiety symptoms, Xanax enables individuals to focus on their daily activities, work, and relationships without the constant burden of worry.

How to Buy Xanax Safely Online

If you’re considering buying Xanax, safety should be your top priority. The internet has made medications more accessible, but it has also opened the door to potential risks. Here are some tips to ensure a safe purchasing experience:

Choose a Reputable Pharmacy: Opt for licensed online pharmacies that require a prescription.

Verify the Product: Check the medication's packaging, manufacturer details, and dosage to ensure authenticity.

Consult a Healthcare Provider: Always consult with a medical professional before starting any new medication.

Avoid Counterfeit Products: Be wary of websites offering excessively low prices or no prescription requirements.

Xanax Dosage and Usage for GAD

Xanax is typically prescribed in doses ranging from 0.25 mg to 2 mg, depending on the severity of the symptoms. It’s crucial to follow your doctor’s instructions closely to avoid side effects or dependence.

Potential Side Effects

While Xanax is effective, it does come with potential side effects, including:

Drowsiness.

Dizziness.

Fatigue.

Memory problems.

Dependency with prolonged use.

This is why Xanax is generally recommended for short-term use or as part of a broader treatment plan.

Alternatives to Xanax for Managing GAD

If you’re hesitant about using medications or want additional tools to manage anxiety, consider the following alternatives:

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is a highly effective therapy for GAD, focusing on identifying and changing negative thought patterns.

2. Lifestyle Modifications

Exercise: Regular physical activity reduces stress hormones and boosts mood.

Diet: A balanced diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids and whole grains can improve brain health.

Sleep Hygiene: Establishing a consistent sleep routine can alleviate anxiety symptoms.

3. Natural Remedies

Herbal supplements like chamomile or valerian root.

Mindfulness and meditation practices.

4. Other Medications

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such as sertraline or fluoxetine, are also commonly prescribed for GAD.

Tips for Managing GAD Effectively

Educate Yourself: Understanding your condition empowers you to make informed decisions.

Build a Support System: Talk to friends, family, or join support groups.

Practice Relaxation Techniques: Deep breathing, yoga, and progressive muscle relaxation can reduce stress.

Set Realistic Goals: Break tasks into manageable steps to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Track Your Progress: Keeping a journal can help identify triggers and measure improvement.

Addressing Concerns About Xanax Use

Is Xanax Addictive?

Yes, Xanax can be habit-forming if used improperly. This is why it’s essential to use it under medical supervision and for short durations.

Can I Stop Xanax Abruptly?

No, stopping Xanax suddenly can lead to withdrawal symptoms. Always consult your doctor about tapering off the medication.

The Bottom Line: Is Buying Xanax Right for You?

Living with GAD can feel overwhelming, but effective treatments like Xanax can offer much-needed relief. If you’re considering buying Xanax, ensure that it’s part of a comprehensive treatment plan that includes therapy and lifestyle adjustments.

Remember, mental health is a journey, and finding the right balance of tools and support is key to managing anxiety successfully.

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Overcome Anxiety: Fix Your Anxiety with Xanax

Anxiety affects millions in the U.S. and can cause emotional and physical discomfort. It can feel overwhelming. We want to show how Xanax can help manage anxiety. This drug has helped many people feel better.

We also talk about how to buy anxiety pills online safely. But, always talk to a doctor before starting any new medicine. For more information, visit our website at https://onlinepharm4u.com/or call us for 24/7 help to buy Xanax 2 mg online safely and affordably.

Key Takeaways

Anxiety disorders affect millions of Americans each year.

Xanax offers an effective solution for many individuals struggling with anxiety.

Consult a healthcare provider to ensure proper use of Xanax.

Safe online purchasing options are available for Xanax.

Our representatives are available 24/7 to assist with your needs.

Understanding Anxiety and Its Symptoms

Anxiety is a common issue that affects many people. It brings emotional and physical symptoms that can change daily life. Knowing these symptoms and what triggers them is key to managing them well. Let's dive into these topics to understand anxiety disorders better.

The Emotional and Physical Symptoms of Anxiety

Those with anxiety often feel a mix of emotions and physical signs. Emotional symptoms include:

Excessive worry about everyday things

Feelings of panic or dread

Tension and restlessness

Physical symptoms can also show up, like:

Rapid heartbeat or palpitations

Increased sweating

Fatigue and sleep problems

Knowing these symptoms is crucial for those looking into panic disorder treatment or thinking about anxiety medication options.

Common Triggers of Anxiety

Many things can set off anxiety. Spotting these can help us handle it better. Common triggers are:

Stressful situations, like work or relationship problems

Health worries about the future

Social situations that make you uncomfortable or scared

By knowing these triggers, we can act early to lessen their effects. This helps us manage anxiety better.

The Role of Xanax in Treating Anxiety

Xanax, also known as alprazolam, is a key tool in fighting anxiety disorders. It's a widely used medicine that helps people deal with anxiety by affecting brain chemicals. Knowing how it works shows why it's so effective against different anxiety conditions.

What is Xanax and How Does It Work?

Xanax is a type of benzodiazepine that boosts the effect of gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA). This chemical helps calm the nervous system, leading to less anxiety and panic. Taking Xanax can make these symptoms go away, helping people feel more in control.

Types of Anxiety Disorders Treated by Xanax

Xanax helps with many anxiety disorders. Some of these include:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Panic Disorder

Social Anxiety Disorder

Agoraphobia

Each disorder has its own set of challenges. It's important to know how Xanax works to understand its benefits. By addressing the unique symptoms of these disorders, Xanax can make daily life easier and improve well-being.

Type of Anxiety Disorder

Description

Treatment with Xanax

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Characterized by excessive worry about various aspects of life.

Helps reduce constant anxiety and promote relaxation.

Panic Disorder

Involves recurrent panic attacks and intense fear.

Provides quick relief from panic symptoms.

Social Anxiety Disorder

Fear of social interactions and judgment.

Reduces anxiety in social situations.

Agoraphobia

Fear of being in situations where escape may be difficult.

Lessens anxiety about leaving safe places.

Fix Your Anxiety with Xanax

For many, Xanax is a quick fix for anxiety. It's made to ease acute anxiety fast, especially during panic or stress. Its quick action helps users feel calm and in control when they need it most.

How Xanax Can Provide Immediate Relief

Xanax works fast to reduce anxiety. People often see symptom relief in hours, which is key during panic attacks. For those looking for quick anxiety relief, Xanax can be a big help, easing distress and bringing back normalcy.

The Appropriate Xanax Dosage for Anxiety

Finding the right Xanax dosage is key. It should match each person's needs, under a doctor's guidance. This approach helps get the best results while avoiding side effects. Always talk to a doctor to find the best dosage for you, ensuring safe and effective anxiety management.

Comparing Xanax with Alternative Anxiety Medications

When looking at ways to treat anxiety, it's key to compare different options. Xanax is known for fast relief from anxiety. But, we should also look at the pros and cons of Xanax versus other treatments like SSRIs and natural remedies.

Pros and Cons of Xanax vs. Other Medications

Xanax works fast to ease anxiety. But, it can make you feel sleepy and may lead to addiction if used too long. SSRIs work slower but are safer for ongoing anxiety care. Knowing the good and bad of Xanax helps us make better choices with our doctors.

Natural Alternatives for Anxiety Relief

There are also natural ways to help with anxiety. Herbal supplements like valerian root and passionflower can calm you down. Activities like mindfulness meditation and yoga also improve mental health. These can work alongside or instead of medicines, offering a full approach to anxiety.

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FAQ

What is Xanax and what is it used for?

Xanax is also known as alprazolam. It's a medicine used to treat anxiety and panic disorders. It helps by making a brain chemical called GABA work well, which calms us down.

How can we buy Xanax online safely?

To buy Xanax online, get it from a trusted pharmacy that needs a doctor's prescription. Make sure the online pharmacy is licensed and follows the rules.

What are the common side effects of Xanax?

Side effects of Xanax include feeling sleepy, dizzy, dry mouth, and changes in how much we eat. Always talk to a doctor before starting this medicine.

How does Xanax compare to other anxiety medications?

Xanax helps with sudden anxiety attacks, which can be a big help in tough times. But, it can be addictive. Other medicines like SSRIs might help over time with fewer side effects. It's important to compare these options for our treatment plan.

What is the appropriate dosage of Xanax for anxiety?

The right dose of Xanax depends on each person and their health history. Always talk to a doctor to find the best dose that works well without too many side effects.

Are there natural alternatives to Xanax for anxiety relief?

Yes, there are natural ways to help with anxiety like valerian root and passionflower. We can also try mindfulness, yoga, and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). These can be good additions to our mental health care.

What should we know about managing anxiety naturally?

To manage anxiety naturally, we should live a healthy life with exercise, good food, enough sleep, and stress-reducing activities. Adding these healthy habits to our treatment can make us feel better overall.

Can Xanax help with panic disorder treatment?

Yes, Xanax is often given for panic disorder because it works fast and helps lessen panic attacks. This can help people feel more in control of their anxiety.

How long does it take for Xanax to work?

Xanax starts working in 30 minutes to an hour after taking it. This quick action makes it great for people who need fast relief from anxiety or panic attacks.

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Medical Uses of Illicit Drugs: An Examination

The internet has revolutionized many aspects of life, including the way people access medications and substances. This article delves into the potential medical uses and implications of various substances that can be purchased online, albeit often illegally. Specifically, we will explore crystal meth, crack cocaine, Colombian cocaine, marijuana, Trainwreck, alprazolam powder, and Ozempic sourced from Mexico.

Crystal Meth

Crystal methamphetamine, commonly known as crystal meth, is a potent stimulant that affects the central nervous system. While its abuse is well-documented and associated with severe health risks, methamphetamine does have legitimate medical uses.

Medically, methamphetamine is used in the treatment of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and certain cases of obesity. Marketed under the brand name Desoxyn, it is prescribed in much lower doses than those typically abused. The medication works by increasing the release of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, which helps improve focus and reduce impulsive behaviors in ADHD patients. For obesity, it is used as a short-term adjunct in a regimen of weight reduction based on caloric restriction.

Crack Cocaine and Colombian Cocaine

Crack cocaine and powdered cocaine, including varieties such as Colombian cocaine, are notorious for their high potential for abuse and addiction. However, they have historical and limited contemporary medical uses.

Cocaine is an effective local anesthetic and vasoconstrictor. It is still used in some medical procedures, particularly in otolaryngology (ear, nose, and throat surgeries) and ophthalmology (eye surgeries). Cocaine's ability to numb tissue and reduce bleeding makes it useful in these specialized surgical contexts. However, due to its high potential for abuse and the availability of safer alternatives, its use is tightly controlled and very limited.

Marijuana

Marijuana, or cannabis, has been used medicinally for thousands of years. With the growing legalization movement, its medical uses have come under rigorous scientific scrutiny.

Medical marijuana is used to treat a variety of conditions, including chronic pain, nausea and vomiting associated with chemotherapy, multiple sclerosis spasticity, and epilepsy. Cannabinoids, the active compounds in marijuana, interact with the body's endocannabinoid system to produce therapeutic effects. For example, THC (tetrahydrocannabinol) can help reduce pain and stimulate appetite, while CBD (cannabidiol) is known for its anti-inflammatory and anti-anxiety properties.

The strain known as Trainwreck, a hybrid cannabis strain, is particularly noted for its high THC content, which can be effective in managing severe pain and reducing symptoms of PTSD and anxiety.

Alprazolam Powder

Alprazolam, commonly known by its brand name Xanax, is a medication primarily used to treat anxiety and panic disorders. It belongs to the benzodiazepine class, which works by enhancing the effects of the neurotransmitter GABA in the brain, producing a calming effect.

In powdered form, alprazolam is used in pharmaceutical manufacturing but is also sought after illicitly due to its high potential for abuse and addiction. Medically, alprazolam is valuable for its rapid onset of action, which can provide quick relief for acute anxiety episodes. However, it must be used under strict medical supervision to avoid dependency and adverse effects.

Ozempic Sourced Online from Mexico

Ozempic (semaglutide) is a medication used for managing type 2 diabetes and, more recently, for weight loss. It is a GLP-1 receptor agonist that helps regulate blood sugar levels by stimulating insulin secretion and reducing glucagon release. It also slows gastric emptying, which can contribute to weight loss by promoting a feeling of fullness.

While Ozempic is a prescription medication in the United States, some individuals seek to purchase it online from countries like Mexico, where it may be available without a prescription and at a lower cost. However, this practice carries significant risks, including the potential for receiving counterfeit or unsafe medications, and the lack of professional medical guidance in its use.

Risks and Ethical Considerations

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4/1/24

6:58 p.m Updated/Added to/Edited

I did the thyroid ultrasound and returned my Oakley glasses which makes me feel a lot better about getting 15% back on both purchases due to the anti reflective blue streaking.

I got 15% back on both purchases- the 2 pairs of Beau frames and the Ray-Bans. I'm getting my new Ray-Bans soon and the rimless. I ended up getting refunded 47$ in Total.

So I spent 229$ on two pairs of Ray-Bans, two pairs of Beau and the rimless. I feel like an asshole sorta but at least I sent back the Oakley. I could have gotten away with keeping them and I know it. I couldn't live with myself. I felt too much like an asshole and I couldn't wear the Oakley anyways.

Beyond that I'm not lying about the anti reflective blue streaking and then my Ray-Bans are somehow covered in scratches God knows how. I never dropped them. I use a microfiber cloth and I wash them in cold water and soap....so I'm not an asshole.

And beyond that the case came with the lined inner fabric covered in black specks.... for both the Oakley and Ray-Bans which I complained about which is why they are sending me a new case as well.

So I'm getting the rimless, an extra pair of Ray-Bans and a case with that 15% back. The Ray-Bans come with a specialty case. The rimless will come with the free of charge case they are giving me. I know the eyebuy case will be clean, I just hope the Ray-Bans speciality one is. I just hope the lenses and case are up quality and clean especially the lenses with no blue streaking and no scratches.

I don't see them unless the sun hits them a certain way and mostly I don't..... like 99% of the time I do not see it... but this is the issue with being a glasses wearer besides being labeled as a nerd. They get dirty easily. They are hard to clean and the lenses from online orders are not always perfect.

Next year I'm bringing my two Ray-Bans to lenscrafters and having them make my lenses. And I'll just get half frames from eyebuy and Maybe rimless if I like the look.

Anyways end rant about my glasses.

I'm talking to Reilly. She asked about work. I came up with I am thinking about getting my PhD, not a total lie and that I want to be a stay at home dad. I mean she has 4 kids and that last part of it is the truth. She might be losing interest. She recommended teaching assistant jobs. Like lady, you got 4 kids. One is a fucking one year old and I'm spelling it out, i would stay home and take care of them and bring them everywhere and all I want is love in return and to feel like I have a family.. If I'm not good enough for you fuck off.

I'm still in love with Elise anyways. It's just Reilly is the only pretty girl I've matched with. I guess I'm going to have to be single for a while.

This week I'm like wait I did the ultrasound. I got phone calls. Omg I don't have to leave the house other than for groceries??? I mean I may do the MacBook soon...

I'm in awee. I do got to get that inhibitor test scheduled I'm waiting on my doctor. I also got to get my Xanax on Friday.. but it's renewable tomorrow. I won't pick it up until Friday.

I called my endo and told him about my muscle spasms and said I'd like to get to the eye doctor asap. I'm awaiting his call. He usually is prompt so I don't know what's going on but I left a message and said I'm not taking the statin anymore unless he wants me to try it for a few more days and if it happens again I'm not going to take Ibuprofen constantly to stop muscle spasms.

I am still trying to get my disability appt rescheduled. I called but they can't do later then 1:30...... I could be losing backpay I really don't know what to do. Maybe my alarm will wake me up but it's the same day as my quest appt. I'm going to feel fucking shitty....

Also in regards to Mike I wrote out lists. Pros and cons.... I'm going to stick it out and see him for maybe a couple more weeks. I'm not going to tell him why I'm leaving as I want him on my side and I don't want to yell at him again cause I want to leave him on the report.

I know he will say, "Nathan can't work on his ocd bc of the auditory hallucination. The voice makes his ocd worse. Yet His functionality is impressive. He gets a lot done and more than he did before psychosis. He is intelligent, proactive and completely based in reality."

I did tell him about Elise the whole story in February and I told him never to tell anyone and he said, "I never would, but now I don't think you were delusional at all. Now I understand exactly why you thought she was going to show up for you. Tbh I think she may one day but I know you don't want to believe anymore. Despite this, you were never delusional considering this whole story. I think she may have feelings for you."

So what I'm going to do is lie and say I found another voice hearing therapist and that bc I can't focus on my ocd, I need to work on coping with my hallucination ruining my quality of life. And I'll come back when I recover.

So I can tie it all in a bow and leave on good terms and make sure when they call him he will support me in a positive way.

I hate that I got to see him for a couple more weeks but I feel I need to. I just won't make eye contact and I'll talk at him. I'm good at talking at people.

I'm going to just stick with Erin and hopefully Danielle will reach out to other therapists otherwise I'll go to therapy 2 days a week with Erin until I can stomach the dehumanization, stigmatization and discrimination of being a transman who hears voices.

It's just not worth it to me, to keep seeing Mike and its even more not conductive to my mental health to be rejected by so many therapists and out myself at the moment. I personally cannot deal with the stigma, the dehumanization and the discrimination.

Yet I need 3 days a week but I've got to put myself first. Mike I've given a fair chance, over a year now and I can't fucking stand him. It's not his fucking penis. It's his personality and therapy. I often get mad and upset after our appts. That's not how it's supposed to be.

Anyways, I've been obsessed with this song, "shape shift" by Silverstein.... it somewhat reminds me of Elise not really but parts of it.

"I don't know if there is a difference between who you are and who you pretend to be. I never stood a chance here did I?"

"I only see what you want me to see."

It feels somewhat cruel. I don't think she pretended to be anyone. I think I saw her soul. I just think she can't be here right now. Although I do believe I never stood a chance.

I believe I shouldn't believe in her in regards to romance anyways but I only see what she wants me to see. And she's given me reason to believe in friendship at least..

I get we have a tricky situation between our relationship and my feelings. Although if you're here and you listen, I do believe in you. I believe in those eyes.

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