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Dusting the blog off

10 years ago, something-realness seemed fresh. Probably not to the queers who had been using for years before the explosion of RuPaul’s Drag Race, but one of the delights of culture is the false sense of hope that you were the first to discover the hot new turn of phrase – and the humbling moment of realising nothing is new, and everything has been done before.

This blog has gathered Internet dust for nearly a decade, and I’m choosing to blow some of that off entirely for my own gratification. I last wrote a misty-eyed travel diary when I was 24, and I just turned 33. That’s not to say I haven’t holidayed in the meantime, but I certainly hadn’t been back to the heady smells, sights, and sounds of South East Asia.

There’s also something deeply satisfying to someone who has lived over half their existence online to find that I can access an account untouched for 10 years, and pick it up where I left it. Where did those years go? On Tumblr, nothing has changed. Well some things have changed.

On my original big backpacking moment, the story I tell myself now is that there was a choice between 3 weeks in Vietnam, or a week in Japan. We simply did not have the money to do both, and no regrets, for Japan revealed itself to be my favourite country in the world to visit to this very day, and indeed I shall return in the not-too-distant future for more sushi trains, whiskey highballs, and Tokyo DisneySea.

That decision created a mysterious and magical ‘the one that got away’ allure to Vietnam. Living in Australia for the decade since, I am blessed to be exposed to top-shelf, five-star Vietnamese cuisine and coffee whenever I so desire, but how would a bowl of steaming phở taste in the country it hailed whence from, on a rainy Hanoi morning, ideally on the street (but under shelter)?

I first booked a holiday to Vietnam in December 2019, for the following April 2020. I had found some reasonable flights with Cathay Pacific, and my boyfriend’s family were in the middle of three enormous bushfire fronts blazing through the Snowy Mountains. I had a feeling that the coming months would be quite challenging, and a holiday in April would be well-timed. I think I was also eager to plan an escape route.

That trip didn’t go ahead for reasons clear to anyone with a sense of consciousness, and the following years passed.

Cheap flights presented themselves in June 2023. There was some debate on whether we could afford to go after a fabulous summer in the UK, but in the spirit of ‘life is for living’, flights were purchased. The spreadsheet from 2019 was (also) dusted off, and it was a delight to find that a few extra cities could be squeezed in with the extra time we had.

In September, Tom had a stroke. Standing over his bedside next to his sister in the days following, I hissed at his sister how I had been thwarted yet again. Dark humour to hold back the sobbing, but there also truth in jest! In an absolutely thrilling turn of events, and partially due to his youth, Tom’s recovery was lightspeed. Within two weeks, we were home recuperating, with the advice from doctors ringing in our ears – within three months of the accident, the chances of being able to travel overseas would be very positive.

Honestly, say less!

Fast forward to late November, and an apprehensive but giddy self and stroke-victim-spouse are in an Uber to Sydney Airport, with a driver asking if we are heading to Vietnam for all the beautiful ladies.

Next up, Ho Chi Minh City.

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Before Buy Xanax UK or any other prescription drug online, speak with a healthcare professional. A qualified medical professional can evaluate your health and offer guidance on dosage and usage, ensuring that Xanax is safe and suited for you.

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Canzana CBD Oil United Kingdom Updated Reviews 2020

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There are 2 means to make use of CBD Oil for obtaining relief from discomfort. Initially, area 1-2 decreases of CBD Oil under your tongue and also shut your mouth. Second, the very best method to eat CBD Oil is the very first technique however in case you don't like its preference after that obtain 1-2 decreases on your hand and also massage over the area you are experiencing pain and see to it obtains soaked up in the skin entirely. In the event, you have any other inquiries regarding the use of Canzana CBD Oil, you can ask us through the remark section listed below. What is Canzana CBD Oil Benefits? Canzana CBD Oil is beneficial for getting over anxiety as well as stress and anxiety It is very practical in obtaining relief from persistent and also old age joints pain It can assist individuals leave clinical depression In addition to the above advantages, it has neurological advantages as well It has anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory homes Increases the concentration power of a person Boost the immune system Cures mood swing in addition to sleep problems Offered without prescription from a specialist Totally all-natural as well as any person can eat it How to know the CBD Oil you are utilizing is secure to utilize CBD Oil is not legal in all the countries but you can still buy it since the FDA does not manage it as well as it is readily available as a nutritional supplement for all. But still, there are some standards that are released by the UK govt to make sure it does not impact the wellness of a brain. Actually CBD does not impact the THC discovered in Cannabis plants in addition to CBD makes an individual mind high. So, right here's the guide that can aid you understand the CBD Oil you are using is secure to utilize. Ensure the firm has supplied all the details i.e. the quantity of CBD and THC in the product The allowed limitation for THC to eat is only 0.1%. The lower the THC percentage the much more secure the product is to utilize as well as the other way around And Optimum amount of CBD an individual can take is 1600 mg CBD intake varies from person to person's body weight. According to "medicalnewtoday" begin with 2.5 mg per kilogram of your body and also you can go as high as 5 mg per kilo of your body weight. For more info on this see the above-given link. Who can Utilize Canzana CBD Oil? Canzana CBD Oil aids an individual to get remedy for chronic pain and joint discomforts. It is drawn out from the herbal plant and also does not have any type of negative effects. 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Individuals throughout the world are utilizing it and are extremely pleased with the outcomes it supplies once you start to eat it. Where to buy Canzana CBD Oil in the UK? Whether you are living in the UK or in various other countries. The Canzana CBD Oil is readily available to purchase from the official website only. Since the company has not yet made this item to any kind of online e-commerce store and other neighborhood drugs save except its main website. We think the company has taken this decision to stop the duplicity and to see to it the client constantly obtain the top quality product. And it is certainly a wise choice by the company. Purchase Canzana CBD Oil Click the above web link It will reroute you to the main internet site Feel up the asked information and Click on the area your order currently Within 7 working days excluding the legal holiday of your country. The item will be supplied to your doorsteps. Actual testimonials of Canzana CBD Oil Amanda:-- A couple of years earlier, when my initial infant was birthed, my back got hurt because of deficiency of calcium as a result of which I was absolutely powerless. Becuause the doctor claimed that this problem will stay life lengthy and will certainly enhance with time. Canzana CBD Benefits needed to take pain reliever, after that, I was able to do my everyday work a bit. Because of taking much more pain reliever, my kidneys also started getting impacted, after that once I saw something online, which was the Canzana CBD Oil. Then I started research and also review some Canzana CBD Oil UK Real User testimonial as well as after having a conversation with several of them in different online forums. I ordered this oil, after 3 days, oil pertained to my residence as well as I utilized it. This oil had the ability to do what was not done after a lot of treatment. Currently I can run as well as play with my kids. I have no word on how to thank the manufacturers of this oil. I would certainly much like to say that if you are likewise tired of using various products, then I would absolutely suggest utilizing this oil once. Many thanks, Amanda. Final Words - Canzana CBD Oil Canzana CBD Oil is prepared from natural cannabis and also helps plants and consists of permitted THC in it. Even the company does not utilize the chemicals for its extraction that includes making use of butane as well as various other chemical substances. Put simply, it is a one-stop option for the majority of health issue. 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Canzana CBD Oil United Kingdom Updated Reviews 2020

Canzana CBD Oil UK: While CBD Oil is quickly readily available in the UK nowadays because the U.K. has lower Marijuana policies on use than the other countries. But still locating the high quality CBD Oil is a huge challenge. Due to the fact that there are a lot of brands that claim to offer the most effective top quality but the concern is just how to identify which is the most effective. So to make you buy the most effective product for your wellness we have actually tried several items. And also we located the Canzana CBD Oil UK is the most effective Cannabidiol Oil. Canzana CBD UK Today's post is an in-depth testimonial of this product. So keep reading. Till currently we have informed you only the item name. And it has actually addressed your one issue i.e. which is one of the most suitable CBD Oil and you have actually conserved the money that you can have squandered on buying and also trying the item. Most of all, jeopardizing with your health eating the low-grade CBD items. Still, there is a whole lot to learn about Canzana CBD Oil like why we are advising this, etc. What is Canzana CBD Oil? In Canzana CBD Oil UK, Canzana is the firm name and also CBD represent Cannabidiol Oil. Cannabidiol is a compound extracted from the cannabis plants and additionally from the hemp in which THC is extremely reduced It is getting much popularity around the world due to the fact that like THC which exists in cannabis plants as well as Cannabis doesn't make you high. Put simply, it does not influence your brain It is really handy if you wish to get relief from persistent pain. Apart from this it has lots of other wellness advantages which we will discuss even more in this post. So maintain analysis. https://form.jotform.com/canzanacbdoil/canzana-cbd-oil-uk-canzana-cbd How does Canzana CBD Oil Work? In the body, ECS is in charge of the appropriate functioning of your physical as well as emotional activities that are much quite related to the brain. 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What is Canzana CBD Oil Benefits? Canzana CBD Oil is beneficial for getting over anxiety as well as stress and anxiety It is very practical in obtaining relief from persistent and also old age joints pain It can assist individuals leave clinical depression In addition to the above advantages, it has neurological advantages as well It has anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory homes Increases the concentration power of a person Boost the immune system Cures mood swing in addition to sleep problems Offered without prescription from a specialist Totally all-natural as well as any person can eat it How to know the CBD Oil you are utilizing is secure to utilize CBD Oil is not legal in all the countries but you can still buy it since the FDA does not manage it as well as it is readily available as a nutritional supplement for all. But still, there are some standards that are released by the UK govt to make sure it does not impact the wellness of a brain. Actually CBD does not impact the THC discovered in Cannabis plants in addition to CBD makes an individual mind high. So, right here's the guide that can aid you understand the CBD Oil you are using is secure to utilize. Ensure the firm has supplied all the details i.e. the quantity of CBD and THC in the product The allowed limitation for THC to eat is only 0.1%. The lower the THC percentage the much more secure the product is to utilize as well as the other way around And Optimum amount of CBD an individual can take is 1600 mg CBD intake varies from person to person's body weight. According to "medicalnewtoday" begin with 2.5 mg per kilogram of your body and also you can go as high as 5 mg per kilo of your body weight. For more info on this see the above-given link. Who can Utilize Canzana CBD Oil? Canzana CBD Oil aids an individual to get remedy for chronic pain and joint discomforts. It is drawn out from the herbal plant and also does not have any type of negative effects. And there are many restorative benefits of it. Anyone can use Canzana CBD Oil. You do not require any kind of prescription to begin utilizing it. Due to the fact that it has been prepared after a lot of study by listening from the able researcher examining the wellness benefits of CBD for the body. If you are in need of much better mobility, vigor, and immunity for a much better life then you can eat it. If you really feel an absence of stamina as well as energy and also you are getting overweight as a result of weak metabolism then start consuming it today. Why buy Canzana CBD Oil UK? Canzana CBD Oil UK is obtained from the full-spectrum CBD only from the lawful hemp production and also consists of THC which is a psychoactive element discovered in the cannabis plant, in the allowable limit i.e. less than 0.2%. The item is validated by the different ISO-certified laboratories. 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Actual testimonials of Canzana CBD Oil Amanda:-- A couple of years earlier, when my initial infant was birthed, my back got hurt because of deficiency of calcium as a result of which I was absolutely powerless. Becuause the doctor claimed that this problem will stay life lengthy and will certainly enhance with time. I needed to take pain reliever, after that, I was able to do my everyday work a bit. Because of taking much more pain reliever, my kidneys also started getting impacted, after that once I saw something online, which was the Canzana CBD Oil. Then I started research and also review some Canzana CBD Oil UK Real User testimonial as well as after having a conversation with several of them in different online forums. I ordered this oil, after 3 days, oil pertained to my residence as well as I utilized it. This oil had the ability to do what was not done after a lot of treatment. Currently I can run as well as play with my kids. 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ON TYRANNY - An Unsolicited Tarot Tour, pt. III

I didn’t intend for these posts to be a catalog of how fast the world can change, but last week the UK officially left the European Union, and the GOP-led Senate voted to end the impeachment trial without calling a single witness, ending this week in acquittal.

From inside my home, you can’t tell the difference; walking around in my neighborhood, nothing seems to have changed. That’s the curious nature of trying to stay well-informed, isn’t it? All of the bad news has an atmospheric quality; we receive it digitally and then project it around ourselves like a vaporous envelope, the opacity of which we can adjust at will.

As I twiddle with the settings of my own envelope, I try to ask myself: am I remembering to rest and enjoy my time at home, or am I using the privacy as cover for tormenting myself? Am I a being a true neighbor and citizen as I scuttle about in the world, or am I merely perceiving others as obstacles, intruders, unwelcome distractions, and blocking them out? 

Am I embodying my fear? As I struggle to process and contain all the bad news, do I become the bad news? 

It often feels like I end up overcompensating in order to prove I’m not adversely affected. Sometimes that’s impossible, and the envelope around me is fully opaque. If I’m lucky I can ride my bike down to the river and sit for a while, dial it back, absorb a broader perspective.

If I’m lucky.

The book ON TYRANNY presents a series of tasks aimed at challenging our own perceptions while also tracking changes in the world around us. A historian, Timothy Snyder seems to appreciate the sort of mental hygiene that regular people must use to cope with the dread and futility that become our constant helpmeets as dangerous forces rise to power. We grow attached to their presence, and come to trust them more than the wild interlopers that sometimes come galloping through, such as, say, hope. Or bravery, which requires the possibility of great sacrifice. 

Dread and futility require nothing of us, except to observe, and to hurt. Oh that’s handy, I can do that! But these become such all-consuming preoccupations that we mistake them for activity. Sharing a news story is like bearing witness: I was here, I heard about it, I grieved, I passed it on. A complete cycle we can repeat until we’re limp with exhaustion.

Hope less comfortable, and harder to pass along. It requires one’s spirit to run counter to the movements of the tide. That’s why it’s so valuable, and why it’s a distinctly anti-fascist instinct. Hope represents everything about a human that simply can’t be predicted, or controlled.

Where do you go looking for it in your home, or in your neighborhood? That’s what drives me out into the world most days: I’m looking for hope. When I remember to look, I usually find it.

If I’m lucky.

Alright, enough of that. Having already combed for parallels between Snyder’s chapters and The Magician, The High Priestess, and The Empress, it’s time to soldier on and see if the next few cards offer anything illuminating. 

As I wrote before, The Empress and The Emperor represent the interior and exterior aspects of one body: their empire.

Snyder’s fourth chapter begins: 

“Life is political, not because the world cares about how you feel, but because the world reacts to what you do. The minor choices we make are themselves a kind of vote, making it more or less likely that free and fair elections will be held in the future. In the politics of the future, our words and gestures, or their absence, count very much.”

When you go out into the world, you may not be fully in charge of your surroundings, but that doesn’t mean you’re powerless to make important changes. You can use your presence and privilege to protect others. You can counter the hatred that arises spontaneously, or intercept the message. 

The nastiest people are often the most cowardly, counting on the elements of shock and surprise and a quick getaway. This is always the case when people shout or hurl things at me out of car windows. Slurs scrawled in graffiti are basically the same — it’s a low-risk gambit that hurts many. And when people encounter something unpleasant, they tend to just quicken their pace, pass on by. It’s not “their job” to deal with it.

I totally understand that well-meaning people don’t want to risk a confrontation, or compound a victim’s embarrassment by drawing attention to what happened. But I tell you, as someone who has been harassed and physically attacked in public: the message this ultimately sends to victims is that they’re truly on their own. 

You may not be the Emperor of our nation, but you can go about righting some of the smaller wrongs, helping people feel as though it matters to someone. 

Like when I noticed that someone else had painted over the “NO FAGS” graffiti which had recently appeared on a wall in my neighborhood, and my very first thought was: Well shit, why didn’t I do that?

I think I know why. I wanted to prove that it didn’t bother me. I wanted to assume it wasn’t aimed at me directly, that it was none of my business, and that it wasn’t so easy to trigger my outrage. And here’s a big one: I really, really wanted someone else to care enough to do it. It wasn’t “my job” to deal with it.

But what about the kids who walk past there to get home from school? I hadn’t thought of them. Should they have to grow up with the same fear that I did? Do I want the people who did this (or those who weren’t bothered by it) to imagine this sort of thing will be tolerated here? 

Let’s take responsibility for what others are subjected to in life’s “common areas,” including the internet. May we ride as The Emperor, acting swiftly and according to the most benefic principles.

Authority is tricky: it asserts that some protocols simply must be followed because we say so, that’s why. Within certain professional institutions, there are many things that “just aren’t done,” or are done “just so” — often for good reason. 

We run smack up against this kind of thinking when it’s time to make way for better systems. This is by design. It’s supposed to be hard to revise certain standards, they’re meant to evolve slowly, if at all, to preserve a sense of continuity throughout our progress. And yes, this has conveniently allowed certain privileged parties to leverage their position across generations, and profit from the results. But it also prevents any johnny-come-lately demagogue from overturning or erasing standards to suit their particular will. 

Or at least, it used to!

The widely-lamented demise of expertise has led to corners being cut left and right, and somewhere along the way the concept of authority itself seems to have been atomized. 

Snyder writes: 

“Professional ethics must guide us precisely when we are told that the situation is exceptional. Then there is no such thing as ‘just following orders.’ If members of the professions confuse their specific ethics with the emotions of the moment, however, they can find themselves saying and doing things that they might previously have considered unimaginable.” 

Many of us aren’t in professions where these decisions wield real power, but our decisions still affect others. And there are doctors, lawyers, teachers, business executives, and civil servants all across the country who are grappling with these distinctions as we speak, and we must perpetually remind them how much our collective fates depend on their adherence to professional ethics.

Everyone wants to cut the line. Everyone wants to be the exception to the rule. Everyone wants to just give up and take it easy. Writ large, this turns our entire civilization into a contest to see who can be the biggest cheater, who can cover up the grossest incompetence. And who does that sound like? 

It sounds like, for starters, a chiropractor in South Dakota who wants to decide which treatments medical doctors may offer to trans children. 

Did you know The High Priestess and The Hierophant are a partnered set, a duality, just like the Empress and Emperor? Writing about The Priestess and defending institutions, I invited you to “reflect on the mental architecture” that produced your own mind. 

This chapter asks you to examine how certain decisions end up contributing to others’ architecture, defining their experiences. You may be more powerful than you know! The Hierophant is part of a lineage of teachers and students, influencers and influenced, each of them just one link in the chain.

How many broken links does it take for our world to stop recognizing itself in recollections of the past? 

Of all the card/chapter pairings so far, this one admittedly seems like the biggest stretch...  and yet, if this isn’t a snapshot of the pro-leader paramilitary making nice with the official police/military, then what is?

Snyder writes about how paramilitary forces first challenge the police and military, then penetrate them, and finally transform them. There’s an undeniable courtship at work here, a sort of debauched mating ritual. 

FYI, this exact courtship was the subject of the recent Watchmen series on HBO — a truly excellent one-season arc that involved crisscrossing ties between military, police, and paramilitary factions, all tangled up in relationships between friends, lovers, and families. 

What Snyder warns about here is the recurring love affair between armed "freedom fighters” and those tasked with maintaining civil order. First they discover that they’re more alike than different... and then, eventually, there’s no telling the difference between them whatsoever.

Let’s keep these Lovers star-crossed, shall we?

This is Part III in a series of posts about Timothy Snyder’s ON TYRANNY, which can be purchased via your local bookstore, and also here.

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The A - Z Of White Pages

Ahead of the advent of the internet, people searched phone books to obtain phone numbers or addresses of folks or businesses. In those days, you would must find the proper group inside the phone book plus look for matches. In some countries, phone publications still exist but are usually printed and distributed just on request.

In modern times, the two white pages and Yellowpages are called directories. Someday you will end up being forced to register in a or both. It is usually important to understand the distinction between them. However, both are the result of a long history, a civilization, and the evolution of technology.

Yellow Pages

The Yellow Pages are phone web directories of companies and are structured by category. The name and concept of "yellow pages" came into presence in 1883. The very first official yellow pages directory site was created by Reuben Donnelley in 1886.

In recent times, the word Yellowpages is now commonly employed in both English-speaking plus non-English speaking countries about the world. The Yellowpages are called the Golden Pages in nations around the world like Israel, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Netherlands, Belgium, Romania, and the Republic regarding Ireland. They are known as Gelbe Selten in Germany and Austria, and as Gula Sidorna within Sweden. Gelben Selten plus Gula Sidorna mean Yellowpages. Yellow pages imply Pages Jaunes in France and francophone Canada. These people are referred to as Pagine gialle in Italy and Italian language Switzerland. They are called City Page in Japan.

Yellowpages directories are released annually and distributed with regard to free to residences in addition to businesses in a certain area. The publishers typically make profits by selling spaces for adverts.

The particular main yellow pages in america are DEX One's DEX, the AT&T Real Yp, Yellowbook and the Verizon Superpages. The yellow PAGES give use of phone directories of businesses and companies. The traditional term "yellow pages" is now likewise applied to online directories associated with businesses. Listings in the yellow pages are grouped. For example, medical physicians are categorized under typically the medical doctor heading and all nurses are categorized below nurses. Subgroups often exist in larger categories. For instance , there will be entries for different kinds of dishes under the restaurant group for convenience. It allows to narrow down or group the restaurants that offer Chinese foods, Photography equipment dishes etc. Sometimes, businesses and organizations are grouped by location. Many businesses and organizations advertise many and services using yellow pages. These people also include brief info and pictures of their own business. Web business directories are usually branded as Internet YellowPages (IYP). You can find business oriented and consumer oriented varieties. Internet Yp give small businesses the possibility to advertise locally and target their audience using familiar categories.

In 2010, the search term "yellow pages" was in the top 5 highest revenue generator of most search conditions. According to a record by Experian in January 2011, it was likewise one of the many searched terms across all search engines like google in the planet.

White Pages

The WHITE pages are directories regarding residential listings. White PAGES are arranged alphabetically in addition to contain phone numbers of individuals or non-commercial entities. Those who have opted to be listed in the device book are usually included in the WHITE pages in alphabetical buy.

White pages also typically list name, telephone number, street addresses and SCOOT codes. The white PAGES usually include a whole list of people living in a city or a physical area. The list is arranged in alphabetical purchase. Several phone companies about in the world constantly update the list within white pages. The tern "White Pages" was 1st mentioned in the United States. Before WHITE pages became popular or they will were being used, directories were already in presence however, not in this form. An America company created White pages in 1997, which is now popular and widely used inside about 91 countries on the planet. However, the service of white pages is called different names in various countries. It really is called phone directory in the UK. In typically the beginning, only a few people subscribed to the particular telephone network. The listing was in paper form, a book which users were required to flipped its PAGES to get what they had been looking for. Soon the amount of users skyrocketed. Over period, subscribers found it hard to flip through typically the white pages as it got a lot of period getting the results. Right now, it is easier in order to set up an automatic plus faster approach to directory upon the internet thanks to technology. Unlike the standard version, this technique is more efficient, the results are usually immediate and the info is updated every 12 months.

Annuaires pagesblanches remains typically the best white and Yellowpages in France, and is also the most widely utilized directory in the world. This services makes it easy to find and access telephone quantity of individuals you are seeking for as long because they have subscribed to the directory. Although, it truly is easier to search online, you still have to know just how to do it especially if you are not extremely at navigating. There are a couple of search options. The initial alternative is search. With this choice, you need to load fields. You need to fill the first discipline with the name and surname of the particular person whose residence or phone number you are seeking for. Area where upon the other hand must indicate an index that allows the directory to provide us with the exact address of typically the person. You can also perform a detailed search that will likely give you more correct results. For this choice, you should also indicate the field that simply by the name and 1st name in the person. About the other hand, in the field where, a person should refine your lookup by providing more details about the subscriber's locality by simply informing for example typically the department or the location where it really is located.

The results of searches in the white pages will indicate, in addition to the address and all the subscriber's coordinates, a map, but also an aerial view of the locality where the subscriber is located.

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Some people can identify a defining moment in their childhood - an incident that brings an idea to mind which is then indelibly fixed in the psyche. For Gelding - an adopted alias for the American internet guru to all wanna-be eunuchs - that moment came when he was 12 years old and thrown against an older boy in a packed bus. "Do that again and I'll crush 'em," said the older boy, grabbing his genitals. The pain was as piercing as the pleasure. And so began a lifetime's quest to be castrated.

In the UK, self-motivated castration mainly exists only in the most extreme S&M scene, while in America those aspiring to be castrated comprise a burgeoning and divergent tribe made up of both gay and straight men. Men who want to be castrated fit no stereotype, have no common neuroses or childhood experience. Some are androgynous types (thin and underdeveloped) who want to remain in a prepubescent, asexual phase, others are eroto-phobes who don't like to feel driven by their libidos and want to become surgically tranquillised. Some want to be feminised, a few - known as nullos or smoothies - want to become nullified by having their penis removed along with their testicles.

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In Gelding's experience a quarter of those who get castrated continue to regulate their libidos with testosterone, which allows them to have full sex. But what compulsion drives grown men to be castrated in the first place? According to Gelding, for most men the desire to be castrated stems from puberty but does not develop into a fixation for at least 10 years.

This was certainly his experience. Now in his early 50s, he has been without his testicles for six years and is keen to point out that he has no desire to be feminised. Growing up in rural New York State, he knew he was gay from childhood, but it was only in his mid-20s, while working for the military in a top security position, that he discovered the gay S&M scene and a world where castration was honoured rather than abhorred.

One of his first boyfriends was a cutter - a man who worked in the netherworld of the gay S&M scene, cutting off men's testicles, consensually and safely. By 1991 Gelding's testicles had become an unbearable affront to him. The idea of cutting aroused him sexually, but more than that, there was an aching need to be rid of something that had begun to take a stranglehold of his life.

At first he tried to cut off the offending items himself by using rubber bands as a tourniquet and drenching his balls in ice water. But after an hour he ran out of adrenaline and went into clinical shock. In hospital a horrified A&E surgeon castigated him for trying to remove healthy tissue. Three years later he went to a cutter in California and got rid of them safely and efficiently. "I've never felt more myself, more complete or happy," he says, unemotionally.

In order to receive the testosterone that he requires to keep him functioning as a man (he has occasional erectile problems but can still ejaculate) he has devised a cover story which makes him eligible for medical treatment. The story is posted up on the web and tells how he lost his balls against his will in a gay S&M episode which went horribly wrong. "My cover story also means that if someone finds out I'm castrated they view me as a victim, or a brave stalwart rather than a deviant or psychotic person," he explains. As well as resurrecting the libido, testosterone prevents osteoporosis and reduces the flab that castration causes to the hips and breasts. (On the down side, it also increases the risk of prostate cancer.)

A self-confessed mother hen, Gelding has for four years been dispensing advice on his website to men who want, or think they want, to be castrated. In that time he's had 5,000 enquiries from both gay and straight men, all believing that their obsession is unique. Consultant psychiatrist Dr Russell Reid, of Hillingdon Hospital in west London, identifies castration fixation as "highly disturbed behaviour, in mainly gay men, whose self-hatred is directed towards their genitals".

Gelding's response to this interpretation is equivocal. "Yes, it's true that no normal person would do that, but then given that homosexuality has always been called a sickness, what's normal?" Reid's experience of this tender topic is predominantly with transsexuals (some of whom even castrate themselves) as well as with men who are hypersexed. "These men are led by their erect penises and some are driven to offend. Being castrated can be a huge release because they become pre-pubital, and sex is no longer an overwhelming preoccupation."

He finds the origins of the fixation perplexing but speculates that it might be a case of the fear of castration turned on its head to become a uncontrollable craving.

But eunuchs are nothing new. For 4,000 years they have represented some of the most marginalised and most honoured in society. In ancient India, eunuchs advised princes and guarded their harems, and the Biblical Daniel was a eunuch who rose to become prime minister of Babylon and later Persia. More recently there have been the Italian castrati of the 19th century - boys who sacrificed their manhood for the sake of singing careers in the opera houses of Europe. Today there are the cross-dressing Hijras in India and religious extremists such as members of the Russian Skoptsy sect who see the testicles as an organ of weakness. The medical profession understands this "syndrome" only in relation to transgender reassignment surgery or as part of body dysmorphia (a syndrome in which people become fixated with having a limb amputated). But Gelding disregards the connection with the body modification scene, believing the desire to be castrated is far more complex.

Nor can he relate to the transgendered, "some of whom get castrated just to get on to a gender reassignment programme". He is also reluctant to help those whose desire to be castrated hinges on the ritual of cutting: "Because if that's the overriding issue then most of these people are into fantasy and role play and don't have a true fixation." When castration is a true fixation, Gelding believes it is vital that surgeons treat the problem in a much more educated fashion. "There isn't a doctor in the world informed in this area, because nothing will justify to a physician the removal of healthy tissue."

There are several doctors in the US who will surgically remove testicles, but seldom before getting their patients to sign a consent form saying it is for gender reassignment. Dr Felix Spector, who advertises castration on his business card, has become something of a celebrity in the murky world of eunochdom, having performed his first castration in 1957. But the vast majority are amateur cutters, subject to prosecution for practising medicine without a licence, and desperately sought after on the net by men in urgent need.

Although these cutters offer a necessary service (reducing the instance of self-castration), for the most part they too find the act of cutting erotic. Talking about doing a DIY castration, one cutter described the "lovely crunching sound" a Burdizzo (a castration device) makes "like biting into fresh celery". Burdizzos, elastators and other animal castration devices can all be purchased on the net. The internet has become a sanctuary to these would-be eunuchs. There are numerous websites providing information, and chat lines link men from all over the world who share this compulsion.

When Gelding was delivering himself into the hands of the cutter there were no such support services and perhaps that's why it wasn't until he was in his 40s that he finally did what he had always wanted to do. Since then, he says, he has found some kind of inner peace, but at a price. He would have preferred to have been one of those who rationalised their way out of it, something he encourages all his correspondents to do. He considers those who manage it to be the lucky ones.

The others must join him among one of the most disenfranchised of groups. Men who are ridiculed, despised and misunderstood by a society which will never be able to make any sense of why they feel incomplete with their testicles and yet complete without them.

• Hidden Love: Modern Day Eunuchs is on Channel 4 next Tuesday at 10pm

As 2019 begins…

… we’re asking readers to make a new year contribution in support of The Guardian’s independent journalism. More people are reading and supporting our independent, investigative reporting than ever before. And unlike many news organisations, we have chosen an approach that allows us to keep our journalism accessible to all, regardless of where they live or what they can afford. But this is only possible thanks to voluntary support from our readers – something we have to maintain and build on for every year to come.

Readers’ support powers The Guardian, giving our reporting impact and safeguarding our essential editorial independence. This means the responsibility of protecting independent journalism is shared, enabling us all to feel empowered to bring about real change in the world. Your support gives Guardian journalists the time, space and freedom to report with tenacity and rigor, to shed light where others won’t. It emboldens us to challenge authority and question the status quo. And by keeping all of our journalism free and open to all, we can foster inclusivity, diversity, make space for debate, inspire conversation – so more people, across the world, have access to accurate information with integrity at its heart. Every contribution we receive from readers like you, big or small, enables us to keep working as we do.

The Guardian is editorially independent, meaning we set our own agenda. Our journalism is free from commercial bias and not influenced by billionaire owners, politicians or shareholders. No one edits our editor. No one steers our opinion. This is important as it enables us to give a voice to those less heard, challenge the powerful and hold them to account. It’s what makes us different to so many others in the media, at a time when factual, honest reporting is critical.

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Q&A with Catalyst Latex

Kyle&Selina: Can you provide a short bio of your background in fashion?

Catalyst Latex: My name is Gord and I may be seen as the frontman at Catalyst Latex.  However, I’m just part of the management team including my partner Hils and daughter Kit. My management background in engineering and materials provides functionality and rationale, but Hil’s degree from the London College of Fashion and Kit’s art college background together provided the creative aspects for Catalyst

K&S: How did you discover latex as a material to use in fashion?  Did you have a personal interest in wearing latex or was it just a material that you found interesting?

Catalyst: I have been a latex lover for many years, but a high-flying career kept me as a purchaser of latex designs, with no time or inclination to actually make any clothing.  However, my interest in latex and science led me to experiment with the chlorination of rubber – a process that gives latex clothing a totally smooth finish, ending the need for talcum powder as it was then, or lubes as used today.

K&S: Can you provide a bit more in depth explanation regarding chlorination?  We understand it makes it smooth, knocks down the natural latex smell and may dull it. 

Catalyst: Chlorination is a “wet” process that micro-smoothes the surface of the latex.  As an end result, you will not need talc or lube in most cases to get the garment on.  The outside of the garment will also be smooth.

Chlorination has added benefits as it reduces the noise and natural smell of the latex material.  It will not self-stick when dried after cleaning, thus allowing for better and easier storage.  The lower friction reduces external wear and enhances “layering.”  Finally, there seems to be a decrease in allergenic behavior.

K&S: Allergies to latex appear to have become an issue.  Whether or not a person has a latex allergy has become a standard question when visiting a doctor or dentist.

Catalyst: The allergy aspect is interesting, but as I am not a medic I cannot offer any explanation.  It appears that people with a latex allergy can handle chlorinated latex.  We offer free samples for people to try out for allergy.  After 11 years, we have not had A SINGLE REPORT  of allergic reaction to our latex samples.  Though, as we’ve not plied the Pharma industries with thousands of monetary units for Official Tests, we may not claim it to work.  But it sure as hell seems to.

K&S: To what degree does it still take shine and hold it?  Does polishing the latex have an effect on the chlorination effect? 

Catalyst: We don’t use or recommend shine.  We’re not against it.  It’s just something we don’t do.

Most latex wearing is either party or private.  For party you want to show it off at its best and polish it to a perfect shine.  In private that may matter less, and the sensual feel of unpolished, chlorinated latex is truly something to behold.  So it’s just a bit of my own history really, not doing parties in my early days, that never brought me in touch with polish and techniques.

When you polish latex, the polish – whatever it may be – coats the surface if the latex, burying the soft, smooth caress it once held, beneath a veneer of sticky silicone stuff.  You can gauge my standpoint here.  The process of donning and doffing will lead to spreading that polish to the inside of the garment, concealing the smooth chlorinated surface and making it like any other ordinary latex.

Of course, if you are actually able to completely remove that silicone – and good luck to you – the original chlorinated surface will still be there for you.

K&S: How long does the chlorination effect last? Is it permanent or does it diminish in the long run? 

Catalyst: Chlorination, as a surface process, lasts as long as the surface. High wear areas, depending on your activity might be knees, bums etc, may lose the natural latex shine earlier than other areas. Chlorinated or not.  Makes no difference.  It is possible to rechlorinate the latex and restore the smooth feel, though not the natural shine.

K&S: How difficulty are repairs since latex does tear when you are not careful?

Catalyst: Chlorinated latex is so soft and smooth that regular latex glue has a hard time sticking to it.  A conventional repair might just fail in seconds for that very reason.  So you need to prep the latex first by physically breaking down the outer chlorinated skin with fine grit sandpaper, or like  Scotchbrite™ nylon scourer, or similar, to score the surface and provide a good key for the adhesive.  Apart from a bit of extra prep then, it’s a repairable as normal latex.

K&S: That was an interesting and informative digression on Chlorination. Back to the fashion questions. At what point did you decide to take your personal interest in latex?

Catalyst: Having discovered the chlorination process, in 2004 we offered it as a service to fellow latex lovers on the internet, which drew remarkable interest and provided a second, tiny income stream.  This was to prove invaluable in 2009 when redundancy from full-time management forced big decisions to be made.

K&S: A business has a number of things that one must deal with that sometimes dim one's passion.  You have rent, insurance, utilities, materials, employee salaries etc.  What end of the market absorbs more time - the celebrity couture or the consumer market? How do you balance your passion for creativity with the need to be profitable?

Catalyst: You don’t take up mountaineering tomorrow and tackle Everest next weekend.  We started slowly, in a small way, with our main income from fitting bathrooms and other small renovation works, where self-employment enabled the flexibility to maintain an income stream, while developing our latex offering.

We recognized there was a number of strong players already on the scene and felt we needed to have a clear identity to offer, so developed two clear tag-lines.

“Rubber without the Rub” summarized our promotion of chlorinated latex and at the time I believe we were the only latex clothing maker to offer full chlorination of all our products – a market leader if you like.

“Real clothes in Rubber” was put together to explain that we made latex versions of clothing you’d find in Marks & Spencer UK, Macy’s etc.  So we don’t do catsuits and gimp masks, but we do beautifully tailored proper clothing, outerwear and underwear – in rubber!

K&S: You're running a business.  You have competition.  Rubberists often feel alone - as if they're the only ones with this interest.  The cost of latex garments is not crazy when compared to well made traditional clothes.

How sizeable do you feel the latex market is?  It must be substantially larger than a small group of people to support so many companies.

Catalyst: Before the advent of World Wide Web, rubberists were indeed “Alone” Sure there were exclusive clubs, clandestine private gatherings and small adverts for “please rush me …” The internet did as much to change all that as the steam engine did for industry.

Catalyst started with the internet, recognizing many established players, and found its own niche with Real Clothes in Rubber, and Rubber without the Rub offering of chlorinated latex.  By this time, people were no longer alone and the interweb gave instant access and the ability to compare price, delivery and quality at the flick of a mouse.

Our market research shows the market place to be growing still, with a huge influx of young adventurous, sexy, nerdy types hungry for shiny, cosplay, streetable, sexy latex that’s easy to wear and care for, and those criteria are a big part of what we offer the market today.

But we still offer the old school mainstays and find a remarkable following in our Victorian latex line, sleepwear, and just real clothes in rubber.

In our short existence on the scene, we have already seen several brands come and go, some with adventurous styles, others with knock-down prices. We’re here for good, with the stuff that most people really want to wear.

K&S: Latex can be described as a "Fetish," a "kink," "Alternative fashion" or simply "fashion" Do you prefer one description over another?

Catalyst: With “Real clothes in Rubber” becoming accepted as a tagline, we found the sweet spot between fetish and fashion where folk of all ages and backgrounds could find latex they could be comfortable with, and comfortable in.

K&S: It seems many latex outfits are designed to be body hugging.  I've heard latex referred to as a "Second Skin."  Do you agree that latex should be used for tight outfits or does it lend itself to "loose" outfits?

Catalyst: Looking again at real clothing, we see some garments need to be close-fitting like undergarments, lingerie, stockings, swimwear etc., whereas flowy dresses, puffer jackets, lounge pants are better as a loose fit.  The extra benefit of chlorinated latex is the ‘swish factor’ as the latex will never self-stick, but moves and flows like silk!

K&S: If it's a "second skin" does it mean it needs to be worn without "undergarments"? Does that intimidate people from wearing it?

Catalyst: Someone asked if they should wear their bra under a latex dress. It was hard to find kind words to portray the mush of damp polyester wadding and wet flesh that would occur, so we only ever recommend wearing latex under latex, under latex – hell, as many layers as you like! Chlorinated latex layers just slide over one another.  Wear latex knickers under your latex dress – real clothes.

K&S: In your experience, how concerned are people about body image when considering fashion choices.  Does latex, as a material, help or hinder these decisions?

Catalyst: Latex can be as revealing or concealing, according to garment style and size; our client base runs from stick-thin to absolutely huge (can we say that??)  We can only guess that it depends on the context of how and where an outfit will be worn, and many other factors personal to the individual.

K&S: Do you feel latex tend to express one's body with honesty as if is was no different than a "second skin" or is it more of a fashionable type of shapewear that fixes a person's perceived "flaws."

Catalyst: Very similar to your previous point.  More a question for the catsuit manufacturers I reckon. Look at our flowing styles to see that latex clothing can be selected to enhance any body type or shape.  It’s a beautifully natural, draping fabric that can flatter anyone in the right garment.

K&S: How do you find the market for latex wear distributed between men, women, cross-dressers (men or women), celebrity couture?

Catalyst: Celebrity couture is quite subtle and usually it is the stylist making the inquiry/order.  It will be quite specific and exacting, and a surprisingly tight on budget at the outset.  Get the stylist onside with a basic appraisal, add in the extras and get famous!  Not quite, as you may never be fully sure who will wear it and to what event.

With regard to real folk like you and I, we need to define the word ‘customer’.  There’s the adventurous ‘vanilla’ girl buying a pencil dress for a party, there’s a man buying for his partner, there’s a Domme being bought-for by a client, there’s a pseudonym buying a dress for himself .. you should never doubt or question, but so often the sizing data will reveal another story so yes, regardless of the name on the PayPal, the end-wearer could be anyone. Who is the customer there?

Our only concern, particularly when a man buys a woman’s style for himself is that is should end up looking good, so that he will feel great.  When people try to conceal or blur the truth, it makes it harder for us to deliver the look they ultimately crave.  So please folk, be honest and upfront!

K&S: What is your favorite piece of latex that you've created in your career for a man and for a woman?

Catalyst: One of our earliest and most enduring Statement Pieces is still our Catalyst Kilt.  It remains to this day the most authentically styled kilt on the market.  Sure, its not cheap but takes a full 2-3 days to make and meticulously finish, gives years of service and excellent value.

Women’s wear is harder to pinpoint as we change many of our styles each season, but for sheer volume, our underwired pencil dress, fully chlorinated for easy-on, has been a runaway winner the past 18 months!

K&S: People can state that they don't like latex because of the smell, or because the material doesn't breathe and they sweat to much, or because it's too tight or it makes them look like they're selling sex.  How do you address those concerns?

Catalyst: I tell them to buy Spandex!  Seriously, people that drill down to us are already committed to latex.  We are not an entry-level designer, and happily rarely get entry-level questions (We do, but we’re not telling!)  Has to be said also that all our chlorinated pieces have reduced odor and increased wearability.

K&S: What is your design philosophy?  What drives your creativity?

Catalyst: Listen to your customers and watch TV!  Filter out the background of catsuit inquiries and see what interesting outfits people want.  Keep an eye to the Cosplay arena.  Listen to your photo models as they pick up on styles from places we don’t go.  Watch TV, read fashion mags.  Our best-selling dress ever evolved from a UK TV prog! See what’s trending, what the people are ‘liking’ and above all, be aware of Copyright.

K&S: Less or More?  Do you prefer designing a latex outfit which is more on the revealing side or leaning towards full coverage.

Catalyst: Not fussed.  We all have skin and integrate it with out clothing. I’m not a 100% coverage purist. Whatever works and makes a confident look is more important that some random ethos.

K&S: How do you feel is the best way to integrate latex into an everyday "public" outfit.  How would you mix it with other materials?

Catalyst: Oh wow.  I think this is our Soapbox.  

To begin, chlorinated latex needs no talc or lube and so can just be ‘worn’ like everyday clothing. It is soft and smooth and has no surface drag so integrates nicely with/over/under other fabrics. Chlorination does NOT make the latex more shiny (mythbuster there), rather if anything it dulls down the luster.  Many folk find our chlorinated blends in with everyday clothing, as opposed to the highly polished ‘obviously fetish’ latex we see elsewhere.  Again it’s that wearing just one piece of soft chlorinated latex, typically a tee or leggings, with your 90% regular streetwear that gives you the buzz without the attention.  When you get real confident – then get out the polish, if you need to make a statement.

K&S: What are your goals for your future in latex design?

Catalyst: Carry on making Real clothes in Rubber, and get our chlorination better than perfect!  Avoid the catsuit trap – everyone else makes them, mostly very well – no benefit for us.  Listen to customers and try to make their dreams come true (unless they want a catsuit)

K&S: What is your favorite part of being a latex fashion designer.

Catalyst: Not sure there is one.  It’s bloody hard work.  You have to deal with a whole range of customer inquiries from the most sensible to the most, well rude! It’s not just about cutting and gluing, but we do accounts and payroll, health and safety, purchasing and stock control, social media … but I think I personally get into the best headspace when I’m actually making up a garment.  It’s the craft, the feel, the aim for total perfection every time and the satisfaction of holding up a customer order when made, looking at it and thinking, that’s perfect!

K&S: What is your blue sky accomplishment to achieve in the world of latex clothing or fashion in general.

Catalyst: To build a business with a solid reputation, a go-to brand, a name people know they can trust, a place they can always find something new and exciting, an entity I can pass on to our next generation to carry on developing and delivering.

K&S: President Franklin D. Roosevelt stated that "We have nothing to  fear but fear itself."  People tend to be fearful of things that are different.  They express that fear thru aggressive or demeaning behavior towards others to express that their position is superior.  Even without external pressure, a person can be fearful due to internal thoughts over how people will react.

This brings us to fashion.  You can say the more different something a style is from the norm, the more people will react negatively.

Do you agree with this.  Is latex "too different" from what is accepted fashion to be common place.  How much more extreme is it than wearing leather?  Women often wear leather to corporate jobs. Is latex that much more extreme?

Is men's latex wear more "extreme" than women's wear? What do you say to someone who deep down would want to wear latex in public settings?

Catalyst: Hmmm – not my president, but I take the sentiment.  Nah, latex will never be mainstream.  Too picky and care-needy.  Men will always be the big fetishistas and women the fashionistas. Generally.

K&S: Women's clothing seems to have such variety.  Can men's latex be as interesting?  What are your thoughts on men's latex fashion?

Catalyst: Most men are too scared to buy anything slightly unusual (exceptions always exist – I’m talking down the average).  A designer may invest a lot of time and resource designing a new rage for men, big launch etc., and never see the sales to recover the investment.  Sad but true.  So why should a designer bother, frankly?

Example - we put a photo of a new style on Social Media.  If it’s a girl’s style we get hundreds of likes, if it’s for men, maybe a handful.  What does that tell you?

K&S: Is there anything you would like to add?

Catalyst: No -I’d just add it’s taken me 8 weeks to get to this point and I’d not want to delay any further.  Thanks for the opportunity to express!

K&S: Thank You.