#Probably the longest I've ever spent on a single chapter -w-

[filiusinanis-blog]

Kingdom Hearts: The Next Generation

Chapter 1 - I burn a man alive

Okay, I know the title sounds bad but I can explain.

My name is Skylar Cameron Akari. I’m fourteen years old, and I live on the Destiny Islands. It’s a small world, made up of a large mainland with a single town, and a smaller island just off the coast, where the younger kids usually play. Myself included.

I’m nothing very special, just a short kid with dyed blue and pink pixie cut hair, with several ear piercings and a plan to get myself my own tattoo when I’m old enough for my dad to allow me. My closet consists of mainly black, blue, and the odd pink clothing. Mostly just jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies. A beanie hat here and there. Nothing special, just a normal teen. Tween. Whatever fourteen is considered. The only thing that could be considered ‘special’ about me, is my intelligence and my affinity for magic.

Oh yeah, did I mention that magic is a thing that exists?

While the particular world I live on isn’t exactly magic central( Our local school isn’t Hogwarts, unfortunately ) my family’s more than adept in the art. As well as other things, but we’ll get into that later. That being said, my dad and uncle have taught me plenty. As soon as I voiced interest in it, they were teaching me all kinds of little spells. And as my interest grew, my training was turned over to my Aunt, who excelled in the craft. I couldn’t tell you how much I loved learning to use it. Although, I couldn’t help but feel like I never had a real reason to use it...

Until my fourteenth birthday, that is.

It started like all my birthday’s do. With my dad and sibling making me this huge breakfast, consisting of chocolate chip and blueberry waffles, an assortment of toppings( Including Candy Corn, my personal favorite. Sue me. ), home made vanilla milk( The only acceptable type of milk. ), and a chocolate cupcake with peanut butter icing. Because Darrien, my sibling, is highly allergic to peanuts, we can’t have a full big cake with such icing. However, since it’s my favorite they insisted on at least making me a cupcake.

Anyway I made my way out of my room and downstairs into the kitchen. Typically I stay up all night talking and writing with friends on the internet, so naturally I was dead tired. Excited, but dead tired. I rubbed my eyes as I moved into the kitchen, groggily mumbling a small, “G’morning...”

“Hey! There he is! Mornin’ kiddo.” My dad gave me his signature grin, turning his attention away from the waffles to greet me. My dad’s name is Sora. Sora Akari. He used to travel to all kinds of worlds. He even saved them a couple times. He’s got brown hair and blue eyes, and typically wear jeans, converse, a long sleeve shirt and a plaid un-buttoned button-down over-shirt( try saying all that five times fast ). He’s incredibly too kind for his own good. Although, that doesn’t mean he’s easily messed with. He’s a keyblade master. He’s got so much combat experience, and it shows. He’s strong, wise, and you should see him fight. I’ve only ever seen it once, but he has special forms he can go into in case he needs a bit of a power boost. Apparently the one I saw was his strongest-- Final Form. ‘Course, fighting a war for three to four years took a negative toll on him too. He’s jumpy, especially with loud noises( fire works don’t sit well with him ), and I know for a fact that he still as nightmares at night.

“Ha! Looks like someone stayed up all night on tumblr again.” Darrien grinned, giving a small wave of her wrist to show off her pink bracelet. My sister is genderfluid, and recently came out just two years ago, so that year for her birthday I gave her a special bracelet that changes color according to what gender she’d feeling every day. She’s able to change it by just saying “Today I am ____”. I hate stereotyping colors with genders, but we both agreed that it’d be easiest if we just went with pink blue and grey.

Anyway, my sister Darrien is four years older than me( Already in senior year. Lucky buggar. ), has red hair like our mom, and looks uncannily like dad. She usually wears a white t-shirt with red and orange paint splattered on it( or any of her other splatter painted shirts ), her favorite red and orange striped vest, a pair of either white or light blue jeans( usually with some sort of paint splotch on them ), and a pair of red sneakers. She’s reckless, emotional, overprotective, and always has some kind of bandage on her person. She’s got a little scar on the right side of her lips from a stunt she pulled with some of her friends. She loves to paint and craft, even if she’s not very good at drawing. Most of our time together consists of our projects. She’s also a seriously good hair stylist. She’s the only one I trust to do my hair.

“You’re one to talk... You’re the one i was up writing with.” I yawned stretching my arms over my head, “Just ‘cause your a fountain of energy...”

She laughed, ruffling my hair a little, “Alright alright. C’mon, let’s eat breakfast so we’re not late for school.”

All three of us moved out of the kitchen, seating ourselves at our little round table to eat our breakfast. As per tradition, my dad and sister sang to me and let me eat my cupcake before my waffles. We laughed, joked, teased at one another, and all around just had a merry morning as usual.

By now you may have noticed something missing in my little family. I haven’t mentioned my mother at all. Reason being that she apparently went missing when I was only two years old. I was too young to remember her, but I’ve seen pictures and dad told me a lot about her. She had red hair and deep blue eyes, and she was kind beyond belief. She was always doing anything she could to help someone in need. And from what I hear from dad, she’s a fighter too. She takes no sherbet( Darrien and I have resolved to replacing cuss words with food names ), and fights even fiercer than my father. I wish I could’ve met her. The way dad talks, I can tell that she may not be dead. Or at least, he doesn’t believe she is. Just missing. He’s even taken frequent trips to try and find her.

As we ate we did another tradition: letting me open one of my birthday gifts( from each of them ) before the party that night. Darrien gave me a small gift with a new hand-crafted choker in it. Definitely one I’d be wearing to school that day. But this time my dad just grinned, “Sorry kiddo, but I’m gonna have to break tradition a little this year. What I’ve got for you is something that I’m gonna have to give you later tonight.” He gave me a wink, which only served to get me very curious.

I puffed out my cheeks, “Whaaat? You can’t tell me what it is? You’re killing me with suspense here!” My tone was overdramatic, intended to get a laugh out of my father and sister. My sister gave a snort while my dad just chuckled.

“You’ll just have to wait! I promise, it’ll be worth it.”

I blew a few raspberries, earning a laugh from both of them. After eating Darrien and I got ourselves dressed and ready for school. I got really lucky. Today was not only my birthday, but it was the last day of school before summer break too. The perks of being a June baby I suppose. We said our goodbyes to dad, racing off to meet up with Kirimi and walk to school.

I couldn’t have known that I wouldn’t be seeing that house for a long time.

I couldn’t have known that I’d never get that birthday party.

I couldn’t have known that My life was going to be changing forever after today.

If I’d known that, I would’ve insisted on staying home, spending time with dad, and making every minute count.

------------------------------

“Kirimi!”

I heard Darrien shout as she ran ahead of me, waving to a girl up ahead. Her name was Kirimi. She’s our older cousin-- Much older actually. She’s twenty-one. She has curly shoulder-length silver hair, teal eyes and she’s very tall. Very tall. She wears mostly yellow. Yellow skinny jeans, grey tank top, and a vest that used to belong to her dad, Uncle Riku. She’s pretty darn athletic too. She was on a bunch of sports teams in school and was one of the best players. She spars a lot with Darrien, and both of them suckered me into learning swordplay as well. She’s also a keyblade wielder. Her dad did the inheritance ceremony with her a couple years back. I was still pretty young, so i don’t remember much of it. Darrien’s had the inheritance ceremony done with him too, but his blade hasn’t come to him yet.

“Hey kid! Ready to head to school?” Kirimi grinned as we caught up with her, pushing herself off the wall she’d been leaning on.

“Heck yeah! Finally, I’m gettin’ out of school!!” Darrien’s excitement was easy to hear in her voice. Now that she was done with school, she’d be able to spend more time training than studying.

“Lucky. I’ve still got four years left.” I huffed, folding my arms. Aaand the cons of being the youngest.

My sister laughed and ruffled up my hair dashing ahead of Kiri and I, “Don’t worry, you’ll breeze right through it! You’ll do a heck-of-a lot better than I did anyway!” She laughed, running off and forcing both Kirimi and I to start running after her.

The run to school wasn’t anything exciting. Just our normal race to the school yard. And yet as I ran I could swear I felt eyes on my back, watching me as I made my way to the building. And other day I’d simply write it off as paranoia, or maybe just as one of my monsters checking up on me( More on that later )... But this feeling was incredibly different. It wasn’t just that dark presence that I’ve come to sense in my monsters. It was cold and sinister. Dripping with malice and a strong urge to harm. The emotion in the stare was so real, I knew it had to be.

Even so, as I stopped to check the surrounding area every now and again, time and time again I saw nothing but normal passerby; everyone hurrying to and fro to get to work, meet up with friends, or just lounge around the town. No matter how many times I turned, the gaze was always on my back. Looking back I realize I was pretty stupid for not telling Kirimi and Darrien this. If I had, maybe we’d have ended up in a better situation.

But, instead of doing the smart thing and warning them, I brushed off whatever concern they showed and simply continued my way to school. Once the three of us reached the schoolyard, Kirimi wished us a good day and left to begin her training with Uncle Riku. Darrien and I went to our separate classes, and somehow that strange feeling seemed to dissipate as soon as I entered the building. I met up with one of my closest friends, Jill. She’s a lot like me-- a little rebellious, wears as much jewelry as she’s allowed, smart and nerdy, and has an incredible interest in mythical beasts and all things fantasy. She’s actually the one who convinced me to dye my hair.

She’s also incredibly awesome. I met her on my first day of sixth grade, when she saved me from a gang of bullies who’d stuffed me in a locker( Being tiny and one of the most unpopular kids in school? Seriously. Stinks. ). She’d happened to be passing by just when they’d closed the door on me, and from what I could tell she’d scared them off pretty quick. Fairly certain she’d kicked one of them in a... Sensitive place. We’ve been best friends ever since. She even started teaching me martial arts.

While I was seated in homeroom, doodling in my sketchpad and just waiting for homeroom to start, Jill snuck up behind me and grabbed me into a tight hug, “Happy Birthday Sky-boy!!”

I laughed, putting a hand on her arm, “Thanks Jill.”

There was a giggle from her, and as she moved to remove her arms I felt something being strung around my neck, “Aaaand, here’s your gift!”

I looked down, seeing a silver locket strung on a silver chain. Curious, I moved my hand to lift it up, opening it. Inside was a picture of Jill and I, with me having shiny new blue hair with green tips, “The first time I dyed my hair..!”

“Yep!” She grinned, her hands moving to my shoulders, “Hard to believe that was two years ago, huh?”

“Sure is.” I said, turning my head to look at her face, “Ah, I see you went fire today.”

The ‘fire’ I was referring to was aimed at her hair. She had a different color of hair almost every week. Today her hair was a gradation of yellow to orange to red. And it had a sheen to it that made her hair look like it was on fire.

“You noticed~!” Her voice was sing-song like, a huge grin sitting on her face, “Yes, I wanted to go flashy and bright today~. Let everyone know that I’m so fired up for summer break!”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at her mini-pun. She loved puns, “Maybe I should change my hair color. The pink’s fading after all...”

“You should do watermelon!!”

“Pink with green tips?” I thought about it, swaying my head a bit, “Hmm... I guess I might have some clothes to go with that.”

She laughed, putting her hands on her hips and moving to stand next to me, “I’m sure you have some lighter clothes somewhere. Ya gotta get a brighter closet!”

“Hm..... Okay. I’ll go watermelon. But only for you! And I get to keep my dark closet!”

“Haha, alright! Operation watermelon is a go! We’ll talk to your sibling to set up the appointment. I gotta be there when you get it done.”

“Alright, deal. Maybe I can convince her to do it tonight at the party.” I smiled, blinking at the teacher called us to our seats.

Classes went by as ‘Final School Day’ usually did-- with lots of parties and just general goofing off( Except for that one teacher who just can’t loosen up ), and I actually got a little mini birthday party in one of my classes. I didn’t have a lot of friends at school, so it was actually a bit surprising that anyone paid attention to when my birthday was. Everything was fine and great. All the way up...

Until lunch time.

Lunch was always the period I dreaded. Not because I had no place to go, I had Jill after all, but because it was the time of day where they got their chance to annoy the heck out of me. Johnathan Hue, Cody Rax, and Harry Stillman. The three biggest jerks in my whole class, who have been tormenting me all year. No matter how often I changed where I sat at lunch, they always found me, and they always humiliated me. Eventually I ended up seeking out isolated places to eat, just so no one would see them messing with me.

I did punch John in the face once though. He screwed up my hair dye by dumping red paint on me from one of the upper floors. Jill high-fived me and Darrien helped me fix it.

Anyway, in trying to avoid having another awful day at the hands of thing one thing two and thing three, I made my way up to the roof to eat lunch. For the first five minute of my thirty minute period by myself, I was content and happy just eating my ham and cheese sandwich, waiting for Jill to come join me. And then the roof door slammed open. I stopped eating, preparing to defend myself. But I didn’t hear the normal laughing and snarky comments of the bullies. I didn’t even hear multiple footsteps. Just one set. They came alone? That was unusual. I glanced up to see who came to torment me today. It was John, leader of the group with short brown hair, muscled up, and always wearing an over-sized varsity jacket. I think he just wears it to look bigger.

I glared at him as he made his way over to me, sauntering on over as if he were actually all-that. If only he knew how many of the kids in the school despised him. He stopped next to the bench I was seated on, leaning against the roof fence. He said nothing, something rather unusual for him. Usually by now he was taunting me, pushing me around, anything. But he just stood there. There was a strange calmness about him. Tainted with hatred.

“... So what are you gonna do this time?” I finally spoke up, not liking the suspense surrounding the air.

“To finish this.”

My body tensed. This wasn’t a ‘I’m going to patch things with you’ tone and feeling. This was malicious. Hateful. The same emotions I felt earlier that day. They’d come from John.

“... When did you start following me?”

“Right after you met with your cousin.”

“... What do you want from me?”

“I told you. I’m here to finish this. I finally have confirmation that it’s you.”

Confirmation..? It’s me..? I couldn’t understand what this guy was talking about. I gave him a quizzical look. He didn’t seem like he was joking, but he also didn’t explain what he meant.

“... Where’s Cody and Harry? Your two flunkies skip school without ya?”

He gave a chuff of a laugh, a twisted grin on his face, “Those two? They’re with my mistress.”

“... And I don’t suppose you’re gonna explain any of this? You’re just gonna let me think you’re crazy?”

He paused, pushing himself off the fence and moving to stand in front of me. I grunted as he suddenly grabbed my left shoulder, shoving me up against the fence, “Do you know what I am, child?” I stared, unsure of how to answer. A jock? A phsyco? A creeper?

“I’m an Oni.” He sneered, “A being forever stuck between life and death.”

I felt my eyes widen. An Oni? So this guy was... Dead?

He read the confusion and surprise on my face, laughing and putting a hand on the fence behind me, “That’s right, son of the void. I am dead. For how long, I know not. All I know is that I died, and was dragged into limbo by my mistress. Now I am neither living, nor dead.”

I was confused. I was scared. I didn’t fear monsters-- I actively tried to understand and connect with them. No, it was not him I feared. It was the pure hostility pouring from him. The joy he would feel in scaring me. The hatred burning through him. The sick sense of entertainment he was getting from this. It surrounded me, and my breathing became labored as if the feelings themselves were squeezing the air out of my lungs. My voice would no longer work. It felt like a knot in my throat. I wasn’t scared.

I was terrified.

“Would you like to know how I died?” I flinched as he spoke again, unable to hold in a wince as he dug his nails into my shoulder, “I was burned alive. I was pulled into Limbo just before my body was destroyed. And because I died so... Uniquely, I obtained certain... Perks.”

I was suddenly aware of the burning hot crawling down my back. Molten metal. The fence was melting behind me. I whimpered at the heat, trying to keep myself from touching it. A strangled yelp left me as a bit of it dripped down my arm and the smallest of dots dropped onto my neck. I heard him laugh, sadistic and with a sick sense of joy behind it. His hand dropped to my other shoulder, and I could still feel the fading warmth in it.

“Do you have a fear, son of the void?” The more I listened to his voice, the more I hated it. Feared it. The sick tone seemed to crawl down my spine, and I could feel the malice dripping from it, “Perhaps a... Fear of heights.

Before I could so much as blink, I felt myself turned around and lifted off the ground, being held by the back of my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut, kicking my legs desperately in an attempt to find the ground. I heard him laughing, felt him fake drop me a couple times, “Oh this is so rich!  Who knew that you were so weak! Makes me wonder why my mistress is so afraid of you.”

“Let me go!! Someone help!! Please!!!” I struggled and screamed, and slowly the screams of kids below us began being heard. I chanced a glance down at the yard. A couple guys were running into the building, trying to get up to us. Some of the girls followed them in. The rest of them were standing below us. There was even a small group of football players standing below me to try and catch me if I did fall.

The roof door slammed shut, and I yelped and closed my eyes tightly again, “No one can help you now.” My blood ran cold, and all of a sudden the feeling of his hand on my neck disappeared. I felt myself falling. I screamed. There was a flash of blue and purple light, and all of a sudden I felt arms around me, carrying me back upwards. I had no idea what just happened, but I clung for dear life to the one who saved me. I heard two near simultaneous thuds on the roof floor, as if two people had jumped and landed on their feet at the same time. I heard footsteps, a snap, and a cry of pain from the Oni named John. When I finally brought myself to look at what happened, I saw my father standing over the Oni, keyblade in hand. John was holding his upper body up with his left arm, his right arm twisted and obviously broken. Looking up, I saw it was my Uncle Riku who had saved me.

“How didn’t I know it was you?” I flinched and looked to my father as he spoke to himself. The look on his face was one I’ve only seen once before in my life. The day I’d been ambushed by heartless, and he used his most powerful drive form to save me. A look of protection, of hatred, and a chilling calm. I could only assume it was one he adopted whenever one he loved was threatened.

John laughed. As if he already wasn’t in enough deep trouble, “I guess I’m just too clever...~ Or maybe your senses are just out of touch~”

“Don’t push it.” The words my father growled out dripped with hatred. I had never felt such malice and hatred come from my father before. My dad didn’t hate anyone. He could dislike them, yeah, but I’d never felt outright hate coming from him. This wasn’t just about me. It couldn’t be.

“Tell me what happened that night. Tell me what you did. Where is my wife?”

Mother. Kairi Akari. The woman I only knew through words from my father and sister; whom the only memory I had of her consisted of warm arms, cradling me protectively. This Oni had something to do with her disappearance.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” John was treading on thin ice. But why wouldn’t he? Even if he fell through, he wouldn’t drown. He couldn’t die. No... There had to be a weakness. A way to get rid of him, if only for a while.

“Don’t play games with us.” I heard my uncle speak up this time, and I felt him squeeze my shoulder a bit. Not hard, just a soft squeeze. Reassuring; Trying to tell me that things would be alright. They would take care of it. There was no need for me to get involved yet. He looked to me, smiling briefly to reaffirm the feeling of security. He then carefully placed me on my feet and moved to join dad. I wanted to say something. To tell them to get away. My voice wouldn’t work, and my legs felt like jelly. I couldn’t warn them-- I had to at least think. His weakness. What could his weakness be?!

“Oh, but games are so much fun, don’t you think?” He grinned, placing a hand on his broken arm, “Children do love their games...” I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see what he was about to do. I felt two arms pushing me back a couple steps as my father and uncle backed up themselves. Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw John standing. His arm didn’t look broken at all. In fact he was stretching it across his chest. It made me sick to think of how he fixed it.

He cracked his knuckles, letting his varsity jacket slip off his shoulders and onto the ground. I hated to admit it, but the guy was... Very muscular. And he was wearing a tank top that was just a little too tight on him. His arms were covered in burn scars, and if he removed his tank I’ve no doubt that he’d have even more scars on his chest and back. With a flick of his arms, flames ignited to life, dancing in orange yellow and red. Looking carefully, I noticed that the flames didn’t actually touch his skin. Thy were floating just above it-- more like magic than some sort of internal flame. I had to wonder...

I flinched away from my thoughts when I heard the sound of Dad and Uncle Riku summoning their keyblades. There were no words exchanged between the three before the battle began. I heard banging on the roof door. Someone trying to get through to help us. I could hear Jill calling for me behind it, “Sky?! Skylar I’m coming!! I’ve almost got it!!”

Looking back to Dad and Uncle Riku, I saw them fighting against John relentlessly. Both of them were covered in burns and what looked like scratch marks. But every time they hit John, the wound made just stitched itself back together-- there wasn’t even a scar. My feet felt rooted to the spot where I stood. I was terrified. All this malice, hatred, and fear in the air was messing with my head. I had to take a few minutes to breath. In. Out. Focus.

His fire never touched him. It was always just above his skin. Why? If he couldn’t die, he could just light his fire directly on his skin. It shouldn’t even burn... But then... The scars.

That was it.

I drew in a deep breath, forcing my trembling body to still. I held out a hand, watching the fight closely. I had to time it right, or I would end up hitting Uncle Riku or my dad. Wait for it... Wait for it...

There.

I flicked my wrist, and a spark erupted in front of my hand. The spark became a flame, which grew into a fireball. Within seconds it shot forward, whizzing past Riku and dad’s head. It slammed into the Oni before one could even blink, and in an instant his body burst into flames. The screaming was awful, and the amount of pain that flooded the air with it was choking me. The demon looked at me, and a wave of hatred washed over my body, sending me sinking to my knees. He didn’t say anything, and he didn’t need to. He’d never forget this. I was his target. Now. And Forever. A strange hole of darkness opened behind him, and he staggered his way through.

As soon as it closed, the roof door slammed open. I felt hands on my shoulders, and I clung to the sleeve of who I would moment later recognize as my father. Jill came tearing towards me, dropping to her knees and throwing her arms around me. Other students were searching the roof, trying to find the bully they knew as John. I choked out a breath-- I hadn’t even realized that I’d been holding it. I over heard my father and Uncle talking-- Something about taking me to Yen Sid, and that they were out of time. I had to take a minute to comprehend what was going on.

Some demon called an Oni had been watching me through the entire school year, and tried to throw my off a roof.

I basically just burned him alive.( Dead? )

I was going to go see Yen Sid with the rest of my family.

And one last big thing that was nagging me.

He’d said ‘it’s you.’ What was me? Did he know something about me that I didn’t? Was it about my monsters? Or...

Did it have something to do with my birth parents..?

I had no idea. I only knew that, so far? Worst birthday ever.

[hoopdiddies]

I'm Not Over You // Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 7)

A/N: This is probably the longest I've written in this series. Again guys, thank you for the support, your comments and likes mean so much! My tag list is always open so feel free to ask. And on a slightly heavy note: the next chapter could be really angsty. Just a heads up right there uwu

Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you two met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when the two of you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Warnings: Angst, slight drinking, slight swearing, (yeah the fluff is still present)

W/C: 5k-ish

Tags: @haendel-me-with-care

@mrsdoradominguez-barnes

@mickmoon

@lakef

@mrsmazzello

@valeriecarolinaw

@queen-turtle-boiii

Edited// I forgot to link the previous parts

Parts: 6 5 4 3 2 1

(Got the pic from Pinterest hhh-)

Storing the luggage bag you've purchased for a fair price in the spare room, you come across a small box of sundries tucked in one corner with cobwebs clinging to the sides. Your eyes light up with curiosity spiking within you, you pick it up and dust the webs off, blowing the particles away from the top. You squat on the floor and open the flaps, discovering small yet familiar items that had been lost in time– one of them being a sepia-toned polaroid of you and Ben posing dramatically with hilarious doodles drawn on your faces. You forgot about this, feeling a little guilty that you had hidden it away in a drafty box without remembering doing anything of the sort. You flip the picture over and spot a date and an unfinished sentence written in faded ink on the bottom left part. This was taken on Homecoming night.

'I'm not going-' it says, clearly discontinued next to the date. Silly to think that the picture somehow represents a puzzle piece torn away from its board.

You were bound to graduate the week after and barely a day after, not see each other for several years due to your career paths and post-college choices.

You pull on the hem of your shirt, clearing the picture of dust and any more impurities, finally fitting it into your back pocket to finally treasure it the way it was always meant to be treasured.

The door clicks as you bring it close, your eyes gluing themselves at the hardwood floor seconds to having self-pity billow over you at how quickly your tears surface in the corner of your eyes from the memory of Ben spinning Rosy around - the exact way he did with you -and kissing her like she's a pouch full of life.

You clamp down on your bottom lip, trying your hardest not to stain your cheeks with your pooling tears. "Jeez, you just-" you pace back and forth in frustration, balling your fists as you gesticulate lazily, "you just don't get it, Y/N! Ugh, you're so- fuck, just get over it..." Knowing your harsh soliloquy would be getting you nowhere, you snarl strongly at yourself and roughly wipe your tears away with the back of your hand.

"He loves Rosy. F-freaking deal with it!" The reminder takes a hiss from your quivering lips for it to sink in; you have your own place in his life– a place behind the line you'd drawn in the years prior. The friend zone couldn't be any more hollow and cold than it already is.

And a polaroid pic is the only remnant left of how inseparable you and Ben were in the early days.

At the same time you're feeling your heart tear itself apart, Ben pulls out a picture - similar to what you've found - from the inner pocket of his old varsity jacket in the middle of rummaging through his wardrobe. He leaves his room in his pajamas and tosses himself on the couch next to a sleeping Frankie, softly apologizing to the little beagle for disturbing her cat-like nap. As he cuddles Frankie close, he scrutinizes the picture and it's also from Homecoming, but in it both of you are beaming widely with your arms slung around one another– the doodles ever-so-present on your faces. Behind it, the date and the continuation of the trailed-off sentence written at the back of your share of the memory.

'-anywhere at all.'- it ends in Ben's part of the duality. He grins fondly at the long lost picture, feeling twice as guilty for not keeping it safe and...close to his heart, just as he had promised you that night.

- - - - - - - -

In the convenience of Lucy needing some company to shop with for awards season just as she had returned from her get-away with Rami, she drags you along happily, having to pass through you insisting that you stay at home and study but purposefully ending up under her mercy anyway. You couldn't say no to her, she's basically your sparkly, glam counterpart and you're in need of her life-altering sparkles as of now. Especially since you're going to be tagging along with them, mainly as Joe's date cause you know, you're his 'girlfriend' and all.

You're at the mall, in a stylish boutique full of lines of voguish clothing and shoes that could span miles if not compressed together. For once in the hours you've spent scampering around the mall with Lucy to hoard dresses, skin products and make up, you admit that this is the most aesthetically pleasing space in the entire building.

You traipse along a section with black dresses fashioned into different forms, silently praying that what you have with you will amount to at least one of the varying prices.

Lucy's on the opposite side, ogling at the most colorful section in the boutique for a piece to wear. She peers over at you to make sure you've chosen your 'fighter'. A few swishes of the dresses lined up and you do, holding it up high to evaluate the appropriateness.

It's a sleeveless, halter neck satin that's just a few inches above the knee. Utterly backless but it ends right up the small of your back. The fabric is stretchy enough to move around and breathe in as it simultaneously hugs your shape. You love it but gulp as you prepare yourself for the price. Flipping the tag over, you suddenly wish you could let out the biggest, girlish squeal the human race has ever heard with how surprisingly affordable it is.

"Finally picked out yours?" Lucy pokes her head up playfully and you nod, quite speechless but giddy. She makes a grabby hand at your dress to examine it for herself.

Well she's the fashion guru so why not? You hand her the dress and as she trails her eyes from top to bottom, her mouth falls at the simple yet elegant details. "This is perfect! I highly doubt that it's not going to catch every exposed eye present at the event."

Your flush profusely at her comment. "Thanks but I'll be bringing a coat with me."

That triggered her, but of course you're only teasing. "You better effing not." She warns you and you chuckle, taking the dress from her and evenly brushing the skirt.

"I won't, you can sleep soundly tonight."

You assure her of the possibility. As you exit the boutique with a few bags you're not used to holding, Lucy takes out her phone and gasps, her face contorting with a little disbelief. "Uh oh, this might ruin your mood." She hands you the phone and you gape at her confusingly before taking a quick look.

Ben's posted some updates on his wedding preparations, shockingly tagging you, Joe, Gwil and Lucy in one photo. He's pretty busy alright; unable to text or call you for days but miraculously tagging you out of nowhere.

You come to disregard it until you notice one minute but important detail hidden in plain sight in all of his posts– there isn't a single one with him and Rosy together alone. None of such as well on his new ones.

The only post he's had with a close girl is the one with you, which is at the very bottom of his Instagram feed. You won't admit it but it warms your heart a little. Actually, a whole lot despite wondering why there's none of him and his fiancee. You hand Lucy her phone back and tilt your head to one side, suddenly finding the eagerness to go on shopping. "Let's go."

The following week comes as a radial blur contrasted to the slightly moderate one you just woke up from; your manager phoning you up to take the earliest shift you've had in years at the expense of your allotted time to rest, the heavy workload and rush hours in the upcoming hours followed by the slowest progress of filing your travel documents and visa needed for your departure on the 26th. You've got tons of missed calls from your parents and Joe, who's requested for you to pack up early since you'll be leaving for LA with Lucy on the day of the awards but earlier.

Also noting that you still need to double check the costs for flying to LA and back, ruling out the one exclusive for your flight on the 26th.

For mere days you feel as if you could lose your sanity as your life spirals into madness with everything you're required to do– whether or not you're obliged to do it.

But they are effective distractions for that problem you are still very much preoccupied with. That's a matter noteworthy of later discussion. Amidst all the chaos happening, part of you wishes for Ben to reply to your messages or even talk to you in the slightest. You never bothered to call this week since he's tied up but the least he could do is let you know how he's doing, if he's thinking of you once in a thousand passing seconds.

You give up for a day waiting on him and drown yourself in work.

- - - - - - -

Securing your phone between your tilted head and your shoulder as you indulge in your talk with Joe through the line, you crouch and zip your luggage bag close. Your eyes fixating themselves on two, separate luggage bags for two, separate travels.

"Was that all of it?" Joe's disembodied voice asks. You spring up and take your phone between your fingers. "Pretty much. I better have a kick out of something by the time we touchdown tomorrow– it's my first visit to the US." You inform him, leaping into your bed and landing comfortably.

He chortles softly and ensures you. "I know and you can be sure to expect a good par- ow! Bad kitty!" His smooth transition to a yelp amuses you for split second.

"Are you alright? "

"No. I'm finally feline food to my kid." He refers to his pet cat that has taken a small nibble on his finger, in which Joe returns with a light ruffle to its fur. You can't help but giggle heartily at him.

"Anyway, I'm picking you and Lucy up from LAX tomorrow." He gives you that heads up and you bring your hand up to your forehead. "Where will we be staying?"

"I've booked a hotel earlier so you've got nothing to worry about the moment you land." A faint crunch can be heard from your end and you mind to ask Joe about it. "Are you- are you eating?"

To answer your question, he bites down on his food sloppily and guarantees you of what you heard. You smack your lips together as your eyes narrow in bewilderment.

"Does that answer your question?"

"Sometimes you make it easier for me to hit you with a pillow."

"Is that how you treat your boyfriend?" He taunts at you and cackles, his distorted voice bouncing off of the walls of your room. You sigh, defeated by the fact that this charade is still going on. It's silly and immature yet you and Joe somehow managed to stick to the act.

"Speaking of boyfriend though– would he be furious if I told him that I couldn't be there on his wedding day?" Since you're rested and got nothing else to distract you, you pop the question to Joe.

"Ben?"

You hum softly.

"There are two scenarios that we need to consider," on his end, Joe taps his finger on his lips as he thinks of said scenarios, "Best case scenario- he would get discouraged and slightly unmotivated, and obviously sad, but he'd still support you cause that's your dream."

You sit up and twirl the ends of your hair around your finger, swallowing. "And worst case scenario?"

Joe falls silent before exhaling harshly. "You'd crush his soul, heart, everything ranging from physical to spiritual and it would take a toll– and I mean a substantial toll on your friendship."

"Joe, don't make it sound like a prospect! "

"That is, " he adds strongly, "if he finds out that you had meant for him to be oblivious to it." And he's right. But you had a reason. You still do. Even if you do end up telling him and he supports you, you need a great deal of space to move on.

As long as he's committed to Rosy and you're in the sidelines still in love with him, it's just something toxic. You couldn't love anybody they way you do Ben and you feel like you'll never love someone like him ever again. Albeit how clueless he is sometimes and clumsy, you both had survived every storm and wave. So sticking around to witness him give his hand and heart to someone else is torture for you.

"I'm gonna be direct and say-" just as you begin talking, your phone shrills to another caller, cutting you off from Joe.

One look at the screen and your heart begins racing. Speak of the devil. You reserve an explanation for cutting off and answer Ben, clearing your throat. "You're late."

Ben's gruff chuckle welcomes you back. "I know, I'm so sorry. Busiest week I've had and the lady at Starbucks signed my cup like a snail."

"What are you doing tonight that requires coffee?"

"Call me dramatic- or do so, given that I'm an actor- but I just want to stargaze right now." You hear a light rustle coming from his end, like he's seated out on his lawn.

Silently giving him the 'oh really' look, you spread one side of the curtain to let some moon light in. "Ben, you're leaving early tomorrow."

He hums, seemingly enjoying himself. "But that's not an excuse to not enjoy the night." This boy can not get any cornier. You cast your gaze upon the moon, sighing profoundly. "How did the wedding planning go? Good?"

"Hm, yeah. Church wedding, big reception. Whole lot of booze binging planned out. And a killer bachelor party the day after the awards. " He jokes through the line and you tell him off in a playful chide. "Benjamin Jones, you better-"

"I won't. I won't." You sense his gentle smile from your end, checking the time and reluctantly coming to the decision to hit the hay since you'll be leaving early as well. As much as you want to recreate those late night conversations you once had with him, you can't.

"Hey?" You coo somehow.

"Yeah?"

"I gotta sleep. I have to meet Lucy at the airport at 5."

He gives out a throaty grunt as if he's pulling himself up. "Tragic. I'll see you in LA then, love."

Your lips curl up into the gentlest smile with the moonlight blessing it from the window. "You too. Tell yourself and the rest- especially Brian and Roger- that I'm gonna be rooting for you guys to get up on that stage."

"I will. Thanks for the motivation, Y/N. All the words coming from you just mean so much to me. To all of us." And in his voice, you can hear his utmost sincerity and fondness just highlighting his tone.

"Anytime. Now let me sleep, you bloke. "

"Haha, alright. Love you tons, love."

Shifting your eyes to the sky once more, you reply, allowing the words you're about to say to mean more.

"I love you too, Ben. Good night."

- - - - - - -

24th

You had promised Lucy you'd arrive 10 minutes earlier than her and you really didn't hold on to that promise. As soon as you arrive at the airport nearly bathing in sweat and deaf from the multiple rings Lucy has given you, you both take off to the waiting area with your heavy luggage where you spend an hour and a half waiting for your flight to board. Joe has sent two texts telling you that he's still in the middle of having coffee and it's a questionable action since he's 8 hours behind you and is expected to be asleep by now.

You reply with a simple, "See you there" before heeding to the call of your flight number from the speakers.

All the rushing and you haven't had a bite of breakfast yet. An eleven hour flight doesn't sound so bad, as long as you make sure you don't reel everytime you get up to use the bathroom and acquire jet lag the moment you land from a direct flight without any pit stops. The flight is long as you are awake but by the time you fall asleep in between hours, it shortens the duration. The pilot announcing your arrival wakes you and Lucy from the latest nap you've had on the plane. After gathering your luggage and answering a couple of phone calls on you way down the plane, the arrival area is where you spy Joe behind the red tapes, a scarf around his neck and an eager look plastered on his pale skin, just waiting for you and Lucy to step in. His eyes crinkle as he sees you both treading towards him with a handful of luggage. He greets you both with a tight hug and ushers you to his car, assisting with the transport of your things.

He's booked you in the hotel he's staying in to, of course, avoid some minor inconveniences especially since the awards start at 7 pm and you drastically need Lucy to help you prepare. Upon reaching the hotel, he leads the both of you up the second floor and into the hall for your rooms.

Apparently you and Lucy will be sharing which is the great and Joe will be staying in the room right across yours.

After giving yourselves a brief tour of the room, you settle in and unpack your essentials.

"Y/N, bring out your fighter!" Lucy declares with a giggle, pulling the dress she's chosen from her suitcase. It's a purple, off-the-shoulder, crepe satin and black velvet gown that cascades gracefully against the stable air.

Your eyes widen in awe at how it looks against the light. "No need for a match, Luce. You win," you raise your hands up in surrender, "that's- that's catching more eyes. From Rami of course."

"Oh shut it. You'll look smooth in black." She clicks her tongue and smoothens it at the edge of the bed. You whip out yours and hold it up high, wavering a little at how you'll look like in it tonight. How fortunate you were to find 3-inch, black pumps closeted when you were 'panic packing' the night before. You take it out from your suitcase and set it aside before striding towards the blinds, pulling it up and beholding the breathtaking view of Hollywood before you.

Your first visit to the US and you're already headed to the Oscars. This isn't the real life. This is just fantasy.

- - - - - - - -

"We're having a dinner party afterwards, I don't see any reason for two sandwiches before the ceremony." Staring blankly at how Joe's handling waiting for you and Lucy to emerge from your room, Rami purses his lips quizzically– he's come by to pick up his girl as well. The two men look dashingly handsome in their black tuxes and slick hairstyles– their individual charm strong as they highly anticipate for your appearances.

Joe swallows the chunk in his mouth before speaking. "I'm stressed."

"About what?"

He bites down on his last sandwich, dusting his hands off crumbs as he reasons out. "It's the Oscars. Biggest ceremony of the year."

With a shake of his head, Rami opens his mouth to protest but pauses as the creak of the door behind them butts in their conversation. Lucy - exquisite in her cascading satin gown and look dotted in light to moderate make up - emerges with her purse in hand and eyes heady on Rami.

Joe wishes he could loosen some hinges in Rami's jaw since the latter has got his mouth agape at her girlfriend's evening look. To him, she is his ultimate award and he wouldn't have it in any other way.

"Hey, babe." Lucy smiles delicately and kisses Rami's cheek, to which he responds with a breathless, "Luce, you look..." His starstruck silence finishing his compliment for her. Joe hums, agreeing with crossed arms. "I wish I was as pretty as you, Boynton."

"You boys look handsome, too." Lucy giggles softly and Joe begins to wonder. "Where's Y/N?"

"She'll be out in three...two..." As Lucy deliberately pauses her countdown, you come out of the room, head down as you feel a bit hesitant to continue but you regain your confidence and look up timidly– your appearance putting Joe in the same position Rami was just in with Lucy. The dress really agrees to your form, contouring every curve of your body in a semi-sensual way, guaranteeing that you'll be snagging some looks tonight. Your (H/C) hair frames your face intricately with your light make-up emphasizing the color of your eyes and lips. The light brush of air against the skin of your exposed back makes you clutch your purse tighter, deeming it uncomfortable.

Lucy smiles proudly at her work and that is you. "Well, how does she look Joe?"

Joe lets out a hitched exhale, hazel eyes wide as a sinkhole and a slacked jaw struggling to budge. "Like my girlfriend."

"You wish." You can't help but retort playfully and he brings his finger up to his lips, hushing you. Rami compliments you as well and you thank him as the four of you make your way to the elevator– your arm on Joe's and Lucy's on Rami's.

You've taken a limo for the sake of convenience, since Joe and Rami wanted to propose a pre-toast - with the champagne present in the vehicle - to their successes and hard work in the past year. You have faith they'd bring home an Oscar; considering how spectacular their work was portraying the members of Queen. You're also thrilled that you're about to meet Brian and Roger.

The limo parks just across Dolby Theatre and the four of you climb out, making your way arms-in-arms into the place crowded with paparazzi and attendees. You see yourself as a small fish swimming in a sea full of majestic dolphins. This is the big leagues right here and you're not even one bit of a celebrity– at least you feel like you aren't one. After a couple of shoulder brushes with either familiar and unfamiliar faces and escaping the blinding flashes of the cameras, the four of you reunite with Gwilym who has Roger and Brian present by his side. You are introduced to the two Queen members by Joe and you couldn't be any more happier to meet them in person. A couple of moments of interacting with the rest of the crew and cast, Ben joins the 'party' looking sharp and admittedly drop-dead gorgeous in his white tuxedo blazer and slicked back hair with Rosy by his side.

Before he could even reply to the greetings of his friends, he lays his eyes on you and for a while– his pupils dilate and his expression flits faster than he can command it to. He can't believe what or who he is seeing before him amidst all the glam. Letting go of Rosy's hand for a minute, he steps close to you, indescribably captivated. "Y/N...h-hey."

You keep your composure, musing back. "Hey. You look left out, outfit-wise, and a like a million bucks."

It takes him nearly five seconds to reply with the way hes has his eyes transfixed on you. It's like he's seeing you for the first time. Your evening look setting him back to Homecoming night and something inside him just tweaks. You avoid his mindless gaze and break the silence, trying your hardest not to flush. "Ben, please talk. It's just really-"

"You look...beautiful." He breathes out like he had just gotten up from under water.