#Pretty sure I'm just one week off of antibiotics so...

[thewirewitch]

Hey guys, guess who's still not feeling well? :')

[punkshort]

look what we've become - ch.9

Chapter Summary: Joel nurses you back to health and you come to a startling realization about your future together.

Chapter Warnings: language, descriptions of some injuries, fluff, protective Joel, soft Joel, little bit of angst, lots of feelings, smut (18+ MDNI), fingering

WC: 6K

Series Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

After arriving back in Jackson, you ended up spending nearly three weeks in the infirmary. Your injuries were worse than you thought. From what you could remember, Bill said you had some internal damage along with several fractures and sprains. The cut in your leg was infected, but fortunately Eugene's group did manage to successfully trade for the rest of the antibiotics before everything happened in Salt Lake City.

You ended up sleeping quite a bit in those weeks, but Ellie told you later that Joel hardly ever left your side. She had said she would get into arguments with him, trying to convince him to take turns at your bedside so he could go home and rest, but he refused.

"I don't know which one of you is more stubborn - you or him," Bill mumbled to you as he gently removed the IV from your arm. You chuckled, your eyes finding his broad form outside your bedroom talking quietly with Tommy, just out of earshot.

"Definitely him."

You were grateful Bill let you go home, but he insisted on doing house visits twice a day until you were on your feet. Most of your superficial wounds had healed but you were still very tired and weak. Bill could see improvement every day, and he said that's all that mattered.

On his way out, Bill stopped to check in with Joel, no doubt updating him on your condition and any medicine he would have to administer for you. You watched his face as he listened intently, his brow furrowed as he looked down at the bottles Bill handed him. You had to stifle a giggle when you saw him squint at the label and hold it further away from his face.

While Joel and Bill continued to talk, Tommy slipped past them and into your room, giving you a grin as he plopped down in the chair next to your bed.

"Lookin' good," he said, making you laugh and then wince, gingerly touching your ribs.

"Liar," you said, and he chuckled, his eyes raking over your face, taking in the scabs and yellow bruises with a sigh.

"Just wanna let you know, we cut off all trades with 'em," he said, his voice taking on a serious tone.

"I figured. I know they had a lot of things we could use - "

"We'll find those things somewhere else. Not worth it," he said, cutting you off.

You nodded and cast your gaze to the side.

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it," he replied, tapping his foot on the floor. "Maria said she was gonna stop by later after work, you think you're up for it?"

"Yeah, of course," you said, although you honestly couldn't tell these days. It seemed like you fell asleep at the drop of a hat.

"How's Ellie?" you asked him. Whenever you asked Joel, he frustratingly just gave you the most basic information. She's fine. She's in school. Think I saw her with a couple girls the other day.

"She's adjusting real good. She's been stayin' with Julia, but I'm not sure it's a permanent solution for either of them." He eyed you carefully as your gaze drifted over his shoulder at Joel, who was walking Bill down the steps to the front door. "You got any ideas?"

"Me?" you asked, looking back to him now and raising your eyebrows in surprise. You knew what he was implying, and he just nodded.

"I would love it if she wanted to stay here, but I'm pretty sure Joel wouldn't like that, and I really don't want to push him right now. He's so stressed, Tommy. I can see it in his eyes. He's not sleeping well, and I'm worried about his blood pressure -"

"Have you talked to him about it? About the kid?" Tommy asked, and you shook your head.

"No, but he made his feelings pretty well known when she first got here."

"Lots happened since then. He might surprise you," Tommy said, standing up with a grunt. You frowned and opened your mouth to question him further when Joel walked through the door, his gaze falling on his brother.

"Just headin' out, don't worry, I know she needs her rest," Tommy said, sneaking you a wink as he headed towards the door. You thanked him for visiting and listened to them walk down the stairs, their voices fading the further they got until the door closed and all that was left was Joel's heavy footsteps slowly coming back up. He reached the door and leaned against the frame as he gave you a small smile, but you could see how exhausted he was. His eyes looked bloodshot and his shoulders sagged.

"Come here," you whispered, and he quickly pushed off the wall to come to your side.

"What'dya need, sweetheart?" he asked, glancing at the cup next to your bed, making sure it was still filled with water. "Hungry?"

"No," you said, shaking your head, but he looked at his watch and mentally did the math.

"You'll have to eat somethin' soon with your meds, what can I make you?" he asked, and you shook your head again.

"Can you please just lay with me for a while?"

He hesitated but you reached out to drag your fingertips against his wrist, urging him closer to the bed, and he gave in.

"Alright, only for a few minutes," he said, rounding the end of the bed and collapsing onto the covers with a groan, sliding his eyes closed in relief.

"I wish you'd rest more," you murmured after you gingerly rolled yourself onto your side so you could look at him. "I'm worried about you."

He chuckled and turned his head to the side to look at you in disbelief.

"You're worried about me? You're jokin', right?"

You reached out to lightly brush a stray curl away from his eyes, choosing not to reply. You knew it would be a losing battle anyway.

"Can't rest," he said, staring at you with his eyes all soft. "I'm not sure I'll ever be able to rest again."

"Why?" you asked, your brow furrowing.

He shook his head, his eyes still pinned on yours and you watched them slowly fill with tears. You gave him a look of concern and inched a bit closer to cup his face, the pad of your thumb swiping over his rough beard as you waited for him to open up.

"I'm sorry," he finally whispered, his voice thick as he tried to hold back his tears. "It's all my fault, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault -"

"I keep lettin' you down. Over and over again," he continued, a tear slipping down his cheek. "And I just wanna tell you that I understand now. 'Bout all of it. Why you're so scared 'bout havin' a family or gettin' married. And it's fine, I won't bring it up again, alright?"

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" you asked, searching his face for answers.

"I can't - " he paused and took a deep breath before trying again. "I can't take care of us. I thought I could but it's clear I can't when all this bad shit keeps happenin'. But if you'll still have me, I'll be right here, okay? I'll take whatever you wanna give me, I don't care 'bout any of that other shit anymore. I just want you."

"Slow down," you said, trying to wrap your fatigued mind around what he was saying. Your grip on his jaw tightened before you continued. "You never let me down, do you understand me? You are the only fucking thing that kept me going the past few years. Without you, I would be dead. I would have died that very first day. I owe you my life, Joel. How do you not see that?"

He just shook his head, refusing to accept what you were saying, so you kept going.

"I should have just been honest with you, but it took me a while to figure out why I was so scared about - "

"You don't need to explain - "

"Let me finish," you said, and he clamped his mouth shut. "It's not you, Joel. Well, it is. But not for the reason you think."

He frowned, blinking back tears as he waited for you to continue.

"It's because I love you so much that it scares me." You could feel your own tears forming now, but you tried to push through. "If something were to happen to you out there and I was left all alone, I don't know how I could go on." You swiped away a few tears that fell as you spoke. "And I'm terrified of getting married because if you die, that day will haunt me, Joel. Every single year when the anniversary comes, I - "

You stopped for a moment, your breaths coming in short gasps. He tried to shush you and pull you closer, but you shook your head.

"I'm not strong enough," you finished with a small sob. This time, you let him pull you into his chest while his big hands cradled the back of your head, patting down your hair, soothing you.

"Does that make sense?" you blubbered, pulling back to look at him.

He nodded slowly, his eyes raking down your face.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Thought I wasn't gonna get you back after they took you. Thought I lost you forever."

The two of you sat in silence for a minute, lost in each other's eyes, the truth finally spoken and swirling around the quiet room as you both clung to the other, just grateful to be alive.

"But you did get me back," you finally said, breaking the silence. "You did that. You saved me. Again." You ran your finger gently over his bottom lip and he gave the tip of your finger a little kiss.

"You might think you can't keep me safe, but in reality, you are the only reason I'm still here." The puzzle was finally piecing together in your mind as you spoke.

"That's not true," he said immediately. "Every situation that's put you at risk could've been avoided if I had protected you more. I wouldn't have to save you if I didn't put you in harm's way in the first place."

"But this is the world we live in, Joel. None of us will ever truly be safe ever again. And it's not because of something you did. It's just a really shitty hand we were all dealt and now we have to figure out a way to make the most of it and survive." You paused for a moment, something in your brain finally clicking as the words came tumbling out.

"We can't let fear run our lives," you said softly.

He looked at you, your gaze fixed on the wall behind him as what Maria said so long ago finally made sense. It was like you were seeing through the fog. Like a weight was lifted off your shoulders and you could breathe deeply for the very first time.

It took you and Joel to finally have a raw and honest conversation, but you thought you understood what she meant now.

"You okay?" Joel asked, clearly confused. You let your gaze fall back to him and you grinned.

"Yeah," you said breathlessly, then tugged him forward so you could press your lips against his, your fingers curling around the back of his neck to hold him against you.

You weren't afraid anymore.

A few days later, you woke up to the sound of the front door downstairs swinging shut. Your eyes snapped open and you strained your ears, trying to listen to the muffled words through the closed bedroom door.

"Told ya to be quiet, she's tryin' to sleep," you heard Joel say.

"Sorry, the fucking wind took the door from me and this stupid backpack is so heavy. Why do I even need to go to school? Who cares about this stuff anymore?"

"I do, 'cause it keeps you out of trouble and outta my hair."

"Ha, yeah right. You know both those things are impossible, old man," you heard Ellie scoff.

"How the hell old do you think I am?"

"The way you can barely read the instructions on the back of that pasta box? You don't want me to answer that."

You grinned as you listened to the two of them bicker amongst themselves. You weren't sure when it happened, but at some point in the past several weeks, Joel and Ellie finally seemed to have a breakthrough in their relationship. You wanted to ask, but you didn't want to draw attention to it. The two of them were so alike in so many ways that you knew if you pointed it out, they would pull back and stop making progress. So in the meantime, you just enjoyed listening and watching them whenever you got the chance.

With a small grunt, you pushed yourself off the mattress and swung your legs over the side of the bed, taking a moment to catch your breath before reaching out and using the end table to support your weight so you could stand. Walking was getting easier; the worst part was still the healing gash in your thigh. Bill said the knife one of Amy's men used must have cut through some muscle, so you were slowly building your strength back up by taking very short walks around your bedroom every day.

With small, careful steps, you managed to get to your bedroom door and open it quietly, listening to Ellie helping Joel make spaghetti in the kitchen while she told him about her day. You stopped at the top of the stairs and peered down.

"Ellie?" you called out softly.

You heard a spoon clatter on the counter and Joel's heavy footsteps jog to the foot of the stairs. He looked up at you with a towel in his hand, worry etched across his face. Ellie quickly joined him and looked up at you with a grin.

"What's wrong? Why're you up?" Joel asked, taking the steps two at a time.

"Nothing!" you said with a smile as he reached the top and wrapped an arm around you gently to help steady you. "I just wanted to see Ellie."

"I thought you were asleep," she said, bounding up the stairs.

"C'mon, let's get back to bed," Joel urged. You sighed and allowed him to lead you back to the bedroom, but you chose to sit on the edge of the bed instead of getting back under the covers like he clearly wanted you to do.

"Come on, tell me what's going on out there. Joel's not much of a gossip," you told Ellie with a wink, and Joel huffed somewhere behind you, fixing the sheets.

"Well, Maria wants to get married the second you're back on your feet. Says she wants to do it before she starts showing," Ellie started, and you felt the mattress dip with Joel's weight next to you.

"Yeah, she told me that already. What else? How's school?"

"It's alright. I met a few girls, we hang out sometimes."

"That's great!" you told her, happy that she was acclimating well. "How's Julia?"

Ellie sighed and rolled her eyes at the mention of the older school teacher who graciously let her live with her.

"She's nice, but she's just got such strict rules. I've gotten into it with her a couple times when I was late for curfew," Ellie admitted, looking down at her fingers twisting in her lap.

"It's important that you listen to her, y'know. She's just lookin' out for you," Joel said softly, and you had to tuck your chin against your chest to hide your smile. He was so sweet with her now, like he had known her his whole life, and it took some time getting used to hearing it.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Ellie said sullenly. "I just get so bored. She spends her evenings planning her lessons or knitting. Knitting! It's so quiet over there, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind."

"Well, why don't you move in with us?" Joel asked with a shrug. Both you and Ellie froze, your eyes widened in shock. You slowly turned your head to the side to look at him, unable to form words.

"What?" he asked, swiveling his head back and forth when neither of you said anything.

You were about to respond when Ellie jumped up excitedly, about to wrap her arms around Joel's shoulders, then stopped herself.

"Really? Can I?" Her eyes darted between you both, a huge grin plastered across her face.

"Yeah," you said breathlessly with a nod. "Yeah, of course you can." You tried your best to blink back the tears that were quickly forming.

The three of you heard some hissing coming from downstairs and Joel leapt up, muttering about the water for the pasta as he clattered quickly down the steps, leaving just you and Ellie.

"Holy shit," she said, still grinning.

"Uh, yeah, 'holy shit' is right," you said with a chuckle.

"You didn't have anything to do with that?"

"Me? Nope," you said, quickly shaking your head. "Although it was on my mind, I just never found the right time to talk to him about it."

"Wow," she muttered, sitting on the bed next to you. "Guess he doesn't hate me, after all."

"Told you," you said, nudging her shoulder with your own.

You sat in silence for a moment, deep in thought while you listened to Joel muttering to himself in the kitchen. A smile played across your lips at the sheer domesticity of it. A feeling that you never thought you would get to experience just fell into your lap when you least expected it.

"I never got a chance to ask," you began, and Ellie turned her attention back towards you. "Does anyone else know?"

She shook her head.

"When you were passed out in the truck on the way back, Joel told me he had to tell Tommy and Maria but then he got so distracted with you at the infirmary that I guess he never got around to it."

You hummed and nodded, wondering if Joel truly forgot or if he changed his mind. Either way, you knew it would have to come out some day, but you had hoped it would be on Ellie's terms.

"And what did he tell Tommy? About the Fireflies?"

"The truth. Well, mostly. Just left out a few things. He told him they were working on a vaccine and that they kidnapped you, obviously."

"But how did he explain why they took me without telling him they really wanted you?" you asked, your pain killers making it tough to keep up.

"I told them they took people to experiment on," she said. "I thought that's what they were doing, anyway, at first."

You chewed your lip for a moment, eager to learn more but careful about pushing her too far.

"How did you guys find me?" you finally asked. You had tried to get the story out of Joel multiple times already, but he kept dodging the question, and the curiosity was getting the best of you.

Ellie's body stiffened next to you. She straightened her back as she took a sharp inhale of breath.

"He didn't tell you?"

You just shook your head slowly.

"Well, we, uh, went back to my aunt and uncle's house," she said, dropping her eyes to her lap. "He figured out they were the ones who called the Fireflies to come take you. Or, I guess me, but whatever."

"Oh," you said softly. You hadn't expected Ellie to know about any of that.

"It's alright, Joel told me after you were taken. That you thought they might've sold me off," she said, as if reading your mind.

"Ellie, I'm so sorry," you said, but she just shook her head.

"It's fine," she said, but you could see in her face she was hurt. After a moment, she added "it worked out in the end, right? I found you guys."

You gave her a tight smile as you felt the swell of emotions rising up your chest, squeezing your throat. You cared for Ellie so deeply that you were almost inclined to agree with her. Even though you were just as happy to have her in your lives, it still made you sick to think about what she had to endure to get there.

Then, you realized Ellie never elaborated about their return visit. You glanced over at her and wanted to ask, but decided against it. She looked upset enough, and if it was anything like you saw at the hospital, you preferred not to bring it up.

Joel startled you both by appearing silently in the doorframe.

"You girls ready to eat?"

Girls. The way he said it warmed your heart.

"So long as you didn't burn it," Ellie said teasingly as she stood up from the bed. "I'll bring some up for you," she said to you over your shoulder as she headed down the stairs.

"C'mon, lemme help you get back in bed and I'll get your tray," Joel said, but instead you held out a hand to stop him, making him look at you.

"Thank you," you whispered, cupping his face with both hands.

"For what?"

You smiled at him and he lifted an eyebrow at you, amused but curious.

"For giving me a family."

It took a few weeks, but your bones eventually healed and you were able to get back to work. Maria would only schedule you for half days and you argued that you could do more, but by the time you got home after only four hours, you had to admit you were exhausted.

Bill told you it would take some time for you to feel like yourself again, that it was completely normal and that you would need to build your strength back up. You had to constantly remind Joel you needed to start doing things for yourself, but he would still do whatever he could to keep you from getting up too much.

Joel heard you sigh from the bathroom and within seconds he was in the doorway, buttoning up his dress shirt with a tie draped loosely around his neck.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," you said quickly as you continued to stare into the mirror and fidget with your hair. "I can't get my hair to look the way I want it."

"I think you look beautiful," he said, sauntering over with his shirt still untucked to wrap his arms around your waist from behind, gazing at you in the mirror while he planted a quick kiss to your neck.

You sighed and tilted your head to the side, encouraging him to explore your neck more. You arched your back just a bit, pushing yourself back into his hips, causing his arms to stiffen around you.

"No funny business," he murmured against your skin, and you grinned.

"Not even a little funny business?" you teased, and you felt him chuckle lightly against your back.

"Nope. We're gonna be late," he said, pulling back suddenly but giving you a small tap on your ass with his palm before he walked away.

You glanced at the time and gasped quietly. He was right. Tommy and Maria's rehearsal dinner was in ten minutes, and even though it was just a handful of you at their house, you still didn't want to be late. Maria spent too much time planning this wedding and the last thing you were interested in doing was setting off the short fuse she had developed over the past couple weeks.

Quickly, you put on some old lipstick and fixed your dress before turning off the bathroom light. Joel was just finishing up knotting his tie, leaning forward a bit with his lips parted as he watched himself carefully in the mirror above your dresser and you had to resist the urge to push him down on the bed right then and there.

Ever since your energy slowly began coming back, so did your desire for Joel, but he was adamant about waiting until you were feeling better, which just left you feeling crazier by the day. You weren't sure if it was because you were finally on the mend, or maybe it had something to do with your breakthrough with him, but you found yourself feeling a lot needier than usual.

"Ready?" he asked you before running his fingers casually through his curls once more and walking over to you. You nodded, your lips pressed together as you glanced down at the blue shirt and navy slacks he picked out.

"You look good," you told him, your tone suggestive. He smirked and took your hand, leading you out of the bedroom.

"Ellie, we're leavin'," Joel called out to her, ignoring your compliment. "There's leftovers in the fridge!"

"Okay!" she called out, the sound of her music softly flowing through the floorboards as you made your way downstairs.

"Should we bring any pain killers in case you start gettin' sore?" Joel asked.

"No, I'll be fine."

"You sure? 'Cause-"

"Alright fine, we can bring them," you relented, just eager to get out of the house at this point. You pocketed them in your small purse and the two of you headed out towards Tommy and Maria's house, luckily arriving with two minutes to spare.

"How are you feeling?" you asked Maria as she greeted you with a warm hug.

"Me? What about you?" she said with a laugh.

"Oh, I'm fine! I want to hear all about you and what the future hellraiser is putting you through."

"She ain't fine," Joel said behind you, turning his head away from his brother. "Bill said-"

"Bill said I need to work on building up my strength. To me, that's fine," you told him, and he rolled his eyes.

"You two are so alike, it's scary, you know that?" Maria asked, leading you into the kitchen for a drink. You smiled and waved when you saw Carrie and Jake, along with Eugene and another woman who you thought was named Tina, but you couldn't quite remember, rounding out the rest of their wedding party.

"So really, how have you been feeling?" you asked her, taking the glass of wine she offered you.

"Nauseous, but it's getting a little better. And tired. Oh my god, I'm so tired all the damn time, it's crazy!"

"Oh, wow," you said, taking a sip before adding "you aren't even showing yet. How far along did Bill say you were?"

"I'm close to the end of the first trimester, thank god. He says that's when the nausea usually goes away and I should get some energy back," she said, checking the oven briefly before straightening back up. "But enough about me. How are you two?" she asked, nodding subtly towards Joel in the living room with Tommy and now Eugene.

"Better. Much better. We had a good talk after we got back, and I think we're on the same page," you said, glancing around the room at the others, making sure they were out of earshot.

"What page is that, exactly?" she pushed with a smirk.

"He's okay with not getting married or having kids," you replied with a noncommittal shrug. She narrowed her eyes at you and you frowned. "What?"

"Is that what you really want, though?"

"Well," you said, glancing around once again before lowering your voice. "I've come around to the whole marriage thing, but I don't really know how to tell him. I feel like I keep jerking him around and I don't know what to do."

"You need to be honest with him," she said immediately, and you rolled your eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but I just made this huge fuss -"

"It doesn't matter. This is your life, you have to do what's right. He might be confused at first but you know he will be so fucking ecstatic he will forget all about it, right?"

"Yeah, I guess," you said, glancing over your shoulder to watch him laugh with Tommy, a glass of whiskey in his hand. "I just need to figure out how to tell him."

"And kids?" she asked, causing you to whip your head back around.

"I'm not there yet. But maybe one day," you finally admitted, making her squeal out with excitement and causing the rest of the guests to look your way.

"Sorry! The chicken just came out perfectly!" Maria said with a giggle. You laughed with her as you locked eyes with Joel and he raised a curious eyebrow at you. You shrugged and gave him a quick smile before turning back to Maria.

"Alright, enough of that. What can I do to help?"

"You sure you ain't in any pain? Maybe you should take somethin' before bed," Joel said as he watched you wince when you leaned over to take your heels off.

"I'm okay, I promise. It's the damn shoes," you explained, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing your calf. "Was I this annoying when you were hurt?"

"Worse," he said with a grin before sitting down next to you and taking your legs over his lap, his own fingers taking over, rubbing the sore muscles and doing a far better job.

"Thank you," you said breathily as you closed your eyes and leaned forward so your head was resting on his shoulder. You sat in silence for a moment, his strong hands digging into your calves, content to be in your shared home with Ellie safe and sound, right down the hall.

"Joel?"

"Hm?"

"Something's different," you said softly, your eyes still closed.

"What'dya mean?" he murmured, his lips pressed against the top of your head.

"I feel... safe," you said, opening your eyes a bit and staring at the wall across from your bed, his fingers still working your legs.

"That's good, baby," he whispered.

"No, I mean..." you paused, searching for the words, not sure how to say it. "I mean I'm not scared anymore."

His fingers paused as he absorbed your words, trying to figure out what you were saying.

"That's... good," he repeated, not quite understanding. You sighed and tilted your face up to look at him, your arm stretching up to wrap around his neck, pulling him down for a soft kiss. Another time, you thought. You'll figure out how to explain it another time.

You slipped your tongue past his lips, your fingers raking through his hair as the hand that was once on your calf slowly migrated up past your knee and to your thigh. Greedily, you nipped at his bottom lip and leaned backwards so you were flat on the bed, Joel partially on top of you while your lips moved faster, leaving quick, desperate kisses against his mouth.

"Hang on," he whispered, but you kept going, your heart slamming in your chest. Now that you felt him on top of you again, it was sparking a fire between your legs.

"What's gotten into you?" he asked jokingly, pulling back a bit and pinning your wrists into the mattress, your chest heaving.

"Please, Joel," you begged, not caring how pathetic you sounded.

"C'mon, you know you ain't ready yet. You're still healing," he mumbled sweetly, pressing a soft kiss against your forehead.

"I am ready," you promised, but he just shook his head.

"We got a big day tomorrow," he whispered in your ear before sitting up, his weight no longer pressing against your upper half. "Let's just go to bed."

You pouted as you sat up next to him and he grinned.

"Ain't gonna work on me, sweetheart."

Then, an idea occurred to you. You shrugged and stood up, walking towards the bathroom as you slowly unzipped your dress, letting it pool at your feet only when you were in the safety of the small room. You turned around, hand on the door, only wearing your underwear as you took in Joel's slack jawed expression, his eyes slowly raking up and down your nearly naked frame.

"I'm gonna shower," you said quietly, his eyes still glued to your body. "You wanna join me?"

You could see the conflict in his face, trying so desperately to hold back and keep a clear head.

Finally, he forced himself to shake his head. You pouted again then shut the door, but not before sliding your underwear down your legs first, giving him a little show.

The water had barely gotten warm enough to step under the stream when he ripped open the shower curtain and stepped into the tub. You looked at him and smirked.

"I thought you said -"

He silenced you with his mouth covering yours, pushing you up against the cool tile while his knee slotted between your legs and his hand slowly drifted down your stomach. You gasped and smiled against his mouth when his fingers pressed exactly where you needed him.

"You need me that bad, huh?" he murmured against your mouth, and you nodded.

"Yes," you whined, arching your back off the wall, your wet body pressing up against his as his fingers dipped inside you and dragged them back out, smearing a mix of your arousal and water expertly over your clit.

"Can't be too loud, now," he reminded you, swallowing your breathless moans as his fingers circled faster. Your nails dug into his shoulders, holding on tightly as he brought you to the edge way too quickly, months of not being touched by him finally coming to a head.

"Joel," you whispered, burying your face into his neck as you felt the muscles in your stomach tense. He wrapped his other arm around your waist, holding you up just in time. Your legs went lax, your arms and Joel the only thing keeping you upright as you felt the coil in your belly snap, your sounds muffled against his skin and the water beating down around you.

"Better?" he asked when you finally found the strength to hold yourself back up. You nodded, your eyelids drooping, but you still slid your hand down his stomach. Right as you were about to wrap your fingers around him, he stopped you.

"Not tonight," he said, and you frowned. "It's late. We gotta get to bed."

If you weren't so exhausted, you would have put up a bigger fight. You leaned into him as he gently massaged shampoo into your hair, your eyes closed, blindly letting him direct you under the water to rinse before he got started on your body, his strong hands spreading the soap over your skin in circles.

He helped you get out of the tub and wrapped you in a towel as he dried your hair, his own body dripping water all over the floor. You lazily watched him work, a slow smile creeping across your face. He noticed and raised an eyebrow at you.

"I like it when you take care of me," you explained, and you swore you saw a little bit of pink dust his cheeks. He led you to bed, tucking the cool sheets around you as he brushed your damp hair away from your eyes. "Want you to take care of me forever," you mumbled as your eyes slid shut. He smiled, then his hand froze as his lips pursed in thought.

I feel safe.

I'm not scared anymore.

He finally understood what you were trying to tell him, and his heart began to flutter excitedly in his chest.

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[bellysoupset]

noticed the antibotics post you reblogged...

and now im thinking of jonah getting a bad sinus infection or something of the like and just general clingy

and the antibiotics absolutely wreck his stomach so to speak

"Hey," Leo rounded up the couch in order to kiss his fiancé's forehead and inconspicuously feel his fever. For three days now Jonah had been fighting off a freaking ear infection and he was in one of the worst moods Leo had seen him in a while.

Not only he was feverish and had an earache, but the ear infection kept almost triggering his vertigo, so he had been forced to be on his back for the past days. In order not to miss too much work he was doing his office hours from home, but it wasn't the same and Leo knew Jonah was almost climbing up the walls with boredom.

"I know what you're doing," Jon answered him, shutting down his laptop and rubbing his temples, "fever broke in the morning, I'm fine."

Leo wasn't so sure about that, his boyfriend was oddly warm, "uhm, sure you are," he rubbed his chin on top of Jon's curls, much like JD did with them, "have eaten?"

He had left their fridge packed with stuff Jon liked, because lately his appetite had been all but gone. Much to Leo's annoyance, the other man shook his head.

"Not hungry."

"You have to eat," Leo groaned, exhausted, "what do you want? Soup? Pasta? I left sushi prepared for lunch..." he tried not to let the frustration leak into his words, but he shouldn't have bothered, Jonah could always see right through him.

"I'm sorry you went through all this trouble," Jonah answered sourly, pulling back so he was out of Leo's reach, "but I'm not hungry."

The blonde squeezed his eyes shut and open again, fuming, "it's 5 PM and you haven't eaten anything since the crackers I had to force on you this morning," he scoffed, "you're eating, I don't care if you're not hungry."

Jonah still looked like he was about to argue, but Leo didn't give him the chance, turning around and walking to the kitchen, knowing his boyfriend couldn't follow just to keep being frustratingly stubborn.

He prepared them a simple meal, Leo was hungry too, and his own temper had cooled off by the time he returned with the bowls. Jonah's... Not so much. He was curled up with JD in the opposite side of the couch and had his eyes closed, but the frown between his brows betrayed there was no way he was asleep.

Leo sighed, "don't pout, I'm doing this because I love you," he held out the soup to Jon and his boyfriend didn't move a muscle, "Jonah. C'mon, don't be a pain-"

A wet burp answered him and Leo raised his eyebrows, "Jon?"

"Stop talking," Jonah snapped at him, pressing a hand to his lips and gulping down, "fuck..."

Leo walked away in order to plant the food back in the kitchen and when he came back, Jonah was crawling up on the couch, clearly trying to get up, "WHOA! Hey, you're not supposed to be moving around, your head-"

"I need the bathroom," Jonah cut him off and Leo cringed as he realized how grey Jon's skin looked, little sweat droplets dotting his face, "I don't feel well."

All of Leo's resolve melted away, "oh angel, okay, c'mere," he wrapped an arm around Jonah's middle, helping him up, "lean on me." Together they waddled to the guest bathroom and Leo was about to enter with Jonah, when the guy planted a hand on his chest and pushed.

"Nope. Privacy."

"Don't be ridiculous," Leo shoved him further inside the bathroom, "you're too dizzy to stand, you don't get privacy."

"Please," Jonah all but whined, "please, just- Get the fuck out," his hand moved to cradle his tummy and Leo winced as he heard a gurgle, "Leo!"

"Okay! Okay, yeah, uh-" he stepped back and Jonah took no time to slam the door on his face. Leo pouted, walking back to the living room and collapsing on the couch. It had been a long week and he was pretty drained, but he mentally berated himself. If he was tired of this, he couldn't imagine how Jonah was feeling.

JD meowed, probably sensing his frustration and climbed on his lap, planting her paws on his chest so she could inspect his face, "I'm okay, baby," Leo sighed, booping his nose with hers and stroking her fur, "don't worry."

It was nearly a half hour later when the bathroom door opened again. By then Leo had already had dinner and was sulking in the living room, pretending to watch TV while arguing to himself to give Jon some space. Relief floored him as the door opened and his fiancé stumbled out.

"Jon?"

"What?" Jonah was taking small timid steps, a hand resting on his belly and Leo shot up, meeting him halfway.

"Hey," the blonde hesitated to touch him, not wanting to get snapped at, but that was the wrong thing to do.

"I feel like crap..." Jonah all but whined, voice all choked up and hazel eyes tearing up, and Leo's concern went up a notch, specially as his boyfriend continued, "I'm sorry I'm being such a dick..."

"Christ, is your fever up again?" Leo answered instead of acknowledging the apology, cupping Jonah's face. He was really warm, "come here, baby, let's sit down," he pulled them both back to the couch and Jon promptly curled up, eyes squeezed shut.

"What's wrong?" Leo scooted closer, rubbing a hand up and down his back, "are you in pain? Is it your ear?"

"Nauseous," Jonah answered after a second in silence, "...Hurts."

Leo's heart squeezed and he pressed a kiss to his boyfriend's temple, wrapping an arm around his back, "let me rub your tummy, angel, c'mere," he tipped them both backwards on the couch, until he was lying on his back and Jonah was on top of him. He was so unusually quiet and clingy, it was mildly terrifying.

Leo squirmed under Jonah's weight until he was able to free a hand and sneaked it under the other man's shirt, gently starting to rub it in clockwise motion. There was a horrible gurgling inside and even the minimal amount of pressure caused Jon to muffle a burp against his bicep and groan.

"Careful, I'm really queasy," Jonah warned him.

Leo shrugged, lips pressed to the top of his curls as he said, "don't worry about me," he grimaced in sympathy when another bubble moved under his hand and inside his boyfriend's belly, "it's so upset... How come, if you have barely eaten in days?"

"Antibiotics," Jonah answered, then gulped down, "they mess with me."

"I didn't know that," Leo pouted, hugging him closer, "these specific ones or any...?"

"I don't know," Jon moved slightly, so he could press his face to Leo's chest and breathed out, "excuse me," before muffling a string of little burps against his fist.

Leo let out a snort at the deja vú, "I feel like we've been here before," he whispered, then with a more teasing tone, "why are you embarrassed? I know your burps are not that dainty."

Jon scowled, his cheeks turning darker with a flush, "I'm not embarrassed," he said sharply and the return of his usual annoyed tone made Leo relax against the cushions, "it's not coming up, feels-" he gulped down, "feels like it's in my throat."

"Do you want me to try burping you? Those back pats you did with me the other day when I was sick?" Leo offered, eager to help in any way he could. He hated seeing Jon behaving like this, he'd much rather have his grumpy, bitchy boyfriend back.

Jonah muffled another little burp in his hand, then nodded, sitting up slowly like an elderly man. Leo bit down his lip, carefully planting a hand on his back, "tell me if this is alright..."

He started thumping on his back softly, much like one would a baby, and Jonah let out a groan and leaned forward, wrapping both arms around his stomach, but didn't say anything else besides that.

After a couple minutes of the patting, Jon suddenly stiffened and let out a huge burp, so loud it caused JD to jump and look up from where she had been happily nibbling on her toy. Leo snorted, "better?"

Jon only nodded, so Leo took that as a hint to keep going and no sooner he had started the patting back up again, Jonah let out yet another burp and then another... It changed into a retch halfway through and his boyfriend scrambled to press a hand in front of his lips, but it was too little too late and puke got all over down his front, in a small puddle on the ground and his hand.

"Oh shit," Leo cringed, then hurried to reassure him as he heard Jonah let out a pitiful noise, "no, it's alright baby, it's okay. Your tummy was really sick, poor thing," he sighed, rubbing Jonah's arm, "let's get you cleaned up, c'mon."

"M'sorry," Jonah's words were sticking together, head hanging in shame, "couldn't help it... I don't-"

"Shh," Leo shushed him, planting his lips on his shoulder, "it's alright, don't worry about it. Help me-" he grabbed his boyfriend's bicep, pulling him up.

They stumbled to the bathroom and Jonah promptly sat down on the closed toilet, as if the small distance had drained him of all energy. Leo pouted at the sight, wetting the washing cloth and leaving it on the sink in order to help Jon strip his t-shirt.

"Jesus, Jon..." Leo cringed as he got a good look at how bloated his boyfriend was, "that cannot feel good..."

As if to answer him, Jonah sluggishly cupped a hand over his lips, uncoordinatedly, and let out another wet burp, so wet that Leo scrambled to get the trashcan next to the toilet.

"Here-" he held it under Jon's chin, but the other man shook his head.

"No-"

"I don't think your body is leaving much room to argue, baby," Leo pressed his hip to Jonah's arm since his boyfriend was sitting down, and leaned him slightly over the trashcan, "get it up."

A small cough answered him, followed by another heave and suddenly a rush of liquid hit the trashcan, causing Jonah to let out a pathetic whine that was fully out of character and terrifying. Leo cupped his forehead as Jon's head hung and he let out a hiss, "angel, you're burning up again."

Instead of answering him, Jonah heaved again, bringing up little more than a mouthful of bright orange bile and drool.

"That's it," Leo rubbed his back, biting his lip nervously, "I'm calling Wendy."

If he expected some sort of resistence, he was sorely mistaken. Instead, Jonah leaned fully against him, resting his overheated face on Leo's tummy and breathing deeply, as if he had ran a marathon.

It took some coaxing to get him up again, but Jonah was too feverish and clingy to really be his stubborn self and Leo managed to get him in bed, before running to grab his cellphone and returning to their bedroom and sticking a thermometer in Jonah's mouth. The lack of complaints and bitching was driving him crazy.

It rang a couple of times, before Wendy picked up with a giggle, all breathless, "Hi blondie-" she was clearly chuckling and Leo could vaguely hear Vince's voice in the background, "what's up?"

"Jonah's sick and I don't know what to do," Leo admitted, feeling horrible that he didn't know how to perfectly fix his boyfriend, "he got an ear infection a couple days ago, has been on antibiotics since, but he still has a high fever and has started throwing up now."

"High fever? How high?" Wendy''s voice was straight to the point and she heard Vince echoing in the background: Jon's sick?

"Uhm-" Leo reached for the thermometer he had left between Jon's lips and squinted, "a little over 103," he planted the device on the bedside table and squeezed his boyfriend's nape as Jonah squirmed on the bed until he could rest his forehead to Leo's thigh, "it's been up for days."

"What meds is he taking?" Wendy sounded like she was pacing and Leo reached for the bedside table drawer once more, in search of the pill bottles. He rattled off the meds and heard a sigh, "the nausea is probably due to the clarithromycin, you can give him some pepto for that and if it doesn't work, then zofran. Add some tylenol for the fever, but as soon as the nausea is gone he needs to have some food, okay? And monitor his temperature, if it goes up or doesn't go down even a little bit after medication, it's ER time."

"Okay," Leo ran his fingers softly over the frown etched on his boyfriend's face, "but not right now?"

"I don't think it's needed," Wendy sounded pensive, "I'll call you back in a couple hours to check up on him."

"Alright... Sorry about ruining your Friday night," Leo chewed on his lip and he could almost hear Wen shrugging.

"You didn't, sweetheart," the nickname rolled off her tongue and Leo could tell she did a small pause, but he was too concerned about Jon to much care about the endearment term, "I'll call you back in a couple of hours, alright? Take care."

"You too," Leo answered, as he heard Vince's voice become louder, filled with questions, before the call disconnected.

On his lap, Jonah let out a little sigh, "Leo?"

"I talked with Wendy," Leo folded in half in order to whisper it, "you'll be fine, okay? Just gotta take some more meds."

"Okay..." Jonah nodded, nuzzling his head against Leo's thigh and coughing, "can we cuddle? Where's JD?"

"I hate that you're feeling so crappy that I can't even enjoy you being this adorable," Leo teased him lightly, planting a kiss on Jonah's temple, "I'll get JD and the meds, alright."

Jon only shrugged, yawning and curling up even more, "hurry back."

[crazyoffher]

WATCHTOWER. - 2

jenna ortega x fem!reader

summary: the same late-night visitor meets with you once again, this time with a goal in mind.

warnings: unedited. somewhat long, which i'm very sorry for i just love attention-to-detail sometimes.

word count: 2600+

part one part three

Scandal was playing on the TV, but you weren’t paying attention to what was happening — not that it mattered because you replayed the show so much you could name an episode's events off the top of your head. It was a rather chilly Thursday night for springtime, and you lay on the couch all sprawled around with a massive headache and a runny nose. 

You had allergies, and they acted up harsher than usual, causing you to take the entire week off of work. You wanted to stay around in case Jenna came in that week, but you felt like fainting the first Monday, and you had been told to go home by your manager, Derek.

You were mindlessly scrolling through your phone, looking through Jenna’s entire Instagram your feed, when you were interrupted by a caller screen. It was your regular closing buddy, Jack, calling. 

“I told you, the cleaning supplies are stocked under the boxes on the shelf next to the cooler.” You sighed, assuming that he was calling because he couldn’t remember the location of where you put the items. 

“No, bro, it’s not that.” He practically screamed into the phone, erupting a groan out of you. “Keep your voice low; I have a massive fucking headache.” 

“Well, I'm sorry that I can’t contain my emotions after just dealing with Jenna Ortega, who was looking for you.” That got you to sit upright. You have to be fucking kidding me.

You sighed heavily. “You can’t be serious! Ugh.”

“What? You were expecting her? God, I hate when you keep exciting secrets from me (Y/N), like when you literally served Zendaya and I had to sit and gawk at you when you were telling me you and her had a conversation!”

Rubbing your eyeballs, you put the phone on speaker as you pulled yourself up, turning to clean up the mess of tissues and plates that had accumulated over the past two days. “What did you say to her?”

“I told her that you work Monday, Thursday, and Saturday every week, but that you’d be gone the rest of the week because you were sick. When the fuck did you meet her?” You loaded the tissues (and empty ice-cream pint) into the trash and set the plates into the sink, saying, “Two weeks ago, when you decided to do the easiest job on Earth and leave me to do all of the cleanup work, you assface.”

“Man, you better be good by Monday because she looked pretty down when I told her you weren’t here.” You sighed at that; it only made your hatred for your pollen allergy worsen. “And she told me she’d be back on Monday if she wasn’t too busy that day.”

“I’ll take this as a sign to actually start taking my antibiotics.” You filled a cup with water, grabbing a Tylenol pill for your headache. “Why haven’t you been taking them in the first place?”

“So I’d have an excuse to take more than four days off. You just have to hate working at a Michelin star that celebrities love to raid sometimes.” You downed the pill, or more so, tried to, as it came back up, making you cough.

���Yeah, well, you tell that to Marissa, who’s been covering your days. She looks like she’s on the edge of a breakdown constantly.”

You attempted to swallow the pill again, this time successfully, as you downed the entire glass of water before placing it in the sink, joining the dirty plates. “Well, she’d be more accustomed to it if she didn’t decide to work only once a week and constantly coax me for a share of my tips. Now go back to cleaning up.”

Leaning against the counter of your kitchen, you hung up the phone, saying your goodbyes to Jack. Couldn't she have come around next week?

On Monday, you returned. In your nice suitwear, you made sure to groom yourself extra well in the morning in case Jenna did make her return to you that day, and she did…not.

To say you were disappointed was an understatement; you even stayed out five minutes past twelve to see if she’d walk in, but to no avail. Closing the doors to the restaurant with Jack, you took each step to your car with a form of anger.

“Are you alr-”

“You said she was going to come today!” You huffed. He shrugged, choosing the right words to reply to you; otherwise, you’d go insane.

“If she wasn’t too busy, she said. She probably just had an overwhelming day.” He assured you, but you weren’t necessarily in a positive mood. You mimicked him, putting your hands on your face and rubbing your eyes.

“Or she just didn’t want to see me. She probably saw that I wasn’t there and was like, “Oh, well, fuck that girl then.” Ugh, I hate sickness.” Sneezing right after your sentence, Jack shuffled away from you slightly before climbing into your passenger seat when you unlocked your car.

You had promised to give him a ride because his car’s engine sounded off and he didn’t want to take it to work. “I call the music!”

“It's my car, asshole.” You jumped into the driver's seat without fighting Jack for the Bluetooth, as he had already been connected. “All I’m saying is, you shouldn’t worry. Celebrities, especially rising ones like her, are always busier than we are. Plus, you’re not all that special; I know I wouldn’t willingly go to a restaurant to see you at midnight when I’m a second away from passing out from tiredness.”

You shoved him, one hand on the wheel, as you rolled out of the parking lot and onto the immediate freeway. “And you’re so amazing?”

“I’m perfect, thank you very much.” 

It took you about thirty minutes to drop off Jack at his apartment, seeing that it was in a different town, and he made you stop at a gas station for a bag of Munchies. As soon as you fell onto your bed, you were out like a light.

When Thursday came around, you weren’t so optimistic about Jenna showing up. Actually, you debated calling out just because you didn’t feel like working that day, but you knew that your request would probably get declined because it was last-minute and it wasn’t for an emergency, so you got ready.

To your surprise, the day was calm. There were only about two well-known celebrities, and they were enthusiastically nice to you and tipped generously, leaving Jack to complain about your tips for the day, considering that he had almost half less and had a drink thrown on him by a TikTok influencer.

“Why do you always get the nicer tables with big tips while I get stuck with cows who try using their “influence” to get out of paying for their seven-fifty ($750) dollar meal?” He huffed, pretending to be busy because he was currently dealing with — actually, not even a D-lister, just somebody who was in the background of a Marvel movie in 2015.

Meanwhile, you were on your thirty minute break, munching on a burrito you had bought before walking into work that morning. “Because I’m nice and charismatic, even to those that throw their food on my clothes. You, on the other hand, have no charisma at all, and you purposefully set a bitchy tone whenever someone’s mean to you. Nobody’s tipping a man who looks to be on the verge of throwing them onto the highway.”

“Well-”

“Carlile!” Derek called out Jack’s name — or technically, last name, “Back to work, there’s a girl that came in, I’m thinking B-list but on her way to the A-list.”

“I’m dealing with some background extra right now!” He called out, buttoning up his vest he had unbuttoned earlier to breathe, and Derek came into the back where you guys were. “They wanted to leave, so Harvey gave them their check and took your tip from them while he was at it, so go and serve the girl!”

Derek left, and Jack huffed. “God, I hate that fucker. I’m getting that tip back.” And with that, he disappeared as well, anger evident in his step. You just laughed at him, twenty minutes left on your break as you laid back on the chair, tearing up the bulky burrito.

Not even five minutes later, Jack came rushing in, sweat beads on his forehead as he had a large smile on his face. “Guess who’s here.”

“Mmm, by the way you’re smiling, I’d say Spencer Charnas.”

“No, dumbass! Jenna’s here.” You coughed, choking up the burrito chunk you tried to swallow. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Getting up, you viewed yourself in the mirror. Your hair was messed up, tie in disarray, and your shirt sleeves slightly wrinkled from having them rolled up. You were not looking sharp.

“Yes, I told her that I’d switch her table over to you after getting her the drinks she and her — might I say, massive bodyguards, ordered. So go!”

He ushered you out of the backroom, hands on your tie fixing it into place and undoing your sleeves, fixing them down to your wrist. “I thought she was gonna come after we closed, like how she did before.”

“I guess she couldn’t wait to see you, buddy. Now you go and get your first girlfriend, yeah?” He patted your back, and you slapped him on the arm before heading into the dining section. Luckily, she was sat at the edge of a window where there was an empty walkway to her table, avoiding you of any interruptions by surrounding customers.

“What would you like to get started with?” You adjusted your vest, not making eye contact with Jenna just yet. Any observant person could tell you were nervous. “Well, hello to you too.”

You looked up, meeting her eyes and smiling. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there last Thursday, got a little sick and thought it was best to not infect everyone, especially you.” 

“It’s fine. Oh, and here.” She reached into the bag sat next to her, pulling out the book before handing it over to you, urging you to take it due to the weight of it. “Thank you. I didn’t expect you to finish so early, you said you’re busy constantly, after all.”

“I read it on the days I wasn’t all too busy, mostly on the way to meetings and in my trailer on set.” Jenna shrugged it off, adding, “And you were right, it’s a really good book.”

“Well, if you ever need any more book suggestions, I’m here. You want to get something to eat, or do you want me to come back in a bit?”

“Mmm, give me like five minutes, yeah?” She flashed you a smile that you dumbly nodded at, turning on your heel and heading into the kitchen, meeting Jack halfway there and you practically jumped on him.

“Someone’s giddy.”

“Oh, shut up. She’s making me nervous, Jack, she keeps eye contact — do you know what it’s like to hold eye contact with a pretty girl?”

“I’m assuming it’s nervewracking.”

“Oh right, I forgot. You can’t talk to girls.” You put his hand on his shoulder, sending him a fake sympathetic smile that he glared at.

“So, when are you asking her out?” Jack grabbed a couple plates, presumably for the table he was serving and you just laughed, causing him to send you a look.

You stopped upon seeing his confused glare. “Oh, you’re not joking. She doesn’t like me, I think I’d know if a girl likes me.”

“But, you wouldn’t. You’ve never had a girlfriend in your life, despite your many talking stages, all of which were online. You’re not experienced in body language, bud. Go out there and take her order, and see how it goes from there.” Leaving you standing in the busy kitchen, you thought about it.

Taking advice from Jack wasn’t the best idea, though. He dated a catfish for five months, for fuck's sake. 

Walking back into the main room, you walked over to the shelf and put the bulky navy-colored book back in it’s former place, shifting some books to slot it in. Eyeing Jenna’s table, you saw how she sat there, hands clasped together, talking to her bodyguards.

“You ready now?” You walked up to the table, hands together behind your back, and gave her a small smile.

“Yeah, I’ll have,” Jenna re-opened the menu, pinpointing her option as “Lobster ravioli with Mascovy duck breast, whatever that is.” She laughed slightly, a smile still etched on your face, and said, “And…a date with you.” She spoke lowly, as if she were purposefully lowering her voice so you couldn’t hear her.

“And a what? Sorry.” You apologized, leaning in slightly closer to hear. “A…chance to hang out with you, if you’re up for that. Other people, like friends, can be there too, of course.”

Your mouth gaped open, and the longer you took to answer, the more anxious Jenna became.

"Definitely, yeah, sure.” You managed to get out, nodding your head extensively, and Jenna’s anxiousness faded. 

You got her bodyguard's order as well, practically running to the kitchen to give your paper to a chef before scanning for Jack and watching him eat a lobster that one of the cooks seemed to have prepared for his break time. “Did you ask her out?”

“No, but she asked me to hang out with her.” To your words, Jack shot one hand up and mumbled something that you couldn’t recognize, lobster in his mouth.

“She practically wants you.” He repeated, this time more recognizable. “Yeah, yeah.” You waved him off, pacing around with your hands glued together, thinking. 

“No, think about it.” Jack set his plate down, swallowing the last bits of his lobster. “She’s busy, right? She’s got like five thousand movies coming out this year and next year, which means that she’d be making time through her busy schedule to be with you! She likes you a lot.”

You stopped, your hands transferring over to your hips. You eyed him, skeptical at first, before sighing. “You think so?”

Jack nodded. “Definitely, go get her tiger.” He pushed you away, hearing the sound of your name being called along with four plates being set off to the side.

You took the plates, setting them on a tray before balancing it on your hand, suddenly a lot more paranoid about dropping them than you’ve ever been. “Here you go.”

Bringing the tray into both your hands, you set the plates aside one by one before tucking it under your arm. “If you guys need anything else, just call me over.”

“Well,” Jenna’s voice stopped you from walking away, “In order for me to see you again, I’d need your number.”

“Right!” You said rather enthusiastically, taking her phone that she held out and typing your number in, sending her one last smile before retreating back into the kitchen.

Sadly, that was the last time you saw her that day because Harvey decided to steal your table, as he did to Jack earlier, to try and capture your tip.

“(Y/N).” Derek called out for you, walking into the room to catch you wiping up tables. “That girl you served earlier, the one that Harvey stole, told me to give your tip to you. She definitely caught on to him.” He laughed, handing you a stack of money before waving goodbye.

You gawked at the amount, five-hundred dollars as a tip was probably the biggest you ever got, and it was from a girl who, besides you, took an interest in you that she was sure to soon act on.

☟ ☟ ☟

i feel like part one was written remotely better than this part, but regardless, i hope you enjoy this :)

[lady-harrowhark]

If anyone remembers/still cares about my bizarro jaw bone spur debacle from this summer, I have an update for you! I'm fine now, this is all past tense, but probably don't read this if you don't want to hear about dental/bone stuff.

So to recap, earlier this summer I felt some irritation in my mouth and when I checked it out in the mirror, there was a tiny little off-white shard of something sticking out of my gums on the inside of my lower molars. I figured it was a little piece of food that poked me, but when I touched it, it 1) was hard and sharp, 2) would not move, and 3) hurt so bad that it about knocked the wind out of me. Even in the moment I knew this sounded dramatic and highly improbable, but I was immediately Very Sure that it was a little shard of bone.

By the next morning it was so swollen that I couldn't see if it was still there, and after four or five days I ended up calling around and found a dentist who could get me in to take a look because my usual dentist at the student health center didn't have any immediate openings. By that point I was taking Tylenol + ibuprofen around the clock as well as using Orajel numbing gel and icing it, but nothing was touching the pain. Also, the side of my face and down into my neck was starting to swell, and sleeping and eating was extremely difficult due to the pain.

The dentist I ended up seeing was very friendly and pleasant but ultimately pretty dismissive. Nothing showed up on an X-ray but he could see a spot of "hyper-irritation" where I'd had the little shard, and he said it was possible that a "bone spur" worked its way out through my gums. Usually that only happens after oral surgery or an injury, but I'd also had a dental cleaning a few weeks prior that was weirdly aggressive and left that part of my gums bleeding and sore for several days, so it was possible that was enough to dislodge something left over from when I had my wisdom teeth removed years and years ago. Or maybe it was just a little cut. He then told me to alternate the Tylenol and ibuprofen instead of taking them simultaneously and to call back in two weeks if it wasn't better or if it started getting hard to eat or sleep. I reiterated that it already was hard to eat and sleep, and asked if I was understanding him correctly that he wanted me to take LESS pain medication. He paused, and then said to call back in one week if it wasn't better.

So obviously I went out to my car and cried. I have a very skewed pain tolerance from a lifetime of chronic illness experiences and I'm a very smiley and friendly person in general, so I do acknowledge that I don't usually LOOK like I'm in pain, especially to someone who's only just met me. But for me, the fact that I even made an appointment for it is a giveaway that this is like, off the charts levels of pain. I called my dad since he's a doctor and he was able to prescribe some antibiotics for me just in case, and walked me through how to adjust the ibuprofen dose to be the equivalent of prescription strength. I'd decided that if it wasn't any better by the next day, I was going to urgent care. Thankfully it was a smidge better, and over the next maybe two or three weeks it mostly went away, although for while I could still feel sort of a divot on my gum where the bone spur had been.

ANYWAY yesterday I had my regular dentist's visit, the first time I'd been in since then. I told the hygienist about it, and she seemed kind of alarmed, especially because she could also still feel the little spot on my gum. The dentist ALSO seemed pretty shocked and could feel where it was as well.

So here's the update: I apparently have a little bit of extra bone built up around my back lower molars, which is unusual but not unheard of, and mine is very very mild in comparison to what you see when you Google "mandibular tori" - mine is really just that it's slightly rounded or mildly bowed right below my molars rather than going straight down to the bottom of my mouth as is typical, minor enough that no dentists have ever mentioned it to me. I never even realized that wasn't what everyone's were like until this spring when a massage therapist I saw for TMJ stuff mentioned that she noticed it. So in general that's not any sort of issue for me, EXCEPT that the dentist yesterday said that the gum tissue can be pretty thin where it has to stretch over the extra bone, which can also be kind of pointy or sharp.

Given that plus the fact that I hadn't had any sort of recent injury or surgery in the area like you would expect for a bone spur, she said it was more likely that I somehow scraped or cut the gum right down to the bone.

It wasn't a bone spur. That was my literal, actual jaw bone showing through my gums.

[selfpositiveundertale]

Long post.

TW: car accident

Hey everyone. I'm not doing great.

I've already been having a hard time with migraines getting absolutely out of hand and interfering with literally everything in my life, but yesterday I had my first car accident. The meme I just posted is relevant. It was my fault but thankfully only me in the vehicle. Other than bruised knees(I'm short so I had the seat pulled up close so I could reach the pedals) and some mild rug burns where the air bag got me on my left hand and my neck (I had instinctively raised my arms to protect my face), I don't think I was injured in any way my chiropractor couldn't fix. Definitely jarred my entire skeleton and dislocated some ribs and messed up my neck but what else is new. I didn't hit my head and nothing hurts in any way I'm not already deeply familiar with. Surprisingly I haven't gotten a migraine yet but I'm fully expecting one soon.

Really good thing I wasn't wearing my sunglasses. I lost the pendent off my necklace though. It must have broken off when the air bag blew and then fallen into the road when I got out of the vehicle.

My vehicle is totaled. Not a great loss since the thing was on its last legs anyway but it sucks not having my own transportation now, even if I could only drive in town and couldn't leave town because it wouldn't make it far on the interstate. It would start shaking like a leaf any time I went over 50 mph and I didn't like that. I'm really sore and tired and shaken up but I'm getting through it.

My husband came immediately when I called him and he talked to the car insurance company and called his boss to take the rest of the day off work so he could be with me.

The people in the other car were mostly okay other than the man having a cut on his forehead and his wife having a scraped knee but both of their babies were completely unharmed, thank goodness. Nobody was mad at me, possibly because I was hysterical panicking inconsolable and kept apologizing and asking if they were okay. They were also on their way to the car dealership to see about getting a new vehicle anyway, so I think they'll be fine.

I made an appointment with my chiropractor this morning and he checked everything and basically said I was in pretty bad shape but not really any worse than usual, which was a great relief but not surprising. He fixed the ribs, my shoulder blades, neck, and hands and gave me some samples of a supplement he said might help the soreness. I'm also taking my painkillers, OTC pain medicine, and applying arnica cream to the bruises.

I've been so tired and sore and haven't been up to doing much of anything except eating my feelings but I'm making sure my pets get fed and helping my husband get ready for work in the morning. I don't think I'll be able to meal prep anything for him like I normally do and he says it's okay, he's not expecting anything of me if I don't feel up to it and he doesn't mind buying his breakfast and lunch.

I fear the financial repercussions of this, especially since things have already been very tight due to several sudden veterinary expenses. The cat gods looked at us and went "kittens upon you and your household" so in the last 4 weeks there have been 2 vet visits for a tiny baby runt of a kitten my husband found alone and abandoned at his workplace, one for a very pregnant stray kitty that followed a family member home and popped out 7 babies, and one for my dog when she caught a UTI. We think she's over it by now but I'm taking her back to the vet Friday for a recheck. It's been hard with her because she's been refusing to eat her dry food and we've been having to buy wet food as well as chicken breast and white rice and alternating between the wet food and a bland diet when the antibiotics made her tummy upset. I'm really hoping that by Friday I'll be brave enough to drive. The vet isn't far and my mom is going to let me take her old car for whatever I need until we manage to get me another used vehicle.

I know the car insurance is going to go up because of the crash even though now there's one less vehicle on it, and I'm praying to the heavens that I don't have to actually go to a doctor and get checked out because of the crash.

I need to see a doctor anyway about the migraines that are now coming several times a week and affecting me in unsettling ways like impairing my speech, making me nauseous when I use my eyeballs for their intended purpose, and even made me collapse once. But the clinic I usually go to because the price is income based is in the next town and I'd definitely have to have my husband take time off work to take me. I also fear they'll refer me to a neurologist. I'm certain I need to see one but since I don't have health insurance and the process for getting financial assistance at any given specialist office is (probably deliberately) incredibly difficult and tedious and almost not even worth the effort, it just doesn't seem feasible at this time.

I am trying to make things to stock my Etsy shop so I can make some money but at the moment I just don't have the energy for it. But maybe I should try anyway. The simple repetitive action of crocheting while listening to a book or Old Gods Of Appalachia might help me settle down and feel more normal. My hands ache but my compression gloves might help.

Things are just extremely scary and very painful right now. Staying determined is hard but I'm trying. I'm trying so hard.

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[danifesting]

A birthday present for my dear, beloved friend @nobrakesdown. Cove, I hope you have the wonderful birthday you deserve. Thanks for being my friend, writing buddy, sounding board and everything in between.

*****

Daniel's heat is late. First one week, then two, then three. At four weeks he starts to worry. He's usually like clockwork, has been since his first heat at 15, but now, not even a skin prickle at the back of his neck. He makes an appointment with his gynecologist and goes into the office more anxious than he'd like to admit.

The nurse gets him in the room and takes his temperature, a little high but not a fever. His blood pressure is high too.

"Ha, sorry," he says to the nurse, a pretty beta with long blonde hair. "Just a little anxious."

"That's okay. It's not uncommon and it's not in a danger zone or anything," she assures him. "Is there any chance you could be pregnant?"

Daniel hums. He's been on birth control a long time. "I doubt it."

"Well, either way, we have to have you take a pregnancy test." She hands him a cup. "Just pee in here and leave it on the counter next to the door. When you're done, undress from the waist down and press the button on the wall to let us know you're ready, okay?"

Daniel gives her a thumbs up and does as he's instructed. The wait for the doctor is agonizingly slow. He scrolls through Instagram on his phone but it doesn't do anything to speed up the passage of time. Eventually the doctor knocks.

"Come in," Daniel calls out and Dr. Bernard comes in.

"Well, Daniel," she says, sitting down on the stool next to the table. "I'm just going to start with this. Your pregnancy test came back positive."

"But…" Daniel says, starting to sweat.

"I know you're on birth control but have you missed any doses?" She asks kindly.

"No, never. I take it at the same time every day. I have a special alarm and everything."

"Have you been sick? Taken any antibiotics?"

"I had a sinus infection about a month ago and the doctor gave me something for it."

"Did he warn you that antibiotics can make birth control less effective and that you should use backup contraception until after your next heat?"

"Uh... He did not. Was he supposed to?" Daniel asks with raised eyebrows.

Dr. Bernard sighs. "They never tell people what they should. Well, I'm sorry if it's bad news, and we'll take a blood test to confirm just to be sure, but you're pregnant."

Daniel puts his face in his hands. Fuck, what is he going to do? What is he going to tell Max? They've really only just gotten together. Only a few very happy months and now Daniel's gone and ruined it.

Dr. Bernard pats Daniel on the knee. "I'll give you a moment and then we'll do your pelvic exam."

She steps out of the room and Daniel texts Max.

Daniel: are you busy today?

Max: just finished at the sim

Daniel: can you meet me at mine in like an hour?

Max: i'll be there

Daniel sighs and sets his phone down. They do the pelvic exam, take Daniel's blood, tell him they'll call him with the results tomorrow and to talk about next steps from there.

Max is already in his apartment when Daniel gets home, sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone. He looks up when Daniel comes in and smiles, wide and happy but his face falls when he sees Daniel, turning to concern. Daniel kicks off his shoes and crosses the room.

"Hi Maxy," he says and collapses down onto the couch next to him. "I have some news."

"Good or bad?" Max asks, eyebrows drawing in.

"Um, I haven't really decided yet. Still kind of in shock about it." Daniel rubs a hand over his face. "I'm pregnant." He keeps his face hidden in his hands.

"Daniel," Max says, voice hushed. He pulls Daniel's hands away from his face.

Daniel gives him a wry smile. "Surprise? I'm so sorry. I know we didn't plan for it, but I think I'm keeping the baby," he says, which is a surprise to himself as he says but it's true. He is. Fuck, he's gonna be a dad.

"Daniel," Max says again and his face is broken open into a wide grin, eyes scrunched tight and happy. "This was, of course, not something we have talked about before but if you want this, I want this, yeah?"

"Really?" Daniel asks, feeling his eyes well with tears. Stupid pregnancy hormones.

"Of course, Daniel. Yes. I have always wanted children and…"

"But we've only been dating a few months."

Max laughs. "And I have been in love with you since I was 18. Let's have a baby Daniel."

"You and me, huh?" Daniel asks, matching Max's laughter.

"You and me," Max assures. "I'll be with you the whole way."

And now, now Daniel feels hopeful instead of the terror he felt sitting in that doctor's office listening to his test results. He won't be in this alone. He has Max by his side and maybe they can do this. Maybe it will be okay.

The blood test results come back positive the next morning. Max holds Daniel's hand as they listen to Dr. Bernard lay out their next steps, the ultrasound appointment he'll have next week, the email she'll send with pregnancy nutrition and prenatal vitamins, all of it, and instead of overwhelmed like he thought he'd be, Daniel feels happy, like this is the right choice, like he and Max are starting a life together along with the life inside him.

Max kisses him when the phone call is over. He puts his hand on Daniel's belly and kisses him again, and Daniel knows things are going to be alright, better than even. Things are going to be great.

[millerflintstone]

Had to order a new fridge today. Just great. Our current one is temporarily mended by Unfriendly. He used magnets to trick the unit. The doors were closing but the magnetic latch wasn't connecting to trigger it so the fridge just turned off. We don't even have a super fancy fridge. Ordered a pretty basic one using an employee discount I get.

It's currently cooling and all of our food is in 3 coolers. One Unfriendly got from his job that is apparently expensive but kinda small.

We also had to take Gigabyte to the vet today. She started sounding congested and she hasn't pooped since her enema last Tuesday. Eating is a struggle though. Luckily she's not constipated. She got an antibiotic shot and some drops for her nose. This vet practice upgraded to a hospital and I figured with my vet being closed until next Tuesday, having someplace close would be good. The vet we her was named Claire and very kind and gentle with her. I didn't want to drive her to the ER vet and cause extra stress with the nature of ER, the length of the drive. and the fact that she's not showing signs of a blockage. Not straining. Still interested in food but not eating enough on her own. Still wants to cuddle and purr, even though I'm the one who medicates her.

I'm just irritated with the world and not fun to be around in general. I'm glad my vet's office is taking a break but also really irritated because I wish they had back up staff or something. I really just want Gigabyte to eat and feel better but she's not feeling better. Realistically, she likely has that tumor on her adrenal gland and won't feel better until she gets meds for suppressing the extra hormone that's being produced but I have to wait another week to find out. Can I keep her alive until then? It's so stressful.

I'm irritated with the kitchen in general. First the sink / mold issue, then pantry moths, now we need another whole damn fridge. Hand washing dishes is so time consuming and letting them pile up is even worse. I mainly just wash the cat dishes and everything else is paper plates / cups etc. Unfriendly did a whole bunch of dishes tonight from the Christmas eve dinner I made, cat dishes and his lunch stuff.

I'm irritated with myself and my lack of organization and ADHD brain. I'm just sick of myself and am lashing out and no one is having any fun with that. I'm sure there's a pre menopause hormone thing going on too but that's another doctor visit to deal with at later date.

[cawdra]

Good question, @avvielalame-blog

GATHER 'ROUND, FOR I HAVE A STORY TO TELL ABOUT MY WEIRD HOSPITAL OPIOID TRIP THAT MADE ME HALLUCINATE NEW GOOD OMENS EPISODES:

Last year I went to the hospital. It was some cyst (idk the medical lingo), and it was painful af. They gave me some sort of strong opioid (again, no idea what the medical lingo is, but I think it was Buprensomethingsomething). Mind you, I was on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, but I hadn't taken them for almost a week, cuz I couldn't get out of my bed the whole time (before I eventually went to the hospital). I told them I was off that medication, and because the prescription is pretty old, they gave me the painkillers. TURNS OUT THE FUCKING MEDS WERE NOT OUT OF MY SYSTEM YET!!! So uhhh... yeah.

(If you don't know, mixing these two things can be very dangerous because they can raise dopamine levels too high or something, which is INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS!!! I'm a pretty large person, so this didn't hit me that hard (and also I was off the meds for longer than 24 hours), but if I was slightly less of a fatass and more of a responsible medicine taker, I might have actually been comatosed.)

Anyway, I was riding high that night. I didn't have anything else to do, so after seeing a good omens edit, my first thought was, "That seems gay. I'm in." So I turned on Prime and watched it all in one night. It's not like I was going to sleep in a ward full of screaming people anyway, so might as well make the most of it. The nurses told me to sleep, but I told them I wasn't sleepy, so they just gave me my antibiotics and, whatever else, took my temp and walked out. Did they care about the gay shit I was watching on my phone? No, they've seen worse.

Anyway, I watched the show, ugly cried for like an hour (harder than I did from the cyst that was torturing me for about a week), and then went to sleep at around 2 pm. When I woke up, I, as a responsible queer, decided to rant about it to my friends. After telling them all those things, one of my friends (who actually watched the show with his sister) said, "Are you sure the anesthesia didn't scramble your brain, cuz none of that happened lol."

When I tell you I was DEVISTATED!!! Literally a "You... you serious?" moment. Cried almost as much as I did at the ending.

Also, if you want to know: I had a dream about how the Ineffable Husbands teamed up with some nun (who was as much of a nun as she was a saint - only on a technicality) and they made her carry the Second Coming, which eventually got her kicked off the nunnery of whatever cuz 'These days, if you get pregnant as a nun, you won't be called ‘The Virgin Sarah’ or ‘The Virgin Linda’. You will be called ‘a common whore’. So much for being a virgin.' (Quote from my fanfic (and the weird opioid trip).

I don't know what the rest of the dream was because Mr. Party Pooper (aka my friend JK Juno ily (^з^)-☆) cut me off because I was talking nonsense.

Long story short, the painkillers got out of my system, I took my meds, renewed the prescription, and went on my still-on-going recovery journey.

Did I suffer two heartbreaks in less than 12 hours? Yes. Were they worth it? Eh. I mean, it inspired my fanfic, but wasn't THAT worth it. Did I enjoy my trip? No, I threw up, had diarrhea, and then constipation for two weeks.

I still get an awful surprise when I rewatch Good Omens for a specific scene, only to find out AGAIN that I was just hallucinating.

Moral of the story - don't do drugs and be honest with your doctors and nurses cuz you might actually die.

Anyways, TOODLES!!1!!111!!!

~ CAwdra

[27dragons]

The Sheer Gall

Content warning: Medical adventures. They're not graphic, but if you're particularly squeamish, be warned. Also a solid wall of text, so I'm dropping most of it behind a readmore. Basically, this is a rundown of my past week...

.

Last Monday evening, I popped a fever. Not a bad one, never even got all the way up to 102F (38.8C). It broke overnight, and I woke up on Tuesday with only a low-grade that eased back down to normal by lunchtime.

Tuesday evening, I developed a mild pain that ran along the bottom of my right ribcage. That was weird, but it was basically a mirror of the spot where I feel the pain when my heartburn/ulcer nonsense kicks up, but less painful, so I figured it was some weird gas or something and went to bed, figuring it would resolve by morning.

It did not resolve by morning. By Wednesday afternoon, I was weirded out enough by this mild but persistent pain go to the UrgentCare clinic and see what they had to say. What they had to say was: probably a gallstone, though because of the way UrgentCare and insurance in this country works, they couldn't order the ultrasound that was needed to be certain. But the pain was mild and my temperature was fine, so the UC doc said, "Call your primary doc as soon as you get home and make an appointment to arrange for an ultrasound. If the pain gets worse or you spike a fever, go to the Emergency Room."

Less than an hour after I got home, I started shivering. I checked and -- yep, low-grade fever. I wasn't sure that counted, so I went and curled up in bed (to warm up a bit) and took my temp every fifteen minutes or so, watching the number on the thermometer readout slowly climb. When it hit 100.1F (37.7C) (still technically lowgrade but high enough that I was pretty sure it would keep going up) I packed myself a bag and drove to the ER.

It had gone back down to just BARELY over normal by the time I got there, which made me think they were probably going to just confirm that it was still early stages, not a problem yet, and send me home again. The ER ordered an ultrasound, and eventually the ER doc came and told me it was definitely gallstones but it didn't look urgent enough to operate that night, so they were probably going to send me home with instructions to contact the surgical center in the morning to make an appointment, pretty much like I thought. He was just waiting to confirm that with the surgeon on duty. Half an hour later, the surgeon on duty came into my room and said, "The Thursday operating schedule is already completely booked, so we're going to jump the queue by scheduling you before all the other surgeries, at 7:00." Basically, he agreed that it wasn't enough of an emergency to operate immediately, but it was urgent enough that he didn't want to wait until Friday.

So they admitted me to the hospital proper at about 10pm, and moved me up to the surgical ward. It was very early Thursday morning by the time the nurse had finished collecting information and setting me up with an antibiotic drip while I texted my family and boss to let them know what was going on. At about 4am, they started prepping me for the surgery, and five or so hours after that, I woke up in Recovery.

I spent most of Thursday groggy and trying to figure out how to move when my abdominal muscles had decided to take some time off. My dad drove up to sit with me for a few hours, and that evening the Ex brought the Things to see me. That evening, the night nurse made me get out of bed and take a few laps around the ward, which I didn't want to do (and I stubbed my little toe on the base of the IV pole like five times) but did help enormously with the weird gas pressure and bloating left over from the surgery.

The surgeon woke me up at about 6:30 Friday morning to show me a bunch of pictures he'd taken of the inside of my body, go over the points of the surgery with me, give me my post-surgical restrictions and instructions, and tell me he would leave discharge orders in the computer for me when I was ready to go. I was back home by lunchtime, and honestly it only took that long because they have a policy that you can't drive yourself home from the hospital, so I had to arrange for my sister-in-law to come pick me up. (My brother and dad coordinated retrieving my car from the ER parking lot that afternoon.)

I could tell a bunch more anecdotes about things that happened in the hospital -- conversations I had with the various nurses, misadventures with my IV, overlapping but unrelated other medical/body issues, my selection of TV to watch, and the delusional patient in the room two down from mine -- but here's the thing I want you guys to remember, most of all:

The only initial warnings I got were an intermittent low fever and mild but persistent pain. That's it. If I hadn't been weirded out by the persistence of the minimal pain, my gall bladder might well have ruptured a day or so later and left me with a much worse problem to deal with.

Pay attention to your bodies, guys. It will tell you when something's wrong... but it may not be speaking very loudly.

[cbk1000]

Also not sure what all boxes to check on the complaint form. Quality of care for sure. Am seriously considering mental or physical impairment too, because I'm concerned that the fact that he's still bringing up the pericarditis that I was cleared of simply because it was mentioned in the cardiologist note as the reason I was referred might indicate confusion. I'm also considering inappropriate prescribing but less sure on that one. He prescribed me Levofloxacin for an extremely mild UTI where I had almost no symptoms at all (and it was my first UTI ever, not a recurrent one), which is an antibiotic with a black box warning because of an increased risk of tendon rupture and tendinitis. I'm not in the higher risk group (over 60), but everything I read (on actual legit medical sites, not FB) basically said it was indicated in complex UTIs when other treatment courses had failed, and shouldn't really be used as a firstline treatment for a mild case. I called the clinic to try and get the prescription changed, but the doc was already gone for the weekend, so I decided to go into an urgent care clinic and explain the situation and see if the doc there would call in a different antibiotic for me. When I mentioned which one had been prescribed, his eyes literally widened and he yelled, 'No!' and said that you absolutely should not use that as a firstline treatment in such a mild case, specifically because of the risk of tendon rupture and that it's not worth the risk when there are several other antibiotics that are generally very well-tolerated and have a much lower risk of serious side effects. That doc had a really strong reaction to it being prescribed in this case, but it IS indicated in the treatment of UTIs, so I don't know if it's technically inappropriate. He's also promoting the use of Ivermectin for Covid treatment and prevention, although he hasn't personally prescribed it to me (I am wondering if he would if I had gone to him for Covid treatment, though). And doctors in this state HAVE been disciplined for that; he spent part of my last appointment venting about a doc a couple of cities away being 'persecuted and prosecuted' for prescribing Ivermectin for Covid and also has told me multiple times that he takes it several times a week himself. So at the very least he's legitimizing using it for an off-label use that has already been pretty robustly proven to be ineffective.

Misdiagnosis of condition would fit because at the very least I don't have chronic fatigue syndrome since 'excessive fatigue' is kind of a required symptom for that to be suspected, and I don't have that anymore after several weeks on iron supplements. Which he would know if he didn't ignore everything I say if it doesn't fit his anti-vaxx theories, even when I'm answering a direct question he asked. But technically he hasn't formally diagnosed me with that, he's just told me he's pretty sure I have that as well as POTS, but we'll see what neurology says.

[vampiremourning]

oh im gonna hsdgfjk

okay so three+ months ago i discovered I had a Fun Condition called perioral dermatitis. basically, just this Extraordinarily persistent face rash that looks like a bunch of small pustules in a circle around my mouth, but it also went around my nose and eyes. reacts to literally fucking Everything, deeply annoying to treat, even with antibiotics it takes weeks but usually months to clear. causes are ?? can be anything from inhaled steroids, face cream, toothpaste, hormones, etc. basically impossible to pinpoint. i have some guesses about what triggered it but ofc no real way to know for sure.

i go on 90 days of antibiotics. cool, whatever, condition dissipates but doesn't go away entirely. i think nothing of this bc I know even With oral antibiotics, it can still take months.

halfway through this treatment i develop arthritic symptoms. i also think nothing of this bc I have Some sort of illness undiagnosed anyway + family members have it so while I am definitely not happy w this development, I'm resigned.

i finish the pills.

less than 24 hours later, dermatitis has Returned. i know that allowing this to happen makes it worse and last longer. i cannot stress enough how bad it will be for my mental health if this happens. yes this probably sounds overly dramatic but I'm pretty sure watching my face flare up in any way is a legitimate trigger atp after dealing with cystic acne.

anyway. i book an appointment with my gp bc the pharmacist cannot refill the antibiotics. great except the appointment is at the End Of The Month, and I know this is going to be bad in a few days time. like, in the last few hours the inflammation has already accelerated, who knows how bad it'll be then, I'm assuming it'll be like I never even took the pills to start with. i am going to have a nervous breakdown.

mysteriously, the arthritis symptoms have Also started to decrease after stopping the antibiotics. that's weird, I think, that wasn't brought up in the list of side effects when I asked, but the timing is literally exactly when my face started flaring up so I know I definitely don't have those in my system anymore. i look this up, to see if there's a link.

'''acute polyarthritis''' also described as 'drug-induced lupus' are you Fucking Kidding Me

so i am now back as Square Fucking one for this shit, my skin is about to be so goddamn inflamed & I apparently can't even take the drug that was working to clear it up. because it causes inflammation in my joints.

and like i cant really express properly how mad this makes me lmfao because of Course. i spend a solid year on Accutane finally after being deterred for nearly a decade, i get maybe 4 months of enjoying my skin after I'm off of it and then This Shit. can i win?? can i Fucking win??????? no one else in my genepool seems to deal with this shit its just me and ohhh my god i am This close to walking straight into the ocean.

[compassionatereminders]

(Anon from a little while ago, who had mom in the hospital + cat peeing)

This is just an update, of positive things! Mom is on the mend, and my sister submitted a complaint on her behalf about the way she was essentially ignored in the waiting room. My sister also works in Healthcare so she was able to word it really well and get the point across that it was Not Ok to leave anybody in that much pain waiting, regardless of what they look like.

But we are sending a gift basket to the day nurses that took care of her in the other hospital, because they were so attentive to her pain and comfort. The night nurses were not, unfortunately, but the day ones were fantastic, and made her stay much better.

Also, just for anybodys peace of mind, I didn't punish the cat, because as you said, he is just a little ding-dong animal and it's not like he did it out of spite or just to make things worse. I just carried him over, showed him the spot, and made a really stern "no" before I cleaned it up. Tbh I'm pretty sure he just likes the feeling of denim, because if I leave jeans on the floor, he pees on them, and the lunchbox had a similar material. I WAS able to clean it completely though, with (probably excessive) amounts of vinegar + baking soda, and a couple trips through the wash (I figured: if the washing machine didn't work or ruins it completely, then I'd be buying her a new one anyway), so I was able to get the smell out + disinfect the inside (just in case).

My sister + her brood came over to help out, and the worst of it is over now. My aunt (mom's sister) came by and we all roasted hot dogs and smores.

Other, unrelated good news, our little chihuahua is getting a vet visit sometime in the next 2 weeks (his jaw broke from another dog) and last time the vet said he was healing really well especially for his age (he's old) so his muzzle can probably come off permanently soon.

Even MORE good news, is that because my mom's insurance is great, she only has to pay ~$12 for everything healthcare-related, including the antibiotics/other medication (we're in the US so this is fantastic lol). So. It was a really crappy couple days, but I think we're over the initial bump and now thinks are smoothing out haha

I'm really happy so many things are improving and getting resolved! Though according the cat, as far as I understand cats plain don't comprehend consequences/punishment the way we do. So even just putting your cat close to something bad it did earlier and saying no isn't going to be a constructive lesson for your cat, it's just going to be an uncomfortable interaction your cat doesn't actually learn anything from

[irishsparkleparty]

I had a wild week with medical stuff, and I would love for NOTHING ELSE TO HAPPEN.

(more under cut so I don't clog your dash)

I started off Monday thinking I had an infection in my ear helix piercing (burning sharp pain that spread to my temple and base of my neck). I went to urgent care on Tuesday morning and even though there was no discharge or visible infection I was prescribed an antibiotic ointment and pill.

About an hour or so after I took the pill I noticed something weird with my mouth when I would eat and drink (especially from a straw). my mouth and lips would shift hard to the right like I was pursing my lips? completely involuntary. I don't think too much of it at first and call out of work and pretty much just sleep until I have to go to work again Wednesday night.

I notice that the pain coming from my ear is better but half of my face is numb and droopy, including my lips and tongue. My anxiety goes through the roof at this point because. uh. droopy face is BAD. although I feel fine everywhere else and I'm not slurring words or anything.

I go to urgent care again thinking I'm having a bad reaction to the antibiotics. the doctor is totally flabbergasted and has no idea what's wrong with me. She isn't sure if it's the medicine or something else so she sends me to the emergency room. (HELLO ANXIETY)

I don't have any friends close by and my girlfriend can't drive so I call my boss. she immediately comes to get me. the droopiness is getting worse and I finally see a doctor a few hours later. he almost instantly diagnoses me with Bell's Palsy and assures me it's not a stroke.

if you don't know what Bell's Palsy is, it's a dormant virus that can activate at anytime and it causes the facial nerve on one side to swell which causes numbness and droopiness. it's actually pretty harmless and goes away on it's own in less than 6 months. so. thank god for that.

the biggest trouble with it is I can't fully blink my left eye so it's just permanently kind of weepy and I need to use a lot of eyedrops. I ordered an eyepatch to use while I'm at work because the blurriness is very distracting.

I can kind of move the left side of my face but not without a lot of effort, the muscles are just very weak but not totally useless. it's really only noticeable when I talk and smile.

Anyway uhhh I'm glad my piercing isn't infected and it wasn't anything too serious. although this will affect me for quite a while. Just wanted to vent about my horrible roller-coaster of a week!!!!!

[arthropooda]

My breathing is getting worse again. This will be the fifth antibiotic resistance I've had. It's by far worse than any bronchitis I've ever heard of. They said I don't have pneumonia anymore but almost all my symptoms are the same severity, and it's in both lungs now.

I can't sleep because I can't stop coughing and internally it sounds like a Geiger counter. I'm just really scared. I'm on 10+ prescriptions. I'm sure all of this is related to having covid in September because I have never before been a fraction of this ill ever in my life. I wear a mask virtually everywhere but finally caught covid doing odd jobs and errands for a wealthy person who did not wear a mask. I've felt weaker ever since that happened but really could not afford to slow down or take a break to get better. I couldn't even rest enough while actually having covid because I was living with a denier and my spouse would not let me come to our house during that time. I did at least get to take paxlovid but was pretty much forced to be active during that time and immediately go back to work after.

Then, a month later, I got extremely ill from a cold my coworker had. I went to urgent care for high fever but because I went during one of the only breaks in the actual fever, I was given nothing for it and it kept coming back until I had pneumonia.

Then, I went to a university hospital where I feel more mistakes were made, like giving me something too weak for too short a time, giving me antibiotics through a bad iv, and not releasing me with any oral antibiotic. They also would not let me have my blood pressure medication so I had extremely high blood pressure the whole time I was there (also a problem I did not have before covid).

Now I have two inhalers and a home nebulizer. Sometimes I feel like I just pass out from not having enough oxygen. It feels like physically moving my lungs to breathe is difficult, even beyond oxygen saturation. I have been to a marginally better hospital, but it takes longer to get to and I know if the ER were busy it would probably be as bad as the university one. I have an appointment with a specialist on boxing day, which was the soonest I could get since this started, even after being admitted (the university hospital made me an appointment for the end of January and I've been back in the ER twice since then). I don't know if I can even wait for five more days. Since the first time I went to the ER I haven't been out of the hospital for as long as a week without then feeling worse and needing to go back even more urgently. Based on all of this, I will probably have to go back by Saturday.

I know there are lots of stories like mine but I just wanted to make a longer post about it in case I feel too badly to do it later.

Cautionary advice:

wear your mask; only take it off if you are specifically willing to get sick from the environment/activity you're engaging in.

If you have persistent high fever, do not lie on your side if you are crying, laughing, or congested; this can easily cause an infection to spread to the lung on the side you're lying on. Also, if you already have an infection of that severity, don't even lean to one side while laughing or crying because that can make it suddenly worse and further spread the infection. I just feel like I need to include this because it can happen so easily.

Everyone probably knows this but if you have a busted vein, do not use an iv on the same vein, even if medical staff say it doesn't matter. It does matter, and getting an infusion that just leaks out of a busted vein instead of actually circulating intravenously will not have the same effect and will cause complications.

If you have antibiotic resistance and you get iv antibiotics and then leave the facility before you're in good health, you need to go home with oral antibiotics. Really this is probably a good idea even without prior antibiotic resistance since an incomplete course just makes resistance more likely.

[petr1kov]

can we get a johnny update? how much more do you think you’ll need to cover his treatment? i’m hoping i can donate once my next paycheck comes in 👉👈

first of all, thank you for asking! i want to talk more about his condition here but i don't want to come across as 'too much', so it's nice of you to show interest in knowing more and helping

i'll say more under the cut since i'll include some not-so-pretty pictures that some people don't want to see:

so far, the only thing we know for sure is that he has a nasty tumor that became infected, and another one growing on the other side of his mouth -- if you compare these pictures with the ones i took of him last week, you can see the difference:

i made that original post before i took him to the oncologist (in part to be able to afford a visit in the first place), so i only had what the first vet i took him to said to go off of, meaning, the surgery. but speaking to the oncologist, she said that given the state of his mouth, the only way to 'solve' this problem would be to completely remove his jaw, which, given his advanced age (don't know if i mentioned it before but johnny is around 16, so he's pretty old for a dog) would be pretty risky and painful and in her words, 'not worth it', given the fact that unlike a younger dog, he doesn't have years to acclimate with a new condition like this, and it would be stressful for him. assuming it would even be viable in the first place, that is.

on top of that, we've discovered that his tumor had not only grown but become infected, which made cytology and biopsy impossible until he healed of this infection first, exams he needs in order to determine the exact nature of his tumor and for the vet to know how to proceed after that. his symptoms and blood test indicate cancer, but there's a small chance that it's something else, so either way we need to do it to identify what it is.

in the meantime, we gave him an antibiotic and an anti-inflammatory as well as medicine for pain, and we also took him to a bunch of other exams this week: another blood test, an x-ray, an ultrasound, and an echocardiogram. this is all both how healthy and strong he is overall, and so we can know if this cancer has metastasized anywhere else on his body. we are expected to return next thursday with his results, since by then, his infection will likely be gone (it has already stopped bleeding, at least).

all of that said, when it comes to money, the amount i have received on previous donations has already been a huge help as it has basically covered all we have done so far: the oncologist (180), the medicine (220, 66, and 100 total), the exams (can't remember each individually but it all amounted to 570). this is all in reais, but still, pretty expensive, and i definitely didn't have the money, especially not on such short notice, so i thank all who donated!

given how we still don't know for sure what his treatment will consist of, i cannot say how much more i will have to spend after that. i am very worried about it, believe me, because i know that no matter how it goes there WILL be a treatment and it WILL cost me, but i can't know just how much yet, so i can only speculate. given our previous visit, i think he'll likely need to undergo chemotherapy, but again, that's just my guess for now.

what i do know for sure is that next thursday, i will take him to the oncologist again where we will finally do a cytology test on him, and i'll take him to the dentist following that, since we need to determine exactly what can be done regarding his mouth. i have enough left for the oncologist, but not the dentist and the exam, which will cost about (250) combined. and i'm praying that the cytology will be enough because from what i've been told, a biopsy will cost over 1000, which is basically all the money i have received thus far on one single exam :|

also, as for how he's holding up, the medicine he's taking made him lose some of his appetite and he's a little down, but the vet said that is to be expected. i'm worried about that, because he was at least behaving normally a week before, and i can't say if it's the medicine or the disease making him act this way.

idk man, it's been pretty hard not just for me but for my family (mother and brother). my late father rescued johnny from the streets almost 10 years ago, when he was already an adult dog. he's been a fixture of our lives for a long time, and he's a pretty lively, loud dog. it's weird to see him like this. so yeah, no matter what happens, i just want what's best for him.