#Pretty insecure a lot of the time. Even dahlia and she’s like my bestest friend ever. Dahlia does so much for me but I still can’t shake
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I MEAN THIS IN THE MOST NOT COCKY WAY POSSIBLE BUT I GENUINELY THINK THAT EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE LOVED THE WAY I LOVE PEOPLE
#I WILL EXPLAIN IN TAGS#i notice EVERYTHING every tone inflection every allusion every mention recall every moment so I can string it to the present one#In a specific way#The thing is I’ve always tried to be the person nobody was for me#I never had a role model I just had a blueprint of what I hated about people and what hurt me significantly or upset me#So I would do the opposite#only problem is I’ve noticed after we all grew up is that nobody does that … so it feels like a waste truly#And it makes me disappointed because that means nobody could ever like me like that#That’s why I never had a problem with love bombing and was so confused by it being considered a problem#Because why should loving someone from the get go be such a horrible thing ? But I realised that a lot of the time others don’t really have#Innocent intentions. The thing is I’ve always seen things from the way I’D do them. I’m always excited talking to people so that’s why I#Thought that excess well meaning excitement couldn’t possibly be something as bad as lovebombing but it turns out that’s not what that is 😭#And that love bombing is pretty cruel and stuff and deceptive and manipulative when I’m pretty much interested in the long term but they#Don’t really have an interest in that#man I hate many things that I do and stuff and in fact I hate how much I love but I really really really really REALLY REALLY need someone#To like me like I love everyone I don’t know why that seems like such a strenuous task 🧎♀️or borderline impossible or show me I’m#Tolerated in the way I feel most liked. Because examining every single relationship I have had and that I’m currently in#truthfully there is no one at all I can confidently say makes me feel secure all the time. In fact every relationship I have makes me feel#Pretty insecure a lot of the time. Even dahlia and she’s like my bestest friend ever. Dahlia does so much for me but I still can’t shake#The feeling that it’s not precisely what I need I really really really need consistency … otherwise no matter how secure I am with the#Person and I’m super duper secure with her I will always have that little feeling of disappointment that it’s not consistent. I sleep a lot#More nowadays because I’m so sad and lonely lol and that sleeping is better because there is nothing to stay up for or look forward to.#dora daily
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