#Poor kid has dead mom trauma & dad abandonment issues

[ssreeder]

you can never make me hate sokka. Idk what he said to chang was mean lmfao he deserved it. are we really expecting a deeply sexual and emotionally traumatized 15 yo to take it well that one of the adults he trusted actually kinda sorta knew what was going on but was too blinded (by his own trauma which sokka knows NOTHING about) to do anything about it? chang told him to unload on him and sokka did. they could never make me hate you pookie

yeahhhhh Sokkas reaction was valid but I do agree Chang didn’t deserve it entirely! I do support Sokka as well in the way he handles his trauma, especially because the poor kid bottled it up for so long & now that he can’t control it and it’s spewing everywhere! Haha

luckily he seems to have decided he wants to process things better & start making the changes he has to in order to be better! Now if only we could get Zuko to do the same thing lol…

thanks for the ask pooki-anon

[destinygoldenstar]

As a kid watching Ninjago, I was just interested in the flashy powers, and the heroics of the main characters, like any kid would. Like, 'Aw these guys are so heroic and selfless and awesome'

But now as an adult, when I recommended my GF the show, I specifically said "This is Family Issues: The Lego Cartoon"

Honestly, Jay likes to complain and hide his upbringing, but he's probably the ONLY ninja with any resemblance of a normal happy childhood and backstory. He has two loving parents who supported him, and was an aspiring inventor.

You could argue Fritz Donegan rectified it, but Jay didn't know this, so how would this affect how is childhood turned out?

At worst, he was dirt poor, living in a junkyard and all, but compared to what the rest of his team went through, I think they'd WANT what Jay had.

Nah, instead most of Jay's trauma and emotional baggage is in the present.

And who else do we have?

We have a robot who didn't even know he was a robot, or had any idea of his identity or memory, so much so that he was just... wandering around the land with amnesia. (Then, you know, everyone thought he was weird)

We have Cole, who grew up in a harsh family background where his dad forced/pressured his kid to be a musician, and canonically suffered depression and bad violence habits after the loss of his mother/during her illness. (Idk about those other Royal Blacksmiths if they are in the family or not, but either way they didn't seem supportive)

Kai and Nya's parents up and vanished from their lives at ages five and three, and they had to raise each other all by themselves with just a blacksmith shop. Basically means they were forced to end their childhoods right there, especially Kai, because older sibling. And there's no indication they had any friends or anyone to help them in their town, at most there was that one lady that they hated, so... ouch.

And... Lloyd.

Just Lloyd.

Half of the show is just Lloyd suffering.

Born as the son of a man forced into an evil oni maniac, said father ditched his entire family.

Mom decided it was a good idea to abandon her kid in a boarding school about villainy. (That's like, the ONE thing I genuinely think the movie did better than the show.)

And that school heavily bullied Lloyd and even exiled him, forcing him on the streets, basically

Everyone hates him and doesn't help him (until Pythor)

Gets tricked by Pythor

Gets kidnapped by Serphantine

Nearly dies in lava

Is given a destiny as the savior of all of Ninjago where he's forced to be on opposite sides of his father, and part of said destiny involves him needing to kill him

AGAINST HIS WILL MIND YOU

Was LITERALLY forced to give up his childhood for this destiny

Was tortured by the Overlord for his golden power

Ice Ninja died

He got his father back, and then he died.

Was possessed by an evil ghost tyrant and was forced to do horrible stuff with no control over himself

Was also physically strained to his limit with that possession

Lost his uncle

Fell in love, and then said crush turns out to be a twist villain who wants to TORTURE him, resurrect his father and steal that fatherly love from him, and have said father try to KILL HIM

Which he was very close to succeeding at

Has to live in hiding for a week thinking all his friends are dead

Twist villain crush dies in a building collapse

That traumatizes him and haunts his trust and empathy towards people for A LONG TIME

Gets cubed in a video game (idk if that counts as trauma)

He's also a dragon oni hybrid, and his oni hide haunts his mind for his entire life, and is terrified to even think of a part of himself

Merge. For weeks he thought all his friends were dead. (Again)

And you know, physical beatdowns from being the Green Ninja, one of the most responsible jobs as the savior of all of Ninjago.

And that is not even everything, I'm sure there's a lot of stuff I didn't mention.

This poor, poor Emo Child.

If this wasn't a Lego show, this would have a Clone Wars tone, I'm convinced.

So yeah, 'Family Issues: The cartoon'.

At least they all have each other. They're a happy found family, and the light in each other's lives. They're here for each other. Their dynamics are precious to me.

[farasen]

no fr WHY is everybody a single parent. I was SHOCKED to hear that Markus actually has a mom that's around lol. Also Leon deserves to be bullied but i don't blame the kid who does not have a mom for having abandonment issues. even if he shows them in interesting ways.

Oh, since we've started talking about moms, lemme rant about that

Apparently, we have a bunch of kids with mommy issues, even Jojo has it to a certain extent. But the one that shows it the most, a so-called CEO of that mess, is Leon.

If we look closely at the photos in the Wessel's kitchen, we can see some pictures that look a lot like a wedding. Thus, we can be sure that his dad was once married. You know, I could assume that she died, but honestly, I think she just left them or she and his dad had a tough divorce, that affected lil Leon's mind. Maybe that's why he and Marlon have such attitude towards girls, simply because they didn't have a good role model in their life.

Also another thing about Leon that keeps me awake at night for no reason. I remember in S1E2 he said to Willi that adults always lie or some shit like that. I'm probably digging too deep again, but I think that could also reflect his childhood trauma and resentment???

Also his whole behavior, Leon just has to be the best, to get attention from others.

And, it's just a theory, but maybe it might as well come back to his mother's departure. Some children from divorced families tend to blame themselves for one parent leaving them or trying to "be better", so they would come back. Maybe Leon one of these cases? Perhaps he's unconsciously trying to make his mother return by being "the best" or the opposite: he's trying to prove it to HIMSELF to not feel shitty?

I told you I was digging too deep

Btw, about Marlon. He seems to be the most conscious and mature in general. But I don't think it's only because of his age (c’mon 1 year or so is not that big). If their mom really did leave them, Marlon, as an older sibling, probably had to take care of Leon along with his dad. Maybe that also somehow affected him and now he feels some kind of responsibility for the bunch as well. Like "a big bro" energy.

Jojo we've already discussed, though I don't really understand how this little sunshine could come out from such an environment.

Markus tho. Yeah, he's mother isn't dead nor did she leave or drink, but the show made it clear that she's hardly ever around. She wasn't even shown outside of the posters on the wall, and Markus mentions her like 2 times throughout the series.

We know that he has BIG daddy issues too, so he has to deal with it on his own, because there's no one around to stend up for him, but even if there was, it's not guaranteed that she would pick his side. And that's why he consideres the bunch his second family. He's true family, I would say.

That might have had an impact on his self-esteem too, cause' literally none of Markus's family members was approved of his interests. That also might be the reason he wants to become a famous goalie - just "to show them"

I think Vanessa in the books (movies??) didn't have a mom. She might be in the same situation as Leon and Marlon: she didn't have a good role model so she has bias attitude towards other girls.

Idk about Deniz and Raban tho. Deniz's mom wasn't mentioned anywhere in the cartoon. Maybe she is dead indeed.

And Raban... He's parents weren't mentioned AT ALL. Poor boy doesn't get enough screen time. But that's a good thing in some way, I can headcanon whatever I want and I'm going to headcanon him mommy issues.But actually he has an unstable self-esteem and he always sticks to people who are mean to him (ahem...Leon..ahem). Soo, maybe that's also sort of his parent's fault? Idk

[itsclydebitches]

Ozpin and Abuse (This is Pretty Long, Sorry.)

Sometimes I wonder if most of the Rwby fandom that label Ozpin as some great evil don’t understand how abuse, especially subtle abuse, works. And it’s frustrating as someone who has been, and still is in his position somewhat. Very early on as a kid I learned that having opinions, feelings, or actions of my own was ‘not acceptable.’ I had to say what was approved, act in a manner that was approved, and any thoughts or feelings were to be what was acceptable, or I would be in massive amounts of trouble. So, like Ozpin, I learned to lie. I learned to manipulate situations because if I didn’t, there would be nothing but trouble and chaos. As an adult who now has their own money, it’s easier, but those mannerisms don’t just disappear. I still tend to forcibly start or continue conversations, because if I don’t, I panic. I don’t tend to say anything that I truly think or feel, because that experience of ‘no one wants to know, because no one cares, and you’ll just bring trouble by saying something’ is so deeply ingrained that you think ‘it’s the only thing that has worked before, so why risk it?’ Ozpin’s decision to not tell anyone makes sense for what he’s gone through. Especially seeing how not telling people worked for the most part. They had 80 years of peace. And judging by the emphasis they put on that, it was probably the longest period of time. So as far as Ozpin can tell, telling very few people works. He was working towards uniting people. And by telling a very small selection of people, he could monitor who he did tell, just in case of betrayal. As humans, we adapt. If something goes wrong, we tend to not do it again. Especially when it has painful/catastrophic events. Ozpin learned (very painfully) that doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, and behaving in a manner that others don’t like, ends in pain and death. And not just for him.

***

It amuses me to no end that so many of you lovelies apologize for leaving long (debatable) asks/submissions when I’m over here chucking multi-thousand word essays at you, whether you like it or not :D

But no, serious conversation time. I just want to preface this by saying I’m so sorry you went through all that. I think a lot of times when we discuss sensitive and complicated issues in fandom, as well as in other analysis spaces like academia, we forget, or simply have trouble acknowledging, that these things don’t exist purely within the confines of this fictional world. People get invested in Ozpin or Oscar or Yang or Blake’s stories because they see themselves in them. Or see their friends, a family member, etc. For all the fantasy elements, RWBY deals with grounded themes and those will always resonate. It’s never just, “Look at these obnoxious fans getting worked up over fictional characters. It’s not real!” It’s “No. This particular person might not be real… but their story is so much like mine they might as well be. A dismissal of what they’ve been through feels like a dismissal of what I or others have been through too.” 

Ozpin remains a fascinating character to me because, like my above examples attest, he’s far from the first character in RWBY to go through significant trauma and for that trauma to reflect in his choices. He’s not even the first (or second, third, fourth…) to deal with abuse. The RWBY fandom—far as I’ve seen anyway—is really good about taking that trauma into account with other characters. I can’t tell you the amount of support I’ve seen for Yang in regards to her arm, Blake in regards to Adam, Weiss in regards to her father, etc. We see it with the villains: Mercury is a poor boy because his dad was abusive, Emerald just needs someone to love her, Raven’s abandonment is excused, etc. I’ve even seen people go so far as to really push implications: assuming that Ruby deals with non-Beacon trauma in the form of her dead mom and a (their claim) absent dad, despite the fact that we don’t see either of these negatively effecting her on screen. In short, the fandom is great at going, “I can understand why they act the way they do,” except when it comes to Ozpin (and by extension Oscar). I’ve obviously spoken about this EXTENSIVELY, but it just remains endlessly fascinating to me that so much of the fandom ignores an integral part of the show, spread across so many characters, only when it applies to this one individual. 

In addition, gotta admit that I never thought of it that way. That not only does Ozpin’s choices make sense because he’s literally been taught for 1,000 years that telling people about Salem = betrayal/people trying to kill him, but he likewise learns that not telling people about Salem = an extraordinary time of peace. That’s conditioning at its finest. Telling people continually hurts me and ultimately puts others in danger by giving Salem more power in the form of information or followers. Not telling people has allowed me to build my schools, train students to protect themselves from the literal monsters in our backyards, and keep Salem from making any significant headway. All the Ethics 101 claims of, “But keeping secrets is bad” isn’t going to compete with that. Unless you’re a character in a fairy tale (the very thing RWBY is deconstructing) then you’re never going to choose an idealistic claim over actual results. 

[mrslittletall]

Good morning, Happy Easter! If you could sit down, have a long chat and pick the brains of a soulsborne or hollow knight character, wjo would you choose?

Good morning and happy easter to you too! Oh, what a fantastical question ^^For Dark Souls my answer is clear. Ornstein. Because he needs therapy so BAD. He grew up believing that he was abandoned and useless, then found out he was good at dragon slaying but struggled with self worth again once they were all dead.Then, he lost his master and love. Then, his lord left to link the flame and never return. Then the princess ran away to marry in a foreign country. Then in a short span of time Atorias, Ciaran and Gough died. Ornstein still stayed at the cathedral with a guy he hated, but then fell in love with and he believed that they would die together, but it never happened... So yeah, Ornstein needs therapy to cope with all the trauma in his life. Poor guy. For Bloodborne I pick Laurence. Because that guy needs a good talk about everything he has done wrong and how to reconcile with his friends that he all cut out from his life one way or the other. We need to get in his brain that the old blood is indeed dangerous and he can’t just ignore all the warning signs that were there, simply because he believed that it was safe *shakes head* Oh and also, that vileblood hating... is a bit too much, my dear. We need to get some acceptance into your brain, dear. He doesn’t want to talk with me anymore. For Hollow Knight...I take Pale King, Pure Vessel and White Lady and put them all in family therapy! You idiot family! You have let everything falling apart!Dad by putting the kingdom above all other!Mom by distancing herself from everyone and everything.Kid by trying too hard to be the perfect vessel while not being able to fulfil the task in front of them.We three have a nice, long talk about everything that went wrong and fix your issues with each other and yourselves. 

[jvc-yearofservice]

8/25/19 - 9/2/19

                 Last Sunday, we were invited to one housemate's boss's enormous and lush country home, which had a great pool. Some of the other Mercy volunteers were there as well and were super friendly. The way to the estate was pretty hilarious. First, our car stalled out, and then the supervisor gave us the most confusing directions ever. She initially sped off super far away on the highway even though she knew we were following her. Then she called us and said she was actually in back of us on the highway and that we should pull off at the nearest exit. Once we exited the highway, she called us and said she was actually in front of us the entire time, so we had to get back on the freeway. We originally really wanted to put the address into the GPS in case we got lost while following her (which we did), but she insisted that the address wouldn't show up on the GPS which was pretty sketchy. After getting off the highway a second time and following her down a dirt path, I joked about how she might be luring us to a killing field. This woman apparently bought her sprawling estate with all her divorce settlement money and paid for the property in cash, which I thought was pretty impressive. One of her employees who was a former member of the addiction treatment program joined us and had an "IAmSober" license plate, which I thought was funny.

                 I've decided to create an Instagram account (@everyday_mustardseed) with pictures uploaded every day that I work there. Work has been pretty nuts lately. Firstly, we doubled the student population overnight (originally 10, now 21 kids)-largest ever has been either 40-60 kids at once. I finally got to meet the LCSW who works there full-time, and she seems pretty nice and helpful for resolving all the trauma in the children. One day in particular was kind of grueling because a parent was nearly an hour late to pick up their kids. We have a protocol at the school that if a child/children are not picked up within a certain amount of time after school ends, then we have to legally call the police, which I really dreaded doing. Thankfully, the parents showed up after some time, which was a godsend because I could only watch so many old episodes of Wishbone with them while they repeatedly asked me where their mom was. I can't imagine the abandonment issues that these kids experience as compared to how I felt whenever my mom was even a fraction of a minute late when I was a kid (and she gave me no reason to feel that way). I've also assisted in compiling files for the intake forms, and I have been taking pictures of the kids for their files which has been surprisingly cute and wholesome. One little girl, however, tried to throw a gang sign in her picture, but I (very gently) grabbed her hand to hide it before the picture was taken.

                 I've noticed some very peculiar behaviors in the children at the school. For example, many sibling groups act very close and are almost at odds with the other sibling groups, as if they were engaged in turf wars, but I think this is another coping mechanism. I feel so sorry for the children who have no siblings since they are pretty much alone and unprotected from the other children's bullying. Many of the kids have expressed not wanting to leave at dismissal and feeling sad when the weekend approaches and school isn't in session. One of my co-workers has a theory about the children's behavior. He thinks that the most well-behaved children are the ones who are the most chronically homeless and more used to it due to them being so grateful for everything they are given, whereas the unrulier kids are newly exposed to the homeless lifestyle which is why they are acting out. One of the teachers spoke about how the more chronically homeless kids are "starved for knowledge" and relish any learning in the classroom.

                 A second car driven by a housemate has bitten the dust (the one that stalled on the way to the supervisor's estate on Sunday). It's unfortunate because this means we are even more restricted in terms of going places and visiting other JVC houses.

                 A fun community night activity took place this week, where we all shared our love language, Myers-Briggs personalities, enneagram numbers, and zodiac sign. My love language is acts of service/devotion, I am INFJ, Type 1, and a Gemini-Cancer cusp. So far, I have learned that there are the following zodiac signs in the house: Gemini-Cancer cusp, Pisces, Sagittarius, Taurus, Scorpio, Libra, and Aquarius. The personality types are: 1 INFJ (Advocate), 1 ENTJ (Commander), 2 ENFJ (Protagonist), and 3 ENFP (campaigner). The most common love language are: 5 quality time, 5 words of affirmation, 3 acts of service/devotion, 1 physical touch, and 1 gifts.

                 A little bit of scandalous news-apparently the JVC stipend is and has been too small for some time. It is a well-known secret in JVC history that many volunteers have side-jobs to make more money than just the monthly stipend. I remember hearing that my dad had a $100 stipend each month, which is kind of strange since that means the stipend has not been adjusted for inflation (aka it's much more expensive to exist today compared to back then). Additionally, California is notoriously expensive, so I'm wondering if the JVC should have made financial changes for stipends depending on how expensive the cost of living is in each city (for example, $100 a month would get you much further in Scranton than Sacramento). Furthermore, apparently the Jesuit Volunteer Corps of Northwest gives their volunteers $300 each month and has much better housing accommodations.

                 This weekend, we drove to Oakland/Berkeley, California, and stayed over at the JV house there. The party on Saturday was 60's/70's theme, and a couple other JV houses from around California came to stay over as well. We got there via car from a former JV and another car that a co-worker rented for us. Then, all together, we traveled to Baker Beach in San Francisco, where we sat on the beach, and I even saw a dead sea lion on the beach, which was understandably gross. P.S. part of the beach was nude which was super unexpected. When we were getting the alcohol for the party at the JV house, we were walking out of CVS, and a bunch of the worst-disguised undercover cops were waiting to card us again on the side walk. Gladly, we handed over our IDs, and one cop even asked one of us who the governor of Wisconsin is (none of us knew). When they were looking at my ID, the cop turned to me and asked suddenly "What year did you graduate high school?" and I immediately answered "2014". He gave it back to me reluctantly, and much to the horror of my housemates, I asked him, "Are you sure you don't want to check it again? I could be lying." That Saturday night, a couple of us went to Taco Bell after the party, and one of my housemates cracked a beer open in line there, and the poor cashier had to ask him to finish it, so he very unapologetically chugged it in front of everyone inside the Taco Bell, which was hilarious. On Friday, we attended a baseball game between the Sacramento Wild Cats and whatever the team name is of San Diego. We won, and there were fireworks, but more importantly, I got to drive an electric car for the first time ever (a fiat)!

                 Lastly, a funny story that I was told this week during community dinner involved a man who told everyone that he was married to a key chain. Since the person who told the story works at a mental health facility, they were not too disturbed by this fact, but they were surprised when eventually the man who was apparently married to a key chain brought in an actual wife one day (who or what is the key chain???)! Another funny occurrence happened to my housemate who works in a kindergarten classroom. They were in the middle of a lesson, and one child raised their hand. The teacher called on them, and they said simply, "My birthday was on Friday." The teacher replied, "I know. We celebrated." She waited a moment and then said, "Anything else?" and the student said "No." I laugh every time I think of this story.

Peace and blessings,

MK

[abs0luteb4stard]

My spiritual war began half a lifetime ago. And I will carry it on even after I'm dead one day. Ω

Most people are raised with a religion or beliefs.

Some of them lose faith. Some become atheists. Some stay where they are in believing.

I I suppose I haven't fully stopped believing in a spiritual power/experience.

Call it the "God Gene" (VMAT2) or illogical stupidity, But I just can't purge that notion from my head.

According to the God Gene Hypothesis: "Spirituality is supposed to provide an evolutionary advantage by providing individuals with an innate sense of optimism."

I do not feel that optimism that there is a God or sentient universe out there. Or that "God has a plan".

I feel unspeakably betrayed.

When I was a young kid. I think I was very well behaved. I cared. I had a great heart. If that wasn't good enough for any god. Then they don't follow their own teachings.

When I got to middle school. I was scared. Three local schools were merged all my friends were lost in the shuffle. I thought it'll be difficult to make new friends, but I had hope.

Well, that hope wasn't lost. It was gouged out and raped from my spirit. Not just spiritually but my spirit of hope caring and goodness.

The bullying. They called me faggot, poor boy, foreigner (born here but was given a "foreign" name) on and on. They spit in my books. They knocked my books out of my hands everyday, between every class. Choked me, beat me, spit on me. There wasn't just a group, the group spread rumors and enlisted others in their attacks on me. Even my old friends from elementary school abandoned me because association with me was repugnant to their social standing. I once saw a buddy from elementary and said hello at his locker only to be ignored like I didn't exist.

Those 2 years of middle school left me completely empty. I remember I went to sleep every weeknight praying to die in my sleep. Ashamed at how that would hurt my parents if it came true. Then I would be woken up for school the next morning secretly crying because I was still alive and had to go through another day.

If there was a gun I would have gladly killed every one of those motherfuckers who were bullying me.

Especially Chas. He was the one who got the ball rolling on my destruction. How a dickhead who was seemingly proud of his failure of the 7th grade the year before I came there had such social clout with these pieces of shit I'll never understand.

High school was hell, but it slowly matured. Not without its own degrading moments where I was bullied or attacked or pushed down or spit on. But I think those who were there were preparing for their college or next step.

My grades were average. My spirit was broken already. My hope was nowhere. I was lucky to graduate probably.

I'm no longer normal. Those years of abuse at school changed me irrevocably. Everyday for 2 years. Non-stop. Physical, emotional, mental, pen tips pressed into the back of my neck till a bled. A pen cap pushed into my ear luckily it didn't hit my ear drum.

Principals, counselors, nobody did anything. Anything they did do was either a warning or giving me a punishment for retaliations.

I was punished for someone abusing me.

So I dropped out of local community college after a spotty 2 years. Continued schooling just came with anxieties and fear. I'd already had my life's share of that. I needed surgery and after I just let go of further education. Of a career of any kind.

Now I'm 33, soon to be 34. And these things that have effected me since half my life ago still affect me today. Call it C-PTSD or anxiety or trauma, social phobia, agoraphobia. It's all the same to me.

The bullies are gone but make no mistake theyre haunting me.

So where the fuck was God?

Where was his miracle for me?

Why didn't he spilt the red sea for me? I'm not as important as Moses. Where was his warning that I should build a boat like Noah?

No burning bush, no "hey Abraham, go kill your son", nothing. Not from this god or any fucking god.

Not once.

But some stupid genetic marker (VMAT2) anchors me to believe?

In the years since school I went through the divorce of my parents which was particularly hard if you knew me you'd understand.

My dad needed a 2nd open heart surgery which led to a big stroke from a clot that broke off. His arm and leg that were effected mostly came back. But his mind was effected permanently. The parts of the brain that were injured left him with memory problems. He couldn't live on his own, he'd already come back home with my mom and me before that to live with us after a hard hip replacement surgery.

Then I went through my mother's surprise lung cancer diagnosis, surgery, and so far no signs of it returning. Luckily it was found early after she had a cold and cough they wouldn't go away and got a chest x-ray.

Now my dad 4.5 years after his stroke and ongoing memory problems, he woke up yesterday the happiest man who ever lived, he had so much love and kisses and hugs to give.

But shockingly he completely forgot who I was. He thought I was a visiting neighbor. He forgot who my mom was. But he was happy to meet his son and wife for the first time again in this new place (it's the same place and the same people he'd always known before).

But I am crushed. I'm so deeply affected. He's happy and jolly enough for 3 people to meet us...

But my mom and I are very sad. It's such a shock. While he is thankfully happy and comfortable with his 'new family' that we are. I've cried more than my muted emotions have let me cry in the last 15 years.

He told me he's sorry that he missed being part of my life before now. Nothing cut my heart up quite like that. He apologizes for not knowing or recognizing me.

I've been betrayed by God all my life or at least that VMAT2 gene chemically telling my brain there's a higher power.

I'm just not important enough. No miracles to help me get out of this PTSD or my other medical issues. No reprieve from these life threatening illnesses my parents got one after the other. And now my father doesn't know who I am anymore.

Maybe god like those bullies just hate me too? If were created in his image then he's as capable of hate and torturing as we his human creations are.

After all he made a bet with the devil that Job in the bible would keep the faith in God no matter what god did to him. He gave him diseases, killed his livestock, killed his family with sickness, and burned down his house. But the dumb motherfucker still loved god.

He gave him all be house, animals and family after the ordeal, but the other wife and children didn't deserve to die for a bet. "But they went to heaven". They still had potential energy, lives to live grow old and have their own families, but "God" killed them to prove he was right in bet to the devil. That an idiot would still love him after all that.

So maybe I can't stop believing in God, or have some leftover spirituality.

But I'm not as fucking forgiving ad that dumb motherfucker Job. But I'm also not willing to just walk away from God's game. I'm more than ever cemented my hate for God. I'm giving the devil sympathy or joining his side. If there is such a thing.

I'm instead giving God - ALL MY HATE.

I've got infinite amounts of anger and hate in me. For every millisecond of my torture in school I hate those pieces of shit, at one point that was all that kept me from killing myself. I'm filled to overflowing.

Now there's nothing and no one I hate more than God. I don't care about abortion, I don't care about pollution, I don't care about animals raised in cages and mutilated.

My dad is apologizing to me for what his stroke did to make him forget me. He's apologizing to me with regret, shame and love in his eyes for something that's not his fault.

WHERE IS GOD!? hmm? His love and miracles? His bullshit?!

God. Guardian Angels? Any God or Goddess. Any religion, pagan gods, gods that we don't even know existed. Where are they? Spirits? Demons? Satan himself? Useless.

I have declared a war on God deep down in my soul. I'm not here to preach or change your religion, make you an atheist or garner views or to promote the devil.

But rest assured I am going to kill God. My determination is absolute.

Not in a social or political sense, I'm not going to become Nietzsche 2.0.

I'm going to prepare my heart and soul. My physical body, my mental attitude, my spirit, my soul. My life might go until I'm 120 years old and I'm fine with that.

But God will know fear because I will teach it to him. God has a death wish and I'm that wish come true.

You think Abu Ghraib looked terrible? What I do to God will make that seem like a Kumbaya summer camp.

I don't know what god is, what makes a deity, fucked if know if such a thing even exists. But I will torture, maim, and kill God.

These neo-pagans with their "All Gods are one God."

That's fine by me. Get the all Gods in one place so I can kill that motherfucker with a smile on my face. Even if he's holding the universe together, like Atlas holding the world. If it means the end of all things then I'm more than satisfied to end reality.

If there's a physical aspect to him on some spiritual realm or whether it's simply a psychic thought of the living mind or some genetic predisposed delusion. Maybe I've lost my mind too, maybe there's nothing left but my madness.

My wrath makes God in the old Testament look like a spoiled 3 year old child. God will get what's coming to him.

He is mine and I am his.

·

"Nor sleep, nor sanctuary, being naked, sick, the prayers of priests, nor times of sacrifice shall lift up their rotten privilege and custom against my hate to Martius. Where I find him, were it at home, upon my brother's guard, even there, will I wash my fierce hand in his heart."

—AUFIDIUS; Shakespeare's "Coriolanus"

·

·

"I'll fight with none but thee, for I do hate thee."

—Caius Martius Coriolanus; play of the same name.

[strixobscuro]

Avengers Recover: A Proposal

(Yes, I know it’s a terrible title, but it was the best I could think of...)

Inspired by my annoyance at the way recent Marvel series (namely The Vision and Avengers Undercover) have dealt with issues of addiction and recovery, I began brainstorming my own, probably-never-to-be-published series centered around a treatment center for those like poor Victor Mancha who fall through the cracks and need help. 

The facility is tentatively called the Rock Gardens (I’m not particularly married to the name, but it’s the only one that’s stuck so far), and in my head it’s based in the Hill County area of Texas, partly because I lived out there for a while, but also because it’s a spread-out area that’s less likely to attract supervillain attacks, alien invasions and similar nonsense. The layout is inspired by the facility where I lived - there’s a bunch of sex-segregated dorms, an office building/communal space, and a recreation center.

The program is basic rehab - every day starts and ends with meetings, and most days consist of a mix of group therapy sessions, seminars, and activities, with meals in between. Enrollment lasts between six weeks and several months, with residents being required to be inactive as superheroes for the duration of their stay.

Proposed Staff: 

Drew is a local hero, a member of Texas’ state-sponsored superhero team, the Rangers. Once a severe alcoholic, he was forced to clean up his act after causing a lot of public damage while drunk, but he really got serious about his recovery after a near-death experience during the HYDRA Terrorcarrier attack on Crawford, which sidelined him for several months. Now several years sober, he serves as the campus director for the Rock Gardens.

Henry is a former actor who trashed his career when he got a little too enthusiastic about playing Tony Stark. After cleaning up his act, he became the Marvel Universe’s leading teetotaler, and served for a time in California’s state-sponsored superhero team, the Order. After tragedy struck his team, he rededicated himself to promoting sobriety, and set up a number of recovery centers, including the Rock Gardens, where he serves as the executive director. He has been distracted lately, busy overseeing the refurbishment of his flagship center, Mulholland Field in California.

Terrance is one of the country’s foremost experts on trauma, which is probably not surprising, given that he is cursed with the ability to weed out people’s deepest fears and manifest them. For a time, he served the Initiative, trying to use his abilities to help people, but when the Initiative was taken over by supervillains who forced him to rubber-stamp their abuses, he grew disillusioned and quit. He now works as one of the Rock Gardens’ resident therapists, specializing in identifying triggers.

Woodstock was once Los Angeles’ top late-night TV host who dabbled with superheroism, but a near-death experience coupled with an assassination scandal brought her career to an abrupt end. When her friends in X-Statix all died, she decided to get the hell out of LA and now serves as an administrator for the Gardens, making sure that every

Rachel is a former music teacher and a mutant with the ability to manipulate others with her violin. Between her blue skin, her powers, and a criminal past, she’s had difficulty fitting in, but she worked to clean up her life and now works as an music therapy instructor and security personnel - her music can calm people quickly when tempers flare.

Proposed Residents:

Ritchie is a former wrestler and superhero. A bad mix of a toxic mentor figure and a disastrous early superhero career drove him to alcoholism, culminating in him becoming famous for being the first superhero to be arrested under the SHRA. Getting your ass handed to you by Tony Stark in front of God only knows how many witnesses is a pretty damned hard bottom to hit. He worked for years to get his act together, and even managed to step into a leadership during the Serpent crisis a few years ago, but after his mentor appeared to return from the dead, he fell back into the kind of thinking that pushed him into alcoholism in the first place, so now he’s at the Gardens. Ritchie’s that guy you encounter in 12-step meetings who knows all the literature, all the vocabulary, and all the rules, but he still doesn’t have the humility or the willingness to change that underpins a successful recovery.

Sharon used to be Ms. Marvel, and then she was She-Thing. Now she keeps switching back and forth between the two identities, which has made a mess of her life, and thus she’s come to the Gardens in hopes of learning to integrate her two halves. Sharon is an example of an all-too-common story in addiction, the addict who keeps turning to compulsive behaviors (in her case, switching between superheroism and supervillainy) to stabilize a mental health issue.

Jeanne was a promising student at Avengers Academy with the ability to retain large amounts of information and copy any movement she sees, but her profound mental abilities have a downside - she is apparently fated to start losing her memories by the time she’s thirty. In a bid to make the most of the time she apparently has left, she threw herself into work after leaving the Academy, but this eventually caught up to her and she suffered profound exhaustion and started having trouble thinking, which gave her a considerable health scare. She thus checked herself into the Gardens as a workaholic, seeking to learn a healthier balance between working and rest.  

Klara used to be a Runaway before her friends abandoned her. Like a lot of abuse survivors, she has built up self-defense mechanisms. Unlike most abuse survivors, her self-defense mechanisms involve subconsciously summoning violent plant life, and after a string of “sudden atrium incidents” in foster homes, she has been sent to the Rock Gardens, the nearest facility with Soames retrofitting to keep her powers from acting up at night. Klara is what some people in recovery circles like to call an adult child - due to a persistent lack of a stable environment, her emotional and psychological development has not occurred along regular lines, and so in some ways she’s very mature for an 13-year-old, but in other places, she’s slightly behind.

Katie is the daughter of U-Go Girl, a famous mutant superheroine, except that she only found this out recently, having grown up believing that U-Go Girl was her big sister. After inheriting her mom’s old journals, she learned the truth, and realized that her mother palmed her off on her grandparents in order to become a superhero. She didn’t take it well. She is a mutant, too, with the ability to teleport objects onto her body, and she used this to become a shoplifter. Unfortunately for her, she also inherited her mother’s notoriously low stamina, and after passing out in the middle of a spree, she got arrested. Thankfully, her family’s lawyer kept her out of juvie, but in exchange, she had to agree to a stint at the Gardens. She is ostensibly there to learn not to be a budding kleptomaniac, but what she really needs to learn is to let go of her anger.

Michael is the son of Wallow, one of Ghost Rider’s old enemies. When he was a little kid, his dad murdered his mom and tried to kill him and his sister, but was shot dead by the police. Fifteen years later, his dad’s ghost possessed him and tried to push him towards suicide. He survived, but you can imagine the kind of issues that being possessed by your dead father might incur. On top of the usual psychological issues, Michael has gained the ability to stir up fear, anxiety and depression in others. Michael symbolizes the concept of the family disease, the tendency for addictions or mental illnesses to pass down from one generation to the next.

Obviously, this is a work in progress, and I may need to adjust the lineup (I’m already a bit wobbly on Ritchie, because he appeared in comics recently, and Michael, because there’s not a lot of information about him on the Internet...)

[thekintsugikids]

ok so i KNOW this is dumb but i need to rant.

so i watched the new riverdale (which is probably more than enough of a reason for any of you to not read this and trust me—i understand). and ho. ly. shit. i have genuinely NEVER been so mad at a tv show in my whole fucking life.

i’ll admit here and now that i still watch riverdale, because i am unwaveringly stubborn and i’m seeing this shit show through to the end. so things that seem, from a surface level, pretty genuine, anger me more than they should because i know the context of this bullshit. which means that, if you’re reading this, you’ll have to hear all of that shit so i can fully explain my anger.

so the episode is like. almost entirely based around the high school’s guidance counselor (who everyone is conveniently going to for therapy, even a character who goes to another school, but i can’t even be mad at riverdale for using a shitty mcguffin like that. it should be expected) where all the kids talk about their fucked up lives. that’s cool, i can accept that. riverdale does some dumb shit, but if they’d just done a psychological deep dive into their characters after all the trauma they’ve been through over the course of two and a half years? sure. I’ll bite. but this is riverdale, a show that somehow seems to be written by teenage interns who have never written a script in their life and 40-somethings who have never met real teens in their lives, so that’s not what we got. no, what we did get was this shitty school counselor listening to the characters unload genuine emotional trauma about their parents, and hear the counselor basically say, “they’re just trying to protect you.”

now allow me to explain why that is absolute fucking bullshit.

Betty’s mom forced herself into her daughter’s counseling session, because Alice ran to the high school guidance counselor to ask how she should deal with her daughter being sexually actively—which already, big fucking yikes. after a couple of minutes of back and forth about how Betty is being denied by her dream college because she’s having sex and irresponsibly disregarding her future in doing so (which again, huge red flag but let’s put that on the back burner for like two seconds). the counselor decides that they should do a joint session to work some shit out. ok. fine. whatever. moving on.

Betty says her mom lying to her whole life impacted her negatively. which yeah, that actually makes sense. in less than two years her mother went undercover with the fbi and joined a cult, without telling her own child that she at least didn’t believe in what the cult preached, gave away all the money she had saved for college to said cult, and was working with her half brother who Betty believed was dead (this is riverdale it’s a lot to unpack and i don’t blame you if you stop here bc ive been watching this show since 2017 and im still confused when i read that). she also had Betty’s sister committed to the sisters of quiet mercy, which is basically a disciplinary school for literally anything and everything under the sun (pregnant teenagers, mentally ill children, and conversion therapy are a few things we’ve seen it used for), and didn’t tell Betty that her sister was there, or that she was pregnant. her parents let her believe that her sister was a drug addict in rehab, because that was better than anyone knowing their daughter was pregnant, and then ofc that Alice reads her diary because she refuses to let her daughter have any semblance of privacy. keep in mind, this whole episode started with Alice opening Betty’s mail, seeing that she didn’t get accepted to Yale, and telling her that she searched her room to see “what could be distracting her from her future” (and then gets mad at her for having birth control). her mother says, “I just wanted to protect you.” okay, fine. whatever, that’s total bullshit, but fine.

but then!!! she has a breakdown about how she wants Betty to be better and she’s scared of her growing up and she just wants her to be safe which. ok. ok. ok. shut up. she’s said this EVERY. SEASON. OF THE SHOW. how many times can she say the exact same thing and never learn from it? but Betty isn’t having that shit, she’s been dealing w this shit for so long and she’s done, right? she’s growing up, and her mom would have to be incredibly naive to think that she could just stop that, especially when they are living w her bf’s family. like yeah, they live together. they share a room. they’re teenagers, they’re gonna have sex. who. fucking. cares. her mom then tells Betty that it’s because she’s her favorite child, which........Yikes. and the scene ends.

the weird thing is like.....we’re meant to sympathize with Alice??? after everything she has done—much of which i didn’t touch on—because.............Betty’s her favorite child?????? that’s???????? SUPPOSED TO JUSTIFY THE THINGS SHE DOES?????????? no no no NO what the fuck is THAT manipulative bullshit?? what the fuck. i can’t even think of anything else to say about that, what the actual fuck.

but the real kicker ooooooooh bitch. it’s the end of the episode, with Jughead. many other things happen between the Betty’s session and Jughead’s, but they don’t necessarily fit into what I’m trying to say so I won’t be talking about it. but holy shit the things she said to Jughead? for context, Jughead’s father is an abusive piece of shit. he has gotten violent with his own son, threatened him, abandoned him for his gang when the rest of their family moved out of state to get away from him (Jughead’s dad), and he is an alcoholic who did things like getting drunk at Jughead’s 15th birthday party, and that’s just the cliff notes version. basically he’s a grade-a abusive asshole, which is a field i am well-versed in.

FP, Jughead’s father, says that his father was an abusive drunk, so obvs the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. one of the the biggest issues with this show, though, is that they refuse to acknowledge that FP himself is abusive. like, even writers of the show have said that he is not abusive, even saying that viewers were ignorant to believe that he is (and as someone with an abusive father, first of all, fuck you). and Jughead is on a mission this entire season to prove that his grandfather was some great writer or whatever and his work was stolen from him.

now, how exactly does any of that relate to the discussion at hand?, you might be asking. well he’s at riverdale high to get his transcripts or whatever bc he’s at a new school and they’re all assholes (no, im not going into further explanation of that because there is way too much to unpack). so he’s w the guidance counselor, they talk about it and she has the fucking gall to say, “but think about how your father must feel about all of this???” which, okay, i see where she might be coming from. FP was abused by his dad. but Jughead is also abused by FP, so why the fuck should he worry about whether or not he’s hurting his father? FP irreparably damaged Jughead—I promise you all that being homeless, being hit and threatened by your father, being abandoned by your entire family? that’s not shit you can repair. you don’t just fix that shit. that stays with you.

the counselor tells Jughead that he should be proud of the man his father worked to become (like he isn’t still horrible to Jughead????? for example, forcing him to go to a school that he does not want to go to because it makes their family look better??? ok), she says FP is just supporting his son. and the real kicker—she says, “and you repay him by going on this quest to prove that the man that caused him immeasurable pain is some kind of wronged hero? how do you think that makes him feel?” (that is the quote verbatim, by the way. that is what she says so Jughead)

like FP has earned something from Jughead. like Jughead is in the wrong for not wanting his name to be seen as a joke. no, this is how you repay him for everything he did for you. FP abused his son. it’s literally that fucking simple. and Jughead didn’t even want to talk to this lady, she forced him into the conversation while he waited for fucking transcripts so he could apply to colleges. and we, the audience, are supposed to be on the counselor’s side. we’re supposed to say “yeah Jughead, look at everything your dad has done for you! he loves you!!”

Jughead even says it himself. “My poor dad. I’m so selfish.” like his dad deserves his respect. like he earned Jughead’s respect. like FP deserves a single goddamn thing from his son.

keep in mind, this is a show that’s biggest demographic is people under 20 and they are basically telling their audience that their parent’s abuse is just because they’re “protective” or because they’re “trying to help them.” guess what, that’s not fucking true. if your parent, or ANYONE, is abusing you, it is because they are fucked up. it is not because they love you, it’s not because they “want what’s best for you.” and how dare anyone, let alone fucking Riverdale, try to tell me that it is. no, as someone with an abusive father, i fucking promise you, this shit is not out of love. abuse is not love. and fuck Riverdale for trying to tell me that it is.