#Pony’s just sassy like that

[nexternalknowsthingz]

Okay so.. because Darry always says to Pony and Soda that he’s losing hair because of them.. well the thing is- he kinda is, it’s not noticeable BUT Ponyboy being the menace that he is makes up a nickname for him whenever he’s in a sassy mood-

Pony will call him a “Bald old man” emphasizing the word bald- he’ll be like..

“Oh look, it’s another spot Dar!” (Props to Jas for this sentence lmao-) AND HE WILL SAY IT WITH SUCH SASS AND A TONE-

And Soda is just laughing silently so he doesn’t get yelled at 😭

Oh and Pony and Soda joke about it at night.. and sometimes Darry will hear it and rolls his eyes-

[swasdoodles]

A festive gathering of fashion horses.

Split under cut:

[imaginesheaven]

Medic!reader x TF 141 - friendship headcanons

Warnings: none really; mention of injuries

Captain Price requests especially you for the team since he got a glimpse at your file and got impressed instantly by your skills.

That’s is actually not really  surprising because you are quite the legend under the medics and soldiers. No one knows how you keep so many of your team members alive but you do with a quite high rate. This skill of yours turns you into the most wanted medic probably in the whole British Army.

The team isn’t quite sure how to deal with a medic in their lines. They never had one long enough to get used to them. So, at the beginning everything is a bit awkward for all of you.

Within the first mission you show them that you aren’t only a medic but also a fighter who will give everything to see another day. You even saved Soap’s ass in a quite sassy demeanor.

“Ha, Sarge. You owe me one.” – You wink at him grinning away while the men just share a quite confused but impressed glance.

With that you earned your spot at the Task Force 141 and the respect of their members for the rest of your life.

You love taking care of the boys, but you would never tell them directly. Your preferred love language for them is sassiness in every single situation you can think of.

“How is Soap?”, Price asks as you patch the soldier up, “He will survive … unfortunately. Which is quite the surprise with so much stupidity in him.” – “Hey! I can hear you, Doc.” – “Great, at least you are not deaf so I don’t have to repeat myself…”

Gaz and Ghost keep snickering in the back before you turn around and throw them death glares, “You two are not better than him.”

Captain Price loves that you have to deal with this shit too now in your own way.

Since you are patching them up quite frequently, they are treating you like the Holy Grail itself. You are probably the best protected member of the British Army the world has ever seen.

One of them is always by your side at the battlefield, “We got your back, Doc. Don’t worry~”

You are never worried about your own safety and health. These men would literally jump in front of a bullet for you to keep you alive.

“STOP PUTTING YOURSELF IN DANGER FOR ME! THIS IS EVEN MORE WORK FOR ME!”

Of course, you love them in a platonic way to pieces that they want to keep you safe no matter the cost.

Once on a mission you get knocked out by one of the rookies by accident, “We need a medic!” The poor boy had no idea what he gotten himself into. The team looks at you unconscious on the ground, “THAT IS OUR MEDIC! YOU BRAINLESS PIECE OF …”

Ghost and Price have to hold back Soap and Gaz before the punch the living hell out of the rookie. The poor boy is scarred and traumatized for his life.

Back on the home base they come to you with the tiniest injuries because you are their favorite medic ever.

“What is it, Gaz?” – “Got a paper cut. It hurts.” – “You got … a papercut. Do you want your band-aid with ponies or spider-man?” … “Ponies…”

You already have your first-aid kit ready when Gaz, Soap and sometimes Ghost do stupid shit together.

“Hey, Doc. What’cha doing?”, Price takes the seat next to you. Without a word you hold up the kit and point at the boys, “Working.” Not a second later you already hear the pained cries from one of them. “I have no idea how long you all could survive that long without me…”

Getting the call sign “Doc” from the team even if you had a different one before. Not very creative, but it is short and everyone got used to it way too fast. So, Doc it is.

They would never admit it out loud, but the thought men are scared to lose you as much as you are to lose one of them.

During another mission the enemy got you good with a bullet to your shoulder. There was no way you could take care of it yourself. Since the evac would be in the morning you had a whole night to bleed to death. There was no other way around to save your life.

You gave them a good description and a to-do list how they open the wound to get out the bullet and to patch up afterwards. The hard men watched you with pure fear in their eyes as you get everything ready for them to be the doctors this time.

“You can do this, boys”, you encourage them smiling, but all of you know exactly that your time is running out. They would lose you.

Ghost takes things into his own hands and will be the one getting the bullet out. The Captain stays by his side to assist as best as he could. Gaz and Soap are way too nervous to do anything except for holding onto each other.

“How about you two take care of the watch?”, Price gives them an order to get their nervous energy out of his reach. Of course, they would watch from afar instead of keeping their eyes on the windows.

The pain of opening the wound to get the bullet out of your shoulder gets the best of you. Nothing comes over your lips as you slump forward unconscious. Nothing has panicked these men ever before like your blacked out form not able to guide them through every little step.

At least you couldn’t hear the wave of curse words washing over you. Of course, they still manage to patch you up quite nicely and take care of you. You are wrapped up in jackets to make you comfortable as they watch you through the night.

“Shit, I have never done something scarier than this…”, Ghost couldn’t believe you are doing this so often never getting tired of it. You already earned all of their respect beforehand, but once again they are reminded how amazing you are.

“Doc didn’t even scream just passed out silently”, Gaz can’t imagine how painful that must have been. Secretly he wished to be tough like you one day.

“… Why are you all staring at me? You are so creepy”, it isn’t the best way to wake up with four men staring at you intensely like they did. Still you are very grateful that they saved your ass.  

Back home you pay for the first round of drinks since you are alive and get to see another day with your team.

[babydollitzel]

can you do ponyboy x reader headcanons!

𝐏𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐜’𝐬

𝐏𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐬 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

warnings/extra; nothing bad really just metions of making out and ‘the talk’

˗ˏˋ ꒰ a/n ꒱ ˎˊ˗ I tried making this long since my last couple of posts have been pretty short so yeah I’ll try to make my next posts longer!

𐙚 he’s lowkey so sassy

𐙚 but other than that he always walks you home just in case some socs try to mess with you, even though he’s worried himself that they’ll come for him

𐙚 but besides his worries, when you guys walk you hold hands and swing them back and forth

𐙚 I feel like he gets jealous sometimes so if someone’s checking you out he’ll just hold your hand or have an arm around your shoulder to show that you’re dating

𐙚 writes you little poems and notes about how much he loves and appreciates you

𐙚 you guys going to the drive in, but hardly watch the movie. You mainly spend the time eating popcorn, drinking cokes, and just talking

𐙚 you guys hang out at your house a lot since Pony shares a room with Soda

𐙚 like you guys are just laying on your bed, your head in Pony’s lap while he reads some book to you

𐙚 you guys study together sometimes, but sometimes they end up in small make outs, I mean, it’s what most teenagers do after all

𐙚 but you guys don’t do anything further than making out, after Darry had given you both a very uncomfortable ‘talk’

𐙚 as for cuddling I feel like sometimes he likes being the one being held

𐙚 like he’d be laying on your chest while you run your fingers through his hair because when his hair’s not greased, it’s so very soft

𐙚 if you guys argue they’re just over petty things because Pony’s lowkey stubborn, never wants to admit he’s wrong

𐙚 but fortunately in the end you guys always make up

𐙚 when you guys hang out Johnny’s there 70% of the time, sometimes you wonder if Johnny’s the third wheel or if you are

𐙚 but you don’t mind because Johnny’s your friend too

𐙚 whenever he has a track meet you always make sure to sit at the bleachers, sitting at the row that’d be closest to Pony, that way he can hear you cheer for him extra loudly to embarrass him

𐙚 One part of him is appreciative that you’re cheering for him but the other part is just feeling embarrassed as heck.

𐙚 Like he’ll just side eyes you and motion for you to stop but that’s how you know it’s working!

𐙚 but anyway your parents think he’s a pretty good kid too, he’s pretty normal besides being named ‘Ponyboy🤓’ but that’s alright

𐙚 As for Pony’s brothers, Darry knew you were a nice girl, but wasn’t sure about you guys dating. He’d rather have Pony focus on his studies.

𐙚 Once he saw you and Pony studying together, he knew that you were good for him and his schoolwork

𐙚 Soda thinks you’re a nice girl too, but do expect him, Steve, and Two-bit to tease you and Pony

𐙚 Overall he’s a real good boyfriend ♡

[im-normal-about-everything]

Ponyboy Curtis hcs

-Is really sassy when talking with Johnny. They are the BIGGEST shit talkers

He, Johnny, and Dally have a debrief every week of everything that's happened in their lives (Dallas usually steals some food for them to eat while talking)

A lot of his peers actually think he's pretty cool but he doesn't pay attention enough to notice

One time his hair was messed up and it looked like Soda's so much that when Darry saw him he had to do a double take

Definitely learned French just so he can yell at people during arguments (it really pisses off Darry cuz he can't understand what he's saying)

When he told the gang he was dating a guy, they didn't care. However, when it was revealed that the guy was Curly Shepard, there were problems

Would read aloud to Johnny like a preschool teacher

Not really a hc, but Pony is so "Metaphor" by The Crane Wives coded, fight me

Loves moths, terrified of butterflies

When someone says something wild he'll just look at the closest member of the gang and start laughing

Pony is good influence on Curly, but Curly is a bad influence on Pony so it cancels out

Steve is his number one opp and vice versa

When he's pissed at someone or annoyed, he'll whisper "wake up" just loud enough for the person to hear, but no one else can hear it so the person looks crazy. (Has does this to Dallas multiple time to the point the rest of the gang thought he needed professional help)

Is a really good liar so whenever he's with the gang and they get in trouble, he can usually get them out of said trouble

That's it for now!

[we-were-beautiful]

Cassian is such a girl dad, and I will live and die on this hill

Like I understand we all agree that he and Eris are both girl dads but with Cass it is on a whole different level

This is the guy who originally wanted a son but ended up with a small army of girls who act just like their mother and he absolutely is 100% there for it.

Of the Bat boys Cass has the whole hair thing down, especially since he himself has long hair. Pony tails, braids buns he can do it all. To the point that Az and Rhys would go to him for help with their kiddos hair.

Cassian absolutely lords this over Rhys and Az.

He also has no spine when it comes to his girls. They want to play pretty princess tea party; he will end end up with kiddie jewelry, bows and a plastic tiara. He absolutely will play along sitting in a chair that is far to small for him and his wings asking the princesses for more tea.

Rhys and Az have also walked in on this and tease Cass with this whenever they can

Training his girls to be Valkyrie. He wants his babies to know how to defend themselves and a soon as they are big enough he starts teaching them self defense and he adjust the training as they get older.

He has brought his family to Illyria a few times. The camp loaded were none to pleased with this small army of sassy mini Valkyrie following him. He hates the whispers from those stuck in the old ways and has gotten into multiple fights about it too.

He is not prepared for when they get older and start dating. This male will absolutely panic the moment one of his girls says they have a date

When they are younger he likes to nap when the girls are napping, and their favorite place to nap is hidden from the world under their dads large wings. It’s not uncommon for mom to return to find all of them in their bed curled up with their dad.

They do however pick up a lot of Cass’ bad habits like swearing and his general devil may care attitude. It drives mom crazy.

Cass still has his annual snowball fight with the other bat boys, but he also has a snowball fight with his baby bats. Yes it is him against the mini Valkyrie, and he has “lost” every year but it is his favorite thing in the whole wide world

The Lord of Bloodshed is an absolute softie when it comes to his mate and girls, but he still has a reputation to uphold any one who says shit about his family will absolutely get wrecked.

Later down the line after one or two of his girls had gone through the Blood Rite (See absolutely crushing it), his mate has another babe, this time a little boy. And boy howdy Cass does not know what to do with a baby boy

“I know how to raise girls love, I don’t know what to do with a boy” all while refusing to let his brothers hold his son

[tatteredtoby]

Okay, first actual writing for somebody on this blog! (Had this idea from basically Aliamors entire page)

Case is asked on stream at one point, “Case you should play Genshin Impact”

He slams his palms on the desk and clasps them together, sighing heavily. “Chat. I will NEVER play Genshin impact.” And doesn’t elaborate the rest of the stream.

Later in you and hims relationship, you start streaming Genshin Impact in these extremely high quality cosplays you made yourself, your set up basically right next to his. You RAGE at one of the elemental cube boss’, yelling, “OH COME ON!!!! YOURE A CUBE!!!!! DISSIPATE ALREADY!!!”

He snickers, turning to his chat.

“See Chat, this is why I don’t play Genshin Impact.” He glances over at you, who was staring at him dead in the eye with a “are you serious right now?” Look on your face. “Chat, doesn’t he respond the same way I do to this as to Fall Guys?” You remark, leaning towards your mic, making direct eye contact with Case.

His chat is CACKLING, so is yours.

“AY WHATCHU MEAN BY THAT?!” He yells, spinning his chair to face you.

“You know exactly what I mean by that.” You joke back, looking at your nails in a sassy manner.

————————————————————————————

• I have a feeling he’d like, hang over your chair/lean on it, trying to tell you how to play the game that you’ve been playing for years, and he hasn’t played the game ever.

•He’d totally see something at like a store or something that wasn’t Genshin and go “Is this one of your genshin impacts?” along with a picture of a Hatsune Miku figurine or shirt. (He knows about every character and what it looks like because of you, he just likes to see the messages being like “NOO!!!! THATS HATSUNE MIKU!!!”)

•he totally has videos of genshin impact on his fyp and likes to inch over and show them to you, and he often asks what’s happening in the clip, and you excitedly tell him.

•literally the entire game is spoiled for him. Not like he plans to play it, but he loves listening to you yap about your favorite game.

•actually bans anyone who comments on how your cosplay looks in a sexual way. Doesn’t get a mod to do it, he finds the dude himself and BANS him.

•has to be extra careful near your setup, because if he like does his hand slam thing too hard one of your figures falls and you stare at him like “:c”

•You usually are closer to Kitty, so you and him have clips together of both of you saying “KITTYUH!!!!!” When she walks into the room.

•Off topic from this direct prompt but you force him to watch My Little Pony, but it’s not really forcing, he’s happy to watch it with you.

•He can hear the game through your headphones and a lot of the time, whips around because he heard the Lumine/Aether stretch audio, or a Venti Voiceline, or a Kaeya one.

•“HOW IS TWITCH ALLOWING THIS?!!??!?”

• “chat. Say another word about the cosplay, and I will end stream.”

Literally two seconds later.

“Alright. That’s the end of the stream. See you tomorrow.”

————————————————————————————

CaseOh silly, I love this guy!! I’m getting back into writing, so this might not be the best :)! Have a nice day or night!

[yoongihan]

Not Friends - HJS - OneShot

(i've had the above gif for so long, i have no idea who the creator is. credit to them and if they see this and wish me to take it down, please let me know. i thought the effects of the banner were pretty cool)

pairing: jisung x female reader

genre: angst, coming of age, fluff, romance, friendships

romantic trope: boy next door (inspiration from this reel)

word count: ~8k

rating: T

warnings: language, kissing, arguing, mostly the trials of middle and high school, drinking underage (nothing too excessive), sneaking out, abandoned places, mc is stubborn af

there is mention briefly toward the end of something that might be triggering, it is not praised or belabored. it's something characters disagree with, i'm choosing not to list it as it is a bit of a spoiler. if you are concerned, please message me off anon and i will let you know what it is.

a/n: fic #3 in skz as romantic tropes collab with @jl-micasea-fics. i have to admit, this is kinda a weird one. not really sure what people will think. however, it seems hella fitting to post jisung's story after getting so much of him lately (the song '13' is beautiful) and his curly long hair might be my death. hugs to you readers, you have been so lovely.

----------

There isn’t a time where you don’t remember Han Jisung being there. He’s always just there. 

His family moved into the house next door when you were only a year old (so you’ve been told, it’s not like you have any memories of that time) and he was a year old. Your moms started talking over the small fence that lay between your two backyards, so somewhere in your infantile mind, there is an image of one chubby-cheeked Jisung, probably falling over from his seated position then crying loudly because his balance was always circumspect, especially during the dreaded middle school years.

So when in school, someone asked if you knew Han Jisung, you said yes. 

Friends?

No. Not friends.

Boyfriend?

No, ew. He’s just the boy next door.

Yes, you hung out with him when you were both infants and toddlers. When school started, you were sometimes in the same class, but not always. He tended to keep to himself during recess and you had enough trouble trying to find friends who were interested in the same things you were. 

Namely, vampires.

Perhaps expecting other six and seven year olds to be as fascinated by vampires was asking a bit too much. But you were listening to Dracula, a radio performance, at six years old (begs the question of why your parents didn’t do anything, but they weren’t around at that very moment) so why weren’t other kids interested?

Well, they weren’t. 

Maybe your parents thought you’d grow out of it. Most kids grow out of things; horses, wanting to be a fireman, superheroes, etc. 

So many times that your parents tried offering you Barbies and My Little Ponies, on which you painted fangs and blood on.

But you don’t grow out of it. And no one grows into it.

Jisung himself seems to integrate okay into middle school. He finds Felix and Seungmin, and the three of them pal around, playing video games and probably other things that you were and are unaware of.

“You’re going to join the dance team?”

You’re in your backyard, attempting to weed the garden because if you do, your mother might not get as mad about you failing your math test. Jisung comes out to let out his dog, Bbama, and the two of you, though again not friends, aren’t unfriendly; so you chat. 

“Felix wants to,” Jisung explains as Bbama comes to the fence to press his nose to your waiting fingers. “And well, he likes when we do things all together.”

You eye him with skepticism. “Can you dance?”

You’re both newly turned thirteen and puberty is a bitch. Jisung is all limbs, and you’re sure you resemble an egg in physique and color. 

“No. But they aren’t expecting Lord of the Dance or anything.”

Jisung getting sassy with you isn’t new. Though quiet a lot of the time, when it’s only the two of you, he seems to be braver. 

“They want us to do extracurriculars, you know, to get ready for high school.”

“Yeah?”

“So, what about you?”

“What about me?” What you just pulled up out of the ground is definitely not a weed, so you plop it back in and cover it up with dirt. Hopefully, your mom won’t notice. 

“You should join the dance team too!”

You look up at him before watching Bbama run in circles behind him. “No.”

“Maybe robotics?”

“No way.”

“Art club?”

“Jisung, you’ve seen my stick figures.”

“What are you going to do then?”

“What I want to do doesn’t have a club or team, okay?”

You can hear his soft sigh as you dig out an actual weed this time. 

“Vampires?”

You bristle at the implications. “I’m just…” You huff and sit back in your kneeled position. “There are too many accounts for it to be fiction, okay?”

“But what do you do with that?” He asks just as softly. “I mean, if they are real, they want to drink your blood and kill you. So like…you should avoid.”

“Do they? Or is that just Dracula and other novels telling us that?”

He points out a weed you’ve missed. You grumble, but grab and pull. 

“Kids at school–”

“I don’t care what kids at school say or think, Jisung.” 

“Yes, you do. We all do.” He swallows. “You think it doesn’t hurt when they make fun of my braces or glasses, or the fact that I can’t walk without running into something?”

You wince. Jisung isn’t a friend, but he’s familiar. He’s annoying as most boys are, but he isn’t mean. Not usually. You and he have had fights over the years, but most were when you were little and toys were involved. 

“You shouldn’t care what they think.”

“But I do.” 

“That’s why you’re joining the dance team, and I’m going to work on the ultimate vampire hunter kit.”

“Where are you going to get holy water?”

“Amazon.”

He sighs again, calling Bbama to go back inside. “I’m joining the team because Felix is my friend and it matters to him. That’s what friends do.” When he stops at the back door, he calls back. “Seungmin is really good at math if you need help for the next test.”

You don’t answer, not for the first time considering how you don’t have friends. There are some kids you sit with at lunch, but they mostly congregate together because there is strength in numbers, not because there’s any common interests or amiability. 

–

~Ninth grade~

You wonder if maybe you should have tried out for softball or something because each pebble you throw at Jisung’s window actually hits 75% of the time. Who knew you had great aim?

The window opens and he looks down and you can see more than hear his heavy sigh.

“Why don’t you just message me?”

“I don’t have your number.” Why would you?

There’s another heavy sigh and he disappears into his room after closing the window. Your cell phone vibrates in your back pocket. You pull it out.

>> now you have it.

<< can i borrow your car?

>> what?

The back door opens and he comes out in pajama pants and a huge sweatshirt. He’s shoved on his glasses and his hair is tufted in chunks. 

Was he really asleep at 11pm?

“You wanna borrow my truck?”

You nod, tugging on your scarf, a bit too tightly wrapped. “I’ll be careful. It’ll be back in the driveway by the time you wake up in the morning. I could probably hotwire it if I studied for a bit, but I figure, I could just ask.”

He runs a hand through his hair, eyes unfocused. “Why?”

“I don’t have a car.” Your parents don’t think you’re responsible enough to have a car. Something about still living in fantasy, blah blah blah. 

“I know…” He looks both annoyed and amused at the same time. “Why do you need it tonight?”

“Oh. I need to check out a place. There’s been rumor of vampiric activity.”

He actually takes a step back. “You’re going vampire hunting. Tonight. In my truck.”

“Yes.” I hold out my hand. “If you’ll give me your keys.”

“Do you even have your permit yet?”

You drop your arm. “No, but I’ve practiced.”

He turns and stares at his house. 

“So…Jisung…is that a no?”

“If I say no, will you hotwire it?”

“I mean, maybe.”

There’s a lot of muttered curses before he turns back around. “Yes, but I’m going with you. I’m driving.”

“What? No. No way.”

He walks right up, a foot away from me. “You let me go, drive, and you come to see the dance team at halftime; or you’re shit out of luck, Van Helsing.” 

You open your mouth to tell him where he can stick it, but then don’t. You actually need his vehicle. The area that online people have had sightings and encounters is only an hour away and this was the only night that your parents had wine before dinner which would definitely keep them so deeply asleep that you can get away with a nightly venture. 

And maybe it would be fun to watch Jisung, Seungmin and Felix perform. Not that you’d ever admit that.

“Yeah. Okay. But you have to do what I say, okay?”

He nods. “Give me like five.”

An hour and a half later, he shifts next to you as you hold a position in a cluster of trees. “Like…I don’t think they’re here.”

“Shh,” you hush him, half-heartedly hitting his arm. “They don’t billboard-announce it.” You move quickly and as quietly as you can toward the old abandoned cabin.

“Pretty sure it’s just serial killers who do that.”

You spin around to glare at him, but he’s grinning at you. You’re irked, but you can’t help but smile. It’s a little fun to have someone with you.

“Are we really going in there?”

You hand him a flask and move again to another gathering of foliage. 

“Are we drinking?” he whispers once he’s followed successfully. He’s still skinny as a rail, but still provides a little warmth at your back. 

“No, you dummy, it’s got holy water. It’s to protect yourself.” 

“Oh.” You can almost hear his smile. “Thanks.”

It takes a few more minutes of covert movement before you get to the house. You circle it, looking for any tell-tale signs of vampiric activity (corpses or animal remains, displaced or unusual soil, etc), but there’s nothing except overgrown weeds and some tricycle that has been taken over by said overgrown weeds. 

You test the back door. 

“Shouldn’t we get a flashlight?”

“And announce our arrival?”

“They can hear better than us, don’t you think they’d already know, with how you nearly tripped over that root before the gate?”

Yeah, that was embarrassing. You glare at him again. 

“How do you know all that stuff? About their hearing?”

He rolls his eyes and rewraps his scarf around his neck. “I’ve known you all my life. I listen…duh?”

You shake your head and enter the run-down cabin. As you test the rotted wooden floors, making sure to tell Jisung to step where you step, you think about that. There’s no reason why Jisung would just know how good a vampire’s hearing is rumored to be. Unless he listened to you, and remembered.

That sticks with you, even as you find that the abandoned cabin is full of dust, cobwebs, questionable wallpaper choices, with no sign of life…or unlife. 

He never says anything like ‘I told you so’ on the drive back, nearly four and a half hours after the initial request of his car. 

“That was kind of fun,” he says, sneezing when you both get out of his dented-in-weird-places truck. 

“You screamed three times and squeezed my arm so tight, it’s gonna bruise.”

“Those weren’t screams. They were….yelps. Exclamations of surprise.”

You can’t help but smile at him. “Sure.”

He tugs his beanie so it covers his ears. “I’ll do it again with you, if only so you don’t steal my truck.”

“Maybe…” You don’t promise anything. Yes, it was nice to have someone with you, but you don’t put your faith into it. Jisung is on the dance team, goes to pc cafes to game, and actually hangs out with his friends. You do just this. 

You know you’re the weird one here. 

“Maybe I’ll finally get my own car.”

“You could get a job.” He offers, leaning against the grill of his truck. 

“At fifteen?” 

He shrugs. “You could babysit?”

The both of you start laughing at the mere idea of you being in charge of vulnerable little humans. 

“I mean, you could.”

“The world is a better place without me protecting a toddler from the electric outlet.” 

He shrugs and shoves his hands into his coat pockets before pulling out the flask. “I dunno. You protected me pretty well.” He yawns. 

“Go sleep.” You take the flask back. “Thanks.”

He nods, already looking like he might fall asleep leaning against his SUV like that. “Not going to say ‘any time’. Maybe once and awhile.”

You press your lips together to stop smiling at him. “Sure. Night.” 

–

Jisung reminds you of your promise to watch the dance team at one game’s halftime, so you show up to a basketball game, sit and watch a sport that makes the people around you yell at the referees, the other team, and the home team with such passion that you think you must have something wrong with you because you do not get it.

But the half ends, and most people get up to grab concessions or hit the bathrooms while the co-ed dance team comes out in black and red outfits. You find Felix easy enough in the crowd, his vibrant blonde hair bouncing as he finds his position, talking excitedly to another dancer. Seungmin with his characteristic nonchalant expression is behind Felix, seeming unbothered that there’s an audience in front of him, waiting to judge and assess him.

Jisung is near the end of the second line, bouncing on the balls of his feet as everyone gets into place. He glanced up at the crowd, eyes scanning. He sees you because your eyes lock and you give a little wave of ‘see, I came’. You think he smiles, but you are on the top row of bleachers, off to the far side. 

The dancers all drop their heads when the music starts. Felix leads off and the rest fall into sync with him. You try and watch the group as a whole, impressed with how they move together, how the choreography seems like a mix of hip hop and contemporary.

It’s honestly pretty good for a high school group. You have YouTube and you’ve seen the occasional viral embarrassing dance rendition of whatever hit song is popular. 

Your eyes fall on Jisung the most. He’s the only one you know on your side of the gym (most of the time, there are a few formation changes). 

For being all limbs (though admittedly, he’s less like a stretched-out stick figure these days), Jisung is a good dancer. He’s on beat with his moves, and it doesn’t look horribly awkward.

You’re surprised. 

The song isn’t more than maybe two minutes and the applause at the end of it is not the same as the passionate yelling of spectators for some ‘bogus call, ref’. You clap though because you are impressed, and because if you had friends, you think it would be Jisung and his two compatriots. 

You start to head out of the gym into the lobby to go home; you are not sitting through more yelling at where an orange ball travels to. You’re almost home free, but you hear your name and turn to see Jisung running up to you. He’s grinning, face flushed, hair ruffled. 

“Thanks!”

“I mean, I promised.” You glance around to see schoolmates watching the two of you conversing and you wonder if Jisung worries about it. Because if you were less on the fringes (you’re not going to call Jisung popular, but he’s not ignored), you might worry about who you’re seen with. 

“Did I do okay?”

His question interrupts your musing on high school hierarchies, and you look at him in shock. 

“I…I don’t know anything about dance, Jisung.”

He nods. “But you are honest. Sometimes painfully. So, tell me. What did you think?” He crosses his arms and waits. You blink a few times, your mind going back over the memory of their performance, him specifically. 

“I think you’re good. I didn’t see any obvious mistakes or like you didn’t fit in.”

“But?”

It’s unnerving how he seems to know that you have more thoughts, even when you weren’t completely aware of them yourself. 

“I think you can extend more?” You swallow, lifting your arms so they stretch out. “Like your arms don’t go out all the way and I think it looks better when you do?” You shrug and drop your arms. “Also, your shoulders are up when you dance. Makes you look tense.” 

He nods a few times before smiling. “See, I knew you’d be honest.” He drops his arms from his chest. “Thanks…Are you leaving?”

You nod emphatically. “I cannot handle the screaming any longer.”

He laughs. “Yeah, fair.” He watches you for one more second. “We’re gonna go out for burgers and shakes later…you can come?”

“We?”

“The dance team mostly, I think.”

You’re already shaking your head. “Uh, thanks, but no thanks.” You start to walk backward, a little on edge being this close to Jisung and how he kinda sparkles all sweaty and red-faced. “I’ll see ya.”

He waves as you practically trip to get out of there.

–

~Tenth grade~

He warned you. He said that with both sets of parents going for a weekend trip together that he might have a party. You didn’t care because you had homework and research to do, and a party with Seungmin, Felix, and Jisung didn’t seem that concerning.

Since when did sophomore Jisung know enough people to have a rager? Because that’s what it sounds like next door right now.

You look through the kitchen window. There’s a lot of people, bodies silhouetted in the windows of his house, people in the backyard. Music loud and pumping. 

He invited you. You could go over.

You sigh and look in the refrigerator. There’s a six pack of beer. You could bring it over. Your father would probably just think that he’d already finished it. Or maybe he’d be thrilled that you snuck alcohol like a normal teenager. 

That’s what you’ll do. Just bring the six pack over, say hi to Jisung and remind him that the rest of your neighbors might not be as tolerant of the noise level.

And to be careful. 

You tug slightly on your turtleneck as you walk over. It’s not cold enough to warrant it, but it’s night time and you aren’t stupid.

Easy access to arteries is a dumb move.

You decide to step over the fence between the backyards, hearing a few ‘who is that?’ comments as you do from the outdoor party-goers. You will stay thirty minutes. That’s enough to get the high school party experience, right?

You see Felix the moment you walk in the back doors. He is sitting on a counter laughing at something someone is saying. He sees you, eyes light up and he slides off the counter to come greet you. 

He’s so bright sometimes he makes your eyes hurt.

“You came! Jisung said you wouldn’t!” There’s a hug, enthusiastic on his end, less so on yours. No one dislikes Felix; it’s impossible, but he’s definitely good in small doses for you. “You brought beer?”

You nod and he takes it from you, leaving your hands empty with nothing to do.

“Come, come, have a drink.”

“Uh, I just brought that and wanted to say hi to Jisung.”

He hands you a bottle of something pink with a peach on the label before gesturing toward the middle of the house. “I think he’s in there somewhere.”

Did you mention you don’t love yelling?

The music and the din of human voices is a lot to your head, so you sip the drink to find it’s not too gross and the cold of it is welcome amidst the heat of bodies. You enter into the sea of people, some dancing, most talking, a few touching in ways that makes your skin crawl.

Seungmin bumps into you and greets you with the same apathy that makes you always think that you and he might be good friends if either of you tried. 

“Where’s Jisung?” you ask, wincing as you have to yell it to be heard.

Seungmin smiles and it makes you question everything. Because it’s too wicked to just be a smile brought by an innocuous question or even alcohol. 

“I think he’s over by the stairs. You should definitely say hi.”

If Felix is too bright to take in more than just a bit at a time, you’re more wary of Seungmin. You kinda hope you never see him smile again. It’s too unsettling.

You nod and move on through the house, avoiding touching people as much as possible because they smell of liquor and sweat and so many pheromones. 

It takes a few minutes to get to the stairs, but you do find Jisung who is staring into the crowd that is writhing in the living room. You quietly sidle up behind him (him unaware) to see what he’s seeing.

Ahhh. 

“Mi-sun, huh?”

He jumps and turns, almost knocking heads with you. You step back to give him space. He says your name, eyes wide and then quite delighted. He hugs you.

He hugs you.

Jisung doesn’t hug you. That’s not a thing between next door neighbors. But you can smell the mix of fruit juice and rum on him, so you think that it’s probably not surprising that intoxicated Jisung is affectionate. 

He is friends with Felix after all. 

You pat his back during the hug, but he doesn’t let go quickly. You feel his nose brush the fabric covering your neck before he draws back. 

“You’re here.”

You shrug, a little undone by how damn smiley he is. “I’m here.” You wait but he’s still staring and smiling at you, so you look away, pointing back toward the crowd. “You like Mi-sun?”

He follows your hand then looks back at you. “Uh, I mean…she’s pretty?” His brow is furrowed in confusion. “Why?”

“You were staring at her.”

“No, I wasn’t.” There’s a pout added to his words, so you just shrug because why would you debate this.

“I just came to bring some beer and say hi,” you tell him. 

“What?”

God, do you have to yell everything?

“Come on,” he says when you shake your head. “We’ll go upstairs.” He takes your hand and leads you. You are so dumbfounded that you follow, half-stumbling up after him. 

He leads you to a room and hits the lights before pulling you in and shutting the door. You look around.

“There’s no way this is your room.” You have very vague recollections of his bedroom from when you two were in elementary. 

“It’s my brother’s.” His older brother is already in college. “Why isn’t it mine?” He plops on the edge of the bed and lays down. 

“Doesn’t feel like yours.” You assume that his room looks different from when you were kids, but maybe there are still Alvin and the Chipmunks sheets. 

“Valid.” He sighs. “There are so many people here.”

You sit next to him. “Yeah. I was gonna warn you that I think Mrs. Park has looked out her blinds at least three times.”

Another sigh as he looks up at the ceiling. “Fuck. I really thought it’d be like ten people.” He sits up and looks over at you. “You’re drinking.”

You look at the wine cooler and offer it to him. “I think I had three sips.”

He takes it and drinks it, eyes on you when his mouth touches the rim of the bottle. You tilt your head to the side, then decide not to ask about it. 

“So…a high school party…is it as great as the movies told us?” you ask, looking at his brother’s swimming trophies decorating one set of shelves. 

“Dunno. It’s my first legit party.”

“Same.” You doubt birthday parties from third grade when Doyung had to invite the entire class counted as ‘real’ parties. 

“It’s not horrible,” he says before saying your name. You turn to look at him to find that he’s only a few inches away. 

“What are you doing?”

“Can I kiss you?”

You freeze before jumping off the bed. “What?”

He makes a face before looking at the half-drunk bottle in his hands. “I know it’s weird, but it’s my first party. This’d be my first kiss.”

“There is probably someone down there who’d do that for you,” you stammer, trying not to look at his lips because that’s what the word ‘kiss’ has done to your brain. “I think Felix would.”

Jisung laughs before grinning at you. “He probably would, but…” he trails off, looking at you. 

“But…” You cross your arms, so he doesn’t think you are interested. Then it hits you. “Wait, is this because I always tell you the truth? Like you want to make sure you don’t suck? I wouldn’t know. I’ve never kissed anyone.”

“Okay, maybe there’s some of that…” That shouldn’t be as disappointing as it is to you, but he continues, “But also…” he swallows nervously. “I want to kiss you.”

Your brain has stopped computing. 

“You…want to kiss me?” You are surprised you can even speak. “Why?”

He cocks his head to the side. “Why wouldn’t I?”

You move back to sit on the bed, a foot or two between you and him. “I…” You meet his gaze. “How drunk are you?”

He shrugs with an embarrassed smile. “Two drinks? I mean, I won’t lie, I definitely probably wouldn’t have asked you if I was fully sober, but I’m not…impaired or anything.” He scoots a little closer. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I might cry about it later, but–” He laughs when you punch his arm with no force. 

It’s hard not to stare at him. Whether it’s the alcohol or something else that makes his eyes all sparkly, he’s turning into someone quite pretty. His nose still doesn’t quite fit his face and he’s more of a toothpick than human. 

But he’s pretty.

And probably the only person you know who you could kiss and not be worried as much about the aftermath. Maybe growing up with him just means he isn’t so scary.

Maybe it just means that he’s safe.

“Okay.”

His eyes widen at your admission. “Yeah? Oh. Okay.” He turns more toward you. “So, you have to be honest. I really have a lot of overcome in the romance department, but I think being a good kisser could like be my chance to outweigh the rest of it.”

You laugh, you can’t help it. “You’re pretty great as is, Jisung.”

His mouth parts, eyes boring into yours. “Thanks.”

You shake your head at the near mesmerizing effect of his big brown eyes. “Rules though.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Hands nowhere that bikini covers .” Even saying it outloud makes you cringe, but you really have no desire to find out if you like being groped or not. 

“Uhhhh, same?” He covers his hands over his chest like the cups of a bikini top and you giggle because he’s funny and cute and you’re going to kiss him. You lean closer. His eyes drop to your mouth, his hands falling from his chest to the mattress. “Anything else?” his voice is pitched high and you wonder if your voice does something to give away your nerves too. 

“I don’t think so?” Yeah, your voice doesn’t quite sound normal. 

He reaches out, one hand touching your cheek while the other rests on your thigh. He lets out a shuddery breath. 

“Soft,” he whispers before his eyes close which reminds you that you should close your eyes, too. You feel his lips brush yours hesitantly before settling with a bit more confidence. His hand cups your face as his mouth moves. 

It’s nice. It’s interesting.

He draws back, but his hands linger. Eyes open, and he gazes at you. 

“Okay?”

You nod, curious because you feel like it should be more. You aren’t sheltered. You’ve seen kisses on screen, in real life, but it’s not like you’ve studied. Kissing for any length of time requires movement. So you move.

You press your mouth to his, hands pushed down on the mattress as you edge ever closer. His index finger traces the shell of your ear when you open your mouth so your tongue can touch the seam of his lips. You feel him visibly jolt, but he gives you no time to question or apologize for that as he returns it. 

Oh…ohhhhh.

As his tongue slides along yours, his hand on your thigh clenches. It’s like a chain reaction; his hand on your leg draws you more to him, your hands finding his waist and hips. He makes a sound that spurs on his tongue so much that you pull back.

“No.”

His eyes flutter open. “What?”

“I mean,” you feel dazed yourself. “Not so much tongue.” You brush back his hair when his hand drops to your shoulder. “No lizards.”

He winces. “Sorry.” The flush on his cheeks catches your attention and you lean in to kiss the heated skin. His breath catches. 

“What about me?” you ask, fascinated at the give of his cheeks. You press another kiss. “Any tips?”

“No.” It’s more of a groan and you raise your eyes to his. “You…you’re very good.” He doesn’t elaborate, but kisses you again. You feel the intrusion of his tongue, but it’s slower…like he’s savoring. 

It’s so much better. 

You’re unaware of much beyond the kissing, your hands having a mind of their own as one slips under his t-shirt to trace the slope of his back. You’re not quite conscious of maneuvering him so he’s lying back on the bed and you are straddling him on your knees, reluctant to break away from his mouth. You do though, you draw away and look down at him; his swollen lips, red and shiny. His dark eyes and flushed skin. How his fingers wrap around your waist, gripping tightly. 

“Better?” he questions, breathless.

“Much.” One more kiss, this one soft and he whines when you pull away again. “I think you’ll be just fine, Jisung.”

He sits up as you move off of him. Reality comes back, your brain returning to its normal functioning. You stay on the edge of the bed, staring anywhere but at him. 

He fills the space next to you, so quiet. He says your name, and you dare to glance over. 

You kiss him again, the urge strong. He cradles your face in his hands, kissing you back. It’s more sweet than heated.

There’s a loud crash sounding from downstairs, and he jerks away before looking at you with wide eyes. 

“Shit.”

“You better go.”

He glances at the door then back at you, his hands leaving your face. “Yeah…are you going home?”

“Yeah. I think…I think I should.” You miss his hands already.

You both stand and you slide your hands into the back pockets of your jeans. He reaches out to touch where your neck is covered by your shirt. You freeze, staring at him. He shrugs, not saying anything. 

“I’ll…I’ll see ya.” He disappears through the door, shutting it behind him. You don’t move for a minute, trying to feel like you have control over your body before you leave. 

As you make your way through the party-goers, you’re almost out the back door when you hear someone (Seungmin you think) holler “Cops on their way!”

It’s a mad dash that you make in front of the departing crowd. You step back over the fence, hurrying into your house before watching the people and the cars all race off. You wait several more minutes once everything has gone quiet to realize that the cops aren’t coming. 

Pretty effective way to end a party, though.

Your phone vibrates.

Night.

—

If you had friends, especially female friends, you might have talked to them about it. Might have discussed the whys and hows and what to do now of it all. But you don’t think your mom is the right person to tell about the party at the Han’s house, and the few kids in high school you do interact with aren’t exactly interested in anything about your life. Your conversations consist of retelling what assignments someone missed and how high school is hell. 

You definitely don’t talk to Jisung about it. 

When you see him at school the following Monday, he smiles at you, but is distracted by one of his dance team members. You maintain the status quo which is little engagement with anyone at school, even Jisung. 

What is there to talk about? It was a kiss (several) and just two neighbors experimenting. It’s not anything else.

It definitely doesn’t mean you like Jisung or anything.

It’s two months later that you see him talking with Mi-sun by the lockers, her hand on his arm that you reiterate to yourself that you don’t like him.

Because that would be stupid. 

—

~Twelfth Grade~

High school is hell, but you weather it well enough. You pass your classes, you get a decent score on the SAT even though you think university is a pointless experience. It appeases your parents that you do apply and do accept going to a school in state, but farther away than you’ve ever been. 

You’ve been working a part-time job at a bookstore for the last two years, finally earning enough for a used car. Which means you don’t text your neighbor for any late night excursions. Even though he’s asked at least twice. 

He’s easy to avoid if you try. 

But not at the graduation bonfire. It’s tradition. The powers-that-be in your small town look the other way when the graduated seniors set up a party on the outskirts, in the woods. Bonfire, drinks, very little food and somehow it’s okay as long as no one drives home. 

You go because you’re curious. You’ve been to maybe three parties since Jisung’s because it makes your parents less annoying when you do ‘normal’ teen things. You haven’t stopped your research and exploring, but you hide it better. 

It’s the last high school thing you’ll ever have, so you go. 

It’s not about Jisung.

But you do see him once you grab a beer to keep your hands occupied. He’s laughing with Seungmin and Felix and other schoolmates that you know by sight. You know that he did date Mi-sun for probably a good year or so because even though you are a nobody in your school, it’s small enough that dating rumors and truths get to everyone, even the outsiders. 

You force yourself to look away from him when he smiles because it’s still bright and happy and it hurts. 

The bonfire crackles and burns bright in front of you as you fiddle with your open bottle. 

“Hey, you came!”

Apparently he saw you too.

You force a smile to your lips. “Hey Jisung.”

He steps in next to you, clinking your bottle with his. “Happy ‘we’re done with this hellhole’!” He seems a little intoxicated, giddy from the ceremony of the day. 

“Sure.”

He turns to you. “Your mom said you were going to Southern?”

“Yeah. And you’re going to State with Seungmin and Felix.” You take a sip and make a face. 

“Yeah.” There’s a pause. “Guess we won’t be neighbors.” 

Why does he have to sound bummed about it? What does he care?

“Yep.”

“What does an aspiring vampire-ologist major in?” His smile hasn’t faded, but you realize that you’re just not in the mood for his teasing. Even if he’s one of the only people who’s never mocked you for your life-long preoccupation.

“What do you major in when you just do everything your friends do?” 

You can see him still in the corner of your eye. The smile drops, the easy and open manner closes off. 

“What?”

You turn to him, angry for reasons you can never tell him because it’s probably not his fault that you went and developed a crush on the boy next door, but you convince yourself if he hadn’t kissed you, you wouldn’t be like this. 

You wouldn’t like Han Jisung.

“Just curious if going to college with your best friends from high school is such a good idea. I mean, will you ever figure out what you actually want to do if you keep following them?”

The bonfire paints flickering light over his face, shadowing the entirety of his expression. But you can see enough. 

You’ve hurt him. You’re not friends but you never wanted to hurt him. 

“At least I don’t live in a fantasy because I refuse to deal with the real world and actually interacting with humans. I don’t prefer mythological creatures over actual people.” He spits out words like they’ve been festering inside for far too long. “At least people know I exist.”

He holds your gaze, your glare for as long as it takes you to let his words settle in your mind. It’s a direct hit. And only he knows you well enough to do it so keenly.

You hate that you just now realize how well he knows you. 

“Have a nice life, Jisung.” You toss your bottle into the bonfire, watching the mini explosion with disinterest before walking away. 

—

~First Year at University~

When you see Jisung in his backyard during winter break, you pause in your thoughts about going out to look at the stars. You haven’t spoken to him since graduation night. You saw him load up his truck and leave about three days before you left for your college. There has been no contact in any way. You almost made a profile to see if he posted on tiktok or instagram or anything, but school takes over as it always does, and you don’t want to feel weak. 

Even if you wish you could apologize. 

You don’t go back home until winter break. Your parents check in with you, but you’re convinced that they’re just grateful that you’re finally out of the house. As the semester wears on, you don’t blame them. 

It’s three days before Christmas when you see Jisung in the backyard with Bbama. You were about to walk out, look up at the stars and soak in the wintry quiet. You hesitate in seeing your neighbor, wondering if you can actually do this. 

You go out anyway.

In a tufted beanie and big puffy jacket, Jisung spins around at the noise of the sliding doors opening. Even from this distance, with the back door lights illuminating, you can see his eyes widen.

You wave. “Hey Jisung.”

His shoulders drop in relief. “Hey.”

You walk over to the fence, pulling tighter on the hood of your sweatshirt. You squat down to pet Bbama over the fence. 

“So…” you begin, looking up as your neighbor walks over. “How was college?”

He half-smiles and squats down too, eyes on Bbama. “Is it strange to say life-changing?”

You stare at him as he rubs Bbama’s hindquarters. You need to know. You need to know if getting away from home, from the drama of high school, from everything of before also irrevocably altered him and the journey he thought he was on. 

“No,” you say. He looks at you then and seems to understand that there’s a lot you’re not saying. “Wanna tell me about it?”

The half-smile stretches into a full one. “Yeah, okay.”

He drives you both out to the woods, to a very large clearing so you both can lie in the bed of his truck and stare up at the stars, unpolluted by light. He throws a blanket over you before adjusting an old hoodie under his head for a makeshift pillow.

“I’m sorry.”

You still look at the stars, but you can feel his gaze. 

“You are?”

“For what I said at the bonfire. I was…” One of the reasons you never apologized was that you weren’t sure how to without revealing how angry you were and that the source of your anger was your silly crush on him. “I was angry and I took it out on you. I’ve always thought your friendship with Seungmin and Felix was really nice.”

He lets out a soft breath. “You could have been friends with them too.”

You snort. “Yeah, I wasn’t really about that.”

He chuckles. “I’m sorry too. For saying what I did about you living in fantasy and–”

“I don’t think you were entirely wrong,” you interrupt. “I think there was some element of avoiding life.”

“Did you have to take Psych 101 too this semester?”

You laugh, turning your head to look at him. He’s looking up at the sky, giving you a picture-perfect view of his profile.

He’s grown even more, in just five months. 

“I did.”

“Me too. So, I think you weren’t completely wrong either. About me.” He moves and sits up, leaning back against the cab of the truck. You do the same, wrapping the blanket around you. “It’s easier to be what others what you to be than to figure out what you really want.”

You’re both quiet for a few minutes, hearing the wind whistle through the bare and needled trees. 

“Did you? Did you figure out what you want?”

He nods. “I…I started writing.”

“Writing?”

In your peripheral, you can see him swallow nervously. 

“What kind of writing?”

“Lyrics. Music. Poetry.” He turns toward you. “I had to take a writing class to get it out the way and only one was available…poetry. I shouldn’t have even gotten into it, it’s a 300 level…a total glitch, but it was so good and I liked it so much and–” He cuts himself off, looking away and even though it’s dark you can tell he’s blushing. “I think I’m pretty good at it.”

“Are you going to like…be a song-writer?”

“Maybe? I’m taking two music production classes next semester. It might be awful. I might be awful at it.”

“But you might not be.”

He looks back at you and does that half-smile again. “Yeah. I might not be.”

“That’s really awesome, Jisung.” You reach out and squeeze his arm, which really is just you squeezing the puffy jacket. “I’m happy you found that.”

“What about you? You made it sound like…like college was life-changing for you too.”

You take a deep breath.

“Still researching?”

“No.”

If you were in a drama, he would have gasped with such a reveal. But it’s just quiet. Cold and quiet. 

“Why not?”

“Because they’re not real.”

Maybe that’s when a gasp would happen. 

“I…um, really?”

You laugh at how he’s trying to sound surprised. 

“I mean I noticed you aren’t covering your neck like you usually do at night, but–” 

You shouldn’t be surprised that he noticed that.

“I know. I know. I was so adamant about them being real. And who knows? Maybe they do exist. They’re just really good at hiding.” You sober up. “There was this flyer-poster thingy on the bulletin boards and on the community website for extracurriculars and clubs and stuff. It said something like “Find out about real vampires’ or whatever. I thought maybe I’d found others like me.”

You look back up at the sky.

“But you didn’t.”

“No. It wasn’t a big group. In some tiny classroom in the history building. The person who spoke was an activist.” You feel your voice break. “About sex-trafficking.”

“Oh fuck.”

“Yeah. And like, went on about the statistics, and how it happens here, not in some country a million miles away. I almost cried in the meeting. These kids, people our age and younger are being enslaved and assulated on the daily and…” You trail off. “I mean, we’ve all heard about it before, just something about then, that moment. Here I was, trying to write a manifesto about some fictional character trope and there were children out there, being…” You press your lips together and take another deep breath. “It was eye-opening.”

“I can imagine.”

You swallow your emotions a little, wondering if you would ever become jaded when you thought about it. 

“Anyway. I finally picked my major. I’m doing sociology and criminal justice. I don’t know what that means really, except…”

“I think that means you know what matters to you.” 

You turn to him. “Yeah. I guess so.”

He smiles. “Well, my lyric-writing turn feels really underwhelming right now.”

You laugh and lightly punch his shoulder. “I bet your words are really wonderful. Thoughtful. Powerful.”

He cocks his head to the side. “You don’t know that.”

“Well, no, I don’t. But you were always a good friend to me…You’re really empathetic which I bet comes out in your writing.”

“I think that’s the first time you’ve admitted that we’re friends.”

You huff and punch him again before crossing your arms to look back out into the dark night. “Whatever.”

“I think your obstinacy will serve you well in what you wanna do, Van Helsing.” 

You smile at the nickname. 

“Hey.”

You turn again toward him. He’s moved closer. 

“I’m excited for you.”

You can’t help but soak in his warmth from being closer and that smile of his. “Thanks. I’m terrified.”

“I think that’s good. I’ve never seen you scared.”

“I’ve seen you scared.”

He makes a face. “Well, that’s what I get for having a girl like you next door.” He meets your eyes for a couple seconds. “I’m sorry too.”

“About?”

“The party at my house.” 

You can actually feel your heart speed up. 

“We were kids.”

“But I liked you.” He shrugs. “And I got to kiss you but did nothing about it. Which feels both dumb and spineless. You didn’t seem to be interested so I just kinda decided to not bring it up again.”

You can’t take looking at him in the eyes for this, so you stare at the trees in the distance. “You liked me?”

“Of course. So I’m sorry I kinda made it about it being my first time and like, practice when it was definitely more than that. I took your first kiss too.”

“I agreed,” you say softly. “I agreed because it was you.” You reach out and smooth the wrinkles in his forehead from his worry. “I didn’t bring it up either. Even though it mattered.”

He doesn’t look away from you. “Yeah. It mattered.” He links his hand with yours. 

You stare at your connected hands because it’s almost as unfathomable as you pursuing something that wasn’t vampires. 

“Jisung.”

“Hmm?”

“You said you ‘liked’ me. Past tense.”

“I did.”

“Well, I like you.” You force your eyes back to his. “Present tense.”

“Yeah?” If there’s a trace of knowing in his voice and expression, you can forgive him. Because he’s always been perceptive and observant. Maybe your crush wasn’t as unnoticed as you thought. 

“Yeah.” You laugh in self-reproach. “I mean, I think you’re the only thing outside of my research that I even thought about.”

He doesn’t say anything, but he’s grinning, still holding your hand.

“Say something.”

“That’s the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.”

You roll your eyes, but don’t move away. “Are you a better kisser now?”

You can see and hear how his breath catches at your question. “Um…I think so. I got really good advice from a friend, once. Not too much tongue.”

“That is a good friend.” You aren’t sure which of you is moving closer to the other, or if both of you are doing it simultaneously, but his lips are definitely nearer. 

“Yeah. I like her.” 

“Still?”

He nods, so close his lips brush yours just from that movement. He lingers, before kissing you more firmly, his other hand coming around to cup your face. 

Maybe you don’t remember it that well, but you think he has improved. His tongue touching yours sends shivers through you that have nothing to do with the cold. But he notices. 

“I better get you home. It’s freezing.”

You protest, and he kisses you on the lips in response before dropping his head and pressing his lips to your neck.

“I wanted to do this that night,” he whispers against your skin, then looks up at you. “Kiss you here.” 

You cup his face in your hands, mouth meeting his, your fingers sliding into his hair. The way he kisses, the changing rhythm; his hands trailing under your hoodie and up your sides; all of it just causes your fingers to tighten in his hair, relishing the silky feel and hearing how he shudders at the slight pull. 

He drags you closer, almost into his lap, but the wind picks up, blowing through the both of you so you simultaneously shiver. He chuckles against your lips. 

“I better take you home. Getting sick on winter break would be the worst.” 

You agree, but not without wrapping around him, kissing again. He eventually draws away, but lets your noses brush.

“The image of you above me, kissing me that night. Seared into my brain for eternity.”

He doesn’t say anything else as he climbs out of the bed of the truck and holds out his hand to help you, but you throw the blanket over his head before climbing out on your own. He’s laughing when he gets into the driver's seat to drive you back. 

When he parks in his driveway, it’s quiet again. And your mind wanders.

“So…what does this mean, exactly?” you ask carefully. 

He takes your hand in his, turning his body toward you, eyes soft and warm. “Means whatever we want it to.”

“We go to different schools.”

“True.”

“We are just now figuring out who we are and what we want to do.”

“Also true.”

You huff at him. “Long distance, even two hours or whatever rarely works.”

His smile grows. “You looked up how long it takes to drive between our schools?”

It’s beyond embarrassing so you pull your hand out of his, and get out of his truck. He follows soon after, wrapping his arms around you in a hug, his mouth pressing against your temple. 

“It’s cute. You’re cute.”

“Whatever.”

He draws back, not letting go, but so you can look at each other. “Two hours is nothing. We drove almost that far to look at an empty house.”

It reminds you again. That he pays attention. That he cares so deeply about his friends that he does stuff with them. Even hunting something that doesn’t exist. 

You kiss him before drawing back to say, “True. Two hours is nothing.”

His answering smile fills you with so much affection, you wonder if it was inevitable; falling for the boy next door. 

---

(c) yoongihan 2024. please do not steal, translate, repost, or whatever. stray kids belong to themselves and all idols used in this piece are just the inspiration for characters and do not in any way reflect the actual humans.

[callme-holly]

shmoopie, I've missed you. general johnny cade headcanons *angelic music starts playing in the background*

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐂𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 - should i be making a revision plan? yes. did i stop to write these instead? obviously.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 - 410 words

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Johnny does not need babying.

Stop it. He is not a wuss, okay?? Stop treating him like he’s incapable of defending himself. He’s not. 

Now that that’s cleared up, let’s move onto the good shit.

Johnny is a cat person. Try and change my mind.

He’s feeding all the stray cats at the lot before he even thinks about feeding himself and I bet my entire life savings that he’s got this really scrawny, ratty looking cat that follows him around everywhere. 

I think he can cook pretty well. Like he would have had to have fed himself at home (I don’t imagine his parents ever bothered cooking) so he sort of had to learn himself with the help of the Curtis brothers. 

He is sassy. Do not fuck with him; he will shut you down faster than you can blink.

He probably steals stuff from people at school. Maybe not intentionally. He might borrow something off of someone and then forget to give it back, but he will never return it after.

He’s probably got a little box of random trinkets he has collected over time. They’re all irrelevant things and not at all needed, but he just doesn’t want to throw them away in case they become important in the future (they wont.)

He spends most nights over at the Curtis home, so much so that he practically lives on the floor of Soda and Pony’s room. They tell him to take the couch, but he refuses everytime. 

He strikes me as the kinda of person who will sit out in the rain and just watch a storm. He doesn't care if he gets sick and will only come inside if he really has to. 

He is crazy good at card games. He’ll win everytime and Steve swears down on everything he owns that Johnny cheats. Steve is just a sore loser. 

He’s very protective over certain members of the gang. While he won’t confront someone directly if they are bad-mouthing one of his friends, he will certainly shoot them dirty looks until they get the hint.

He probably talks to bugs when he’s alone at the lot. He seems like that kind of person.

Like he sees a bee or something, and he’ll just be sitting watching it and talking to it. 

Overall, Johnny is the sweetest and is tougher than most people give him credit for <33

𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬!!

[alaskan-wallflower]

You think Pony’s bad when he’s hungry you are NOT ready for Johnny 💀 I know Johnny gets SASSY AS FUCK when he wants to eat-like someone will ask him if he’s hungry and he just roll his eyes and is like “yes, captain obvious. or was my stomach just growling for fun? you got food or not? ‘cause I’m about two seconds away from raiding the orchard if y’all don’t get me food right fucking now“ like he gets so mean 😭😭

Him and Pony CANNOT be in a room together if one of them or both of them are hungry. They will start screaming and yelling at each other but then when they get food Johnny is just sitting there like 😇 with his full stomach and Pony is sprawled next to him and they’re like “yeah sorry I threatened to cut you to ribbons before i never meant it” like ok lil bro

[kobrafangs]

i've been compiling a bunch of maze runner headcannons over the past few weeks, and i decided to share what i have so far :) fyi most of these are ivytrio centered heheh ^_^ enjoy!!!

- newt would be a big oatmeal fan. he'd have it every day and put cubed fruits and maple syrup in it too. thomas prefers a plain toast with butter and always teases newt for "being an old coot"

- minho is rlly extra and likes to make these fancy pancakes that frypan taught him how to make

- newt would be addicted peach tea. every morning he goes to the convenience store and he buys a bottle before class

- newt loves bracelets and he made a matching pair for him and thomas :] (minho, newt, & thomas also have separate matching bracelets!)

- newt does poetry & art. he carries around a little sketchbook in his satchel where he jots random thoughts and sketches. his muse is thomas <3

- newt likes musicals & claymation/stop motion movies (his fav is dear evan hanson or kubo and the 2 strings) & thomas likes action movies (his favs are starwars or the spiderman movies)

- their fav movie to watch together is fantastic mr fox or coraline

- thomas and minho are both on their school's track team

- thomas downloaded duolingo as a joke but now he feels guilty if he misses even a single day so he has a daily streak of 479

- thomas almost threw up crying watching end game (he forced newt to watch it with him as well)

- thomas prefers calling/face timing over texting and he will do everything in his power to call

- he's also like the least coherent texter of all time He always has like 90 spelling errors in a 4 word text

- newt doesnt like calls but is also the driest texter of all time

- minho sends those corny Good Morning! gifs with a sunset in the background and glitter and flowers on it

- minho studies hard, passes his classes

- newt barely studies, passes his classes (hes just smart)

- thomas doesnt study whatsoever, passes his classes somehow

- minho has legible, normal-but-a-bit-wonky handwriting

- newt has a slanted cursive scrawl

- everything thomas writes is illegible

- minho has the dirtiest mind known to mankind

- when frustrated, minho gets really sassy, thomas gets snappy and fidgety, and newt just goes silent

- minho would go on 5 am runs and post a picture of him on his instagram story all sweaty and smiling and put the dumbest caption of all time on it

- thomas cannot eat unless he puts on a show

- minho scrolls on his phone and texts people while he eats

- newt raw dogs every meal No stimulation whatsoever. pure silence

- thomas is extremely ticklish. like hellishly ticklish. he will literally scream like hes getting stabbed and kick his feet if he gets tickled

- ivy trio stays up until like 3 am playing horror games. thomas is the one who always screams bloody murder at literally any noise, minho keeps yelling at thomas to shut up, and newt is the only one actually playing the game. they also love roblox

- minho and thomas play dress to impress and they get way too invested in it

- newt & sonya braid daisies in each other's hair

- thomas likes having his hair played with

- thomas likes chewing gum, specifically bubble gum because hes actually 8 years old and likes to blow bubbles

- newt looooovessss libraries he'd literally live in one if he could

- minho unironically says "where my hug at" to thomas and newt

- newt is usually the little spoon but he knows thomas likes it too so sometimes he insists on being the big spoon just so thomas is happy

- sun thomas, moon newt, comet minho

- thomas isn't allowed to play fnaf anymore because the last time he did he got jump-scared so hard he threw his phone against the wall so hard it made a hole

- thomas's favourite pony is pinkie pie, newt's is applejack, minho's is rainbow dash

- newt has a fear of heights so thomas and minho always have to beg for him to go to an amusement park with them

- danny gonzalez thomas, drew gooden newt, kurtis conner minho

- minho always quotes random tiktok audios that nobody gets so at one point he just started making up really specific ones that catered to whatever situation they're in and then proceed to gaslight newt and thomas into believing they're real

- dog thomas, cat newt, otter minho

- THOMAS TMNT FAN RAAAHHH

- newtmas' favourite date was an aquarium date. thomas is absolutely captivated by all the fish and newt is so enamoured

- newt would probably like manga (he really enjoyed saiki k, chainsaw man, and sxf)... its his guilty pleasure

- on minho's aforementioned morning runs, he BLASTS pop music thru his headphones. because of this he's literally almost deaf. he always goes "huh" "what?" "say again?" whenever talking to anybody but it especially makes newt so frustrated

- also. minho would love charli xcx SORRY I DONT MAKE THE RULES!!!! he really likes pop music because it gets him pumped up and energized

- when thomas is focused, his speech gets really curt and he kinda shuts the world out because hes so tunnel visioned. as a result people think hes just really rude and a pain to work with

- only newt can work with him effortlessly because they don't need words to communicate. a slight nose scrunch? thomas knows he made a mistake. quirk of the brow? newt nods his head to show his approval. thomas taps his fingers against the table? newt can tell he's frustrated. their relationship can be tacit but understood by one another which is why they work so well with each other

- thomas LOOOOOVES karaoke he literally will not hesitate to belt his heart out

- when thomas blushes, he blushes HARD. he gets really red in the face and gets super embarrassed and newt likes to tease him for it

- when drunk, thomas gets really chatty, newt becomes clingy, and minho turns into a whole nother person he gets SO rowdy and loud and crazy. life of the party kinda guy

and thats all for now hehe !! ^_^ hope these were entertaining enough :p

[bumpscosity]

He’s a unicorn so everyone asks him to do magic and shit so he announces a big Magic Stream but then it’s just a carbon copy of the real magic stream he did with the kids magic kit or whatever it was

Pony jerma would never show his cutie mark on stream and chat would spam “blankflank andy” at him. To be clear he does not have a blank flank but pony twitch has decided he does

[lxvvie]

y'all, I made the mistake of revealing that I write fanfiction as a hobby, and when asked about the fandoms I write for, I broke it down as I know best: into cliques. I realize I might be shaking the table but it is what it is.

This is what I said for CoD (I've since add some more stuff):

You got the forever war between Gaz Nation and Gaz Deniers. May or may not be rooted in his attractiveness as a person of color, opinions vary (read: it most definitely is). Bonus points if the racism comes out in full force. DOUBLE/TRIPLE those points if it's expressed using butchered ass AAVE. 🥴

You got the Masked Men Lovers Brigade of which König, Ghost, and Keegan are the patron saints and arguably the holy trinity.

You got the Peepaw Price Lovers who absolutely adore his chonky cheeks, peepaw mannerisms, lumberjack body complete with the slutty waist, and relative long-suffering thanks to the shenanigans of the rest of the crew.

You got the Soap Suds who, I think, have found that relative balance between Johnny being a destructive-as-all-hell force to be reckoned with and the quintessential golden retriever boyfriend. His VA doesn't make it any better apparently lmao.

You got the Ghost lovers who've pretty much diversified him so he can run the gamut of Daddy Dom Extraordinaire™, Babygurl™, Sassy Simon™, and the list is endless. What IS consistent is that someone parked a dump truck on that ass and he has some big ole titties. There's also the subset of people who REALLY, REALLY love Ghost but also think his VA is ugly (which he isn't) while simultaneously thinking that he (Ghost) is supposed to be David Gandy levels of immaculate despite being in active combat. Make it make sense.

There's the Gravediggers who, for the most part, acknowledge their love-hate relationship with Graves and I think that is both hilarious and endearing.

You have the Kult of Köthulhu, König's devoted followers who have allowed him to transcend his gremlin nature to become the long-lost progeny of Cthulhu. Move the fuck over, Cthylla. I kid but he, like Ghost, has also been diversified in terms of his portrayal. And no, he's not a part of 141. Some followers of His Gremliness are also embroiled in a forever war with Gaz Nation so please be safe out there, y'all.

You got the Valeria girlies who want her to sit on their faces. I don't blame them. Please do.

You have the Los Vaqueros crew who need more love shown to them and Pony by Ginuwine is their official theme song thanks to Alejandro Thee Stallion. The less said about the butchered Spanish I've read in some fics, the better.

There's also the Farah Fanatics who rightfully adore her and deserve their flowers just like the rest of the cliques.

There's the Keller Kollective who, I think, tends to intersect with the Farah Fanatics. This lot also deserves their flowers because Keller is a sub absolutely underrated as a character. You'd also be forgiven for thinking he and Price are elated.

You also got the Horangi Horde who, just like Gaz Nation, will RISE TF UP. I think. Hopefully. lmao

And then there's the self-righteous crew who, for whatever reason, seem to think they're above it all and love to police writers on what they write and how they write the characters (we're talking in terms of rather innocuous subjects in the grand scheme of things; the sus shit absolutely needs to be and should be called out). Interestingly enough, this group also seems to forget that they're in the same damn boat by being in the fandom, consuming, and writing about the same characters. The ones who have all the energy but none of the courage even if they say or think they do. Bonus points if they also move like fans. Double/Triple those points if they, too, also use butchered-ass AAVE to make their points. 🥴

The girlies who can't separate fiction from reality and insist on harassing the VAs and their significant others and families because how DARE they have a regular degular life outside of *checks notes* their job. Baby, it was never gonna be you. It will never. be. you.

did I get them all? lmao

[kamii-2]

the outsiders headcannons

warnings: cussing

just some random headcannons bc why not

=•==•==•==•==•==•==•==•==•==•==•==•=

when soda was in school he would turn his math homework in with tear stains on it 😭

two bits first job would be at mcdonalds or some kind fast food restaurant

johnny hates birds

darry and dally argue like a married couple

johnny is extremely sassy and cannot hide his emotions for shit

ponyboy has accidentally knocked steve out with a frying pan before

steve and soda cuddle all the time and when people catch them they say it’s not gay bc they’re wearing sock

darry’s workboots smell like actual ass

pony cries every time johnny doesn’t cuddle or kiss him

dally ate ass before

they all call eachother fags, twinks, and other mean things to gay people

two-bit doesn’t know how to spell at all

whenever people yell at dally he just sits there and blinks

=•==•==•==•==•==•==•==•==•==•==•==•=

sorry that this is so short but i felt bad about not posting for a couple of days so here’s this 😜 hope you have a good day/night, love you all 💋💋

[rambleonwaywardson]

Clegan Olympics Headcanons

Some headcanons I have about Buck and Bucky as Olympic athletes, initially inspired by this post by @brotherwtf and my replies to it with @impalachick. I just felt like fleshing these ideas out a bit more. Anyone feel free to add to it!

John as a gymnast and Gale as a horseback rider:

First of all, Bucky is a gymnast. it's easy to imagine him as a rower because of Boys in the Boat, but hear me out... LOOK at those thighs, those shoulders. He's a bit tall but shhhh it's fine, he'd excel at men's gymnastics. Especially rings and floor.

He's been doing gymnastics since he was little -- just imagine a tiny sassy Bucky tumbling around and doing handstands. He's always been good, but when he hit puberty and put on all that muscle, wow.

He definitely has strengths in certain events, but he's an all-around gymnast with a tendency for pushing boundaries. He's known for the raw power and strength he shows in his events. I don't think this is his first Olympics either, since gymnasts tend to be on the younger side. He's been on the map probably since he started college.

He's just getting better with age, though. People don't pay as much attention to men's gymnastics as they do women's, but man they talk about John Egan (it helps that everyone is a little in love with him).

I've decided to indulge myself and imagine Gale as an equestrian. He does eventing (jumping, dressage, and cross-country)

He didn't grow up with any fancy horses or trainers or tack. He wore hand-me-downs for years and trained green horses from the ground up and worked tirelessly on farms in exchange for ride time. He worked for every inch of what he's accomplished, always for the love of the animal and of the sport.

The equestrian athletes tend to be older, so this might be Gale's first Olympics. He's the new young hotty on the equestrian team that everyone wants to watch. Maybe in this way John kind of helps him navigate being an Olympian.

I don't know how or when they first meet, but one of the first things John notices about Gale (other than how beautiful he is and that voice and those eyes) is how deeply he cares for and loves his horse, who is his partner in this crazy sport. I imagine Gale as an animal-lover, and he values his horse more than anything else in this world (except, eventually, maybe John)

John has next to no experience with horses. He's not scared of them, but appropriately wary perhaps. And Gale's horse is tall, which doesn't help. He's nervous the first time Gale takes him into the stables but tries to act like he's not. He wants so badly for Gale's horse to like him (she does).

Also I feel like Gale rides a mare -- they're sassy and opinionated and so so loyal for the right person (vague parallel to John??? lol)

They start learning about each others' sports and try to watch every event the other is in, becoming each others' biggest fans even if they only half know what's going on. John is always a little terrified watching Gale ride, especially during cross-country. Gale thinks he's crazy for this because he can barely watch sometimes when John is flipping through the air so high off the ground like that.

Them exploring Paris together when they're not competing!!! Imagine the general shenanigans and romance and cuteness of them galivanting around the city together.

They definitely get some attention as a sort of "it" couple during the games and pictures start circulating of them together. An unlikely pairing across sports, especially because Gale and John have such different personalities and reputations. The attention makes Gale a little uncomfortable, so John starts making a point to obnoxiously block any photos reporters try to take of them together. This ends up just making Gale laugh and he tells John to stop.

When they're home, they try to teach each other basics of their sports. Gale gives John a pony ride on his Olympic sport horse who is worth thousands and thousands of dollars and tries to teach him how to ride by himself. John is clumsy about it but only falls maybe once, and he's determined to please Gale so he keeps trying. John tries to teach Gale how to do some basic tumbling but Gale, while strong in his own right, just does not have that type of strength, coordination, or flexibility and repeatedly falls on his ass before adamantly refusing to ever do it again (I love those videos of olympic athletes trying each others' sports)

Totally did not mean to build on this so much and don't intend to do anything with it but I'm gonna be thinking about this a lot I think.

[peachesofteal]

Alone / Chapter 2

Part eight of the Sassy series.

Simon Riley/female reader 4.4k words - AO3 Warnings-tags: 18+ Minors DNI, panic attacks, angst, PTSD, trauma, blood and torture, hospitals, emotional hurt/comfort, medical stuff, coparenting, relationship issues, reader is going through it, soft dad Simon Riley. You’re living in a nightmare.

Blood has a distinct smell. To many, it’s the pungent minerality that turns their senses but to you, it’s the tang of the metal that makes your lip quiver. It’s the saltlick iron that makes you press your tongue to the roof of your mouth and breathe through your nose slowly, an effort to try to prevent the tossing of your stomach. 

Here, the scent is everywhere. On the walls. On your face. On your clothes. There was a puddle of it, beneath your knees. It’s a combination of yours and nameless others, their blood one of the only things left of them in the world, seeping into the fabric of your jeans, staining the concrete blocks of-

“Mrs. Riley?” Your doctor, your therapist, looks at you expectantly over the rim of her glasses, and you huff. “Where were you just now?” You try not to scowl. Be honest. You’re supposed to be honest. 

“The room.”

“Where you were being held?” You nod. You force your fingers flat against your thighs, beating back the urge to scratch your nails against your skin. “And what were you thinking, about the room?”

“I was remembering what all the blood smelled like. What it tasted like.” To her credit, your shrink doesn’t flinch. She holds your gaze steady, until you are the one looking away, glancing over her shoulder at the clock that always seems to move too slow.

You’ve tried this once, already. Tried to get her to crack, to push you off. Tried to get her to cower, or recommend you speak to someone else. She’s stronger than you originally thought, you’ll her give her that, but you supposed it didn’t hurt that she’s been having twice weekly sessions with Simon when he’s not away on an op for over two years now, and you’re well aware your dog and pony show are nothing compared to whatever he’s been telling her.

Simon Riley, the closed off ghost who wouldn’t even show you his face when he got you pregnant, turned father of the year who bent over backwards for his wife, now goes to therapy, and meditates when he’s out on ops.

“Do you remember how you felt, when you were in that room?” Oh, for fucks sake. You nod, lips pressed into a line. “Can you tell me?”

“Worried.”

“Worried about what?”

“Theo. And Simon.”

“Not for yourself?” You shrug. Your lungs hurt, like they’re being constricted, and you look down to your shoes.

“Can we talk about something else?” You say it to your laces, not to her, but you know she hears it when her pen clicks and the scratch of the tip scrawls across her pad.

“How is co-parenting going?” Your head snaps up, and you smother the glare that pulls at the edges of your face.

“It’s fine.”

“You and Simon are communicating alright?” Jesus christ. 

“Mostly.” You shrug and don’t elaborate. She nods at your silence, an indication she wants you to keep going. You grit your teeth. “Sometimes, he calls, or texts and I don’t answer him. Or I don’t answer him in a timely manner.” Your fingers make air quotes around the timely manner bit.

“Why is that?”

“It’s… hard to explain.”

“Are you uncomfortable with the communication?”

“No!” you rush out. “No, no of course not… I want him to see Theo as much as possible. I just feel, mixed up. So, when I see him, or hear from him, it makes those mixed-up feelings feel… more intense. More mixed up.”

“Can you name a few of those feelings?” You close your eyes and picture Simon’s face. You see him holding Theo’s hand in the supermarket or pushing him on the swing set in the park. You see him in bed beside you, before, eyes soft and full of love, his smile beautiful and easy on his lips. Unburdened. 

“Sadness.” You pause to take a deep breath. “Sadness and anger, confusion. Guilt.” The pen scribbles on paper when you pause, and you glance up at the clock. Bingo. “Looks like we’re out of time.” You supply, smiling at her cheerily when she narrows her eyes, and then writes something down before giving you a nod.

The man says your name.

Not Sassy. Not Sass.

Your real name, before he tuts in your face, like you’ve let him down.

“Yer da ‘d be real disappointed in ye.” Saliva builds in the back of your throat.

“Don’t talk about my father.” You hiss and he outright laughs.

“Still fightin’ even when broken.” His fingers fold over the wound in your arm, pressing into the open, infected flesh, digging against it with his fingernails and the pain burns, it scrapes across your skin like a million little knives. “Maybe ye’re not so worthless after all, eh?” You launch the spit into his eye, grim satisfaction creeping over you when he staggers back in surprise, rage brewing across his face before he’s gripping you by the collarbone and thrusting you backwards, tipping the metal chair until you’re slamming into the ground, your head bouncing on blood slick concrete like a child’s ball.

“Stupid bitch.” His leg draws backwards until he’s firing the toe of his boot into your stomach, kicking you once, twice before you’re gasping for air, pain blooming across your abdomen as he batters you.

You close your eyes, and think of Theo. You think of Simon, of the two of them together. At home, safe. You pull the string of a memory until it comes to the forefront of your mind, Theo’s first words, his first steps. His second birthday party, when Johnny bought him that obnoxious drum set, and Simon bent you over the couch after Theo went to bed. The day you got married, your first wedding anniversary, the hotel room in Florence. You slip into these memories like they’re real and try to block out the smell of the blood and the pain in your body, try to drown in the shadows of your old self, your past, while you lose everything to the present, over and over again.

The little house is quiet when you get home in the afternoon.

At first it doesn’t bother you. Theo is with his dad for the night, already been picked up from school and probably taken to the park, his favorite Friday activity. Si will probably get him pizza, because he spoils him endlessly, and he’ll let him fall asleep while they cuddle on the couch and watch some awful kid’s show. You can see it, in your mind, the image of Theo in the crook of Simon’s elbow where he still fits, his little arm stretched across his dad’s ribs, Simon with his feet on the coffee table.

It rips your heart apart. The swell of emotion is strong enough that tears pool in your eyes, dripping down over your cheeks while you curl up into a ball on your own couch, blanket tucked up under your chin. You did this. You are a nightmare. You did this to yourself. You press your palm to your lips and scream into it, smothering the sound as best you can, your throat turning raw with each breath. Your body shakes with sobs until you’re exhausted and your eyes slip shut, tears still webbed in your lashes, while the sun shines through your living room window. 

Your phone jolts you awake a few hours later, your hands scrambling to find where you’ve lost it in the couch, the realization that it’s going to be Theo breaking through the heavy weight of your misery. Must be close to bedtime. When you slide open the facetime call, he’s grinning at you, little dab of red sauce on his chin.

“Mum!” he shouts, glee coloring the word and you smile back at him easily, hastily rubbing your face to erase the evidence of your state. “Dad got ‘izza!”

“I see that.” A big thumb drifts in front of the camera to wipe the glob of red away and Theo giggles.

“Say goodnight.” Simon says in the background and Theo pauses, little eyebrows creased in confusion before he recovers and looks back to the phone.

“Goodnight mum. Luh you.”

“Love you too bug. Have fun with dad.” The phone shifts, darkness covering the camera for a second before it’s righted, and Simon’s face fills the frame. Your stomach clenches.

“His mates from school are all gonna be at the fields tomorrow morning. I told him I’d take him, if it's alright with you.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Thanks.” You can see him studying you through the screen.

“Everything alright?” his tone shifts, takes on something softer, something sweeter, something that feels like a memory, and your chest tightens.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good.”

“If you need-“

“I’m fine.” You snap. He sighs.

“Alright then. Goodnight, Sass.”

“Night.”

“There she is, see?” Simon points, and Theo frowns when he sees you, lower lip tugging downward, his face confused before he looks back to his dad, burying his face in his chest with a cry.

“Hey bug. Come here.” You hold your arms out to him, but he just cries into Simon, the scared wailing splitting you open and pouring concrete into your lungs, so it feels like you’ve got an entire building sitting on your chest. “It’s okay baby.” You call, hands still waiting, voice edging on desperate. You want your baby. You want to hold him, to feel him in your arms and know he’s okay, that he’s here, that Simon’s here, and you’re here and there is no danger, nothing to fear. Simon steps closer to you, his emotions raw across his face, and Theo screams in his arms, legs kicking ferociously.

“It’s mum, Theo. Stop. Look.” Simon tries but it’s no use. You know Theo is terrified of you, your battered and bruised face, the wires and tubes that are connected to your chest and the IV that’s stuck in the back of your hand. Your brain buzzes, a low droning noise between your ears making your head spin and you call Theos’ name with a croak.

“NO!” Theo shrieks, he screams it at the top of his lungs and Simon looks lost as you stare wordlessly, hands reaching out into the void, begging to hold your son that doesn’t even recognize you.

You don’t even realize you’re crying until you feel the tears drop down onto the arm that’s folded across your abdomen.

The door slides open, and Johnny appears, pulling Theo from Simon’s arms, patting his back softly and giving you a sympathetic look.

“C’mon lad, let’s go get a lolly, yeah? Give mum and dad some time.” Theo hugs his uncle around his neck, and heaves little sobs into his skin while Johnny shushes him and carries him back out the door.

“I-“ you choke on whatever it was you were going to say, the buzzing in your head so, so loud that it drowns out your thoughts, covers up your feelings until you’re pressing the heels of your palms to your eyes.

Knuckles tap against the glass, Johnny’s face appearing in the window.

“I’ll be right back.” Simon assures you, leaving his foot in the door while he talks to Johnny, their voices fuzzy, and suddenly, the world is tilting and all you can smell is blood.

The buzzing in your head is ferocious, a searing sharpness that feels like a lobotomy, your mind screaming inside your head. The stitches in your skin burn, and you swear you can feel each cell trying to pull closed, the sticky edges of your wounds slowly seaming back together, sealing shut everything inside of you, trapping the buzzing away within your own body so you’ll never be able to pull it out.

You need to go home. You have to get out of here. You can’t stay here. You have to get home. Where everything is safe. Where there is no danger.

You fidget with your central line, trying to unclick, unscrew it until you’re just tugging on it as hard as you can without making a sound, pain throbbing into the hole that’s been created for the port as you start to pull the sticky pads off your lower rib cage. The noises in the room are going berserk, bells and whistles chiming and beeping while the buzzing in your head gets louder and louder, and your fingers dig into your IV, trying to rip it from your skin before Simon is grabbing your hand.

“I have to get out of here.” You tell him. He’ll understand. You know he will.

“Bloody hell Sass, stop.” Your fingers are still scratching away, trying to crawl towards the IV, the last thing tethering you to this place, keeping you from your family, and you push against the pressure holding you still. The buzzing in your head is screaming now, louder than Simon’s voice, louder than the frantic beeping of the machines that have lost their leads.

“Let me go! I ha- have to go. I have to get out.” Simon tries to grab your other hand but you’re too quick, nimble and lithe like you always have been, and you latch onto the needle in your skin, ripping it free, blood trickling down your arm and dripping across your thin hospital gown. Heavy hands grab your shoulders and press you back against the bed.

“Hey, hey. Look at me.”  His elbow pins your collarbone down while his hand comes up to cradle your face. “Everything’s alright.” What? No, it isn’t. It’s not alright. This is certainly not alright. Can’t he hear that noise? You shake your head vehemently and he tries to hold you steady. 

“No. N-no, no, Simon. I have to go. Please, we have to go.” The door swings open and a man in blue scrubs with a badge walks through, a nurse at his side, capped syringe in her hand. Your stomach roils. “Simon.” You plead as you eye them, their slow steps bringing them closer and closer to you, and you shift on the bed, up against your husband, trying to bury yourself in his body, hide from whatever the people in scrubs are going to do. “Simon, we have to go home. Please, we need to get home.” 

“Shhh, it’s okay. You’re okay.” He strokes the hair away from your face, and you realize he’s got tears in his eyes, his gaze heavy and sad, and your own eyes widen in fear when you feel a new set of hands on your body.

“Get off me!” you scream, thrashing in the bed, Simon trying to talk to you, trying to calm you while the man in scrubs pins your arms down.

“Don’t hold her like that.” He snarls, and the foreign hands on your body adjust, letting your forearms go loose while the pinch of a needle punctures your skin. “It’s alright, I promise.” Simon’s voice breaks. “I’m here, Sass. I’m right here. You’re safe, you’re safe, I swear.” The needle pulls free of your arm and the world shifts, bright light blowing out the edges of your vision until your eyes are slipping closed, Simon’s face the last thing you see before everything goes dark.

It's three in the morning. The dark and stormy nightmares that keep you under in your sleep have finally slipped away, and you’re staring at your bedroom ceiling while your brain turns a mile a minute until you’re reaching for your phone.

Your thumb hovers over Simon’s contact for too long, way too long while you think about what it might be like to hear his voice before you’re scrolling to the next name and clicking the digits.

The phone rings and you try not the count it, try not to think about what you’re doing and the line clicks open to a bleary, sleepy Scotsman saying hello.

When you don’t say anything back, you can hear him sitting up.

“Sassafras?” Johnny tries, and you blow out a breath.

“It’s me.”

“Ya okay?” No. 

“Yeah.” He sighs, and then starts to tell you about his day, his family, what he’s been doing in his off time. It’s not the first time you’ve called him in the middle of the night, and probably won’t be the last, and he knows it. He fills your head with mindless details, funny stories about his latest op and the 141, other things he thinks you’ll want to hear. You never talk, just listen, and he does a good job of distracting you from whatever it is that’s going on in your head until you’re chuckling on the other end of the line, spirit just a hair lighter than it was when you called.

“Thanks, Johnny.” You murmur into the phone.

“Anytime. One more thing-“

“Yeah?”

“Call your husband next time, yeah?” Prick.

“Bye, Soap.”

“Bye Sassy. Love ya. Kiss the wee lad for me.”

“I will.”

At ten in the morning, the doorbell rings. Even though he has a key, he won’t use it, just waits patiently for you to open the door, not wanting to encroach on your boundaries.

Theo runs straight at your legs when you open it, and you scoop him up in a big hug until he’s complaining, insisting you put him down and let him show you the picture that’s clutched in his hand, something he drew last night.

“That’s you!” he points to a sloppy stick figure that’s holding hands with a little stick figure, a bigger stick figure on its other side. “an’ that’s me and that’s dad!” His eyebrows raise and you rub his head affectionately.

“Good job, you’re a real artist!”

“Put it on fridge?” As soon as you nod your approval he takes off, running towards the kitchen, leaving you and Simon in the living room, the straps of his backpack fisted in his dad’s hand.

“Johnny called me this morning.” You draw a quick breath before letting it out slowly. Traitorous bastard. “If you want me to take him for the rest of the day so you can get some rest-“

“I’m fine. Thanks, though.” Simon sets the backpack down, and you hear the click and clack of the alphabet magnets against the stainless steel.

“You can… call me, too. If you want. If you need… someone to talk to.” You expect to rebuff him immediately, to snap at him, to tell him you don’t need to talk to anyone, let alone him. You��want to. You want to keep taking it out on him, keep dumping it on him, over and over until there’s so much of it between the two of you that he’ll never find his way back. Why would he want to? After everything you’ve put him through? You’re broken. Useless. 

“Why?” you blurt, and it surprises you. Looks like it surprises him too.

“You’re my wife, Sass. I love you.” Your skin feels hot and your heart thumps loudly in your ears. “Your trauma, the torture, what happened after… nothin’ is ever gonna change that.” You scoff, anger flickering in your veins, the heat of your irritation warming you from the inside out. 

“You can’t mean that. Not after… everything that’s happened.” He studies you for a long moment, eyes pinning you where you shift your weight uneasily, until he’s raising the back of his hand, holding it upright to display the ring. The ring, that he refuses to take off. The ring, that he still wears, even after you tossed your own at his head. The ring, that has your call sign and his last name initialed on the inside. 

“I will love and honor you all the days of my life.” He whispers it, and you swallow the lump in the back of your throat.

“Mum!” Theo yells, and you turn away, shoulders tight under your ears, fingers clenched together. “Mum, can we ‘ave popcorn?” Theo shouts again and you give him a tight-lipped smile when you reach the kitchen, your enthusiastic four-year-old trying to push a chair in front of the pantry.

“Popcorn?”

“Daddy said you might wanna watch a movie.” Theo pauses, eyes flicking between you, and his father, who you can just feel at your back, before he nods decisively, like he’s already determined that will be his next activity. “Moana?” He shrugs a little, face hopeful and you ruffle his hair.

“Sure, baby. We can watch Moana.” Your heart pangs when you realize that Simon probably told Theo you’d want a movie because he was thinking about how you didn’t sleep, how you might be too tired to go to the park or do something more involved. He’s still taking care of you, after everything. Still wears the ring, still calls you his wife, still tells you he loves you, he- 

“Can daddy stay?” The room suddenly feels devoid of oxygen. 

“I’m sure dad has things he’s got to do tod-“

“I don’t.” He cuts you off and you smother the glare that threatens to pull across your face. You look down at Theo, who’s so excited, so blissfully pleased at the idea, head shifting as he looks back and forth between the two of you and you crumble a little bit, unable to take his happiness away from him. You destroyed his family, why can’t you let him have this? Guilt sears across your skin, the pressure of it so intense that you’re nodding your agreement before you even realize it.

“Okay then.” Theo shouts with excitement and sprints to the couch.

“I can go, if you’re not comfortable.” Simon offers when he’s out of earshot and you shake your head.

“No, it’s fine. Makes him happy.”

“Mum! Make popcorn!” Theo calls to where the two of you still stand, an awkward distance apart in the kitchen.

“What did you forget?”

“Pwease?”

“Thank you, much better.” Your crinkle the thin plastic of the popcorn bag into the trash, the noise similar to the static that’s now playing in your head, before you clear your throat. “Want to uh, go get him settled? And then I’ll be in. In a minute.” Simon doesn’t respond, just disappears from the kitchen, and you focus on the minute countdown on the microwave while you take deep, long breaths, a desperate attempt to fill your lungs with as much oxygen as possible, until it beeps and you’re pulling the door open to dump the popped kernels doused in butter into a bowl.

You’re tracing the wood grain pattern in the living room floor between your feet when you distantly hear a voice, calling you over and over. It feels far away, impossibly far away, like you’re at the bottom of the ocean or you’re on another planet. 

“Hey, mum.” Simon’s voice draws you out of the depths sharply, and he strokes a gentle fingertip down your arm, over the pockmarked scar beneath your shoulder. The touch startles you, your head snapping up to see Theo standing in front of the coffee table in a red cape, construction paper mask, and Simon sitting delicately on the couch next to you. “Someone’s trying to show you something.” He inclines his head to the excited little boy, and you blink before shaking your head, trying to clear the fog that’s settled in your brain.

When it doesn’t, you shake your head again, and then look to Simon hopelessly. He reads you instantly, ushering Theo upstairs, enticing him with blocks and promises of story time later.

Blood. The scent of blood fills your nostrils, so strong that you think it might be dripping from your face, washing over your tongue, filling your mouth, filling the whole house.

Not real. It’s not real. You’re not there, you’re here. There is no danger.

Large palms cover yours, and then you’re looking up at Simon, his eyes soft, sympathetic, and you know he knows. You know he can see, what you’re feeling, what you’re thinking. 

He can see it all, because he’s been here before, too. He’s survived, he’s fought, he’s lived.

But he’s never been… this. He’s never been a nightmare. Never been useless. Never been this broken like this, dirty and pathetic like this, weak like this. 

Simon was strong. He fought. You failed. You couldn’t even get back to him. Couldn’t get back to your baby, your family. 

You feel his touch again and you choke on a gasp.

You can’t let him touch you, he’ll know. He’ll see it. He’ll feel it.

“D-don’t.” you hiss, forcing a hand forward to hold him at bay.

“Shhh. It’s just me, Sass. I’ve got you.”

“No, n-no.” He can’t know. “No, I… I need” You stand, stumbling forward, catching yourself on the coffee table before straightening, Simon’s confused gaze tracking your every step while you put as much distance between the two of you as possible. “I need to lay down.”

When you cross into the living room, Simon’s sitting on the couch, Theo already snuggled up into his side, both watching the television intently. Theo looks so happy, his eyes light and joy filled, body weightless with love and the knowledge that he’s with his family.

His family, that you broke. That you destroyed. That you took from him.

Simon’s thighs are spread wide, their width in his jeans momentarily distracting you before you’re cataloguing his face, his lips, his eyes, the line of his nose, all things you used to know better than yourself, things you used to be able to trace in the dark. Your stomach flips, and the walls of your house look like they’re shaking, the buzzing noise in the back of your head roaring to life, drowning out the sound of Moana singing to sea.

“Mum?” Theo calls, hand out for the popcorn, and you deposit the bowl on the table before you’re backing away.

“I have to go fix something, in the kitchen really quick.” You explain to him, and he shrugs, eyes fixing back on the movie, fingers mindlessly bringing pieces of popcorn to his mouth.

Theo doesn’t notice when you take the stairs instead of turning into the kitchen, but you know Simon does, and you’re not surprised when he’s rapping his knuckles against your locked bedroom door, where you’re sitting with you back against the wood, hands pressed to your head, trying to control your breathing. He knocks again, but there’s only silence to answer him, and it stretches on for miles. 

“Sass?” you hear him shift, feel his weight press against the door and at first you think he’s trying to come through but then you realize, he’s sitting against the other side, just like you.

His fingers slide underneath where there’s a gap between the floor and the door, just wide enough for a few fingers, just enough for you to see the glint of his ring.

Without thinking, your own fingers cover his.

Neither of you speak.