#Pls it's been in me for over 20 years is it failing or just silly

[mx-melancholic]

Fuck you weather changes

[everafterkeiji]

Song: Getting Over You by Lauv

Summary: Unexpected things happen all the time but meeting him was one of the best parts of it.

Pairings: Atsumu Miya x gn!reader

Word count: 7.1k

Tags, Genre: implied enemies to semi lovers! trope, slight angst, curse words, timeskip! Atsumu

A/N: pls i didn't intend to change it last minute but pls let me know if u liked it cuz im still having second thoughts <3

“No- I’m sorry.” Atsumu says as you felt your heart snap and break into two distant pieces. You already limited your expectations but there was a miniature amount of hope that you held onto and that was when you should’ve lost your grip.

“It’s fine, ‘Tsumu.”

It obviously wasn’t. No matter how loud the cries of your heart were, what mattered to you in this moment was to forget it ever happened- to run away and never face another failed trial of love. Atsumu can see past your smile and he hated the way it had to end in a way he avoided. There would be a time where his feelings would be up to confrontation but when it finally happened, he’d became a coward.

He was late to realize what the outcomes could lead to. How certain was he that your paths would meet again? How was he sure that he can revert this scenario in a better way that he wanted when you were losing your hold onto him?

“I have to go but it was nice knowing you, Miya.” Your lips were tugged in a weak smile while he questions why his body lacked the power to move but what resumes to play in his mind was the way his name escaped your lips like it was a curse to say it.

Turning your heel, there was an ache in Atsumu’s head. Was it regret? His decisions tied in knots? His emotions unable to declutter themselves? Hesitantly, he reaches for you. His hand wrapped around yours as you glanced down on his soft skin you used to despise to get near to.

His eyes told you stories that were hard to decipher all at once. His stories didn’t start with a setting, it started and ended with you, not a single page where you weren’t there but it seems like the chapters you had in your own story were being torn off to erase the traces of false hope.

“Y/N, I'm so sorry.” He whispers while you felt his hand tighten to make sure that you could stay- even if it lasted for a minute because he wasn’t sure fate could spare you two another moment.

But then, you softly removed his hold on you while the cold sweat runs down his forehead.

“It’s okay, ‘Tsumu. We were just never meant for each other.”

We could’ve been.

-

“Thank you for your time.” You bid the player as both bow each other as a way of manner. You gathered your bag as the athlete turns to you with a kind smile.

“I enjoyed the interview. I’m impressed at how prepared and professional you are. How long have you been doing this?” He asks, adjusting his outfit while you toss your bag on your shoulder with your camera slung around your neck.

“There was a journalism club back in my high school and I joined in ever since I was a first year.”

“You’re in college now?”

“Yes, sir.” He chuckles at your formality while he gives a pat to your shoulder.

“That’s good to hear. Goodluck with everything- I believe that you’ve got bright things ahead of you.” Your heart fluttered at the compliment while you bid your goodbyes. You step out of the hotel feeling the satisfaction hit you like a prize. The report can finally be simplified into a few more subtle fixes and maybe by 1am, you’d be able to present it to your professor without doubting your work.

Sighing happily, you decided to reward yourself to a lovely lunch with a view you often visited due to a reminiscent feeling that bubbles in your system. After ordering, you sat outside admiring the way the sun sets and leaves a lasting beauty before the moon shows.

The stress was fading from you. You had expected that the project would’ve taken weeks for you to finish knowing that some retired athletes usually avoid questions to why they left the sport they used to love. You had called a few, a struck of confidence was enough to make you do so but they often cancel your request because they either paid attention to your young age or because they weren’t ready to be asked such personal questions about them. You were lucky to score and interview with a well-known athlete whose had his fair share of the spotlight during his early 20’s. Sadly, his retirement was due to an accident and his weak body levels couldn’t bare the adrenaline of the sport. He was kind, patient, and understanding. Ever since he agreed, your attention was on the questions you’d lay upon him seeing that this was an opportunity you can’t waste. After gathering some of his past glories, you narrowed down your interrogation on what remains important to benefit the topic of your project. You were more than proud because of the compliment he had given you and the fact that you might be able to catch a break after a hectic week.

Opening your camera and flicking through the photos to decide on which you were going to use. Suddenly, a photo meets your sight. The peak of blonde and gray hair with a uniform that you missed.

The Inarizaki Volleyball Team.

Most especially, him.

A few years has passed since you’ve seen him and his brother. Osamu’s last interaction with you was filled with nothing but sweet memories and a hug that you could never forget the warmth of, while Atsumu’s last memory with you remained bittersweet- like a sour flavor in his tongue that never left. You tried too hard to forget fragments of your time with him but because of how much work you put yourself through, you lost time to reflect on the moments that didn’t hurt.

Half of your high school life was compressed into confusing parts of your story.

But the chapter that seems to be the most influential part of it, was where you got to meet the blonde who has stomped on your heart.

It was funny to be remembered as a person who had the guts to sneeze during the great Miya setters serve.

“Achoo!”

You immediately cover your face with your handkerchief as your sneeze echoed through the gym making Atsumu’s hand lose its power because he was stunned by the sound, the ball hitting the net instead as he almost hits Aran who was wide eyed that ball went his way. The team could hear Osamu’s ‘uh-oh’ and it was enough for them to know what the setter feels after the unfortunate event.

Atsumu grits his teeth as the other team cheers knowing they got the score while his head jolts to the crowd, aggressively searching for the one who messed up his serve. Even eyeing his fans who got scared by the way he turned his head in their direction.

Meanwhile, you’ve got glares surrounding you as your friend nudges you, letting out an exhale of disbelief that you’ve got death stares.

“We’ll get the next point ‘Tsumu, don’t worry.” Osamu says landing a hand to his brothers' shoulder while Atsumu readies himself for the serve of the opposite team.

“Whatever.”

After that certain match, Atsumu was more than determined to hunt down whoever caused the flunk of his serve. Silly as it is, he’s never heard someone dare to speak during his serve. He’d always let out a hand signal for them to be quiet- let it be known that if someone spoke, he’d be fine with it but a whole sneeze? He’d never let it go, especially when it resonated in his ears.

So, imagine the look on his face when he hears the exact same sound when he was just stopping by his locker.

“Fucking dust.” You said sniffling as you closed the door to your locker, and you were face to face with a wide-eyed Miya Atsumu holding out his finger and pointing it to you, as if he was accusing you of murder.

“It’s you!” He shouts making you raise your eyebrow at him, but the raise of his voice had intimidated you.

“What?” You asked him, not finding a single clue on whatever he was pertaining to.

“You messed up my serve by sneezing.” He says in the tone of ‘as-a-matter-of-fact’ making you lick your lips, a hand to your hip as you looked at him.

“I’m not apologizing for something I can’t control.” You were completely baffled by this man. Sure, you were his classmate, but this was your first year and you barely cared to take notice of all of them, only focusing on your school group that had you busy.

“You could’ve held it for like 2 more seconds at least.” You blinked before letting out a tired exhale as you eye him up and down. The setter of the school's volleyball team, you were aware of that because of how many matches you’ve been dragged to, but he’s never come up to you before.

This was a whole other introduction.

“Miya, right?” You asked him as he steps forward, looking down on you with a sly smirk.

“I guess I’m sorry.”

Atsumu stays silent for a few seconds but returns to his angry pout as he continues to stare at you.

“What’s your name?” Atsumu asks, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Y/N.”

From thereon, it looked like your life’s plot had spiked up. Atsumu was- you could call it as a miscalculation. Someone so loud and had his ego constantly fed was not someone you would stick around due to your strict schedule of balancing schoolwork and papers from your club. It was like a bump in the road wherein the objects in your car would’ve been juggled around because of the impact- that's what it felt like. Thinking that two years would’ve passed by like a breeze, time slowed down with him. The constant bickering and arguments were embedded in you like a tattoo. The way his cackle would echo through your ears when he’d struck a nerve to you, the way he’d purposely call you nicknames you swore you hated, to the same jokes can be dragged on for hours, and how every fiber of your body promised you’d leave when you’ve had enough.

But promises were always broken.

You stuck around and he did too. Atsumu provided you with his trust and company whenever you needed it. It’s a pleasant experience but it surely wasn’t at its best. What comes with it were headaches and harsh words but having a person who knew you until graduation and stayed was a different reason. He was a familiar, a person who isn’t a call away when you needed it but being in their presence would give you a pinch of comfort.

Maybe the only thing you can thank Atsumu for is getting to know his twin brother.

You accidentally sent a text to Osamu about you panicking about a missing file to be passed the following day and Osamu was up and ready to help you locate it. After finding it, you decided to treat him for being a life saver and he of course, was having the time of his life for the free food- it was also his favorite restaurant at that moment. During this time, you’ve got to talk more about each other. Months pass now Osamu and you were way better friends than you and his brother.

You and Osamus’ bond were the type that was just so serene, hardly any type of judgement when you’d bring up a problem, and all secrets were kept tight.

Osamu was the shoulder you can lean on, while Atsumu’s would shove your head away when you do so.

Your friendship drifted away when Atsumu stabbed your heart with the words “No.” and “I’m sorry.” You hesitated that day, to dial Osamu’s phone the way you used to, but it never happened. Your sobs muffled your voice and if you called him, he’d never understand a word that you’d say.

The opposite is that Osamu would understand everything.

Because you and Atsumu mirrored the same amount of pain.

He’d never seen his brother so- ruined. Atsumu’s thin walls didn’t shield his shouts of sorrow while Osamu withstood every bit of the torture show his brother had. Checking him on the next day, the setter was fast asleep with bags under his eyes and a red nose, clutching onto his pillow so tightly.

Osamu knew that day that the damage has been done and not a single band aid would mend the two shattered hearts.

-

Atsumu strolls to the around looking for a restaurant along with his teammates. The sun has fully set making the streets of Japan light up with how busy and crowded they were. Bokuto and Hinata were busy pointing at stands that had their favorite slabs of meat while Sakusa trails behind them with a mask, wanting to be removed from the push of people. As the eyes of the blonde land on a certain stand with multiple notes stuck onto a board, he smiles fondly. He then sees two kids running with smiles on their lips as they held each other's hand, obviously excited to explore the night.

“Come on, don’t be a wuss.” Atsumu says as you rolled your eyes and thought hard about his hand that was held out in front of you. Atsumu grunts before taking your hand in his before you could even decide properly. You followed his lead as he walked you through the sea of people. You were nervous that he had left practice to accompany you. Observing you from afar, you looked devastated, but you continued the rest of the day with a smile like nothing happened. Seeing that you looked dull talking to Karou, he pulled you away from whatever void of sadness you surrounded yourself in.

“Atsumu shouldn’t you be at practice?” You asked sighing, still with his hand in yours as you stopped by a stand.

“I should be but whatever that Karou did is obviously hurting you, you idiot.” Your eyes widened at his statement and this reaction confirmed his suspicions as anger forms inside of him. What could that boy have done to get you this upset? Did he physically hurt you? Atsumu hated how he cared- it wasn’t his business to meddle with but the frown on your lips was something he wanted to remove from you.

“Thank you.” You muttered as he buys you the same thing he ordered. He sees how you weren’t as colorless as before. The lights of the night brought saturation to your features as his eyes adored every feature of yours.

“It’s nothing.”

“Atsumu-san?” Hinata asks, tapping the boy on the shoulder while the blonde awakens from his escape.

Atsumu looks around once more, seeing that there wasn’t a trace of you, he moves on.

Like he was supposed to do in the first place.

-

“For our new assignment, why don’t we take the vice versa of your last project. Retirement is inescapable but why not find the reason they’d got into the sport. What makes it so exhilarating and unforgettable? That will be our topic this week. I’m giving you a week for interviews, photos, and articles. Video format is more suited for this task. Is that clear?” You all nodded as you wrote down the list of possible athletes to meet, jotting down an outline of some key points to remember.

“A tip for you all: look for the younger generations. It doesn’t matter to me what status the athlete stands in right now, it could be a friend or even a child. What I’m looking for the depths of the details in your research.” The professor stands making all of you bid him goodbye as he walks out of the room. You gathered your notebooks, sighing that you won’t have the time to properly rest- an exam was near right at the submission of your new task. You realized that you needed to sort out the things you were required to do before everything would pile up and get tangled in the short amount of time.

Who should I interview? God, everyone is so busy at this season. You thought. It’s true- you realized that matches were always lined up by this month. You also had classes to attend to and your mind could collapse at any given moment. You were more than worried about organizing your time properly but the feeling that you’d have several sleepless nights haunts you. You wished he could have extended the submission- though it didn’t get any better since after exams you tended to be drained from studying all night.

Going back to your apartment, you decided to put sticky notes all over your wall to help you sort out your priorities. Tomorrow would be Saturday meaning that you’ve done all the works to be passed on Monday and that you had zero meetings or classes. Saturday and Sunday would be divided to work parts, by Monday you should be up and running to work again.

You couldn’t let go of this group. It had given you countless of opportunities- even an offering to be an editor at a well-known magazine agency. You were in queue for the letter, so you decided to continue with the tasks of the group. You were thankful that you got used to the craziness of it all. The ability to multitask, to put the phone down once in a while, managing your time, those were just one of the benefits of getting used to it. The things you hated was that you barely had time for yourself. To lounge and just do nothing never met with what you were doing. You envied how some people from your group would plan some hang outs during a busy week and you always questioned how they managed to do it all without panicking.

You yawned as you felt your stomach growl at the scent of the delicious street food. Seeing that you fell short on money because the amount that was in your wallet was enough for your way home, it meant you’d have to wait to eat dinner until you came home. Letting out a groan you decided to walk your way even if you get shoved. God, you were starving and exhausted. The emotions were starting to fill you the more you moved. It didn’t help that everyone was so loud. You could hear the sound of the cackles from the drunken men in the corner, the cries of the baby that brought irritation to your eardrums and even the off-key singing of a (possibly) drunk girl at karaoke. You just wanted to cover your ears and crawl back to your bed not caring if you’d only be able to get 2 or 3 hours of sleep.

As you walked, you felt a boiling pile of liquid drip to your stomach making you let out a yelp as your clothes were drenched in the coffee stain that you despised. The liquid got to your skin making you wince at just how it impacted on your skin. You felt your eyes water as the woman tried to pat away the drink but instead made it worse because you wanted the fabric to be away from you as possible- which was the opposite of what she was doing.

“Oh my god- I'm so sorry.” She kept saying while patting your abdomen while you tried to wave her off, but she kept going making the tears flow from your eyes as you chose to walk away, covering your face at how humiliated you were. You sobbed in your hands as you bumped into someone before removing them from your face to find a bench to sit on but seeing that people were already turning their heads to look at you, you’ve had enough already.

Finally finding your bus stop, you sat down burying your face in the palm of your hands sobbing as your mind replays how you’ve made a fool out of yourself for the last time. Everything was going terribly and you didn’t know how to control it without losing your cool. Sure, you’ve managed to escape the people but the feeling is still badly glued to you.

“Is everything okay?”

Someone asks but the voice became a blur to you because you were so focused on your sobs and the unstable breathing.

“Go away.” You whispered but there was a weight added to your left side as you kept your face hidden behind your hands.

“I shouldn’t have asked.” The man says looking down before standing up to leave the bench, making you intake in a sharp exhale, relieved he left.

“Why does everything have to be so fucking difficult? How am I gonna interview a volleyball player at this state?” You rambled on thinking that guy has exited your business and was free from companion.

“I mean- we’re not close- but I’m a volleyball player?”

You wiped your eyes as your heart started to run a mile now that you’ve familiarized yourself with his voice.

Lifting your head, there in front of you was the one thing that your heart had wished to see.

“Atsumu?”

His eyes widen as his chest expands, his heart growing ten times bigger than it was while it beats like a drum on heavy metal song.

“Y/N- I didn’t know- wow.” Breathless, speechless, weak- those were the words that defined your emotions. You wanted to pass out- to act like you just mistaken him for a person but he was real and you had a hard time believing it.

“Atsumu?" God, he missed it. The way his name would fall of those taunting lips of yours. The tone in your voice leading him back to the memories that he couldn’t push away.

You had to believe it. There was no other way that your starvation can make you this delusional. You called his name like you were unsure that he was ever real- like a character your brain had developed to cope with your sorrows. You dared to touch him, maybe if you did it would be a wisp of air but you were scared that if you reached out to him, you could feel his skin and remember how you wanted it to be within your grasp all the time.

Perhaps it’s a dream but this time you’d never want to wake up if this was the only way you can be together.

“Y/N..I- how are you?” How could he manage to act so civil? Your presence shocked him like electricity in his veins, pumping his heart at an unusual speed. His voice was unsteady and low, experiencing the same thoughts like you.

It’s like he was dragged back to your last encounter. Seeing your eyes filled with so much agony and how you looked so torn from his rejection, it’s the same look that you had now. It’s like his eyes were playing a risky game with him but he couldn’t complain since he’s been wanting to see you ever since you let go.

“Well, I’m burned-out that’s for sure.” You said with a light chuckle as he sits back down, wondering if it’d be alright to be close to you.

“What’s this interview about?” He asks, fiddling with the strings of his jacket while you tore your eyes away from him because you knew the admiration for him would erupt anytime soon.

“What got athletes into the sport in the first place.” Atsumu places his finger under his chin, thinking deeply about what offer he just made.

It’d mean that he could be in the same room with you for more than the hours he spent crying to himself but why waste the chance? You needed it- heck you wouldn’t be this distraught if you weren’t so affected by it. There was a never-ending list of things to do but meeting with Atsumu wasn’t even in your list of expectations because you were over with hoping into something that takes a miracle.

But he is the miracle.

“Atsumu..I don’t want you to see me like this.” You said, looking down on your hands that were on your lap, letting your hair fall in front of you to avoid his concerned gaze.

“What do you mean?”

“I haven’t seen you in years, this is not what I planned to look like when I first see you.” Atsumu feels his heart frown at how low you spoke of yourself, but he understood. If you saw him in the state that you were in right now, he too would feel like he could’ve done or look better, even at least handle the situation without crumbling apart.

He knew you were in a troubled place of your mind but he just wonders where you could talk about why everything fell apart.

He missed the way it was casual to talk to you. Maybe an insult as a greeting, or a flick to the arm but he never expected to talk to you with his heart dropping in your hands. He just couldn’t forget the way you’d let him go that day during graduation, it’s almost like the sensation was still lingering around his palm even if he held a ball.

He just wished he said yes, only then, you’d be meant for each other.

“Do you mean it?” You asked sighing, not baring the weight of his silence. The pace of his heart quickens as he starts to worry if this was the confrontation that he held back all these years.

“The interview.” He was more than glad to do it. He was thankful that you weren’t talking about the bad memories or the circle of tension you two were in.

He looks at you while another strike was given to his heart seeing you this way. He’d do everything to bring back the color in your features.

“Of course.”

You smiled at his words as you both stand up but you felt conscious about the stain that was still stuck to your shirt making you desperately try to hide it by pulling your bag to the messed up section. Atsumu didn’t know that the person he had followed was the same person that got coffee dipped down on them. He didn’t recognize you at first because you had your hands covering your cries. He was worried for you when you ran off but when he knew it was you, he couldn’t believe if it was luck or a granted wish.

“Just wear this.” He says, handing you placing his jacket on your shoulders as your heart flutters at how he looked at you, completely filled with sincerity and the way his hand stayed on your shoulder.

“What the fuck do you want?” He asks you with a knife-like stare, purposely bumping harshly into you.

“Wow Miya, I was just walking.” You said returning the same fuel that he had.

“Then get out of my way then.”

“Thank you.” You said smiling lightly. He catches a glimpse of your smile and he feels his world light up at the sight of it.

I missed you.

“So where to?” He asks as you walk beside him just like old times. His height still intimidating you but it was still difficult to believe that this was the same Atsumu you had fallen for in high school.

“My apartment. We missed the bus so I hope it’s okay for you to wait.”

“I can always drive us there.” You’ve never whipped your head faster than this moment. You always trusted Osamu when he said that Atsumu couldn’t be a better driver than his own brother because Atsumu liked to rev up the engine like one of those scenes in a movie.

With the thought in your mind, you laughed.

Atsumu stops walking as he lets himself dwell at the sound of it.

Then there was a smile that he couldn’t contain.

“Sorry for laughing, ‘Tsumu. Never pictured you to have a car earlier than ‘Samu that’s all.” You explained as he chuckles, continuing to be beside you, a place that he finds himself to be the happiest.

“Yeah yeah I get it- I’m a little careless but not all the time y’know?” He says while he leads the way. The breeze felt comfortable now, it had a tweak of coldness but maybe it was just the atmosphere of you two.

When you walked to his car and told him your address, there was another silence but you tried to tell yourself that this was just Atsumu. Nothing to be worried about because you’ve known him for too long to act like all distant.

This is Atsumu- that's every reason that there is to feel nervous around him.

“How long have you been living there?” He asks while you started to feel just how badly you wanted to give in to sleepiness. You shifted once in a while to control yourself from falling asleep in his damn car. Every urge to just lay quiet for a while but you knew this would lead to a deep slumber.

“Ever since graduation.” You answered, annoyed that his jacket was inviting you to lay there and sleep away your stress though you were scared that once you wake up- Atsumu would be gone again.

“And you didn’t call to tell me about it?” He jokes but the chuckle that he expected never came because he knew just how awkward it’d be if you actually called just for that sole reason. Atsumu bites his lip at his failed attempt to drag the conversation on.

Then you giggled.

“I wanted to but I wouldn’t wanna bother the famous MSBY player.” You said smiling at him, proud that he continued on. You knew from Osamu of course, a single update when he had mentioned how well his restaurant had become, you also saw them in a poster once, even recognizing a few of his past opponents.

“Well, it would be a shame.”

There you are.

You finally arrived at your apartment and again you felt the slice of satisfaction as you removed your shoes and placed them on the table. You were partly thankful that your apartment was clean since you never have the time to spend a whole day in it only coming home late at night. Atsumu looks around as you prepare him a drink and a few snacks-it'd be rude not to.

Atsumu sees the photos where you won several awards for your loyalty and hardwork at your club. He sees how time passes and you grew into a version of you that he finds even more flawless then before. Your equipment and how everything was organized on your desk, he knew how much things changed because he used to see you doubt yourself every time you’d finish a paper but now you won awards because of them.

“Atsumu, is it alright if I shower real fast?” You asked while he raises a brow at you confused that you had to ask for his permission.

“Of course, Y/N- you didn’t have to ask.” He said chuckling while he sits on the couch, letting his eyes wonder around.

“I promise I’ll be back.”

“Please don’t rush yourself. Take yer time. “ He says while you smile at him before dashing to your room to gather new clothes, feeling like you’ve won a lottery with how happy you were to remove the coffee drenched top, tossing it to your laundry bin while you step into the shower enjoying the way the water decorated your skin, cleansing it from all the worries. While Atsumu scrolls on his phone to ease himself from the anxiousness. His finger would casually glide over Osamu’s phone number, to ask him what to do.

After a few minutes, you stepped out of the shower like a whole new person. You saw the way Atsumu’s eyes lit up when you walked in but you pushed the thought away. He pats the seat next to him while you grabbed your notebook and pen, ready to scribble down the questions.

“Are there any uncomfortable questions you’d want to avoid?” You asked him while he shakes his head while you took note of the possible questions.

“Is it okay for the interview to be filmed?” He nodded while you leaned onto the pillow, sighing happily at how you’ve managed to calm down from the pile of embarrassment earlier.

“Thank you for doing this, ‘Tsumu- really you don’t know how much I appreciate you for this.” You said leaning your cheek on the side of the couch as Atsumu copies your actions staring at you lovingly.

“You’re welcome, Y/N.” He says smiling while you returned to write a list of questions for him. With every time you look down on your notebook, Atsumu’s eyes never left you while his mind recalls every moment where he msised the opportunity to tell you just how beautiful you were.

Soon, you’ve fallen asleep while he lets the feeling sink in.

I’ve never wanted to hold you more than I do now.

He sighs before placing the blanket on your body while he kneels down and tucks a piece of hair behind your ear, his finger tracing your cheek.

“You’ll never know how much I missed you.” He whispers while you shifted in your sleep meeting his face. Before he stands up, he feels you reach for him while he’s left surprise at your touch.

“Stay please.” You whispered while he smiles weakly, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“I always will.”

-

The morning comes and you felt the blush creep on your cheeks remembering how easily you felt asleep. You wondered if Atsumu stayed, if he left- you couldn’t really blame him. So yawning and stretching when you woke up, you certainly didn’t expect to see Atsumu cooking you some breakfast. You couldn’t even move your legs, every part of you has gone stiff just admiring the way he moves.

“Hey, good morning.” He greets with a wave, a spatula in his hand, a bright smile tugged on his lips.

“Atsumu- oh god I’m so sorry.” You said as you went to him. You caught a whiff of what he was cooking and you swore you could’ve drooled knowing you didn’t even got the chance to eat dinner. Atsumu knew that of course so he called Osamu up in the morning to serve you the best breakfast he could ever make. He was initially supposed to make you dinner but you fell asleep before he could do it so this was his rebound.

“Idiot, it’s fine. Just sit down on the table and I’ll prepare the food.”

“Atsumu-“

“Just go, Y/N. I promise it’s okay- you deserve to rest before you work again.” You couldn’t even think properly with his words. It was so minimum but it was something you’d forget to do- rest. Hearing him remind you that sets a new feeling in your system. You did obey him though, you sat on the table as he even handed you coffee for him and you, placing the breakfast on the table. God, he was everything. You thought that after a few years, you two would completely drift apart but it seems like you were wrong for the hundredth time.

“Please don’t even think about ways to thank me, it’s nothing to me. “ He says taking the seat next to you while you place the food on his plate. You couldn’t even utter a word at how grateful you were for him and he’d be happy to get used to seeing you first thing in the morning.

“Atsumu, after breakfast can we have a run down of the questions first?” You asked him, growing more comfortable.

“Yeah sure.”

-

You sat on the couch, placing your camera on the table aligning it to the best possible angle as Atsumu sits down in front of you. You had your notebook on your lap as he praises how you looked so professional even if it was just a practice.

“Ready?” You asked while he nods with a smile as you pressed the camera to shoot so you could keep your composure, even if you struggled to.

“What does the sport mean to you?” You asked him, your eyes glimmering with the suns rays hitting it perfectly, while the words were removed from Atsumus mind. Seeing his hesitation, you decided to reassure him.

“It’s fine if you can’t answer straight away. I can always change the question if you like.” You commented, smiling at him to make sure he doesn’t feel rushed to answer. He nods, still not finding the exact same words to describe what he wanted to say.

“I’ll change the question for now.” You said while he let’s out a sigh before listening to you once again.

“What was the biggest struggle in your career?” He sends you a worried stare but his mind nearly bursts at his answer.

“Getting over you.”

You dropped your pen on the couch as Atsumu continued to speak since this was the answer his heart was sure of responding to.

“I tried to forget- I did. For every year that passes, the more fucking harder it gets to act like I didn’t love you back when you walked away.”

“Atsumu-“

“I know I said no- I was too late to realize how stupid I was to be scared of falling for you. I couldn’t let myself be the man who could love you when all this time I tried to hate you because I knew I would hurt you- and I already did.”

We get hurt a lot but it doesn’t mean I won’t come back to you.

Love grew and died during your second year at Inarizaki.

Before Atsumu, you found Karou. A boy who was a new recruit to your group whose helped you multiple times and has shared a conversation with you about your similar likes. There was this strange infatuation with him that even Osamu had to question how deep was the bite of love on you. You’ve fallen, of course. Occasionally leaving notes on his desk to just let him know how he made your day but it never worked. He would only paste the note on another persons desk like it was nothing. Not even getting the reaction you wanted, it felt too normal when it shouldn’t be. Realizing how this was just rejection in the shadows, you gave up. Obviously heart broken at the mere thought of how your chances were blown away. When Atsumu saw how gloomy you were that day, he had to show you how much you didn’t need Karou and there grew a different bond between the both of you.

And with a bond like that, you became attached to him.

It was all becoming clearer and clearer as you realized that you fell for the wrong person first.

“You’re too stupid to fall for a douche like him. “ He says kicking the rock that was in front of him.

“You’re lucky with that admirer of yours, Miya. I’ve never seen someone stick around you for so long.” You teased. It’s true the half of the twin hearthrob has gotten himself a sincere admire. It wasn’t one of his crazy fans- this was a person who genuinely cared for him and the words on every note he received would make the poor boy blush uncontrollably and you envied how he’s yet to realize that he too was falling for this unknown person.

While you two were oblivious to the slip up of the universe, it took a toll on you.

Because the notes you’d leave on Karous desk, always ended up on Atsumu’s instead.

“I wanna meet them so bad. Just to see if they actually care and it’s not a prank. They haven’t given me a note and it’s been what a month? I doubt it was ever real.”

“With the amount of effort they gave, I’m sure it was real.”

It’s real for me even if it shouldn’t be.

There wasn’t any other way then to accept the feelings that stayed on your skin. The moments where you thought that being around Atsumu would bring you stressful banters and more, it turned into butterflies that surrounded your room. You chose to deny it at first but remembering that graduation and good-byes were near, you had to tell him at some point.

And when you did, you poured your heart out and not even a single drop was caught.

“Last words before I forget your dumbass?” He taunts while you felt your sweat drip down the side of your forehead as you couldn’t control it anymore. You wondered if there was a simple word to describe just how much you adored him without turning it into a whole speech. This was it- you had to do it or else you’d end up being stuck on the feeling of loving him.

“I..like you Atsumu and I can’t say good-bye without telling you.”

Then there was the awful silence that he gave making you clutch onto your shirt, preparing you for the worst.

But by the way he looked so terrified and frozen, you knew.

“Atsumu?”

“No- I’m sorry.”

“And I don’t know what I’d do if I let you leave again.” He whispers as he leans closer to you, taking your hands in his while your ability to speak has been taken away by how gentle he was as his thumb caresses your hand and a look that looked so fragile.

He takes his hand and cups your cheek, pulling you close to him as his vulnerability increases.

“Do you feel the same too?” He was being so careful because a wrong choice of a word could make it all fall apart again and you could feel how tense he was but he holds you like a gem- something so beautiful that it’d cost him his life if he ever dropped you.

Your hand lands on the same hand that was on your cheek while Atsumu’s eyes widen remembering how you neglected to hold his hand before.

But it stayed.

Closing your eyes and melting in his touch, you spoke.

“I never stopped loving you, Atsumu.”

He lets his forehead rest on yours, a smile on his lips, who was soon to be on yours.

“Then be mine all over again.”

[sweeethinny]

16 for the sentence starter pls :) only if u feel like it tho

I LOVE making family moments, maybe because I just love being with my family, and my best friends are my sibilings

and I clearly love boats

two people asked for #16 (this list) so I made the fluff for this one, I hope you like it <3 thank u for sending

#16:  “Do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?”

"Do you think the moon is jealous of how beautiful you are?" Harry whispered in his wife's ear, kissing the tender spot behind her ear and then kissing on the mouth when Ginny turned away and captured his lips.

‘’You are the most romantic guy I know’’ She smiled beautifully as they parted, her hands still holding his face, as if to prolong the moment of euphoria

''I do my best'' He admitted turning her around, making them face each other ''Are you happy?’’ Her brown eyes shone in the light of the full moon, her freckles looking duplicated after several days in the sun, the wind beating with which her short hair was slightly tousled, but Harry never stopped finding her perfect.

‘‘Absolutely’’ Ginny wrapped her hands around his neck. Resting hands on Harry's neck, nails scraping his sensitive skin and making goosebumps ''I'm glad you and James are impulsive and have decided to buy a boat'' She looked around, the water reflecting gracefully clear the sky, some birds flying in search of a good dinner, the noise of the children laughing at something Teddy had done on the other side of the boat, while they tried, and failed, to catch a fish.

‘’You were not so happy when we told you’’ He recalled, laughing at the memory of Ginny and Albus saying that James and Harry were crazy about making the purchase;

‘’But mom, it’s beautiful!” The son said, showing the photo from the magazine and pointing ''And dad wanted to give your name to her'' Harry laughed at his attempt to make his mother go soft, looking at her piously ''Dad?’' James looked at him, kind of pleading while nodding at Albus and Ginny, still unconvinced

"Everyone will love it," Harry assured her, smiling at his daughter who looked super excited, snatching the magazine sheet from her mother's hands and looking hopeful. ‘’It will be good for travel, and it’s magically tuned to fit all Weasley’s, which is even better’’ James nodded, happy with that argument

''James was right, it's beautiful'' She sighed, laying her head on her husband's chest and feeling at home, even though they were at sea many miles away from the city. Harry would always be her home.

‘’No more than you’’ Ginny laughed, beating the man in the chest and looking at him with a frown

''Stop saying ready words, you know you're going to have me naked before you close the bedroom door'' This time it was Harry who laughed, looking over his shoulder towards the children to check if everyone was distracted before speaking something. As much as they were already 23,17,15 and 13 years old and, as Merlin protected them, Teddy and James had already made it clear that they knew what sex was (Albus never said anything, but Harry had given him the talk, so, his mind was calm. And Lily was Ginny's job.), they never liked it when their parents talked about it. Especially if it was about them having sex.

‘’But it’s never too much to reinforce. Having sex on a boat is totally different. Do you think we managed to sneak around like teenagers and have sex up here?'' Ginny shrugged, biting her red-painted lip as she watched the four children (they would always be, for them) argue over whether or not it was trickery to use magic to to fish

‘’We can lock them down until everything is ready’’ Harry smiled, happier than ever ‘’They will definitely sleep through the night anyway. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Albus swim so much in life’’ He nodded at the memory of his son betting who would go further with Lily, who narrowly won

"Is that a yes, then?" He pulled her closer, feeling the soft shorts she wore and then the bare skin of her thick thighs, as well as the skin of her belly, as Ginny still wore the beautiful bikini white that made her breasts look too dazzling - which resulted in them having a quickie in the bathroom.

‘’It’s always a yes when it comes to having sex with you’’ Before Harry could do anything, they were interrupted

‘’Ewwww !!! Don't say that word when we're all here!” Albus grunted loudly and irritated, with what appeared to be a fish in his hands ‘’This is disrespectful’’ Now all three others were paying attention to them, with a frown on their faces

‘’What do you want, Al?’’ Ginny still seemed to want to laugh, but kept her face serious, and Harry tried his best not to show his disappointment at having to walk away from his wife

‘’I would call you to dinner, but now, my appetite has passed’’ James got up quickly from where he was, running over to his brother and taking the fish from his hands, very determined

‘’If your hunger is over, good, because ours isn’t’’ Teddy nodded from afar, pulling another fish with the fishing rod that looked bewitched, placing it in a bucket full of water. ‘’Now, can the couple stop talking obscenities for a moment at least? Aren't three kids enough already?’’ Harry shrugged, putting his arm around Ginny’s waist and pulling her close again

''I thought you already understood that it's not always to procreate'' James and Albus gaped, while Lily feigned a retching next to Teddy who was laughing out loud, causing the new fish in his hand to escape and return to the sea

‘’This is disgusting, I think I’m going to throw myself out to sea right now’’ The older one left, followed by the other brother, who looked like he was about to ask Teddy to obliviate him. Harry joined Ginny in laughter, happy that he might have a chance to cause this discontent in his children. It was always the best time.

‘’Are you happy?’’ She asked him, looking at the children and then at him, lacing her fingers in hims and kissing the wedding ring that would never leave his finger

''I have never been happier than when I am at home'' Even if his children bothered him, or if he needed to deal with his children's amorous disappointments (which were not few), and eventually they fought because there were so many nerves on, Harry would never trade his life with anyone else. He would still do everything the same.

‘‘We’re not home’’ Harry shrugged, kissing Gin’s forehead and smiling at her

''Wherever you are, it's my home.'' The woman blushed furiously, but rolled her eyes and laughed, because she was still his Ginny and would never miss the chance to laugh at his silly face in love, even if with almost 20 years of marriage and many declarations of love along the way.

‘‘Shut up’‘

[shy-lee-chu]

:Reaction:

BTS Discovering That

You Are Ticklish~

Side note: Contains NSFW'ish themes, and mentions of sex. If this kink isn't your thing than feel free to stop reading. Don't forget, my inbox is open for requests~ and please reblog and give me feedbacks so I can improve myself~ love you💙 -Chu

And oh, I was just about to forget..! This reaction is for @anon-giggles , she says she loves my work and so I love hers too. Don't forget to check out her fanfics too, they are quite good I think~ thanks for reading 💙💙💙

Namjoon:

You two were reading your books at your shared bedroom like the nerd couple you were, and you've been reading for almost an hour so namjoon got bored but you were so focused on the chapter you were currently on, you really wanted to know how your book ended and you almost looked like you were in a trans. He stared at you and smiled to himself about how cute you looked. Suddently, he wanted you closer to him so he stood up and laid next to you in the bed, he tried to swoop his arms around your back but you were focused on your story so much that his feather-like fingers catched you off guard and before you even try to supress your giggles building up in your throat, a silly smile was all over your face and your breath hitched without you even realize. You didn't want him to understand that you were ticklish. You tried to hide this information desperately since you started to date. Because you have withnessed him tickling almost all of the members to death a lot before and the idea of him using this playful torture method on you as well, made your blood run cold. Unluckily he noticed the slight change on your mimics, he smirked to himself when he watched your lips shape into a supressed little smile, it was too late for you to hide it from him... He cocked his head to the side and asked mischeviously:

"Sweetheart, is everything okay?"

You tried not to lose your temper about it and answered as cool as possible, you still had a little hope that you could get away from him without being tickled but... You were wrong.

"Yeah joonie, why are you asking?"

You tried to supress your smile by biting on your cheek and you did your best to keep reading that book of yours but your mind couldn't seem to focus on words anymore. You were too nervous and you waited for his next move.

"Oh nothing, you just seemed a little bit giggly all of a sudden"

"I am n-not giggly, w-why would I be giggly namjoon?"

You tried to sound serious but you felt your voice shake and stutter. He chuckled with a deep voice than you felt his index finger, drawing a little, tiny, baby circle on your bare side under the shirt -oh- so slowly, you couldn't help the little giggle out this time. You cursed yourself mentally and blushed for that.

"Oh? What was that? Is somebody.... Hmm how do I say it?... A little... Ticklish?"

This words made you drop the book and look into his mischevious eyes. You could read what was on your mind from his eyes, you understood that this was the end of the road, goodbye world, goodbye friends...

"Namjoon, p-please."

You tried to beg but , he quickly marked the page you were on and turned you around, so you were on your back now. Than he straddled you and pinned your arms above your head pretty quick. He was strong you could feel it from how he grabbed your wrists. He really wanted to tickle you, he was so happy that he discovered that you were actually ticklish. Now it was time for him to have some fun.

"We've been dating for almost two years! How dare you hide something like this from me? Ah I am so disappointed jagi~"

He mocked and spidered his fingers all over your tummy, making you squeak and pour cute giggles out of your mouth. It tickled a lot more than you've expected.

"Nahahahamjohohooniehehahahahaha! Wahahait nohohohahhahaha!!!"

You squirmed from left to right and tried to get away from his evil fingers but, haha! You failed every single time miserably. Namjoon was just hovering above you and smirking to your desperate reactions. It made him feel so powerful to watch you squirm and try to get away. You looked so innocent, and so ticklish~

"You know how much I enjoy tickling baby ! Why did you hide this from me? Well you know what? Actually whatever.... you are going to get what you deserve now as a PUNISHMENT!"

"Well... j-johohonie this is why I tried to hide w-WAIT NO P-PLEASE I BEG YOU!!- "

He than went crasy over your midsection, scratching your underarms, poking your sides and ribs and sometimes kneading the area... having quite fun since your reactions were so amusing to him.

"Tickle tickle tickle, my pretty, helpless, ticklish baby~!"

"JOONIEAHAHAHA! STOHPAHAHAH~ PL-AHAHAHAHAH PLEAH-HAHAHAH!!"

"Stop? But baby we just started~ "

you tried to form sentences and plead but you could barely breathe from how bad it tickled all you could do was stomp your feet wildy on the bed and arch your back. He was cooing at you with a deep voice, his teases were wrecking you alone by itself. You squirming wildly and arching your back only lead you back to the bed and your cute torture continued over 20 minutes, he was mean but playfull at the same time, he leaned down and started to plant butterfly kisses all over your ribs, he also nibbled your ribs.

"Mmm~ you are so delicious. I never knew that ticklish people have tasty ribs~"

He than decided to take things to another level and lean down to blow a deepsarpberry at your belly button, he nuzzled his face there as he did so, letting his hair dance on the sensitive skin back and fourth, his free hand went up to your armpit and gave no mercy, he scribbled away randomly and that was when tears started to roll down your cheeks because of how hard you were laughing and your laughter went silent. He quickly understand you needed air and stopped. Massaged you to get rid of the ghost tickles...

"Well well well... You were ticklish huh? Why have I never noticed that before? Oh and by the way don't think you are in the clear yet honey! I am not anything near done with you yet!!"

He said cockily, smirking at you. You rolled your eyes but than smiled back when he wrapped his arms around you and hugged you this time. You couldn't hate him no matter what. And you two fell asleep in eachother's embrace.

Seokjin:

You were playfully wrestling with him. Actually it was more like you've jumped on his back and started to yell like a madman. He just laughed at how childish you were and spinned you around. You giggled cutely at first because it was one of your favourite activities, being childish with your boyfriend.

"SEHEHEOKJIN PUHUHUT ME DOHOHOWN!"

"NO, YOU STARTED THIS! NOW YOU HAVE TO STAY THERE AND SPIN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

You two yelled back and fourth playfully. But than you started to feel dizzy because he had been spinning you around a little too fast~ you patted his back, signing him to stop. You weren't really feeling good.

"B-BABY I AM G-GOING TO TH-THROW UP STOOPP!!!"

He slowed down and waited for you to calm down on his wide shoulders he was still smiling at you but he was also worried on the inside.

"You alright jagi?"

"Yes , I mean... I guess am much better now... Thank you..."

You jumped down from him and shook your head from side to side.

"Geez... That was seriously so crasy~"

He smiled to you and tried to pick you up once again in his arms but he tried to lift you up from your armpits. It tickled a little and you jumped away from him. Your reaction suprized him very much but soon that suprized expression turned into a little smirk and you could see his hands shaping into little, teasy claws. To be honest, you didn't need to be told twice and started to run as fast as you can. Anywhere away from him. He started to run after you. So the chase started... You both ran around the house untill you two were out of breath. You legs couldn't carry you anymore so you collapsed on the floor. Jin had a little more stamina, he approached you slowly, he was also tired but that didn't stop him from achieveing his goal; "tickling you"! He giggled at you on the floor and started to drag you to the nearby couch, pulling you from your ankles. You and him were still panting so you didn't fight but.... You didn't want to be tickled as well. You panicked. Your flustered face made him smirk and chuckle at you, who's on the floor.

"Wh-where are you dragging me? L-let me go, please!"

You tried to grab the furniture on your way but your hands slipped due to the tiredness. And jin didn't say a word he just dragged you on the floor and finally he sat on a couch, your back was still on the floor than he took your feet in his lap and locked them between his thigs, his feet were on your tummy, slightly pushing to keep your back on the ground.

"Y-you don't have to do this Seokjinie~ Please let me goho!"

You pleaded with puppy eyes, you were so ticklish and the anticipation made it even worse.

"No no no jagi, I ran all around the house. Just to tickle you ! And I am not going to let you go unless I am satisfied !"

He talked to you and smirked calmy, you made eye contact and shook your head as "no" but he wiggled his fingers right above your feet. Than without a warning , he lightly scribbled on one of your feet to seek reaction, you curled your toes and laughed loud, you didn't expect to laugh this much from such light tickling. You closed your mouth with both hands and this made him smirk even wider. Oh boi... You were dead now...

"NOHOHO J-Jinie pleahahahse dohohon't"

You squirmed but no avail, his slender fingers had already started their assault on you vunerable and ticklish area tickling up and down, he show you no mercy, scribbling your both feet at a goddamn speed and using his manicured nails as well, you'd swear you were losing your mind little by little by every second. Nothing was working, curling your toes, kicking your feet. Squirming your soles away from him, his fingers followed them no matter what you do.

"NOHOHOAHAHAHAHA PLEAHAHAHASE NOHOHOT THEHEHEHERE PLEAHAHA!"

"Yes there! It makes you laugh so much... Hmm, you know what?... Wait... What if I-..."

"NOHOHAHAHAHAHA GOHOHOHOD STAHAHAHAP STAHAHAHA-!"

You went hysterics because he decided to attack your poor toes and under them by pulling them back with his only one damn hand, thanks to it's size he firmly kept them in place and made you cry out with pure ticklish agony. Your laughter became bubbly and you were hiccuping while you laugh and he was enjoying his torture so much as you could tell from his laughter and the silly smile stuck on his face. He let you go but not before he made sure that you couldn't take even a single stroke anymore. He even used his toes to tickle your tummy and it provided him a good reaction out of you, you howled with laughter..

It all was a little too much, but you both seem to enjoy it even if it was mean.

"M-meheheanie~"

You pouted. You were still giggling due to the ghost tickles on your feet.

"Ah, sorry jagi... You were so cute, I got carried away haha~"

He decided to pick you up and place you on his lap, turned the tv on to watch a movie togeather after your tickle marathon, he caressed and played with your hair untill you were quick asleep on his lap. He smiled softly at you and kissed your forhead. Blushed a little as you giggled in your sleep...

Yoongi:

You both were so tired after a long week of work and finally you had some free time to be lazy on the shared bed of yours togeather, it was almost noon but you two didn't seem to get out of the bed yet. You loved sleeping and so did yoongi but you two needed to get up somehow, yoongi was the first one who opened his eyes and turned around to see your sleepy face, he giggled to himself and shook you to wake you up.

"Baby, it's almost noon, we're missing the day come on. We need to wake up"

He shaked you sleepily but you groaned and turned around, your butt was facing him now. That made yoongi a little annoyed but you were too cute so he giggled at your half sleepy half angry state.

"Come on Y/N-ah! You can't sleep for eternity!"

He didn't know what he was about to withness when he poked your back but his pouty face turned into a deadly smirk when you giggled a little in your sleep.

"Oh, so we are ticklish huh? I see... I think I know how do I wake you up now..."

He talked to himself before pushing you on the bed and sitting on your butt, than he pinned your arms under his legs, he wiggled his fingers and cracked his knuckles loudly when he finished rolling your shirt up to expose your back, his soft fingertips wasted no time with gently tickling your shoulderblades, he traced the word "Ticklish" over and over to the both sides, earning sleepy chuckles from you. That made him smile as a start. He was really gentle with tickles and they were comforting at the same time for now but things were about to go south for you....

"You are so sensitive baby girl, how the hell I didn't notice this before?"

He said with his deep, sleepy voice.

He kept tickling gently down your spine, his soft hands made you feel like there were more than just his hands tickling you. You started to squirm and wake up little by little and you realized that he was on top of you and you had no way out. You cursed yourself for not waking up in the first place and your laughter started to get louder and more shrill as he made his was down to your lower back

"AHAHAHAHISH! YOHOHONGIHIHIHI STOHOHOP! NAHAHAHAT THEHEHERE!"

you squirmed and screamed as you feel his nails teasing your sides from the back but not touching your lower back yet. He noticed that you get more ticklish on the way down your spine and he wanted to save the best for the last. So he just teased your sides and ribs , going up and down and keeping you on your toes but not killing you... At least yet...

"Hmm so, you get more ticklish all the way down here."

He gently trailed his finger down your spine and pulling right before it touches the lower back, earning a loud, flustered squeal from you. The fact that he was able to read your body language like a book made you gulp and get more flustered if that is even possible.

"That is really fun actually you know? You can't even get out, all you can do is flailing like a fish out of water~ I guess I am going to use this weakness of yours in the future a lot~"

He smirked and than stopped teasing, there was a quick silence than he scrathed and spidered his fingers all across your lower back this time, pretty determined to make you cry and scream with laughter. You stomped your feet and tried to stop him with pleads and apologies but nothing seemed to be working.

"YOHOHOHONGIEHAHAHA- STAHAHAHAP PLEAHAHAHA I AHAHAM I-AHAHAHA SOHOHORRY!! SOHOHOHORRY! PLEAHAHAHASE~ NAHAAHAHA!!!"

You laughed hystericly and your head kept shaking from side to side and you couldn't even control your laughter anymore, he sneaked his fingers to your sides and armpits from the back and chuckled darkly as you tried to escape him non-stop... He could torture you without effort, it was fun... really fun. He was sure for one thing now, you were awake. He went on and on with his sweet torture for some time which felt like thousand years to you, he wanted to finish this tickle session strong so he bent down and blew raspberries on your back and his hands squeezed your sides and ribs, letting your hands go but you were laughing way too intense to move even a single finger as he did so, you were out of breath and crying with laughter once he was done with you. He gave you some time to breathe properly again than jumped out of the bed and also picked you up.

" That was fun, but now let's have a shover together kitten~"

An exhausted smile appeared on your lips and you wrapped your arms around his neck, unable to stop blushing while he carried you to the bathroom.

Hoseok:

He decided to take you out on one of your usual date nights, those nights where you watch a movie togeather and maybe go to a luxury restaurant. He loved spoiling you and showing you affection by those simple nights and you loved it too.

Now you two were out of the cinema, his arms wrapped around your waist, you two were giggling and hugging occasionally like cheesy teenage couples. People passing by laughed and smiled at you two, you were looking so happy yet so silly. You than headed to the restaurant, it was kind of a ritual. You've always went to the same restaurant and sat down at the same place, this time was no different.

"Hey jagi, come here sit please~"

He said in a low tone while pulling your chair back for you to sit, you sat down still giggling at him and he happily pushed the chair back to it's place. He was so funny and he always found a way to make you smile and laugh, he was really a sunshine. Finally he sat down across you and you ordered your dishes. He held your hand and smiled to himself , thinking that he loved every single bit of you and he couldn't wait to find out more about you and get to know you more. He didn't know that he was going to discover something that was going to cheer you up both it the future and he could use as a weapon against you. So the food came and you started eating. You chatted as you ate but than he unconsciously touched your thigs under the table. You bit your lip and tried not to giggle but unluckily he noticed the slight change of your behaviour, he cocked his head to the side and sneakily squeezed your thigh, you squeaked and jumped in your seat than covered your mouth with both hands and he chuckled, feeling powerful over you. And a little mischevious.

"Tsk tsk tsk jagi... You are squeaking like a toy! How emberassing! Ah~ we don't want the other customers to hear you squeaking and giggling do we? Sshhh jagi you must keep quiet!"

"H-hohohobihihihi hahaha ! Nohohahhaha! Pleahahase, I cahahant!! STAHAHAHhahahaha"

He wishpered a tease and kept spidering his fingers up and down your thigs, making you unble to control your laughter and squirm in your seat cutely. He continued and stopped after the other customers really started to watch you this time. He winked at you and turned all of his attention to his food. He was really happy that you were ticklish, he would never ever stop tickling you, he thought to himself.

"So you are extremely ticklish hm? That information is going to come handy in future. And what I mean by future is...."

He looked at his watch and hummed.

"Probably 2 hours later~ I would prepare myself if I were you beautiful~"

He was talking in a low, teasing tone that made shivers go down your spine. You rolled your eyes and tried not to lose your temper about it but even swallowing your food was too hard for you now. But than finally the atmosphere soon warmed and you talked about your day again, it made you forget what happened five minutes ago but he was planning what he was going to do to you when you arrive home in his head. He just made you forget by talking, he was planning to catch you off guard. Soon you two finished eating and you thanked him for the meal. He held your hand like the gentleman he is and you two togeather walked to his car and he drove you two home. You entered the house and once you put down your stuff and hanged your coat you felt a couple of hands resting on your shoulders and a warm breath right next to your ear, he growled.

"I guess, I have an unfinished business with you young lady hm~?"

You gulped and turned around. You stared into his eyes with a tint of pink across your cheeks.

"H-hoseok please n-not that anything but that!"

He chuckled at you.

"...."

"....."

Than after a couple seconds of staring you started to run around the house like a madman, you never ran faster before. He was chasing you but actually he was letting you go on purpose, he wanted you to be exhausted so you couldn't fight back when his hands were finally on you.

He cornered you in your bedroom after a long chase and you were just pleading non-stop to be set free, he approached you with claw hands closer and closer, you were alredy giggling before he even touched you.

"Hohohobihihihi plehahahase!"

He shook his head from side to side

"There is no escape from me and my evil , tickling fingers I want you squirming and laughing under me RAWR!"

he jumped on you and tackled you to the bed, he immediately began squeezing your thigs and you squealed as a start than dissolved into ticklish laughter, you were so tired but still were squirming madly, you seriously hated being this ticklish. It could get you weak in seconds.

"Aww what's wrong jagi? Are you too ticklish to take it? You can't handle it? Adorable!"

He was also laughing at you as he tickled, you tried to grab his hands but he was much stronger and you just decided to hit him with everything you can, tears started to form in the corner of your eyes and he noticed that, he pulled your hands down and pinned them under him and smirked at you

"Ah and you are hitting your boyfriend now! How rude!"

He said and now he focused on your hips and thigs at the same time. He tickled your inner thigs , he squeezed them and went up to your hips again, brushing his fingertips lighlty to make you cry and howl with laughter , this went on and on and by the end of the night, you were panting like a dog with the most red cheeks on the entire planet. He smiled and let your hands go , than hovered above you again.

"I don't know about you jagi but you look even more beautiful when you are tickled and exhausted, I need to do this more often~"

He wishpered and chuckled, than kissed you. He kissed you slowly and passionately. No need to say that you guys ended it steamy that night.

Jimin:

Jimin and you were cooking in the kitchen, the room was filled with the smell of delicious food, you had some ramen with some steak and it was a hard work to cook all of those togeather, you were running around the kitchen and trying to be all quick, jimin was also having trouble not burning the steak and preparing vegeatbles at the same time. But you guys were having fun and you enjoyed doing something togeather once a while.

"Baby! Pass the salt! Jiminie!!"

You yelled and he nodded passing you the salt without even looking at you. You took the salt and sprinked it on top of some egg. Another side dish that you've wanted to eat along with the ramen.

"Y/N , baby I need the salt now, pass it quick!"

He reached out and made grabby hands but.. he reched for your side and squeezed it gently as an accident instead of reaching for your hand and you jumped to the other side and fell on the floor, his action caught you off guard.

"H-hehey! Th-that's not salt!"

You whined and couldn't help the tiny giggles escaping your mouth before you could even close it. He stopped for a second, your cute giggles were amusing to him. He smirked and giggled to himself that he found out one of your weaknesses and this one was a huge weakness of yours he could tell~ he chuckled but didn't stop looking at the steak he was cooking.

"What was that jagi? Did I just hear you... Laugh? "

He suddently changed his voice into a deeper one and almost purred as he spoke and teased. You blushed madly and didn't say a word, you were focused on the ramen and the other side dishes but you were dying inside, you tried so hard not to giggle when he was tracing your back and tummy when you were watching movies togeather or you bit your lip every time he caressed your side in public and you pushed his hands away slowly, not to arouse suspicion when he was massaging your thigs in a ticklish way . But now your ultimate weakness was exposed and you felt your hearbeat racing, and you'd swear he could feel it too.

"What's wrong jagi? Did cat get your tongue? Why are you so quiet all of a sudden?"

You stuttered and tried to talk back for the first time.

"I a-am tring to make this r-ramen more delicious b-baby I am busy. Sorry I didn't h-hear what you said c-can you repeat it?"

You mumbled but the food was ready, he knew it, you knew it... You didn't have any excuses left to escape. He smirked and turned the oven off and turned his attention to you and your deadly ticklish body, his new discovery made him lick his lips in hunger. Just the thought of the laughter and the giggles he will earn from you with the simplest , feathery touch of his fingers.... Ahh man, he was dying just to pin you down and wreck you as he pleases. And so... He took teasing steps towards you, turned you around and pushed your back on the kitchen counter, of course there were no food behind you, and pinned your arms over your head.

"I believe that my ears heard a little laughter as you "passed" me the salt am I right Y/N?"

He giggled and used his free hand to turn your chin towards himself.

"N-no jimin w-wait , what are you doing?"

"One simple question jagi... Are you... Ticklish?"

He teasingly walked two fingers from your hips to your sides and all the way up to your armpits. His eyes were sparkling with excitement as your tiny body squirmed and ticklish laughter poured out helplessly, you had no choice but laugh for him, you were trapped!

"N-Nhahahaha I ahaham nohot! Y-you are wa-wahahahasting your time"

You tried to lie but obviously he wasn't buying it.

"Tsk tsk tsk... What a bad liar! How dare you lie to me! I have to punish you and teach you a lesson about lieing to your boyfriend now~"

He darkly chuckled and you felt his fingers getting under your shirt and slowly stroking your navel and sides.

"wh-WHAHAHAT AHAHAhahabohout ThehehHEHE FOHOHOOD?!"

"I guess... It can wait a little as we have some fun..."

With that being said he went full on spidering, poking and prodding your tummy, slowly moving up to your ribs and armpits and searching for weakspots but luckily, your sensitive body never failed to amaze him, you were cackling wherever and whenever he touched, you were so so sensitive and it was so much fun to torture you... At least to him.

"Aish, what a ticklish baby under me! Too bad that you have no strenght to escape or stop me right? You just can lay there and laugh! That's really adorable! Tickle tickle, laugh and suffer my sensitive pray!"

He teased so mean and lowered his head, suddently there were raspberries placed strongly on your belly and bellybutton as his free hand scratched your hollows, switching from side to side mercilessly

"Actually this would be a good way to make you laugh when you are grupmy~ what do you think Y/N hm~?"

He was teasing meanly knowing that you were too weak to answer and you focused on laughing, he was half smiling half smirking at you, your reactions and your suffering body were priceless. He stopped right before you were about to pass out from his skilled fingers, he than picked you up and took you to the couch to snuggle, he just hugged you tight and your tired body happily accepted it, you feel your eyes closing up.

"J-jimin, food..."

You mumbled sleepily and he kissed your forehead and patted your hair.

"It can wait jagi, you need a good rest. I almost tickled you to death and I am so sorry my love"

He wishpered and giggled quietly than rubbed your back to help you sleep a little, he waited and also took a quick nap himself as you slept and you two ate the things you cooked after you woke up, but since than it was a must for you to be tickled every day even just for two seconds.

Taehyung:

It all started when jungkook took Taehyung's soda and drank it all himself. Taehyung got mad at him and pinned him down with a rush and started to tickle him out of his mind, everbody knew that jungkook was incredibly sensitive so it wasn't hard for Taehyung to make him go hysterics. He was so mean and he teased the poor maknae mercilessly, making him regret laying his hands on Taehyung's soda in the first place.

"WAHAHAHAHAHA HYUHUHUHUNGIHIHIE! SAHAHHAAHARRY I AHAHAHAM SOHAHAHAHARRY PWEAHAHASE!"

"Is our maknae too ticklish to take it? Aww too bad! What a better way to teach you not drink my drinks again~ Tickle tickle tickle poor kookie, there is no escape for you!"

Jungkook squirmed under Taehyung and howled with shrill laughter, the scene was so cute for everyone. Everyone was smiling from ear to ear, except one person... Except you... You were flustered beyong belief, the maknae's suffering and his useless attempts of escaping the evil , slender fingers made you blush and feel sorry for him. Seeing him being ticklish like this also made you feel ticklish in a way that you don't know. You had to bite your lips to suppress ticklish giggles that your butterflies caused in your tummy, you were hugging yourself and watching jungkook with a flustered expression and your boyfriend was having too much fun making the younger male suffer under his skilled hands, being the oldest among 3 siblings, Taehyung was highly experienced about tickling and he mastered the art of tickling anyone to death. Bangtan knew it and they always avoided getting in tickle fights with him. They all were at least once being tickled by his cruel fingers and you could tell from their faces that they all know very well how much it tickles the maknae as they coo at him, some of the members ,such as hoseok and jimin, had a sour expession , they felt pity for jungkook. The rest were enjoying themselves so much, they were smiling and giggling ear to ear and some of the members helped taehyung tease jungkook further. Almost everyone seemed to be having fun, but you and your butterflies and your flushed cheeks were stopping you from enjoying the scene, you couldn't help yourself imagining how bad those slender fingers would feel on your body, you were sentive, maybe a bit too sensitive for this. Soon you needed some fresh air to calm yourself down and you quietly sneaked into the bathroom. You washed your face and stared at yourself in the mirror for some time, than you started to mumble about the things that just happened.

"Did h-he really have to tickle him in front of everyone? Oh my GOD, he gave him no mercy!! What if he finds out that I am ticklish as well? NOO I am taking this secret to my grave! AHHH WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? WHY AM I EVEN BLUSHING?"

you were lost in your thoughts but you didn't know something, Taehyung had been watching your every single reaction before you left, he tortured the maknae so long on purpose. He noticed that something was wrong with you when he heard a tiny squeak, he raised his head up and saw you hugging yourself and blushing. He avoided eye contact but kept torturing the maknae, watching you from the corner of his eye. He smirked to himself and watched you crumble into flustered pieces whenever he made him laugh with ticklish agony, you were so much fun to play with. He continued untill you got out of the room, and he stopped as well when you went to the bathroom. Poor jungkook was about to pass out from laughing so hard without breathing properly.

"N-nohoho mohohore! I cahahan't tahahake it anymohore!Ahh I can feel my abs appearing now"

"Let this be a lesson kookie, Don't mess with your hyung's soda or else you know what's coming for you! And by the way you already have abs. You don't need me tickling you to death."

He scribbled his fingers quickly on his abs again and giggled at the maknae as he curled into a ball, cackling once again

"MeheheHEHEan!"

Tae stood up and told the other members that he had to use the bathroom, he wanted to torture another pray. A pray that was too innocent for their good. He chuckled quietly and licked his lips, his hands were so itchy, he wanted to tickle you and see for himself how ticklish you were. So he quietly climbed up the stairs and found which bathroom you were in. He first listened from outside and your words caused a cruel smirk appear on his face

"What if he finds out that I am ticklish as well?..."

BINGO! Now nobody could save you from the upcoming torture. He giggled quietly and walked behind you calmly, caressing your hair and speaking in a low tone. You were more than suprized when he walked in from the door out of nowhere. Your heartbeat raised once again.

"T-t-taehyung!? I thought y-you were with the bo-boys!"

"I was baby but... I got concerned when you walked out with a blushing face, you seemed so nervous what happened love?"

You could sense the mischievousness in his voice and you completely understood what he aimed when you made eye-contact with him from the mirror. This made you gulp and him chuckle.

"N-nothing w-why? I-I am absolutely f-fine"

You stuttered amd answered but the devilish grin on his face and the blush on your face was making everything harder for you to hide your fear. The nervous atmosphere heated up even more all of a sudden as he pinned your body between his body and the bathroom wall, you squeaked and looked him in the eyes, almost pleading for him to let go.

"Oh~ what a cute squeak! Just like I heard when I was tickling kookie~"

He smirked and stroked your neck gently while you were still pinned between him and wall, you couldn't help but scrunch your neck to the side and puff your cheeks out cutely to prevent giggling his smirk grew wider.

"I bet you are soo ticklish, actually too ticklish for your own good. Am I wrong love?"

He chuckled

"Let's give it a try and find it out shall we?"

And before you could even protest you were being lifted up on his lap and forced you to wrap your legs around his waist

"Wait Tae, where are we go- Mhmm~!!"

Before you could even protest Taehyung crushed his lips on yours and started to kiss you, he muffled your voice and distracted you at the same time, your mind went more and more jelly with each kiss, soon you found yourself in a bedroom and thrown on the bed as he locked the door behind you two and smirked. You backed away in the bed, feeling ticklish alredy.

"D-don't you d-dare K-kim T-taehyung!"

"I don't dare what love~?"

"Y-you know what it is!"

"Hmm do I? I don't know baby you need to be more specific, what do you exacty don't want me to do?"

He approached you slowly and you backed away in the bed untill your back hit the head of the bed, you gulped.

"D-don't you d-dare tickling me! B-back off! "

He chuckled and searched for the drawers than he pulled out a cuff and spinned it with his one hand

"I don't know baby, well you never told me you were ticklish! In fact you always said no when I asked you so, I believe you deserve this treatment anyway, don't worry it's not gonna hurt~"

He jumped on you and cuffed your hands to the bedpost before you could even blink your eye. The only thing you know was that you were cuffed to the head of the bed and now your back was on the matress now. He sat on your thigs and cracked his knuckles, than lightly trailed his fingertips up and down your sides, you started to giggle and squirm.

"B-bahahaby n-nohoHOHOHOHO! DOHOHhohohon't doho this toho mehe!"

"Shhh, lay there and laugh for me baby, nothing can save you from this right now, be a good pray and laugh. Than maybe I will show mercy but for now..."

He digged in your ribs, poked and clawed everywhere, he didn't even miss the gaps in between your bones, your nerves were alight with ticklish sensations, your laughter got super loud in a second and you were screaming and squirming under his tall body and cruel fingers, just like jungkook did minutes ago

"NOHOHOHO AHAHAHA! YAHAHAHA IHIHIT TIHIHICKLEHEHEHES! PLEAHAHAHASE!"

"You look so helpless and that's adorable, I can't believe you've hid something like this from me for this long! Laugh for me! Laugh more! I will tickle all of your sensitive spots!"

He teased and tickled non-stop, making you snort cutely and stomp your feet on the bed, he was having too much fun to stop at the moment. It had been only 5 minutes but it felt like hours to you. Soon he moved down to claw at your tummy and sides, he was so gentle yet it was so so so cruel, it was actually way too much for an overly sensitive body like yours. He leaned down soon and started to kiss and nibble your tummy and sides, his hand travelling yo your armpits and scratching gently.

"NAHAHAHA TAHAHAE I CAHAHAHNT NOHOHO MOHOHORE STAHAHAP! STAHAHAHAHA-NAHAHA!"

you screamed but he didn't stop, he only slowed down and got faster again when he though you could breathe properly again. Your torture went like this on and on... Needless to say that he left no spots untouched. You wanted to get your hands down and to stop him but it was impossible thanks to the cuffs that he used. You just laid there and took it untill you started to laugh shrill and tears rushed down your face. Taehyung was nibbling and kissing your neck as his hands fluttered around your sides and inner thighs when your laughter turned to silent. He took this as a sign to stop and cuffed you immediately, he giggled.

"You are really fun to tickle you know?"

He snuggled by your side, you were just too tired to talk back so you happily accepted his embrace and hugged back, you two fell asleep on the bed in the room that you were locked in.

Jungkook:

Jungkook and you decided to clean his attic on a saturday evening, you grabbed everything you needed and went up to the attic, it was dusty and made you both sneeze and cough a coupe times when you first entered there. Jungkook finally found the window and opened it so there was finally oxygen in the dark attic.

"You alright baby? You look like you've swallowed all the dust in the room"

"No kookie I am fine *cough* B-but it's really dusty here we gotta be quick and clean it all up"

He giggled and patted your hair, he nodded and handed you the bucket full of water so you two started cleaning, you spent hours there. Finding his old memories, dusting them off. Playing with his old toys, comparing his childhood photos with himself now. You had so much fun and also you swalloved lots and lots of dust. But you didn't care because it was a great opportunity to spend time with your boyfrined and get to know eachother more as you smiled at the memories togeather and thanked for everything that happened back then so you were finally here now. You just kept on doing the cleaning; dusting, wiping the floors etc. and soon you've noticed some christmas decorations at the corner, his mother must have been keeping them there for the next christmas. You got interested in them and started off with dusting the artificial christmas three. It blew out a huge wave of dust and caused you two to cough your lungs out as soon as you touched it. You waited for the dust to fly out from the window and you also wanted to check the other decorations out, but as you were walking towards them your feet tangled to something and you fell down on the floor and rolled around yourself with the little momentum, you tried to wiggle but you soon realized that you were almost wrapped in a mummy by the Christmas lights surrounding you. You tried to squirm but no avail, you were tied down so damn securely with just a few rolls on the floor. You had no other chance but to call for help.

"Kook! B-baby help I am stuck I can't move!"

You yelled and soon a sweaty and dusty jungkook appeared from the other side of the room.

"Yeah baby what do you wa-"

He stood there and widened his eyes, than he fell on the floor and laughed uncontrollably, he thought your clumsiness was way too funny he laughed and laughed on the floor untill his abs hurt and there were tears in his eyes. He wiped them off and panted.

"How did you even managed to wrap yourself up like that oh my god what am I going to do with you jagi?"

He smiled but you were pouting

"N-not funny jungkook let me out please, I can't even move a single finger!"

You squirmed like a worm again to show him how much you're stuck and this made him laugh at you again but than he stopped and crouched down right next to you.

"Let's see if I can get you out from this trouble..."

He focused on the wires, he sticked his finger between your tummy and the wire and wiggled it slightly, this caused you to snort a little and puff your cheeks, it tickled. Luckily he didn't notice it. He continued sticking his fingers at a random place on your body and pulling the wire to himself, he was searching for a weak spot to untie you. Your hands were tied above your head and your armpits were exposed, soon he finally sticked his fingers carefully between your armpit and the wire and wiggled it there but you couldn't seem to hold it in anymore, you started to giggle and squirm. It really tickled this time.

"B-bahahaby! N-nohohot thehehehere!"

Jungkook cocked his head to the side, raised his eyebrow and smirked. He never knew you were ticklish.

"Oh don't tell me that you're ticklish..."

You gulped and gave him puppy eyes, you had nowhere to run and you could do nothing to stop him. You were tied way too tight for that. You started to plead.

"Please jungkook no! I can't even move. Get me out here please!! Don't do that I beg you!"

This plead caused him to chuckle and he stickled his both fingers under the wires at both of your armpits, this time he wasn't wiggling them to get you out, this time he was stroking your armpits softly and tickling there, he was so gentle with your hollows, it felt like thousant feathers were gliding up and down. He stroked, tapped and poked the skin while watching you squirm helplessly. Needles to say that you were a flustered little puddle on the floor, trying to move away or do anything to stop him but... It was useless. You laughed really loud and blushed, being helpless and tied like that made you more sensitive and shy. You begged in between your fits of laughter.

"BAHAHABY N-NOHOHOHO! L-LIHIHISTEN TOHO MEHEHEHE! STOHOP ! STAHAHAHAP!"

he was giggling at you and showing his famous bunny smile. Your laughter was like music to his ears, he really loved tickling you and it looked like this was the first one of many many tickle sessions that you two will have in the future.

"Aww you really are so ticklish! Look ! You are flailing like a fish out of water! Tickle tickle~ coochie coochie coo~!!"

He cooed with a gentle voice but soon he got bored tickling your armpits, he sneaked his fingers in your ribs and poked you there rapidly he than poked there with one hand and kneaded your ribs with the other.

"Which one tickles more jagi hmm? Do you like the pokes or the kneading better, I guess kneading makes you laugh louder, I will tickle every inch of your body~ you can't move can you? Aww~ you are all at my mercy!"

He smirked and moved down to your tummy, your shirt was riddled up a little bit, giving him opportunities to blow deadly ticklish rapberries from the gaps and nibbling there with his lips. He pretended like he was eating you and his hands poked your ribs and neck, adding more tickles to the sweet torture of yours. He smirked into your tummy and didn't speak, he never thought tickling you like this would be so much fun.

"YAHAHAHAHAAA KOOKIEHEHEHE NOHOHO PLEHAHAHAASE I WOHOULD DOHO ANYTHING AAHAHAHA JUHUST STAHAHAP IHIT ! MEHEHEHERCY!"

You squirmed side to side and soon he stopped but the evil wheels in his head won't stop turning.

"I haven't tried all of your spots yet! There is one more that I want to tickle"

He grabbed your shoes and pulled them off and sat on the floor right front of them making you gulp and try to kick but you looked like a mermaid on earth.

"J-jungkook no! Don't you dare!"

"What? I am not doing anything!"

He made eye contact with you and drew his index finger all the way up from your heels, made you squeak and flinch. He giggled at that and cracked his knuckles and his neck. You got more flustered. He wiggled his finglers threateningly and landed them on your socked feet, scratching randomly on your immoblie feet. You started to howl with laughter and roll side to side. This made him chuckle darkly and coo at you.

"AHAHAHAHA YOHOHOU JEHEHEHERK! STAHAHAHA-"

"Oh calling me a jerk! How dare you!"

He pulled your socks out and smirked.

"Oh look my paint brushes from my art class!"

You gulped

"I- k-kookie, my beautiful baby. Pl-please... We can talk about it... You d-don't have to d-do this... L-let me out please I can't take it anymore"

You begged but he shook his head side to side as no.

"Oh you just called me a jerk and now you want to be released? Not a chance in hell jagi~ oh and look! What a beautiful canvas!"

He grabbed two paintbrushes and glided them up and down your soles, you swear you were losing your mind with each bristle hitting your sensitive skin. They went up , down and side to side. Keeping you on your toes constantly, at this point you were too weak, even to beg and you could just lay there and take it. You tried to beg but your sentences were being interrupted by your own fits of laughter every single time. And than little tickle monster jungkook focused under your toes and your arches, made you cry with laughter and go silent this time. He stopped finally, right when you were about to pass out. He finally found the weak part of the wires and untied you, than cuddled you close in his lap, kissed your cheeks lovingly.

"I never thought that tickling could be this fun. Your laughter is my favorite symphony~"

He wishpered and let you take a quick nap on his lap, with a pink blush on your cheeks. He caressed your hair and held you tight.

[easyfella]

plaudite. acta est fabula: thots on my third vlr playthrough

annnnnd done

with all the alt timelines down and all but two secret files obtained, i’m feeling pretty good ending my 3rd (and probably last for at least a long, long time) vlr playthough at a slick 20 hours. i’m pretty excited for my dual phds in metaphysics and philosophy, earned from completing the famed “tripletion” (triple completion), to come in the mail!! anyway, i enjoyed the game, but holy shit, do i have some things to say (spoilers and everything else beneath the cut as always).

i guess i’ll start with the fact that this is a hell of time to pick this game up again, concerned as it is with quarantines and pandemics and plagues and all that. Radical-6 I think hit me harder than it did when I first played this game when i was 15 (context: i turned 21 this last december), for obvious reasons. I remember at one point the game says that 100,000 people died from R6 and it was a huge, global tragedy ... weird to see that so directly mirrored in just the US headlines alone. I don’t have much more to say about the pandemic aspect of the game, but it was a weird thing to start off my playthrough confronting. 

Like I mentioned, my first playthrough was when I was 15, my second I think I was 17, and here I am 4 years later. So why do I keep going back to this game? Well, for one, the plot is dense enough, and my brain is sparse enough, that i find myself surprised by one aspect or another every time. This time, Dio’s blackmailing Sigma to get the Axelever (sp? who cares), how much I liked K, and a lot of the plot after the final puzzle room were surprises for me. That being said, there were also things I dreaded and did not want to revisit: Quark’s and Alice’s suicidality, the part after the first AB game where you go to three different rooms and people info dump on you, most of the puzzle rooms tbh, and good god the part where Luna’s face melts off. I hate it. I hated it at 15, I hate it now. 

And, though my memories are quite fuzzy on ZTD, I’ll say (expanding on Luna’s face melting off) that this is the only game in the series that inspires genuine dread from me. I think, honestly, that it’s 70% how uncanny the models are. K is the only that looks remotely OK, and that’s because he’s a big silly suit of armor in a monk robe. On the flip side, though, this uncanny valley I think works tonally very well for the game. It makes me feel uncomfortable to look at the visuals. Half the environments look like they’re from the original Silent Hill, for God’s sake. It’s not good, but it’s serviceable, and even functional in an accidental sort of way. However, the visuals are the reason I’ve never been able to recommend this game to other people (that and the walls of text, the obscure psuedoscientific rants, the way Alice’s tits are just out ...). 999 is far-and-away the more charming game visually, but I think VLR in its own way has carved out a visual style that works, though it’s jarring initially. Though, I do wonder how approachable the game is in 2020 compared to in 2012, or in 2014 when i played it. I think our need for quality graphics and disdain for poor graphics (especially this sort of ugly, gumby shit) have only increased since. I guess if anyone has any more thoughts on how they feel about the graphics and how approachable it makes the game, pls feel free to dm me. I’d love to talk about how weird this game is.

Changing subjects, I remember liking the music quite a bit more on my earlier playthroughs. Maybe that’s nostalgia talking, or maybe I’ve just grown as a music listener since high school. Probably both. I think it’s really appropriate for the game and great for setting a mood (and I love, love the twist in the credits track), but I think some tracks were overused. “Dun dun .... Dun dun ... Dun dun”  ad nauseam. Uh oh! I know that track! Looks like something deeply horrifying is about to happen! ^_^ I sure hope it’s not that same ugly rendering of Alice being stabbed in the chest :3c (it is. it is the same ugly rendering of Alice being stabbed in the chest.)

Maybe I’ve come across as overly critical, but I do have a deep appreciation for this game. I think that it easily has the best premise I’ve ever, ever come across in a video game, and, no jokes, every game I’ve played since I first came across VLR has failed in comparison to how absolutely genius i think this game is. I’m not exaggerating. The way the plot mirrors the actions of the player, the unique incentivisation of replaying, the way it lets me just be straight up evil occasionally, the twists, the turns, the way i had to cut off my own arm using a warehouse door. the list goes on. The reveal of Zero Sr. is, I think, the most impactful twist in a piece of media i’ve ever experienced. Perhaps I’m a buffoon, but i think this game slam dunks it in terms of pure plot showmanship. that said, i think the exact details of what’s going on where and why (especially at the end irt Kyle, but that’s more of an issue to do with ZTD, and we’ll come to that when we come to that) can get quite murky. 

Admittedly, the game does explain what’s happening; in fact, oftentimes it takes an infuriating amount of time walking through the minutia of what was going on where (the infamous door and map animations are infamous for a reason), but i think that a vague gesture toward the plot is all i need, or really all i get from the game at the end of the day. For me, the plot is more of a vehicle for the scenarios of the nonary games, not the other way around. In a sense, I could care less who’s at what point in time where -- just let me brutally betray this old man in a prisoner’s dilemma situation.  And the game, after pontificating, eventually does. and I fucking love that. God, I adore just smashing that betray button. 

And that’s the fun of the game. Past the over-detailed plot, the predictable music, the gummy looking character models, I love vlr because of how it lets me interact with its world and its characters. I always get to choose either ally or betray, and what happens happens because of that choice that I made. I wish more video games operated like that. Also, I just love Phi. I know this paragraph isn’t about her, but i love rude girls. 

So, I think that’s that. VLR is a mixed bag, but I’m ecstatic that it evens exists, bizarre as it is. 

i’ll be starting my ZTD playthrough probably soon. I don’t remember much about the game besides playing on launch day, finishing it within 48 hours, and being vaguely disappointed, but it’ll be good to move on from all this murdering in VLR to a whole different set of murders.

[queerhargreeves]

Really feverish Luther? Very delirious and vulnerable, and ends up blurting all his insecurities and self hate and secret training that Reginald made him do (i have a headcanon that Luther has messed pain sensors bc Reginald would train him to have an unbelievably high pain tolerance bc of his strength and usefulness). The whole family ends up taking care of him as he sobs. Pls and ty!!

sorry this took so long!!! i hope this is alright

The second Luther opens his eyes he wishes he hadn’t. His now awake body was greeted with an intense pounding behind his skull. His entire body ached. He gulped and was met with the feeling of swallowing glass and gravel. He can’t remember the last time he was sick - it had to have been at least 20 years when he was a child.

Reginald never let him rest long enough to get sick. Or he just wasn’t able to tell anymore. Most training days for dearest Number One were spent in the gym or local junkyards. 5 hours a day on the treadmill, unable to get off until he ran at least 35 miles, was his warm up. By the time he was 4, simple dumbbells were too easy for the boy. He could deadlift 400 lbs easy, so the next step up was cars. Mobile homes, vans, semi trucks, weren’t even enough to please his father. He could swing an entire house across the yard, the home crashing in a loud boom and wood exploding everywhere. He’d look back at his father, grin on his face, looking for any sort of praise. Any sort of acknowledgment. But he was met with a scowl and complaint every single time.

Eventually, Luther’s body couldn’t feel pain like his siblings could. He had gotten shot, stabbed, sliced, even burned on missions and he would always finish the task at hand without fail. It didn’t matter how deep a bullet went or how severe the burn was, it would always feel like a simple graze.

Which is why this is concerning. But he had no time rest though; the Hargreeves had plans today. The entire fam was going to the beach, per Ben’s request. Now that he’s been fairly corporeal for a few months now and able to actually feel again, he hasn’t been able to shut up about the beach. And of course, they all happily obliged in their request. If they could make their brother, who they had all been without for so long, happy they would absolutely do it. Luther couldn’t take that moment away from him.

Luther took deep breath before swinging the sheets off his body and sitting up, wincing as he did so. The pounding in his head was damn persistent, he’ll give it that. He swiftly got up from the bed and made his way to his closet, avoiding the mirror along the way. He picked out a large sweater with, of course, an overcoat. Even if he was feeling uncomfortably hot he needed to appear as if nothing was wrong. He changed within a few moments and finished with his morning routine.

He could hear the light banter of his family as he made his way down the staircase and into the kitchen. The current topic of conversation was of course about their trip today.

“Hey Van, maybe you’ll finally get a tan, huh? Lord knows you could use some Vitamin D!” Klaus teased, his tone light and playful.

“As if you’re one to talk.” Diego snorted, flicking a blueberry at his brother.

“Brother dearest, not all of us are blessed with glorious melanin like you.” He retorted, catching the blueberry and plopping it into his mouth.

“Morning Luther.” Five greeted from the table, raising his coffee cup at the man.

“M-morning.” Luther replied, his voice raspy both from not using his voice yet and the gravel. He winced slightly, clearing his throat and beelining into the kitchen to whip himself a plate of pancakes to avoid any questioning.

Once he made made his plate he joined the rest of the Hargreeves at the table, next to Vanya on the edge. He eyes the plate of pancakes in front of him, the thought of eating them making his stomach churn. But he can’t let them know something’s up - he can’t ruin Ben’s special day. So he bring a bite to his mouth, attempting to keep his face as straight as possible as the pancake scrapes along his pained throat. He does it again, adamant on finishing his breakfast.

He may not be their leader anymore, but dammit he’s still the big brother. He’s not going to let this silly little bug get to him, he can’t. That’s weakness. He can’t show that to his siblings. So he trecks on.

The family is talking about something, but he can’t quite make it out. He can’t really make anything out. His vision starts to blur and he drops his fork, blinking furiously.

“…Luther?” He hears from somewhere around him but he can’t quite make out from who.

“Mmmm fine.” He slurs, taking his shaking hand and picking up the fork.  

“Jesus, Lu, you’re burning up!” He feels a cool hand on his flushed forehead.

“I said I’m fffine…” He slurred once more, but that was all Allison needed to hear before going into mom mode.

“Vanya, Ben, go to the infirmary and get some antibiotics. Klaus and Five, go upstairs and get the Queen size bed on wheels. Bring blankets and pillows. Diego, help me get Luther to the couch.” Allison stood up, pointing at each of her siblings as she explained.

They siblings all scurried off to complete their assigned tasks. Allison and Diego immediately went to Luther’s side. He was flushed, a thin sheen of sweat covering his face. He was shaking lightly, fork still in his hand.

“Lu, Klaus and Five are gonna get you a bed okay?” Allison explained softly, resting the back of her hand against her brother’s forehead.

“Shit.” She breathed, glancing over at Diego who had a matching look of concern.

“No, I’m fine…we have to go to beach today, remember?” Luther said in a strained voice, pushing his chair back stumbling as he attempted to stand.

“Woah there big guy, easy. You’re not going anywhere.” Diego put a gentle hand on his shoulder, shoving him back in his seat.

Luther let out a pathetic whine but complied nonetheless.

“I ruined the trip…” He whispered, voice cracking.

Before Allison or Diego could get a chance to respond, they heard Klaus’ cheery voice from the other room.

“One queen size bed fit for a queen sized brother!~”

“Okay bro, we’re going to stand now. Think you can do it?” Diego asked, tone soft.

Luther nodded, letting Diego wrap an arm around his waist as he wrapped his around his shoulders. He didn’t know when Klaus came in, but the wiry brother was on his other side. The three of them made their way into the living room where the bed was set up.

“Down we go…” Klaus and Diego gently helped Luther get seated on the bed. Vanya and Ben come down the stairs a few moments later, making their way into the living room with medicine and Grace’s infamous chicken noodle soup in tow.

“Hey bro,” Klaus started, his hand clutching the collar of Luther’s coat.

“ We should probably take that coat off, no? You’re practically a furnace!” He started to push the thick grey coat off his shoulder but was met with a strong hand on his wrist. He jumped a bit in surprise, looking up and meeting Luther’s eyes.

“Nooo.” He whined softly. “It needs to stay on, please.”

“Luther, I promise you’ll feel better once it’s off, okay?” Klaus insisted, breaking his grip and shoving the rest of the coat off his body.

“Jesus, you’re wearing a sweater too? Al, think you could go get Luther a t-shirt?”

Allison nodded and promptly made her way upstairs to do so. Klaus threw the coat on the couch next to them, plopping himself down on it himself. Ben did the same, both of them watching their brother with concern.

“No no no…you’re gonna see…I’m…” Luther started to panic, his voice trembling.

“See what, Luther?” Vanya asked, her voice calm. She was always the best at handling all of her siblings emotions. She had watched them destroy each other and themselves from the sidelines for so long. She could read them like a book (hah).

“Here, this’ll help.”  She placed a glass of water and meds in his hand, nodding at him to take them.

Luther silently followed orders, grimacing as he felt the pills go down. Vanya smiled, satisfied with Luther’s obedience and took the glass from him, placing it on the coffee table a few feet away. Allison came back a few moments later with a green thin t-shirt in her hand.

“Here Luther, put this on yeah?” Allison tossed the shirt on the bed and Luther furiously shook his head. She frowned, confused at his unusual display of stubbornness.

“Luther, why are you so adamant on wearing that sweater?” She asked, trying her best to not sound accusatory.

“Don’t want you guys to see.” He repeated, shaking his head once more.

“See what?” Vanya asked again.

“Jesus guys, he’s talking about his body.” Five finally spoke up, sighing loudly. He picked up the shirt and placed it in Luther’s hand.

“Luther, we don’t care what you look like, alright? We already know what’s under that thick sweater of yours, there’s no need to feel ashamed.”

“No, no, no. It’s bad! I’m…I’m a monster. I-I ruined Ben’s trip…I did it again. I ruin things.” His voice continued to tremble and each of the Hargreeves felt their hearts breaking.

“Oh Luther.” Ben got up from Klaus’ side and made his way to Luther’s. “You didn’t ruin anything, alright? It’s not your fault you’re sick, I’m not mad. We can go another time. I wouldn’t have fun knowing you weren’t feeling well anyway.” He rubbed his arm, offering a small smile.

“Think you can put the shirt on? We can leave the room when you do if you want.”

Luther clutched the shirt in his hands tighter, still refusing to believe his brother. He knows rationally he’d never lie of course, Ben was always the most gentle of the seven, but he doesn’t understand how he couldn’t be mad at him.

“No I did. I ruined your trip. I just break things. That’s the only thing I’m good at.. I’m no leader! I just hurt people. I-I deserved to be mutilated. Dad sent me away for a reason!” He was rambling incoherently at this point, tears streaming freely down his face. His voice was getting louder as he ignored his throat screaming at him to stop. “ I-I should’ve stayed on the moon. I can’t stand to look at what I’ve become…I’m hideous. I used to be so good for Dad. I would run 35 miles in a day for him! I-I’d throw semi-trucks and houses acres wide, no matter if I dislocated my shoulder everytime. I’d jump off six story buildings again and again, breaking my knees and ankles over and over. I was good I always did what he wanted…but I wasn’t good enough. I was never enough! I shouldn’t have come back I-I should’ve fucking stayed! I-I…” A sob escaped the man’s body, his body jerking forward.

Ben immediately wrapped his arms around his sobbing brother the best he could manage, his chest tightening at the way he broke in front of him. Luther’s shoulders shook violently with each sob that wracked his body. He glanced up to look around the room, all the siblings with matching looks of horror and shock.

Reginald was hard on all of them of course, but they never knew the extent of Luther’s training. Constant broken limbs? Strained muscles? God, they couldn’t imagine. They never knew how deeply what he did to him and his body affected him. They didn’t know how deep that pain ran.

“Jesus, Lu.” Klaus breathed as he got up from his seat and plopped down on the other side of Luther and wrapped his arms around him. Vanya silently followed from behind, Allison and Five doing the same. Diego crouched down in front of his brother and joined in on the group hug, all of them giving their brother the time he needed to break. To let it out, after all these years. Lord knows they’ve all had these moments of realization where their pain just hits them. But Luther hadn’t, not until now.

After a few minutes, Luther’s breathing eventually evened out. They heard a few sniffles, causing the hug to break. They all stumbled back, giving Luther some space. Vanya was the first to speak up.

“Luther I’m so sorry. But we love you, okay? You’re not a monster, you didn’t deserve anything that happened to you. You’re a good leader and even better brother.” She spoke softly, her eyes kind and brimmed with tears.

Luther cleared his throat, giving a weak nod and a small smile. He didn’t believe her, not yet at least.

“You think you can put the shirt on now, bud? We’ll stop pestering once you do.” Five asked cautiously, voice devoid of its usual snark and angst.

“Yeah.” He croaked out, “Thank you, guys. I’m sorry you had to see that. I-”

“Nope.” Five quickly interjected, pointing at Luther, “No apologizing. We’re here for you.”

Luther opened his mouth to object but closed it, knowing it was a lost cause. He just gave a shy smile and an appreciative nod.

“Do you want us to leave?” Allison asked, nodding towards the shirt in his hands.

“Uh…” Luther trailed before shaking his head. “No. I-It’s alright, you can stay.”

She smiled, “We’ll stay here as long as you need, okay?”

Luther let himself believe that, even just for now. And they did, they stayed. They stayed as he changed, none of their eyes lingering on his new body. They stayed as he got comfortable in the bed, as he ate Grace’s soup. They chatted about everything and nothing at all. Klaus even brought the TV over and they all cuddled around one another on the bed and couches. They made have not gone to the beach that day, but sick movie marathon was just as fun. Even if Five got sick after, it was worth it to see their brother truly comfortable and content for the first time in ages.

[moreinterestingonline]

Old Blogs

5/11/20If I was pressed, truly reamed and grilled, for the location of where the last five days went, I would not be able to produce a satisfactory answer. It seems like they just flew by with neither rhyme nor reason.What I’ve been thinking about during these past five days wouldn’t fit in a blog post, but I can highlight one central topic: world building. I’ve been trying to write three novels this year. I often get asked if it’s difficult to keep the worlds separate from one another. I usually answer with a “It’s really not that difficult” or segue into a cute anecdote about my dog, since most people aren’t interested in an actual answer. To those prepared to listen, I hand them a “yes and no.”No, it’s not as hard as it seems because I use one to escape the others. The worlds must be different, unique, and distinctive because any bleeding through wouldn’t offer me the complete new reality I crave when I am struck with writer’s block. I try to think of it as preparing for a triathlon. Sure, you use similar muscle groups to run, bike, and swim, but you don’t show up to the pool in track cleats because the detail would be identified as alien immediately.Yes, it is hard because the same overarching themes will appear as they will in an work of mortals. What kind of story would it be if there isn’t a struggle of good and evil? Would it be listed with the best sellers if there wasn’t an endearing mentor who gets killed at the beginning of the adventure? Oh? Too far? Even so, the themes that have defined my life will more than likely pop up in more than one of my books. I will have to work then even harder on my characters and their environments.These considerations are important to my approach to world building. I must carefully paint with three different pallets the physical attributes of each of my worlds. I must be cautious of what the careful reader might notice. I do not reuse sets or scripts. Still, as I compose three separate works, the ideas I believe in will show up in these different colors. I am only one writer with one perception of reality. I am extremely limited in my quest to entertain masses. All I can do is work and revise and work again, and hope that there are other people willing to step into my shoes.Personally, not a lot has been going on. Today was the first day in I don’t know how long that I did all the hygiene an average person would do in one day. I’ve started bullet journaling again and texted my goals to my best friend so I have accountability. My project right now is to make looking and feeling good my job for one month. My personal hygiene has become so neglected as I have sunk deeper and deeper into my depression. The other day, I just woke up with the motivation to turn that part of my life around.I know it’s only been one day, but it’s been so long since I actually achieved something in this area and I’ve been so sad that I thought I should celebrate this step.I’m so tired, but I wanted to get one more thing checked off my list tonight before I go to sleep.Sometimes I wonder if it’s time to learn another language. I feel like most people my age have at least two languages under their belt where I have just the one. I want to be considered bright and I feel like this is the next step.Here is the point again where I consider sleep less important than the things I could be doing instead of sleeping. Where is this little voice coming from? What is so dark inside us that wants us to fail? How can you ride a ship you’re preparing to sink? Is it fear that wants to personify it? Make it a separate entity so I can’t be to blame for my own bad habits? Who knows.I’m beginning to enjoy television, which is sort of new for me. I wonder if it means my attention span has finally reached null. Sure, there have been very well done productions I’ve been a fanatic for in the past, but I’ve never been able to turn on a random show and just enjoy. I’ve almost finished watching all the Storage Wars available on Netflix. I never thought I’d be the kind of person that turns to reality television, but here we are. Maybe this is how quarantine truly breaks me. If I don’t have focus, I don’t have anything. I’m beginning to nod off. I really want to reach a thousand words before I go to sleep. That means no editing whatsoever, just stream of consciousness. It’s been feeling more like a dry creek bed lately. I could stare at the ceiling for hours. I could sleep all day and not be bored. I know that’s concerning. I’ve already made an appointment with my doctor about switching my medications. I just want to feel like I did when I was in second grade, seventh grade, ninth grade. There is so much left for me to do here that it feels overwhelming.Nearly there. That gibberish sure helped. Take this as an example, kind reader, of what I usually cut out for your benefit and mine. It’s okay, I know no one is reading this. I just need to allow the chance for someone to hear what the people in my life can’t hear for themselves. I’m so scared of being a burden that I don’t know how to open up to people I meet in real life. It’s either I don’t want them to know my middle name to “What’s your mother like and how did that affect your psychological development?” That’s it, thanks.

5/6/20

Alas, another day has passed and! I’m still depressed. How did that happen? Did I make zero changes and expect something to happen? Maybe. But I did wish for it really really hard. (I know, in THIS economy??)

Silliness and vague misdirection aside, today sucked. I spent the morning in a weird, unawake haze because I hadn’t slept. The afternoon dragged on as I crammed for my Modern Grammar which (and now here’s the real kicker) kicked me good in the pants. Lastly, I told my roommates that I plan on moving out and they did not take it well. All this contributed to a day ill spent.

I don’t know where my weird relationship with sleep came from. Logically, I know that I need sleep. I know that sleep will do me well and allow my body to get ready for another day. One day, a little voice crept into my mind and told me that sleep was optional. I haven’t been able to shut it off since. Need extra time to study? Want to get to the next level? Only another hour before your friend in another timezone wakes up? Might as well pull an all-nighter. Objects in motion, after all.

I’m also out of my sleeping medication. And I haven’t been taking my medication. I’m struggling and I’m lacking the discipline to push myself the extra mile to potentially getting better. I think what I need are some small victories. Already, I am writing. I am journaling. I am crossing small things off my list in a desperate attempt for dopamine. Desperate, yes, but shameful? Absolutely not. It feels like I’m running a marathon underwater, but I still intend to finish. It’s just going to take me a little longer.

At one point and time, I was filming taking my medication every day and posting a little mental check on Youtube. That was good, until I missed one day, and then three days, and now it’s been almost a month. I just feel so guilty over any reveal of failure or shortcoming. How am I supposed to come back from showing that I’m not perfect?

I don’t know if this needs to be said, but if I were talking to my friend in the same situation, I would reassure them 1000% that I would love them no matter what, especially through their imperfections. It’s not that I set the bar lower for my friends than I do for myself, but I am a lot harder on me when I don’t meet my expectations. I guess that comes with being a wild romantic, right? Reality is that blinding white light that pierces through daydream. The clear solution is to have more realistic daydreams, but those aren’t nearly as fun.

Small victories, eh? What goals can I set for myself?

It’s late. I should go to bed. Today was rough and on top of everything I’m dehydrated. I hate complainers and hypocrites. I shall bless your feed with another rambling posthaste, rest allowing.

5/5/20

I’m going to pretend I didn’t see the clock strike midnight and write this from the perspective of today, May the 5th. A good, round-numbered day to start something new. I’ve always been fond of round numbers. I’ve always been fond of clean slates.

My central problem in life right now is that I’m depressed. I don’t like myself. I don’t like what I do with my time. Everything seems pointless. I lack purpose, direction, inspiration. I love the world and find myself submerged in curiosity often enough, but I don’t apply myself towards meaningful goals. My lack of application is the root of my unhappiness. If I wasn’t me, I wouldn’t want to be friends with me. And that invokes a whole other can of worms; namely insecurity, impostor syndrome, and low standards. But I digress.

I. Want. To. Be. Happy. I want to feel like I am making progress. I don’t want to feel vaguely ill anymore. I don’t think I should have to live with boredom as my default emotion. I don’t want to have to repress anything anymore.

How can I be happy? Well, isn’t that the age-old question. If there was a simple, clear-cut answer, I would bottle it and become a billionaire. Instead of a product, though, I have the following goals.

In order to be happy, I need to take care of my body. I need to be kinder to the vessel through which I experience all happiness, through which I enact all acts of generosity. What will this look like? For one, I would like to have a “glow-up”. I would like to have a before and after photo-set that I can look at and be proud of. This will mean skincare, daily showering, healthy eating, and regular exercise. I can’t expect myself to be happy in an unkempt body.

I am going to execute this goal by applying a hygiene routine, researching daily workouts, and keeping track of what goes into my body. I will also take the time to do silly, frivolous things like put on eyeliner and curl my hair simply because it makes me happy. I will have a more coordinated plan by tomorrow. For now, I research.

In order to be happy, I need to take care of my brain. Practice makes perfect and no practice makes mush. I don’t want a pile of mush directing the rest of my life. I want a clean, sharp machine dictating my every move. I want the gears to shift as smoothly as a well-oiled watch. I want to feel as efficient as I did in high school, when I was taking college courses and researching off-curriculum subjects just to ease my questioning mind.

I am going to execute this goal by finishing my semester strong, spending dedicated time each day towards active learning, and planning monthly projects. I will also find ways to implement healthy curiosity in my daily conversations. I was a “why” child. Why is the sky blue? Why is the grass green? Why do we have ten fingers and ten toes but only two ears? Why? Why? Why? I want to transition back to that motivated, inquisitive mindset. As with taking care of my body, I will have a more decisive plan for this goal tomorrow.

In order to be happy, I need to take care of my soul. One of the biggest reasons I’ve been increasingly unhappy these past months (or even years, you could argue) is because I am simply not creating more than I am consuming. A great joy that is allowed us is pure creation. I am tired of sitting passively while muses give up on me, moving onto to the next open mind. I want to build up my patience for writer’s block, to give in to the urge to write badly rather than not write at all.

I am going to execute this goal by setting word counts for myself daily depending on my schedule, setting due dates for my projects, and holding myself accountable with creative partners. I know I have stories to tell, characters to illustrate, worlds to discover. I have always felt that within myself. “I contain multitudes.” There is opportunity here, if I am only willing to open the door. I’m a firm believer that nothing worth having comes without effort, but I’ve been sitting idly anyways. What hypocrisy.

Those are my main goals. This slate is no longer clean. I have marked it with intent.

I’ve always like clean slates because it feels better to start something new rather than digging yourself out of a hole of failure. Let me acknowledge, I am buried deep under years and years of bad habits and ill-fated mindsets. I have allowed myself to sink to this depth. It is no one’s fault but my own. I am not trying to say anything different that, nor will I ever attempt to blame someone other than myself for my circumstances. This has been my doing and my doing alone. So, when I say clean slate, you know that I know that there is no such thing as a clear state. I am merely marking a line in the sand to cross over and become a different person. Hopefully.

This has gone on for too long. I sent a goal of 1000 words per day. Initially, I was wondering if that would be enough, or if it would be too little. Would I be boring whoever came across my articles of dis-wisdom? Would I be leaving them without adequate information to ever bother reading something of mine again? We don’t really know the fate of our goals when we set them. We pin our hopes to them like ribbons, we shower them with expectations, but we can’t ever really know how things will turn out. I can’t say for certain that i will ever complete these goals, but I cannot let that discourage me. After all, this has been 1000 words.

[m4rkshouse]

a kid!myungjin fic heavily inspired by this fic by @astrofireworks . shoutout to the anon who shared their story bc it rlly rlly inspired me to write this! uhh i definitely got a little carried away, pls enjoy the first part bc i had to split it up with how long it is. 

myungjun and jinwoo don’t even remember when they became friends bc they’ve always been friends

jinwoo’s parents moved in to the house next to myungjun’s parents the year before jinwoo was born and being the 2 youngest couples in the neighbourhood they really hit it off

jinwoo and myungjun’s parents are basically bffs and they go to each other’s houses all the time

jinwoo’s mom adores myungjun before she can even really know him 

the first time jinwoo’s parents meet him is just after his 1st birthday when they go to the kim residence for dinner

myungjun starts crying and freaking out when jinwoo’s dad tries to come near him so jinwoo’s mom shoos her husband away and begins talking with the toddler

the only things myungjun can say other than “mama” and “dada” are “yes” and “no” 

somehow they make the conversation work and soon enough they’re sitting in the middle of the living room playing with blocks with myungjun babbling and jinwoo’s mom beaming at the 1 year old

jinwoo’s dad is basically myungjun’s second dad and jinwoo’s mom is his second mom

every once in a while myungjun and jinwoo’s dad’s take him to baseball games on saturday afternoons to give myungjun’s mom a bit of a break

their wives will spend the afternoon relaxing somehow; they sometimes go shopping, get their nails done, just hang out at one of their houses, etc

this tradition continues once jinwoo is born and gets a little bit older

right after myungjun turns 2:

jinwoo is born

he’s old enough to understand that jinwoo is a baby but other than that he’s got nothing

is v gentle and caring when he’s around him though and really likes to sit in his mom’s lap and hold jinwoo with her

loves making jinwoo giggle

actually the first time jinwoo ever laughed was because of myungjun pulling his signature duck face at him

when jinwoo is 1.2 and myungjun is 3.2:

jinwoo starts walking

nobody really knows how jinwoo learned so quickly but they suspect he learned faster by following myungjun around all the time (crawling isn’t effective with how energetic myungjun is and so jinwoo had to adapt somehow)

jinwoo also can’t really say myungjun’s name very well so he starts calling him mj as prompted by their parents (the nickname sticks and to this day jinwoo still calls him mj)

when jinwoo is 2.7 and myungjun is 4.7:

it snows for the first time all winter

myungjun obviously wants to play outside and this means that jinwoo has to play outside too (jinwoo literally follows myungjun everywhere)

so their parents bundle them up in sweaters and long sleeve shirts, putting on their snow pants and hats and mitts and winter coats before sending them outside and sitting on myungjun’s porch to watch them

the boys try to run around in it but jinwoo is still a little clumsy when he walks and keeps tripping in his clunky boots

myungjun giggles each time he falls before helping him back to his feet and making sure he’s okay, brushing snow off his shoulders and anywhere else its gotten stuck

both boys are all bright smiles and wide eyes, trying to take as much in as possible before they have to go back inside

myungjun shows jinwoo how to make a snow angel and laughs loudly as jinwoo tries (and fails) to make one himself

their conversations mainly consist of myungjun talking in semi-full sentences and jinwoo babbling much of the time but the 2 understand each other so well anyways

both of their dads come down from the porch and start teaching the boys how to build a snowman

excitedly they begin helping, successfully completing a full snowman about the same height as myungjun in about 20 minutes

myungjun wants to name it but wants jinwoo to help him pick

myungjun: “jinwoo, what should we name our snowman?”

jinwoo, looking up at myungjun from where he’s sitting on the ground: “*talks about nonsense and unrelated things, just saying random sentences*”

myungjun, not at all frustrated bc he’s totally patient with jinwoo and understands that the boy is still learning and leaning down to his friend: “jinwoo, do you want to name our snowman?”

jinwoo, excitedly: “yeah, yeah, yeah”

myungjun, smiling: “okay, what should we name him?”

jinwoo begins concentrating hard, their parents can tell bc his tongue is sticking out of his mouth slightly, a habit he’s stolen from myungjun, who does the same thing

jinwoo: “we name him Bugs”

myungjun quickly agrees, willing to go along with whatever jinwoo suggests (and also bc he likes the Looney Toons cartoons too and it’s one of the only ones jinwoo watches with him)

myungjun: “then his name is Bugs!”

jinwoo claps excitedly and myungjun smiles widely at him

now that they’ve named it, its time to go inside bc they’ve been out for almost an hour and their moms don’t want them to get sick

they sit in myungjun’s living room on the couch watching cartoons and their parents bring some hot chocolate for myungjun and a tiny glass of warm milk for jinwoo

myungjun totally lets jinwoo have a sip of his hot chocolate when he asks for one (he’s a giant sucker for the boy)

when jinwoo is 3.2 and myungjun is 5.2:

jinwoo’s parents have a pool put in their backyard

myungjun and jinwoo spend the rest of the summer in their water wings (myungjun) and life jacket (jinwoo), climbing in and out of the pool and playing imaginary games

their favourite is to hop on to the pool floaties and pretend to be cruising through a river in the jungle and exploring for rare creatures

myungjun’s parents bought them each a pair of plastic binoculars to carry around with them

jinwoo is very easily distracted and so the game doesn’t always work but myungjun doesn’t even care bc as long as his best friend is having fun then so is he

usually end up falling asleep sometime during the late-afternoon on top of each other on jinwoo’s couch bc they’re tired from swimming and being out in the sun for so long

myungjun begins calling jinwoo jinjin that summer, no one really knows why, this nickname also sticks

when jinwoo is 4.5 and myungjun is 6.5:

myungjun starts school

jinwoo watches his friend get on the bus every morning from the park residence living room window with a pout, wanting to go with his best friend

bothers his mom all day about where myungjun is and when he’ll be back bc he misses him

tells his mom every single day that he “hates the bus for taking mj hyung away” and his mom just shakes her head with a smile bc myungjun will be back in just a few hours to see him but she can tell how much her son loves and admires the boy

most days, the two boys play in jinwoo’s driveway for just under an hour before jinwoo begins rubbing his eyes and yawning

even though he wants to keep up with myungjun and continue playing, the poor boy is still little and needs a nap most days (he could have one while myungjun is at school but he refuses to do anything except stay in the living room playing until he spots the bus bringing his best friend back)

as soon as myungjun sees him yawn he begins picking up whatever toy they had been using and grabs jinwoo’s hand, leading him into the house to find jinwoo’s mom

“jinjin is sleepy”

jinwoo’s mom thanks myungjun and tells him that if he wants to go watch some tv or play in the living room then he’s welcome to and when she comes back she’ll bring him a snack

he nods his head, hair bouncing around as he smiles widely at the mention of a snack and heads to the living room, searching the toy shelf for one of jinwoo’s colouring books and some crayons and kneeling down at the living room table

jinwoo’s mom walks in every day and spots him with his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration as he colours whatever pictures he’s chosen, his hair messily flopping into his eyes and forcing him to push it out of his way every once in a while (she has a feeling that the boy is going to be a really great artist when he grows up bc of how much he colours and draws and how much he enjoys it)

around 5:00pm, myungjun’s mother will knock on the door to pick him up, thanking jinwoo’s mom for watching him

jinwoo often makes his way back down the stairs as myungjun is leaving and the two boys talk quietly while their moms are talking

jinwoo, pouting: “i just woke up and you’re already leaving”

myungjun, ruffling his friends already messy hair with a giggle, “i’ll be back tomorrow, silly”

jinwoo, still pouting: “but tomorrow is so far away hyung, i don’t want you to leave yet”

myungjun, smiling even wider at his younger friend: “you’ll see me before you know it”

myungjun’s mom, unknowingly interrupting their conversation: “okay myungjun, time to head home so i can start dinner, say goodbye to jinwoo”

both boys quickly mumble goodbyes before wrapping their small arms tightly around one another, their moms beaming down at them as they do

jinwoo running to the window after the door closes to watch them cross the lawn to their house and waving at myungjun one last time when he turns around, smiling goofily and waving back

when jinwoo is 5.4 and myungjun is 7.4:

they’re sitting on the floor in myungjun’s living room with blank paper spread out around them and various crayons and markers

jinwoo is happily scribbling and messily drawing random shapes, more concerned with the colours than anything else (definitely colouring on himself and myungjun with the markers, would get in trouble but myungjun’s mom couldn’t bring herself to be upset with him for drawing hearts all over himself and her son)

myungjun is drawing people and animals with pretty good skill for a 7 year old

myungjun, suddenly announces: “jinjin i’m going to draw you!”

jinwoo, giggling: “why would you draw me?”

myungjun: “bc you’re my best friend and i want to draw you!”

so jinwoo agrees and sits still across from myungjun for as long as he can while his friend draws him, watching the crayon move around on the paper and myungjun use various colours for different things like his hair and t-shirt

after about 20 minutes he’s finished and shows jinwoo who claps happily and tells myungjun how amazing it is before shouting that its his turn and proceeding to try drawing myungjun

he finishes after 10 minutes and its less of a person and more shapes put together to make a person but myungjun smiles widely nonetheless and tells jinwoo how good it is and that he’s so talented

they make one another sign the drawings and have myungjun’s mom put the date on it for them

both jinwoo and myungjun pin the drawings up on the walls of their bedrooms (the drawings remain there well into their teens)

when jinwoo is 6 and myungjun is 8:

a new family moves in across the street

both boys don’t know much about the family until their parents tell them that they’re coming over for a bbq at jinwoo’s house, and that they have a son a year younger than jinwoo

so the day for the bbq arrives and jinwoo and myungjun are excitedly running around the park family’s backyard and jumping into the pool while their dads are talking by the bbq when the lee family arrives

dongmin hasn’t yet turned 5 and is standing in his swim trunks and a shirt with pool goggles in his left hand, clutching onto his mom’s skirt with his right as he hides behind her leg

his mom grabs his hand off her skirt and motions for him to talk to the boys as myungjun and jinwoo, all messy hair and dripping water, walk up to him

dongmin is nervous for .3 seconds bc as soon as he sees myungjun smile at him he feels totally at ease (bc myungjun’s smile could make literally anyone feel welcome)

myungjun, shaking dongmin’s hand: “hi, i”m kim myungjun, i’m 8… what’s your name?”

dongmin smiles back sheepishly, still a little shy, “i’m lee dongmin, i’m 4, but i turn 5 in 6 days”

both myungjun and jinwoo are a little surprised at how soft-spoken dongmin is, his voice coming out crystal clear and small

they brush it off as jinwoo smiles too, also reaching for dongmin’s hand, “i’m park jinwoo, i’m 6 years old”

just like that, any shyness dongmin initially had is gone and he’s running after his 2 new friends to the edge of the pool, quickly (trying to) taking off his shirt and throwing it on a chair near the waters edge (after he finally get his head through the hole)

he puts his goggles over his head and follows myungjun and jinwoo when they jump into the water

jinwoo and myungjun’s parents are a little worried about him being in the water without any kind of flotation device as jinwoo had only started being able to swim without water wings at the end of the previous summer but quickly learn from dongmin’s parents that he’s been in swimming lessons for the last year so he’s okay

myungjun and jinwoo are curious about why he’s wearing goggles and decide to ask him

dongmin: “i like wearing them so my eyes don’t sting in the water”

suddenly jinwoo and myungjun are begging their parents to buy them goggles too so that they can be like dongmin

pretty soon its dinner time and all 3 are quickly wrapped in towels by their mothers and sat on the patio furniture in front of plates

they all begin rambling to each other about various things, myungjun and jinwoo talk about school and dongmin tells them stories about where he used to live

when its time to leave, dongmin, being that he’s only 4 (nearly 5) throws a bit of a fit bc he’s a bit sleepy and also wants to stay and hang out w his new friends

somehow the three convince their parents to let myungjun and dongmin sleepover

at 9:00pm (which according to the boys is so late) they head to jinwoo’s bedroom, sliding into his double bed and staring up at the glow-in-the-dark spaceship stickers on his ceiling, accompanied by a few stars and planets

myungjun: “i wish i could explore space”

dongmin: “but space is scary, its dark and there’s lots of scary things like aliens”

jinwoo: “i think it would be fun… but only if we went together”

myungjun: “of course, and i’d protect you from all the scary things dongmin, the aliens wouldn’t even be able to come near you”

dongmin, being only 4 and still afraid of monsters hiding in closets and under beds: “myungjun hyung, will you protect me from scary things here too? i mean, the scary things not in space?”

jinwoo: “myungjun and i will protect you from everything dongmin, nothing will get you while we’re here”

dongmin: “promise?”

myungjun: “always”

all 3 hold out their pinky fingers and swear on it, vowing to protect each other

dongmin then begins falling asleep bc he is 4 and tuckered out from running around and swimming all evening

myungjun and jinwoo try to stay awake talking but also fall asleep pretty quickly afterwards

when they wake up, jinwoo’s mom makes them breakfast (dongmin clumsily spills about a quarter of his breakfast into his lap as he eats)

each boy returns to their respective home for about 10 minutes before they’re back outside and ready to play

spend as much time together as they can on weekends bc myungjun and jinwoo have school during the week

they also begin calling themselves the 3 musketeers and go on adventures where they save people from monsters and evil villains like in movies

dongmin carries around a telescope and map to lead them places while myungjun ties bandanas around his head like a ninja and fights off bad guys and jinwoo wears a blanket as a cape and carries a foam sword around in order to kill monsters and slay dragons

and those 3 characters would never really be together but the boys make it work and run around their neighbourhood on crazy adventures

when myungjun is 9.4, jinwoo is 7.4, and dongmin is 6.2:

they watch their first horror movie

it’s the week before halloween and one of jinwoo’s classmates was talking about the movie Gremlins and so the boys want to watch it too

dongmin’s parents are hesitant to let them when the boys ask but after they beg for over an hour they finally let them bc they know its not too scary but enough for the 3 (but not without talking to myungjun and jinwoo’s parents first)

so the boys snuggle close together on the couch in dongmin’s living room under a blanket and his parents put the movie on

and whenever they’re scared, jinwoo and dongmin will hide their faces in myungjun’s shoulders as he’s sat in the middle, and eventually they just end up holding hands and squeezing one another’s hands tightly too

they laugh at the funnier parts but dongmin and jinwoo, being slightly younger, seem to be getting more freaked out by the gremlins than myungjun

once they finish the movie, the rest of their sleepover is spent with the lights in dongmin’s bedroom on and all of them triple-check that the doors are locked (and also that there are no gremlins playing with the electricity wiring outside)

when myungun is 10.6, jinwoo is 8.6, and dongmin is 7.4:

a boy in school begins picking on dongmin

myungjun and jinwoo don’t really know about it until one day, dongmin gets onto the bus crying

myungjun, extremely concerned for the younger boy: “dongmin, whats wrong? what happened?”

jinwoo, wrapping his arms tightly around him and gently wiping at his tears with his fingers: “its alright dongmin, me and mj hyung will protect you”

dongmin stutters out that a boy in his grade had been calling him names and he tried to ignore it but today as he was leaving school the boy had told him that jinwoo and myungjun didn’t even like him and just thought he was annoying

and this hit him pretty hard bc he didn’t like hearing people say things that he had worried about before, especially when he’s so much younger than myungjun (he’s little but he’s dongmin so of course he worries about this kinda thing)

myungjun, throwing his arms around dongmin too: “thats not true at all dongminnie! me and jinjin love you, you’re the third musketeer!”

jinwoo: “yeah, myungjun’s right… without you we wouldn’t be able to go on adventures or anything bc we wouldn’t have 3 of us!”

dongmin, smiling with tear tracks down his cheeks: “i love you guys”

and people might look at them a little funny bc of their exchanged i love you’s but they don’t really care bc its myungjun and jinwoo and dongmin and thats them, and they wouldn’t want their friendship any other way

when myungjun is 11.2, jinwoo is 9.2, and dongmin is 8:

by now all of their parents see the other 2 boys as their second and third sons

that being said, they agree to let them have a campout in myungjun’s backyard after the boys have been begging for a few weeks

myungjun’s parents set up a tent and the boys bring sleeping bags and pillows and pile them onto the air mattress myungjun’s parents have blown up

and they stay up late watching the stars overhead while laying on myungjun’s patio furniture and talking

dongmin: “will we be friends forever?”

jinwoo: “i hope so, dongminnie… i don’t want any other friends but you guys”

myungjun: “me too, you guys are my best friends, even better than my school friends”

dongmin: “i think i’d be sad if we weren’t friends anymore, you guys are my first friends ever and i don’t want new ones”

the boys sit in silence after that, each thinking to themselves

dongmin thinks that he wouldn’t rather have anyone else but myungjun and jinwoo help him with homework when he doesn’t understand, nor would he rather hit anyone else on the head with things whenever myungjun falls asleep

jinwoo thinks that he wouldn’t want to ride the bus with anyone else but myungjun and dongmin, nor would he like to play games and run around with anyone else

myungjun thinks that he wouldn’t want to protect anyone else except jinwoo and dongmin, nor would he rather come home to any other friends each night

they go to sleep in their tent not too much later, squishing as close together on the air mattress as they can in order to stay warm (and definitely not bc all of them are a little emotional about how much they love each other, its not that at all)

when myungjun is 13.2, jinwoo is 11.2, and dongmin is 10: 

dongmin’s family announces that they’re moving once again for his father’s work

they don’t really know how to react bc “what do you mean dongmin won’t live across the street anymore?? what about the 3 musketeers?? what about all our adventure plans??”

dongmin cries when he tells them bc he doesn’t want to leave them and myungjun and jinwoo just hug him and try not to cry themselves, insisting that it would all be okay

dongmin doesn’t know that when he leaves, jinwoo and myungjun embrace each other instead and cry to one another bc their third musketeer is leaving??

the day they leave, jinwoo and myungjun aren’t even really sure how they haven’t started crying yet

they stand on the curb with dongmin while their parents talk with his parents as the moving van finishes being packed and is closed 

and dongmin’s parents motion that its time for them to go and so dongmin hikes his backpack higher onto his back and wraps his arms as tightly as he can around jinwoo as tears begin sliding from his eyes

dongmin: “i’m going to miss you so much jinwoo hyung”

jinwoo: “i’ll miss you too, but its okay dongmin, we have our emails and you have my phone number, and myungjun’s too… we’ll still talk every day”

dongmin wants to tell him that it won’t be the same but he needs to hurry and finish his goodbye’s

so he turns to myungjun and throws his arms around him too, burying his face into the eldest boy’s neck

dongmin: “i’m going to miss you so much too myungjun hyung”

and myungjun has never really been one for words so he presses his lips to dongmin’s forehead instead just before they pull away

dongmin: “promise me you guys won’t stop protecting me”

and all of a sudden all of them are taken back to the first time they met and pinky promises made while talking about their plans to go on an adventure in space

jinwoo is trying really hard not to cry at that so myungjun takes over instead: “of course not dongmin, we’ll always be looking out for you! and next time we see each other, we’ll be ready to leave for space”

and then he smiles so widely, and pulls both boys in for one last group hug before dongmin rushes to his parents car and climbs in the backseat

his hands are pressed to the glass and he waves at myungjun and jinwoo until the car turns the corner and he can no longer see them standing at the end of what was once his driveway and then he cries even more bc now it’s real, and he won’t see them anymore

and myungjun continues smiling until the car turns the corner bc he wants to make sure that dongmin’s last memory of him is the same as his first and isn’t one of him crying, he doesn’t want dongmin to remember him like that

once their parents take them back to the park residence, jinwoo is crying into myungjun’s chest and tears are sliding down myungjun’s cheeks silently bc they really just had to say goodbye to their best friend of 5 years and they’re not ready for him to go

they fall asleep like that, huddled together on jinwoo’s bed, and once again it’s the 2 of them against the world, just like it had been when they were little

after that jinwoo and myungjun are closer than ever bc they may have lost dongmin but they were determined not to also lose each other 

the end of this had me crying as i wrote it but i had to have some kind of drama happen in their lives right? (thats what I’m trying to tell myself anyways). part 2 soon?? (hopefully)

[lcncasters-blog]

hey everyone!!! i’m d, i’m 23, and i use they/them pronouns. super hyped about being here so i’ma just get right into it

so kai is my fave character and kinda notoriously The Worst while also being The Best, so i’m warning y’all before we even go in that he’s actually so sloppy and wild pls proceed w/ caution. i’ve been playing him for over 4 years. that being said, he does have a fuck ton of information, so while the bullet points are going to be as condensed as i can possibly make them, you should really check out the appearance section (or you can just look at my sidebar which is wonderful artwork of kai one of my close friends did for me --- give them love on their art blog nialls ok SO talented) of his STATS FRAMEWORK and then if you really hate yourself i have a DEVELOPMENT TAG too with a bunch of headcanons (feel free to RB the rebloggable ones from me btw)

LOUIS TOMLINSON? no ⏤ KAI LANCASTER, the DEMIBOY is TWENTY-THREE and was born with a GOLD soul, and now has a GREY soul. i would describe HIM/THEM as EXUBERANT + BRAVE, yet CARELESS + IMPATIENT. KAI spends HIS/THEIR time PLAYING AT SMALL VENUES WITH HIS ALT ROCK BAND AND WORKING AS A NANNY and has lived in seattle for TWO YEARS.

TW FOR TERMINAL ILLNESS/CANCER, SUBSTANCE ABUSE MENTIONS, ABLEISM, & MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM/SUICIDE.

kai was born a gold soul into a pretty posh, old-money typea family in manchester, uk. like i’m talking on his mothers side they’re all doctors, lawyers, scholars, etc, etc, and on his dad’s side entrepeneurs. his parents themselves built a fairly large business from the ground up together that now goes by the name of lancaster industries. their current biggest venture and pretty much what they’ve built the whole of their fortune on is a chain of luxury hotels that you can find basically in every major city in the world.

he had 3 younger sisters who he essentially raised considering his parents were too busy to be around during their childhood. only two of them are still living, his youngest sister having passed a couple years ago at the age of 7 from leukemia.

his mother is literally the devil? kai always hated school/struggled in it for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which were his not diagnosed adhd and his dyslexia, which he never got the help he probably needed for. he’s always kinda just thought he was extremely stupid, and that idea was reinforced by the way his mother always used to tell him the very same thing. “think harder, kai. use your brain.” is a phrase that’s essentially been reinforced so many times in his head, he p much hears her voice ringing in his ears every time he gets so much as vaguely confused now.

that being said, despite how he struggled in school, he was always a very vibrant, kind, charismatic, and magnetic young person. he tends to draw people into him with his silly nature and upbeat attitude, and he’s kind of the Eternal Optimist, so he was fairly popular when he was attending. to say he has eccentricities would be putting it lightly, and he’s loud, never seeming to run out of things to say or fail to command the interest of the room.

anyway things with his mum only got worse in his relationship with her when he barely managed to complete his a levels by the skin of his teeth (and with an absurd amount of tutoring), and then refused to go to the university of her choosing. she p much wanted him to “get his shit together” so he could take over the family business someday, but i am not kidding when i say kai would wilt away and probably legit just die if he had to work in a place like that forever – and that’s assuming he even got through business school in the first place.

his father was always a push-over and sort of was absent/bent to her will when he was around, so he didn’t bother to defend kai when his mother decided 2 cut him off from everything and essentially ex-communicate him once she realised he was refusing 2 be manipulated and forced into shit anymore.

that was at age 18, and by that point he had plans to move out and travel to london with his best mate anyway, so he was basically like “peace out” and got the hell out of dodge. he still harbours a lot of guilt for abandoning his younger sisters, particularly so considering his youngest one fell ill so soon after his departure.

he lives, breathes, and sleeps piano. music as a whole is something he’s passionate about, having taken the time to develop his somewhat unorthodox voice, but the way his fingers fly over the ivories is a living art form more than it is anything. it’s how he communicates, how he speaks his deepest truth and just like? put those feelings out there into the world that he otherwise wouldn’t be able to articulate in the common vernacular.

so what he wants to do with his life is to just? talk to people? through his music? to play for them and the be in front of a crowd every night and to feel the energy of them, to command them with his presence and to exist with them in that way. he almost gets high off of it? he’s been playing small shows since age nineteen with his band, but since he moved to america he obvi hasn’t had them and has been on his own.

SORRY I’M REALLY TRYING TO CONDENSE THIS so ok basically he was in love w this girl from the time they were 14. they lost their virginity 2 each other, they were on & off all through HS, & then through to age 20 after he moved away and all that. she was v v ill and struggled with mental illness and kai tried his best 2 take care of her, but he was always in over his head despite his dedication to like making her feel OKAY. she needed help that he could not give 2 her, and they ended up breaking up & him letting her go at the end. she died soon after that, and it remains unclear 2 him whether or not it was a suicide. it was officially ruled as an “accident”, but he knows different and yeah i mean. essentially like.... the most “smudges” on his soul kinda came from his sitch w her bc he was always coming and leaving and dropping her and returning when she needed him and like. he TRIED but he just COULDN’T? anyways

after that he got involved with this boy who was a substance abuser, addicted to H to b exact, and for a while he thought that he was getting better and they were building off of each other, building a healthy life together. the fact he called kai his “new addiction” was probably never a good thing, but kai didn’t recognize that at the time. they got engaged eventually, and kai was 100% convinced that he was the actual love of his life after caro. of course, in the end, it wasn’t built to last, and when it went bad, it went really bad. kai eventually felt like there was a chasm several miles deep between them, and he had no hope of getting to the other side again. he broke it off, broke the guy’s heart, and made his soul even darker.

THIS NEXT ONE IS KINDA AN OPTION CONNECTION OKAY SO IF ANY1 IS INTERESTED PLS PLS LMK!!!

kai has been posting vids on YT of him covering songs on his YouTube for like actual years, and when he was around 20 he met this person via the comments section on one of them. they seemed to be quite the fan of his interpretation of some of the songs he chose to play. they ended up talking more and more as time went on, exchanging contact information, and grew very very very close.

that was the start of the LDR that is what brought him to america/to seattle in the first place. they were together for about eight months and had seen each other in person three times for a total of about 3 weeks before he made the decision to get started on his visa and move to the states. the moment he was able to, he crossed the pond and moved in w them!!

strain on their relationship was created when at first kai was unable to find work and contribute to the bills and the household funds. they lived in a tiny flat, and going from barely seeing each other to having each other all at once and all the time was a lot. on top of that, kai was homesick and restless and felt trapped because that’s what kai does and it’s not okay and it’s totally wrong and he cheated on them soooo there’s another tick against his soul ig. within six months of his arrival, they broke up, and kai moved out.

he couch surfed w some friends he’d met 4 a while, and eventually found a decent paying job as a nanny for a well off family.

he plays live shows at small venues in bars/clubs and still seeks to make a living as a musician but it’s hard out there and plus his soul aint exactly the prettiest to look at any more. i mean he doesn’t have a DARK DARK grey soul, it’s more a lighter grey, not quite silver, but definitely not storm clouds.

he’s still working on getting his full citizenship though he’s v v v close 2 it & has been lowkey getting help from his cousin w paying for the process so!!

THAT’S BASICALLY IT

last but not least IM REALLY FUCKING SORRY  ICOULDN’T MAKE THIS SHORTER I JUST HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND fEELIGNSA

SEND ME AN IM OR LIKE IF YOU WANT TO PLOT!

[jornami]

A Winter’s Ball

A/N: I! Love! This! Request! I’m super excited about this if you couldn’t tell by my overuse of exclamation points! This is my first hamiltime request! :O Sorry to the anon who requested this. They asked me to make it ��really angst but with lots of fluff.” .....sorry, dearest, this is straight angst.

Request: may i request an alexander x female! schuyler sisters reader where the reader is the 4th schuyler sister. out of her, angelica, and eliza - reader connects the most with alexander at the winters ball. after the ball and many letters being exchanged, angelica and reader go to london where angelica gets married and reader has a better education. upon reader's return, she sees that alex and eliza are engaged and alex never mentioned it in his letters!! pls make it rly angsty but w/a lot o fluff

Warnings: angst, historical inaccuracies

Masterlist | Request!

Tagged: @angerybisexual @linmanuclmiranda @always-blame-jefferson @ahhhhamilton @hxmiltonmusicxl @sunriseovertheroomwhereithappens (I’m tagging my hamfam because why not?)

“I am so excited!” your sister, Eliza, squealed.

“Eliza, there’s a winter ball every year and the same thing occurs every time,” you groaned. “Father’s coworkers’ sons try to sweep us off our feet and fail miserably.”

“Y/N is right, love,” Angelica chimed in.

“Thank you, Angelica for being the voice of reason,” you said and smiled at your older sister.

“I have a feeling it will different this year,” Eliza said hopefully.

“You and me both,” you mumbled under your breath.

“Now, my dears, you know the rules,” your father warned.

“Yes, father,” you spoke up. “always smile and never turn down a dance. May we go now?”

“Yes,” your father huffed.

Eliza and Peggy squeaked and ran up the stairs of the mansion where the ball was being held. You simply giggled at their cuteness and linked arms with Angelica.

“They are so adorable and naive,” you said to Angelica.

“They are young and optimistic,” Angelica corrected you and smiled, “you should try it sometimes. After all, you are only 20 years of age.”

“But my mind is older,” you shot back.

“Be quiet silly girl and try to enjoy yourself!” Angelica said and dragged you up the staircase.

Maybe she was right and you would enjoy the ball, or maybe it would just like every other ball you had been to in your life. You’d just have to wait and see what the night had in store.

You and Eliza were sitting alone at a table in the corner because your two other sisters left to do other things. Peggy was off dancing with some guy named John Laurens, and Angelica was arguing with Thomas Jefferson about women’s rights. You were watching men spin floozies around the dance floor when you saw him. He walked in with George Washington who was a close friend of your father’s. He was so handsome and you knew he was going to be snatched up fast.

“I will be back, darling!” you told Eliza as you shot up from your seat and rushed over to Angelica.

“Angelica!’ you said and tugged on her sleeve.

“I’m busy, Y/N,” she whispered to you and turned back to talk to Jefferson.

You couldn’t wait for her to finish talking to him. Angelica could argue for hours; it was her specialty.

“Mr. Jefferson,” you said and curtsied. “may I steal my sister for a quick second?”

“Only because you asked so nicely, and because your sister is giving me a headache.” he said.

“This is not over, Jefferson!” Angelica yelled after Jefferson, and turned back to face you with an annoyed look on her face. “What is it Y/N?”

“Look,” you said and pointed to the handsome fellow you saw earlier.

“He’s dashing!” she smiled.

“That boy is mine,” you told her, getting slightly possessive.

“Noted,” she smiled. “so you interrupted my intellectual debate with Mr. Jefferson to tell me about a cute boy?”

“Angelica, will you please talk to him for me?” you asked sheepishly.

“What happened to being fearless and too good for guys your age?” Angelica asked sarcastically.

“Angelica!” you whined.

“Fine!” she gave in and walked over to the man.

You intently watched them engaged in conversation. You watched your sister grab his arm and you immediately knew you were through. Then he looked back at you with a smile and you felt like you were going to faint. Angelica lead him over to you.

“Oh dear god, this is actually happening,” you thought.

He was right in front of you and you felt your heart speed up.

“Y/N Schuyler, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” you said and curtsied.

“Schuyler?” the man sounded confused.

“My sister,” Angelica told him.

“Thank you for all your service,” you said.

“If it takes fighting a war for us to meet it will have been worth it,” he smiled and kissed your hand.

“I’ll leave you to it!” Angelica clapped her hands and walked away.

“Well, Ms. Schuyler,” the man began, “may I have this dance?”

“I’d love to Mr.—what’s your name?” you queried.

“Alexander Hamilton,” he told you.

“Well, Mr. Hamilton, I’d love to,” you smiled.

You took his hand and the rest was history.

Over the next year you and Alexander became the best of friends. Though he never officially courted you, he knew you were meant to be so he went to the jeweler's downtown and bought you a ring. Your whole family loved Alexander, Peggy and Eliza confided in him while Angelica tested his knowledge. It would be like marrying into the family he never had. His plan was to take you to dinner and pop the question until he saw a letter from you sitting on his bookcase.

My Dearest Alexander,

I have some news that I cannot tell you to your face, for I might start crying if I do. By the time you read this, Angelica and I will be on a ship to London. I am off to get my education and Angelica has found a wealthy husband who will keep her in comfort for all her days. He is not a lot of fun, but there’s no one who could match you for turn of phrase. My Alexander, please do not forget to write.

Forever yours,

Y/N Schuyler

Alexander’s heart shattered when he read your letter. Your beautiful handwriting was soon faded from his tears. He wanted to go back downtown and return the ring he had bought for you, but something was telling him to keep it. Perhaps one day you would return to his arms and he could propose to you. He put the ring in his drawer and took out his quill that would be his only way to communicate with you for two years.

Throughout the next two years you got your education and wrote hundreds of letters to Alexander. However, something started to change after you finished college; Alexander stopped writing to you as much. When he did write to you, the letters no longer ended with “forever yours” or “your affectionate A. Hamilton.” The letters were simply signed, “adieu.” After weeks of not receiving any letters you decided to write him one.

My dearest Alexander,

Hello, Alexander. I am writing you to tell you that I have graduated college and that I shall be returning home soon! I cannot wait to see you again after all these years.

Your loving,

       Y/N Schuyler

P.S. I noticed you have not been writing to me as often as you were. Is something wrong?

When Alexander read your letter he panicked. How was he supposed to tell the love of his life that he was engaged to her sister? After hours of racking his brain on how to tell you, he finally decided that not telling you would be the best idea. Him and Eliza made a promise that neither of them would tell you about their engagement. The guilt ate them alive, but they kept reminding themselves that they were sparing your feelings. From that point on, they only wrote letters to Angelica.

My darling Angelica,

Sister, I have great news! Alexander has proposed to me! Isn’t that great? He makes me so happy that I feel like I could die. Enough about me, I heard through the grapevine that you and Y/N are returning home soon. I'm overjoyed, it's been far too long!

                 Until then,

                          Elizabeth Schuyler

P.S. I ask you to please refrain from telling Y/N about Alexander’s proposal. I wish to tell her myself.

Angelica clutched the letter to her chest; she felt terrible. Out of all her sisters, she was the closest to you. You two never kept secrets from each other.

“Hey, Angelica!” you bounced into her room and she quickly shoved the letter into her desk drawer. “What were you reading?”

“Nothing,” she said quickly, too quickly.

“Angelica,” you said in a serious tone. “We don’t keep secrets, remember?”

“It was a letter from one of John’s associates,” she lied, “nothing to worry your pretty little head about.”

“Whatever you say,” you sang and walked out of her room.

Angelica sighed in relief, no matter how much she loved you she couldn’t betray her other sister’s trust.

Two weeks later you were on a ship back home. You hated ships because you always got seasick, but you were overwhelmed with thoughts of home and Alexander that you didn’t get sick once. As the ship pulled into the harbor, you starting bouncing up and down.

“Be careful, Y/N,” Angelica giggled at your cuteness. “you wouldn’t want to bounce yourself overboard.”

You chuckled and grabbed her hand; leading her off the ship and into the carriage waiting for you two.

“I can’t help it, Angelica,” you said with a sigh, “I can’t wait to see father, Peggy, Eliza, and most importantly, my Alexander.”

Angelica’s smile faded as she remember that he was no longer your Alexander; he was Eliza’s Alexander.

“What’s the matter, sister?” you cocked your eyebrow and tilted your head to the side.

“Nothing, darling,” she put on a fake smile.

You knew she was lying, but you dismissed it. You just grabbed her hand and dreamily looked out of the window of the carriage.

“It won’t be long now,” you thought.

As the carriage pulled in front of your estate, you saw your family and Alexander waiting outside. The carriage hadn’t even stop good and you were already trying to get out.

“Y/N, wait until it stops,” Angelica scolded and you sat back in your seat until the carriage came to a halt.

It stopped and you jumped out and ran over to your family.

“Peggy, Eliza!” you squealed as you pulled them into a big hug.

“Y/N!” they said in unison.

You three hugged for what felt like forever until your father spoke up, “No hug for me?”

You chuckled and wrapped your arms around him, “I missed you so much, pop.”

“I missed you too, my dear,” he said sincerely.

You felt someone tap your shoulder, and you spun around you see Alexander.

“God, how I’ve missed you,” you said against his warm skin.

“And I you,” he said and squeezed you a little tighter.

“We have a lot of catching up to do,” you said, slightly suggestive.

You placed a simply kiss on his cheek and pulled out of the hug. Both him and Eliza looked like they had seen a ghost.

“What’s your damage?” you asked them.

They turned and looked at each other like they were hiding something.

“Nothing,” Eliza finally spoke up. “let’s go, Martha baked a cake for your and Angelica’s return!”

Eliza was notorious for changing the subject when she didn’t want to talk about something. You should’ve asked her again, but against better judgment, you let her drag you up the stairs that led to the front door of your house.

Later on that evening, when you, your family, and Alexander sat down for dinner you saw it. “It” being a massive ring on Eliza’s dainty finger.

“Eliza! What kind of sister doesn’t tell her sister she’s engaged?” you exclaimed, pointing to the ring. “So, who’s the lucky fellow?”

Eliza just looked at you with wide eyes then darted her eyes to Alexander.

“What is it with you two!” you shouted, causing your father to flinch. “What are you two hiding?”

Alexander took Eliza’s hand in his and it all became clear to you. How could they?

[lcncastersarchive-blog]

am I finally here?/?????/ // / /ye a ? ok hi, i’m d, i’m 23, and i’m from the eastern timezone. they/them. i’m a mess so like, y’know, honey, u got a big storm comin

so kai is my fave character and kinda notoriously The Worst while also being The Best, so i’m warning y’all before we even go in that he’s actually so sloppy and wild pls proceed w/ caution. i’ve been playing him for almost 4 years (his “birthday” is march 23rd) and like actual shout-out to chloe who i evidently wrote with on him in indie 2 years ago u got me shook ily tho

now 2 the good part?? which is basically the disorganized horror of me trying to condense him into bullet points. i have a massive STATS FRAMEWORK right there, and his bio can be clicked through from that point as well. if you’re really hating yourself tonight, you can look at my DEVELOPMENT tag too which is pretty much a compilation of useless facts that not 1 single person asked for. anyway.

TW FOR TERMINAL ILLNESS/CANCER, SUBSTANCE ABUSE MENTIONS, ABLEISM, & MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM/SUICIDE.

kai was born into a pretty posh, old-money typea family in manchester, uk. like i’m talking on his mothers side they’re all doctors, lawyers, scholars, etc, etc, and on his dad’s side entrepeneurs. his parents themselves built a fairly large business from the ground up together that now goes by the name of lancaster industries. their current biggest venture and pretty much what they’ve built the whole of their fortune on is a chain of luxury hotels that you can find basically in every major city in the world.

he had 3 younger sisters who he essentially raised considering his parents were too busy to be around during their childhood. only two of them are still living, his youngest sister having passed a couple years ago at the age of 7 from leukemia.

his mother is literally the devil? kai always hated school/struggled in it for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which were his not diagnosed adhd and his dyslexia, which he never got the help he probably needed for. he’s always kinda just thought he was extremely stupid, and that idea was reinforced by the way his mother always used to tell him the very same thing. “think harder, kai. use your brain.” is a phrase that’s essentially been reinforced so many times in his head, he p much hears her voice ringing in his ears every time he gets so much as vaguely confused now. 

that being said, despite how he struggled in school, he was always a very vibrant, kind, charismatic, and magnetic young person. he tends to draw people into him with his silly nature and upbeat attitude, and he’s kind of the Eternal Optimist, so he was fairly popular when he was attending. to say he has eccentricities would be putting it lightly, and he’s loud, never seeming to run out of things to say or fail to command the interest of the room.

anyway things with his mum only got worse in his relationship with her when he barely managed to complete his a levels by the skin of his teeth (and with an absurd amount of tutoring), and then refused to go to the university of her choosing. she p much wanted him to “get his shit together” so he could take over the family business someday, but i am not kidding when i say kai would wilt away and probably legit just die if he had to work in a place like that forever -- and that’s assuming he even got through business school in the first place. 

his father was always a push-over and sort of was absent/bent to her will when he was around, so he didn’t bother to defend kai when his mother decided 2 cut him off from everything and essentially ex-communicate him once she realised he was refusing 2 be manipulated and forced into shit anymore.

that was at age 18, and by that point he had plans to move out and travel to london with his best mate anyway, so he was basically like “peace out” and got the hell out of dodge. he still harbours a lot of guilt for abandoning his younger sisters, particularly so considering his youngest one fell ill so soon after his departure.

he lives, breathes, and sleeps piano. music as a whole is something he’s passionate about, having taken the time to develop his somewhat unorthodox voice, but the way his fingers fly over the ivories is a living art form more than it is anything. it’s how he communicates, how he speaks his deepest truth and just like? put those feelings out there into the world that he otherwise wouldn’t be able to articulate in the common vernacular.

so what he wants to do with his life is to just? talk to people? through his music? to play for them and the be in front of a crowd every night and to feel the energy of them, to command them with his presence and to exist with them in that way. he almost gets high off of it? he’s been playing small shows since age nineteen with his band, but since he moved to america he obvi hasn’t had them and has been on his own.

SORRY I’M REALLY TRYING TO CONDENSE THIS so ok basically he was in love w this girl from the time they were 14. they lost their virginity 2 each other, they were on & off all through HS, & then through to age 20 after he moved away and all that. she was v v ill and struggled with mental illness and kai tried his best 2 take care of her, but he was always in over his head despite his dedication to like making her feel OKAY. she needed help that he could not give 2 her, and they ended up breaking up & him letting her go at the end. she died soon after that, and it remains unclear 2 him whether or not it was a suicide. it was officially ruled as an “accident”, but he knows better.

after that he got involved with this boy who was a substance abuser, addicted to H to b exact, and for a while he thought that he was getting better and they were building off of each other, building a healthy life together. the fact he called kai his “new addiction” was probably never a good thing, but kai didn’t recognize that at the time. they got engaged eventually, and kai was 100% convinced that he was the actual love of his life after caro. of course, in the end, it wasn’t built to last, and when it went bad, it went really bad. kai eventually felt like there was a chasm several miles deep between them, and he had no hope of getting to the other side again. he broke it off.

THIS NEXT ONE IS KINDA AN OPTION CONNECTION OKAY SO IF ANY1 IS INTERESTED PLS PLS LMK!!!

kai has been posting vids on YT of him covering song on his YouTube for like actual years, and when he was around 21 he met this person via the comments section on one of them. they seemed to be quite the fan of his interpretation of some of the songs he chose to play. they ended up talking more and more as time went on, exchanging contact information, and grew very very very close.

that was the start of the LDR that is what brought him to america/to wilson in the first place. they were together for about eight months and had seen each other in person three times for a total of about 3 weeks before he made the decision to get started on his visa and move to the states. the moment he was able to, he crossed the pond and moved in w them!!

strain on their relationship was created when at first kai was unable to find work and contribute to the bills and the household funds. they lived in a tiny flat, and going from barely seeing each other to having each other all at once and all the time was a lot. within six months of his arrival, they broke up, and kai moved out.

he couch surfed w some friends he’d met 4 a while, and eventually found a decent paying job as a nanny for a well off family. he also plays the occasional smol show at the lantern when he can (!!!!)

he’s still working on getting his full citizenship though he’s v v v close 2 it & has been lowkey getting help from his cousin w paying for the process so!!

THAT’S BASICALLY IT

last but not least IM REALLY FUCKING SORRY  ICOULDN’T MAKE THIS SHORTER I JUST HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND fEELIGNSA

please LIKE THIS if you wanna plot with kai and i’ll slide into your DM’s

[fuckyeahwintershock]

Author Spotlight: GingerLocks

Turn about is fair play, and this week’s Spotlight falls on last week’s recommender: GingerLocks aka @foreverdrunkatheart.

Recommended by @agentpeggiecarter, she says:

I’d like to mention the fantastic GingerLocks (on here she’s foreverdrunkatheart). She’s a smart, dedicated and hardworking artist/writer/human being. She honestly has it all. Her stories are engaging, fun and clever, my personal favorite being Operation: Plums and Entirely Too Early for this Much Glitter. Bucky and Darcy are always funny, honest and well rounded characters that carry you through her stories with ease, at the core of her writing are clever plots, smart twists and incredibly witty dialogue! I have all the emotions all the time when I read GingerLocks’ stories! And I think everyone should enjoy them a tonne more! Give her all the love pls!

The man smiled and started scooping, talking broken english to her, but from what she could piece together he thought she was Swedish because she ordered the black ice cream. Apparently salty liquorice was a popular choice among the Scandinavian tourists, and judging by the pale people here, there were a lot of them. “Here,” she handed the monstrosity of a cone over to Bucky, plopping down on the towel next to him. “Thank you.” They sat in silence, licking their ice creams, Darcy tried not to stare as some of the black ice cream melted over Bucky’s fingers and he stuck said fingers in his mouth to lick it off. Fuck that. He’s too hot to be legal. He met her eyes and raised an eyebrow, having caught her staring at his lips for a little too long. She cleared her throat, almost choking on her own spit, “any plans for tonight?” -Operation: Plums, Chapter 6

&

“So, basically, the extremeness of life and death has been taken away, and the kids all walk around to the other classrooms and the nursing homes instead of the catacombs. And they hand out the Lucia-buns to everyone there while they sing the Lucia-song and I voluntarily stress myself out with taking care of twenty kids who all carry burning candles.” “Ok…” “Hey, don’t be mister negative! When I first saw this thing, and I wasn’t in charge, it was beautiful! The buns and the candles and the boys wearing dresses and all the glitter!” He glanced at her quickly, he was driving in the middle of winter after all, and could see that little smile she had when she was feeling almost nostalgic. And there were not a lot of things she had to feel nostalgic about. The moment he saw that smile, he decided that Lucia was a very important day. No matter how silly it sounded, he would indulge her in every aspect of it, as long as she fell asleep at night with that smile on her lips. - Entirely too early for this much Glitter

&

“Oh golly, when these kids were first years, it took me twice as long to get them out the door. And I even had a tutor help me!”

“You say the cutest things when you have to censor your language.”

“Fudge you.” - Entirely too early for this much Glitter

Here’s what she had to say:

01. What about Wintershock as a pairing appeals to you?

I don’t know how it started. I think I fell in love with Darcy as a character, the way she was portrayed as the comic relief, BUT in a caring AND a nonsexual way. We’ve all seen the post abt how she’s one of the few sidekick characters to be portrayed with the respect that male sidekicks get and how awesome it was to see it in a female. Well that and my huge crush on Kat Dennings made me fall for this funny but loving and protective character. Then there was Bucky… Bucky, Bucky, Bucky. Where to start? I love him, from his ladies man younger years, to the amazing “till the end of the line” BFF and soldier, to the “broken-minded” assassin. I love him, I want to cuddle him up in blankets and give him chocolates and let him watch disney films, bc he deserves that! And I think Darcy will be the type of person to give it to him. She is also so incredibly ordinary compared to the superhumans and emotionally screwed heroes and I think they contrast nice (bubbly/silent and Loud/grumpy are my tropes!) and I think he will really give his whole self to his love and be completely “till the end of the line” with them, and I think they would both build each other up and accept each other as they are! <3

02. How did you first encounter the pairing?

Darcy and Bucky love seperately, then I fell for Shieldshock and Darcylanders were so open and inviting and I had just been in a really small and often attacked fandom and it was really toxic there so I jumped ship into your open arms! And then Shieldshock became Wintershieldshock and I was like “hang on, I really love the Darcy/Bucky thing going on, it’s more intense and kinda more varied? I guess. I think the Ot3 fics really made me think of the juxtapositions of the pairings and I fell hard and fast for both.

03. Do you have any specific Wintershock headcanons? Are there any particular fic tropes you like concerning the pairing?

I really like the “Darcy helps Bucky with pop culture” It’s sweet and I love when its portrayed in a way that has Darcy sharing her geekyness with the Nerd!Bucky. I also lovelovelove friendships and their relationships to others, I love how people have them work as a couple in a bigger setting. Just some boring domesticity for him (finally!) and a little more excitement in their day-to-day life for her. I got completely off track there…

I also love all the friends to lovers and FriendsWithBenefits turned more and a little bit of pining involves is also good, so all those overused tropes (c’mon guys, the reason it’s overused is bc it never fails to be amzaing!)

As for headcanons one of mine is, well, the same as MLChick said last week, the reading together. Just… being able to come together and be in the moment. Honestly, as a chatterbox myself I really appreciate the people I can both talk to and be silent with :)

Also, this:

http://foreverdrunkatheart.tumblr.com/post/128779875773/look-at-these-two-dorks-i-need-to-stop-based-on

04. Do you associate any particular songs with Wintershock? If so, which one?

Only, like, half my iTunes library… I mean it completely depends on what kind of fic I’m reading. For some reason I love a lot of Norwegian songs for them… I based a whole fic (Oh Please Honey (just tell me you want me)) on the Norwegian song “Aldri” by Razika, which is basically a more melancholy version of “Never getting back together” by TayTay Swifty, and concludes with ‘pick yourself up and find another boy’ and I had Bucky be the other boy and now I can never listen to the Aldri song without thinking about Wintershock.

05. What Wintershock fic by someone else would you recommend to others to read? What about this fic appeals to you?

*Link to last week’s author rec here ;) and then I also recced another author for later ;) ;)* But honestly though, MarvelLitChick’s series, and the Wintershock series by Lara @agentpeggiecarter and I also love the Run verse, but everybody knows the run verse so there is no point reccing that when probably everybody else has (if not then go read that at once!) and, well, currently I am reading a hilarious fic called “mission proposal: Date Darcy Lewis” by Amarantex. That and the Pizza verse by Pollydoodles never fail to light up my day.

06. What kind of Wintershock story would you love to read that hasn’t been written yet by you or others?

I have one… NAY 2, stories that are burning a hole in my mind. I have the main ideas written on a post it and hidden in a notebook, bc I am really torn, like on one hand, I want to write it myself… and on the other hand I wanna read it without writing the 20-50k needed to make it work and do it properly… Idk, I am still sitting on them, I don’t wanna let go just yet, but at the same time I am writing my bachelor this spring and I have 20-50k other things I have to do. Deadlines and projects riding my ass… Then again, apart from those two ideas (that may or may not be leaked in the future) I think the fandom is vastly creative and really cashes in on the crackship factor and all the possibilities that entails, giving us a wide variety of fics that covers most of the tropes I can dream of! Great on you!!

07. Out of the Wintershock stories you’ve written, which is your favourite, and why?

Oh, idk, I really love Operation: Plums, and Please Honey (tell me u want me), but honestly, I really love my oneshot “Therapy Cooking” a whole damn lot. It was the 3rd idea on that post it, and I just sat down and wrote it. I know next to nothing about psychology and mental health and PTSD so I spent a lot of time researching it and I was like “wait, is therapy cooking a thing?” bc I am still unsure, but it should be! Therapy where you are taught practical life skills and they make sure you get at least one decent meal and you get to focus on other things than just talking. Imagine how easy it would be for people in group therapy to connect and help each other if they were working together on a lasagna!

So I was entertaining the idea for a long time, on the post it, and I really wanted Darcy to be the “normal one” who had something deeper, and for Bucky to come out of his shell and find himself. I wanted them to heal apart AND THEN together. Independence for the characters is always important, and in this fic I got some Sam Wilson magic, and Supportive Steve, and a bubby Darcy who got the one armed Bucky to come out of his shell and reclaim the flirty aspects of 1940’s Bucky.  And the way he goes from “I don’t know who I am now” to having a personality is great :)

“Look at these lemons, James!” Darcy marveled at a crate of lemons, already stuffing handfuls into a bag. Bucky looked up from the plums he was perusing, remembering his last day in Bucharest and trying to shake the lingering paranoia.

“I’m buying the whole crate, and I’m going to bring some to class and the teacher is going to teach me how to make those amazing lemon tarts. You know, the tiny ones in the bakeries with the meringue on top.”  

Bucky smiles at her enthusiasm and shakes off his paranoia, reaching out for a bag and handing it over to Darcy’s waiting hand so she can hold it open as he loads it with plums.

“You just wanna use the the cooking torch,” he accuses.

“Well duh,” she rolls her eyes and elbows him in the ribs, “but lemon tarts are good without the meringue too…”

Bucky ends up carrying the crate of lemons on his hip, giving Darcy his wallet and trusting her to pick the best produce on his shopping list.

08. Quote a favourite extract from one of your stories. What is it that you like about it?

(oh, this was where I was supposed to use a quote. Oh well.)

She then reached over and grabbed his right hand, licking between his thumb and knuckle before she shook salt on it and gave it back, enjoying his bewildered look as she did it to her own hand.

“Now, lick the salt, drink the shot then bite the lime.” She smiled, and did just that. When she was done she shivered from the burn of the alcohol and raised her eyebrow at Bucky, who was still standing there with the lime wedge and shot in his hands.

She raised her other eyebrow in challenge and he narrowed his eyes at her, licking, shotting and biting.

“That wasn't so bad was it,” she beamed at him. He made a vague gesture of displeasure and she laughed. “No worries, Bucky-Buck, by the end of the night you’ll be doing body shots” she winked and handed him the Jaegermeister. He sent her a quizzical look and accepted the shot, taking the second one while she drank some water.

She looked over the dance floor next to them trying to find an example of exactly how to dance and turned back to point out the guy in a blue plaid that was doing this really cool dance with a girl who looked like she was in over her head with her sky high heels. She mentally thanked herself for her own sensible shoe choice as he spun his partner and she nearly lost her balance.

“That guy in-” she caught sight of Bucky’s phone screen before he tucked it away, she glanced up at his face and a slow smirk spread over her face. “Where you just googling body shots?”

Bucky didn’t answer, she was pretty sure he grunted, maybe even flushed a little, but the music was too loud for her to hear and the flashing lights were of no help what so ever.

She kept grinning at him until he leaned forwards, closer than last time, “you offering?”  with that stupid half smirk of his.

She blinked, but didn’t answer. Trying to determine whether he was flirting, just being Bucky, or genuinely wanted to experience this body-shot (and how A-Okay she was with that). In the end he rolled his eyes nodding towards the dance floor with his eyebrows raised.

From chapter 3 of Please Honey. I really enjoyed writing this. The two of them having fun, being together, (and this is the friends-to-lovers trope that I love so much) and I love adding humor to my plots, and as the rest of this story is big on feelings and slight angst and is also all about being ready for a commitment and doing all the stuff you gotta do to make it fair on your SO. So yeah. Bucky awkwardly googling body shots and him imagining lying Darcy out on the bar so he can do the thing is both hot and kinda dorky. ;)

We hope you’ll show her some love!

[getseriouser]

20 THOUGHTS: Deck the Hall, his jokes are folly

RIGHT, well, been some sort of seven days.

The highs of celebrating one of the most exciting players in our generation giving up the game suddenly midseason, through to an awful piece of radio causing nothing but further grief in its wake 

The footy is pretty good as well, or is it, because we’re changing the whole game so much it will resemble bat tennis come the end of the year are we not? 

Lots to get into, all this redundant intro is just holding back the inevitable..

 1.       Let us start with the infamous Barry Hall joke last week. This will be of no surprise to most of you. Firstly, Barry’s comments, yeah not funny, came from nowhere. Yes, Liz Ellis, from nowhere, but we’ll get to you soon Liz let me assure you!

The background I want to touch on first is that Erinn’s pregnancy has often been discussed on Triple M when Leigh has been on air. On numerous occasions the radio has got Erinn on the air for a quick chat, and last Friday again was no exception. Leigh has shared some of his biggest moments on air with the listeners, from the calamity of their wedding plans on the breakfast show through to updates with the Erinn and the baby’s progress as he joined the football team this year.

2.       Next is that, and we don’t need to address Barry, he had a shocker, we know this, but Leigh was asked by Mark Howard first for the latest ‘milestone’ if you like in the lead up to the big day, to which the sweep indeed had happened just that day, and for those who care to realise, it was then Nathan Brown who then took it up to the cliff’s edge. Mark Howard opened the bowling by asking Leigh “have you had the old stretch”, Leigh at one point then said, “I can’t really explain it…” either unsure or uncomfortable, and then old Browny really got the wheels in motion by “explain it, talk about your wife’s sweep, go on…” and so he did, apologised on the run for being so honest about it, Barry then went with his zinger, and here we now are.

3.       Barry doesn’t make the joke nothing is even mentioned. That’s the truth. Leigh has copped it since for his explanation, his description. Two things, not only was the way Leigh described it honest if somewhat off the cuff, but to be real it is what that procedure is – it need not be taboo. Sure, others may have found it uncomfortable (Leigh’s comments, not Barry, we aren’t touching on Barry today), but to suggest Leigh is at fault for what brought this all to a head in the first place, which is Hall’s joke, if you can even call it a joke, is farcical.

4.       And before we take aim at some individuals to end this topic, can I just say, some perspective please, for all those who enjoy being offended, and seek offense out so they can proclaim they are offended – little Noah arrived Sunday, he is a gem, he is a little star and maybe one day he’ll pull on his dad’s red, white and black and may he never know about a stupid fallout to some dumb radio only a couple days before his arrival.

5.       Ok, so, who’s first up for a lashing. Liz. Right. So she went national on her Sunday morning TV spot, and she’s accruing some poor form in this area, by having a whack at Leigh for talking about his wife. Yes, Triple M, its culture, its style, up for conjecture, no doubt. But as I’ve touched on, Erinn was on the radio herself, and then for Howard and Brown  spurring the conversation on, if you’re going to whack Leigh for a moronic link between his comments warranting Hall’s brainfade, then you have to go back a further step – if Leigh wasn’t asked, he wouldn’t have said a thing, and I’d be probably talking about Ross Lyon at this point or something. If we’re going to talk about sanctioning people for being silly on a national broadcast, I’m sure there’s a candidate in the mirror at home, Liz.

6.       Now onto my new mate Darren Levin. I don’t know him, he mustn’t be that important. Nor am I, granted, but still nor is he. But I like two of his tweets from last Friday. I’ll give you the second one first, which is “I’ve listened to the Triple M audio and *everyone* should be sacked. Why were they even talking about it in the first place?”. Wow, ok, settle down. But only minutes earlier he tweeted, “CAN SOMEONE PLS TELL ME WHAT HE SAID? IT’S KILLLLLLING ME”. Now Darren. No. We aren’t sacking everyone, don’t be so alarmist. But if you’re going to be so curious and dirty for something that your desperation for the audio is killlllllllllling you, then you’ve got larger issues mate. I do hope you can find a way out of this sadness. Best wishes.

7.       And lastly, Grant Thomas. Now mate, Grant, old wobblearse Thommo. Let’s go the the audio:

“I am a big fan of Leigh’s but I think Joey should resign. I wouldn’t sack them, that’s the easy way out. Because one man’s been sacked I would think hang on I was actually culpable in this and if it hadn’t have been for my stupidity poor old Barry wouldn’t have said what he said. It’s at least his responsibility to suspend himself for a period of time to make a statement.”

Facts are important here, and clearly the failed Saints ex-coach has gone large on his former player not knowing or caring for the facts. Thommo has form on Twitter and his podcast, deliberately being controversial to spike an interest from the public he otherwise wouldn’t have. Perhaps he suffered a bad head knock from one of his chins when one day he was far too vigorous when nodding. Who knows.

8.       I’m happy to move on.

9.       State of the game, this one continues to infuriate. Kinda feel like this year’s premiership race is just getting in the way, the sooner the season ends the sooner we can all preach at the church of reform and the summit to work out the gazillion rule changes to save the sport from certain doom can take place. Um. Do we need to send Guide Dogs Australia down to Town Hall? With the return of a nine-game round after the byes period, last week we had, and let’s be balanced here, Thursday night, cracker, Friday night, belter, all four Saturday games meandered between just fine to really engaging tight games, Sunday gave us one lopsided upset but a high scoring spectacle and a two-point thriller. Steve Hocking, yes you man, baby, bathwater, don’t do it mate, step back from the ledge.

10.   Whilst we’re on mistakes, Susan Alberti. Not her, she’s lovely no doubt, even if she does make a right mess of security doing their jobs, especially when they wouldn’t know her from any other AFLW spectator, but she’s been awarded Victorian of the Year. And well done to her for all the work she does. But how has Neale Daniher, in all the years since he started his crusade, miss out on being awarded Victorian of the Year? Mike Brady got it last year. Yes, the ‘Up There Cazaly’ guy. Yet Neale is overlooked. Who’s in charge? Sir James Gobbo I hear is the chair or something of the Victoria Day council. Now Gobbo. Fix it. Neale’s a legend. Don’t go past Go, don’t collect $200, Gobbo, just fix it.

11.   Who else? Gary Ablett and Patrick Dangerfield. Yep, not good enough. I think they’ve been getting tips off Zali Stegall. Downhill skiers the lot of them. Numerous passages of play against the Dogs where they’d get into a strong sprint when they had possession, but, turnover, the Bulldogs player that was chasing them, turns and burns, ends up being part of the scoring chain uncontested whilst the Brownlow medallists are sauntering miles back assuming one of the non-Brownlow medallists will do their dirty work for them. Lazy? Selfish? Dunno, you chose your own adjective. Chose all of them if you like, don’t let me pressure you Nathan Brown style.

12.   Melbourne footy club. Hmm. Let’s not worry about which parcel of Yarra Park land you want to train on, how about just screw your heads on and don’t let St Kilda embarrass you on your home ground. The Saints had no right to escape from a loss to the Gold Coast, yet made you all look like fruits, stewed fruits. I have no idea of the analogy here, other than to say I’m reasonably confident stewed fruits don’t make the finals, and you did it last year Demons, go on, lose the unlosable finals spot again, it would be as the kids say ‘so lit’.

13.   We mentioned the Suns, which players have the Gold Coast improved? Jack Martin was supposed to be a gun, he isn’t, Ainsworth's played 27 games but so what, Touk Miller is at 74 games but wouldn't get a gig for North Ballarat, David Swallow's had injuries, so we'll give him that, Aaron Hall has played 100 games but we'd forgotten about him, then there's Day, Lonergan, Sexton, even Peter Wright doesn’t scare anyone at 44 games. Jarryd Lyons may be the only improved player on their list. Don’t give them concessions, you can give them an all-star team, the issue is that talent dissipates once it lands at Coolangatta airport. The Logies were ok in Melbourne, goes up to the Gold Coast, looks like a Channel 31 production. The Gold Logie winner doesn’t even have a show. Staggering.

14.   Quick change of sports but I’ve got my back up and I’m running downhill with the wind – so Aaron Finch is in form is he? An 84, 68* and 172 in his last three matches, all in twenty 20s. The Aussies more broadly, two big wins from two in the Zimbabwe T20 tri-series. Hang on. No. Who the hell cares about some T20 games in Zimbabwe in July when there's a 50-over World Cup 12 months from now and in the most recent series of that format, in England, five minutes ago, we got sodomised five nil. Don't want to hear about how Finchy or the rest of the team looks great in a hit and giggle in Harare, it’s like if old mate brought a high-pressure hose to Hiroshima in August 1945 saying a quick rinse is all this place needs. Don’t wanna hear about it Finchy, get some runs in a longer format and I’ll reconsider.

15.   Oh, do we want to mention the nation of the Philippines before we get onto some other stuff? How Chris Goulding walks away with only some bruises from a dozen men punching, kicking, stomping, hitting him with chairs, is so fortunate. But, obviously the Philippine basketballers can fight as well as they can play basketball. Right mugs the lot of them. But if you’re stuck in an alleyway between confronting an angry Filipino basketballer or a sleepy field mouse, I’d be running away from the field mouse, their teeth are surprisingly sharp.

16.   Cyril. How’d you get this far down the list champion? So his Dad had heart issues I believe last year (I’ll stand corrected in case I get a call from Liz Ellis), and basically, unlike Dayne Beams who could get a trade to a new club based in the city where his ailing Dad resides, Cyril’s old man lives in Darwin, and if Tassie can’t get a team yet, then Darwin is way behind them. So, for a player who has always said he wouldn’t be a league footballer too long after turning 30 (he is a couple weeks shy of turning 29), ‘Junior Boy’ has called it a day a year or two early to be around his family. He was this close to doing this last offseason, Shaun Burgoyne essentially twisted his arm to go one more year, a knee injury and then officially putting a line through it now brings us to here.

17.   We’ve all seen the record the last couple of days, but four premierships, one of six in that famous dynasty to be a part of all of them (Burgoyne has four, but one was at Port). Three All-Australians, don’t forget the Norm Smith in 2015, but that he was also so influential in turning the game in the ’08 granny as a teenager. For freakish, athletic ability, be it leaping, tackling, borking, sprinting, unparalleled in our time.

18.   Want to give a shout out to the Tiwi Islands. A series of many islands, two larger ones though, Melville and Bathurst Islands, about 1000 people each. Melville Island though, tiny, tiny place, yet it has produced 3 Norm Smith medallists out of the 37 to receive the award: Cyril in 2015, Michael Long in 1993, and Cyril’s uncle Maurice in 1982. Not only from the same island, but the same family to boot.

19.   On that family, Maurice Rioli, South Fremantle and Richmond superstar of the 1980s, uncle to Cyril, great uncle to Daniel, his son, Maurice Jr, he would be the 2020 draft but already playing cracking senior footy for St Mary's in the NT as a teenager. Will be a gun first round father son pick to Richmond or Fremantle and the lineage will continue. His cousin Willie also, looking fairly good for the Eagles too, who is Ronnie Burns cousin on his mother's side as well. What a family!

20.   Lastly, World Cup, I’m as confident that Vladimir Putin had a hand in ‘organising’ the five-nil result for the hosts against Saudi Arabia as I am Liz Ellis having another shocker this Sunday morning on the telly. So all this talk of “its coming home” from those with bad teeth and confused by the concept of the shower, the fact that it’s merely Sweden and then Croatia in the way to a first World Cup final since 1966, don’t underestimate the nerve, or is that nerve agent, of the Russian leader. Golden Boot nominees to this point:

Kane, Mbappe, Putin.

(originally published 5 July)