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lemonsandstrawberries · 6 years ago

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A Piece of Cheese for the Road

fandom: Stony (Steve x Tony)

universe: Avengers Academy mobile game (high school/college AU), has references to the game

summary: It is the last evening at the Avengers Academy and Steve needs a push to finish some unfinished things with a certain handsome genius.

length: 2 644 words

a/n: today is the last day when Avengers Academy is still available to play and I never thought that closing a mobile game would affect me that much. sometimes the game was a pain and things were rushed, but there were also many pluses, like beautiful graphics and entertaining storylines and interactions MCU would never give us. this fic is my goodbye and I hope that AvAc universe won’t be forgotten!

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A Piece of Cheese for the Road

"This our last evening together. You know what it means, right?"

Tony made a dramatic pause, surrounded by other students of the Avengers Academy. He prolonged the moment and grabbed the handle of the fridge door, before opening it in a grand gesture and letting everyone feast their eyes on the treasures inside.

"Cheese for everyone!"

The crowd cheered, blocks and wheels of cheese being passed from student to student. It was the evening after graduation and tomorrow everyone would head home and their realities and there was a lot of cheese to eat before that.

Steve leaned over the bar area in the Club A, watching the commotion around Tony and his cheese fridge. He saw Clint biting into a block of cheddar, Lucky jumping around him and demanding a piece, Natasha smearing a piece of brie over a baguette, but the most entertaining was the trail of moving cheese blocks, as Scott used his small friends to get some of his favorite kinds for him, Hope and Cassie without having to fight between always hungry A-Bomb and Hulk. Luke and Jessica were playing pool, forming a team against Foggy and Matt, which honestly didn't surprise anyone anymore as Daredevil didn't have any limits. Not far from them Miss Marvel kept talking to Captain Marvel, and Steve caught some words like 'fanfiction', 'new ideas', 'otp', among many others, and Carol listened to Kamala, nodding her head in agreement. The dance floor was probably the most crowded, people coming and going to grab a drink or a snack, and the one person always present was Loki, dancing all the time, like he kept through the school year, all in rhythms played by DJ Vision and Viv. And at midnight Guardians of the Galaxy were supposed to give their last concert at the Club Galaxy. It was a good evening.

A good, very, very sad evening.

"Steve, you okay?" Bucky asked, stopping next to his friend, holding a package wrapped in silver tinfoil.

"Yeah," Steve smiled sadly. He remembered the day they got Bucky back from Hydra's school. His friend was finally safe and managed to find an outlet for his emotions in rather gloomy music. Speaking of which. "Shouldn't you get ready for your concert?" Steve asked, remembering that Bucky was supposed to play some new songs he and Adam Warlock had created in their 'Winter Warlock' band.

"I still have a minute before that," Bucky answered, leaning against the bar in the same manner as Steve. For a moment, they stood in complete silence, just taking in the atmosphere and watching their friends and teachers mingle. And still, Steve's eyes were always drawn to the cheese fridge and Tony, all dolled up in his business suit…

"What's that?" Steve asked, noticing the silver package Bucky was holding.

"Tony gave it to me," Bucky said, moving the package closer to his eyes so he could get a better look at it, and Steve felt some tug in his heart after hearing the name. "It is a Sainte-Maure de Touraine."

"He gave you cheese?" Steve laughed. Punching Hydra, fighting in the multiverse and knowledge about different types of cheese where what Steve would take with himself from the Academy.

"Not just any cheese," Bucky almost bragged, "it is soft goat cheese, rolled in wood ash. Tony said it matches my style. Maybe I will write a song about cheese," Bucky's voice dropped in thought.

Steve laughed and put a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "I will gladly listen to that, pal," he smiled.

"Hey, did anyone see Captain America?!"

Steve's heart beat faster. He turned around and locked his eyes with the person who was calling him. "Here?" he said, even rising his hand a bit.

"Oh!" Tony paused, lowering his sunglasses. "Sorry, not you! Meant Roberta!"

Captain America 2099. Not him.

"Didn't see her," Steve answered, trying to be neutral, despite some pain in his heart.

"Man, I hope she didn't leave yet. I have a nice piece of aged mimollete I think she will like-"

"I saw her and other 2099 people near the hot tub," Pepper said, holding her own piece of cheese, a rectangle shaped one and Steve could guess it was a piece of some expensive parmesan. Some students had to leave and earlier today Steve and Bucky said their goodbye to Peggy and other Bucky, and even if Steve wanted to ask Tony to stay, he wouldn't hold him back. After all, Roberta seemed like everything Tony ever wanted.

"Ah, Pep, I can always count on you to know everything around here!" Tony brightened. Pepper did work as a school administrator all this time and was irreplaceable. He almost turned around and walked away, when Pepper grabbed him under his arm and twirled around with him.

"Don't you have something to do first?" Pepper said sharply, almost as if disciplining Tony.

"Um, right," Tony admitted, looking away and seemingly distressed. He reached into a paper bag he had been holding which Steve just noticed and took out a medium wheel of cheese covered in red wax and handed it to Steve. "This is for you, something to remember me," he said, smiling and Steve took the offered piece with a stunned look on his face. "It is baby gouda. Mild, soft and boring. Just like you," the friendly smile changed into a pleased grin as Tony delivered his final remark to Steve.

"Gee, thanks, Tony," Steve said, rolling his eyes.

"Welcome! Now, excuse me," Tony wriggled out from Pepper's hold and disappeared among partying students.

"Sorry for him," Pepper turned to Steve with an apologetic look on her face.

"It is fine, Pepper," Steve laughed. As odd as it sounded, he would miss being teased by the snarky genius. He would miss...

"Oooh, I see you got your cheese!" Janet squeezed past Pepper. She was holding a half-eaten piece of colby jack cheese, cheese with two colors, giving it a marble-like look. It wasn't the most expensive kind of cheese, but it was tasty and creamy and brought a lot of joy. Just like Janet. "What are you going to do now?!" she demanded answers in her usual overenthusiastic way.

"Eat it on a cracker?" Steve asked back, unsure what kind of question Jan was expecting. His answer made even Bucky sigh. "What?"

"Hopeless. I have to get ready for my concert," Bucky commented, waving over to get Adam's attention and walking away. Both girls stayed and eyed Steve critically.

"What?" he asked, feeling on edge. "Whaat?"

Pepper and Janet exchanged looks. They had to do everything around here.

"Just go and talk to Tony," Pepper said in her office voice.

"But-"

"Just go!" Janet wasn't that understanding and gave Steve a push, sending him stumbling on his way. He turned around, shooting a confused look at the girls, and saw Jan giving him an encouraging thumbs up and Pepper waving at him to move it. Not understanding and having a wheel of gouda as his only companion, Steve started to navigate through the crowd.

Finding Tony wasn't easy. He passed many students, almost everyone holding a piece of cheese hand-picked and personally delivered by Tony Stark and soon Steve decided to follow the cheese trail, finding the paths Tony had taken. Finally, he found him, near the blasting range and handing T'Challa a piece of Beaufort d’ete, known as the prince of gruyere’ cheeses. Seemed fitting for royalty.

Steve stopped in a distance from them and waited for the talk to finish. T'Challa and Tony shook their hands, and Steve had a feeling that it won't be the last time Wakanda and Stark Industries crossed their paths before both took their separate ways and Tony turned, pausing upon seeing Steve on his path.

"Hey," Steve smiled insecurely, his voice warm and low.

"Hey," Tony repeated, walking and closing the distance. It was quiet around them, the air a bit cold and a starry sky above them. Almost perfect. Almost.

"Thanks for the cheese," Steve said, motioning to the piece of gouda in his hand.

"You already thanked me, old man," Tony said, his characteristic smirk back on his face.

"I know, but - uh, can we talk for a bit?" Steve asked, unsure what he was doing.

Tony looked at him, the smirk disappearing, replaced with surprise before a smile took its place. Steve liked Tony's smiling face better. "Sure. Just a bit though, I have more cheese to give," he said, walking with Steve to the stone bench. It was pretty cold and Steve took off his denim jacket and laid down for Tony to sit on.

"Seriously, Cap?" Tony asked, sliding his sunglasses down considering such gesture completely unnecessary.

Steve only smiled. "Don't want you to catch a cold," he said, and Tony let out a small, irritated huff, but sat down, Steve following. He looked at Tony's profile and pulled his eyebrows together in confusion. "Why are you still wearing sunglasses?"

"Oh, it was pretty bright at the party and my eyes hurt from working and looking at holographic screens. But I guess I can take them off now," Tony said, taking the sunglasses and putting into the front pocket of his suit. "So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked, turning to face Steve and Steve's breath stopped as he looked into the brown eyes, in the warmest, most welcoming shade of brown ever imaginable. He always knew Tony's eye color but it was probably the first time he was seeing them so close. Almost hypnotic. When Tony blinked, Steve realized that the other student was still waiting for an answer.

"Um, what do you plan to do after the graduation?" Steve asked, genuinely curious.

"I don't know yet," Tony smiled lightly, "probably return to Stark Industries for a while to sort things out. Oh, and I and Jan have this plan, but it is still in the making, so don't tell anyone, okay?"

Steve smiled and nodded, seeing an excited spark in Tony's eyes and hearing his voice rising in pitch as whenever Tony got enthusiastic about something. Adorable.

"We are thinking about setting up a foundation to help kids become superheroes. I have my lab, Jan has her sense of style and there are a lot of people out there who could be heroes, but don't have the right means. I think we could make a difference," Tony explained, a happy smile not leaving his face. Steve listened, feeling his heart swelling with love. He always knew that Tony was generous, but this was a new level.

"That's a great idea, Tony," Steve smiled back, honestly thinking so.

"Of course it is, like all my ideas," and the old Tony Stark was back, and oddly, Steve didn't mind. "What about you? What are Captain America's plans for the future?"

"I wish I would know," Steve sighed, "there is no Hydra left for me to punch," it was supposed to be a sincere complaint, yet Tony laughed like if Steve told a joke.

"If that makes you better, you can punch me," Tony offered with a grin.

"I don't want to punch you, Tony," Steve quickly said, sounding irritated and mellowing down the next second. "Sometimes I wish that we had spent more times on getting to know each other instead of fighting," he sighed again, looking down at his feet.

Tony hummed. There was a lot of conflict between them on numerous occasions but it was also what kept things interesting. "I will have to discuss it with Jan, but if you have no other plans, you could join us. We could use someone with military training and a solid, moral spine. Unless…" Tony's voice dropped down, some sadness hearable, "unless you rather go back."

Steve didn't understand. He looked at Tony, and Tony turned away the second he did so.

"Go back where?"

"Back to your times. To Aunt Pegg- to Peggy and the other Bucky. The portal didn't close yet."

Maybe it was an idea. To hide back in the 20th century, to live his life how it was supposed to be. Just knowing what he knew now, could he go back?

Steve shook his head. "It is not my place anymore," he said, accepting the truth.

"Right. Your place is here."

"Or at least I like to think so," Steve smiled, looking at the sky above them. So many stars.

Tony glanced over at Steve. He bit his lip, wanting to ask something but holding back. He didn't want to make things more complicated and painful.

"You okay?" Steve asked, noticing with the corner of his eye that Tony shivered.

"Yeah," Tony breathed out, wrapping arms around himself. "Just cold."

"Come here," not thinking much, Steve wrapped an arm around Tony and drew him closer. Tony blinked in surprise, but soon leaned into the super soldier, taking in the warmth. Cozy. And Steve smelled good. And Tony really didn't want to lose this. And it was their last evening together. And what the heck.

"Steve…"

"Hm?" Steve's breath stopped, when Tony tipped his head up, his lips pressing to Steve's tight ones in a brief kiss which lasted too short for Steve to properly react. And when Tony drew away, it was the most horrible thing.

"Oh man, I am sorry," Tony went into a chatterbox mode, clearly distressed, "did I read this all wrong? Because I thought we were having a moment and you needed some encouragement and-"

"Tony, shush," Steve ordered, only to put both hands on Tony's cheeks and kissed him properly. Slowly. Soft. Lasting. Only the two of them kissing under the stars.

"FINALLY!"

Or not.

Tony and Steve drew apart and saw half of the academy crowding behind the blasting range, the most noticeable Jan, who was yelling at Peter Parker to take photos and looking as almost crying, and both Tony and Steve got blinded time after time by the flash.

"The heck- get out of here!" Steve yelled, waving his hand as if trying to chase everyone away. Meanwhile, Tony took out his sunglasses and clearly started posing. Those photos would go to a school yearbook for sure. When the crowd got back to the main party, chatting and laughing on their way, Steve still seemed irritated with everyone sneaking up on them like that. Tony didn't mind, laughing and going in for more kisses, finally having permission to do something he wanted for a very long time.

"We should go back. I want to hear the Guardians playing. Also, I scheduled a surprise firework show," Tony grinned, not faltering when Steve sent him a harsh look.

"Did you discuss it with Director Fury?"

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I discussed it with him," Tony stood up, kissing Steve for the last time. For now. They had like three years of kissing to catch up on. "And I still have some cheese to give away. Do you think Loki will hate me for giving him velveeta? That guy is super hard to please anyway."

Speaking of cheese...

"Tony, why did you give me gouda?" Steve asked, remembering that this whole commotion started after Tony gave him his gift.

Tony paused in surprise. "Because it is my favorite cheese. And the best one for grilled cheese sandwiches," he explained simply.

Steve slowly smiled, finally making a connection. "And you love grilled cheese sandwiches."

"I do love them," Tony confirmed, smiling brighter and more beautiful than the starry sky above them. "Let's go, I want to see you dance Charleston for the last time," Tony urged.

Steve laughed and followed Tony, having some other dance in mind. After all, he and Tony had to make up for the lost time, and hopefully, they would have all the time to spend together very soon.

#stony #avengers academy #avac #steve rogers #tony stark #Bucky Barnes #pepper potts #janet van dyne #various avac characters mentioned #also references to the game #fanfic #fanfiction #goodbye game #thanks for keeping me entertained #and frustrated sometimes too

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crissle · 8 years ago

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transcript of the speech i gave at Vassar’s black baccalaureate service

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, and the Vassar class of 2017. Just saying that aloud made me feel old. Class of 2017? Most of y'all were born after dark-skinned Aunt Viv left the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. That’s wild.

I want to first thank you for allowing me to be a part of such a special moment in your lives. I am honored, privileged, and a bit in disbelief that you asked me of all people to give this address. I try not to have feelings, and I’m going to do my best not to cry today, but no promises.

I’m here to stand in the gap between you and your parents and guardians and any other elders in your lives that you stopped listening to because you thought they were wack and out of touch. I remember being in your shoes not TOO long ago, and it is my fervent prayer that something that I say here today will help you avoid some of the mess I went through. To be honest I’m a little nervous, but I figured there was no way could this be worse than when Betsy DeVos went down to Bethune-Cookman, so let’s get started. As you transition to life after Vassar the changes will be both inevitable and swift, so I’d like to begin by giving you some well-intentioned advice and warning you about the continued process of becoming an adult.

It means I frequently feel simultaneously overwhelmed and very bored. It means forcing myself to go to work even when I’m depressed or my anxiety is through the roof because I’m the grown up now, and the bills don’t get paid unless I do it.

It means sometimes sitting in my room alone and feeling like I’ve done nothing significant with myself.

It means going through bouts of just being unhappy and not having any option but deal with it.

So no, adulthood is not the “I can do what I want” paradise that it may have appeared to be when we were young, and I’m sure you can all see that clearly now, but there is even more growth ahead. Sorry if you thought the hard parts were over.

Many of you have likely never worked a full time job or completely supported yourselves before, so as you prepare to enter the professional workforce please understand that as a young person of color your biggest asset will likely not be your intelligence, work ethic, or creativity. It will be your ability to make the white people around you feel at ease. You’ve probably already been honing this skill during your time at Vassar. No shade. Lord knows my years in college in Oklahoma prepared me in the same way to deal with my bosses and coworkers. You will be tested the first time a colleague complains to your supervisor about your “unfriendliness”, when really you were just trying to meet a deadline and didn’t care to hear about Susan’s cat and its vomit. Or the time you collaborate with a group and when the work is presented to your boss, your contributions have been conveniently erased or “mistakenly” attributed to someone else.

There have been many times that I had to sit back at work and bite my tongue while a white male coworker skated by with few responsibilities and even fewer repercussions. This is what it’s like for most of us playing the corporate game. Keep the white people at work comfortable in your presence, and things are magically easier. Force them to see the blackness in your humanity, and watch the complaints to HR pile up.

If you feel like you are being unfairly targeted or punished at work, put those in feelings in writing and back it up with some proof before emailing it to the people who need to know. That’s right - I’m telling you to go full White Woman in the workplace. Learn now to trust your gut. Know that if something FEELS off, it probably IS off.

When things were getting rough at a previous job of mine and I suspected something shady was going on, I started carrying my iPhone all over the office and using the Voice Memo app to record what was being said when I wasn’t in the room.

I kept my own meticulous records of what was going on and those files ended up saving me in a major way. I’m thankful every day that I didn’t ignore my intuition about that job. Sometimes we get those sneaky feelings and think we’re being paranoid when it’s really God (or the universe, or your personal higher power, whatever you believe in) trying to warn us about the dangers ahead. There have also been plenty of times that I didn’t listen to that intuition at all and paid the price dearly. Please learn from my mistakes.

I dated a girl back in 2008 or 2009 (the years all start to run together after a certain point) that we’ll call Ashley. Ashley was fine, played basketball, had a nice car, great job, and most importantly - was taller than me. But there were lots of things about her that didn’t add up. Like how she claimed to be an engineer for Apple, but we lived in Oklahoma City which had only just gotten an Apple retail store at all the year before. Or how she claimed to be my age, but her driver’s license said she was born three years before I was. (She claimed it was a mistake at the DMV that she never got fixed). Or how she constantly gave away fancy things like Louis Vuitton purses and Gucci and bought an SUV back when gas was like $5.32/gallon and not even rich white people were buying SUVs. The list goes on and on.

There was a lot about Ashley that should have been a red flag, but I didn’t care. She was fine! She took me out all the time and seemed head over heels for me and opened doors and held my umbrella so I looked past the sketchy job thing and the fact that she was blatantly lying about her age and everything else. The universe gave me so many chances to walk away from that situation, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. If I am honest with you now, it’s because I never thought someone who looked that good could be attracted to me. If I lost her, I’d never get anybody that fine again. When she got a new job as an “engineer” at a bank, she asked me to come there one day and open an account so she could deposit a check into it. Now don’t get me wrong, I was definitely a fool back then, but that just felt like it should be a no. And so for the first time in our relationship, I told her no.

She let it drop, and I pretended that nothing was wrong and kept dating Ashley despite the millions of warnings the universe was tossing in my direction until I couldn’t ignore them anymore.

A few weeks later, I was home asleep when she pulled up at my house at 3 AM (problem number one) and told me she’d been arrested for embezzlement and her dad had just bailed her out. She claimed that it was all a big misunderstanding, but when I put two and two together I realized that she’d asked me to come to the bank that day so that she could pull off her little stunt and blame me if she ever got caught. To say that I was hurt by that betrayal would be a massive understatement. I couldn’t believe someone I loved and trusted so much could have treated me that way. Had I been even just 2% dumber I’d probably have a record right now because of that girl. I let the idea of loneliness and solitude keep me in a situation that I should have left months earlier, and it almost ruined me in a permanent way.

I tell you that story because my friend Kid Fury and I give out a lot of advice on our podcast, The Read. Most of it is about relationships and I get a lot of feedback from younger women who say things like “Wow, I wish I was as reasonable as you are about relationships” or “I wish I was okay with being single like you guys seem to be”. But I didn’t always make smart decisions when it came to love. I wasn’t always okay with being by myself and I didn’t get to this place overnight.

What I DID do was learn from all the ways that I messed up and spent time alone after every relationship to work on myself. From Ashley in particular I learned to always trust my instincts, and these days I spend a lot more time vetting people before I decide to date them. That’s not foolproof either, because love is always a gamble. You never know how things will turn out. The difference now is that I listen to the warnings the first time I hear them.

Since we’re already on the subject of relationships, I want you to know that sometimes you will have to un-break your own heart. Sometimes what you thought was the perfect relationship ends and you don’t get any real answers or resolution or closure. Sometimes you will have to sit alone in your heartbreak and just feel every bit of that misery. Sometimes you will have to know when it’s over and be brave enough to end things before they can get worse.

I want you to know that because if you decide to not feel those feelings… if you decide to throw yourself into sex or dating or selling laxatives on Instagram instead of processing the entirety of what you are going through… all you are doing is delaying the inevitable. Your future relationships will crumble under the weight of your unresolved emotions. You are not doing yourself a favor by pretending that you aren’t bleeding. It is fine and good to develop hobbies to distract yourself from the pain and loneliness of a relationship ending, but make sure you take the time to really get through your breakup.

Remember that never getting married isn’t the worst thing that could happen to you, but marrying the wrong person could be.

For young women in particular, I want you to learn to put yourselves first. Learn to prioritize your needs. There is so much to be accomplished in your personal life when you are happy with yourself alone. As a wise woman once said, there is an essential part of who you are that only becomes alive in the place where romance ends. Women are so conditioned in this society to take care of others that choosing yourself can feel unnatural. It can be isolating, because believe it or not lots of people don’t think women have the right to see themselves as truly equal to men. Weak partners will not know how to handle a woman who puts her happiness above anyone else’s but choose yourself anyway, and never compromise just for the sake of not being single.

When I was around your age, LiveJournal was a big deal on the internet. If you aren’t familiar, LiveJournal was a site for keeping personal blogs and participating in communities with like-minded people and I loved it. I blogged on LJ for years and made internet friends that I still keep up with on Twitter today, and when I take the time to go back and read what I was going through in my mid-twenties I am always blown away.

An excerpt from September 6, 2004: “I figure, why break up with him for being a liar (and probably a cheater) when everyone I’ve EVER dated has been a liar/cheater. Obviously I am destined to be either alone or with a liar/cheater. No sense in breaking up with this one when all I’ll be doing is waiting for the next one to come around.”

YIKES! I read that now and see a person whose self-esteem was so low that she should’ve been single and in therapy. It’s hard for me to reconcile that girl with who I am today, but I got here. The things that felt fresh and dangerous and new back then are old roads to me now. You will get there too. But you gotta keep going.

Another quote from my journal, this one dated November 5, 2008: “I don’t even try, anymore, even though I want things to be better. I want to do and be better. But I don’t put forth the effort that I know is required of me and I don’t know why. I just let things get worse and worse and worse and one of two things happen: It’ll get so bad that I’m forced to do something to change it or it’ll blow up completely in my face. If I do eventually change, I never manage to keep it up so either way it goes my life is a constant cycle of fail. I wish I knew why I couldn’t be one of those people who learns to make it right.

P.S. What is up with Rihanna having all these good songs lately?”

I remember feeling that way A LOT - sometimes for days and weeks at time. But it’s funny to me now that I remember those feelings but not the daily work it took to get out of it. I just know that I kept moving. I talked to my friends about what was going on and faithfully asked the church to pray for me every Sunday and Wednesday. When that didn’t fix it alone, I broke down and found a psychiatrist. (Which I highly recommend, by the way. Mine have saved my life twice. #NoShame.) If you’ve never been in therapy before, it might surprise you how helpful a stranger can be when you feel stuck dealing with life. And of course, I kept my journal. I kept writing. When my depression drove me to the point of feeling suicidal, I wrote my way out. But my journal wasn’t all tears and desperation and sadness. I laugh a lot too when I look back at who I used to be and what the world was like then.

Like this post from September 3, 2005: “Kanye West just got on TV and said ‘George Bush doesn’t care about black people’. Kanye West is officially my baby daddy.”

Or this one, from August of that same year: “I bought two fish, one male and one female. I named them Brad and Angelina. And I don’t think it’s any coincidence that they hump constantly.”

I encourage you to keep a journal and write in it as much as possible. I read a story on Humans of New York last year about a woman who has kept a journal every day since she started it as a class assignment in elementary school. Y’all, I would spend Beyoncé ticket money to be able to go back to 1996 and read my thoughts on being in 7th grade and what the Oklahoma City bombing was like for us living 90 miles away. I would spend VIP Beyoncé ticket money to be able to go back to high school and read the daily thoughts of a girl who was struggling with bisexuality and living with a very religious family in the middle of the Bible belt. So yes, please keep a written record of your life. One day it will be invaluable to you.

Take a lot of pictures of yourself and of everything around you, even when you think you look terrible. I don’t mean that you have to post them on Instagram or Tumblr every day, but no one ever grew older and thought “Damn, there’s too many photos of me lying around from when I was young.” The moments you are experiencing now will layer themselves into the person you grow to be. It’s a lot of fun to look back on trips that my best friends and I took in our mid-twenties and cackle together over the memories. When I was your age, camera phones were only just starting to become mainstream and it was a bit of a pain to hold onto lots of photos. So take advantage of the times we are in now. Save all those snaps to your camera roll. Record videos when you and your friends are just hanging out being goofy. Take those selfies, even if you think they’re ugly, and know that one day you’ll look back and touch the pixels of your 23 year old face and wonder where the time went.

One day, if it hasn’t come already, it will really hit you that you’re not one of the kids anymore. One day you will look around at your family and you will now be in the position that was always previously occupied by your parents, aunts, and uncles. Those kids that your siblings and cousins have? They get old fast! It is a cruel trick of life that childhood seems to drag on forever while adulthood flies past. Nothing prepares you for the realization that your parents are whole, complete people who had entire lives that existed before you were ever considered.

You will know in a way that young people are not capable of knowing that time continues to move and the world keeps turning no matter what. Children cannot quite understand that the games and technology and places and people they build their memories out of will all change one day. When I was your age, MySpace and BlackPlanet were more popular than Facebook and George W. Bush was the dumbest president America ever had. So yeah, the world will change in ways you cannot begin to imagine. You will realize that if you are fortunate you will be old one day, but also that growing older means learning different ways to say goodbye. One day it will be you turning up the brightness on your phone and increasing the font size on your MacBook and looking confused at whatever new app or machine the children of the future have invented.

Everyone won’t leave Vassar this weekend with a great job lined up in the career they’ve always dreamed of and go on to live happily ever after. If you’re like most of us, you will spend a significant amount of time being overworked, undervalued, underpaid, stressed, and tired. I want to encourage you today to hold on through the times when life will frustrate you the most. Understand that you WILL mess up, and the way you respond to making mistakes shows your true maturity. Hold on to the friendships you’ve had for years. Take the time to figure out who you are and how that person is different from who you want to be. Learn when to cut people off and how to genuinely apologize.

Ages 22 to 32 were by far the hardest I’ve gone through in my life. Imma just be real with y’all about that. I had a lot of terrible relationships. I had knockdown drag-out fights with roommates and best friends. I had terrible jobs and even worse bosses. My health wasn’t always great and I stopped trying to take care of myself. Depression and anxiety seemed to rule my days more often than not.

But if I hadn’t held on, I never would have worked up the nerve to move from Oklahoma to Harlem. I never would have started doing The Read with Kid Fury, which changed my life completely. I never would have been able to travel the world doing the work I love. I never would have found the real happiness and true peace that come with both loving and liking yourself.

Understand that your next steps into adulthood begin now, and that you cannot get to the rewards life has in store for you without walking the journey. (Unless you were born a cis-straight white man, and then the world is your oyster.) When I look back over the past decade of my life, I see a lot of struggle and heartache and days that I had to collect coins from the bottom of my glove compartment to scrape up enough money to find dinner. And now that I’m on the other side of that mountain I see how every last one of those days I spent hurting and miserable led me to being right here. I had to learn to trust the process laid out for me. I had to learn to let my dreams shift into my destiny. Like Oprah says, I learned to lean in with the universe instead of fighting it. So as you prepare to tackle the changes heading your way, do your best to hold your head high and remain true to yourself. Remember to hold onto your values, your ethics, and your purpose. It is these qualities that will successfully guide you through life.

I’ll leave you with one last excerpt from my journal, dated January 20, 2007: “My ex-boyfriend just moved to Harlem and he gets on my nerves talking about how great the east coast is. I really don’t give a damn about the east coast. I would never move to NYC, but maybe that’s just me.”10 years later, I can tell you that 24 year old me couldn’t have been more wrong about what she would or would not do and how her life was going to turn out. So have your dreams and goals, but don’t be so attached to them that you miss out on your purpose.

Congratulations to you, the Vassar class of 2017, and to the parents, family and friends who have helped you arrive. Good luck to you and thank you for listening.

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