#Planned to epic nosedive on one of my first solos so no one could stop me

[silverefflux]

Hotlines for PHL

Notice

TW: Implied suicidal thoughts/ideation (it's comfort though) (I wrote this at 4 am cause I heard a sad song that made me think of Simon, so- Hotlines)

Aight so like, you know that phenomenon of when super depressed people suddenly get all happy and energetic, seemingly out of nowhere? And you gotta sit and wonder if they’re actually happy or if it’s something else? That but, it’s Simon. And Y/N’s the one that notices.

They’re all at a pub after a mission and Simon’s being particularly chatty, easy going, making jokes. It’s almost suspicious but the team is really enjoying it, except Y/N. They notice it’s just a bit off. So when the team splits apart and is ready to go to their homes/back to base/a hotel/etc-

“Hey, Si! You got any plans after this?” The soldier calls, jogging up to the skull masked man with a smile. Simon looks at them and shakes his head. “Not in particular, I’ll just be headin’ to bed.” He answers. “Yeah? Well uh, how about we hang out a little longer, eh? Night’s pretty young.” They insist, still following beside him. “I think I’m good-“

“Simon.” Their light hearted tone is gone in an instant and it makes the man pause. Looking at their faces shows their worry, concern. They swallow and sigh. “If I let you go back home, alone. Will I see you tomorrow?” They ask, it’s a very odd question, one delivered with a lot of intensity. “…what do you mean?” He inquires. “Am I going to be sending you home with the peace of mind you’ll be up and walking by tomorrow?” They repeat. Simon turns slightly, clenching and unclenching his hands anxiously. “Just now, in that pub. Was all that energy real? Or…is it a sign I should be worried? Because I’ve seen that kind of behavior before. I’ve had that kind of behavior before. So if you’ve got something going on, I need you to tell me.”

Simon shifts uncomfortably under the weight of their questions, the heaviness in the air. Yet a small bit of his soul bursts with relief that someone noticed, someone actually bothered to notice. “I’m really not sure what you’re referring to, soldier. I’m fine.” He denies. They shake their head and look him over, trying the search for his honesty in the limited part of his face they can see. “I care about you. You know that?” Their voice is soft and sincere and it breaks a part of Simon’s tough shell in a gentle manner. “I do. A lot. And if you were in a dark place, or…if something were to happen to you? I’d be a wreck, you know? I give a shit. I really do.”

The silence he gives in reply is weighted. Simon looks away and anxiously scratches an itch in his cheek over his balaclava. “Simon.” He flinches at his name but turns to look at them anyway. It wasn’t pity in their gaze, nothing but unbridled sympathy and adoration. “Let me stick with you tonight. Or come back to the base with me. I know a the look of death lurking on someone’s shoulder and right now he’s practically spooning you.” The British soldier inhales to speak, but the words are caught in his system, and his chest shudders when they reach their hand out. They grasp his, squeezing it gently. “Not tonight, Si. Not for a long while yet.”

Simon swallows. “…ain’t gonna let me go the easy way, huh?” He asked, his voice is weak and distant. And for once he seems vulnerable. They smile anyway, gently. “No. It’d be out of character to make anything easy for you.” Their reply allows him to chuckle, just barely, but earnestly. “…alright. I’ll tell the reaper to reschedule.” He whispers. “Good man. We’ll go to my place, got some ice cream I’ve been meaning to share”. They respond, pulling him gently. It’s not fixed, nothing is ever that easy. But they pull him from the edge of life & death that night, this time by taking him home with them rather than on a battlefield. It wouldn’t be the first time, and Simon feels guilty that it probably won’t be the last. But he’s grateful anyway.

Grateful someone cared enough to notice.