#I had THIS EXACT BEHAVIOR. My man found out and took hrs to talk me out of it

[silverefflux]

Hotlines for PHL

Notice

TW: Implied suicidal thoughts/ideation (it's comfort though) (I wrote this at 4 am cause I heard a sad song that made me think of Simon, so- Hotlines)

Aight so like, you know that phenomenon of when super depressed people suddenly get all happy and energetic, seemingly out of nowhere? And you gotta sit and wonder if they’re actually happy or if it’s something else? That but, it’s Simon. And Y/N’s the one that notices.

They’re all at a pub after a mission and Simon’s being particularly chatty, easy going, making jokes. It’s almost suspicious but the team is really enjoying it, except Y/N. They notice it’s just a bit off. So when the team splits apart and is ready to go to their homes/back to base/a hotel/etc-

“Hey, Si! You got any plans after this?” The soldier calls, jogging up to the skull masked man with a smile. Simon looks at them and shakes his head. “Not in particular, I’ll just be headin’ to bed.” He answers. “Yeah? Well uh, how about we hang out a little longer, eh? Night’s pretty young.” They insist, still following beside him. “I think I’m good-“

“Simon.” Their light hearted tone is gone in an instant and it makes the man pause. Looking at their faces shows their worry, concern. They swallow and sigh. “If I let you go back home, alone. Will I see you tomorrow?” They ask, it’s a very odd question, one delivered with a lot of intensity. “…what do you mean?” He inquires. “Am I going to be sending you home with the peace of mind you’ll be up and walking by tomorrow?” They repeat. Simon turns slightly, clenching and unclenching his hands anxiously. “Just now, in that pub. Was all that energy real? Or…is it a sign I should be worried? Because I’ve seen that kind of behavior before. I’ve had that kind of behavior before. So if you’ve got something going on, I need you to tell me.”

Simon shifts uncomfortably under the weight of their questions, the heaviness in the air. Yet a small bit of his soul bursts with relief that someone noticed, someone actually bothered to notice. “I’m really not sure what you’re referring to, soldier. I’m fine.” He denies. They shake their head and look him over, trying the search for his honesty in the limited part of his face they can see. “I care about you. You know that?” Their voice is soft and sincere and it breaks a part of Simon’s tough shell in a gentle manner. “I do. A lot. And if you were in a dark place, or…if something were to happen to you? I’d be a wreck, you know? I give a shit. I really do.”

The silence he gives in reply is weighted. Simon looks away and anxiously scratches an itch in his cheek over his balaclava. “Simon.” He flinches at his name but turns to look at them anyway. It wasn’t pity in their gaze, nothing but unbridled sympathy and adoration. “Let me stick with you tonight. Or come back to the base with me. I know a the look of death lurking on someone’s shoulder and right now he’s practically spooning you.” The British soldier inhales to speak, but the words are caught in his system, and his chest shudders when they reach their hand out. They grasp his, squeezing it gently. “Not tonight, Si. Not for a long while yet.”

Simon swallows. “…ain’t gonna let me go the easy way, huh?” He asked, his voice is weak and distant. And for once he seems vulnerable. They smile anyway, gently. “No. It’d be out of character to make anything easy for you.” Their reply allows him to chuckle, just barely, but earnestly. “…alright. I’ll tell the reaper to reschedule.” He whispers. “Good man. We’ll go to my place, got some ice cream I’ve been meaning to share”. They respond, pulling him gently. It’s not fixed, nothing is ever that easy. But they pull him from the edge of life & death that night, this time by taking him home with them rather than on a battlefield. It wouldn’t be the first time, and Simon feels guilty that it probably won’t be the last. But he’s grateful anyway.

Grateful someone cared enough to notice.

[confessionsofahippy-blog]

A hippies guide to survive an LSD overdose.

What is LSD?

Have you ever taken LSD? If so what has been your dosage? For the benefit of our non LSD taking friends, let us try and give a small introduction to LSD and its doses.   This is what Wiki says “Lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD), also known as acid, is a psychedelic drug known for its psychological effects. This may include altered awareness of the surroundings, perceptions, and feelings as well as sensations and images that seem real though they are not.[11] It is used mainly as a recreational drug and for spiritual reasons. LSD is typically either swallowed or held under the tongue.”

This hallucinogenic drug comes in mainly the form of a colorless liquid or small stamp size papers dipped in this liquid. Pound for pound, LSD is amongst one of the most potent chemicals known to mankind. Its life changing properties are well documented. The experience of talking LSD is very difficult to explain. It’s like trying to explain what you see, when one looks inside a microscope. Unless you see/experience it for yourself it is hard to fathom such a world. Similarly a psychedelic experience is hard to put it in words. Generally the dose is one drop. Just one tiny drop! And 20 minutes later one starts to feel its affects.

A Deadly Music Festival!

Now to the crime scene. The year is 2012 and I’m in the middle of nowhere in far north Queensland, Australia. I have made my way up here with my mates to witness a total solar eclipse. There is a 7 day music festival being  organized to celebrate this astronomical event. We were a crew of around 15-20 who had made our way up from Melbourne. There had been a major buzz amongst the doofing community in Melbourne regarding thins solar eclipse festival. Our whole crew had been planning for months for this festival. This was a 7 day long festival located 3000 kms away from Melbourne! This needed more than 5 months of meticulous planing. My mate  Jane (name changed)  took the lead in booking festival tickets and other logistics. Transporting drugs for all of us was also a big issue, but thanks to my good mate Dave (name changed)  he had some boys drive 10 days from Melbourne across the whole length of Australia to get us our drugs. Other than this we all had our own personal stash which we had to deal with. 

As the festival date got closer , the excitement levels were off the roof. Especially  for my friend David, Dave in short. Along with his girlfriend Jane, were probably the most excited amongst folks amongst us.

Dave had stocked up considerably , with around 50 pills of Ecstasy , 5 gms of MDMA , 15 gm of Ketamine  and a bottle of LSD (around 100 drops).( How I know these exact amounts? I’ll tell you later in the blog). I also had some small amounts for personal consumption that I took with me on the flight from Melbourne (Tell you about that another day).

Fast forward to the festival. The location is a good 2 hour drive from any civilization. The festival is huge with 7 dance floors and around 20,000 people camping up over a few kilometers. Our whole crew found an amazing camping spot with shade and not too far from the main dance floors. The 1sttwo days were amazing with music, friends, dancing and a lot of drugs. Everyone in that festival was loaded with drugs. This the kind of stuff we dream of!  Dave was killing it. He was the go to man with his plethora of drugs at his disposal. The LSD he had was not the strongest, but still quite good. But the killer was the ketamine which he got from India. That shit was sooo potent. Just a tiny bump of it up your nose and the world transform this large dancing trampoline! With a concoction of various other drugs and amazing music, the 1st 2days just flew past.

Day 3 – Today is the big day. The day before the total solar eclipse .All the big acts of zenon records were playing.  The music lined up for the sunset stage was off the hook.  I remember everyone was very high that morning. There were a few of us who hadn’t slept the previous night. Dave was one of them, and needed more drugs to sustain himself. By lunch time most of us were all pretty exhausted and were resting before the main music starts around 3 pm. It was just me Jane and Dave when the music started on the sunset stage. Dave was already a wreck by then. He had snorted a shit of Ketamine by then. I was not doing too bad as well and was sufficiently high on LSD and some MDMA. I remember the afternoon like it happened yesterday! What did I know that the next few minutes will change my life! As me and Jane were rolling a cigarette, we saw Dave drinking something out of a bottle. And then it just hit us!

OMG HE’s DRANKING THE WHOLE BOTTLLE OF LSD!!!!! Just like that, before we could do anything, the empty bottle of LSD was on the ground. Dave turned around and looked us straight in the eye and said with a loud grunt “Holy shit… what I have done!”

It took us a few minutes to realize what happened.  I walked straight up to Dave and asked him what he had done? If he really drank that whole bottle? When he replied “Yes”, that was the most sober I had seen Dev for all the 3 days we had been in the festival. As it dawned on the 3 of us that we need to do something and fast, a bit of panic set in. Some of the other dancers recommended that we give Dave a large dose of Zanex (sleeping pill) and he would be fine. But I knew that no zanex is going to help him now. He had around 90 hits of LSD inside him.  Can you even imagine what it will be like? All my high had come down so had Janes. We decided that I will take Dave to the medic tent while Jane goes and gets our other mates.  Thanks to some quick thinking from Jane and myself had made the right decision.  Dave was pitch sober by now and can’t believe what he has just done .As  Dave  and myself scamper towards the medic tent I remember him telling me that he will never be the same person again!!

We find the medic tent in a corner of the market area. Inside the medic tent we have two volunteers who look like they have just walked out of a Viking movie. The heavily bearded man and his assistant seem to be busy taking care of a few Japanese girls suffering a sun stroke.  As we enter the tent the bearded Viking volunteer as me “How can I help?” To which I replied “Sir. My friend here has drunk a whole bottle of LSD, around 90 hits”. There was pin drop silence for a few seconds. The volunteers couldn’t believe what they had heard. Quickly he told me that the paramedic team was waiting outside and that we should consult them directly. We step out of the tent and find the paramedics next to their ambulance.

I greeted the officers and tell them what had happened. To my surprise, the officer’s dint knows much about LSD or its effects.  I made a suggestion to the medicos that maybe sedating Dave will be a good and safe option. That suggestion was not accepted as the medics dint want the sedatives to react with the drugs DAV had already taken. We were advised to sit down in the medic tent and wait it out.  I couldn’t believe the medic had just told us to wait it out! Does he even know what he’s talking about? There are 90 drops of LSD in my mate’s body and it is going to explode! But then we had no other choice and made our way back to the tent. I sat on a stool while Dave sat next to me on the ground.

It had been around 20 minutes by then since Dave had taken the hit. The ere silence inside the tent was very unnerving. All of us in the tent knew that all this LSD is going to hit Dave anytime. Dave new it too and it was making him restless. He kept telling me that he had a good life, with work, girlfriend etc.  He kept repeating…“ What have I done”!!!  In that stressful situation Dave showed great awareness to empty his drug stash and gave it all to me. I quickly put the big stash in the pocket of my camel pack.  I tried to reassure Dave that we were at the right place if something were to go wrong. To hang in there and to be brave. Then there was total silence for a few minutes. I knew the moment had come. Dave was breathing much more heavily now.

He shouted “Oakley shades Zenon records…. I understand now” as he stood up.  The look in his eyes scared me. I tried to tell him to calm himself, but he pushed me to the side and ran out of the medic tent.  By the time I picked myself up to follow him, he was gone. A difficult situation had become dangerous and life threatening. I walked up to the paramedics who were having a chat with some festival security personals. I simply told them that I had done my duty by bringing Dave to the medic tent and due to their irresponsible behavior Dave had escaped into the festival. Dave was a true danger to himself and other in this state. The Security personals straightaway understood the seriousness of this situation and started to send message on their walkie talkies.

As I step out into the market area to search for Dave I bump into Jane and my other crew members. I briefed them about the events inside the medic tent and the fact that Dave was out in the festival somewhere high as fuck! We decided to split up to find him. Luckily we bumped into our Japanese friend “Yuji”. He ran up to us and said “Dave is very high and doing crazy stuff on top of the viewing hill”. A few hundred meters from where we were was a hill, the best vantage point to see the eclipse.

We spot Dave the moment we reach the top of the hill. He was rolling around in the red Australian dirt. Eyes rolled up and frothing from his mouth. His face was pale, almost blue. Making high pith groaning noises he was punching the ground and throwing himself everywhere. We were 6-7 guys who tried to hold him down. But he was throwing us around like an animal. The best word to describe him is probably “manimal”.

Within minutes the paramedics had come with the ambulance. They told us to stand away from Dave who was still convulsing like a man possessed. Along with a few security men they try to administer some sort of relaxant via oxygen pipe. That dint work. Then I could see one of the medics on the phone to some doctor at from Cairns (3 hrs away) for help.  It seem as though the doc told them to knock Dave out with intravenous Ketamine. Next thing you know the medic reaches into her bag and administers Dave with a full dose of intravenous Ketamine. They wait for it to show its affects, but to no avail. By this time Dave is free falling through his own consciousness. He muttering names of kids he went to kinder garden with. The medics administer 2 more doses of ketamine to calm him down. You could see the look on their faces on how serious this whole thing was.

Meanwhile one of the security guards taps me on the shoulder and says that some officers wanted to talk to me. I turn around to see two cops. Then I get introduced to them as Dave’s friend. My heart started pumping, as I had all Dave stash of drugs in my camel pack. If the cops ask me to show them my camel pack, I’m going straight to jail! And for a long time!

I guess it was my lucky day. The cops asked me a few questions. They seemed genuinely worried about Dave. They asked me about how he did this to himself and what drug etc. to which I gave them honest answers.  I was also a little surprised when they patted me on my back for having taken care of my mate. By this time the paramedics have successfully managed to knock Dave out as he’s gets strapped on the stretcher. The paramedics ask one of us to go with them as they shift him into the ambulance. It was a strange moment.  Jane had helped us plan for this festival for all these months, and now she had to leave it mid way. I spoke to her for a few minutes as she cried. I told her that going with Dave on the ambulance was the right thing to do.

There is a dust storm approaching us as Jane gets into that ambulance to leave. The surrounding light and atmosphere were surreal. We could see thousands of people dancing in the sunset stage below us as the ambulance left us. The approaching thunderstorms were making multiple rainbows against the setting sun.  It is one of the truly beautiful sights I have seen in my life. The LSD in my system made this sight almost unbelievable with trails and layers. I felt as thou the nature was telling me that Dave was going to be fine. The multiple rainbows were the best thing that happened to me that day.  Later I was told that Dave had to be air lifted to cairns as he was not breathing properly.

Dave made it through that night without much problem. He woke up nearly 19 hours later and was properly conscious and aware of what had happened. But this even had changed me. It put life and parties in perspective for me. Thanks to some good decision making between me, Jane and the paramedics were able to avoid a potentially life threatening situation. It was a great example how fun can go wrong.

Dave made a full physical recovery, but same can’t be said regarding his mental aspect. He has shown a downward trend after this incident.   Something happened to him that night. His brain got rewired somehow. After almost 10 years after that incident, he finds himself in and out of rehab for Heroine and alcohol. This event changed me too, but I believe for the good. This was my queue to get the fuck out there and make a life! Which I did and got back to India and cleaned up my act.

I hope my experience shed some light on how to deal with an LSD overdose. If you or your friend fined yourself in this situation, then see help.  Tell your friends what you have done and Get to a hospital a sap. Don’t try and find a fix for this yourself, because you can’t. These chemicals are so powerful that are way beyond a mortal human beings capabilities. One drop is the dosage. Don’t play with LSD, It is not a joke. If you do, then it will teach you and your friends a good lesson in life.  Don’t take this god given sanity for granted, it can vanish in a split second.

Do you think I did the right thing? Would you have done it differently? I would like to hear from you so please leave a comment. Looking forward to interacting with you fellow hippies out there. Until next time…Drop Acid, not bombs!

Indian Hippy

[hoursofreading]

i feel that everyone should read the article i posted before, so i’m posting it again.

Reflecting On One Very, Very Strange Year At Uber

As most of you know, I left Uber in December and joined Stripe in January. I've gotten a lot of questions over the past couple of months about why I left and what my time at Uber was like. It's a strange, fascinating, and slightly horrifying story that deserves to be told while it is still fresh in my mind, so here we go.

I joined Uber as a site reliability engineer (SRE) back in November 2015, and it was a great time to join as an engineer. They were still wrangling microservices out of their monolithic API, and things were just chaotic enough that there was exciting reliability work to be done. The SRE team was still pretty new when I joined, and I had the rare opportunity to choose whichever team was working on something that I wanted to be part of.

After the first couple of weeks of training, I chose to join the team that worked on my area of expertise, and this is where things started getting weird. On my first official day rotating on the team, my new manager sent me a string of messages over company chat. He was in an open relationship, he said, and his girlfriend was having an easy time finding new partners but he wasn't. He was trying to stay out of trouble at work, he said, but he couldn't help getting in trouble, because he was looking for women to have sex with. It was clear that he was trying to get me to have sex with him, and it was so clearly out of line that I immediately took screenshots of these chat messages and reported him to HR.

Uber was a pretty good-sized company at that time, and I had pretty standard expectations of how they would handle situations like this. I expected that I would report him to HR, they would handle the situation appropriately, and then life would go on - unfortunately, things played out quite a bit differently. When I reported the situation, I was told by both HR and upper management that even though this was clearly sexual harassment and he was propositioning me, it was this man's first offense, and that they wouldn't feel comfortable giving him anything other than a warning and a stern talking-to. Upper management told me that he "was a high performer" (i.e. had stellar performance reviews from his superiors) and they wouldn't feel comfortable punishing him for what was probably just an innocent mistake on his part.

I was then told that I had to make a choice: (i) I could either go and find another team and then never have to interact with this man again, or (ii) I could stay on the team, but I would have to understand that he would most likely give me a poor performance review when review time came around, and there was nothing they could do about that. I remarked that this didn't seem like much of a choice, and that I wanted to stay on the team because I had significant expertise in the exact project that the team was struggling to complete (it was genuinely in the company's best interest to have me on that team), but they told me the same thing again and again. One HR rep even explicitly told me that it wouldn't be retaliation if I received a negative review later because I had been "given an option". I tried to escalate the situation but got nowhere with either HR or with my own management chain (who continued to insist that they had given him a stern-talking to and didn't want to ruin his career over his "first offense").

So I left that team, and took quite a few weeks learning about other teams before landing anywhere (I desperately wanted to not have to interact with HR ever again). I ended up joining a brand-new SRE team that gave me a lot of autonomy, and I found ways to be happy and do amazing work. In fact, the work I did on this team turned into the production-readiness process which I wrote about in my bestselling (!!!) book Production-Ready Microservices.

Over the next few months, I began to meet more women engineers in the company. As I got to know them, and heard their stories, I was surprised that some of them had stories similar to my own. Some of the women even had stories about reporting the exact same manager I had reported, and had reported inappropriate interactions with him long before I had even joined the company. It became obvious that both HR and management had been lying about this being "his first offense", and it certainly wasn't his last. Within a few months, he was reported once again for inappropriate behavior, and those who reported him were told it was still his "first offense". The situation was escalated as far up the chain as it could be escalated, and still nothing was done.

Myself and a few of the women who had reported him in the past decided to all schedule meetings with HR to insist that something be done. In my meeting, the rep I spoke with told me that he had never been reported before, he had only ever committed one offense (in his chats with me), and that none of the other women who they met with had anything bad to say about him, so no further action could or would be taken. It was such a blatant lie that there was really nothing I could do. There was nothing any of us could do. We all gave up on Uber HR and our managers after that. Eventually he "left" the company. I don't know what he did that finally convinced them to fire him.

In the background, there was a game-of-thrones political war raging within the ranks of upper management in the infrastructure engineering organization. It seemed like every manager was fighting their peers and attempting to undermine their direct supervisor so that they could have their direct supervisor's job. No attempts were made by these managers to hide what they were doing: they boasted about it in meetings, told their direct reports about it, and the like. I remember countless meetings with my managers and skip-levels where I would sit there, not saying anything, and the manager would be boasting about finding favor with their skip-level and that I should expect them to have their manager's job within a quarter or two. I also remember a very disturbing team meeting in which one of the directors boasted to our team that he had withheld business-critical information from one of the executives so that he could curry favor with one of the other executives (and, he told us with a smile on his face, it worked!).

The ramifications of these political games were significant: projects were abandoned left and right, OKRs were changed multiple times each quarter, nobody knew what our organizational priorities would be one day to the next, and very little ever got done. We all lived under fear that our teams would be dissolved, there would be another re-org, and we'd have to start on yet another new project with an impossible deadline. It was an organization in complete, unrelenting chaos.

I was lucky enough during all of this to work with some of the most amazing engineers in the Bay Area. We kept our heads down and did good (sometimes great) work despite the chaos. We loved our work, we loved the engineering challenges, we loved making this crazy Uber machine work, and together we found ways to make it through the re-orgs and the changing OKRs and the abandoned projects and the impossible deadlines. We kept each other sane, kept the gigantic Uber ecosystem running, and told ourselves that it would eventually get better.

Things didn't get better, and engineers began transferring to the less chaotic engineering organizations. Once I had finished up my projects and saw that things weren't going to change, I also requested a transfer. I met all of the qualifications for transferring - I had managers who wanted me on their teams, and I had a perfect performance score - so I didn't see how anything could go wrong. And then my transfer was blocked.

According to my manager, his manager, and the director, my transfer was being blocked because I had undocumented performance problems. I pointed out that I had a perfect performance score, and that there had never been any complaints about my performance. I had completed all OKRs on schedule, never missed a deadline even in the insane organizational chaos, and that I had managers waiting for me to join their team. I asked what my performance problem was, and they didn't give me an answer. At first they said I wasn't being technical enough, so I pointed out that they were the ones who had given me my OKRs, and if they wanted to see different work from me then they should give me the kind of work they wanted to see - they then backed down and stopped saying that this was the problem. I kept pushing, until finally I was told that "performance problems aren't always something that has to do with work, but sometimes can be about things outside of work or your personal life." I couldn't decipher that, so I gave up and decided to stay until my next performance review.

Performance review season came around, and I received a great review with no complaints whatsoever about my performance. I waited a couple of months, and then attempted to transfer again. When I attempted to transfer, I was told that my performance review and score had been changed after the official reviews had been calibrated, and so I was no longer eligible for transfer. When I asked management why my review had been changed after the fact (and why hadn't they let me know that they'd changed it?), they said that I didn't show any signs of an upward career trajectory. I pointed out that I was publishing a book with O'Reilly, speaking at major tech conferences, and doing all of the things that you're supposed to do to have an "upward career trajectory", but they said it didn't matter and I needed to prove myself as an engineer. I was stuck where I was.

I asked them to change my performance review back. My manager said that the new negative review I was given had no real-world consequences, so I shouldn't worry about it. But I went home and cried that day, because even aside from impacts to my salary and bonuses, it did have real-world consequences - significant consequences that my management chain was very well aware of. I was enrolled in a Stanford CS graduate program, sponsored by Uber, and Uber only sponsored employees who had high performance scores. Under both of my official performance reviews and scores, I qualified for the program, but after this sneaky new negative score I was no longer eligible.

It turned out that keeping me on the team made my manager look good, and I overheard him boasting to the rest of the team that even though the rest of the teams were losing their women engineers left and right, he still had some on his team.

When I joined Uber, the organization I was part of was over 25% women. By the time I was trying to transfer to another eng organization, this number had dropped down to less than 6%. Women were transferring out of the organization, and those who couldn't transfer were quitting or preparing to quit. There were two major reasons for this: there was the organizational chaos, and there was also the sexism within the organization. When I asked our director at an org all-hands about what was being done about the dwindling numbers of women in the org compared to the rest of the company, his reply was, in a nutshell, that the women of Uber just needed to step up and be better engineers.

Things were beginning to get even more comically absurd with each passing day. Every time something ridiculous happened, every time a sexist email was sent, I'd sent a short report to HR just to keep a record going. Things came to a head with one particular email chain from the director of our engineering organization concerning leather jackets that had been ordered for all of the SREs. See, earlier in the year, the organization had promised leather jackets for everyone in organization, and had taken all of our sizes; we all tried them on and found our sizes, and placed our orders. One day, all of the women (there were, I believe, six of us left in the org) received an email saying that no leather jackets were being ordered for the women because there were not enough women in the organization to justify placing an order. I replied and said that I was sure Uber SRE could find room in their budget to buy leather jackets for the, what, six women if it could afford to buy them for over a hundred and twenty men. The director replied back, saying that if we women really wanted equality, then we should realize we were getting equality by not getting the leather jackets. He said that because there were so many men in the org, they had gotten a significant discount on the men's jackets but not on the women's jackets, and it wouldn't be equal or fair, he argued, to give the women leather jackets that cost a little more than the men's jackets. We were told that if we wanted leather jackets, we women needed to find jackets that were the same price as the bulk-order price of the men's jackets.

I forwarded this absurd chain of emails to HR, and they requested to meet with me shortly after. I don't know what I expected after all of my earlier encounters with them, but this one was more ridiculous than I could have ever imagined. The HR rep began the meeting by asking me if I had noticed that *I* was the common theme in all of the reports I had been making, and that if I had ever considered that I might be the problem. I pointed out that everything I had reported came with extensive documentation and I clearly wasn't the instigator (or even a main character) in the majority of them - she countered by saying that there was absolutely no record in HR of any of the incidents I was claiming I had reported (which, of course, was a lie, and I reminded her I had email and chat records to prove it was a lie). She then asked me if women engineers at Uber were friends and talked a lot, and then asked me how often we communicated, what we talked about, what email addresses we used to communicate, which chat rooms we frequented, etc. -  an absurd and insulting request that I refused to comply with. When I pointed out how few women were in SRE, she recounted with a story about how sometimes certain people of certain genders and ethnic backgrounds were better suited for some jobs than others, so I shouldn't be surprised by the gender ratios in engineering. Our meeting ended with her berating me about keeping email records of things, and told me it was unprofessional to report things via email to HR.

Less than a week after this absurd meeting, my manager scheduled a 1:1 with me, and told me we needed to have a difficult conversation. He told me I was on very thin ice for reporting his manager to HR. California is an at-will employment state, he said, which means we can fire you if you ever do this again. I told him that was illegal, and he replied that he had been a manager for a long time, he knew what was illegal, and threatening to fire me for reporting things to HR was not illegal. I reported his threat immediately after the meeting to both HR and to the CTO: they both admitted that this was illegal, but none of them did anything. (I was told much later that they didn't do anything because the manager who threatened me "was a high performer").

I had a new job offer in my hands less than a week later. On my last day at Uber, I calculated the percentage of women who were still in the org. Out of over 150 engineers in the SRE teams, only 3% were women.

When I look back at the time I spent at Uber, I'm overcome with thankfulness that I had the opportunity to work with some of the best engineers around. I'm proud of the work I did, I'm proud of the impact that I was able to make on the entire organization, and I'm proud that the work I did and wrote a book about has been adopted by other tech companies all over the world. And when I think about the things I've recounted in the paragraphs above, I feel a lot of sadness, but I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous everything was. Such a strange experience. Such a strange year.

[oraltakesanl-blog]

Here is the first part. Sorry about the format. I will spend the weekend fixing it to make it easier to read. If you have character questionss, need clarification, or feel my reign of terror needs to stop, send me a message....

Here we go

Henry Hutchinson shared Too Soon's photo. 23 hrs ·

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34 You, Shawn Corey, James Quinn and 31 others

Clark Christian I'm crying lmao Like · Reply · 22 hrs

Omec Lokym Henry I know we aren't best friends but I like you and from what I know about you I think you are a good dude with a good heart. But I'm just curious in this case. How would you feel if you saw the same exact pic but instead of Kellyanne Conway and a group of black men it was Michelle Obama and a group of white men. Would you think it was at all racist and misogynistic as I'm sure some people see this ? Like · Reply · 22 hrs

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Henry Hutchinson Still would've lol'd Unlike · Reply · 12 · 22 hrs

Lance Manly If you were asking the question expecting a different response from him, then you don't know him well enough. Like · Reply · 7 · 21 hrs · Edited

Omec Lokym Lance Manly his response doesn't answer my question. And I have the pleasure knowing Henry a little bit but not much He's a good dude. However I could not know him at all and see his posts and read their content which is why I figured I'd ask the question i asked. Because the picture he posted is saturated with racial and misogynistic undertones. There's no denying that. Like · Reply · 21 hrs

Lance Manly And I'll say it again. If you know Henry Hutchinson, then there was no scenario where a brazzers joke would not be funny to him. Like · Reply · 8 · 21 hrs

Lynch Marshawn ^Basically Like · Reply · 21 hrs

Henry Hutchinson THey're right. Brazzers jokes are hilarious to me. Like · Reply · 6 · 21 hrs

Omec Lokym Lance Manly again you are missing my point but it's all good everyone have a blessed day. Like · Reply · 21 hrs

Lance Manly You were expecting an enlightened response from Henry Hutchinson of all people over a meme; to point out racial hypocrisy. I am telling you, it doesn't matter to him. Like · Reply · 3 · 21 hrs

Bo Murks That might actually be an movie on brazzers lmao Like · Reply · 2 · 20 hrs

Lance Manly Maybe they should do an Kellyann Conway and Michelle Obama brazzers movie, while Paul Ryan and Ben Carson join in! Like · Reply · 1 · 20 hrs

Omec Lokym Ok Lance Manly I wasn't asking you. No offense but your opinion means nothing to me in this case if It did I'd tag you and ask you. Can you understand that or are you going to comment and tell me I don't know Henry or insinuate I was trying to bait him into a racial debate? I was literally looking for a yes or no answer from him. Like · Reply · 20 hrs

Lance Manly ...sounds like you just revealed your intentions. And my words must be pretty important to you if you came back after telling everyone "peace". It doesn't matter what answer you want, I was warning you to not waste your breath, because he would have found it funny with Obama, Rosa Parks, Ghandi, Uncle Murder, and one of the apostles. Like · Reply · 1 · 20 hrs

Henry Hutchinson For the record: Both scenarios are racists and misogynistic, but they're funny as hell. Bo Murks You're probably right. This is probably a video on the hub.... Like · Reply · 6 · 20 hrs

Omec Lokym Lance Manly you don't know me well enough to make that assumption and yes I did respond after saying peace only because apparently I struck a nerve in YOU asking Henry what I did. I can feel your passive aggressiveness through my phone and I don't like it. I'm not pretending to know you. Don't pretend like you know me. Like · Reply · 20 hrs

Lance Manly No, that's your erection from the obvious hard on you have for me. If you still have it for more than two hours, go see your physician. Like · Reply · 3 · 20 hrs

Omec Lokym Oh we're gonna start with insults now? Only pussies are passive aggressive Manly. Speak on how you really feel. Like · Reply · 1 · 20 hrs

Lance Manly You're the one talking about feeling dudes up through your phone and what not. I don't judge. Like · Reply · 2 · 20 hrs

Bo Murks

Unlike · Reply · 10 · 20 hrs

Lance Manly Looks like we know why Kellyann was sitting like that

Like · Reply · 1 · 20 hrs

Omec Lokym So let me get this straight. I ask Henry (who is his own man) a question which you feel the need to answer for him multiple Paules/explain his intentions and humor for him. Each Paule I replied I either said that didn't answer my yes or no question Like · Reply · 20 hrs

Omec Lokym Of course Manly. She wasn't gonna give out bjs. Monica's been out of the White House for quite some time now Like · Reply · 20 hrs

Bo Murks Obviously she was setting up the camera to film the gang bang Like · Reply · 8 · 20 hrs

Mike Mei Day Bo wins .... Like · Reply · 5 · 20 hrs

Lance Manly You are right, you are the one talking about feeling me and blowjobs, look, if you wanted nudes from me, just send me a PM. Don't need to beat around the bush.... Like · Reply · 4 · 20 hrs

Shauna Susan First person pov. SomePaules the girl holds the camera too. 😂😂

Ok continue. That was my two cents. Unlike · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Nudes sent. Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Bo Murks lol I was going to say that because someone took a picture of her taking a picture Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Check your inbox. Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan Well that escalated quickly Unlike · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Dirk DillingerI can't find the play button. Henry is there a link? Like · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day why is Oral so upset? Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Don't worry, me and Ortata are gonna make a video together and he'll be happy again. Like · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan 😂😂😂 I laughed wayyyyy to hard at that Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly It'll be POV, his fav. Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Bo Murks make sure it's on brazzers Like · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Of course, Duh! Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Okay, I'm done. I apologize for my behavior. Not really. Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Facebook giving cowards balls since 2004. Enjoy your safe space Manly it's easy to talk shit over the internet not so easy face to face. You started with the insults first. Which weren't warranted. I didn't attack you personally. You are a douche bag Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan Actually you said you were gonna beat him up... sounds like an attack to me. But what do I know. I'm an innocent bystander Unlike · Reply · 6 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Did you see what led up to that or are you just going to disregard that ? Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Lance Manly What insults? I made an opinion on how my friend will respond and you are the one talking about finding me and beating me up like a pissed 12 year old over Call of Duty. I apologized because I didn't want you to go off yourself over a Facebook conversation with a stranger. Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan I saw him making jokes. Nothing insinuating violence. That was alllllllll you. Obviously no one is taking his sexual jokes seriously. But you went super serious with your comments. Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan Anywayyy.... I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

In the end. This was a funny picture. Unlike · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Basically Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Bullshit Manly you told me I had an erection for you because i responded multiple Paules to you (politely) and said I wasn't talking to you and can sense you being passive aggressive which you def were being why else would you feel the need to answer multiples Paules for Henry who's a grown man with a brain and the ability to respond on his own Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan I mean. I'd have an erection for him if I could. So no ones judging.

It was a joke my man. If you don't find it funny, then ignore it. Unlike · Reply · 7 · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day 3:05Pm "What I'd like to do is meet you face to face and both sign on for a cage fight so I could knock the shit out of you or throw you in an arm bar" ..... that's where the trolling turned to a threat Like · Reply · 5 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan ^ that Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly ...and because you can "feel me through your phone". Your words. If you set it up, don't get mad if I knock the pins down. I think you need to relax, it was never that serious Like · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym No a threat would be if I said I was going to beat his ass not saying I wish we could meet face to face for s cage fight #alternativefacts Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Maybe, there is another reason you wanna be alone in a cage with me.... Like · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day "so I could knock the shit out of you or throw you in an arm bar til you cry like an infant" .... #realfacts That's a threat. Like · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Nah, he was just being kinky ;) Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly 50 Shades of Orchata Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym To have gay sex right? I mean why else Unlike · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly See? Mystery solved! Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Manlyy loves his safe space Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Lance Manly And you luv backshots Like · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Giving them to you. Yes all day Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Lance Manly

Like · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym You are a special man Manly. Answering for / being passive aggressive on behalf of grown men. Taking shots at strangers. Gay jokes. Everyone in your life is privileged to know you. Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Lance Manly I only use what people give me to work with. Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym To be clear. I respect Henry. I may not know him like you do but He's s good guy in my book and I apologize to him that this unfolded the way it did. Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym I'm done here ✌️ we don't know each other Manly. Let's keep it that way. Live long and prosper Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day if you really did know him.... you'd know he's enjoying the shit out of this and you wouldn't have to apologize Unlike · Reply · 7 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly I accept your apology. Unlike · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Henry Hutchinson do we know each other. Have I not always shown you respect. Have we not chilled and talked over a beer or somthing? And I'm apologizing because it was unnecessary wether he's getting a laugh out of it or not Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan Don't drag Henry in this now. Unlike · Reply · 6 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym No you are all saying I don't know him which is a joke. Who the fuck are all of you. What cause you don't know me he doesn't. Get a grip. Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day ....... we his real friends......who know him/ Know him enough to know you just got trolled so hard....got violent unnecessarily. Unlike · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly https://youtu.be/zPjUsu2-QMQ

You Mad Over 1,000,000 views! Wow! Incredible! Disclaimer - Credit… youtube.com

Like · Reply · Remove Preview · 4 · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day ^^^^ hahahaha Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan I'm Shauna. I'm 25. My sign is cancer. And I like batman. That's who I am....See More Like · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly LM, fadeaway, perfect! Cancer, Ortegas long lost lover, gives zero fucks Like · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Favorite movie Memento Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Start from the top James Quinn Shawn Corey Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Favorite movie is the video of you being conceived Manly. Your mother taking it up the ass from a dog. Anal baby Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day speaking of taking it up the ass ..... (Mike finds a photo of a man with a dildo that Omec liked in the past)

Unlike · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Prime example of the pussy world we live in. Ppl hide behind their keyboards and talk shit. You've got no balls and your pussy friends can suck my dick 2 Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Yes I liked that photo Unlike · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Nah, she has knee replacement surgery, she would not be able to do that Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Let's talk about your mom... Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Il unfollow this post now cause you guys are a bunch of punks with no heart talking shit over a computer Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Shauna Susan Pot meet kettle Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs · Edited

Lance Manly Darn, I didn't get a turn with the your mother comment :( Like · Reply · 2 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly He made the right choice. Like · Reply · 1 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym Nah I'm good Manly you are a piece of shit. If you weren't this woulda ended hours ago when I respectfully said I wasn't speaking to you. I escalated it with what I said after the fact. But that doesn't change that you are a coward/keyboard warrior. You and all of Henry’s "real friends" can go eat a hunk of shit. I hope you watch the things you love fall to pieces Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Mike Mei Day thought you was leaving? Unlike · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Shawn Corey Guys...Just read. It's a real philosophical conversation. I promise. Unlike · Reply · 5 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly YOU CANT ESCAPE OUR LOVE ORCA!!! Like · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

Lance Manly Like · Reply · 19 hrs

Bo Murks I still don't think he understands he was trolled lol Unlike · Reply · 9 · 19 hrs

Kellen Cutta

Unlike · Reply · 3 · 19 hrs

James Quinn Oralta, just take the L. You really did talk yourself into it. Unlike · Reply · 6 · 19 hrs

James Quinn ...or keep going, my popcorn is ready. Unlike · Reply · 4 · 19 hrs

Omec Lokym No I do. And I didn't unfollow just yet. Like I said don't take your safe space for granted guys. It's easy to talk shit over a computer not so easy face to face because someone may become violent and bash your head in right or wrong that's reality. Like · Reply · 1 · 18 hrs

Shawn Corey Im ok. I like my chances. Unlike · Reply · 5 · 18 hrs

Lance Manly Glad you are back, maybe you can weigh in with your expertise. Am I allowed to say "that white woman?"

Like · Reply · 3 · 18 hrs

Mike Mei Day and i'll say this... don't confuse keyboard folly with lack of bravado Like · Reply · 1 · 18 hrs · Edited

Lance Manly And I only accept a yes or no answer. Like · Reply · 1 · 18 hrs

Shawn Corey Also dude you're being a keyboard gangster as well with your threats and such. The hypocrisy is hilarious. Like · Reply · 6 · 18 hrs

Lance Manly leave Ortega salsa alone. We are having a lovers quarrel Like · Reply · 2 · 18 hrs

James Quinn It's also easy to over escalate a situation from joking and having a good Paule to being an angry, violent mess when you become the butt of a joke. Calm the fuck down and stop getting so easily butt hurt, snowflake. Like · Reply · 1 · 18 hrs

James Quinn The butthurt should be coming from Manly later on...if you play your cards right. Unlike · Reply · 4 · 18 hrs

Lance Manly Oh, he knows. It's TIME TO DUEL Like · Reply · 1 · 18 hrs

James Quinn He isn't wrong Mr. Cage match with an arm bar. Unlike · Reply · 2 · 18 hrs

James Quinn ...and I'm stealing 'keyboard gangster' Like · Reply · 3 · 18 hrs

Lance Manly Can't wait for our PPV Elimination Chamber lube match, sponsored by brazzers. Only 9.99 Like · Reply · 4 · 18 hrs

Henry Hutchinson I know everyone who is arguing over this. You all made valid points. Like · Reply · 11 · 18 hrs · Edited

Mike Mei Day I guess we done huh. Like · Reply · 1 · 18 hrs

James Quinn I still got popcorn... Unlike · Reply · 2 · 18 hrs

Lance Manly Winner by TKO? Like · Reply · 2 · 18 hrs

Lance Manly

Like · Reply · 3 · 18 hrs

James Quinn Poor snowflake. Unlike · Reply · 2 · 18 hrs