#Places to stay in Zurich

[elsafromcabinsix]

that kind of love never dies | chapter one

summary: the one where barbara thinks about an act of rebellion.

pairing: jake x mc

word count: 1.3K

warnings: tkolnd takes place after the events of episode 10; cover images found on pinterest; english is not my first language.

author’s note: even though she lives in the usa, my main character, barbara, is brazilian. i added terms and expressions that we use in our country, as well as cultural elements, to this fanfic. the words that appear in portuguese are highlighted and you can contact me if you have any questions.

masterlist

Barbara was sprawled out on the dorm carpet, reading a Lucy Maud Montgomery novel she found by chance in the university library, when her cell phone began vibrating on the nightstand. Without wasting time, she closed the book and got up, waiting to hear from her roommate, Meera, but, when Barbara swiped her finger across the lock screen, she found some text messages from an unknown number.

i would like to invite you again to eat something at that chinese restaurant

if you want to meet me, just show up there tomorrow

i'll be waiting for you :)

Her head started to throb just at the possibility of it being who she was imagining, but she quickly pushed the thought away.

Jake wouldn't put himself in danger like that.

After everything that happened in Grimrock, Duskwood's chief of police, Alan Bloomgate, personally went after her to conduct the interrogation, and, more than once, made it very clear that it was best for her to stay away from her new friends for a while. He didn't go into detail when he told her about what happened at the Ironsplinter Mine, but he confirmed that Richy was alive — despite having some serious injuries — and that Jake had fled from the FBI agents during the confusion caused by the explosion.

All the messages she sent and received during that time became evidence. Barbara had what it took to close Hannah Donfort's case literally in the palm of her hand, including the kidnapper's confession.

Consequently, she also had the means that could lead the people who were after Jake straight to him.

She was interrogated by the FBI countless times for months, until Alan decided to intervene and convinced her to hand over her cell phone to them in exchange for her old life. Since then, Barbara has not been part of the joint investigation. Or at least that's what they say — she's too smart to really believe that.

For a few seconds, she considered the chance that it was someone trying to play a trick on her. The video Lilly Donfort posted accusing her of kidnapping had gone viral across the Columbia University campus. Even her grandmother, who lived in the interior of Brazil, found out about her involvement with a hacker wanted by the North American government. However, no one else knew about the brief conversation they had about the chinese restaurant.

Except, of course, the FBI.

Without a doubt, it was a trap. Barbara felt her face turn red. It seemed that solving an old international murder case, giving up her privacy, being forced to abandon her group of friends and possibly cheating on the guy she was in love with was not enough. She also needed to act as bait when it was convenient.

Barbara huffed, irritated. Little did they know that Jake had no contact. Their partnership in crime had ended almost a year ago.

Still, there was no reason to decline the invitation. She could very well take advantage of the opportunity to tell some truths to those nosy agents, and as a bonus she would have an excuse to go to Germany without Alan being able to question her too openly.

Her lips lifted into a smile as the plan emerged in her mind.

After going through customs at Zurich Airport, picking up luggage and going to an exchange office to exchange some notes, only an hour and fifteen minutes by car separated Barbara from Duskwood. Luckily, there were several yellow taxis forming a line next to the sidewalk, because it would be a nightmare to have to deal with someone trying to compete for the same vehicle as her.

She walked out of the lounge, pulling her hot pink rolling suitcase, and turned on her smartphone to announce on the family's group chat that she had arrived safely. But before she could check her contact list to see if her parents were online, she collided with a young man's broad chest.

She jumped away from him, apologizing — or at least trying to — in german. He laughed softly, grabbing her arm to stop her from tripping over herself, and for a moment, Barbara forgot to even breathe. The young man seemed to be a few years older than her, he was tall, had dark hair and prominent round eyes that resembled the curve of a teardrop, he was wearing a white sweatshirt with a hood and black jeans.

“I'm sorry, I didn't see you.” He spoke in english, with a slight accent.

“No problem, it was my fault.” Barbara quickly straightened up, realizing that she had somehow stared too long.

The young man analyzed her from head to toe with amusement before bending down and picking up the cell phone that had flown out of her hand during the impact.

“I believe this is yours.” He joked, handing the device to her.

“Thank you.”

He nodded curtly and turned, making his way through the travelers entering and exiting the airport, as silent as a wraith.

She was inexplicably disappointed to see him leave, however she had more important things to deal with. Then, she handed the luggage to the driver to put in the trunk and got into the taxi, giving the address of the Gates Hotel, on the outskirts of Duskwood.

Barbara ran across the room, feeling the cold floor beneath her feet. She was considerably late, but as far as she remembered, she had never arrived on time to participate in the interrogations, so whoever was waiting for her at the restaurant wouldn't mind too much. She put on a black strapless dress, put on her highest heels and curled her wet hair with her fingers, leaving a small trail of water on the floor.

Through an opening in the peach curtains, she noticed that the rain had picked up outside, beating violently against the window pane. She cursed under her breath, hoping someone at the front desk could lend her an umbrella, and before Barbara could procrastinate her meeting with the FBI Special Agent any further, she took one last look at the floor mirror near the entrance hall, realizing that she was dressed for revenge.

“Someone would definitely approve of that.”

Smiling to herself, she went down a small flight of stairs to the ground floor, where the girl at the reception was reading a magazine with Nicholas Galitzine's photo on the cover.

“How can I help you?” She asked in english, without taking her eyes off the celebrity gossip.

“Hey, how you doin'? Could you lend me an umbrella, please?”

“Of course.” She said, reaching for the object under the counter and handing it to her. “A fee of two euros will be added to your room bill.” Barbara sighed, surprised, as she mentally converted the currency. “What?” The receptionist looked up, frowning. “Did you think it would be free?”

“No, obviously not.” Barbara lied, smiling politely.

“Return it by midnight or I will have to charge the full value of the item.” The girl announced, turning her attention to the magazine. Then she added: “Nice dress.”

“Okay, I'll pay when I check out.” She assured, walking towards the glass doors while opening her rented umbrella. “And thank you.”

“Have fun, Cinderella!”

Barbara regretted walking out the door as soon as she set foot on the sidewalk. Not just because of the rain, but because of the wind blowing your hair back. In any case, she had come too far to give up, and despite the storm, she could see the lights of the chinese restaurant through the blue haze a few meters ahead, on the other side of the street.

Before she could take another step, someone grabbed her arm and turned her around.

“What?” She blinked in amazement at the handsome young man she had met at the airport.

“Come with me.” He said, pulling her away from the hotel entrance.

“You are crazy? I do not know you!” Barbara shouted, dropping the umbrella near her feet. The rain completely drenched them both in moments. “Me solta!”

“Barbara, please.” He asked, breathing short.

The sadness in his voice stopped her struggling.

“How do you…?” She gasped, eyes wide. “Jake?”

taglist: @daniiiworlds; @labemquarts; @deinily

[laurenairay]

felt like magic - N. Hischier

Summary: Nico has been pining for years – maybe this summer is a chance to finally do something about his feelings for you.

I’m jumping in as a pinch-hitter as part of @wyattjohnston's summer fic exchange 2k24, with a Nico Hischier story for @selfindulgentpoorlywritten! I really hope you enjoy this – I had a lot of fun creating something from the prompts you gave me. And who doesn’t love Summer Nico?

Words: 2.6k

Warnings: pining, childhood friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, some bad language

Title (and song lyrics) from Caffeine, by Jack Kays

~

Stay with me, If it’s not our time then will you wait for me? I know that we’re young, but this is destiny I couldn’t be me without you, without you

~

Travelling from Bern to Zurich wasn’t something you’d do for just anyone. An hour and a half driving across the country, surrounded by drivers who were just as impatient to get through their journeys as you were? Not your idea of fun. At least the destination was more than worth it.

“Happy birthday Jonas!”

The man in question turned around at the sound of your voice, a big grin sliding onto his face.

“You made it, liebling! Thanks for coming!” Jonas said happily.

It wasn’t every year that you got to celebrate the birthday of one of your favourite people – early May wasn’t exactly the most consistent time of year for hockey players after all. And the last thing you wanted to do was remind him of the early end to his season. So when Jonas had called you to say that he was hosting a birthday party at his house in Zurich and invited you to spend the weekend, there was no way you were saying no.

“As if I’d miss the event of the summer,” you teased.

Jonas just beamed at you.

“Schatzi! You survived the A1!”

You peered around Jonas’s broad shoulders to see another one of your favourite people – Nico. It was through Nico, one of your childhood best friends – that you’d met Jonas in the first place so you should’ve guessed that he wouldn’t be too far away. Usually you would’ve made the journey with Nico, both of you coming from Bern after all, but he’d already been visiting in Zurich so you’d been stuck with a solo trip this time.

And damn did he look good. It wasn’t something that you let yourself think about often, being just his friend, but Nico was genuinely one of the most handsome people you’d ever seen, let alone become good friends with. It wouldn’t do you any good to travel down that road of thoughts though, so you were always careful to nip those feelings in the bud. You were friends. Great friends. Incredible friends, and that’s how it was always going to be.

“I’m here,” you mused, “had to greet the birthday boy before anyone else.”

“Yeah don’t be jealous,” Jonas teased.

Interestingly, Nico blushed slightly and glared at the taller man, before clearing his throat. “Can I get you a drink?”

“I’ll grab something myself in a minute, but thank you,” you said, smiling sweetly, “Let me just give Jonas his birthday present first.”

You handed over the thick envelope, Jonas eagerly ripping into it, making you laugh softly.

“Oh shit, you’re the best,” Jonas gasped.

“And don’t you forget it,” you teased.

“What did you get?” Nico asked, curious.

“A tattoo voucher. Far more than enough to cover the gap fillers I’ve been looking at getting. This is amazing, thank you, this is way too generous,” Jonas explained, looking gratefully at you.

“You’re welcome. I know you’ve been talking about filling the spaces for a while,” you shrugged.

While you didn’t have any tattoos of your own, you knew how Nico and Jonas felt about their own tattoos, and how much they meant to them – it was an easy decision.

“Are we ever going to get you into a tattoo chair, hm?” Nico teased.

“Maybe if I have someone holding my hand,” you teased back, trying to fight the giddy heat rising to your cheeks.

His lips parted slightly in shock, speechless for once, Jonas just cackling at his response.

“And on that note, I’m going to go say hi to Andreas and Julia. See you both later?” you grinned.

“Yeah, see you liebling,” Jonas nodded.

Nico just nodded, cheeks aflame. His silence was a bit concerning – he wasn’t exactly one to be shy or awkward, especially not around you – but you knew Jonas would figure out whatever was going on with him. Hopefully.

~

“So that was smooth,” Jonas mused.

“Shut up,” Nico groaned.

“No really, that was one of your best efforts,” Jonas snickered.

“You’re the worst,” Nico shot back.

He ran a hand through his hair, watching you walk across the backyard with a confidence he wished he had. There was just something about you that had always reduced him to feeling like a hapless fool, ever since he’d first moved to Bern as a teenager and met you within the first few weeks of living there. You’d been a constant feature in his life for 10 years now, always there with a wide smile and open arms whether it was in Bern, Zurich, or New Jersey, and he didn’t know what he would do with his life if you weren’t in it.

Nico was head over heels in love with you, and you had no idea.

Everyone else in his life knew how he felt for you, obviously, not just Jonas. His parents, his siblings, even Jack had figured it out within an hour of your first visit to New Jersey all those years ago. If Jack Hughes of all people could read it off his face then he didn’t know how much more obvious he could be – other than actually telling you with words, of course.

But how could he say anything to you, when he knew for certain that you didn’t feel the same way?

~

“Are you sure your billet family don’t mind us being down here?”

Nico smiled down at you, shaking his head. The two of you were down in the basement where his billet family’s entertainment room was, the rest of the house having gone out for the night, and Nico had invited you round for a movie night. He’d only been in Bern for a few weeks, and you were the only non-hockey friend he’d made so far, so he hadn’t hesitated to invite you over to get to know you better.

There was just something about you that made him want to put in the effort

“They really don’t mind. They even left us money for takeout,” he insisted.

“Oh, well alright then. What are we watching first?”

The evening flew by, pizza ravenously consumed between movies, the two of you shifting closer and closer on the sofa until you were fully leaning up against each other, Nico’s hockey bulk giving you a solid pillow to rest on. He didn’t mind it at all, if he was being honest with himself, although he wasn’t quite sure what that meant.

“That was so terrible though! They had no chemistry at all!” you giggled as the credits rolled.

“I guess not all actors are going to like kissing everyone they work with,” Nico snickered.

Even in the dim light of the room, he noticed the heat that rushed to your cheeks.

“What?” Nico frowned.

“It’s nothing,” you said, shaking your head quickly.

He might not know you that well yet, but he knew that was a lie.

“Come on, tell me what’s wrong?” he prompted.

“You’re going to think I’m stupid.”

“We’re 15 years old – everything we do is stupid,” Nico pointed out.

You huffed out a laugh, breath a little shaky. “I was just thinking about the fact that I wouldn’t know what it was like.”

“What what was like?” Nico asked, confused.

“To kiss someone,” you all but whispered.

His lips parted in surprise, not expecting those words to fall from your lips, and you immediately grimaced.

“See I told you it was stupid,” you groaned.

As you shifted to move away from him, Nico instinctively gripped your shoulder, not letting you go. You startled but looked up at him, staying silent in confusion.

“It’s not stupid. Not everyone has had their first kiss. You’re only 15,” he murmured.

“You’ve kissed someone though?”

Nico bit his bottom lip but nodded. He’d had multiple kisses, all harmless, all essentially meaningless, he wasn’t ashamed to admit it. Kissing was fun – he always liked the way it made his heart race with adrenaline.

And it was the memory of that feeling that fuelled his bravery.

“I could kiss you, if you want?”

“What?”

He took a steadying breath, before nodding. “I could kiss you. So you have a good first kiss, with a friend.”

There was nothing worse than doing something scary for the first time only to have someone make you feel like an idiot. If Nico could stop that feeling for you, then he absolutely would.

“Are you sure?” you said hesitantly, “You really don’t have to.”

“Of course I am,” he said, smiling to reassure you.

He could feel how fast your heart was beating as he rested a hand on the side of your neck, echoing the beating of his own heart. You closed your eyes as he leaned down towards you, making him smile slightly before he pressed his lips to yours. As he slowly kissed you, he could feel how hesitant and nervous you were, but as you continued to kiss him back he didn’t regret his offer for a moment. Nico kissed you over and over and over again, almost feeling dizzy with how the embrace was consuming him, his thumb stroking over your jaw as you melted into his arms. This was heaven. This was bliss. This was everything he didn’t realise he’d wanted.

After what felt like hours, but could only have been a few moments, you pulled away from the kiss. Nico made a soft noise of protest, opening his eyes to see you looking stunned, lips as swollen as his felt.

“Schatzi,” he managed to murmur.

You just bit your bottom lip, smiling softly, before leaning backwards out of his hands. He tried not to frown, not understanding why his heart was pounding, even though you didn’t look mad.

“I should probably get home. My parents will be wondering where I am by now,” you said, voice quiet, almost as if you were still a little in shock.

Nico glanced at the clock on the wall, grimacing at the late hour. Where had the time gone? Did you really have to leave, after a kiss like that?

“O-Okay, if you’re sure. Text me when you get back safe?”

“I will. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, tomorrow.”

~

After that kiss 10 years ago, the two of you had never spoken about it again. The morning after you’d acted like nothing had ever happened, and Nico had been too nervous to say anything to risk losing the blossoming friendship. He knew now that it was his first experience of heartbreak, as youthful and innocent as that had been – and he also knew that’s when he’d first started having feelings for you. What was meant to have been a friend helping out another friend had started a decade of unrequited feelings, and it was far too late for him to say anything now.

He could only hold on to the incredible friendship that had grown between the two of you with both hands. If this was all he could ever have then he was going to cherish it, no matter how what Jonas said.

“Come on bud, let’s get you a drink,” Jonas said, smiling sadly.

Nico huffed out a laugh but nodded. “Yeah, I think I’m going to need one.”

~

Hours passed by, drinking, eating, catching up with friends and making new ones, until the evening was late and only the last few straggling partygoers were making their way out of the house. You’d volunteered to start cleaning up while Jonas said goodbye to his guests, needing something to do after a long day of socialising. You were making good progress on cleaning up the empty food containers and empty drink bottles when Nico wandered into the living room, holding out a bottle of water for you.

“Looks like thirsty work,” he grinned, leaning against the arm of the sofa.

“Thanks, you should try it some time,” you teased, taking the bottle from him.

You unscrewed the cap and took a couple of long gulps with your head tilted back, needing the refreshment more than you thought, but when you put the cap back on the bottle, you noticed Nico staring at you transfixed.

“What?” you frowned, “Did I spill some water?”

“No, no, it isn’t that,” he said quickly, cheeks heating.

Why was he blushing? What was going through his mind?

“Then what is it?” you prompted, putting the bottle down on the table.

“It’s just…I was thinking about…well…”

“Yes?” you prompted again, a soft smile on your face at his awkwardness.

“It wouldn’t take a tattoo for me to hold your hand,” he blurted out.

“What?”

What was he talking about…oh. Oh. What?

“Wait, shit, no, that came out wrong…”

Nico trailed off with a groan, punctuated only by the sound of a snort. You whirled around to see Jonas standing in the doorway, and he cackled at the look on both your faces.

“Yeah I’m going upstairs. Have fun dealing with your years of feelings,” Jonas grinned, shaking his head.

Oh damn. Jonas knew?

Wait, years of feelings?

With that he left you and Nico alone, a murmur suspiciously sounding like ‘lovestruck idiots’ lingering behind him. Hesitantly you looked back at Nico to see his face full of embarrassment, cheeks tinged with red.

“What was Jonas talking about?” you asked, voice a little shaky.

Because you were damn sure that Jonas didn’t know a thing about how you felt for Nico. So he had to be talking about Nico…which only succeeded in sending your heart into a flutter.

“This was not how I wanted it all to come out,” he murmured.

“Nico, please. No more talking in circles,” you all but begged.

He inhaled shakily but nodded, finally looking you in the eyes once more. “I’ve loved you ever since the movie night where we kissed.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. “That was 10 years ago, Nico. We were 15! You’ve loved me since then?”

Ten long years.

“I know,” he winced, “But yes, since then.”

“You never said anything?” you said hesitantly.

Not about the kiss, and not about his feelings.

“You didn’t either? I mean, like, we never talked about the kiss. At all. I just assumed you didn’t say anything because you regretted it, and there was no way I wanted to lose you as a friend,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Of all the things he could’ve said.

“I thought you regretted it,” you admitted, “You were this up-and-coming hockey star, and I was just the neighbour down the street.”

Nico burst out laughing, hands rising to cover his face briefly.

“We’re both idiots,” he managed to choke out between laughs, “maybe me more than you.”

Maybe.

Maybe you both were idiots, but that didn’t mean you had to waste any more time. If Nico really wanted to try being more than friends, you weren’t about to stop him.

“Hey Nico?” you said, reaching forward to place a hand on his chest.

You could feel the heat of his skin through his shirt, the rapid beat of his heart, but it was the hope in his eyes that gave you courage.

“Yes, schatzi?”

“It’s been a long ten years…kiss me again?”

Nico’s only response was to do as you’d asked.

~

I’m sitting patiently, Hoping for the day to come where you can see, All the stars, they fall in line for you and me, I can’t wait for you to see too, yes, you’ll do.

[bellysoupset]

Hey soup. Can I get a sick Leo caretaker Luke. Maybe he has a very upset stomach and he gets sick from both ends if that’s ok. And him being embarrassed but Luke comforting him.

Despite the fact that he didn't get airsick, Leo chalked it up to that when he started feeling queasy an hour out of San Francisco's airport. It was probably nerves, he missed Jonah already.

True to their agreement, Jonah had stayed behind with Angie so they could live their two weeks of exploring Europe together and Leo had gone back home. Part of Leo was proud of their relationship, but a smaller, meaner part was simply jealous. He squashed those feelings down, Jon was over the moon hanging out with his sister and that was what mattered most.

There was a young lady sitting to his side, knocked out, and Leo pressed his forehead to the plane's wall, looking out of the window and trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in his stomach and how suffocated he felt. He wanted out of this sardine's can, but the thought of landing wasn't as reassuring as one would think. Landing meant having to stay up and in line, then wait to get his luggage, finding Luke... It just sounded tiring.

Leo's belly let out a loud, whiny noise and his cheeks turned red as he instinctively wrapped an arm around it, glancing nervously to the girl sitting next to him. She didn't even stir.

He leaned forward, leg bouncing up and down as a cramp squeezed his lower tummy and caused cold sweat to spring up. Another angry gurgle and Leo hastily undid his seatbelt, then glanced worriedly at the woman, trying to sneak past her knees without waking her up.

It was a bigger hassle than needed, but he felt a victorious rush when he managed to squeeze and jump over her, only for his middle to remind him why he was standing in the first place by letting out another disgusting whine.

Leo shuffled down the hallway to the bathroom in the back, mentally cursing his luck. The flight from Zurich had been 15 hours long, with a small stop in San Francisco and Leo couldn't believe he had survived 14 hours, only to succumb to illness in the last stretch of the trip.

His intestines seized and he rocked while sitting on the toilet, gulping down the sticky saliva and bouncing his leg in a nervous, crampy way. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the burning on them and feeling ridiculous for wanting to cry over something so silly as an upset stomach.

Once he felt more of less done, intestines not cramping as much, but definitely much more nauseous than before, Leo took his time washing his hands and face and crawling back to his seat. The woman was now awake and she threw him a startled look, but said nothing about Leo's paleness.

Lucas was standing at the end of the disembark area, holding a cardboard sign that said "Mr. Wagner" in bold, ridiculous letters and Leo could've cried from relief as he saw his friend. He was sure his mental and physical state showed on his face, because Luke's million bucks smile slipped and he frowned, lowering the sign.

"Hey- Everything o-OH okay, okay," Luke interrupted himself as Leo promptly tackled him with a hug. Lucas' was a good handful of inches taller than the blonde and Leo melted against him without a thought.

Unlike Jonah or Leo himself would've done, Luke didn't pull back at all, happy to just hug for however long Leo needed him to, but unlike Vince who'd have read him immediately, Luke still had to ask "did you and Jon fight? What's going on?"

"No," Leo shook his head, pulling back, "no, we're fine. In fact I should text him, let him know I landed."

"Good idea," Luke nodded sagely, "before he calls Interpol thinking your plane got kidnapped or something."

Leo offered him a small smile at the joke, leaning forward to he could press his forehead to Luke's shoulder as he got his phone out of his dark crossbody bag, "I feel like crap."

"Airsick?" Luke asked, sympathy coloring his words and Leo shook his head, wiping his sweaty fingers on his pants.

"No," his stomach let out a gurgle, but the airport noise drowned it out, "either I got food poisoning in San Francisco or I caught a bug, but my tummy feels gross."

Over his head, Luke let out a little amused huff at his wording, "do you need to use the bathroom? I can go ahead and take your luggage to the car, I'm in the parking lot."

"Already did," Leo's cheeks were burning with embarrassment, he had no idea how Lucas talked so openly about things, "I really just wanna go home. See my cat."

Leo texted Jonah a quick, "at the airport, call u when I get home. Love you" and pocketed his phone, rubbing his hands over his face tiredly as Luke said:

"JD has been an angel," he grabbed Leo's bag and turned it to the side to carry it, despite the thing having wheels, starting to lead their way, "I got a bunch of videos and pictures, Bella really didn't want to give her back."

"I wanna see the videos," Leo opened a genuine smile, "and why don't you and Bell get a pet anyway? It's not like you don't like animals. If Jon can do it, you can do it."

Luke snorted at the line, before shrugging, "no space, our place is too cramped."

"Oh yeah, forgot you're roleplaying as poor," Leo needled, rolling his eyes and causing Luke to wrinkle his nose at him, green eyes sparkling as if he was considering between a nice or a mean response.

He clearly settled for the former, "it's what Bell's paycheck can comfortably afford and she doesn't want my name on the lease, man. Happy wife, happy life."

"That was nearly two years ago," Leo vouched, happy to have anything but the gross feeling in his stomach to focus on. He could feel the churning inside picking up and his arms were covered with goosebumps, "she was rightfully paranoid thanks to the break up. You guys are married now, have you talked with her about it?"

Luke chewed on his bottom lip, in that way he did when he knew he had oversighted something but wasn't ready to admit it, "No? Whatever, it's not that big of a deal."

Leo let out a scoff, then groaned as they stepped out of the airport and he realized it was a chilly night, the cold breeze causing him to shudder.

Lucas paused, not commenting, but side stepping so they weren't right in front of the exit. He waited patiently as Leo took a measured breath, blowing it out through his mouth and wiped the sweat collecting over his lip.

After a minute, Leo nodded, so Luke raised a thumbs up, "you good?"

"Yeah," Leo started to walk, although he had no idea where Luke had parked, but soon the other man followed him and started to guide the way, "talk to me, take my mind off of this."

"What exactly is this?" Lucas squinted at him, all but bouncing on his feet, fiddling with his car keys. Leo never ceased to be amused by his friend's inability to stand still.

"I feel like I'm gonna barf," Leo cleared up, now that they were out of people's earshot, "and I might have a fever? Can't tell."

Without any hesitation, Luke smacked his hand against Leo's forehead, nearly hitting him with the keys. He tsked, "I don't think so, you're just clammy."

"Great," Leo grimaced as another cramp hit him, "so it's just food poisoning," he should be thankful, food poisoning meant it'd be over sooner rather than later, but Leo wasn't feeling very positive at the moment and his words came out covered in sarcasm.

Lucas snorted at Leo's clear bitterness and grabbed his shoulder, pushing him ahead and soon enough they reached Luke's dark green jeep. He put Leo's luggage in the trunk, then hesitated, chewing on his lip, "Do you want to drive? So you don't get carsick on top of it?"

"No," Leo shook his head, already walking towards the passenger side, "I'm too queasy to pay attention to the road."

"Alright, just let me know when to pull over," Luke shrugged, bouncing to his side. Not if, but when, Leo noted, entering the car and tipping his head back with a groan.

"Tell me about Europe," Lucas asked, starting to drive out, "how was everything? Jackie? Matteo?"

"It was lovely," Leo lowered his window despite the chilly night, "Matteo is super nice, I really liked him."

"He is, isn't he?" Luke smiled brightly, "too nice for Jackie."

"Nah," Leo shook his head, smiling to himself, "I love Jackie, she's so unapologetic snotty. She's herself in every occasion, I never feel like she's being nice to me just because it's polite."

Luke let out a humm and Leo squinted at him in the dark car, "What?"

"Nothing!" Luke's voice was teasing, he was clearly smiling, "nothing, nothing- Just makes you wonder why you're head over heels with Jon, uh?"

"Oh, shut up," Leo scoffed, shoving Luke's arm and then staring ahead, to the cars coming the opposite way in the two way, "Jonah was so relaxed in Switzerland..."

Before he could further elaborate in this insecurity, Luke flicked at his ear, not taking his eyes from the road, "don't go there, Leo. The guy is on vacation, of course he's relaxed. But no one can live on vacation mode, you're not being fair to yourself or with him either."

"Yeah, I guess..." Leo rubbed at his chest, uneasily and startled himself when it brought up a sudden burp. He rushed up his hand to muffle it, a second too late, but Luke didn't seem bothered in the least.

Lucas kept his eyes on the road, so Leo leaned slightly forward, wrapping his arms around his belly and rocking on his seat as a new wave of nausea washed over him. He felt so warm. He gulped down nervously and jerked as he felt a gentle touch to his elbow. Luke was holding out a bottle of water.

"Thanks..." Leo mumbled, taking a small sip and forcing himself to swallow it. It rid his mouth of the sickening sweet saliva, but did nothing to the sloshy feeling inside his belly.

"Do I need to pull over?" Luke asked, reaching blindly so he could plant a hand on Leo's trembling back. The blonde hesitated, then nodded.

"Yeah, think so..." he grimaced as his belly churned once again and he could just taste the small snack - cookies! - he had had in the San Francisco airport, "I'm sorry, I'm being such a hassle."

"You're not a hassle, you're sick, it happens," Lucas' voice was dripping with understanding, but it only made Leo want Jonah more. He hated being sick, but it was particularly bad when he was missing his fiancé.

Luke turned up the warning lights and it took a while more before he was able to safely pull over. As soon as he did, Leo unbuckled the seatbelt and leaned out the passenger side, not even making it fully out before he retched.

He didn't bring up anything, but his whole body convulsed and the blonde let out a pained moan, clutching the door as a new wave of repulsion washed over him. His stomach squeezed once more and Leo let out a groan in the back of his throat, spitting in the dust shoulder and breathing heavily against the ill feeling.

"Leo?"

He didn't answer, only shook his head no, as if to say he wasn't nowhere near done. That seemed to do the trick, because halfway through the gesture another burp snuck up on him and he coughed up a mouthful of foul vomit.

Leo felt Luke's hand in the middle of his back, not rubbing, more like a steadying weight and he tried to focus on it, but it was to no avail. His stomach rolled once more and Leo would've fallen out of the door with a heave, wasn't it for Luke clutching the back of his shirt.

He coughed and spat, letting out a groan when finally the pain in his belly seemed to diminish.

"Leo, kid, you alright?" Lucas asked, squeezing his nape gently and Leo nodded, using the door to sit back in his seat.

"That sucked," he grumbled, his voice shot and Luke chuckled softly, passing him the water bottle.

"You feel better, though?"

"A bit," Leo swished the water around, spitting it out and then taking a tentative little sip. When his belly didn't immediately fight it, he shut the door and leaned his head back, hearing as Luke started the car back up.

In truth, Luke really didn't need Leo's input in order to have a conversation and Leo opened a small smile as he was able to clam up and just listen as his best friend started to talk to fill in the silence. It was so funny to him how Luke's track of thinking worked, how he jumped from one subject to the other and then to another without finishing either.

"You have ADHD," Leo yawned, as he saw the Welton sign appear in the horizon. He felt dizzy and clammy and desperately wanted a shower and his bed.

Luke let out a small offended noise, "no, I don't!"

"Did you get tested for it?" Leo turned slightly to look at him and saw Luke do that lip chewing thing he did, "thought so. I bet you fifty."

"Fuck off," Lucas grumbled, drumming his finger against the steering wheel, "do you want me to stop at a pharmacy first?"

"No," Leo curled up, wincing as his belly let out a growl loud enough that even Luke heard, judging by the way his eyebrows went up, "you're staying the night, right?"

He felt incredibly childish even asking that and it went against everything in him. Every molecule in Leo's body told him not to ask for company or help, but this was Luke... And Leo really didn't want to be all alone in his and Jonah's apartment for the first night, however ridiculous that seemed.

"Yeah, Bell's at Wendy's, I'm all yours," Luke shrugged, not bothered in the least, "she said they're doing something with her hair, which is always a terrible idea and means she's going to ruin her beautiful curls-"

Leo dozed off as he heard his best friend continue to ramble on.

He woke up in the parking lot of his building, with Luke shaking him awake gently. The blonde let out a groan, then opened a small, secret smile as he felt Luke wrapping his arm around his shoulder and hugging him by the waist, all but pulling him up.

He sunk against Luke's side and pressed his face to the man's arm, knees feeling weak and stomach far from settled, embarrassment causing his face to burn as they entered the elevator and his belly let out an upset growl.

"Leo?"

"I'm fine," he yawned, not opening his eye and then sighing happily as he felt Luke hug him slightly, "you're comfy."

"Oh yeah?" Lucas sounded smug as hell and Leo scoffed, but didn't move away, too comfortable to care.

[blackswaneuroparedux]

So recently I was listening to one of my favourite podcasts while on a business trip by train through the Swiss Alps to Zurich. 'The Rest Is History' hosted historians Dominic Sandbrook and Tom Holland were quite topical talking about France under de Gaulle and the student riots of 1968 as well as its legacy towards France’s current troubles with civil disorder.

The recent riots starting in Nanterre and beyond were troubling and significant. However outsiders not knowing the French or their culture and history thought it was either the fall of the Fifth Republic or start of the collapse of Western civilisation itself. It was nothing of the sort. For the most part the French think it healthy to blow off steam and have a jolly good riot in the same way people in England blow off steam by writing an angry letter to the editor of the Times. It’s just how things are. As predicted, things have gotten quiet now.

In their podcast Sandbrook and Holland cheekily suggested that the fizzling out of les evénéments – the student protests of 1968, during which it seemed that another of France’s periodic revolutions might ignite - had something to do with the Whitsun holidays. Realising that their Parisian parents were setting off for their holiday homes in the French countryside or the southern coast, the elitist student leaders put down their high minded revolutionary leftist philosophical slogans aside for the bourgeois comfort of vacances en famille. There is a lot of truth to that.

All this is to say les grandes vacancies have already begun in France. The grand vacation of July and August is an entrenched tradition in the French psyche. So ingrained is this tradition that until 2015 there were regulations still in place dating back to the French revolution that governed when bakers in Paris could take their holidays, so as not to deprive the city’s populace of their daily bread (not quite baguette, because that was invented later by the Austrians camped out in the Champs de Mars after the fall of Napoleon - but that’s another story).  

That France is in the middle of les grandes vacances can be seen here in Paris. Parisians are leaving their apartments and heading out to the countryside or down south to the Med - to be offfeeling handedly rude and entitled towards the locals. Schools have been closed since June. Many shops are closed or not nearly as crowded as usual, most of the people wandering the streets have cameras around their necks. Of course not everyone goes and those that stay can feel freer until the first glut of tourists arrive.

For many France in August is definitely their favourite time of the year. And every summer I’m reminded just how much French language and culture are inseparable by the fact that there are words for people who take their annual vacation in July, les juillettistes, or in August, les aoûtiens.

Most French people have 5 weeks of paid vacation per year, and some have even more time off with the inclusion of their RTTs (essentially, personal days) for those who work more than 35 hours per week. I work close to 80 hours a week, so I'm ready for my break from the corporate treadmill.

So my blog will be shut down for the rest of the summer as I go away on vacation. I’ll be back in early September.

I use this time to switch off my phone and strictly no social media as I go off grid. It's a question of valuing one's mental health. I hope you can do the same.

Thank you for following my blog and appreciating my eclectic posts.

I wish you all the best.

Have a great summer!

[wildissylupus]

Ok concept kind of based off of how easily Cassidy moved around Cairo in New Blood. When Cassidy was old enough and trusted enough (because he was a criminal and likely would have needed to be trusted enough to do this) to live off base he lived in Egypt close by to Ana and Pharah.

Do I have evidence for this? No, I just thought it would be a neat little HC, also I do think Fareeha would spend a lot of her time at Cassidy's place. Especially later in her teens/early 20s when her relationship with Ana was at his most rocky.

Also the reason I say he lived close to the Amari's and not the Reyes's is because my other HC is that while Cassidy mainly stayed at Zurich, the other main base he stayed on was in Mexico. Mainly cause I don't see Reyes working too far away from Martina and RJ. Talk shit on Gabriel Reyes I might but I refuse to make him a neglectful father.

That and I choose to believe Cassidy would absolutely not want to live near Gabe, he already has to deal with him every day when staying on base.

[mybeingthere]

Paul Camenisch (1893 - 1970) was a Swiss architect, draftsman and painter. He was a co-founder of the expressionist artist groups «Rot-Blau» (also of "Rot-Blau II") and the «Gruppe 33».

Camenisch studied architecture at the ETH Zurich under Karl Moser. From 1916 to 1919 he was a construction manager in East Prussia, Danzig and Berlin. From 1921 to 1924 he painted his first watercolors with fantastic architectural landscapes. In 1924 he moved to the "Villa Loverciano" in Castel San Pietro in Mendrisiotto. There his friends Hermann Scherer and Albert Müller encouraged him to paint and from 1925 he turned away from architecture completely and became a full time artist.

On New Year’s Eve 1924/1925, Paul Camenisch, Hermann Scherer and Albert Müller founded the Group "Rot-Blau”, an artists’ association modeled on “Die Brücke”, which made the most important contribution to Swiss Expressionism.

In the summer of 1926, Camenisch and his future wife Martha Hörler spent three months with Ernst Ludwig Kirchner in Frauenkirch for the first time ; further stays followed. In the same year, the third and final exhibition of the artist group "Rot-Blau" took place in the Kunsthalle Basel, organized by the sponsor and curator Wilhelm Barth. Kirchner acquired the portrait of the sculptor Hermann Scherer from Camenisch and shortly afterwards donated it to the Museum Folkwang in Essen. There it was confiscated in 1937 in the Nazi campaign " Degenerate Art ". It was shown in 1937 in the Nazi exhibition " Degenerate Art " in the Haus der Kunst in Munich and has been considered lost ever since.

Camenisch initially based his work on Ernst Ludwig Kirchner in terms of color and form. At the beginning of the 1930s, his style moved away from expressionism.

After the deaths of Scherer and Müller, the "Rot-Blau", also known as "Rot-Blau" II", was re-founded in 1928 with Hans Stocker , Coghuf (Ernst Stocker), Otto Staiger, Charles Hindenlang and Max Sulzbachner.

In 1933 he married Martha Hörler and in the same year he was one of the co-founders of the Basel artists' association " Group 33 "; he was its president from 1937 to 1952. In 1953 he was expelled from the group because of alleged political activities on a cultural trip to Russi. In fact, alongside his painting, Camenisch was intensively involved in political work, initially in various aid committees such as the founding of the "Aid Organization for Women and Children in Germany" and in aid for emigrants, supported by his wife who was also a politically active member of the PdA . Due to the predominantly politically motivated artistic and social isolation, galleries in Basel were put under pressure by the Hypothekarbank to stop exhibiting Camenisch.

In 1959, Camenisch was able to present his work in a major solo exhibition at the Musée de l'Athénée in Geneva and in 1962 in Prague. He was involved in the preparations for a comprehensive exhibition of his work in August/September 1970 at the Kunsthalle Basel, but died on February 13 of the same year. He was buried in a grave in the Hörnli cemetery .

[sgiandubh]

Please excuse if I’m missing something but I don’t understand why he couldn’t be in Malibu on Tuesday and Los Feliz on Thursday they are only around 35miles apart . Los Feliz is also only 6miles from Burbank where the Saturn awards he is nominated in will take place on Sunday .

Dear Missing Something Anon,

It is technically possible. Wouldn't he be staying near the awards' venue, then - Los Feliz?

I think that would be the most logical option. Plus 35 miles in LAX traffic terms means a 1 hour commute, at an average (see the map I posted). Why would he complicate his life like that? And please, don't give me the helicopter argument, I don't think he is JR Ewing.

Let's try something, and suppose Tuesday Anon was correct:

His earliest flight option to LA left Paris on Tuesday at 10:15 AM. To be able to catch it, he would have to leave the hotel at around 07:15 AM local time, at the latest.

Arrival in LAX at 1 PM at the earliest. Allow for about 1 hour border and luggage formalities. Leaving the Airport by taxi/limo to Los Feliz, transfer takes between 40 and 90 minutes, depending on traffic, for an ETA around 4 PM:

All this, after a 12 hour flight. Even in First/Business class, you are still a zombie, but sure - believe what you want. Last time I traveled to DC from Bucharest, via Zurich (16 hours, 1 stop) I wanted to kill someone or pee near the luggage belt at a minimum, etc. And I traveled Business.

With what energy would he gleefully be in Malibu the same 'night' is beyond me. Perhaps I am a fool to assume people (even athletes like S, not overweight diplomats, like me!) are not machines - jet lag, anyone? But this is my take on things and I take full responsibility for it, along with the risk of being ridiculed or wrong.

All of this time, you comfortably remain Anon, presuming I know everything. I don't. I just reasonably speculate, in this case in point.

I am not the damn Oracle of Delphi! But I still think he did not leave Paris on Tuesday.

[my-deer-history]

Francis Kinloch in the Müller-Bonstetten letters: Part 1

Here is the first batch of translated instances where Francis Kinloch is mentioned in letters written to Karl Viktor von Bonstetten by Johannes von Müller, a gay Swiss historian who Kinloch lived with while studying in Geneva. Throughout this period (early 1775 onwards), Müller is attempting to write his history of Switzerland, and the American colonies are starting to actively rebel against England.

The original letters were mostly written in German (source), with some translated later into French (source). I have transcribed and translated most of the mentions, but there's quite a lot, so I'm going to divide this into several posts. (@john-laurens - enjoy!)

My translations below, with the German and/or French transcripts under the cut. As always, corrections and improvements are greatly appreciated!

10 March 1775

I advance in the sciences; you love me, because I do you; Kinloch, who gives away his heart so sparingly, addresses his letters to the beloved of my heart,* and we see each other daily [...] When I am by Kinloch’s side at Bonnet’s, and spend an hour talking with him, I am happy and cheerful; thus, says the Quran, does a lightning bolt suddenly illuminate the darkest of nights, but the shadow becomes darker after him.

*This follows a mention in an earlier undated 1775 letter that Kinloch asserted he needed at least one year before he could call anyone "friend". Clearly it happened in a matter of weeks here.

18 Aug 1775

…and Kinloch’s questions made me more aware of many points of our constitutions, especially our lack of political arithmeticians. […] Keep well. Kinloch will write to you soon.

21 Aug 1775

If cruel fate separates Kinloch from me, I will hope to have 25 to 30 louis more per year, with which I will be able to carry out this plan of study by spending the summer months in some of the cantons.

23 Aug 1775

I also do not have time [in this letter] to continue my observations along the mark, the Zurich lake, into the drawing rooms of Füsslin, Heidegger, Gessner, Hirzel, Bodmer, etc., nor to assure you sufficiently of Gessner’s friendship; nor to tell you how much I augment my knowledge of Helvetia [Switzerland], and with what pleasure I read Livius with Kinloch; nor to paint Kinloch’s enthusiasm* for you, and his anger with me because it has been so long since I wrote to you; nor my irreconcilable hatred for you, B. To declare to you in very thunderous and defeating expressions that, contrary to your word and honour, despite my repeated requests in the name of the holiest friendship, you have committed the atrocious crime of not writing me any letters to this day. Write to me today, therefore!

*The archaic meaning of the German Enthusiasmus is more along the lines of fervour, inspiration, or passionate feeling than the modern “enthusiasm” suggests.

“Thursday” [1775]*

We are waiting at present for a letter from Mr Boone, which will inform us whether we, Kinloch and I, may travel together in France, or if I must stay where I am. In the latter case, I will quietly await some opportunity to travel with an Englishman, which would let me see Europe and fix me some income. If Mr Boone and other friends do not find anyone, I will go to England with K at around the end of next year and I will not leave him even if he goes to America.

*The exact dating of this letter is unclear, but it is placed here in the source. 

Wednesday, Dec 1775

At this very moment, Kinloch is writing a letter to Mr Boone, which might influence my future destination. If I cannot live as I had hoped, according to what I have told you, I would hope that in the case that I must spend my life in solitude, that I may share yours; but that is the way to live!

26 Dec 1775

I find myself in the midst of great doubts. Kinloch cannot stay here past the end of March; we are waiting for letters from England to inform us whether we have enough money to travel together. The American matters make it very uncertain. And even when this journey is over, this unrest will hinder us from carrying out many projects. And now also comes the newly confirmed expedition against Carolina. In this land, so say the letters, is everything in such disarray, that reason has completely lost its power, all courts have decided that no law shall be enforced anymore, all the stations have mixed together, and the clergy preach nothing but rebellion. And the rebellious faction is so powerful that they have decided to send all women and children into the interior of the country, to burn the whole city of Charlestown to ash, and to fight the English over its ruins. Imagine Kinloch’s heart, and his noble mother in this horrid land, fleeing, exposed to all the malice of the soldiers, all the bouts of depredation, hunger and shortages of all kinds. It is very possible that Kinloch himself will lose everything, that his plantations will be laid waste. Imagine for yourself what we must think and feel about all of this. 

9 Jan 1776

We have letters from England that confirm the degree to which the entire coast of the North American sea is given to flames and devastation; they also state that the fleet against Carolina has already sailed. Kinloch and I have developed a project for our destination, which will, in all likelihood, be carried out for our shared benefit. At the beginning of April, my friend will go to France to a provincial town; I will go to Genthod to the wise men (these we, i.e. those from Genthod and I, are still keeping a secret at this time on account of certain people). Towards autumn, I will go to Marseille or Lyon, find Kinloch there, go with him to Rome and from there through Tyrol and Bavaria down into the Netherlands, right to the sea. In this way, I will be able to complete most of my material collecting in the summer and have an educational and enjoyable winter. And beyond that? you will ask me. Within one year, it will become clear if America is still inhabitable, if Lord North is still prime minister, if Kinloch will settle in England or America. We will decide accordingly.

19 Feb 1776

Your letters always bring me great pleasure, but it has been a long time since any letter or occurrence has caused me as much pleasure as your second-to-last one did. Your eloquence is Demosthenic when friendship has inspired you, but your heart is full of the greatest and noblest virtues. Bonnet and Kinloch felt a real enthusiasm for you. I however am more determined than ever to follow your advice. [Lists several of his good fortunes.] Mr Bonnet, Mrs Bonnet and Kinloch and all my best friends, besides philosophy and politics - to whom do I owe all of these? Ask yourself!

10 March 1775

In den Wissenschaften schreite ich fort; Sie lieben mich, wie ich Sie; Kinloch, der so karg sein Herz versschenkt, addressirt seine Billets to the beloved of my heart, und wir sehen uns täglich [...]  An der Seite Kinlochs bei Bonnet, und nun ich eine Stunde mich mit Ihnen unterhalten, bin ich glücklich und heiter; so, sagt der Koran, erleuchtet ein Blitzstrahl plötzlich die dickste der Nächte, aber die Finsfterniß wird dicker nach ihm.

18 Aug 1775

Les questions de Kinloch ont fixé plus particulièrement mon attention sur plusieurs points de nos constitutions, et m'ont fait sentir surtout combien nous manquons d'habiles calculateurs politiques. […] Adieu, mon ami: Kinloch vous écrira bientôt.

…auch haben Kinlochs Fragen mich auf eine Menge Punkte unserer Verfassungen, besonders auf unsre Armuth an politischen Arithmetikern aufmerksamer gemacht [...]  Gehab dich wohl. Kinloch 

21 Aug 1775

Si mon mauvais sort me sépare de Kinloch, je souhaiterais avoir par an 25 à 30 louis de plus pour me mettre à portée de réaliser ce plan d'étude en passant l'été dans quelques Cantons.

Wenn das harte Schicksal Kinloch von mir trennt, so wünsche ich mir jährlich 25—30 Louis d'ors, mit denselben würde ich in einigen Kantonen in den Sommermonaten diesen Plan ausführen können

23 Aug 1775

Je n'ai pas le temps non plus dé vous mener avec moi le long du lac de Zurich, dans les cabinets de Füsslin, de Heidegger, de Gessner, de Hirzel, de Bodmer, etc, ni de vous assurer tout au long de l'amitié de Gessner; ni de vous dire combien j'augmente mes connaissances sur l'Helvétie, et avec quel plaisir je lis Tite-Live avec Kinloch; ni de vous peindre l'enthousiasme de Kinloch pour vous, et sa colère contre moi parce que j'ai été si longtemps sans vous écrire; ni enfin de vous déclarer dans les termes les plus foudroyants une haîne irréconciliable, parce qu'au mépris de votre parole d'honneur, de mes prières et de notre amitié, vous ne m'avez point encore écrit. Ecrivez-moi donc aujourd'hui même!

Aber die Zeit erlaubt mir nicht, meine Observationen durch die Mark, den Zürichersee hinunter, durch Füßlins, Heideggers, Geßners, Hirzels, Bodmers &c. &c. Zimmer fortzusetzen, noch Ihnen Geßners Freundschaft für Sie genug zu vermelden, oder meine Zunahme an helvetischen Kenntnissen oder mein Vergnügen über meine Lectur des Livius mit Kinloch, und Kinlochs Enthusiasmus für Sie und Zorn über mich, der ich Ihnen so lang nicht geschrieben, noch meinen unversöhnlichen Haß gegen Euch, B. Euch in recht donnernden und niederschlagenden Ausdrücken anzukündigen, da` Sie wider Wort und Ehre ungeachtet meiner wiederholten Bitten gegen die allerheiligste Freundschaft das gräuliche Verbrechen begangen haben, bis auf diesen Tag mir keinen Brief zu schreiben. So schreiben Sie mir dann heut noch!

“Thursday” [1775]

Nous attendons à présent une lettre de Mr. Boone qui nous apprendra si nous pouvons, Kinloch et moi, voyager ensemble en France, ou si je dois rester où je suis. Dans ce dernier cas j'attendrai paisiblement quelque occasion de voyager avec un Anglois, qui me feroit voir l'Europe et qui me fixeroit quelque rente. Si Mr. Boone et d'autres amis n'en trouvent point, j'irai en Angleterre avec K. sur la fin de l'année prochaine et je ne le quitterai pas même, quand it va en Amérique.

*written in French

Wednesday, Dec 1775

Dans ce moment même Kinloch écrit à Mr. Boone une lettre, qui influera peut-être sur ma destination future. Si je ne peux pas vivre comme je le souhaiterois, d'après ce que je Vous ai dit, je souhaiterois, que dans le cas, qu'il me fallut passer ma vie dans la solitude, je puisse partager la votre; mais le moyen de vivre!

26 Dec 1775

Gegenwärtig befinde ich mich in sehr großen Zweifeln. Länger als bis im Märzen kann Kinloch nicht hier bleiben; wir erwarten aus England Briefe, ob wir Geldes genug haben, mit einander zu reisen. Die amerikanischen Sachen machen es sehr ungewiß. Und wenn auch diese Reisen zu Ende find, so werden diese Unruhen uns an der Ausführung vieler Projekte hindern. Nun kommt noch die neulich beschlossene Expedition gegen Karolina. In diesem Land, wir haben Briefe, ist alles in solcher Unordnung, daß der Rath vollkommen seine Gewalt verloren, alle Gerichte beschlossen sind, kein Gesetz mehr vollstreckt wird, alle Stände sich vermengt haben, und die Geistlichen nichts als Aufruhr predigen. Auch ist die rebellische Faction so muthig, daß sie beschlossen haben, alle Weiber und Kinder ins innere Land zu versenden, die ganze Stadt Karlstown in Asche zu verwandeln, und über den Ruinen derselben sich mit den Engländern zu schlagen. Stellen Sie sich Kinlochs Herz vor, und seine edle Mutter in diesem fürchterlichen Land, in der Flucht, ausgesetzt allem Muthwillen der Soldaten, allen Anfällen der Verwüstung, dem Hunger und dem Mangel. Es ist sehr möglich, daß Kinloch selbst alles verliert, daß seine Pflanzungen verwüstet werden. Stellen Sie sich vor, was wir bei alledem denken und fühlen müssen.

9 Jan 1776

 Aus England haben wir Briefe, welche bestätigen, wasmaßen das ganze Ufer der nordamerikanischen See den Flammen und der Verwüstung gewidmet sey; auch sagen Sie, die Flotte gegen Karolina sey bereits abgesegelt. Kinloch und ich haben über unsre Bestimmung ein Project entworfen, welches allem Ansehen nach zu unserm gemeinschaftlichen Nutzen ausgeführt werden wird. Anfangs Aprillens geht mein Freund nach Frankreich in eine Provinzialstadt; ich nach Genthod zu den Weisen (dieses halten wir, d. i. die von Genthod und ich gewisser Leute wegen noch zur Zeit geheim). Gegen den Herbst gehe ich nach Marseille oder Lyon, finde daselbst Kinloch, gehe mit ihm nach Rom und von da durchs Tirol und Bayern hinunter in die Niederlande bis ans Meer. So werde ich diesen Sommer meine meisten Materialiensammlungen vollenden können und einen lehrreichen und `vergnügten Winter haben. Und was ferner? werden Sie mich fragen. In Jahresfrist wird es sich zeigen, ob Amerika noch wohnbar, ob Lord North noch Staatsminister sey, ob Kinloch sich in England oder in Amerika niederlassen werde. Accordingly werden wir uns entschließen.

19 Feb 1776

Vos lettres me font toujours grand plaisir mais aucune d'elles et en général, aucun événement ne m'a causé, depuis longtemps, un plaisir aussi vif que votre avant-dernière. Vous avez l'éloquence de Demosthène quand l'amitié vous inspire, et votre cœur est ce qu'il y a au monde de plus noble et de meilleur. Bonnet et Kinloch vous aiment avec enthousiasme, et moi, je suis plus déterminé que jamais à suivré en tout vos conseils. […] Mais, et Bonnet, et Mad. Bonnet, et Kinloch, et mes meilleurs amis, et les lumières que j'ai acquises en philosophie et en politique, à qui dois-je tout cela, mon ami? vous le savez.

Ihre Briefe machen mir immer sehr viel Vergnügen, aber seit langer Zeit hat kein Brief und keine Begebenheit mir so viel Freude verschafft, als Ihr vorletzter. Ihre Beredsamkeit ist Demosthenisch, wenn Sie von der Freundschaft begeistert sind, Ihr Herz aber der größten und edelsten Tugenden voll. Bonnet und Kinloch haben einen wahren Enthusiasmus für Sie gefühlt. Ich aber bin entschlossener, als noch Ihrem Rath zu folgen. [...] Hrn. Bonnet, Md. Bonnet und Kinloch und alle meine besten Freunde, nebst der Philosophie und Politik, wem bin ich alles schuldig? fragen Sie sich!

[kisskisstine]

It’s my BIRTHDAY 🎂 and I’ll draw myself all BLONDE if I want to! (Tbf drawing my actual two tone hair is a lot rn bro lol I’d like to get on with my day 🫠💕✌️)

Over the years after staying in many different cities, I’ve styled myself differently in each place. Here’s a summary:

❣️Barcelona - light tops, hair down, slip dresses, airy skirts, espadrille heels

❣️San Francisco - baby bangs, puffer jackets, knitted crop, gold accent accessories, cut off straight jeans, western boots

❣️New York - black boots, fur coats, pleated long skirts, slicked back hair, polarised sunglasses

❣️Paris - decorated western boots, wool barret, alpaca jacket with detailed hems

❣️London - warm long puffer, western style chelsea boots, knit pull, fluffy fringes

❣️Zurich - structured overcoat, clean straight jeans, black Chelsea boots, mock wool sweater.

So low key… I’m obsessed with drawing Western boots after Dale Dimmadome’s goddamn boots that he loves more than his son from Fairly Odd Parents: A New Wish 🤪

[bitchinbarzal]

surprise | timo x singer!reader blurb

summary: when you’re sick and in the hospital good news is not the expected outcome

-

You were on the European leg of your world tour, having just finished a show in Germany you headed to Switzerland to chill before your show in Zurich in a couple days time.

Back home Timo was preparing for the first round of playoffs. You would be home for the first game, you structured your tour around it — you wouldn’t miss it.

Timo’s family had come to stay with you for the few days off you had. Unfortunately though you had been sick the whole time.

On day three over the toilet Claudia sat holding your hair while you retched

“Oh Sternli, maybe it’s time you see a doctor” she suggests, rubbing your back.

You nod “I think so”

She made the phone calls for you, scheduling the appointment for you and coming with you for support.

You hadn’t had to chance to call Timo, with the time change and told him you were at the hospital but it appeared his dad had beat you to it because while you were in the waiting room your phone began buzzing with his name.

“Hi, my love”

“Why are You at the hospital? What’s wrong? Do I need to come?”

You chuckled at his overprotectiveness “No, it’s ok your mom is with me” Claudia squeezed your hand and spoke into the phone too “I’ve got her don’t you worry!”

He sighs “well phone me once you know what’s wrong, please?”

“Of course, i love you”

“I love you sweetheart”

In the appointment the doctor ran through tests with you, all the regular stuff and came back a little over twenty minutes later with results.

He only spoke in his native language, one you weren’t fluent in yet outside basic conversation with your husband and in-laws.

So he spoke to Claudia and when he told her she gasped, squeezing your hand

“What? What’s wrong?” You Ask, trying to sit up higher on the exam table.

Claudia turns to you, tears in her eyes “You’re having a baby, Sternli”

Your mouth drops open “I’m what? are you serious?”

She nods and stands up to hug you “Oh my girl! You’re having a baby!”

You hold her arm, squeezing it tight and crying softly. Part of you wishes Timo was here in his mothers place to experience this first time moment together.

After the appointment and in the car park you called him, he picked up after the first ring.

“Are you ok?” He immediately asks and you hum

“I’m more than ok, love. It’s good news!”

On the other end of the line, he frowned “Good news?”

Through your silent tears you said “I’m pregnant, T. We’re having a baby”

He was silent, alarming you slightly “T?”

Then he sniffled “We’re having a baby?”

You smiled, nodding “Yeah, we’re having a baby”

“I love you, I love you so much! Oh my god you have to come home!”

“One more show then I’ll be home, in your arms — you, me and baby”

[bbobpul]

hell of an oddball

NOTE. fifth email 🤧 reblog, like, and follow @medyowriter

PAIRING. hoshi x you

GENRE. angst, hurt/comfort

WARNINGS. language alluding to death, mention of unnamed chronic illness

list of emails i can't send

masterlist

if you want to be a part of this series' taglist, like this post

from. you@svtmail.com

to. kwonsy@svtmail.com

subject. emails i can't send 5/13

hoshi kwon, thank you

the drought was the very worst. even before you became a part of my life, it felt as though every gentle breeze that graced my face carried an unseen layer of grime, imperceptible to my eyes. i felt as if every person i passed by could somehow discern my age and recognize the lack of achievement by the time i reached 27.

high school marked a period when i held a specific disdain for you. you were the peculiar individual who boldly challenged teachers to dance, as if you were close to their age. you were an unusual presence, appearing only at special school events. but despite my hatred, i couldn't resist sneaking glances in your direction. maybe because it was your unyielding nonconformity, causing disruption every semester we shared. you were a hell of an oddball.

then, more than a decade later, i saw you again on my third day in switzerland.

it was like meeting an entirely different person with the same face and name as you. you changed a lot, or should i say, you had matured.

honestly, when you greeted me, i half-expected you to challenge me to dance in the middle of zurich's streets. jokes aside, you had evolved far beyond the quirky high school kid i once knew. you had become a psychologist, a revelation that took me by surprise, but you had always been unpredictable.

you mentioned your plans to embark on a global exploration journey, ticking off every location on your bucket list before your special day. however, the nature of that special day remained unclear until now.

we explored every corner of the country, often without a specific destination in mind. during our journey, we learned more about each other. you learned that i quit my job because it starts to feel unfulfilling and you were the first person to congratulate me for doing so. to my astonishment, i discovered that, despite your profession as a psychologist, you had defied your parents' protest to build your own dance studio.

we openly shared the changes that had unfolded in our lives over the past decade, a time during which we hadn't crossed paths. it felt as though i had known you for two decades, even though it had only been two weeks.

throughout our trip, i had been your designated driver since you still hadn't learned to drive. however, on our final day in switzerland, you made an unusual request, asking me to drive you to a specific place - dignitas house.

and in that moment, everything became clear.

the drive to dignitas house was marked by an eerie silence. you decided to break it, revealing your chronic illness that has been giving you hell. that was the moment i knew.

just hours before your scheduled passing, i had been holding your hand, begging you to come home with me. i couldn't summon any more tears, and i didn't want to be selfish, so i simply stayed there by your side. in the end, i went home alone.

hoshi, you truly are a hell of an oddball.

you needed company, and i'm grateful to have been the one to provide it.

so, from the depths of my heart, thank you.

those days in switzerland were a great realization that life just happens, just like that, and it's inevitable.

 

thank you for spending two weeks in switzerland with me. in those two weeks, we slowly let go of all the hurdles in our lives, and by morning, gone was any trace of blues, and we could, after the long run, say that we were finally clean.

sincerely,

your travel buddy

TAGLIST. @matchahyuck @minhui896 @hongmingoo @strawberryshortcakes-blog @lleercy @wonwooz1 @mhlsymlysn

[thepalmofyourfreezinghand]

The eras tour is honestly insanely unfair I know Americans that are coming to Europe to see the show because they didn't have the chance in the US they couldn't get the tickets and the now when they try to buy them they are sold at a price that is way higher than what buying even the VIP tickets in Europe plus the trip plus the staying in Europe would be to them. And then I constantly see people from the American fandom gloating about having already been to multiple American date, having bought European tickets and still attending the second leg of the american tour

Yeah… at the end of the day it’s nobody’s fault but it sucks.

It sucks for European fans that so many Americans are coming here and “stealing” tickets (25% of all the tickets sold for the Paris concerts were sold to Americans!!!!), but, at the same time, as you said, the market in the US is not as regulated and the result is that for so many fans who are yet to see her live it’s less expensive to come to Paris than it would be to buy from a reseller for an autumn date in the US/Canada. I’ve also read accounts from people who attended other shows (Lisbon, Dublin…) who said that they met tons of Americans inside. And, again, maybe some of them have already attended shows in the US, but probably a lot of them have not, and they’re just coming here because it’s cheaper (which is crazy but true). And I don’t have a problem with that.

And honestly when it comes to London or Dublin it’s non that big of a deal if American fans come, imo, even if they’ve already seen the show, because she’s toured there for rep and 1989 and Red and SN too. But like… Lisbon or Stockholm or Warsaw or Vienna or Zurich, for example: they’re in countries she’s never ever visited. And Paris/Milan/Madrid are places she last visited in 2011. How do you not feel guilty attending one or more concerts in the US and then coming to one of these places?

[estersky]

AU: It's been a couple of years since Zurich. Annie and Eyal are at the safe house with the only bed again.

"I'll sleep on the couch in the living room."

Eyal took one of the pillows and he was heading out of the bedroom when Annie called out to him.

"Eyal... The couch is too narrow. You can hardly get enough sleep on it," she didn't believe she was saying it herself, but that was what she wanted to do then. "The bed is wide enough, and... there are two blankets, so... Maybe we won't interfere much with each other."

Eyal got stuck in the doorway, dumbfounded. It was obvious that he was hesitating. Of course, he really wanted to stay in the bedroom. And not only because the bed was really more comfortable. Finally he spoke.

"Annie, I don't want you or both of us to feel uncomfortable. I had to sleep in different places or not sleep at all. This couch is not the worst option."

"Yes, I understand. At our first meeting, it would never have occurred to me to suggest such a thing, but now... You can stay here if you want."

He hesitated as if thinking and doubting the correctness of the decision he had already made, but then he returned and put the pillow back in its original place.

[jordanandegypt]

Hello Jordan.

September 13, 2024

(Warning - this is a little map-heavy! Y'all know how I LOVE maps!!)

Greetings from Amman, Jordan!!  Salam! We have connected with our friends and met our delightful guide, Nader.  Let the trip begin!!!!

We escaped Zürich without eating cheese fondu, buying chocolate or a Swiss watch.  Yes, we have NO proof that we were ever there. Well. we did buy some grandkid stuff and we had a lovely visit, albeit much too short.   And before we leave that topic, I have a correction.  As we walked about this lovely town of Zurich we encountered some super busy multi lane roads and there, my friends, we found the walk/don’t walk signs.  So they do indeed have them despite my reporting that they did not. But they appear to be few and far between.

On Thursday, Sept 12, we flew from Zürich Switzerland to Athen, Greece. 

This morning we flew from Athens to here.  WHY? - you ask.  Money my friends - Money.  Getting to Amman from a lot of places is not easy and not cheap.  I was looking for non-stop flights that were reasonable priced and had the timing I could work with and after much research - (OMG - you cannot believe how much time to put into this silly endeavor) I landed on taking two days and doing these short flights with an overnight in Athens.  Now - the flights were on small planes - and one option I had was to pay an additional $7.00 as insurance against the airlines going bankrupt.🥴. I took that option FYI!

But it all worked out perfectly.  We left Zürich in the AM and arrived in Athens in the early afternoon. The little place we stayed picked us up then arranged for us to be picked up for dinner on the beach.  SWEET!!!!

And MAYBE the Greek Salad and grilled fish was delicious because we were in Greece or because we could hear the Mediterranean lapping right there  - but whatever the reason, dinner was delicious. (Our younger son, Logan, BTW - pointed out that all salads in Greece would be technically Greek salads - but this is not going to bring me down!)

Today we got to Athen’s airport WAY TOO early but so what.  We had a coffee and before we knew it we boarded our flight on Royal Jordanian.  Now - let me say - WOW!!  The cleanest roomiest seats ever and we were traveling coach.  With the exception of one little issue - my gluten free meal was absent - but they scrounged around and I did not go hungry.  “Come ON!” To quote my youngest granddaughter.   I will say not exactly gourmet - but you be the judge.

But would I fly Royal Jordanian again?  Why, yes I would.  A crappy lunch on this lovely airplane with attentive flight attendants was just a little blip.

Another reason I wanted to go through Greece was to adjust myself to being completely unable to read signs.  While in Greece there were somethings I could make a guess on and somethings I could not  - like the sign below.

But once we got to Amman I figured I wouldn’t have a clue about anything - and it appears I am correct.

So, somehow I thought easing myself into that would be a good idea.  BUT clearly the answer is NOPE!  So really the reason for Athen was money...

Anyway - Jordan:

Michigan is about 2.5 times bigger than Jordan but Jordan has more than 11 million+ people, about  1 million more than live in Michigan.  And of that 11 million people 5 million live in Amman - the capital of Jordan.  A peek out of our hotel window lets you know this is a HUGE city!

A quick review on the location of Jordan.

Jordan is bordered by Syria to the north, Iraq to the east, Saudi Arabia to the south, and Israel and the occupied Palestinian territories to the west.   For those of you who were flipping out about us coming here (MOM!), we are indeed close to the Israel/Hamas conflict.  Amman and Jerusalem are just a little more than 60 miles apart.  

But we are visiting this beautiful city and then going north to Jerash.  After Jerash we will be heading south to Petra and we will certainly be close to Israel - but no worries.  You wouldn’t want us to come this far and not get to see Mujib Valley , the Grand Canyon of Jordan.  Hopefully, we will get a look at the Dead Sea as well.

When we arrived we had to buy a Visa and it was exactly as we had been told - EASY- PEASY!!  We stood in a short line - forked over our passports and 40 Jordanian dinars (that I got before we left Saline) and we got a single entry Visa and a welcome to “The Hashemitec Kingdom of Jordan.”  “Enjoy your time here!”

I’m so excited to learn about Jordan, the people, the geography, the history, their politics and more.  Already I learned that 85% of the land is desert and that water is scarce and they have NO OIL.  I admit I was surprised!  I discovered that it is a Sunni Muslim majority religion country (95% according to Wiki)  and I expect to learn more about this.

So the learning begins in earnest tomorrow and I’m going to bed.  We are now in Arabic Standard Time and we are 7 hours ahead of Michigan.  This adjustment is - like the VISA procurement - EASY-PEASY!

Tesbah ala khir. (Good Night in Arabic - and this is NOT easy-peasy). Also just for a little smile - my autocorrect changed that Arabic phrase to "Teabag la Kir" - which I'm pretty sure means nothing.

Salam

[isabelldrabbles]

Dani Miranda x Reader

Imagine: You wake up in the middle of the night, a bruised Dani Miranda in front of your door.

warnings: fluff, black eyes and bruises

———

Awakened by a loud thunder, you wake up. The temperature in your room is muggy and oppressive, you can hardly breathe. The window panes reflect the lightning over the city. You sigh.

You turn to your bedside table and take a sip of water from your glass. As you put it down, you glance at the neon numbers on your alarm clock. 11.38 p.m. It's going to be a long night.

You wake up again. This time it is not because of the thunderstorm, which has turned into a soothing downpour over the hours, but because of a distant ringing. Maybe it was just a bell in your dream. Ring. Ring. Nope, real life. Who else is awake at this hour? You sigh again and straighten up. As you put your feet on the floor and search for your slippers, you glance at the clock. 2.56 a.m.

On your way out of your bedroom, you put on your dressing gown as you walk and run your fingers dreamily along the wall of the room until you finally hit the switch for the light. As the lamps for the corridor and the living area switch on, you are dazzled and curse softly. You check again that the bucket for all emergencies is next to the pull-out couch before you take the last steps to the door. It wouldn't be the first time that former school friends and family members stayed at your place after partying at the club nearby.

Ring. Ring.

"Jesus Christ." You roll your eyes aggressively. "Sorry I‘m not faster at this hour!" You unlock the locks and turn the doorknob. As you carefully open the door and look up from below, you are surprised.

"Dani?!"

The brunette stands in front of you in a fancy black designer dress. And she's bleeding.

"Shit Dani, what have they done to you?" You look in shock at her black eye and the wounds on her face.

"I didn't know exactly where to go and then I remembered you live in Vienna ... and now I'm here. I shouldn't have come here, sorry. It was stupid."

"Well, you're already here and you've already woken me up. Now come in, knowing you, you have no time to waste." You pull her into the flat by one hand and close the door. Dani looks at you nervously. "I was going to check in with you after what happened in Zurich, but-" "How bad from one to five is it? Are you being followed, are you in bad trouble or 'just' an unpleasant confrontation?" You interrupt her as you walk towards the bathroom. She follows you and looks down at the floor in shame. "An unpleasant confrontation."

You open the medical kit in the mirror and take out bandages, plasters, alcohol to disinfect and painkillers. "Here, sit down." You flip the lid on the toilet and point to it as you soak a pad with alcohol.

"You-you don't have to do this." Dani's tired voice rings out in the sound of the bathroom.

"I know I'm not a super agent. But even kids in kindergarten have scrapes that need to be treated all the time." Dani smiles gratefully and then winces in pain as she moves her face too much. "Hold still." You step closer to her and place the bandages against the windowsill. In one hand you hold the cotton wool to disinfect, with the other you brush her messy hair out of her face and gently turn her head. She puts her hand on the wrist of your hand. After a short silence and the occasional hiss of pain, you clear your throat.

"What happened?" You ask quietly, as if that would cause her to tell you more.

Dani helplessly whispers your name. "You know I can't tell you that."

"CIA business, I see." You twist the bottle of alcohol shut and throw the used cotton bits into the bin. You now stick plasters on her wounds and have to concentrate very hard on them so as not to get lost in her eyes.

"You know what, actually I don't understand anything. I hate it. I hate that I don't get to see you much. I hate that most of the time I can only see you when you're hurting and need help. I hate that every time I hear the news, I'm scared that I'm going to hear that CIA agents have been killed. That I can't even hear once in a while if you're still alive and how you're doing. I hate that I can't call you when I've had a bad day. I hate that I can never celebrate good news with you. I hate that I can't forget you. But most of all, I hate that I can't hate you for it."

Dani looks at you with an open mouth, tears beginning to form in her eyes. She straightens up as you frantically pack the medical supplies. "I- I-" She whimpers and looks ashamed at the floor. "Um," she gulps, "I'm losing blood." "Damn it!" You immediately drop everything and catch her as you notice her collapse.

———

"That beautiful dress." You whine softly, preparing it for a wash. You haven't been able to sleep yet - after the first aid, cleaning blood and all the adrenaline, you've lost all sense of tiredness...or at least suppressed it.

"It was Louis Vuitton." You turn quickly to the voice and look at Dani in surprise. "Oh god, my heart!." You blurt, reaching for your heart. You take a couple of steps towards the bed. "How are you?"

"I've been better-" you take a breath to say something "but I've also been worse." You nod, half-convinced, and sit down on the edge of the bed. "I should hope so, this is my bed you're lying in after all." You joke.

"And I'm extremely grateful to you for that." Dani takes your hand. "I mean it. Thank you." Her black eye and wounds - now covered with zoo animal plasters - mark her otherwise elegant and soft face.

"You're welcome." You squeeze her hand and notice a loose plaster. You gently run your hand over it, then stroke her chin with your hand. You've really memorised the feel of her skin. You slide a little closer.

"I don't work for the CIA anymore. Today was my last assignment." Dani whispers, still holding your hand, trying to control her breathing while you are so close.

"What?" You look at her in disbelief. "No more being an agent?"

"Kind of. I'm not incredibly popular there at the moment. So we have a deal. And-" She closes her eyes briefly for courage. "It's getting time to settle down and, who knows, I might want to start a family."

You grin uncontrollably and slowly but surely brush against Dani's lips. "I'm sorry about that, for you and your career." Dani laughs and shakes her head carefully. "No you're not."

You bite your lips lightly as you practically hover over her lips. "No, I'm not. I'm done hating. Today is love." Dani pushes you away and holds her hands over her face as she laughs heartily. "Did you just recite a Tiktok sound? You're crazy."

"And how I am." You fling yourself onto the bed and turn your head in her direction.

"How lucky I was to never forget you." Dani pulls your face towards her with both hands and kisses you passionately.

You break your kiss and stroke her cheek with your thumb. "No unannounced departures?"

[elisysd]

53. You’re blowing through my mind like the hurricane

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: Hurricane - Ofenbach, Ella Henderson

She had barely got any sleep that night and decided to avoid being out on Saturday. She didn’t want to see anyone and she had no badges anyway. She wouldn’t have been able to enter. Sure, she probably could have asked her dad to find her one, but she didn’t want to face him and despite Ethan’s words of reassurance, she still doubted that she had a place in his work environment. She was fine with the idea of staying alone in her room during the weekend. And she knew that the second she would go out, she would be circled by journalists trying to get a reaction out of her and she didn’t want that. She had the wonderful idea to look at the news in the morning and the number of articles about the rumored cheating scandal inside Ferrari were enough to make her want to throw up. And the press statement the team had released to announce her temporary eviction didn’t make her feel better. It had been a bitter pill to swallow but she understood why her dad had to do it. But it didn’t make the feeling of having been thrown under the bus any better. She only had given directions to her dad about the upgrades, he didn’t have to use them but yet, he had chosen to test her and to trust her. He was at fault too, but it seemed that she was the only one to take the blame.

A knock on her door took her out of her thoughts. When she opened she found her mom in front of her. She was the last person she wanted to see. She was still beyond mad at her for not giving her the possibility to talk to her dad.

“I don’t want to see you, mom.”

“Can we talk?”

“For what? To tell me that I only have myself to blame? That I should think about the consequences of my actions? That I failed, just like everyone expected? I already know all of that, I don’t need a reminder.”

“I wanted to protect you…”

“How? How is that protecting me? You made everything worse. I could have explained everything if you had let me! Now, dad won’t trust me anymore.”

“He spent the night in his office back at the hospitality. We had a fight about Zurich.” confessed her mom, tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry…”

“I helped you change it when you asked me, I agreed to not tell it to your dad… We both lied to him. That would be hypocritical of me to tell you that you deserve what is happening to you. You don’t and if I had known what was going to happen during the press conference I would have waited. I didn’t watch it, I learned about it after telling your dad about how I saw you using manufacturing plans from Lamborghini. And then he confronted me about Zurich and I didn’t have any other choice but to tell him the truth.”

“If only he could understand why I did it…” Julia sighed.

“Deep down he knows but it doesn’t make it easier to admit it.”

“Where is Louis?”

“Funnily enough, he is with your dad. He said he didn’t want to leave dad alone because he was sad. That the only ray of light in this story, our lies brought them closer.”

She spent the day with her mom in her room watching movies and talking about everything. It felt nice and she wondered when was the last time they had been together like that. It was late in the evening when Lyanna received a text from her husband, asking her if they could talk. As a family. His wife replied, telling him she was with Julia in her hotel room. He arrived shortly after and Julia noticed immediately the dark circles under his eyes. He entered, hesitant to sit on the only armchair of the room as Julia leaned against the wall and Lyanna sat back on the bed.

“Where is Louis?” Lyanna asked.

“Ethan said he could look after him, he is spending the evening with Kyle and Ludwig playing video games from what he told me and he asked Louis if he wanted to tag along.” Charles explained.

Silence set in the room, no one knew where to start until Charles took a deep breath and started to speak.

“I don’t want to lose our family.” he simply said. “I don’t want our lies to tear us apart. You are my everything.”

Julia stood up and went to her bedside table to retrieve an envelope which she gave to her dad.

“The USB drive is inside. I want to destroy it. I know it won’t bring back the trust you had in me but… it’s still something.”

“Why? I just… I don’t understand why you would feel the need to use it.”

Julia sighed and sat on the floor, in front of her dad, her knees pulled against her chest.

“I wanted to make you proud, I wanted to prove to you that I deserved to work with you, that I had what it took. But… I think mom was right, I wasn’t fully ready for this job. Not because I don’t have the abilities, I know I do, but because I wasn’t ready for this world. It’s a make or break one. And it broke me. I wasn’t ready for the attention, I wasn’t ready for the misogynistic behavior, for the rumors, for the constant traveling, the pressure… everything. I wanted for everyone to be proud of me, I wanted to feel useful and important and I didn’t see that slowly I was compromising myself. I lost sight of what was really important. And I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to go overboard or to resort to cheating to make me proud, Ju’. I’m proud of you just the way you are.”

“I know that now.”

“What about you tell us everything? From the very start.” Lyanna said, sitting next to her daughter on the floor.

And Julia did. She told them about how Ethan approached her to ask for her help after the pregnancy scandal blew out, how she had told him no at first but how he kind of insisted and how she ended up accepting. She didn’t want to mention him blackmailing her but when her dad told her that Ethan had implied it, she didn’t have the choice.

“He… he knew about Zurich… drunk confession. And he recorded me and threatened to send it to you. Ironic how you ended up learning about it…”

“What an idiot…”

“Don’t be mad.”

“I’m not. I’m just stating the obvious. But you still fell for him after all.”

“Oh yes, I did.”

She explained how they couldn’t see eye to eye at first, how they were bickering almost non stop but how they still made it work. She told them that Louis knew about it and overheard them talking that day, after the karting day they all had organized. How horrible she had felt to lie to her family and how despite everything, it was the very first thing that brought Ethan and her closer. She talked about how after that something had changed between them and how Singapore started to blur the lines between what was fake and what was real. How, in hope to forget it, she had used Martin as a distraction. She could see how unfair it had been and how wrong she was. After Singapore everything was more complicated. She could still feel herself falling for him, fast and hard but thought it was just a game for Ethan. She didn’t want to allow her heart to get broken. And then she explained how it became completely real in Paris, how their actual first kiss was broadcast on live TV. She felt herself blushing, not daring to say anything further. She explained how it had been hard for them to go through fake dating to real dating, how they were not on the same wavelengths. How she was feeling confused and scared that she had made a mistake that she let her fears control her instead of living in the moment and learning how to love Ethan. But she knew that now, they were not ready. It had happened too fast and too soon.

“And then Canada happened and from there you know the rest of the story.”

“And the usb stick?”

“I swear I didn’t use it for a very long time. I had barely looked at it when I showed you the upgrade ideas. I knew how bad it could be and what people would think if it happened to be known.”

“But you used it for the new car.”

“Not at first… I noticed discrepancies between the data and I feared we were going the wrong way. I wanted to solve it fast and I thought… Since it would be a new season with new cars, it would be okay to use some ideas that Lamborghini introduced. I’ve never thought it would be interpreted like it had been. I know I made a huge mistake and I know that being sorry won’t restore your trust in me.”

“I see… I’m sorry about how I handled the situation. I should have listened to your side before deciding to postpone your role in the team but, I stand by what I said. It’s better this way. You need time to find who you are, take it but I promise you when you’ll be ready, I’ll be more than happy to have you onboard.”

She smiled through the tears. It felt good to finally come clean about everything. She needed it. Now she could move forward. It was now in the past and she intended to keep all of her mistakes there.

“And about Zurich…” she started.

“That’s a little too soon… I’m not ready to have this discussion.”

“Just… I’ve never been ashamed of being your daughter. Sure it has not always been easy but what matters is that now I’m proud and happy to say that you are my dad. I’m not trying to hide it anymore.”

Her dad smiled as well, sitting next to her on the floor and throwing an arm over her shoulders before pressing a kiss on the side of her head. He soon was joined by Lyanna who joined the hug.

“This family hug would be perfect if only Louis wasn’t missing.” Lyanna said.

“He hates hugs.” Julia stated.

“Not Ethan’s, apparently.” Charles laughed. “Julia, you know that there is still a badge for you, right?”

“I know, but I think it’s best if I stay away from Ferrari’s garage for a while. I’ll probably ask Romy if I can bother her in Audi’s hospitality. And it’s been a while since I’ve seen Seb. I hope it’s okay with you.”

On the other side of the building, far away from the heavy conversation, Ethan was playing a football game with his best friends and Louis who was revealing to be a tough competition.

“I won! Again! I’m better than you!” he jumped out of the couch as Ludwig was grimacing and Kyle was smiling happily.

“You did. Fair and square. Four times. Congrats little guy. But I believe it’s time for you to go back to your room, we all have to be ready for the qualifying tomorrow.”

“But you will win, right? It’s your home race. Romy won hers so now you will win yours.”

“If only it was working like that, Louis. If only.”

It was true. It was his home race. It was where he had the most supporters. And he loved the track. He loved the hazardous nature of it, even more when it was raining cats and dogs. He knew the history, the deaths linked to it but it was just adding up even more to its aura. And winning there must be so special. He wanted to feel it. At least once. But he had faith. The last two weeks, both on the podiums and his pole position had managed to restore his confidence. He was on a roll, he felt good in the car, he felt better inside his team, his mental health was on the right track thanks to Sofia. Nothing could stop him. He had never felt this happy in his life and he didn’t want to say it, but breaking up with Julia might have been for the best. Really, he felt like a better version of himself. A healthier one.

He arrived at the paddock earlier the next day. He was supposed to meet with Jackie and the kids to show them around. He wouldn’t have time to show them the garage and his car, as he had to do a lot of things today but still, it was important for him to make sure that everyone was feeling good and comfortable there. He also didn’t want to create any triggers to the kid. He knew the smell, the noise could be a lot. He found the group at the entry, right as they were getting out of the mini bus.

“Jackie! Over here!” he waved.

“Ethan! Look at the sign I made for you!” a kid said to him.

Ethan looked at the huge sign in front of his nose. It was a poorly drawn F1 car, in light blue with his name that didn’t fit in whole. That made him laugh.

“That’s very nice of you. Can I keep it? So I can put it in my driver’s room.”

He then proceeded to walk with them in the paddock, not before giving them their passes, and then showed them the Maserati’s hospitality where they would watch the race. He happily answered questions and some were almost starstruck to see other drivers. He was about to leave them to go to his meeting when he crossed paths with Romy who was laughing with Julia.

“Ethan, hey. Ready to have your ass kicked?” said the German girl.

“In your dreams, princess Romy.” he smiled. “Julia? How are you doing?”

“Good. I told my parents everything.”

“Everything,everything?”

“In detail. It felt good to finally come clean and to have all those lies out of the open. Now I can move forward and about that… I was wondering… do you know if Sofia could recommend me to a few therapists? After everything that happened these past months, I need to talk about them to someone and I need to understand myself better. And it worked wonders with you so I think… Why not me? I can’t be that hard of a patient?”

“Well…” Ethan laughed as Romy was giving her a side glance.

“You know what? I don’t want to know! Let me be delusional for a bit.”

“You're an angel.” Ethan said.

“A gem.” added Romy.

“You’re perfection made woman.”

“A delight.”

“The lighthouse in the raging sea.”

“The rainbow after the rainfall.”

“You guys are the worst!” Julia laughed, punching Romy’s shoulder as she rolled her eyes.

“I’m glad you decided to make that decision. You’ll see, it’s not that bad.”

“It’s time for me to grow up. I’m just sad it took so much time and a hard slap in the face to realize it.”

“You know what they say… it’s not about the…” started Ethan before being interrupted by Julia.

“I swear if you say, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey, I’ll shove my feet so far up in your ass that you’ll talk all high for the next few days!”

“Have you thought about talking about anger management to your future… Hey, stop! Julia, not my hair!” Ethan started to scream as the brunette was trying to annoy him.

He finally managed to leave the girls and ran to his garage for his meeting. The qualifying started in less than an hour and he still had to talk to his team. He ignored the glances as he arrived and started to get ready. EVerything would be okay, he had a nice feeling over the weekend. He had never been so focused in his entire life. He could see the flags and hear people chanting his names even if he had his earphones and over the sounds or roaring engines. It was crazy and it was for him. He breathed deep and closed his eyes to enjoy the few seconds before he would be able to get on the track. And when finally he got there it was game on. He managed to set the time reference of the Q1, three tenths before Kyle. The Q2 was trickier. It was never his forte, he knew it was something he had to improve on but still made it to Q3.

“Dawson is out. Schumacher as well. Martinez too. You have a boulevard in front of you for the first line Ethan.”

“Let’s go.”

His first try was awful and he had to abort it after taking the apex a little too strongly. He mumbled a few insults before trying again one last time. It was now or never. He gave his all and when he crossed the checkered flag, he immediately turned on his radio.

“Tell me we got it. Tell me we’re in front.”

“And P1 for you. P1. Congratulations.”

“Fuck yeah!! That’s what I’m talking about!!”

He almost jumped out of the car after parking it in front of the number one sign. He looked at his team and at the kids who were gathered near the barriers and addressed them a thumbs up before shaking hands with one of the Mercedes drivers and with Martin who would start P3. Looking at the board quickly, he saw that Chloe was P4 which was her best result of the season and it made him proud. He moved to the media area, patiently waiting for his turn as he was looking around him. The crowd was gathered as close as they could get, waving at him and screaming his name. He waved at them as well and gestured a thank you before taking place in front of the journalist.

“Second Pole Position of your career in the span of two weeks. Congratulations. How does it feel to start tomorrow with no one in front of you and in front of your home crowd?”

“It’s unreal, really. I knew I had the car to put it at least on the first line but to say that I would get the pole, moreover here, yeah, it’s incredible. I don’t have the words.”

“What’s the strategy for tomorrow?”

“To be fast? I don’t know. Lamborghini seems to struggle, but you never know with those guys. Ferrari is still strong, we will have to be careful and Mercedes is fast as well. But I will give my all, that’s for sure.”

“Well, best of luck for tomorrow and I hope I’ll have the chance to interview you again.”

“Thank you everyone. See you tomorrow!”

That evening he had a nice meal with the kids, laughing and explaining everything to them and when he closed his eyes. He dreamt of a huge trophy and the highest step of the podium.

Audi’s garage didn’t have the same atmosphere as the very loud one in Ferrari or the organized chaos of Maserati. Order, discipline and speed were the main words there. In the corner of the room, in the space made for the drivers’ loved ones, Julia was observing everything. She was amazed by the efficiency of the team. Everyone was moving towards the same goal but it didn’t mean that the feeling there wasn’t almost homely. It felt nice, reassuring and Julia thought that it wouldn’t be her last time there.

“Julia Leclerc, you’re probably the last person I expected to see one day around here. How are you doing? The last time I really saw you, you were tall like that,” said Sebastian Vettel, bending down, his left hand palm turning towards the ground to show her a tiny space. She smiled.

“Yeah, and you looked younger. Soon you’ll end up in the retirement home.”

He laughed, taking her in his arms.

“I’m happy to see you. When I heard and read what happened on Thursday I thought a lot about you. You have an ally in Audi. Your dad and yourself. You can count on us.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it. I was thinking that I might be spending more time around here since I won’t work for Ferrari next year. I’m officially jobless… Well not really but… it’s complicated, you know how it is.”

“I don’t see you standing still in a corner. You are not made for that.”

“Yeah… but what else can I do?”

“There are a lot of things around here. I’m sure you’ll find something, you’re resourceful.”

She shrugged as she saw her best friend arriving, her blond hair in a braid and her big blue eyes, set on a clear goal: moving up a few positions. No matter what it took. She was starting between Elijah and Kyle but she knew her best friend, when she was out there she had no friends and wouldn’t care about how much she loved Kyle, she wouldn’t go easy on him.

“Kick those guys asses, Romy.” Julia hugged her.

“You bet I will.”

She got in her car as they were getting ready to drive her to the grid. Julia saw a camera from the official broadcast moving towards her. She looked straight at it, giving them her most beautiful smile and waved. If they wanted to capture her sad and trying to hide, they had come to her the wrong day.

After the formation lap, it was time for everyone in the garage to get silent. Eyes glued to the screen and on Ethan’s light blue car and number 32, she started to feel anxious. Race starts were always stressing her out. When the lights went out she felt relieved to see Ethan having a good start and defending his position against the Mercedes with everything he had. But the announcement of the yellow flag almost instantly made her shiver and even more when she saw her best friend’s Audi in the gravel. Her car had slightly bumped into the wall and she could see her getting out of it clearly angry, throwing her gloves on the ground. The screens were showing the replays of Romy’s onboard and Julia threw her head backward when she saw Romy going for the exterior of the first corner, right next to Kyle who was fighting the other Mercedes. She clearly didn’t have the space to go but tried anyway and Julia shook her hand as she witnessed her best friend being her reckless and sometimes stupid self.

“Are you okay?” Romy’s engineer asked her after her bump in the wall.

“What is he doing? For fuck sake, he swerved right when I was about to overtake him! What an ass!” she heard Romy’s radio message.

The broadcast showed, then, Kyle’s onboard. He couldn’t have done anything. He had been squeezed by the Mercedes and if he wouldn't have swerved, Romy and him would have both ended up out of the track.

“Didn’t see her. She was in my blind spot. What was she thinking, seriously?” Kyle complained. “Is she okay?”

“She is out of the car. She is fine.”

“Copy.”

Romy was coming back to the garage  right when the safety car was getting out of the track. Ethan was still leading and it made Julia smile.

“What an ass! Have you seen this? I swear he sleeps on the couch tonight!”

“Here’s your bottle of water.” Julia handed it to her, knowing full well that it was no use to try to tell her that she was in the wrong here. But when she gave her the bottle, she couldn’t help but notice how pale she looked and it worried her. “Romy? Are you okay? You look awfully pale…”

“Of course I’m good! It’s just a little crash, not the first and not the last.” she tried to hide it but while saying it, Julia could clearly see her hand firmly gripped to a chair, as if she was trying to lose her balance.

“Are you sure? Because you don’t look fine. Sit down, Romy. Please.”

“It’s okay! I promise maybe it’s just the shock of the accident! It’s nothing.”

“Still. I would feel better if you were going to the medical center… just to make sure!”

“I don’t need it! What would people say? Poor little Romy? Unable to handle a little bump in a wall? You know exactly what will be said. I don’t want to.”

To try to show her best friend that she was alright, she let go of her grip and stood still for a few seconds before stumbling and Julia barely got the time to catch her before she would fall on the ground.

“If you don’t want to go to the medical center, then I will take you to the hospital. And don’t tell me you’re fine, you’re shaking! And okay, maybe it’s nothing and just the aftermath of the shock but better be safe than sorry!”

“But what about Ethan?And I have to go to the media pen…”

“I’ll pay your fee, if the FIA dares to say something. And my best friend will always come first. Let’s go.”

Her heart wrenched thinking she wouldn’t be able to watch the full race and Ethan fighting, but making sure her best friend was fine was the most important thing, right now. They discreetly went to the parking lot to find Romy’s car and Julia helped her get inside the car. She was hot and pale. Clearly not okay despite what Romy wanted her to believe. They arrived at the hospital and soon Julia had to leave Romy alone as they were going to run a few chek ups. Her friend gave her a big smile but Julia could see the worry in her eyes. She could only hope that it was just her acting overprotective for nothing and that Romy was right and it was just the aftermath of the shock.

She sat in the waiting room and pulled out her phone to watch the remainder of the race. It was the last twenty laps and Ethan was now P4 after a pitstop. Chloe was P3 and Julia quickly understood that her role would be to help Ethan get his position back. Ludwig was P2, chasing the Mercedes. It was good, the more they were fighting at the front the better it was for Chloe and Ethan. Eight laps later, Ludwig was now leading the race as Ethan was overtaking the Mercedes and was now about to fight with his best friend. They were now entering in the last ten laps and Julia could barely breathe. She hoped for not another scenario like in Germany. For Ethan. For his sake. For all he had been through these past few months. For all the hard work and dedication, the blood, sweat and tears he had poured into his dreams. It was five laps until the end that he managed to finally get rid of Ludwig and fly towards his fate. For a second Julia almost thought that Ludwig was helping Ethan by slowing down the Mercedes. She breathed deep and increased the volume, listening to the final comments of a race that would still be engraved in her mind.

“And for the first time in his career, after a pole position in Germany and a second place, a second place in Zandvoort last week and an outstanding weekend, starting from pole position… In front of his home crowd, in front of the world, Ethan Verstappen is doing the lap of his life, look at that he is about to get the fastest time… And he did it! Ethan Verstappen is a Grand Prix winner!”

She felt a tear rolling down her face as she looked at her screen proudly. She heard his screams on the radio, she saw his gloved hand pointing at the sky, she watched his team hugging each other. She saw the pride and joy in the eyes of the crowd. She couldn’t believe it. He had done it. And she wasn’t there to take him in her arms.

Ethan knew he was going to get filmed, crying, but frankly he couldn’t care less. As soon as he got out of the car he jumped into the arms of his team. His ears were ringing, his world was swinging but he was so happy. He was on top of the world. His name would be remembered. He saw the kids, wearing his team merchandising waving at him and jumping around. He felt hands on him, words whispered in his ears from everyone. He saw Ludwig running to him and screaming in his face. He couldn’t make up what he was saying. He felt someone pushing him, grabbing his arms so he could go to the interviewing zone. He tried to search for one face in particular but couldn’t find it and soon a microphone was handed to him.

“What a lap, what a race. Congratulations Ethan.”

“Thank you… Thank you everyone, for your support throughout the weekend it’s… I don’t have the words. I’m sorry. Just… Thank you. I won’t be very talkative today, it’s a lot…”

“I won’t take too much of your time. Is there something you want to say?”

He thought about Julia, how despite everything she had always believed in him, how she had been one of the rare people to have faith in him.

“Actually I have something to say, or rather someone to thank. There is this one girl that is very special to me. I have not been the best guy lately but I tried to be better for her. Because she deserves nothing else but the best. I don’t want to sound corny and I know that she probably wants nothing else but to slap me right now because I’m exposing her, but I want her to know that I’m right next to her if she wants to let me. As her friend.” he quickly added, not wanting to sound like an idiot on live tv. He wouldn’t hear the end of it.

The podium celebrations had a very sweet taste. Really, he could and wanted to get used to them. He wanted the big trophy, he wanted to hear his national anthem, he wanted to be with his friends up there. Today it was Ludwig, Kyle finishing with a solid P6, but soon in the future he hoped he would win again and savor the podium with the two of them.

When the celebrations finally died down he went with Ludwig to meet Kyle, he wanted to know what happened at the start and was surprised and worried to see him running to them, his phone in his hand.

“We have to go to the hospital. Julia called me. Something happened to Romy.”

Author's note: After everything he has been through, Ethan deserved that win.

What do you think will happen next? Let me know your theories, I love to read them.

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