Take the Box - T. Holland
masterlist
mentions of: angst, cussing, marriage, commitment issues, screaming,
synopsis: tom tries to make amends, but you refuse to forgive
Inspired by: Take the box - Amy Winehouse
part 1 | part 2
a/n: alt! ending to tears dry on their own
Hours turn into days, days into weeks he felt like he was standing on the sidewalk forever and Tom knew he fucked up. He took out the ring and if he saw this months prior, it would make him smile, now he feels as though this shouldn’t belong to him. He did adore, care, and love you, he will always love you. He doesn’t know why he did what he did.
The tabloids going ballistic with the news of Tom and y/n having a public breakup. You have developed your name for yourself, of course, you being known as Tom’s girlfriend got you roles and a ton of more fame. You will always be grateful for him because you were so sick and tired of making coffee every day.
It was a Thursday and you decided to go get coffee in the same coffee shop you worked at. You didn’t want it spoiled with the worst memory you could imagine. So while you were out running errands you grabbed a coffee, you didn’t want tea anymore because it would remind you too much of him.
The bell rang from the top right corner of the door and you were greeted by the new barista. You gave a smile and ordered your coffee it has been years since you last drank coffee so you needed to find your flow back to it. The barista would always give you recommendations and you always took them.
After you finish your order you step aside and bring your computer out. You look at the cars passing by, you could swear you saw Tom with flowers and a drink in his hand. You had to take a double-take. He was coming your way. How did he know you were here? You blocked him so he couldn’t find you in any way.
When you hear the same bell ring and had to look up out of instinct. There he was, the man with flowers and a smile plastered on his face. How could he be so happy? He went up to the register and that’s when you couldn’t look up, you felt as though water was brewing in your eyes.. Did he move on that fast? How could he be so happy? But your thoughts were cut off short.
“Hey” you look up from your computer and meet eyes with the voice
“Oh, hi” you smile weakly
“what are you doing?” Tom takes a seat in front of you without asking
“Who are those flowers for” you tried to hide your jealousy, but couldn’t
“Oh, these are for you” as you take the flowers you make a mental note to read the letter it has in the middle
“Thank you,” you smile and put them next to your purse
“You didn’t answer my question”. He says with a smile. How could he act as nothing happened? Was he not hurt? Is he seeing someone?
“I am writing a script for a short film” You continue to finish your last thought and then close it “how did you find me?”
“Lucky guess”
“Doubt it, I think you’re stalking me,” you say in a flirty tone, which made you hate yourself because you were supposed to ignore him, you were supposed to hate him.
“Would it be such a crime?” he says grabbing your hand gently, scared you’d shatter at his touch, which made you flinch. How could you miss a person's touch so much? It felt like home something that you would always look back on no matter what would happen.
“I think it is,” you try to hide the smile that is coming up.
“Well what’s the script about” he didn’t want the conversation to end because he felt as if it did end he would wake up from the perfect dream and he would be depressed
“Umm, I don’t know how to put it nicely, but it's about us”
“Oh-“ you cut Tom off
“It doesn’t have our names and it’s slightly different” you had to reassure Tom before his thoughts spiraled, someting both you and him had in common.
“Oh ok” Tom takes a sip from his tea
“I don’t think I’ve ever asked, but why are you here?” You look down at your coffee
“I wanted to apologize, and before you cut me off please hear me out”
“Why should I” your mouth turned bitter because how could he try to come back to you after all of the hurt he has given to you. Why should you try to hear him out?
“Please, I fucked up y/n, I know you won't forgive me, and I get it, but I need you to hear me out, for me” This was for him, not even for you, the explanation you’ve been craving for weeks and he's doing this for himself? Is he that fucking selfish?
“This wasn’t supposed to happen” Tom tries to reach for you and it feels like you are pushing him away
“Oh, us breaking up after five fucking years and me crying in a yellow cab, that shit embarrassed me, Tom,that wasn’t supposed to happen? That’s fucking crazy” you acted mind blown you felt like people down the block could hear you and you weren’t sorry because this felt like this was the only way Tom could actually hear you
“Y/n please hear me out, I choked, I was going to propose to you that day, both you and I were shocked. I didn't know what I was doing, I promise I do love you I just don't know how to comfort people when they are upset, but if you asked where you were from-“ you cut him off again
“Knowing someone and loving someone is two completely different things Tom” you felt like you threw a dagger to his heart and it felt powerful
“Wait, I tried to be the best person for you, I still try to this day, I take you out and go driving at night on the freeway listening to your music, for you, it’s not because I was bored. I take sunset pictures every time I'm on set because it reminds me of you, I buy little knick knacks of things you would find cute when I'm filming, my mind only thinks about you. If you asked all the people I have worked with on set, I have mistaken my character's lover’s name for yours. I asked your dad if I could marry you and that man fucking scares me” With that Tom has left you crying for a completely different reason than before. You had to hide your face because you felt embarrased. You grabbed a napkin to wipe your tears away
“I was scared of commitment love, and that’s the funniest shit ever because I could not express to you how much I think of aging and having a family with you, I imagines getting a little house somewhere, anywhere you want to go, as long as you’re with me” He is now holding both your hands and you chuckle because you feel so exposed to him even though he has seen all of you.
“Prove it than” you look at him daringly, seriously
“You asked for it” Tom pulls out a small purple velvet box with your hopefully future initials. It was a beautiful ring with a silver band and had a raw diamond right in the middle, with three more little raw diamonds on each side, in the inside of the band it had his initials and your initials and the date you guys started dating, which made you tear up because this was the perfect ring
“So” Tom breaks out from the silence
“So what? just because you thought you knew me so well, and regret your actions, I should forgive you?" why was he here? You were finally moving on and he decided to re-open the wound.
“Would you do me the favor of marrying me?” Tom gets on one knee and takes the box from you. This is the perfect way of getting proposed you almost wish he didn't make you so upset the first time. You loved the way this was spontaneous a way you didn't get your hopes up.
”no” you say sternly
“really- wait what” Tom does a 360
”I can’t do this, I can’t have this” you point at the both of you
”do what” Tom was practically on his knees because he wanted you back
“I can't have a relationship that started as shit”
“It didn't though” he replied at the speed of light
“But it did, you and I both know that you hurt me, and now expressing you love me? I can't do it.”
“Why though” Tom wasn't listening to you again. He was listening to the conversation but not the emotion
“I can't date, marry, or be friends with you Holland, it hurts me and I can't go on. I'm sorry, I won't be able to forgive myself if you hurt me again” and it's like a switch went off in Toms's mind knowing he fucked up knowing he will never have you again, he can live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve you
���I would never hurt you again” it pained tom to say again because he was an actual idiot and hurt you for the first and last time, it feels like he will continue his life trying to prove you can trust him again
“But you will! If you've done it before you'll do it again, history repeats itself, I'm sorry but I have to go” you smile taking off with the flowers he gave you and your other belongings. You felt like you were going to move city after city and he will follow you through all.
“Look I’m sorry” he tries to stop you before you finally leave him
“ok” you say with a straight face
“I will always apologize”
“Ok, I don’t forgive you”
You wanted to be friends because he has done so much for you, but you just couldn't, the wound is still too fresh. You grab another taxi finally being able to catch one yourself with yet again tear-stained eyes and go home.
You took your shoes off, threw your keys on the counter, and dropped the flowers on the ground. You just threw yourself on the bed. You cried into your pillow because it was supposed to be a good day, you then realized you should take all your emotions you have right now and write them in your book.
You sat at your desk, looking at the time pass by, you couldn't focus on the book when all your emotions were everywhere. You heard a knock at the door, hoping it was one of your Christmas orders that came in. Christmas is right around the corner and needing retail therapy to get you out of your slump.
"I punched all the buzzers to try to come in" the infamous spider-boy back at it
"I thought the cafe was the last time I would see you" you say smugly
"I was hoping you were here, I know I talked a lot back there, but somehow I didn't say what I wanted to say"
"You're like glitter Holland, the more I rub, the more comes up and annoys the fuck out of me" you step aside so he can step in
"did you just call me pretty?" he says cockily
"I can kick you out" making him immediately know that you aren't in the mood.
"I like what you've done with the place"
"Tried everything to forget you" you smile innocently even though you just hurt Tom's feelings
"Did a really good job"
"Tom, whats going on? Whatever you are going to say make it quick my head hurts" you try to hurry up and make him leave
"You say I always get my way, but I really want you, back"
"I don't want to feel trapped when I am with someone Tom, I don't want to feel like an object, that's the one thing I promised myself that I would never be"
"I really miss the old us, the old you before I came in and how you were so happy"
"Me too, pretty things always get ruined" you sit on your couch because you wouldn't be able to handle this conversation standing.
"I just really want you to have it, wear it or not, I at least want you to keep the ring that was meant for you, I don't want anything in return"
"Tom, I can't, it is probably so expensive" you try to block where he was going to leave it
"Just take it, take the box" he sounded sincere almost hurt. With that, he left, with no other remark
The person you were this evening, the person you were 6 years ago is not you anymore. You never will be the same. It felt like you were missing something. You felt like writing him a letter trying to apologize to him. You knew you couldn't or else he would've thought he got his way back in. He knew it wasn't like you, you both knew you were a sympathetic person. Now all you felt was anger, an immense amount of anger, you had no place to place your emotions and you were growing frustrated. You couldn't write or it would be pure shit. You decided on baking. You could break things and wisk everything aggressively. Have something delicious at the end.
You decided to play music, and the music you. Having fun cracking eggs and using new flavors, All of a sudden the same songs played when you were with Tom, it was like everything was reminding you of him. The one thing you didn't want to happen, was happening. You didn't want to be reminded of him. So you left your half-done baking project there and left the kitchen. Then went back to the door ready to leave your apartment all over again, when his cologne just smacked you in the face. You tried so hard to forget him, all to be reminded of him again, and now you decide to turn on a candle. To mask his scent and forget him.
You don't know who you are anymore, You don't know who he is anymore. You just don't know him. But he makes you cry. Where is the goodbye you have been longing for, for the past 6 months? Where do you put the box? The box that is going to haunt you forever. You wish he took it. You walk around trying to find the perfect hiding spot. Somewhere you won't go all the time, but some place you won't start bawling your eyes out if you find it. You need it to be camouflaged. You stumble back to the door. The flowers sitting on the ground where you last left them. right next to it you see the small note that he wrote to you.
Dear y/n,
I can't bare look at the ring, let alone the box. I can't sell it because that would feel like a permanent goodbye, that I will never be comfortable with. I need you to keep it, I need you to keep it because it was is meant for you.
Love,
Tommy
111 notes
·
View notes