#Perfectionism is a DISEASE this is why I’m in therapy now

[stuckinapril]

I will smash this test….. I have nothing to worry about….. I will smash this test…. I have nothing to worry about………….

glycolysis gluconeogenesis glycogenesis krebs cycle electron transport chain fermentation pentose phosphate pathway fatty acid synthesis fatty acid oxidation molecular cloning native gels sds-page gel electrophoresis tissue specific metabolism cholesterol metabolism ketone bodies recombinant dna and biotechnology zeroth law of thermodynamics hydrostatics fluid dynamics fluids in physiology nuclear binding energy and mass defect nuclear reactions consciousness-altering drugs drug addiction and the reward pathway in the brain the role of emotion in retrieving memories retrieval cues neural plasticity james-lange theory cannon-bard theory schachter-singer theory biological bases of behavior genetically based behavioral variation in natural populations psychoanalytic perspective dissociative disorders trauma and stressor related disorders drive reduction theory incentive theory bystander effect social loafing habituation and dishabituation operant conditioning fixed-ratio reinforcement prejudice and bias individual vs institutional discrimination microsociology vs macrosociology theories of demographic change.......................

[dedmar]

OCPD diagnosis ramblings under the cut

Got dx’d with OCPD this week which is like, the way it was explained to me was like,

with OCD the people that have it KNOW they’re having intrusive thoughts that aren’t logical, but feel compelled to do them anyways. It’s ego-dystonic, meaning it goes against what you know to be ordered thinking.

I have OCPD which means I don’t know when the intrusive thoughts are happening because my brain accepts them as reality. It’s ego-syntonic , meaning these intrusive thoughts align with my belief system. Like, perfectionism is a good thing! Being detail oriented is a good thing! Being motivated and dedicated and a self starter is a good thing! Being an advocate for other people is a good thing! But now it’s going full tilt into “if everything isn’t perfect, if something goes AWOL I lose my SHIT”. It’s genetic and gets worse with age, which explains why I’ve gradually gotten more and more type A in the last 9 years. It centers around perfectionism and fairness and balance. like if I buy someone coffee, they have to buy me coffee next time or the balance isn’t right and I could be in danger. Or vice versa, if someone else was slighted in some way, I have to make it up to them to make everything fair or else I’m horrible and deserve to die. It’s even gotten to the point that I have a knee jerk reaction that if someone hurts me, I need to hurt them back to create *BALANCE*. I’m at least self aware enough that I can realize that’s dumb as hell and not something I would DO, but the thought has begun creeping in. If one of my clients doesn’t like their order, then I wasn’t perfect and I have a breakdown so hard I’m hospitalized. I have to get a 100% score on everything- conversations, being a good friend, art, chores, therapy, driving or I dissociate for DAYS. I graduated suma cum laude for fucks sake because I felt like I’d stupid if I didn’t. To be clear, no one else has to meet these standards because they have inherent worth as a human. Because I lack inherent worth, I have to play this game of perfection and balance in order to make sure I deserve to be alive.

like the whole thing feeds into itself because I AM good at things because I feel like I HAVE to be or I’ll DIE. I excel at almost everything I touch because I HAVE to. But when I don’t, when something isn’t in my control, I fall apart. I wasn’t INSTANTLY perfect at stained glass last week and I had to pointedly calm myself because it wasn’t PERFECT. I completed nanowrimo but because I have been bludgeoning myself over the head with my *first draft not being perfect* I can’t enjoy the fact I wrote 50k words in a month! At least I know *that’s* illogical but it doesn’t stop the berating.

for a really long time my doctors and therapists just thought it was PTSD and anxiety creating a monster but once this piece was brought up it finally clicked. The other side of it though is there’s not a TON of research on it and idk how much hope there is of getting better. The most positive I can find is the *progression* can be halted. so like, rn I’m dx’d with PTSD, CPTSD, anxiety, depression, and OCPD. I’m a fucking cocktail that cancels each other but on the outside look like a go getter, perky, friendly individual and then on the inside I’m just constantly screaming AHHHHHHHHHHH

being aware it’s happening is step one. Maybe it’s the perfectionism speaking, but I WILL get better. I have a lot of hope. For a really long time I’ve been working on myself, and I think it really slowed the progression of this disease. I felt like I was making big strides with myself, but there was something huge missing that we weren’t understanding and this is it.

knowledge is power etc etc I WILL gain control of my brain again, I WILL be better than I was yesterday. But hoo boy I got my work cut out for me

[your-dietician]

How To Become A Boundary Boss, According To A Celebrity Psychotherapist

New Post has been published on https://depression-md.com/how-to-become-a-boundary-boss-according-to-a-celebrity-psychotherapist/

How To Become A Boundary Boss, According To A Celebrity Psychotherapist

Terri Cole

Terri Cole

Do you say “yes” at work when you want to say “no?”

Do you put in hours in the evening and on weekends?

Are you immediately responsive to every email or message you receive from your boss or coworkers?

If you’re nodding your head, then you’re in need of better boundaries at work.

Healthy boundaries are among the most powerful tools for taking charge of your time, attention, and energy. Setting limits helps you maintain balance and self-respect.

But setting boundaries is not easy, especially if you consider yourself to be someone who is highly empathetic and sensitive. You may worry about appearing rude, mean, or dismissive.

It’s time to let that unhelpful narrative go, according to Terri Cole. Terri Cole is a New York-based licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert. For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars, athletes, TV personalities to thought-leaders and Fortune 500 CEOs.

Now in her new book, Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free, Cole shares how women who are exhausted from over-giving, overdoing, and even over-feeling can regain their power.

I sat down with Cole to discuss her new book.

Melody Wilding: Many people have misconceptions about boundaries. Can you explain how you define boundaries?

Terri Cole: To become a boundary boss, as in to be healthy with your boundaries, you need to know what your preferences, your desires, your limits, and your deal breakers are. You have to be able to clearly and concisely communicate those boundaries if you so choose.

Wilding: Your new book is Boundary Boss, what inspired you to write it?

Cole: They often say you teach what you most need to learn. I had lots of practice and personal experience in how painful it is to have disordered boundaries and “the disease to please.” I kept trying to be everything to everyone.

I was the hero child in my family growing up, so I got into therapy when I was very young. As to why I latched onto boundaries, well that goes back to my childhood. For instance, nobody would talk about anything that was too uncomfortable or messy. We did not work stuff out. There wasn’t a lot of honest communication, it was disordered communication. Disordered communication leads to disordered boundaries. I wasn’t even allowed to be angry in the home that I grew up in. So my anger went underground, which means that if I was angry I would express it in a passive aggressive way. Rolling eyes, slamming doors, etc.

Then when I worked as a talent agent in the entertainment industry, the more I saw people’s disordered boundaries, the more I wanted to fix them. Now I have a private psychotherapy practice and I see the same things. It doesn’t matter what the presenting problem is–divorce, money, addiction–every single presenting problem connects back to the all-important skill set of boundary setting. Disordered boundaries are literally at the core level of every one of their pain points.

So I started learning more about boundaries and how to teach them. About five years ago, I created a course about boundaries and tested it with about 50 women. Now I’ve refined that course and I’ve probably now had 2,500 women in 195 countries go through it, which is mind-blowing. So that’s the book, it is basically the fruits of almost 24 years in the trenches with clients.

Wilding: What or who is a boundary boss? 

Cole: Let’s talk about the skills that you would possess if you are a boundary boss. The first is doing a deep dive into what’s okay with you versus what’s not okay with you in all areas of your life. After I describe a concept in the book, I then have a section called “back to you” to help you think about what you just learned. I’m asking you these questions: How does this strike you? How does this affect you in your life? Is this true for you? Is this different for you? This is intended to help you know who you are, to help you identify what’s not okay with you, and to give you the ability to speak it.

Another part of being a boundary boss though is about understanding how old material controls us. You have a boundary blueprint that was downloaded in your childhood right here in your unconscious mind – culture, country, family, religion – all of it comes together to inform you of how you should be.

There’s a process that I walk the reader through where we are going into the basement of your mind, which is your unconscious mind. You’re opening up some boxes and going through the material in there because so much of what happens in our lives–especially the dysfunctional parts–is driven by unconscious material.

Boundary bosses understand the different types of boundaries. Boundaries come in five general categories: physical, sexual, material, mental, and emotional. When any of these boundaries are crossed, we’re in trouble. Further, boundaries come in three types: rigid, porous, and healthy. Understanding these types will help you to see where your boundary issues might be so you can start to correct them. Are your emotional boundaries way too porous? Are your mental boundaries too rigid? Where are you flexible and balanced?

Finally, boundary bosses create a personal “bill of rights.” As in, you have the right to say no or yes to others without feeling guilty. You have the right to make mistakes, to course-correct, or to change your mind. You have the right to negotiate for your preferences, desires, and needs. You have the right to express and honor all of your feelings if you so choose. You have the right to voice your opinion, even if others disagree. You have the right to be treated with respect, consideration, and you have the right to determine who has the privilege of being in your life. You’re the bouncer of your life, so put up that velvet rope. You have the right to communicate your boundary limits and deal-breakers. You have the right to prioritize your self-care without feeling selfish, which is a huge one for women. You have the right to talk, to be seen, and to live free.

Wilding: In the book, you talk about high functioning codependency. Can you talk about how this shows up for people in a professional or work setting? 

Cole: High functioning codependency is being overly invested in the feeling states, the decisions, the outcomes of the people in your sphere. This is to the detriment of your internal experience, perhaps your health, your life in some way, your bandwidth, your energy.

Most of my clients did not identify with being codependent. I would see these high-functioning women who are literally changing the world, and I would say, “Hey, let’s talk about codependency.” They thought I was nuts because they thought of themselves as the one with all the answers, as the person everyone else depended on. They thought being codependent meant you had to be in a relationship with an alcoholic. But really if someone else’s disaster or debacle feels like your own and you feel an urgency as if it were your life, that’s codependency.

Here’s the high-functioning piece: the women in my therapy practice are so high functioning and capable that it’s as if they’re doing it all and making it look easy. So because no one sees the pain or the suffering, they are giving at the expense of themselves. In my therapy practice, I see the result–women coming in with auto-immune disorders, being bitter because they felt like everyone else was ungrateful. In reality, these clients were over-giving and blaming those people.

As women, we want to be “good girls.” We want to be nice, generous, and kind. But what we also want is the dumpster fire of that other person’s life to stop ruining our peace. We think if we could just fix their problems, then maybe we can rest.

To move past this, the first thing you have to do is to look at where your self-esteem is coming from. Perfectionism is a big part of this over-functioning and over-giving but there’s also a need that is being meet. So awareness is the first step. Then you have to do an inventory check. Where are you doing things for other people that they can and should be doing for themselves?

If you are doing work that is not yours, stop. If you’re working overtime or you’re letting your vacation days accrue instead of taking them, stop. By doing these things, you are telling people how to treat you in all ways. Our relationship with ourselves sets the bar. If you don’t think that you’re valuable enough to rest, that’s a problem. Where are you over-giving? If you want to know where you’re overdoing these things, think about the people you work with and then gauge your resentment level.

Wilding: You talk about “clean agreements.” What are those and why are they important?

Cole: Clean agreements are expressed agreements. We make no assumptions about what’s happening and we are managing expectations for all involved. The same as when you start a new job, you have a clear agreement of terms. You might compromise on one part of that agreement, but you do not start that job without a clear promise of terms. Clean and clear agreements involve anticipating everything that could go wrong and putting a proactive boundary in place.

This is can be very difficult for women. There’s still this stigma around asking for what you’re worth. The same with entrepreneurs in their own business. I can’t tell you how many of my clients say they haven’t raised my prices in five years. They don’t want their clients to think they’re greedy. However, we have to have proactive boundaries in place.

With my team, we do “rules of engagement.” This is where they’re all clear about the best way to interact with me. For instance, I’m not on tech till 11 am. I let them know the best way to interact with me whether by email, text, or voice notes. Your clients and employees need to know this, to0. How long will it take for you to get back to them, for example? Make that clear. If we’re all clear as to what the agreements are, that sets everyone up to be successful.

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[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/30th-august-2019-super-new-moon-in-virgo-beautiful-flaws/

30th August 2019: Super New Moon in Virgo - Beautiful Flaws

30th August 2019: Super New Moon in Virgo – Beautiful Flaws

By Sarah Varcas

This super new moon in the 7th degree of Virgo – conjunct Venus, Mars & Mercury – is a cleansing moon. Virgo is a deeply healing sign imbued with ancient knowledge often lost to us in favour of modern reductionist approaches to health. Whilst different models of healing have their place, this moon favours holistic systems, inviting us to regain balance, energy and health through their application. This is not about quick fixes, but a reminder that everything that enters our body – be it food, drink, air, drugs, sound or energy – impacts our well-being at all levels. The more conscious we can be of this the more carefully we can choose what we expose ourselves to and why. Beware, however, accepting any statement of ‘fact’ at this moon without analysing its meaning, source and application. Asking ‘who tells me this is so and why?’ can be a useful start to exploring the options available.

In its alignment with Mercury, Venus and Mars, this supermoon illuminates self-knowledge which allows for greater clarity in communication. But pay close attention to the motivation for speaking your mind! Assuming we have a right to say whatever we choose to anyone because ‘I’m just speaking my truth’, may become a subtle form of aggression at this point, intended to hurt or gain one-over on another. Used in this way, communication contributes little to greater accord or understanding. Recognising that however we feel doesn’t absolve us from the shared duty of mutual respect and consideration aids honest and meaningful connections which take account of other’s feelings, our own subjectivity and a shared pursuit of more abiding truths.

This moon also fortifies our connection with Mother Nature who will provide all the support we need. Our beautiful planet calls to us now, offering wisdom and guidance, solace and comfort. A single dewdrop on a leaf, a flower growing through a crack in the wall, a bird circling above us as we rush through city streets – all are our Mother assuring us we’re not forgotten and imploring she not be forgotten too. While many are busy and there’s much to be done, nurturing our connection with nature enables not only a deeper and more heartfelt response to life, but also greater clarity and effectiveness. Aligning the pulse of our life with the rhythm of the natural world allows a smooth and effective flow of energy which connects us to the deeper rhythms of wakefulness and sleep, activity and stillness. The more we isolate ourselves from life’s heartbeat, the more we’re drained of the energy needed to live it. Like a torch with flat batteries, we can’t summon the power to shine when we must, instead becoming a fading light in a world that needs us bright.

This supermoon illuminates the perfection found at the heart of our apparently imperfect lives. When resistance to unwanted conditions seems to strengthen their grip, embracing them may allow for rectification. This is how love changes all things: in acceptance, a deeper alignment is forged with the natural arc of change that bends towards balance and wholeness. In the Virgoan realm, truth is found in the paradox that holds perfection and imperfection in a state of creative tension. But its human face can become nit-picking perfectionism, demanding exactitude and purity from self and others: we believe that life should be better, things should be more ordered, other people more careful. So beware an obsessive focus on minutiae now. Whilst seductive, it will do no more than obscure deeper, more radiant truths. Instead, observe how your own search for truth manifests. Does it energise and inspire you to greater self-enquiry? Or does it stultify your spirit, paralysing you in a maze of demands and dictates, obsession over detail and fear of letting your perceived imperfections show? If so, gentle and loving acceptance may be the very thing which finally allows old issues to resolve.

Attention to detail can reveal incisive truth or information overload! We must know when to stop questioning as much as when to start; when to cease improvements and when our best is yet to come. At this moon we may view the world through a microscope that magnifies the faults in its shiny veneer, when we could simply marvel at life’s miracles and accept with good grace its many beautiful flaws.

Sarah Varcas

*****

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[chronicallypainful]

What's your story? Sorry if this is too intrusive I saw you say something about curling into a ball and crying about how you have no future and then getting better?? And I'm in the same position right now so I guess I'm looking for hope

My story. I'm not sure my life (or human lives in general) fits into a neat story structure. The story of how I got the diagnosis is long and complicated, with plenty of dead ends along the way. The story of how I learned to cope is even longer. But let me try to give a summary.

I first had persistent pain as a junior in high school. I was attending a boarding school, which emphasized an academically rigorous curriculum. It was a supportive environment, where I felt strong ties to both my peers and my instructors, but the pain was still terrifying.

It started in my wrists, and I firmly believe that I had and overuse injury, probably carpal tunnel or similar. I read everything I could about those sorts of injuries, while also applying my perfectionism to ergonomics.

As the pain didn't go away and started to migrate into my elbows, I found myself in a place of conflict. On one hand, everything I was reading about overuse injuries told me to stop. Stop typing. Stop using the computer. Don't aggravate the condition. On the other hand, I was a student, and a perfectionistic one at that. I felt that I had to use the computer. I had school work to do.

In this time period, I did start investigating assistive technologies. I started using Dragon NaturallySpeaking for as much computer work as I could. (Dragon NaturallySpeaking is software that allows me to talk to my computer to write text and, to a limited degree, navigate the user interface.) However, the software did not work for mathematics and computer science. In those subjects, I was stuck with a keyboard.

I also investigated mouse alternatives and ergonomic keyboards. I tried several, including trackballs, large touchpads, and split keyboards. Some of them resulted in a slight reduction in pain, but they all still hurt.

I was willing to cause myself pain and, I thought, possibly physical harm in the name of academic work, but I could not justify that risk when it came to my hobbies. I completely stopped playing to musical instruments, playing video games, doing hobbyist computer programming, and knitting.

While all of this is going on, I am doing my best to consult medical professionals. The nurse practitioner who was my primary care physician at the time dismissed my concerns, saying I had tendinitis and telling me to take ibuprofen and ice the area daily. A few months later, I saw an orthopedist who, after ruling out any structural problems, sent me to physical therapy. In physical therapy, I did build strength, but it did not reduce my pain.

This general pattern continued for at least two years. I struggled through school, always managing to excel academically, but also always fearing that I was hurting myself with my computer use. I continued to use speech to text software to write papers where I could, but that software continued to be useless in mathematics and computer science. The pain continued to spread, affecting more and more of my body over time. I saw several more doctors, who continued to be useless.

When I went to college, I majored in mathematics. I thought about computer science, but my inability to type made that an unattainable goal. Nonetheless, I do love mathematics, and I do not regret that choice.

One other thing changed when I went to college; I registered with disability services. Overall, that office was not particularly helpful to me. But, I did now have documentation that I could take to my professors and explain that I could not write or type (much). Unlike in high school, I took the approach that I wasn't going to cause myself unnecessary pain by doing significant fine motor activities. The math department worked with me very well, and I took many oral exams and even submitted a fair bit of oral homework while an undergraduate student.

However, by my sophomore year, it was becoming clear just how much this condition was a disability when it came to my imagined future in mathematics. I could not write down my own mathematical ideas. I couldn't work out a critical computation on a chalkboard, and I also couldn't write a mathematics paper. It felt to me like all of my mathematical ideas were necessarily filtered through someone else. And that felt very confining. The best analogy I can give is that of a painter forced to "paint" only by telling an assistant what to do. She is never allowed to touch the paintbrush herself; only to give descriptions to the assistant.

There were a number of reasons why I now see that my thinking at that time was wrong, but, at that time, I felt hopeless. I have a very clear memory of myself sitting/lying on the rug in my dorm room and crying. I was in constant physical pain. I couldn't see how I had a future in mathematics, but I also couldn't see any other future for myself. I felt worthless, hopeless, and extremely angry. I rolled around on that rug, sobbing uncontrollably while also fighting the urge to punch things, to break things.

That was the point where I realized I needed help. Once I had calmed down from my hour or so of crying, the depth of my anger was a wake-up call for me. I called the counseling center at my college and set up an appointment.

And, slowly, pieces started to fall into place. I participated in group therapy, focused on cognitive behavioral therapy skill building. I learned to separate out thoughts, emotions, and actions. I learned to identify some of the thought patterns that had previously trapped me. I listened to my peers talk about their challenges, and I shared my own. I gave voice to my fears, and I no longer felt like I was facing the world alone. In short, I learned to cope.

About a year later, I finally got a diagnosis. (I'm omitting the long string of doctors and other medical professionals that led to that diagnosis. There is a list in one of my recent posts.) Central sensitization syndrome. Very similar to fibromyalgia or chronic myofascial pain syndrome. There is no cure, and there are very few effective treatments. But it did establish, once and for all, that this disease is not my fault. I didn't do this to myself by abusing my body at the keyboard; this disease is neurochemical.

About a year after my diagnosis, I found the tumblr spoonie community and started writing about my experiences. This community has meant a lot to me. It has helped me learn how to communicate, and reminded me that I'm not alone in this often confusing experience.

Over the next couple of years, I had a few more small victories. I found a good physical therapist, who I worked with for a little over a year, and we did manage to improve my pain somewhat. I finally made some progress on assistive technology for writing mathematics, and, for the first time in years, I was able to write part of my own paper. I graduated, with honors, from my college with a bachelors of science degree in mathematics. I was accepted into a well-respected graduate program, and I was granted financial support to study there.

My first semester graduate school tossed me some extra challenges in the form of extreme fatigue and sleepiness. I was falling asleep in lecture after lecture during my first semester. In February, I was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea and began treatment with CPAP. Over the past approximately one year, I have worked with my sleep doctor to control the residual sleepiness that remained even with CPAP. It's not perfect, but I am doing much better.

More recently, I passed a major set of exams for my graduate program, and I'm starting to identify potential research topics/advisors as I move forward in my program.

It's late, and I need to go to bed. I hope what I've written is at least semi-coherent. In addition to being tired, I wrote it with speech to text software, and I haven't proofread thoroughly.

I hope this is helpful. As I reflect on my experiences, what I see is the story of how I learned to live with illness and disability, how I adapted, and how I grew. It's not easy, and it took years. And I still have to work at some of it today. I still have to remind myself that it's okay to be disabled, to reassure myself that it's okay to ask for help, and to drag my brain out of catastrophizeing thought spirals. I still have bad days, both mentally and physically, and there are still days when I want nothing more than to take a deep breath and scream at the top of my lungs. But I am grateful. I am grateful for this life. I am grateful for this opportunity to live, to experience so many wonderful things, and to hopefully have a net positive impact on the lives of the people around me. And I'm hopeful about the future. Not so much about the idea that I might one day be cured (though that would be great!), but about all of the awesome things that I am going to do as a disabled person. I'm excited for the art I will make, the math I will do, the assistive technology that I will invent, the lives I will touch with kindness and compassion. I live with constant physical pain, but I have made it to a place where I am still so amazingly grateful to be alive. 

As far as I can tell, that’s reason to hope.  I wish you the best.

[bintaeran]

Cultivating Conscious Choice

Cultivating Conscious Choice Nina Zolotow by Beth 

Chocolate Ideal by Alphonse Mucha

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise so I’m changing myself.” —Rumi, 13th century Persian poet and Sufi mystic  “I thought I could change the world. It took me a hundred years to figure out I can’t change the world. I can only change Bessie. And honey, that ain’t easy either.” —Dr. Annie Elizabeth “Bessie” Delaney, age 104  Change isn’t easy but making the effort to change ourselves for the better is a worthy goal. And if we are serious about making positive changes, we have to start somewhere. One suggestion is to cultivate conscious choice. If we recognize a stimulus to action, we can pause, consider potential consequences and then make a positive response instead of just experiencing a knee jerk—and possibly unhelpful—reaction. This is cultivating conscious choice.  For major life decisions, past experience—sometimes difficult and painful—has taught us to practice the art of conscious choice, that is, to take time and weigh our options before acting. But do we also apply this practice in ordinary, everyday situations? If we don’t, we may find that a series of minor, unconscious choices could eventually morph into a difficult situation requiring difficult decisions. Let’s consider how that could work.  I have a sweet tooth, and sometimes out of nowhere appears an impulse, a stimulus, a desire to have something sweet. I have two ways of looking at this impulse. If I act unconsciously, I move directly from stimulus to reaction. My hand dips into my chocolate drawer and “Booya!” a piece of chocolate is inhaled (yes, I do have a drawer dedicated to bars of dark chocolate). However, when I practice the art of conscious choice I catch the stimulus, stop, and think: “Why am I feeling the impulse now? Where did it come from? Do I really need a chocolate hit at this time of day? Am I willing to accept the consequences of this action since chocolate indulgence after 3pm messes with my digestion?” Sometimes my answer to that final question is yes and sometimes it’s no but the key is taking the time to respond with a conscious choice.  It seems like a small thing that brings momentary pleasure with few, if any, consequences, but if I react unconsciously on every stimulus regarding my sweet tooth I may, at some future time—given my family history—be faced with a variety of major consequences such as becoming diabetic, being overweight, and/or developing acid reflux (chocolate is a trigger). Any of these consequences will require me to make major decisions about my healthcare, all potentially resulting from a series of seemingly small, unconscious, impulsive choices.  This scenario can play out in our lives in all sorts of ways. And because many of our choices are often unconscious, cultivating conscious choice becomes a healthful practice that is at its heart a yoga practice.   Sutra 2.1 “The more we refine ourselves through Yoga the more we realize that all our actions need to be reexamined systematically and we must not take the fruits of our actions for granted.” —T. K. V Desichachar, The Heart of Yoga  Fortunately, in addition to timeless wisdom, yoga also provides us with skillful means to practice cultivating conscious choice on our mats. We can do this by examining what is happening on three levels: body, breath and mind/emotions (see Working The Witness). In this way, we gain experience creating and working with the pause between stimulus and response, and can use the information gathered to make conscious choices. SOS is the international distress signal and also my acronym for “Stop, Observe, Surrender,” (see SOS for Mental Distress). It’s a useful use technique for cultivating conscious choice on your yoga mat. Here are the basic steps: 1. Select a yoga posture that you practice regularly. As you hold your pose, Stop and before you move on, modify or settle in more deeply. 2. Observe the present moment by asking yourself the following questions:  Physical Body

Where in my body is the sensation of stretch?

What is the level of effort or release?

Breath

Am I able to breathe fully and deeply in the pose?

Can I sense any sensation of energy (tingling, pulsing, heat or coolness)?

Mind/Emotions

What am I thinking in this moment?

What am I feeling in this moment (contentment, anxiety, restlessness, joy)? 

3. Surrender into the moment and watch your conscious choices arise. Now select the one that best fits your highest need or intention. Some choices that might arise from this practice are:

Do I need/want to change my situation by adjusting or modifying the pose for greater comfort or a deeper challenge?

Do I need/want to change my attitude/perception and accept what might be challenging in the pose and stick with it as long as the “juice is worth the squeeze” and I am not in pain?

Do I need/want to move out of this posture now or take a wait and see attitude?

When we apply this practice to the many daily choices we make, we are gradually changing ourselves in ways that help us live healthy, wise, and balanced lives.  I am a recovering perfectionist (see Yoga Therapy for Perfectionism) and have control issues, especially around time—my time. I do not like to wait. When confronted with waiting, my unconscious physical reaction is to suck my teeth and jiggle my right leg. My breath catches in my throat and I sigh. My mind goes into exasperation, irritation, and a sense of being restricted. I know that regular doses of this reaction over time can build up to any number of unhealthy conditions, such as high blood pressure and heart disease (more family history!), so I’m working to change this unhelpful reaction into a more positive response by cultivating conscious choice. My choice has been to Stop and recognize the stimulus, Observe the impulse to react, and Surrender into the moment and respond by re-framing the waiting into a “moment of waiting to be,” (from "Patience" by Lao Tzu, which is taped to my refrigerator door).   “No matter what situation we find ourselves in, we can always set our compass to our highest intentions in the present moment. Perhaps it is nothing more than being in a heated conversation with another person and stopping to take a breath and ask yourself, “What is my highest intention in this moment?” —Jack Kornfield  Subscribe to Yoga for Healthy Aging by Email ° Follow Yoga for Healthy Aging on Facebook ° Join this site with Google Friend Connect Cultivating Conscious Choice http://ift.tt/2o7hcYW themostdangerous1 http://ift.tt/2ouTrGf via IFTTT