#Pein's preaching being misinterpreted by a drunk man

[demon-shark]

Red Cloud Curse; Chapter 1

Warnings: Cussing, highway meat robbery, alcohol, mystery shipping

Man makes the mistake of leaving his meat truck in the hands of Kisame, Deidara, and Hidan.

Kisame was walking back to the apartment with Hidan and Deidara when they came across a truck. The guy they assumed had been driving it was standing next to it and typing it away angrily on his phone. It must have been dead because the driver ended up angrily shoving it in his pocket. He then looked up at the three of them and pointed while he yelled, “Hey! Yeah, I’m talking to you!” Kisame stepped up to the guy as he approached asking, “You gotta phone?” Kisame dodged the question by asking his own, “What? Did your truck break down?” The man looked between Kisame and the truck before snapping, “No genius, I just like standing around in a shitty neighborhood. Look I’m already two hours late on this delivery, I try to take one short cut and this is what I get. My goddamn kid drained my phone playing some stupid game, my goddamn wife took my charger. Listen, I will give you ¥5 if you let me use your phone. Just one call.” 

“Oh, we don’t have a phone. Our Dad said not until we’re 18.” Deidara lied without hesitation. Deidara then turned around and waved down the street, “There is a bar down 10 blocks that way… I can’t remember the name. They should help you out though.” The man’s eyes widened. “10 blocks?! Fricken.” The man then reached into his pocket and started counting out some cash. “This is yours if you watch the truck.” For a desperate man, he sure is cheap. “¥5, cool. Thanks, mister.” The man then started down the street, “And make sure no one gets near it!” As soon as he was out of earshot Kisame pulled out his phone and made a call, “Hey Kakuzu, I’m sending my location to you now, bring a crowbar.” 

It took 5 minutes for the rest of the Akatsuki and some of their neighbors to show up. As soon as Kisame was tossed the crowbar he broke the truck open revealing an entire butcher shop's worth of meat. Kisame and Kakuzu jumped in and started helping others into the truck so everyone could take what they wanted. As they started emptying the truck, more of their neighbors caught on to what was happening and joined in. One rather feisty old lady slapped Hidan away from a box of something, “Get back, I’m married to two husbands.” Hidan raised his hands as he said, “Take it easy, Grandma”. As the Akatsuki dragged their portion of the haul into the apartment, Konan stood in front of the freezer, “How are we going to store all of this?” It was then that Kisame came in with a whole cow leg on his shoulder, “Careful, coming through.” Konan looked over everything before turning to Zetsu, “Does Imada still have that chainsaw?” Zetsu didn’t look up from the meat he was weighing as he said, “yeah and he owes Hidan cause he covered for him while he was having an affair.” As Kakuzu went to grab the chainsaw to cut the larger meats, the others took knives to what they could and wrapped them up in newspapers. They soon heard the sound of the chainsaw being used from the sidewalk, “Can someone get the leg to Kakuzu?” Konan asked and she chopped up some beef. Hidan jumped up from his station and plopped the cow leg onto his shoulder, “You got it,”. 

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Loud bangs shook the walls of their apartment as a grumpy Madara made his way to the door. He nearly ripped the door off its hinges startling the officers, only made worse by the scowl that Hidan is convinced is permanently stuck on his face. “I-I uh…” The first officer struggled to find his words causing his partner to step up, “We’re investigating the recent robbery of a meat truck that took place last Friday. We were wondering if anyone here might have seen something.” Madara crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway as he looked down at the officers. “No.” The first officer took an awkward step back as if trying to escape only to be stopped by the second officer. “We actually have a few suspects we would like you to look over.” She then pulled out three pictures that roughly looked like Kisame, Deidara, and Hidan but Hidan and Deidara were the wrong gender and Kisame’s shark features were exaggerated to almost cartoonish proportions. It was then Kisame walked out from the room he shared with Itachi, Sasori, and Deidara. 

Madara turned around at the blue man he found to be a companion and called him over, “Kisame! There are some cops here with some pictures they want you to look at.” Kisame looked only slightly confused before he walked over, the second officer held the pictures out to him and without hesitation, he said, “I have never seen these people in my life,”. Madara heard someone choke down a laugh in the back and if he knew what was good for him he would be gone by the time Madara turned around. “Very well, thank you for your cooperation,” the second officer said before leaving, the first officer practically sprinting away from the door. Madara slowly closed the door behind him, before turning around to a grinning Hidan who looked a little too proud of himself. “Have you never heard of discretion?” Hidan immediately waved him off, “It’s not like the dumbasses recognized me.” Kisame raised an eyebrow at the silver-haired ass, “Where are you going?” Hidan looked around the kitchen as he said, “Maruko du Pain.” Kakuzu then stepped out and headed to the kitchen to start making coffee. “Don’t distract Itachi.” Hidan looked back at him offended as he said, “I wasn’t going to,”. Hidan then grabbed a piece of toast and headed out the door. “Was that picture supposed to be me?” Kisame asked, turning to Madara who grumbled as he rubbed his face and headed back to bed. 

Hidan enjoyed Madara’s breakfast as he made his way into a nicer part of the city. As he did, he noticed a familiar redhead entering his very destination. He grinned to himself as he ran in after Sasori, the door not even having the chance to close. The look on Itachi’s face said it all ‘Please don’t do this’. Upon seeing Itachi’s face, Sasori turned around and immediately regretted it. Sasori turned around and took his usual place in a corner of the cafe that was hidden from the cameras. Hidan strutted up to the counter where Itachi stood with a look of utter defeat, unable to run because of his job. Only Hidan was interrupted by the sound of a woman clearing her throat. She had to have come in after Hidan because he hadn’t seen her when he entered but that didn’t stop her from looking up at him as if she expected him to move. 

Upon seeing that Hidan wasn’t going to move she shoved him out of the way. “This creme brulee has dirt in it!” Itachi looked slightly concerned as he reached out his hand, “Can I see it?” The woman handed it over and Itachi quickly relaxed, “This is vanilla.” The woman then scoffed as she asked, “Are you calling me stupid?” Hidan then mocked her scoff as he said, “He isn’t but I’m going to.” The woman then put her hands on her hips as she turned to Hidan, “Vanilla is clear, if you’ve ever baked before you would know that.” Hidan then put his hands on his hips in an exaggerated manner, “Maybe your cheap store brand stuff is, but vanilla pods have little specks in them.” The woman then gave an offended gasp before storming out of the bakery. “What was her problem?” Itachi gave a tired sigh as he said, “That was Okubo Azumi, she lives next door to the bakery and seems to have an issue with the bakery.” Hidan removed his hands from his hips to look over at Itachi, “So she does this regularly?” Itachi gave a tired nod causing Hidan to look back at the door the lady just left, “Who beefs with a bakery?”

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As they lit the trash fire everyone gathered around with their beers and their kids to celebrate the meat hull they pulled off earlier that day. “I’m gonna be honest, when these… teens moved in six weeks ago going on about some cycle of pain or hatred or whatever, I thought they were a bunch of loons. But I’ve come to see the light. How we have come to over rely on heroes causing good people to stand by when someone needs help. Heroes who care more about fame and money than helping down-troughton people like us. Heroes help maintain a system that suppresses us. A system that shames and demeans those for things out of their control. A system that puts assholes in charge because they were determined better than the rest of us at birth. People I had brushed off as just some teens who didn’t know what they were talking about, opened my eyes to real problems with our society. And that’s just my way of saying… thank god for the Akatsuki.” Everyone then raised their beers as they yelled, “To the Akatsuki!” Miyake Hiroki, a drunkard who liked to play the victim, wasn't too far off from what Pein had been pushing since they learned about this hero society. However, what he believed the message was as an individual isn’t as important as how the community had taken it. As he watched over the trash burn and barbeque he was approached by Tobirama. “Pein.” Pein looked over at the albino, returning with his own, “Tobirama”. Tobirama then moved to stand next to his wheelchair, his arms crossed. “We need to talk.”

It was then everyone heard the dreadful sound of police sirens. The lights soon came into view and turned out it wasn’t just the police, a fire truck had shown up as well. The crowd quickly started to boo as the party was shut down. The police ushered the people away as the firefighters put out the fire. “Gotta hand it to um, they handled it faster than the heroes did.” Jouzetsu smiled as he put his hands in his pockets. “That’s because the heroes don’t come into this neighborhood,” Dokuzesu grumbled, the implication of Jouzetsu being a dumbass clear in his tone. “That does remind me though, whose turn is it for the electric bill?” Hidan gave a quiet, “Crap,” before reaching into his pocket and pulling out ¥25000 in cash, “This should cover it,”. Pein then looked over at Tobirama who had been cut off by the situation, looks like he wasn’t going to drop it. Pein gave the rest of them a look before he and Tobirama left to talk.