#Past the sheer aesthetics.

[heliomanteia]

"Sunshine and the grumpy one" misrepresents all the nuances of solangelo dynamics, to me.

[ms-demeanor]

Why reblog machine-generated art?

When I was ten years old I took a photography class where we developed black and white photos by projecting light on papers bathed in chemicals. If we wanted to change something in the image, we had to go through a gradual, arduous process called dodging and burning.

When I was fifteen years old I used photoshop for the first time, and I remember clicking on the clone tool or the blur tool and feeling like I was cheating.

When I was twenty eight I got my first smartphone. The phone could edit photos. A few taps with my thumb were enough to apply filters and change contrast and even spot correct. I was holding in my hand something more powerful than the huge light machines I'd first used to edit images.

When I was thirty six, just a few weeks ago, I took a photo class that used Lightroom Classic and again, it felt like cheating. It made me really understand how much the color profiles of popular web images I'd been seeing for years had been pumped and tweaked and layered with local edits to make something that, to my eyes, didn't much resemble photography. To me, photography is light on paper. It's what you capture in the lens. It's not automatic skin smoothing and a local filter to boost the sky. This reminded me a lot more of the photomanipulations my friend used to make on deviantart; layered things with unnatural colors that put wings on buildings or turned an eye into a swimming pool. It didn't remake the images to that extent, obviously, but it tipped into the uncanny valley. More real than real, more saturated more sharp and more present than the actual world my lens saw. And that was before I found the AI assisted filters and the tool that would identify the whole sky for you, picking pieces of it out from between leaves.

You know, it's funny, when people talk about artists who might lose their jobs to AI they don't talk about the people who have already had to move on from their photo editing work because of technology. You used to be able to get paid for basic photo manipulation, you know? If you were quick with a lasso or skilled with masks you could get a pretty decent chunk of change by pulling subjects out of backgrounds for family holiday cards or isolating the pies on the menu for a mom and pop. Not a lot, but enough to help. But, of course, you can just do that on your phone now. There's no need to pay a human for it, even if they might do a better job or be more considerate toward the aesthetic of an image.

And they certainly don't talk about all the development labs that went away, or the way that you could have trained to be a studio photographer if you wanted to take good photos of your family to hang on the walls and that digital photography allowed in a parade of amateurs who can make dozens of iterations of the same bad photo until they hit on a good one by sheer volume and luck; if you want to be a good photographer everyone can do that why didn't you train for it and spend a long time taking photos on film and being okay with bad photography don't you know that digital photography drove thousands of people out of their jobs.

My dad told me that he plays with AI the other day. He hosts a movie podcast and he puts up thumbnails for the downloads. In the past, he'd just take a screengrab from the film. Now he tells the Bing AI to make him little vignettes. A cowboy running away from a rhino, a dragon arm-wrestling a teddy bear. That kind of thing. Usually based on a joke that was made on the show, or about the subject of the film and an interest of the guest.

People talk about "well AI art doesn't allow people to create things, people were already able to create things, if they wanted to create things they should learn to create things." Not everyone wants to make good art that's creative. Even fewer people want to put the effort into making bad art for something that they aren't passionate about. Some people want filler to go on the cover of their youtube video. My dad isn't going to learn to draw, and as the person who he used to ask to photoshop him as Ant-Man because he certainly couldn't pay anyone for that kind of thing, I think this is a great use case for AI art. This senior citizen isn't going to start cartooning and at two recordings a week with a one-day editing turnaround he doesn't even really have the time for something like a Fiverr commission. This is a great use of AI art, actually.

I also know an artist who is going Hog Fucking Wild creating AI art of their blorbos. They're genuinely an incredibly talented artist who happens to want to see their niche interest represented visually without having to draw it all themself. They're posting the funny and good results to a small circle of mutuals on socials with clear information about the source of the images; they aren't trying to sell any of the images, they're basically using them as inserts for custom memes. Who is harmed by this person saying "i would like to see my blorbo lasciviously eating an ice cream cone in the is this a pigeon meme"?

The way I use machine-generated art, as an artist, is to proof things. Can I get an explosion to look like this. What would a wall of dead computer monitors look like. Would a ballerina leaping over the grand canyon look cool? Sometimes I use AI art to generate copyright free objects that I can snip for a collage. A lot of the time I use it to generate ideas. I start naming random things and seeing what it shows me and I start getting inspired. I can ask CrAIon for pose reference, I can ask it to show me the interior of spaces from a specific angle.

I profoundly dislike the antipathy that tumblr has for AI art. I understand if people don't want their art used in training pools. I understand if people don't want AI trained on their art to mimic their style. You should absolutely use those tools that poison datasets if you don't want your art included in AI training. I think that's an incredibly appropriate action to take as an artist who doesn't want AI learning from your work.

However I'm pretty fucking aggressively opposed to copyright and most of the "solid" arguments against AI art come down to "the AIs viewed and learned from people's copyrighted artwork and therefore AI is theft rather than fair use" and that's a losing argument for me. In. Like. A lot of ways. Primarily because it is saying that not only is copying someone's art theft, it is saying that looking at and learning from someone's art can be defined as theft rather than fair use.

Also because it's just patently untrue.

But that doesn't really answer your question. Why reblog machine-generated art? Because I liked that piece of art.

It was made by a machine that had looked at billions of images - some copyrighted, some not, some new, some old, some interesting, many boring - and guided by a human and I liked it. It was pretty. It communicated something to me. I looked at an image a machine made - an artificial picture, a total construct, something with no intrinsic meaning - and I felt a sense of quiet and loss and nostalgia. I looked at a collection of automatically arranged pixels and tasted salt and smelled the humidity in the air.

I liked it.

I don't think that all AI art is ugly. I don't think that AI art is all soulless (i actually think that 'having soul' is a bizarre descriptor for art and that lacking soul is an equally bizarre criticism). I don't think that AI art is bad for artists. I think the problem that people have with AI art is capitalism and I don't think that's a problem that can really be laid at the feet of people curating an aesthetic AI art blog on tumblr.

Machine learning isn't the fucking problem the problem is massive corporations have been trying hard not to pay artists for as long as massive corporations have existed (isn't that a b-plot in the shape of water? the neighbor who draws ads gets pushed out of his job by product photography? did you know that as recently as ten years ago NewEgg had in-house photographers who would take pictures of the products so users wouldn't have to rely on the manufacturer photos? I want you to guess what killed that job and I'll give you a hint: it wasn't AI)

Am I putting a human out of a job because I reblogged an AI-generated "photo" of curtains waving in the pale green waters of an imaginary beach? Who would have taken this photo of a place that doesn't exist? Who would have painted this hypersurrealistic image? What meaning would it have had if they had painted it or would it have just been for the aesthetic? Would someone have paid for it or would it be like so many of the things that artists on this site have spent dozens of hours on only to get no attention or value for their work?

My worst ratio of hours to notes is an 8-page hand-drawn detailed ink comic about getting assaulted at a concert and the complicated feelings that evoked that took me weeks of daily drawing after work with something like 54 notes after 8 years; should I be offended if something generated from a prompt has more notes than me? What does that actually get the blogger? Clout? I believe someone said that popularity on tumblr gets you one thing and that is yelled at.

What do you get out of this? Are you helping artists right now? You're helping me, and I'm an artist. I've wanted to unload this opinion for a while because I'm sick of the argument that all Real Artists think AI is bullshit. I'm a Real Artist. I've been paid for Real Art. I've been commissioned as an artist.

And I find a hell of a lot of AI art a lot more interesting than I find human-generated corporate art or Thomas Kincaid (but then, I repeat myself).

There are plenty of people who don't like AI art and don't want to interact with it. I am not one of those people. I thought the gay sex cats were funny and looked good and that shitposting is the ideal use of a machine image generation: to make uncopyrightable images to laugh at.

I think that tumblr has decided to take a principled stand against something that most people making the argument don't understand. I think tumblr's loathing for AI has, generally speaking, thrown weight behind a bunch of ideas that I think are going to be incredibly harmful *to artists specifically* in the long run.

Anyway. If you hate AI art and you don't want to interact with people who interact with it, block me.

[obsidian-pages777]

Pick a card: Your Future Aesthetic.Pick an Image

Left to Right Top Row-> Pile 1, Pile 2. Left Bottom Row -> Pile 3 [Pick one of the three]

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Reading 1: The Ethereal Dreamer

Card Drawn: The Star

Your future self will be deeply enchanted by an ethereal, dreamy aesthetic. Imagine a world filled with soft, flowing fabrics in pastel hues like lavender, blush pink, and sky blue. Your spaces will be adorned with fairy lights, delicate crystals, and celestial motifs such as stars and moons. This aesthetic is all about creating a serene, magical atmosphere that feels almost otherworldly.

Your fashion choices will lean towards flowing, bohemian dresses, sheer materials, and intricate lace details.Mostly pastel themes. Being attracted to light colors.Butterfly motifs are prominent. You might carry a free flowing nature to your personality representing your aspirations towards expansion of peace.

Home decor will feature airy, light-filled spaces with plenty of natural elements like feathers, geodes, and plants.

Your future self will seek to create a sanctuary that feels like a serene escape from reality, full of whimsical fairie-esque and gentle beauty.

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Reading 2: The Bold Visionary

Card Drawn: The Emperor

Your future self will gravitate towards a bold, visionary aesthetic that exudes confidence and sophistication. This look is defined by strong lines, rich colors like deep navy, burgundy, and emerald, and luxurious materials such as velvet, leather, and silk.

Your fashion will include tailored suits, statement pieces with geometric patterns, and accessories that make a statement.

Home decor will feature modern furniture with clean lines, metallic accents, and striking art pieces. Your spaces will be meticulously organized and designed to project power and elegance.

The aesthetic you will love is one that commands attention and reflects a sense of authority and ambition, perfectly suited for a leader who is unafraid to stand out and make bold moves.

================================================================================================

Reading 3: The Vintage Romantic

Card Drawn: The Lovers

Your future self will find joy in a vintage, romantic aesthetic that celebrates nostalgia and timeless beauty.

Picture a world filled with delicate floral patterns, antique furniture, and soft, muted tones like rose, cream, and sage green. Your fashion will be inspired by eras past, with a love for lace, vintage dresses, pearl accessories, and retro hairstyles.

Home decor will feature shabby chic elements, ornate picture frames, and cozy, intimate settings with lots of personal touches like family heirlooms and handmade crafts.

This aesthetic is all about creating a warm, inviting atmosphere that feels both elegant and charmingly old-fashioned. Your future self will delight in the romance and history embedded in this timeless style.

================================================================================================

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[chuluoyi]

UNHOLY MATRIMONY — 11

✩°｡ ⋆ transcendent truth

- fushiguro megumi x oc/reader - oc/reader's character name is hara sena, pronouns still refer to “you” and i won’t mention it often—just for the sake of aesthetic rather than repeatedly writing "y/n"

in another life, in which fate is still screwing his life over, Fushiguro Megumi finds himself in an arranged marriage―with you.

genre/warnings: arranged marriage au, drama, heavy angst, zen'in naoya <- hard warning! character death, mentions and descriptions of blood and major injury, profanities, violence, read with discretion!

notes: sorry for the long wait! :( i was on leave, work stuff were piling up, got sidetracked by gojo, and living my life and i have a lot to write for this so... oh and does naoya get to live, you ask? well, well... you may see his fate in this chapter :))

series masterlist | next. the most twisted curse

A week ago October 26

"My father has died."

You gazed in sheer horror at Maki's words, as she stood at your doorstep. Everything in your mind blanked out as you struggled to grasp the meaning behind her jarring words.

You could only utter an almost inaudible "Huh?"

Yet Zen'in Maki didn't seem like a daughter mourning the loss of her father. She looked like she had just won a war with how she stood tall, all with her scars and burns. And yet―

"Oh, and my sister too," she quickly added, looking away, and you could finally see the trace of grief in her voice. "Naoya has destroyed everything."

Somehow it was still hard for you to imagine that the whole Zen'in clan was now in tatters. You blinked, stuttering. "He did? How did he―"

Maki told you everything. It had started from a heated argument instigated by Naoya to demand his claim, but since Ogi wouldn't entertain him, things escalated into a gruesome fight that ended with his head rolling off.

Over the span of one night, he massacred several other clansmen, along with Maki's sister, Mai. Now, the Zen'in clan was without a head and forced into submission by him.

"Sena, I'm telling you this because he'll go after Fushiguro next," Maki's voice was firm and unwavering, and it made you almost recoil. "Having my father gone isn't so bad―I have had enough of him, but Naoya is still on his delusional rampage."

"Megumi won't come back to that place," you firmly stated. "Naoya can have it all by this point, why is he still looking for him?"

"He's now beyond reason. He will seek him out himself if he doesn't come."

After Maki left you with that warning, you were still reeling. This was such an abrupt change of situation, and you knew you had expected facing Naoya in the end, but you thought you'd have more time to think.

Now one thing was clear: Megumi was in danger. A grave one.

October 28

Days with Megumi felt like light rain shower to Hana.

Domestic and cozy. She knew she was here just to cure his sister, yet the friendship that had blossomed between them felt just right.

"Please look after Tsumiki for me," Megumi said plainly, getting ready to leave the hospital. "I'm heading out for a mission."

She gave him a heartfelt smile. "Oh yes, as always, of course."

"Thank you."

Watching him go past the door, Hana smiled until the door sealed shut. Then she turned to the sleeping Tsumiki. She looked as peaceful as always, and the curse mark on her forehead had started to unravel too. Good, she did a great job then. It was taking a while, but Tsumiki was slowly and surely on the path of recovery.

It caused her spirits to deflate a bit, knowing that after this arrangement, she would have to part ways with Megumi, as there were no ties binding them together.

It was times like this that she envied you.

Tidying the hospital room and changing the wilted flowers with fresh ones, Hana easily considered this her comfort space. Everything was curated to how she liked it. She thought she would be having a slow day today, until a frenzied knock on the door startled her.

She couldn't fathom who the visitor could be until she warily opened the door and saw you.

. . .

You had anticipated Megumi to be the one opening the door, until it wasn't.

"Can I help you?" the girl in front of you asked hesitantly, seemingly puzzled. Your breath caught, as you realized that this was most likely Kurusu Hana the curse breaker―also the witness to your divorce.

"Is Megumi here?" you asked calmly, trying to even your heartbeats. No. You couldn't be petty against this woman. Your business was with Megumi, you couldn't get her in the crossfire―

But all that thoughts flew over your head when she retorted, "Why are you trying to find him?"

"I have to talk to him," you responded, still trying to be calm. Okay, no, she couldn't possibly be anything more than divorce witness. Megumi wasn't the type to―

Once again, your thoughts blanked when she replied, "He's out. Maybe I can leave your message to me and I'll inform him later?"

Something about her tone didn't sit that well with you. It was as if she was trying to show you that she was the one in charge... of what, exactly?

You had come to inform Megumi about Naoya's doing. It was as simple as that. Even though you knew that he most probably wouldn't give two shits regarding Zen'in anymore, you just had to make sure.

But seeing another woman in the doorstep, knowing that he spent most of his time with her now that you weren't around... yeah, you couldn't deny that it hurt you.

"Then, please give him this."

You handed the brown envelop to Hana with your jaw held high. Maybe Megumi was right after all, you had a talent to become an actress as your voice didn't even waver. "I've signed the divorce papers. Please let him know to proceed as he sees fit."

Hana appeared taken aback, evident from her widened eyes, but you continued. "Oh, and I've moved out of the apartment too. He can come back. Please tell him that I'm also grateful that he let me stay for this long."

"That's―"

"And one last thing... This is important, and please don't forget to tell him this."

You stared at Kurusu Hana squarely in the eyes, not even flinching as she blinked at you in total silence. "Don't let him come to Zen'in compound on October 31."

She frowned. "What do you mean? October 31? What's happening―"

"That's not for you to know," you interjected with precision, steel in your voice. "Just don’t let him go there, please."

Hana remained silent for a few moments before asking, "Are you... really going through with the divorce?"

"I don't appreciate you delving into our affairs," you spat in response. By now, you truly struggled to contain your own emotions—the hurt, the realization, the mere fact that she was here at all. "Just tell him what I just told you. You're an outsider. And since you've volunteered to inform him when he gets back later, then just do it."

And Hana seemed a bit offended by your snappy tone, but she chose to keep her mouth shut.

You bowed your head a little. "Well, then. Thank you. Have a good day."

As you spun around and stomped away from Tsumiki's room, that was when you finally let your facade crack. Biting your lower lip in frustration, your eyes watered once again.

How could he... get so cozy with her not long after you, just like that? Hana was talking as if she owned the place. It irked you, but above all, you felt so hurt that you wondered if what you were doing now was worth it at all.

But yes. You reassured yourself of the fact, because even if you weren't doing this for Megumi, then you definitely were still doing this for your own sake.

Zen'in Naoya was on your hitlist, and you were determined to see it through, even if it was the last thing you'd do.

When Megumi got back to the hospital later that afternoon, he had noticed how strange Hana was.

"Did something happen?" he inquired with a frown.

"Oh, no... not really," she winced, seemingly uncomfortable with the question, but she quickly covered her strange expression with a smile. "Anyway, how was your mission?"

If he were to be honest, he would prefer if Hana didn't get too friendly with him, despite everything. Maybe it was his quiet nature, or whatever, but he liked to be left alone.

"It went alright."

It was when he glanced at the table that he noticed it. The divorce papers he had left in your desk at the headquarters were there, and his initial reaction was the sinking feeling in his heart.

"Why are these here?" he snapped almost instantly, asking Hana for clarification. "Has Sena come here?"

"Oh? Oh, yeah..." it was evident that she was flustered, but she quickly blinked her surprise away. "She dropped by to give these for you."

"Did she say anything else?"

"Oh yeah... she said... she has moved out of the apartment."

That, he didn't expect. You had moved out? Where? Where did you go?

It had been two weeks since he last saw you, and the feeling of betrayal was still there, gnawing at his soul. And yet, to see you really agreeing with the divorce he pulled out of impulse and and moving out of his place made it all feel undeniably real.

Deep in his hearts, he knew that he had been bantering back-and-forth with himself. Heck, ever since that horrid reveal about this marriage, he felt like he lost a sense of himself. He shouldn't, but it was hard not to.

He was about to return to his place―with futile hope to find you, perhaps, when his phone rang in his pocket. Yuji was calling him.

"Hello, Itadori? Uh, yeah... sure..."

He was called back to the headquarters for a follow-up mission. Megumi mildly cursed under his breath after ending the call.

"Are you going again?" Hana questioned in a hurry, and it made him turn to her.

"Yeah, I must go―"

"Whatever you do, don't get near Zen'in's family home."

He raised an eyebrow at her sudden statement. "Why?"

She stuttered. "Just... don't. I've heard... there are just some things happening there. It'd do you better to stay away from them."

When Megumi reflected on this moment a few days later, he would realize that her behavior had been quite strange. However, in the heat of the moment, he didn't dwell on it much as his main focus shifted to his sudden mission.

October 31

His mission had taken him three days to sort out, with him and Itadori staking out at the site, and by the time he was finished, Megumi was at his wits end.

He was exhausted and only just now was he able to really go back to his apartment the first time ever since he left you here.

His place was so empty it felt jarring. The fact that the two of you used to live here not too long ago was bittersweet, especially when he saw the little pots of cactus he planted across the living room had all withered.

Megumi entered almost reluctantly, as with each step, the sting of pain in his chest intensified. He really did love you. And more often than not he found himself thinking why everything had to go this way.

Everything was left neat and tidy. You must have cleaned the place before you left. Megumi traversed through the living and dining areas before finding himself in what was initially his bedroom—the one you both had shared for the past two months.

No creases on the bedsheet, no more of your clothes hanging or cosmetics on the table. What remained was… a folded paper?

He had never jerked so fast in his life—he immediately unfolded it and could barely read.

Dear Megumi, How are you? Are you doing well?Ah, you must be still mad at me. I can’t really fault you for that though. If I were you, I wouldn’t take being played by someone who claims to love you lightly too. I know how you feel, or at least, tried to . . .

Was this the right thing? Despite making this decision yourself, you couldn’t lie and say that you were wholeheartedly sure.

“Hara Sena— do you really wish to die?!”

All you know was blind rage when you saw Zen’in Naoya’s face.

He cackled, almost wheezing, while mocking you entirely. Your anger simmered, steadily rising, reaching a boiling point with certainty and intensity.

“Ah, this is too funny!” he wiped a tear out of his eyes, his cackles receded into huffs of barks. “Who are you to think that you can stand a chance against me? Me?”

You didn’t entertain his question. “How can you be so shameless about everything you have done?”

He burst into unhinged laughter once again.

“What’s there to shame? I can say that I’m proud while at it—”

"You murdered your own kin!" you cut, looking at him almost in disbelief, clenching your fists to keep them from trembling. "And yet... you stand there so proud. It's delusional."

"What I did―heh, I'd even go as far as saying that it's my greatest achievement yet. It’s beyond your comprehension, sadly.” Naoya threw his hands and sneered. “I wouldn't expect bastards like you or Fushiguro to understand.”

You scoffed. Talking to a wall never works, huh.

"What is sad is that you would go this far for... what? A clan of ruins?” you taunted, a derisive smile on your face. “Who is even left here? This is no achievement. You're just crazy.”

For a second, you could see that that smug grin falter, twitched even, before he hardened it with a manic grin.

“Say that again, woman—”

“You can pretend all you want, and glorify your delusional self while at it, but it won't matter.” You didn’t flinch, despite how intense the pounding of your heart was. “Today, you will lose, Zen'in Naoya.”

And that sealed your fate. Today is the day it ends.

I tried to, but I’m also hurt, you know?

Megumi sprinted, bolting out of his apartment with pure terror. He had to, for the chance to find you was slipping with each second. After reading that letter, he realized just how messed up everything was.

I have thought many, many times about when you were going to find out the truth. I know the worst is that you wouldn’t believe me, but I really thought we could part in better terms than this.

What you did hurt him too, that’s true, and it was hard for him to forgive you. He couldn't ignore that reality.

Because I trusted you. I trusted you wholeheartedly when you said that you would stay with me. I thought that, maybe, even if we can no longer be together, at the very least you wouldn’t just go and leave me with a little to say for myself. Because that’s what I’d do if our positions were reversed.

But you trusted him. Until the end, until the moment you decided to sign the papers and moved out.

Something within him plummeted and shattered. He had really lost sight of the bigger things. Halfway through, he naively thought it had ended with him going away.

No, it hasn’t ended. He had overlooked one monumental aspect.

But I’m not you. And ultimately, I’m still in the wrong, and it’s hard to explain myself because I know it. No matter how much I try to justify myself, it’s still not enough. Because when I first started out, it was indeed my intention to use you.

Now, it didn’t matter that much. Not when he realized what you were about to do.

But, Megumi, there’s one truth in our relationship—even when there are many lies in it. That truth transcends all, and it’s this: I love you. I really do. Even now as I’m writing this, I still do.

Each breath he took, it scorched his lungs. Megumi thought he had known what heartbreak was like. But no, he didn’t really. Not until now.

In the short time we were together, I was the happiest. I love living with you. I love going through the day with you. Thank you for letting me know what love feels like.

Damn it. If something were to happen to you now, after this—

And I wish you the best. It hurts me to know, but if it's Kurusu Hana, then I only hope that this time, it's your own choice. This might be the last you're going to hear from me. I'm going to settle my debt with Zen'in Naoya. If you ever read this... one thing I ask from you is that don't find me. Let this be where it ends. With me.

"Idiot, you're an idiot!" he harshly grunted under his breath. How was it that you had asked him not to find you when he knew what you were doing?

Now it all made sense. October 31. The duel. Zen'in family home. Hana's warning. You were the one who told her that.

His chest constricted, the muscles in his legs had started to ache, and he was losing breath. But he pressed on. Megumi had to get to you, before it was too late.

Your innate technique wasn't made for front lines.

Despite your father's pride―which you had long considered misplaced―your family's innate technique, in your and Naoya's eyes, were quite unhelpful, or useless even.

You couldn't even feel your lower body as you laid there on the hard ground, gurgling and tasting your own blood in your mouth.

"Now you see?" Naoya curled his lip in satisfaction, looking down on you with that disdainful eyes of his, once again believing he was far superior than you. "You have no chance against me, Sena. If Fushiguro can't, what makes you think you might have a shot, huh?"

True, he didn't even have a single scratch in his body. You stood no chance against him. Did you know that?

As a matter of fact, you did.

"What a pitiful sight you are," he uttered, firmly planting his feet on your chest, and a broken whimper escaped you. "Just die already."

When will this end? You had to wait out, or else— or else, you were doing all of this for nothing.

"This is the exact expression that whore you call a mother had too," Naoya suddenly retorted, prompting you to open your eyes in response.

Your mother. In her last moments, was she in this much pain too, because of him?

The thought made your rage boil once again. You gritted your teeth together. "You... b-bastard—!"

"Hah? What?" He dug his heels in your broken ribs and you whimpered, spitting out blood.

You didn't know how much longer you were going to be able to withstand this pain. Everything in your body was broken at this point. You are quite literally dying.

You thought you had accepted this. You figured that since you had nothing left, dying wouldn't be that bad, surely.

"Hmph, boring." Suddenly he kicked you and you rolled several ways from him, wincing in absolute agony. Naoya turned his back on you, walking away with deliberate loud steps.

He gestured at the cloth of his hakama. "You're going to dirty my clothes. Since you're going to die anyway, I'll be here to watch you."

Mad. Truly mad. You couldn't think of any other word aside of that to describe the Zen'in spawn. He was the craziest of all people you had ever met, had ever imagined you could encounter in this shitty life.

"I'm curious though, why are you here? Fushiguro would never ask you." Naoya regarded your form with narrowed eyes. "Is this love? Are you afraid that he'd die by my hand that you willingly went in his stead?"

"N-no..." you immediately replied in disdain. "You... h-have—"

"You are not making sense," he shrugged, shoulders shaking with laughter. "Ah, that's why. Love is the most useless of all. That love got you dying now, hmm?"

There was no need to entertain him. You unclenched your fist slowly, your fingers twisting in weird angle after Naoya broke them—but you readied yourself.

Just a little bit longer...

"If only from the very beginning, if you would just agree to be my wife instead of making a fool out of me—"

A bit... just a little bit more...

"—then perhaps, you'd be living the honored life as my wife—" he kept continuing with a stream of words that didn't quite register in your mind. Nevertheless, you remained fixated on the movement of your fingers.

"But you just had to go and drag that washed-up bastard to my doorstep, conspiring with that senile man and Gojo, and where does it get you now—"

Now.

"And your most moronic act is coming here, thinking that—hrrgk!"

Suddenly Naoya toppled over, clutching his throat, his breath coming in gasps. "W-what—"

A cruel smile curled on your lips, seeing the frightened look on his face. "I'm... telling you... you're going to... die today, Zen'in Naoya."

"W-what— did you do to me—!" Naoya squared on you with fury shining in his eyes. "You— wench!"

You kept your silence, closing your eyes. You felt tired. It was so tempting to go to sleep.

"Whore! You—bitch—urrgk!"

As the air slowly left his lungs, Naoya finally gained clarity. Your fingers. A hand sign...?

You had waited for this moment. For the very second he no longer pinned you and you had the freedom of the use of your hands.

It struck him like a bolt of lightning. Hara clan's cursed technique.

Manipulation of air density.

You were slowly choking him to death.

. . . It was somewhat of an irony, that you depended on your cursed technique in the end. For you who had always considered and known that your clan was a second-rate, believing that you hated yourself for being born with this cursed technique and made your mother suffer, you never really took pride in possessing this.

And yet today, you bet it all on this talent of yours. To finally make things right again.

You tuned out the rest of Naoya's last words. You only opened your eyes when you heard him thud to the ground, all pallid and blue.

A weight in your chest dissipated. You did it. You had avenged your mother, and perhaps, if the Gods were finally kind to you, after this you might be able to see her too...?

Regardless, now you could rest in peace, content with leaving everything behind.

And yet, despite thinking so, you couldn't help but to turn back to those days with Megumi, doing mundane things normal people did. Eating together, going on dates, his smile, laugh— you would never get to see him again, and that fact brought a tear to your eyes.

The only boy you ever loved. In this life, and in any potential other lives, you would undoubtedly wish to meet him again too.

The only consolation you had now was that, by doing this, you had also fulfilled your end of the binding vow with Gojo.

"How unfortunate, and now you're dragging Megumi into this? What's it in for me and him?"

This is it. You have no other way and even this is also your last resort. To save your mother and yourself, you must drag an innocent soul into this complicated mess. Fushiguro Megumi is going to take a part in your game of survival, and you will make sure that he won't be just a mere sacrificial pawn.

"I believe the Zen'in has been bothering you quite a lot too, all these years," you met Gojo's eyes calmly, hiding your fear. "If you can install Fushiguro Megumi in Zen'in clan, wouldn't that be easier?"

"Well, well, you seem to know your way around here, yeah?" Gojo threw you a tight smile, visibly amused. "I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say that I don't want to do away with them, but Megumi? Do you realize what you're implying?"

"What if I told you that I can definitely remove Zen'in Naoya from the equation?"

"How?"

"From what I've heard, only a handful of the clansmen favor him."

"It's not going to be that easy, Sena-chan. You're going to put his life in danger."

"That's what I'm proposing to you. I will not let them harm him."

Gojo let out a scoff. "Two conditions for one in return? Aren't you getting desperate? Are you sure it won't be easier if you just resign yourself to a life with the Zen'ins?"

"No." You bit your lip. "My mother would rather die than seeing me being married off to that misogynist, and my father would continue locking her up if I refuse this marriage with the Zen'ins."

After pondering for a while, Gojo agreed with your proposition. To make sure that you'd be staying true to your convictions and he'd get Megumi instated as a part of Zen'in clan, he pulled you into an unbreakable vow.

"In exchange of Fushiguro Megumi becoming a part of Zen'in clan, Hara Sena would remove Zen'in Naoya from the succession war, and at the same time, ensure his safety."

next : the most twisted curse

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some of you can't be tagged bc of the settings! :(

[saintmuses]

❝𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨, 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙚❞

Pairing:

Soft!Dark!Neil Lewis x Girlfriend!Reader

Summary:

Neil had spent all night watching his girlfriend unintentionally flirted with Jonathan, and he couldn’t stand it.

Warning(s): SMUT. Non-con/Dub-con (at the end). Both POVs. P in V. Forced breeding kink. Jealous!Neil like he is irrational. Soft!Dark!Neil. Daddy kink (so sorry). Minors, dni! Note: the reader is coquette, but only in clothing aesthetic aspect because she is shy.

Word Count: 3.2k

When the store was finally locked and the street was quiet, Neil took her hand in his, making a beeline for his house.

They barely spoke as they walked. Every few minutes, he gave a suspicious glare at Y/N, but he was trying to hold in his anger.

Finally, they got to his place, and he dragged her inside with a firm grip. He was waiting for the right time to let out all of his emotions. 

And he might just do that tonight.

“Neil?” She questioned him. she eluded innocence, and it was in the way of how she talked or how she acted. Always blushing and always stuttering. It was what made him attracted to her, gorgeous girl in pretty baby doll dresses and milk maid tops with skirts or cute jeans. He was rarely angry with her which was why he knew she was profoundly confused by his behavior.

Neil didn't answer her question. Instead, he slammed the door behind them, and with one swift motion, pinned her against the wall in the foyer by the stairs.

He pressed his nose almost aggressively against hers, his eyes narrowing, his lips curling into a snarl. "I saw everything," he hissed. "You were getting too close with him, weren't you?"

All his insecurities and jealousy finally bubbled to the surface, making him feel angrier than he had ever been. He had felt like Jonathan was better looking than him. "Were you guys intimate with each other?"

“Never!” She gasped, looking into his eyes because he was so close to her face, with his nose pressing against hers. She was confused on why he would ask that. She never even had sex with anyone until she met Neil. 

"I don't believe you," Neil snapped at her. "You spent so much time with him, and you had so much in common. How am I supposed to believe you two were never intimate with each other?" He pointed out, accusation coated his tone as he curled his fingers into his palms, gritting his teeth. "I'm your boyfriend, not him," he spat. "And you better not forget that."

“Friends can have a lot of things in common and not be intimate!” She argued softly, eyes widening. Realizing he took a step back, she was able to move past him, down the hallway towards his bedroom.

He knew that was true, friends can have a lot of things in common, but he was beyond rational to think straight. Especially at his thought filled with his fear of losing her.

"Don't you walk away from me!" Neil shouted at her while grabbing her wrist and pulled her towards him. As she was in front of him, he immediately latched onto her waist, refusing to let her go, “look at me when I talk to you.” He hissed with a warning in his gaze, waiting until she was looking at him. “I know you two wanted to be intimate with each other. I can tell just by looking at him and that's what he wants." His grip was beginning to tighten around her waist, his icy eyes staring at her with pure rage.

Her eyes began to widen, him shouting at her with “don’t you walk away from me” and “look at me when I talk to you” had made her tremble slightly in sheer arousal and she didn’t know why it made her wet, but she wasn’t going to let him know at all. She wasn’t even afraid of him either. She didn’t say anything to him, but just staring up at him. Then she managed to slip from his grip and entered his bedroom.

Neil was taken aback when he suddenly felt her slip out of his grip. It was almost like a jolt of adrenaline because it only pissed him off more. He wasn't about to let her get away that easily.

He moved quickly, following her behind as he entered the bedroom and forcefully grabbed her by her waist, and dragged her back to face him. "Don't you ignore me," he said harshly.

His tone is making her thighs feel slightly slick as she grew aroused, it was a good thing he was too angry to see how wet she is from his actions and his tone.

“Stop,” she whispered, hoping he would calm down so she could stop feeling aroused. She did not understand why she felt aroused when he was acting like this.

"I'm not going to let this go, you hear me!?" Neil’s voice raised as if he couldn’t control himself. "You're with me, and no one else. Is that clear?"

His heart was racing, and his mind was on fire and filled with green ooze of jealousy. She was his and there was no way he would let her see other men, that included his friend.

He squeezed her waist even tighter, making her feel uncomfortable. "Look at me! Or do I need to do something to get your attention?"

“I can’t look at you,” she huffed slightly with a soft noise in her voice, looking away from him to the side.

Neil was frustrated; she just had to make things difficult for him, didn't she? "Don't you dare look away." He grabbed her chin with his fingers and forcefully turned her to face him. "What did I tell you? Look at me."

Her eyes hadn’t met his which only served him with increasing rage. His face contorted into a snarl, and the veins on his neck were prominent from how enraged he was. "Look into my eyes!"

“I can’t!” She burst out with a soft whine, refusing to look at him. In response, he settled for releasing her waist, then immediately grappling for her wrist instead.

"Why not?" He demanded, his grip on her wrist tightening even more as anger overwhelmed him. "Is it because I'm too scary and intimidating for you?” He asked, with a tone dripping with sarcasm. "Is it because you know you're guilty of wanting to be intimate with Jonathan?" He was so angry that he wanted to tear something apart. "Stop ignoring me and look at me!"

The biggest mistake was listening to him because when she looked at him and she was purely sopping wet. With a frustrated cry, her free hand latched onto his hand that wasn’t holding her wrist and dragged his fingers under her dress and into her underwear to feel her wetness to reveal how hot and bothered she was over his behavior. As soon she pushed his fingers and felt them touching her cunt, “daddy!” She cried out, and it was the first time she ever called him that.

Neil’s eyes darkened; his breath got caught in his throat as soon as he heard her say the word “daddy”.

All of the emotions vanished in that moment, his anger and jealousy were gone. His heart was pounding, his thoughts racing. He was still holding her by the wrist, and yet…he couldn’t feel any other emotion. 

He was just stunned. All he could see was her, and all he could feel was her cunt.

She mewled and began to rut her hips onto his hand. “Daddy, please.” She gasped, begging as her fingers tightened around his.

Neil inhaled sharply as he heard her desperate plea. It was as if he felt a switch go off in him. 

One second, he was wanting to argue with her, and the next he was completely taken over by this primal desire with a need to claim her. 

It was like she had activated some sort of animalistic instinct in him. 

“Daddy? You want daddy?” Neil asked in a breathless voice. His eyebrows were raised, his eyes darting back and forth between his wrist with the hand that disappeared into her dress and her face.

“Yes,” she nodded vigorously, eyes wide open in innocence and arousal.

Neil’s mind was clouded in lust. All of his thoughts were of this innocent and helplessly needy girl, calling him daddy. 

She was dripping with arousal, and all she wanted was him; the man that she loved. 

This was a dream come true to him.

He dropped her wrist that was still bounded in his hand, and ran his hand through her hair, looking deep into her eyes. "Call me that again."

“Daddy,” she said breathlessly.

Neil was completely consumed by desire, his mind racing, and his body trembling with excitement. He withdrew his fingers from her underwear. "Good girl."

He took her face in his hands and kissed her, pushing her against the wall and wrapping his arms around her. He was kissing her so passionately and aggressively, as if he needed a release, and she was the only one who could give it to him. 

The feeling was unlike anything he ever felt before. He wanted to consume her entirely.

“Oh,” she moaned into his devouring mouth.

Neil kept on kissing her, his hands running through her hair. He felt intoxicated by her scent, and her taste.

Her noises sent shivers down his body, driving his desire even higher. "You're so delicious." He sighed pathetically, he needed her, needed her more than anything in the entire world. He was obsessed with her.

“Daddy.” She mumbled inaudibly, reaching for his bulge through his jeans and gripping it desperately. He gasped into her mouth, huffing aggressively as he withdrew from her lips before picking her up and throwing her onto the bed.

Neil's primal instinct took over in that moment, and he was completely consumed by this sudden, violent lust. He kissed her even more fiercely, using his slim muscles to pin her down. 

He needed to taste her and touch her, to consume her. And she was the only one who could give him what he wanted. 

Her moans and whimpers sent shivers up his spine, his lust growing with every movement she made.

She gasped as he dragged her dress away from her body by the straps to reveal her bra and underwear, whimpering when he started to push down, rubbing his hard on against her bare stomach.

Neil's voice was raw and full of passion as he answered her moan, his breath coming in shallow gasps. "I love you. You're my good girl."

His lips pressed against her neck, his hands running through her hair. He was so intoxicated by the smell and taste of her. "I need you, baby."

His lips returned to her mouth, his tongue touching hers in the most intense kiss he'd ever experienced. "Call me daddy again,” he mumbled incoherently into her mouth.

“I love you too, daddy.”

Neil felt like his body was on fire, his emotions spinning out of control, and all he could do now was take her. "Good girl."

His jaw was straining the moment his tongue pressed deeper into her mouth, his lips devouring hers like he was starved. 

He kept on kissing her like he was trying to consume her. His hands were all over her body, caressing every single part of her skin.

He couldn’t think straight anymore. *"I need more.” His lust was growing with every second he spent touching her. He needed her. He wanted her.

She mewled when she felt him on her stomach, rubbing his bulge against her skin once again.

Neil felt like he was going crazy. He couldn’t handle the excitement any longer. 

He needed more. 

So, he maneuvered himself off her body and stood up from the bed and began to remove his clothes.

"Baby," Neil murmured the endearment softly, his voice dripping in excitement. He was staring right at her and her lips, her face, everything about her that made her perfect. 

His hands were already wrapping around her body as he returned to the bed, pulling her closer.

"Do you want me, baby?" He murmured the question as he got on top of her, straddling her hips.

She shuddered in pleasure when she felt his hot and heavy cock on top of her stomach, skin on skin. “Yes.” She moaned.

"Good girl."

That was all Neil could say at the moment. Any other words had failed him. He could think only of her, and her only.

Neil's hands ran through her hair as his body rubbed against hers, touching her in all the right places. His lips were kissing her all over, and he was taking his time in making sure she was feeling good.

He knew she loved the teasing, and he was going to give her exactly what she wanted.

She whimpered when he started grinding down on her stomach, feeling his thick cock dragging across her skin slightly as he pushed down his hips in a slight rocking motion.

Neil felt like he was in such a euphoric rush. He was completely consumed by the feeling of holding her in his arms, her body against his. She was his whole world right now, her every breath, her every heartbeat.

His kisses were gentle but firm and passionate. His hands were caressing her everywhere, but they were never too rough.

He was in love with her.

She whimpered when he touched her sensitive nipples, brushing his thumbs across them. Before releasing them so he could scoot backwards to get her dress and underwear off.

Neil's hands brushed against her body, and he was taking his time as his mouth was all over her neck, shoulders, and hands, and his hands kept running through her hair, caressing every inch of her. 

He was enjoying this so much that he was losing track of time. He didn't want this to end. He never wanted this to end. 

Neil was obsessed with this girl. His girl.

Then he finally placed himself between her legs, settling one of his arms next to her head and his other hand was sliding down between them.

Lifting her legs around his waist, “please daddy.” She begged quietly.

Neil's eyes widened at her words, and his breathing hitched in response. He wrapped his hand around his girth, aiming it at her pussy.

"Baby,” he cooed softly as his body was trembling in excitement. He was ready to take her. He took a sharp inhale, and then-

She’d let out a wail, in pleasure when he slammed his cock into her. Her hands scrambled to find something to hold onto, but she couldn’t.

Neil's eyes were filled with passion and lust. He was in a primal state, a state in which all he could feel and hear and see was her.

He started thrusting into her roughly. She moaned, and she felt her hands being grabbed by his and she felt relief. “Oh, daddy.” She breathed, feeling his cock dragging against her walls made her whine even louder. 

Neil huffed almost whiningly, feeling himself being consumed by lust. He couldn't hold back; he wanted her so badly. It was as if his blood was boiling with lust beyond his comprehension.

Neil's body was drenched in sweat, and his skin was flushed with a red tint. He was exhausted; exhausted from intense and relentless movements of pounding into her, feeling her tight pussy on his cock.

His heart was pounding, his lips were swollen, and his ears were ringing.

But he didn't want it to end. He wasn't done yet. He still wanted more.

He reached for her jaw with his fingers, and she gasped when he forced her mouth to open then she realized what he wanted her to do so she obeyed completely and closed her eyes in sheer pleasure when he’d spit in her mouth.

Neil was completely lost in a daze, his focus completely on her. In this moment, he felt unstoppable. 

He felt like nothing could stand in his way when it came to her. He was going to give her everything that she wanted, and he was going to do everything in his power to make her feel good. 

She was his, and no one was going to take her from him.

The pleasure of the climax finally washed over her, making her moan, and she could tell he was nearing his end as well due to the stuttering of his hips as his pace became irregular. Her lust-addled brain was clear when she realized he did not place a condom on his cock. “Neil, you-you need to pull out.” She whispered stammering, trying to push his torso away.

Neil was caught off-guard when she said that, breaking him from the haze he had been feeling for so long. He pulled away slightly, his breathing shaky and heart pounding out of his chest.

He stared into her eyes, panting slightly before shaking his head. "No." That was all he could say, his voice sounding hoarse and rough. "I'm not pulling out."

She looked at him with wide eyes as panic filled in her irises, “I’m not on birth control! You have to pull out before you could get me pregnant.”

"I don't care."

The words left Neil’s mouth before he even had time to think them through. He felt a sudden wave of lust and passion wash over him, and he couldn’t resist the feeling as he started slamming his hips into her, shoving his cock back and forth in her pussy.

Neil was completely and utterly lost in a daze, and all he could think about was her. He couldn’t think about consequences right now, he was just following his instincts. "I don’t care." He repeated again, his voice shaky but loud. "I'm going to give you a baby.”

She was shaking her head, “Neil.” She begged, trying to push his abdomen away, trying to stop him.

"No." Neil said harshly, refusing to be pushed away as he gave a brutal thrust. "You're mine, and I'm keeping you. You don't get to leave." He sounded desperate and forceful as he pushed his body back against hers. "No one is going to take you away from me."

Neil was no longer in his own control; he was consumed by his desire and lust.

She tried really hard to get him to pull out, but the battle was lost. She threw her head back as her hands were dragged above her head by him to prevent her from pushing him away. “Neil.” She all but whined when he started adding more force behind his thrusts .

She felt him deeply as he held her against the mattress. She couldn’t even try to wiggle if she could because he had a tight grip on her, holding her down as he took her.

Neil was so lost in himself that he didn't hear her, not until it was already too late. Her voice sounded so distant to him, a faint noise in the back of his head. He couldn't hear anything but his heart beating in his ears, pumping in and out.

He felt desperate, and his movement grew more aggressive with every second. He wasn't in control anymore; he wasn't in control of himself. His only thought was to let himself go.

"No one will ever touch you again." He spat. "You're mine."

Neil felt like his world was collapsing, all his desires and lust being suddenly sucked away by the feeling of pleasure. Time stood still in that moment, his body moving uncontrollably in the most intense and deep release he had ever felt. 

His voice became nothing to a hoarse, broken “fuck.”

[cherryslyce]

Second Son (Epilogue) | Regulus Black

Series Synopsis: Forbidden from contacting Harry over the summer, you opt to explore the eerie halls of Grimmauld Place where you stumble upon a lonely portrait of the House's second son.

— Chapter Synopsis: The new era. The end of one chapter, and the beginning of another.

Part XIX / Series Masterlist

Pairing: Regulus Black x GN!Reader

Notes: Thank you all so much.

You peer out of the fenestrated walls, eyes glazing over the faint swinging of wooden signs and veranda covers. The ambience around you swirls like a sheer veil as you lean back into your seat, sighing out blissfully as your cooling charm beats with fervor, shielding you from the blistering heat of the summer day. 

Dragging your eyes away from the bright view, you run your finger along the thick cardstock in front of you. The blocky letters begin to fade into the background of snowy mountain caps and faded waterfalls as you continue to trace your eyes over it. 

‘Greetings from OREGON’ 

You flip the postcard over and swipe a finger across the swirly letters. 

‘Hope you’re well, kid. - A. Fiske’ 

A sudden thudding noise echoes across from you, and you slowly shift to sit straight as your eyes drag themselves away from the letters. You tilt your head with a coy smile as your companion leans back to get comfortable, evidently miffed by the unrelenting heat waves. 

“Good to see you, B.” You smile saccharinely, fingers dancing along the chilled cup in front of you. 

Blaise rolls his eyes and places his own drink down on the table—iced americano, simple, bitter, and everything that Blaise wasn’t. You would never understand his fascination with the drink. He huffs before smiling sarcastically at you, “Yes, how long has it been? Two days?” 

“Don’t whine, it’s unbecoming.” You mutter playfully, twirling your straw around the rim of your cup. 

“Merlin, you’re even starting to sound like her. Really, no wonder mother finds you so endearing.” He tuts as he throws his elbow back to rest on the back of his chair. 

You chuckle and shake your head, “Okay, let’s digress then.” You lean forward and cross your legs, “How is Draco doing? Theo is irritatingly uninformed on the topic.” 

“He’s alright, thanks to you and Potter anyway. His father might not be facing a long sentence, but many of the elected Wizengamot heads are shifty even with your statements. Lucius Malfoy has been a slippery eel for a few years too long.” He hums, face unflinching as he sips on his potent drink, “How the mighty have fallen so.”

Nodding, your voice drops lower as you survey the rest of the cafe, “Azkaban will still do a number on him even with a lighter sentence. Narcissa is worried.” 

“As she should be,” he replies curtly, “and speaking of Azkaban, how is Lord Black nowadays? He’s become quite the hermit. Is he faring well?” 

You sigh and rub your chin, “Yeah, he’s just been busy with remodeling. He’s still quite miffed that Reggie and I decided to move out.” 

“At least he has Potter with him.” Blaise supplies, eyes darkening in rumination at the mention of Regulus. He levels you with inquisitive eyes, “Before I forget, what should I send over?”

Furrowing your eyebrows, you hum, “How do you mean?” 

“Your house warming gift, daft one.” He rolls his eyes lightly. 

“Just bring your lovely self.” You huff out. 

Blaise crosses an ankle over his knee, “A vase then.” 

“If it clashes with the aesthetic then I’m tossing it into the basement.” You warn jokingly, smiling widely at your friend. 

He shakes his head with a muffled chuckle, “No worries. Anyways, you still need to unpack, right? Need any help?” 

“Oh? Work not keeping you busy enough?” You rest back against your chair, head bleeding with thoughts about how taxing work has been in the past few months with the Ministry trying to dial the reconstruction process to an inconceivable pace. 

Blaise groans at the reminder, taking a long sip of his drink, “Merlin, they should rename the whole Department! Department of International Magical Cooperation? What a joke, all they do is sit in an oval and squabble.” 

You throw your head back to laugh, a feathery light bubble of relief expanding in your chest. It was mind-boggling to think that not even a year ago you were all fighting for your lives, and now the same backdrop of fear that followed everyone around for so many years had disintegrated. People strided through halls and streets with lifted shoulders and bright eyes, war-hardened, but jovial as their burdens gave way. 

Blaise had worked his way up the Department of International Magical Cooperation, often leaving meetings with a sharp migraine and dwindling hope in the frequency of common sense. Theodore was faring well, now a highly revered Unspeakable for the Time Branch, all made possible with his swift denouncement of his father. Draco was the more withdrawn one out of the three, but you held out hope for him, having corresponded with him over his budding fascination for Alchemy. 

You found that your new friends were on your mind often, and you were endlessly grateful to them as they took Regulus’ reintegration into society with stride, often giving you advice on how to politely tell inquisitive reporters to bugger off. Meetings with them were slowly becoming a rarity as all of you became engrossed in work, but your friendships remained resolute as you all quickly became each other’s closest confidants. 

Luna wrote to you often, and you sent her trinkets and snacks by the dozen, finding yourself constantly worried that others would mistreat the girl with the absence of your friend group. Luckily, the girl found a friend in Ginny, and you were looking forward to reuniting with her during her Summer Break. 

Harry and Ron were inducted into the Auror ranks by Shacklebolt only a few weeks after the war. You had your reservations about their decision to jump into such a high-risk job, the stench of carnage and battle throbbing like an open wound, but they insisted that they would never be able to focus enough to finish school. 

On the opposite side of that sentiment, there was Hermione. She had quickly delved back into Hogwarts’ curriculum amidst its reconstruction, and was now looking to you with hopeful words about beginning her own sabbatical. 

You had published your research under both yours and Regulus’ name, omitting information about Regulus’ discovery of sentient portraits as a precaution for the future. 

You both respected Anders’ wish to leave his name off the cover and the research, but he failed to warn you against leaving his name anywhere else, so simply on the first page of your book, you dedicated the findings to him and Asger with a simple ‘For A. & A. Fiske.’ 

The research was groundbreaking, to say the least. You wouldn’t be able to forget the swaths of letters and documents from the Ministry, and one very heated missive to you from Blaise about how he was even more swamped with work, many foreign countries reaching out to inquire about the findings. 

It all paid off though, the royalties you and Regulus got would sustain you both for the rest of your humble lives, and the boost on your portfolio made getting a job in the Department of Mysteries a cakewalk. 

Once the sun rolled across the cloudless sky, the singing blues morphing to hues of pinks and purples, you bid your friend goodbye, wishing him luck with work and promising to gather with the rest of your friends the following week. 

You were certain that apparition was the most useful skill you had in your toolbelt, and you couldn’t fathom how you managed to survive the majority of your life without such a feat. As your shoes pad against the pavement, the bristling of leaves skidding around you, you let out a content sigh as you approach your destination. 

It was the closest thing you had to home for so long, and it still felt like safety and comfort despite the sudden heaviness of your own house keys in your pocket. As you pop the door open, head peeking around the heavy wood, your face lights up as a figure comes into view. 

“You’re home!” You exclaim excitedly, stepping inside with a wide grin. 

Harry approaches you and gives you a fleeting hug, hand raising to adjust his glasses as he pulls back, “Yeah, Tonks let me off early. How was your meeting with Blaise?”

“Good,” you draw out suspiciously, eyes narrowing as you both pace through the dim walkway, “how’d you know about that?”

“Regulus.” He answers simply, eyebrows raising in tease as you huff. 

You both cross into the threshold of the kitchen, stopping in your tracks as you see countless manuals splayed across the wide berth of the table. Regulus and Sirius are both hunched over in their seats, flipping furiously through the catalogues. 

“Some light reading, Sirius?” Your voice rings out playfully, body already moving towards your squinting boyfriend. Both men shoot up from their positions and blink owlishly at you and Harry, the sea of papers long forgotten. 

“Furniture shopping, pup!” Sirius replies with a tired grin as he stretches his arms over his head. 

Regulus rises from his chair and meets you halfway, arms wrapping securely around your body as he burrows his face into the crook of your neck. A few more moments pass by before he cranes back and blinks slowly at you, “Birdie.” 

You run a hand through his curls and smile lightly, “Love.” 

Regulus keeps you secure to him as he moves to drop back down into his seat, leaning his head against your stomach as you remain standing. Your eyes drop down to look at the varying bleak images on the shining white pages. 

Raising your eyebrows, your eyes drift around an image of a steep bookshelf with two glass doors, “Is this for us or Sirius?” 

Sirius leans back in his seat and rubs the bridge of his nose, “Your place. Reggie helped me pick out a few pieces earlier.” 

Your eyes wander around the aged cabinets and drabby wallpaper, trying to envision the space in a remodeled visual, one that would be Sirius-esque rather than screaming of cobwebs and medieval torture. You smile minutely before reaching a hand out across the table, bringing your other hand to card through Regulus’ hair as you mutter quietly to the tired man across from you, “I’m happy for you, Sirius.” 

The man reciprocates your smile and clasps his hand in yours, “Thank you, pup. I’m happy for you too,” he huffs and glances at Regulus, who remained immobile against your stomach, “the both of you.” 

The tender moment continues for a few more beats before Harry slowly leans on the seat next to Sirius’, eyes scrutinizing a forgotten pile of booklets off to the older man’s left, “Sirius, where are we going to put a lion table?” 

You snort out a muffled laugh as the man swivels over to his godson with beaming eyes, knowing that Harry would be whining to you later about Sirius’ ineptitude at interior decorating. 

“You should start cleaning up, Remus will be here soon for dinner.” You murmur with a pointed look at the trio. 

As the final outlines of the sun slinks away in the horizon, you and Regulus bid farewell to the occupants of Grimmauld Place, intent on spending the rest of the night in your home. It was fortunate that Regulus had managed to set up the floo network to your home only a matter of days before, and the journey back left little room for complaints as the green flames dragged away from your vision. 

You step out into the darkness of your study room, ears perking imperceptibly when the network flares again as Regulus joins you. The twilight sky filters into your home, dimly illuminating the barren room. 

“We’re home.” You mutter with a content smile. 

Regulus slowly pads towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he sways you both. Your eyes are drawn to the French casement windows behind the desk, getting lost in the sight of the dancing flower field. 

“Shall we head to the cliff, birdie?” Regulus muses, eyes following your gaze as he drifts into rumination. 

You nod and reluctantly step forward, pivoting on your heel and dropping a hand onto Regulus’ arm, “I’ll meet you at the front? I need to drop off a few things in the bedroom.” 

“Of course, baby.” He leans over to capture your lips in a soft kiss, hands dropping to your hips as he lightly grips onto you. 

Humming against his lips, you slowly pull back and rub a thumb across his cheek, “I’ll be quick, promise.” 

He pecks your lips again and gives you one last squeeze before he slowly backs away, shooting you a warm smile as he makes his way to the entryway. You retreat from the study room soon after, making a sharp right turn as you pace towards your shared bedroom. 

Regulus had been the one to bring up the idea of getting a beach house, assuring you that he was unsettled by still water and not turbulent waves. It was a quaint building, one that sprouted into the center of a lustrous flower garden, and you both knew it was the one when you toured it. Just a short walk away from the blooming fields, a precipitous cliffside broke away and loomed over a thick landing of sand, giving a small brief from the swaying waves 

As you enter the lusterless room, you shed away your bag and walk towards your bedside table, propping the Oregon postcard against your lamp. Atop the same white bedside table sat Regulus’ old golden frame, now whole and without trace of ever having been shattered. Under the frame, the folded piece of paper that Regulus had given you the night after you bought the property peeked out. 

You grasp both items in your hands, and smile lightly as an idea formulates in your head. 

“Kreacher!” You call lightly. 

The house-elf pops into the bedroom with a curious frown, teetering towards you as you extend the items out. You fish out your wand as Kreacher grabs the frame, muttering a faint engorgio at the rectangular object. The frame wobbles in the elf’s grasp before slowly stretching to nearly thrice its original size. 

“Could you possibly frame this note for me? Maybe above the headboard?” You request with a small smile. 

“Kreacher will do that.” The house elf nods and begins to fiddle with the frame. 

Your eyes run across the note one more time before you hand the slip to the elf, making your way out to Regulus with a fleeting farewell. The boy has a jacket slung over his arm as he waits for you by the door, carding his hair back as a flicker of joy flashes through his eyes when you appear in his line of sight. 

“All ready?” He murmurs once you reach him. 

“More than ready.” You reply with a hum, leaning to peck his cheek. 

The trek towards the cliffside passes by in the blink of an eye, and you’re left with butterflies in your stomach as Regulus picks several tulips for you along the way. By the time you’re close enough to the ocean to hear the crashing of waves, you are left to huddle close to Regulus for warmth. 

The sky begins to darken above you, but you give no protest when Regulus drags you to sit down on the ground. He peers up at the sky above him, eyes tracing across the faint twinkles of the approaching stars. 

You bring a hand to trace his chest as you do the same, cradling the flowers to your side as you begin to sift through the reel of memories in your head. 

“I love you, birdie.” Regulus whispers into the air, his arm moving to rest on your waist. 

You smile widely and press your face into the crook of his neck, “I love you.” 

And as you both laid under the stitches of glowing stars, sharing tiny whispers and shielding each other from the brutal winds, back in your home, Kreacher makes the last adjustments to the new wall decor. 

Kreacher mutely assesses the space as he backs out, the elf’s head full of future possibilities.

It was peaceful. After so many years, he felt at peace.

The door closes with a faint click just as the stars peek through the bedroom window, reflecting off the glowing frame. The swirls of inks encapsulated in the shining beams dance amongst the canvas of the wall. 

‘29 October, 1979

I wonder what being in love feels like. 

26 April, 1999

Love is like flying freely from the inhibitions of your burdens, where your person is your wings, your eyes, and your heart; you soar freely with the knowledge that they will carry you above the storms of doubt. I no longer wonder because now I know.’ 

Fin.

tag list: @krazyk99 @venomsvl @valsarchives @bunny24sstuff @novella12nite @elia-the-bibliophile @txorua @xlifexdeathx @trikigirl271 @the-marauders-world @sleepydang @blueberry-thrawn @lestat-whore @chanaaaannel @clockworkherondale @peachyaeger @thegayhoenextdoor @l--absinthe @ok-boke @summer-noir @mikeikax @musically-ambiguous @dittos-blog-dylanobrien @friendly-neighborhood-boricua @randomfaeriechild @misacc08 @that-bitch-bri @littleshadow17 @chocochannie @bl4stonesc @shari-berri @mrs-billyrussooo @pandemicboredom @gojosbucket @brain-has-left @googie-jeon @lovely-maryj @lokifriggason1 @aloramalfoy @godmitski @justanotherkpopstanlol @hpboysslut2707 @coffeehurricanes

[vintagerpg]

Friends, our time with Mayfair’s Role Aids line of D&D supplements is rapidly coming to an end. It’s been a wild ride! There is some terrible crap and some works of sheer genius (many of the latter are criminally overlooked), and honestly a surprising trend of beating TSR to the punch. It was a good line, all in all, and I will miss it.

This is Arch Magic (1993), one of the very last Role Aids box sets. It is an ambitious product. That’s fucking Dave McKean doing the cover art, a clear acknowledgment of how the ’90s had changed the aesthetics of RPGs. The interiors are all Roger Raup.

There are lots of things inside, which divide into two piles. The first is source material that seeks to push D&D magic far past the standard power levels into the astounding. This box wants ultra high level spells (reaching to 15th level) to inspire awe and I think it mostly works, at least on a conceptual level. The sample spells are suitably muscular. Enslave the Sky, for instance, gives the caster control of the weather, the ability to fly and active surveillance of any creature out under the open sky. There are new wizardly abodes, rules for grimoires and incredibly powerful new artifacts (like the Singularity Engine, which can make anything).

Then there is an adventure that takes players on a whirlwind tour of some of the wildest places I’ve seen laid out for a D&D game this side of Planescape. And on the other side, too. The Macrodome, the City of Bone and the Gibbering Cave maps are all instant favorite RPG maps. Holy crap this stuff is good — a suitably grand swan song.

[jhdyuiee]

A wish or two

☁︎ pairing: doyoung x fem!reader x jaehyun

☁︎ synopsis: finally! after going back and forth with Qulture Corps. you've finally landed a spot. everything seemed as though it'll be fine and dandy, however it seems like team managers, Kim Doyoung & Jeong Jaehyun, have other things in mind...

☁︎ tags/warnings: threesome!, smut!, everything is consensual!!, rough sex, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, oral (males & female receiving), masturbation, spanking, fingering, hair pulling, dirty talk, name calling (whore, good girl, baby), throat fucking, dumbification, impact play (pussy slapping), spitting, multiple orgasms, squirting, kissing/making out, breast play, cursing, praise kink, multiple positions, drinking, office romance

☁︎ w.c: 6.7k

☁︎ a.n: hello! jiji here, this one came up as a request by one of you & thank you so much for that!! i really appreciate any request and will try my best to make them possible. i hope you all enjoy this one, it’s actually my first writing something like this so i am a bit nervous on how you all will enjoy it. anyways stay safe and i’ll hopefully be back soon…🤍

Prologue.

Everything sort of just happened.

There was no stopping either of us.

Our hunger, lust, and desire for one another was an addictive drug. One with no cure.

But I didn’t care… heck I wanted more, Doyoung wanted more, Jaehyun wanted more.

March 20.

Finally… Finally! I can’t believe I finally got accepted! After two months of going back and forth with the company, they’ve finally hired me. Oh thank goodness, I don’t know what I would’ve done if they hadn’t hired me.

Qulture Corps. A renowned company, mainly widely known for producing some of the latest fashion and make-up trends. Since I graduated I’ve been dying to get a spot on their team. Truly, this is a dream come true!

The call I received earlier from them was nerve-racking, I thought they’d call me to inform me I didn't make the team, but luckily I did and was set to start in 3 days.

3 days. Oh god, I’m so fucking excited. ‘What am I going to wear?’ A sheer sense of panic overcame me, first impressions are always a must, especially if I’m going to be working for a company where literally fashion is at the top of its game.

“I have no time to waste,” I muttered, as I got up from my living room couch and headed off to my bedroom. I picked up my purse, slipped on my shoes, and headed off to a mall not so far away from my apartment complex.

I stormed off to every store trying to find the perfect outfit, however I just ended up picking up whatever caught my eye at every store I went to. This is a disaster.

Sighing, I headed off to the next shop, a boutique called Soltre. The store has a beautiful yet elegant aesthetic to it, it was sort of my vibe. I made my way to where a particularly beautiful and gorgeous top was racked. I inspected it, so lost in my thoughts I was unable to hear the footsteps that approached me from behind.

“That’s a beautiful top,” said a voice, causing me to turn around, startled. I was faced with a tall man with dark brown hair and dark chocolate-colored eyes. I was awe-struck, such a beautiful man was standing in front of me. “You should definitely buy it,” he continued when I didn’t respond.

I looked away, my focus back on the shirt. “I guess I’ll take you up on that then,” I finally spoke, glancing up at him again. He gave me a smile, dimples appearing. Wow. “This shop is one of the best in the mall after all,” he said.

‘He seems to know a lot about fashion,” I thought. “You sure know a lot… about uhm, fashion I mean.”

“You can say it’s my line or work per say,” he answered.

“Ah, I see. Well then, I uhm have to get going,” I said, fumbling with the top. I walked past him, but soon turned around, “Thank you.” I offered him a smile as well. He returned a smile as well, “My pleasure,” his voice said smoothly.

Once I paid, I left the store and decided that I had enough shopping for today, plus my arms couldn’t bear to handle another bag so I went back home. My thoughts though kept wondering on the mystery man I met at the store today. I didn’t ask for his name, well not that it should matter since I’ll probably never meet him again.

The rest of the day continued as normal and so did the next 3 days. Until finally, the long awaited day. My first day at the job!

☁︎*^+**

I glanced at myself one last time before heading out. I decided on the top recommended by mr. stranger man, a nice gray pleated skirt, and some cute black mary janes. With everything looking fine in my eyes, I headed to my car. The drive was gonna be at least half an hour, but I’ll manage. The closer I found myself to the building the more my stomach twisted and turned. I was getting even more nervous by the second. I can’t blow this up, I kept repeating.

When I arrived, the building was huge, at most 15 floors. Once I parked, I took quick deep breaths, to calm the nerves. “Let’s do this,” I said, and headed off into whatever awaited me.

The check-in process went smoothly, I met up with my new boss, Lee Taeyong and luckily he seems like a genuinely kind and easy going boss. My nerves from earlier are now fleeting.

I rode in the elevator with Taeyong to the 7th floor, where he was to introduce me to my new team. Once we arrived, I took a look at my surroundings. There were rarely people there, this floor seemed rather peaceful. “Ah, I see you’ve noticed. This is the planning department, and where you’ll be from now on. The planning department is rather small than most companies, but that’s because we choose the best of the best. We want committed people here, creative people who aren’t afraid to voice their thoughts and feelings,” Taeyong explained.

‘Wow… I made it to such a prestigious department… I thought I was just going to spend my days typing away at a screen or answering calls. This is absolutely 10 times better.’

“Wow, I’m honored Mr. Lee,” I spoke, bowing at the man. “Oh, god no you don’t need to do all that, reading your resume I figured you’d be a perfect fit for the team. Plus the team managers thought so as well,” he said.

“Team managers?” I asked, confused. “Ah, yes in this department we have two team managers. Follow me this way and I'll introduce you all,” Taeyong responded, as he guided me to the far end of a hallway located on our left side. Taeyong briefly knocked on the door before proceeding to open it. He ushered me inside, closing the door behind me.

“Hey! You two come over here for a sec,” Taeyong said, capturing the attention of the two males sitting on their desks who then got up, walking towards us. I looked at both of them, ‘Wait a minute he looks-‘ my thought was interrupted by Taeyong.

“You two, this is Y/L/N our new worker. Y/N this is Kim Doyoung and Jeong Jaehyun,” Taeyong explained. One of the two males reached his hand out, “Doyoung,” he mentioned. I took his hand and turned to the man standing beside him.

“Nice seeing you again,” he said with a chuckle. It was Mr. Stranger man in the flesh. Who knew he’d be my new manager, well that explains a whole lot about our interaction…

“You two know each other?” Taeyong asked.

“Ah well-“ I was interrupted by Jaehyun, “We met at the mall a couple days ago when I set out to look for… inspiration.”

Taeyong looked at us, his expression unreadable. “Very well, I trust you two know what to do with her,” he said as the two males nodded.

“Let me know if you have any other questions or concerns Y/N. I look forward to seeing what you bring to the team,” Taeyong added, as he left us behind with one another.

“So, shall we show you to your office?” Doyoung spoke up. I nodded, as they led me to my desk. It was quite close to their office, ‘That’s a relief.’

“Let us know if you need anything… Doyoung and I gotta get back, we have a meeting soon,” Jaehyun explained as he leaned against the door frame.

“Thank you, you two I appreciate it,” I thanked them. They smiled, shutting my door and walking away.

I leaned against my chair, recapping my past hour. It’s only a relief that everything went smoothly, Doyoung seemed great, and Jaehyun did too. I shut my eyes, not believing this was my life now. Honestly, I could get used to this.

However… what I didn’t know was what would come of my life a month from now. The irreversible. The desire. The lust.

1 month later.

It’s been over a month now since I started working for Qulture Corps, and so far it’s been nothing but amazing. The work has gone smoothly, and today we just wrapped up the final meeting for our upcoming Fall Collection. Although, it’s still months aways, production of the products does take some time to produce.

Knock. Knock.

“Come in,” I answered.

Doyoung appeared before me, “Hey, Y/N I just came in to inform you we're having a team dinner tonight. Would you like to come?”

I pondered for a bit, making sure I had no plans afterwards. “Yeah! That sounds fun, I’ll go,” I said.

“Great, see you at 7 p.m then. I’ll send you the location too,” Doyoung explained before exiting shortly after.

My phone then buzzed with the restaurant's location. In the time that I’ve spent here I’ve been able to get closer to both Doyoung and Jaehyun… However, it feels like something else is there between us. Something unexplainable, indescribable.

I snapped out of my thoughts, continuing my remaining work and answering emails before I decided to head off to meet them at the restaurant.

Luckily the drive there wasn’t long so I found myself a bit early. I entered and gave the waiter Doyoung’s name as Doyung had instructed me to do so. Our table was located in the far back. Later, everyone started pouring in Eunsoo, Leah, Jaemin, Mark, Chenle, Haechan, Yena, and Isabel. Surprisingly, Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Taeyong were the last to arrive, you would think that host would be the one’s here first. Kinda funny isn’t it?

“Nice to see you all here,” Taeyong announced.

“Wouldn’t miss out on free drinks!” Haechan cheered.

I chuckled, Haechan was definitely the life of the party within our team. With drinks and food on the table now, everyone dug in. They truly weren’t lying when they said food tastes better when you eat with others.

“Hey~ Y/N~ you’re so beautiful, a-anyone ever told you that~” Leah slurred, she was a rather light drinker. I laughed in her embrace, luckily still a bit sober so as to not do anything stupid. I glanced up, catching Jaehyun as his eyes lingered on mine. My mouth slowly opened so to speak, utter a word, but swallowed the words back down.

I pulled away from Leah’s embrace. “I’m gonna go to the restroom,” I say, excusing myself. Although, I wasn’t going to the restroom… I headed outside, stopping by an alleyway. I wanted some fresh air, the short eye contact with Jaehyun earlier got me irritable hot.

As I took in a breath, a voice spoke up, “Restroom huh.” I whipped my head towards the direction of the voice, only for my eyes to meet with Jaehyun. ‘What was he doing here?’

I stumbled on my words, “I… I, uhm-” Jaehyun walked closer, I inhaled his sandalwood smell that radiated off him. I was losing my composure, ‘Was this the alcohol?’

“Just wanted some fresh air,” I stuttered. “Yeah?” he questioned. I nodded, silence befalling us. I just couldn’t speak. “Look at me,” he whispered. A beat, then two passed before I looked up. Jaehyun was so close, I could feel his breath, see the fire in his eyes. He brought his hand to caress my cheek, then ghosted a finger over my bottom lip.

“Jaehyun…” I whispered. “I’m sorry baby, but can I… Can I kiss you,” he whispered back. I nodded shyly, closing my eyes.

I felt as Jaehyun’s lips collided with mine, his soft lips molded so beautifully against mine. It was gentle, so beautiful that I wished time would stop, but then Jaehyun backed away. My lips feeling empty again.

“Don’t stop,” I said as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I put my lips back on his, only this time teeth clattering, tongues colliding with one another. It was rougher, that the first that I ended up pushed against the wall, legs wrapped around his waist.

We were so lost in each other we failed to notice the person standing on the front of the alleyway. Cough. I flinched, the cough caused us both pull away and direct our attention to the male standing on the other end.

Doyoung…

“Fuck,” I muttered. I got off Jaehyun, patting myself. We walked to Doyoung who has not said a word since catching both of us.

“I was getting worried when neither of you came back so I looked for you two,” Doyoung later explained.

“Sorry about that,” I apologized. “Oh! No, not at all there is nothing to apologize… In fact, I’m sorry to have walked in on that.”

Gosh thank god it was dark because I was probably burnt red. I was so goddamn embarrassed.

“I should get going now, it’s quite late…” I proceeded to say as a means to get out of this awkward situation.

“Oh, yes of course you’re right. You should get back safely Y/N,” Doyoung said.

“See you tomorrow… Y/N,” Jaehyun said, finally speaking up since Doyoung walked in on us.

After bidding them both farewell, I rushed to my car. I wanted nothing more but to lock myself up in my apartment. A quick drive later, I threw myself on my bed. I recounted my kiss–or rather heated make-out–with Jaehyun, but then the memory of Doyoung catching us haunting right after.

Buzz.

I turned my head to my phone which was lying beside me. Speak of the devil. It was from Doyoung…

I unlocked my phone, opening his message. However, I now wish I hadn’t.

Doyoung: you know Y/N seeing the way you two kissed earlier got me so fucking hard

Doyoung: [ 1 image attachment ]

Doyoung just… he just… Oh my fucking… Was he really sending me a picture of his cock!? “He’s big…” I mumbled as I took another look at the image he sent.

Shit. I felt as the wetness began pulling in between my legs. I rubbed my legs together, but then slipped a hand inside, and fingers inside as I imagined Doyoung roughly pounded in and out of me. The squelching sounds echoed in my room, along with my little whimpers and moans.

First the kiss with Jaehyun and now this, masturbating to Doyoung?!

Once I reached my high, I waited until I caught my breath so to continue the rest of my night time routine. With one last sigh, I laid myself on my bed again, trying to shoo away any indecent thoughts of Jaehyun or Doyoung.

However, that proved rather harder as I ended up dreaming about not one, but both of them!

☁︎*^+**

It’s been 4 days since the whole ordeal with Jaehyun and Doyoung, and everything surprisingly has been rather good. It’s like what happened between us never– happened! We were like regular co-workers again. Though, I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not…

“Y/N?” Eunsoo spoke. I flinched, regaining my focus. “Huh, oh yeah what’s up?” I asked.

“Oh, nothing I was just asking if you’re okay… you’ve been kind of out of it lately,” she said worriedly.

“Yeah, everything's peachy so to speak,” I replied. Nothing was in fact peachy though. Pretending like nothing happened 4 days ago has actually been haunting me. The kiss, picture, dreams have been driving me insane. ‘Was I always so horny?’

Buzz.

My phone vibrated, causing both of us to turn to it. I picked it up, ‘Jaehyun?’

Jaehyun: can you come to my office?

A second later he added,

Jaehyun: like right now

“Looks like I’m being summoned,” I said. Eunsoo bid me a “good luck,” and I scurried off to his office. A million questions pondered my head, but neither of them were about what was to come in the next few minutes.

I knocked, and the followed a “Come in.” As I entered there he was, but he wasn’t alone. Doyoung was here too. ‘Great just my luck.’

“Is something the matter?” I asked. Jaehyun glanced at Doyoung, he hesitated before he spoke. “We have something we want to say to you Y/N.” I gave them a nod as to signal them to continue whatever they wanted to tell me. They gave each other one more glance.

“We’re truly sorry for our behavior that night at the restaurant,” they both said, bowing at me. I can see their sincerity, but part of my heart ached. 'Did they truly think of that night as a mistake? The kiss? The picture?’

They got back up, but neither one of us spoke up. Silence befell us. ‘I didn’t like this. No, I don't want to pretend nothing happened. I-’ “No, god no please,” I spoke up. They looked at me with confused eyes. “D-Don’t pretend nothing happened. At least I can’t. I- I…” my words got caught in my throat. ‘What am I saying?’

Doyoung then spoke up, “You what Y/N… tell us. What do you want?” ‘He’s right, what do I want? Ah, wait a minute… what I want is…’ 

“I want you… I want you both.”

Silence.

Oh god what did I just say. “Oh wait uhm-” I couldn’t even speak as Doyoung's lips collided with mine. His kiss was different from the one I shared with Jaehyun, even more gentle and passionate. ‘Wait a minute Jaehyun!’ I broke our kiss, my eyes meeting Jaehyun’s. He just stood there like how Doyung did that day.

Jaehyun then smirked, coming closer. “Is that really true? You want us both,” he says.

I felt as my face heated up, I glanced from Jaehyun to Doyoung. “Yes,” I muttered. “Please, I want you both.”

No words fell from their mouths, but their movements continued. Jaehyun walked until he was behind me, and Doyoung raised his hand to my chin. “You sure you can handle both of us, right here right now?” Doyoung asked.

“Yes, please I couldn’t stop thinking about that night,” I admitted. I then felt Jaehyun's mouth ghosting near my ear. “Then make sure to not be too loud or else they’ll have to witness how much of a whore you are,” Jaehyun whispered, then kissing my ear down to my neck. Every kiss lit me up even more. I wanted more.

Doyoung then crashed his lips onto mine again with the same intensity, while Jaehyun’s arms wandered all over my body. His hands groped my breast, causing me to moan into the kiss I was sharing with Doyoung. They later wandered even further, until they cupped my cunt causing me to grind on his hand. “Impatient aren’t you?” he whispered into my ear.

Doyoung backed away, our saliva connecting. “We have time, don’t worry,” Doyoung said, as he teased the buttons of my shirt. He slowly unbuttoned each button, dropping the shirt on the floor. My bra later joined in as well, leaving my perky breasts for his eyes. I watched as Doyoung stuck out his tongue, licking on my bud. All the while, Jaehyun began working on my lower half. He successfully got rid of my pants, leaving me in only my panties.

I whipped my head towards him when I felt Jaehyun's fingers playing with my slit. “Oh god,” I whimpered when he prodded his finger in my hole. “So wet already,” he muttered against my neck. I could only let out a small whimper and he continued the movement. “S-Stop teasing me… Please,” I pleaded.

“You sure are an impatient one. Fine then take it,” Jaehyun said as he inserted two of his fingers inside my cunt. I practically sucked his fingers in, the wetness echoed around the room. “Fuck, so tight and wet,” he whispered in my ear. His pace was unbearable, he would slow down and then go fast. I was losing my mind, his fingers hit me so fucking well–  it was like he studied my body beforehand to know what my likes and dislikes were. I felt my stomach clenched, my cunt tightening around his fingers.

It certaining helped too that all the while Doyoung was working his way with my tits. His mouth would lick one and then return the same affection to the other one. He sucked on them like a child, biting down on my bud a couple of times as well. His stimulation on my tits and Jaehyun’s on my cunt were enough to have me pushing me to the edge.

“Cum. I know you want to,” Doyoung said when he let go of my breast with a pop. With a final pinch to my clit by Jaehyun, I came. I came so hard, I would’ve fallen if not for Jaehyun catching me. I watched hazily as Jaehyun licked his fingers clean of my essence, and felt as Doyoung carried me. He then placed me on the couch they had in the middle of their office.

“On your hands and knees,” Doyoung commanded. My body acted on it’s on, getting into the position. I watched as Jaehyun came in front of me, and later whipped my head around to see Doyoung behind me. “Think you can suck me off while he eats you out?” Jaehyun asked. I nodded, so turned on by what he just said that I drooled from my mouth and in between my legs. He chuckled, unzipping his pants and freeing his cock from his underwear. His cock was big. It made me doubt if I would be able to take it all.

“Don’t worry, you can take it baby or else a whore like you wouldn’t have made such a request,” he said when he noticed a hint of doubt on my face. “Now open up.”

I did as Jaehyun said, opening my mouth up for him. I flickered my eyes up to watch him as he brought his cock closer to my mouth. Once it was close enough, I started by swirling my tongue around his tip, and then wrapping my lips around his tip. I watched as his brows furrowed, so I continued my movements. I then began gliding my tongue along his shaft, up and down, down and up. He seemed to be enjoying it judging by the way he’d started groaning. 

As I began taking him even more, I felt Doyoung's tongue begin to kitten lick my cunt. Doyoung had begun with some slow licks, but would stay a bit longer on my clit which caused me to moan against Jaehyun’s cock. His cock was so big that I barely even made it halfway yet. I felt as the tears began pooling in my eyes and drool passed my lips. “That’s a good girl, take more I know you can,” Jaehyun said. And so I did until his cock reached the back of my throat. “Fuck,” Jaehyun groaned, grabbing a fistful of my hair. He started taking over, bobbing my head along his shaft.

Meanwhile, Doyoung had begun licking me even faster, occasionally sucking on my clit which just caused me to moan on Jaehyun’s cock even more. I can tell the sensation satisfied Jaehyun as he muttered incoherent words into the air.

I felt like another high was coming, so fast and quick it was almost embarrassing. As I was lost in the pleasure I suddenly felt a wet muscle poke my hole, oh god. Doyoung was fucking me with his tongue. It felt so good, enough to have my cumming for a second time while Jaehyun was stuffed in my throat. “Cumming before me? I think you deserve a punishment,” Jaehyun said.

‘Punishment? What is he-’ I couldn’t even finish my thoughts before Jaehyun started gripping my hair even tighter and increasing his speed. It was getting messy– drool and tears everywhere. As if matters couldn’t get any more worse, Doyoung landed a slap on my ass. It only caused my eyes to widen and moan on Jaehyun’s cock.

“Fuck, that feels good. Doyoung do that again since it seems like our little whore enjoys it.” I looked up at Jaehyun, with those tearful eyes of mine, in which he also looked down at me. A smirk plastered on his face. Obliging to Jaehyun’s words, Doyung began slapping my ass even more.

“Shit, I’m close,” Jaehyun moaned. A thrust or two down my throat, Jaehyun came into my mouth, my throat. I watched as his chest heaved, and he pushed his hair out of his forehead. “Swallow it all,” he commanded, which I instinctively ended up doing.

“Come here now,” Doyoung’s voice spoke up, as he sat on the couch, patting his lap. I saw as his cock stood proudly against his stomach. I crawled to him. “Put your back against me and put it in yourself,” he said. So then I turned around, grabbing his hard cock and began inserting it inside me. I felt as his cock stretched me out the deeper he went in. “Yes, just like that baby… It’s almost all in,” Doyoung groaned.

“She’s so tight Jaehyun, I guess all that stimulation did nothing to her,” Doyoung chuckled as he turned to the other male. I turned to look at Jaehyun who just kneeled on the couch, fisting his cock. Then suddenly, Doyoung plunged the rest of his cock into me. No warning, just the grip he had on hips. With him all inside me now, I felt as his cock hit my cervix. I whisper lowly, “S’ good.”

“What was that? You like that?” he said, as he began thrusting into me. Who was I to deny what he just said, I loved it. “Ye-Yes you feel so good!” The phrase that slipped past my lips only caused his thrust to become deeper and rougher. Doyoung was treating me like his personal toy. He kept ruthlessly pounded into me, until it came to a halt. “Making me do all the work?”

I turned around, nodding my head no. “Hmm, is that so? I’m tired, why don’t you do it now,” Doyoung says, a slight smirk appearing on his face. So I did, thrusting slowly at first. “Stop the teasing, go faster baby,” Doyoung whispers into my ear. And so I grip onto his thighs, bouncing myself on his cock.

In the midst of it all, Jaehyun continued watching us contently while fisting his cock, he enjoyed the sight in front of him. You, a whimpering mess who was so cock drunk already. He wanted to get a taste of that sweet, tight cunt of yours soon because if he wasn’t already, he’d go insane.

“God, Doyoung I’m cl-close.” My stomach was tightening up, so close to unleashing. “Ready to cum all over my cock,” he replied. I yelled out “yes” as I repeated his name over and over again. “Open your eyes,” another voice said. And so I fluttered them open, Jaehyun’s cock in front of me. I watched as he jerked himself in front of me. It only turned me on even more.

“Shit, you like that? Like watching Jaehyun jerk himself off to you fucking me?” Doyoung says. I tightened even more around his cock, causing Doyoung to groan. His hands roamed down to my clit. He rubbed and pinched the poor thing continuously.

Just a few more thrusts and I came for the third time this night. My back arched, eyes rolling back, and moan and after moan slipping out. However, it didn’t stop here. Doyoung brought his hands back to my hips and kept fucking me through my orgasm. It was all too overstimulating, I felt I could even cum again.

“Fuck, I’m cumming. Don’t waste any drop,” Doyoung groans, finally cumming. His warm seeds painting my walls white. At the same time, Jaehyun also came, cumming all over my breasts. All three of us were heaving, trying to gather some oxygen back into our bodies.

“Don’t think we’re done here,” Jaehyun chuckles. He gently picks me up, bending me over the couch. My hands gripping it, while my ass stuck up. I felt his hand come in contact with my ass cheek in a harsh slap, causing me to yelp forward.

Jaehyun wasted no time, plunging himself deep and snug into my cunt. “Fuck, Doyoung wasn’t lying. How are you still so tight?” Jaehyun says, as he pounds in and out of me. I don’t even know who I am anymore, I could only think of how deep Jaehyun was reaching me. He hit my g-spot so well with every thrust I could barely contain myself. I ended up squirting all over for the first time tonight.

“Making a mess,” Doyoung’s voice spoke. I tried opening my eyes to locate him, only for him to be besides me. We locked eyes, and his lips later engulfed mine. It was a sloppy kiss, but I didn’t care. It felt good, everything felt good. Jaehyun’s thrust too became sloppy, it could only mean he was close too. And so with a thrust or two later, he came in me.

My stomach feels so full now. This is what I’ve wanted. This is what I-

Jaehyun’s POV.

“Shit, did you kill her with your dick?” Doyoung says, laughing as he puts his pants back on.

“So funny, she’s just fallen asleep,” I replied. “Think we went too far?” Doyoung continues.

“Probably, but hey she said she wanted it. Wanted both of us,” I say, shrugging my shoulders. I took Y/N into my arms while Doyoung began cleaning the couch. Luckily, the couch was made of leather so it shouldn’t be too hard right?

I looked down at her. Y/L/N. From the moment I first met her at that store, I fell in love. I know as cliche as it sounds, it’s true. There was something so captivating about her, something that made me want her. All of her.

So when I saw her that day, her first day here I knew it meant something. Fate? Whatever it was, I didn't want to waste any opportunity. Which is why that day at the dinner, I did that. It wasn’t planned or anything, but I just felt something that day. Some urgence?

However, then I learned of Doyoung’s mutual interest in her too. We talked it out, but we left it at “It’s whoever she wants. Whoever she chooses.” But to my surprise, it ended up being both of us.

I smiled down at her sleeping face. She’s cute. Everything about her was just so beautiful. Whether what just happened ends up being a regret for her once she wakes up, I hope she knows or at least has some awareness of our feelings for her.

“Hey!” Doyoung yells, capturing me out of my haze. “I finished cleaning it, bring her over here so we can wipe her clean.”

I nodded, placing her gently back down onto the couch. Doyoung began cleaning her with a wet cloth he got from our private bathroom. “Go get her a pair of clothes, in the meantime Jae,” Doyoung says.

“Mmm, be right back then.”

I exited, leaving them behind. On the elevator ride, my thoughts were consumed with questions. Good and bad ones. In particular, “What will happen once she wakes up?” I tried shrugging them off, as my answers will come once she wakes up.

“Hm?” I stirred my eyes open. ‘Where am I? This isn’t my apartment?’

“Awake already, sleeping beauty?” A voice said. I recognized that voice… Doyoung!

“A-Ah I-” “Water?” Jaehyun says, handing me a water bottle. I gladly accepted it, my throat felt quite dry. ‘Wait a minute… Oh Shit!’ I nearly choked on the water as I remembered what had transpired a couple hours ago. I looked outside their windows, the night sky illuminating.

“Uhm… I-” Jaehyun interrupts me, “regret it?” I looked at him puzzled, ‘regret?’

“What? No, No! I… I just don’t know what I should say, what I should do…”

“Well, it’s whatever you want Y/N,” Doyoung says, getting closer. “You want us to be friends, we’ll go back to that. You want us to be fuck buddies with one another, we’ll do it. You want to put a label on it, we’ll do that too.”

Is he serious right now?! The three of us? Wouldn’t I be asking for too much? Is it greedy of me that I want that. I want to be with them. I want Doyoung. I want Jaehyun.

I look at the floor, trying to hide my embarrassment from what I was about to admit. “I- I want us to be together. Me, Doyoung, and Jaehyun.”

It went silent, neither of them spoke up. So I took the courage to then look up. I flinched, at how close they’d gotten, standing only a few inches away.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Jaehyun asks. I nod, “Yes, is it selfish of me to?”

Jaehyun nods, “No. Be as selfish as you want with us.” To which Doyoung adds, “We just want you to be happy.”

I feel like crying again, only happy tears though. How could this even be my life right now? A tear trickled down. Then another, and another until I felt both of them wipe them off my face.

I smiled, “Thank you. Thank-”

“There’s no need to thank us. We love you,” Doyoung says, smiling as well.

“He’s right. We love you Y/N,” Jaehyun adds. We all smiled, engulfed in each other's warmth.

Today might’ve just been the best day of my life. No matter what the future brought us, I would be prepared to face it because after all I wasn’t alone.

It was me, Doyoung, and Jaehyun. It was us against the world.

Bonus!

I shifted to the other side of the bed, but a strong hold on me prevented me from doing so. I stirred my eyes open, Jaehyun. Ah, that’s right, this was my life now. I’d moved in with Jaehyun and Doyoung a week ago but the whole thing hasn’t really sunk in yet.

“Good morning,” he muttered. “Admiring me already?”

“N-No!” I refuted. It was barely morning and here he is teasing me already.

He chuckled, and then leaned in to kiss my temple. “Sleep well?” I muttered a small, “Yes” before snuggling against his bare chest. I’ve always felt so safe around him, and Doyoung. They made me feel so safe and loved.

We stayed like that for a while until I felt his hands come down to grope my ass. A shameless man he is. ”Where’s Doyoung?” I asked.

“Work probably,” Jaehyun says as he works his lips from my ear to my jaw. He kissed me so tenderly, every touch of his lips felt so warm; his embrace so warm. Jaehyun’s lips then lingered to my mouth, engulfing me into a tender kiss. It always went like this, he would be gentle but then go rougher. His tongue intruding, teeth clashing, and occasional lip biting.

“So I got you all to myself huh,” he whispered in my ear. I giggled before capturing him in another heated kiss that ended up with Jaehyun on top of me.

His hands roamed all over my body, from my waist to hips to breasts. He squeezed my breasts, pinching my nipples that sent an electric shock throughout my body. Oh god.

He parted from our kiss only to look down at my embarrassingly lustful state. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful. Every part of you baby.”

My heart throbbed at his statement, my face probably beet red. He then began removing my top, leaving my shorts and panties on. He brought his mouth towards one of my breasts, where he began licking it and sucking on my nipple. Later, he returned the same affection to the other neglected breast. I was a squirming mess, I tried getting friction from somewhere, anywhere. God, I was so fucking wet already, I could feel it as it pooled between my legs.

“Eagered like always,” Jaehyun said with a pop as he let go of my breast. His lips kissed down until they reached the waistband of my shorts. Those poor things were off in seconds, along with my panties. I watched as Jaehyun spread my legs open, “God, so wet already.” I moaned his name when I felt him tease my folds with his fingers, and then a Slap.

I widened my eyes at his action. Then again, another Slap. “You like that,” he says, coming closer to my ear. “You like it when I slap your sweet cunt.”

Slap. Oh fuck, was this good. Slap. “Y-Yes!” I yelled. He wasn’t stopping, continuously torturing my cunt. “Look at all this mess you’re making so early in the morning,” Jaehyun’s voice says, bringing his hand to his mouth. I watched as he licked his fingers clean of my essence.

“Get on your hands and knees for me baby,” he later says. I complied, getting in the position he most enjoys. I moaned out even louder when he slid his cock so easily inside me. “Fuck, so wet that it slid right in.”

Grabbing my arms, holding them from behind me, he started mercifully thrusting into me. His cock reaching the deepest part of me like it always has. I was enjoying this so much that I just kept moaning louder and louder.

“Having fun without me?” A voice rose. I quickly looked up, capturing Doyoung’s figure. Oh god.

With another thrust I moaned again. “I was wondering what was going on since I heard screaming, but it looks like our girl was just horny wasn’t she?”

Jaehyun speaks up while thrusting into me, “Yep… Mmm, she thought you… were gone and pounced onto me. Poor thing I couldn't just neglect her.”

“N-No! He- He is ly-lying,” I tried saying. “Lying? Me? You hear that Doyoung she’s accusing me of lying,” Jaehyun says smugly.

“I know, don’t you think she deserves a lesson?” Doyoung questions Jaehyun. Jaehyun chuckles in satisfaction. Oh, no…

Thus, I found myself sucking off Doyoung’s cock while Jaehyun continued pounding into me like some ruthless beast. “Just like that, a little deeper,” Doyoung groans. He watches me intently as I suck his cock into my mouth, but that didn’t last long. Doyoung ended up taking control, thrusting into my throat like I was his personal pleasure toy. Which I admit, I probably was, but hey he was mine too.

“Your pussy swallows me up so well, fuck I’ll never get tired of this,” Jaehyun groans. His thrust had gotten sloppy, meaning he was close to cumming. Good thing I was too as I started squeezing around his cock. I felt Jaehyun’s hand snake to my stomach and then further down. His fingers pinched and rubbed on my clit. I moaned into Doyoung’s cock, the sensation causing his cock to twitch in my mouth.

“I’m cumming,” Jaehyun groaned, thrusting his cock into me one last time. I also met my orgasm, cumming all over Jaehyun’s cock. He must’ve been watching as our cum mixed together, oozing out of my pussy.

“Shit, I’m cumming too,” Doyoung abruptly says, releasing his seeds inside my mouth.

Once we both caught our breaths it was back to fucking again. There was no stopping us once we started. Which was how I ended up with Doyoung’s cock buried within me. “Spread your legs wider,” Doyoung says. “Good girl, keep 'em like that.”

“Open your mouth,” Jaehyun says from the side. I opened it only for him to spit in my mouth and then start kissing me again. My lips are going to be so swollen from all the kissing, but my pussy from all the rough pounding. However, those concerns were at the bottom of my list. The pleasure they kept giving me was too blissful.

I love this. I love Doyoung. I love Jaehyun. “I love you,” I whispered, just loud enough for them both to hear. The three-word phrases elicited a small smile on their faces.

“We love you more.”

© jhdyuiee

24.05.02

final a.n: hi again! i would like to apologize for the delay. i think i have spoken up about this before but i would like to inform u all that as i am still a student, it can be hard to juggle all things at once. im very sorry for not uploading during the month of april, it truly saddens me but with school on my plate its been rather difficult. however, from now on i promise to at least post once a month. thank you for your patience i truly am grateful to every single one of you! i love you all <3!!!!!!!

[trustmypoison]

LMLY - Act One

Choi Y/N hasn’t seen her long lost best friend Yoon Jeonghan in four years and doesn’t even recognize at first him when paramedics roll him into the OR after a motorcycle accident during her shift. She kind of expects to go back being total strangers as soon as he’s discharged, but Seungcheol has something to say about that when he asks them to be Best Man and Maid of Honor for his wedding. 

You can find the masterlist here.

LMLY is the sequel to Calico. You don’t need to read Calico to follow along with most of this story, but it will make things more enjoyable if you do. 

Genres: fluff; angst; smut; best friends to strangers to lovers; wedding au

Pairing: Jeonghan x female reader

TW/CW: MDNI, contains explicit smut, some tough family dynamics such as divorce, a lot of marriage and wedding talk, mentions of having children, mentions of depression, mentions of manipulative relationships, quite a few details about accidents and subsequent medical procedures and issues. 

A/N: I am not in the medical field, so please forgive any inaccuracies included in this story. 

Word count: 13.6k

This is a repost of a previous fic I did. It was one of the first fics that I ever posted on here and I wish I had made some different choices aesthetically. The content will be the same, it will just be a little prettier and more readable.

“Be honest. Would you tell me if you were practicing witchcraft?”

Y/N stared blankly at Joshua. “I think you’d know since we’ve lived together for 7 years. Have you ever caught me working on a spell at 3am or drawing pentagrams on our floors?”

Joshua’s eyes narrowed across the break room table. “You’re starting to sound an awful lot like someone that knows something about witchcraft.”

“And this is starting to feel like another witch hunt. This isn’t The Crucible, Joshua,” Y/N exhaled loudly. “Why are you accusing me this time?”

“The curse of threes!” Joshua cried. A tired nurse grumbled from one of the break room couches and Joshua mumbled a ‘sorry’. “My date last night was terrible!” He adopted a whisper yell. 

Y/N hummed. “What was it this time?” 

Joshua huffed, “Well, for starters she was late, which is whatever. Things happen. But then she was rude to the waitress the whole time. You know I can’t stand that after waiting tables as long as I did. And then she chewed with her mouth open the whole time and straight up slurped her drink.” Y/N mumbled a sympathetic, ‘gross’, which had Joshua yelling again. “I know! Disgusting.” 

“I’m sorry, but I fail to see what I have to do with that, Shua,” Y/N rolled her eyes, taking a bite of salad. The two of them often ate lunch together when they were on the same shift. It’s what they would do back home in their apartment where they’ve been roommates for years. Conveniently, they’re on the same shift tonight and popped into the cafeteria for something to eat in between patients.

Joshua is an emergency room physician with a shiny new license as of this year. Y/N is still a resident training under Dr. Hwang, one of the most renowned surgeons in the country. It’s sheer luck that Y/N got that placement three years ago, and Dr. Hwang is kind of a hard ass, but he’s hands down the best to learn from. 

“You’ve cursed us,” Joshua insists. “Only Mingyu has survived past the third date and it’s all your fault.”

“No, no! This is karma at work. And Mingyu shouldn’t have made it past date number two but Harin is just too sweet of a person to tell him that,” Y/N reminded, wagging a finger. Joshua scoffs, reaching out to grab it. 

“We’ve said we’re sorry for nearly a decade. When will it be enough?”

Joshua is referring to the time that he and a number of other guys tried to ruin Y/N’s life. Y/N had been quite the prolific serial dater back in college and it had hurt enough mens’ feelings to make them seek revenge. Even years later, they still experienced what they unaffectionately called the ‘curse of threes’ and blame her entirely for it. Y/N didn’t take it seriously and believed it was just one big case of confirmation bias. They were seeing what they wanted to see because they still had a guilty conscious. 

“It seems that the universe says no, it hasn’t been enough,” Y/N teased. “I don’t want to jinx it, but I think they’ve finally forgotten about setting us up though.”

This lightens Joshua’s mood and he laughs. “Yeah, it’s a record. Five whole months of no blind dates.” 

Their friends had got it into their head years ago that she and Joshua would make a good pair. They got along on most things and when they didn’t they bickered like an old married couple. Their friends had tried numerous times over the years to set them up, but it hadn’t gone anywhere and it probably wouldn’t. 

“When are you going to get back out there? It’s been years since you’ve been on a date that you weren’t forced to go on or that wasn’t with me. Or both,” Joshua asked. 

“Joshua, you know I’m too busy. I’m not really interested in adding anything to my plate.”

Joshua rolls his eyes because he’s heard that excuse before. He’s about to snap back when both of their pagers go off. Abandoning their lunches, they hustle out of the break room.

The charge nurse met them in the hallway. “What is it?” Joshua asked calmly, though they’re both tense and waiting. 

“Motorcycle accident. No helmet apparently. Paramedics suspect internal bleeding. ETA about two minutes,” the nurse says quickly. She’s experienced and Y/N can tell. You don’t react this nonchalantly if you haven’t seen this sort of thing everyday for years.

“Has anyone called Dr. Hwang yet?” Y/N asked. As a resident, she was limited in what she could do without him present, and he was on call tonight while she was here. 

“Yep. He’s on his way but he said you can assist Dr. Hong until he gets here,” the nurse said. 

The doors to the ER fly open and paramedics are rushing a gurney in. Things move fast from that point. There’s some blood, and the paramedics are talking about rapid heart rate and low blood pressure. Y/N follows Joshua into the OR immediately because it’s looking like that’s where they’ll need to be shortly anyway and there’s more room and equipment to handle the complications that may come up until then. 

“Do we have an ID yet?” One of the nurses asks.

“A Yoon Jeonghan, according to the ID in his pocket,” one of the paramedics answers. 

Joshua and Y/N both freeze. Y/N is staring at the patient now. How could she not recognize her childhood best friend through a little blood? “Y/N,” Joshua snaps. “Lock in and think about this later. I need your help.”

Y/N follows every instruction that Joshua gives her including starting CPR at one point. Her hands ache by the time a heartbeat comes back and she doesn’t have time to think about any of it right now. She’s relieved that Joshua is so cool under pressure because she’s doing everything she can to quell a panic attack that’s crawling up her throat.

“Internal bleeding is a definite,” Joshua says when the heart rate is somewhat steady again. Y/N looks at him blankly. “The bleeding around the eyes, nose, and ears. Skin is clammy. Abdomen is swelling. I think you and Hwang are going to have to go in and check it out.” Now Joshua has turned to a nurse to document his findings. “Internal bleeding likely. Looks like a broken wrist. Bad case of road rash. Concussion and whiplash are likely. After surgery, I want a fully body X-ray and MRI to make sure there’s nothing we’re missing.”

Y/N finds herself speaking before she can help it. “No contrast dye. He has an allergy.”

“Good to know,” Joshua said, gesturing to the nurse to write it down. 

Dr. Hwang arrives and Y/N thinks her heart might beat out of her chest as she scrubs in. She’d like to think she’s usually cool under pressure, but this isn’t just anyone on the table tonight. Dr. Hwang is all business, talking fast as he gets started right away. They’re performing a thoracotomy, which is a fancy way of saying they need to check for internal bleeding around the lungs or heart, usually caused by broken ribs. And Jeonghan certainly has a few. 

Dr. Hwang makes the first cut and Y/N has to suck back tears. She’s on autopilot as Dr. Hwang lets her take over after he finds the source of the bleeding. She carefully closes the source, praying she’s doing it right because her hands want to shake so badly. Somewhere in the back of her mind, logic tells her that Dr. Hwang wouldn’t wait a single second to correct her if she was doing something wrong. He must assume it’s nerves and he’s not totally wrong. 

Then she’s stitching Jeonghan’s chest up and moving on to set his broken wrist while a couple nurses treat the road rash and lacerations that scatter his body. He’s surprisingly stable and Dr. Hwang and Joshua both comment on it. His heart rate is still elevated but his blood pressure as come up a little. 

When Y/N finally steps out of the OR, she’s in a daze. She barely hears Dr. Hwang congratulate her as he passes by, patting her on the back. Not the way she expected to spend her night. She never thought she’d be saving her childhood best friend’s life. 

Jeonghan wakes up to sunlight and it confuses him. Last he was aware, it was the middle of the night. What confuses him more is the way his body aches before he even moves. He can’t help but groan at the intensity of it. His sight is blurry, but he can make out an unfamiliar white tiled ceiling. His whole body screams as he lifts his head to look around. A hospital room? 

He needs an explanation fast because he’s starting to panic. He hates hospitals. He presses the call button laying next to him half a dozen times and it feels like it takes an eternity for someone to come in. It’s a smiling nurse in blue scrubs. “Good to see you’re awake, Mr. Yoon.”

Normally, he’d try to be friendly, but he wants out of here pronto. “What happened? Why am I here and when can I go home?”

His throat is bone dry when he talks and she must be able to tell because she’s quickly holding a cup of water with a straw to his mouth. “You were in a motorcycle accident last night. I’m not sure how long you’ll be here for, but the doctors and surgeons were optimistic. Your surgery went surprisingly well given your injuries.”

He doesn’t feel like it went surprisingly well. He feels like he’s been run over by a truck, which… okay, not far from the truth, from the sounds of it. “When can I see a doctor? I’d like to leave today.”

The nurse looks sympathetic but shakes her head firmly. “I’m sorry, Mr. Yoon. That’s probably unlikely. But I’ll let your doctors know you’re up and ready to chat. How would you rate your pain from 1-10?”

He wants to say 12, but it’ll keep him here longer for them to poke and prod him, so he bites his tongue and says 6. The nurse pats his hand. “I’ll bring you some pain medication.” He must doze off again, because he wakes up to the nurse hooking up his IV. She’s on her way out when she passes by someone else and that someone surprises him in the worst way. 

“I think you owe me a drink, Yoon Jeonghan.” 

Jeonghan wants to groan. “Joshua? Didn’t realize you worked here now.”

Joshua is smiling ear to ear, wearing a pristine white coat with a stethoscope around his neck and everything. He’s the textbook image of a young doctor just out of med school. “Been here for years in one way or another, but I’m officially an ER doctor as of earlier this year.” Jeonghan knew that, but he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of admitting it. He hated Joshua and he was pretty sure Joshua knew it. 

“So, what’s the damage?” Jeonghan says, trying to keep it light. The morphine is kicking in and Jeonghan can sort of think again, but they’ll have to talk fast before it doesn’t too much.

Joshua whistled, flipping a page on his clipboard. “Not as bad as it could be. The big one is broken ribs causing internal bleeding in a lung. Broken wrist, concussion, whiplash, a serious case of road rash, and some nice cuts and bruises.” 

“Not as bad as it could be, huh?” Jeonghan says dryly. “When can I leave?”

“We want to keep you for a few days at least to monitor any potential complications. Surgeons’ orders. Internal bleeding is a fickle thing. Sometimes it’s obvious like it was last night, but sometimes it’s pretty sneaky and we don’t want to send you home until we’re sure there’s nothing else. Plus, your pain is going to be worse over the next few days and we can help manage it here.” Joshua’s tone leaves little room for argument so Jeonghan sighs. 

“I guess I owe the surgeon a drink too, huh?”

Joshua laughs but there’s something weird about it that makes Jeonghan raise an eyebrow. “Yeah, you do. Y/N worked hard on that. I saw it myself.”

Jeonghan’s heart skips a beat and he hates that Joshua can hear it on the monitor. “Y/N? What are you talking about?”

Joshua raises an eyebrow in entertainment. “She’s a general surgery resident here and was working last night. She helped stitch you back up inside and out.” Jeonghan cursed, flopping back onto the pillow and he’d punch Joshua if he could reach him because he’s laughing now. “Even Dr. Hwang was impressed with her work, which is saying something. You’re lucky to call her your best friend. Anyway, I’ll come back around later to check on you, but call if you need anything.”

Jeonghan covered his face, groaning. Could she even be called a best friend if they hadn’t talked in years?

Y/N wanted to do anything and everything besides go upstairs and see Jeonghan in the ICU. She was still feeling pretty raw about last night but she couldn’t exactly tell Dr. Hwang that when he waved her towards the elevator. It’s standard procedure to brief the patient about their surgery when they’re awake. She knows this and has done it hundreds of times now, but she just wanted any excuse to not walk into room 205. 

Jeonghan is propped up in bed as he watches TV. Supposedly he’s been awake since about 10am and he looks incredibly alert at 4pm. He also looks like he’s not totally surprised to see her. Y/N wonders if Joshua had mentioned her when he visited earlier. 

“Mr. Yoon, I’m Dr. Hwang and this is my resident, Dr. Choi. How are you feeling?”

“Could be worse, probably,” Jeonghan says lightly and Y/N has to resist the urge to slap him. He’s always had a habit of avoiding taking things seriously, and laying in the hospital bed after emergency surgery last night classifies as a time to be serious. 

Nevertheless, Dr. Hwang appreciates the humor and laughs. He always likes the patients that can crack a joke because most of the job is pretty doom and gloom. “That’s good to hear. Well, I know Dr. Hong has already stopped by to see you. But we did your surgery last night when you came in and we wanted to give you a rundown of what happened and what’s happening next. You had some pretty severe internal bleeding in one of your lungs so we had to perform a thoracotomy, which means we had to open up the chest cavity to find the source of the bleeding and stop it. It was touch and go for a while but I’m very impressed with how quickly you stabilized. That being said, we want to keep you for a bit for observation and do a few more tests to make sure there’s nothing sneaky happening before we send you home.”

Jeonghan sighed. “I’d love to get out of here but I guess I’ll take your word for it.” 

Again, Dr. Hwang must find him funny. “I don’t have a pretty medical degree for nothing. But it was actually Dr. Choi that made the decision. She’s got the steadiest hands of any resident I’ve ever trained, but she’d like to check your stitches and rebandage you while she’s here.” Y/N is so surprised by both the compliment and unplanned bandage check that she doesn’t react much when Dr. Hwang dismisses himself as his pager goes off. That leaves Y/N alone with Jeonghan and her temper is flaring fast.

She approaches the bed, ignoring Jeonghan when he calls her name questioningly. The clipboard in Y/N’s hand slams down on the foot of the bed. “Yoon Jeonghan, what the fuck were you thinking? Speeding on a motorcycle with no helmet? Do you realize how bad that could have been?!”

Jeonghan’s eyes are wide. “Y/N, I can explain…” She knows she’s never yelled at him like this, but this moment feels appropriate because it’s the first time she’s ever had a good reason to. 

“Can you explain how my heart nearly fell out of my ass when I realized it was you on the operating table? Or how I had to do CPR to keep you alive for nearly ten minutes? Do you have any idea how scared I was? And don’t even get me started on the surgery. I never ever wanted to see your lungs and heart.” Y/N is biting back tears because it would be entirely unprofessional to cry right now. But she’s known Jeonghan since she was in diapers and she’s probably going to have nightmares for a long time about last night. 

“Y/N, I’m okay, both Joshua and Dr. Hwang said so…” Jeonghan tries to soothe but it doesn’t have much of an effect. Y/N is too worked up now.

“Do you realize you could have been decapitated? Or had a traumatic brain injury? Or a spinal cord injury? Do you realize how lucky you are to even be alive and alert right now? And I had the absolute displeasure of calling your mother at 5am to tell her where you were. That poor woman was hyperventilating.”

“You called my parents?” Jeonghan asked. 

“Of course I did,” Y/N hissed. “I called Seungcheol and Sora too.” 

“What?! Why would you call Sora? I don’t want to see her,” Jeonghan’s breathing catches in an unnatural way and it gives Y/N pause. 

“Why don’t you want to see your girlfriend of 5 years?” 

“She’s not my girlfriend anymore,” Jeonghan snapped but there’s something weak about it. “If she shows up, turn her away.”

“Okay…” Y/N drawls out. “We can come back to that. Now answer me, why the fuck were you riding without a helmet? Or speeding?”

“I was in a hurry,” Jeonghan mumbled. 

Y/N runs a hand down her face. “That’s such a piss poor excuse, Jeonghan. I’m so mad at you I can’t even look at you.” 

“Then don’t! You haven’t in four years,” Jeonghan snapped. The heart monitor was beeping faster.

“I haven’t? What about you? The phone works both ways,” Y/N bit. She was about to say something else when she notices beads of sweat beginning to drip down his forehead. He was starting to become pale. “Hold on, how are you feeling right now?” He scoffs angrily and Y/N is in front of him in seconds, reaching out to him. “Talk to me, Hannie.” 

He doesn’t. Or he can’t. His breathing is catching. Y/N moves quickly, pulling up open his gown to see that the gauze is soaking through with bright red. She presses the call button and starts yelling. 

This time, Dr. Hwang doesn’t let her help when they roll Jeonghan into the OR. She’s too busy standing outside of the elevator looking down at blood smeared hands to really fight him on it. Dr. Hwang had warned her early on that sometimes these kinds of moments would catch you off guard and it was best to hand it over to someone that could act quickly and with a clear mind. 

She washes her hands a few times, scrubbing underneath her nails to try to get rid of the red. Then she sits in the break room. A couple hours later, that’s where Dr. Hwang finds her. His smile is surprisingly kind for being such a hard ass. “How are you doing, kid?”

“Okay. How’s Jeonghan?” 

“I think he’ll be okay. We must have missed another spot in his lungs. It was microscopic really, so it was a slow bleeder. I did a few good once-overs while I was in there to make sure there weren’t others.” Y/N sighs in relief at his words. “You did a good job, kid. You noticed the signs and reacted quickly. Don’t take this too hard. I’ve been practicing for nearly 20 years and I missed that spot too.”

“I kind of wish you’d go back to being a hard ass. I’m not sure how to take your compliments,” Y/N chortles, but it’s weak. This is the man that has yelled in her face in the OR and snatched tools out of her hand when he’s not pleased with how she’s doing something. He’s called her all kinds of names and told her to not bother coming back tomorrow in the heat of the moment. The compliments warm her if only because they’re so rare from him.

“No, you deserve the compliment today. I’ll be a hard ass again tomorrow,” Dr. Hwang adopts a teasing tone. “Anyway, I came to find you because someone claiming to be your brother is here. Says he’s also here for Jeonghan… you should have told me you knew him.”

“Would it have mattered?” Y/N asks, though she already knows the answer. It makes you less objective if you know the patient personally. 

“You know it would,” Dr. Hwang admonished, finally sitting down next to her. “How do you know him?”

Y/N bit her lip. “We grew up together. We were best friends for most of our lives until we drifted a few years ago. I didn’t even recognize him until the paramedics said his name. It felt like it was too late to back out then because Joshua needed the help.”

Dr. Hwang hums. “I get it. But say something next time. I wouldn’t have asked you to assist on the first surgery if I’d known that. Now go see your brother and then go home. You’ve been here too long.”

Y/N finds Seungcheol sitting in the ICU waiting room. He pops up out of his chair as soon as he spots her. “What the hell happened?” 

Y/N feels so worn out by now so she sits down and he joins her again. “He was in a motorcycle accident. Speeding without a helmet.” 

Seungcheol curses under his breath. He looks afraid, much like Y/N has been feeling for nearly 24 hours. “How is he?” 

“The worst of his injuries was internal bleeding. We patched him up last night but it seems like we missed a spot because we had to roll him back into surgery earlier this afternoon. Sounds like he’ll be okay though.”

“We?” Seungcheol is wide eyed. “You helped with his surgeries?”

“The first one. Dr. Hwang made me sit out on the second one.”

“Jesus… Y/N, are you okay?” 

That’s not a question you get asked here often. You’re expected to be poised and put together the whole time. Responding calmly and rationally is an absolute job requirement and you deal with everything else off the clock. So she blinks away tears because she doesn’t want to react this way in front of any of her colleagues who might pass by. “Yeah. He’s okay, so I’m okay. What took you so long to get here? I called earlier this morning.”

Seungcheol huffs. “New secretary. She didn’t tell me until about an hour ago that you’d called and left a message. I’ve been in meetings all day with my phone off so I missed your calls and texts there. Who else have you called?”

Y/N sighed. “I called his mother, but his parents are in Japan so they haven’t been able to make it back yet. And I called Sora… but Jeonghan said he didn’t want to see her. Any idea what that’s about?”

Seungcheol doesn’t look surprised. “Oh yeah. They broke up last week. Very messy, especially since they lived together.” 

“Oh.”

Now Seungcheol looked surprised. “He didn’t tell you that when you spoke to him? Or has he been asleep most of the day?”

“No, he was alert most of the day, but… we argued, so he wasn’t very forthcoming with information.”

“Argued?” Seungcheol breathed, concern pinching his face. “That doesn’t happen often.” 

He’s right. It’s never happened. In 30 years of knowing each other, today was the first fight they’d ever had. There had been a time or two that things were awkward and they had to talk it out, but they’d never argued. The memory of it makes Y/N’s chest ache. 

“How long have you been here?” Seungcheol asked. 

“I don’t know, since midnight last night?” 

Seungcheol stood. “Are you free to go? I’ll drive you home and come back.” 

There’s something firm in his eyes and Y/N knows she can’t argue. If she does, Dr. Hwang or Joshua will order her an uber and send her home anyway. So she goes to the locker room and gathers her things. Seungcheol lets her enjoy the silence during the car ride and promises to call her if anything comes up with Jeonghan. 

She falls asleep almost as soon as her head hits the pillow but she dreams of seeing blood on her hands. It’s one of those dreams where you wake up and try to clear your mind, but when you go back to sleep you’re right where you left off again. Eventually, she gives up and watches TV.

Jeonghan is pissed. Has been since he woke up in the hospital bed again. He’s hooked up to a few more machines now and the nurses are still refusing to let him leave. They’re also refusing to give him anything to eat quite yet and he’s the hungriest he thinks he’s ever been. 

All of that would piss him off, but Seungcheol’s lecture starts as soon as he opens his eyes and he wants to go back to sleep immediately. But his morphine has worn off and the nurse hasn’t come back yet with more. 

“I cannot believe you would do something like that. That’s so dangerous, man. What were you thinking?”

Jeonghan’s eyes narrow at his friend. “I was thinking,” he snaps, “that I was in a hurry and I forgot my helmet.”

“That’s stupid, Han,” Seungcheol admonishes and he knows he’s right. But Jeonghan is stubborn and pissed to still be here. “You call someone else for a ride, or at the very least go the speed limit. You should have seen Y/N’s face. This wrecked her.”

Jeonghan scoffs. “Sure it did. Haven’t seen her or spoken to her in 4 years and the first thing she does is hang it over my head that she saved my life.”

“And maybe she should. Imagine if roles were reversed and she needed your help after she did something reckless,” Seungcheol seethes. Jeonghan doesn’t have much to say to that because thinking about roles being reversed makes his chest hurt more than it already does. Seungcheol sighs. “Okay, lecture over for now. How are you feeling?”

“Not great. But I’d like to get out of here ASAP. You know I hate hospitals.”

“Well it sounds like you better get comfy for a few more days. I heard they have to keep you for observation, especially after they found the second spot of internal bleeding,” Seungcheol smarts. 

“Wish I could eat something. I’m starving,” Jeonghan all but whined. 

“Yeah, but you won’t be able to keep anything down if you’re taking pain medication. Better to wait.” 

Jeonghan hated how logical that was because his stomach growled for the third time since he’d woken up. He stared back at the TV which is playing some kind of sitcom reruns. “So you spoke to Y/N?” He asks hesitantly. 

“Yeah, I drove her home earlier. She’d been here since midnight last night, approaching 24 hours,” Seungcheol says and Jeonghan’s chest twinges again. He knows she works some weird, long hours due to the nature of her job, but he hates that he was the cause of it this time. “Han, she said that you guys fought. Has that ever happened before?”

Jeonghan frowns. Now that she’s not here, he feels guilty for how he snapped at her. She was upset because she was concerned, and he threw the distance between them in her face. And then there was the panic on her face that he could sort of make out as his vision faded. “No, never. It sucked.”

“Did you say something you regret?” Seungcheol asked carefully. He knew they weren’t close anymore like they used to be but he wasn’t sure how to navigate any animosity between the two people closest to him. It was totally unheard of. 

“Yeah,” Jeonghan mumbles. “She said she was so mad she couldn’t look at me, and I told her not to because she hadn’t in 4 years anyway. She said that the phone worked both ways or something, but I don’t remember much after that.” 

“I don’t get you two,” Seungcheol said simply. Jeonghan gives him a confused look and Seungcheol continues. “You guys have been inseparable since we were babies. I always kind of felt like the third wheel with you guys because you were always so close. And then we graduate and Y/N goes to med school and neither of you can make time for each other anymore after being glued to each others’ side for 25 years? I don’t get it.”

“What’s there to get? The phone calls and texts slowed and then stopped completely. We both bailed on too many plans,” Jeonghan says sadly. He feels like he’s getting a bit of a headache. Joshua had said that might happen because of his concussion. “I don’t know what else there is to say.”

“Well, you guys are going to have to get over it soon.”

Jeonghan gave him a look. “Why? Because she saved my life, you think we’ll start using the phone again?”

Seungcheol looks a little bit like the Cheshire Cat. “No. Because we have a wedding to plan.”

Jeonghan gasped even though it hurt a ton. “She said yes?” 

Seungcheol laughs. “Yeah, a few days ago. Byeol wanted to do a formal announcement so I couldn’t say anything quite yet. But it goes without saying you’ll be the best man and Y/N will be the maid of honor. So you guys better figure this out.”

Jeonghan can’t think about spending that much time with Y/N because he has no idea how he feels about it right now. Instead he smiles. “I’m happy for you, Cheol. I told you she’d say yes.”

“You were right. I’m sorry I doubted you,” Seungcheol laughed again. After a beat of silence, Seungcheol pursed his lips awkwardly. “You and Y/N will work it out, won’t you? I’m not trying to guilt trip you, especially since you’re laying in a hospital bed right now. But it would mean a lot to both Byeol and I if you two were involved and could be civil.”

“Yeah, Cheol. Of course, we will.” Jeonghan hopes it’s not an empty promise. 

A couple days later, Y/N finds herself outside of room 205 again. She hesitates to knock. Dr. Hwang and Joshua both say that Jeonghan is stable but she feels guilty for their argument and how it might have added stress for him. She knows the internal bleeding would do what internal bleeding does, but she feels like she made it all worse by blowing up at him. But she couldn’t tell Dr. Hwang that when he asked her to cover some of his rounds. 

After a deep breath, she knocks and enters. A nurse is helping Jeonghan get back in bed after what looks like a sponge bath. “Dr. Choi, I was just about to go looking for someone. He has some symptoms that he’d like to discuss,” the nurse says before excusing herself.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Y/N asks professionally. After the emotional conversation a couple days ago, she’s determined to maintain composure. 

Jeonghan frowns. “I’ve had a headache for days now, nausea, and I’m disoriented a lot of the time even when I’m laying down.”

Y/N nods. “Could be the concussion or pain medication, or a little of both. On a scale of one to ten, how would you rank each symptom?”

“Headache is a 7, nausea is a 9, and disorientation is a 5.”

Y/N wants to laugh. He’s answering these questions like a pro, and she wonders if it’s because she’s demanded straight forward answers like this from him his whole life, particularly when he’s been sick. A lot of patients want to tell a story before they ever give a number. “What’s your pain level? We might try a different pain medication.”

He hums and she can tell he wants to shrug but he resists because it will probably hurt. “A 4?”

“That’s an improvement. Let’s try some NSAIDs today instead of morphine and see how you do. Can I take a look at a few things?” She asks, stepping up to the bedside. Jeonghan lets her shine a light in his eyes and put a stethoscope to his back to listen to his lungs. He doesn’t have a fever when she pushes his hair back and runs a thermometer across his forehead. She looks at the monitor by the bedside and is pleased with the heart rate and blood pressure. “Mind if I check the bandage?”

Jeonghan lays back and lets her pull his gown apart at the top. The bandage is pristine and white and she can’t help but sigh in relief. The stitches look okay too when she peels the bandage away. “Looks good.”

“Why do you look so nervous?” Jeonghan teased. The lightheartedness of it makes her lips turn up at the corners as she tapes the bandage down again and closes his gown. 

“You almost died on me again the other day, so forgive me if I’m relieved to not see any blood today.” She does her best to match his lighthearted tone, but she can still picture what he looked like that night he was rolled in on a gurney and what he looked like the other day when blood was soaking the bandage.

Jeonghan’s smile dips a little. “Yeah, sorry about that. I’ll try not to do it again.” Y/N has to laugh a bit at this. 

“You better try not to. Good news is, if your test results keep coming back the way they are right now, you should be able to go home in two or three days. We think you’re probably out of the woods as far as internal bleeding goes.”

“And when can I eat?” 

The question makes her laugh again. “I’ll talk to Joshua and Dr. Hwang and see if we can get you something. It’ll be bland but it’ll be better than nothing, I promise.”

“I don’t even care anymore if it’s bland. I’ve been starving for days.” 

They’re laughing when the door flies open and a woman runs in. “Jeonghan, I came as soon as I could! Are you okay?”

Jeonghan’s not laughing now. His eyes level with Y/N’s and they’re hard. “I thought I told you not to let her in.” Sora has pushed Y/N out of the way now, leaning over the edge of the bed, reaching for Jeonghan. Despite the pain he’s probably in, Jeonghan is leaning away from her, wincing as he pushes her back. “Stop it, Sora. Why are you here?”

Sora sputters. “Because you were in an accident. Someone called me.”

“Days ago. I’ve been here for days, Sora. Besides, I don’t want you here. Leave.” 

“Oh come on, Hannie,” Sora scoffs. “It was just a stupid fight. We can work it out like we always do.”

“No thanks. I want you out of my apartment by the time they release me, so you should go take care of that,” Jeonghan insists. Then he turns to Y/N. “Can you get her out of here? And make sure she can’t come back in?”

Sora’s just now realized who’s in the room with them and her face drops into a sneer immediately. “Oh, absolutely not. Call another doctor right now.”

Y/N isn’t surprised by the animosity. Sora has never really been her biggest fan, not even back in college when Y/N was her big in the sorority. Y/N tries to stay even and professional. “No can do. I’m part of his care team. Now he’s asked you to leave, so I’ll walk you out.” 

It takes a few glances between Y/N and Jeonghan before Sora seems to realize she’s not winning today. She scoffs and stomps out of the room and Y/N follows, thinking she kind of resembles a child throwing a temper tantrum. Y/N closes the door to Jeonghan’s room behind them and Sora wheels in her immediately. “How dare you? You try to ruin everything, don’t you?”

Y/N struggles to stay relaxed but her arms cross over her chest uncomfortably. “By ruining everything, do you mean stitching him back up and saving his life?” 

“I was so glad to be rid of you, but here you are worming your way in again,” Sora yells. “You haven’t changed at all since college. Still taking whoever you want, including my boyfriend.”

“Sora, I don’t know what’s happened between you two, but I know I had nothing to do with it because I haven’t spoken to him in years until a few days ago when he was brought in. Whatever happened between you two is none of my business. But you showing up when he doesn’t want you here is.” 

Y/N sees a security guard barreling down the hall after hearing Sora’s yelling. Fits of anger aren’t unusual here, but security responds quickly to it. He pulls Sora away by the waist just as she starts to lunge. She watches as the security guard gets Sora into the elevator, before going over to the phone at the nurses station. She’s dialing the front desk when Joshua approaches looking concerned. 

“Are you okay? What was that about?” 

“I’m fine, angry ex-girlfriend apparently,” Y/N mumbles. She ignores Joshua’s question of ‘ex?’ Because the receptionist downstairs has answered. “This is Dr. Choi. Please do not allow Lee Sora back in to see Yoon Jeonghan, room 205. He says she’s not welcome.” Once she gets confirmation, she hangs up. 

Joshua is still looking very concerned. “Since when are they exes? They’ve been together for years.”

Y/N shrugged. “I wish I could tell you. Anyway, I think we should switch Jeonghan to NSAIDs and let him eat something.” 

Slowly, Joshua nods. “Okay, I believe you. I’ll get it started, but we’re talking about this later. You’re having quite the week.”

Y/N looks at the clock as Joshua walks away. 10 more hours of her shift to go.

Y/N and Seungcheol sit at Jeonghan’s dining room table. This is her first time being here in his apartment. Seungcheol says he’s lived here for a few years now, but they didn’t exactly do a tour of the place today. Jeonghan came home from the hospital and it was a chore to get him settled in. Jeonghan’s parents had visited briefly the other day but Y/N hadn’t been surprised to find out that they didn’t stick around. He’d never been terribly close with them, particularly after he went to college. Once his parents saw that he was very much alive and heard that Y/N and Seungcheol were going to be around, they said they had some things to attend to back home. 

So Seungcheol had taken the day off to bring him home and get him settled and he’d asked for Y/N’s assistance since she had the day off as well. It felt weird in so many ways. The first was to have all three of them back together. In some ways, they went back to how they’d always been, but there was a tinge of awkwardness when Y/N didn’t know what was happening lately with Jeonghan or vice versa. Seungcheol had done is best to smooth it over.

And it felt really awkward to sit in Jeonghan’s sleek, expensive apartment that she’d never been to. She’d noticed that Sora had indeed moved out. There were big gaps throughout the apartment that implied she’d emptied everything that was hers, and maybe even some that weren’t too. The missing gaming console was the least of Jeonghan’s worries right now though.

Seungcheol and Y/N are eating together and catching up. Y/N might talk to her brother regularly, but they don’t get to see much of each other. She’s still surprised when Seungcheol drops a bomb. 

“What do you mean, you’re getting married?!” It comes out as more of a screech and Seungcheol shushes her. Jeonghan had gone right to bed when they got here and it seemed he needed the rest. 

“I mean, I proposed last week and Byeol said yes,” Seungcheol looked giddy. 

“Last week?!” Y/N whisper yells. “Where was my phone call? Do you have a picture of the ring?” He seemed to anticipate that question, because he’s shoving his phone across the table. Y/N gasps. “How did you pick out something like this? Your taste is abysmal sometimes but this is so cool.”

Seungcheol scoffs, snatching back his phone. “My taste is not abysmal. Besides, Jeonghan helped. He’s got an eye for that sort of thing apparently.” 

Y/N pouted. “Seriously, Cheol, why didn’t you tell me? I thought we agreed on no secrets.”

Seungcheol gives her a sympathetic look. “It’s not like that, I promise. Byeol just wanted to prepare a formal announcement. Given what’s been going on with you and Jeonghan lately, she let me tell you guys now.” 

“But I didn’t even know you’d been ring shopping,” Y/N whined. “I would have loved to help.”

Seungcheol hesitates for a beat. “Jeonghan had already offered and I didn’t know if you two would want to run into each other… not that it matters considering what I’m about to ask.” Y/N raises an eyebrow expectantly. “Naturally, we want you and Jeonghan to be maid of honor and best man. I know that might be a lot to ask, given how you guys have been lately.”

“Of course, I’d love to be maid of honor!” Y/N cries out, hand on her chest. 

“Okay, no tears please,” Seungcheol tries to soothe. “But are you sure? That means spending a lot of time with Jeonghan. I’m not sure where you guys stand right now…”

Y/N huffs. “I don’t know either, but I feel pretty confident that neither of us would jeopardize something as important as this. We both love you and Byeol too much to do that.”

“Good,” Seungcheol looks kind of smug. “That’s what Jeonghan said too.” 

Y/N suppresses her surprise. “Oh, you’ve already talked to him about it?”

“Yeah, at the hospital. Look, I love you both and I understand things can change over time, but I wish it could be like it was before. Maybe this is a good opportunity to fix things.” Seungcheol sounds like he’s kind of pleading and it makes Y/N frown. 

“I’m not even sure what’s broken. But, Cheol, you don’t have to worry about it. We’ll make sure to get along,” Y/N promises. 

“Okay. And you’re sure you don’t mind helping him out over the next few weeks?”

Y/N shrugged. “Of course not. I’m used to the weird hours anyway. Just come relieve me so I can get some sleep every now and then.” 

That was another development. Seungcheol wouldn’t be able to avoid work completely and while he could do quite a bit remotely, there were some things he couldn’t avoid the office for. Y/N had some vacation time to use, so they’d decided to split staying with Jeonghan until he was a little more independent. 

“If you insist. I should get back to Byeol, it’s late. But call me if you need anything, okay? I’ll be here right away.”

With that, Seungcheol leaves. It shouldn’t be awkward to move around Jeonghan’s apartment but it is. She puts the leftovers in the fridge and throws away the trash. Then she decides to peek in on Jeonghan. She finds him awake in bed, watching TV. 

“Doing okay?” 

Jeonghan shrugs and winces. “Fine, I guess. At least I’m in my own bed now.” He eyes her carefully where she’s standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed over her stomach. She’s never looked so awkward around him. “You know, I’m sure I can’t talk you into leaving to go home and rest, but the least you could do is relax a little if you’re going to stay.”

“I’m not good at that, Hannie,” Y/N laughs. “Besides, I don’t want to impose. I’m sure you need your space. I’ll just go out to the living room.”

“When have I ever needed space from you?” Jeonghan chuckles, patting the other side of the bed. That’s the type of thing he’d say 4 years ago. “Come on.”

Y/N is silent as she slowly walks around the bed and sits down against the headboard. Finally, she says, “Kind of funny that you’d say that, considering that it’s been a while.”

She hopes he doesn’t take offense to it and is relieved when he just frowns, looking back at the TV. “Yeah, kind of weird how easily it came out, isn’t it?” 

Y/N watches the TV without really seeing it. “What happened to us?” 

Jeonghan hums. “I can’t really tell you. It’s confusing to me too… and then there was a point that even if I did want to reach out, I didn’t know how to. Or didn’t know if you’d want me to.”

Y/N glances at him. He’s being serious, a rarity in their years of friendship. “Of course, I’d want you to. But I didn’t know how to either, so I get it. I thought about you a lot.”

Jeonghan eyes widen with surprise. “Did you?”

“Yeah. I asked Cheol about you all the time,” Y/N answers simply. He doesn’t need to know that it drove Seungcheol crazy, sometimes to the point of just insisting she hang up the phone and dial Jeonghan herself. 

“Same,” he says, and her head snaps back to him. “I’m really proud of you, you know? I was even before this week, but it’s nice to see you doing something you always wanted to do. Plus, Dr. Hwang and Joshua were very complimentary.”

Y/N’s eyes water for reasons she can’t really identify right now. “Thanks, Hannie. That means a lot. For the record, I’m proud of you too. You’ve really climbed the corporate ladder, huh?”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “You hate it, if only because of where I work.” He’s right, of course. Jeonghan got a job at her father’s company shortly after graduation and Jeonghan knows all about how she feels about her father. 

“I don’t hate it if you’re happy. There are just a lot of better people you can work for.” Y/N bites her lip. “Are you happy though? I mean, not just with work, but in general.”

He doesn’t answer for a long time. Finally he looks at her and she knows he’s about to be honest. Something about his eyes is completely unguarded. “Not really, no. I don’t think I have been for a while now.” Y/N doesn’t speak right away and Jeonghan continues. “The job is fine but it’s nothing I’m passionate about, and I’m not sure what I’d replace it with. I don’t see my family as often as I should, but they don’t ask me to visit either. And then Sora… well, that was a train wreck in slow motion.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Y/N offers openly. 

Jeonghan laughs and there’s a bit do ingenuity to it. “Wasn’t that what I was just doing?”

Y/N sighs in exasperation. “You know what I mean. We were best friends once… I don’t know what you’d consider us now, but I’d still listen to you all the same.” 

Jeonghan looks pensive. Instead of acknowledging the trauma dump that he just did, he bites his lip. “I’d still consider you my best friend, even if we haven’t been very good about it lately. Don’t tell Cheol he’s being replaced.” Y/N’s eyes are watering again despite his joke and Jeonghan shakes his head when she blinks the tears back. “Stop doing that. It’s okay to be upset.”

“I thought I was comforting you, not the other way around,” Y/N laughed but both her voice and her vision are getting watery. She kind of thinks maybe his eyes are too but she can’t be sure with how her vision clouds. She didn’t expect this conversation to flow the way it has. She expected him to turn her away and go back to being strangers as soon as he feels better. 

“Fine, you can comfort me. Lay down.” 

She follows his instructions, sliding down to lay her head on the pillow. He grabs her wrist with his uninjured hand, pulling her arm to lay flat. And then he’s laying into her side. They used to cuddle like this as kids, and even as teenagers. His head buries in her neck and she can feel his sigh. Mindlessly, her hand comes up to his hair, softly combing through it. Another sigh and then he’s snoring. Y/N wants to laugh because that was so fast and she’s stuck here now, but she’s the most comfortable she’s been in a long time and she finds herself dozing off too.

The next few days pass quietly at Jeonghan’s apartment. Y/N has made herself comfortable. Jeonghan is improving by the day, but today is a big one. He’s out of bed and on the couch, albeit laying down. And Y/N is preparing some soup for him to eat. He was relieved that it wasn’t anymore plain oatmeal or plain broth and finally something with a little flavor and substance to it. 

Y/N helps him to the dining table and sits the bowl of soup in front of him. He’d laughed at her when she joked that she’d spoon feed him, but he had ultimately refused insisting he’s not dying anymore. Y/N is sitting next to him, watching TV when he speaks up. “I’m sorry you have to take care of me.”

She gives him a quizzical look. “What do you mean?” She laughs. “I kind of do that for a living.”

“I know,” Jeonghan says. “That’s why I’m sorry. You aren’t getting to enjoy any of your days off.” 

Y/N frowns. “I don’t want to hear that, Hannie. You know I’d be here at a moment’s notice if you needed me.”

“I know,” he answers in a small voice. “I just feel like I don’t deserve it after the way I let things go a few years ago. And then how I yelled at you the other day at the hospital, despite the fact that you’re part of the reason I’m still here at all.”

Y/N turns to him and slides the empty bowl away. Then she’s gripping his good hand as she gives him a firm look. “Don’t you dare say that again. We let things go, not just you. You did nothing but take care of me and look out for me for nearly 25 years as I made a fool of myself. A few years of distance and a single argument don’t negate any of that. Think of this as me paying back an IOU.” 

“This is a lot to ask for an IOU,” Jeonghan tries to laugh but it gets caught in his throat. “I mean, I can’t do anything for myself really.”

“And I’ll help you until you don’t need it anymore and you kick me out,” Y/N insists. 

“Man, you’re still so stubborn. How has Joshua put up with you for this long?”

Y/N rolls her eyes in amusement. “He loves me, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Mhm. Very in love with you,” Jeonghan teases, but there’s a little tension settling in his shoulders. His fingers twitch around hers. 

Y/N scoffs. “Not you too. Nothing like that’s happening.” 

“Whatever you say, angel,” Jeonghan says easily and Y/N feels her face light up. She hasn’t heard that nickname in years and it warms her whole body. The response startles her once she realizes what it is and she pulls her hand away. 

“Are you still hungry? There’s plenty left.”

Jeonghan nods and watches Y/N go back to the kitchen with the bowl. His eyes linger a while before he pulls them away. Things were the same in so many ways but so different in others. 

Jeonghan wakes up sometime midday. He’s getting his days and nights mixed up and the only reason he’s getting out of bed slowly now is because he’s hungry again. It feels like he can’t eat enough. Y/N says that’s a good thing and that she would be more concerned if he didn’t have an appetite. He shuffles out to the living room to find Seungcheol on the couch with his laptop. While Y/N couldn’t exactly work from here, Seungcheol could and usually brought something with him to keep himself busy while Jeonghan slept. It kept him from using all of his leave time to help out. 

Sitting on the couch next to Seungcheol, he asks, “Where’s Y/N?” 

Seungcheol gave him a look that had him rolling his eyes. “Sorry to disappoint, but she had to go back to work today. She’ll be back later, much much later, so you’re stuck with me for a while.”

“Okay then. Like that’s a bad thing,” Jeonghan chuckled, leaning back and propping his feet up on the coffee tables. It feels nice to not have to be totally horizontal for a change. 

Seungcheol’s doing that secretive smile again. “Yeah, you like her company better. You always have. It’s okay to admit it.” Seungcheol stands. “And you’re lucky she cooked before she left. You know I can’t do much there.” 

Jeonghan is practically salivating when Seungcheol hands him bowl of simple stir fry. “Finally, some real food!” 

“Yeah, she figured you’d be excited about that,” Seungcheol laughs, plopping back down. “So, how’s being nursed back to health by your ex best friend?”

Jeonghan raises an eyebrow. “Ex? I considered her my best friend the whole time. I just… wasn’t showing it very well.” 

This seems to entertain Seungcheol. “So you guys have talked? Are things back to normal yet?”

Jeonghan plays with his food because despite his hunger, this topic makes his stomach roll a bit. “Yes and no?” Seungcheol gives him a puzzled look. “In a lot of ways, yes. The banter, the jokes, the taking care of each other. But something seems different and I don’t know what it is. Things seem… emotional now, if we acknowledge the distance for too long.” 

Seungcheol hummed and shrugged. “I guess that makes sense. The situation that got you guys here isn’t exactly light either.” Jeonghan nods and tries to eat as silence falls over them. “Do you remember what we talked about our last semester of college?”

“You might need to be more specific,” Jeonghan chortled. “We’ve known each other a long time and talk about a lot of things.”

“After we fought - well, after I hit you, I guess.” 

Jeonghan can’t quite look him in the eyes. He’s referring to one of the only tough times in their friendship. A baseless rumor had gotten started on campus that Y/N and Jeonghan had been sleeping together. Seungcheol had been furious and it resulted in a bloody nose and the silent treatment for Jeonghan. When they finally made up, they had to have a nerve wrecking conversation. Cheol had been his friend for a long time but even that was too open for Jeonghan looking back on it. Jeonghan tries to be casual. “What about it?”

“How do you feel now?” 

Jeonghan glances to his friend, wondering if he really wants a genuine answer. “Are you going to hit me again?”

Seungcheol looks entertained by the question even though Jeonghan’s very serious. “No, you look like you can’t fight back much right now, so I’ll let it slide.”

Jeonghan swallows. “I feel the same, but it’s ten times more complicated than it was before.” Seungcheol nods because he gets it. He doesn’t need a rundown of why it’s complicated. 

“Have you guys talked about working together for the wedding?” Seungcheol asks and Jeonghan nods. “How’d that go?” 

“There won’t be any problems. We promise that.”

“Good. But for the record, I feel the same about that topic from senior year too. Do what you will with that.”

Jeonghan doesn’t know what to say so he takes a huge bite of stir fry and lets Seungcheol get back to work. 

Joshua looks entertained as he watches Y/N unpack and repack her suitcase with clean clothes that he washed today. “So how’s it going?” He sings and doesn’t stop smiling when she gives him a look. 

“Fine. Thanks for doing my laundry, it helps a lot,” Y/N said genuinely. She would have been another couple hours if she’d had to do it herself. 

Joshua shrugs from her bedroom door. “You know I don’t care to do it. But really how are things going?”

“He’s better. Moving around by himself and eating well. His injuries aren’t bothering him as much anymore,” Y/N lists off like they’re at work. 

“I know all of that, Y/N. I got Dr. Hwang’s report from his follow up today,” Joshua still looks entertained. “I meant, how’s taking care of your ex best friend going?” 

“The same as what it would be like to take care of my best friend, because that’s what he is.”

Joshua cries out, throwing himself on the bed dramatically. “I’m being replaced!”

Y/N has to laugh. “I kind of miss when you played things cooler than this. Besides, if anything, you replaced him first. He’s got at least 22 years of seniority on you,” she teased. 

“It’s fine, I get it,” he gave a dramatic, fake sniffle, before it cleared to something serious. “Really, though. Is it awkward? Is it good? I’m dying to know.”

Y/N struggles to find the right words to describe it. “It feels the same as it always did most of the time. But then there have been 4 years of distance and sometimes I feel like we’re strangers. We both did quite a bit of growing up during that time.”

“And?” Joshua presses. She hates how he knew there was more. 

“I don’t know, Joshua. It feels different. I missed him so much and now that he’s right there I don’t know how to act sometimes. I never worried about that before with him,” Y/N mumbles. 

When she looks up, Joshua is frowning. “You’re insecure about it.” She gives him a perplexed look and he waves it off. “I know because I’ve seen that look on your face before. You gave me that look all the time when you weren’t sure how I felt or how to act.”

Y/N frowns back at him. They don’t talk often outside of the occasional inside joke about how they met. They used to date, or ‘date’, Y/N guesses. Single quotes only because it was fake for Joshua the whole time. A mean trick to get back at her for her reckless dating habits. Looking back on it now, the Joshua that apologized and became her roommate and friend is a totally different Joshua than the one she met his first semester here. Y/N tries not to think about it because it still stings sometimes. They’ve all apologized dozens of times over the years and have been really great friends to her ever since so she should really stop feeling that little pang in her chest when it comes up.

“Of course, I’m insecure about it. I don’t understand why the distance happened in the first place and being around him reminds me that I could have been there the whole time.”

“Have you asked why it happened?” Joshua asked carefully. He remembered watching her hover over Jeonghan’s contact so many times before locking her phone entirely. He’d been curious about why she didn’t just call him, but she’d never given much of an answer. 

Y/N shrugs. “Neither of us can really explain why. But then it reached a point where we didn’t know how to reach out or if the other even wanted that.”

Joshua purses his lips and says, “Maybe you just need a heart to heart. Even if it’s hard to talk about, you might feel better about getting all of it on the table.” 

Y/N doubts it but she doesn’t argue with Joshua. But she’s laying on Jeonghan’s couch later that night and he’s curled into her again. He’s not asleep despite it being the middle of the night. Instead, he’s got his head on her chest while he watches TV and she plays with his hair. The whole thing feels intimate like their friendship always did, especially before she started med school and he started dating Sora. She can’t help but giggle. “What?” He mumbles. 

“I’m still not used to your hair being so short.” Jeonghan had always had long hair, often flat out refusing a haircut, and at some point during their time apart he’d chopped most of it off. 

“What, you don’t like it?” To anyone else, it would sound teasing, but Y/N can hear that it’s a serious question with just a hint of insecurity to it. 

“Oh no, I do. I think you look great with short hair, but I think maybe that’s why I almost didn’t recognize you that night in the ER. It’s still weird to see and feel,” Y/N insists. 

Jeonghan is laughing, now fully teasing. “You think I’m handsome. It’s okay, you can say it.”

“Don’t make me push you off. It’ll hurt,” Y/N threatens but it’s totally empty. Nevertheless, his grip tightens around her waist because he knows she would have done it any other time without hesitation, just as he would have done. 

They fall quiet - so long that when Y/N speaks again, she can tell she’s woken a dozing Jeonghan. “Hannie?” He grumbles. “Can I ask what happened with you and Sora?”

“Not much to say,” he says shortly. “It wasn’t going to work out.”

“But, it worked out for so long. Do you just wake up and decide one day that it won’t work anymore?”

She hopes Jeonghan knows it’s a genuine question. Y/N has never had anything long term, so everything about it perplexes her. It’s not six months, but rather five years. He sighs into her chest and she can feel the heat of it through her shirt. “Not just one day, no. It was kind of like watching it fall apart day by day. Each fight got harder and harder to recover from. What was overnight was the realization that I didn’t want to try to fix it anymore.”

“Do you love her? Or did you?” Y/N really wants Jeonghan to be honest. 

After a few long beats of silence, he says, “At some point, I’m sure I did. It wouldn’t have gone on as long as it did if there wasn’t some kind of emotion behind it. But now I don’t think I do, which is why it won’t work anymore, amongst other reasons.” 

“What are those other reasons?” She asks gently. 

“So nosy,” Jeonghan teases, but she knows he’s hoping she’ll let it go. But she stays silent, hand still running through his hair, so he purses his lips. “I didn’t see a future with her. She kept hinting that she wanted to get married. She even thought I was ring shopping for her when she caught Seungcheol and I looking for something for Byeol. When that ring never showed up in front of her, she confronted me about it. She gave me an ultimatum and I decided to walk away.” 

Y/N is frowning. “I thought you always wanted to get married.” She remembers the silly fake weddings as little kids when they’d yell in disgust at their parents’ joking suggestion to kiss the bride. Those little fake ceremonies had always been his idea and Y/N liked dressing up for them. 

“I did. I do. But it didn’t feel right so I left.”

“Then maybe you made the right decision,” Y/N says with some finality. She doesn’t need to be a fly on the wall for that argument to know that ‘it didn’t feel right’ is a good enough reason. God only knows that she’d used that reason over and over again in a past life of serial dating. She had a lot of trust in intuition, even if she couldn’t always put a name to what she was feeling. “She really seems to hate me, huh?”

Y/N is trying to make a joke, but Jeonghan’s chuckle is pretty dim. “Yeah, that was a sore spot.”

Her fingers freeze in his hair. “How do you mean?” 

Jeonghan hesitates. “I hate myself for this, but please don’t hate me too, okay?” Y/N nods and Jeonghan continues, fingers playing with the ends of her shirt. “Sora didn’t like me hanging out with you or talking to you. There were sometimes early on that I’d listen to her just to avoid a fight. One too many times of that contributed to us losing contact. And then when Sora and I fought about anything after you and I lost contact, she always made me feel guilty for thinking about reaching out to you for support.”

Y/N’s stomach drops. “I’m… sorry, Hannie. I didn’t realize I’d cause so much trouble in your relationship.”

“You’re too kind, Y/N. You never cared much for Sora. I knew that before we even started dating. You don’t owe an apology,” Jeonghan is back to teasing, trying to lighten the mood up, but Y/N is feeling crushed that she had anything at all to do with the end of Jeonghan and Sora’s relationship. 

“Maybe not, but I cared for you and you liked her. I still care for you and if Sora was what you wanted I would understand the distance, or at least the boundaries. That would be totally understandable. I want you to be happy above everything else.” 

Jeonghan is laughing now but it’s a bit humorless. “That’s just it, I’m not happy and I haven’t been for a while now. I lost my best friend and it wasn’t even for a relationship that made me happy 90% of the time.”

“You didn’t lose me. I’m right here,” Y/N insists immediately. “Even if I wasn’t brave enough to pick up the phone, if you would have been I would have answered right away. Besides you deserve to be happy. If Sora wasn’t it, then it’s time to move on.”

Jeonghan hums like he’s deep in thought. “Are you happy, Y/N?” 

“What do you mean? Of course, I am. I’m just worn out with residency,” Y/N laughs. 

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan drawls, voice tinged with concern. “You used to have this sparkle about you. It’s one of the things I admired most about you back then. You had so much enthusiasm for everything, even stupid things like my math homework. How long have you been missing that?”

Y/N pouted, and though Jeonghan couldn’t see it, she’s sure he knows. The truth was that she’d been flirting with depression for a long time and the stress of med school and residency hadn’t helped. On her days off, she spent most of her time in bed. “I don’t know, Hannie. I haven’t felt that way in years. So much of that ‘sparkle’ as you call it was found in other people hoping they could make me happy.”

“And you don’t find any of that sparkle anymore?” Jeonghan’s finger tips are grazing the skin of her stomach where her shirt has ridden up. It leaves goosebumps in its wake.

“I don’t really look anymore. I don’t really make new friends now, and the few dates I’ve been on over the years were set up by some of my friends and didn’t really go anywhere. Maybe that’s a good thing. I was so naive about love, looking back on it. And now I’m too jaded.”

Jeonghan’s thumb rubs against her stomach and it’s both soothing and lights a fire. She hasn’t been with anyone in a really long time and the touch is so foreign to her. “Maybe you were a little naive sometimes, but there was always a lot of charm and honesty about it. I always thought it was sweet and you just needed the right person to give the same thing back to you.”

“I don’t know how to be like that now. I don’t even know what I’m looking for anymore.” 

Jeonghan hummed. “You need someone that will be sweet with you and do the romantic things. Someone who makes you laugh and that you can stop being so serious with. But also someone that lets you be emotional because you have a tendency to bottle it up until you explode. Someone who helps you forgive your own mistakes. Someone who remembers the little things.”

The answer is so fast that Y/N lets out a laugh of disbelief. “You’ve thought about this before?”

“You’ve been my best friend for forever, Y/N. Of course I thought about who was right for you, especially after I watched the wrong ones show up time and time again,” Jeonghan insists. 

Y/N lets out another laugh of disbelief. “Well, if you find Mr. Right for me, let me know.”

“Yeah, like you’d ever let me set you up. Come on, let’s go to bed. This couch is too cramped,” Jeonghan groans, hand on her waist pushing her now. It returns to her waist out of sheer habit again when they crawl into bed. 

It’s been six weeks since the accident and Jeonghan is what Y/N considers 75% healed. His ribs still ache most of the time and she says he’ll probably feel that for a while, but the cast has been taken off of his wrist as of yesterday, and he’s getting fewer headaches due to the concussion and whiplash. Visibly, the only reminder of the accident now is some road rash, lacerations, and bruising that haven’t quite faded yet. Most of that is covered by his slacks and dress shirt as he looks in the mirror. 

And he feels good because it’s the first time he’s been able to leave the house, save for a couple walks around the block when he became restless and Y/N couldn’t keep him in the house any longer, or his followup appointments with doctors. 

Seungcheol and Byeol pick him up at his apartment and Y/N is already in the back seat when he gets in the car. Tonight is the ‘official’ engagement celebration with the wedding party. Over the last six weeks, Seungcheol and Byeol have been picking people and reaching out to ask if they’d like to be in the wedding. It’s a small group, only three people on each side, because they said they wanted the wedding party to be both intimate and manageable. Jeonghan thinks they might have taken their time with this selection process so that he can heal up and attend everything, and he wants to thank them for it but doesn’t know how bring it up. 

Byeol’s choices for the wedding party don’t surprise Jeonghan. Y/N is the only possible choice for maid of honor because she and Byeol have been close since college and Byeol has no sisters or even cousins that she’s close with. Her two other bridesmaids are their friends from the sorority, Ara and… Sora. Jeonghan didn’t want to think much about that because he’d been enjoying not seeing her lately. 

Seungcheol’s choices did surprise him though. He’d already asked Jeonghan to be the best man (and Jeonghan would have been deeply offended if he hadn’t after 30 years of friendship), but his two groomsmen were none of their than Kim Mingyu and Jeon Wonwoo. Mingyu was a surprise because Seungcheol had hated him while they were on the basketball team together for a variety of reasons, but Mingyu was good friends with Y/N now and he and Seungcheol seem to be on good terms now and even have a lot in common. Wonwoo had gotten a job in the IT department at the company that both Jeonghan and Seungcheol worked for and he was a little awkward but easy to get along with. When Jeonghan asked, Seungcheol said that he’d bailed him out of a lot of technical issues over the years at work and they’d become friends. He’d also liked that Wonwoo had stuck up for Y/N in college when no one else did. That was really enough for Jeonghan because treating Y/N well was a non-negotiable for anyone in their lives. 

Jeonghan regrets that he let Sora break that rule for so long. It crosses his mind that if Seungcheol knew about how deeply Sora’s animosity towards Y/N ran, then Sora would be out of the wedding at the snap of a finger. 

Seungcheol and Byeol have picked an upscale Italian place for their dinner and rented out a private room. As Y/N and Jeonghan follow them inside, Jeonghan leaned down to her ear. “Under no circumstances will you let me sit next to Sora.” And after a beat he added, “and neither should you, actually. I don’t know that she’s not above poisoning our food.” 

Y/N gave him an entertained look. She’s dressed up tonight, something she says she doesn’t really do anymore given that she lives in scrubs. She’s curled her hair and put on make up, and is wearing a tight fitting dark green dress that plunges at the neckline along with heels. Jeonghan avoids looking anywhere but her face even when he tells her she looks nice, but it presents a challenge because ‘nice’ is putting it so lightly. 

“Deal. Let’s get through this dinner unscathed.” Jeonghan can’t help but giggle at her words and Seungcheol and Byeol look back in amusement. 

The giggles die down when they enter the private room though. Sora is already there with Ara and she does not look happy. Y/N and Jeonghan intentionally pick seats on the opposite end of the table. When Mingyu and Wonwoo arrive they greet Y/N with a hug and it diffuses some of the tension when they sit down. The waiter serves them some champagne and Seungcheol stands up. Jeonghan thinks he might tease him later for whatever speech he’s about to give, but Seungcheol looks too happy. 

“Thank you guys for making it tonight and for agreeing to be part of the wedding party. Byeol has promised to not be a bridezilla and I promise to keep my temper in check when things inevitably go wrong.” This earns a laugh from the table. “Anyway, we wanted to get everyone together to celebrate and get reacquainted before we start any serious planning. So please enjoy. Dinner and drinks are on us.”

“Dangerous words, Cheol. I’m about to drink my weight in wine,” Mingyu teases. 

“And I’m about to eat my weight in pasta,” Wonwoo tacks on for good measure. 

The vibe is good, besides Sora who has a sour look on her face the whole time. Jeonghan is pretty unconcerned about it. He bounces between conversation with Mingyu and Wonwoo across the table and Y/N next to him. When their food arrives, Jeonghan doesn’t really think twice about pushing his and Y/N’s plates together to split what each other has. Before their years apart, this was an old habit and Y/N smiles when he glances at her. He’s relieved by that because for a moment he was afraid he’d overstepped. In some ways, they weren’t like they used to be and they were still finding these new boundaries. 

She leans in to put her lips next to Jeonghan’s ear. “You’re making someone really unhappy.” Jeonghan glances to Sora, who is seething and it seems dangerous that she has a knife for her chicken parmigiana. He just shakes his head at Y/N, who looks a little anxious, and starts eating. He feels too light right now to let it get to him. 

Between dinner and dessert, Jeonghan excuses himself to run to the restroom. None other than Sora is waiting for him when he comes out and his light mood comes crashing down. “Y/N? Really?” She snaps. She’s wearing a blue dress that Jeonghan usually likes on her and she looks perfect, really - besides the disgusting sneer she’s making as she crosses her arms and taps her foot like a petulant child. 

“What about her?” Jeonghan breathes because this is already exhausting. 

“You moved on that quickly? I guess it’s a good thing I kept you guys apart while we were together. I know you two have a history of cheating together.”

Jeonghan’s jaw clenches. “Yeah, it’s not moving on to someone else. It’s fixing something that you broke over the course of years. And you know for a fact that we never cheated together, not even back then.” Sora scoffs and looks like she’s about to snap back at him, but he cuts her off. “Look, Sora. All that I’m interested in at this point is making sure that Seungcheol and Byeol have a happy and peaceful wedding. I need you to cooperate with me on that, regardless of whose here.” 

“But what about us?” Sora says in a bratty tone. He used to enjoy that - specifically, reminding her who was in charge in bed after she acted like that. It had happened constantly over the years because she was constantly bratty. Now it’s grating on his nerves and he wanted as much space as possible from her. A lifetime worth of space actually. 

“There is no us. You said marriage or nothing, so I chose nothing. And after an ultimatum like that, I’m not interested in finding somewhere in between with you again,” Jeonghan says impatiently. 

“But we were good together for a long time, Jeonghan! I don’t understand what’s so bad about marrying me,” she’s still whining and the pout she’s taken on won’t work now. Frankly, it had never worked because he particularly cared that she was upset. Most of the time he knew it would lead to a fight and he wanted to avoid it. 

“Do you define ‘good’ as keeping me from my best friend? That’s really strange, Sora,” Jeonghan bit. 

Sora looks taken aback. “It’s not strange when I don’t trust that slut of a ‘best friend’ as far as I can throw her.”

Jeonghan gave her a dead stare and his voice turned hard. “Yeah, Sora. Let me make something clear. You say one more thing like that about her and we’re going to have problems. I should have never let you talk like that about her and I won’t stand for it anymore. I’m going back to the table. Come back if you’d like, I don’t care.”

Thankfully, Mingyu is in the middle of an animated story when Jeonghan sits back down. His mood shift is only noticed by Y/N who frowns at him and he shakes his head. It doesn’t take much for Y/N to figure out what happened when Sora comes back to the table looking dejected. Y/N gives him a sympathetic smile, leaning over to whisper to him. “I ordered your dessert already.”

Jeonghan lightens up. “Thanks.” 

As he eats the dessert that Y/N ordered for him, which he loves, he feels eyes on him. He decides Sora will be a problem, but he’s not sure what to do about it. The last thing he wants to do is ruin this wedding. 

[karniss-bg3]

The Tragedy of Faith

So between tumblr and twitter I've read various takes on Kar'niss and what draws people to him. For some it's the monster fucking appeal, for others it's the desire to fix a clearly broken individual. There are in-betweens and of course this is subjective and depends on the person. Act 2 spoilers ahead. Where my personal interest comes from is how good Larian communicated the tragedy of faith and what a cult can do to a person. Kar'niss is a creature that has been broken by not one God, but two. Lolth broke him physically, the Absolute broke him mentally. His entire identity has been lost to a deity to the point he raises her in his speech. Referring to her as "Majesty" and "Queen", two terms you don't really hear anyone else address her as, he has elevated her to his final savior and leader. He also often refers to himself as "we" and "us", cementing him as part of the hive mind rather than holding any individuality of his own. When he does refer to himself as "I", it's mostly to show further loyalty to the Absolute, to maintain a position of importance in his fractured mind. Cults are notorious for targeting the most vulnerable in society as they are the easiest to mold and manipulate to their doctrine. The fact that goblins are one of the main races that fall to the Absolute's influence is telling in that regard, as they are often dismissed by the other races. Kar'niss was ripe for the picking, an easy target to lure into her arms. No doubt he was found shortly after Lolth twisted him into a drider and banished him, he didn't stand a chance.

Not even taking those elements into account, Kar'niss came from a society that is infamous for cruelty and violence, especially toward males of their species. Drow greatest hits include, but are not limited to: -Killing their young if they are not aesthetically pleasing enough. In other words, ugly. -Sacrificing every third born son to Lolth.

-If a male finds the favor of two competing females, it often doesn't end well for the male. The rival woman will kill the male and chuck his dead body into his opponents bedchambers, just for the sake of being petty.

-Love and emotions of any sort are in short supply, if not outright unseen as a general rule. The nature of drow to backstab and seek to rise in the ranks makes it near impossible to be anything other than fierce and domineering.

With these things in mind, it's easy to assume that Kar'niss had a turbulent upbringing and likely suffered untold abuse from many around him. It's not to say that good or reasonable drow don't exist, it's just not commonplace in a Lolthite society. Unfortunately, the game doesn't give us a great deal to go on as far as his past. What little he reveals only happens after he's dead, and even then its really a cliffs notes version. What we do know is that his devotion is intense and unwavering. He's willing to die for the Absolute because in his mind the Absolute are the only ones who care about him. We even see fellow followers talk down to him, dismiss him, and verbally eye-roll the guy. To them, his fanaticism is over the top and they follow the same God he does.

All told, this leads me to the conclusion that Kar'niss has never, or rarely, known true compassion in his entire life. He's been used as a puppet for one deity or another, and likely mocked or cast aside even when he did everything right. It doesn't surprise me that there are folks who desire a romance option, or barring that a side venture to break him free of the Absolute's hold. We don't know if Kar'niss did terrible things in his past, or where his moral compass sits as his entire personality revolves around God. But I'd love to know, and I crave more background on him in one form or another.

I've spent too much time thinking about different paths that could happen in-game. I also understand it's incredibly unlikely he'll ever become a companion. The sheer amount of time and resources needed to give a character a satisfying arc is likely more than Larian can do with other constraints, but maybe we'll be pleasantly surprised. So Kar'niss lovers, platonic, romantic, or everything in-between...I gotchu fam. We stan the spooder bby. Someone get that man a blanket and a nice mug of hot cocoa. And a cult de-programming kit, one of those would be good.

[yayll]

IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE IT!!! Opposites attract are literally my favorite trope ever, i love bad boy unhinged rockstar Dazai and him developing a crush on the cute, considered the industry sweetheart who dresses in frills and bows idol/pop star Reader, and considering that idols change their outfits to support the themes of songs/tours i can imagine they get a matching outfit set one day and its rock style…..idol reader dressed in black and other dark colors, rips in their clothes and some skin showing……Rockstar!Dazai is biting the bars of his encloser-TeenZai anon

so sorry this is so late angel.... also i may have gotten a bit carried away w this concept................ i love u teenzai anon this one's for u and all the rockstar!dazai adorers out there (and for me bc i'm INSANE for this whole thing put me downnn) basically idol reader taking up dazai's rocker aesthetic for the concept/theme of the tour is literally the DEATH of him. and not in the way he's always wishing for >:3

~ a little something about Rockstar!Dazai and Popstar!Reader finding a middle ground ~

You show up to soundcheck one morning completely in tune with the plan for the show but thinking nothing of it, because you're sweet and cool and in perfect flow! Something Dazai simply isn't and it makes him practically gawk as you saunter past him into the dressing room. a few moments later you walk out in a matching outfit that compliments the one he's wearing and it's all over. Completely fucking done. The man practically goes non-verbal for a few moments when he suddenly calls for his assistant to fetch him his pack of cigarettes so he can dash outside to the alley of the venue to get himself together. The nerve of you to look absolutely ravishing in a completely different aesthetic... So hot. So annoying.

Of course you follow behind him, curious and also hoping he's genuinely okay (you're not just a sweetheart for show and he hates that!) You find him leaning against the wall, his lighter failing to give him the flame he needs for his sweet relaxation. All he hears is soft giggling and light footsteps.

"I'll light it."

You take the lighter from him and flawlessly flicker it alive while he just watches you with the stick between his lips, amazed and slightly aroused. He can't help but notice the way his nerves seem to immediately settle with you nearby and it both comforts and concerns him. Dazai looks down at your face as you lean forward with the lighter, a tiny moment of softness appearing in his eyes as he watches you light the end of his cigarette, the flame from the lighter making his Hazelnut eyes light up slightly. He quickly takes in a long and deep drag, his shoulders visibly immediately relaxing once the smoke hits his lungs, and his cool guy demeanor is back on. You chime in, poking your head back into his line of sight.

"Better?"

You smile at him sweetly, always keeping things cordial.

"Much."

He stares at you under his messy bangs, his narrowed eyes softening by the second as his lips curl upward. You're just too true.

You simply hum, standing around idly though not in the way that claims awkwardness, but rather the comfortable kind of silence neither of them get to experience often in this fast paced industry. You look down at your black platform leather boots, a sheer contrast from who you usually present as and it somehow feels liberating. You breathe out, matching his coolness.

"Thought so."

He almost snorts at that, and turns back to look over the features of your angelic face. no amount of black you wear could overshadow the glimmer that follows you everywhere you go. You're a lucky star that's gone as quick as it comes. One day he'll make a wish on you.

"You know me so well."

You huff into a soft laugh that lingers and eventually dies in your throat when you realize the fluttering in your chest is only growing. Yikes. You mutter, low and careful.

"I just... Didn't want you to have a bad night tonight, I guess. With the concert and the album dropping and all... I hope you don't mind I'm sort of dressed like you, heh."

You end it with a shrug as you look ahead at the clouds in the sky and for the first time in a while you feel a tinge of nerves. you, the industry's sweetheart can still feel that after your major lasting success? shocking.

He huffs slightly in response, leaning his back against the wall and tilting his head up, staring up at the sky as he mutters back.

"It's not like I ever really have a totally good time on nights like this, anyway."

You flash your attention at him, tilting your head. In all your years of the supposed 'clashing' between you, you have never heard him speak this way.

"Nights 'like this'?"

He glances back over to you, bringing the cigarette back to his lips for another quick drag before responding, watching you stare at him intently.

"Ahh, performing. All the people. The fans being all over me. The media. All of it, all the time. It's exhausting, actually. I know I'm super hot and talented, but the performance doesn't always end when I get off that stage."

This causes you to lean in just a tad and murmur, curiously.

"... So why do it? All of this?"

And just when he's about to truly spill it all, talk about his never ending battle with his mortality and his career and the way you dominate every single topic in his mind, he simply just looks at you and blows cigarette smoke in your face with that signature smirk of his you always pretend to find so irritating.

"Sometimes it feels real and constant. It's the only thing I can count on... Other than seeing your silly little imitation of me on stage. Hate the mesh, by the way."

You simply stare, taken aback by his oddly sincere and blunt answer. You mutter under your breath as you bite your freshly manicured nails.

"...Yeah?"

Dazai hesitates a moment, his dark eyes glancing away from you as he takes another drag from the cigarette, a moment of vulnerability flickering through his expression. He takes another moment before responding, his voice gruff and a little shaky.

"Yeah..."

He continues to stare off to the side for a long moment, a hint of something like longing and painful restraint crossing his expression as he seems to internally struggle with something. Dazai's expression hardens a little as he finally looks back at you, his shoulders visibly tense as he puffs on the cigarette again, blowing out a long stream of smoke as he tries to push down his own feelings.

But you can tell, you can always tell. Media training, baby.

After what feels like an eternity, you reach out for his cigarette and take it in between your lips, taking a long drag of it yourself. You puff out smoke in a far less cool way than he made it seem, feigning nonchalance as if this isn't the first time you've ever even TRIED one of these damn things.

"Minty..."

He glances at you as you take the cigarette and take a drag yourself, a small but subtle flicker of curiosity in his expression. He watches you exhale and blow out the stream of smoke, before responding in a sardonic voice.

"Since when do you smoke, little miss bubblegum pop?"

You choke out a laugh, waving away the smoke to regain your breath. You smile faintly with a shrug as you hand it back to him after taking one more drag for good measure.

"I don't."

He raises his eyebrows slightly, giving you a look of mischief.

"Then why are you puffing on my cigarette, hm? Your manager would have a stroke if they saw you like this, you know. I'd be marked as a 'bad influence'~"

You shrug again and hum with all the bravery in the world your little heart can muster.

"...Tastes like you, is all."

He just continues to stare at you for a moment, processing your answer. Dazai's expression still remains as unreadable and emotionless as ever, but his eyes flicker for a moment, something indiscernible flashing through them for a fleeting second. It's the internal panic from how badly he wants to kiss you right here and now. He seems to hesitate for a moment before responding with a small smirk forming on his face and sounding wayyy too eager.

"...Is that a good thing?"

You exhale, the smoke leaving your nostrils as you murmur softly, eyes locked on his.

"...Yeah. It's a real and constant thing."

His breath hitches, shoulders visibly reacting by scrunching up as you give your answer. He doesn't say anything, but there's a flicker of something like vulnerability in his expression, a hint of softness around his eyes that betrays his usual cool and careless exterior. He remains silent for a moment longer before responding, his voice a low murmur.

"Yeah... Real."

And before you know it, you simply decide to say fuck it! And do something you'd never have the guts to do before Dazai and his ridiculous self entered your life. You lean in slowly, inching closer and closer to his lips. You're within an inch of kissing him when you whisper.

"... For good luck tonight, Osamu."

Dazai watches you in silence as you lean forward towards him, his expression going from unreadable to filled with pure unfiltered need. As you pause just inches away from his mouth, his eyes flicker once more, his dark irises shifting down to your lips for a second before returning to your eyes. For a moment he doesn't move, just staring down at you with an almost pathetically vulnerable expression on his face. You know better than to say his name like that. Then, in a low voice, he whispers back.

"... Shut up."

He leans down suddenly, pressing his lips against yours. Dazai's lips press against yours in a firm, almost desperate kiss. One of his arms wraps around your waist, pulling you flush against his body, while the other hand moves up to cradle the back of your head, threading his fingers through your purposefully messy yet somehow still soft hair. The kiss is passionate and intense, you can't even fathom how it's all gone down like this but you don't care.

Dazai thinks about how you taste delicious, sinful, and more importantly: Real.

For a few seconds, he kisses you deeply, his tongue exploring your mouth, before he finally breaks away, the both of you gasping for breath as he speaks in a quiet and hoarse voice.

"I can't think straight around you like this you silly little thing."

You smile, suddenly back to being bashful and absolutely ready for whatever happens tonight. You both look stunning and it's not just the outfits that speak on it. It's the genuine spark between you two, the collaboration everyone wanted but you NEEDED.

Just when you're about to reply to his snarky comment, your managers bust through the door to the alley and frantically fuss over you both as they yap about how late you are to soundcheck and the pre-show meet and greet. And why do you smell like cigarettes?!

Dazai turns up the charm and bad boy persona while you play up the apologetic and totally easygoing idol who's more than happy to make up for the lost time with the fans! And now in a different color scheme than they're used to!

Before you and Dazai are whisked away into opposite ends to finish getting ready, he leans into the shell of your ear, barely grazing it with his lips as he whispers playfully.

"You drive me crazy. See you on stage, and then maybe backstage~"

You swear you can feel every nerve in your body twitch when he smugly prances away from you after saying that.

... And of course the concert is a total jam, everyone's raving about the new music + matching outfits you're both sporting along with the undeniable chemistry you're cooking up. It's in the way you smile at each other in between songs, or when Dazai's singing a particularly flirty lyric he gazes at you instead of the screaming fans in the crowd. You dance and he watches, just like everybody else always does when you're in the room. Spellbound.

He may be wishing on you a little earlier than he thought he would be, but you don't seem to mind one bit, his lucky star. ⋆｡°✩

[ruinofchimera]

Hi, I really like your posts, just out of curiosity, what do you think about Sirius Black?

Your curiosity could very well unintentionally land me in a Flynn Rider situation—cornered with a dozen sharp knives pointed at my throat, and for that, I’m more than ready to kiss you on both cheeks, anon. My recklessness be damned; let’s unfold this matter.

Sirius is an entitled arse, no two ways about it. He’s got that privileged, arrogant swagger of someone who’s always had things handed to him, even if he spent half his life rejecting it. He’s all rough edges and volatile intensity, the kind of man who’s survived more by luck and sheer defiance than by any real plan or sense of caution. Characters like him, they’ve got a way of sinking their claws in me, whether I want to or not. Because here’s the thing: Sirius’s short appearances in the books pack more emotional depth than some characters got in entire arcs. In just a few scenes, I saw a man constantly wrestling with his own worst instincts, fiercely loyal but destructively so, and trapped in a past he cannot—will not—let go of.

But let’s get something clear from the outset: I refuse to acknowledge the fever dream version of Sirius that certain corners of the internet have conjured up. You know, the one where he’s some delicate, ethereal twink who twirls his hair and faints at the sight of Lupin. What even is that? That’s not Sirius Black—that’s like trying to shove a feral dog into a tea party dress. It’s laughable, but more than that, it’s a betrayal of who he really is.

His bite, his bike, his relentless defiance—it’s not a costume or an aesthetic; it’s who he is, deep down to his bones. That raw, untamed energy, that edge—it’s woven into the very marrow of his bones. The Sirius Black from the books exuded raw masculinity. He was all bruised knuckles and fiery glares, a man who looked like he could break you in half but might settle for a well-placed punch instead. Unpolished, angry, and unapologetic to his last breath. Stripping all that away to turn him into some hysterical femboy with fluttering lashes doesn’t just miss the point—it actively distorts the very essence of the character.

So, no, I won’t acknowledge this fanon revisionism—or more accurately, fanon distortion. That’s not Sirius Black. And with that out of the way, we can return to the real Sirius Black—the one built from book flesh and bones, the man we actually know.

What intrigues me about Sirius is that he’s constantly at war with himself. The guy stormed out of his aristocratic, silk-sheeted home and straight into the muck and grime of rebellion. And rebellion is a funny thing—it’s loud, it’s violent, but it’s not always about breaking free; sometimes it’s just a different way to cage yourself. He chose to reject his family’s ideals, but the methods, the temperament, the sheer ferocity—that stayed with him. In his desperate attempt to be their opposite, he becomes just as volatile, just as dangerous. He’s trying to kill the part of himself that was shaped by his family, and yet, you can see it, can’t you? That same cruel streak, the same hunger for superiority. Only now it’s turned against anyone who dares remind him of where he comes from. It’s a brutal thing to watch, someone trying so hard to break the chains, only to forge new ones from their own fury.

Then there’s Severus Snape. If there’s anyone who can drag Sirius’s demons out into the open and force them to dance, it’s him. Sirius looks at Snape and sees everything he despises, everything he’s spent his life trying to drown, smother, burn out—the shadows of his family’s poison. Snape is like a living relic of the Black family’s cursed bloodline, a walking monument to what Sirius could have been, should have been, if he’d just bent the knee and stayed in line like a good Black boy. There’s no escaping it. Snape is a mirror that shows Sirius all the worst parts of himself, twisted into something cold, bitter, and unrelenting.

And Severus? Every time Snape looks at Sirius, it’s like staring into a mirror reflecting everything he’s ever wanted but never had. There’s that deep, gnawing resentment—the kind that comes from watching someone like Sirius, a privileged boy born into power and status, toss it all aside like it meant nothing. Sirius had everything Severus spent his entire life yearning for: a sense of belonging, the kind of respect that comes with a name, the freedom to be reckless without consequence. To see someone carelessly discard what he, Severus, would have fought tooth and nail to possess—it’s like being taunted by the very life he’s always dreamed of, but could never reach. Every time their paths cross, it’s not just personal hatred fueling that rivalry—it’s the bitterness of watching someone waste a treasure Snape has been denied his whole life.

They despise each other because, at their core, they’re fighting the same battle. They both want to escape their pasts, their pain, but they’re both trapped by it. Observing their dynamic is like watching two men rage against the same storm from opposite directions, and both of them lose in the end.

For all of Sirius’s darkness, there’s one light that never flickers: his absolute, unwavering loyalty to James Potter. James wasn’t just a friend—he was the family Sirius chose for himself, the anchor Sirius wrapped his entire identity around. Black would’ve followed James into the jaws of hell without a second thought, no questions asked, no hesitation. Sirius’s rebellion wasn’t just against his family’s twisted values; it was a revolt in the name of the bond he shared with James, a bond stronger than blood.

So when he finally clawed his way out of Azkaban, broken and ragged, it wasn’t just freedom he sought—it was the ghost of the only person he’d ever truly cared about. James was dead, but in Sirius’s mind, that bond was still alive, and he clung to it like a drowning man to a piece of driftwood. But the world had moved on, and Sirius—stubborn, proud Sirius—hadn’t. He was trapped in the past, unable to let go of the life he had lost. He smothered Harry with his expectations and projected James’s image onto him. In Sirius’s eyes, he wasn’t just mourning James—he was still trying to save him. Still trying to fight a battle that had ended long ago. Shackled to a memory, a ghost, Sirius was living on borrowed time. His desperate need to relive those days with James blinded him to the truth—that Harry wasn’t James, and the past couldn’t be resurrected. And in the end, Sirius’s death wasn’t a tragic loss; it was inevitable. A man like him, still fighting ghosts, still raging against a world that had moved on without him, was always destined to fall. His death wasn’t the end of a life—it was the final note in a song that had been playing since the day he lost James Potter.

As I said, Sirius Black’s depth far exceeds the number of pages he’s given. He’s the kind of character who burns bright and brief, leaving just enough of a mark to haunt you long after he’s gone. His short appearances were cut off far too soon, but twisted enough to make me take notice. And I’m nothing if not an admirer of the twisted. He’s the kind of man who’s always teetering on the edge of something dangerous, dragging his demons behind him like shadows that never quite leave his side. For all his flaws—his recklessness, his impulsiveness, his Peter Pan syndrome—he makes me feel something—whether it’s anger, sympathy, or that strange, grudging admiration you have for someone who keeps charging headlong into the storm, even when it’s bound to destroy him. The kind of character that makes me want to punch him square in the face and then buy him a drink right after. That’s a rare kind of magic, if you ask me.

[elbiotipo]

I think the current "renewables vs. nuclear" debate will be obsolete once widespread tidal/wave power and perhaps bioelectricity (something I need to research in depth) become widespread. You don't have to argue about the intermittence of renewables or the high cost of nuclear plants when waves are basically unexhaustible sources of power.

From an aesthetic perspective, in these past few years I've become enamoured of nuclear power and the sheer industrial might it has. But I think one must be pragmatic, it works as a "backbone" for an energy grid, but renewables are just so much cheaper and practical.

My slogan is blue-green power: Blue nuclear power (Cherenkov radiation) as a replacement for big fossil plants/hydro plants the "backbone" of energy grids, and green renewables of all kinds, depending on the environment, to power daily use.

[aalinaaaaaa]

Author Ask Tag

Thank you to @tildeathiwillwrite for the tag <333

—

What is the main lesson of your story? Why did you choose it?

In reference to Obsidian Sapphires (because that’s the wip whose theme and message I’ve fleshed out the most), the core lesson would be to not let ambitions of grandeur, perfection, divinity, etc derail you from the things you have/the people you love, and that even the most seemingly perfect solutions can still cause tragedy. The central identity of Obsidian Sapphires was always in relation to family, personal identity and the Allaitri Chalice was central to Eshani’s goals even from the first ever draft. This draft focuses on the Chalice and its ramifications as a result of it being openly used in society.

What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding?

A lot of it is inspired by my perspective, my experiences, etc. It draws heavily on certain aspects of my home country, and also some of my own thoughts too. For instance, Helindians being maestros at non-alcoholic fruity drinks derived from my own wish fulfillment! I don’t drink, I’ve never had a drop of alcohol in my life.

It also contains a lot of nature, because it’s a direct contrast to how sterile and corporate the real-world is and I think it really helps make the world very aesthetic, very alluring, somewhere that people would get sucked into and never want to leave. A faerie-style honey trap, if you will.

I'm going to give a specific mention of Morilaste, for it takes a certain amount of its inspiration from Italian art and history. This really became apparent after my visit to Milan and Venice, because I was in awe at the art and architecture. The scale, the details, the artistry, everything. Absolutely stunning. I find that when I'm in or near places like cathedrals and other highly grand, artistic structures, it feels otherworldly. I am awestruck that people made these, that people put funding, time and effort into these grand structures, and we get to benefit from the fruits of their artistry hundreds and thousands of years later. (This is why minimalistic, corporate-hellscape buildings of the modern age break my heart)

And it's that sense of otherworldliness that I want to evoke when designing Morilaste, because I want it to capture the aura of divinity that the court's namesake sought for. I want to use the sheer scale of it to encapsulate just how much of a beautiful, deadly trap it is, and how it contrasts and complements the way ordinary Helindians perceive it from the outside, with basically nothing but rumours and stories to rely on.

What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness or help the reader grow as a person?

Alycja’s trying to prove herself to others, reclaim her innocence in the face of those trying to misconstrue her motives. She wants to be loved, she wants to be admired, and her ordeal is coming at a time when she’s at the start of her teenage years, a pivotal time when she is beginning to flesh out her own identity separate from her identity as part of her family. Her arc is one of the most prominent ones in terms of the theme, because her choices threaten a touch of tragedy almost no matter which path she takes. In a sense, it’s a warning to not let others take advantage of you, and also an affirmation that there is a lot of power in one’s own decisions, even in the face of things that are outside of one’s control.

As for Eshani, she’s also trying to prove herself, but more to repair relations with the people she cares about. She knows what she wants, but her arc is about actually confronting the reality of her desires, and her realising that she wasn’t ready yet. This occurs all while balancing the responsibilities of her current place in life, trying to claw her way out without betraying so many people. She carries a lot of guilt, and the message I want to portray through her endeavour is that the past is the past, it cannot be changed, but the next best thing is to do something now, in the present. Dwelling on what could’ve been is what sets her back, and I look forward to the part where her character development fully clicks into place, I think it’s kinda beautiful (and it fits with the theme and her goals :DDD)

How many chapters is your story going to have?

I’ve an estimate of 30, but this could easily change.

Is it fan fiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

Original content, planned to go on my blog :D

When did you start writing?

Wow, it’s been ten, going on eleven years at this stage!

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of writeblr? What other writers do you follow?

Don’t give up on your ideas! And especially don’t delete them. Stash them away, let them ferment, make sure they’re written down somewhere (and not just on a computer, physical notes are important too). You’ll never know when your ideas may germinate and go full circle. And even if they don’t go anywhere, there’s value even in those ideas just existing. (Side note, people love deleted scenes and snippets!)

I follow so many fantastic, talented, creative writers on here (and I know a decent amount in real life too!), that I would break the tags per post limit so many times over. For the writers that I mention here, consider yourselves tagged for this game, and also here’s an Open Tag for anyone/everyone who wants to answer these <3

@seastarblue @bardic-tales @ominous-faechild @leahnardo-da-veggie @the-ellia-west @vesanal @thebookishkiwi @jev-urisk @cljordan-imperium @ieppiq @angelfevr @gioiaalbanoart @guessillcallitart @thereadingfoz @honeybewrites @oliolioxenfreewrites @theglitchywriterboi @corinneglass @rae-butter @oros-ash3s @mundanemoongirl @scarletteflamerald @midnight-and-his-melodiverse @ceph-the-ghost-writer @flock-from-the-void @tryingtimi @outpost51 @mattresses-and-macaroni @limitlesswritingvoid @agirlandherquill @space-writes @winterandwords @finickyfelix @wintherlywords @druidx @avrablake @inkednotebook @lizardperson @ineedaplacetostay @gaslightwestern @satohqbanana @acertainmoshke @sleepyowlwrites @talesofsorrowandofruin @talesfromaurea @the-golden-comet @bi-focal12 @write-with-will @glassstardust22124 <333

[indigovigilance]

This has been eating at my brain for 5 minutes, but why does aziraphale wear reading glasses sometimes. Is it for aesthetic? Is it their eyesight? Help

Hi @electronicturtlepaper, thanks for the ask! I gave this some thought, and I propose four reasons that Aziraphale wears reading glasses:

Aziraphale imagines himself having a 50-year old human body

He likes doing things the human way

They are integral to his enjoyment of art

He uses them to communicate with Crowley

Expanded arguments and evidence, as always, below the cut:

Aziraphale likes to imagine that he is a 50-year old human.

I think there's a little bit of a tendency to think of the ineffables as being superhuman. They are, but not the way Superman or Wonderwoman are. We get the best illustration of this in S1E6 when Crowley is driving through the M-25 inferno:

Crowley has something no other demons have, an imagination. Right now, he's imagining that he is just fine, and that a ton of burning metal, rubber and leather is a fully functioning car.

We know from this Season 1 scene that Crowley's imagination manifests reality; in this particular instance, it is to defy the laws of physics, to keep his body from discorporating and his car from falling apart.

Even though the way it's being used feels "super," we can see how the mechanic of "imagination manifests reality" could be used in the exact opposite way by someone who likes to think of themselves as a homely, affable pillar of the community that has owned the bookshop on the corner for as long as anyone can remember. We see other ways this manifests, like not being able to keep up with Gabriel while jogging:

He could think of himself as a battle-ready soldier, but he doesn't. He thinks of himself as someone who likes culture, good food, and fine clothes; cardio doesn't really play into that, so his corporeal form manifests accordingly. By the same token, he's an avid reader, and as far as his Whickber Street neighbors are concerned, has spent all day, every day reading books for the past no-one-knows-how-long; how would he not need reading glasses?

By sheer power of imagination, Aziraphale has manifested himself into needing corrected vision.

Aziraphale Likes Doing Things the Human Way

Keep in mind that this is the angel who absolutely did not fool Nefertiti with a single caraway seed and three cowrie shells, but he sure did put his whole entire soul into learning prestidigitation from the best human magicians of their day, and took French lessons so that he could ask his aunt's gardener for a pen.

Wearing reading glasses to read is part and parcel to a 50-year-old man running a bookshop. Miracling himself some Lasik eye surgery would be cheating, just like using a miracle to make the farthing vanish in a sleight of hand trick. In order to do something the human way, all the normal human handicaps must apply, including myopia.

Aziraphale's Enjoyment of Art is Enhanced by Wearing Glasses

I also think that Aziraphale considers wearing eyeglasses to be an integral part of the human experience of the joy of literature; reading a novel without peering at the page through silica lenses framed by metal wire would be like eating sushi without dipping it in soy sauce. The experience would be incomplete.

But, then again, look at this dork:

He's wearing his glasses to listen to music. Clearly this isn't necessary or even helpful (but as someone who has taken off their glasses so they can listen better to somebody, I can assure you it's very human). So this tells us that Aziraphale's glasses are, among other things, his "I'm enjoying art right now" accessory.

This is further reinforced in the following beat, when he's opened the door, and he's not wearing his glasses anymore:

So sometime between turning off the gramophone and opening the door for Gabriel, he took off his glasses to signal that he has quit shastakovich.exe and is returning to "normal adult responsibilities" mode.

Aziraphale Uses His Glasses To Communicate

...and we know exactly who he learned this from: @goodomensgifs credited for this wonderful gifset, hereafter incorporated by reference because my computer is so mad at me rn and can't handle loading gifs.

Crowley uses his glasses to communicate his emotions a lot. He uses them to show vulnerability. He uses them to show contentment. He uses them to threaten. He uses them to show that he is wounded and defensive. He uses them to demonstrate that he is or is not willing to talk. Aziraphale has learned from the best.

The first time we see Aziraphale leverage his lenses this way in Season 2 is when Crowley returns to the shop after their fight about Gabriel. When he's alone, waiting for Crowley to return, Aziraphale isn't wearing his glasses:

but quickly puts them on when Crowley walks in the door:

Quite a few analysts have published metas on equivocation (@cobragardens and @ao3cassandraic, maybe we should start using an #equivocation tag? Because this is becoming a recurring topic), which I incorporate here by reference. Crowley and Aziraphale have had to learn to communicate without saying a lot of things out loud, and glasses are playing a role in that.

By putting on his glasses, Aziraphale has just put up a big "I'm feeling hurt and defensive" sign; at the same time, Crowley takes his glasses off, to signal that he's ready to talk. Aziraphale peers through his glasses while he's pretending to ignore Crowley, reinforcing that his glasses are assisting him in demonstrating his umbrage.

Aziraphale finally takes his glasses off to tell Crowley that his "you were right" wasn't a good enough apology:

At this point in the conversation, the angel is allowing himself to be more vulnerable and show just how upset he is.

This evidence is taken from limited samples, but it fits with the general dynamic of the characters observed elsewhere.

Thanks for the great prompt, I never would have done this exploration otherwise but it was very rewarding.

Good Omentober!

~~~~~~

If you liked this, you may like:

Clothes + Equivocation = Romance by @cobragardens

The Colors of Crowley by @cobragardens

The Golden Lion by @cobragardens

Angel Pinky Rings by yours truly, @indigovigilance

...and any fan is welcome to drop an analysis request in my askbox!

[blueiscoool]

Dentist Discovers Human-Like Jawbone and Teeth in a Floor Tile

While touring his parents' recently renovated European home, a dentist spotted something unsettling. Embedded in a travertine floor tile along the hallway leading to the terrace was what appeared to be a human jawbone. Sliced diagonally, the tile revealed a cross-section of several teeth. Uncertain of the proper course of action, the dentist turned to Reddit, where the discovery ignited a frenzy of online interest, ranging from enthusiastic curiosity to sheer disgust.

The discovery has captured the attention of an international team of scientists who are eager to examine the fossil. They believe it could belong to an extinct human ancestor.

"If it turns out to be a fossil hominin, which I think it is, it should be studied and placed in a museum," John Kappelman, an anthropology professor at the University of Texas at Austin who specializes in hominid and hominin origins and evolution, said in an email.

Travertine, a type of limestone commonly used in construction due to its aesthetic appeal and longevity, often forms near mineral springs and can contain fossilized remnants of past life. While plant, algae, and even animal fossils like those of rhinos and giraffes are occasionally found in travertine, human remains are exceptionally rare, as noted by University of Wisconsin paleoanthropologist John Hawks, Forbes reported.

In a blog post titled "How Many Bathrooms Have Neanderthals in the Tile?" Dr. Hawks highlights the uncommon nature of this particular discovery.

"I expect there will be many twists and turns in the story of this jawbone," Mr Hawks wrote. "With some teeth preserved and abundant surrounding rock, I expect that specialists will be able to learn a great deal about the life of this individual and when he or she lived."

The European dentist, who specialises in dental implants, told Forbes that he immediately knew he wasn't just looking at stone tile's natural pattern variations when he saw several teeth staring up at him.

"From my dentist's point of view I had no doubt it was some kind of human," he told Forbes. "The teeth distribution and size of the mandible is characteristic. Also, the width of the cortex is specific to ancient humans."

"I don't think it is Jimmy Hoffa," the dentist joked in a follow-up to his original Reddit post. He said he prefers not to reveal his name, or his parents' location, to protect the family's privacy.

When the dentist spotted a jawbone as part of his parents' home upgrade, he was surprised for a different reason.

It is very, very unusual to find vertebrate fossils in processed travertine tile, and hominin fossils 100 times more so," Kappelman said. "We have only a handful."

Mr Kappelman was part of a team that observed the earliest evidence of tuberculosis etched on 500,000-year-old human skeletal remains discovered by factory workers in Turkey cutting travertine tile for commercial use. The scientists published the findings of their research in 2007 in The American Journal of Physical Anthropology.