#Past and eventual Tanthamore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

commanderbuffy · 2 years ago

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the tanthamore affair - bonus scene (ch. 7)

“Canyon maze,” Kit says, her voice soft and shaky, but some how still confident, as she raises her head up from where it had been resting on Jade’s shoulders.

A shiver runs down Jade’s spine like ice. She pulls out of Kit and shuffles backward across the large mattress, as far from Kit as possible. Jade’s heart is beating a mile a minute, and she brings her knees to her chest, wraps her arms around them.

Her eyes feel large and wide in her head as she keeps them on Kit. She waits, waits for Kit to explain. She doesn’t have to explain. But it’s Kit. Kit always talks to her, even if Jade sometimes has to wade through babble to figure out what she’s actually trying to say.

But there isn’t even babble for her to sift her way through.

Instead, Kit breathes heavy, her body is in the same position it had fallen to on the mattress as Jade had pulled away from her. Which is when Jade realizes that Kit is hyperventilating.

“Kit,” she calls out. “You need to sit up. You’re not able to breathe properly like that.” She wants to rush to her side, lift her up and place a reassuring hand on her back as she coaches her through the timed breathing that has always worked in the past when Kit was in the middle of a panic attack.

But she’s naked, and Kit just called canyon maze. She called their safe word. The word that ends their friends with benefits relationship full stop.

No questions asked.

“Kit,” Jade pleads, “Please just sit up.”

Her voice must make it through because Kit sits and raises her arms to lace her fingers behind her head, opening her airways. Jade keeps nervous eyes trained on Kit’s face and mentally counts each inhale and exhale. In for five, out for seven.

Color starts to return to Kit’s pale face.

Jade doesn’t want to push Kit to talk. She knows she doesn’t deserve a reason. That was the point of ‘canyon maze’. The point of trusting each other. The point of the safe word.

But Jade’s nervous for Kit. Something is wrong. Something that Jade missed. How had she missed it? There had been the incident in the bathroom, of course, but otherwise Kit had seemed fine.

Hadn’t she?

Had she so absorbed in her delusion that Kit…that they were…that they could be…had she been so self-centered that she hadn’t realized that Kit was suffering silently?

But Kit doesn’t tell her what happened. Instead, she quickly stands and pulls the clothes out of the top of her duffle bag - a USC t-shirt and sweatpants.

“Kit…” Jade hedges, hoping to reach her friend. Because, despite everything, Kit is her best friend. She’s her person.

“No,” Kit shakes her head. “I…I can’t. I have to…I can’t…I have to go.”

And she does, without turning back to face Jade for even a moment.

So, Jade stays there, naked and alone and the AC is cranked too high without Kit’s body heat beside her. She’s not sure how long she sits curled into herself, staring blankly at the corner of duvet where she’d kissed up Kit’s body. Kissed her. Pressed her lips to Kit’s. Felt like there was something there. Something more.

She’d thought Kit was going to tell her that she loved her.

She thought…she’d thought she was more to Kit. But now, she realizes she never could be.

Eventually, she reaches into Kit’s bag and pulls out a sweatshirt. She doesn’t know where her bag is, and Kit’s she can reach without leaving the bed.

And Kit’s sweatshirt smells like her. Smells like her deodorant. Smells just so distinctly Kit.

So, when Jade falls asleep on the too big mattress in the too cold room in the too empty space, she can almost pretend that Kit is still there with her.

Jade expects the tears to come.

But they never do.

Because she should have known. She knew it was inevitable.

That Kit would break her heart.

#okay i lied #shhh #tta #the tanthamore affair #tanthamore fic #tta snippet

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