#Particularly in relation to gender identity and whatnot

[emcandon]

fresh midnight Question for you:

are there any TAU worldbuilding elements or character facts or whatnot that you wanted to include in the book, but ended up cutting? or alternatively, have any specific story elements you have a burning desire to talk about?

Hm! Some thoughts on queer stuff! Which is ambiently in the text but not so much defined.

I was interested in writing a world with multiple competing theories of queerness, none of which are "perfect" -- in the sense that none of these societies have managed genuine queer liberation (i.e., everyone has the freedom to be who and love however they want). They're not necessarily awful, though some definitely are, but none of it's ideal.

The dominant queer culture originates in the Immaculate Empire and gives us "hermit" and "widow" -- pretty binary terms for a specific variety of desire, often linked with a kind of gender performance. There is no similar term for bi/pansexuality, at least not in the common parlance, so if you're, say, a cis bisexual woman, you'd still be described as a widow, were you engaging in widow-like conduct. The understanding and room for transness is highly dependent on where you are; some states have done that particular brand of evil thing where they see providing trans care as a way to enforce state power, because it's a way to police the binary and deviations from it.

Outside the empire, we get the legacy of downworld "third gender" -- which is actually a catch-all term for queerness. It also...doesn't have any further distinctions. They lump the entirety together in this one category -- which is itself somewhat binarist, as it distinguishes "cishet" from "not that," even though it's on a different axis. So if it's particularly important to you to be perceived in a more specific way, welp! Good luck!! This might actually be pretty chill in a world where authoritarian powers weren't keen on destroying your existence. Unfortunately!

I also have thoughts abt the ways different character relate to these systems of identity and meaning; like Sunai is pretty comfortable swimming between them and has a more fluid sense of self, while Veyadi cleaves more to "hermit" as a term, even though he has a somewhat complicated relationship with it. Jin has latched onto "third gender" even though they're not as bound up in downworld culture as say, Oyu, who is from a downworld caravan, third gender, and presents in a distinctly hermit-like way. And Imaru is the ur-lesbian! Widow supreme! Next question!

[mcleaha]

hello lovelies ! i’m bøffy , i’m 20 years old , prefer she/her pronouns , and currently reside in the pst timezone ! uhh . . . i am posting this intro at nearly 5 AM my time , and i would be almost willing to bet it’s littered with errors and it’s . . . probably a bit all – over – the – place since this is very much a new muse ! however , with that being said , if you give this a like , i will definitely contact you via tumblr ims or d!scord ( 𝓲𝓷𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓪 / 𝓮𝔁𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓪#1384 ) to plot !

[  jasmine brown  . 21  .  cis female .  she/her  ] just saw MALEAH AMICK dragging their suitcase up the steps to CABIN 1B  .  good luck living with HER  ,  i hear that that they’re INDECISIVE  ,  FORGETFUL ,  SOCIABLE  & CREATIVE  .  Apparently they’re the ATTACKING MIDFIELDER .  let’s hope the upcoming season doesn’t affect their JUNIOR year of ART EDUCATION .

STATS:

name: maleah amick .

nickname(s): leah .

age: twenty one .

gender identity: cis female .

pronouns: she/her .

sexual orientation: bisexual / biromantic .

birthday: 26 february 1999 .

zodiac sign: pisces .

myer-briggs: esfj .

pinterest: coming soon !

HISTORY:

               born on the 26th of february 1999 in orlando , florida , maleah was the youngest of the three amick siblings . her mother worked as a prestigious board – certified pediatric surgeon at a local children’s hospital , and her father worked as a high school mathematics teacher and volunteered as the school’s unpaid soccer coach , a move that saved the program from ending due to budget cuts ( he claims he was roped into the position as a first – year teacher with no seniority , but while he’s reluctant to admit it , he eventually grew a passion for the sport he had previously known little about ) .

               with her mother’s long shifts and emergency work – related calls , she ultimately became closer to her father and two older brothers while growing up . most knew her father as a man who towered over them at 6’7” , ordering his team to run laps or practice drills ; however , maleah knew him as the man who would crawl around the living room floor playing barbies with her or would prepare fruit and herbal teas as she twirled around dressed as a princess , declaring it time for a royal tea party . just as easily , she could be found exploring the great outdoors or playing whatever sport was currently in season alongside her brothers .

               she practically followed in her brothers’ footsteps . as they approached high school , each brother chose one sport to specialize in , hoping to secure a position on a college team and eventually on a professional team . maleah did not have professional athletic goals , but although she had immaculate grades with limited effort put towards academics , she knew extra – curricular activities were important for college applications . thus , when it was maleah’s turn to choose which sport to pursue , rather than having to weigh the pros and cons and make her own decision ( or perhaps , fearing that she would make the wrong decision ) , she simply chose the sport that her brothers had previously chosen : soccer .

               her high school coach knew the perfect position for maleah . years of informal practice with her brothers in the backyard had enhanced her skills . she had learned how to evade skilled high school defenses by pretending as if she was heading in one direction before bolting in the other .  soccer was one of the few areas in life in which she possessed enough knowledge to make quick and effective decisions ; she could read the field and immediately determine the best course of action : dribble , pass , or shoot . ultimately , she possessed the vision and the creativity necessary to secure playmaking and goal-scoring opportunities for her team .

               with a line of college scholarships , both academic and athletic , waiting for the attacking midfielder’s choice ( unfortunately , none from either of the schools her brothers played for ) , the time came for maleah to make a decision . as deadlines for summer practices , class registration , and tuition payments crept closer , she finally determined a means of deciding . she numbered her offer letters , 1 through 13 , and allowed a random number generator to make the decision for her . thus , mere chance ( or perhaps fate ) led maleah to hollis university .

               her first semester at hollis was . . . rough , to put it lightly . while most freshman shed a few tears as they watched their parents’ car drive off into the distance , homesickness lingered in maleah’s life . coasting through high school with limited effort had done her zero favors ; with no effective study skills , her grades dropped dramatically . between soccer and trying to salvage her grade point average , a social life was virtually out of question . ultimately , she found herself on academic probation , unable to play soccer , for her second semester of freshman year at hollis .

               luckily , she was able to develop effective study habits , and even discovered along the way that maybe pre – med was not the best major for her . when asked what she wanted to do , maleah gave an entire list of generic answers – “i want to help people” and “i want to make a difference” came up quite often , but nothing specific enough to point her in the right direction . thus , she changed her major almost every semester , desperately seeking for the right fit . in the meantime , though it took several letters petitioning her temporary removal from the team , she was able to resume playing soccer during her sophomore year .

               as junior year approached , maleah was almost certain that she was back in her coach’s good graces – no longer viewed with a sense of skepticism . she had proven herself capable , finding her name on the dean’s list nearly every semester and assisting her team in numerous wins throughout the soccer season . however , with hollis’ soccer teams’ restructuring , maleah can’t help but question if her coach views her as a valued athlete or a liability .

PERSONALITY:

               two words : social butterfly . almost to a fault . even if someone has expressed quite literally zero interest in talking to her / getting to know her , she will still make an attempt . kind of a . . . people – pleaser , in a sense , she just wants to be well – liked ?

               avoids ! conflict ! at ! all ! costs ! generally just . . . tries to avoid people or situations that upset her . not very prone to like . . . yelling or crying , but those close to her can definitely sense a change in her demeanor when she’s upset ? just . . . a lot more tense , probably lots of eye – rolling and just . . . subtle , quiet signs that she is over whatever the problem is .

               kinda . . . chill , mellow , easygoing ? she very much lives in the moment , and tries not to stress too much about the future . always down for a drink , a party , whatever – genuinely just around for some fun and some friends !!!

               the kind of person who genuinely gets excited over like those fun facts and jokes that are on popsicle sticks and whatnot – absolutely must share the information with everyone within earshot . honestly , those jokes are very . . . on point with her own personal sense of humor jflakdsj .

HEADCANONS:

               she suffers from a terrible case of youngest child syndrome . ultimately , without guidance , she’s terribly irresponsible . she’s always having to run extra laps because she sets her alarm too late to make it to morning practices on time . she’s always receiving overdraft fees for spending more money than is available in her checking account . forgets everything – from homework assignments to names to grabbing her keys before locking the door on her way out . just . . . imagine a child asking for an adult’s help and her looking around until she comes to the realization that “ oh , shit , i am an adult ” .

               she’s practically always doodling – in the corners of notebooks , on napkins while eating lunch , on her clothing , on her own skin . she loves making art , particularly drawing or painting portraits or nature . ( ultimately , she only decided to incorporate this into her choice of major after hollis threatened to not allow any further changes to her major ) .

               she has a . . . unique sense of style . she has a passion for thrifting and upcycling . practically lives in hoodies and t – shirts that she has purchased from secondhand stores and cropped herself . always adding cool iron-on patches to her clothing . she should be listed as your emergency contact if you’re prone to ripping your clothing because she can definitely fix it .

               she probably thinks she’s good at trash-talking on the field , but she actually sounds like a second grader ( and that’s being kind ) . if you looked at her browser history , there’s probably at least one record of her actually googling “ best soccer trash talk ” .

CONNECTIONS:

friends !! friends she’s met through courses throughout her adventures of attempting every major possible , mayhaps soccer friendships that continue off the field , mayhaps that complicated emerging new friendship state for some who are new to hollis ! unlikely friends ! best friends !!! quite literally those unbreakable ride – or – die friendships !

muses !! i feel like every artist needs that little dose of inspiration , even if it’s simply the inspiration of a work – in – progress portrait throughout the duration of camp ! complaints of “ stop moving ! ” and her stopping every ten minutes to ask what they think and probably at some point , her flinging a brush dripping of paint in their direction (if things didn’t end in an all – out paint fight djlfakds ) .

enemies !! honestly i’m sure there is ?? so much ?? potential for this , bt . . . mayhaps someone’s just . . . fed up w her irresponsibility ? thinks she doesn’t take her soccer position seriously ? maybe someone doesn’t think she takes anything seriously ( they wouldn’t be . . . wrong tbh ) . maybe someone from cali takes that “ california vs florida ” feud a little too seriously jflskdja . idk there’s always bound to be personality clashes !

exes !! relationships that ended badly , so she actively tries to avoid them and who even knows what happens when she’s forced to acknowledge their existence at some point at this camp !!! maybe relationships that ended on mutual terms so they’re still p chill with each other ?? maybe ended relationships that never quite got closure so there’s still unresolved feelings !!

hook-ups !! they are . . . college students . they are . . . college students stuck at a camp all summer . idk i feel like this one is pretty self – explanatory jflakds .

honestly i am tired & want to sleep , bt genuinely i am up for & open to anything ! good influences , bad influences , unrequited crushes , requited crushes , idk the world is y(our) oyster !! these are . . . rlly just some ideas to get the whole process started bc i am actually terrible at . . . thinking of plot ideas on the spot . always open to jst . . . doing a thread and seeing how things naturally flow too !

[theorynexus]

42: Don’t look for the Meaning of Life here. Monty Python’s circus has flown elsewhere.

This is so cute. It’s almost not fair. ;w;

***a sudden flurry of shout poles emerge above my head***   Well... this was unexpected.   To some extent, it makes sense, considering the complicated nature of Cherubs and their mating. It further makes sense in the light of Calmasis, who seemed to be a-gendered in Calliope’s fanfiction/stories (if I am remembering things correctly), which I suppose might to some extent have been projecting the subtleties of her desire, will, and nature in more ways than one.

I am just as stunned by the Narrator, but at the same time, I am so amused by their reaction that it’s hard to actually take in the gravity of what Roxy’s saying, and to think about it in light of Roxy’s history+character, generally.    Wow. Honestly, I am a little overwhelmed by that revelation, and I think I’m going to have to return to it at a later time other than one little dalliance into a statement of curiosity: Is this related in some way to her Void Aspect?

Haaaaahhh. This shrieks of sudden insecurity. This is particularly interesting in light of the presumed Heart Aspect that is floating around in the Narrator’s existence because of the seeming Dirk dominance that’s going on (made more obvious as they’ve been dwelling on the stuff in Universe C, and become more casual in their narration, in this last bit).  If that insecurity is in fact a thing, it could speak to potential internal exertion on Rose’s part upon Dirk’s otherwise firm and very self-knowing psyche. Something to think about.

“Allow it.”   Pffft.  (I wonder if this is representing the Narrator loosening their reigns on things a little bit, relatively speaking, or if it’s simply a matter of the aura of Void surrounding Roxy that’s interfering with things, just as with Mom’s own Void messing with Rose’s ability to detect her in Act 2.) Related:  I do in fact think that the Narrator might secretly be uncertain about/have difficulty wrapping their head(s) around the concept of non-binary and/or a-gendered existence, especially since they conflate the two, and obviously are projecting insecurity about the use of “they/them” to reference either/both of them.   (Honestly, it’ll take me a while to not constantly try to apply a “she/her” to either of them, probably. It is very surprising, especially for Roxy.)

Yeah, I guess dealing with an alien race that presumably has at least sequential hermaphrodity as their norm, and which may determine their sex purely based on mating outcomes, rather than anything beforehand (yet while still presumably retaining their gender/lack thereof) prooobably naturally would bring up questions like that.  It’s definitely a complex topic, and I’m sure aliens being added to the mix would make things even more complicated for humans in real life when it comes to the discussion than it is as of now.

Indeed, “Reasonable thoughts,” compounded with Jade’s confused, uncertain reaction (which reads similar in tone to a stereotypical parental, “Have you tried to stop being gay?” reaction, at least to me) and the Narrator’s refusal to deal with it again afterward suggest that they are being quite judgmental about it, probably due to their mechanistic and highly Light-emphatic views of reality engendering them with a desire to categorize and concretize everything. This desire likely makes them struggle not to reject anything they can’t quite get a proper grasp of due to the barriers of void surrounding it (as is, to some extent, the matter with issues of gender, I suppose this story is suggesting, and as is the case especially with the nature of the MSPA Reader, who the Narrator clearly rejects and dismisses as important because they can’t peer beyond the indistinguishability of all of us from an insider’s perspective).

I mean... yes and no?  Gender roles and whatnot are definitely constructed socially and only distantly relate to biological features of the sexes, but gender identity, broadly, generally comes with being human, I should think (regardless of what you identify as, including a-gender identities).  Obviously, gender is a slippery concept, but I would suggest it’s not one that is completely baseless or undeserving of acknowledgment like that.  It’s just a matter of individual identities being more nuanced than the traditional male/female divide with its cultural baggage might suggest to those that don’t recognize that some of what goes into defining gender comes from biased sources of tradition and law which affect the way one thinks of it. To summarize what could be a very long and controversial/awkward conversation, I would suggest this:  Gender is something of an inherent part of the ego, related to but not fully requiring or dependent upon the various group identities one will take in the process of going through life. Such a kernel of self-identification will naturally build up through one’s development as a child as one begins to develop a more solid sense of self and a reflective understanding of the separations existing between one’s self and others. Obviously, this will be very malleable, early on, which is probably related to why many/most societies begin to attempt to ingrain concepts of gender roles into individuals early on. Regardless of whether one agrees with the idea of pushing such ideas on a child or not, the development of gender identity ought to be regarded as superseding this interference, and overall an innocuous part of what it is to be a human. (That said, with factual matters out of the way, I understand why Roxy would want to get away from the idea of gender as understood/developed in our own history, given how close she is [fudge] they are with Calliope, and how she they think of themself. It is not wrong of her to desire to dismiss such things as wholly constructed beasts.)

***snickers***    Screwed up on the tense of that verb, there, after you messed up on their gender, Narrator.   ;3

Ahaaa. I had suspected this might be the case, but hesitated because I thought Callioped must have taken to gendering themselves first.  Caliborn seemed to be a bit slow with most things he interacted with/adopted, so that didn’t seem like a good assumption to make.  I guess enthusiasm doesn’t necessarily predict chronological placement, but still, it makes it seem like Calliope did this later than him. Hmmm.

In this sense, gender roles definitely seem to have a strangely influenced path through Paradox Space. How curious. Roxy’s following summation of/declaration concerning the idea was quite humorous, as well.

Not something I knew/remembered about her.  On the other hand: THERE WERE STILL CHESS PEOPLE!!!  D:

Is this meant to suggest that Jade is more comfortable with her gender, now (if so, why?  Dog body/hormones?), or is it meant to suggest that the narrator thinks that being non-binary is immature/a fad that Roxy will grow out of?

Hehehe~  Ectobiology is fun.

Now, this is certainly a fun and interesting extension of the connection between individual versions of a being with a single oversoul that I didn’t suspect would be possible.  I wonder if it’s because of the lessened relevance that was mentioned concerning those in Universe C that Rose mentioned near the beginning of the Epilogue.

[bonesandblood-sunandmoon]

Growth (& sharing a poem)

CoA prompt for Jan 2020 - “New” [Call for Submissions]. As of this post [Jan 9th], the Carnival of Aros WP hasn’t released its Call for Submissions link, so the link is to the direct post from @aro-neir-o.

The poem was not written by me, but @opaline-words (link and poem provided below the cut).

1) New things you have learned since discovering aromanticism (about yourself, about aromanticism, about other arospec people, about the queer community in general, etc.).

I’m not sure to what extent having to interact with family that involves re-closeting myself has created a temporary and/or artificial split in how I approach aspects of my identity. I don’t necessarily combine gender musings with aro musings, for example, and especially when it’s far more obvious in my daily life while closeted on the gender front, I just don’t prioritize finding out I’m under the aro umbrella in the same way that other aro bloggers seem to. Maybe it’s the fondness for sideblogs where they’ve made the choice to prioritize their aroness in that space, but I alternate feeling like a lurker and feeling like I’m intruding where I don’t belong. It’s not quite as dire or pessimistic as the phrase ‘rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic’ suggests, but I guess I’m at a stage where other things have to take a higher priority for now.

I’m not trying to get some sort of reassurance that I can include myself in the aro community with this. (I figure someone would’ve asked me to stop writing submissions for the Carnival of that were the case.) It’s more that I’ve realized that not every group or community is made up of 200% committed Ride Or Die people, even if said group is considered young and relatively smaller than more established groups. I’m under the aro umbrella, but as an example, I’m just not going to be at the forefront of aro community leadership or education efforts. I don’t have the time, energy, or in-person capabilities for certain types of community building like that, y’know?

2) New things you have learned since interacting with the aro community (about yourself, about aromanticism, about other arospec people, about the queer community in general, etc.).

It’s mildly annoying when I interact with an allo-allo person who assumes that something I’m doing platonically is romantic, but I have to work on stopping myself from reacting too quickly (out of a place of hurt) when aros do it. I’m afraid a somewhat public post about my perspective of greyro included that type of a knee-jerk reaction, but I’m hoping to do better in 2020.

3) New experiences you’ve had since learning about aromanticism and/or discovering your own aromanticism (e.g., new types of relationships, new types of feelings, new vocabulary that you found described you, new conversations you’ve had with others).

Confession: When I was first trying to figure out if I was somewhere under the aro umbrella at all, I came up with a term that I felt encompassed my specific experience. It kinda, sorta has overlap with a few other terms that I’ve seen a few times (definitely not often), but I’ve honestly never felt like sharing that term would actually accomplish anything in the aro community. It might lead to someone creating a flag or something, but I just don’t see it catching on or being helpful.

Other: I really like the idea of crafting a relationship through collaboration with my friends (not related to QPPs or waverships, but inspired by that level of intent to talk about where the friendship may be going), and I know at least a few of them have already figured out some of amatonormativity’s side effects. Occasionally, some aro vent posts come across like alloromantics are fine and peachy with amatonormativity, but from a personal level, a few of my friends are frustrated with the unevenness towards valuing friendship, too. It’s just that picking up on this doesn’t actually counteract amatonormativity or make any sort of relationship maintenance easier in the face of it. And as much as certain posts have gone around saying that the aro community digs in deeper and more in-depth into discussions about amatonormativity, relationship conventions, and whatnot, it’s not exactly easy trying to figure out how to talk about this with people outside of the aro community.

4) New aro or aro-coded content you have come across that you want to share or critique.

A poem titled “what does love feel like?” by @opaline-words [link to original tumblr post]. For those who don’t want to open a new tab or window, the poem is shared below.

what does love feel like?

is it the wit or the whimsy;

the pull or the repulsion;

the handle or the edge

of the knife?

you walk through the dog park

devoid of dogs,

or

you walk yourself to the car

in the rain,

and

you have no idea.

you can’t remember

or

you never knew.

One of the first things I told my friend, ~opaline-words, after this poem crossed my dash back in Oct 2019 was that it had aro vibes. From the first stanza: “what does love feel like?” (literally one of the first discussion points that questioning aro folks go through), “the pull or the repulsion” (romance repulsion or lack thereof), and “the handle or the edge | of the knife?” (the interplay of societal expectations around romantic love hurting aros versus feeling like you’re hurting and/or manipulating people).

From the second stanza: “the dog park | devoid of dogs”, which I think resonates with feeling the distinct lack of what’s expected, and for those struggling with feeling like a social failure, a feeling that gets into purposelessness. However, I would caution against a depressing interpretation of uselessness in “you walk through the dog park” because a dog park isn’t necessarily restricted from humans walking through it. I can see a certain kind of repurposing or twisting of conventions that reads more like the greyro or otherwise spectrum/umbrella portion of the aro community.

From the third stanza: “you can’t remember | or | you never knew”, which makes a certain part of inner-me go chef’s kiss. I personally resonate with feeling like I’ve ‘lost’ my ability to detect romantic attraction, and while I could write down memories of crushes in November’s CoA post (an extent of literal memory remains), I do feel like a certain part of me can’t remember how to decipher romantic attraction. I can’t say that it’s a universal aro experience, but I figure it may also resonate with others. I can more clearly see the aro feels for the ending thought “you never knew” and the last line of the second stanza “you have no idea”, particularly for the aromantics who haven’t experienced romantic attraction (handle/end-case).

I don’t want to say that this is the only reading of ~opaline-word’s poem that anyone can have, but I had to get the initial impressions out of my system, and I wanted to have some context for why I’m reblogging this poem in the latter half of February and including an aro tag on it.

[magnetisedcatharsis]

Magda favours dresses and skirts due to an inherent need to be feminine. It's also one of the reasons she's so maternal, because in a traditional role, that's part of what femininity and womanhood means to her. As someone denied the ability to exercise her gender identity to it's full potential while in Auschwitz, it's become both a pathological and psychological need for her to be able to express it now.