#PORNSTACHE MY BELOVED

[iguessricciardo]

brazilian gp 2023 - sprint race day / photos by Rudy Carezzevoli

[bil-daddy]

You evil???

Incredibly evil. The most evilly evil demon normal human person you'll ever meet.

[greedandenby]

AU idea, I guess.

[ashtonsunshine]

A bit afraid to ask but what’s the pornstache…..

Pornstache Daniel, my beloved ♥️

[helinyetille]

Schneider's worst look

Let me explain this outrageous title. I wholeheartedly believe that this man is amazing and he can wear whatever the hell he wants, I would still smash and I know I'm not the only one. He can pull off any look (well, almost, but we'll come to that).

Also, apparently, we all collectively share a single brain cell. I woke up and thought that I need to make a poll to know you guys' opinions on our beloved Schneider's fashion choices because I'm really curious. Then I log on just to see this post on my dash. If it's not telepathy, then I don't know what it is. It is all written in the stars, guys, I don't make any rules.

So, I present you a collection of Schneider's seemingly most questionable looks. Take your time, choose wisely.

1. Schneminem

2. Mohawk

3. Nu-metal look

4. Emo boy

5. Velvet suit whimsical t-shirt white loafers combo

6. 'Straight up from a poorly written rom-com' look

7. Pornstache™

Also summoning the CEO of JFC church @samshinechester for help and opinions ✨

[thiswaytwoinfinity]

Emma’s Epic Bday Multi-Fandom Rec List: Stranger Things Edition

(yes, there will be many parts because oh my god I read waaaay too much fic)

Since it was my birthday recently (and around the 1-year anniversary of when I started actually using Tumblr again after a years-long break) I figured it was only fitting to do a giant master list of all of the amazing fanfics that I have read (and reread) in the past year. 

I do my best to reblog as much as possible but sometimes with work and life I miss it so this is my attempt to make up for that and give all of the amazing creators on here the credit they deserve. Thank you all so much for sharing all of your work with us. This year has been a long and difficult one for me, especially mental health wise, and being able to escape into these stories has been so valuable and important to me. 

If you read anything on here that you like, please reblog and/or comment on these fics to show the creators some love! 

AN IMPORTANT NOTE: While not everything listed here will include smut, many of these authors have 18+ blogs. Please, please, please respect their boundaries and DO NOT INTERACT WITH THEM/THEIR CONTENT IF YOU ARE A MINOR.

Stories marked with ❤️‍🔥 contain NSFW content

Stranger Things: 

colors (series) ❤️‍🔥by @loveshotzz — this was my introduction to ST fanfic and hooooo boy what an intro it was. what i wouldn’t give for a steamy, forbidden romance with best friend’s dad!Steve —sorry, Jenny, but he was just too hot to resist — it’s hot and emotional and basically the stuff that fantasies are made of. loveshotzzz is also the creator of the Foxy Lounge series, featuring flirty bartender Eddie and bad-at-fighting bouncer Steve which is also *chef’s kiss* 

Time to giddy up, yeah? ❤️‍🔥by @loveshotzz — two words: pornstache Steve. Two more words: mustache ride. Two more? You’re welcome. 

As You Wish (series) ❤️‍🔥 by @corroded-hellfire — my all time favorite Eddie series! Ryan and Luke are the most adorable, hilarious kids (i loved their little “scheme” to set their dad up with their babysitter) and the little family that Eddie and his sons form with the reader has just been so delightful to read. (also, for the record, it’s on sight with brittany)

put me through it, baby ❤️‍🔥 by @agentmarvel — PINING EDDIE MY BELOVED! Ugh I loved the slow building of the friendship between Eddie and reader, the angst of him knowing that her boyfriend was trash but not wanting to cross a line, the passion between them. As i wrote when i reblogged it, “Screaming, crying, laughing, smiling, CRYING 😍🥹😭🥵 “ 

take me higher ❤️‍🔥 by @munson-blurbs — i will never get enough Argyle stories, and bug has written some of my favorites. this is one i reread all the time (i’m clearly a sucker for a good babysitter fic) because i love the way Argyle feels so real in it. The flirtation, the banter, those sweet little moments of awkwardness, it’s all truly 10/10. A special runner-up mention goes to this blurb which features best friend! Argyle and hair pulling and is just … just a dream. 

bad idea  ❤️‍🔥 by @abibliophobiaa — if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a million times: Steve Harrington is a menace. Best friend!Steve gets his hands on the romance novel you’re reading and decides to tease you with all of the flirty things he picked up from it. Steve is at peak menace in this, which means i fell hard and fast. 

this is gonna sting by @lovebugism — this one was written so, so beautifully. Sweet, lovestruck Eddie afraid to open up and confess his feelings always hits me hard and the imagery in this was just so stunning that i think about it a lot. I aspire to write a sentence as beautiful as “he leaks a bright red truth right across from you and carries everything he feels about you in raging scarlet scrapes.”

Steve Harrington Boat Smut ❤️‍🔥 by @lovebugism — God, what a glorious day it was when those pictures of Joe Keery on a boat in Italy made their way online. Anyway, this is exactly what is says on the tin and exactly what we all needed in that moment. 

This story by @pouringmyheartoutforpaper — sweet, sweet lovesick Stevie who is determined that things will be different in this relationship meets reader who has some insecurities about how slow their relationship is progressing. Gorgeous, sweet, fluff that will give you the warm fuzzies. 

The Tune-Up ❤️‍🔥 by @roanniom — Issa, queen of smut! This mechanic Eddie story is so hot that it will have you contemplating whether or not you should mess with a few things on your car, just for an excuse to come visit him in the shop. (Also just read all of her stuff. It’s so, so good.) 

Happy Mother’s Day, Steve Harrington ❤️‍🔥 by @roanniom — STEVE. HARRINGTON. BREEDING. KINK. WILL MAKE BRAIN GO BRRRRRRR. I rest my case. 

The Riddles Three ❤️‍🔥by @blueywrites — You cannot convince me that Eddie “Dungeon Master” “Lord of the Rings nerd” Munson would not try and do a Gollum impression in bed. As a firm believer in goofy, weird bedroom antics, this story is canon and I will hear nothing else about it. 

Smoke and Cherry Pop Rocks ❤️‍🔥 by @somnambulic-thing — want to have your heart broken in the best way possible? HERE YOU GO. A gorgeous, tender, emotional story about regrets and moving on and finding the courage to open up, even if it’s a little too late. 

Classified ❤️‍🔥by @pullhisteeth — considering the slightly absurd premise — putting an ad in the paper to lose your virginity — this was gorgeously grounded and real. Eddie is so lovely and gentle in this and it was just a treat to read. 

monster under the bed ❤️‍🔥by @eddiemunsons-missingnipple — i’m going to be honest: this is monsterfucking. But if that’s something you’re into, you *need* to read this. It will make you go feral.

River Monster! Eddie ❤️‍🔥by @courtingchaos — brb, wandering along the banks of all the rivers near me in an attempt to lure River Monster!Eddie to come out and mate with me. Again, it is monsterfucking, but … come on. It’s so good. (Meg also has some of the best Gator Tillman fics out there. They’re hot and weird and wild in all of the best ways. 

My Goyle Fiend ❤️‍🔥by @bettyfrommars — You want monsters? You go to Betty. Trust me on this. Her gargoyle series was the first that I read from her and I was hooked instantly. She’s written werewolves, vampires and is currently working on a brilliant series where Eddie works at the Nightmare Factory and appears in your dreams as all kinds of different ghosts and ghouls. If things that go bump in the night aren’t your taste, her biker! Eddie and Steve series are also great, as well as her beautiful gigalo!Eddie story. 

I Can See You ❤️‍🔥by @fairyysoup — I don’t know that there are enough words to express how much I loved this story, The not-so-unrequited affection, the building tension, the way Steve and the reader keep coming together over the years, Steve’s big grand gesture at the end … just so beautiful and moving and steamy. I’ve already reread it like 4 times. 

Stranger Things Adjacent  a.k.a. Joseph Quinn characters 

The Hat Shop Girl (Ralph from Timewasters) ❤️‍🔥by @rehfan — Y’all this story is *so* good. It packs so much into this love story — issues of class, grief, sexuality, power dynamics — in a way that just makes their journey so much richer and more interesting. This version of Ralph is perfect, soft and sweet and well-meaning but also the way his confidence builds throughout the story is delightful and the smut between them is so delicious and delightful. 10/10. 

Knight in Shining Armor (Billy Knight) ❤️‍🔥by @rehfan — I’m gonna say it: This is my favorite Billy Knight fanfic of all time. So soft and tender, it handles Billy’s mental health in a way that feels really empathetic and realistic while also letting the audience indulge in the thing everyone really wants: to give sweet Billy all the love in the world. 

This Billy Knight Masterlist ❤️‍🔥by @pollenallergie — I could not pick just one of these amazing Billy fics. pollenallergie is, in my mind, *the* authority on all things Billy Knight and she’s got it all. Her writing is soft and steamy and touching all at the same time and I love it all. 

Worth It (Ralph from Timewasters) by @wheels-of-despair — Do you want to feel *all* of the delightful warm fuzzies as you daydream about the perfect life with sweet Ralph? This is the story for you. Every chapter is delightful and touching and will make you feel *all* of the feelings. I love it so much. 

[hangmanshoney]

suuuper late uploading this bc I’ve had my new name for a little while now, but I figured new name, new pinned post - better late than never - so here we go!

Hi hey hello, welcome to my brain dump for a multiverse of fandoms!

*updated january 2024*

about me & this blog:

current era: glen powell (with a lil tom cruise still too)

current obsession(s): a certain bunch of fictional naval aviators (what’s new?), also apparently both real & fictional men from Texas.

current love(s) of my life: glen powell, monica barbaro & jake lockett.

current OTP’s: sereshaw/hangster, hannix, tarlos, chenford, brettsey, buddie.

OG / forever OTP’s: upstead, hawkami, rollisi, stellaride, jamko, ellick, tiva, madney, bathena, spoby.

content you may see here:

shows/movies

- chicago fire (hawkami, brettsey & stellaride trash + carver my beloved, holding up the universe)

- chicago pd (upstead trash forever & always - no matter how bad the writers are screwing them over!)

- top gun + maverick (basically my entire personality at this point, unapologetically a slut for jake seresin (cheers bestie @callsign-fangirl!) but also have a lil soft spot for mav, roo & bob!)

- 911 (buddie trash here + maddie buckley & may grant are my icons)

- 911: lonestar (tarlos are my babies & marjan is my queen)

- law & order: svu (rollisi are my babies, forever and always)

- criminal minds (still catching up but already unapologetically in love with derek morgan & spencer reid)

- bones (literally adore the jeffersonian gang & this show kinda blows my mind?)

- gilmore girls + a year in the life (jess mariano supremacy!)

- the rookie (in my chenford feels on a daily basis)

- csi vegas (my newest obsession - rapidly falling head over heels for josh folsom but also fully on the allie-josh ship train!)

- law & order: organised crime (elliot stabler’s reprisal got me hook, line & sinker and i never looked back)

- blue bloods (lil bit in love with the whole reagan clan but jamie has my heart)

- greys anatomy (merder & slexie forever and always, little grey my beloved!)

- ncis (forever in my ellick/tiva era)

- fbi

- pretty little liars

- gossip girl OG (my first tv show addiction, never gets old)

- gossip girl reboot

- succession

people

- tom holland (despite the name change he’s still my love, here for all the content I can get!)

- tom cruise (an obsession that came from nowhere & took over my life)

- glen powell (loml, my fave texas boy, my little pilot man)

- monica barbaro (my love, my angel, my queen)

- miles teller (feral for this man, pornstache n all!)

- lewis pullman (sweet lew lew my love)

- jesse lee soffer

- jake lockett (the texas men obsession continues)

- richard madden (bodyguard, rocketman, cinderella - you name it i’m here for it)

- chris evans (marvel, defending jacob, knives out - again, you name it i’m here for it)

- aaron taylor johnson (recently re-obsessed thanks to bullet train but I’ve been crushing since like 08 so I’m here for the long haul)

- sebastian stan

- andrew garfield (the first spiderman I ever loved, my first marvel crush)

- zendaya (girl crush all day every day)

- harry styles

- joe jonas

- brad simpson

- taron egerton (kingsman / rocketman mostly)

- shawn mendes

bands

- the vamps

- jonas brothers

franchises

- marvel (avengers / tasm era - spiderman / captain america / black widow mostly + all things bucky barnes)

- one chicago

- law & order

- mission: impossible

As always, like / comment / drop me a message if we have any fandoms in common, always looking to see new content on my feed & interact with new people. Feel free to reach out & I’ll give you a follow.

All the love, chloe✌️💕

[bewilderedbunny]

<3

also ily forever sally 💗

Leighanne my beloved!!! ilysm 💗 every time I see Elvira or a pornstache I think of you 🥹 you also have excellent taste in music and tv!!! I also feel like you radiate kindness and love 💗

mutuals! give me a ‘<3′ in my inbox and I’ll tell you things you remind me of you/your vibes

[buckysswinter]

happy spooky day from me and my beloved buckultranos

PORNSTACHE DADDIES. HOW I’VE MISSED THEM!!! HAPPY SOOOKY DAY HEHEH

[tharros-auris-black-asimi]

happy spooky day from me and my beloved buckultranos

PORNSTACHE DADDIES OMG

happy spooky day from me to you too!

[sgt-paul]

PAUL MCCARTNEY on stage with Wings at London’s Empire Pool; October 1976.

© Anwar Hussein

[iguessricciardo]

via @.alphataurif1

[all-that-glitters-is-goldfish]

pornstache army RISE 😈

[ashtonsunshine]

pornstache daniel, my beloved x

[whenimaunicorn]

I’ve fallen for Pablo Schreiber! Help.

It happens...

My greatest moment of horror was realizing the man who plays my beloved Mad Sweeney is also... Pornstache from Orange is the New Black...

[forlackofabettersound]

Ochungulo Family is a More Ethical Ethic

Yeah I said it.

I was initially afraid this statement might be a bit classist coming from me, a middle class suburb bred 20-something year old. But the genre has risen from its gritty hood predecessor, ‘genge’ and moved up the street into the Boiler Room co-signed Jason Dunford aka Samaki Mkuu spitting ‘gengetone’.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4jko8AHWIU

Did Ethic walk so that Ochungulo Family could fly?

If so, then the Kansoul crawled so that Ethic could take it’s stumbling baby steps into the receiving arms of the Nairobi mass market. Meaning Jua Cali and Jimwaat swam like sperm to egg so that the Kansoul, 2 lads from the cabro streets of Ridgeways with the sole exception of Mtoto wa Khadija, Mejja who gives the Kansoul it’s much needed mtaa edge, would be accepted by both the clipped english accents of Capital FM and the tongue chewing sheng of Ghetto Radio.

Now that the scene has burst open like the ripe fruit it is, there’s so many of them: Boondocks Gang, Zero Sufuri, Sailors. The question I’m not going to answer today is “When did Gengetone stop being snubbed by Naija-blaring establishments and became the flag-waving sound of the nation it is today?

The question I WILL answer today is: What’s the difference between Ochungulo Family and Ethic that makes the former a boy band of insinuating heart throbs, and the latter cancelled by KoT?

Perhaps a brief history of both camps is in order. Let’s start with Ethic.

These kids broke out of the precinct of Umoja and into the scene with the finger-licking club banger, ‘Lamba Lolo’ back in 2018, stirring a country-wide frenzy. The beat is a simple repetitive stock synth melody backed by the easiest bassline. The low-budget music video shot in their neighbourhood features REKLES, SWAT, SESKA and ZILLA on what seems like a regular weekend dusk, where they called their friends out to come jam- the bottles and cups ubiquitous in hip hop music videos swapped for Big Boms and Pin Pops. 

Analogy: If Ethic is Pin Pop. Ochungulo is Chupa Chup.

It’s clear from the jump that REKLES is the most lyrically adept, with SWAT’s notoriety stemming from being the cutest face. The track isn’t so much a wine and dine as it is a ‘let’s skip to the good bits’ as it’s opening line states, “Piga Goti (eeh) Panua Domo basi (eeh)” with a chorus that repeats the question, “Ushailamba lolo?”

Browsing through their discography, their second single ‘Postion’ was a smash hit with the co-sign of the Kansoul, providing us listeners with beloved catch phrases such as ‘Geuka Nikubeng’ ‘Ganja Farmer ni wale wajanja’ ‘Ushaiguswa uskie tu kunyora ushaiguswa uskie tu kuoga’ and of course, ‘shuglibagli shugblibagli nden nden nden nden.” One of the laziest verses of Okonkwo’s career in my opinion but I digress.

So now let’s jump to their 3 most controversial tracks, ‘Pandana’ ‘Tarimbo’ and ‘Soko’.

In ‘Pandana’, the phrase that came under fire was Rekles’ use of the word ‘Tunabakana’ ; Baka meaning rape in kiswahili. However with Rekless use, ‘tunabakana’ translates to ‘we are raping each other,’ a double non-consent which cancels each other out and alludes to consent. While rape in any construct or form should not be encouraged, this line may have been taken out of context by KoT. Rekles probably meant no harm in its use, simply suggesting that they are aggressively in each other’s body business. However from this faux pas, Rekles should have learned. He did not.

In Tarimbo, less innocently, he raps, “Mi huchapa mi humwaga hata bila permission” One thing should be clear, doing anything to anyone’s body bila permission is non-consent aka sexual assault. This lyric can not be as easily forgiven.

It gets harder and harder to defend these guys with ‘Soko’, which Rekles opens with the line, ‘Kuna toto na ameiva iza’ ‘There’s a child and she’s ripe sorry’ bringing to our moral imagination the fact that the object of this rhyme is a minor. Contrast this with SWAT’s badly interpreted line in ‘Pandana’ where he says ‘Toto yako iyeke fiti nitaikulala’ and you can see that the use of the word ‘toto’ in each of these songs is different. In ‘Pandana’, SWAT uses toto as a euphemism for lady parts. In ‘Soko’. Rekles’ toto is an underaged girl. While both are lewd, Pandana is suggestive whereas Soko is criminal.

Speaking of criminal, let’s dive into Ochungulo family and compare see whether they’re anymore saintlike or if we’re a public who ignore dirty things if they’re dressed clean.

https://twitter.com/ethicofficial/status/1270784205308526593

This is the tweet that started this whole investigation. Ochungulo broke out with the Nelly the goon led track, “Bora Uhai’ an ode to life and all it’s sweetness. Followed shortly thereafter by ‘Krimino’ and a rain of smash hit singles following the likes of ‘Na Iwake’ ‘Aluta’ ‘Kaa Na Mamayako’ where Alejandro Chief Inspekta compared thee’s nipples to a nectarine blossoming flower’s in the less shakespearean format. “Nipple zako nazinyonya kama nectar’

Alejandro Chief Inspekta aka Benzema, formerly EDM producer with the electronic collective Lectronica Circle has found more success and notoriety and ease in the world of gengetone than in Dance Music. Already, gritty grimy gengetone and synthesized programmed European Dance Music are contrasted by a class divide. You won’t hear Martin Garrix being introduced by Mbonoko on the radio during your work day commute. Only the middle classed suburb youth had fantasies of jet setting to Tomorrowland with their pocket money savings.

More specifically diving into the track in question, ‘Ngwatiology’. ‘Ngwati’ being sheng for porn hence ngwatiology meaning ‘a deep analysis of the effects of pornography on the human psyche through a thorough hand-genital exploration’ Masturbation folks.

While hilariously lewd, there’s no foul play in ‘Ngwatiology’ just a play by play of the natural phenomenon that is ngwatiology.

“Did you know porn hub awards, hu-happen once, ile time ya cramps?”

“Did you know arsenal fans? Hao hukuwa ass-anal fans?”

In conclusion, yes. Ochungulo Family are the more ethical ethic. While both teams are explicit, straight-to-the-point, no-beat-around -the-bush-just-beat-this-meat when it comes to the content of their lyrics, there’s a line in the distant horizon that cannot be crossed. And the name of that line is consent. Ethic have crossed that line whereas Ochungulo Family have not. This does not make any better or worse than the other. In today’s morally policed jungle, both bands are prey and Ezekiel ‘Pornstache’ Mutua is the predator sending cringe emails to Youtube like an uncle who still doesn’t understand how the internet works.