#PEW one again demonstrates he does not know what words mean

[the-cookie-of-doom]

https://princeescaluswords.tumblr.com/post/190234795925/stiles-sterek-and-steter-shippers-we-luv#notes

@princeescaluswords:

Morally gray characters don’t really exist. What Sterek and Steter shippers mean when they say morally gray characters are amoral characters – characters who don’t understand or are completely unconcerned with right and wrong.

You could argue that, for example, Stiles Stilinski is an amoral character. He’s unconcerned with the moral dimensions of many of his actions as long as it protects the people and relationships he values. I think this is most clearly shown by the joke in Illuminated (3x16) where Scott asks Stiles if copying the sheriff’s station’s key cards is worse than stealing them, and his befuddled reply is “It’s smarter.”

I would argue that Derek Hale is a very moral character, even when he’s fucking up big time in Season 2. He’s not abusing those kids for personal pleasure. He’s doing it to salvage his family’s legacy, which he considers the right thing to do and resisting predatory Argents, which is also the right thing to do. He’s still wrong – so wrong that he’s a villain – but when he shouts “I can’t let her live!” he means it, and he’s doing it because he thinks it’s the right thing to do.

I think it’s pretty obvious that Peter Hale is an immoral character. He’s completely motivated by self interest, rage, and greed, but he understands that what he is doing is wrong. If killing his niece was the right thing to do, why did he try to pass it off as an accident or madness? He knows that Scott didn’t take anything from the Hales, that he’s simply jealous and greedy, but he tries to cover it up by nattering on about his family’s legacy. Peter’s different from Stiles in that he has chosen to do the wrong thing to get what he wants.

It’s why I always laugh at Left Hand stories. For all his verbal bullshit, Peter’s actions always and only benefited himself. Killing Laura damaged his family forever. Biting Scott and ravaging Lydia served no one but himself. Where was the Left Hand when they were trying to rescue Erica and Boyd (”You think I really care?”) or when Derek tried to kill Deucalion in the abandoned mall? (It’s always telling that for all his blandly-moral self-righteousness, Scott helps Derek in that fight, while Peter is nowhere to be seen). He argues constantly that Derek should take their familial relationship into account and vanishes when it’s not in his interest to be familial.

The reason they don’t like Scott’s ‘black-and-white world’ or ‘bland morality’ is not because they don’t think it’s effective, it’s because they wanted the white family on top, and Peter Hale provided them ammunition. Scott is moral, but he is hardly black and white. He doesn’t believe in killing people, but he makes exceptions all the time – in Party Guessed (Scott: Ugh, I get it. We can’t save Jackson.), in Fury, in Master Plan, in Frayed, in Lunar Ellipse, in the entirety of 3B, in Muted, and in Monstrous – and that’s not black-and-white morality. Scott expressed dismay when Stiles breaks the rules, but he doesn’t get angry with him.

Lies of Omission is an excellent case because not only did Stiles kill someone, but he killed a victim of the Doctors’ experiments. Scott had watched Tracy murder the people who loved her, and he had heard Corey’s description of Lucas’ change in personality. In addition, Stiles lied to him. He told Scott that he had gotten hurt by the hood of his jeep, when it had been Donovan. Why would you believe someone who lied to you – who’s lied to everyone he’s ever cared about?

Peter Hale (and parts of the fandom) paint Scott as self-righteous because they don’t want to recognize that the people in the show need someone like Scott McCall to fight for their right to life. Imagine if Scott decided that Peter was right, and that the true survivors live in Shades of Gray. What if he decided to protect only his pack and not to care about the rest of the supernaturals of Beacon Hills? What if he decided, after dying at Liam’s and Theo’s hands, that someone else could stop the Beast? That would be the immoral thing to do. That is what Peter would do, and did do.

What fiction writers try to do is paint amorality and immorality as a different kind of morality, and that’s a definist fallacy. They are not alternate versions of the same thing.

It’s most clearly seen in stories where Stiles excoriates Scott for not killing threats, even defeated threats such as Deucalion or Gerard, or for not executing those who hurt or killed their friends and allies, such as Theo or the twins, but Peter is standing next to Stiles whispering “Left Hand, Left Hand” in his ear like a deranged parrot. The inevitable malfunction there is so huge it can be seen from space.

If Scott McCall was going to abandon his moral stance on second chances and the possibilities of forgiveness, if he was going to become a “survivor and live in shades of gray,” if he was going to kill defeated threats and execute killers and villains, why not start with Peter Hale? If he’s no longer concerned with right and wrong, what’s Scott’s motivation for allowing that monster to take one more breath? He wouldn’t have any.

~•~

“Peter Hale and non Scott/Posey fans don’t like Scott McCall and paint him as a self-righteous coward because they don’t want to recognize that the people in the show need someone like Scott to fight for their right to life” Tyler Posey is that you?

-

Cookie:

“Stiles Stilinski is an amoral character. He’s unconcerned with the moral dimensions of many of his actions as long as it protects the people and relationships he values.”

That’s.... that’s literally what morally gray means. 

Morally grey characters do what’s right for the people they love, regardless of the consequences. They will do something Bad if it means getting a good outcome. They are the  literally definition of the ends justify the means. 

“I think this is most clearly shown by the joke in Illuminated (3x16) where Scott asks Stiles if copying the sheriff’s station’s key cards is worse than stealing them, and his befuddled reply is “It’s smarter.””

This is adorable. PEW is seriously taking things out of context here, isn’t he? I love how he neglects to mention that Stiles copies the key card for Scott. Because Scott wanted to break into the Sheriff’s station to impress the new girl he likes (shocker), and made Stiles is accomplice, because Stiles was the obvious in. That’s not a moral choice, PEW. No one was in danger. They weren’t protecting anybody. They weren’t even protecting Kira, when anybody who saw the picture of her would assume it was a damn Instagram filter!

Also, who the fuck uses “befuddled” anymore? You’re showing your age again, PEW.

[stardust-and-blades]

*looks at s7 and s8′s writing of allurance and throws it away”

Okay yall here are ways I, a klancer, would have made Allurance so much more sweeter:

--Season 1 allura @ Lance: Your ears are hideous!” --by the end of season 1: “You know, your ears aren’t so bad. They are actually kind of cute.” --Switch Shiro out with Lance. Yes I loved the mission they went on with each other but consider this hot take: Lance immediately swooning when Allura beats the shit out of a sentry and steals his gun hEART EYES MOTHERFUCKER --*yeets lance into escape pod* Lance: Allura no! It should be me, not you! *cue aNGST* --Lance and Coran viciously tracking down where Allura could be and Lance and Pidge sneaking in without a hint of comic relief bc this is a dire situation and he is worriedTM --Pidge: “She’s going to be okay, Lance. Something tells me they wont dispose of her right away. We have time.” Lance: *cocking gun* Then we better get moving --Pidge and hunk actually gossiping about the possible relationship between Allura and Lance rather than uhhhhh being mean --When Allura first gets captured Keith pulls him aside to check up on him because he is a worried friend and knows what it’s like to have someone--a friend--be in danger --”What do you care, mullet?”  “Listen, I know you’re hurting. We all care for Allura and I was in the same state when Shiro was captured” (he is speaking from a platonic lens but regardless of platonic or romantic it applies in terms of emotions) --Bc I’m a feminist I like the idea of Allura breaking herself out and meeting up with Pidge and Lance. and they end up meeting a whole slew of Galra trying to stop them from escaping Allura is thrown Lance’s weapon as a strategy and it tURNS INTO A SPEAR --DUAL WIELDING COUPLE? YES. THEY SWITCH THE WEAPON AROUND WHILE ALSO INITIATING COMBAT AGAIN COMBAT COUPLE ACTIVATED --#PidgeAndKeithShooketh --Hunk and Shiro: :3 --Coran: -_- --Coran: “That’s weird the bayards are only supposed to be used through one chosen person not two” --Allura: ??? Lance: *clueless as fuq* --When Lance gives Allura his bayard since she is the next blue paladin he cracks a joke and she laughs. Is happy to give blue to her bc he trusts her --Lance gets himself in a pickle during a fight scene and Allura comes in with her lion like pew pew bish don’t fUCK WITH HIM --When Allura had to sacrifice her father’s memories for the good of the castle, Lance lent out a hug bc he too, may experience loss since he is away from his family and not sure if they are alive. And they in turn are not sure he is alive. --When Allura is being harsh to Keith about his Galran heritage, he pulls her over and explains to her the past of Earth similar to her background, but that hating doesn’t solve anything. what is important is to love others for who they are, not their ethnic background. He even brings up the evil Alteans, that no one is all pure and no one is all evil.  --When one of the evil altean sentry’s almost shot lance (but sven jumped in), Allura hears and checks up on him, going all healer mode. Same with sven (altean magic biiiiissshhhh where wAS IT THE REST OF THE SEASONS IM DISTRAUGHT) --Lance doesn’t really flirt with the mermaids in season 2 and when plaxum goes to kiss him on the mouth he gets distracted and she gets his cheek --Lance: O_O surprised but also going “why do am I not a fan of that??? I should be? @ God explain” --When Lance unlocks his sword bayard she teaches him all sorts of sword techniques since Keith is gone and when Keith does return, the two of them teach him. Allura demonstrates with Keith so Lance can analyze and Keith most of the time doesn’t react to Allura “attacking” and touching him bc again, ACE AS FUQ. --Lance: Man I wish that were me Allura: *literally flings Keith across the room with one well planned kick to the solar plexus* Lance: Man I wish that were me --Lance at Keith: I need relationship advice Keith mcfucking knife kogane: what’s a relationship Lance: God I need to set you up on dates. What about that acxa chick Keith: nah I’m good *goes back to book* --Lance at hunk: i need relationship advice Hunk: say no more *whips out countless of poetry and song lists for lance to use to wooTM Allura* --When lotor comes in fuck jealousy. Fuck it I hate the jealousy trait so Lance is sitting there, seeing them interact, and is confused as to why it slightly hurts but he is willing to let go --When you love someone so much you see them happy with someone else, you let them go bc you care about their happiness more than forcing a happy ending for yourself (cue more langst rip SHE LIKES YOU YOU SILLY BOY) --While I am a lotura shipper since this is strictly Allurance rewrite, Lotor is ace as fuq and sees Allura as a friend and she in turn thinks the same thing --As they are looking into alchemy and shit they stumble upon Honerva’s entry on Zarkon and her growing affection of him and Allura is like “Love is both beautiful and chaotic Lotor: Maybe, but it is what warms the heart and sparks endless passion Allura: Do you love anyone? Lotor: I love my generals. Not romantically, but they are my family. Allura: What is romantic love like? Lotor: That, my dear, is something you must find out on your own. Alchemy can only take you so far. Allura: *crISIS* -When Allura saved Lance from death’s grasp she is checking on him like, every hour  “Allura I’m okay” Allura: you dIED Lance: But your sweet talking brought me back to life *cue goofy grin* Allura: I don’t know if I should smack you or kiss you Lance: What Allura: whAT --Fuck the fight with Lotor bc they are now best friends and allura goes to him for advice and gossip and be like “what is this feeling so sudden and new” --Lotor: :3 --Lance one night is walking around the castle with his face mask on and runs into Allura and she sCREECHES “WHAT IS THAT” “IT’S A FACE MASK” “WHY IS IT EATING YOUR FACE OH MY GOD LANCE TAKE IT OFF” *Cue Lance informing her of what a face mask is and, when he removes it, she can’t stop stroking his cheeks and he’s livingTM) -They have a night of talking about their families and Lance putting a face mask on her to help her skin and braids her hair. It soothes her from all the stress she has been dealing, especially as a diplomat and paladin of voltron. --Hunk even made them altean brownies in the shape of hearts awwww --They fall asleep next to each other and the mice inbetween them --They were spooning until fucking pidge barges into Allura’s room and stARTS PLAYING THE HORN TO WAKE THEM UP PIDGE WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS --They scream, I scream, we all scream bc pidge is a shit --They don’t kiss in season 8 no no no they actually kiss in like, season 5 or 6 as the finale and it’s under the stars in the castle and all pretty and despite my bitterness over the red and blue and pink stars being completely thrown out the window, the blue and pink stars glow -three words: Space Mall Date --He gets her something sparkly at said mall or on earth and she marvels over it.  --On earth he gets her a rose quartz necklace and she loves it and never takes it off. She tucks it under her armor and when Coran advises it would be best to take it off she refuses  --When they crash land on earth after honerva’s fucking weird ass altean mech attacked for like, two episodes, Lance is sleeping by Allura’s side bc he woke up first and when she wakes up she pats his head. --She frames his drawing what do you mean it isn’t nice it is pure ART --Lance makes her another tiara as a replica of the one she sacrificed for Shiro. He gets Shiro’s help in finding the perfect stone to resemble the one she gave Shiro --It sparkles. Cue brownie points --They get in like, one argument and its about who the space mice are traveling with when they were in the voidTM --Lance doesn’t know how to dance but Shiro and hunk teach him so he can woo the socks off Allura --There is a ball episode. She enters in a beautiful dress and Lance is pure mush holy shit thats mY GIRLFRIEND --She even hAS THE NECKLACE HE GAVE HER RATHER THAN THE DIAMOND ONES ROMELLE FOUND OOF --Allura? Dying?? No the lions are sacrificed or there is no sacrifice at all bc Honerva alone should have been the one to have died only, not Allura. Dying is Dumb. --The alteans see through Honerva’s lies and actually overthrow her and Allura takes over the Altean colony because she deserves to be with her people and get to know them and yes that is her human boyfriend what about it. --They have a pretty wedding and she has juniberries as her bouquet. Shiro catches it. Adam isn’t dead bc like I said DYING IS DUMB. --They rule new altea together and explore the universe and help other planets learn to be independent and no longer used to Galra control. They help find proper galra diplomats (like the blades and kolivan and krolia and Keith) --They still have to fight the living supporters of Sendak bc the fires of purification yea what happened to them did they die --Peace is a long road for them but they achieve their dreams, love each other, and have fantastic friends  --side note lotor still not dead bc again he is a diplomat for both alteans and galrans and is as valuable as Allura is with diplomacy

EVERYONE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER WHADDUP THATS MY TAKE HOPE YOU LIKED IT AND UUUUUUHHH YEAH FUCK CANON BYYYYYYYYE

[fullmetalirin]

Fullmetal Alchemist OG vs. Brotherhood: Episode 1

I’ll be following episodes according to OG’s timeline, and comparing them to the Brotherhood episodes that cover the same content.

Fullmetal Alchemist Episode 1:  "Those Who Challenge the Sun"

Wikipedia’s plot summary:

In a brief flashback, the Elric brothers Edward and Alphonse had attempted to perform an alchemical transmutation in the hopes of bringing their late mother back to life, but they had failed in doing so. As a consequence, Al disappears, Ed loses his left arm, and a grotesque figure appears in the transmutation circle. In the present, the brothers walk across a desert. They arrive at Lior, where they hear about a religious leader named Father Cornello who can create miracles. However, as they realize that he is performing alchemy and ignoring the law of equivalent exchange, they believe that he possesses the philosopher's stone, which they had been searching for to restore Al's body. Threatened, Cornello orders Cray to kill them. Rosé, a girl the brothers meet, is traumatized after witnessing Al's lack of a human body, runs to Cornello. The Elrics follow her, and Cornello releases a chimera on them when they meet. Cornello also transmuted a giant bird from a parrot and sends it to fight against Ed, who fends both of the chimera and the bird off by exposing his automail, his metal arm and leg. Cornello then realizes why Ed is nicknamed the "Fullmetal Alchemist", understanding that the brothers had committed the ultimate sin of human transmutation.

I like this episode a lot as an introduction. It uses in-medias-res excellently, with a shocking opening that makes us wonder what happened to the brothers and how they’re still alive four years later. It’s immediately followed by a funny opening scene that functions as a palate cleanser for the horror we just witnesses while also establishing the brothers’ dynamic with each other, as well as hinting at alchemic mechanics (”If only there was some grass, I could turn it into bread”).

I wanted to do a spittake when I saw Ed was only 15 in the present day, though. That’s some YA level absurdity there. I somehow remembered him being older. (I also feel like it’s rather undermining the horror of his automail stunting his growth -- that’s not immediately apparent if he’s not supposed to be fully grown in the first place. There are definitely 15-year-olds who are as short as him naturally.)

We get another funny scene when they finally make it to Liore; Ed is exhausted and blames Al, but Al points out he’s only tired because he chased Al so hard. This is, again, a really nice and succinct way of establishing their characters and relationship.

Ed finds a fountain in the middle of the city, and discovers it’s pumping wine. This is a really nice detail that fleshes out the city, and shows how Cornello’s miracles are affecting their everyday life. He’s not just making some flashes to wow people, he’s actively changing the city and giving people something tangible to believe in. What I think is most important about this detail is that it adds nuance to this conflict. Cornello really is bettering the city and giving the hopeless something to believe in. These people aren’t just following him because they’re idiots; they are truly desperate. The heroes may be liberating the city from his manipulations, but they’re taking good things away from the city too.

The Elric brothers find a bar and Ed finally gets a drink. The bartender turns on the radio -- a detail that shows this isn’t your typical fantasy story, but one with an early 1900s tech level. We hear Cornello’s broadcast, and the shots decompress to give us time to take it in. We pan over the city, see how everyone reacts to the broadcast, and see Ed’s reaction to it as well.

This is the point where we catch up to the manga’s opening. The bartender asks if they’re street performers; Ed gets affronted, and says only vaguely that they’re here to “look for something”, piquing our curiosity. Ed asks about Cornello and the entire town suddenly crowds in to tell him the good word, which is both funny and an effective means of conveying exposition. They make explicit what was implied by the fountain of wine: their desert town is normally inhospitable, but Cornello made it better.

Al stands up, and breaks the radio by accident. Ed offers to fix it, but Al volunteers instead. This is our introduction to alchemy, and it’s given appropriate weight. We linger for some time on the transumtation circle, and there is dramatic music. Like the radio, this is an effective way of showing what’s special about this world -- we linger just long enough to take it in, without making us get bored.

Ed tries to introduce himself, expecting his reputation to proceed him, but the townspeople are unimpressed. An eavesdropping Lust, however, introduces him as the Fullmetal Alchemist. Her behavior is framed as suspicious...

But we don’t think about it too much because the townspeople immediately mistake Al for the Fullmetal Alchemist, and Ed comically overreacts at the affront. LOL. In the process, we establish that Ed has a complex about being short.

Then Rose shows up. She offers to take them to church and Ed accepts, hoping they’ll find something there. As they walk away, we get a quick scene with the townspeople where they hint that something bad happened in Rose’s past, but they don’t give specifics. Tantalizing! The camera prominently focuses on Lust leaving suspiciously.

Ed then wonders if they’ve seen “that woman at the shop” before. I think he’s referring to Lust, but I don’t know where they would have seen her before. Edit: Found a better translation. He’s saying he doesn’t know her, and wondered how she recognized him.

Rose tells Ed he’ll get taller if he prays, and I get the impression she’s purposefully saying it to get a rise out of him, which is funny.

We cut to Cornello finishing the broadcast. Rose arrives, and it becomes clear she is expecting a miracle in exchange for her service. Cornello strings her along, telling her her good work is recognized but it is not yet time.

The next scene finally tells us what’s going on with her: As the brothers bed down, Alphonse reveals he’s asked around, and discovered Rose is mourning the death of her lover. She has no family, so she is lost and desperate to have him back. Ed looks angry, and firmly rejects the idea that the dead can come back.

We cut to the next morning, where Cornello is doing a demonstration of his miracles. They very explicitly pay homage to Jesus: he turns water into wine, and brings a bird back to life. He also turns a log of wood into a stone statue. His ring glows prominently every time, making its relevance painfully obvious.

In the crowd, Ed and Al discuss whether they’re real miracles. They say it’s clearly alchemy, but he ignores some physical laws. This segues into exposition on the limitations of alchemy and equivalent exchange. Al explains that alchemy follows conservation of matter: he could not have turned the broken radio into a bigger radio, “or a piece of paper, or a tree,” though I’m skeptical of that last part -- one of Ed’s favorite techniques is turning stone into a metal spear, so they clearly can change the material, not just rearrange it. We can even nitpick further by pointing out that alchemy clearly ignores conservation of energy and matter is just energy, so really they should be able to do anything. But hey, I’m here for scientific magic, so I’m willing to see if they can keep it consistent.

We cut to Cornello in his office again. He is paranoid that the arrival of a State Alchemist means the state is going to expose him, and orders that the Elric brothers be disposed of.

I always find it really dumb when characters do this. If you send an investigator after something and they mysteriously go missing, that draws more attention, not less. But Cornello isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, so alright, he’s panicking. To his credit, he really keeps his cool; he does not break character, insisting that he’s doing this to protect the city, and he leaves his ugly orders subtle and implicit.

We’re also told Ed became a State Alchemist at twelve and I have just entered a brain-killing fever. I’m just going to mentally add three years to their ages from now on.

At the last minute, we see Lust is working with Cornello as well.

The next scene starts with Rose in the church. Ed sneers at her for believing God will resurrect the dead. I really like her reaction:

Look at the detail of those expressions. There is so much pain and frustration at this unwelcome intrusion as he twists the knife so painfully, yet she still manages to compose herself and plaster on a fake smile. This adds incredible depth to her character. She clearly has practice repressing dark thoughts and putting on pleasant facades. Where did she have to learn this? How awful it must be for her to have to live like this. She’s only a side character, but already I’m feeling so much sympathy for her -- more than I’m feeling for Ed at this point. He’s being such a dick to her!

Ed grandstands, pulling out his book and reading off his list of the human body’s ingredients. Rose has a serious reaction:

Ed explains it’s the ingredients of a human body, and then moves into his real point: scientists know all this, but there’s been no successful case of creating a real human through alchemy. Despite this, Ed believes that through hard work, they’ll eventually find a way, unlike merely praying for a miracle. He then callously mentions that these materials can be bought cheaply. The camera maintains focus on Rose the whole time, who slowly loses her composure until she snaps at him with indignation.

Ed stands up, but seems to have some difficulty, leaning on the pew to support himself. Nice foreshadowing there.

Ed smarms that despite rejecting God, alchemists are the closest humans have come to him; Rose snaps that he’s not God, and Ed counters that neither is the sun, and makes a vague statement about getting burned if you venture too close.

This is an incredibly powerful scene. The framing makes this feel as tense as a fight scene -- because in a way, it is, but one much more important than a mere clash of weapons. This is a battle of philosophies, and that’s what this series is truly about. We’re made to wonder why Ed speaks with such conviction -- from the opening, we know his attempt to bring his mother back failed horrifically, so who is he to act like he knows the truth? Rose is a worthy opponent -- her counterarguments are not just the talking points of an evangelical robot, but real arguments with real emotion behind them. We know there is so much subtext under everything they say -- both of them have lost people they love, and both of them cling so strongly to their respective coping methods. Ed doesn’t come out the clear victor here.

Then suddenly, it’s action time! Clay tries to assassinate Al, and in the process we discover that there is nothing inside his armor. Ed knocks him out with a quip, showing he’s used to this kind of violence, but Rose has a breakdown. Al tries to explain that this state is punishment for trespassing in Things Man Was Not Meant To Know, but Rose just runs away in horror. The brothers pursue, and find Rose has led them into Cornello’s trap.

Ed accuses him of having the Philosopher’s Stone, and reveals that’s what he’s been looking for. Cornello admits to it, but once again does a good job of keeping up the act: he claims the Stone is a gift from God, and points out that he’s done real good for the town by reviving it from the ravages of war (a theme that will become important later). Rose outright accuses them of selfishness by wanting to steal their hope.

Cornello’s opening attack is to transmute the floor to sand, sinking Al -- something that was foreshadowed in the opening. Clever. Cornello then sics his chimera on Ed (with some exposition), who makes a spear out of the sand. But I thought you said alchemy couldn’t change materials, Ed. Possibly it’s supposed to be pure silicon? That might explain why it breaks so easily.

Cornello then turns the bird he revived earlier into a huge raptor, which crushes Ed’s spear with its claws. It then tries to do the same to Ed’s leg, but fails -- which I guess is confirmation the spear can’t be a strong metal. Ed punches it out, but is attacked by the first chimera, which similarly fails to tear his arm off. Ed tears his coat the rest of the way off, revealing his automail.

And that’s where we end! Cliffhanger!

FMA Brotherhood Episode 3: "City of Heresy" (part 1)

Brotherhood compresses this arc into one episode, so for now we’ll only cover it up to the same point as OG.

Wikipedia’s plot summary:

Edward and Alphonse arrive at Liore, where they witness Father Cornello gaining the devotion of the townspeople by performing "miraculous" transmutations, which they believe could only have been accomplished using a philosopher's stone. They meet Rosé and request to see Cornello. When Cornello realizes that Edward and Alphonse are alchemists, he ambushes them with a chimera. While battling the chimera, Edward unintentionally reveals his prosthetic automail limbs, and Cornello realizes that he had attempted the taboo of human transmutation.

As to be expected from compressing two episodes into one, this episode feels incredibly rushed in comparison. There’s not even the opening scene in the desert -- we start with the Elric brothers already in the city and listening to the broadcast. They don’t spend as much time talking about Cornello (no specific good works are mentioned), Rose and Lust don’t appear, and fixing the radio is much faster. Ed doesn’t offer to fix it first, which is a reasonable minor detail to cut but I thought it was a good bit. Once again, this only makes sense if you assume the audience is already familiar with FMA and doesn’t need this exposition and character establishment.

The townspeople recognize Ed on their own and once again mistake Al for the Fullmetal Alchemist, and... here is where we get introduced to one of Brotherhood’s aesthetics I hate: the cartoon shift.

I know, I know, this is a legitimate technique in anime and manga. I don’t think it’s inherently bad, and it can actually work really well in works that don’t take themselves too seriously, provided this level of comedy is appropriate.

...And I just don’t think that’s the case for FMA. FMA, even Brotherhood, is a very dark and serious story with a lot of violence, death, and heavy themes. And like. Maybe it could still work if the cartoon shifts were restricted to only a few scenes, but they’re not. Brotherhood does it all. The. Time. Even in the middle of serious scenes. And that completely kills the mood for me. I cannot take anything in Brotherhood seriously, simply because it never knows when to stop. This case is a genuinely comedic scene, so it’s not egregious this time, but oh, it will get worse. This very episode, in fact.

We immediately jump to Cornello’s demonstration instead of waiting a day. He only does one miracle, turning a flower into a... crystal? The stone’s influence is less painfully obvious -- it’s prominently displayed, but doesn’t glow. The Elrics still exposit about the law of equivalent exchange, but it makes sense because they have no one to exposit to (Rose isn’t introduced yet). Alphonse also claims that changing vegetable to mineral is a violation of equivalent exchange.

We then jump straight to the church scene. This is our introduction to Rose. I feel like Ed now looks like a bigger dick because he doesn’t even know this person -- in OG he had a reason to talk about God and resurrection, and he was actually trying to help her even if he was terrible at it. Here he just spits on her faith for no reason.

Rose still has her bit about prayer making him taller, but it’s in cartoon style, and a sound effect helpfully informs us she’s being sincere, so she no longer gets the dignity of clapping back to Ed.

Then we get Rose’s reaction to Ed listing body materials:

HA HA, THE DUMB COUNTRY GIRL DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE EDUCATED MAN. LAUGH.

This is not an appropriate time for comic relief. It may not be immediately clear, but Ed is trying to have a serious philosophical conversation by touching on the trauma that defined his life. This is an incredibly important scene to both characters, but now I can’t take it seriously at all. Similarly, Rose’s responses sound silly -- they’re robotic evangelical cliches, not anything grounded in her own situation or true emotion.

Why? I think it’s telling that when Ed gives his line about humans being cheap, the camera focus is on him instead of Rose.

Rose isn’t important in this scene. She’s just an object for Ed to talk at to show how much smarter he is. (But tell me more about how Brotherhood treats its female characters so much better.) OG challenged Ed here; BH just validates him. In both cases, that’s very telling of how the story will ultimately shake out.

Then out of the blue, Ed does a 180 and says he wants to meet Cornello, praise God! Rose sees nothing suspicious about this.

We then get the meanwhile scene where Cornello fears the state is closing in on him, but he’s much more pathetic. He’s visibly sweating and emotional, slipping up multiple times.

The Elric brothers visit Cornello’s estate and the climax takes place there. Similar thing where the secretary tries to kill them, but Al doesn’t lose his head.

Cornello shows up and tries to pretend he wasn’t trying to kill them and very badly denies the allegations he’s using alchemy. What is the point of this?

Then Cornello appears to make a statue out of literally nothing.

Cornello tries to convince Rose to kill the Elrics instead of just killing them himself, because...?

Cornello also gives the exposition about her boyfriend here, while Rose is being a pathetic frail woman and hesitating.

Rose levels the gun at Al and we get ANOTHER comedy scene where Ed is affronted at the mistaken identity because now is definitely the right time for comedic relief.

Rose shoots Al by mistake (I think?) and this is where we learn he’s an empty suit. Except the backstory episode is before this in Brotherhood so we already know, so the impact is kinda lost.

Now Cornello decides to summon the chimera, finally. In this one, Rose is still down there with the Elrics in the line of fire.

The chimera’s claws break off when it tries to claw Ed, which is ridiculous. The chimera in general is a lot more pathetic: we hear it whine and see it have pained expressions when Ed kicks it. I honestly feel bad for the poor thing.

Ed tearing his coat off is the same, but he looks more generically bishonen (less muscle definition). I’ll admit that this does make sense with the idea he’s a growth-stunted 15-year-old.

The mid-episode break corresponds exactly with the end of OG’s first episode, so I’ll end it here.

[woodworkingpastor]

Transformed minds -- Romans 12:1-8 -- August 30, 2020

The wise man built his house upon the rock,

the wise man built his house upon the rock,

the wise man built his house upon the rock,

and the rains came tumbling down.

 The rains came down and the floods came up,

the rains came down and the floods came up,

the rains came down and the floods came up,

and the house on the rock stood firm.

 The foolish man built his house upon the sand,

the foolish man built his house upon the sand,

the foolish man built his house upon the sand,

and the rains came tumbling down.

 The rains came down and the floods came up,

the rains came down and the floods came up,

the rains came down and the floods came up,

and the house on the sand went splat!

The Bible consistently puts forward two ways of living and asks us to make a choice.  Sometimes the metaphors are stark and are presented in terms that are as plain as day.

“Choose this day whom you will serve.”

“No one can serve to masters.”

The narrow gate vs. the wide gate

The hard path vs. the easy path

Other times the choice is put to us a bit more subtly, requiring us to think through the choice that is really being offered to us.

In Mark 8, Jesus tells the disciples to “take up their cross.”  The cross was reserved as the method of execution for political insurrection—those who refused to define their lives by the value structures of the nation and the culture, and were deemed to be a threat to the orderly functioning of society.  Taking up our cross involves risk.

At his arrest, Jesus tells Peter to “put away your sword…for all who draw the sword will die by the sword.” This is a command that persons in our faith tradition interpret as binding on us all because of another command Jesus made: “love your enemies.”  We can not hold on to both of these at the same time.

 In each case, the one who is doing the asking is warning us that there is a choice to be made.  Which way will we go? Which path will we follow?  Or, more directly, “Who is Lord?”

Paul’s words to the church in Rome are equally stark and clear.  After eleven chapters of wrestling with the great brokenness that exists between heaven and earth, and how that great brokenness has corrupted all things, and how Jesus came to bring us all back into right relationship with God, he now describes what this looks like in the day to day goings-on of the most real community the world can ever know: the church.

Let’s allow that to sink in for a moment: Jesus intends the church to be the most real community on earth. Among the many things we love about our congregation, we can add this to it: that as our minds are transformed by the Holy Spirit, we become a forgiving community of forgiven sinners, extending to others the same mercy, grace, and forgiveness that Jesus has offered to us. And in doing that, we become an anticipation of the age to come, a congregation that embodies the reign of Christ in the here and now.

It seems somewhat ridiculous to say that this morning, out here and online, exiled from our sanctuary.  But it is the truth.  This is as real as it gets, and it becomes the motivation for Paul finding yet another way of presenting to us the great choice that must be made when he tells us that our calling is to put our lives on the line for one another:

Present your bodies as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1)

That is an unusual way to put it, because when we think of religious sacrifices we normally think of their death. Something in the giving up of life provides satisfaction to the gods to appease their anger or ward off disaster or achieve some other desirable outcome.

But in the faith tradition of Jesus, the sacrifice is experienced in our living, not in our dying.  Not everyone believes this.  They might not say it out loud, but a lot of people practice a ghostly, disembodied faith either by waiting around until they die so their soul can go to heaven, or by believing that the misdeeds of our body are excusable matters or understandable indiscretions.

Paul reminds us that our faith is lived out through the very activities of our bodies—the things we do and say; the things we don’t do and don’t say, the places we go, the places we don’t go.  Every moment, every choice, every encounter is an opportunity to demonstrate our commitment to Jesus.

We come from a long faith tradition that values the living out of our faith as a top priority. One of the interesting ways this shows up is in the very first hymn of our hymnal. When the Brethren and Mennonites got together in the late 80’s and early 90’s to publish a new hymnal, the choice for the first hymn proved to be difficult.  A lot of thought goes into what will be hymn #1 in a hymnal, apparently.

As the story was told to me, the hymnal committee struggled a bit to find just the right hymn to be #1.  And then they came across a hymn they hadn’t seen before: What is this place. Consider the words, of verses 1 and 3.  You begin to sense that church is more than just bricks and mortar and windows and pews, don’t you?  The real beauty of this hymn (in my opinion) is captured in verse three.  It turns out that What is this place is a communion hymn:

The bread and the cup is a living sign that becomes embodied in our lives as we give and receive justice and peace.  In his book Reading Romans Backwards: A Gospel of Peace in the Midst of Empire, Scot McKnight says it this way:

Christian sacrifice is an embodied way of life offered to the invisible but ever-present God. What they do is their sacrifice: when they speak, listen, embrace, eat, drink, love, have sexual relations, guide children, offer wisdom, work, garden, pay taxes, offer visible expressions of care, respect, approve and disapprove, pray, participate in fellowship and worship and instruction…one could go on. Their sacrifice is their embodied life (28-29).

Transformed minds

And so Paul tells us to

not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of [our] minds (Romans 12:2)

He tells us this because our minds are not neutral in the living out of our salvation, the giving and receiving of grace, justice, and peace.  Because what we dwell on has such a powerful influence over our thinking and our behavior, Paul actually has quite a bit in to say in his letters about our minds:

Our minds can become debased by sin, which leads to more sin (Romans 1)

Our minds can become “puffed up” by idle notions, leading to our becoming separated from God (Colossians 2:18ff)

Our thinking can become “futile” (Ephesians 4:17), “unsettled” (2 Thessalonians 2:2), or “depraved” (2 Timothy 3:8).

These are real situations; we all have friends whom we’ve watched become consumed with anger or rage or hatred.  In Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, we see it played out when the Ghost of Christmas Past takes Ebenezer Scrooge back to when his fiancée breaks up with him.  Belle says (clip begins at 2:40):

Scrooge is silent, because he knows it’s true.  His mind was pulled away from his love.

Our minds are to be transformed in Christ, that we may discern the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.

The church, again

Whenever Paul explore the depths of theology, you can believe the church is not far behind.  Why are transformed minds so important?  Because of what we noted earlier: the supreme importance of the church.  Our minds are to be transformed so that we will think of ourselves less and think of one another more.  Paul says it this way

I say to everyone among you not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but to think with sober judgment (Romans 12:3).

He then goes on to describe spiritual gifts—the blessings that God has given to us to help build one another up in the church, gifts like prophecy, ministry, teaching, exhortation, generosity, diligent leadership, cheerfulness.

The difficulty and the importance of this text is in connecting it to the times we are in.  I want to start a few ideas today that we’ll continue next Sunday about how the extreme partisanship of our times has the potential to make congregational life difficult and to reflect on the credibility of the church.  What pains me is seeing people I care about become so partisan that they just become angrier and angrier, and even use their political opinions to evaluate their theological beliefs and their church participation.  

Theologian David Fitch offers to us another way when he reminds us that

Theological disagreement is to be expected in church formation today. It used to be—50 years ago maybe—that people chose their church according to the denomination they were brought up. Today, finding a church you agree with on everything is not possible, and there are new social moral challenges every year. But the church is formed in the midst of theological disagreement. We must have spaces to have discussions about theological and ethical issues…so that together we can sort out “what does it mean for us to follow Jesus in this moral challenge?”

This is the example of Paul and his churches, Christians who wrestled with how to take people from different backgrounds, different philosophical and theological understandings, and different socio-economic groups so that they could be united in Christ. What unites us is to be more powerful than what divides us. And it starts with seeking the mercies of God so that our minds can be transformed and our bodies can be offered as living sacrifices so that we may honor one another and bring glory to Jesus as a faithful congregation bearing witness for Christ.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #145-146: The Taking of the Avengers!/The Assassin Never Fails!

March, 1976

Or the bifurcated King-Size Avengers #5.

And on the cover we have generically named the Assassin throwing photographs of Avengers at the reader. There are various things about the Assassin that makes me think ‘Slade Wilson four years before Slade Wilson’ but I’ll get into that later.

We start off confirming that these two issues are filler because Englehart ran afoul deadlines.

But also: the Avengers fighting Zodiac. But the rounded panels indicate that this isn’t a now thing and sure enough we see that the splash and other panels are footage of the Avengers’ fights that were obtained by throwing money at the problem.

The fight against the Zodiac, the fight against Grim Reaper and Space Phantom and Hydra, Thor’s fight against the Destroyer, Cap’s fight against the less memorable Moonstone, Iron Man versus Dr Spectrum, Vision versus Magneto, Hawkeye versus Zzzax.

And as these films are shown, purple suit man narrates about the various Avengers. And then asks the Assassin: “The Avengers: possibly the mightiest single force on this planet. Can you take them?”

The Assassin goes outside to play some golf and consider the offer. Several of the Avengers’ old enemies have kicked in money. One billion dollars payout with up to additional billion in expenses.

The Assassin agrees. IF: given a year to prepare. The Avengers are a difficult assignment. A year of preparations should be sufficient.

The purple suited agent balks but the Assassin won’t take the assignment unless given a year to prepare so he agrees.

And as you know, generically code-named assassin the Assassin (what, is this a Fate character?) never fails.

So a year later, Captain America interrupts a jewelry heist by a bunch of people in Captain America masks.

And despite adding insult to armed robbery with the identity theft, Cap is feeling proud. It’s been a long night but he’s been hitting the pushers hard. The melodramatic captioning warns that although it’s been a long night, it’s not over yet!

Also, this chapter of the book is titled “TARGET: CAPTAIN AMERICA” so yeah, his night isn’t over yet.

Anyways, he beats up these fooligans. Demonstrates why you should yield to his mighty shield. And tells them to get it out of their systems when they start shooting his shield instead of anywhere else.

One of the craptains manages to FWRAM! Cap with a trashcan when Cap is distracted thinking clever thoughts to himself. But he manages to WHUMP! right back as the guy approaches him with a knife.

But one of the craptains tries to make a run for it and Cap gives chase, not liking to leave loose ends.

Meanwhile, the Assassin lurks atop a building thinking KEIKAKU DOORI.

Cap throws his mighty shield and trips Agent 7-A (the craptain in a green checkered jacket) and then interrogates him. What’s with the masks, huh?

The Assassin hangs down from a fire escape ladder and says that the masks were to draw Cap’s attention (pretty sneaky, the Assassin) and then shoots Cap with a red raygun.

Oh, but he’s not dead. Not yet. For the Assassin’s cool, amazing masterplan, it’s necessary for Cap to be vainly clinging to a fast-fading spark of life. The Assassin’s plan accounts for everything.

FOR EXAMPLE, the Assassin paid an old woman in a nearby building a thousand dollars to make the call that Captain America has been shot. That way, there’s no suspicious anonymous call-in.

BUT ALSO NO LOOSE ENDS. The thousand dollars were coated with a slow-acting poison that will kill the old woman in a matter of days. And unbeknowst to the craptain Agent 7-A, so has his mask.

The Assassin never leaves anything to chance.

And as Captain America lies dying, the Assassin disappears off into the night’s darkness.

CHAPTER 3: THE SMALL HOURS

Referring to the time between midnight and dawn.

Iron Man and Thor meet at the hospital that Captain America was taken to. And the doctor gives them the awful news: “Captain America is dying -- and we don’t know why!”

Iron Man and Thor secretly consult after the doctor walks off. This is a serious medical situation. Maybe they do the thing they always do and bring in reclusive urban legend doctor Donald Blake?

Thor worries. What if the unknown assailant returns to try again. The Avengers would need Thor’s power then.

I mean, hypothetically. I mean, we know that this is a big plot to kill the Avengers but just because someone takes down Captain America doesn’t mean that they’re after the whole team or that they can tangle with the Avengers that have more potent powers.

In this case its unfounded but justified paranoia.

But Iron Man thinks its just a chance they’ll have to take. ALSO: maybe just the presence of Thor would dissuade further attacks, huh? Like those fake security cameras.

Thor is confused.

Meanwhile, Hawkeye arrives at the hospital, all in a tizzy. He had always thought of Cap as being indestructible despite being made of meat instead of god meat or iron-wrapped meat. So he’s discombobulated.

And also confused. Thor and Iron Man just flew off. They were supposed to be keeping Cap under constant guard. Did they even leave anyone? Geez.

Hawkeye is so discombobulated pondering this that he takes a wrong turn and ends up in the wrong corridor and thus runs into several the Assassin agents who are not thrilled to see him.

They decide to kill him so he can’t warn the others.

Hawkeye makes short work of them but unfortunately, shooting their pew pew gun with a thermal arrow creates a smokescreen that allows the two agents to abscond.

The hospital is searched by hospital security and Hawkeye but the two baddies he tussled with are nowhere to be found.

Meanwhile, inside the hospital room, we do see that Iron Man and Thor didn’t just leave Cap unguarded. There’s Beast, Scarlet Witch, and the Vision. Almost a traffic light, really.

And the three are lost in their thoughts. Beast musing on how the shadow of death has hung over the group since Swordsman died. And Yellowjacket and the Wasp nearly died just weeks ago (which is a bit of a weird continuity hiccup since the two should still be in the hospital. By the time they get out of the hospital, the Avengers had gone on Old West and Brand Quests and wouldn’t be available for this story).

Anyway, Hawkeye makes it to the hospital room and tells them they can go get some rest. He’ll guard the room all by himself. Clearly.

He also says that Cap has “more lives than a sabertooth” which is a bit of a mystifying statement since the sabertooth tiger is extinct and the character Sabretooth, while he does have a tendency to cheat death, also hasn’t been introduced until next year. Your weird 70s slang baffles me, Hawkeye. Take your kewpie dolls and learn to speak 2000s English.

Vision decides to stick around anyway. Since he doesn’t really need to. Sleep.

Hawkeye tries to put on an optimistic face for Vision but all he can think about is how he and Cap used to argue all the time. And how despite all the grief Hawkeye gave him, Cap never gave up on him. Except that one time when he ragequit the team. Remember. Right after the non-Luke Power Man and Enchantress thing turned the public against the Avengers? Cap told the Avengers to go screw and got a job helping boxers train? Only came back because Kang kidnapped the Avengers by pretending their mansion had an extra floor?

But in fairness, grief does things to memory.

Hawkeye concludes that it was Cap who turned a side-show archer (and accidental felon) into an Avenger.

And if Cap doesn’t pull through. Hawkeye is going to teach someone the hard way how that word is defined.

Vision has his own moment of ponderation. Cap is one of the few people who easily accepted him as human. And during that Space Phantom/Grim Reaper thing, when Vision was facing his greatest moral crisis, Cap believed in him and put his life in Vizh’s hands.

Vision also thinks of avengeance.

Meanwhile, the Assassin monitors this on Villain Monitoring Equipment, thinking of the Avengers as unsuspecting fools who don’t realize that its more than just Cap in danger.

The super genius awesome incredible master plan is unfolding perfectly. With the exception of those idiots that let Hawkeye spot them. Those idiots are now dead idiots.

And the Assassin allows a feeling of pity for the Avengers. Death will walk among them this night as the Assassin begins a personal involvement with the next phase of the plan and they have no idea.

DUN DUN DUN!

Wouldn’t it suck to have to wait a month and/or three days?

ROLLING RIGHT TO PART TWO!

April, 1976

Damnit, cover. Cap is already dying. He shouldn’t be running toward a crosshair!

Also not really crazy about “The Better to KILL Them With!” as a cover caption. But don’t really want to dwell on it.

Here’s a fun-esque fact: This cover was used as the cover for Essential Avengers vol 7. Despite being the cover of the second part of a bifurcated King-Size issue that interrupted an on-going narrative.

It is a very striking, pretty cool iconic sort of cover though so I can understand why. It really draws the eye.

Anyway, lets get right back into it.

Continuing the continuity kerfuffle from last time, we see Yellowjacket and the Wasp at... I want to say Avengers Mansion? And Falcon is there. And Beast. And Scarlet Witch.

Sure would be helpful if these people were helping to guard Cap instead of sitting around the mansion crying.

I’ll also note that the Assassin’s little video reel of the Avengers did not include any focus on the Scarlet Witch. Who once summoned a meteor from space.

I’m just saying, definitely something that might be of interest to an Assassin seeking to assassinate the Avengers. They covered Hawkeye for gods-sake.

Wanda complains that she feels so helpless. Cap is dying and there’s nothing they can do. Altering probability probably wouldn’t be helpful right now or in many difficult medical cases! Why there’s just nothing they can do!

While Yellowjacket comforts Scarlet Witch, Beast discusses what is already being done. Reed Richards is working on a theory that Cap was afflicted with a new form of radiation poisoning. Meanwhile,  Bill Foster is working from the biochemical angle.

And while this discussion is going on, unbeknownst to the Avengers but knownst to me and now you, the Avengers are all being viewed through sniper scopes.

On a roof facing Avengers Mansion, some of those Assassin goons are watching the Avengers. The Avengers are so concerned about Captain America that they’ve let their own defenses down.

And as soon as the main targets (presumably the ones at the hospital) are eliminated, C Squad at the mansion will take the shot and wipe out every Avenger not important enough to take an active role in this story for some reason.

But now chapter two: The Better to Kill Them With!

Which I still don’t get. Whatever.

So. The OR for Captain America. They didn’t even take off his costume. I’m glad to see that enigmatic Doctor Donald Black is taking this important medical situation so seriously.

Anyway, off screen, Reed Richards has become convinced that his own theory is the most correct, as Reed Richards is known to do. Cap has been afflicted with an unknown form of radiation poisoning which is causing his body to shut down.

To save him, they need to cut him open and place counter-radiation capsules inside Cap’s body. That’s probably how medicine works?

I don’t actually know.

Thor goes to check on Thor, confirmed to be a Thor Life Model Decoy that Tony Stark made to quash rumors of a connection between Blake and Thor. So he just so happened to have it at a time they needed Blake and Thor at the same time.

Good job, Tony.

Anyway. He also justifies leaving out a bunch of people from this story. All the Avengers wanted to be at the hospital but if all the Avengers kept standing 24-hour watches, they’d be unequipped to handle any new crisis that came up.

It doesn’t seem that the other Avengers are getting any rest anyway but the theory is sound.

It also doesn't explain how the Assassin’s briefing only covered the Avengers that would be present at the hospital, a year after the briefing. That’s some impressive conservation of exposition.

A nurse comes up to offer Iron Man, Hawkeye, and Vision coffee, which two of the three gratefully accept. Since Vision only drinks and acts affected by drugs to be like the cool kids, he doesn’t have time for that in this trying time.

Oh, yeah. Gave the game away a couple panels early.

Yeah. The coffee was drugged. The nurse, sinister.

With Iron Man and Hawkeye woozy from the drugs, the Assassin’s B Squad attacks.

Since Vision isn’t imitating a cool kid this time, he offers to take the brunt of the attack.

But even so. Hawkeye barely arrows a single person before collapsing. And the goons take advantage of Iron Man’s woozy state to gas him, which is enough to overcome him. Down he goes.

Some more of B squad sneak up on Thor (secretly an LMD, true believers) and SHRAKK! him with a laser rifle. Even as powerful as the weapon is, they don’t expect to kill him. Just get his attention so they can lure him into the generator room and use the full electrical power of New York City to destroy him.

Which seems dubious. Guy channels lightning. But Squirrel Girl (’s evil clone) did determine that even a Thor could be taken out with unexpected and constantly modulating alternating current. So I’ll give the Assassin the benefit of the doubt here.

Anyway, doesn’t matter. The LMD is a lot less durable so instead of a wacky chase scene, we just get a dead LMD which looks a lot like a dead Thor.

Inside the operating room, the medical staff loses its shit because they think they just saw Thor murdered. Actual Thor Donald Blake tells them to lock the door and focus on completely the important operation.

Meanwhile, Vision continues WHUMP! and FWAK!ing the Assassin goons. He’s doing a pretty good job.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t built with eyes in the back of his head which really seems like a design flaw. Gonna blame Ultron. He’s stubbornly human-shaped with his own redesigns, except when he gives himself a rocket instead of a butt.

What I’m getting at is that the Assassin sneaks up behind Vision while he’s distracted and slaps a device onto his cape. The device paralyzes Vision and leaves him unable to shift his density. Unlike the time he got paralyzed by cow lasers and was able to float home.

And now Iron Man, Hawkeye, robot Thor, and Vision are all down.

The poison that Hawkeye and Iron Man ingested will cause instantaneous death once it reaches their hearts. ... From their stomachs? Since they ingested it? So not very instantaneous at all.

Vision is pretty screwed too. The device affixed to him disrupted his entire nervous system but also prevents him from bleeding off any of the solar energy contained within his body. So it will build up and build up until he explodes.

So, hey. He may even kill his friends before the extremely-delayed poison has a chance to.

But something hasn’t gone according to plan. Killing Thor with the blast weapons.

And the Assassin examines the body and realizes that this is not Thor or even his stunt double! Its a robot! Which just verifies what the Assassin was secretly suspecting: Donald Blake and Thor are the same person!

The Assassin sends away the goons to ‘outpost four’ to await further orders and then points a gun at the unsuspecting Donald Blake.

While Thor may be immortal and bulletproof, Blake very isn’t. And since Blake is the only one with the ability to save Captain America, the Assassin will kill two Avengers with one bullet.

AND NOW CHAPTER THREE: Nothing Our Own But Death

I don’t get these chapter titles...

Anyyyyyyway. Before the Assassin can pull the trigger, an arrow goes TWANGG!

Hawkeye is not as dead as previously indicated. In fact, neither of the three Avengers are.

Its really a funny story.

See, when the poison hit Hawkeye’s sensitive stomach, he barfed it up. Preventing it from reaching his heart! Oh, and he’s not sharing but Iron Man didn’t have a heart for the poison to affect.

And then between Hawkeye’s thermal arrows and Iron Man’s gilded muscles, they managed to remove the device affecting Vision.

I mean, it seems to me that since it was just attached to the cape, they could have just taken his cape off of him and he’d be fine but then he wouldn’t look so rad.

The Assassin doesn’t react well to these setbacks but keeps a decent head, kicking Hawkeye with a WHOMP! and pulling a gun on the archer to hold him hostage.

But then Donald Blake does let the door hit Assassin’s ass on the way out. Which is to say, Donald Blake hits the Assassin with the door. And also reports that the operation was a success and Cap is going to live because that is definitely something you can tell within the first minute after a surgery.

So basically, the Assassin has failed to assassin any of the Avengers.

The Assassin goes for a gun but Vision melts it with some of the sweet solar energy and then Iron Man uses his repulsors to shred the Assassin’s costume. Just to make sure no more surprise weapons occur.

Although, there is a surprise. Do you know what the Assassin and the best bounty hunter in space have in common?

Surprise gender reveal.

The Assassin is a woman! Which... isn’t really that surprising. They say that all the best assassins were. Even though they are super hard to code, apparently.

What is surprising, or maybe not really, is that the Assassin was the sinister nurse that served the Avengers poison coffee!

Okay so its all kind of obvious in retrospect. But now I can stop dancing around pronouns.

The Assassin criticizes the Avengers for being shocked that she’s a woman. Haven’t they had badass women on their team like Scarlet Witch (was not allowed to do anything but cry) and Moondragon (Lady Not Appearing In This Picture)? She doesn’t even mention the Wasp because the Avengers book just loves to forget that she exists and isn’t just an accessory Hank Pym brings into battle.

Oh also the Assassin throws a smoke bomb that she had taped to her back and then scarpers. She jumps out a window, making it incredibly obvious that she’s not in the hospital any longer which will only aid the Avengers into getting on her trail sooner than later, and hoofs it towards Avengers Mansion.

Unluckily for her, her radio was destroyed when Iron Man blasted her costume. So she’ll have to run to tell her goons to shoot some Avengers so she can salvage something out of this.

But she runs into her goons on the way, having left position when they didn’t hear from the Assassin.

And when they see a random woman shouting insults and orders and clad in the tatters of the Assassin’s costume, they go ‘oh no we’ve been spotted’ and shoot her.

Just can’t get good help these days forty years ago.

And then the Avengers show up and fight the goons. Its not much of a fight. And because of that no loose ends thing, fourteen of the goons will die in captivity from the poison the Assassin had coated their masks with before Drs. Blake and Pym develop an antidote.

But that’s later. The only person that dies that day is the Assassin, her face twisted in a deathmask of eternal hate. Which the narration speculates may have been directed inward.

And later: more loose ends. That agent that presented the job to the Assassin? He’s confronted by a man named Angelo who seeks revenge for the death of Maria, the Assassin.

The agent confesses that he didn’t even honestly believe she could eliminate the Avengers but she was the best choice for the job - the one with the least slim chances of succeeding.

And with instincts too honed by his life of crime, the agent shoots Angelo before Angelo can shoot him. And then sadly puts the gun to his own head, lamenting the deaths of his son Angelo and his daughter Maria.

Damn. Depressing.

How a life of crime destroys a family, twisting the children and setting parent against child. How like something out of Sopranos except with Captain America. I assume. I never watched Sopranos.

And to think that the Avengers would have all died if it weren’t for Hawkeye’s queasy stomach and Iron Man’s lack of heart.

So. These two issues would have made a good King-Size issue. Or a two-parter that wasn’t in the middle of another story.

I actually quite liked it. It has a good premise. The world’s best assassin, the Assassin, takes a year to plan a foolproof way to kill every Avenger, gets narrowly foiled, and gets hoisted on her own petard.

We don’t really get much into the Assassin. She’s an interesting character. Very different from probably every female villain around this time. Although we don’t really learn much about her other than she’s good at golf and she was born into a life of crime.

I did say she reminded me of Slade Wilson. I think its the chainmail part of the costume, the being hired to kill a team of superheroes and taking a slow methodical approach to it, and a little in the mask. Also, the cover of 145 feels like the kind of cover that Deathstroke would appear on.

I will say that having most of the Avengers sitting around and feeling sorry for themselves at the Mansion made the story feel smaller than I think it was going for. It was a grand plan to assassinate the whole team but only three of them are really active. And one of those three is Hawkeye.

Since the reasoning for not having the entire team at the hospital was in case some crisis sprang up, why not have the Assassin manufacture a crisis to draw some of them off? Have some of them actively investigating Cap’s assailant instead of just having Falcon show up and say no he totally has that covered.

Just feels like too much of the team was sidelined. Moondragon doesn’t even show up. Which is weird because Beast shows up.

I guess I’m just glad that it was Cap who was used as the distressed dude this time instead of using Wasp, again again, or one of the other female Avengers.

Anyway. We get back to the Squadron Supreme storyline next time. Yay!

[cameronwjones]

13 Tips for Driving Event Attendance with Email Marketing

When it comes to promoting an event, few channels deliver results like email marketing. Learn how to drive event awareness and increase attendance with your next email marketing campaign.

Event marketers do it all. They're basically content, email, and social media marketers all rolled into one – with a dash of super-detailed planning tossed in.

To plan a successful event, you probably rely on email for outreach. In fact, 40% of marketers believe email is the single-most effective channel for promoting an event. It makes sense: everyone uses email. We check in the morning, throughout the day and sometime when we should be sleeping. Plus, there are a variety of email and event marketing software that enable marketers to easily launch massive email campaigns.

For the event marketer who is looking to get the word out on their event, the question then becomes: How do you stand out?

We’ve put together these 13 tips to get your email noticed, opened, read, and acted on.

1. Make your email look great on mobile

It's a mobile world.

The number of American adults with a smartphone has jumped from 35% in 2011 to 77% in 2018, according to Pew Research. Additional devices, like tablets, are becoming more popular, too, with more than 50% of Americans owning them.

Given the love affair with all-things-mobile, it's not surprising to learn that more people rely on their phones for everything from checking their email to RSVPing to an event.

What does that mean for event marketers? There’s nothing worse than missing potential attendees because they can’t read your email. You have to make sure your email looks stunning on every device. Use an email service provider that offers responsive templates, which adapt to fit any screen size. Then, always make sure to preview your email on a mobile device before hitting “send”.

2. Make your email CTAs clear and bold

The call to action (CTA) in every email—be it an event invitation or a post-event survey—has to pop.

Remember, subscribers skim your emails. The average subscriber spends about 11 seconds reading your email. That's right: 11 seconds. So there is no way that they are reading every word.

To compensate for this, you have to leverage well-defined elements that explain what your email is all about at a glance.

To create a unique call to action, opt for a button rather than a hyperlink. Buttons actually outperform hyperlinks by 33%. Your email service provider should offer an array of ready-made buttons that you can drop right into your email.

You should also make the CTA button a noticeable color; perhaps one that's not used, or barely used, in the email. In addition, keep your CTA copy short and concise. Stick to two or three words, at most.

See how the gray CTA stands out in the email below. You notice it instantly.

3. Create interactive content and GIFs

When you only have 11 seconds to catch someone’s attention, the standard email won't cut it. You have to get more creative. Event planners are great in this arena as they rely on creativity to bring the wow factor to every party, fundraiser, or gala that they ru. So why not bring these talents to email marketing, too?

By using things like GIFs, videos, and interactive quizzes, you're tapping into that creativity digitally – and participants will reward you.

GIFs increase click rates by 26% and videos can increase clicks by 22%. For your next event, why not try to something new? Cut a 15-second video of last year's fundraiser and include it in an email campaign, or use an online tool like GIPHY to create a GIF that thanks participants for attending.

4. Make it easy to sign up for your newsletter

An event newsletter is a great way to keep potential attendees informed throughout the year, not just during the event. The easier you make it it for people to stay-in-the-know by signing up for your newsletter, the more reach your event promotion will get.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

Put a simple sign up form on your event website so people can join instantly.

Put the form in a highly visible spot, like on your home page.

And make sure it's as short as possible with just one or two fields to fill out.

SXSW, an annual conference and festival, has this simple sign up on the bottom of their site.

5. Use a preference center to create targeted messages

Give people what they want—personalized emails. Seventy-four percent of marketers say targeted personalization increases customer engagement. The more relevant an email is to a subscriber, the more likely he or she is to engage with it.

Of course, you need customer data to personalize emails. Ugh, that sounds like a lot of work, doesn't it? It's not. By using an email preference center, you can gather customer information and know exactly what kind of content, messaging, and events a person is interested in.

Looking at SXSW again, the event uses a preference center to gauge what an attendee likes at the conference, and how often they'd like to receive updates.

6. Quantity and quality for list building

Every marketer wants a big list of contacts to reach out to for their next event, but list size isn't going to give you the most bang for your buck. Instead, focus on list quality. It's better to have 100 names that are already excited about your event, than it is to have 200 not-so-interested people on your list.

Think about it like this: if you’re event is a fundraiser, building a list of 100 people who have expressed interest in your cause will increase engagement and bring in more revenue than reaching out to 200 people who may or may not be familiar with your cause.

For your next event, try building a list of quality subscribers through in-person sign-ups at live events or by including a sign-up with a webinar you’re already offering. Utilize what you’re already doing to promote your event in order to find the quality subscribers who want to hear from you.

To make sure you're collecting quality leads, make sure you:

Use a double opt-in process

State your intentions in the first email

Send emails with your subscribers in mind

Give subscribers a clear, easy way to unsubscribe

7. Avoid being flagged as spam

Consumers are redefining what qualifies as spam. Back in the day, spam was defined as shady messages that sold fake medications or asked people to send money overseas. Spam used to be equated to a scam, but that's not the case today. Today, thirty-six percent of spam is advertising.

Why is that? If a subscriber didn't ask for the email or considers the information irrelevant, they could report it as spam which means your email might not even arrive in the rest of your subscribers’ inbox, robbing you of those precious 11 seconds.

You might have the world’s most engaging email marketing campaign—but it won’t matter if no one sees it.

To stay out of the spam folder, make sure you are building a quality list of subscribers, only emailing people who opted-in for your campaign, and keeping your emails relevant and engaging.

Increasing engagement not only leads to greater event ROI, it also tells email providers that you send high-quality content and reduces the likelihood of winding up in the spam folder for your future campaigns.

Ideally, when your targeted audience reads your personalized and engaging emails, they’ll want to forward these to their friends and peers. The result is that you’ll be able to increase your subscribers, and ultimately registration, attendance and return for your event.

8. Use smart content to increase click-through

Smart content is a game-changing tool that gives you the power to alter a piece of your email based on the subscriber receiving it.

For example, you could dynamically change the image in an email based on a subscriber's location. People attending a conference in Tucson will see images of that city, but they'll change to pictures of Phoenix for anyone going to the conference in that city.

Dynamic content isn't just a time-saver; it can also improve click-through rates by 20%, so it's easy to justify learning how to use dynamic content in your next campaign.

9. Use both original and curated content

Creating content like blog articles, infographics, and videos are great event promotion strategies. For instance, a blog series could feature stories or insight from a previous event; behind the scenes footage could introduce attendees to the people and work that goes into planning the event. You can also create content that demonstrates the significance of the topic of your upcoming event.

But great content can be time-consuming to make. Fortunately, research suggests consumers respond to a healthy combination of both original and curated content. For instance, you could utilize content already created by your event’s speakers or notable guests.

When you curate content, just be sure it's up to your quality standards and there are no mentions or links to any competitors.

10. Use strong images to drive engagement

Research shows that 65% of readers in the US prefer image-heavy emails. This is great news for promoting your event. Pictures of the location and venue show subscribers luxury or glamor and help your readers see the value in attending your event.

Meanwhile, including images that show people's faces help engage subscribers by allowing them to see themselves attending your event and the people they’ll meet while there. It’s easy to understand why showing people having the time of their life at the previous event—or an event that’s similar—will encourage subscribers to want to attend the upcoming event.

Just make sure the images represent the purpose of the email or content and accurately reflect the event you’re promoting.

In the below email, CONEX highlights a new speaker for their event by putting the speaker's photo front-and-center.

11. Know your audience

Knowing your audience is key to sending relevant emails and sending relevant emails is key to driving engagement, thus turning subscribers into attendees.

There are a lot of ways to know your audience, like collecting customer data, conducting surveys, and, that age-old classic, asking for feedback. Once you know your audience, you can utilize event email segmentation to send only relevant information to the people who are already interested. This piggybacks off of having an already targeted list—as mentioned above—and will allow you to design more specific emails based on ticket type or a person’s industry or their interests.

12. A/B test to improve every email

While experimenting is great, you still need a way to measure your success, preferably before it’s too late for the results to do you any good. Enter A/B testing. By creating two slightly different emails and sending them to a small subset of contacts, you can see which email subscribers prefer and which one delivers the best results. Then, the best email can be sent to the bulk of your list, improving engagement and interaction with your content.

You can test many different components, like subject lines, tone of voice, layouts, headlines… really anything you can think of.

For instance, if you have a list of subscribers who have already registered for your event, try splitting them into two groups and providing each group with a unique call to action. Once you see which CTA performs better, you can implement those results before you send out the email to less enthusiastic subscribers, instead of waiting until the next campaign.

13. Measure performance over time

Just like the A/B test allows you to track your results immediately, don’t forget to keep an eye on your event metrics over time to see which emails perform best. Key metrics like opens, clicks, and conversions allow you to see what works for your audience and what doesn’t.

You can learn if increased images in an email encouraged subscribers to follow your event on social media or if including stories from last year’s attendees led to an increase in registration. Remember, every email and every campaign provides an opportunity to learn and evolve. As audiences and communication continue to evolve, so will we.

To keep all of these tips straight, here's a handy infographic from Campaign Monitor:

Wrapping up: Your Event Email Marketing Strategy

Email is just one aspect of event marketing, but it's an important one. Email has the power to reach a large set of contacts, keeping them informed and encouraging them to participate in events.

Email marketing allows event marketers to:

Reach people where they already are, in their inboxes, on their mobile devices.

Emphasize CTAs that drive results.

Create specific and personalized messages that stay out of spam folders.

Focus on building a quality list of subscribers who engage with your content.

Measure your results and implement what you learn, thus improving success on your current campaign as well as in the future.

Using the tips above, you'll be able to nail your next campaign, and see the kind of metrics you want. You can find more event email marketing tips here. You can also find examples of successful event emails here.

from Cameron Jones Updates https://blog.bizzabo.com/email-marketing-tips-for-event-attendance