#PASTRAMI QUEEN

[mommydearestella]

09-08-2023

I SENT A LETTER TO MY COUSIN DAVID KAUFMAN AND MY UNCLE DR. RICHARD KATZ FOUR DAYS AGO INSTEAD OF CALLING THEM THIS TIME. IT WILL BE INTERESTING TO SEE IF I GET A RETURN CALL THIS TIME. JUST IN CASE I WILL POST MY CELL PHONE NUMBER HERE 352-425-7645.

[bromcommie]

okay but there really should be way more post-ws bucky & frank castle fics

[cornedbeefhashtags]

Pastrami or corned beef?

I haven’t eaten enough pastrami to have an opinion, so I’m going to live up to my name and say corned beef.

[nanaluvbug]

🧀🥪🌶️🥭 The Ravening War portraits  🧀🥪🌶️🥭

patreon * twitch * shop  

[ID: a series of digitally illustrated portraits showing - top left to bottom right - Bishop Raphaniel Charlock (an old radish man with a big red head and large white eyebrows & a scraggly beard. he wears green and gold robes with symbols of the bulb and he smirks at the viewer) Karna Solara (a skinny young chili pepper woman with wavy green hair, freckled light green skin with red blooms on her cheeks. she wears a chili pepper hood lined with small pepper seeds and stares cagily ahead) Thane Delissandro Katzon (a muscular young beef man with bright pinkish skin with small skin variations to resemble pastrami and dark burgundy hair. he wears a bread headress with a swirl of rye covering his ears and he looks ahead, optimistic and determined) Queen Amangeaux Epicée du Peche (a bright mango woman with orange skin, big red hair adorned with a green laurel, and sparkling green/gold makeup. she wears large gold hoop earrings and a high leafy collar) and Colin Provolone (a scraggly cheese man with waxy yellow skin and dark slicked back hair and patchy dark facial hair. he wears a muted, ratty blue bandana around his neck and raises a scarred brow at the viewer with a smirk) End ID.)

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Very first time; Jack Kline x reader smut

*Author’s note*

Okay well this has been sitting in my inbox collecting dust for awhile but after a few weeks of work and planning (and some major procrastinating) I FINALLY came around and got to this request so @gabrielasilva1510​ this is for you and thank you for being soo patient with me.

Now this is a SMUT fic so there is some sexual content in here so any minors that follow me LOOK AWAY!!!! DO. NOT READ THIS STORY!!! it’s not hardcore smut but still a smut story nevertheless.

Warnings: sexual content, fluff, camping fun, P in V sex (wrap it before you tap it kids), references to other fandoms and movies. 

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@waddles03​

@psychosupernatural​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

@queen-paladin​

@queensdivas​

@gay-and-ready-to-cry​

__________________________________________________________

I was putting the sleeping bags as well as the tent set into the jeep while Jack was coming in bringing the cooler with the drinks.

“You sure the drinks won’t get warm on the way up there?” he asked me.

“Babe that’s why we’re getting ice at the gas station. Besides this jeep needs gas too while we’re at it because somebody forgot to fill the tank!” I proclaimed while turning to Sam.

“Okay how long are you gonna hang this over my head?”

“As long as it takes. You know how many times Dean and I have told you about that? Whoever gets the gas tank under a 100 miles, fills the tank.”

“See even she can remember the rules.” Said Dean coming in eating a ham, turkey, pastrami and bacon sandwich he had made. Sam rolled his eyes and I said after closing the back door.

“Okay I think that’s everything.”

“So we can leave now?” asked Jack excitedly. I nodded.

“I still don’t feel comfortable with you two going on this camping trip by yourselves.” Dean said.

“Dean, just because many of our early cases took place during a camping trip doesn’t mean it’ll happen to us. Unlike those guys, we know the warning signs for Wendigo’s, werewolves, vamps and even faeries.” Dean glowered at me at mentioning the fairy thing to him.

“Did you at least pack the basic protection?” Sam asked.

“And not just against monsters.” Dean added. My face went red and Jack started to say.

“You mean protection as in con—”

“Do you really need to say that Dean? We’re not gonna do anything like that!”

“Can’t go wrong. Plus I don’t want you coming back and making us uncles just yet.”

“Jesus you are such a pervert.” I groaned.

“But seriously (Y/n), you do have some form of protection? In both matters.” Sam asked me.

“Yes Sam and please don’t agree with Dean about the latter suggestion.” He raised his hands in surrender. “Okay Jack get in the car, we’re outta here.” He did as I told him and I got into the driver seat and started the engine.  “See you bitches in a week. And do me a favor, don’t blow this place up while we’re gone or have another end of the world crisis on our hands.”

“We’re Winchesters, we make no such promises.” Dean said as he munched on his sandwich once again.

“Have a good time you two, be safe.” Sam told us.

“Yes Ranger Sam.” I teased before putting the jeep into drive and soon Jack and I left the bunker garage and drove down the road to the nearest gas station to get ice as well as fill up the car.

After doing all that and filling the cooler with ice for the drinks, I got back into the jeep and started up the engine.

“Okay Jack, since we’ve got full control over the radio, what genre of music shall it be today?”

“I did enjoy that 80’s playlist you made. Especially after you showed me that show Odd Things.”

“You mean Stranger things babe. Alright 80’s it is.” I went through my phone and opened up my music playlist and scrolled through until I found my 1980s Greatest songs playlist.  Sure Dean may say that everything after 1979 sucks, but he clearly hadn’t heard some of these artists like Kate Bush, Prince, Queen’s later music in the 80’s, Whitney Houston, A-Ha, and of course my man Phil Collins.

I first played the song ‘In the Air tonight’ to get us started on the open road.  Jack particularly began to realize why I loved Phil Collins so much.  Yeah he was cool in his Genesis days but when he branched out into his solo career, the dude truly shined.

After an almost 2 hour drive and almost reaching the end of our playlist with Cyndi Lauper we arrived at the camp grounds.  I parked the car and both Jack and I got out of the car and stretched ourselves out before entering the check-in lodge before we had to drive to our reserved camping spot.

“Good afternoon, how can I help you?” the woman behind the desk said.

“Hi we’re checking into lot A113, reservation is under Winchester.” She typed up my reservation on the laptop and said.

“(Y/n) Winchester?”

“That’s me.”

“Great, and you’re staying with us for a week. Here’s a map of all the areas you can hike, or visit the various lounges or restaurants we’ve got here. And for staying here a week with us that’ll be $210.25 will that be cash or credit?”

“Credit, please.” I said getting out my card and handing it to her.  A quick swipe and the payment was done.

“Okay you are all set. Hope you and your boyfriend have a good time.”

“Oh we will, especially after the few months we had. We deserve this.” I said putting my card away and gathering up the stuff she had handed me.  I saw Jack admiring some of the portrait paintings along the wall and took his hand. “C’mon babe, let’s get to our spot and set up camp.” He nodded and I guided him out the lodge and we went back into the car.

I turned the engine on and drove off towards our camping spot.  Good thing about this camp ground is that while we are out in the woods, there was still access to bathrooms, showers, and of course food joints and restaurants. Plus everyone has their own private little spot to make their camp so no one has to be cramped in a giant forest space.

Jack and I looked around until he spotted the signs that lead us to our section and as we drove down the trail I softly let out a yes as I fist bumped.

“Thank god the showers aren’t that far away.”

“That’s a good thing right?”

“I mean I don’t mind the walk but still, it’s better for night time shower people like me. I mean seriously I don’t get why people shower in the mornings, you’re just gonna get sticky and gross at the end of the day and I don’t wanna sleep like that.”

“That is strange. Glad you told me about it when I was first trying to understand the ways of humans.”

“There are certain things my brothers can teach you but everything else, just ask me. I got your back.”

“Just as I got yours.” He said as he placed his hand on top of mine.  I smiled and gave it a loving squeeze as he pointed out.  “Is that us?”

“Uhh yeah this is us.” I turned along the gravel road and pulled into our little hill mound parking spot and turned the engine off.  “We’re here at last. No more driving for the rest of the day please.”

“You know I could’ve drove us from the check-in lodge. Dean says I’ve been improving with Baby.”

“I know you have sweetie but driving Baby and driving this jeep are two totally different things. Plus you haven’t gotten enough experiences on dirt road like these. All the bumps, twists and turns and I’m not that good of a driving teacher. As I’m sure my brother told you, I was a wreck when learning to drive Baby. Can’t do a stick to save my ass.”

“It’s not that hard once you get used to it. Maybe I could teach you.”

“As sweet as that is, one Dean would never let you do that and two I don’t want to ever drive Baby again.” I pecked his cheek and continued, “C’mon, let’s unload the car.” We unbuckled ourselves and got out of the jeep as I opened the back door and first grabbed the cooler while Jack grabbed the tent.

After unloading the car and unfolding the tent from the bag, Jack got the bag that was filled with the tacks and poles that we needed to keep the tent in place and standing up.

“Okay so—I’ve never really put a tent up before but I have seen people do it in tv and movies. Is it really as hard as they show it?” asked Jack.

“Depends on the tent, luckily for us this tent it’s fairly easy to put up. Mind helping me spread out the tent first before we get the poles and tacks down?” he nodded and came over and went on the other side of the tent.  Together we grabbed each end of the tent and pulled it as far apart as we could.  “Okay now grab that bag with the poles and tacks.” He looked around until he saw just a few feet to his left was the bag.

He tossed it over to me and I opened it up and pulled out the poles first.

“Now what I want you to do is connect this set first and I can do the other set. Once they’re connected, I’ll show you how to put them through the tent.” He grabbed the first set of poles and began to connect them together while I did the second row.

“Like this?” he showed me after he had gotten one set together already.

“That’s it. Make sure they’re in as tight as you can get them. Can’t risk the tent caving in on itself.” I said as I twisted my set in before they finally connected with each other.

It took a few minutes but we finally got our poles connected and then I showed him where the poles would go through the tent. We did his connected set first and I guided it through the right side of the tent, going towards the top and then coming down the other side before sticking it down into the earth.  We did the same for the other side (that’s where the major work comes in cause you have to guide it over the previous pole set).

“You sure you weren’t lying when you’d say it’d be easy?” Jack said with a grunt as he tried to maneuver my pole set over his at the top each time I pulled the second pole down.

“This is always the tricky part no matter what. But trust me Jack, I’ve seen tents so complex to build up I’m surprised they’re not banned from camping gears. Don’t worry we got this, just a little more……” finally I managed to get the starting point out the end of the tent and stick it into the earth as well.  “There we go. Now for the tacks to make sure they stay down.”

I jogged back over to where I had the bag and pulled out the tacks as well as the mini-mallet that came with it.  After setting each tack down, I told Jack to get the rain roof to go on top of the tent just in case it rained (there was a chance in the next couple of days but it’s better to get it out now rather than later).

He went back to the tent back and pulled the tarp-like roof from the bag and together we worked to maneuver around the tent to place the rain-proof roof on top of the tent.  Once it was one, we stepped back and we wrapped an arm around each other and I said.

“We did it babe. Our home for the next week.”

“I can’t wait to sleep in it. I’ve always wondered what it’d be like sleeping in a tent after you showed me that camping episode from your favorite childhood show.”

“Well let’s get the sleeping bags and all the other stuff inside and you can see for yourself.” We walked over and grabbed the sleeping bags, pillows, blankets, and our backpacks.  I unzipped the circular door and once the flaps came down I bowed and said.  “Right this way good sir.”

“Thank you.” He said with a bow of his head before getting in with me following suit.

Some would call it overboard since this tent is said to fit five people but I wanted Jack to have the full experience of being in a tent.  And just seeing his face in full awe as he looked around.

“It’s almost like being in a cave. And not like those Wendigo ones either.” I nodded.

“It’s got where it counts. But if it’s too much I can send this back and just get a two person one.”

“No please don’t. I love it. Very spacious, plenty of space for all our stuff. But can also be intimate for snuggling together.” Jack said as he came up close to me, wrapping his arms around me.  I smiled as he buried his face into my neck.

“Okay sweetie, let’s find a spot in this cave of ours to put our sleeping bags at.” We crawled through the tent and decided that our bags could be spread out in the middle of the tent.  Our backpacks could go right up at the wall where our heads would be.  We set the backpacks down before unrolling our sleeping bags and placing down our pillows and blankets.

“So what shall we do first?” Jack asked me with a smile as he padded his pillow.

“Well there’s a few things I’d like to get at the lodge like firewood and see if there’s any icebags they sell. I know our cooler is basically a thermos but you can’t be too careful especially with as long as we’re staying.”

“Okay so firewood and ice. Then what do you want to do?”

“This camping trip isn’t just about me sweetie. This is your first camping trip, what do you want to do?” I took his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.

“Can we go hiking?”

“Then hiking it is. Maybe we’ll even see some wild animals while we’re out and about.” He smiled and I could almost see my sweet baby boy bouncing on his knees.  “Now let me see, the lodge from our campsite is about how far?” I said as I took out the map from my pocket.  “Okay so we’re here,” I said pointing to our spot, “And the lodge is….” I trailed my finger upward until I saw the main lodge. “Oh sweet we don’t even have to walk very far. It’s just out of this reserved area and up a forest hill track and boom we’re there.”

“You seemed to have gotten us a lucky spot. You sure you didn’t check ahead of time?” Jack teased.

“Babe I swear, this was the only camping spot available at the time I was making the reservation.” Jack looked at me with a playful skeptical look but let it go.  “Okay go ahead doubt me, but they don’t call me (Y/n) ‘Lucky-shot’ Winchester for nothing.”

“Who calls you that?”

“Me. I do. And Charlie, and Jody, and the rest of the girls of the Wayward sisters. Dean calls it dumb luck but I have saved his ass more times than I can count. Plus some of my luck must’ve bounced off of them, with as many times as my brothers get knocked out. I’m surprised they still remember their own names.”

“They do get knocked out quite a bit.” Jack agreed.

“Right!?”

Once we got our backpacks packed with just enough stuff for the hike, Jack had decided to come up with me to get the firewood as well as see if there was an ice-dispenser up at the lodge.  After finding and purchasing a couple bags of firewood, we headed back to our campsite and Jack placed the two bags of firewood near the car while I opened up my bag and we began to place the wood into the firepit.

“When it gets dark, we can start the fire. They’ll be fine sitting in the firepit for a while. So shall we begin your first ever hike?”

“I hope I packed everything right. I triple-quadruple checked just like you told me.”

“Good boy. Oh before I forget, here.” I reached into my pack and pulled out a bag that contained some whistles and got two of them out.  “Put this around your neck.” I handed him the yellow whistle while I took the blue one.

“What do we need whistles for?”

“Well we can’t risk you using your powers in front of other people and freaking them out. So in the event if one of us gets lost, stay where you are, hug a tree and blow your whistle.”

“Okay I understand.” I patted his shoulder as he hung his whistle around his neck.  “Can we go now?” he said bouncing on his feet.

“Yes sweetie we can. Follow me first time camper.” I walked ahead with Jack walking close behind me and we proceeded towards the hiking trail.

Throughout our hike we would stop to take pictures of some beautiful landscapes, tightrope across logs, and even got to see a few animals. Like this one point in the hike we came across a cute rabbit.  Normally when a rabbit sees you, it wants to run but this rabbit as soon as it saw Jack, it got curious.

It hopped over to him and allowed Jack to reach out with his hand and gave him a sniff.  It even allowed Jack to stroke it’s back before taking off back into the woods.  Of course using my phone with it on silence, I snapped some good pictures of the encounter and promised to have those developed when we got home.

We even met up with some other hikers and found a special lodge where we could observe the local bears from a safe distance using binoculars.  And along the walls of the lodge were paintings as well as facts about bears that the kids could read.  And bless his heart, he shared with me all the facts he never knew about bears (even though I knew about most of them but I didn’t have the heart to stop him. He’s like a puppy).

For the rest of the day we hiked, had lunch, took photos and even talked with some other hikers until it started to get dark so Jack and I decided to head back to our camp for some supper as well as introduce him to the King of all camp snacks, S’mores.

We got back to camp and I started the fire while Jack got out the hotdogs, ramen, and smores stuff.  We ate our supper and just as it was starting to get darker, I thought it was now time for Jack to try his very first smore.

“Okay Jack, the perfect way to make a smore is this.” I said gathering the smore supplies.  “First you take the graham, and then you break apart a piece of chocolate. Then you stick the chocolate on the graham.” I said demonstrating the process, “then you roast the ‘mallow.” I said sticking my poker with the marshmallow into the firepit until it was burnt to a crisp. “Once it’s nice and crispy, you stick the mallow onto of the chocolate, then you take the other graham and smoosh it together. And last and certainly my favorite part.” I took a big bite before telling him with my cheeks stuffed with melted marshmallow, chocolate and graham crackers, “You stuff yourself!”

“I’ve always wanted to ask, why are they called that? Smores?”

“Because you always want some more.” He laughed at the corny joke.  “babe I swear, you’ll find out that it ain’t just a joke. Go on.” I handed him his poker as well as the marshmallow bag.

He did as I told him in the exact order it needed to be done but just before he took that first bite I told him to wait as I got my phone out and went to my camera and switched it to video.

“Trust me, I’m gonna wanna keep this. Okay take a bite now.” I said as I pressed the record button.  He lifted the smore to his mouth and took that first bite. Already his marshmallow oozing down his fingers as he tried to take in as much as he could without over stuffing his mouth.

I watched as his eyes widened and he let out a loud moan as he threw his head back.

“Didn’t I tell you? Makes you want to stuff like 10 of them after you eat your first smore.”

“This is…..” he chewed it up more before finally swallowing it and he continued, “This is the most delicious thing I’ve ever had in my entire life.”

“Even better than nougat?” I asked exasperatedly.

“You know nothing will ever take the place of nougat in my heart.”

“Damn and I thought I could convert you.” I said stopping the recording.

“Sorry sweetheart. I wonder what a smore would taste like with nougat.”

“You keep that blasphemous excuse of chocolate away from the sacred smores! They are made with Hershey’s milk chocolate bars and they shall stay that way!” I said defending my precious smores honor.

“I still don’t see why you hate nougat so much?”

“I told you it’s a disgusting, excuse of a chocolate bar! They make it look like a chocolate bar but they got in stuff that shouldn’t go together BLECH!!” Jack rolled his eyes.

“One day I’ll convert you to appreciate my lovely nougats.”

“The day that happens is the day that Rowena allows Hell for freeze over.” We continued to snack on the smores until we were stuffed and we decided that now would be a good time to shut ourselves in the tent for the night.

We safely disposed of the trash and put the food in the spare cooler and I locked it up tight so that no bears would come by. Jack doused the fire and I turned on the lantern as we entered inside the tent.  I hung the lantern on the little hook just above our heads and we got our sleeping bags ready for the night.

“Hey (Y/n).”

“Yes Jack?” I asked as I was spreading out my two fleece blankets over my sleeping bag.

“Guess what this is.” I turned towards him and saw him making shadow puppets using the lantern above us.  It was a long serpent like creature but it wasn’t a snake.

“A Chinese water dragon?”

“Right! Now you do one.”

“Okay but be warned I’m nowhere as good as you.” I clasped my hands together and raised up my right index and tall finger and bent them a bit for the antlers.  With the rest of my fingers I molded the face and nose and asked him, “Any guesses?”

“Those things on top are they—horns?”

“Close.”

“Oh no wait they’re antlers. Is it a deer?”

“Sure is.”

“Okay, okay my turn again. Umm…..Oh I got it! You won’t be able to get this.” I saw the silhouette of what almost looked like a musk ox but I knew it wasn’t.

For one it was even bulkier than the ones I’ve seen online, and the horns on it were way too long and swirled inward too much. I knew there was no way this was a ram due to its large size.  Until it finally hit me.

“Oh I know exactly what this is!”

“Do you?”

“Of course I do. What you don’t think I know a Tusken raider’s mighty steed the Bantha?”

“You’re good.” I shrugged cockily.

“Gave you your Star Wars knowledge, remember you must my young padawan.” I said in my best worst Yoda impression.  He laughed as he brought me in close to him, our hands intertwining with each other’s while his free arm stroked patterns on my lower back and my free hand rested on his knee.

We looked into each other’s eyes and I could feel my heart racing faster the longer I looked into his innocent yet striking blueish-green eyes.  He raised our intertwined hands up and placed my palm against his cheek before covering it with his own.

“(Y/n) I—I love you.”

“I love you too Jack.”

“No I mean. I like, really, really love you. So much so that I think I…..” I noticed how his adam’s apple slightly bounced as he swallowed anxiously and his jaw went tense as he turned away from me. In fact I could just see the poor boy tensing up.

“Jack, Jack look at me.” He hesitated but he turned his head back to face me.  I moved my hand to his jawline and stroked it gingerly.  “You know you can tell me anything right?” he nodded.

“I just……don’t want to scare you away.”

“Why would I be scared? Jack remember what we promised each other when we first started dating?”

“No keeping secrets like my brothers.” Jack repeated.

“Exactly. So c’mon out with it babe. What’s on your mind?”

“I…..” he sighed deeply but took another deep breath before saying. “As I said before, I really, really love you. And I know we talked about how far we want this relationship to go and you told me how when the time is right, we could—take things to the next step and……I want to do that.”

Oh……wow that’s—that is definitely something that should not be kept inside.  I mean we have been dating for the past 3 years now after 6 years of knowing each other. And yeah he’s not the only pure-white virgin of the team (I still got the dragon scar to prove that).

“Wow. Okay that—”

“I probably made things awkward now, didn’t I?” he groaned as he scooted away from me pacing around the tent.  “I’m such an idiot! Why did I have to open my big mouth and say that?! I—” I stopped him by grabbing his biceps and interrupted his ranting.

“Hey! Hey Jack! Jack!” he stopped to look at me. “To say I’m surprised that that is what you had buzzing around your brain for is a lot to take in. But I’m glad you told me. And I think we should sit down and talk so you hear what I have to say now.” He nodded nervously as we came back to our sleeping bags, the two of us sitting across from one another.

I took his hands and gave them a soft squeeze before starting.

“Jack. These past several years of knowing you have been—the best in my life. I have never felt this type of love towards any other guy. Now you know that I’m a virgin too right?”

“Yes that was the first thing you told me because you were worried I’d break up with you because you didn’t have experience.” My face flushed as I cleared my throat.

“Yeah because most guys prefer experiences and one night stands rather than taking care of their girl afterwards. But anyways the point is, with you—I felt like I was getting the perfect guy. Cute, brave, loyal, kind, funny, protective but not possessive, well-mannered. Some days I couldn’t believe just shortly after we began dating that you were real.”

“I care about you (Y/n).”

“And I care about you Jack. Which is why I think—no I know that I’m ready too.” His eyes slowly went wide.

“You—you are?”

“Yeah. Going on this camping trip without my brothers constant helicoptering or even Cas suddenly popping up before us, the fun we both had together and showing you what it meant to go on a camping trip I—I feel like I’m ready to take the next step, so long as you were.”

“Because consent goes both ways.” Jack said.

“Exactly. But there is one thing I am concerned about.” He tilted his head like a puppy before asking me.

“What?”

“Well we’re in a public campground. And yes although we have our private section we’re not entirely alone. Plus the rangers do their nightly patrol to make sure no troublemakers are out and about. And from what I remembering hearing all those girls with Dean. Don’t ask! I uhh—”

“I can take care of that.” This time I tilted my head and looked at him questioningly.  Of course I knew nephilims are powerful beings but what can we do that’ll not get us kicked out or worse scarring an innocent child?

His eyes glowed their sunshine gold for a few seconds before they phased back to his normal eye color.

“No one should bother us now. Whatever we do in this tent won’t be heard on the outside.”

“You made this tent sound-proof?”

“Yeah. Watch.” He then let out his angelic-like scream which sounded like a boat horn times 20.  I covered my ears until he stopped and he gestured for me to look outside the tent.  I went over to the door, unzipped it and peeked out and saw that no one had woken up, or started asking just what that unholy scream was.  I zipped the door backup and said.

“Wow. You never cease to amaze me.” He cutely shrugged as I sat back down in front of him wrapping my arms around his neck. “So….shall we get busy?” I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I would—like that. What do we uhh do first?”

“Well typically it’s best to get warmed up first before we get to the final stretch.”

“Warmed up? What you mean like exercise?” I giggled as I shook my head.

“No babe. I mean like making out. Touching each other, that kinda stuff.”

“So like what we normally do when your brothers aren’t around?”

“Bingo.”

“I already know some of the things you like, will that help?”

“Yeah. So—you ready Jack?” he nodded as I slowly leaned in and captured his lips with mine.

I felt his hands come up to cup my jawline as our kissed slowly deepened.  Our tongues coming together for a slow, passionate dance as I felt myself slowly being lowered down onto our sleeping bags and blankets.  After the need for air became too much, we separated from each other but our noses softly grazed against the other’s as our breaths danced across the other’s face.

“Can I take your shirt off?” he asked me.

“So long as I get to take yours off.” He nodded and I was the first to remove his shirt before he lifted mine off.  As soon as my bare upperbody (minus the bra I had on) was exposed to him, Jack almost seemed entranced.  He stroked through all the scars I’ve gotten over the years from various cases and points in my life.

“Did they hurt?” he said stroking the dragon scar I got when I was 14 years old.

“That one did for a while, others it just depended on how deep or dangerous the creature was.”

“It’s like a painting. Like connect the dots but with scars.” He said as he slowly traced over each scar then began connecting them into various shapes and patterns.  “Like the constellations in the night sky.” I felt tears in my eyes and even felt one slid down my face.  Before I could catch it, Jack’s thumb gingerly wiped it away as he hovered over me.

He once again captured my lips as his hands slowly trailed down to my chest just short of my bra.  I separated from his lips and whispered to him.

“Put your hands on me Jack.” He kissed my lips again as his hands were now on top of my boobs.  Gently and affectionately groping them through the bra which sent shivers down my spine.  I let out a soft moan as his lips moved from my mouth to the side of my neck.

I closed my eyes as I wrapped my arms around his frame and felt his lips kiss, nip and lick at my neck.  I gasped as he got a favorite weak spot of mine. Arching my back I reached behind and unhooked my bra exposing my bare breasts to the cool air but they were soon encompassed by Jack’s hands.

“They’re soft.” I heard him whisper in my neck.

“Would you like to kiss them Jack?”

“Is that what you want?” I nodded.  He kissed my shoulder before moving across my collar bone.  Slowly with each kiss he went lower and lower until he came to my right breast and began kissing it.

My eyes rolled in the back of my head as I stretched my arms out and gripped my pillow so tightly I could feel my nails through the sheets.  Jesus no wonder why those girls were always moaning in Dean’s room if this is what it feels like.  His lips soon encompassed my right nipple and I felt him gently suck on it which caused me to wrap my hands over his head to keep him there.  Stroking and even slightly pulling on his golden locks which caused him to moan.

And hearing him moan while he sucked on my nipple sent a pleasurable feeling down to my lower region.  After a few seconds he released my nipple before looking back up at me.  I adjusted our position so that I was now on top of him and began kissing his neck.

He let out a few choked gasps as I kissed lower down towards his chest before coming back up again.  His arms wrapped around me tightly as I nipped at the junction on the left side of where his neck and shoulder met.  After leaving a fairly nice little hickey I knew would form there, Jack and I stared at each other’s eyes once again panting softly.

“So we uhh—” he asked.

“If you wish to continue. Yeah we-we can.” I said clearing my throat as I was still slightly dizzy from the pleasure that had made me blind for a moment back there.

“Do I or do you remove our umm…..”

“It doesn’t matter, I guess I could do it if you’re comfortable with it.”

“Yeah. I trust you (Y/n).” I softly smiled and gently pecked his lips before I placed my hands at the rim of his sleep pants and looked at him one last time.

“You ready?” I asked him.  He nodded giving me consent before I reached in to not only grab his sleep pants but also his boxers as I slowly scooted them off his surprisingly silky-smooth legs.  Once they were off, I then reached for my own pants and underwear and slowly removed them until we were as naked as told in the tale of Adam and Eve.

“So I—guess I just….put it inside you?” he asked me.  “How do I know if I—”

“I think we’ll cross that bridge once we get there. Just….be gentle, okay?” he stroked a strand of hair out of my face.

“Always.” He pecked my lips once more before having me return on the bottom while he resumed his position on top of me.  Our foreheads pressed together as he leaned down and kissed me and I felt him enter inside me.

I let out a hiss of pain and let out a painful groan, he stopped and looked down at me concerned.

“Should we stop? I’m hurting you aren’t I? I swear I’m not trying to it’s just….”

“I know Jack. Just…..let me get adjusted. Keep still for a moment.” I eased his anxiety by cupping his face into my hands. He nodded and kept still as I told him while I got used to feeling him inside of me.  I took a few deep breaths before telling him, “Okay I’m ready.”

“You sure?” I nodded.  He slowly pushed further inside of me kissing my neck any time I groaned or hissed in pain.  His hands gently massaged my back and hips as he applied the right pressure to get my muscles to relax with each push he did.

Once we got pass the painful stage of the first time, there suddenly came a wave of pleasure as Jack slowly began pumping himself in and out of me.  My mouth opened in an O shape as I gasped and grunted and Jack did the same as he kept thrusting in and out.

“Oh Jesus! Oh Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack! Holy shit that fee-Ahh!”

“I know. It……it’s good for…..me too.” He said through his grunts.  We wrapped our arms around the other as we feverishly and passionately kissed each other. Our tongues dancing a sloppy dance as Jack continued to hit all the right spots.

“I—I’m gonna…..please Jack. Let us cum together!”

“Is-is that what—what that feeling is? Cause I UGH! I want to cum too.”

“Let us go—toge—together.” He nodded as he picked up the pace and our grunts and howls mixed in together until finally we came together.  Jack collapsed on top of me, his head resting on my shoulder while I kept my arms wrapped around him stroking through his hair.

He looked into my eyes as I felt him trembling under my fingers.  The small bangs on his head clung onto his forehead as small beads of sweat sat upon his brow.

“You’re trembling.” I whispered.

“I’ll be fine. Are you okay?”

“That was…..the second best thing I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.”

“What was the first?”

“Getting you into Star Wars.” We softly chuckled as I placed my hand on the back of his head, leaned it down so that I could kiss his forehead and he rested his head on my bare chest.

“Is this what it feels like afterwards? I think Dean called it afterglow.” Jack asked me.

“More or less. But it’s even better than I could imagine.” I felt Jack cuddle into my sternum and even giving my collarbone a soft kiss.

“You—don’t think your brothers are gonna find out about this, do you?”

“If they do, I’ll handle it. I’m not a little girl anymore so I can do whatever I want.” I kissed the crown of his head. “Hey get this,” he looked up at me, “Tomorrow at the lodge they’re having fantasy movie night and can you guess what they’re showing?”

“Star Wars?” I nodded. “Can we go see it? Can we, please? Please? Please? Please? Please?”

“Now how can I say no to this adorable face.” I said as I cupped his cheek.  We got back on our clothes before cuddling into our sleeping bags and snuggled them close together.  “G’night Jack.”

“Goodnight (Y/n). I—I love you.”

“I love you too baby.” I let out a deep sigh before succumbing to sleep.

[campbyler]

can you all explain your username meanings? im curious

excellent question! i (user astrobi) have said this on my personal blog a couple of times i think but my own ao3 username just comes from a brief space obsession which just happened to coincide with me deciding to change my username in 2018 LOL and also my ongoing bisexuality which is probably more permanent than the username. in my head i pronounce it kind of in the same intonation as like. pastrami? (aSTRObee) so like do with that what you will i guess. also my tumblr is different bc astrobi was taken :/ (as of july 2018) so i just added another letter

thea’s user is, to quote queen maggie stiefvater, “a fortituous combination that focused both of the objects of thea’s worship into one username.” namely, will byers (wise) and adam parrish (atom) (which is what chainsaw the raven calls him). also a very roundabout way of saying 1. i should finish reading the raven king before she kills me and also 2. that there is a reason her blog title is “sad guy enthusiast”

as for andi, here is what my best friend in my phone has to say about it:

speaking from observation she will probably wither away into a husk and die if she doesn’t write so this was so true of her (nods)

[ultimatemilvesbracket]

THE MILVENING HAS BEGUN

That's 114 contenders! Amazing job everyone!

we got 323 submissions and labored over every single one until approximately 2am, which is why this bracket looks so fucking incomprehensible. (shoutout to tumblr user asparagoos for creating The Milves Rubric and user pastramis, who plays fantasy football and knows brackets.)

anyway, full match-ups are below the cut. starting tonight (3/30) we'll start with uhh the upper left-hand chunk today, then make our merry way down the list three times a day until the first elimination round ends. the top scoring milves will not appear until the second elimination round, aka when this bracket is legible.

milf lovers grab your therapist's number!

ROUND 2 / BRACKET 1

Regina Mills (Once Upon a Time) vs. Marge Simpson (The Simpsons)

Queen Clarisse Renaldi of Genovia (The Princess Diaries 1 & 2) vs. Olivia Crain (The Haunting of Hill House)

Barbara Howard (Abbott Elementary) vs. Ambessa Medarda (Arcane)

Helena "HG" Wells (Warehouse 13) vs. Taissa Turner (Yellowjackets)

ROUND 2 / BRACKET 2

Catelyn Tully Stark (A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones) vs. The Black Fairy (Once Upon a Time)

Penelope (Greek Mythology, The Odyssey) vs. Siobhan Sadler (Orphan Black)

Xenomorph Queen (Alien Cinematic Universe) vs. Goldie O'Gilt)

Bella Goth (The Sims) vs. Jean Milburn (Sex Education)

ROUND 2 / BRACKET 3

Cersei Lannister (A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones) vs. Valka (How to Train Your Dragon 2)

Queen Calanthe (The Witcher Netflix) vs. Nancy Botwin (Weeds)

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 1

Marge Simpson (The Simpsons) vs. Ella Montgomery (Pretty Little Liars) WINNER MARGE

Queen Clarisse Renaldi (The Princess Diaries) vs. Peggy Bundy (Married With Children) WINNER CLARISSE

Sarah Jane Smith (Doctor Who, Sarah Jane Adventures) vs. Olivia Crain (The Haunting of Hill House) WINNER OLIVIA CRAIN

Barbara Howard (Abbott Elementary) vs. Stacy's Mom (Fountains of Wayne) WINNER BARBARA

Ambessa Medarda (Arcane) vs. Jacqueline Carlisle (The Bold Type) WINNER AMBESSA MEDARDA

Helena "HG" Wells (Warehouse 13) vs. Flemeth (Dragon Age) WINNER HG

Taissa Turner (Yellowjackets) vs. Janet Van Dyne (Antman and the Wasp) WINNER TAISSA

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 2

Patty Hewes (Damages) vs. The Black Fairy (Once Upon a Time) WINNER THE BLACK FAIRY

Milah (Once Upon a Time) vs. Penelope (The Odyssey) WINNER PENELOPE

Siobhan Sadler (Orphan Black) vs. Norma Bates (Bates Motel) WINNER SIOBHAN

Gerri Kellman (Succession) vs. Xenomorph Mom (Alien Franchise) WINNER XENOMILF

Alex Blake (Criminal Minds) vs. Goldie O'Gilt (Ducktales 2017) WINNER GOLDIE

Bernie Wolfe (Holby City) vs. Bella Goth (The Sims) WINNER BELLA

Elizabeth Jennings (The Americans) vs. Jean Milburn (Sex Education) WINNER JEAN

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 3

Valka (How to Train Your Dragon 3) vs. Ana Servín (Madre Solo hay Dos) WINNER VALKA

Matriarch Benezia (Mass Effect) vs. Queen Calanthe (The Witcher Netflix) WINNER CALANTHE

Julie Cooper (The OC) vs. Nancy Botwin (Weeds) WINNER NANCY

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 4

Ana Amari (Overwatch) vs. Aunt May (Spider-Man MCU) WINNER AUNT MAY

Joyce Byers (Stranger Things) vs. Queen Ramonda (Black Panther) WINNER JOYCE

Admiral Kathryn Janeway (Star Trek: Voyager) vs. Nalini Vishwakumar (Never Have I Ever) WINNER JANEWAY

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 5

Carol Newman (The Santa Clauses) vs. Bette Porter (The L Word) WINNER BETTE

Addison Montgomery (Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice) vs. Sabine Cheng (Miraculous Ladybug) WINNER ADDISON

Laura Roslin (Battlestar Galactica) vs. Mrs. Brown (Paddington 1 and 2) WINNER LAURA ROSLIN

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 6

Yennefer of Vengerberg (The Witcher 3) vs. Carminha (Avenida Brasil) WINNER YENNEFER

Camila Noceda (The Owl House) vs. Sarah Alder (Motherland: Fort Salem) WINNER CAMILA

Wynne (Dragon Age) vs. Melissa McCall (Teen Wolf) WINNER MELISSA

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 7

Mon Mothma (Star Wars) vs. Carol Peletier (The Walking Dead)

Helen Parr (The Incredibles) vs. Seven of Nine (Star Trek: Picard)

Abigail Pent (The Locked Tomb) vs. Medea (Greek Mythology/Euripedes)

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 8

Queen Elinor (Disney's Brave) vs. Caroline McKenzie-Dawson (Last Tango in Halifax)

Evelyn Wang (Everything Everywhere All At Once) vs. Takhisis (Dragonlance)

Annalise Keating (How To Get Away With Murder) vs. Maureen Robinson (Lost in Space)

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 9

Gemma Teller (Sons of Anarchy) vs. Celeste Wright (Big Little Lies)

The Fairy Godmother (Shrek 2) vs. The Smart House (Disney's Smart House)

Marcia Roy (Succession) vs. Martha Rodgers (Castle)

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 10

Pyrrha Dve (The Locked Tomb) vs. Danielle Rousseau (Lost)

Olivia Benson (Law and Order: SVU) vs. Linda Flynn-Fletcher (Phineas and Ferb)

Morticia Addams (The Addams Family) vs. Maeve Millay (Westworld)

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 11

Melanie Cavill (Snowpiercer) vs. DCI Amy Silva (Vigil)

Beverly Crusher (Star Trek: The Next Generation) vs. Lucille Bluth (Arrested Development)

Abby Bartlett (The West Wing) vs. Laura de Mille (Doom Patrol)

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 12

Alicia Florrick (The Good Wife) vs. Ellie Torres (Cougartown)

Zelda Spellman (The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina) vs. Lisa Lisa (Jojo's Bizarre Adventures)

Tsunade (Naruto) vs. Jules Cobb (Cougartown)

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 13

Katherine Hastings (American Auto) vs. Esme Cullen (Twilight Series)

Abby Griffin (The 100) vs. Letty Ortiz (The Fast and the Furious 9)

Jocasta (Greek Mythology) vs. Joss Carter (Person of Interest)

ROUND 1 / BRACKET 14

Julia Sugarbaker (Designing Women) vs. Eve Fletcher (Mrs. Fletcher)

Chrisjen Avasarala (The Expanse) vs. Marion Lavorre (Critical Role)

Tiffany Valentine (Chucky) vs. Jodie Mills (Supernatural)

[mariacallous]

Just like William Shatner, the man who originated the role of Captain Kirk, Chris Pine, who plays the iconic role in the most recent “Star Trek” film reboot, has Jewish roots. He recently mentioned them during what to some is the greatest American Jewish experience — a decadent meal at a Jewish deli, specifically, Langer’s in Los Angeles. Pine was there to promote his directorial debut, “Poolman,” in which he plays, you guessed it, a poolman. The film has an all star cast, including Annette Bening, DeWanda Wise, Ariana DeBose, Danny DeVito and Jewish mom Jennifer Jason Leigh.

As he found joy in a rich and fizzy egg cream (“Does it get better than carbonated chocolate?” he wondered) and a beautiful deli sandwich on rye — the #19 with pastrami, Swiss cheese, cole slaw and Russian-style dressing which he called “profound” — he shared that Langer’s to him feels like home because, just like the Langer family that came from Russia, his great-grandparents came from Eastern Europe — specifically, Kiev, Ukraine.

“Somehow it feels like home even though I grew up in the Valley,” he told The Infatuation’s Brant Cox, in front of a table full of deli staples, including a plate full of pickles.

Pine’s maternal great-grandparents, Louis Goldfarb and Yetta Saporsnikova, were Jewish immigrants. Their son (and Pine’s grandfather) Max M Gilford, an entertainment lawyer, married movie star and model Anne Gwynne, considered to be one of the first “scream queens” and also known for her popular WWII pin-ups. The two had two children, including Chris’ mom, actress turned therapist Gwynne Gilford.

Pine is well-known for his role opposite another great Jewish star, Gal Gadot in “Wonder Woman.” On October 12, he and Gadot were among 700 stars to sign a letter from Creative Community for Peace demanding the safe release of the hostages in Gaza.

It is nice to have Pine pay tribute to his Jewish immigrant roots in such a delicious and wonderfully Jewish way. Yes, finding delight in a deli sandwich is a universal experience — but ordering and drinking an egg cream?! That’s no rookie move, and gives him some real Jewish cred.

[denimbex1986]

'As a director, Benny Safdie makes sleazy movies about hustlers and gamblers and criminals and strivers. Films that teem with violence and drugs, while a pulsating anxiety yanks you through a gritty underbelly of a New York you thought no longer existed.

But today? We’re about as far from that seediness as you can get. On his suggestion, we meet up at the Upper West Side deli institution Barney Greengrass. The tree-lined blocks around here are stately and idyllic, tucked between Central Park and the Hudson River. Safdie, 37, is dressed in full dadcore: glasses, striped tee, jeans, Tevas. (Tevas!) He has the personality to match, with a warmth and gregariousness that initially catch you way off guard. This is the guy responsible for Uncut Gems?

“My go-to meal here was pastrami, eggs, and Mun-chee cheese. But Mun-chee cheese doesn't exist anymore,” Safdie laments. “Nobody bought it.” He opts for a sesame bagel with butter instead.

This neighborhood is his home turf, and his favorite place in the world. He spent his childhood ping-ponging between an unstable environment with his father in Queens, then comfortable normalcy with his mother and stepdad on the Upper West Side.

As a younger man, he did a brief stint living downtown. “I looked out, I'm like, There's no trees. I didn't realize how important that is to my sanity,” he remembers. Now he and his wife, Ava, are raising their two boys, Cosmo, 7, and Murray, 4, up here.

Safdie made his name in tandem with his older brother Josh, the two perpetually mentioned in the same breath for their idiosyncratic, independent films reminiscent of the heyday of New Hollywood. Daddy Long Legs (2009) was mined from their own misadventures with an irresponsible father. (Safdie says he tends to have a more critical view of their upbringing than Josh and, though he still talks to their dad, “it can be strained.”) Good Time (2017), with Robert Pattinson as a small-time criminal and Benny as his mentally disabled brother, raised their profile.

And then came 2019’s Uncut Gems, the heart-pounding thriller starring Adam Sandler as a diamond-dealing gambling addict, which planted the Safide brothers firmly at the center of the culture. The success that followed changed everything.

“That was the first time where I had a vision beyond four feet in front of me,” Safdie says.

What does that vision look like? For Safdie, it means pursuing an increasingly successful acting career. He’s branched out on his own, diverging from the brother he’s been working with his entire life. Many actors go on to become directors; it’s much rarer for the opposite to happen. Even the few who do make the jump—say, John Huston—end up being remembered more for their first career.

Safdie, though, possesses a chameleonic talent, so much so that every role of his feels like a genuine surprise. Perhaps you saw him pop up in Paul Thomas Anderson’s ‘70s Valley vibefest Licorice Pizza as Joel Wachs, a closeted councilman. Or in Claire Denis’s Stars at Noon as an eerily nefarious CIA man (character’s name: CIA Man). Or as a Jedi in Obi-Wan Kenobi. Or, earlier this year, in—wait a second—the film adaptation of Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, Judy Blume’s seminal tome about a preteen girl coming of age.

Safdie’s downtown cred, the A24-ness of it all, maybe didn’t make him the most natural casting choice for Margaret’s dad Herb on paper. “It always delights me when people find out he's in the movie. Just their total shock,” the film’s director, Kelly Fremon Craig told me.

Rachel McAdams, who plays Margaret’s mom, told me in an email that she first met Safdie at a screening he hosted for Uncut Gems. “He was so lovely and effusive with such a gentle, open energy about him,” she said. “I remember my brain not quite being able to compute that guy with the same guy who just put me through one of the most stressful movie-watching experiences of my life.”

Safdie sees acting as a way to delve into certain aspects of himself that he hasn’t had an outlet for otherwise. Playing a dad, for instance. “That's a big part of my personality that I haven't yet had the chance to explore in my own work,” he says. His experience as a director also makes him considerably less neurotic about his own performances. Watching himself in the editing room? Having a big line in a scene cut? No problem—he’s been on the other side, and he gets it.

Now, Safdie has his biggest role yet, a meaty part in Oppenheimer, Christopher Nolan’s wildly anticipated summer blockbuster about the father of the atomic bomb. Safdie plays Edward Teller, opposite Cillian Murphy’s J. Robert Oppenheimer. Teller was a controversial figure, a Hungarian theoretical physicist who would go on to testify against Oppenheimer in later years.

The cast of Oppenheimer is comically stacked: Robert Downey Jr., Matt Damon, Gary Oldman, Rami Malek, to name a few. Nolan was looking for someone fresh and unexpected to play Teller. He had initially seen Safdie in Good Time and then Licorice Pizza. “I called Paul [Thomas Anderson] and I asked about Benny, and he gave him the strongest possible endorsement and pointed out that he's an incredible actor, but also just a wonderful guy,” Nolan told me.

There was also a bit of fate sprinkled in. Safdie had studied physics at Boston University—almost became a physicist, in fact, before he swerved off into filmmaking. Oppenheimer would allow him to combine his two passions, to dive into yet another deep interest that had otherwise not merged with his film career. It would also require him to wear layers of makeup, to have his hair straightened every day until he could hear it sizzle, and to do accent work for the first time. Safdie put off sharing his speech progress with Nolan for as long he could, until he couldn’t. Finally, he sent the director a voice memo of himself describing his breakfast in a thick Hungarian accent.

“When he sent me that recording, I listened to it about a thousand times and very much enjoyed it,” Nolan said.

Teller could have been written as a straight antagonist to Oppenheimer, but instead Nolan used him to inject rare moments of levity throughout the film. (There is one memorable scene in which Safdie slathers sunscreen all over his face before the first nuclear bomb test.) “For the tragedy of that relationship to have resonance, you have to have seen a warmth there and something between them that's more of a brotherly relationship,” Nolan said. “And I felt that Benny could really bring that to the role and give it that warmth.”

“[He’s] such a kind and gentle fella,” Cillian Murphy told me of Safdie. Much has been made of how intense the film is—take a look at any number of harrowing promotional shots of Murphy in character looking like the most haunted man of all time. In between takes, he said it always seemed as if he ended up talking to Safdie.

“You keep the atmosphere light and joke around because I feel you need to be in a relaxed state to act. Your heart rate needs to be low, your cortisol levels need to be low,” Murphy said. “And that's why I think I probably gravitated towards Benny.”

Safdie is obsessed with realism. It checks out, considering how so many characters in his movies were just ordinary people plucked off the street. That sensibility has followed him into his performances.

Eating, for instance. It drives him nuts when people don’t eat on camera. “I hate it when people don't eat,” he says, tearing into his bagel. “It destroys me.” When he filmed a dinner scene in Licorice Pizza, he made sure to eat in every take. “I don't know how many tiramisus I ate, but it must have been 30,” he says. Same thing happened in The Curse, his secretive upcoming Showtime series with Nathan Fielder and Emma Stone about a couple producing an HGTV show: “Sixty chips in one take, and we must have had nine takes…”

“It wasn't just the nine bags of chips,” Fielder told me in an email. “Any scene that involved food, everyone would pace themselves on the first take.… But Benny for some reason would keep shoving food in his mouth the entire scene ’cause he thought it would be funnier. And he was right. There was one scene where he ate an entire Chinese buffet plate every single take for 15 takes and he would always match the exact same volume of food. You'd think any sane person would eat a couple less popcorn shrimp each time as the takes went on. But he wouldn't.”

And then there’s the crying. Safdie tends to cry when he gets into character—thinking of all the things he might be feeling if he were in that person’s shoes. When Adam Sandler, in Uncut Gems, had to weep, dejected, that he was “so sad and so fucked up,” it was Safdie who went into his trailer to pump him up.

“In a weird way, there's nothing better than being able to do that in front of people because it's usually a very private moment that you're ashamed of and you don't want to show anybody. But to actually get the opportunity to show people what it's like when you're really sad,” Safdie recalls saying. “And then I started crying. He goes, ‘You got to stop. Can you take it easy?’”

Before Uncut Gems, even with a handful of celebrated movies under his belt, a film career didn’t feel truly viable. At the back of his mind, he still thought he might have to go back to school and actually become a physicist. His wife was the primary breadwinner, and so when he edited Good Time, he’d set his son Cosmo in bed with a bunch of pillows surrounding him so he wouldn’t roll over, turn on the baby monitor, and work while he slept.

Last year, it was announced that Sandler would be working on a new movie with Elara Pictures, the Safdie brothers’ production company. The project would be set in the world of sports memorabilia collectors, with Megan Thee Stallion also reported to star.

Shortly after, news broke that Benny would not be directing the Sandler movie with Josh. “Elara is still there. We work on a lot of documentaries and there's just a constant flow of ideas,” Safdie says. “It just felt like, okay, there's things that I want to explore that don't necessarily align right now with Josh. So it's a divide and conquer mentality. He wants to tell this story, he can go and do that. I'm going to go and do a couple of other things. It seems like a natural progression for how things have happened.”

Mainly, he had gone away to act on several projects and work on The Curse. By the time he returned, Josh and their longtime third collaborator Ronald Bronstein, were already deep into working on the new Sandler movie. “It was just a matter of, ‘This works for me right now and this is what I've got to do,’” Safdie explains.

Elara also had a shakeup earlier this year. One of its founding producers, Sebastian Bear-McClard, was accused of sexual misconduct by multiple women. A spokesperson for the Safdies had previously said they fired him upon becoming aware of the behavior in July 2022. “It’s disgusting, and when you find out something about somebody that you didn't realize, you just have to be much more careful,” Safdie says when I ask him about the incident. “It's a lot, and it's not something that you want to have happen to anybody. And when you find it out, the one thing that you can do is really just take control.”

When we speak, Safdie is just finishing up final sound editing on The Curse. The show originated through his friendship with Fielder. Safdie had been a longtime Nathan for You enthusiast, and had even written a Cinema Scope article about his love for the show. Fielder was similarly a fan of Safdie’s. “In those initial hangouts it was clear we were on a similar wavelength,” Fielder said.“We both think a lot about tone and realism. We weren't even intending to collaborate on a project actually, it just sort of happened organically the second time we hung out.”

“We came up with the idea for The Curse and we're like, ‘This is so stupid, but it's really funny,’” Safdie explains. They kept texting and texting about it, until the bit became real.

In The Curse, Fielder and Emma Stone play a couple, while Safdie is a long-haired, turquoise jewelry-wearing HGTV producer. “They live in an area called Española, which is close to Santa Fe. And that's where they're building their new homes. They have a very different way of gentrifying the community. They want to do it ethically, and they want to do it in a way that doesn't hurt anybody. So they want to make a show about that. And you follow their lives as they're doing it,” Safdie explains. “It started out as a 30-minute comedy and became an hour-long comedy-drama.”

So he filmed Oppenheimer in the New Mexico desert and then returned to New Mexico to film The Curse for several more months. While he emerged without any turquoise jewelry, he did leave the set having purchased a ton of props from production. “I do have an insane amount of Talavera dishware, which I love. I love it so much. It brings me so much joy to look down and see the bright colors,” he says.

This enthusiasm and attention to detail saturates everything. Directing, acting, physics—they’re all connected.

“All of it is just trying to understand what this thing is that we're going through,” Safdie says. “How in the world is the universe expanding and here I am, sitting here. What's 14 billion years ago? What's time? How much time is left?”'

[bottle-cap-baby]

The Ravening War Characters Ep. 1 (in order of appearance)

Queen Amangeaux Epicée du Peche (Rule of Vegetania, Noble of House du Peche, Keeper of the Greenhold, Widow to Late King Cardoon)

Karna Solara (Whisperer of the courts of Fructera and Vegetania, Spymaster, Courtier)

Bishop Raphaniel Charlock (Bishop of Greenhold, Chaplain to House Cardoon of Vegetania)

Thane Delissandro Katzon (Envoy of Beef Clans, Scio of the House of Carbano - Meatland and Ceresian Parentage - Pastrami on Rye motherfucker - Grandson of Senator Enzo Carbano - Son of Chieftess Cleva Katzon)

Chieftess Cleva Katzon (Battle-Sage of the Beef Clans, First Rib of the Great Cow - Mother of Thane Delissandro Katzon)

Colton Gouda (got punched by cleva LMAO)

Colin Provolone (Sellsword of the Dairy Sea)

Sirley Hiag (Haunchman of the Beef Clans)

Chutney (Lady-in-Waiting to Queen Amangeaux)

Count Jacque Tomate (First of his Name, Count of Marinara)

Queen Pamelia “Pamela” Rocks née Pomegrano (Ruler of Candia and the Sugarlands, Marquesa of Beaucoup-de-Graines, Keeper of Castle Candy, Heart of the Realm)

Princess Citrina Rocks (First of her Name, Cloistered Sister of the Immaculate Confection, Duchess of Piehole, Lady of the Realm)

Senator Focaccia

Senator Enzo Carbano (Senator of Ceresia, Tribune of the Fusilli - Grandfather of Thane Delissandro Katzon - Father of Senator Ariana?)

Senator Ariana Gemelli (Senator of Ceresia, Tribune of Triscutia - Daughter of Senator Enzo?)

Archbishop Camille Colliflour Avatar of Deus-Pa’zuul (Archbishop of Lightcress, Primogen of the Bulbian Church)

Bishop Belizabeth Brassica (Primogen of the Bulbian Church)

Count Belvedere Cabbage of House Cabbage

[mommydearestella]

Sex in my guest apartment a few years ago.

I wonder if my cousin Gregory Katz was in my guest apartment in back of my former home?  I heard he and David were.  If true I have no idea how he or David Kaufman could have gotten in or if they even knew it was my property.

[angelasscribbles]

Mother in Law Hell: A Drabble Me This Story

Series: Drabble Me This

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings for series: Riley x Liam

Rating: R

Warnings for this chapter: Language

Word Count: 2,154 Once again, I have way exceed the word count for a drabble. Sorry/not sorry lol.

A/N: This is in no way designed to start an argument about bottle v breast feeing. The main problem here is Riley, as the mother, getting her wishes ran over.

My other stuff: Master List.

@twinkleallnight:

The ask: Riley and Liam marry. Connie dies... But Regina who has been so supportive till now starts playing double game with Riley. Riley tries to tell Liam. He doesn't understand. Creates lot of misunderstanding between them leading to the fallout. How do they fix it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Riley had always gotten along with Regina, but something changed after Constantine died. Regina grieved for a while, as was expected. So, Riley let a lot of the barbs and snide comments slide, chalking it up to grief. It got worse when she got pregnant. And as her belly grew bigger, the barbs got deeper.

“Are you sure you should be eating that my dear?”

Riley paused, sandwich halfway to her mouth and blinked at her mother in law, “What?”

“I mean, is that pastrami?” Regina shuddered a little, “Maybe I can have the kitchen make you a nice salad.”

Regina flagged down one of the maids as Riley protested, “N-no, thanks. The baby needs the protein.”

Regina tsked, “My dear, I’m just trying to help! You’ve gained so much weight! I mean, really, is that any way to keep the eye of a king? I never let my figure go, not in all the years Constantine and I were together.”

Riley sat the sandwich on her plate as she stared at the older woman in shock, “Regina, I’m pregnant!”

“That’s really no excuse to let yourself go, is it?”

Riley’s hand went protectively to her belly, “First of all, I have preeclampsia and half of the weight I’ve gained is retained water! Second of all, my doctor was concerned that I wasn’t gaining enough weight in the first trimester because of how bad my morning sickness was! Third, Liam is a loving and devoted husband, and your insinuation is just gross! And fourth, seriously, weight shaming, especially a pregnant woman, is just…just….”

“What’s going on?” Liam asked as he entered the room.

“I was just having a snack and Regina started trying to body shame me about my weight!”

“What?” Liam looked at Regina then back to Riley in confusion.

“Oh, dear, no. I was just giving her some tips on healthy eating. I only want the best for the baby, after all!”

“No, that’s not-“

“It’s ok, dear,” Regina patted her arm on her way out of the room, “It’s the pregnancy hormones that make you overly sensitive!”

“Liam! She was being horrible! You believe me, right?”

Liam looked at his wife sympathetically, “Of course I believe that she hurt your feelings! But I’m sure she didn’t mean to! She can be…brusque from her years of ruling.”

“Yes, but her suggestions weren’t even right! She criticized my food choices and said I was letting myself go!”

“She doesn’t understand, she never experienced pregnancy herself. We’ll get her some literature about healthy eating during pregnancy if you want.”

She looked up at him and he was so sincere, she decided to let it go. Maybe he was right. Regina was trying to be involved, right? But shouldn’t a former queen have more tact? Riley couldn’t push away the feeling that she’d been cruel on purpose.

“Hey.” Liam sat down and pulled her into his arms, “How about I have the kitchen make you a chocolate milkshake? You love those! And it’s full of protein! Then maybe we can sneak off to our room for a midafternoon rendezvous? Hmmm?”

She giggled as his nose nuzzled into her neck, letting go of her ire. It would be okay.

But it wasn’t. It only got worse after the birth of the baby.

Riley returned from the hospital to find their apartment inside the palace had been redecorated, with hideous paintings that looked like they had been molding in the attic for years.

Regina was waiting for them when they entered the living room, “Welcome home!”

“What the hell happened in here?” Riley asked.

“Oh, I wanted to surprise you!”

“But…where is my stuff?” Riley had worked hard to decorate the apartment, to make it feel like home, a true retreat for their family, a place to get away from the palace and the demands of public life.

“Oh, it’s in storage, but I’m going to have it hauled away. It was so tacky, don’t you think? You’re a mother now, you need to think about the fact that you’re raising the heir! These portraits are our history! You won’t be able to teach her what she needs to know because you aren’t from here, so I thought this would be a good start!”

“Liam!”

Liam embraced her, “Here, let’s get you settled in. We can sort this out later.”

“The bedroom, Liam, I want to go to the bedroom.” She was shaking with anger, no way she could sit in that living room while Regina was still in it.

“She meant well.” Liam told her.

“No, she didn’t. Get rid of her and get rid of that shit on my walls! I want my decorations back, Liam, the ones you and I picked together!”

“Of course, love.”

“And you need to tell her to stop overstepping boundaries!”

“I think she just wants to be involved. She’s still grieving my father, she never had children of her own, Leo is gone, we’re all she has.”

“She has Madeleine and Adelaide!” Riley fumed, “Let her go stay in Krona!”

“Riley! We can’t send her away! We’re her family!”

Once again, Riley was forced to let it go.

But the final straw came when Riley woke from a nap to find Regina feeding the two month old crown princess of Cordonia from a bottle.

“I thought we were out of expressed milk.” Riley said.

Regina rolled her eyes, “Oh dear, I don’t think she’s gaining enough weight on your milk. You’re too sickly and weak, you’re not strong like a Cordonian woman. I sent the butler out for some formula.”

“What?! No! You know that we’re exclusively breastfeeding!” Riley felt tears prick her eyes.

“Well, that’s your mistake dear. It’s why she’s not sleeping through the night. She needs something more substantial in her stomach.”

Riley’s eyes tracked across the counter, landing on a box of baby rice cereal, “Did you put cereal in that bottle?”

“Just a tablespoonful. You can thank me when she sleeps through the night.”

“Get out!”

“What?”

“Put my baby down and Get. Out. NOW!” Riley roared.

Regina jumped, Ellie started to cry.

“See what you’ve done, you selfish little bitch?” Regina hissed, “All you care about is yourself! That’s why you came between Liam and his father at the end of his life! My husband was dying but did you care? No! All you cared about was casting him as the bad guy to clear your own name so you could manipulate Liam into marrying you!”

“What?”

“You heard me! You came in here with all your American ideas and modern values and seduced him with sex and inappropriate behavior! You’re not fit for the throne, and you’re not fit for my son! He’ll see that soon and send you packing back to America!”

Riley couldn’t stop the hot, angry tears streaming down her face as she stumbled to the door and yanked it open, “Marco!”

“Yes, Your Majesty?” The young guard looked tentatively back and forth between the women.

“I want her to put my daughter down then I want her out of my sight, and I never want her back in here! I don’t care if you have to lock her in the cells to do it!”

Marco took in the sight in front of him and resolve washed over his face as he moved toward the queen mother. He knew who he worked for, and it wasn’t Regina.

“No need to be so dramatic.” Regina handed the baby to the nanny who had come running at the sound of crying. “I��ll go. But Liam will be hearing about this!”

After Regina was escorted out, Riley took her baby from the nanny, kissing the top of her head as she gently rocked her, “It’s ok, it’s ok, baby, momma’s so sorry she yelled.”

“I’m so sorry, Your Majesty, I didn’t know-“

“It’s not your fault, Callie.” Riley sniffed, “Just, go get Marco for me, okay?” 

Callie left the room and returned with Marco. The young guard asked, “Is there something else I can do for you, Your Majesty?”

“Yes, there is. I need you to send a message to my husband and then I need you to send up several butlers and a couple of maids right away.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” Marco replied as he backed out of the room to do her bidding.

As soon as he could get free, the king responded to his wife’s summons.

Liam walked into mass chaos.

Riley’s breasts ached; Ellie wouldn’t latch on. Riley’s breasts were so full she couldn’t get the pump to form a seal so there was no relief to be found there. Ellie was screaming because her tummy hurt, she was pulling her little legs up, grunting in an effort to poop. The royal doctor had just left, saying Ellie was constipated from the cereal and to try a little apple juice in a bottle, but diluted because her digestive system really wasn’t ready for that either. Riley was leaking milk from both sides and crying from pain, frustration and anger. Her face was red and streaked with tears, the front of her shirt was soaked as rivulets of milk ran from both breasts.

There were two maids scurrying around the apartment and three butlers carrying luggage and baby items from the bedroom and nursery out the door.

Even the nanny was crying.

“What the hell is going on?” Liam exploded.

Riley wiped her face on her sleeve and stood, “What’s happening is that Regina did it again, Liam, only a thousand times worse and I already know that you’re going to excuse her behavior no matter what I say! Even though I have witnesses!” She swung her arm in the nanny’s direction.

“Why are the butlers taking luggage and baby equipment out of here?” He demanded as his head turned to track their activities.

“Ellie and I are going to stay at Valtoria.” Riley said sorrowfully.

“For how long?” He yelled.

“Forever.” She replied quietly, her voice rising steadily as she spoke, “You dismiss all my concerns when it comes to Regina! You don’t listen, you don’t believe me that what she does is intentionally mean! I can’t take it anymore! I won’t put my child through it!”

“Wait.” Liam’s face paled, “You’re…you’re leaving me?”

“Yes. I love you, Liam, desperately. You are welcome at Valtoria anytime, but I can’t and won’t spend one more night under the same roof as Regina.”

Desperation laced his words, “Riley, no! You can’t leave me!”

“You can just spin it as me wanting some alone time with the baby. I’m sure the PR department will come up with something believable, so your public image isn’t tarnished.”

Liam’s mouth fell open, “You think I’m worried about my public image?”

She wiped at her face again, “Aren’t you?”

“No!” He grabbed her by the shoulders, “I’m worried about losing my wife! I love you, Riley, with everything in me! I can’t live without you! I don’t want any of this without you! I’ll abdicate right now and fuck Cordonia all to hell!”

“Liam, you can’t abdicate, that’s crazy talk!”

He slid down to his knees, right in front of the staff, taking her hand in his, “Please don’t do this!”

“I don’t want to!” Fresh tears fell down her face, “But I don’t know what else to do!”

His features hardened as he rose to his feet, “I do.”

Liam raised his voice, “Everyone stop! Alec! Marco! Get in here!”

All activity ceased as the king barked orders, “Put everything back where you found it! The queen is not leaving, my daughter is not leaving!”

He watched as the staff scurried around, carrying luggage and baby items back into the bedroom and nursery, then he turned to the two guards he had summoned, “Go find Regina, and escort her from the premises.”

“Your Majesty?”

“You heard me. Take her to Krona, or wherever she wants to go, but she can’t stay here. We’ll send her things later, wherever she ends up. Go! Now!”

The guards jumped and hurried out the door to carry out their orders.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what she did?”

“Doesn’t matter.” He took her in his arms again, “You wouldn’t be this upset for nothing. I’m sorry I didn’t listen before, didn’t take it seriously. I need you to know that no one is more important to me than you and our family. Okay?”

She smiled through her tears as she nodded, “Okay.”

“I love you, Riley Rys, you’re my life, my heart! Can you ever forgive me?”

“I forgive you, Liam! You were just trying to be a good son.”

“I’d rather be a good husband, and a good father. I know where my priorities are.”

She collapsed into his arms and cried tears of relief.

Riley never saw Regina again and she lived happily ever after.

[violsva]

Liveblogging The Ravening War, Episode 3

This show has made me crave a pastrami sandwich, but I finally had one last weekend. With provolone.

Lou suggesting exactly the ambush from ACoC XD

Aabria is dressed to blend in with the terrain

Eee minis!!

Pretty sure that's a real orange.

I like how the battle planning is forcing some of the characters to open up to the others. And giving opportunities for more chosen bonding too.

Carriage! With banana slice wheels!

And ooh, those guys on the front look Candian. Despite the theories going around, I wasn't expecting a Candian envoy, looks like I was wrong.

Silence is just brutal under these circumstances.

Deeply forboding still here as Provolone rushes in. And that's a magic sword! Who are you, Provolone?!

Karna has higher CON than I would have expected given the reveal last episode.

Gummy bear knight! Yay North Gumbia! Oh no, what are they doing here?

Oh god, Raphaniel trying to jump down the hill is going to end badly ... Yep.

XD chess jokes!

Yes, I thought the heads were fake.

Love that with disadvantage and holding a lantern Colin has a 19 to hide.

Oh shit, that's a good move from the gummy bear.

Good work editing team!

Is that Caramelinda? Surely not, she's not a fighter.

But it is Queen Pamela.

Action surge, Jesus, Deli! Lou Wilson, you magnificent actor.

No puns on Quichei's turn, Aabria.

God I love Zac's commentary.

Oh, vision backstory! It's not PTSD, he's just a bit fucked up. And damn, Brennan.

And ... it's kitty feeding time. And not even dark outside. What is wrong with this season. Further bulletins as events warrant.

[dont-leafmealone]

Top 5 breads

because I'm hungry.

5. Oat bread; delightful, a little crunchy, good dense bread to accompany a potato or mixed veggie soup.

4. Italian; a classic, great with garlic, cheese, parsley or just good ol' melted butter.

3. French; good for French toast, fancy grilled cheese, or a sub sandwich. I'm pretty sure subway uses this with cheese and herbs sprinkled on, and subway has some damn good bread.

2. Cheddar/pepperoni/banana pepper; an excellent snack on its own, but objectively the best pairing for any kind of bean soup, especially pinto beans. Great combo of salty and sour and spicy.

Rye; we love a versatile queen, and rye is as versatile as it gets. Dark, light, seeded, seedless; beef and pastrami sandwich dipped in broth, chicken sandwich with mustard, or just plain, maybe with a little bit of butter. All of these are S tier foods and that is why rye gets the #1 spot.

thank you for coming to my ted talk. Feel free to add your own ranking.

[marblesarelost]

Not quite a month update. (Long)

So we've been in a certain city in the Upper Midwest for not quite a month, and I'm...

...I have lived almost all my life in the rural South. I spent about a year in Cleveland in my youth and hated it (but that may have been just tweenage in 1989/90 angst as well -- it was hard to find who I was) and while I didn't think I would hate it here, I was unprepared to find out how much I actually like it.

There are things to do! There are museums and fun and good restaurants (as well as not so good restaurants, we haven't had a great track record but it's a big city, you're gonna hit the crappy places sometimes) and they actually have pastrami in the deli at the store without my having to traipse across town. We hit the public museum two weeks ago and barely got through the first floor, we hit the art museum last week and same. I think our next one is the kids' play around with science type place. And the Renn Faire starts in a few weeks, too. There's just so much to do!

I'm getting better about driving on the freeway and major highways because I have to do it. I still don't like it, I still hunch and tense up, but I'm getting better about it.

We went to Pride the first weekend we were here, and it was amazing. All the beautiful people, and they were all beautiful. I saw puppy masks for the first time in RL. Saw the leather folx and they were amazing (seriously, their gear was so well made). Saw so many couples, older couples that you could tell had been together forever, and it just made my heart sing.

Hanging out in the pavilion where folks were doing aerial silks and drag queens came out and did routines in the afternoon, and the music, and I saw -- I'm not sure and I don't want to make a mistake, but there was an older handicapped person with rainbow flags on their wheelchair tapping their feet and waving their arms and it was just -- it was beautiful. And everybody being so sweet to my baby when they would tell folks "You look beautiful," or "I love your look," was fabulous. All my love to the person handing out trans flag "Free Hugs" stickers and gave me a big hug -- I still have my sticker, lovey.

But for right now, I'm good and I'm having a great time, and not just because I'm with @palaquinn 95% of the time. I never thought I could like living in the North. I never thought I could let go of the South enough to do so.

I know this enchantment won't last. I know there will be bad days. But even just hanging out in the AirBnB, sitting on the balcony and watching the traffic go by, watching the world go by, I'm content.

I don't belong here in the North.

Yet.

I think maybe, just maybe, I could.

[cornedbeefhashtags]

pastrami queen sounds like a sex thing i love it

i'm adding it to my tinder bio