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taylorswiftfiction · 7 years ago

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I love you’s

I kinda just threw this together at like 3 am last night. It might be crap, I don’t know but here it’s is

I promised myself I wouldn’t fall. I needed to figure out what I wanted my life to be before I let someone else in it. I clearly remembered that first night. My body pressed against the door latching it shut as his lips left sloppy kisses along my collar bone. He took a moment and brushed my slightly over grown bangs away from my eyes. “Bedroom?” I bit the edge of my bottom lip “it’ll just be a bit of fun”I thought. I nodded my head and he pulled himself away from me allowing me to grab his hand and lead him up the strairs to the last door on the left. The rest of the night was spent tangled in sheets so consumed with the moment and with each other that we weren’t thinking about what would happen if someone caught him leaving the next morning or anything else for that matter. The next morning he was gone. I could’ve sworn it was a dream, but I was naked and his jacket was draped over the back of the chair in the corner for my room.

Up until joe I never thought I’d be the girl to have sex over and over again with the same guy without being in a relationship. In my mind there were hook ups and relationships and no where in between. What I didn’t know is that there comes a point where actually talking means a whole lot more then getting naked together. After a while getting naked together turned into “let’s get take out and watch something on Netflix”. It still resulted in our clothes scattered about the living room floor but it started to feel more personal when he would wait for me to wake up before escaping through the back door. Eventually our nights ran into days ran into nights and I felt uneasy sleeping anywhere but his arms.

I had planned on escaping for a while now. Getting away from the camera flashes and business calls. I rented a house in the British countryside not far from his parents and I was going to disappear for a while. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be gone, a year maybe two, hell maybe I’d never come back. I’d just be this echo of a name people thought they knew who disappeared out of no where in the middle of the night. Originally I was just going to lie low. Spend a lot of time in Rhode Island or Nashville or something but I needed to me near him. I needed his arms wrapped around my waist and his lips pressed against the side of my head. I needed him go run his fingers through my hair. I needed him. The plane landed with a jolt and I was informed that we were alone and that joe was waiting.

I pulled my backpack over my shoulders and stepped down the stairs. As soon as I hit steady ground I quickened my pace and threw myself into his arms. His eyes were bright and his smile was soft and he smelled like coffee and cinnamon. Our relationship had yet to be defined by words like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” and I liked that so I left the words “I love you” lingering at the tip of my tongue. “It’s good to see you.” I could feel his lips curl into a smile against my cheek as he responded. “You too.” I reluctantly let go as he turned to take my luggage from my security team. They would be staying in a condo a couple miles away from the house I was renting. Far enough away to give me space but close enough to give me safety.

We drove into the British country side making occasional comments on various farm animals or pretty skies peeping through tree branches. I hadn’t seen the house yet but as soon as we pulled into the driveway I knew it was exactly where I needed to be. “I know you you ordered some couches and stuff but I picked up a few things, just to make it seem a bit more like home.” There were no house keepers to stock the pantary or interior decorators to place the furniture but joe had taken care of all of that. My favorite shampoo was in the shower, there was cookie dough in the fridge, and fuzzy socks in the dresser. “ I don’t think you know how much this means to me, really. Thank you.” He smiled and pushed my hair away from his face. “It was no trouble. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to get everything, I wasn’t really sure what makeup products you used or what kind of food the cats liked but I guess they won’t be here for a couple weeks anyway" “yeah we’re still figuring out customs with them but they’ll be here soon.” He ran his hands through his hair and adjusted his sweater. “Well You must be exhausted, I’m going to let you get settled. Uh there’s a pretty good kebab shop just down the road maybe I could bring dinner by later?” “Or maybe you could stay? I mean that’s just a lot of driving back and forth.” “No, it’s no problem, you’ve had a long night and you need to rest.” “ no, I’m fine. It’s just-I missed you.” I bit my lip and leaned against the door to the linen closet. “Then I’ll stay.”

We fell asleep on the couch that night and he stayed. A week flew by and I started to let myself love him. It wasn’t until I found his tooth brush on my bathroom counter that I realized how scared I was. He pulled his tooth brush out of the little cup and stuffed it in his back pocket. “It’s ok I’ll take it back to my parents and it won’t be an issue anymore.” He truly didn’t get it. “No joe, it’s not about the fucking tooth brush. It’s about the fact that you don’t understand what you’re signing up for.” “Taylor I told you I’ve experienced paparazzi and-“ “it’s different when every day of your life becomes a photo shoot.” “And I don’t care. I love you. I love you like Christmas morning and picnics under starry nights and that is not something I’m going to give up for anything. Not for internet trolls or stalkers with fancy cameras,- or anything.” I sat down on the bed and tried to put senseless words together into sentences. “You don’t deserve this joe.” “Your right, I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve your laugh, or your smile. I don’t deserve the way your eyelids flutter in your sleep or the way your voice sounds when you first wake up. If there’s anything about this that I don’t deserve it’s you. I felt tears running down my cheeks and his arms wrap around my shoulders. I nuzzled my face into his chest and tried to breathe steadily. “I don’t know if that’s all true, but I love you.” He kissed me and we just stayed there wrapped in each other’s arms as my tears fell down my cheek and onto his now very soggy shoulder.

The next morning I woke up with a large glass of water and a bottle of Advil on my bedside table. My eyes felt dry and heavy. The shower was on and the left side of the bed was empty. I dropped a couple pills into my mouth and chugged the glass of water. Joe came out of the bathroom dressed in grey sweat pants and a white tee shirt. “ hey, you’re awake.” He pressed his lips against mine for a second before sitting down to put on a pair of socks. “I love you.” The words left my lips softly, almost a whisper. Just loud enough for him to hear. “And I mean it this time. I meant it last night too but I was crying and emotional and I just need you to know that I meant it.” He smiled and dropped his other sock on the floor. He grabbed my face and looked into my eyes before I kissed him. He pulled away for a second and looked at me again. “I love you too.”.

I didn’t know it at the time but that was the first of many I love you’s. They continued to be said between shots of whisky and morning errands. After fights fought with Nerf guns, and ones fought with words. Through intimate moments in a candle lit living room, and busy streets at Christmas time. In the middle of marriage proposals and wedding vows. In hospital rooms filled with sadness, and ones filled with joy. Tonight he whispers them to another soul. One we created together through love and somehow this time in a brightly lit room full of doctors and nurses, it means the most.

#taylor swift fan fiction #t+j fanfic #joe alwyn fanfiction

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