#Our families love these silly videos so much everytime I post one I get a bunch of messages

[nipuni]

I uploaded more of these little videos of our walks!! 😊 they are so fun to make 😭 I’m going to upgrade our phones soon tho the camera is so bad 🥲

[senorarelojes]

Pizzaverse artwork and ficlet: 'A Little Piece'

@maiyashu made this really cute and beautiful Instagram post of Pizzaverse Dave being silly and drawing little monsters/creatures on the notes he leaves for Alan and their kids around the house. Of course, Alan shows off his husband's work on Instagram. Under the artwork is an accompanying ficlet set in the future for the Pizzaverse timeline. Thank you dear Shu for your gorgeous (and funny) artwork! Happy Father's Day to the boys!

Title: A Little Piece Pairing: Dave/Alan Rating: General Tags: Pizzaverse, Kid Fic, Fluff

Dave was always amused whenever Alan teased him about being the one in their relationship who was more addicted to social media. It seemed they were both on an even keel; Alan posted more often, while Dave had a variety of accounts across various platforms that he’d lost interest in after the initial posting frenzy. They had their different addictions too: Dave liked the spontaneity of Twitter and TikTok, while Alan for some reason preferred Facebook and Reddit. But Instagram was their common vice, and most of their friend circle were on it as well.

Before fatherhood, Dave had imagined that his use of social media would dwindle because he simply wouldn’t have the time. But instead he’d found the opposite to be true: now he wanted to post about Alan, Paris and Stella all the time, and he didn’t even care if no one outside their family and a few chosen friends would find it cute.

Of course, both Dave and Alan took care to obscure the faces of their daughters. But the adorable things they did were up for grabs: Paris’ first steps, then followed by Stella’s in a few years. Their first stuffed toys. Their first drawings. Dave shamelessly spammed his IG feed with various pictures and videos, and refused to feel bad about it because Martin was doing the same with his kids, and so was Fletch, who seemed convinced that his daughter was a maths prodigy.

Of course, Dave posted pictures of Alan on his feed as well. Naturally his husband was usually included if it was a picture or video with one of the girls, such as Alan helping Paris with her homework or feeding Stella at dinnertime. But sometimes Dave saved a few precious shots he’d snuck on his phone, like Alan frowning at the computer in his tiny makeshift home studio, or stealing a rare moment after the girls had gone to bed to listen to one of the many records he owned. Those didn’t get as many likes and comments as anything Dave posted of the girls, but he didn’t care much.

In truth, Dave would have probably gone on like this if Alan hadn’t taken him aside one night and asked him why he’d stopped posting pictures of his art. “My art?” Dave echoed, genuinely surprised that Alan had been keeping track because Dave certainly hadn’t.

“Yeah, your paintings.” Alan gestured towards Dave’s most recent effort, which was a white cat posing regally by a candle. Even that had been painted more than a year ago, before Stella had come into their lives. “You don’t really post them anymore. Or paint much more, for that matter.”

Dave just kept staring at Alan in astonishment. When they had gotten married and subsequently made the decision to become parents via surrogacy, it had been pretty much an unspoken agreement between them that family and work would have higher priority. This meant their hobbies were naturally the first thing to be sacrificed for time, and Dave had been fine with that. They hadn’t touched the band in years, not since the last time everyone had performed at Martin’s wedding.

But now Dave realised that he missed painting with an ache like a phantom limb, like something that had always been a part of him was now oddly missing. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d picked up a paintbrush for the hell of it. Everything he’d designed or illustrated over the past year had solely been for work, and that thought pained him like a spike through his solar plexus.

In contrast, Alan - who had always been very driven and disciplined - seemed to have no problem reviving his interests in mixing and composing after Stella had started sleeping at more regular hours. So Dave didn't even have the excuse of fatherhood.

“You should pick it up again,” Alan told him with a gentle squeeze of his hand, before moving on to the topic of Father’s Day, which was coming up. Dave just nodded distractedly when Alan suggested ordering in brunch from a nice restaurant, still preoccupied with thoughts of Alan’s mind-blowing revelation.

After that conversation with Alan, Dave decided to try and carve out time for painting. Although that wasn’t always possible, he did want to show Alan he was trying, so he started with small gestures. If he left reminders and post-its for Alan around the house, he’d be sure to draw a funny cartoon to accompany his loopy handwriting, like a sentient postbox (to remind Alan to go to the post office) or a funny caricature of Martin and Fletch (to ask Alan if he wanted to have dinner and catch up with them).

Alan never really mentioned the little drawings beyond an amused eye-roll, but Dave knew Alan was never particularly verbose about his true sentiments anyway. Dave had learned to look towards Alan’s actions instead. Sure enough, Alan started taking pictures of Dave’s little drawings and posting them on Instagram with an accompanying dry and witty caption, along with the hashtag ‘#artisthusband’. To Dave’s surprise, it really took off among their friends and other family members, and Dave always had to fend off demands from his mum and Sue about more cute artwork everytime he called home.

Since Paris and Stella loved the drawings too, he started drawing little monsters for them on their paper lunch bags, which he would prepare for them before Alan would drop them off at daycare. It wasn’t long before Alan started posting these on Instagram too, and his comment section would get animated at times because Martin, Fletch, Paul, Daryl and the rest would start discussing which creature Dave had meant to draw. He didn’t have the heart to tell them he’d made them all up on the spot.

Having Alan’s support like this, even for his silly little drawings, was more fulfilling and touching than Dave had expected. So he’d really meant it when he said he was going to get art supplies, but more often than not Dave would get distracted and buy Elsa colouring books for the girls instead. Alan hadn’t said anything at all, but Dave knew how to read him pretty well by now. His husband was definitely planning something.

On the morning of Father’s Day, Dave was the first out of bed so he put in the order at the restaurant before going for a run in Hyde Park. His metabolism wasn’t what it used to be, and he’d gotten into the habit of eating off the girls’ plates whenever they couldn’t finish their food. Alan was a really good cook too, so Dave knew he had to fit in a run today if he was going to be feasting on french toast and eggs benedict for Father’s Day.

When he got home, he thought he spotted Alan in the study with a giggling Paris and Stella. “Hello, my loves,” he yelled out at the door, even more mystified when Alan quickly stepped out of the study with the girls, closing the door hurriedly behind them.

“The food’s just got delivered, I’ll set the table,” Alan told him with a too-bright smile. ‘You go shower first, yeah?”

Dave decided to let his suspicious behaviour go for now. “Alright, sure.” He loped over to where they were, giving Alan a brief kiss and a I’m-on-to-you squint before bending down to stretch his arms out to the girls. “Can I get a hug first?”

“Daddy’s stinky!” Paris protested laughingly, while an uncomprehending Stella just giggled along with her older sister.

Dave’s jaw dropped in mock outrage. “Stinky, am I? How about I make you stinky too, huh?” He pretended to chase a squealing Paris and Stella for a hug, laughing when they ran to hide behind an amused Alan’s legs.

“Just go shower, the food’s getting cold, you lunatic.” Alan shook his head at Dave with a grin before shepherding the girls to the dining area. Dave left him to it, washing up quickly so he could join his family for breakfast.

However, he wasn’t expecting to find Alan and the girls waiting for him outside the bedroom, all of them grinning innocently at him. “What’s going on?” a suspicious Dave asked.

Paris took his hand and tugged him to the study, Alan picking up Stella and following with her in his arms. When Paris pushed open the door, Dave stared in shock at the brand new easel waiting for him, along with the art supplies neatly piled on top of a blank canvas. He stepped forward, picking up the paints and brushes with trembling hands. Alan had gotten everything right, remembered every detail from when Dave used to paint before they’d gotten married and become fathers.

“I had to take a bit out of the holiday budget for this,” came Alan’s soft voice behind him. “But it’s worth it for me to delay our trip. I’d rather see you painting again.”

“We want more of Daddy’s paper monsters!” Paris declared gleefully, while Stella stared at all of them in bafflement.

“I--” Dave just couldn’t speak. His heart was so full, like it was going to overflow with joy and sentiment and his overwhelming love for his family. There were simply no words that could possibly encapsulate the emotions warring within him now, so instead he grabbed Alan and the girls to him in a tight hug, his breaths ragged and his eyes wet.

“Happy Father’s Day,” Alan said quietly, the smile evident in his voice even though Dave couldn’t quite see his face.

“You too, Al.” Dave pulled away to kiss him, then smothered his squealing girls with equal affection.

[rndyounghowze]

A Hit Dog Will Holler by Inda Craig-Galvan Makes A Lot Of Noise At TSU

This play gets inside our heads to show us a disturbing truth right outside our doors. @theatre_tsu

By Ricky and Dana Young-Howze

Tennessee State University

Venmo: @rndyounghowze

Review 214

Back in the “before times” when Dana and I would travel by train everywhere we always felt silly by the way oncoming trains on the platform would spook us. When you’re standing on the platform and an express train is coming through it is speeding past you full tilt with a lot of wind whipping in its wake. It makes a cacophonous sound that makes your ears ring. Dana and I always jump back and cover our ears as the screaming metal tube rushes past. The natives of Urban New Jersey don’t even flinch. We have felt our faces go red as people look at us like we’re weird. That is exactly how Dana explained to me this mind shattering sound that the two characters of A Hit Dog Will Holler by Inda Craig-Galvan hear as they try to open their front door. This play directed by Professor David Lee at Tennessee State University told the story of two Black Women who are afraid to leave the house because an apocalyptic sound that only they hear haunts them outside.

Right away the directing choices were equally strange and intriguing. I feel that Zoom was made for plays with two actors owning the space. In that case our director gave it their very best. They gave them some space to move and get their energy going. However some of the camera angles and narration were a little confusing. If we have the ability to show a character using a coffee machine then why do we need to have a narrator telling us what the onscreen actor is doing? Why not show us? We absolutely understand that with some magic realism we may want to hear a narrator to nudge us into the idea that we are watching a play. If that's the case then next time we may need to see something that lets us know this choice is being made. There are some little details that can be added that can tell the audience if something is intentional and make it part of the world so that doubts never enter our minds.

The attempt to put magic reality on an already unrealistic digital stage was very ambitious. The advances that have been made in Zoom Theatre to make it look like actors are in one three dimensional space with its own atmosphere and geography. Now the designer has gone even further and tried to shake what we know about that like a snow globe and shake things up. This was easily accomplished with the magic of greenscreen but we saw quickly that there were physical elements of the set too. That requires some forethought and a little skill to make all of that look unified. Even when you want to kick us out of what we assume we know about the space you don’t want us scratching our heads. By keeping a consistent design this all still looked like one world.

I was taken aback by some of the digital effects that kinda set off my Tourettes. This is the first time ever that I’m grateful that this happened (though a better trigger warning for neurodiverse audiences would have been helpful). I had to shield my eyes and try to stop myself from being triggered. That gave me a tiny little sliver of empathy for our two characters. If those things flashed in front of my eyes everytime I opened the door I would have a serious physical response that wouldn’t allow me to leave. In that sense they were effective and jarring and very well designed. Dana loved the chaotic nature of them and that we completely understood the effect they had on the story immediately. If we looked closer at them we may have found some layers and nuances that we wouldn’t have had before. However they were so cleverly designed that with even two seconds of screen time we got all we needed.

We immediately believed the chemistry between our two performers. They used their space well and gave us a lot of really great moments. The thing that stuck out for us is that they supported each other. For only two performers this truly felt like an ensemble piece. That made this play that much easier to watch. The actresses had a hard go at breaking the fifth wall. This new style of acting is very hard. We’ve seen seasoned professionals have trouble. The fact that they kept such a strong energy and were able to make us feel even a little of it all the way in New Jersey deserves a round of applause. I hope that we never have to go through a pandemic again. I also hope that the lessons these performers have learned, the battle scars they’ve earned, will never be forgotten.

The biggest compliment that I can give this play is that it perfectly illustrates the thing that divides Dana and I even though we have known each other for almost a decade. Living with Dana for so long I have grown sensitive to the millions everyday moments of racism that can occur daily. I can write an entire thesis about how white supremacy is still dug into our society and some things we can do to root it out. However I cannot have that little voice in Dana’s head that lets them know that they are black every time they walk outside the house. I can’t have that awareness of all the white eyes on them everytime that they’re out in public. There have been innocuous things that have happened in our lives that didn’t impact me at all that made them feel unsafe enough to want to leave. I knew that this existed but this play put it right out in front of me to see as clear as day. For that object lesson I am eternally grateful.

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[neighbourskid]

The Thing About Zachary Levi 2.0

(original date: 22 July 2017)

Two years ago, in July 2015, I wrote a blog post about Zac with this title. After watching half of that years panels and spending the rest of the weekend working at a teenager weekend of our church, I wrote this post. It had struck me again just how different Zac is from most "celebrities".

One year later, the message of that post was still full of truth. My thoughts on Zac hadn't changed one bit. They only got better. After only one day at SDCC, I tweeted out that blog post again, because it became more relevant than ever, since I finally made it to San Diego and had just met Zac for the first time ever. So I tweeted it out again, and two days later, on Saturday, I found myself standing in line for something I wasn't sure about, which then turned out to be a photo-op with Zac. I wasn't gonna say no to another opportunity to get a picture with my role model. Keep in mind, it was Saturday. Zac had already hosted a shit ton of panels, danced his ass off at the Dance Party on Thursday and probably on Friday as well with his more famous friends than us. His voice was gone. So I walked up to the space, stood next to him, and basically lost my shit, internally. He once again proved just how wonderful he is. Standing there he told me that he had seen my tweet with the post and read it. That alone basically knocked me out of my shoes. But then he went on and said that what I wrote, meant a lot to him. We then took the picture and I am to this day still surprised that I smile in it and am not tearing up. Which I did right after. I went to the restroom and cried. Just imagine what that does to you. The guy you most admire in the world, the guy who is your role model in faith, work and life in general, that guy telling you that words YOU wrote meant a lot to him? That fucking knocks you out of the park. Like, I was floored. Knowing that this post touched him? It means everything. Knowing that my words reached him means that whatever the hell I end up doing in life, will mean something to someone. And that's all I ever wanted. Everything that I strive for professionally, is being able to give back. He showed me that I can, that I am already giving back.

After a lot of back and forth with myself (and my bank account) I finally booked my flight and hotel for San Diego last February. I knew it was not gonna be easy, and honestly looking at it now, financially, I shouldn't have done it. But after everything that I experienced last year, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to go again. I promised myself that first day of NerdHQ last year that, if anyhow possible, I would never miss NerdHQ ever again, if I could help it. So now I'm here. And it has been the best three days so far. Again, one of the big reasons —beside my incredible nerd family that I have finally had the good fortune of meeting this week— is Zachary Levi. The Dance Party on Thursday was so amazing and it really felt like NerdHQ was still happening. It was an incredible night, I had a fucking blast, and I love every memory I have about it. Tonight, Zac one-upped it once again. The taping of SYFY Live from Comic-Con was amazing and great fun (even if my feet died like three times during it). After that, we headed over to the Hyatt for the auction. Honestly, it felt like coming home. It felt just like making my first steps into NerdHQ the year before. It felt so right. From the volunteers wearing the blue shirts, to Papa D hanging out in the background, to Dave Coleman being his awesome self, to Shekinah being the Queen Bee of Auction Items, to Zac. It was perfect. It really felt like NerdHQ. So much generosity was shown tonight. So much money came together for Op Smile. Nerding at its best.

Once again, Zac was just amazing. I lined up for a picture with him, because really, would I ever miss out on a picture with him? Hell no. Give me all the pictures. But, as usual, there's more to that picture than just a picture. In 2015, I discovered The Giving Keys through Zac. Naturally, I immediately bought one. A) because I love keys and necklaces and b) because I need reminders like crazy. That year, I got a key that said 'pray'. I had decided on that word because it was the one reminder that I needed the most at the time. I prayed from time to time, but I still always wanted go fight on my own. I was bad at asking God for help in difficult situations. Really bad. So I got this key, and everytime I ran into difficult situations, I felt that small weight around my neck and was reminded that all I had to do was pray. Every time my friends were having a hard time and I was frustrated that I couldn't do more to help them, I would look down at myself and see that word, and I would pray. I started subconsciously touching it or taking it in my hands in situations where I needed prayer or God's help. I started holding onto it while praying. The key did its job wonderfully and after a bit more than a year, I started feeling like I should give it to someone else. But I wanted it to be right. I wanted it to go to someone who would understand the meaning of it and appreciate it the way I did. Someone who would get it. I had a few moments where I thought yes maybe this person, but I was never convinced. I started wanting to get another key with a new reminder, but I was SO determined to give my first key away before I bought a new one. It didn't work out. At the beginning of May I finally caved and ordered my second key. It arrived on May 8th. On May 12th, FOUR DAYS LATER, NerdHQ put up the announcement video that the event would not be happening this year. I watched Zac struggle through that message, and then it clicked. It finally clicked. I knew with all my heart that Zac was the one person who would understand the meaning behind this key, the one person who could appreciate it the way I did, the one person who this key was meant for. The next day I sat down and wrote a letter and I wanted to send it to him immediately. Anxiety that the key would get lost in the whole madness that is overseas travel and post offices, stopped me. I decided that I would take it with me to San Diego and, should the opportunity arise, give him the key personally. If not, I printed the letter out and would just put it in the mail here.

I am so eternally glad that I made this decision to take it with me, because now it is in the hands —or better around the neck— of the person it rightfully belongs to. After we took the pictures (the silly one is perfect and I love you so much for it, Zac), I told him that I had something to give him, but it came with a backstory. He was okay with me telling it right now, so I did. I missed out on a lot of details that I mentioned now, because I was really nervous for some reason and I felt like all I did was stutter. But I got the gist across and handed him the key. And I really think that it will remind him whenever he needs it.

But it wasn't just the key thing that made this experience amazing. It was Zac's sweetness, his heart on his sleeve. Him demanding we need a silly picture, him calling me Spirit Animal, him reminding me that he sees me on twitter. Him just being his wonderful self.

Zac, brother, I love you so damn much. You are everything I ever hoped you would be and so much more. Thanks to you, I got to meet all these amazing people I can call my friends and family. Thanks to you, I got to talk to someone from Music Makes Life Better tonight and just have a great time. Thanks to you, I get to dance my ass off like I never would anywhere else. Thanks to you, I have a charity to give money to, a charity whose message and work I can believe in.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, a thousand times THANK YOU.

You are a rare gem in the crazy acting world. You make a difference. I thank God every day for your journey and your mission. You are a wonderful human being and I really hope you will never not see that you are loved. You are loved SO SO MUCH.

I love you, God bless you, and see you tomorrow at the Dance Party.

Thank you. For everything.

[suburban-satan]

shit my friends say

So I made a list of all the wild shit my friends say, started in January 2018 and still going. It's one year old I guess? Well, enjoy what I have so far!

2018 -d a d d y w i s e -well there’s chains on the ground so that must mean this was a kinky sex dungeon -GORSH MICKEY NOT MY G SPOT -I can wait until I turn 40 so I can troll Japanese Girls on roblox -what if we all looked like mike wizowski but our heads were the same size as they are now -I wanna give pot to a bird -I take pills without water -daddies cummie wummies are the best cummie wummies -enjoy your nonexistent stomach acid -cum glaze -I hope you choke on MY meat -who hasn’t been on pornhub -(wipes tears away and starts belting despacito) -MY GAY IS BEING TRIGGERED -that omelet looks delouse -is semen a liquid or solid -iTs nOt aQuaNauTs yOu uNculTurEd fOoK -vaginas are scary -what is menstruation -you should change your name to pussy something -my gay has been activated -“have you ever owned a vibrator?” “No” “would you like to rent one” -“do you like glazed or cream filled” -wHaT dOeS cUm sOuNd LiKe -he is on too much fertilizer -sometimes cum is hot I know from experience -if you jerked off at the speed of sound would your dick be on fire -I don’t have a sonic fetish -can your dick ignite because of the heat of your cock -aren’t dicks like cannons -who the fuck draws a glowing peepee on a skeleton -honey Freddy freaker is dancing in the living room -does penis smell like garlic -she don’t swallow in this household -*downloading garrison nudes* -don’t you realize that tentacle porn is just using octopus arms as a dildo -frickle my nipples -Minecraft porn consists of the male genitalia replaced with a stick -OOPSIE WOOPSIE!! Uwu We make a fucky wucky!! A wittle fucko boingo! The code monkeys at our headquarters are working VEWY HAWD to fix this! -“I’m big for an asian” -cockilicous -“His anal glands need milking” -fready flipper -FREADY FAPPER -daddy better make me choke -does Freddy freaker have a mutated alien dick -sonic breaks the sound barrier by beating his meat -the sun looks like it’s gon vore you -bootyhole exploration -is megalovania sex music -i like to drink cock -cum is just genital snot -penis musk -Shid piz and farbt -Bull + shit = sis it don’t add up -Hey don’t tell me at least once in your life you haven’t thought about being gently caressed across the genitalia by the kraken -I swallow boba like i swallow cum -I wuv fungus kun, the way he waps a awond my tosie wosies so tight! He’s gibing me a huggie!!!! Fungus kun gibes my tosies a new color too!!!! Wat a good fungus kun make my doki doki go “ UAU” heeheehee -eating banana with the banana peel -orang juce -father I want cheddar -don’t you just look at someone and think about how long their neck is -breathing is just boneless vaping -get outta here juuling criminal -yall ever succ a dick for juul pods -unironically drawing miss piggy -“Jack don’t let go 😱🤭🤭, jack sweetie 😐👀 if you let go 🙊🙈 you’re weave 🙀🙀 gone 😇😘💅” -I've been watching spooky movies for 5 hour -omg it’s daddy sans undertaker!!! -bröther -I ate my sister -are you'd's't've kidding me? -oh youtube please don't show me the shrek movies rn -My brother is calling me out on the family group chat for eating a bowl of peanut butter -Hamilton is best girl -get outta here you fuckin loyalist -what doesn’t cum have -drink flex seal and you won’t have to worry about a marriage -I feel water. -“Superfood or supergross? Is Sperm good?” -coochie hands gucci bands -just imagine trying to cast a spell and then you get disturbed by a banjo -toto africa is sex music now and everytime they say rain it’s just cum -y'all ever burp in your mouth and exhale it through your nose like a vaper -how dare them make my green senpai an honorable member of society -If you didn’t search big boobs video on google at least once are you really a Gen Z kid????? -laugh pussies -i’m watching the history of japan on pornhub -we have the same name because we are secretly the same person -what if you eat your phone and it’s all in your tummy -why would you ever think i’m not serious all the time you silly dragon but we’re both (my name) so we can be the silly dragon together -why would you wash your face before you go to bed when your tears wash it off for you *wooshing noises* -I want to drive a bus because I like busses -my shoe broke -why does everyone talk about the drugs i’m eating -i’m going to break her because she’s talking about smoking cocaine and I don’t like drugs -(stage whisper) metal heads live among us but we don’t know because they look like normal people -oh bye mr music teacher -the pussy? designer. cucci, if you will. -DID I HEAR S A N S P O R N -"i'm about to nay nay on your dead fucking corpse" -alert alert the toes are coming -you got a fucking problem with my 𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐬? -imagine using an oven for something designed for a microwave this post was made by the doesnt have much motivation gang -Please take my Minnesotan snow Wait that sounds like Minnesotan cocaine -when you funny scream -"dating the Bill of Rights for fun" is now exactly how I'm going to describe my hyperfixations -the penguin  from fruit loops is a twink (bitch its a toucan) -if white cheese exists is there black cheese -What’s rosum opossum -whale cum -dicko mode -(GETTIN SOME CHRISTMAS SPIRIT UP IN THAT PUSS) -pennies more like penis amirite -It’s Sunday don’t forget to squeeze cheese on the cat -the grinch is dr seuss’s fursona -everyone is gangster until the trees start speaking vietnamese -big chungus is my dad -“if the apocalypse happened what would you do” “eat bees” -I'm tired as fuck but I gotta wait until it's 4:20 to go to bed -mom: you need to be reasonable and wait two hours before having another brownie me, stuffing my mouth full of brownie: br o w n y s -This honey in whole foods is in fucking comic sans -it's more likely that I'll guess someone is gay before I remember the existence of women -im gonna say it again for the people in the back:

i eat bees -Thanos penis, it's actually called a thenis -yort -uwu its the mowst thorstiewst time of the yeaw uwu -It is I Teh gromc -The gronk is here to say eat all the dish soap in the house -the grinch but he's wearing crocs the entire time -answer my question or else i will establish sans porn -You make him doki doki uwaaaaa!!!! -birdbox but all the bird sounds are replaced by cardi b noises -THE GROMPK IS TOO POWERFUL -consume ocean sauce -square up in judge judys court -half consumes ocean sauce -ice juce -frick stick -you guys wanna read undertale fanfiction     -2019- -it might be 2019 but thats not gonna stop me from terrorizing my family's groupchat -(pineapple voice) first date idea: digest eachother -Wait dennys will arrest you for doing illegal things?? -pls purify me -my toes are very succulent today -two succs having flex two succs having sex my muscles my muscles involuntarily checks -f u r r y , N a s h . -Perfect for all occasions! Spill something on your nice shirt, give a messy blowjob, and sphagetti!!! -Do you want cum on your nice shirt??? -it would be nice if i had cum on my shirt -cocc succ machine -I KNOW TONGUE JUTSU -I feel like i’m in a meat prison -hi you obese elephant -plant porn is just flowey porn -We all love the out of the box 4am messages we get -YOU LIKE SNAS PEEPEE

[woodys]

Everytime I sit down and start to do these my first thought is: Read mores are so 2012.

But in moments like these — those moments where i’m really resounding with my inner self my second thought becomes “I need to put all of this to paper” or, er, in this case a post i’m like whatever. Because there’s no way I can write as fast as my thoughts fly but my typing is ridiculously fast and (85%) concise.  Usually these posts too are pretty raw. I want to capsule as much as i’m thinking and feeling as I can. When i’m so moved to type like this, for the first time I can call myself selfish. I’m doing it for myself. A note to a later Me chronicling our growth. Not doing this for anyone else. 

Today I feel like I hit a really big milestone. To my surprise, it’s not in association to the path of healing from the loss of my mom. I mean I guess it could be. It was something she was aware of and left me better reminders for. But today, for the first time in a long while, I just kinda looked at myself and thought: “Wow. I love me.”  

The best way I can describe this week is like a rollercoaster. The beginning of this week started with this slow ascent up. Two big things happened with two fandoms (for lack of word smh) I deeply connect with. It could easily be said both of these things are deeply connected and rooted with who I am as a person. They’re huge pieces of me that can’t be ignored, even if I talk bad or aggressively deny my love for either of these things. I was just buzzing with so much excitement I honestly don’t know how I contained it as well as I did?? I just wanted to talk to everyone about it. My friends, my co-workers even, heck I even ended up blabbing about it to my family (which is another story but for general consensus they’re hardly in favor of my deep interests) about them. 

But this really gross decent in this coaster came when I felt...in all the places I feel that I put most of myself in, I was either indirectly told “shut up” or was overall spoken over. It really stung me. It threw me in a slump real quick. People have commented to me how i’m an emotional person and I know that. I’m every bit of emotion all at once. (if you consider life like Inside Out in often occurrence you could say my emotions are probably overworked and usually clocking in overtime. 😂)  To feel everything all the time? Yeah, for the longest i’ve called this my curse. 

So imagine the rollercoaster eases up, slows down, and it’s just going on this straight path. No loops, no curves. Just straight forward. I’m watching the world go hype over these things. I’m looking at fanart, i’m watching videos. But in the back of the mind i’m punishing myself. “You feel too much about these things and it’s stupid. These are silly things to have even deeply connected yourself to. Be quiet.” “I shouldn’t emote too much about it. Even if it makes me want to scream with joy, there’s not a place anyone wants this. Don’t be obnoxious on Tumblr. Stagger your reblogs on Twitter. Don’t talk about it at all. You feel too much and not everyone wants to see how you’re feeling about it. Be considerate.” 

Looking back now, those thoughts were so disgusting. Calling myself doing a service for everyone else, it just made me feel more miserable. I think I was on the ebb of a small depressive slump before I finally broke down about it to a friend. God lemme tell you how grateful I am to have this person in my life because she really knocked me to my senses. Thanks to this person I was able to really rationalize, to think, and reflect. On my relationships, on people, but mostly myself. Which I hardly ever do, so concerned about others 24/7. (you wanna talk about a REAL curse there)

I realize that everyone is different. We all handle situations differently and react differently to different things. How someone else universally reacts doesn’t mean it works the same or as well as someone else. This is common knowledge, I know, but look. When you’re really in your feelings even the common things become a little obscure.

It’s totally okay for me to be excited about the things I love. It’s totally okay to be happy, to want to yell about it, share it with the people you care about even if they don’t want to give a care about it at all. That’s cool. I won’t share it then. I’m excited about it. Even if it seems childish. Even if it seems like it’s something no one wants to hear about it. I love this. Someone else’s positive or negative response does not justify how good or bad me being excited about it is.

My yelling, my deep connections to the things I love, my excited posts over one thing— that’s what makes, Me. Even if for someone else it’s not all that and a bag of chips, to ME it’s always gonna be a bag of chips, soda, cotton candy, and every breakfast food (except hashbrowns) out there. And I can’t help it if I get excited over it. 

On my way to see The Lego Movie 2 with my best friend today, I started crying. That’s right, i’m in this smol tiny red car, blasting this really cheery song from the movie called the Catchy Song because i’m SO EXCITED and HAPPY that i’m going to see this movie again. I’m SO overwhelmed with emotion that i’m about to see this colorful, silly looking movie AGAIN, filled with characters i’ve made connections with that I can’t do anything else but cry! That is such a beautiful feeling to have. Compared to months ago, how my tears came from this dark and deep hollow and empty feeling, three months later i’m crying because i’m so HAPPY. I got to see this movie happen! I got to experience this movie and feel the happiness of seeing these characters I love in action again. I got the chance to hear this song. I get the chance to hear it and dance to it again. I get the chance to share it with my best friend and see his reactions! I made it to today to FEEL all of THIS.

It’s not a curse to feel everything all at once. Feeling everything is what makes even the littlest things the BIGGEST adventure. Feeling everything is what makes every disappointment I run into seem like the end of my world. Feeling everything is what makes my anger blaze so hot that I gotta give myself days to cool off. Feeling everything is what gives MY life a little extra fun to go through. It’s colors, sparkles, and those excessive amounts of emotional glitter that just so happens to explode at slightly inopportune times. Of course, that’s not the green light to let my emotions run wild, but, I shouldn’t punish myself because I react as loudly as I do. I’ll be so loud, because it’s 100% me. Not 50%, not a tailored 75%. But it’s authentic and true.

My bestie and I were the last to leave from the theater because we’re both still sitting there mid-credits while i’m dancing in my seat, shouting the Catchy Song, this new anthem of mine, word from word. I hear him sing the chorus (JUST ONCE GOD BLESS) and overall he’s really letting me have that moment. (Or maybe at this point my antics don’t phase him anymore which is likely the case. 😂) For me it felt like a celebration, living my best life, so happy that i’m dancing in an empty movie theater with my best friend at my side. That’s a Mimi reaction. Something about myself I should be and always be proud of. This is where the rollercoaster speeds up, and hits back on the climb heading to a tippy top where there’s loops and twirls and all the swirlie swirls that make it the FUNNEST THRILL RIDE EVER. 

The right people will accept the way I emote. The better people will embrace that about me. For others, it might not work out at all. Either way, no matter what anyone says I love that I can feel everything about anything. If anything, that’s what makes me fun! My REAL conversations and Twitch streams would be a snooze otherwise. It feels so wonderful to say “yes I love THIS about me”. I’m not gonna let this self love hour leave me.

In close, YES you bet I’m going to see The Lego Movie 2 one more time. Because I love it, it’s so special to me, it’s pay week AND if I have to wait infinity years for the DVD I better FOR SURE etch every moment I can of it into my brain. Until then though, Catchy Song on repeat pls. ♥ ♥ ♥

[pseudonymfox]

Don’t let go again (3)

Sebastian Stan x Reader

Chris Hemsworth x Reader (platonic)

Summary: Sebastian meets you, a model, on a event and spends time with you. Later he finds something interesting about her out…

This Part: Their first date and (Y/N) is surprising her Brother and Seb in a interview and you join family feud with the avengers

Request by anon: I’m hoping you still asking for requests.. So would you be able to one about Sebastian Stan meeting a model at an event and spends the night with her and finds out she isn’t like the ‘normal model type’ then maybe the next day finds out she’s a Hemsworth.     

Warnings: fluff

A/N: Tags are at the end.

Series Masterlist - Masterlist

The first dates with you went really well even better they were perfect. You would sometimes drive out of the city for a picnic, just go on walks in a park or watching movies. He felt like he was on a cloud with you, everything felt so normal when he was around you like the word stopped spinning and he could be for one moment just relax. No rush and stress about his job, interviews or paparazzi, they are still present and he can feel them taking pictures of you but in same moment he didn’t care about them, he didn’t have to hide you and when you would notice that you were followed from them you would wave them and do silly poses for them just for them to know that they aren’t unnoticed by you but then would continue in whatever you were doing like nothing happened. Both of your free time was sadly already over, he had to continue a lot of press and interviews and you still had a week of with just a few smaller jobs.

One day he had a interview with Chris hemsworth in a hotel in New york and right afterwards he had a to go to another one with Winston Duke and Anthony Mackie and then he would go with them to the late late show with James Corden. His day schedule was more than full and he was tired but over the whole day he waited for a message from you because he knew that you could brighten his day up. He didn’t get one because he knew that you were up till 4am and didn’t have time to chat and he understood it completely of course, he as a actor had the same problem so why wouldn’t he respect that.

“Sebastian!“ Chris clapped his hand on his shoulder to get his attention.

“Sorry, I’m just soo tired..-What was the question?“ he apologized and continued the interview for a little while but he couldn’t really concentrate on anything. He thought back and forth between what happened the last few weeks with you. After the interview went on and on they got interrupted by someone knocking on the door and it wasn’t just anyone it was (Y/N) with coffee. He kept on telling you that you are some kind of an angel to him because you would always come around a random corner to his rescue.

“Hey you guys!“ you said smiling from ear to ear with the coffee in your hand. You hugged everyone and the interviewer pulled a chair out for you.

“(Y/N) Hemsworth just joined us and there is already my first question. How does it come that you? Was-was like planned?“ she asked nervously.

“Funny story. I was in the room down the hall you know finishing a photoshoot and my makeup artist told me that my brother is.. well down the hall and now here I am bringing you coffee” you chuckled and sipped on your iced coffee.

“I always say that but you are an angel..-I’m serious! She just shows up with coffee. She even brought me two because she knows me“ Sebastian said looking at you and took your hand in his which stayed like this for the rest. The pictures and videos of you holding hands went viral just seconds after the interview was posted.

“Yup she is the only family member that kind of isn’t like the rest.-“

“Well thank you?“ you cut him off.

“No I mean that’s a good thing“ Chris laughed.

“Last question for you (Y/N). How do you react to the comments you get on the last paparazzi pictures of you“ she said and picked out a few with you and Sebastian mostly eating.

“Well I don’t really..care...I mean I do care but I can eat what I want and just because I am a model doesn’t mean I can’t eat a burger or I can’t be smart or I have to be thin. It’s not wrong to eat, it’s wrong for me to starve...oh and hating is wrong too. It isn’t healthy for anyone“ you finished your little monologue.

“See! she’s special. That was like our interview and now it’s her“ Chris said again smiling brightly at you. You leaved again since it isn’t really your presstour and leaved to another job as he and Chris made their way afterwards to the final interviews this day. He thought he would be still exhausted but after the coffee and mostly after your visit he felt more awake than ever and that wouldn’t go unnoticed by the others. It wasn’t all figured out yet between the two of you. You didn’t really talked about it but it was great to just live in the little happy bubble he was in right now and besides it’s funny for the both of you to tease the fans and paparazzi. Over the time from the presstour you’ve met a few times even if it wasn’t really private just mostly with the cast, you were already something like a part of the cast. A few days later he would attend at the Avengers family feud with you as one of the hosts. That he was excited was an understatement and it didn’t really matter at this point for him but everytime  he would meet you, his heart would just go crazy and he would feel so nervous and calm at the same moment with you.

“Hello Facebook and welcome to Avengers family feud!“ Anthony Russo said and everyone clapped and cheered around the three of you in the middle.

“We are the directors of Infinity war and our special guest today is (Y/N) Hemsworth!“ everyone cheered again and the game was explained, everyone presented themselves and the first few questions went on for a while until your Brother and Anthony Mackie stood on in front of each other for the next question which you had to ask them.

“Which Infinity war character would win in a staring contest?“ you read from the card in your hands. Both of them quickly pressed the button and anthony answered first while he stared deeply into Chris eyes.

“I would say, your eyes are beautiful-“

“so are yours“ Chris replied to him.

“-must be the in the Hemsworth genes“ he turned to you, winked and turned around again to Sebastian and winked again. It was meant as a joke but he took it still a little more serious.

“HEY! I am watching you!” Sebastian yelled from his place and used his deathly stare on him which you just found adorable on him. The game was already over again and everyone said goodbye to the fans and towards each other and disappeared into different directions. You and Sebastian waited together for a Taxi and talked for a little while.

“Oh by the way I am the next two weeks in Australia-“

“by the way? You never told me..“he cut you off confused.

“-would you let me finish! but between them I am in Romania so we are hopefully going to see each other there again.“ you said to him and put your hands on his shoulder.

“That’s going to be amazing! I can show you around and if- if uh- you want to you..you could come with to the film festival?“ he asked you nervously because he wasn’t sure if that would be too much show off for you, as said before it wasn’t anything official for the two of you and that would be somehow the next step but just if you would be comfortable for you. Sebastian was just such an kind and gentle person for you which you absolutely loved about him and that wasn’t the only thing you loved.

“Of course I want to! It’s going to be fun..Seriously tho I hope the have good food there.“ you giggled and got interrupted by the taxi honking who came driving to your side of the street.

“Well there is my taxi!” you said and put your hands off his shoulders and got to the taxi. Sebastian, the gentlemen he is held the door for you open, kissed your cheek on last time and waved to you until you disappeared into the busy streets of New York.

>>Next Part

Feedback appreciated, Taglist open :)

xoxo Sophie

Tags(if you want to be added or removed let me know):@nyleveeee @jewelswrites-ish

[aquacai]

compilation of bts/army tweets i retweeted but doesn’t actually appear on my profile (TWITTER WHY)

TEXT POSTS:

Namgi are actual prodigies, how did bang pd just casually pick em up like that

ARMYs give BTS amazing promo but it only works cause...

And just in case anyone doesn't know, we call K-army "diamonds" because...

namjoon: i made espresso!! jungkook: i wanna try it namjoon: u hate bitter coffee  

seokjin couldnt give less of a shit!!!!

Hoseok is Rock Lee

We have faves that are so willing to educate themselves...

I actually adore the final verses of The Last so much.

Hobi’s pseudo-triple entendres

why is this something i feel like rap line does in the studio

the funniest part of this run ep was when taehyung said...  

BTS teletubbies @ MBC Gayo 2017

every update this year

top three betrayals are bighit not releasing tony montana feat jimin...

When I first began to fully get into BTS, I had a pretty jaded view...

Dear BTS 2013, its ARMY 2018.

MY  DNA

*Yoongi's dating rumour*

this episode (run ep. 46) was so full of innuendos

fake trans on jin’s supposed feelings about the SIN separation

whoever is directing run should be reigned as the nation's hero...

What do you call a company that surpassed and outsold the big3?

bts are the definition of hyping ppl up for doing the bare minimum

an actual conversation that happened (run bts ep 46)

suran suga again and army

So I suddenly remember when Namjoon said these during Wings Tour The Final...

She was pushed by another members of staff  while doing namjoon’s makeup

I WAS IN THE SHOWER BLASTING BTS AND ONCE I GOT OUT...

to the female staff who consoled jimin and keeps saying “you didn't mess up”...  

they went from pardon to what was that

What happened at the first two episodes just made me respect Namjoon more.

on a serious note, it would be nice if when bts gets a special someone...

Next time during BTS concert, instead of screaming “encore encore”...

yall ever wanna think about how namjoon said that jimin needs lots of love and attention and thats probably why he shared a room with hoseok bc thats what exactly hoseok gives him

if I have any feeling towards BTS thats stronger than Love then it's RESPECT

the reason Jin was going on and on with his (R)evolution (E)volution (D)rop in the ocean thing might be because he was "hinting" at Youtube Red

one day, there will be a last...

namjoon came to post a selfie and left with a dating scandal

remember when hobi said “i wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for bangtan”...

Namjoon admitting that he’s also “just a kid” ...

"The reason I make music is because, after all, I am also afraid of the world."

Yoongi's scalp is braver than any US marine

Sometimes we forget that Namjoon is also just trying to figure out the world.

PUMA fansign: thank you for making music that changes the world

Everyone has a musical preference & enjoy when their artists reflect that.

let me talk about taehyung and how amazing he is as a friend

i like when seokjin shares stuff about his childhood, we get to know his orijin

BTS is also  for redefining masculinity (hiphop is their way of life)

from humble beginnings to legends

burn the stage makes me realize that whenever rm post photos of nature ...

what exactly makes namjoon the sexiest for me ...

the reason seokjin’s chest and shoulders are so wide

Bighit: O! R YU DEAD, 2?

"What's your favourite song currently?"

the mask guy: u didnt bring anything to exchange so i cant help u

namjoons exchange [in the Fake Love Teaser 1] is so funny to me...  

here are some of my favourite joon interviews

"How did you join BTS?"

jin: i’ve been doing it for 4 years

I hate it when people say armys have two brain cells like bold of you to think we even have a brain (sarcasm lol)

i’m a new generation anpanman

When the Billboard news was released this morning... (wisha)

interviewer: so what are your goals?

sometimes i still think about how the fanchant of cypher pt4...

"Hoe calm down, my shoe lace is untied"

“itʼs ok, we all found bts when we needed them in our lives the most”

i’m so sorry but it’s fake love

i want to see the world from taehyung’s view

just for youuuu

i love that taehyung is never anything but proud when talking abt the fact that he’s gained weight

i bet taehyung gives the best hugs

Our bomb is like a permanent reminder...

remember when we were like omg hixtape‘s mv gonna have bomb ass choreography lmaooo

no but it's so cute bts call it family pictures and not group pictures??

there's an undeniable sexual energy between yoongi nd every trophy... 

bh staff: describe yourself in one word

jin: man, blowjobs sure are a mouthful (incorrect bts quotes)

THREADS:

I came across the Deloitte 2018 Media and Entertainment Industry Outlook

hoseok is one of the best dancers in the industry...

meaning behind whalien 52

KPOP101 LESSON 8: THE MINIMALIST ART OF THE KOREAN BALLAD

getting people flustered is hoseok culture - a thread

MY TOP 10 BTS SONGS (by KommonSense)

an explanation of rap lingo BTS use in their lyrics: a thread

I have some free time so like for an unpopular opinion. (hobybIo)

My Favorite Soft BTS Moments - A Thread! (odie)

Burn The Stage made me feel extremely vulnerable. (Aileen)

as Kings of Korean History [A thread] (KommonSense)

a thread of my favorite bts-related tumblr posts

Why and how the BTS rapline's experience with rap mirrors that of OG rappers

Everytime a BTS member was supportive of the LGBT community in any way

Namjoon (RM) Owning Up to His Mistakes

odie

Bangtan dancing styles thread

hoseok is one of the best dancers in the industry

Sky’s experience as a veteran ARMY

Jimin’s gliding technique (more threads on his dance technique)

analysis of how well DNA is structured as an EDM-pop song

I took a closer look into BTS’ intro Serendipity

Park Jimin is one of the most graceful and beautiful dancers in the industry

ok newbie kpop stans, welcome to history class (fandom shit)

An Introduction for the New, the Confused, and the Curious

BTS introduction thread

Science & literature are intrinsic to understanding how BTS and ARMY

how Singularity choreography coincides with lyrics

WHAT BTS ACTUALLY SAID - A MEGA THREAD

BTS song recommendations based on genres: a thread

rap line’s verses analysis

Mnet Comebackshow (LY:Tear) pre-recording review - THREAD -

"remember when" (BTS edition)

I'm watching a BTS music video and I don't know what the hell is going on, a thread:

LY: TEAR - MUSICAL ANALYSIS.

You know why I never will trust or listen to people who say "I left because of the fandom"

Type out what the bighit intro sounds like

Tyra Banks and her biological sons; a thread:

a thread about how BTS uses their music in their storytelling

for hot100, bts did what fans suggested

"Silly Little Trivia: Literal Choreography" thread for Fake Love

UNDERSTANDING BUniverse

BTS showing LGBT+ representation and support, a thread  (this, too)

BTS meets Western standards of “cool” established by 1960s music, particularly rock ethics

BTS’ success: human brand x fan relationship

to celebrate bts festa, here is a thread of army stan twt’s best moments

MEME PICS/VIDS:

Jimin in the Danger mv

save Cook-Jin

Hope as mom : can you even get in any college with these grades?

Namgi & their annoyingly jumpy kids

IM WHEEZING JIN DID IT AGAIN

Everything makes sense noW (spider bite, cooky bite)  

when they let you love them

When you need to wake em up

coming soon: Kim Seokjin only wanted a boyfriend

salt baes

EXPECTATION: "We aren't talking about BTS enough!

summary of run bts ep 46

i-armys and k-armys (suga’s ghost patting the clay)

Heaviest objects in the entire universe

"You will witness taehyung and jin fighting"

The battle of the year.

Hangsang with my thug

"Tangina mo," - J-Hope, 2018

choose your mineral water.

We all know... K-ARMYS & I-ARMYS

so who is giving them the candy?

I AM FUCKING DYING LAUGHING AT THEM IGNORING ALL THE KNOCKING IN THIS SCENARIO

I got bored and made ART

remember when namjoon asked for armys to edit him in because he missed the group picture with halsey

me listening to bts album skits

hoseok: hangsang with my thugs ||  his thugs:

we're finally getting the country comeback we deserve

fixed Jimin’s shots in LY:Tear

jungkook: made before i was born

this is what your food looks like inside the microwave

is this a theory?

is this an invitation?

He returned from the war

avatar Jimin

Yoongi and JK’s muffled convo

im just trying to take a nice screenshot....

ah yes, the four elements: fire, earth, water and snickers

Tyra Banks:  The BTS ARMY is devoted and crazy (in a good way!) xD

BTS [MV] - You Will Never Do a Live Alone

the nation's #1 producer & bts' hype man 

namjoon: you. me?

jungkook when he first met joon 

fierce lil meow meow

RM spinebreaker???

this looks like rap line were a group of friends who stuck together...

V was written all along in Jimin’s tweet lol

jwimin-ssi

Hangs out with Tyra Banks ONCE... 

learn the alphabet with BTS

TRANS:

When Bighit said they’ll donate 3% of LY album sales, u guys mocked us...

Kim Seokjin strange points

k-netz’ reaction on the Suga-Suran dating scandal

"Can bangtan fans please not get swayed by rumors?”

BTS trainer instagram re:B.T.S.

Music critic Kim, Youngdae nim’s MINI REVIEW on “Face Yourself”

Music critic Kim, Youngdae nim’s MINI REVIEW on “Euphoria”

bang pd and namjoon about his post supporting macklemore's song 'same love'

Konkuk uni student who became Seokjin's fan after speaking with him

I'm a multi-fan, I watch and listen to many idols, but I'm truly scared of BTS

an older woman(non-celebrity) admitted how much she loved BTS

So many warm teas in this article wrote by producer/musician Seiji Kameda

#LOVE_YOURSELF_轉_Tear Album HYYH Notes Translation Thread

180518 Love Yourself 轉 Tear - Thanks To Translations

“The lyrics in BTS’ album are so great  Huge congrats to receiving at BBMA ”

response to #1 Billboard 200

BTS 2018 Festa Member’s profiles

VIDS:

KBS Happy Together 3 - Spring Day sung in karaoke room

imagine being this close to sunshine

Ashes - Lim Jeong Hee ft. BTS (2011)

kook's carelessness brought out his sunshine laugh just like that

Remember when bts proved to armys that they are all really spiderman

that time the cameraman was filming bts and jungkook started telling him...  

i still get so soft over this the way jin hugged taehyung...

Seokjin killed it in this part in boy in luv

the sound of their footsteps is so satisfying omg

Remember when Jin and Ken met on a year end event rehearsal and they just...

Jungkook’s ‘yes’ and smile when Miri jumped through his arms...

seokjin and his interactions with camera men

Remember when Yoongi & Namjoon sang the high notes in Young Forever...

look at the difference between taekook and jinkook’s handshake lmao

this dance break has a special place in my heart :')

remember when Taehyung accidentally cut his real hair...

Nver forget that iris stevenson was the first one to believe in taehyung...

did yall notice that fdjghgd i’m shaking (run ep 46)

To remember the great SiN/YoonJin moment...

the wings era might be over but this snippet of each member’s solo songs...

Yes, Mom. This man right here. I love him. No more questions?

this is the best video of jin to ever exist

here’s jungkook having fun dancing to mama and lie

slush ft. jin

tell me why is it so funny that yoongi only opened 1/10 of his door n went back so fast

nothing but respect for my choreography leader

when jungkook opened the window well aware that it was raining

what makes you laugh? seokjin’s face

Bringing this back when taehyung was dancing nae nae...

SOMEBODY GIVE THIS BABY BLANKET AND BED...

i love this performance so fucking much!!!!

your ultimate mood booster (hobiiii)

HOLY SHIT MIN FUCKING YOONGI DID THAT

susko sobra ung bucket hats

THE WAY YOONGI AND HOSEOK SAY "RM" TOGETHER

remember when seokjin and hoseok were recognized by fans in america

jungkook imitated namjoon's finger heart and wink in a cute way

A compilation loop of Hoseok sneezing because it’s cute. Bless you!!

remember when jimin was hyping about their concert but hoseok

Hoseok left the group during Trainee days

heres 12 seconds of yoongi doing That Scream™ ...

this is what happens when you openly listen to bts without prejudice

when i say i want a rock song, i want THIS.

When Jungkook couldn’t pronounce Army bomb because of his Busan accent

U kno the thing joon does when he finds something?

reminding all of you that the special talent yoongi prepared is... imitating a doorbell

Here's a compilation of musicians getting shook by the sudden change to major in Jimin's 'Lie'

He actually blew a kiss how adorable

The fanboying level on this video is just

Hoseok doing background vocals/harmonising in Let Go (??)

...namjoon literally gets amused at the toy which blows a ball in the air...

NAMJOON DROPPED THE MIC HE WAS HOLDING AND JIN...

Lie rough instrumental

rough draft of Autumn Leaves, Young Forever, Wings (RM), Wings (JK)

Joon’s voice in the BBMA nomination teaser

Jin's reaction when I (sky) told him I brought him a present...

why BTS was nominated for BB TSA 2018

taehyung was fighting back his tears when they won TSA at 2017 BBMAs

Yoongi forgot his lines in Ma City and he just...

mannequin Tae

Bangtan ended ALL fashion weeks tonight !! (4th muster japan)

members cheering jimin up, wings tour macao

RM’s ending ment, Wings Tour the finale (Day 2?)

never forget bts' iconic reaction when they won their first daesang

When Jin was bowing, Jimin held him down and Jungkook immediately ran to sit in front of him.

jimin and seokjin debating whether dolphins could breathe underwater

look at tae's reaction when bang pd's voice broke

interviewer: what?

“DonT FiGht, Dont Fight!” :(((

RM: “we want to focus on our career”

Q: what's your favorite thing about yourself? yoongi: ᶤ ˡᶤᵏᵉ ᵖᵘᵖᵖʸ

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT HOW JOON TRIED TO DO THE LIL DISNEY WAND THING WITH HIS FINGER IM HURTING

jungkook’s closeups

BTS with Ciara at the BBMAs 2018

don’t ever forget that seokjin is one hell of a snowboarder

“the reason why bts, who was not supported by big agencies, succeeded, is that they tried to read the world and to breathe [with the world] together”

this is what happens when u leave namjoon and jimin alone together

this video of seokjin being hype then instantly stops when his manager look at him will never be not funny

LMFAOOO WAIT TAEHYUNG AND NEYO WERE JAMMING TOGETHER

An exclusive interview with #BTS ! (MBC News)

i love this version of airplane pt. 2 so much (jk+jm part)  (jimin mode~) yt link full

john cena getting asked whats his favorite song off love yourself tear

The female staff who video tapes BTS bangtan bombs is amazing

WHAT THE FUCK JUNGKOOK LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE SEOKJIN...

Q: Please say something to international ARMYs

awake (short harp cover)

airplane pt. 2 dance cover

compilation of yoongi stuff in raps

wHY IS JUNGKOOK LIKE THIS

the way he said "what's your name?" and shouted "michelle!"

full vid of the two links above

#ISeoulU bts vid 2015

Tyra Bank’s music vid for Fake Love

vmin in sync is scary

fake love original choreo

jungkook said ‘mic drop!’ after he stepped on the wire and made the mic fall

tae acting in euphoria

puppy jungkook is still the most ᵘʷᵘ :(

hobi jk mirror dance with finger heart (mcountdown)

ONEW WAS THROWING CONFETTI AT TAE PLEASE THATS SO CUTE

Look how Jiminie gave the trophy to Yoongi cuz baby boy knows

tae: so show me  army: i’ll show you~  {music core)

minho and tae hugging (music core)

tae’s aegyo in board game run ep

look at taehyung acting all cute in the back

when seokjin goes like (•3•) its the cutest thing ever

wow jimin was that an accident

YOONGI REALLY IMITATED HIM IM SKFJDJ

What 시 (si; hour) is it?

SUGA: honestly, I rlly liked pro-wrestling

a fancam of taehyung spilling his water on his face

ARMY giving hobi a flower with his face on it (fansign) (180603)

BTS: *on their way to a very serious interview on one of Korea's biggest news channels*

yoonkok instant hug BV S1

sunud-sunod na aegyo in anpanman outfits

jungkook pulled off straps and threw down two straps then taejin picked them up

legends say this is the closest rep of how hoseok looks in real life

Kihyun really had the courage to throw confetti in yoongi's face tho

52 year-old man is a director of a company in Japan dancing DNA

I stan a king of fan service he's so adorable!

when taehyung was fake crying and jimin came & softly hugged him from behind

this or that game

jk imitating his hyungs (180607 fansign)

HOW UNSEE THIS IM LAUGHINF SO HARD shkhhh  (awake)

biggest mystery in kpop - who's collecting who in the background??? (taejin?)

SEOKJIN ENDED THE PERFORMANCE DOING A FINGER HEART... 180607

hopekook's modified mirror dance 180607 mcountdown

jk reacting to ariana grande bbmas 2018

Look a joonie :( look at him go :(

REMEMBER WHEN HOSEOK SAID HE WAS CLINGY WITH YOONGI (BV2)...

noona fan giving hobi and jimin “allowance”

namjoon drunk-tweeting?

carbonara

LOOK AT LIL MEOW MEOW GO (basketball)

look at jimin’s reaction when a noona gave him a finger heart

they had to throw the yellow cloth at the finish of the performance...

OTHER PICS:

tae being so accepting in star king ;w;

i may be not here since 2013, but im still lucky to witnessed yeontan's lil growth

remember when bangtan was running late for their show...

NAMJOON’S REPLY TO THE SELCA JIN POSTED OF HIM...

hobi and his hearts

ep 1& 2 of B.T.S. has at least cleared up 2 main issues in this fandom

RM has a little #WednesdayWisdom from Burn The Stage.

This photo is a complete mess.

yoongi’s kind of humor is my favorite

Their biggest dream isn’t to break records, its to stay together for a long time.

They recorded their interviews for the documentary when they did Gayo track 15

what jimin said here was really interesting and great

the most powerful twins

They decided not to blur these faces of people who's behind BTS’ success.  

BTS calls their staff with nicknames, noona or hyung...

it really went from edits to jungkook actually saying it

IM CRYING BIGHIT PAID FOR YOONGIS TUITON :((

LMFAO at none of them even touching the salad

tae’s uneven eyelids

when jin got allowance from his dad to buy steak...

LOOK AT YOONGI RUN SJDNDNDNDN

give me a better photo transition I'll wait #euphoria

love yourself 起 wonder (2018)

jin being peymous even pre-debut

THIS STILL GOTTA BE THE FUNNIEST THING JOON HAS EVER SAID

the most remarkable twins in history

a turkish tv show asked for ppl to send in pics w their siblings and someone sent in jin and jimin

taehyung’s a legend that listens to music on his laptop on the go

onigiri yoongi

MY MOTHER CAME INTO MY ROOM AND ASKED IF JIMIN IS MY BOYFRIEND

jung hoseok aka the king of mirror selcas

Tiny bestfriends vmin who have been inseparable since kindergarten AU

old bts pics I still can't believe exist: a thread

yoongi at namjoon's graduation (w/ hoseok)

I COMBINED TAEGI'S PICS TOGETHER AND OH MY GOD SJSB

"i put sticker on my carrier" yeah ryt

oh nothing just seokjin casually putting his LG G7 ThinQ at his jacket pocket

He show his flower uwu

taehyung accidentally becoming a meme on diplo's snapchat

Never forget Jungkook's Hongdae adventures

THANKS JIN for not killing jungkook

liam’s post of namjoon :D

that one time namjoon tweeted a picture of them with the caption of “we are all fools”

A 59-year-old friend of mine talking about Love Yourself:Tear

I was worried because I thought yoongi kept doing some kind of gang sign but--

This has to be the best reaction to a non-fan of BTS...

when you are sitting beside BTS but mcflurry ice cream is life

why is this exactly what all of their mixtapes sound like

dispatch - yoongi, fake love

taehyung’s chubby cheeks when he smiles

taehyung and his tea

OMFGGMFM LOOK AT Tyra Banks when boys went up for their award she’s a whole Mood I love her

BTS FESTA 2018 prediction

carry him again, jin

I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA CLOWN HIM

top10 mistranslations betrayal 

Yoongi doing ᵗʰᵃᵗ smile

wide open yoongi

brigada eskwela stairs album art

jin flower petals (fansign)

namjoon vs svt jihoon

yoongi continuing his lil meow meow agenda

These two cuties just melted my whole heart (tae and tanie)

So... are we gonna talk about how they drew one stickman thicker than the rest

Low key promoted BTS the past 3 weeks in our hospital...

The exact same cat, same plant & same island taken 1 year apart. (ARMYSelca)

yoongi bunched up(?)

[dahyeri]

I don’t know why the sunset seems so scary to me right now

I keep looking out of my window and looking at the sun and feeling angry at it. I think it’s because when the sun sets, I know that that’s just another day gone by and time still moves like nothing ever happened... it moves and things become more final

I can’t say i’m surprised about how much this has affected me. I used to be one of those people that when a celebrity died i couldn’t empathise with the people that had followed them closely, were their ‘biggest fans’ and what not. I’d always think “It’s sad..... but how can someone feel that distraught over someone they don’t even know?” 

But Jonghyun meant a lot to me. Not in the way that he would to people who know him, I’m obviously no comparison, but people touch our lives in so many different ways and he really touched mine. My life for the past 5 years has been full of lots of ups and downs, and even in the worst times I was able to look to shinee and jonghyun for solace. I also felt a lot of pride for the work he did, he always put so much effort and love and devotion and dedication and heart into everything he did and music meant so much to him and you could just feel it everytime you listened to his songs, and i would always take that feeling with me and use it to make me feel better.

I guess it breaks my heart to think he thought leaving this way was the only option. And sometimes when i’m crying i feel selfish in that theres real people that knew him and who were in his life that are grieving right now and i’m just a stupid girl sobbing in my room somewhere and he’ll never know who i am. I’m not surprised by the fact that i’m upset over this, I’m more surprised about the....feeling? I never expected something like this to hit me so hard. And it’s difficult when you feel its unjustified, you have such a horrible heartbroken feeling, you can’t sleep, you can’t eat, you constantly cry and everything makes you angry just by the sight of it existing, but then what use is it? I actually have a take home exam i’m supposed to be doing right now. I’m in the middle of finals but I just can’t function properly but of course he was never a family member, or a friend to me so I have to be expected to just move through it because i have no excuse. But he really felt like a friend. I remember looking through my posts today and finding a photo of him from maybe a couple of years ago, and one of my tags said ‘he looks like he could give me a really nice really warm hug’ and i believe it.  He alwayed inspired he every time he spoke, i would always read quotes from blue night and be shocked by just how eloquent and thoughtful is in everything he says. He gave so much love to the people around hime, even to those he didn’t know well, but i can’t stop thinking about how he couldn’t afford himself the same privilege  tw suicide/death

and everytime i think of him i cant help but think about how lonely he must have been at that moment. Sometimes its just one simple spur of the moment thought that makes people do it and then they’re thankful someone came and saved them in the knick of time and then they live long, good lives and it just makes me sad and angry that this didnt happen to him that he stood there in that moment and whether he was afraid or not he still went through with it and i cant even image how painful it must have been... and even the hours and days and weeks leading up until that moment, was he ever happy? sometimes there are things in life that can be that spark to make you keep going, and i see so many of those things in his life but obviously the pain was too great.  i guess the sunset makes me angry because i know it means he’s just getting colder and there won’t be any warmth in that body anymore and whether you believe in heaven or a second life or anything of that kind i feel like it doesnt matter because of how final it all is. 

And there’s a certain kind of..dissonance to all that i see of him and what he did. I’ve watched funny videos of him to make myself feel better, to see him happy and laughing and making others laugh but then as soon as it ends i am struck with the though of him killing himself and i can’t stop shaking. such a beautiful person shouldn’t ever be related to such horrific acts this never should have happened to him

i find it harder when someone you hear the voice of everyday, see so many times is the one to go, because their presence is so normal and you feel like you’ve taken advantage of it. i feel like i’ve taken advantage of it. I’m not really a mourning person, death hasn’t really touched my life and when my grandma died i didnt cry. i guess i was really young and couldn’t quite understand death at that time, but now with jonghyun the years of my life that i spent knowing him were some of the hardest, and losing him has ben like losing some of the ground underneath that i stand on and i can’t pick myself up I still can’t believe it. I’m the kind of person that actively seeks out information on these things, it seems self destructive but i would rather look at things on my own terms than be caught off guard by a stray facebook post i never wanted to see.  And there’s so many regrets i have and so many thoughts that i can’t stop thinking about at the same time. I keep thinking about how much pain he must have been in at that moment, i think of his sister and how much she has to carry with her now for the rest of her life, i think about the possibility of how if they had just been that bit faster maybe he’d still be here, i keep thinking about shinee and when they must have last saw jonghyun, what did they say? was it something they regretted?, how they’ll make it through the next days, months, years, i think of his mother and everything she must be feeling. I just have so many thoughts and each one is worse than the next but then i think about my role in it all and i cant help it. I think about how i was studying while he killed himself, how i had a slight headache when they found him, how i was probably laughing at a joke somewhere across the city while this was all happening. I wonder why i dismissed going to his concert when i had the chance, “nah, i’ll wait till the full shinee concert” and think did i take him for granted? i loved him, but did i love him enough?  And to say you ‘love’ someone in this context is so strange, because theyre not directly part of youre life and yet you feel so close to them. For a long time i loved how he helped me when i needed it, i loved how funny he was in his dopey silly way, i loved his voice and the emotion that flowed through it, i loved his smile that i thought “i want to see this, up close someday”, i love how incredibly intelligent he was and i always thought i’d found someone i could look up to and strive to be like. I loved the love he gave to others, including myself, but i feel selfish for taking everything he had to give and leaving him empty. I didn’t want to write this in past tense, but i guess i had to. Seeing things like death date on his profile makes everything so surreal. I think “but, this can’t happen to him, it’s jonghyun” or “there must be some mistake”. I look at the words “died” over and over and over again until i cry and cry and then i look away only to look back again and do the same. It still doesn’t feel real, it feels real and yet it doesn’t I want to be positive like other people have, and say that i’m happy for the time that he was in my life. But i can’t help but think of what he was going through at this time. It feels like i had years and years to do something, anything, but i know this what out of my hands which makes me feel worse and helpless. I really am not the kind of person to write things like this at all. Again, i never understood why people did this when celebrities died but now i know. i know too well. My heart aches in ways i never thought it would and even with how much i’ve said it doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what i’m feeling.  I also hate being here, its the first time that i’ve truly hated being in seoul. I didnt want to go outside because all i could see is the snow that came down yesterday and it reminded me of him, i don’t want to see people going on with their lives, i don’t want to see the daily routine of things and time passing by. I feel like i can just shut myself in my room and grieve in my own space because thats the only way i know how to cope. But when i look out my window, and i see the road near my house, and i know that if i followed that road, if i just kept following it and all of it twists and different streets then i know i would end up where he is, where they all are, and i just which i wasnt constantly aware of its existence.  Some part of me wants to go there, to just stand outside so theres some kind of finality and closure but i don’t know if that would make it worse. i dont know what will make it better. i dont know what ‘it’ is but whatever it is it hurts.  This is a kind of shock i’ve never experienced, and i’m trying hard to validate my feelings. i’m trying to take care of myself but who knew that would be so difficult too? I guess my main feelings right now are anger and fear. Anger for the pain he was in all these years, anger for what he felt he had to do to himself, anger at everyone and everything, rational or irrational i am just angry. And i fear what comes next. I’m scared of all the things people have to say, i’m scared of the funeral to come, i’m scared of turning the tv on and seeing the news and becoming acutely aware of the reality of it all, i’m scared about what lives will be like after this, i’m scared of my own feelings and how to cope with them.  Obviously things get better with time, but not for everyone. I admit i’m a sensitive person, i often think and cry about the day my dog will die because of how old he is and how much he means to me. So i wonder now that i will be part of the unfortunate category of people that never recover from these things. and you might think “i know you’re hurting right now, and that’s why you feel this way. but give it time and you’ll look back at yourself and just feel sad that you felt this way”. But i know myself, and i know my feelings. I know how things affect me, and i felt this, and still feel it, so deep inside myself that i don’t think it will go away anytime soon.  I wonder when i will stop crying, or i at least wonder when i will be able to function properly. I’m aware that i could fall back into mild depression, i’m at a dangerous point where this incident is combined with the fact that i have most of my major exams and i can’t fail them but with what im feeling i havent been able to do anything and i just feel like i cant muster enough of my energy to care. How have i preoccupied the entire 10 or so hours ive been awake with nothing but thought of him? with nothing but tears for him? It’s sadder now knowing when these things happened, when i was on the brink or at my lowest i always turned to him, and to shinee. i guess its ironic now.  This is so dumb and emotional but i just want to scream!!! and cry and weep and sob and i have to get it out otherwise it just hurts too much. The words ‘hurt’ and ‘pain’ i’ve used too much i know but until i have better words to describe what i’m feeling, what has happened, then i’ll be using them

Remember 1of1? it feels kind of cruel now to think they went off a concept based solely on them being a whole unified unit of 5. 

5.

5. 

Is it karma? to think that while jonghyun was suffering, and i was taking his voice and his music and his thoughts and feelings with me and using them for my own gains, that the only thing i was ever thinking was “i hope shinee never disbands. I don’t know what i’d do without them. i’m so so scared of that day, what would i do after that?”. It seems so small now. I was scared of how i would feel when they parted ways but still lives long happy lives, so now my feelings are so beyond that that im struggling to conceptualise them. It’s difficult for people with mental health issues. We invest our feelings in things that we think will help us through hard times, and even as i think about it i dont think there was anything else that i invested my feelings in. it was always shinee. Theres a certain kind of joy you feel when you engage with things that comfort you thats unlike anything else, its like a big sigh or exhale of breathe and a feeling that you can just forget about everything and just be in the moment with them. Jonghyun always made me feel that way, no matter what.

I’m still trying to express the magnitude of what i feel right now but i can’t..... i would probably type for hours but it still won’t cut it. I see pictures of his face and i have mixed reactions because i know hes gone but i feel like he isnt. I see his pictures everyday, so how is today any different? my brain can’t comprehend the difference and i’m scared about what will happen when it does. 

But i won’t feel stupid anymore for how i’m feeling. It’s justified, and its justified for everyone else. I just wish other people could see that so i didnt feel so alone

I don’t want to say goodbye. Even typing that i feel silly, but i just wish he knew how loved he was. I want to pick myself up and imagine him in a better place somehow but its hard. I want to look at the sunset again and not find it so incredibly terrifying, i want to walk outside again and not have to think about how you’ll never have the feeling of the cold on your fingers when the wind gets too strong, or how you’ll never see the snow fall again and settle on the trees, or how you’ll never see that sunset and think “what a good day it was to live”. Why is it so unfair that i have to see these things and know you never will again.

I loved him so much, i love him so much. and i’m so so so sorry for absolutely everything. i’m so incredibly sorry. I hope you feel better now and know so many people love you, i love you i love you You did well.

[crimsonbreeze]

Favorite Episode List

One Piece- 1015 Bleach- ep.13 Friends- 5x11