#Originally set it for disability pride month like. Last year and then just. did not change it to anything else afterwards

[frog-chemicals]

ur pfp is very good, I hadn't even processed that was the disability pride flag in the middle before now 😅

Thank you :D

[trainsinanime]

Here’s a Miraculous Ladybug story idea that I may write some time, but probably not, because I only really care about chapter two of what would probably need to be at least ten.

Chapter one features Lila going after Marinette full-force. Not the weak boring „she rips up her notebook so hard that Marinette has to move to Gotham“ crap. We’re doing this properly: Lila convinces the Mayor that Marinette is planning to resurrect Napoleon and bring him back to power. So the Mayor has Marinette imprisoned without trial, because apparently he can do that in the Miraculous universe, and not even her friends or family know what’s going on.

Chapter 3 and later will detail how Marinette managed to escape the prison after fourteen years, with the help of a professional hypnotist. She discovers a pirate treasure on a small uninhabited island off the coast of Italy. With the money from the treasure, she buys the island and the title of nobility that comes with it, and returns to Paris. Rich, and now officially a countess, she will reward those who were loyal to her, and destroy all her enemies. (I haven’t yet worked out what that means in detail.)

But the really interesting part for me is what happens in those fourteen years. Here are my notes. Content warning: Dark, Major Character Death, Intended as over-the-top and silly but maybe not over-the-top enough, and of course, Adrien/Lila:

With Marinette gone, a lot of joy drops from the class immediately. Everybody loves her, and they only have weird rumours about what happened to her, rumours that they can’t believe even if the source is Lila. (No, we’re not doing class salt. Yes, that means my options for enemies in the later chapters are limited. I don’t care, I love Alya and the rest of the class and I am not throwing them under the bus.)

The first time Ladybug doesn’t appear to a fight, everybody is pissed. The second time, they’re even more pissed. The third time, they’re worried.

Chat Noir does his best. He decides to capture the Akumas, so Ladybug can cleanse them when she returns. For now, he stores them in mason jars. After a bit of thought, he decided to just store them in the cellar of the mansion, in a box labelled „Adrien’s favourite toys“. Nobody ever looks there.

No Ladybug means no cleanup. (The ear rings are kept in the warden’s office in Marinette’s prison, so Ladybug is out of commission for fourteen years). Adrien again tries to help, spending way too much time cataclysming debris. A child has lost their favourite plush shark in a river of chocolate? Chat Noir manages to „find“ and „clean“ it. No, it’s totally the same shark, not a new one that he just bought, believe me. The child is happy, but clearly it’s not enough.

The first time the Eiffel Tower is destroyed, rebuilding it is a matter of national pride. If Ladybug is gone, then France will step in. Gabriel donates a lot to the effort.

The second time the Eiffel Tower is destroyed, authorities decide to leave the debris as a monument. The statue for Ladybug disappears.

With no Ladybug, Hawkmoth realises that he can’t get the ear rings. Attacks decrease, to once a month, then once every three months; apparently just to check whether Ladybug has returned. Around Adrien’s eighteenth birthday, it seems like Hawkmoth might retire for good. On a completely unrelated note, Gabriel appears to have lost all will to live.

Adrien can’t escape Lila, who continues to be employed by Gabriel, despite her not being very good at photoshoots. But he does his best to keep his distance.

Shortly after Adrien’s birthday, he is away, while Lila has a meeting with Gabriel and Nathalie. But tragedy strikes: Lila arrives and witnesses Gabriel shooting Nathalie and then himself. Why would he do such a thing? Good thing Lila is such a reliable witness. The case is so clear that the police don’t even have to check the gun for fingerprints.

Adrien is stricken with grief. He tries to call his friends, but nobody will reply. It’s almost as if someone with access to Gabriel’s computer had used the spy software on Adrien’s phone to disable it. But that’s clearly absurd. There is only one other person who is there to comfort him: Lila. Adrien doesn’t like her, but she is someone familiar. She spends the night.

The next morning, Adrien is disgusted, and the two part ways. But two months later, she reappears and tells him she is pregnant and it’s his child. She has a whole speech prepared about how he needs to take responsibility, but it’s not necessary: Adrien will not let his child grow up without a father.

The next month, the wedding is a weird affair. Lila wanted something grandiose, and she got it. But all their friends know that this is anything but true love.

Alix wonders aloud what Marinette’s role would have been if she had been here. Alya jokingly says that she’d be the bride. Adrien overhears, and he realises: Yeah, she would have been. He loves her. Always had. This moment is when the only wedding picture is taken where Adrien smiles.

Seven months later, Gabriel Agreste Junior is born. Adrien loves his son with all his heart, but he has questions. But Lila and her top-notch expensive doctors assure him that this is perfectly normal, sometimes pregnancies take a month longer or two. Adrien is not fully convinced, but he doesn’t want to cause a fuss.

Around this time we also get a new Hawkmoth, who is much meaner, but doesn’t seem to have as clear a goal. Everybody’s best guess is that this Hawkmoth is just going after whoever last pissed them off. (Totally forgot this one in the original version of the post, sorry)

Two years later, Lila’s daughter Emma Marinette Agreste Junior is born. Adrien picked the second name while Lila was asleep. Since Lila is not involved with her kid’s upbringing at all, she has not yet noticed. This time, Adrien is convinced that something is up and Lila is lying to him. The reason: He has recently learned how babies are made, and he knows for a fact that he never did that with Lila.

He confronts her. Lila isn’t concerned, though. What’s he going to do? Divorce her? Then he’s never going to see the kids again. The things she could make a court believe… Adrien is horrified by that thought, especially since he knows very well that he’s the only one in the marriage who loves these children.

Meanwhile, Lila’s own career as an actress isn’t going well. She’s a great natural talent, sure; she can make anyone believe anything. But to be a great actor, you still have to turn up on set every day, and not just when you feel like it. Oh, sure, she has great excuses, but the jobs still dry up fast. And while you can make up a story that makes you look good about one make-up artist you made cry, maybe two, there is a point where it becomes a problem.

She blames Adrien for this, mostly because he will generally not back up her lies about where she was. He doesn’t really care, though. Despite her threats, what’s she gonna do, leave with the kids? Thanks to his father, Adrien had some top notch lawyers, and the pre-nup agreement is watertight.

Unrelated to all this, behold Paris’s new mayor, Chloé Burgeois. She’s been embroiled in controversy from day one. Some say she’s too young. Others say she only got the job because her father was mayor before her. Yet others point to her publicly difficult relation with her constant partner and off-again-on-again girlfriend Sabrina. But perhaps the biggest talking point is that in her office, she has a big painting of a certain heroine in red with spots, with the words, „what would Ladybug do?“ underneath. She’s never lost trust, and the press hates her for it.

One day, her old school friend Alya visits. Alya’s own relationship to Ladybug is difficult: Part of her still holds out hope, just like Chat Noir. Another part of her curses Ladybug for just leaving. Her goal now is completely unrelated to Ladybug, though. She has uncovered new things about the Napoleon Resurrection Conspiracy: The main witness (Lila) and the supposed ring-leader: Marinette. That can’t be right.

She wants Chloé to reveal the truth. Chloé herself has no idea, and very little interest in investigating. Her father told her that this was all secret, and that she should never touch this subject.

But she knows very well what Alya is asking for here. Alya got her big break as a journalist by uncovering the files on the Napoleon Resurrection Conspiracy in the first place. The revelation that it had all been swept under the rug was what caused the old Mayor to step down in the first place. If Alya is now saying that this might all be wrong, that means she’s placing her whole career on the line. That level of commitment means something.

For her own part, it took Chloé a while to admit it, but she was shocked and heartbroken by Marinette’s sudden disappearance as well. It was the first step to becoming a somewhat nicer person, and forming real bonds with her classmates. She has the access to the archives. She could uncover the truth, and maybe even find out where Marinette is now. It wouldn’t be popular, and it might be dangerous… but what would Ladybug do?

Chloé is all in, and it doesn’t take long until she meets Lila. Chloé would not consider herself a fan. She knows the difference between Adrien’s real and fake smiles. Lila refuses to clear things up, though. Instead, she tells Chloé that the french secret service does not allow her to say anything, and that Chloé better drop it if she knows what’s good for her.

Chloé ignores it. She also ignores it when she gets a threatening letter. After all, Ladybug was up against powerful people, too, and she never let that stop her. She even ignores when her own personal Yacht sinks for unexplained reasons, until her Butler and Sabrina explain to her some things about the history of the french secret service (actually I’m not sure whether this is too much in bad taste; the alternative would be that her vacation home gets set on fire).

She tells Alya that there is nothing to know, and blocks her cell phone number. The next day, workers remove the Ladybug painting. After all, what Ladybug would do is just disappear, right? Only fitting. Sabrina laughs a little too artificially at the joke. Yes, indeed. Ladybug would just stop doing her job when the people needed her. Perfect analogy.

With that, the basic outline is set. Chapter three would probably be short and tell the story of Marinette’s imprisonment. Chapter four is then where the real revenge starts.

Other points:

At various points, Luka is sadly strumming his guitar.

I’m not sure what to do about Marinette’s parents. The mean option is that they die, full of grief over their missing daughter. The very mean option is that they end up separating first. I’m not sure Marinette’s revenge spree works if they’re still around, and I definitely don’t ever see them turning away from her.

Nino and Kagami could do with an arc here.

Anyway, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, but since I don’t know how to turn this into a full story, this is as good as it gets. If any of you guys want to borrow parts or all of it for your stories, please go ahead.

[seidrstuff]

Ritual Basics: Creating Your Ritual

The point of any ritual is what works for YOU. You are the one building relationships with the gods, your ancestors and the spirits of the place/wights(referred to as the unseen for brevity) as well as any friends or family who are practicing with you. Anything I say here is a loose guideline.

I’ve drawn heavily on The Elder Troth: An Introductory Course of Study by KveldufR Hagen Gundarsson(which is an excellent guide for understanding standard Troth practice), some ADF bits and my Wiccan training for how I do rituals.

Questions before your ritual

What type of ritual would you like to do?

A basic blessing/prayer is known as a blot. All that takes is a horn/cup/glass with something a little special, like mead or sparkling apple juice or apple cider. However, if you can’t afford that, then water you have prayed over is fine. It is the speaking words of prayer or praise over it that make the container and what is inside sacred. Then you drink and pour a bit aside to pour out on the ground later(or if you are practicing outside, right there at the time).

A building block you can add is the sumbel/sumble/toast, boast and roast. A sumbel is toasting, or if you are practicing with others, passing the container of special juice around and have people toast a god/ancestor/spirit of place/person/event(depending on what your ritual purpose is). This is also a community building exercise, both between you and the unseen and between you and the seen. If you have accomplished something difficult, this is where you brag about that, take pride in it. If you need help with something, this is where you ask for it, so that the unseen/seen can help you. If you have something hard to do and would like someone to hold you accountable for doing it, this is where you vow to do the thing, with the expectation that the community, unseen and seen, will witness your oath.

What is your purpose?

Are you giving thanks? Are you honoring an astronomical event?(half of the “Wheel of the Year” is based on equinoxes and solstices). Are you honoring a widely held pagan holiday? Are you honoring a life transition?(birth, adulthood, marriage, identity transition, death) Are you asking for help?

Who are you asking/thanking/praying to?

Are you speaking to your deity/deities of choice? Are you asking your ancestors for advice? Are you asking the spirits of place to bless your garden/pet/houseplant?

Part of my practice is giving offerings/gifts to whoever I am speaking with. Each god/ancestor/spirit of place will have an appropriate offering and you get to choose what that is. For example, if I am giving thanks to Odin for his help with my disabled ass, I offer him a poem or a song(he also likes brain teasers and word puzzles). I try to choose offerings that are easily disposed of and take more devotion than money. I spent most of my pagan life poor, so elaborate offerings of expensive components is not something I do often.

Many deities have some overlap as to what offerings are acceptable, for instance in my experience, Frigga and Sif have a grain/cornmeal/barley/rye/flour overlap. My wife is gluten free (GF), which means we don’t have conventional flour in our home. I have gotten good results with GF oat flour and birdseed. In my experience, the Norse gods are especially impressed/gladdened by flexibility, frugality and ingenuity.

How many people?

There are practical as well as spiritual compromises that must be made whenever you add other people to a ritual. If you are practicing alone, the only person you have to worry about is yourself.

For a practical example, if I am doing a simple blot, I can do that anyplace I can hold a glass. However, if I am adding members of my household, then I need to clear out and clean up a space to hold that practice.

Practical considerations:

Are is there space for singing/dancing/gesturing? 

Is there anything that can be tripped over or run into?

 Is there a quiet space for someone to process their experience? 

Is it accessible to the people I have invited? (As I have grown older and more visibly disabled, I have to look out for pitfalls that many pagans don’t see). 

Is there enough parking? 

Is your space close to public transportation?

For a spiritual example, if I am doing a simple blot, I have a dedicated place that has been blessed and cleansed and holds the grooves of rituals repeated daily for years. However, if I am adding the members of my household, then I need to purify and cleanse that space so that it is easier for me to see it as sacred, protect it from the unfriendly unseen and help those people with me to leave better than when they came in.

Spiritual considerations:

Am I in a relatively stable emotional/mental state? 

If someone is affected deeply by the ritual, do I have the spoons to take care of them, to help them through their distress?

If I don’t have those spoons, do I have someone that can step in and do that?

Especially for people that are new to ritual work, the energy raised and used can be overwhelming. It can stimulate damage from religious or family of origin trauma. It can stimulate damage from past relationships with unseen and seen. It can also stimulate manic joy and gladness, which can be distressing to some.

As the host of the ritual, it is your responsibility to have at least thought about what to do if someone is distressed in your ritual.

Constructing Ritual Space

Wiccans have a cleansing/casting/calling routine for creating sacred space. ADF druids have an offering/calling cycle that invites the unseen. Heathens use a variety of sacred space creation methods, from making the sign of the Hammer over the assembled to the elaborate ritual laid out in The Elder Troth.

Purifying/cleansing can be as simple or as complicated as you want it to be. I like the four element Wiccan system, sprinkling salt water for water and earth and wafting incense for fire and air as I claim that space as sacred.

I also like claiming the space with fire, or carrying a torch or candle around the area, using a chant to Thor out of the sagas. Many Norse pagans just make the sign of the Hammer(which looks a bit like making a giant T in the air) to make a space sacred. The nice thing about claiming the place cleansed in the name of Thor also calls upon the most valiant protector of Asgard, adding to my mind an extra level of protection.

As a performance note, it is common during public rituals for the ritual facilitator to do the cleansing in the presence of the people as part of the ritual. Because of my increasing disability and general lack of spoons, I will either do that part ahead of time or have someone else say the words to reassure people during the ritual, even if I have set up my protections beforehand. So making that space sacred ahead of time is fine.

Many pagans keep that space dedicated for ritual use only. I don’t. Up until recently, I have lived in small apartments, so I didn’t have the ability to have a dedicated ritual space/room. That did give me the flexibility to honor Frigga in my kitchen when I’m cooking and Freya when I’m having intimate time with my wife and Odin when I am writing at my kitchen table and communing with my spirits of place while I sat on my porch. That put me in the habit of speaking with the unseen bit by bit throughout the day, which makes me feel closer to them continuously. 

Saying the words

One of the few things I am insistent on is: write what you want to say before you say it. You can use someone’s else’s words(Wiccans use Gardner’s ritual words, I use the prayers from the Eddas and sagas) read it off the back of your hand, forget it totally, read it from flash cards. That’s not the part the matters.

If you construct what you want to say beforehand, you are setting your intent in a way we in the modern world understand and respond to. (By writing it down, I don’t mean the physical pen and paper. Dictate it, draw it, paint it, sing it, dance it, type it, use any method that works for you)

Rituals are often constructed in three acts or multiples of threes.

Act One is the opening, establishing the space, blessing/thanking those unseen and seen in attendance, and explaining what the purpose is to the gathered(if this is a solitary ritual, you don’t have to explain why you are there most of the time. The unseen appreciate the heads up sometimes, but if you’ve established relationships, you can skip this. They know.)

Act Two is the heart of the ritual, constructed from why you are there. This is so varied that I’m going to use an example here from my household.

Yule is a very important holiday to me and my queer household. We always celebrate it in a much more elaborate fashion than any other holiday. This year, because of events in the outside world as well as personal transformations, we focused on the death and the rebirth of sunlight, as a plea for continuing hope.

Our honored deities were Sunna and her brother Mani, Frigga as the matron of our home and our spirits of place for keeping us so well over the year before. We also have some Hellenic and Etruscan practitioners in our household, so we made space to honor them as well.

We assembled a variety of offerings, some baked goods we had made for Christmas celebrations later in the month, some whole grains, wood, the last of herbs we had grown in the summer and household spices. We also had words we had written for those deities that are more drawn to poetry. We have the privilege of a backyard with a fire pit, so we could throw our offerings in the fire. (In the past, I have offered spring water, pennies, rainbows through prisms, and lots of poetry, more ephemeral things that I didn’t have to find ways to dispose of.)

We spent some part of the day thinking about what we wanted to focus on during the ritual. We gathered together at sunset and had our youngest member make sure all the lights were off in the house and then carried a candle around the dark house, “relighting” our home fires. Then we offered to our deities of home and hearth. Then we offered to Sunna to return and Mani to call her home. We made offerings and prayers through the night, and kept the fire pit burning until dawn. Then we thanked Sunna for her return and let the fire burn out.

Act Two of the ritual is the most individual, the most flexible and deeply dependent on what you want to accomplish. Simple, elaborate, informal, formal, all things you get to choose. In my experience, some unseen are more formal than others, and you will learn that as you build relationships with them.

Act Three is saying goodbye. Usually in the opposite order as they were invited or acknowledged, final offerings are given, final hugs are offered, final prayers flow between the seen and unseen.

Attending someone else’s ritual is a different thing and I will post some ritual etiquette in a later piece.

Please DM me if you have any questions.

Your mileage will most certainly vary :)

Sources

Most pagan worldview systems have problematic stances on queer people, usually non-binary and/or trans folx, although there are factions of all of them that are any queer antagonistic. I try to choose sources that have less of that bias baked in, but I am not always successful.

The Elder Troth: The Elder Troth: An Introductory Course of Study by KveldulfR Hagen Gundarsson (this is under $5 on Amazon and is a great guide with exercises and readings from the lore that correspond to almost any basic question you may have as a Norse practitioner.)

The ADF Dedicant Path through the Wheel of the Year by Rev. Michael Dangler (this is under $10 and has a different ritual construction that has some great aspects)

Wicca: A Guide of the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham (This was one of my first books about Wicca and it is super problematic as to gender binaries, so read with much caution. However, it does have some useful practices that have just gotten folded in to my practice)

Positive Magic: Ancient Metaphysical Techniques for Modern Lives by Marion Weinstein (lots of problems here too, in the same Wiccan binary ways, so read with much caution, but some useful techniques for cleansing/purifying)

[rebelwheels-blog]

Little Sparrow Freed From Its Cage

September 24, 2018

Per aspera ad astra - Through adversity to the stars

Hello there everyone! I have quite a bit of news to share with all of you lovely readers, as it has been quite a while since my last update. Hopefully my writing habits will be a bit more consistent now, due to the main reason I am writing this update. So grab a cup of tea, or coffee for you Americans, and be prepared for a lengthy blog entry.

Commencement to Independence

For the longest time, it was my belief that graduation was just another event where I would only witness others experience the joy of being released from the dictatorship of homework and the school setting.

Much of my student experience has been infringed upon due to various circumstances; whether illness was to blame, being placed in classes my superiors wrongly believed I belonged, or unwillingly leaving the only place I called home, as well as exiting the lives of many I held and hold close in my heart.

Not everyone experienced the same scenario as I did, which is wonderful. Even so, for much of my life there was a common denominator.

Adversity.

Due to my disability, my experiences and memories of the school setting are extremely unconventional.

Which leads to the less self-pitying part of my screed. If it weren’t for all those obstacles, and more, throughout my existence as a student, graduation would not grant me the same satisfaction and pride as it does now to declare to you all that I am no longer a high school student. September 21, 2018 was the day I was set free.

Although there are plenty of memories I have to look back on that made my school days less dreary, so I shall not admit that every second of my years at school were terrible, as I had the good fortune of making a few friends along the way as well as learning some lessons that allowed me to grow as a person.

So I thank all of you who have stuck with me through the good times and the not so good times, because I couldn’t have made it here without you.

I’d especially like to thank my first teacher who set me on the right path to homeschooling. You know who you are, with your huge green duffel bag full of wonderful toys each day as we sat in the garden room. Thank you for always being there for me academically and as a friend. You mean the universe to me.

Every experience and every person that one encounters affects the future, individually and worldly, good or bad, long or short. Because, who knows? Maybe one day someone who experienced something they perceived as awful will change the life of another so someone else will never experience what was already lived through by another.

Celebration?

To celebrate this momentous occasion, my grandmother and I designed what would normally have been the top of my cap to go along with my gown.

Then we made a message in a bottle, with the message being the poem The Road Not Taken as it is our favorite poem.

But the most important component to all of this is the timing of everything that has unfolded over the past few weeks.

Enjoy the first ever gif I have ever created, of course it’s to do with Stephen

I managed to finish the last of my exams the day directly before my grandmother’s birthday, which was coincidentally purposefully happened to be on my cousin’s birthday. Then, on Friday, I was officially set free from my classes on the birthday of my great grandfather. Everything took place over the course of three days, and three birthdays of three people that mean the world to me.

Funnily enough, exactly one week to the day, another event unfolded spontaneously. I was granted the most amazing graduation gift. A friend, a very old friend, of tremendous significance and value to me. We had not seen each other in almost nine years, but we always kept in touch. Last Wednesday, we broke our hiatus and had lunch together with our grandparents. I felt like I was in a dream. I couldn’t believe we were even in the same room. He has seen my old self, my pathetic self, and my happy self, and he never left. He’s one of a kind and I don’t know what I would do without him. Making him laugh after taking a nervous drink of water while we were at lunch and burping due to my liquid consumption was one of the highlights of our visit together. Hopefully we won’t have such a lengthy hiatus between seeing each other again, which neither of us believe will happen. I already can’t wait to see him again.

Then on the Saturday following that Wednesday, I swam with my other best friend who happened to come home from college that weekend. I honestly don’t remember the last time we just chilled out in the pool, or anywhere, and hung out like two normal teenage girls. Granted I did complain quite a bit about school work after we got out and had lunch, but that wasn’t the entire visit. It felt so normal to just hang out with my best friend, and I can’t thank you enough (you know who you are if you’re reading this). I couldn’t have asked for a better way to finish my classes.

But graduation is supposed to be a big deal, right? A huge celebration is supposed to take place, right? Well, I honestly have no idea how else to celebrate my accomplishment. I would love to have a party and do something the way everyone else does, but many of my friends and family live far, far away. So out goes that idea... Nevertheless, if no other celebration takes place, I am forever grateful for being able to visit with my friend from New Jersey thanks to his and my grandparents.

Moving Forward

Now that I have soooo much time on my hands, I don’t know what to do with it! Well, I do, but it’s only been almost a week since I finished my classes and it’s still rather odd. I spent the weekend creating and improving a sort of sketch that puts together my Halloween costume. Yes, I’ll be 19 by then and many will say I’m too old to do Halloween, but you know what? Adults are allowed to dress up and have fun too. Halloween is not just about the candy, well not to me anyway. To me, it’s about letting yourself be free to be whatever you want to be for one day of the year. As it seems that it is only socially acceptable to dress up when one is an adult around Halloween, if one were to dress up any other day of the year you end up being labeled as a psychopath.

Okay, maybe not a psychopath, but anyone dressed up as a character or dramatic makeup is worn outside a concert, theatre club, comic convention, or Halloween, etc., side glances and glares will be made.

I decided that I will be dressing up as my own version of Sherlock, as long coats are as much of a pain to get on as a dress. I have a few components of my costume together, but I still need the hat, scarf, and maybe shoes? I may just go with a pair of short boots that I have as finding shoes in my size is an entirely different story.

I wasn’t sure if the coat I had would look Sherlockian enough, so I decided that I would put together a sketch of my outfit to see how it would look. So I put this together.

Originally, as you can see, there was no face. But I worked on it and worked on it over the past few days and this the outcome. In the beginning I did trace the undershirt, but that’s it. I figured out the rest. I’m very proud of it, as it is the first drawing I’ve done in quite a while that I haven’t gotten angry with.

Having this freedom has made me realize that after a few days of numbly looking at social media, I am suddenly craving to learn new information and I miss my math and science classes. I think that within the next week I will unconsciously start to read books again just from the slight need I’ve had to expand my knowledge again. Maybe I’ll even start writing stories again due to new knowledge, as I have written down a few ideas for short stories the past few days. In the words of a good friend, the possibilities are endless.

Spinraza News

Luckily I have school finished to get through my next injection. I was reminded that I have to go through re-approval from the insurance, making my injection date is a week later than I wanted. This week I have to get blood drawn again as well as other tests.

Speaking of tests, I had to do a strength test last week, my first one after having Spinraza. My results have to either stay the same or improve in order for the insurance company to say I can keep having Spinraza. Needless to say, I was terrified that I wasn’t going to improve due to their standards. I’ve noticed more strength in my legs than my arms, granted my right arm is noticeably stronger, but I did not anticipate the evidence the strength test would grant me.

The first test was to tear a sheet of paper. No big deal, right? Wrong. I had to try to tear a piece of paper that was folded four times. I tried and it didn’t happen. So my physical therapist unfolded it so it was in half. I believed that I was trying to tear it wrong as I was using my nail to start the tear. But I was wrong. That’s how you physically tear a sheet of paper when you pinch it. So when it cooperated and I split the paper down the middle, I was like “okay, I could totally do that before Spinraza.” Again, I was wrong. When I did the baseline test, I was able to rip the paper but only if:

it was started for me

it was a single sheet unfolded

it only ripped sideways not straight down

My physical therapist kept my old paper and showed it to me to prove that I had improved. After I saw the paper, I felt like Captain America

Go ahead, enjoy that gif because Tumblr doesn’t allow more than 10 images so that’s the last one guys

Once I completed that question of the test, the test was gravy. I was actually able to do other things as well such as:

lifting a weight I couldn’t before

completing a short maze test without stopping my pen

pressing a stupid light button and making it stay on

opening a container that was entirely too difficult when I tried six months ago

I gained 5 points in the scoring system, from 11 to 16 points. I still can’t get over it. So much has been going on the past... Well, year, honestly. Between myself and my family members, it’s been nonstop.

Well, I think I’ve written enough for this update, probably too much... But whatever, if you guys enjoy these updates you don’t mind. If you don’t enjoy them... Well... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[tempestshakes01]

8/8/20

oh no.

i’ve had another dream where a man tries to kiss me despite having a partner. what is my subconscious trying to say?

last time it was br*d from b/a (but in the dream I was also Claire? I think.)

this time I was at a climbing gym (it smelled and vaguely looked like the old Y I used to go to for gymnastics...yellow lighting, pinesol scent, echo-y) and we were climbing for the first time in forever. alex was in the dream. anyway, we came upon a group and it turned out to be the bould/ering b/obat boys just goofing around with some locals. they were helping out and teaching as well. 

anyway, alex got in on it cause it was vert and i nervously wandered away to find an overhand or an easier slab, and to get away from people who might watch me climb. 

so then the evening is coming to a close and i make my way to the set the boys were teaching alex and locals. it was a red v2, lol. no one is around. i touch it, and suddenly jake (from bb) comes up behind me and encourages me to try it out. i do. he’s a very nice and patient coach cause i keep placing my feet wrong (my issue irl), but i correct myself quickly and it’s actually a really easy problem. i jump down and jake claps, kindly excited for me, and then...

...this is where my memory gets fuzzy, but basically all I remember is *snap* he’s into me and I know it, and i’m obviously into him, and he goes to kiss, but i turn away like, no, no, you have di who is on the other side of this wall. and he’s like, we’re poly. and i tell him i have to hear that from her first. he agrees and we walk off. the end. 

lmao.

and then still in ~dream state~ i’m like, damn another dream where someone almost cheats with me? what does that mean? 

that’s a rhetorical question, ofc, because even a ninny like me can tell that’s a can of worms i don’t want to open without a licensed professional on call. 

p.s. i am back to hating **** and no i will not elaborate.

p.p.s. i said i’d elaborate about jdemps looking like my dad if you lose your glasses, get lemon in your eye, and you squint, but i don’t think i will--mostly cause i want to forget i even i had that notion. 

p.p.p.s. i think a lot of people look alike when they don’t now that i think about it. i’m that one person that sees a someone’s new wedding photos on facebook or whatever, and my first thought maybe 75% of the time is...wow, they look like siblings. 

no lie. 

i’d post some examples but i won’t invade people’s privacy like that or embarrass them when i am proven RIGHT and they DO look like they married their sibling. it truly creeps me out, but i think i’ve read that people are attracted to faces that look like theirs? 

i mean:

which is a quote from an article called:

anyway, i know i’m very in love with long faces/jaws because my own long face. i hate how it’s becoming more crooked though. trying to embrace, but i’m like 🥴. literally. if i were a man i could pull it off a la rya/n gos/ling, but as a woman...🥴. 

--

what else...

started a new job. like a very serious job with a good (enough) salary and it’s sort of in my field. i don’t want to say what it is and i will continue to keep it vague even if i write a blog post to rant--mainly because of legal reasons and staying ethical, or whatever. plus, i feel like i’m in enemy territory and i don’t know how i’ll stomach some of the choices i’ll have to make. 

ugh.

i’m getting very nervous. but i’m excited about how it’ll test my skills in a lot of areas and i think it’s a great opportunity to learn and grow. originally i put a 3 year goal on this job (out by the time i’m about 30 and go to grad school), but i might drop that to 1.5 years, lmao. depend on if i like it. i just...can’t give myself to things i’m not 100% about, ya know. 

it’s why i left sp/okane. 

i really liked it and last summer was such a lovely time with L and N being in my life and climbing and just hanging with M and the fam, but times were going to start changin’, and i didn’t feel tethered to that place anymore. i felt like i had learned and earned my growth. 

i also felt like i had things to do and fix with my family here in san an, but i’ve come to figure out that while i may love them...i can’t “fix” the things that i thought i could. overall, the greatest surprise is the love and warmth i feel for my dad that i haven’t felt in years, and just the ease i feel when i’m around him. 

for YEARS i felt on edge when i was in a room with him--for reasons i didn’t even know!!! all i knew was that he hurt my mom and broke my family...but honestly, the whole story is probably kinder to his side of things because my mom...god love her, but she’s. she’s...prideful and stubborn, i guess is one way to put it. which is why our relationship is not the same and why she keeps hurting me with her words and perception of me.  

the kids are teens now and...with that comes all the moody new qualities of teens, lol, so they’re not as keen to hang out with their weird auntie anymore, but i’ve discovered new love for hanging out with my big sis, and i love that for us. 

anyway, back to this new job. yeah. i just can’t fathom sticking to something i’m not all about--which might be unhealthy, lmao. at some point i’m going to have to “settle” into something. a job. a relationship. a city. maybe? or maybe not. maybe i can continue to flutter around and get what i want to get out of things and move on. i dunno. i just dunno. 

tbh, i’m done with san an. i thought i’d stay at least until the kids are out of high school, teach resource, and figure out what path i wanted to go down for grad school in the meantime, but this job was me grasping at this life here. like, i love living my brother, but he’s only here for another year. i’ll probably find a place with alex next year (that was an option this year and we looked for a bit) and i love getting to have her as a best friend. i love having lilz close by (even if i haven’t seen her in months!). 

but, nothing feels right, and i knew that when i started getting serious about this job and knowing this is a multi-year commitment, and again, this is an invaluable experience for all the different avenues i debate between (career wise) and it’s a step in the right direction...especially with schools down and i can’t go back to subbing until i find the campus/open position i like. there’s no guarantee with the pandemic. that being said, if a vaccine is quickly available and schools open up safely and things go back to normal...maybe i’d switch back...but tbh, i don’t think it looks good moving around so much.

this year (job wise) looks terrible on paper because i didn’t spend more than three months at any job, lol--though to be fair, i was committing myself to subbing before the pandemic hit. went on spring break though...and we never came back. 

i’m not trying to talk myself out of committing to this job and what it entails (despite...again...it being an utterly sober position) but this is just what i feel. 

it’s funny to see half my peers settle down with a career and marriage and babies, but i also love that i see plenty of people more on my side of the scale, and mostly i see people in between. i get the vibe that we’re, as a whole, more accepting of alternative lifestyles and crossing social barriers and being friends with people outside of our own norms. like, it’s not sad that some people don’t want kids! 

(actually, i’ve been thinking about that the older i get and i get really lonely thinking about how it’s kind of a small island to be one the people who don’t want bio kids, but *do* want to foster and adopt children--and it’s not a medical reason. it makes me lean toward wanting to find a female partner vs a man because i read and hear so much toxic shit from men about wanting their kids to come from their own seed, lmao. and i just don’t relate to child-free folks. i want kids! i just don’t want to birth them! like, at all! lol. i remember alex saying how every time she sleeps with a man, she imagines what their hypothetical baby would look like, and i just could not relate. i mean, i’ve only had 3 partners, but not once did that ever come up in my thoughts...except to think, if i get pregnant, i’m abor/ting.) 

i’d also be cool running a foster home for dogs (any kind! medically recovering, disabled, senior!). it’s what i dreamed about as a kid (lol on a ranch in seattle after retiring from the wnba). 

anyway, lil cup of joe has worm butt again :/ tapeworms so he’s going to get some meds on monday and get updated on shots as well. i love him so much. i cry thinking about him leaving me, but he’s a small dog so he probably has like 17 more years in him and THAT makes me cry because i’ll be in my 40s and he’ll be an old man and still my sweetest bean. 

--

oh

no

i’m putting in the comparison photos:

i said if you squint!!! rub a lil salt in your eye and then you will See what i mean. 

[newstfionline]

The painful truth about teeth

By Mary Jordan, Kevin Sullivan, Washington Post, May 13, 2017

SALISBURY, Md.--Two hours before sunrise, Dee Matello joined the line outside the Wicomico Civic Center, where hundreds of people in hoodies, heavy coats and wool blankets braced against a bitter wind.

Inside, reclining dental chairs were arrayed in neat rows across the arena’s vast floor. Days later, the venue would host Disney on Ice. On this Friday morning, dentists arriving from five states were getting ready to fix the teeth of the first 1,000 people in line.

Matello was No. 503. The small-business owner who supports President Trump had a cracked molar, no dental insurance and a nagging soreness that had forced her to chew on the right side of her mouth for years.

“It’s always bothering me,” she said. And although her toothache wasn’t why she voted for Trump, it was a constant reminder of one reason she did: the feeling that she had been abandoned, left struggling to meet basic needs in a country full of fantastically rich people.

As the distance between rich and poor grows in the United States, few consequences are so overlooked as the humiliating divide in dental care. High-end cosmetic dentistry is soaring, and better-off Americans spend well over $1 billion each year just to make their teeth a few shades whiter.

Millions of others rely on charity clinics and hospital emergency rooms to treat painful and neglected teeth. Unable to afford expensive root canals and crowns, many simply have them pulled. Nearly 1 in 5 Americans older than 65 do not have a single real tooth left.

Over two days at the civic center, volunteer dentists would pull 795 teeth. A remarkable number of patients held steady jobs--a forklift operator, a librarian, a postal worker--but said they had no dental insurance and not enough cash to pay for a dentist.

Matello had both problems, adding to her frustration about being cut off from a world that many wealthier Americans take for granted.

“The country is way too divided between well-off people and people struggling for everything--even to see the dentist,” she said. “And the worst part is, I don’t see a bridge to cross over to be one of those rich people.”

Matello voted for Barack Obama in 2008, thinking he offered the best option for working people, but she sat out the 2012 election. Last year, she rallied behind Trump after listening to him talk about “the forgotten men and women of our country, people who work hard but don’t have a voice.”

“I’m running to be their voice,” Trump said repeatedly.

What Matello heard was a promise “to restore pride to the working poor.”

A big part of that promise was Trump’s assurance that he would build a “beautiful” health-care system to serve every American, a system that would cost less and do more. But nearly four months into Trump’s presidency, Matello sees Trump backing a Republican health care plan that appears to leave low-income people and the elderly worse off.

“I am hearing about a number of people who will lose their coverage under the new plan,” Matello said. “Is Trump the wolf in grandma’s clothes? My husband and I are are now saying to each other: ‘Did we really vote for him?’”

Matello said she has no option but to keep hoping Trump will devise “a plan so we can all feel the benefits of a better economy.” But since he took office, Trump has focused on so many other things--most recently, his decision to fire the FBI director--that Matello has begun to wonder about his promises to the working class.

Straight, white teeth are associated with social success--just about everyone on TV or with a big job has them. People drop $2,000 per tooth on porcelain veneers to hide the smallest imperfections. Trump has unusually perfect, snow-white teeth, prompting numerous cosmetic dentists to publicly note that he seems to have had expensive work done.

“If I see someone with perfect teeth, I think, ‘Oh, man, they’re out of my league,’ “ Matello said. “Us poor people ‘status’ each other. We’re like, ‘Ah, dude, you don’t have any teeth!’ Or if you see someone with little jagged yellow stubs, you think, ‘Oh, man, you have lived here your whole life, haven’t you?’ “

“Here” is Maryland’s Eastern Shore, the poorest part of one of the country’s richest states. It’s a region famous for chicken farms: Perdue’s national headquarters is here in Salisbury, a town of 30,000. Matello lives 20 miles north, in Laurel, Del., near fields that sprout corn, watermelons and soybeans.

In these rural areas, even the water can work against people. Many homes, including Matello’s, rely on well water. Unlike water from public systems, well water is not fluoridated. Nationwide, 25 percent of Americans are not connected to a fluoridated water system, and therefore, are missing out on what the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention called one of the 10 great health advances of the 20th century.

“It’s all well water, no fluoride,” said Patricia Higgins, one of the dentists volunteering at the Salisbury clinic. “In these places, we see people with a different level of dental problems.”

George Acs, director of the dental department at Chesapeake Health Care, a clinic near Salisbury, said people with oral pain and infections are inundating hospitals. Last year, more than 2 million U.S. emergency room visits were attributed to neglected teeth.

“What I am seeing is absolutely horrifying,” said Acs, who recently testified about the problem before the Maryland state legislature.

Although those hospital visits cost an estimated $1.6 billion a year, the ER is generally not equipped to fix dental problems, Acs told lawmakers. So ER doctors just medicate people with “a perpetual cycle of antibiotics and opioids.”

That cycle is feeding a nationwide epidemic of opioid addiction. Meanwhile, Higgins said, Americans’ increasing reliance on all kinds of drugs is further ruining their teeth. Many drugs cause dry mouth, which leads to more cavities. When she started her practice 35 years ago, she said, people took far fewer prescription drugs. Now patients hand her computer printouts with long lists of them.

Matello’s problem wasn’t complicated: A molar shattered years ago. The 46-year-old mother of three had not seen a dentist in nine years. When parts of her tooth broke off, she knew fixing it could cost hundreds of dollars, and other bills were always more urgent.

Then she heard on TV that the nonprofit Mission of Mercy was coming to the Eastern Shore to host one of the free dental clinics that had drawn overnight crowds in Nebraska, North Carolina and other parts of the country. So she decided to take Friday off.

Matello and her husband own a small vending-machine business called DeeLicious, spending their days restocking 69 machines installed in factories, schools and office buildings. They offer granola bars and other healthful snacks, but Snickers sell best.

Life was easier before the recession hit in 2007. Her husband managed a furniture warehouse, making more than $70,000 a year, and she sold fishing boats, adding to their income. But then people stopped buying big-ticket sofas and boats, and they both lost their jobs.

So they started buying vending machines and earn about $47,000 a year. Matello said she doesn’t know if the country’s rich-poor divide is worse now, but it sure feels more “in your face.”

“I am just fed up with it,” she said. “I don’t do Facebook. It’s ‘I went on this trip’ or ‘I got this new thing.’ You know, I really don’t need to see how great you are doing. It puts me in a state of depression.”

She said people judge success based on what people wear or where they live, and she even catches herself doing it. Washington, for example, is just 150 miles west, but to Matello it feels a planet away, totally out of reach.

“It’s a beautiful city to drive through. But I could never live there. I wouldn’t fit in,” she said. “I don’t have the toys, the education, the money to live there. We have nothing in common. That divide is why you see lower income people rising up, being mad at affluent people.”

And teeth, she said, “are the telltale, visible sign of wealth.”

The Washington region has one of the greatest concentrations of dentists in the world, with many offering high-end services in offices that resemble luxury spas. More than 50 million Americans, by contrast, live in areas officially designated by the federal government as Dental Health Professional Shortage Areas. A great many of them are working poor.

“It’s completely skewed. You have the fewest dentists where the need is greatest,” Acs said. He recently sent a patient here with impacted wisdom teeth 120 miles to find a dental specialist who accepts Medicaid.

Louis Sullivan, a physician who was secretary of health and human services under President George H.W. Bush, said “broad systemic problems” block access to dentists.

First, new dentists often start out with significant debt, and they gravitate toward wealthy areas where they have a better shot at making money. The typical graduate from a four-year, post-collegiate dental school owes $260,000--more than the average medical student.

Then they set up solo practices, shouldering pricey overhead--equipment, office space, a receptionist--that accounts for much of a patient’s bill. While younger dentists are more likely to join groups that share costs, the century-old model of the solo practice has resisted change.

Then there’s the matter of payment. Teeth generally are treated separately from the rest of the body, a tradition that dates to dentistry’s origins as a specialty of barbers, who performed oral surgery and pulled teeth. Today, many public health officials view that division as a mistake. Poor oral health can lead to heart disease and other serious medical problems, and tooth loss can lead to depression and difficulty eating and speaking.

The separation extends to insurance. Even Medicare, the federal health program that covers 55 million seniors and disabled people, does not cover dental problems. For that, people must buy dental insurance, which typically limits annual benefits to about $1,500 per person--an amount that has barely budged in decades, even as costs have risen.

The price of employer-provided plans varies greatly, and can cost a family $500 a year or more, industry experts said. For those whose jobs don’t offer dental benefits, it can be even more expensive. So tens of millions go without: More than a third of American adults have no dental coverage, according to the ADA’s Health Policy Institute.

Children’s coverage has been improving. All states are required to provide dental benefits to children on Medicaid and the Children’s Health Insurance Program. Obama’s Affordable Care Act currently requires medical plans to offer dental care to those younger than 19. But that requirement--and the dental benefits of 5 million adults newly covered under the ACA--are jeopardized by the Trump-backed health overhaul now being debated in Congress.

Adults who are poor enough, and live in certain states, can get coverage through Medicaid, the state-federal health program for low-income Americans. But only about 38 percent of dentists accept Medicaid--about half the rate of physicians--in part because of low reimbursement rates. On average, Medicaid covers about 37 percent of the bill, according to a recent ADA analysis. Dentists who don’t accept Medicaid also complain of bureaucratic hassle and high rates of canceled appointments.

In a handful of states, Medicaid offers no dental coverage for adults. Delaware, where Matello lives, is one of them. Which is why, on a damp Friday morning, she found herself lining up with hundreds of other people with aching teeth.

At 9:44 a.m., five hours after arriving in Salisbury, Matello finally made it inside the civic center and began to warm up.

“What do you need done?” she asked an older veteran in a wheelchair.

“Need nine teeth pulled,” he said. “My wife works at Rite Aid, and we don’t have any insurance.”

A little after noon, Matello’s number was called. A volunteer took her temperature; she was running a slight fever but not high enough to stop treatment.

Two more hours. Finally, she was waved over to an X-ray machine under a basketball hoop.

Just as Matello expected to be called for her turn in the dentist’s chair, a volunteer announced in a loud voice: “Those up to number 500 will be seen today. The rest will have to come back tomorrow.”

“You have to be kidding!” yelled a frustrated woman behind Matello. “I have to do this all over again?”

Matello’s eyes filled with tears. She had been waiting 10 hours.

A volunteer gave her a wristband that would put her at the head of the line the next day. So she drove home in her 18-year-old Jeep, ate dinner chewing only on the right side yet again, and set her alarm.

By 7 a.m. the next day, she was finally in one of the reclining chairs, with a dentist pointing a bright light into her mouth.

Robert Testani, a volunteer dentist from Catonsville, Md., examined Matello and checked her X-ray before easing a syringe of novocaine into her mouth. He prepared to pull her broken molar.

“Don’t worry. This is routine,” he said. He paused and looked around. “Except for the setting.”

Over two days, 116 dentists treated 1,165 patients, providing $1 million worth of fillings and other care, according to the Mission of Mercy. Matello was grateful. She was told her panoramic X-ray and extraction would have cost $600 to $800 in a regular office.

She looked at some of the others who had come here, despite working for a living cutting down trees, building homes, minding a town library, running small businesses.

“We are not staying home, not sleeping and living off the government,” she said.

She wondered why there wasn’t a better system for people like her. She tried not to look at the 51-year-old truck driver lying next to her who had three teeth pulled, his mouth stuffed with bloody gauze.

“I am trying to think that this is not demeaning,” she said as she cleared the chair for the next person in line. “But it is. It’s like a Third World country.”

[maracamille]

The Letter (Pt. 1)

"I'm going to die Mara. It's cancer I just know it is." Dan was adamant that the letter I just read meant certain death. "All it says is that they found shadows on your lungs and want to do CT scans/MRI's to see what they could be. Doesn't mean cancer Love." I tried to think positive but my heart was aching. "I've seen this before Mara. When mom had it, when my friends had it. I KNOW this is cancer and I'm going to die. I'll not grow old with you. I won't see the kids grow into adults." Tears formed in his eyes and he shrunk some in stature. I hugged him and we both cried but put them away when our babies came into the living room. That would be the first of many tears we shed together as this horror known as cancer took over our lives. A month after that letter came he had CT and MRI scans done. This was around April/May but we didn't receive confirmation of anything until July. Meanwhile, jobs were still scarce and we still had to use assistance to survive. Knowing we couldn't afford to keep the house we were renting, we let it go. Again, we had to let pride go and packed up our belongings, stored them, and moved in with my mother for a few weeks until we could arrange other things. Our kids were thrilled hanging with Grandma as we hadn't been able to do it much and it would be a long time before we could do it again. While at mom's Dan went to California to have a lung biopsy done. We made arrangements with a helping program in our state to get help renting a small 2 bedroom apartment. It is a wonderful program that helps many struggling families like ours and many in the community helped us make sure we had sweet holidays to give our kids. Dan applied and got disability and things were looking up a bit when it came to feeling like we were on solid ground again. During this time of transitions the final word came down from the VA doctors. He did not have lung cancer as they feared, the shadows in his lungs were tumors called Sarcoidosis. However, the scans happened to catch a piece of his liver and there is where they found the cancer. It wasn't liver cancer though, it had come from somewhere else and set up shop there. This became known as stage 4 cancer of unknown origin. He was already in the last stages, noone would give us straight answers as to how long he had, if anything could fight it, etc. Between my mom's home and the apartment we had to stay in a hotel for a couple of months while the apartment was being found. Part of the program we'd signed up for. It was here that Dan began his chemo treatments. He had seen his mom suffer and die from cancer and he did not want to go through it. Many nights he cried in my arms about not being able to fight it, about losing his life, about not being with us into the golden years, and so on.This once strong, proud man became a helpless child in my arms and all I could do was hold him, kiss him, tell him I loved him, and hope beyond hope that a miracle would occur. We'd lost our home, our pride, our happiness, but we hadn't lost each other...yet. <<TBC>>

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 12:02 am dark/cold/Pinky and the Brain

Welcome to “8 Questions with…..”

  I have been Twitter friends with our next guest,Dr. Evil for a quite a while now. Oh,did I say “Dr. Evil”,I meant Dr. Discord….seems that Dr. Evil went to a convention and discovered that a lot of copy cats had taken his name. Instead of unleashing his minions and hiring the cheetah to reclaim his title,he simply changed his name to Dr. Discord. A few months ago,the cheetah and I were guests on Dr. Discord podcast,”A Necessary Evil” and had a great time. In fact I loved it so much that I tapped into my former life and started to book a few folks on his show,I’m hoping to one day become a minion.   Kenny’s family is his pride and joy,whenever he mentions them,you can feel the love and devotion he has for them all. In fact his wife has been known to plan some good evil doings in her own right. Just think of them as the anti-Incredibles with a lot less monologuing.   The one thing I really love about Kenny is that he stays in character,he really is Dr. Discord and having discussions with him is quite a hoot. He is a very generous host,a hell of a editor and smart as a whip. His podcast is gaining some serious steam in terms of listenership and guests,during this COVID-19 lockdown,the cheetah and I urge you to check the good Doctor and learn to embrace your inner evil….links down below. But for now,lets go quiet as Dr. Discord answers his 8 Questions…….

        Please introduce yourself and tell us a little of your background.

  Hello, I’m Kenny Ketchens, although most people probably know me as my villainous alter ego , Dr. Discord.  I’m a proud father of 5 minions ranging in age from 24 down to 6. I’m a Data Analyst/RPA Developer for a 3rd party logistics company during the day and at night I educate the world on the finer points of being a villain.

 What was growing up in your home like? What are your three favorite memories growing up?

   Growing up we moved around a lot. I remember really enjoying how freeing it felt to be young and knowing ahead of time you’d be moving again soon. It really changes your perspective on things. I’d have to say all of my favorite memories growing up involve my father, whether it was helping him work on cars, or watching him make things from wood. It seemed like there wasn’t anything he didn’t know how to do and it inspired me to learn all I could and try to replicate that for my children. He always told me growing up to learn to do as much for yourself as possible. We’re human, specialization is for insects.

 How old were you when you became a fanboy and what were your three favorite comic books to collect and why?

  I was in my early teens when I got ahold of my first Comic, Green Lantern. I was hooked from then on. What could be more awesome than a power that would let you manifest whatever you could imagine into reality! Hal Jordan is the epitome of a hero in my eyes. Green Lantern led me to the Justice League which led me to Batman and by far the best assortment of villains in any fandom. I could really empathize with the likes of Joker, Penguin, and Riddler. They were just ordinary people that life happened to and made choices and stuck to their decisions. It really stuck with me that odds were that I could more easily become the Riddler than a member of the Green Lantern Corp.

 Why is evil necessary in today’s world?

   As cliche as it is to say, evil serves as a means to highlight the good. If nothing bad ever happened to you, would you ever really realize how good you had it? We need those lows to appreciate the highs, dark to notice the light, and so on. Our perception in general is based on comparing things to other things. So in a sense we’ll always need evil.

 Who are your three most iconic villains ever?

The Joker especially the Heath Ledger Version of The Joker in the Dark Knight. Such a powerful and Iconic Character.

Dolores Umbridge From Harry Potter, I think we all know someone similar in our own lives who lets the power they have go to the head.

Anton Chigurh from No Country for Old Men. Having your fate decided on a coin flip is such a terrifying concept for me. No chance for bartering or pleading, just chance.

How did you get into podcasting?

   Great question!!! Minion #5 my 9 year old wanted to be a youtuber. So being the supportive father I set up a channel and showed him how to make videos. It was his idea so I wanted him to be in control. I didn’t want to do it for him. He quickly decided it was too much work to make the kind of videos he enjoyed watching. As we were driving in the car I was listening to a podcast and he remarked that we could do that instead. He said it had to be easier since it was just sound and I probably already had stuff for it from being a musician in my younger days. He came up with the idea that we would talk about bad guys. They were an underrepresented group in his opinion. The first iteration of the show we mainly talked origin stories, powers cool story arcs of comic book villains and then it gradually turned into what it is today a resource for creative people to flesh out their villains more and a way for people to embrace that villainous side that we all have.

 What do you look for in a topic or in a guest besides their being somewhat evil?

  I mainly look for an opportunity to explore something from a different perspective. One of my favorite episodes started on the premise of common themes of the supernatural in pop music and ended up in discussion of why vampires are mostly portrayed as sexy and not werewolves or other supernatural creatures. Often I have writers come on and give their advice on handling antagonists and I get to learn something at the same time the listeners do. It’s just about having fun and maybe learning something new at the end of the day.

 What three guests have impressed you the most and why?

   I am in awe of the prowess that Jabe Stafford has when it comes to writing villains. He has the best tips and tricks to getting the most out of your villains.Danny Decellis came on the show to talk about Villains in Medieval Literature, I was expecting monsters like Grendel and such but I was surprised to find out it was more long the lines of people with low morals. Cowards, traitors and the like. Ami Mercury is another favorite, She came on to talk about morals in relation to professions. I learned a lot from her. They were all wonderful to talk with and I hope they came back on the show again at some point.

 Can you walk us through on what goes into making a episode of your show,the nuts and bolts of it?

  For the majority it’s as simple as sitting in my chair, hitting record and rambling. Then cutting out bits that veer off and don’t go anywhere or that don’t fit the topic. Some have some research like I did an episode on villain trends in movies of the last 50 years. So I had to look up data from a lot of movies and compile the data and see what trends began to emerge. For interviews I try to just keep it casual and informal, more conversational than just Q&A and I feel it serves me well. It’s a lot of just winging it. I like to fly by the seat of my pants and see where I end up.

How do you define “evil”?

   Evil is quite a subjective term and the standard definition of being amoral doesn’t help much either. From my perspective evil is selfish. Doing things for yourself. Looking at things from this perspective shines an entirely different light on lots of things. People giving to charity just to boast about it on Social Media, Evil. Youtubers adopting disabled pets for likes and subscriptions, EVIL. Setting your kid down in front of a tablet so you can get things done or peace and quiet, EEEVVVVIIILLLL!

 If you could interview anyone,fiction or non-fiction…who would they be and why?

   Jensen Ackles because my wife absolutely adores him and I’d let her listen while I was recording but cut her mic so she couldn’t talk so i could gloat about interviewing him forever! How’s that for evil!

 The cheetah and I are flying over to watch your latest film but we are a day early and now you are playing tour guide,what are we doing? 

First, We are hitting the Amish Deli and getting fresh Sasparillas,  then we are heading to Gettysburg and taking a quick tour of the battleground. Perhaps even a Ghost Tour if you’re up for it. As the sun sets it’s dinner time at the Copper Kettle if your in the mood for something fancy or the Flamingo if you’re in the mood for a burger.

  I like to thank Kenny for taking time off his plans to conquer the world and talking with us. I’m including a recent episode of his podcast which Dr. Discord chatted with film director Brendan Steere and producer Jesse Gouldsbury of the kick ass film “The VelociPastor”. Plus there are 88 more top of the line episodes to listen to as well. You can find the website for “A Necessary Evil” here.

You can follow Dr. Discord on Twitter.

If you’re new to the blog,you can catch up on the “8 Questions with……” interviews by going here.  Feel free to leave a comment.

      8 Questions with……… Dr. Discord of “A Necessary Evil” Podcast Its 12:02 am dark/cold/Pinky and the Brain Welcome to "8 Questions with....."   I have been Twitter friends with our next guest,Dr.

[kingstonjael]

SCENE 1: It was in this rare moment that I began to find myself. My very last day in San Francisco, my friend, Alexandria, and I sat down for what would be an unexpectedly life changing moment for me. It was pouring down rain in San Fran and with her baby bump in toe, Alexandria suggested we find shelter in a local mall. I have mall anxiety and hate shopping, so I was hesitant at first. But not wanting Alex to be stuck on a wet trolley all day, I agreed to go to the mall. We sat down for hours…just talking as children played around us. ‘No anxiety here,’ I thought. Just children playing on a small replica of the Golden Gate Bridge and on a life size chess board. Strange place to begin this journey. Strange place indeed. Out of nowhere, I opened up to Alex in a way I rarely open up to others. She is 4 months pregnant and is so excited about her little girl’s arrival. 😍 Also, happily married, Alex seemed to have it all easily… That’s when she told me a little bit about her life story (which I shall keep private because this is really my journey and I’m okay with exposing my steps in it). Bottom line is…nothing came easily to Alex. I had had other friends with similar stories but something about the way Alex spoke gave me hope. It’s like she understood something about me that everyone else, including myself, had missed. Her advice to me was that if I was avoiding being married with children because I honestly do not want those things…then that’s my right to live my truth. BUT if I was avoiding these things because of fear of being the selfish narcissistic wife and mother that I found my mother AND every other woman in my family to be….I am now using the negative (what I like to call a generational curse) to block every blessing in store for me! 🙌🏽 Whoa! 😳According to Alex, if a woman notices a negative pattern in her family, acknowledges it, and actively lays the bricks to be a better person…there should be no fear in her heart of being a bad wife and mother! Eureka! 🙌🏽 Alex wasn’t selling me the VERY TIRED motto that marriage and family are the keys to happiness, like some of my other friends were! Instead, she was saying that whatever my truth is…it should be MY truth! If I honestly do not want a family or a lifelong partner then I must live in my truth. But if I am dodging true commitment and love for fear of being like most women in my family…that is not living my truth. Even more amazingly, Alex pointed out that from the jump I’ve already set out to be different from my mother and I AM DIFFERENT! I have had many people tell me this, including Papa Michaels and my siblings, but something about Alex holding her baby bump with a fearless strength and pride…that made me feel like I could do it! 🙌🏽 My sister, Brenda, always says that she has no fear of going down the same path as other women in our family. I, unbeknownst to me, have been terrified for the last 30 years! Terrified and emotionally frozen! What Alex unlocked for me that no one else could is she didn’t sell me her current truth…she encouraged me to find my own! There was no “I cannot wait until you get pregnant or I cannot wait for you to get married!” These phrases hurt me more than others will know when family and friends say it! 😭 We all deal with our family pathologies (as Iyanla Vanzant would call it) in different ways. For those of us with a rough family upbringing, the answer to our happiness is different. Selling me on marriage and children wasn’t the way to do it (though I know some people meant well) but encouraging me to find my own truth was a better way! And so I left a powerfully strong Alexandria and the city of San Francisco a little wiser. 💜 SCENE2: On my flight home, I took a good nap. When I awoke, I found out that I could watch the movie “Finding Dory” for free! This movie has a huge significance for me. The very first date the Ex Factor and I had was the animated movie “Shrek Forever After” in summer 2010. Going to the movies has always been his thing but because he loved it so much…he got me to love it. Generally, he chooses 98% of what we watch but there are a few times I make a request to see something. The Ex Factor definitely chooses better movies than me! Lol. However, we have both grown to love animated movies. 💕 Not to mention I loved “Finding Nemo!” 😍The week before “Finding Dory” came out, I asked the Ex Factor if we could go see it and he said yes. He never took me to see it and that hurt me. I know he’s been to the movies a million times in 2016 and he never invited me once. It’s like he forgot how important the little things are to me or even worse, no longer has the desire to make me happy. So finally seeing “Finding Dory” was an emotional journey for me. Even though I only got to see 90% of the movie (shout out to United Airlines for allowing me to be the very last passenger on my plane as I watched as much of “Finding Dory” as I could), this experience was also life changing. Through Dory, I was seeing the goodness that life has to offer even when we have flaws. Dory was so loving and forgiving that she changed so many around her! And the love her parents had for her…was overwhelmingly good…so much so I started to tear up. Dory’s parents set out to find her when they had been separated from her…and when they couldn’t…they waited in the same place they had faith Dory would remember to come back to…for years! So beautiful. I could feel their love. It may not make sense to you but all these things are connected. With my mother, the small things my dad did never counted for shit. Yet I love the small things in life. To the Ex Factor, I don’t need you to fly me across the country…I just needed you to hold my hands through the movie. As I told you back in June when we decided we wanted to work things out…the mistake you always make is thinking I don’t need you. Yes I’m independent and financially doing okay (by the grace of God) but what made me fall for you was your original need to be there for me in anyway you could. Please do not abandon that. I look and yearn for the small intimate things in life that only you would notice. That’s where my heart lies. 💕 To Alexandria, I thank you for showing me your strength and support. I learned so much from my visit with you. I am now on my journey of figuring out if wife and mother are something that I’ve secretly wanted but have been too fearful to embrace. To the movie “Finding Dory,” the type of love and support Dory’s parents showed her is what I aim to show my children…if ever I have or adopt children. Dory was an amazing daughter and friend. And as she ventured across country, the courage she displayed despite her disability is the kind of courage we should all face in life when lost! ~KJM on Flashback Friday. Won’t you continue on this journey with me as I aim to find Kingston? 💜💜💜