#Once again proving myself your best mutual

[clever-naming-convention]

Dr Sunday. Your welcome

If someone ever made me fanart I would cry

[transrightsyamaguchi]

blue lock fic rec list #1 (?)

i always liked when people made long masterlists of fic recs but i haven't seen anyone do it for blue lock yet. at least not recently. so in the spirit of Be The Change You Want To See In The World here's my list.

not in any particular order just going through my bookmarks lol.

sound of breaking down. chigiri-centric, 4k words, rated T.

“Is he dead?” “No, of course not.” A pause. “I hope not.” “Yo, Princess, are you alive in there?” The door rattles. OR Determined to prove himself, Chigiri disregards his health and deals with consequences. None of it is pretty. Set during the neo-Egoist league arc. it's a sickfic. it's a really good sickfic. it hits all the beats i like my sickfics to hit and then some. it's a genfic which is a major bonus. no romantic subplot just chigiri being vulnerable and getting taken care of. there's some sweet moments between him and chris prince that made me melt inside.

2. the rituals are intricate, bro. karasu/otoya, 2k words, rated E.

Otoya offers to groom the homie's wings. Things escalate in ways he did not expect. this is by one of my beloved mutuals but i'd still be recommending it even if it wasn't. great title. there's an "it's not gay with socks on" joke in there. there's the ever-present Otoya Eita Sexuality Crisis. the porn is less sexy and more funny (as tabieita deserves).

3. six facts about lobsters. bachira/isagi, 4k words, rated T.

What it says on the tin. (In fine print: six facts about you.) can't remember if ghost is on tumblr or not but this is another mutual fic. it's a take on the 5+1 format, tracking the bachisagi relationship through lobster facts. isagi's autism radiates through the text. it's so cute and so sweet and so very bachisagi essence. as expected of ao3 user smallghosts (<- the bachisagi essence writer)

4. counting crows on the windowsill. kaiser/ness, 18k words, rated M.

“How much,” you ask, “would you let me do to you?” The feeling of vibration on your fingers comes again, and he is thinking, or perhaps toying with you even more. Your grip tightens on his skin, and Alexis twitches slightly in the grasp. More than once have people told you to learn some patience. “You already know my answer.” “Doesn’t mean I don’t like hearing it in your own words.” Inhale, exhale, and they all fall onto your skin. There is a chill in the room—it is rising up your arms, your neck—but the whole of you is hot. “If it’s you, I’d let you do anything.” Seven snapshots of life through the eyes of Michael Kaiser. this is a longer one but if you have time and you want to feel some Emotions read this one. nskins contain such multitudes and this author understands them so well.

5. shidou-ctionary. shidou/sae, 4k words, rated T.

Contemporary linguists agree that achieving proficiency in a new language requires between six months and four years of study. Itoshi Sae knows better. He has anecdotal evidence to suggest that a person can become fluent in a new language in as little as one week. A week of Shidou Ryuusei's attempts to ask Itoshi Sae on a date: a story in emojis. yet another mutual fic. i can't help it that my mutuals are all extremely talented and correct about everything. it's got some experimental formatting going on and (in my opinion) it looks best on desktop. ft. shidou being shidou and sae being smitten (in the emotionally constipated way that sae is smitten with shidou)

6. puppy love. kurona/kiyora, 9k words, rated G.

Jin doesn’t fight the small smile forming on his face. It’s been a long time since he meshed well with anyone. People tend to avoid him; he avoids them in turn. He stopped caring (or so he had told himself), but he doesn’t hate the weight around his shoulders—doesn’t mind it at all, really. He wraps his hand around Ranze’s wrist, and he laughs along with him. Kiyora Jin has a number of problems. A growing crush on Kurona Ranze is not supposed to be one of them. this was the inaugural fic in the ranjin tag and. not to pat myself on the back or anything. but i beta-read it hehe. another mutual fic. kiyora jin character study before kiyora jin was even a character, with an adorable little romantic subplot. somewhat negated by the Recent Developments in canon but it's still good!!

7. pink light. shidou/sae, 19k words, rated E.

Fifteen years ago, Shidou took a pass from Sae that shattered his knee and ended his career, and Sae hasn't been able to speak to him since - and Sae wants it to stay that way. Deserves for it to stay that way. Unfortunately, the world has other plans for him, courtesy of a little art studio a five minute walk from his new post-retirement apartment. this is not a mutual fic but i'm trying to change that. it's post-canon ryusae ft. cane user shidou (!!) and emotionally constipated sae learning how to live without soccer. not quite old man yaoi but it has the spirit of it.

8. year one. snuffy & lorenzo centric, 3k words, rated T.

"When's your birthday?" Snuffy asks him carefully, moving on to the next field. "Today," Don answers immediately. "Really?" Snuffy looks at him suspiciously. "No," Don replies without hesitation, turning back to a poster describing professional tooth brushing. Snuffy tries not to look at the tense faces of the receptionist and the surgeon peering out of the room. Snuffy's first year of parenthood. what is it about snuffy & lorenzo fics that just hit so different. i swear everyone who writes for them is a genius. this fic is short snapshots of snuffy and lorenzo navigating their newly-formed parent-child relationship and it's heartwrenching and heartwarming and poignant. this writer has a few snuffy & lorenzo fics and they're all wonderful. (she's also on tumblr and writes in-depth lorenzo meta so you Know she understands him)

9. pov: you just want the world to be quiet. itoshi brothers, 4k words, rated T.

his big brother and football have become the only hope to which rin can cling to dream of better days. without them, he only and just remains that little six-year-old boy destroyed by the senseless atrocities of evil hands. hesitated to include this one because the tags are scary but fuck it we ball i do what i want. it's a rewrite of rin's backstory with a darker spin on it and it follows rin and sae's relationship through that lens. as par for the course with pre-canon itoshi studies, it does not end happily. it's incredibly well-done and it will give you Feelings. (this is one of those cases where the author drops a life-changing bombshell of a fic on you and then you go to their profile and there's no bio. there's no public bookmarks. this is their only blue lock fic. they haven't posted anything in a year. who are they)

10. peak male living space. kunigami/chigiri, 3k words, rated E.

Raichi and Kunigami had met at university; playing on the football team, sharing many lectures, and living through the shitshow that was university halls together. It seemed only natural that they’d move in together, and it had been great for the past few of years… Until Kunigami’s new boyfriend asked why he never invited him over to his place, and he was forced to deal with the realisation that he and Raichi have the most boyish disaster of a flat. part of a series but it can stand alone. t4t kunigiri smut. kunigami and raichi are disaster roommates and bachisagi play wingmen. lionel messi makes a cameo in the form of a cardboard cutout. all the kunigiri fics in this series are good but this fic in particular is just so funny.

if you notice any ships or characters Conspicuously Absent it's because they were positively dominating this list at first so i'm planning to make a separate list for only them hehe

there are many more fics that made my soul ascend from my body so i might make another of these

[yanderes-galore]

Surprised to see no N'tho 'Sraom concept yet! Might as well go ahead and request it myself right now~

I actually didn't know him so I had to once again utilize the wiki to help me out ^^ Hope you enjoy this regardless! Not fully proofread, may have mistakes!

Yandere! N'tho 'Sraom Concept

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Possessive behavior, Yandere alien, Manipulation, Invasion of privacy, Violence (Mentions of war), Forced/Dubious relationship/companionship.

According to what I read, N'tho was originally the youngest Sangheili in a Covenant Special Operations branch.

He outperformed many of his fellow Sangheili in the group.

Later, during The Great Schism, he joined forces with Thel and Rtas against The Prophet of Truth.

He developed a high respect for humanity and was a human sympathizer.

He then became part of The Swords of Sangheilios after the Human-Covenant War with Thel.

He is very dedicated to old Sangheili ways.

He understands and respects human's audacity and resolve.

He actively participated in missions under Thel's command.

N'tho may be close to either a human or Sangheili who fought beside him during the end of the Human-Covenant war.

This way, regardless on which species you choose, you have time to prove yourself to N'tho.

Most Sangheili gain respect for others based on their combat prowess.

I'll try to keep this general but I am biased to human darlings....

N'tho's obsession starts with a mutual respect between you.

He is a young member of his kind but can see a good fighter when he sees one.

Regardless on your species... he respects you and considers you an ally and companion.

Even after the war he still remembers you fondly.

Perhaps if you're a Sangheili you are also a part of The Swords of Sangheilios.

Or, if you were a human, you're one of those new marine turned spartan types.

N'tho hopes you are respected for your skills in combat situations and wishes you the best.

His obsession slowly develops as he's away from you.

You two are stationed away from one another and N'tho finds himself thinking back on how well you fought.

N'tho canonically has not married or taken any sort of partner

So his obsession could just be a close bond or something more romantic.

He certainly is fond of you for your abilities.

Both in strategy, leadership, and overall combat knowledge.

He finds these traits desirable in both an ally and partner.

As a result N'tho may try to sneakily find information on you to meet you.

Surely he can get permission from Thel to meet with you, perhaps even for a future mission due to how well you are in combat.

He may even get away with it as you are a good asset.

Having an extra Sangheili/Human warrior can aid in missions.

It's even better if just by chance N'tho works with Thel and a human group, just to find you.

As with most Sangheili yanderes I write, N'tho grows possessive of you when he sees you again.

When he first met you he was a Sangheili Minor, a young Sangheili with barely any rank.

But now he's something much more, isn't he?

Surely you find this... appealing?

In a way you can tell he's trying to impress you.

He's a higher rank now, he even is able to command a ship as Shipmaster.

Due to his higher rank, N'tho may even recruit you on his ship.

Naturally he wants to keep you close, what better way to do that than by recruiting you?

Eventually N'tho's obsession makes you his second in command.

He keeps all other troops under his command away from you.

His possessive behavior leaks out at times, resulting in subtle threats towards some forces.

He holds back on outright violence... but he has his limits.

If he just sees you as an ally or friend... his obsession stops at that.

If not... then he tries to court you.

After all... he's improved so much from when you first met.

Aren't you impressed?

Maybe you should give him a chance...

As two warriors, you'll be perfect together!

If not... well... N'tho is persistent and loyal.

One way or another you two share a warrior's bond with one another...

He plans to preserve that connection and keep it all to himself....

[booksandpaperss]

kind of obsessed with the fact you've slowly gotten more blatant with heartstopper hate lmfao😭 it's like. fine to me it's cute but NOTHING SERIOUS IS EVER GOING ON so I gotta be in a really specific mood for it I still haven't watched s2. definitely couldn't be a fixation. and everyone fucking loves it it's the best thing since sliced bread and I'm like. why tho. and then any critique of it is sorta dumbed down to "oh you just don't like how sweet it is but teenagers deserve sweet romance" like ok but why's it gotta be boring though. and too healthy like beyond normal levels of healthy. like this is missing even the usual human levels of miscommunication. and it gets resolved too easy. sorry this was supposed to cut off 4 sentences ago I'm realizing now in your inbox that I apparently have beef with heartstopper

LKSSJJSJS LISTEN listen. I don’t even hate it. truly. I even genuinely enjoyed myself during the nick and Charlie parts bc that’s the part that thought is actually put into. I just hate how much everyone loves it so blindly

honestly my biggest beef with it is that it’s marketed and treated as the most genuine and diverse groundbreaking queer storyline there is when that’s literally so far from true and it really really shows ppls true colors when they think this bc the sapphics and POC are literal props it’s actually absurd for a show that’s supposed to be a safe space for queer ppl

and god do I hate that part of the reason it’s so popular is bc it portrays these queer teenagers as never having a single, physical thought in their entire life. there was this whole plot centered around one single hickey that Charlie had??? and something abt the physical attraction portion of it all, which they did try to show btw, felt disingenuous to me. and I know that’s why it’s so palatable to a mainstream audience and it pisses me off and again it just doesn’t feel genuine. which is ironically one of the main arguments against heartstopper criticism: “it’s not cringe it’s just earnest” when yeah maybe it’s Trying to be earnest but when u look at it from more than a surface level lens it’s not rlly succeeding

and I know the aroace storyline in season 2 with Isaac resonated with a lot of people and I think that’s wonderful, and I actually do think that was something that was done well, but how can you have a storyline around asexuality when you don’t show the contrast in how it is being an allosexual queer person. there was a whole lot of romantic attraction going on but even more tip toeing around the sexual attraction aspect. and I don’t expect it to be like sex education for example in terms of the focus on sex obv , but the lack of acknowledgment of that aspect of the queer experience paired with how much the uwu wholesomeness of it all is played up rlly rubs me the wrong way. once again: it feels dishonest

I was actually talking about this with one of my mutuals the other day and they pointed out that it is very plain that alice olseman did not consult a single queer man in the writers room. and if someone can prove this wrong be my guest but I rlly don’t think the whole physical attraction component would have been done so badly had an actual queer man been on the team. feels kind of like back in summer 2022 when byler shippers would literally shun and harass anyone who even implied that Will’s feelings for Mike probably included physical attraction meanwhile Noah Schnapp himself was making jokes about it bc he’s an actual gay teenager.

not gonna even get into right now how Tara and darcy felt even more like props this season than in the last one and I didn’t even like watching their scenes bc the writing itself felt performative. that’s a whole other post.

and man, wouldn’t it have been so nice if there had actually been people of color in that writers room. On a purely surface level heartstopper has a very diverse cast but once again, peel away even one layer and you realize it’s a bunch of tokenism, which brings me full circle back to my original point: you can’t say it’s peak representation and diversity when it’s whitewashed as hell and doesn’t gaf abt sapphics despite literally being written by one. guess she chose her whiteness over her queerness even when writing a queer story which wowwww sooooo original.

okayyyy anyways did NOT mean to write a whole essay but u discovering ur own beef reminded me of mine lmaooo

all of this was to say that basically I’m not gonna pretend I didn’t enjoy myself during parts of the show, and I don’t wanna shame ppl for liking it that is not at all what I’m trying to do here, it has its own place in queer media and if a show like this came out in like 2010 it would be groundbreaking despite its issues (but again it’s literally 2023 do fucking better) , but I take issue with people treating it like something it’s not and with the amount of love it gets I feel like I have to be really loud about my criticism of it, especially bc usually the criticism of the show that gets any attention isn’t even slandering it for the right reasons and like. if ur gonna hate on something queer and popular do it right

oh and heartstopper writers? maybe try speaking with an actual teenager once in your life before writing their dialogue they do not fucking communicate that well

okay I’m done now finally 🫡

[annasinterests]

don't look at me like that unless you mean it

my love is strong enough ♫ to last when things are rough

|| series masterlist || main masterlist ||

a/n: i winded up scrapping a lot of what i had originally written so i apologize 4 tha delay!!! and it may or may not have taken a little bit longer due to mental health stuff so i tried to prioritize that so i can put in my best work possible w/o burning myself out :)

word count: 3.2k

pairings: joel miller x f!reader

warnings & tags: minors dni, angst?? (rlly have no clue but just bein safe outchere), pining (mutual :P), swearing (literally like 3 words), themes of grief, reader is so smitten for joel, kinda fluffy — please tell me if i missed anything!

The two of you walked through the streets of Jackson, the crunch of snow beneath your boots echoing with each step.

Though you preferred pretty much any other season, you still appreciated the town in its winter beauty, admiring the pristine layers of untouched white on the roofs and lights strung that lit up every inch of the settlement. Even the holiday decorations that were thoughtfully placed throughout the town square added a special touch.

The bitter cold nipped at your cheeks, making you readjust your scarf every few minutes. Your hands were tightly tucked into the pockets of your sherpa-lined winter coat as Ellie had been in such a rush to find Joel that you hadn't grabbed gloves.

You passed fellow neighbors and residents while strolling through, asking if they'd seen Joel, and quickly pushing on when they said no. You could see Ellie's eagerness in your peripheral as she scanned over her shoulders every few minutes, hoping to catch a glimpse of him somewhere.

The Tipsy Bison proved fruitless, as did the dining hall and stables. Options were dwindling, and yet you knew he couldn’t have been far. He was a man of few connections, valuing the presence of only a select few: you, Ellie, and-

Tommy.

Without a word, you pulled Ellie's hand in the direction of your last good guess, and whispered a praise under your breath when you saw that the lights had still been on in his house. Ellie trailed behind you, hiding behind your frame as you walked up and knocked on the door.

To your relief, it had swung open on the third knock with the younger Miller on the other side. Before you could even say anything, you saw him over Tommy’s shoulder, sitting at his dining room table with his back turned towards the door. His head rested in his hand, and you imagined a cup of coffee in front of his hunched figure. When your eyes fell back to Tommy, he had already connected the dots and gave a sympathetic smile as he stepped back to allow you in.

The new footsteps had caught Joel's attention, causing him to rise out of his seat and face the new presence in the room, but his feet became stuck to the floor once he saw you and Ellie. His mouth opened and shut, unsure of what to say– if to say anything at all– while nervously glancing between you three.

"Tommy,” Ellie’s tiny voice surprised you and the two men, “I'd really like if Joel could come home."

His hand instinctively went for her shoulder in a comforting gesture, his tone calm and heartening, “Yeah! Yes– Of course.”

He looked at Joel with a concerned look, “I should be puttin’ you on night duty for the next two weeks for makin’ them suffer out in the cold like that!” Tommy shot you a knowing wink before engulfing Joel with a brotherly hug, mumbling something along the lines of just fuckin’ with you and clapping him on the back.

He opened the door as Joel approached your side with his hands shoved into his pockets. Your eyes met his briefly, but the moment seemed to last more than that. In it was a familiar exchange that’d been played out time and time again, an expectation– Oh. It’s you. But it’s always you, isn’t it? – and an undercurrent of something more.

It was in the way his features softened and his body unwinded, in that you could almost feel the stress leaving his shoulders. That when he looked at you, even for half a second, that’s all he was seeing.

And there you were, falling for those eyes that held such a gentle power and the capability to tug at your heart.

A shy smile appeared at the corner of your mouth and you fixed your eyes on Ellie as you patted her back on the way out, but she stopped and faced Tommy.

"Oh, and–uh, I'm sorry about earlier."

He waved it off, "Seth's a dick. Honestly, I was kinda hoping you would've punched hi-"

His words were cut off by your hand smacking him in the chest, making him wheeze and causing Ellie to laugh. And although you couldn't see it, Joel's lips curled up ever so slightly. You ushered her out the door and wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulder, pulling her close to embrace the cold once again, but this time with Joel following behind– his small smile unwavering on the walk home.

You’d given them privacy to talk about everything in the solitude of Ellie’s space, bidding them a hopeful nod before retreating inside, surely convinced that your ass had been frozen off.

In going to your room to change, you stopped in the doorway of Joel’s room, lingering although you had no real reason to.

You’d walked by it thousands of times, it wasn’t anything new. You lived together, for god's sake, of course you knew what it looked like. You knew he had a woodwork studio in the corner of his room where he’d get lost for hours if he didn’t have anything else to do. He had a designated reading chair in a nook by the double windows with an absurdly large wooden plaque carved into the unmistakable shape of Texas hung above it. He displayed several finished guitar products next to his large collection of vinyls and a turntable, which you’d teased him plenty of times for his certified-old-man taste in music, though secretly you liked but would never give him the satisfaction of knowing.

But it felt different without him actually being in it.

With the door open and the hallway light casting your shadow inwards, it was like an invitation. You stood in contemplation, then silently padded forward with light and reverent steps.

Although the main source of light being the moon peeking through the windows, you could still see that everything was well-kept and organized, not that you expected anything else.

Dust and wood shavings collected on the pads of your fingers as they glided across the surface of his workbench, brushing them off with a flick of your thumb. He’d never expressed any interest in this particular hobby back in Boston, and you wondered if it had been something repressed from a previous life or if he picked it up once you officially moved to Jackson for good. Either way, there was something about it that made you feel soft; seeing how each animal sculpture was brought to life through his passion and skill, each one intricately crafted and painted with a love and dedication.

With the utmost care, you reached out and traced the smooth curves of his latest sculpture, a cowboy astride a bucking horse. You grinned as you noticed books and torn-out pages taped to the window that served as his references, finding it ridiculously cute with how serious he took the craft. Around the bench were other works too, mainly hollowed guitar frames and necks that were begging to be assembled, strung, and played.

Pivoting on your heel, you moved on to his records. Your fingers danced through them, testing your ability to name each artist and album without having to look for it.

Ultimate Waylon Jennings.. Vitalogy by Pearl Jam.. Boston.. and– what’s this?

A polaroid stuck out from its spot nestled in the sleeve of a Todd Rundgren album. You furrowed your eyebrows in a mix of curiosity and surprise, tugging it out halfway before stopping–

Don’t. You’re already supposed to not be in here. Leave it.

With a quick glance, you noticed a figure sitting on a chair from the knees down, which was undeniably Joel from the boots, but everything else in the frame wasn’t familiar to you. Your finger pinched the film frame with words written on it.

cause’ i saw the light

in your eyes

You pushed the photo back into its rightful place while simultaneously pushing the simple yet clearly adoring words to the farthest corner of your brain.

Why was that written? Did he write it or did someone else? Oh, God. Is there someone? Was there someone? What if-

You sighed deeply as if to reset your brain from your runaway train of thoughts and slight jealousy. That’s what you get for being nosy; hurt feelings.

As you turned to leave, a glare reflecting off his dresser caught your eye, compelling you to do a double-take and draw you closer. The moonlight had bounced off two picture frames that depicted two precious moments.

The first showed a part of Joel’s life that had been taken from him without warning. It was of him and Sarah at one of her soccer games, where she proudly showcased an award in her hand and a beaming smile on her face. Joel’s arm was thrown around her shoulder, sharing an equally big smile. He looked so young. Happy. Proud. You recognized the watch on his wrist– the same one he wore now, but with a shattered face. A feeling of sorrow panged in your chest at the bittersweet reminder of the daughter he had lost.

The second had been captured by you. It had been him and a young Ellie at the stables during your early days in Jackson. They stood side by side, admiring one of the horses. Ellie held her hand out as if to wait for the horse’s trust to be touched by her, while Joel watched with relaxed expression. He looked older, but in a sense of maturity. His features were more rugged, and his hair laced with definitive grays, but he still looked happy. At peace, even.

Both acted as a juxtaposition, a duality of his existence– a love that had been taken away, and a love that remained. But more than that, they served as evidence of his capacity to love, something he feared to do for a long time, and that his role of being a father rose above all else.

With the back of your knuckle, you gently brushed each frame, whispering your respects for the little soul who went too soon, assuring her that not a day went by that she wasn’t being remembered by him.

In your room, you changed into a thermal and sweatpants, one of your most trusted combinations during the colder months, and relished in how the baggy clothes gave you warmth. Your gaze drifted towards the window as a subtle curiosity tugged at your thoughts, overlooking the converted garage where Joel and Ellie had been. Leaning against the windowpane, you could make out silhouettes of their bodies from the warm glow emanating within.

You let out a soft sigh as you watched, wondering how things were going down there. Had she taken points from your own emotional session into theirs, or had she chosen a different route to go down with him? Did he speak more of his thoughts, or listen intently as she voiced hers? Lost in the endless questions, you turned away to embrace the quiet solitude of your room.

From where you were, all you could do was hope for the best.

The first rays of dawn painted the kitchen with a soft, golden hue and melted away at the frost on the windows.

You had a love-hate relationship with waking up early. After so long, your body no longer possessed the ability to sleep in anymore. Sure, it was nice to have a head-start to the day, but sometimes you really just wanted to wrap up in bed and force yourself to steal a couple more hours of rest.

On the bright side, though, most mornings gave you time with Joel, who you expected to join you any minute now.

You set two kettles on the stovetop; one for your tea and the other for Joel’s coffee. Normally, you’d just make a pot for the both of you.

A tin box of jasmine tea had been dropped at your doorstep with a note from Lottie, one of the leaders in charge of the farming and agriculture in Jackson, about a month and a half ago after you insisted on taking care of the livestock after her husband, Pat, threw his back out.

You welcomed the warmth of the steam from the boiling water as you poured it into your mug, bobbing the teabag and stirring every few minutes. In waiting for it to steep and cool, you finished brewing the coffee, filling up the dripper and watching drops fall into the glass carafe in steady intervals.

As if on cue, Joel sauntered into the kitchen in sweatpants and a t-shirt, his hair sticking up in funny places. He did his usual morning grunt to you before bee-lining to the cabinets to retrieve his mug.

“Well, good morning to you, too.” You mused as you sipped on your tea.

He mimicked you as he leaned back against the counter with the treasure in his hand, the island being the only thing to separate you both. You watched as he closed his eyes after the first sip, clearly taking in the respite it offered him.

You tapped your fingers against your mug as your curiosity about last night began to permeate your thoughts. Was it too early to ask? What if things had gone terribly? But what if things had gone well?

“So-”

“So-”

You both paused and chuckled. Joel gestured with his free hand for you to continue. Your voice was soft and careful, wanting to tread lightly on the subject. “How’d it go last night?”

His eyes glanced down at the counter of the island before shifting to the window, silent in contemplation.

“Better than I could’ve hoped for.” The relief in his voice palpable.

You know the kind of smile where your lips don’t necessarily curl up all the way, but you can tell it’s genuine and real by the way you feel it in your ears?

Yeah. That’s what you had going on.

“She wants to start patrolling with me.” He paused to drink, “Said it’d be a good way to spend time together.”

“Ouch. I don’t know how Tommy’ll take you kicking him to the curb like that.” He let out a low chuckle and shook his head. He cut his sip short and perked up, “Well, I suppose she can go with you on your weeks, and I’ll take her when you’re not?”

You raised a brow. “Oh? Is she a child of divorce?"

He threw his head back in laughter, and you hid your delight behind your mug. Even though he eased up a bit in the past couple of years, it was still like hitting the lottery to get him to crack up.

The sun shone on him in a way that defined the contours of his jaw and smile, and in your head, you cursed him for being so goddamn handsome. His stupid fucking peppered hair that contributed to the fact he was aging like fine wine. His perfect, straight nose with a forever scar on the bridge between his dumb hazel eyes that spoke more volumes than any word ever could. The way the sleeves on his shirts always looked like they were fighting for their life around his shoulders and biceps. And that voice. That tragically velvet, cowboy, southern drawl that could make you–

“What?”

You blinked dumbly at Joel, who had a teasing smirk on his face.

“Wh- Nothing!” Your pitch higher than normal, a clear indication that it indeed was not nothing. He simply hiked an eyebrow. “What? I’m just glad everything worked out the way it was supposed to, okay?”

He mhm-ed as he set his coffee down on the island counter and turned to rummage through the cabinets behind him. With his back to you, you rolled your eyes and dragged a hand down your face, mouthing obscenities to yourself for so obviously ogling at him. You regained your composure as he faced back to you.

“C’mere.”

It was almost embarrassing how easily your cheeks flared with heat.

At his side, you noticed the new presence of a spoon and amber jar. You watched as he poured the thick liquid onto the spoon and became perturbed as he stirred it into your tea, “Joel, what are y-”

He raised his fingers up, simpering at you, and tapped the spoon on the rim twice. “Just- trust me.”

He leaned back and watched as you took a sip of your drink with the new addition, taking pride in his act when your hand flew over your mouth and your eyes widened in a mixture of shock and surprise.

“I’m sorry, did you become a tea connoisseur in your free time?” He rolled his eyes behind his mug, but still clearly pleased with himself in winning you over with the gesture. “But seriously, how’d you know I was gonna like it?”

He shrugged his shoulders sheepishly, “I didn’t.”

You almost would’ve believed him if it weren’t for the upside-down smile that told you the opposite. But before you could question him, he brushed past you to put his mug in the sink. “I’ve gotta go meet Tommy,” he called over his shoulder, “talk about puttin’ Ellie on patrol.”

You leaned forward on the counter, still nursing your cup with both hands. “Give him my condolences.”

You bit your lip as Joel shot you an unamused look. In looking away to stop yourself from laughing, your eyes landed on the amber jar again. A small white label wrapped around it with the words ‘tupelo honey’ written in elegant cursive.

Your smile fell as you read and processed the words. Tupelo honey.. Tupelo honey.. Tu– Oh my god.

In a probably dramatic sequence, your hands abandoned your tea in a way that it loudly clanked against the counter and picked up the jar, rubbing your thumb over the glass again and again as memories flooded.

Mom’s favorite.

Growing up, every spring your mother would bring home enough tupelo honey to last right up until the next harvest season, often emphasizing the fact that it was only made in two places out of the entire country, and how lucky you were to live so close to those areas to be blessed with such a delicacy. Back then, you didn’t understand why she loved it so much, but because she did, you did too.

And how you wished to be thirteen again to listen to her tell you those things like she was telling you for the first time.

You frowned in disappointment with yourself. At one point in your life, the smell and taste was something you could detect in an instant, but now you barely recognized it.

But how in the hell did he get this?

An empathetic hand placed itself on your back, grounding you from your thoughts. You craned your head up at him, too distracted by your own emotions to realize how close you were. You searched his eyes for something without even knowing what you were looking for. His hand grazed down to your lower back, his fingers lingering before pulling away completely and whispering to you in what felt like a promise.

“I’ll see you later.”

You watched as he disappeared around the corner, and your gaze was drawn back to the jar in your hands.

And there it was again, the weight of unspoken affection in small acts and intrusions of personal space that were reserved only for each other.

The delicate balance of longing and restraint.

[witch-apologist]

Catra: "I'm not going to force Adora to come back for you."

Shadow Weaver: "If you dont ill torture you more and maybe kill you. Also i just demonstrated that you cant run away because i will literally know where you are no matter what so dont even think about rebelling "

Catra, terrified: "okay" (still gonna secretly cover for her tho)

Catra antis: "She was mean to adora for no reason, everything she did was out of evil evil malice not fear."

Adora: "come with me"

Catra: *considering it*

Light Hope: "Heres a series of memories that im going to make you relive specifically selected to make you mad at each other and i will kill both of you if adora keeps protecting you, so skedaddle because i want to groom this girl to do genocide just like the horde before me"

Catra: "welp im not sticking around otherwise we are both gonna die and im also severely traumatized from having to literally relive my worst memories so im kinda antsy and dont want to be tethered to the person who was forced to be responsible for me i want to prove im capable myself, so im not going to help you up the weird castle lady will probably save you anyway so i dont actually think im leaving you in danger."

Catra antis:" Shes so horrible she tried to murder adora and there was absolutely nothing but murdering adora for no reason on her mind, Light hope really cared about adora here and saved her from the horrible abusive catra. "

Scorpia: "Hey lets get out of the horde together because you could be happy "

Catra: "Hmm maybe youre right, well gotta go take care of this other situation."

Adora: "hey remember our mutual abuser who always made you feel like second best and tortured you and you know can track you anywhere on the planet and who just abandoned you like a week ago and who has literally told you multiple times shed kill you given the first opportunity? Well shes at my place now."

Catra: incredibly triggered and traumatized "Scorpia we are going to carry out revenge on my abuser i am solely focused on this because my rage at being abused has consumed my thoughts

Shadow Weaver: "Hi catra, nice to torture you again, ill likely kill you as well."

Catra: "okay now we're DEFINITELY opening that portal"

Catra antis: "everything bad she did was solely to spite Adora there are no sympathetic or understandable things that could possibly explain this downward spiral except that shes an evil evil abuser."

Catra: has literal amnesia and cannot see what adoras seeing "You are concerning me because it seems like you are suddenly developing psychosis"

Catra antis: shes gaslighting adora!

Catra: has nightmares,emotional breakdowns, and depressive episodes from the guilt of what shes doing.

Catra antis: "she wasnt even sorry she only acts good for adora because shes manipulating her"

Catra: "literally apologizes multiple times"

Catra antis: "she never apologized even once"

Catra: shows actual metered progress and takes in outside input to improve her behaviour and outlook

Catra antis:"she didnt even put in any work to redeen herself"

Catra: "defends herself from assault and restraint and protests to adora commiting suicide"

Catra antis "look at this abusive behavior persisting into their reconciliation"

Catra: Literally tries saying anything she thinks might keep adora alive and actively contradicts adoras negative self image.

Catra antis: "Manipulation! Guilt Tripping! Abuse!"

Catra antis reading comprehension: 0

[broadcastbabe]

I wake from a warm afternoon nap to find my shirt gone. "Your shirt was soaked through… you must have been having one of your sex dreams again." 

The mention brings a few details out of my clouded memory as it begins to reconstruct itself in my mind. I'm aware my panties are also soaked through. I unlatch my overalls and step out of them, then shimmy out of the limp wet silk.

"Dibs!" you playfully call out… and I'm happy to dangle them for a swap.

"Wanna hear my dream?" This is really not a negotiation, as you always welcome a recounting of my sex dreams. not because I'm a great storyteller, but it always leads to some interactive re-enactment. 

"What part do I play today darling?" You are already sniffing my lingerie in your posession and tantalized. 

"It's a bit fuzzy, but you're in a white lab coat, coaching me and a faceless boyfriend a few sex tricks to spice up our love life. You are definitely an expert in the field… and I'm undenibly attracted to your mastery of the art. You seem concerned about his inability to give me the climaxes I deserve and take extra steps to ensure me it is not my fault for never having a proper lover. You set up a singular session to test your theory. I am more curious than nervous, and let you take the clinical upperhand. Suggesting we relax with a glass of wine and listen to music, you remove your lab coat and draw the curtains in your well-appointed office." At this point you mimic his moves and pour me a large glass of wine. 

 "You are purely professional and above board, but ask for my consent to touch me to guage if my responses are within normal range. I'm just drunk enough to encourage you by guidimg your hand to the cleavage of my open blouse. You smile and unbutton me further to expose my chest to your kisses. I whimper with surrender, and lust, suggesting a short examination between my legs might be appropriate for 'my issue'. You hesitate and wonder if I would consent to videotaping the session." "Wow, I'm an opportunistic bastard aren't I? Did you get a look at his credentials" 

"It's a dream… but I'm pretty open to his methods. Bit slutty of me, but I've come to him because I haven't had any proper orgasms…" 

You are already on-script smothering my breasts with kisses and your fingers have found their way between my thighs… ready to breech me. I hand you my phone for the flashlight 'exam' and as the video camera for recording what comes next. "You examine me and compliment the beautiful normalcy of my swelling lips, now flushed with arousal. You manipulate them and enter me to poke around in the name of science. I groan emphatically as you probe deeper and gasp with a pre-orgasmic reaction. You seem pleased at my response and suggest we actually fornicate to test the natural mechanism of sex." 

You are already lapping at my juicy juncture and more than hard enough to follow through with the doctor's questionable procedure. I take another sip of wine and congratulate myself on my seduction story. The camera is recording our little perfomative foreplay, so I decide to forego the storyline where more doctors come in to consult and the orgy that ensues proves I am actually a rare virgin nymphomaniac that will require many more sessions to analyse. You know how dreams tend to veer and go off the rails. "In the dream the sex coach You becomes you in real life as you expertly impale me and we roll around until I am on top, bouncing with unrestrained joy. I am exhilarated by cumming, not once but three times in a row for the first time in my life. I shower you with kisses for curing me and you continue to gratify yourself with my willing body." 

You have been dutifully following along and put your back into it for our mutual benefit. I cum at least twice, like a cowgirl riding a bronco, and scream in startled arousal…as if it were my first time ever with you. I use my panties like smelling salts to revive you for the third orgasm. It proves to be our best and I allow your indulgences du jour as a reward for following my little edited dream script.

[madamescarlette]

oh wise friend and mutual, how do you find inspiration again when you feel discouraged? despite having lovely friends and the distraction of a silly little crush, last semester of college is leaving me feeling beat up so I figured I'd ask for some advice <3

My dear, I've been turning this question over and over in my head this weekend because I want to be able to answer this as precisely as I'm able to.

First of all, I want to tell you that you are very much not alone in this feeling- my second-to-last semester was actually my hardest, in terms of work AND material, and I felt so pulled in all directions and told that I had to try my best in each class and work harder in each individual one than any of my others, all of them clamoring for my attention at once. I'm thankful for it in its own way, because I think I got the intended effect- my soul grew in leaps and bounds more in those five months than maybe any other semester of my life, but the growth was at the cost of a terrible aching and scathing of my soul, and that was very very hard to deal with.

I think primarily whenever I'm trying to deal with overexposure to being busy, I have to go back to the basics and ask myself- why do I want to do this? What is it that is so important to me that I have to accomplish this, even if it is at great cost to myself?

For a degree, that might be a really simple answer- you might want to finish it because you want to get employed, which is perfectly fine! It's a stepping stone for you. It might be to make someone proud of you, which is also completely worthy! For me, it was always important that I finish my degree as kind of a proof of life, for me in my teens who couldn't imagine it, but it was also just because I loved what I studied, and I was good at it, when I am so rarely good at most things. I wanted to be able to prove something tangible of the faith of the people who've believed in me so far, myself finally included in the end.

It might sound silly and simplistic, but just being able to put your finger on what your motivator is to cross the finish line has been extremely helpful to me in my own life, as just an initial way to get yourself off the ground floor and able to start feeling your way back to hope again. This is also less of a clean-cut opinion; usually when I've tried to approach this before, I'll make a list of my reasons out on paper, sleep on it, and read it again in the morning to see if I still feel the way that I did when I wrote it, and if not I revise it. But for me, usually I have a hidden realm of energy that I can tap back into once I understand my motivations and reasons for sticking to something with loyalty, and when I make them concrete and real, I can attack my work with renewed focus.

Another part of this, one that I found very rarely discussed in my realm of academics at least, was what I like to call the enrichment zone of our brains. Often when I go through a time that's beating me up, I end up more like a workaholic than anything else; something weird happens in my brain, and I figure that if I keep working and never stop, there's no possible way I can ever fail. This, while being the result of some silly fear-goblin in my brain, is usually what leads me to my shrimp pose crouched over my desk, blinking awake after five hours to my brother asking me if I want to eat something, or in a more concise way is what I call when my brain wins over my soul.

For whatever reason, there's something to do with my specific hyperfocus problem that makes it very easy for me to go haaard in one direction and try to prevent failure by ignoring everything about myself and diving into my work. While this can work for a very short amount of time, burning the candle at both ends shows a decline in quality of your health very quickly (trust me) and thus your work, and so one thing I have to adhere to is- I have to do things that tether me to the world, to tangible things.

This might look very different according to your tastes; but the bottom line is, you have to do things that tie you to something real and existent in your world, else you start scratching the sides of your enclosure and nobody's happy! Especially in our schooling nowadays that is almost entirely conducted via projectors and computer screens, you need things that are far away from mortal ambition and are just little things to scratch the itch of your brain.

For me, the things that tie me down are a huge grab-bag of different things because I have a million interests that I cycle through throughout the eras of my life. That thing for me right now is keeping a journal that I write in every day, even if it's a single sentence. Another thing is reading physical books, which when I really, really need to read I tend to put my phone on the other side of the room and listen to one of those library ambience videos so my brain has a bottom line of action going on to keep me engaged. But probably the thing that fulfills this part of my brain most when I'm busiest is cooking. I got very, very into cooking about four years ago as a way to bond with my brother, so for me it's filled with many good memories, but it's also a very tangible way for me to care for myself, to be able to go through the motions of something I know that will result in something good. Feeding just yourself is also sometimes hard to justify when you are busiest and most empty-feeling, so I would counsel you that even the act of going to get food with someone is something that always makes me feel more alive, more here, so I hope you can act on that whenever you need it too.

(It would be remiss of me to not also mention textile crafts, which are my mother's main way of dealing with her brain goblins, but as I kind of lost my textile abilities big time during the busiest years of my education, I'm not sure how applicable they are! But they are an excellent way to ground yourself also.)

But! Since you specifically asked about inspiration, I want to tackle that. I wouldn't say that there's any one good way to be able to inspire yourself to keep going forwards, and I myself am always failing at this (I am Very Cowardly at heart, let me tell you!) but since I am a writer foremost in my heart, let me go back to that. There's a post that goes around a lot that talks about how each poet has one emotion that they draw on for their body of work, and I think about that a great deal, because I think actually that often changes for a person across their life. For me in this particular iteration of myself in the past few years, I know that the emotion that drives what I create is wonder, and in response to that wonder, gratitude. I mention this because I believe that wonder is what is often missing from our lives once we get used to a place, and we've made a place for ourselves in them.

After getting over the threshold of something being new, we like to settle in, and then the things that used to scare and frighten become normal, and then they become plain and part of the scenery of the life you're living. But from what I can tell, wonder is able to transform the everyday things in our lives from what they are to what they mean, and when we do that we say thank you to those things for existing, for allowing us to be near them and to witness them.

The thing that makes me wonder, more than anything else, is always going to be music, and it's why I will always be counting the seasons of my life by what I listen to. To be able to claw my way through the hard parts of life, I have to decorate that time with something that helps me put some lyrics in my pocket to process all of it, and help it find its way to be enfolded into my life, my memory. More than anything, I think what helps me keep creating is learning to wonder, to be in awe of things as much as I possibly can, to try and create space for that in myself and try to treat it well when I do experience it. There's a trick to it, but once you try to pay attention to the things that make you wonder, they become very clear- walks around my campus while skipping to my music often made me wonder, as does listening to a symphony in person, or when I made my friends laugh all at the same time, or moments when I walked into a room and smiled at somebody, and they smiled in return.

More than anything, when you are going through something harsh, it's my belief that to make something unbearable bearable, you have to find a way to make something in that time that you'll miss. I have a perennial, sometimes unbearable habit of looking for moments of beauty in times that make me miserable, making it so that I miss them even when I was living it I was praying for it to be over, and while I think that goes too far in the wrong direction I still would say that if you try to record the good things about life as you're going through it, even if it's as simple as taking a picture of something you eat that you love, or the sun in the evening, that's what makes life bearable.

Hold onto your friends, they're what makes life survivable, and they make it survivable because they make it meaningful- other people are the biggest source of wonder in the world, plus I absolutely would not have finished my degree had I not had my friends to work with, the powers of parallel play are never to be underestimated. Even if you are only being near someone else who is as confused as you are as to what to do, in my experience that is a huge relief to know that they're at the same level as you. Friends are what make the little stupid pinprick pains of school bearable!

I also had a rule during my year of online school, which while it was an incredibly lonely time was very rarely full of solitude because eeeeveryone was constantly talking to one another, that I would have one hour every night to turn off my computer and my brain and do whatever I wanted. I used to have dance parties at 11PM before I went to bed, twirling and jumping around my room because that was what I needed to do to stay present! And I think that in itself is an incredibly useful tool is surviving something that seems to sap all your strength- make sure you are not ignoring yourself, but give yourself the time as often as you can to let your mind wander, let it dream. Like that one post says, you're your oldest childhood friend, so make sure you're phoning in to say hello!

Beyond all of that, keep your eyes peeled for the evidence that people believe in you, because it's everywhere- even if it's just your friends waving at you, or the cashiers that wish you good day, or the chit chat of people before and after test taking, I do believe we're all cheering for you to do this (and if they're not, I'll fist fight them). I believe in you! And I hope that you can find the force in your heart to be able to believe, too.

Sleep as much as you're able, eat well, make sure the tiger in your brain is kept happy, listen to some tunes and look at streetlights, eat dinner with a pal, and I know you'll get through this, my darling.

Best of luck, and much love <3

[aarrraaaavvvvv]

Well, it's 4:48 am, Ive written like half of the story. I came up with the idea of the story just coz I was horny and imagining stuff but as I started writing it, it ended up becoming much more than a sex story. I haven't started writing the sex part yet, so I decided to just end this part, like it does and the people who are interested in just the sex part can go to the next part.

And if you're actually interested to read this story, go ahead you cute little human....OH BY THE WAY, this is the first story that I'm ever writing.

So here we go,

I've always been kind to him and he's always been just too avoidant. The feelings are clearly mutual but once it was just too much, i took a step back. If he gets his mind in the right place and finally learns how to swallow his pride, then good, or I can find someone else who does.

After a month of not talking to each other, he finally calls me up on a random day. It was the start of the vacation after the mid-semester exams. It was a cloudy day, i was feeling good about my hair, the air was cool just like the tall glass of iced coffee I was sipping. I see his name pop up on my phone, shocked, but i pick it up calmly. There's 3 seconds of silence before...

Him : Hi

I sense the nervousness in his voice. Its kinda cute ngl.

Me : hiieee

Him : Umm, h- how're you ?

Me : Well I'm good, the weathers good as well, exactly how I like it. It's a good day.

Him : Yeah I know you love this kind of weather. Ummm did your exams go well ?

Me : Yeah they did actually, i actually studied this time which is kinda surprising but yeah I feel good about it.

Him : I'm glad.

I can hear him smiling

Me : You sound nervous, are you okay ?

This makes him even more nervous.

Him : Yeah in fine, totally. I'm not nervous. Noo.

Me : Cool.

Him : Well, the weather's good and i thought maybe we can go out today ? Are you free right now ?

Me : Umm, right now ?

Him : Yess right now !!

Me : Well yeah I'm free right now, are you taking me out on a date ?

Him : NO I'm not asking you out on a date, I'm just asking if you wanna go out with me.

Me : Okay, where are you taking me ?

Him : Well, idk if you remember but we always talking about going to that lake together, so we can go there today.....the weather's good too.

Me : Ofcourse I remember that. Sure, we can go there. Just let me know when and where are we supposed to meet and I'll be there.

Him : How about we meet there directly at the lake ?

Me : okay sure.

Him : Well ill be there in like 90 minutes and you live close to there so start your journey accordingly. I'll be there at 4:30.

Me : okay done.

Him : Okay, see you soon.

I hang up. I resume sipping my coffee, keep it down on the table and as i gradually start processing what just happened, the sudden wave of thoughts starts kicking in. I'm actually very happy how he finally reached out, I had lost all my hopes of getting in touch with him ever again but he proved me wrong and as i realise the kind of thoughts I'm having, I try to stop myself.

"nope"

"stop expecting so much"

"it's just a cassual meeting don't have such high hopes"

I've been dissappointed by this guy so much so many times but love makes us stupid and we always go back to having that false hope. But not this time, I'll go see him with the lowest expectations I've ever had, it'll just be like a first date with any other guy i meet on Grindr, even though a part of me will be hoping for him to be like i always wanted him to be, treat me nicely, like a fucking boyfriend.

This is the never ending cycle of thoughts I was expecting while I get finish my coffee in a hurry, take a shower, get ready with the best outfit my not-so-fashionable ass can come up with, and start my journey to the lake.

As I start walking, I recieve a text from him- "I just checked on Google maps, my bus will be there in like 30 minutes".

"Guess I'll have to wait for him", I think to myself as i react to that message with a "👍🏽". It's only fair though, since I'm always the late comer on our previous dates, he's the one showing up late this time.

I reach there, wait for him sitting by the waters. I start listening to the playlist of songs he once made me, even though we stopped talking, i still listen to the playlist and both of us keep adding songs to it every now and then. I recieve a text from him, "I've reached, where are you?".

I playfully reply with, "find me". I KNOW he would be pissed off with this but i do it anyway 😂. After a couple of minutes a pair of hands rudely takes out my earphones from my ears, I turn back and it's him. He stands in front of me, looking cute as hell, with those curly hair covering his forehead and a nervous smile on his face. His lips look sooooo bitable right now but i control my urges and stand up to nervously say hi to him with the creepiest of smiles i could ever come up with. We greet each other and start walking and just having awkward conversations for a while, for a shocking change, he breaks the ice this time and says that it's really good to see me again. I smile and continue walking. His hand brushes with mine as we walk. There's an ice cream shop on at the lake and as we pass by it, i smile and move towards it. He follows me to the shop. While I'm looking at the flavours he says, " let me buy you an ice-cream today". I just stare at him in silence coz it's very new to me, it's always me spending money on others. But since he's been a total bitch to me in the past toh I let him. We both continue walking which ice creams in our hands and on our way back we sit by the water to see the sunset. As we finish our ice creams, the silence becomes awkward again. He nervously puts his hand on mine while I look at a cute cat sleeping by the waters. I look at him and just smile.

Me : I'm glad we met.

Him : same pinch

I feel a little bad as he still hasn't taking about anything i have been wanting him to talk about, he hasn't apologized even once. But i calm myself down and just decide to go with the flow.

Me : Im kinda surprised how you came all the way here just to meet me.

Him : Ughhh, i was just getting bored at home and wanted some time away from my neighbours. My flatmates are all gone for the vacation so it's just me at the flat. I thought I'll have some peace but my neighbour kept bugging me. I had to get out of that place.

Me : Oh, so you're just getting bored that's why you met me.

Him : No it's not that, I wanted to meet you.

Me : yeah whatevs.

Him : Well, i came all the way here to meet you. Maybe you can go back with me to return the favour?

He says with a smirk...

Me : Are you serious ?

Him : Yeah why not? I'd rather be annoyed by you than my gross neighbour.

Me : Well even i wouldnt mind some time away from my annoying cousins.

He smiles and tightens his grip on my hand, we get up and start retreating to his home as it gets darker.

We sit together in the bus, holding hands, he rests his head on my shoulder. Both of us are nervous as fuck but we're just letting our hormones control us. I want it, but i don't want it at the same time. This is wierd, ughhh what if this is all just platonic ?

Songs :

Skinny Dipping - Sabrina Carpenter

Mine(Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

Electric Touch - Taylor Swift

[reivrze]

hi hi miyuu!! how are you doing? i hope you're doing great. please take care of your well being, stay hydrated and stay safe◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜i really appreciate your hard work to give us your best stories, but don't forget to take breaks here and there too ❤️

ehem now let's put that aside. OMG GURL YOUR REPLIES?!?! THEY GAVE ME BUTTERFLIES FR 😩🦋💗💓❣️ you called me your first, fav and sweetest anon and i feel like i've accomplished something amazing in life (╥﹏╥) seriously, i was really happy that it got me giggling and smiling so wide. i had to recompose myself but then i kept rereading it so at the end i be like ( 〃▽〃) i am going through some rocky times rn (nothing serious, it's just those days) and our interactions here genuinely make my days a little bit brighter so thank you (´꒳`)♡

i love love your enha bf hcs, i've said it once but i'll say it again. cause you deserve it 💗 i'm currently on heirs to hearts rn and the cracks are top tier omg 🤣 i only have a day off every week so it'll take a while for me to catch up but i'll do it! 💪🏻 also, i hope the anon hate will stop. none of you, your mutuals or any other writers deserve it. i'll fight if any of them ever come here and send hate to you (ง •̀_•́)ง that aside, i checked out some of your mutuals' works and omg i'm also in love?! stop, you guys are so talented 😭💗

i see that you are also using photoshop now. all the best, miyu! i'm sure with practices, you'll be a pro 🫶🏻

lastly, i am here to remind you that you have my endless love and support ✺◟(＾∇＾)◞✺

- 🐋 anon

i think i may actually be in love with you.

nah because you have me smiling so much first thing in the morning 😭 UR SO KIND WTF ?? gonna cry brb-

i’m happy you liked my bf!enha hcs and happy to hear that you’re reading heirs to hearts, i’m gonna try to release the next chap this weekend 🙏🏻🙏🏻 i also hope you feel better soon !! take care of yourself <33

i’m so glad you were able to check out some of my mutuals work !! each and everyone of them puts in a lot of effort in their works and i’m happy to see that they’re getting the love and appreciation they so deserve !!!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

and yea i’ve seen the recent anon hate, frl they’re just people who are bored istg 😭 like there’s no good reason someone would go out of their way to make stupid and irrelevant comments abt someone’s blog other than just pure boredom 💀 and the fact that it stays anonymous is just sad, proves that they know what they’re doing is wrong and don’t wanna deal with the consequences, but wtv, i encourage everyone to just ignore it bcuz ultimately they just want a reaction and it’s better not to give it

thank you for your encouragement regarding photoshop, i’ll try my best to improve in it, imma spend the next few days working on a few elements from it like shadowing, colouring, framing etc.. so that i can remake some of my upcoming works banners :))

you have my endless love and support too !!! <33

（＾ω＾）

[moodymeangirl]

a letter to my ex-chosen-sibling that, at least for now, i will not send

need to save this but don't want it my notes app or in drafts where could accidentally send. so it's going here. ik it's dumb to post on tumblr and simeltabeously ask ppl not to read it. i just needed it said and written. i don't mind if moots see it, but pls bare in mind it's for an irl situation that contains lots of deep soul pain, and involves 2 complex and flawed humans, who are no longer going to be friends but who both deserve good and happy life and who are not monoliths of either harm or good.

Letter begins under cut

Hey. I am getting these messages, but as you know I was away camping over the weekend.

This series of communications (following an extended period of being ghosted without explanation or warning) has had a catastrophic effect on my wellbeing and stability.

I have tried my best to be supportive, did what I could, and asked others to check in on you.

The people I asked to check in on you have both informed me that you're telling them you're fine, not in danger; okay.

I can't cope being on my own supporting you through this, while our mutuals friends laugh it off and treat me like im crazy for taking your wellbeing seriously.

I feel that you want and/or need my support but for whatever reason you don't actually like me or want to be my friend anymore. So you're comfortable pretending I'm crazy for taking you seriously, you're comfortable putting me in emotionally torturous positions, and you're comfortable exploiting my love and loyalty to you, to get what you need.

You've chosen - as u have consistently in the last year of our friendship - to put me in an extremely cruel and traumatic position.

In the last year or so you've suddenly started to behave as though you dislike me, while telling me to my face that you love me and everything is normal:

1. Demonising my autism

2. characterising me as a liar & abuser when u don't understand my autism. deciding you can tell how im feeling better than me, refusing to accept my honesty.

3. admitting in therapy to having a bigotry against autistic people, refusing to prove ur doing the work (as Jan requested of u), and continuing to demonise anything you perceive as autistic that i do.

4. simultaneously taking advantage of my autism/blind trust/gullibility to gaslight and convince me im okay with being treated as ur infrior, and as a bomb thats inevitably going to explode.

5. u went out of your way to convince me im inherently abusive and while i went out of my mind trying to fix myself in therapy, you

6. are consistently absent from therapy. i am committed and have been since the start and u dont turn up, refuse to share progress, and have never once apologised for the continuing bigotry you admitted to in the space, soon after which you stopped attending.

7. Crushing any boundary I try to set and using our therapy to reinforce this pattern. Jan asked me to set a boundary. You agreed to my face, in front of Jan and the first time it came up irl you ignored it, ghosted me for a week, and only talked to me again once you had devised a new boundary of your own, which specfically existed to destory mine. You then entered the joint therapy space and somehow convinced Jan (who had asked me to set the boundary in the first plsce) to encourage me to accept that my boundaries are less important than yours. That my respect of you is paramount but your respect for me is immaterial.

8. Most egregiously: leveraging ur very real safety concerns in a largely successful attempt to remove my equality and autonomy ie phone mumbers, chats, email. Telling me to my face and in therapy repeatedly, that I can't be allowed to contact you bc of security whilst simultaneously having me introduce you to and fetch numbers for my best friends, who you immediately created signal chats with right in front of my face.

You gaslit me, insisted everything was normal, you called me 'sister and said that you loved me. All while forcing me to accept being an uneuqal and your inferior, within the structure of our friendship.

I only ever get to speak to you when you need my help, support, or resources. If I need my chosen sibling, my best friend, I have to cry myself to sleep wishing you'd happen to call.

If you felt any kind of negativity towards me during a call you'd hang up and ghost me, knowing how that tortures me - and frankly not caring.

You would ghost me for weeks, months knowing I was worried for you. You would wait till I was begging on email (that u mostly ignored) to finally speak to me again and you would happily listen as I expressed gratitude to hear your voice. You enforced a structural silent treatment, a deliberate emotional abuse, and you never once allowed me to express pain from this, without hanging up and enacting that torture all over again.

These last 2 months while u refused to contact me, give me any explanation, or talk to me directly at all - you knew the last I'd heard from Jan is that you were still medically incapacitated. You knew I'd be caring and worried. You knew all that time I was in contact w C, literally advocating for u in direct contact w police. And u just ghosted me, regardless.

The reason why I finally got too stressed about your wellbeing btw, is that L had an accident from which they should have died. I'd have loved to speak to my best friend when I was sobbing my eyes out waiting to see their mri, but instead I was completely alone.

Having faced their mortality, all I could think about was you. I genuinely believed you were so sick from covid that you couldn't contact me. I thought you, too, might be in an ICU somewhere, dying.

How lovely to find out was right to be worried, that ur life was in danger, and that my instincts that u felt unsaid negative things toward me - were all true.

How lovely to be exploited, bullied, and tortured for months, then ghosted. Then when I reach out, worried sick for your wellbeing: metaphorically tied to a chair while u threaten suicide, not so I can't stop you - but because if I was near you, you'd be in danger.

I plead with you to live and I start to hope you will.

I see familiar faces nearby so I scream to them, I'm screaming to them that you're in danger im begging them to help you.

But you tell them you're fine. You convince them nothing's wrong.

They see an unstable, dangerous MMG.

Why is she so worried lol?

I'm the only one who knows and is trying to help and you've keep me tied up, all I can do is watch and desperately obey whatever u want me to do.

U say Covenant is the only thing that helps, will I help you with it. I help you to the very best of my ability, while crying and losing my mind with worry.

You thank me for my generous choice to be 'thorough'.

Suddenly, after months of complete disinterest in me as a person u wanna laugh together about ppl in ur group.

U wanna know what im writing.

Ur telling me if I'm your friend, you're unsafe. Ur telling me if I be your friend then you'll stay alive. Ur telling anyone I express my care for you to, that you're fine.

9. And now, suddenly , after ghosting me for 60+ days in a row (and hundreds of days combined over the last year), you're in my inbox sarcastically suggesting I might be dead, bc I didn't respond to u for like a day and a half - when u know I'm camping, out of town, likely without reception.

Ftr, it seems obvious to me now but when u sent 'are u ther' I had no idea what you meant, replied within an hour, and waited on tenterhooks to see what u meant.

When u did reply, I couldn't bc we were packing and my phone was dead most of the time. I saw the icon when I did turn it on, but only had minimal internet and already needed to zoom my psychiatrist from the tiny lil shed where there was a wall charger.

I was on less than one bar and one percent.

On Tuesday I slept most of the day, exhausted. And when I saw two emails had appeared from you I had a panic attack. If not for L offering to call, I might have been too scared to read them.

Colour me surprised, to find you being rude and sarcastic bc I didn't get back to you after one solitary day - after u had repeatedly and deliberately ghosted me dozens of times in the last six months.

The most recent email, to which I'm replying here, confirmed all my instincts and fears, and experiences.

10. The whole reason on which you predicated the necessity of my unequal treatment in our friendship is that if I (or anyone) has the ability to contact you, your safety will be compromised.

You had spent months bullying me into accepting this via therapy, via demonising my autism and gaslighting me into thinking I'm an inherently harmful person (something you know my dad used to control and abuse me as a child), via telling me I'm doing DV to you when u don't like my tone, via starving me of affection and attention, via only being warm to me if I was supporting you through something.

You had spent months subjecting me to a structurally enforced silent treatment, only punctuated by indirect news of serious sickness, which began with no warning and ended with no explanation.

While I cried myself to sleep imagining you dying alone in an ICU, too weak to move - you happily operated signal chats with my best friends.

I vouched for you to them using our decade of trust and love, i wlecomed you into my home repeatedly, my community spaces, and went out of my way to help your support network expand.

All the while i did this, you ghosted me, let me think you were ill, and expected that my significant support would continue regardless. At this same time, you were 'excited for the future, planning to visit' S in her home country. These plans we all made together were suddenly something you did quietly on your own, while ignoring my existence and letting me believe u were incapacitated by illness.

I only found out bc I was so unwell these last weeks that S let slip. She couldn't understand why I was acting as though this was an emergency, bc in her world you were actively planning future holidays and being excited.

Ftr, S still doesn't think this was an emergency.

She stopped talking to me after repeatedly assuring me I could confide in her, and eventually explained she felt helpless in the face of my stress. Her boundaries now involve me not expressing the extent of my panic that you're going to die.

I have been screaming myself hoarse trying to get people to take me seriously. But they can't. My friendships with both C and S will never be the same bc they are both certain ur fine. C even said u were completely 'normal'.

And meanwhile, I'm trapped, bound to that chair trying desperately to be supportive, deal with my own hurt and heartbreak at how little you think of or care for me, and find the strength to work on repairing my friendship with S, even tho the wound isn't something I knew about or put there - until it suddenly became my responsibility to fix.

All because you, for some reason, would prefer to torture emotional and social support out of me - while continuing to demonise me - than to like, ask.

Like you could just ask. Me or others. There's doesn't have to be love, friendship, or strings.

You could even just be honest and say you haven't liked me for ages now, but you need my help.

You could respect that both of us are unhappy in the friendship by acknowledging that, and then being clear about what's happening.

You don't need to coerce me into helping u with Covenant and then gaslight me that I chose to.

You don't need to love bomb after i help, you don't need to speak in that whole StatementDemandStatementDemand pattern that is all through the rest of these emails.

You don't need to hide your struggle from the people you do treat with respect (S, C, even J).

11. idk if it was cowardice or you just don't care. But your choice not to tell me how you really feel, while showing me that you hate me in your actions - for at least the last six months, maybe longer tbh - has broken my heart. Fully, probs irreparably.

12. You would've gotten away with it, if L hadn't almost died that week.

If Ba hadn't almost died the next night.

If I hadn't been so scared for you I started to try and find a way for u to hear me, after months of enforced silence.

Idk if u replied bc I talked to C, S, or J, or bc I said I'd come to ur house. Or bc u simply happened to be logged in and have to sit with the fact that I exist for the first time in months.

Idk.

You might even have been thinking of me a lot in that time. Idk. Bc it doesn't matter, bc what you did was:

make and keep me unequal in our friendship, ignore my existence unless u needed to use me, enforced this any time you felt even the slightest negative feeling.

Idk what you thought you were doing, but what you *were* doing was breaking my heart.

13. You havent gotten away with it. Bc of what you chose to do, knowing - years ago having promised to never put me in a position where I'm the only person who knows you're suicidal, ever again - you chose to do so.

Knowing that with our history I would take you extremely seriously.

Knowing that you would cause a serious ptsd episode.

You knowingly broke a boundary you yourself set, to safeguard me, bc you knew if you did I'd take you seriously, go into emergency mode, and offer support.

On its own this is manipulative and deliberately disrespecting my boundaries, but in an emergency, I get it.

I don't forgive u but I understand.

What I don't understand is how cruelly you had treated me up till this point and how you continued to choose the cruellest option as we emailed.

14. Knowing our past, you lied to our other friends that you're okay. Still letting them laugh at me and think I'm crazy, while I'm begging them to help me try to keep you alive.

You knew. And still, you did it.

You chose not simply to break that boundary, but to actively trap me inside that unsafe situation, refusing care from others until those people turned on me for daring to ask.

You chose to do this, while ensuring I know I'm unsafe for you to be friends with.

You scared me, incapacitated me, and when I attempted to gather more supports for you - you lied to them, effectively muzzling me in all three friendships.

You then coerced me into helping you, attempted rather blatantly to gaslight me into thinking it was something I had a choice in, attempted to love bomb me, and then went right back to StatementDemandStatementDemand when it was clear your manipulation wasn't working.

15. I was doing the helping tho. Like that's what I don't get. I was seeing thru the manipulation but I still gave my best attempt at support.

I rly don't understand why, if u don't want to be my friend but u do want to ask for my support as a community member - why you didn't just do that?

You know my values. You know I'd have helped.

16. The emotional torture was completely unnecessary and completely unacceptable.

17. Frankly, the emotional torture tactics you've used on me for long time now are completely unnecessary and completely unacceptable.

18. The ways you have consistently treated me within the last year of our friendship has been flat out wrong.

19. Hypocritical too. Which I guess was just part of the gaslighting, huh:

You had so much anger on my behalf toward F and then went on to do the same thing ten times more often and ten times worse.

You had so much anger on my behalf at ld while simultaneously demonising accusing me, and abusing me in exactly the same ways. You spent 6 months trying to gaslight me into believing I'm inherently harmful, just by existing. Id only did that once.

You've enacted it dozens and dozens of times.

Sadly, both of you did it for the same reason.

I rejected Id sexually and suddenly I had to be shown my place.

I rejected the role you wanted me to play in our friendship (inferior, doesnt have own needs, obedient), so you had to show me my place.

The difference is Id's was an outburst, yours was a plan.

20. But no, you haven't gotten away with any of this because I can see clearly now.

I knew these tortures and manipulations and gaslightings were based on lies.

But now I can prove it.

You leveraged almost the entirety of the issues in our friendship (minus my own flaws which haven't repeated since the first time, and which ive been working hard on in therapy while youve been absent) on the lie that if there was structural equality in our friendship, if I was allowed to be equally free and autonomous, then your safety would be compromised.

Now I knew that was a lie, ever since you had me watch you set up chats with the only other ppl i love, people you'd known two weeks, people I encouraged you to make friends with. But u think so little of me, u made me get the numbers, made me watch, made my heart break, and then gaslit me into accepting the ludicrous lie that was apparently about your past, but suddenly wasnt a necessary safety measure for anyone except me - the one person who knows that shit fr and who u actually can trust not breach it.

Bro, u could literally have just said it was about me, that you felt unsafe.

You would have hurt me, but at least it would have been true.

On the other hand if i knew you didnt like me, want to be my friend, you wouldnt have had access to my ftiends in the first place.

Not thru malice, just youd have had to make those friendships without my vouching for u.

You knew you could abuse me, control me, get me to accept it, and u felt safe I'd never tell - so u just did it.

All the while leveraging ur irl safety issues that r very serious.

It's just like, disgusting of you.

You went out of your way to harm my soul at every opportunity.

You consistently chose to keep my friendship to you, while doing anything you could to get me to accept receiving nothing from you in return.

The easiest way to do that was to make me believe I'm abusing u based solely on my neurotype, ie born this way, and that I was lucky you were even in my life at all.

So you did that.

Did you get what you wanted from me? Was it worth destroying somebody's love for you? Was it worth destroying your closest friend?

21. I'm guessing no, bc it's rly hard to convince someone they're something they're not.

Like you did a good job in terms of me obeying you and never speaking up in therapy and saying the right things.

But in my mind, I knew I didn't deserve to be hurt like this.

Parts of the system started to put ptsd blocks up around you, and eveytime we masked what was rly happening in our friendship w you, we edged closer to telling someone.

By putting us in such a traumatic position

(trapped witnessing ur possible death, being told the mechanisms I would usually use to help, make u unsafe, and u telling everyone willing to reach out to u that you're fine - except me, this person ur treating like u hate)

you exposed us to a level of emergency clarity we wouldn't have had access to otherwise.

22. You predicated all of this, all this shit, on the 'fact' that if I could contact u, you'd be in danger.

And then, I took a day to reply one time and suddenly ur sarcastic abt whether Im alive. Sibling, I cried myself to sleep for months with genuine reason to be concerned for ur health.

U decide u want my attention and bc of extenuating circumstances (that u knew abt in advance) u had to wait a day and a half to use me aaaaand

Suddenly u have a phone.

Suddenly u want me call you on it.

Suddenly ur not in danger if i do, suddenly doing so is good.

You think so fundamentally little of me that after all the pain over this damn phone thing, I'm going to forget and come running desperate for a scrap of affection or gratitide.

Suddenly u want me, an 'unsafe' person, to contact u directly.

Suddenly, suddenly suddenly.

23. None of this was safety shit was true from the moment you asked me for J's number and still wouldn't let us have a signal chat.

You're not over me, not better than me, not my superior.

I was under the impression that after 10+ years of being best friends that you viewed me as (at bare minimum) an equal.

You do not.

You use me, when u need me you say you love me and refer to my being your sister.

When you don't, you abandon me to a silent treatment you designed so that I could not escape.

24. I've showed all ur and my messages to L , S2, and my mum.

They all unprompted and without explanation of the messages from me, said they felt I was being exploited and lied to.

All three of them voiced concerns that you have in fact lied to me about being suicidal, not to S and C about being okay.

25. I don't believe that. For all the harm, I actually know y'all pretty damn well.

I think you're suffering and have been for some time.

I think you want my friendship and support but for a long time now, have not wanted to be my friend yourself.

I think that you don't want to show S or C your vulnerability and mental illness bc you're afraid they'll judge you and leave, as others unfairly have.

I think you felt that respecting me by being honest ie friendship, was too risky that you would hurt my feelings and lose my support.

I think parts of you also feared losing the ease with which you could access the communities I belong to, the people I had introduced you to, and the generosity with which I share my resources with you, almost to a fault.

Not that you'd lose the people, the spaces. Just the ease of access, and my money (of which u know there is very little).

26. But whatever reasons got you there, you decided to break almost every basic tenet of friendship: dishonesty, cruelty, gasligjting, manipulation, bullying, and humiliating.

You kept me around to service you financially and emotionally and you used my vulnerability in therapy, my vulnerability in introducing you to the other people I live, and my vulnerability in having built a decades worth of family level trust.

You abused it and you abused me.

You broke my heart a thousand times and encouraged me to blame myself.

Finally, you were in enough pain to notice my worry for you.

You put me in an emotional saw trap, so that I would help you - with no regard for my wellbeing, or the truth of your wellbeing, so long as you could control me.

27. Finally, you couldn't even live through my phone being out of service for 2 days without ironically cruelly and sarcastically laughing about whether im alive. 60 days u ghosted me without the merest hint of caring how i felt.

28. But 2 days of knowing im away, that i cant be perfectly obedient in how i communicate, and u go mask off.

Tore down the entire paradigm of gaslighting u had used to make me accept being unequal, bc you think so fundamentally little of me, that you think I'll come running begging for scraps of ur attention, begging to destroy my own life, stabity, and health for the privilege of being threatened that if I don't, I'l contribute to ending yours.

29. IF. IF it turns out you are/were not suicidal, as you told me, and are okay as you told C and S. Then you and I both know, that would make you pretty much evil. That'd be like. Idek...

You saw my email, decided to deliberately trigger a severe ptsd episode, while pushing me towards an existential crisis of identity knowing I'm autistically and DID-ly susceptible to suggestion and knowing I'd be in emergency mode bc of the risk of ur death?

If that's what happened. I just. I don't believe you'd do that. To me, to anyone. That can't possibly be true.

30. I don't think you'd do that, tho. Not even L.

I think:

y'all were in pain and generally don't care about me.

But I emailed that day and u happened to be logged in, so u saw an opportunity to receive emergency care, without needing to respect the person giving it.

In the last year, y'all have inexplicably become comfortable emotionally torturing us, to get what you want. Idk why, can't explain it.

And y'all have consistently lied to us, and bullied us into accepting it as normal.

31. Well. Game over. You took it too far and your cruelty towards me is visible now.

I feel like I thought we were friends - best friends - but rly you haven't been my friend for a long time.

Just that nobody told me, so I kept loving and being heartbroken and loving and being broken again.

This feels like when my dad cheated on my mum but then claimed with a straight face that she had ended their relationship by choosing not to accept that behaviour.

33. You ended our friendship the moment you gaslit me into accepting inequality.

34. Again when I was encouraged in therapy to accept that I'm not allowed boundaries.

35. Then, again when you ghosted for 2 months,

36. again when simultaneously you were happily carrying out a social life with my loved ones that I was explicitly excluded from while I was ghosted,

37. again when u broke ur promise and put me back into an identical situation as last time (the difference being u chose this one, last time was chance),

38. again when you lied to other supports who I asked to check in,

39. again when u coerced me to help u live then acted like I was just being a nice person after I complied.

And I wanted to help, btw, I'm glad u asked. But u acted like I hadn't been tied to a chair this whole time.

Like I wasn't losing my entire mind with fear of you passing away, like I wasn't questioning every element of my personhood to figure out if I did help, would I inadvertently kill you just by being me?

40. again when u started facetiously talking about whether im alive bc I didn't get a message that same day,

41. again when u brought the whole castle of lies crumbling down bc u need to use me for something.

42. Broke my heart thinking I'm so stupid and pathetic as to just ignore it, call u on ur phone number, watch as you're not in danger at all.

Watch as being in a signal chat with me doesn't risk the life of u or your child, who all this time you've been ignoring me I had been advocating for on your behalf - not that u ever acknowledged that or the update emails I sent.

43. Idk what you think of me. I don't.

I just know your your actions say:

I'm not worthy of being treated to equal friendship and care.

Worthy of lies, worthy of gasligjting, worthy of enforced isolation, worthy of demonisation, worthy of blatant inequality, blatant, admitted, bigotry and discrimination.

Worthy of being tortured.

Important enough to be abused for my support and my care.

So staggeringly unimportant that the harm that necessitated is unspoken, ignored, lied about, and erased.

44. I don't begrudge you wanting to be supported by me emotionally. I don't begrudge you wanting to share in my resources, and I don't begrudge you not liking me anymore.

45. But you tortured me for months:

You lied about me and to me.

You didn't just check out of our friendship, you started treating me like your enemy and then didn't stop and haven't stopped.

You assured me nothing was wrong.

You gaslit me to high heaven.

You chose to use the same tactics you knew my dad used on me.

You used our therapy to control me in front of authority, who continually joined in for reasons I cannot surmise.

You took evey single opportunity to torture me.

You loved me only immediately after I had been used or helped you.

You hung up when it was my turn to confide. You only returned to me if u could gain something from my begging or if u needed me to do friendship things for you.

46. You designed the last year or so of our friendship this way.

Had me agree, leveraged irl serious safety issues.

And then showed me that it was untrue to my face.

Made me participate in my own exclusion and inferiority, had one rule for people I love and another rule for me.

47. Fundamentally, it all comes down to this:

in order to be your friend, receive care and respect, required me to accept being inferior to you.

It never did before but for some reason, since about this time in 2023, you began treating me as subhuman and disguising feelings of what I think were dislike.

48. I'm very confused by this.

I'd never known y'all to be abusive b4 this, and I've never judged your flaws bc your actions were always loving and moral - at least in our eyes.

I was loyal, respectful, and kind throughout our friendship.

You and I had been thru the ringer together and never sought to abuse, control, or harm one another.

All ik is this: there r people in ur system who don't hate me like y'all hate me rn.

There are people who must be as confused as me.

49. I don't judge y'all.

I'm not going to spend my life wondering about who y'all rly are at ur cores.

50. But I know I can't be friends with somebody who is free to be kind and consistently chooses to harm me.

51. If you ever want to be my friend again, I expect equality:

equal right to choice and freedom,

honesty,

equal right to boundaries and demonstrated willingness to respect them,

freedom from torture,

love,

respect,

and freedom from bigotry.

52. I don't want to be your friend anymore.

I love you sm but ur actions, choices, and words speak for themselves.

53. I don't want a friend who manipulates and bullies me into helping them, instead of asking.

I don't want a friend who only takes, never gives, and isn't even respectful enough to be honest about it.

I don't want anyone in my life who tells me they love me and treats me like shit.

Been there, done that.

We're a grown ass motherfucking woman, and you won't force us to accept it.

54. The reason we have always helped you and been generous is because we love you.

That's it. We still love you now, but we are choosing to break our own heart.

(rn our heart would forgoe being treated like a loved equal respected human being, just to hear a scrap of positive news from you).

55. This whole time you had structural communicative power over me.

At any time, you could have called, texted, or set up a chat.

You know my number, address, mums number, and virtually every way to access me there is.

With this amount of freedom and trusted access, you chose to socialise with me only when u wanted something from me, in therapy where u were engaged in a campaign of gaslighting (when u turned up), or in wider social situations where u could access other people than me.

With this freedom u chose to never check in, ask how im doing, or lmk about your wellbeing.

With this freedom u actively hid ur socialising with my loved ones from me.

With this freedom you chose to demand and recieve my friendship when it suited you.

You chose to neglect and ignore me at all other times.

56. I do love you.

So much.

But you know that, it's how you've been able to treat me poorly for so long.

It's what you're banking on when u sent me ur number, as if u hadn't made my life hell for the last 6 months after I dared to ask for it.

Something which you never acknowledged, accused me of being abusive for bringing up, and for which you have not apologised.

But yeah I'm just going to ignore all reality, show myself zero respect, and run thirsty for love back into ur arms? So you can reveal whatever it is you need me for? So you can tell me you'll die unless I help again? So you can pretend I'm just a rlly good Samaritan? rather than ur broken sister whose terrified of losing you, who would do almost anything to help you, and who almost died helping the first time and almost died this time, too. Rather than the one person who would cop the pain youve been handing me for months on end and only ever think of your wellbeing?

Rather than the one person you know loves u to the moon and back, the one person you have deemed inferior to all others - not in spite of this, but bc of it. Wanna make me into a uncommonly kind person in ur head to avoid sitting with the truth?

That my love for you is why you abused me. It makes me vulnerable and, idk what changed. But suddenly, this time last year, my choice of vulnerability and trust of you, became something you wanted to exploit.

57. I'm not here to be nice, I'm here to love us.

Us as in the people in this friendship.

I'm going to love and respect both of us by standing firm on boundaries, on respect, and on equality.

This friendship, from any perspective, cannot keep existing. It does not allow people in it to be equal, respected, and safe.

58. We, personally, will never accept again in our life, the way y'all treated us in the last throes of our close friendship.

You chose to take a decades worth of love and trust, and you chose to milk it for whatever u could get without you yourself having to participate in your side of relationship.

We are broken.

You had the power to destroy us. And in chasing a slave for emotional labour, you almost succeeded.

But you didn't

and we're done.

Still: with love and warm wishes,

your one-time sister,

MMG

[metamoonshots]

[ad_1] Jordan Belfort, aka “The Wolf of Wall Avenue,” is again and he’s acquired loads to say in regards to the long-term advantages of … index funds? No joke. The now-reformed former penny inventory fraudster is out with a brand new guide, “The Wolf of Investing,” by which he gives recommendation on how you can safely invest for the long run. No phony IPOs or high-pressure gross sales allowed — simply respectable monetary recommendation. Not solely that, Belfort additionally tackles the “Wall Avenue price machine” and gives a concise chapter on the historical past of Wall Street regulation. InvestmentNews caught up with Belfort to study extra of his ideas on investing, in addition to try to discover out the place the modern-day wolves are hiding on Wall Avenue. InvestmentNews: Your new guide is named ‘The Wolf of Investing.’ Isn’t there some irony in asking the so-called ‘Wolf of Wall Avenue’ for respectable monetary recommendation?  Jordan Belfort: I feel it's ironical. I resisted writing about Wall Avenue and how you can become profitable within the inventory market the fitting method for a lot of, a few years. And finally, I simply acquired to some extent the place, after being on the talking circuit and instructing principally entrepreneurship and gross sales, I noticed there's a want to debate issues like: What's the precise option to become profitable within the inventory market — the fitting method, and with out the nonsense of short-term buying and selling and making an attempt to time the market? So I did quite a lot of analysis. And whereas I had invested this fashion myself, utilizing indexing and a fastidiously balanced portfolio, the extra analysis I did, the extra shocked I used to be at how easy it was to construct wealth over time.  IN: Do you are feeling that writing a guide about respectable monetary recommendation is a part of your penance, serving to you make up for among the prison belongings you did in your previous?  JB: , I didn’t take a look at it that method. However actually it was on my thoughts that it was a present and I used to be giving again, and type of setting the report straight as soon as and for all on that entrance. And all the things else I’ve carried out since I went to jail has been for my part on the highest degree of ethics. I’ve been serving to individuals and serving individuals everywhere in the world, serving to them reside extra empowered lives financially. This was on level to what you're saying, as in: I've a platform, individuals observe me, right here’s how you actually construct wealth within the inventory market. And it began with watching my circle of relatives get destroyed in crypto in short-term buying and selling. And that was the impetus for writing the guide.  IN: Maybe the most important shock to me within the guide is that the Wolf of Wall Avenue is speaking about index investing. And also you’re a Jack Bogle fan. How did that come about?  JB: So once I first began writing the guide, I knew it was going to be about indexing on the whole. That was one of the best technique as a result of it simply empirically is, and all of the analysis proves that. However once I began doing deep analysis, it appeared like each educational research on the market factors to the truth that making an attempt to select particular person shares or mutual funds, after all of the charges and commissions and taxable occasions that happen, is a lifeless finish. You couldn’t do that within the ’70s. There was no option to put money into an index. So it actually began within the ’80s. You now have the flexibility to put money into index funds and have a correctly balanced portfolio. So it simply appeared just like the time is correct. Individuals have to find out about these things, particularly people who find themselves of their 20s and 30. Everybody ought to know. However for those who begin now, you want some huge cash to construct huge wealth over time within the inventory market. 

IN: You additionally give a historical past of Wall Avenue within the guide and also you speak in regards to the origination of the SEC and its first commissioner, Joseph Kennedy, who was a inventory market criminal himself. Now, do you assume that the fox operating the henhouse is a good suggestion? Or, in different phrases, do individuals together with your previous have a greater perception into how you can repair the principles that they've beforehand damaged?  JB: On some degree, sure. However once more, you understand, what occurred with the SEC, it wasn’t all Kennedy’s fault. He was going through an uphill battle from an establishment that didn’t wish to change. That they had their fingers in each honeypot on the market. And so they have been robbing the general public blind and so they resisted any change in any form or kind. So he was man who was capable of no less than get sufficient belief on Wall Avenue to make some modifications. However what ended up occurring was there was a type of two-tiered system the place the large companies continued to rape and pillage the village virtually with impunity whereas everyone else was being watched extra carefully.  IN: Let’s discuss Wall Avenue in the present day. The place are the wolves? Are they within the crypto house? The place are the wolves attacking harmless traders in the present day?  JB: Right here’s the irony. There’s two sides to those large companies on Wall Avenue. There may be the helpful aspect the place they create huge worth and serve on this mission-critical perform within the financial system, which is to take firms public, present credit score by way of bond choices. And that’s essential. And so they deserve all of the accolades for creating that worth. Then there’s the not-so-useful aspect the place they create bubbles and so they rape and pillage the village. And that’s the place it will get actually sophisticated. So large companies like Goldman do wonderful issues, however they’re additionally behind each huge fraud on the market with a finger in each single pot. The establishment itself has acquired main issues, however the people are most likely first rate individuals. On the smaller companies, just like the cryptos, you will have Sam Bankman-Fried and such, and these are similar to archcriminals. A few of these individuals have been simply on the market to rob individuals blind. So the distinction is the larger companies even have very helpful sides, whereas a few of these smaller companies don't have any use in any respect.  IN: It sounds a little bit bit such as you nonetheless have a chip in your shoulder from the small Stratton Oakmont versus the large Goldman Sachs. Would that be right?  JB: Not a chip on my shoulder, only a actuality that two wrongs don’t make a proper. I by no means wish to decrease the errors I made, however to consider what I used to be doing, they have been doing issues 100 occasions worse on the larger companies. That mentioned, in addition they have been doing a little wonderful issues. Not that they have been too large to fail, nevertheless it’s mission crucial what they have been doing, and so they’re nonetheless doing it in the present day. The thought in my guide is that there’s a option to reap the benefits of all this. Wall Avenue creates huge worth. Proper? How do you reap the benefits of all that huge worth they create with out entering into the entice of the Jim Cramer type of factor the place they commerce out of various shares and attempt to time the market, which is nearly unimaginable? So the guide actually exhibits you how you can extract the huge worth that Wall Avenue supplies with out getting caught within the entice of short-term buying and selling and making an attempt to time the market and the newest shiny object.  IN: Wall Avenue advisors in the present day achieve this rather more than easy inventory buying and selling, which is what you probably did again at Stratton Oakmont throughout your Wall Avenue profession.

Now they need to find out about taxes. They should find out about wealth transfers. Do you assume that you could possibly be a monetary advisor in the present day?  JB: I might if I needed to. One of many distinctions I make in my guide is that stockbrokers are pretty ineffective. They are surely. You don’t want to select shares. It’s ridiculous. However there's a want for monetary planning. If I’m going to be shopping for, let’s say an S&P 500 index fund and a few bonds or no matter investments I’m going to make, the query is: what varieties of accounts ought to I put them in? Ought to I put them in a Roth IRA or a 401(okay)? In different phrases, how do I handle my wealth to reduce my taxes and set myself up for a terrific retirement. That may be very helpful for a monetary advisor. As quickly as they cross over and begin making an attempt to select shares for you, or put you into autos which can be actively managed, then that’s the place I half methods with monetary advisors.  IN: We’re right here in Occasions Sq. and lots of people complain that it’s been ‘Disneyfied.’ It’s too clear now and so they miss the seedy underbelly. Equally, quite a lot of that boiler room criminality has been washed away from Wall Avenue. Do you assume that there’s a sure nostalgia for that seedy underbelly? Have issues grow to be too algorithmic on Wall Avenue? Too many monetary planning and never sufficient particular person inventory buying and selling anymore?  JB: I feel the fact is that particular person inventory buying and selling doesn’t work. You don’t become profitable like that. So on the finish of the day, if you wish to survive and thrive, it's a must to veer into indexing, which is the place the cash is made now. That being mentioned, I additionally say within the guide that you simply wish to speculate a bit. Wholesome hypothesis is ok. If you wish to take 5% of your cash, or 10%, no matter you are feeling comfy with and go speculate, then perhaps you’ll make some cash with it. However most likely you received’t do in addition to merely holding the fitting sort of index fund and utilizing long run compounding to get the place you wish to get.  IN: And never if that decision comes from a boiler room on Lengthy Island or in New Jersey, proper? JB: There’s no want for that anymore. It’s so easy now. You will have platforms. You log on. You possibly can open up an account on-line. You possibly can examine just a few bins. I take you thru all of this within the guide and how one can merely set your self up for an enormous success within the inventory market by simply shopping for a few several types of funds and simply sitting again and doing nothing. It’s considered one of this stuff the place much less is extra in relation to investing.  IN: So lastly, with regard to this new guide, ‘The Wolf of Investing,’ can Leo play you on this film? As a result of index funds should not very attractive.  JB: I've this operating joke with my spouse a couple of sequel to ‘The Wolf of Wall Avenue,’ and she or he says, ‘You don’t break the regulation anymore. You’re doing good issues!’ It’s not as thrilling as raping and pillaging and doing huge portions of medicine. I don’t know if ‘The Wolf of Investing’ can be a film, however I do know what it would do for anybody who reads it. It’s going to radically enhance their capacity to become profitable over the long run and to retire with an enormous nest egg. The place are the most important alternatives for advisors proper now? [ad_2]

[casspurrjoybell-25]

November - Chapter 19

*Warning Adult Content*

- Oliver -

As His flight makes it’s way from Washington to California, Oliver spent the time thinking of Cooper and remembering how they met on a plane.

He would have given anything to have Oliver next to him, taking up too much space and letting him hold his smaller hand when the plane took off.

Oliver looked at pictures from the trip, lingering on the ones of Cooper and him.

All along he had been sharing pictures on social media and Oliver had more than one text asking who Cooper was.

His friend Cameron was going to want to know all about it.

It was surreal landing back in California.

The palm trees were nice but Oliver missed the dark green spires of the evergreen trees in Washington.

The sun here seemed too bright after Washington's rain and clouds and everything was loud and busy.

It would take some getting used to after the quiet, laid back pace of the Olympic Peninsula.

Oliver still had his key to Brad's condo but it felt weird to use it now, so he knocked.

He was hoping his ex-boyfriend wouldn't be home but he knew there were a couple things they needed to talk about.

Brad would probably be glad to hear Oliver wasn't going to stay for the month he'd given him to find a new place.

To his dismay, the door opened and Oliver was faced with Brad standing there, impeccably dressed as usual.

The younger man felt his heart speed up at the sight and he couldn't deny his attraction to him.

Oliver had so many mixed feelings about seeing Brad again, everything from sadness to anger to anxiety.

"Did you lose your key?" Brad asks.

"No, I have it. Just thought I'd knock instead of barging in."

Brad stepped back and hold the door open.

"How was your flight?"

"It was fine. I'm planning on packing up my stuff and staying with Cameron until I find a new apartment."

Brad was silent as Oliver leaves his bag by the door and goes into the bedroom to start taking his clothes out of drawers and the closet.

He didn't realize Brad had followed him and it startled him when he spoke.

"I saw the pictures from the rest of your trip," he says, leaning against the doorway to the bedroom with his arms crossed.

"Are you with that redneck now?"

Oliver did his best to take a deep breath before he turns around and glares at his ex-boyfriend.

"No. Cooper lives in Washington, so how could I be? And he's not a redneck. Don't call him that."

Oliver begins putting his stuff in piles, on the bed, wishing Brad would just leave.

It was weird to be here with someone he had once loved and shared his life with for two years.

Oliver hated that he was still attracted to Brad and that he still made him feel like he had something to prove.

"Look, Oliver..."

Oliver turns around again and Brad is standing right in front of him, his expression serious.

"Maybe we acted too rashly. I've had a lot on my plate with work lately and the stress impacted my mood during our trip. I wasn't myself."

Confused, Oliver stared at him.

"What are you saying?"

"The week apart gave me time to think. I do love you and I don't want to lose you. I think it'd be best if you didn't move out yet. I need to get through a couple of projects that are coming up but then I'll have more free time. Time I can spend winning you back, taking you out to dinner, spending weekends in bed in different cities, going out to clubs like we used to."

Oliver couldn't believe what he was hearing and a wave of anger washes over him.

After everything Brad put him through, now he was going to toy with him like this?

‘Did he expect me to come running back to him?’

"Are you serious right now?" Oliver asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Like I said, I think we acted rashly."

"Not me, you. You broke up with me," Oliver yells, losing his composure.

Oliver wasn't normally an angry person and he knew he was letting his emotions get the best of me but he couldn't believe the nerve of Brad to act like this had been a mutual decision.

"We both weren't happy," Brad said.

"That's one thing you're right about. I wasn't happy. I was fucking miserable, Brad and it took time away from you and having someone treat me well in order for me to realize it. I'm not something you can discard when I'm inconvenient or you have better things to do. I'm not someone to line your pockets by paying half the rent while you put me down for my job not being good enough and not making enough money. I don't deserve to be just an option to you, instead of a priority."

"Is that what you think I did, took advantage of you by asking you to pay your half?" Brad asked, incredulous.

"And you think I don't prioritize you?"

"You don't. You act like it's a chore to be with me. You held the trip over my head as something you were doing for me but you made sure to let me know how much you sacrificed to make it happen. It should have been fun, not a guilt trip."

Brad stares at Oliver with a flat expression and cold eyes.

"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. Clearly we haven't seen things the same way and we'll have to talk about that. But I'll say it again, I'm sorry I wasn't myself during the trip."

Oliver shook his head, chuckling to himself even though nothing about this was funny.

"No, Brad, who you were during the trip is exactly who you are. It's who you've been for a long time. I kept clinging to how it was for the first six months, hoping you'd be that man again but I finally realized that man isn't coming back."

"People grow and change, Oliver. If you can't accept that, you're in for a rude awakening."

"You don't get it," Oliver says, frustrated.

"I don't think you ever will. But we're not compatible and we shouldn't be in a relationship. You got it right the first time when you broke up with me in Port Angeles."

Brad closes his eyes and sighs and Oliver remembers how his ex-boyfriend would do that whenever he was losing his patience with him.

It was another thing Oliver won't miss about him.

"Please just go," Oliver told him.

"You made your decision and now I'm making mine. We're done."

"Fine," Brad snaps and begins to walk out but then stopped in the doorway of the bedroom.

"You're making a mistake, choosing him over me."

"And you're making this about another man, when it's about you. I wouldn't come back to you even if Cooper didn't exist."

"Suit yourself," Brad  huffs.

Good luck dating an uncultured, uneducated redneck. I'm sure that's going to work out great for you."

Brad finally walks away and as soon as Oliver hears the front door close, he leans against the wall and slides down until he was sitting on the floor.

He was shaking after everything he'd said to Brad but he blinked back the tears, refusing to cry over him anymore.

Oliver wanted to get his stuff and get the hell out and never see Brad again.

But more than anything, he wanted Cooper.

He needed a big bear hug from him and he wanted to hear his voice and his booming laugh and see his smile.

But he lived a thousand miles away, which meant Oliver couldn't be with him when he wanted to.

And he couldn't blow up his life over a guy he'd known for all of two weeks.

It wasn't going to work out between them, no matter how many times they called each other or tried to visit.

That was no way to try to start a relationship.

Oliver knew all of this but it didn't stop him from taking out his cell-phone and calling Cooper.

Everything sucked right now and he was miserable and just wanted to feel better, even if it only lasted for a few minutes.

Cooper answered after a couple rings.

"Hey. You home? How was your flight?"

At the sound of Cooper’s voice, tears welled up in Oliver’s eyes again.

He didn't trust himself to speak.

"Oliver? Are you there?"

The young man cleared his throat.

"Yeah, I'm here. Sorry."

"Is everything okay?"

"No. No, it's not," Oliver confesses.

"I came back to Brad's condo to get my stuff and he had the nerve to suggest ‘we acted rashly’ and that ‘we shouldn't break up’. As if I had any part in that decision in the first place."

"That's ridiculous," Cooper says, already sounding offended on Oliver’s behalf.

"I know. He expected me to just forgive him and have everything go right back to normal after he ignored me on our trip, broke up with me and stranded me there."

"Are you still at his condo? Is he there?"

"No, he left. I went off on him and made it clear that we're not getting back together. I just want to get my stuff packed up and put this all behind me and forget about him."

"I'm sorry," Cooper says.

"I hate that you had to see him again and deal with his bullshit but I'm proud of you for telling him off. He doesn't deserve you. Never did."

"You know I have you to thank for this, right? Don't get me wrong, Brad made me feel like shit sometimes and I knew that wasn't okay but I didn't realize how much better things could be until I met you."

"You deserve the best," Cooper insists and then his voice softened.

"Are you going to be okay tonight? Do I need to get on a plane and fly down there?"

Oliver laughs through his tears.

"God, I wish I was with you right now. I'd give anything for one of your bear hugs."

"I miss you already," Cooper replies.

"I was happy to see it was you calling, even if it wasn't for a great reason. You can call me anytime."

"Same. I'd really like to hear from you. And I want to stay on the phone with you for the rest of the day, but I should focus on packing up my stuff so I can get out of here."

"I agree. Get everything moved and go be with your friends."

Oliver smiled to himself.

"Thanks for listening. I knew talking to you would cheer me up."

"Good. Whenever you need cheering up, call me. I can tell you stupid jokes."

"Sounds great," Oliver says, laughing.

"Have a good night and say hi to your family for me."

"Will do. Have a good night, Oliver."

After Oliver ends the call, he opens up one of the pictures of Cooper in a ridiculous pose on a hike and made it his phone background.

He knew he would need something to make him smile over the next few weeks.

[casspurrjoybell-18]

Mutual Desire - Chapter 93

*Warning - Adult Content*  

The best solution for Damien Clarke was to just get it over with and then go straight to bed.

It was late and Alexander Nabokov's little visit had lasted long enough for his liking.

"I'm exhausted. I'm going to bed," Damien indicated. 

"Good night, Alexander."

Damien was getting ready to turn his back to Nabokov when the man's voice called out to him again.

He was clearly not out of the woods yet and Nabokov was acting exactly as expected of him.

The man wasn't going to let go that easily.

There was a good chance that Damien could be spending the night in his kitchen if he didn't start talking and he knew it.

"Though you admitted your feelings to me, you seem to want to keep hiding what you truly want, Damien," Nabokov observed.

The Russian man stopped his walk a few meters from Damien who was relieved that Nabokov wasn't glued to him as he had been since his arrival.

"Do you remember what I once told you?" Nabokov recalled, analyzing Damien with an intense gaze. 

"That you were like a volcano. Well, one day all these emotions that you're denying right now will explode just like a volcano and I hope I'll be there when that happens because it will be truly beautiful to watch."

The words divulged by Nabokov hit Damien head-on, who felt a wave of sudden anger seize him.

His face tightened and the cold in his eyes flared up. He didn't need to hear that.

He didn't want to hear that.

"You're right," Damien conceded dryly. 

"I'm disgusted with myself to admit it but it's true, you're right. I gave in for a moment to this attraction I felt for you and lost Craig along the way. I lost the man with who I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with because I acted on these urges and because I was no longer able to disregard all these new emotions that you were making me feel. That you still make me feel and that I deprive myself of exploring because I'm afraid. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

As usual, Nabokov didn't let Damien's coldness get to him. His face maintained its impassiveness but his eyes still remained so intense and indecipherable.

"At least I hope that in your eyes, it's worth something. I lost a man who was everything to me because of these feelings that you absolutely want to see me explore. I really hope that has some fucking meaning to you," Damien spat, his tone sour and slightly high.

Nabokov totally reduced the space between him and Damien, as his hand landed gently on Damien's cheek.

"It does. It means a lot to me. More than you can imagine, Damien," Nabokov asserted, not taking his eyes off Damien.

The two men stared at each other with unruffled concentration as the coldness in Damien's expression quickly evaporated.

"You mean a lot to me," Nabokov whispered, brushing his lips briefly on Damien's.

Again, Nabokov asserted that Damien was important to him and again, Damien remained undecided as to whether or not Nabokov should be given the benefit of the doubt.

Damien was undeniably convinced of the billionaire's sincerity but was it safe for him to believe the words of a man he barely knew and moreover who had never been in a relationship with a man?

He remembered his sister's advice about taking risks and that life itself is a risk that you take.

This recent memory awakened another who was much less recent where he had heard or read somewhere that not taking risks was a risk itself.

"I'm not asking you to take my word for it, so give me a chance to prove it to you with my actions," Nabokov offered as if reading Damien's mind.

Nabokov pressed his lips to Damien's and just two seconds later the two men's mouths finally made one.

The kiss started slowly but the burning passion was omnipresent. 

Damien's tears crossed his eyes to land on his cheeks.

The saltwater wet Nabokov's cheeks also who put an end to the feverish kiss to Damien's regret.

Nabokov observed Damien with a worried and affectionate gaze as he wiped away with his fingers the water that had taken possession of Damien's cheeks.

"Don't hurt me, Alexander. Please don't hurt me," Damien begged in a choked voice, his lips glued to Alexander's.

"Never."

Simultaneously, Damien and Nabokov glued their mouths together, resuming the kiss voraciously.

Their tongues didn't take long before starting an embrace between them.

Nabokov used his hand to further deepen the kiss and Damien did the same, sliding a hand on the man's cheek.

The two men's breath no longer seemed to matter to them since they continued to kiss tirelessly despite their blatant lack of air.

As if their life depended on this kiss which continued and which didn't seem to have an end to it.

Nabokov finally broke the kiss but his lips remained locked on Damien's as Damien used this small break to catch his breath.

"Empty your heart like you just did. Tell me what made you stop me from leaving," Nabokov demanded.

Damien's eyes were on Nabokov's lips but his contemplation was short-lived, as Nabokov resumed the kiss where he had left it.

Damien placed his right arm around Nabokov's neck.

His hand immediately rested behind the Russian's head and Damien gently stroked Nabokov's dirt blond hair as the kiss continued to evolve with increasing intensity.

Nabokov removed his hand from Damien's cheek to land it on Damien's lower body, more precisely on Damien's manhood which was more alive than ever.

Nabokov gently inserted his hand inside the yellow towel that hid what the billionaire coveted so much.

His hand quickly spotted Damien's upward, iron-hard member and then commenced a delicious massage as Damien's breathing began to become irregular.

The Russian man broke the kiss again to venture his lips on Damien's neck where he placed kisses which made Damien feel like he was going mad.

"Unless you want your body to speak for you, Damien," Nabokov whispered on Damien's neck.

Alexander Nabokov continued his incessant kisses on Damien Clark's neck who was trying as best he could to control his breathing, while Nabokov's hands continued to masturbate him with a slowness that would be the cause of his madness.

Damien's shaft seemed to want more and more of Nabokov's touch and Damien didn't know where to put himself.

"Tell me everything, Damien," Nabokov urged. 

"Absolutely everything. Don't hide what you feel anymore. Don't hide from me anymore."

Damien felt that his manhood was going to explode with the back-and-forth movements that Nabokov was doing.

Though he loved more than anything the touch of Nabokov's lips on his sensitive and erogenous neck, Damien was dying to find these same lips back on his.

He had an inexplicable urge to kiss Nabokov as if the man was going to slip away at any moment.

But now, he had another even more pressing desire.

So urgent that Damien felt that if he didn't satisfy the urge at any moment now, he was going to suffocate and meet death shortly.

However, Damien was very well aware of what he had to do or rather say in order to satisfy this desire.

The only problem was the courage that Damien questioned whether or not he had to go all the way through it and do the one thing he wanted more than anything since his first encounter with Nabokov.

"Alexander."

Damien wasn't going to let his moans and his broken voice spoil the words he had been suffocating for far too long.

He was more than determined to finally say aloud the words that had been wanting to come out for ages.

"Please."

Interpellated by Damien's voice, Nabokov gradually stopped his kisses on his lover's neck and now faced him.

The two men gazed at each other with all the lust and envy in their eyes.

The tension suffocated the air and Nabokov's feverish gaze devoured Damien who also eyed at him with a stirring, carnal glow but also with sadness.

His tears might have stopped but they had left their mark in Damien's eyes who was looking at Nabokov without blinking and with all the sincerity and vulnerability his irises could show.

"Make love to me, Alexander," Damien whispered.

Amazingly, Damien didn't look away despite the words that had just come out and he kept his eyes on Nabokov who was staring at him just as much.

Damien was in no way embarrassed by his request and he was as confident as he had never been in his life.

Confident of the words that had just come out of his own mouth and that for nothing in the world he would take them back even if threatened with a gun to his temple.

As for Nabokov, he was unable to hide his astonishment at Damien's honesty even though he was the one who had demanded it.

He recovered quickly and all trace of shock vanished.

There were only sexual urges in his eyes and Damien could see that the man was holding back from leaping on him.

"Is that what you want or what your heart wants?"

Damien realized that Nabokov was using his own words against him and for once he wasn't upset.

He knew that he hadn't been honest with Nabokov and that he had tried to convince him that all the emotions he felt towards him were involuntary and that it was something over which he had no control.

That it was something he wanted unwittingly and without his consent.

Now Damien wanted to be completely truthful with Nabokov but also with himself.

Yes, that was what his heart wanted but it was also what he wanted from the very first time his eyes met Nabokov's grey gaze.

"That's what we both want," Damien said in a whisper.

Nabokov released Damien's cheek to grab strands of Damien's hair that threatened to reach his face and placed them behind his pierced ear.

"That's what I terribly want," Damien said, his throat hurting. 

"More than anything."

"Not as much as me, Damien."

On these words, Nabokov abruptly pressed his lips on Damien's mouth.

The two men's tongues met again and picked up with the same intensity they had just left off.

They started to move, Damien leading the way by walking backward out of the kitchen, not letting go of one bit of each other's lips.

[iiratix]

Author note : To begin with, I never planned on making this kind of note in the near future. However, here I am, making a mistake and accidentally posted it without further scenario. Anon whoever you are, I do hope you still got this. I'll be even more thankful if you're turn out to be my follower so it'll lessen the guilt in my heart

 »»————-　　————-««

Mutual

Where Ortho got fed up by his brother timidness

"Your brother."

"Ah, I understand the situatio— Huh?"

Ortho pupils dilated, shrinking upon the news. He watched at Y/n, who's cheeks rising up in vermilion red, awkwardly looking down at the ground. Ortho scanned her action from his perspective point of view, he even did further check on her heartbeat, professionally taking careful procedure to come up with a satisfying, absolute result.

"Your heart rate has accelerated up, surpassing the normal beat of pulse. My analyzation conclude, Y/n L/n had accommodate romantic feelings towar—"

"Yes, yes! So, please don't say it out loud, Ortho!" Y/n freak out, trying to silence the younger Shroud from spilling in any unnecessary information. Ortho take a moment to comprehend this entire flow of information and conversation, it was a sudden confession. Out of all days she could be honest to him, she picked this day, this time and this second.

"But… Please do me a favor!" Y/n clasps her hand together, connecting both of her palm, hand in a praying gesture. Ortho tilted his head, flaming hair dissipating by the edge into carbon oxygen. "It depends on the difficulties. However, I'm sure I can do everything when it comes to assistance!" The face that shows doubt and discomfort was evident by daylight, even Ortho didn't need to do a specific procedure to recapitulate it all.

"Ortho, I love you. I really do. You are like a sibling of mine that I cannot help but adore. So, please… On behalf of my distinguished pride… Please don't tell Idia!" Ortho could've sworn he feels his disk and circuit completely fried out. If it weren't for the fan by his system, he would've been broken by the spot.

"Eh? But, why? My calculation predicted that your confession has a 100% success rate." Y/n nip the lower of her lips, showing the sign of anxiety. There is no need to comfort her or even sweet talk her way out of this, not when her mind is preoccupied with plentiful daily scenarios.

"Well, he might not be interested… Especially since… This is me, we're talking about. Unlike others, I know how much he likes his solitude. I just can't… I can't picture him being interested in this kind of…Things you know?"

There's a saying, ignorance is bliss. Well, that is when that idiom did not fit right in this situation. And how wrong Y/n was, especially when it comes to this sort of situation.

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

"O, Ortho, what are you saying?! Don't tell me your disk went fried up?!"

"Brother, I'm absolutely fine I told you! And I said, ``You need to confess to Y/n nee-san by now!``"

Idia pulled the string of his hood hiding his best red pale complexity. "No, no, no! Unlike dating sims, this is real life, I cannot reload everything when I mess up—!! What if I make a fool out of myself instead?! What if she rejected me?! What then?!" Ortho sighs, finding the two similar in certain ways. Perhaps it is true, from the information he gathered, he found out that love makes someone into an utter fool. And it proves to be right.

"Again, must I remind you of your success rate? It's 100% perfect!"

"100 out of infinite!"

The young Shroud sighs once again, finding his brother rather helpless. He cannot let this slide, not when his best friend and brother had feelings for one another. He must find a way to be the one bridge that connects the two relationships. If his brother persisted on howling up in his room, avoiding Y/n for his own sake. Very well, he'll be the one to invite her over.

"Connecting… Calling Y/n L/n…" Idia freaked out, hearing that command escape Ortho voice box. "Orth—"

Hello?

"HIEEKK—!!!" It's over, it is absolutely over for Idia. He wishes to dig a hole for himself, digging up his own grave to the core of the earth. Perishing, annihilated, disappearing from the face of the earth, more than willingly to let the ground devour him to their satisfaction.

"Y/n nee-san! Would you mind coming over to Ignihyde dorm? My brother wants to play with you again!!" Idia shakes his head aggressively, trying to tell Ortho that is not the case at all. But, his little brother ignored his silent pleading, smiling brightly at him. On that moment, Idia know he should've been afraid of his own brother more than anything.

The sibling betrayal was real, it was a traumatic event.

Idia did? Well… I mean… Of course I'll be there! Give me a minute!

Hey, henchman! Where do you think you're going?! Hey!!

I'll be there in a few minutes! See you then!

The call ended up with a click, the last thing the two ever heard was the rushing footsteps. Idia and Ortho stand in the middle of the room, the intoxicant silence that devours the two forms away. Ortho has always been a gutsy individual, or Android for his matter. And that personality of his, feared by Idia to a certain level degree, the highest one possible.

"....You're welcome, big brother!!"

"No, no, no! What do you mean you're welcome!?"

There's no need to explain any further than this. How Ortho wasted every single time, coming up with different kinds of scenarios, excuses or even sessions for each of the two interactions. There's no lying that Idia and Y/n have been wasting an awful amount of unhealthy hang outs. It was all thanks to Ortho himself, who has planned everything up ahead. 

Ignoring the complaint and lament that comes from Grim and her two best friends. Saying how much the two Shroud siblings have hogged out Y/n attention all by themselves. Especially the small monster. 

"No! You can't bribe me with tuna cans anymore! I want my henchman back!!" Grim was fuming in anger, stomping on his feet while looking at Ortho who was hovering from the ground. 

"I'm sorry, Grim-san. But I won't allow you to interrupt her moment with my brother!"

It is adorable, how the two fight over Y/n. Knowing how she herself came voluntarily on her own and not because Ortho persuaded and pleaded at her at all. No, absolutely not. There's no such thing as him doing the puppy dog eyes, playing the card of getting upset or any of those. He absolutely did not do that. At. All. 

That's a lie, but hey he needs to convince himself that is the case. For the sake of his own ship to sail and big brother's bright future. If it means he must fight with one petty and angry cat, he'll be more than willing to do so. The risk he must take for the sake of world peace he assumes himself. 

On the other hand, Idia and Y/n grew much closer than before. It was all thanks to Ortho and soon he will see the end of his hard work. He'll do more investigation and search for a place to confess, the gift and everything. He'll search it all down despite knowing his brother won't like what he's doing and once threatened to take the internet search privilege away from him. Absurd, but Idia cannot bring himself to do it by the end. So, it's likely enough an empty threat. 

"...tuna cans… cuddle… hey… Ortho!!" The young Shroud snapped out from his short train of thoughts, returning his attention to Grim, who remained angry up until now. 

"What is it, Grim-san?"

"—?! YOU BARELY LISTEN TO WHAT I SAID!! I TOLD YOU TO RETURN Y/N BACK ALREADY!!"

And with that, Ortho plan will continue on. Until the two come into an established relationship, far from platonic itself.

[spinster-sisters]

Pushover. psh jwy

TW: exhibitionism, fingering, oral female receiving, dirty talk, praise, degradation, grinding, slight bondage, good ole fashion fucking, cock stepping apparently, daddy kink, mutual masturbation, probably other stuff that have escaped my mind cuz writing this felt like a fever dream. So wooyoung is involved pretty heavily involved in this, like many of the kinks listed are done on him and by him so there you have it. Also yeosang is directly involved for like 4 seconds, also please just assume any tags mentioned in the first part that are not listed here may also pop up.

Part 1 (this is a direct continuation of this timestamp)

WC: 5k words of pure smut.

-

You were hardly aware of your surroundings. Nestled into Seonghwa’s lap, your head fell back onto his shoulder and your eyes screwed shut. You could hear the garbled sound of your boyfriend’s voice rumbling next to your ear, but the slim fingers working in and out of your wet hole stopped any thoughts from entering your brain. Your panties had been pushed aside only enough for him to slip two fingers inside you but you were already keening.

Seonghwa knew how to work you, knew how to make you fall apart and he would usually take his time doing it. Normally you had to put in the work for this kind of treatment, you would have to be especially good and listen to him well during the day, a single misstep or disobeyed words would leave you hopeless, but you had gotten very good at behaving. Why would you when he treated you so well? Not to mention that Seonghwa had something to prove today, without an exchange of words you already knew to be on your best behavior today.

“So what do you say, Woo? It’s your call.” Seonghwa spoke with a cool calm tone. His free hand tapped your side and you knew he wanted your attention for the next part, so your head lifted up and you pulled your eyes open to face the room.

Seven pairs of eyes were glued to you and your boyfriend, all in various stages of embarrassment to downright turned on, but the ones that caught your attention were none other than Wooyoung’s. Because it seemed for the first time the man was at a complete loss for words. His mouth was flapping open and closed like a fish out of water but his complexion was suddenly very pink. He was watching with careful eyes the way Seonghwa’s fingers slipped in and out of you, each time pulling more wetness from you, where it pooled on Seonghwa’s pant leg and made his fingers glisten.

“Are you going to answer me? I don’t appreciate being ignored Wooyoung.” Seonghwa’s voice sounded again, this time with a much steelier tone. Snapped out of his reverie Wooyoung’s eyes flung up to your boyfriend's hard gaze and he made a confused noise. Wooyoung’s body twitched at Seonghwa’s disappointed sigh and somewhere in the room, you heard Mingi muttering to Jongho.

“I asked you a question Woo, do you have an answer?”

Wooyoung’s eyes flitted around the room, desperately looking for aid in the faces of his friends, but none came. They seemed perfectly content to watch the loud boy struggle for words. Eventually, he looked to you for help with pleading eyes, you weren’t quite sure what he wanted you to do but before you could even ponder Seonghwa slipped another finger inside you, stretching you open, even more, making your lips fall open with a pleased sigh and your brain clouded over again.

“Don’t look to her for help, she listened well and is getting her reward. You can’t possibly expect her to risk that to help you. Now, I don’t like repeating myself Woo, so I’m only going to do it once. Do you still think I’m too much of a pushover?” Seonghwa spoke with icy venom.

Wooyoung frantically shook his head ‘no.’ You almost felt sorry for the man when your boyfriend's face turned to stone. Wooyoung noticed it too, and in a moment of frantic panic he realized his mistake and pushed out the word “No!” With perhaps a little too much force. Your head turned to look at Seonghwa’s sharp side profile. He looked very pleased with himself. Rightfully so, taking charge was his forte in times like these.

Seonghwa returned your gaze with a smirk. Using his free hand he gently took your chin between his fingers and pulled you in for a deep kiss. The hand working inside you slowed it is ministrations, but you knew better than to voice your disapproval. Seonghwa’s lips effortlessly urged yours to open and his long tongue slipped between them. Seonghwa’s kisses were always so, strong? He put so much force into every press of the lips and every swipe of the tongue head spun with excitement. Your eyes feel shut almost immediately, moving your mouth gently along with your boyfriend.

It seems you got a little too lost in the feeling of the kiss and the gentle push of the hand working inside you because you were slowly becoming more and more vocal with each passing second. What started as soft groans were now developing into full moans that were only slightly muffled by Seonghwa’s lips. But a sudden squeal from across the room drew both of your attention. Seonghwa broke the kiss to peer across the room at none other than Wooyoung, whose pink complexion had turned bright red since you last looked at him. Also notable, was the way he kept clenching his thighs together and making small grinding motions.

He wasn’t completely alone in this, one quick glass around the room showed you that all of your friends seemed to be enjoying the scene before them, many of them sporting hard dicks of their own (San and Hongjoong especially had taken to slowly palming themselves over their jeans) but none seemed to be quite as affected as the boy directly across for you.

“Getting impatient?” Seonghwa asked with disinterest.

“No,” Wooyoung replied, trying to match your boyfriend's tone but failing miserably.

“We’ve barely started and you're already rutting against the floor like a dog, are you sure this isn’t too much for you?” Seonghwa asked in a tone of mock concern. Seonghwa pulled his fingers from you to instead gently circle your clit with care. You. Squirmed again. The truth was you were remarkably close to the cumming. A fact Seonghwa probably knew. You tried to reassure yourself, knowing that in the current circumstances a high reward was coming your way soon, but the sudden emptiness was disappointing none the less and while it showed on your face you dared not make a sound.

“Get on with it then,”

You winced. Knowing the kind of reaction Wooyoung’s words would bring. Seonghwa’s face hardened. Much darker than you had seen in a long time. One quick glance to the side told you that the younger boy's word had left Seonghwa seething. He stayed silent for a moment, but not inactive. His fingers dancing across your folds seemed to gain a sense of purpose, and with sudden and unexpected vigor, Seonghwa worked them in a way that made your legs twitch and your hole clench around nothing.

“Can I, please?” You asked aloud, though it was clear who you were talking to.

“Go ahead little one,” Seonghwa encouraged with a surprisingly gentle tone.

A loud whine came from your open mouth and the room watched with rapt attention as your body came undone. Even Seonghwa pulled eyes dangerous gaze away from Wooyoung who had been gulping with fear, to watch with soft eyes at the way his pretty girl fell apart for him.

It must have been a truly lewd sight. Your body spasming freely as your glistening core twitched, not to mention your chest covered with marks given to you by the very man who caused your pleasure. The helpless cries were only the cherry on top to the room of onlookers, Yunho had even let out a low groan of his own. But the man of the hour, as it seemed, Wooyoung had returned to his stunned silence, watching the way Seonghwa continued to toy with your clit, prolonging your orgasm as much as possible for the room to enjoy.

Seonghwa turned back to Wooyoung and stopped his work on you only after the majority of your orgasm had passed, leaving you breathless and panting. You felt Seonghwa’s hard cock digging into your ass, but Seonghwa had other matters to attend to first. He fixed Wooyoung with a hard gaze and gave a simple command.

“Come here,”

Wooyoung froze at his words, unable to look away. Yeosang, who had been enjoying Wooyoung’s torment far more than the others urged his forward with a small push on the shoulder, which snapped him out of his trance, and after a moment he slowly crawled across the floor to sit on the floor before you.

Everyone in the room seemed shocked by this turn of events, yourself included, but one quick look from Seonghwa’s encouraging smile settled your nerves. Besides, your brain way still basking in the aftermath of your orgasm so this all seemed much more exciting than you would admit out loud.

With a pinch on your outer thigh from Seonghwa your legs instinctively opened wider, giving Wooyoung an eye full of your now slightly swollen core. Seonghwa reached between your legs and spread your pussy open, exposing your still pulsing hole to the man on the floor, and with one simple sentence, changed the tone of the night for good.

“Get on with it then,”

“What?” Wooyoung sputtered helplessly, looking up to your boyfriend with wide eyes.

“Your attitude has done nothing but remind me how wonderfully obedient my pretty girl is,” as Seonghwa spoke you subconsciously cuddled further into his chest, his eyes flicked to you and he gave you a reassuring squeeze on your neck with his free hand, “and I think she should be rewarded before I deal with that mouth of yours.”

Wooyoung’s eyes shown with realization as it finally dawned on him exactly what his teasing had gotten him into. His eyes flicked around to the faces of his friends only to see them waiting expectantly for Wooyoung to do as he was told. He looked back to Seonghwa and opened his mouth, to apologize, to beg, to l say anything at all, but no words came out. Seonghwa frowned at him.

“Don’t you think she’s been good?” Your boyfriend asked accusatorily.

“Yes, she has-“ Wooyoung started.

Seonghwa’s finger slipped down to drag through your folds and collect the wetness gathering there. You were still incredibly sensitive from your orgasm and the movement made you shudder a gasp. Wooyoung’s eyes followed the action with a downright hungry gaze but something was still restraining him from acting. Seonghwa held out his wet finger in front of the boy's face, and Wooyoung couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight.

“I’m not going to say it again. Get. On. With. It.”

It seemed whatever defiant streak had been holding the boy back had finally broken. Wooyoung’s head snapped forward and took the Seonghwa’s long shining finger into his mouth and sucked it clean. A loud whinny groan came from the boy instantaneously and after a moment his lips pulled away with a loud pop. With his new resolve Wooyoung’s eyes zeroed in on your face blushing face and with an incredibly what look his eyes snapped back down and he dove in.

An unapologetic scream ripped from your open mouth. The first sensation you felt was pain, you have only fully come down from your high a minute or so prior and your clit was still incredibly sensitive as Wooyoung attached his lips to your cunt and rolled his tongue over the bud repeatedly. But the longer he kept at it, sliding his tongue over the length of your core in a wide lick, the more the full pain turned into biting pleasure.

“You look so pretty like this baby,” Seonghwa muttered encouragingly in your ear, but still loud enough for the room to hear over the obscene slurping noises Wooyoung was now making as he sucked at your entrance. “Doesn't that feel nice?”

Depends on how you define nice really, it felt like all too much all at once, it hurt yes, but every swipe of the younger boy's tongue brought more wetness out of you and made your body twitch and writhe with the slightest movement. Honestly, you should have been used to this by now. Seonghwa loved to do this to you, overstimulate you for hours till there were tears in your eyes and you had lost control of your limbs, he thought you looked best when completely at his mercy. But this was only your first orgasm, you had been trained well enough to keep some of your composure despite the abuse your aching core was suffering at Wooyoung’s hand. You turned to Seonghwa’s satisfied face, and gave him a weak smile,

“Feels good, Daddy.”

Somewhere in the room someone let out an “oh fuck,” and Wooyoung groaned particularly loud directly into your pussy and the vibrations traveled up your spine like lightning. Your mouth fell open as you looked into Seonghwa’s eyes with a dazed look. Your hips arched off your boyfriend's lap. It was Wooyoung who made the first move to push your hips back, eager to have his mouth back on you, but he had no sooner touched you than Seonghwa slapped his hand away from your body.

Wooyoung pulled away from your core, his chin dripping with your juices and his eyes shining with confusion. Seonghwa took your hips into both of his hands and pulled you back, flush against his lap and still hard cock, he then fixed Wooyoung with a glare.

“Your not here to touch. Make my baby girl cum in the next five minutes and I might just go easier on you.” Seonghwa spat.

Wooyoung blinked at him, before giving him the sweetest smile he could muster.

“Yes, Daddy”

This took you and the rest of the room by surprise. But you didn’t have time to ponder before Seonghwa took the boy by the roots of his hair and pulled his face forward into your swollen cunt.

“Times ticking, little boy, better get a move on.”

And so he did. Wooyoung ate you out with a burning passion you had never quite experienced. Seonghwa preferred to take hours going down on you, purposely going a slow and steady as possible to build up extremely powerful orgasms that would last for minutes. This was entirely different. Wooyoung was being incredibly messy. Wet sounds echoed around the room and into your ears, he seemed to be trying to eat you alive with the way his mouth moved desperately around your folds. His tongue had made its return to your clit. He sucked the bud between his lips and rolled it around with his tongue in such quick tight little circles your brain spun and if it weren’t for the iron grip one of your boyfriend's hand still had on your hip your sure you would flailing around like a madwoman. You certainly sounded like one with the way endless cries, whines, and groan spilled from your lips in increasing volume. Wooyoung had a clear goal, Seonghwa had given him five minutes? He would do it in three.

You were nearing the end of your rope, your entire lower half seemed to be vibrating with numb pain and pleasure it was almost unbearable but somehow nowhere near enough.

“Daddy? Can I cum please?” You spoke in a shattered voice. Seonghwa, who still had his hand twisted in Wooyoung’s hair looked down expectantly at the boy, who was already peering up at your face with wide eyes. Both you and your boyfriend watched as Wooyoung slid his tongue into your hole and began fucking it in and out of you in time with your breathy gasps. Your head flipped frantically to search your boyfriend's eyes, begging for permission.

“Please, please, Daddy, I can’t hold-“

“You can cum baby,”

And that was all it took. You practically screamed. Your eyes went white as your head fell back again. Having lost all control of the movement of your limbs Seonghwa took his hand from Wooyoung’s head and used both to hold your spasming body close against his. Your brain had gone fuzzy and the only two things registering in your brain were the gentle praise being whispered into your ear and the beat of Seonghwa’s heart against your back from how closely he held you.

Your recovery to much longer this time. To be perfectly honest, in your whacked-out brain it could have been hours.

Slowly you came back to reality. When you opened your eyes the first thing you saw was Yunho from across the room, he gave you a reassuring smile but it was offset slightly by the way his hand was down his pants, nevertheless you smiled back. You laid limp and spent across Seonghwa’s lap. His arm had come around your waist to hold you up and his other hand was rubbing soft circles on your inner thigh. He gave a gentle kiss to your temple as you stirred, leaving butterflies in your stomach. Shifting slightly so you sat sideways on his lap you curled yourself into him with an affectionate purr.

And then there way Wooyoung. He sat on his knees with his hands on his thighs looking up at you like he won a prize.

“You taste good,” he said with an almost happy hour lucky smile.

“Did you like it, Woo?” San asked from behind him, San was sporting his own wide eyes and looking overly jealous about the whole thing.

Wooyoung spun around to look at his best friend and spoke enthusiastically,

“She tastes so good Sannie, really, it was so much fun!”

“Don’t get too excited Woo, we’re not done yet.” Seonghwa chided. Wooyoung whirled around to face him.

“Didn’t I do good?” He asked with a confused look.

You nodded absently as Seonghwa spoke.

“Yea you did good, but that doesn’t excuse your attitude earlier. You still need to learn some respect. I’m sure our friends would agree all this attention you’ve been getting has gone to your head.”

Yeosang and Jongho snickered in agreement. Wooyoung turned to shoot them a glare but it was cut short by a strangled moan. Seonghwa had pressed the heel of his shoe onto the swollen tip of Wooyoung’s cock through his jeans. And to your surprise, Wooyoung’s hips bucked up into the sole of his shoe. Your brain short-circuited.

Wooyoung started to move away but Seonghwa took hold of his hair again and kept him in place.

“What’s the matter woo? Embarrassed? Embarrassed you almost got yourself off on Daddy’s shoe?”

Wooyoung shook his head no, but Seonghwa only dug his heel in harder and Wooyoung couldn’t help but buck against his shoe again with a pained moan. Your legs were clenching together as another pool of arousal pooled between them. Here’s the deal, you had always admired Seonghwa’s incredible level-headedness. In fact, it was one of the best qualities you could ask for in a lover. But for months now, you had been hoping for the chance that Seonghwa would show his true colors to the rest of the group. The idea had been a fantasy of yours for such a long time, but seeing it, here and now, and like this? Not to mention you had always wondered just how far Seonghwa would go if someone disobeyed him, perhaps you didn’t have the guts to do it yourself, especially since being good reaped such high reward, but this was far more than you ever imagined. You doubt whether you had ever been this turned on in your life.

Seonghwa noticed your reaction, of course, he could always read you like a book. He glanced around the room to the hungry faces of your friends till he found who he was looking for and locked eyes with them with a smirk.

“Yeosang, think you could help me for a moment?”

Yeosang returned the smirk and the room watched with bated breath as he made his way over to the scene, eyes zeroed in on Wooyoung’s mortified face.

“Who knew Wooyoung was such a pain slut.”

Yeosang’s voice was as cool as a cucumber, and if it wasn’t for the bulge in his pants you would think he was talking about the weather. Seonghwa dug his heel into Woo one last time before spinning the boy around to face Yeosang by yanking the hair in his grip. Wooyoung was whining pathetically at it all. Your hand was placed on Seonghwa’s hard chest. He glanced at you with a promising smile at your desperate face.

“Not had your fill yet, little one?” He asked you with a smirk. You shook your head ‘no.’

“No Daddy, you make me so needy.” You reply with wide eyes and a slight whine, grasping the fabric of his shirt in a tight fist. He grinned at you before turning to Yeosang again.

“I think it’s finally time to fuck my baby girl, but I don’t think Wooyoung has learned his lesson yet,” as he spoke Seonghwa began fiddling with his belt, pulling through the loops of his jeans. Handing the belt to Yeosang he continued, “Do me a favor, tie him up, make him desperate, don’t stop till he begs.”

Yeosang accepted the challenge with a smile. Seonghwa’s attention was finally on you and you alone. With his help as your body was still weak, he adjusted you to straddle his hips facing him. You looked a mess surely, there was no way you looked anything but obscene and sweaty, But Seonghwa took in your face with a smile.

“You look so pretty like this baby girl” As he spoke, Seonghwa’s hand came to your ass and kneaded it in his palms. The room could no longer see your face, but they could most definitely see this, and likely your still leaking cunt.

Directly behind you, you could hear rummaging noises and the distinct clink of a belt being done up. A quick glance over your shoulder showed you that Wooyoung was now facing the room, with his hands bound behind his back and a pillow between his legs, Yeosang sat to his side clearly satisfied with his work. After taking it in you turned back to Seonghwa who looked pleased himself.

“You’ve been so good baby, want Daddy to fuck you? Nice and deep how you like it?” You practically purred at his words. It’s true so far you had enjoyed yourself, but there was nothing quite like when Seonghwa filled you up with his cock.

“Please fuck me Daddy” you whispered, leaning in close to him with your biggest doll eyes, and your hands gripping his shoulder. Seonghwa smiled at you, content with your answer.

A moment later he had freed his duck from his jeans and was stroking it leisurely. Your mouth watered. Oh, the way he could make you feel, how many times he had made you cum. As Seonghwa sunk into the couch, taking a moment to watch you squirm on his lap he truly looked too powerful. The calm in the sea of chaos that had unfolded that night, it was unfair how he made your heart skip a beat. With one quick glance over your shoulder, he called out to Wooyoung one last time.

“I’d start doing as you were told Wooyoung, wouldn’t want the others to get impatient with you,”

At that, you heard the first grunt of Wooyoung grinding helplessly on the pillow, then whimpering at how the surface was too soft to gain any friction over his pants. The poor boy was at his wit's end.

But your attention was drawn back to the man in front of you before you had time to feel sorry for Wooyoung. One of his fingers had slipped inside you once again to test the waters. You flinched at the intrusion, your body was utterly spent, and the overstimulation would be hell, but as God, as your witness, you were going to take your boyfriend's cock tonight.

“Are you sure your ok baby? Wouldn’t want to push you too far after the night you’ve had.” He spoke with mild concern, but he already knew the answer.

“No! I want to! I can take it!” You spoke with urgency.

“Absolutely sure sweetpea?” He asked one last time. Your hand gripping his shirt twisted and shook. You looked at him with the most pleading look you could muster.

“Please fuck me, Daddy.”

“Ok then,” he replied with a smile. Not once today had you forgotten your manners or rules, after dealing with the whimpering boy behind you for an evening he was glad to have his perfect baby girl still being as good as ever.

Seonghwa hoisted your hips to be level with his. Seonghwa had a thing about eye contact while he fucked you, so you did your best to not break it as the tip of his cock teased your entrance.

To be completely honest, but the focus of the rest of the room seemed to now be on Wooyoung, who was still rutting against the pillow like a dog, and they all seemed to be enjoying the show far too much to notice the tender way Seonghwa pulled your body down flush against his hips and down onto his cock. Although the broken whipper that came from you at the feeling overwhelming sensation did turn a few heads.

Your knees were shaking and your hands trembling. You had been right, the overstimulation was making it too hard to move on your own. But Seonghwa was attentive as always. He wrapped an arm around your waist and used it to slowly work you up and down on his cock. Each thrust he made felt like pins and needles in the best way possible. After Seonghwa had worked up a steady rhythm a numbing pleasure had already begun to build. Looking deep into your boyfriend's eyes you placed and hand on your tummy and after moving it around for a bit you could feel him moving inside you. You groaned out, this position had always been the best for deep penetration anyways.

“Daddy I can feel you inside me,” you whipper as he picks up speed. The room was beginning to sound like a symphony of lewd cries and squelching noises coming from both you and Wooyoung. Not to mention the panting and groaning coming from the others in the room, who had lost any semblance of shame and were jerking off freely to the unexpected yet beautiful sight. The other boy's eyes kept flicking back and forth, unable to decide which one was more arousing to watch. Many of them had already gotten themselves off before now and were now sporting half-hard cocks as they were faced with the delightful scene.

“I know baby girl, I know how much you love to be stuffed full of cock. And now everyone else knows too.” Seonghwa replied clearly satisfied with himself. His hand came up to your jaw and he delivered a particularly hard thrust and pulled your hips down to match it. You were already losing focus of the world around you and the pleasure was mounting rapidly. At the force of the thrust, your eyes almost dropped closed but Seonghwa pulled your head forward and they opened a bit wider.

“Now everyone knows how good you are for me, baby. My good little girl, who loves taking my cock.” Seonghwa was speaking in such a low grumbling voice it was almost like he was talking to himself rather than you like he was reminding himself of what he had accomplished today. You could tell that after waiting all night for stimulation he was also getting close to his own edge, and if you listen to the whiny panting of the boy behind you you could tell he was getting desperate for the release that would never come from the pillow.

You almost lost eye contact again when Seonghwa’s thrusts became sloppy. Increased pace but with less consistency was the tell-tale sign that Seonghwa was going to cum, but luckily for him, it was this exact treatment that made your head spin. Your lower half was numb with biting pleasure and it was all you could do to keep your eyes open to watch the sweat dripping down Seonghwa’s forehead as he carried on with determination. The others had caught on to what was about to happen and many were now speeding up their ministrations to themselves to climax at the same time as you and your boyfriend.

Seonghwa’s hand wound its way into your hair and used it to crash your lips onto his is a heated, wet, and messy kiss. Any second now and you would lose yourself to the pleasure. You detached your lips just enough to pant into Seonghwa’s lips,

“Daddy, in cumming”

“Damn right you are,” he moaned in response.

It was wise of him to reattach your lips before you came undone. Even with him muffling your noises there was no way the sounds you made didn’t echo around the room and ring In everyone’s ears. Seonghwa kept his pace, pushing more and more whinnies out of you till you almost jumped away from him in overstimulation, butter grip on your waist didn’t let you get far. There were tears in your eyes by the time Seonghwa finally came. Your orgasm had turned silent almost immediately after and your mouth hung wide open in an empty moan. Your brain had all but shut off when the feeling of your boyfriend's cum spilling into you registered into your brain.

Saying you blacked out would be a strong word. But when your eyes fell closed they didn’t seem to want to open. You and Seonghwa stayed connected for what seemed like an eternity before he pulled out of you with a groan and laid you gently down onto the couch to his side.

You were dead weight at this point. But when you felt Seonghwa stand up you pried your eyes open the slightest bit once you realized that the unmistakable noises of a begging Wooyoung had filled your ears.

Seonghwa walked around to stand in front of him. Most of the others in the room were now basking in the afterglow of their own orgasms but had perked up to watch.

“Please, please, please, Daddy. Please let me cum. I promise I’ll be good, I promise I won’t bother you as much, I promise, please-“

Wooyoung ramblings we’re cut short by Seonghwa taking hold of Wooyoung’s head and turning it up to look him in the eyes.

“That’s exactly what I wanted to hear,” Seonghwa replied. Wooyoung gasped a sigh of relief. Seonghwa motioned for Yeosang to come over and untie the poor boy and hopefully get him some relief. But Seonghwa didn’t care about that part, his eyes were now back on you. His sweet perfect, obedient little girl.

-

Tag List: @deja-vux @txtbbys @darlingmulti @emotionally-intellectual @mingishoe @eonghwa @galaxteez

@a-soft-hornytiny @yunhospuppy @barnesbabee @woowommy @hyetiny @multidreams-and-desires @spacepiratehongjoong @pikacuuuuuuu

if your wondering why your tagged, its either because you expressed interest in a part two or are otherwise a homie or I would like you to be a homie and this is my olive branch