#Omg I found this in my drafts

[alrighttherescarhead]

Imagine you're having a water birth with Grayson:

“AHH- I can't I can't I can’t” you wail, gripping tightly onto each of Grayson's arms. You were sure to leave nail indents but gray didn't care at all. All he cares about is you and your baby that was now making it's way into the world.

“you’ve got this sweetheart” he coos into your ear from behind you. “relax for a sec- breathe-”

“I WANT THIS FUCKING BABY OUTTA ME” you screech, letting go of this forearms and flipping around to kneel with your legs spread wide. You throw an arm around grays neck and rest your forehead against his shoulder as your free hand goes down in-between your legs.

You start pushing again and let out a cry. “I HATE YOU AND YOUR MASSIVE FUCKING HEAD”

To say that Gray felt bad was an understatement. “‘m so sorry I-”

“Shut the fuck up!” you snap, startling the poor boy.

She doesn’t mean it, she’s just in pain Grayson repeatedly told himself, watching your whole body tense as you begin to push, again.

Your arm, that's around graysons neck, tightens as an agonising pain shoots throughout your body, causing you to scream.

“FUUUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!” You cry.

After a few seconds you were able to catch a tiny breather. “No more babies- please? I can’t handle it, it’s too painfu- AHHHHH!” It was short-lived.

Grayson agreed, nodding his head hastily. He doesn't think he can see you go through this type of pain ever again.

“I got it, sweetheart. No more babies- no more babies” he reassures you, brushing your sweaty hair back out of your face.

[makedonsgriva]

DVAWTK AU

SYY x QCX

SYY is a pop idol and BQM is her biggest fan and she’s got her photos everywhere and she is just really really crazy about her all the time and for some reason her flatmate QCX just doesn’t GET IT. she is more or less annoyed with SYY because BQM never shuts up about her

QCX goes to a lesbian bar and hooks up with a rando woman and is not able to realise who she is in the bar’s dim lights (perfectly possible with QCX’s IQ btw) and when she realises who she has brought home with her she just loses her shit because wtf is SYY doing at her place

And SYY is smug / touched because wow this hot weirdo lesbian is also a fan! Sweet!

[jgjmk4-2]

IkeSen: Let’s run a Flower Shop!

Mitsuhide: My, my, buying roses? You must be giving it to someone special... Maybe someone like... Kenshin?

Ranmaru: Mitsuhide, you know those roses haven’t been de-thorned, right?

Mitsuhide: Yes, I know. I drenched them in poison too.

...

Shingen: My darling, a rose for you to symbolise my passion and love and... I’m off the clock at 8pm if you’re free?

Yukimura: Shingen, STOP. We’re a shop, not a charity. Stop giving away roses for free.

Yukimura [muttering]: It took three hours to remove the thorns for that, you’re gonna have to pay me.

Yoshimoto: Calm down Yukimura, you should be focusing on the beauty of the rose instead of getting mad. Look how pretty they are, especially with the way the light hits them softly like it’s embracing-

Yukimura:  (╯°益°)╯彡┻━┻

...

Mitsunari: Sorry, you want bell flowers? Uh, I think the flowers in that corner over there are the bell flowers.

Masamune [to the customer]: No, those are the roses. Sorry, he’s still unfamiliar with the place.

Masamune: Huh? Oh, no he’s not new, just not very bright-

Hideyoshi: *Glares at Masaume*

Masamune: Ahem- Yeah, he’s new.

...

Nobunaga: You want to buy a cactus? The most prickly cactus we have is over there.

Customer: That’s a person though?

Nobunaga: No, it’s a prickly cactus.

Ieyasu: I’m a person.

...

Kennyo: And what may I get you? You want a sunflower because it’s bright and happy?

Kennyo: We have nothing like that here, we only have flowers of despair and doom that bloom from anguish and suffering-

Ranmaru: Master Kennyo, stop, the customers are going to leave if you keep talking like that!

Kennyo: Sorry, sometimes I get lost in my own monologue. The sunflowers are to your right.

...

Motonari: Ye want flowers, huh?

Motonari: Well the prettiest flower we have here is me, so if ya don’t want it, you better scram right now!!

Ranmaru: Have you noticed that every time you give those two options everyone scrams?

Motonari: You wanna go?! (ง'̀-'́)ง

...

Sasuke: Alas, being pricked so many times whilst making ground spikes has made me immune to being pricked by rose thorns

Kenshin: Oh yeah? Then, are you immune to this?

*Hurls a cactus at Sasuke*

Sasuke: Unfortunately, no. Please call an ambulance.

...

Hideyoshi: You’d like a bouquet for your friend in the hospital? Of course I could help you with that. 

Hideyoshi: Here you go, all done! I hope your friend is okay, I’m sure they’ll be happy to receive these flowers ^_^

Kenshin: They’re fine. They got hit by a cactus, I’m sure they will be happy to receive these.

...

Nobunaga [holding a pot of roses]: Kenshin and Shingen, what are you doing in our shop? Hideyoshi, remove these thorns.

Hideyoshi: You mean the thorns on those roses in the pot you’re holding?

Nobunaga [glaring at Kenshin and Shingen]: No, these thorns standing right in front of me.

...

[A few weeks later]

Sasuke: Well, I’m glad I’ve finally recovered, I’m excited to get back to work with you guys-

Sasuke: Wow... Did you guys have a fight?

*Broken glass everywhere, flowers dying, Kenshin’s sword out, Yukimura hugging his knees and rocking back and forth in a corner, Shingen barely breathing and Yoshimoto has eye bags*

Yoshimoto: What gave it away?

[stardustdiiving]

Everyone jokes about Zhongli being #old and not understanding internet meme culture but I really need to stress I think if you explained internet meme things to the Archons, Zhongli and Nahida would make “technically correct but hilariously out of touch with internet meme culture by virtue of being very well adjusted + offline” applications of internet terms in the Exact same way

Like if you explained the definition of “skrunkly” to Nahida what’s going to happen is while walking with her in the rainforest you’re going to hear her go “awww :) the skrunkly!” and turn around thinking she saw like, a cute animal or one of her Aranara or something only to realize she is referring to a specific species of plant she spotted that she thinks is nice

Meanwhile Hu Tao sends Zhongli a funny message and he responds with nothing but a very carefully taken photograph of a rock. And she is incredibly confused and after 5 minutes of decoding this goes “Zhongli are you…using this picture of a rock as a reaction image?” and Zhongli is like yes :) I am. And she’s like “why” so Zhongli sends her a very thoughtfully detailed message explaining he found this rock on a morning stroll outside the harbor and thought it has a very “humorous and engaging shape” and had little flecks of color that reminded him of a kind of jewelry accessory that was popular in Liyue 300 years ago that was often a gesture of good humor and friendship, so he found it “a good choice of image to use in a humorous interaction with a companion”

And Hu Tao is just like okay thanks Zhongli you are so interesting. Makes sense. (She thought it was just bc the rock was kind of shaped like a laughing face if you squinted)

[guardian-angle22]

PARAMEDIC TK Strand -> Season 3

[mrsfitzgerald]

rammstein - sonne ✨

[theerastour]

@tayloralisonswiftnetwork Cruel Summer Event | Cruel Summer Performance

cruel summer at the eras tour

[hawkeykirsah]

50 Things I Love About Kaidan Alenko

I love that little smile he gives Shepard in the med bay after Eden Prime.

I love his slip of the tongue on the Citadel in ME1 when he indirectly tells Shepard he thinks she’s beautiful.

I love his dry comments when you take him along groundside in ME1 and his snarky remarks when you talk to him back on the Normandy.

I love how annoyed he looks when Joker interrupts that almost-first kiss in front of the lockers.

I love that tentative smile he gives Shepard at the beginning of ME3.

I love that strut when he comes to Shepard’s aid in the Citadel DLC together with that smirk and the “Looks like you’re having a bad day, Shepard.”, and his smirk after asking the volus to open the gates for them on the Cision Motors skycar lot.

I love the entire Citadel DLC dinner.

I love his “Next time … wake me.”

I love the love and admiration you can see in his eyes when he comes to Shepard’s quarters before the assault on Cerberus headquarters. 

I love his “I lied. I didn’t come here for a quick drink”, and the grin on his face when he carries Shepard toward the bed.

I love how his voice wavers but doesn’t break when you talk to him in London and how he doesn’t care that everybody can see them when he kisses Shepard good-bye. 

I love his “Don’t Kaidan me!” on Mars.

I love how he turns half around and looks over his shoulder when Liara asks Shepard how they manage.

I love his incredulous “Me?” after Shepard tells him he’s always been stubborn.

I love how his voice drops at “ … can be the difference between success and sitting at home in your PJs taking red sand” when you talk to him at Huerta. (I’m certain he’s speaking from experience.)

I love how he places his hand over Shepard’s briefly after they tell him they care about what happens to him.

I love the determination on his face in the elevator during the Coup before he encounters Shepard and their team.

I love that short laugh of relief when Shepard tells him they couldn’t imagine facing the Reapers without him.

I love the moment you walk into the Starboard observation after he rejoins the Normandy and you see him staring into space.

I love how nervous he is on that first date on the Citadel.

I love his “I love you, Shepard. I always have.”

I love how he takes Shepard’s hand and presses it against his cheek.

I love his banter with Tali aboard the geth dreadnought.

I love his worried “Shepard!” when they step on that first mine on Rannoch.

I love how concerned he is while Shepard is in the geth consensus.

I love how he places his hand on Shepard’s shoulder on Mahavid.

I love his “Let’s make sure we never let time just slip by us, okay?” after returning from the mining facility.

I love his “I’m not too crazy about this plan” on Despoina followed by that little nod he gives Shepard after Shepard tells him they’ll be fine.

I love his worried “Never do that again” in the shuttle after Shepard talked to Leviathan and his “You scare the hell out of me with those risky stunts …” back on the Normandy.

I love his “Nah” on Eden Prime after Liara realizes he was joking.

I love his enthusiasm back on the Normandy after finding Javik.

I love his level of snark on Thessia. (”Reaper convention”, all his “… looks like a Prothean” comments at the temple, etc.)

I love his comment about liking a challenge when Shepard tells him Joker has a terrible poker face.

I love his reaction to James “Flawed implant” comment during the party.

I love his “Wow, Shepard. Did you really just say that?” if you side with James at the party.

I love watching him and James doing push-ups (and that Kaidan wins even without Kasumi sitting on James’ back).

I love his “You’re the boss. Except when you’re not. And in that case … find me later”.

I love the wake up-scene after the party.

I love the once over with that predatory smirk he gives a male Shepard in the romance scene.

I love that he wants to be Shepard’s rock and soft place to land.

I love the look on his face when Shepard runs their fingers along his cheekbone and then down to his chest before gently placing them on his chin and giving him a kiss after waking from their nightmare.

I love his “Yeah, that’s not gonna happen” after getting injured during the run for the beam. (Stubborn, remember?)

I love his “I love you, too. Be careful.” (Just rip out my heart and stomp on it why don’t you?)

I love his “And I’m not leaving, either!” at the beginning of ME2. (*cough*stubborn*cough*) 

I love his integrity.

I love his friendship with Ash.

I love seeing him and Shepard remembering Ash’s sacrifice after disarming the bomb on Tuchanka.

I love his “Why can’t it be both? Ow, my heart!” before entering the casino and his disappointed “And here I had this good cop routine all planned” after finding Elijah Khan.

I love his apology for tripping at the Ardat-Yakshi monastery.

I love his shoulders. Seriously. They do things to me.

[the-way-astray]

thinking about the fact that in a handful of years, people will be able to read the entire kotlc series from start to finish without having to wait years before the next book comes out.

[valend]

Did you guys know Hamilton also didn’t grow any body hair and never got a period! ​yeah I think it’s called Alexandria’s genesis or something I’m not sure

[ohyoufool]

is this something: the team playing themselves in a TV show about Check Please

[hunxi-after-hours]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

(if you feel like it, no pressure ❤)

!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg I'm deeply flattered!!! hmm let's see...

我拿青春赌明天 / I’ll wager my youth against tomorrow — aka time war wangxian. hands down the fic that I'm most proud of, and not just because it's the length of a novella sdkfsjdl. I really pulled out all the stops on this one: disgustingly ornate prose, research, gratuitous references, almost 14k of annotations. at one point I had a spreadsheet going to track all the moving pieces, and I still have the original notebooks I wrote this in since I drafted this one almost entirely by hand

我借过一船梦 / I set sail on a borrowed boat of dreams — (takes deep breath, cups hands around mouth, yells) a-qiaaaaaooooooo

everything I ever write is always going to be about grief so unfollow me now etc etc; this one was the one where I was most obvious about it. maybe the most difficult fic for me to write, if the two-year gap between starting and finishing this fic was any indication. also a thinly veiled vessel for my love for bian yanmei

with you I'll dissolve ten thousand sorrows — okay I lied this one isn't precisely about grief (except where it is dklfjskd). easily the most lighthearted fic I've ever written. also I somehow wrote and edited this in 37 hours flat and I want to tap into that kind of insane energy again

space, skin, muscle, bone — my most popular fic, which I have somewhat mixed feelings about. in the 11 day span that I feverishly wrote this, I was both 1) unceremoniously booted from a job and 2) got a dream internship that led directly to my current job. secretly/not-so-secretly one of the most personal things I've ever written because at that point in the pandemic, it was both my goodbye letter to NYC and working in dance/theater

when darkness crashes against it — the first longfic I ever finished and one of my only multi-chapter works. it tracked me through some pretty big changes in life over the year I serialized it, and is the most gentle self-indulgence/wish-fulfillment fic I've ever written. marked a return to writing since I went through several lost years prior where I rarely wrote. also the first time I went through the "fic-as-goodbye-to-fandom" process so really, this one means a lot to me personally hhh

my stuff is still locked on ao3 since llm scrapers continue to run wild; feel free to reach out if you're curious!

[simplenefelibata]

Dean and Cas' chat after November 2020.

sucks that you're dead

Monday 3:45 a.m

did you know there's a gay cowboy movie? i think you'd like it

not because you're gay

well probably cause you're gay

Monday 12:02 p.m.

are u even gay? can angels be gay?

Monday 19:15

i pray to you every night. i have this stupid idea that maybe you can hear me

Wednesday 21:34

found a photo of jack on my cell. reminds me of you

Thursday 07:50 a.m.

are u ever coming back?

Thursday 23:23

eileen gave me a cigarette today and asked if you ever tried one. you would've told me, right? we told each other everything

Friday 15:45

sometimes i call you just to listen to your voicemail. how fucked up is that huh

im afraid there'll come a day when i won't remember what it sounds like

it scares me even more to think that i'll never actually be able to forget it

like it'll always be the thing i hear when i

Saturday 04:56 a.m.

the sky is damn blue today cause of the storm

it made me think of you

Saturday 1:08 p.m.

yknow whst fuck you

ypu had no right to do this to me. of all thw fucked up things you've done to me, this is the worst

Sunday 06:28 a.m.

[incoherentsobbing]

A. Thing. 🧍🏾

CW: Unhealthy relationship dynamics, implied drugging (a potion of some sorts), light mentions of death, Yan! reader x (character of your choice), l'm pretty sure I had someone in mind when I first wrote this, but it's been months and I have No Clue, lowkey disturbing. reader is manipulating mansplaining manwhoring this

Tell me if I miss anything :P

Heavy breathing.

The deafening sound of skin brushing against skin.

The shrill laughter coming from them made butterflies flare up in such a beautiful way in you.

"Haha! (redacted)!" They'd gleefully chuckle as you'd both roll around in the pillow fort you made together, tears forming in the corner of their eyes.

And you'd laugh right back, engulfing them in a loving hug they'd surely return.

They just loved you so, so much.

And you loved them too.

Enough to put them under a spell.

Enough to make sure all they thought about was you, you, you.

Because they loved you so much.

And you loved them too.

They'd cry and cry, but how could they be sad? When all they could feel was the tight pull on their heart when they saw you? When they heard your voice? When they tried to resist the spell you put them under?

Those were just tears of joy. What more could they be?

Their dead eyes meant nothing, so long as they gazed at you, and you alone.

They didn't mind when the people they were once close to vanished. One after the other

How could they?

They were too preoccupied with wedding plans to even think about their companions dropping like flies around them.

You'd speak, and they'd listen. Obey. Without question.

All because they loved you

And you loved them too.

[screampied]

i have a tojikuna idea where they’re best friend criminals and we’re a detective omg 🕵️‍♀️

[boba-beom]

this is the first halloween where I’m not going out 🥹 I hope y’all can take me as your boo instead though